The Harland Highway - JEREMIAH WATKINS, Li'l Watty, saves baby sea turtles, eats salty sandwiches, and balances a loaf!

Episode Date: December 24, 2024

This episode is sponsored by HIMS Start your free online visit today at Hims.com/HARLAND Thanks for watching the Harland Highway. More Harland Williams: Harland Highway Podcast Video: https://www.youtube.com/c/HarlandHighwayPodcast Harland Highway Podcast Audio: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-harland-highway/id321980603 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/harlandwilliams Harbling Shirts: https://www.harbling.com Official Website: https://www.harlandwilliams.com Twitter :https://twitter.com/harlandhighway?lang=en More Jeremiah Watkins Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jeremiahstandup/?hl=en Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@jeremiahstandup?lang=en #podcast #harlandwilliams Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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devices, alerts you to real-time threats, and more. Start your free trial at ora.com slash control. That's a-U-R-A-com slash control for your free trial. I could throw wonder bread or I could pick someone's head if I only had a slap. Now I would want to see, you know, this type of thing. How long have you been sitting on that impression? What time is it now? What sex?

About four hours. That's great. You're riding down the Harland Highway. All right, hold tight on the Harland Highway Show. The little kitty had any bitty titties. That's another voice exercise? Yeah, there's a lot of voice exercises that, you know, we should both be doing more often, But they come back to memory every once in a while.

But, you know, I just like to warm up, you know. What was the first one? The rhinoceros ran wild in Rhode Island. Look, guy. I know you got to get your voice going, your epiglottis, your larynx, your thorax. Yeah. And who am I to step on that? But there are no rhinoceroses in Rhode Island.

It's the east coast of the United States of America. Africa's 7,000 miles across an ocean fucked hard. There's no fucking rhinos in eastern United States, you idiot. Do you think I'm going to listen to a guy wearing a Bigfoot shirt? You got checkmate. Congratulations. What was the second one? The little itty-bitty kitty had any-bitty titties.

So that could be either a Humane Society joke or a word teaser, or it could be petto. Say it again and hear yourself. The little itty-bitty kitty had little itty-bitty-titty-titties. What do you call a five-year-old human? What? A kid. Now say it again.

What did the... The little itty-bitty kitty had what now? Watch it. Little itty-bitty kitty titties. Whatever, guy. You know, you, hey, I hope your throat's feeling good. It is. Well, I don't know.

Thank you for the Evian. Oh, you're welcome. You know, that comes from France. Does it? Yeah, the water, the, let me fix my hair plugs. They're looking good. Yeah. I don't even, they're not even plugs.

I put it on with Elmer's glue. Huh. Yeah, technically they're called hair plugs. I take them out of the box when they send them. them to me. I get them off Amazon. And I don't like the injection that, you know, when you plug the stapler. So I just get Elmer's glue them on. And on the back, I use wood glue because the gravity pulls. When they're sitting on top, you don't have the pull. But on the back, you got gravity pulling. So I use wood glue. I go to Home Depot. But the top, I just use a nice

Elmer's school glue. Are you embarrassed to ask somebody where it's at? Because Home Depot is big. And I feel like every time I go to Home Depot, I'm always having to ask where stuff is in the aisles. Now, is that something that you're kind of a little. Oh, like, excuse me, sir, where's the hair plug glue? No, I'm, I'm sort of proud. I mean, look at, look at what I got going here. I mean, it's a main.

It's glorious. Yeah. Like when I'm walking down the street, some people walk down the street, you've heard that saying, the clothes make the man. Yeah. And so you see a guy walking on, he's feeling good. He's strut and he's in his, you know, Gino Vanelli or his, Dolce and Gabana or whatever they're called.

Yeah. And I'm walking down the street and I feel like the Lion King because I get this main flowing. And I feel like I'm picturing myself on the ground, kneeling, eating the throat out of a baby zebra or a springbok gazelle. Just ripping the arteries out. Just blood flying everywhere. Blood spurting.

All while the sound drink, Can you feel no love tonight? Life is where we're Yeah, that's how I'm a Oh, uh, sorry. I'm, uh, sorry. I walk down the street on a razor scooter at all times. Oh, you're a roll.

Roller. Yeah, I'm a roller. You don't walk. You're a roller. No, these feet aren't touching the grounds. They're just on wheels. I float. Is this because, and I know this about you, by the way, folks, before we get into this segment,

welcome to the Holland Highway podcast. And we got Little Wadi here today, Jeremiah Watkins. Little Waddy back in the studio world, Uncle Holland. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Lil, L-I-A-Postrophe L-Wat. Wattay in the half. Oh, little Y,

oh, little Y, A and a half player. It's been a minute since we've been down by the Bayou together, so I figured I'll come back on the Holland Highway. Oh, I do guarantee. We're going to have us a jumbley, a comedy, and conversation today. I do guarantee now. I do guarantee. Oh, boy.

You know what I heard the other day. What's that now? I heard down in the church that they did not take the tie that I put in the pot. Telling it a tie did it a pot? I put it in the pot, and they did not take it out. out of the affluent tray. What, and the name of the T-Selt, her name was E. Clair. Oh, French E. Clair.

Everyone know French E. Claire. She lives right down by the edge of the curve there where the bulrushes grow and the bullfrogs sing at night, if you know what I mean. Sweet love, Frencha Claire. Little Wadi, welcome to the Harland Highway podcast, my guy. It feels good to be back. Oh, dude, feels good that you were gone.

But welcome back, Cotter, and welcome back Wadi and Little Wadi, Big Wadi, the whole 60 Watties. How many watts are you, by the way? I'm about 80 on a good day, 120. Whoa. So you could light a theater. Yeah. Oh, love it. Yeah.

So we were talking about you're one of these guys. You love to get on the Razor Scooters. Love the race. I like to get on Razor Scooters. scooters, and I like to go to skate parks, and I like to get in the way of skateboarders, and they get really upset with me. Has there ever been a collision? Every time.

Oh, they're going to be a collision. I do guarantee. Ooh, boy. It's not a good day without a collusion. Collision, you almost got to say in Cajun, right? You got to. I mean, when you say collisiono, it's a collisiono. I mean, are you going to be that mad at a guy if he.

hits your car and be like, oh, I'm sorry. We just have a collision here. My apologies. I did not mean to make your wife projectile through the front windshield, but this is what happens when one has a collision. Collision. Wow. I wouldn't be mad of that guy.

I wouldn't either. I mean, I'd be like, all right. Listen, you killed my wife, but you say it cute. I'd almost take him for an omelet, I think. Probably. Like, leave the way. wife on the ground moaning. Oh, yeah. Go get an omelet with the collision guy. Absolutely. That guy needs a friend. Yeah, there's just certain words where you just gravitate towards them and you can't not.

Yeah. You can't not omelet a guy up that throws collision at you. Yeah. I mean, a lot of the, the eons are just good. Oh, eons. Yeah. 2 plus 2 minus A plus C is the equation on the bowl. Oh, did you just say a quasione now? I just said a quagion. I just think we had a collision of the words with a cagey quill, quick, equation. Wow, I just had a Cajun stroke. Is that what it was?

Yeah, did you see me? I glicked. Yeah, yeah, I saw it. I clicked when I should have glucked. God. Yeah, I sometimes do that. Oh, you know. Spicy.

It becomes problematic. Sometimes, you know, I menstruation. Oh, when you got to. that period way down there in the bay with the blood red moon. You have the menstruation. And that was why I was later than I should have been because of my menstruation. Oh, he was late. Why was he late?

Holland was kind of me. He didn't even acknowledge that I was a little late tonight, but I had a minstratione issue. Maestrian, she had de maestrianes with a side of cream-style corn, my friends. Yuck. Huh? What? But one thing I wanted to kind of let people in on, because we all,

have quirks and we've known each other for so long and one of the reasons i know you like to take the razor scooters along the street is you have you how many times have we talked about this over coffee you have this phobia if you look on the sidewalk you'll always see the bubble gum the black splotches and the freshies and the blah you go berserk if you step on that bubble gum so you told me that's why you razor everywhere yeah it's a little bit harder uh or easier for me to swear swallow if I don't step on it, but I roll over it. Right. If it gets on my wheel, it's not on my shoes.

I can take a knife to it. Yeah. But getting gum. Yeah. On your shoes? On the shoe? Yeah. There's something I get heated immediately.

You know what I? Yeah. I feel like I'm on Mars and I'm walking through space mushrooms. You ever, you know, you ever wear vans? You ever wear shoes? The van shoes? Yeah, vans. I got them on right now.

You do? Let me show you. Screw you if you don't believe me. Hang on. Oh, yeah. That's... Vans. That's a Chrysler.

And the shirt, vans go. Really? Yeah. Huh. Yeah. So the vans have a waffle grip on the bottom. If you get gum in the waffle grip, mm-mm-mm-mm.

It's a mess. Dude, but the opposite, And for every reaction, there's an equal and opposite reaction. On the other side, if you get syrup and butter in the waffle, I mean, one of the most delicious shoes on the market. Some would say it's the best reactione of all. Wow. Wow.

Are we having a cage fight or a Cajun fight? I would love to do a Cajun fight. I'd love to see two Cajuns in a cage fight. Just going at it. Wow. Oh, you, I think you just hit me in my clavicle bone right now. Oh, now you stand still now. Oh, don't you move now.

Oh, oh. Oh, wow, that's spicy. Oh, ooh. You gave me a clobonocker right up to the chin right now. Oh, you gave me a black eye. I do guarantee now. Oh, I'm going to rip out your trachea and send it to your mother on Thanksgiving. Oh, I'll take these gloves off and go crawdad on you now.

Cage and crawled out. Oh, well, we can't go with no gloves here. We got to wear some kind of glove, right? Well, not down in the bayou, we don't. Oh, you're going raw on me right now. Don't be doing that. I'm going crazy crawled dad now. Oh, you know that's my meteorite.

Meteorite. Yeah. The thing that Superman's addicted to, meteorite. Oh, I thought they were the farmers in Pennsylvania that wore the black clothes and rode around in the carriages. Oh. Oh, those are the Mennonites. Oh, right. I wonder if a Mennonites ever been hit by a meteorite.

I wonder if a Mennonite has ever been hit by a meteorite and then got cussed out by a Cajun. I don't see why not. We can at least think about it. I'd rather not. It hurts. By the way, this, as much fun as we had, and this is where we're real givers.

People don't know. They think, oh, we just sit down, we have fun, me a little waddy or just partying. I threw my, I just ripped my scapula doing this. I just felt my scapula go out. Do you want me to sew it back together? It's not.

It's, well, do you have any thread? No. Well, I was going to do some weightlifting later and pull a bus. No, I wasn't going to pull a bus. I would spot you, but I'm menstruation owning. Well, that means you probably are spotting. Oh. Why wouldn't you spot me when you're in the middle of spotting?

That's like probably the time to spot me. I thought it would be rude. Okay. Can we talk about something that's been pressing? There's one food in this world and see if you can guess it. I think you'll guess it. But there's one common food that we all eat, me, you, them, Paul, Pomonia lips

Carol Cuckoo Clock Crack What were you doing? I was just giving me a little tickle I thought you were Do you like doing four play? Yeah He

Hey Whoa Guy Well me too much Whoa Whoa guy Oh guy Wow guy

Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Wow. What's the fuck's wrong with you? Guy. No. What?

Stop it. Stop it. I love the idea. Dude. I'm somebody jerking off and you just going, whoa. Dude. Guy. But not ever saying to stop.

Just be like, guy. You can't say stop to that. Come on. It's too good. That's like if someone gave you a chocolate cake and you're going, no, no, no, I mean, come on. Yeah, it's not an idiot. It's already there. Hey, guys, sometimes intimate moments happen very spontaneously and you always want to be ready in the old bedroom, right?

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of ass cheeks you're going to be surprised it's so common and i want to ask you about it yeah i don't know what is it let me show you my friend i'm glad you asked a loaf of bread what the hell are these pieces on the end you know what my family calls them what ass cheeks no what the heel the heel the heel The heel. Why the heel? Because like it's on the bottom of the bread and it's shaped a little differently. Yeah, but that's what I mean. It's, it's an ass.

So you're calling it an ass cheek. It looks like a loaf ass to me. Ooh, look at there's a little baby piece. Whoa. You are healed, my child. But look at it. What is the hell is that? That is the heel.

Have you ever eaten one? Nobody eats them. You're going to find this odd. Oh, here we go. Here we glow. I'm the guy who eats them. You love heels. I take it as my duty to eat it out of the bread when I get it because I know that nobody's going to eat it.

For real zies. Every sandwich that I have, if there's a heel, I will eat it. No. But that's probably from poor upbringings. Dude, you're eating ass. Yeah, man. That's an ass. That's like a loaf ass.

But I still do it to this day. I'll eat ass right now. Go on. you're going to eat ass. Whoa, dude. Oh, you are. Hmm.

That's good. You love eating ass. I love it. Oh, dude. No. So passionate. White ass. It's pretty good.

If you guys, oh, you want some brown ass? Let's get you some brown ass, my guy. you ask for it you got it oh i asked for all right what's the difference between white ass and brown ass there's definitely more seasoning on the brown ass really oh yeah definitely oh yeah look you have to have a slightly more advanced look there's like little things on it what are

those yeah well is that the seasoning uh-huh well those are oh there's some nuggets or something what the hell is that i don't know well there's some brown ass for you guy Oh, that's good. Dude, you'll eat your ass eating. Freak. I'll eat anything. Yeah. I don't even know if I want to watch.

Come on. Come on. What are you doing? Come on. You're not going to do that while you're eating ass. Oh, no. A little fingering action? Yeah.

You don't want me doing this? Whoa, whoa, dude. Dude, stop it, dude, dude, not while you're eating ass. Dude, stop. Did you just? I came close, real close. What can I say you got good hands? You got good hands, you ass eating freak.

you double you're double assing it oh dude you're an animal wow oh yeah that's good make some together god you're having a threesome oh you're not hey don't tell my wife oh shit sorry dude it's just an air anywhere does it no nobody watches this we're just hanging right

yeah okay just a couple of guys a couple of loafs Listen, I thought you invited me over so I could eat bread in confidence. Yeah. Go ahead. Do you like bread? Are you a bread eater? Yeah, I like bread. I come from, you know, I've told you this.

I come from a family of circus folk. And we were like a loaf, loaf balancing. My mother was from the circus, the bearded lady. Right. Or as the neighbors called her, Armenian. And what we did is my father was a clown, wrinkles, wrinkles the clown. I grew up watching him. Right?

The guy, his whole shtick was he'd pull his nutbag over his face and tie it off and they'd call him wrinkles. Yeah, it was the first time I saw it as a kid, I definitely didn't get it. But it took about the 34th time for me to really appreciate it. You figured out how he did it? Well, not how he did it. Just more just like what was going on. Like, you know, I was watching it.

I was about like two, then three. and, you know, as I got older, I started to appreciate it, kind of like a fine wine, you know. Oh, yeah, wrinkles. That was my old man. He died, you know who he died? Oh. Teabagged himself to death. Just he put it on too tight one day and couldn't breathe, affixiation.

Teabagged himself. That was in the coroner's report. Teabagged himself to death. The guy wrote that? Yeah. Isn't tea back? That's not a medical term, though, right? Well, when your wrinkles and your whole schick is pulling your nutbag over your face,

Wrinkles the clown. I had a friend in high school that would pull out his sack, and he would call it the IMAX. Oh, wow. He would stretch it about waist high. Yeah. He'd pull it out to here. That big. It was a big, yeah.

You know, at that point, you could jump off a cliff and glide to Earth. Have you seen these guys? Well, yeah. The paraglider, he could just put his bag out in like a flying squirrel. just right down to tariffirm right on riding his nut meat or whatever it is. Okay, if you were jumping out of an airplane. Yeah. And your instructor said, I actually don't have a parachute.

And you go, what? Whoa. And then he goes, yeah, I only have my sack. Is it okay if you help me spread it out? Yeah. Do you jump on? Yeah. Oh, yeah.

I'm spreading that thing like a steamroller just hit a pizza. Yeah? Oh, I'll flatten that sucker. grout and three shakes of an arthritic hand holding a hand grenade. But we came from, and here's the thing, my folks, we had circus folk, my brothers, my sisters, the bearded woman, my mother, wrinkles. And our kick at the circus was we were loaf balancers. And what they could do is they could, I'm going to try it.

I never got good at it. I was a little ashamed, but they would balance, they could balance a whole loaf of a bread on their head. And I could sort of do it, but I'm going to try. I'm a little bit rusty, but let me take the cans off here. Yeah. But this is like a family thing, loaf balancers. Did you ever go to the circus as a kid?

I did. I went to Ringling Brothers as a kid. Did you like the loaf balancers? I don't recall that one, but I probably would have loved it. This will bring back some memories. Watch this. Hold on. Oh, I remember.

our whole family did this oh for fuck can i'm a little embarrassed i'm a little ashamed if you if you do this i'm going to be kind of not thrilled but yeah go for it balance the loaf on your had. I hope my folks aren't watching. Oh, God, you better not. Fuck you, guy. Fucking prick. Fuck, you know what?

You're going to come on my podcast and balance a loaf? Yeah. Yeah, Harland. You know what? I've never said this to one of my own guess. Fuck you, guy. You know what? Eat some ass, huh?

I'll eat some ass. Right now. Yeah? Fuck you, bro. Don't. Are you fucking kidding me right now? You Cirque de Soleil whore. Fuck you, guy.

No. I've never walked off my own pod. I need a fucking minute. Fuck you. Oh, Arlen, don't leave. Fuck you. I need to catch my, because I'm just going to get mad,

fucking loaf balance and whore. What? Come on. I'm playing your game. You're a no game. They're a no-good loaf balancing circta-soulet whore. You know what? I bet wrinkles would be ashamed of you.

Fuck, don't bring my fucking ball-faced fucking dad into this, you loaf. I think your bearded lady mom would be sad that you couldn't balance at least even four pieces of bread on your dumbnogging. Go to Pepperidge Farm and get fucked. Whatever happens. That's what you wanted, huh? Happens, guy. It's all right. Which one?

Shit happens, bro. Oh. Welcome to circus life. I'm back down to your level. Fucking breadbag you, bro. You know what? Fuck you, man. Fuck you, man.

Fuck you. That was like, I didn't see that last one coming at all. That was like Captain America's shield and you had your mouth open. We were right above my top lip. I did not. Oh. And see, see the fun of loafing? Yeah.

This is what I grew up in. Yeah. Just a constant yeast fun. Yeah, well, my dad always had penny loafers for work. Oh, wow. Yeah. Could he balance them on his head? No.

Loser. No, I didn't mean that. Do you want me to suffocate you with his bag? Would you? Dude, I love that. Yeah? You're your dumb, big head's not fitting in the... Yeah, stick your face in there.

I can't do it. You know, Harlan, when you invited me over... Yeah, sorry. You said, wear your best cheeseburger shirt. What? Keep going and we're just talking. Wear your best cheeseburger shirt. Right.

And we'll have a relaxing, fun, evening together. Right. Dude, I'm just, can't two guys talk and loaf anymore? Yeah. Okay. Ah! I'm still here. Yeah.

Still alive. Wait. Yep. And we're still buddies. Folks, this is the beauty of loafing. Yeah. When you come from a circus folk, when you're from a loaf family, there ain't no loafing, just love him.

That might be a bumper sticker on the back of a Wonderbread truck. Yeah. Ain't no loaf and just loving. Have you ever hit a bread truck when you're out driving? Yeah. No way. What happened? Do tell, do tell, do tell.

Hit a bread truck? Yeah. You know, there's gasoline that started getting everywhere and it was kind of a mess. And I don't know if you've ever had like soggy bread before. Yeah. This whole thing was, we must have ruined at least 1,300 loves with the gasoline that started spraying on the semi-truck. Oh, God. So there was a fire?

Yeah. I smell toast You know what I always wondered why that fire smelled a little bit better than others And that makes a lot more sense now Yeah Sounds delicious to me

Huh Was the driver heard or? Oh yeah Oh maimed Oh yeah I wonder if his name was Bernie How ironic would that be Guy

Fire in his truck and his name's Bernie And people are like Bernie Bernie is like Everyone's like we know We see him Yeah. No, no, Bernie. Yeah, we see it.

The truck's on fire. No, inside Bernie. Yeah, we know the whole truck's on fire. No, burn. You know what I mean? What was the name of the man that was rescued from the burning house after he suffered first-degree burns on every part of his body? The man's name? Bernie.

Bernie. Oh. On his gravestone, here lies Bernie. And then underneath, yep. Maybe they couldn't afford more in the tombstone. It just says, yep, bottom, it doesn't even say the years. Yeah, it just says, yep. It is Bernie, yeah.

It is Bernie. Hey, everybody, check out my merchandise at harbling.com. Yeah, most people just slap some letters or images on a t-shirt or a hoodie. Not me. Yours truly. Guess what? I draw my own designs at harbleng.com. You can see tons of my hand-drawn t-shirts. You can either buy the original or you can buy a print. And man, oh man, wear them loud and proud. I love making these designs for you guys and keeping it personal. So check out the whole catalog. We got hoodies. We got coffee mugs. We got T-shirts, you name it, it's there at Harbling.com. Get your Harland original design, wearable art at Harbling.com today. And thank you for your support, and I'll just keep the, the groovy images coming. Well, my guy, you know, it's, I got you here on, by design, on a very,

special time of year. Yeah. Because we've been friends a long time, and this is an emotional time a year for me. I don't know if you're familiar with this. Oh, wait, you don't want to, you want to stay in the bread world, I can see. Oh, no, no, I want to, I want you to remind them about what I know. I know what you're going to bring up, but I want you to. Let me ponder that.

I want to do one more thing with the, are you a fan of Elon Musk? Piggis. Do you love Elon? Tell me why you love him. Let me grab some bread for a sec. Yeah, I think I like Elon Musk, all his designs, all his technology. Yeah. I think that he is a cool guy. Yeah. I think that the more he talks and the more we learn about him, the cooler the guys and the more I think that I might just drop all the other social media platforms and just do X. Just do X. Just do X. Yeah. Yeah.

Have you ever done S.E? No, what's S.E? S.E? Hmm. It's the platform just before X. Oh. Have you ever done SACs? Mm-mm.

S-A. What about sex? That's what I was trying to get at. You're prematurely trying to explain to me. Sex. Sex. What the fuck is that? sorry guy guy you can't keep tricking me

sorry into having normal conversations and you're throwing bread at my face sorry guy okay now i'm going to let it slide this one time but can we just have a conversation and there not be any bread all right let me just ask you have you ever thought to wonder why i'm throwing the bread thought to wonder why you're throwing the bread You sound like Robin from Batman. Robin from Batman sounds like that? Yeah, Rob would be like, great fly paper, Batman. Do you wonder why the Wonder Bread is on the thing?

That's right, boy wonder. But anyways, Elon has this company called the Boring Company. Yeah. What's going on? Oh, that wasn't an invite to hold hands. Oh, that's what it was. Oh, guy, this is like a physical. It's what, I'm a professional podcaster.

This goes out all over the world, by the way. I thought you just said that we were just hanging out. We're hanging out, but what, what, let me show you some. Professional podcasters use their body. They use physical. Sometimes I'll do this just to kind of, what did you see something? I was just, I just, I just noticed the cameras. But what the fuck is that thing?

Dude, fuck off. That was your fault. Why was that my fault? Because you've got diarrhea. You know, the more you throw bread at me, the more I feel insulted because I feel like you're commenting on how large my nose is by throwing bread at me like on the goose at a pond. Oh, yeah.

Wow. Wow. I'm almost through the whole. Do you do your job? Do your job. God, what's the matter with you? hideous goose I've ever seen. It's hard to bite it when it's squares.

It's flat, yeah. It's flat coming straight out. You're not throwing it sideways. That's my bad. Yeah, so throw one sideways at me. You'd think for a guy who grew up, you know. As a goose. As a circus guy, we were loafers.

Here, ready? No, it's too hard. But I want to show you, goose. I want to show you because, you know, Elon has this one company called the Boring Company. Oh, again, sorry. When you're a professional podcaster, professional podcaster. You have gesticulation.

Do you get gesticelation? Justicelian with your hands. And we have physical gestures that they're not necessarily necessary, but we do them for a fact. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. There's a slice.

You can't even goose yourself. Okay, Maverick, calm down. But Elon has a thing called the book. Oh, what are you doing? Oh, there you go. He's eating ass again. That's the ass piece, too. Oh, you love eating ass.

He's my little ass eat her. Eat her, eat her. He's a little chewy ass, eat her early on Sunday morning. Nice. But Elon has this thing where it's called The Boring Company. Have you heard of it? No. Come on.

I haven't. He has a company where he's boring tunnels under the earth. He has a giant drill that goes under the earth, and it literally chews through the rock. and it creates a tunnel underground. He's building a whole network of freeways underground. It's called The Boring Company. Have you seen Journey to the center of the earth?

Yeah. Is he doing something like that? Well, he's not going, it's a similar type of thing. He's not going down into the earth, but he's fanning out. He's kind of creating these tentacles, a network of roadways, you know, under the earth's crossed. It's fascinating.

And it all emanated from he was sick and tired of driving to the airport in Los Angeles and decided, this genius decided, I'm going to come up with my own network of roads. No, it's for cars. It's for cars? It's for driving. I haven't heard of it. So let me illuminate you, my guy. Because you've got to admit this is exciting.

Yeah. But if you go on YouTube, you'll see this massive drill. I think it's 70, 60 feet high. The biggest drill you've ever seen. And as it comes to the end of the tunnel, he has these ceremonies where all the workers are standing in front of a sheer rock wall, and they wait for the giant drill to finally penetrate

and come through, and you see the wall start, you see it start to open up, and the drill head comes through, and that particular tunnel is thus complete, and they all stand around and clap. But here's the thing, and here's the thing, and here's the bonus. Gah, gah! Whoa, that was a shaver.

You gave me a haircut. Dude, that shaved your, like, plugs. Yeah. Hey, Carlin. Oh, don't mention the plug. Sorry. Sorry, I didn't mean it, Guy. All right?

Yeah. No, it's fine. It's all right. It's fine. Get back to the boring drill. Oh, the boring story. The boring. So what I want to do is I want to show you what it looks like when the drill comes through the thing.

Oh, okay. And because people, it's such a massive drill bit that people can't really see it, right? so this way you can kind of and that's what it looks like okay that's pretty cool I think that's wonderful we don't need that we don't need that we don't need that Sorry. I didn't mean it. I certainly didn't mean. You know, dude, that's what I feel like little kids do all the time.

Now you're Stevie Wonderbread. Exactly. Ebony and ivory. Come together in perfect harmony. Oh, dude. Stevie Wonderbread. Yeah. Thank you.

Yeah. Thank you, Lord. Little kids do what you just did all the time. What? They'll hit somebody in the face and go, I didn't mean to. Yeah, right. But it'll be direct.

Yeah. I didn't mean to because they've heard it. Did you ever do that? Did you ever just like Hammersmith a kid? Uh, no. Only one time at recess, and it was so bad that halfway through I didn't, I stopped putting effort in because I felt guilty. So by the time the punch landed, it was just.

Oh, so as the punch, you, you pulled back on the velocity. Yeah. No way. Yeah. And then the guy said to me, he goes, you're lucky. He said, what did he say? He says something like, you're lucky. Your brother.

Like, I know your brother. Or he said something like that. He brought my older brother into it. Like if you weren't, if you weren't Jonathan's brother, then we would have thrown down after this. Because he's an older kid. Oh, wow. Yeah. Were you ever like a street fighting kid?

Like were you, did you ever get in like a crazy fight? No, no. I've only, as an adult, I got in a slap fight. No, you did not. Against a comedian. People know about it. What? I didn't hear about who is.

Is it someone I know? Louis J. Gomez from Skangfest. What happened? Was it for real or was it, was it comedic? No, we went for it. What? Tell me this story. What the hell?

I can't picture you hitting anybody. It's such a nice guy. Well, he was doing my podcast back in the day. And it came up in conversation that I had never been in a fight before. So I said, oh, at the end of this podcast, we should mess around and we should do like a slap fight at the end. Okay. So at the end of the podcast, we messed around and did the slap fight. But then we built up this thing where I told him, and I announced online that I was going to fly out to New York and challenge him to a slap fight on his home terrain outside of the stand in New York City and the streets of New York City.

Whoa. A threat was issued. A threat was issued. So the Legion of Skinks, I did their podcast. And then afterwards, we did an ordained slap fight with Big J as the ref out of the streets right outside of the stand. And I won. Wait, how many, how many? We did three, two-minute rounds.

No. And it was exhausting. It's actually exhausting. Wow. Yeah. Wait, was it like full on like? Full on. And you just had to stand there and take it?

Oh, no, no, no. Oh, it's sort of like boxing. It's a slap boxing. Oh, wow. It's not the new one where you just stand there like an idiot. Yeah, I wouldn't do that one. That could cause brain damage. I don't even know how that's allowed.

I know. That one's crazy. And these guys are huge to just stand. Just stand there and take blunt, forced trauma. The people can die from that. I know. Okay, so you guys are, where are you doing this? Out in the street?

Out on the street outside of the stand in New York City. And it's with Gomez? Yep. No, he's the bald guy, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But wasn't, was he at one point a professional fighter? He does, uh, he does, umma stuff. Like, he does, like, he does, like, training.

But he doesn't, but he doesn't, like, you never got to a level where he's like, you know, UFC or anything of that. But he just like, he's in. that world that likes jujitsu and stuff like that so he's more uh he's he's familiar with physicality he's probably been hit he's probably been punched whereas it sounds like you haven't been down that road right oh for sure so why did what didn't what was what inspired you to challenge him to a fight then knowing you it would get physical i thought it would be funny and it i always go for the joke if i think it's funny i'll do it you know really oh yeah what if like let's say wanted to throw bread at your face.

Oh, that'd be too far. Okay. Shit. Why do I know? When is it my chin? Hi, I'm Danny Lopiori. Ever get the feeling you're being watched online? It's not paranoia.

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alerts you to real-time threats, and more. Start your free trial at ORA.com slash control. That's A-U-R-A-com slash control for your free trial. And I wonder if you know. know what it means what it means and i wonder if you know what it means what it means i can't help but think of you as as the chunky cheese animatronic oh i was doing stevie wonder brad yeah you know because stevie when he plays what's one of his songs isn't she lovely Isn't she wonderful bread?

Wow, dude. It's almost like everything is full square here. Yeah. But I think what I really take away from this is that you took a beautiful, lovable, iconic, cherished, talented, blind musician and equated him to Chucky, a murderous Satan-filled.

dull. Good for you. That's hard to do. I'm working on myself, Harland, and it comes out in different ways. Wow. Okay, so back to this fight. So did this escalate into a real fight? This is what I'm getting the sense that it took a turn from humor. And are you suggesting that it sort of got real? Well, it got real as, because we were trying to connect with each other, right? With the hitting. With the hitting. Yeah. But when we started. to actually connect a little bit. It's just like when you're little and you're horse playing with a friend or a brother, where you're like, oh, that stung a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now I'm going, you know, now I'm going for it. So we both ended up going. And I like, there was a couple that I wound up

all the way and I connected with. And that's why I won the fight. You actually, they, they've said you won. It was unanimous. It was unanimous. Really? Unanimous decision that I won. how many slaps did each guy receive uh he probably got me a couple times but the the reason why it was a decisive victory on my side is i popped him a couple times where it made that oh that slap just like you drop a teabone steak on a countertop like yep yeah yeah that unmistakable slap of meat so for years he's been trying to challenge me to a rematch and i won't give it to him yeah you don't need that. No, but I also think it's funny that he wants a rematch and I won't give it. That's to me, that's the funniest angle to play. If I did it again, there's no element of surprise. I had the

element of surprise on my side as this, the underdog. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. But I don't want to build it up as like, like I'm training and stuff. Yeah. It's like the scarecrow from Wizard of Oz takes on King Kong and the scarecrow won. I could slap the way the hours detected with the flowers if I I only had a slap. Do do doodoo doodly doodly do I could throw wonder bread or I could pick someone's head If I only had a slap now I would want to see you know this type of thing How long have you been sitting on that impression? What time is it now?

That's six. About four hours? That's great. Yeah. Mm-hmm. If I were the king of the forest. I mean, rough, rough, rough. Huh.

Oh, I've only been sitting on that one. Almost as long as I could while away the hours. No, what's the one the tin man does? If I only had a heart, it'd be me that you're losing. if your face you've been chewing if I only had a heart and then he goes I could munkabonca bonca blanca flodunker

or whatever I do that sometimes before I my ejaculatione is oh wow oh yeah you ever do that I do not I don't even know what that word means just you mix things up a little bit And it keeps your partner guessing.

They're guessing that you're not Helen Keller. What the hell is that all about? What do you mean? It just looked like you're having a seizure guy. What's going on over there? Hey, you've got to keep your partner guessing when you're in a long-term relationship. Oh, I'm guessing all right. Guessing what ward you're in.

I could get the electrode shocking because I'm a fucking nutton if I'm living in the hospital. do do do do do I'm on special pills and I'm a really fucking will and I'm a nutty fucking guy oh I come on enough classic classic class yeah it is really coke classic yeah um but buddy I wanted to talk to you about some because this is a special time of year for me oh right right and this is the time of year that the hatchlings start. Are you a sea turtle fan? Huge.

You love them? I love them. So this is the time of year when all the turtles come up out of the sand by the hundreds, by the thousands, and they all make that mad rush to the beach. Have you seen them? Yeah, it's pretty amazing.

The hatchlings. Yeah. And I've got some little hatchlings here to commemorate the hatchlings. And if you want to hold a hatchling, but these little, guys, they, like, they waddled to the beach. Have you seen them?

They're like, you know, and, yeah, like that. And seagulls come down and pick them off. They don't all make it into the water. Right. Crabbs come up and eat them. Yeah. Crocodiles are like, yeah. Yeah.

Must eat the hatchlings. Must eat another hatchling. I need another hatchling. Wow. Are you okay, like this? Yeah. Are you sure? Yeah.

Oh, the other one's here. Oh! And so what happens is every year I get very emotional because a half leg, I get fishing with one of these, and the birds flying down and picking them off and, you know. There's a pair that will come out and try to get them. It's quite in the ocean. It's very saddened.

Right? I lived there. I was trying to that. that because they're simply lose for asking it come out of it and running and running, they'll be also and they don't have to know you later. Everything is the TikTok

combination or it's some music and they're going to do and get us all the way. Oh, good guy. They don't always do you have it and find it only ready to make it. Oh, I all say

when you're doing it and they're pretty sound upon them. Some of them don't make it like, guys. I don't make it, but if that I couldn't, I'm not going to get it. Oh. Oh. Guy, it's so sad. Some of them are in the ocean and then they become big.

So when they make them back, and then they're on the fan, and then they do, too, too, too, do some new have things. I don't know. It's a circle of life. I understand this is a circle of life, but it's completely a shy for your life. for your life. Well, there's some new hashing. Oh, you're doing?

You need to come up from the fan. Mm-hmm. And then it's a new fascist. Oh, okay, that's good. So it's okay. Okay. You want to have the hatching sandwich? Sure.

Okay, let me get some more bread. I could while away the happen. I love a hatchling sandwich. I can go for a hatchling sandwich. You kind of figure these little sea turtles must taste delicious. They're right out of the sand. Delicacies. You know that they're soft.

right yeah and the stupid seagulls are eating them right the seagulls are eating the crabs are eating them yeah why the hell shouldn't we eat the baby hatchlings i mean i'm down for a hatchling sandwich yeah let's do it guys can i eat the ass yeah eat the ass and then make yourself a hatchling sandwich thank you i think while you how is oh this is good yeah they're real easy to make just so we don't get ahead of it i want my viewers at home so all you need to do take a piece of red, take your tender hatchling straight out of the sand in the ocean, put your other, you know what, Amber? Can you go in the fridge and on the inside of the fridge there's some cheese slices?

Oh. You got to have a baby turtle with cheese. And if you have any mayonnaise or mustard, that'd be great to too. Or even some pickles. I think there's some mayonnaise on the door and some cheese slices. Are you kidding? Now we're living. Oh, Amber is a color of energy.

Oh. Amber, how many thousands of times have you heard that in your life? So I am a Jeremiah, and I hear joy to the world from Three Dog Night probably as much as you have heard Amber throughout your life. So I empathize with you. Jeremiah was a bullfrock. Oh, yeah. We got, we got Mayo.

Oh, mayo, we just need one, that's okay. We got relish. Thank you. And we got cheese slices, my guy. Okay, great. I can just do this, right? Let us make, hold it up so they can see it, my guy. Yeah.

These are called hatchling sandwiches. Oh, yeah. And let me get a cheese slice, because these turtles, their shells aren't really formed yet because they're just up out of, they've just been brought into the world. And their shell. Shells are soft, and these things go down like oysters. Yeah. So you just get a hatchling, slap a slice of cheese,

and I like a little relish on my newborn baby turtle. Mm-hmm. Let's get some relish. I like to double cheese it up. Oh, are you kidding? A double cheese hatchling? A double cheese hatching sandwich. Oh, dude.

Should I probably need some mayo. Probably, yeah. On my hatchling. Yeah, they slide down a little bit easier with the mayo. And the relish, you never had them before. Right on his fucking head. Yeah. Oh, look at that mayo head hatchling.

There you go. And then look, it's kind of cute. Dude. And then you just put the other, that's right. You got the hang of it. Yeah. And then you just kind of go for it. Just go for it.

Do you go head first or ass first? Looks like you go head first. I kind of go ahead first. Yeah, me too. You know what? Since you're going head first, I'll go ass first. Okay, you go ass first if I go. Because I want people to get the full experience of the hatchling sandwich.

Yeah. Hey, bon appetit. Hey, cheers. Cheers. Hatchelig. Hatcheling. Down the old hatchling. Oh, hatchling down the old hatchling. Are you screaming?

I'm screaming. Oh, that's so good. Oh, God. Oh. The flippers, the flippers are almost like chicken wings. They're delicious. You know what? I should have had this for Thanksgiving.

Oh, Thanksgiving Hatchelink? Yeah. Why didn't I think of it? With double cheese? Double cheese every time. I've never done it with double cheese. Thank you for this. You've got to do it with double cheese.

Wow. It takes the reptile flavor. Yeah. Sometimes there's a little bit of that sea foam kind of hanging around it. That sea foam, sea urchin clit type of like, it's a bit of nese foie, foie, the seahorse placenta stink. ocean squirt? Yeah, like cucumber diarrhea kind of ophervascials. Yeah.

Oh, good call, guy. Oh, yeah. I could eat these all day. I could eat a whole nest. Oh, it's so good. Wow. And so as I was saying, I get emotional because this time of year, the hatchlings come out, and, you know,

most of them don't make it. They get eaten by something or someone. And I find that deplorable. Yeah, I think assholes. If I was on the beach with them, I would be making sure that I was scooting them forward towards the ocean, making sure that they were not getting eaten or harmed in any way. Bingo, dude, I'm right with you.

I would be standing there with a stick, like hitting people or anything that came near the little fellows. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, what did they ever do to anybody? Yeah. They just came out of the stand. These predators, these birds, these vigilantes that go out of their way can split pain on one of the sweetest creatures that they've ever come into the world.

Like, how can you eat something like this? It looks this cute and this good. What kind of monsters go out and can live their life and act like normal people during the day after they commit this kind of a hate crime? It's ridiculous. Hate crime. Thank you. Oh, it's so soft.

Just the texture, the flipper meat. The leather. Oh, leather and the flipper meat. If you haven't had turtle leather. To die for. Well, for them to die for. Oh, this is flipper-licking good. Flipper-looking good.

That's what I say every time I leave sonics. Oh, God, I think I'm full, my guy. I got really full of that. They're rich. They are rich. I want to warn people. They are rich. Yeah, you would think they'd be more of a working class taste, but they are rich.

But low in cholesterol, by the way. So it's sort of like a health food. Not so healthy for them, but for us. 26 grams of protein in each hatchling. Can you believe that? Hello. Say it again. 26 grams of protein in every hatchling.

You never need another protein bar ever again. Just go to the ocean, get a little hatchling, and it'll improve your day tremendously. Oh, God. You said it, brother. Mm-hmm. Delicious. Yeah.

Oh. Can I... Look, I don't get emotional around food. Some people get emotional. Sorry, I got mayonnaise on my... Mike. Also a sex act in West Hollywood, yes, but that's, no, I meant. I know a guy named mayonnaise, manate's Mike.

Yeah. Yeah. But, um, okay, well, don't, don't ask about manna's mic. Go ahead. Sorry. No, I mean, I'm an emotional state of mind, but please tell me about mayonnaise Mike. No, no, no, no. Continue with your emotions.

We'll get the mayonnaise mic later. Well, I'm not flapping like a turtle. This is me just kind of calm down. I get emotional with knowing the hatch. are trying to make it to the ocean, just trying to survive. People like us are trying to help. And if, with your indulgence, this is sort of meditative for me. This is me emoting.

I wrote a little poem about the hatchlings that sort of spiritually will help me move through this traumatic time, this season of the hatchlings. Okay. If you don't mind me dipping into my cinnamon journal and sharing. No. Thank you, buddy. Is it a Simon Angels journal? Yes.

Okay. It's where I kind of keep my cinnamon journal or I keep my musing, sketches, etchings, stories. Here we go. Kind of dropped right out. What was that throat exercise you taught me earlier? Just so I want to read this. Well, if you want more of the advanced takes,

the rowdy red rhinoceros ran through the wild streets of Rhode Island. The rowdy rare rhinoceros ran through the rowdy streets of Rhode Island. I couldn't stop. It just kept going. It just kept going. I stopped talking, but the word exercise kept going. Weird. Here we go.

And this is tough on me, but let's do it. Okay. And if you even want to, you know, mime with the hatchlings all I read, I don't even care. Okay. Hatchling, hatching from your rotten egg. Rise from the sand, you disgusting pig. Crawl, hatchling, crawl. Crawly, wally, wally.

Hear the ocean, hatchly, hatchling. Hatchling, hatching, hatching, hatching, hatching, hatchling, run to the sea, flip your flap. You fuck-headed freak Flip-flap flip-flap Turtle-turtle nutcrack Off to the sea Stinkosaurus fart beak

Oh, what What did I ever do? I'm trying Oh, sorry, that's the end Oh, there's not more? No I could do one more like Hatch

But I don't, I just don't know why I got, like, brown toasted at the end. Like, why'd you brown bread me, guy? I thought you liked to eat ass. Never eating brown ass before, but. Oh, really? You're inviting. Ooh, take a ride on a howling highway. There's a fuss for everything here on today.

Ooh, how you like the taste of that brown Or better than that white. It's a lot chewier. A little thick of, you know what I'm saying? Mm-hmm. Hold on. Hold on. Gitchie, getchy, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh. Oh. Ha, ha, ha, ha. Sorry, I was having a pussycat doll's seizure. Hello. Hello. Hello, Water, you there? Hey, is this Holly? Yes, well, we're right in the middle of the hatchling season down here in a Hermosa Beach.

You think you can make it down? Do I think I can make it down? I'm already headed down there right now. Are you serious? There's hundreds. It's not thousands of them coming out of the sand. Right now, you better hurry. Have you got your crocs on?

Of course I got my crocs on. My crocs on on my knee-high socks. Because we don't want all of them to make it to the sea, so let's get ready to do some stomping. Come on, let's get some hatchling sandwiches together. Mm-mm. see you in half an hour waddy oh i'm already there wow how do you end an improv with a baby sea turtle i've never done that i've never done this before ever ended it dude i've improved like my whole life i've never improvved with a baby sea turtle how do we get out of it okay maybe what maybe the operator is a turtle

okay no i'm sorry would you like to stay on the line uh no Goodbye. Dude, that might have been the hardest improv I've ever done. I've never, wow. You know what? I will say, you always, you always say this when you do my show stand up on the spot.

Yeah. That's not your thing. That's not me. But I will say that Harlan Williams on standup on the spot, he's a show favorite. And people love you on there. Isiz? Is his.

Ises of the show's favorites? Uses the show's favorites. I loves doing it. And you just had your 20th anniversary. The 14 year anniversary. You were on that. Oh, it's the 14. But you gave me a little bit more credit,

but we'll get there eventually. Oh, 40. Yeah, I was honored. I was honored. Here's this big, and you did it. Normally you do it in the smaller room. I'm doing the belly room, but this one, I wanted Harland to do the main room one.

Can I tell you, I don't even can't believe I'm going to tell you this. This is a true story. Can I tell you, I don't even, why am I telling you this? I want to know. This is humiliating, but you're going to laugh. Okay. I want you to go back and look at the tape. Okay.

Everything's going great. Right. And before the show, back in the green room at the comedy store, you guys ordered like 10 pizzas. Right. Johnny love a slice. had about four. So I want you to go back and look at the tape. And you watch in the last about two minutes,

I'm like going like this back and forth. I'm sweating. Someone from the crowd yells, why are you sweating? Dude, I had a diarrhea bomb. I was one second. Did you see how quickly I left the stage? I bolted. I bolted.

Dude, I almost And here's the funny, you know how you said earlier For the sake of the bit You do every, I'm not kidding. This, talk about viral. It actually went through my brain. I thought, you know what? I'm just going to blast the fucking bomb.

I almost did it. That's how committed I am to this crap. I almost blew a volcano right on stage. It would have been the be all end all. comedy on the spot yeah Harley on the spot but dude that's for real I got in my car I was home

I went through red lights wait you didn't do it at the college store I have a public phobia about public I got home in three seconds I think I ran over 12 people dude watch the tape I okay if you go back and what

you'll just see me I'm like go yeah improv's fun Guys, leave a comment below in Harlan's podcast. And even on the stand-up on the spot episode, tell them that Harlan sent you and see if you can notice. You'll notice. You'll notice. You'll see it. You'll see me.

I'm sort of like losing attention. I'm kind of like, I was kind of throwing it to you to like sort of take over more. Right. You try to wrap up a little bit. And then you'll see me like, I literally, I'm going like this, dude, I was one paper thin line away from. I'm basically like holding you hostage. I'm like, yeah, go get another suggestion. You're like, another one I need to get out of here.

Dude, I almost want to watch it to see what my face was doing. It was a deep, dark secret. That's amazing. Yeah. I can't believe you made me tell that. Hey, you know, I got it out of you. Dude, I almost had a hatchling right there on the stage. Hatchling on the spot.

All right. Wadi, let's get to our final bit. like we need a final bit after the hatchlings. Oh, well, we got to do the wooden shoe thing. We got to do words from a wooden shoe. That's our tradition. Yeah. As you know, folks, our guests, our beautiful guests like Little Wadi, they pull a word

from the wooden shoe. I have bread all over my face. It looks like you have a living yeast infection. Oh, good. You're crawling with yeast. Okay. Yeast and turtle pus. So what we do is you reach in the shoe, pull a word, and see if it triggers a story.

from little Wadi's journey in life. Could be you, could be someone you know, just something that's associated with your story, your path through life, Wadi. If it says turtle, I'm going to blow some diarrhea. What's it say? It's blank? Yeah.

Oh, shoot. Throw it away. How the hell did that get in there? Sorry, buddy. It's blank. That's weird. Okay, what's that one say? Okay.

Yeah. no it says broken window okay oh interesting broken window what could is there a story about a broken there is a story that i remember about a broken window okay here we go gang i lived in kansas growing up okay it gets very cold outside in the winter yeah and uh i was probably man i was so young i was probably like maybe 10. Wow, that is young. Yeah. Somewhere around that age,

10 to 12 probably. Oh, it's changing. It's probably 10 to 12. Were you 15? It's 32. Yeah, sound like it. Let's go with 11. Let's go out of 11.

You're not 10, but you're not 12, but 11. I wasn't a teenager yet. Okay. But it's still a little bit weird. Okay. So it gets very cold in Kansas, right? Yeah. So in Kansas, when you're bored, you've got to think of creative ways to entertain yourself, right?

And I was hanging out, I had my... Like eat baby sea turtles? Yeah, if you will. Okay, go ahead. I had a buddy over. He was spending the night, like a sleepover, and my sister had her friend over. Oh. That was staying over at our place, too, like a sleepover.

Got it. Got it. So we are playing truth or dare with my sister, my best friend, and her best friend. Right. Okay. I think I know where this is going. Yeah.

So we kept doing dares because we're, you know, want to be entertaining and I don't remember where my dad and my mom were. I think that they were on a date or something, but we were home alone for whatever reason, just the four of us. Yeah. And the dare was to run outside and put our moon and put our butt. up against the glass. Your bare butt on the window, the glass window.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm seeing the movie a Christmas story right now, but keep going. So it was my sister's dare. Yeah. I don't remember who, maybe it was my friend that dared her to do it. Probably because he wanted to see her butt. Okay, yeah. But she went outside and she put her butt up against the glass, the freezing glass.

And when I say that this thing shattered into a thousand pieces, it exploded. Like as soon as the butt, like with the pressure of the warm butt. The warmth against the cold. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just immediately. Oh, no. We're dying laughing.

We are just, we think this is the funniest thing we've ever seen. She comes in and her best friend is now in the bathroom with her picking glass out of her butt. And then my dad comes home and finds out about this. And he's super pissed at me because he's like, this is your sister. Why would you even allow this? Like, you're, like, you're the protector. You're the 11-year-old.

Yeah, you're the, what kind of a weirdo is letting this happen in my house when I'm not here? And I remember, like, getting in huge trouble over that. And that's what came to mind when I saw broken right away. And this is, you know, 20, some, 25 years ago, whatever. And you can't spank the girl because she's got glass sticking out of her ass. So you've got to take the heat. I had to take the heat. Normally, she's the one that broke it.

You put her a bad girl, but you can't. because she's got giant shards of glass. Yeah, you break it, you buy it, usually. It reminds me of that scene from a Christmas story. Remember when the kid licks the polandies, come back, don't leave me, come back, come back. Imagine she's got her ass. I thought that's what you're going to say. Her ass stuck to the glass and she was just there and you guys took off and she's like,

come back, come back, come back, don't leave my ass, come back. Shatter. Yeah, shattered. Shatter. Wow. Shatter. How big was this window? Was it like a big?

I thought you were going to ask how big my sister's butt was. Well, I think the window will tell us that. It was a residential, standard size, like, you know, it's this big. Here's the funny part, too, because dads are like this. They're like, God damn it, you broke my window. Now we've got to go get some new glass. Probably wasn't worried about her physical health at all. Oh, no.

It's like, God damn it. Now we're going to freeze. I got to turn up the heat. We're going to burn more oil, you damn kids. He was definitely more worried and weirded out. Yeah. Me and my friend, that was the dare from my sister. That a nude glass pressing episode, yeah.

Like, why would you, out of all the dares, why would you agree to encourage your sister to do this? And it all comes full circuit. You just said, Dad, because you made me eat the ass of the bread. And you can't spell bread without bad. Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, Jeremiah Watkins, Wadi, tell the folks where they can see you, where they can watch your, your amazing YouTube stuff, your podcast, your stand-up tour.

What aren't you doing when you're not eating the hatchlings? You know, when I'm not eating the hatchlings, I'm out on tour. You can get tickets at Jeremiah Watkins.com. I'm going to be in Dallas and Fort Worth coming up, Tulsa, Oklahoma, Las Vegas, Kansas City in the summer, all kinds of places. But yeah, stand up on the spot. Watch the 14-year anniversary episode with Harlan. And if you haven't seen that episode or his other episodes he'd been on,

or just the series in general, it's my favorite thing that I'm doing. And then we've also done multiple Dr. Phil lives together. Yeah, Dr. Phil. Yeah. And I'm, you know, I'm Jeremiah's stand-up on social medias. And, you know, you can find myself trailer tales. Yeah, your podcast. If you like silly, goofy, fun times, lighthearted energy.

No, they don't like that. I want, well, the next time that we're, we film in LA, I want, I want you to do, to be a character on trailer tales. Oh, I don't do. That's not in my wheelhouse. I don't do improv. I'm a professional podcaster. This goes out all over the whole world.

Maybe, maybe we can get one of your Cajun cousins to come by. Well, now that's a guarantee. I do guarantee. Who, boy, I would relish the opportunity to be a character on your show. and may you be not or maybe I'll do it and may your future be bright I would while away the hours sucking on a turtle

if I only had a turtle if I only had a turtle if I only had a turtle if I only had a turtle I could suck on a turtle That's what we have a few. Oh, oh, it's just for me. This is a lot too.

Oh, oh, oh. Hello. You know, oh, oh, oh. Oh. Oh. Well, that's it for you guys. Gentlemen, welcome. All right.

Thank you for having. I love you, brother. I love you, brother. I'm enjoying. Everybody, chicken chowman, and we'll see you next time with the homo, homo, homo. Okay. The flip were to stop.

Okay? No. No. No. No. Fuck. Chicken chowman. We'll see you next time.

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