The Harland Highway - JIM JEFFRIES and I talk everything BUT comedy! Marsupials, homlessness, forbidden islands, etc!!

Episode Date: April 29, 2025

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That's aura.com slash control. Hey, hey, hey, pavement pounders. How are you, you freaks? Harland here, and we got a great show today. I want to remind you to subscribe to the podcast. Please hit the subscribe button. And I want to announce a beautiful theater show I'm doing in Washington, D.C., the Howard Theater on June 22nd, Washington, D.C.

just been announced and go and get your tickets. I know it's a ways off, but it's going to be packed, and I never play up there. So that's why I'm so excited about it. Come on out to the Howard Theater in Washington, D.C. on June 22nd. And then lastly, I want to thank our song submission folks that have been sending in theme songs. And today we got another great one. I love it. It's rocking. It's Ben Pine or Ben Pian. Have you been Pian? It's Ben P-I-E-N. It's submitted this great theme song. It really rocks. So let's get into it. Today my very special guest is my Aussie buddy, Jim Jeffries, hilarious. Let's roll the show. What is Epstein Island doing now?

They're just weeds growing over the houses and stuff like that? Is there anything going on there? There's rides now. It's a theme park. Oh, okay. Yeah, it got so much notoriety, some developers from Dubai. Epstein, it's called. All right.

And instead of the swirling teacups, they have like the swirling S&M bondage chairs. Instead of the log ride, they have the Dildo ride. Oh, yes. You can sit in it, and it comes out instead of splashing. It comes down at squirts everywhere. You get strapped in. Right, right. But all I want to, the only context I want to do is that you were in the jungle.

I was in the jungle, yeah. Which you're not. I'm not built for. People don't look at you and go, Tarzan, Kesar, jungle guy, loin, do you wear a loincloth? I need more sunscreen than any other Australian that's ever lived. Really? Oh, and then bug spray and this. And then, like, every time they went cut, there's someone would come out and hand me an umbrella.

And I'd be standing there in the jungle in my, like, I was in a suit the whole time. So you're in a suit in the jungle We won't say what it is But you're hosting some kind of a show I can say what the show is The shows have been announced The shows Oh, what's it called?

Were you already started? Maybe, maybe not Okay, the show's called the snake Surprise The snake And it's on Fox And it's coming out I believe June 10th or something

The snake The snake Before we go in Well I wouldn't laugh At a reptile or an amphibian If I were you guy they're poisonous they hide

I think I got the voice because of the the job because of the accent I think I may be the first Australian game show host in America right game show host I can't think of another

Australian game show Pat Sejek was an Aussie Was he? Yeah He was from He was from way out of South of Cairns Oh right

Out of the back of Burke Yeah Yeah You didn't know this I Did you ever, you ever done the Will of Fortune celebrity edition? You ever had a go? I didn't have a go.

I did it once and I met Pat Sejek and I had to solve a puzzle that was so long. And to this day, I don't, I've never heard this saying. You can Google to make sure, because this is the only time this sayings ever happened. So it's meant to be an idiom, a common phrase. Yeah. And the phrase that I was working with, that's the best pineapple I've ever had in my mouth. that's not common no and I'm like

what and so I was picking letters and I was getting on the letters and I'd already picked up the million dollar thing like I was playing for a beat at the end and I was like and they were like okay Jim and I'm going to keep going going there's more money out there

and I'm trying to make it funny but the truth was I was like I don't know what the fuck the answer is so I was just panic spinning right can I have an L and there's some L's going to pee the whole board was covered and I could sort of see some

words and all that type of stuff and I had a joke answer you know there's always the funny sort of twittery joke answer to quiz and I had all the letters for that's the best prostitute I've had all month right which I thought that'll go viral but I was I was doing it for charity so I thought don't blow the million dollar chip just for a laugh yeah but even down and out people need a prostitute now man come on jam so so I I I uh I roll bank and I had the biggest sense of relief because I went, oh, I don't know what this is. I was like, oh, so I got out.

But wait, what was it? How does the taste of pineapple? That's the best pineapple I've ever had in my mouth, or I've had in my mouth. You could have had a whole panel of Hawaiians on that show and they wouldn't have got that. No. That's not a saying.

No, no. Because what did they think that was like you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink. Yeah. Like, that's a common saying. What goes around, comes around. that's the best piece of pineapple I've ever had in my mouth that's the best pineapple I've ever had in my mouth

and it took the whole border and everyone was looking at me like I was an idiot and I sort of had the word pineapple and I was like my month mouth so anyway I didn't get it and Tiki Barber the football player he went on to win the whole lot well because what's his name Tiki

Tiki yeah he would have fucking known that South Pacific pineapple that all mixes that's that's That's called Symbiotic Energy, Jeff. Yeah, yeah. Jim Jeffreys. I did celebrity, what's it called?

What did you just say? Will of Fortune. And we had, it was the dentist edition. Really? Because I went to dental school when I was in college. Yeah. And the clue for mine was, and I won it. I think I won $6,000 for my charity.

Okay. And the answer was, my sister's ginger vitus smells like shit. Oh, yes. Very common saying. Very common. Yeah. So that was good. I got to send some money to some kids.

I was helping out foster care kids. That was what I was doing. Pat Sajek, it's funny because he doesn't really talk to you before you walk out there. Yeah, because, well, he used to be Australian. They had to attempt because he used to say, would you like to buy a vowel? Yeah, like to buy a vowel. That's not a vowel. Yeah.

That's not a vowel. Yeah, this is a vowel. Yeah, yeah. They'd go, I'll buy a vowel, which vowel would it be? They'd go, an L, and you go, it's not a vowel. Yeah. Yeah, that's not, the only L I want to hear is the L in Wolf Creek. Yeah, yeah, or L McPherson.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I tell you what, I... Oh, here we go. Are you going to tell me you pounded McSerson? No, I... No, did you bender over a photocopier? Not in this decade.

Anyway, but... Here we go. So there's a show called the 1% Club. They have an American version. I think John McAil hosted it and Pat and Oswald hosted it before. Okay, party. Yeah.

And I host the Australian one. And one of the clues, and they're all IQ questions, and one of the Q-Grum clues were say what you see type of thing. And then there was like a letter L and then there was a big Mac or something and then some fur and then the picture of the sun, right?

Okay. El Mac fur, son. Oh, right. Right? And the question was, what famous model do you see there? right? No one, a hundred contestants, no one under the age of 40 or 35 knew who the fuck Elmickferson was. They all just got knocked out because they'd never heard of her.

Well, that's because these guys are out in the fields like doing crops and milking the cattle. Right. What was the name of the show? The 1% club. Yeah. I mean, they're busy making milk. Well, I think it's because, I think it's because, uh, it's, uh, it's, uh, it was the name of the show. When you get old, you just get forgotten. Yeah.

I had to go, she was the girl that lived with Joey on Friends, who was the dancer. And then they went, oh, we know her. Oh, yeah. What if they just did a picture of her bent over a photocopy machine? Then they'd know. And then they would have made. Because I look in your eyes and I think you might have pounded her. Not on me.

Over a photocopy machine. Not on me best day. I can't get the top Australians. I can't get the top ones. You just got that look in your eye, though, guy. Can't get a Kidman or a Robbie or a McPherson. No, I can't get him. So you're telling me you've never banned L. McPherson over an Exxon, X-Pond, X-5-2, Inche printer and PowerSmith there?

Over a fax machine, yes, over a printer, no. But no one uses fax machines anymore. So I didn't want to confuse your audience. I know, but I saw something. Yeah. You talked about foster children just. You mentioned the term foster children. Yeah, because after the beer.

Yeah, the beer. And I, you'd strike me as a kind of guy before you would foster a child, you would drop kick a child. Is that accurate or no? Am I way off? The same child or a different child? Like a foster child, like a loser.

Like the one that, you know, like a rescue dog. Nobody, they're the losers. I get one and I go, this one's no good. Give me another one. Or would you just drop kick it? Like, what would you, like, I feel like... I could regularly kick it. I couldn't drop kick it.

I'm just not coordinated enough. It's not that I'm anti. It's not that I'm handy I just don't have the coordination But you would kick a kid It's hard, you know, like a drop kick Is there any drop kicks in American sport Because that's a rugby thing, a drop kick

A drop kick is like a martial arts move Okay, now a drop kick You know what a drop kick is in rugby, right? Yeah, you're running And you kick the ball And then the guy, like in rugby, yeah No, no, a drop kick, the ball Actually has to hit the floor

Like you drop it, it has to hit the floor And then on the bouncer kick it Oh, okay right so that's like and if you do that and you get it through the post you get some points I see during the game so you can't just regularly kick it through so a drop kick is a is that well baby kids bounce I'm just saying it's hard to do a drop kick you have to be really coordinated so I could just if you put a foster care just on the ground where I could go up like a soccer ball yeah just give it a good swing then you got something what about a chubby like a fat kid

with a bit of meat in his ass you drop him he's gonna bounce up at least three inches and And then you just do that. But I feel like they're being kicked enough at school. They don't need it at home. I know, but there's something that burns deep in your eyes that tells me that you want to drop kick a fat foster kid. And if you don't want to talk about it, great, we'll move on.

I'm hesitant to bring it up. But yes, I would. Yes, I would. Of course I would. And this is why, folks, this is why. I'm not made of stone. Right. And this is why I do the Harland Highway podcast because I, Jim,

you're going to notice all through, I have this intuition. I read my guess. Great questions. And folks, by the way, welcome to the Hall of Highway podcast. Let's play the theme music. My very special guest today, Jim Jeffries is here. World-renowned author, comedian.

Oh, I decide before your credits are, not you. Has peaked, has crested Everest twice. Oh, I thought my career had peaked. Yes, many times. Yes, career's peak. He crested Everest twice, did Killamonjaro twice. Yeah, I'm on Monjaro. He did Monjaro.

And just a TV guy, writer, producer. Welcome, Jim. Thanks for hand me, Howard. Oh, dude, thank you. Oh, this song went out rather quickly. I didn't want it to end like that abruptly. It's nice. Where did you get the song from?

Did you write the song? Uh, it's, uh, I got it. The famous tune? I got it specially made by Lady Gaga made it for me. Oh, that's nice about it. In between making the Joker movie that didn't do well and doing that, she made you a song. Yeah.

Why is your name Lady, which is very dignified, a lady. A lady. And then Gaga. Like a baby. It's either a baby noise or you're choking on a zucchini or you're- Sorry, it's an oxymoron. It's a baby versus an adult, I guess. Wow, we come back to babies.

Yeah, yeah. Would you round house Lady Gaga in the face or in the throat? Ah, you look like you would. I just, I'd have to meet her. I'd have to meet her face-to-face before I could make that decision. Before you kicked her? Yeah, before you kicked her, because I don't mind her music. I don't listen to it.

I've never bought, I've never paid for it, you know. I've never, you know, but if it's on Spotify, I'm not angry. Well, you seem a little tight. Yeah, well, I'm not, you know, I'm not over the moon about it. She's got that, what song, the poker face? Poker face. Poker face is one. Yeah.

Would you poke her face? Like if you had a stick. Oh, with a stick. Would you like poker right in the fat, stupid? I mean, would you poke her in her face? No, but I would do it in the back of her head. Okay. Like if she was in the way.

We, we were at a concert, she's standing on top of a chair too tall. I can't see the stage. So what I'm getting from you, Jim Jeffers is you're here today to rewrite the music. Yeah. Poo, put, put, poker back of her head. put poker back of her head poker back of her head dude

you mentioned snakes earlier talk to me about snakes what's your experience you're in the jungle in a suit did you see any snakes I didn't see any snakes in the jungle I saw lots of bats and I thought I was in the jungle

in iguazu next to the iguazu next to the iguazu that's a Spanish word in Argentina yeah They would be Argentin or they speak Spanish, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. So what does that mean before? I can't get too far into it. If my audience doesn't have context, they don't understand a lot. What does Minneapolis mean? It means tiny apples. Yeah, yeah, true.

Yeah. Pretty little apples. Everyone knows that. So, so, so, yeah, Guazos, they've got the falls that, they're like bigger than Niagara, really big falls they got there. And Guazos where Brazil

and Paraguay and Argentina meat and it's the number one place for them to run drugs out along the Piranha River. Oh, wow. It's called the Piranha River, man. How do you say it? Piranha. Prana.

You're saying pran like Australian prawn. No, piranha. Like piranha. Yeah, you're saying meat eating fish. It's piranha. Parania? Yeah, but you're saying, you're adding in like, the prawn, prana, prana.

Prawner and bread. which are Mayanase. Yeah, it's Wired India. Okay. They reckon that because that little river's international water, all the cocaine comes down through there and not one of the three countries want to do anything about it. So people are freely going and that's how they get it out of South America.

Wow. Have you ever snorted the Coke? And if you don't want to talk about it, I can look it up. I already know the answer. I have, but I don't want to get in trouble, you know. I don't want to get in trouble. But I have, yes, I have. like big piles of it or just little lines of it never a big pile how long ago oh

days what monday oh it's been years it's been since like my my eldest boy was born my first son was born i stopped that and then when my second son was born i stopped uh drinking i know but when you said what's today yeah i think that that lets them know that you're jacked right now Like Hammerjack? I'm not, I'm not super bad, no. How many? Two less than one more. How many letters are in the alphabet?

See, I didn't, you just immediately won for that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's not what I was asking. Yeah, yeah. Three, 20, 20 something. It'd be 20 something. Dude, you're hammer jack. Yeah, yeah.

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I'm being told up by a Canadian ford. doing drugs there. Must be hard in Canada, the cocaine, to find it. Well, it's the... Just in the snow. The snow, yeah. People walk around all winter just sucking in the snow. And their biggest thing is they get salt burn.

Yeah. Because they put salt on the, on the snow up there. And some of them get... What part of Canada are you from? Nosey. Yeah. Toronto. Toronto.

I like Canada. I've done a special in Canada. I've done it special in Canada. I sell better in Canada than I do in the States. I've always been fond of it. I do. Oh, that's because you're part linked to the Commonwealth. I know, we have that commonwealth thing, the queen, the money, what she's up to.

Have you ever, and this could be even... We don't give you tariffs. Yeah, but I want a good tariff. Australia and Canada are tariff-free. We negotiate with each other. We give you a kangaroo pelt or one of those scrotums that you can keep money in from the kangaroos, and you give us that little thing of maple syrup. We're all good, man.

I'd love to get slapped with a tariff. Would you? I don't know. There's something sexual about that. them like that you're just buying something from overseas and it's dirty yeah just like i want to i don't want to be taxed i wanted someone slap a tariff on me yeah yeah terrific um i was hanging out with scott and daniel we were having a coffee recently over at uh the perth coffee shop oh yeah scott and daniel either day with my brothers yeah your brothers okay yeah i

didn't know you're yeah scott and danny yeah who did you think i was I was amazing. Okay, so at the Perth coffee shop, yeah, all right. Do you know any other Scott and Daniels? No, I don't. I was surprised already. I didn't never know. Okay, so Scott and Danny, yeah. Danny got a day off from the riot squad. Oh, yeah. Everything was a little quiet. We were sitting there.

Well, if you're going to laugh. No, I think it's very good, very good. I'm both honored and slightly creeped out that you knew that. I must talk about myself too much. Okay. Jimmy, if I'm going to hang out with you as a bud, I ain't ignoring your two older brothers. All right, yeah, okay.

They're older. I was buds with them before me and you became this thing. True that, true that. Dude, don't be selfish. All right. It's me. It's Harley. Don't do the Satan laugh.

It's my normal laugh, man. I've never had it referred to as a Satan laugh. That's all devil. That's 666. I've had people say it's not a great laugh But I think Probably God I think you've got to have a comedy laugh right

Like Eddie Murphy has And then there's soul searing And then and then Jimmy can't Oh Well is that a laugh Or is he orgasming Because he's like

And then he just Does eyes sort of roll over Like a rodeo clown I think it is a laugh But I think it's also Probably the same sound As when he orgasms I think they're probably in the same pool.

Yeah. I heard him in a shell station once in Bakersfield through. I don't do glory holes, but there was one. And I don't, I looked through it because I guess there was one that went through all the stalls. It was like a centipede glory hole. Right, where they can, people can go each other sides or one really long dick can go through all of them. Right, or that. You could come in halfway through and lick half a shaft and someone else could have the head through the other hole.

Whatever turns your tinsel tits. Yeah, true that? Or whatever the saying is on Jeopardy. That's the best tinsel tits I've ever had in my mouth. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I looked through, I heard this noise. I thought one of the doors was like, ah, ha, ha, right? And I looked through the glory hole, and there was car getting greased by a Bakersfield truck driver,

hauling frozen veggies up to Fresno. Was he still wearing a suit? Yeah. Or he's any casual clothes? It was a suit, but the pants were down about to the knees. Right. And he had a leather belt looked like camel's skin. Yeah, yeah.

But that laugh, that orgasmic laugh. Yeah. Did you just... Yes. Amber? Can you bring a rag or a paper towel? This is an Amber alert we're having? Yeah, Amber.

Are you okay? I'm all right. So you're having coffee with my brothers? Yeah, so we wanted to know. Thank you. If you would just... Before we talk that, but that's Amber, by the way. If you would just clean up your car.

God, Jim. Thank you. I didn't want to make it weird. I'll take that back. For continuity. For continuity. I just, I felt like suddenly I was in your bedroom when you were 13,

that little pile beside the band. I was talking to the bros. Once and for all, Can we tell the world what a marsupial is? A marsupial is an animal that has a pouch. Right. I'm right about that, right? A pouched animal.

But if you could tell them, like I know. Well, like a wallaby or a kangaroo or a quaker. A what now? A quaker. A betty or just a regular? A betty quaker? Yeah. Have you ever seen a quaker?

I've seen a betty quaker. Quackers are the best animal. What is it? Is that like a duck with a lisp? No, a quaker is, like, it looks like, it looks like a kangaroo, but it's a size of a soccer ball, and it has like a rat's tail. And it lives on an island just off the coast of Perth called Rottnest Island, which the Dutch found, which stands for Ratnest Island.

And they take selfies. Say what now? They're not scared of humans. Yeah. So they take very good selfies. You can go up to them. The quackers. I'll get you a quaker.

If there's a baby quaker, Yeah. What would its parent be called? I don't have the Wi-Fi. You have to put Quaker in your phone. No, thanks. I'm straight. Well, what happens with the baby quokers?

If there's a baby quokker, if it's breastfeeding, what's it breastfeeding on? I don't think, I don't, geez, I don't, no, I don't, I don't, I don't, I'm never, because it's the same as a kangaroo. I've never seen a kangaroo and we feed, we bottle feed them. Oh geez I gotta have me passport back I'm not quite sure It's a mother quaker

It's a mother A mallocca You know what Hang on You're gonna bring a quaker up You got one down there Do another one Yeah

God God It's a dirty Mother quaker Sorry about it Okay, and so they've got pouches Yeah, pouches I've never heard of the Quaker though

I'm going to put a picture up Yeah, put a Quaker selfie The cutest animal you've ever seen in your life Number one animal on earth for cuteness Really? No animals closer to the Quokker The Quokker's I'm a big champion of the Quokker

What about veal like a veal like a baby cow Look I didn't say that the tastiest animal on earth Right Baby cows of course They're cute. Veal, yes. And lamb. The younger the animal, the better the taste, isn't it?

No one wants mutton. Yeah. You just want lamb. I mean, I want my food with placenta still on it. Forget peppercorn sauce. Yeah. Like, bring me a stillborn cow. Why the bones are still, you can bite into it.

Right. In a hot dog bun. They're not fully formed. Like a lobster roll, but a stillborn cow. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh. With that. Yeah. Oh. Saliv. Yeah. I feel like Kujo right now.

Yeah. You ever see Kujo? Kujo is one of those things that I've heard about my whole life and I've never seen. I know it's a dog with rabies. He's got rabies and he's just drooling profusely and there's like mustard pus coming out of his eyes. And it's like when you talk about eating a rolled up cow and a bun with bones that aren't even formed yet, it's covered with placenta dip? Oh, yes.

Dude, I can't help but go full Kujo on your face. Of course. Lovely. You might need that. We'll make a pile. That way your assistant won't know which one is yours and which one's one. Yeah.

Less offensive that way. Oh, just card. Accidentally card, bro. To the people listening in the car, go home and watch this on YouTube. It's far more entertaining right now. Listening in the car. Yeah, to the podcast.

Wait, now they're confused Because I said I cared And you said they're in the car Yeah So what is it guy I listen to podcasts in the car I'm a car guy Have you ever listen to Jimmy Carr in the car

I have yeah And does that disqualify them And so suddenly you're like Wonder Woman And you're driving to invisible nothing Have you ever noticed when you say Jimmy Carr's name Really quickly It sounds like the word Jamaica

Jimica, Jamaica, Jamaica, Jamaica, Jamaica, Jamaica, Jamaica, Jamaica, Jamaica, or Hickama, that vegetable. Yeah, Hickama, Hickama, Hickama, Gimica, well, more Jamaica. More Jamaica. He sounds more like a tropical island than a vegetable. A root vegetable. When you meet him, he's far from a tropical island. He's probably the opposite of an island that's got a whole lot of black people who are really cool. Yeah, he's more like an Epstein island, I think.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, like a big one. like the advanced one. Yeah, yeah. What is Epstein Island doing now? They're just weeds growing over the houses and stuff like that? Is there anything going on there? There's rides now. It's a theme park.

Oh, okay. Yeah, it's got so much notoriety, some developers from Dubai. They've developed it into like a ride theme park. I know, it's got a runway so you can get in there. Yeah, yeah. Epstein, it's called. All right. And instead of the swirling teacups,

They have like the swirling S&M bondage chairs. Instead of the log ride, they have the dildo ride. Oh, yes. You can sit in it and it comes down instead of splashing, it comes down, it squirts everywhere. You get strapped in. Right, right. They have the roller vibrator. They have anything Beatles reference, like after their manager, Brian Epstein.

Oh, I think they have the... As a side project? I don't know about that. Yeah. They should, though. Try to work that in. the famous Epstein's. Yeah.

There's two. Who was the second? Brian and Jeffrey. Wait. I know, we know Jeffrey. Who's Brian? Brian was the Beatles manager. He was?

Yeah, yeah. And it was Jeffrey's brother? No, I don't know if they were related. Oh, okay. He was a homosexual man from Liverpool. There's got to be something in that. There's got to be some type of theme you can get going with that. What does a homosexual from Liverpool sound like?

Like, I know in England you've got Cockney accent. You've got proper Queen's English. You know, like Liverpool accent. It's all up here, you know. Like, calm down, calm down. Except you go like this, but I like cock. That's the only difference. It would be the only difference

between a heterosexual and a homosexual Liverpoolian. What's he say? I like cock. Would be the difference because he would be more into that. Can I try it? You'd meet him at that Bakersfield gas station.

He'd be there all day, you would. Do you mind if I have a step about it? Give it a go. Give it a go. What was it just so... There's nothing cultural to me. Yeah. I live there for a bit.

I don't, you know... So what was the line? I don't identify as Liverpoolian. Okay. What about pug? I do identify as pug. I have sore joints and people like to have me in their house for a small amount of time. God.

I don't know where pugs came from. To me, it's like a loaf of bread and an accordion had sacks. and while they were having sex someone walked up and slapped it in the face with a canoe paddle yeah yeah like I don't know I see a pug in the street Jeff Jim Jeffries and I don't know which end is which

I was at the dog park the other day I fed a pug a carrot and it screamed do you think that their pugs before they were domesticated where did they hang out where did they live did they live in like Warrens I think they live behind doors

Why weren't they eaten by bigger animals? They were hiding. If you're a wolf, okay, maybe I am. I would eat a pug like an apple. Yeah, they'd get straight in there. They just look so meaty and easy to bite. If you're like a wolf.

I reckon a cat could beat a pug. I think a hummingbird could take one. Yeah, yeah. I think... How did they survive in the wild? Well, here's the thing. They hid behind doors. Okay.

Because, A, no one looks behind. Their faces were constantly getting smashed. They're like nature's... doorstoppers. Like, dude, those faces. I mean, they look like a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon's dumpster. There's so many wrinkles in there. They look like the offcuts from a life.

That's right, yeah. It's the meat they cut off from all the Beverly Hills housewife. How much weight did you lose? A full pug. Oh, yeah. I lost a family of pugs. A pug here, a pug here. A couple of pugs here.

I lost a litter. Cut off the whole litter. Oh, my God. So there's a marsupial. Yeah. I'm not sure if you even know this. Okay. There's a marsupial that lives amongst us here in almighty America.

Yeah. I mean, we're Australia, Canada. I thought we had all the marsupials. What American marsupials are there? I'm going to give you a moment to think about it. It could be one of those Beverly Hills women again with a pouch. Maybe. You've probably seen one.

A pouched animal. They live here in LA. In L.A. You've probably had some on your property. Oh, possum. Bingo. Because we have possums in Australia as well. Bingo.

We have possums in Australia that, like, can fly in shit. What? You have flying possums? Well, they're gliding. They have, like, web things. So they jump up a tree and then they... Yeah, those are... Aren't those, like, flying squirrels?

Yeah, but they're possums. We have the possum version of them. I wish every country... out of flying something. Like, I wish Canada had flying grizzly bears. Like, they just climb a tree and fly, but they're like half a ton. I have a Canadian friend. He always showing me videos of bears going through his bins.

Through his what? Garbage bins. Oh, I thought you said it's beans. Yeah, he's beans probably too. You ever, like, I would be very afraid to say, everyone always goes to Australia, right? They always go, oh, I don't want to go to Australia because all the snakes and the cocktails and this and that. I think Canada's far more dangerous.

Can I tell you a story about that that pertains to that, my guy? Yeah. My guy, my guy, my guy, my guy. I used to be a forest ranger up in northern Canada. Right. One week, we were out there. I was one of the foremen, so I ran the camp. It was a bush camp.

We had 20, 30, 40 guys in there. One week, me and another guy were loaded logs, just throwing them into the back of the three-quarter-tum pickup. my buddy tossed one right through the back window you know the back, here's the driving wheel behind you, there's the back window so one of my duties was

we were so far out in the bush we had our own garbage dump. It was about four miles away it was just a big pit and we would dump all the garbage there. It was ours. There was no one else out there. So I'm used to going out there all the time

and the pickup truck. I got all the garbage. So this night I'm going out on my own. It's like sunset. I back up to the pit. I got all this garbage. I'm about to get out and start dumping, and I've seen a lot of bears.

This was the biggest black bear I've ever seen. He just comes up. He was in the pit, comes up onto the back of my rig, climbs up to get the garbage. And I'm sitting there going, oh, cool, I get a bear show. And then about 15 seconds in,

I went, I don't have a back window anymore. There ain't nothing between me and the biggest black bear I've ever seen. Yeah, yeah. And dude, I'm not getting, I hit the gas. And that garbage and that bear rolled right out into the pit. It was like, one of the bodies falling in Schindler's list into that pit. It was just like, dude, that was pretty scary. Do you know that black bears?

There we go. No, I found this outreason, because you're a Commonwealth folk. Yeah, we're Commonwealth. Is that a bad thing? Is that a class or status thing? I think it's just, I think now it's a nothing thing, but I think it's a nice thing to have like, we do reciprocal things with visas and stuff with each other, you know? Like, Canadians can travel a bit more freely through Australia than an American can and stuff like that.

But when you just called me a Commonwealth folk, I just felt like my notch grew up a little higher than lowly Americans and Canadians. But the word common is in there. But wealth Yeah, wealth is also very good Yes And wealth came second So I consider myself a commonwealth folk So you know all those guys

Yeah At the front of Buckingham Palace And they can't move their head And they can't smile They're called guards The big furry hats Yeah Furry hats are black Canadian bears

Black bears Black Canadian ones Only just found that out, poor bars I knew that Can't they use a synthetic type of wool for that? I think they do now Yeah

I think they do now But traditionally it was always A black bear hat And what's got of piss the bears off is that they're high. Yeah, yeah. Like this that's a whole clump of That's a, it's a leg. That's a leg. That's a leg

Maybe a black bear ass cheek. Yeah, an ass cheek A shoulder? Yeah, maybe a Or a hide. It wouldn't be a head though. Not enough on the head to do a hat. It should be the hat. Imagine they just had like a severed bear's it. Their guards, that would keep me out of the palace. And also put the severed head, the bearhead Yeah. The other way around because they They're only allowed to look forward.

Right. They can't protect you if things are walking behind them. Right. Put some eyes in the back of your head. Dude. Change. See, that's the only thing I always thought with those guys. They have to look that way.

Yeah. If you come here or here, they can't get you. They can't see you. Well, they can see if suddenly you turn into an airline attendant. What's this you're doing? No, I'm just saying if you're the guard and then people start walking in this angle or this angle, you can't see them because you have to look forward

If I work personal security I'd look around a bit Like this I'd do this I'd do that Look up a bit Check the other advantage points These guys are just fucking

Protecting this bit See this is your story Jim And I see the lane You're going down But to me all I saw Was suddenly you're an airline attendant Showing me Where the emergency exits are

Or the guy who waves you in Yeah The technology You think the wave in guy Is still useful So as a little tip Before I answer That's a little tip.

Because we're communicators, James Jeffries. I think you've got to, before you launch into, you know, your Marcel Marceau tirades. Yes. You should determine in your head as a communicator where you want your story to go, where you want your story to go and what you want people to interpret it. I did it, didn't I? Fuck, okay. You didn't think fire enough ahead. Dude, you messed up your own program.

I was fucking myself, dude. I became an airline steward. You know what? See, as you started doing that. All I was thinking was that the exits are in the rear. Jesus. And here I am preaching to you. And I did my own.

On your podcast? On the Harlan Highway. It is your podcast. I want it to be yours. Well, I like the sign and all. What about the name? Yeah, Jeffrey's Highway. Jim's Highway.

I'll keep it at Highland Highway. Okay. Thanks. Oh, sleeping on a dream, sleeping on a dream. Brooklyn bedding, my guys and gals. Got a mattress from them. Wow, like rolling around on cotton candy and clouds and it feels great. less lower back pain for me, who's a racquetball player, and I'm loving it.

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Brooklyn bedding.com promo code Harland My promo code Mine Sweet dreams Um But yeah

So we got the possum Yeah And that's a North American marsupial Okay so the North American Possom isn't as cute as the Australian Possible No I agree It's a violent looking at them It looks ratty

And but my wife says they eat ticks yeah that's good don't want ticks around they like ticks they like tacks they like tic tacks they have shit breath

yeah yeah well not after they have the tic tics yeah tick tacks they're they still going strong I haven't seen someone pop a tic tic oh they're going menthol strong are they yeah

good question because you remember you used to hear people walking along with tic ticcs I used to pop them like acid but I used to have them all the time but you could always hear the the kk and the person walking along

hear them like, like, tic-tacking. Yeah, not only if I'd not seen someone eat a tic-tac in the last decade, I haven't heard someone walk past me with tic-tac. Yeah. So he used to be a shaker, yeah. It used to be a constant noise. Also, when was the last time? Ever get the feeling you're being watched online?

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ORA also monitors the dark web, safeguards your devices, alerts you to real-time threats, and more. Start your free trial at ORA.com slash control. That's A-U-R-A dot com slash C-O-N-T-R-O-L for your free trial. That's ORA.com slash control. I was in Argentina. I started stepping in dog shit again. Oh, isn't it great? Right?

Yeah, I haven't stepped in dog shit in 20 years. My son, who's 12, has never stepped in dog shit. What's up in childhood is that? That's wrong. Because people pick it up. You used to just be in the streets everywhere. People with tick-tacks and dog shit all over the place. Yeah.

Well, here's what's interesting about. You're going to like this because now we're getting into science. Yeah. You're walking down a concrete sidewalk. Yes. Okay. You got a plastic thing of tic-tac's in your pocket, right? Your shoes are making contact with said pavement.

The viscosity and the thickness of the concrete reverberates up the leg, causing the tic-tac, but then suddenly, like the pads between your vertebrae, the vitriolic pads or whatever they're called, You step on the dog shit, you create a spongy pad between your shoe and said hard surface, and suddenly it becomes like a silencer on a gun. The tic tic tacks won't clack because now it's that stuff. They're sinking. You're getting a little like shock absorption. This is a science guy. Did you just come up with this or you saw this on like Mythbusters? This is the way my mind works. We need to get tic tic tacks and dog shit to test this. I've got both in the first.

Ridge. Good, good. Good. What type of dog? Rotweiler. It's the, well, they give the big, some of the biggest loaves. Some of the biggest, biggest ones. What would you like? I want something with a bit more sponge to the poo. Hold on, St. Bernard. No, the bigger dogs are softer the shit. You need something with a bit of bounce, a medium size, Labrador poo. Ah, yeah. Labradoodle. Because it's brood in a lab. Chihuahua shit won't work. It's almost a chocolate tic-tack. It just trips you over.

It just makes a slide. It's the banana of shits. Yeah. Skinner shits. Yeah. But I'm with you guys. I miss the days where you go out and you risk the chance of leaving like chocolate ghost footprints down a roadway.

Yeah. And you'd go to school and you'd go, someone smells like, and then that horrible feeling when you realize it's you. Oh, no. And then you'd get a stick and you'd try to scrape it out. I remember I bought Jordan Fores, right, Air Jordan Fours because when I saved me money up as a kid

and because Jordan Wans had the little ridges in the soles. Shick collectors. No good for dog shit, Jordan Wants. No good for dog shit. Jordan Fores with the little circles. Oh. Poked a stick. The shit falls straight out.

You can rinse it off with a hose. But those holes are like shit suction cups. They are. That's like an octopus reaching out of the ocean grabbing a loaf and pulling it back. They hold a lot of shit

but they're very easy to dispose of the shit. As dog shit shoes go, Jordan, course. You could almost scoop them out. Yeah, yeah, very good.

Like if you had a cocaine spoon, that'd be perfect to like scoop. I'll tell you, Converse no good for dog shits. Yeah. Converse is too many ridges and stuff. No good for dog shit. Well, I'll show you the worst for dog shit.

Take a look. This is what I wear a lot. No, they're perfect for dog shits. Look, no tread. I step on a laberdoodle or a collie shit. I'll slide through a neighborhood for about two hours. Yeah, but the speed, you get to places fast. I know.

And sometimes I'll put one leg up and pretend I'm Gumby. Like, I'll just slide around like Gumby. But these were built to stand in muddy fields. I know, but dog shit, the viscosity of dog shit, it's got chicken, pork, and lamb in it. And so you're going to slide. Those are oily animals. Out of all the animals, because I've stepped in lots of different shit, cow shit.

What's your favorite shit to step in? Out of all the animals. I think I got to say moose, because it goes right up to your knee and it looks like you're wearing a boot. Remember those boots that Pretty Woman wore? I've never seen a great big moose shit. Remember Julia Roberts had those thigh-high boots? I remember that.

You step in a good moose shit with raspberry seeds, and it'll come right up to your high thigh, and it looks like you're... Suddenly you might as well be in Milan. Least favorite human. I think, shit, not least favorite human, but out of all the shits. God. I'm a very self-hating species.

Who do I hate? No, I'm just saying, like, what shit would you like to step in the least? I'm going human. Oh, human? Yeah. I think an albino. Because I feel like it would be glowing and I'd feel like I was stepping on ghost shit. Yeah, you think their poos are as white as their skin in the air?

It has to go because it's going through. Or as pink as their eyes? Well, I guess if their eyes are pink, they're eggs. J-holes probably just as pink. Yeah, yeah. I would think their shits are white as Casper's forehead. Do you think they also have mostly white food diets? Oh, yeah.

Bino's... Mac and cheese. I've seen an albino eat light. Just a sandwich with no filling. Just two bits of red. Oh, yeah. I was out in the night one time with a flashlight, and I just suddenly there was a mouth eating,

gobbling the beam right to the... I had to run. The albinos love white. That makes me wonder. Okay, out of all the physical disabilities that we have in the world, I reckon... Well, I don't have any. No, not that we have, but as a union, as society. We've had a lot of dwarf comedians, a lot of cerebral palsy comedians.

Yeah. Have we had an albino? I'm trying to think of an albino. Whitey Johnson. Oh, Whitey Johnson. Yeah. Whitey Johnson. Yeah.

And was his name ironic or? Yeah. Right. Yeah. And Johnson was the pun Because he had a big white dick or something Yeah That was the whole thing

Yeah and he also had a fishing boat With an outboard motor on it A Johnson Nine and a half Mm-hmm And what was the name of the boat? Too much son? I don't know if he had a kid

Yeah But I'll tell you what Here's where we run into problems What do we call this Jim? That's the arch Right Right or the dog shit clog

Oh That's when you said you're sitting in class That's where the dog shit would go It would get stuck in here You would scrape off When you're walking But the log would squish here And that's where it would stick

The dog shit catch up And you become Johnny Schitt storm And it would look like a flat soul then Right Because the dog shit would spackle in that area That's exactly right It would cock in And then you're sitting in geography class

and everyone's going, who's the Arizona shitstorm in here? And then you put your foot up and boom. In Australian schools, rather than... Like they had schools in Australia. Rather than picking up the dog shit, they used to have grates out the front of the classrooms, like metal grates that you were to scrape your feet on. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Like people who live on horse ranches, they have that. Yeah, we had dog shit grates at the front of our classroom. That's great. It is great. That's dog shit great. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, but like, like, rather than just go, from now on society, we'll pick up dog shits,

we go to the other degree. Here's how to get the dog shit off. No word of a lie, Jim. When I was younger, me and my cousin, we used to walk around with golf clubs. And we would look for piles of dog shit. Yeah. And we would just jack nicholas those things.

Yeah, yeah. We'd line them up and we'd just slam them. You'd be the brown bear. We'd slam them and shab them and shab them and shit splat them onto people's walls, cars. We were just like, we were hitting them like we're a pebble beach. We just splattered them, man. It was great.

You know, kids can't afford the driving range. No. So you go out hunting for logs, puppy logs. Society's missing a beat on this. Yeah. We could have this all back again. Can I ask you something, though, because you like girls, right? You're not a cockney.

What was it earlier? A cockney homest. I like him enough. Yeah I like them enough I've been a fan over the years How much do you like them Because this is

This is what turns me off of a girl I like them enough That over the years I've given some of them houses Yeah So that's pretty I must like them a bit So you're dating homeless women

They would be without being They would be Some of them would be Yes Thank you for asking Thank you for giving them houses Yeah yeah You're so compassionate

I'm really helping out this problem in LA of the homelessness I got a thing about the home I'm going to bring that back to the something we just talked

about but before we do one there's two things that'll turn me off a woman like that and I want to hear what you think flats you know the shoes

the shoes with no arches yeah yeah you put a woman with beautiful long leg and flats it makes their calves not look as nice goodbye sexy

but also sneakers gone sneakers still look It's the flat, flat ones, the plimsoil one. Right. It's just a little flat. They look like Japanese rice slippers. And you're like, how is this even better than bare feet?

Yeah. What is this protecting you from the ground in any way? Nothing. And it just, it takes all the shape out of the leg. Yeah. So that's one. Look, I'm willing to overlook that, but I can see your pain. Yeah.

Well, let me add the second one and we'll blend them. Okay. The second one is when I see a beautiful woman. bend down and pick up a dog shit I'm done what like in your pants done or you're just done no no I

yeah thank you god dude I'll have one as well yeah oh what I don't think you're supposed to do that I'm supposed to get a fresh one for that I think

yeah But I'll tell you, Jim, when I see a beautiful woman, leave it on the ground. This is a fresh one. Yeah, that's a freshie. Leave it on the ground. You did all the makeup, you did all the hair, you got the Lulu Lemon pants, you look like a model, you look beautiful, and I watch you bend down and pick up a steaming loaf of British bulldog shit. I'm sorry, it's gone. And if you're wearing flats, you might as well not have even been born.

Yeah, but if she's wearing the Lulu lemons, she's not going to be wearing high heels with the lemon. She should. No, the yoga pants. You've got to wear sneakers with the yoga pants. You can't be wearing a plimsoil, but like the yoga. Do you know Lulu Lemons? That's Canadian. It is?

Canadian. And the guy I found this out about him. A huge brand, he's a bit racist. And didn't he also go off on fat women? I think he did a whole thing where he said Lulu Lemonism for fatties and he lost tons of business. Well, I think you, well, I... What's the racist part? You don't, well, he...

Imagine if you're a fat black woman. He named it Lulu Lemons because he thought it was funny for Asians to try and say it. Oh, how would they say it? Well, Ruru, you know, they find L's hard to pronounce. Ruruman. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ruru, that's a long way to go for an Asian joke. I'm with you.

And Asian women look really nice in Lulu Lemons. The irony isn't lost. Oh, they look very nice. Yeah. What did I just say? You said they look really nice, but you did it. in a Canadian yoga pant owners' story way. Ruru Raman.

Yeah. Check it out. The guy said in interviews, he's like, I think it's funny that Asians can't say it very easily. But I tell you what, he makes a hell of a yoga pant. Yeah. It's been a game changer. I sit down there near the air one near my house and watch them all come out and get green drinks. And thank God, God bless you, Lulu Lemons.

And all the work you do. Yeah. and I actually like them picking up the dog shit. You do? Yeah, then they bend over. Yeah, but I mean, do you want a dirty Sanchez with your friend? I mean, they're fingers. I'm a married man.

I'm not going to be running off with these women anytime soon. I'm just enjoying the dog shit picking. When did you get married? I've been married for, oh, God. It's my fifth year wedding anniversary. That was one of the fastest flashes I've ever seen. Like, either hold it, up and be proud or take it off. So this hand, my left hand, gets a ring and a watch and does

nothing. Okay. You can hardly pick anything else. My right hand does all the work. Does everything I need in the life. Right? I'm masturbate with it. I pick things up off shelves. I cook with it. I do everything. Wipe my arms with it. And this one gets to look beautiful and it does nothing, useless thing. You don't do anything with that hand? Oh, it helps the right hand. It steadies things. Have you ever tried the other things? It holds a fork. this one's doing the knife. Have you ever tried the other things with that hand that you mentioned? I can't reach completion on me left hand.

I could when I was younger, but now, not at my age, no. Can you wipe your arse with it? I can, but I don't think I do a great job. It'll leave us scared. Yeah, I know, you know, I might get my ass clean, but then I've left some up my back. So, you know, Robin Peter to pay Paul, right? You rubbed a skid mark all the way up your spine. I'm not coordinated enough.

I'm not coordinated. And then I check, because the only way to check is to check the next bit of paper. You keep wiping until the paper's clean. That's why blind people, that's why they smell bad, the blind. They never know when they're done. Yeah, right.

So you're telling me toilet paper tells a story? It's like each piece is a cliffhanger to the next. I think if toilet paper is the mini series of, papers, it's, it's like, you know, it's a limited series to six episodes, like six pieces, and then the last piece is just sort of the end of the thing where, you know, and it's over. Unless there's that bit, that bit that's still ducking out,

that you've snapped one and a half, you've got a bit left, right? And if it's that bit, that's it to be continued. Wow. That's a full series. That's a season two coming up later on in a couple of hours. I didn't know you were such a writer. I am. I am. Thank you for asking. Thank you for asking. Wow, dude.

Circling back to the homeless thing. Yes. And by the way, thank you for trying to help solve it by buying houses for people. Yeah, I do. I do what I can. But we live in the richest place in the world.

The United States, biggest economy in the world. You've seen it, Jim. I know it breaks your heart. Even though you punt small children through goalposts. True, drop key. I know that you have a soft spot in your heart.

as we all do for the homeless. And now they're living in tents. I'll tell you how to get rid of the homeless. Okay, please. This is how you fix the homeless problem. You've got to move to somewhere really cold where it's hard for them to be homeless, right? There's not many homeless in Denver.

Oh, there is. The reason we have so many homeless here in California is the weather is delightful. I blame the weather. Well, wait a minute. Let's dissect this. You ever seen an Eskimo? I have seen an Eskimo or an Inuit.

Where do they live? Well, they live in igloos Stereotypically But they probably live in houses now Which is they build their houses So they're homeless They're living in the cold place in the world They don't have a home in the morning

You ever seen a legit iglo? But then the sun starts to set Suddenly they build a house So they're homeless You've been walking around Canada And seen an actual igloo Where their families in an igloo I've only ever seen them on film

I've traveled the world I've never seen an igloo in the wild I haven't been that far north but it's sort of as a counter-rebuttal to what you said about them not the cold people not having being homeless they are homeless until the sun starts to go down

and then they build a home then they move and then they build another one I always feel like being homeless would begging for money like stuff feels like more work than having a job right it seems like pretty hard work being homeless yeah you see these guys out on the exit ramps, they're out there all day

in the scorching sun and they only make a couple of bucks every handout I bet. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, it seems like tough work. You can put in those same hours under a roof building igloes. And indoor red, blue. Yeah, yeah. Have it in your house.

That way, you could save money on pesky things like refrigeration. You'd have to buy a refrigerator because your home's already the right temperature to keep things cold. Yeah, and if you die, like Gene Hack, you'd stay around for a bit. See, Gene Hackman really upset me because I thought he was already dead. And so now I had to go through that pain twice. The first time I thought he died and then the

second time. You thought he was sort of like a zombie? I didn't, I thought he died 10 years ago. Oh, you thought he's one of those celebrities that was gone. Yeah, I thought he was gone. Oh, so you were you'd already mourned. I'd already, I'd, I'd gone through the seven stages. Oh. And then I had to go through him again. And for his wife that I didn't know he had. Yeah. And the dog, it was a dog that died as well. And then didn't she die and he was wandering around the house for two weeks? He had dementia. She died. He had dementia.

So he just was lost and confused. And the house must have stunk. He was probably walking around the house for two weeks pulling his shoes off going exactly. Did I step in dog shit? Or is somebody dead? Where's my wife? The dog was in a cage type of thing

so the dog didn't get fed forever. So that the dog died as well. It was quite a sad way to die. Well for the dog I mean, think the dog's in a cage and there's two piles of meat laying there. Yeah, ready to go. And one's an Oscar winner. Yeah. An Oscar winner pile of meat, that could have fed them for six months.

I reckon, towards the end there, Gene Hackman would have had a lovely, uh, tender sort of jerky sort of taste. Oh, yeah. He would have been, you know, he would have been marvelled like a bit of wagoo. Oh, God. Hackman Waggou. Oh. Hackman Scalapini. Yeah, yeah.

In Santa Fe, he was living, the temperature would have dried it out. Just beautifully. Oh, dude. Almost smoked. Like smoked Hackman. Lovely. Next to his wife,

offsetting the flavors. With capers on it, little capers and a bit of Dijon. Just something simple. Don't overcook it. Don't overthink it. Let it smoke. It's a nice bread or something.

A bit of salad. Lovely. You don't have to smother it in sauce. dude what you describe hackman almost like I can taste them right now oh wait I'm just doing this one now I did the mouth

in the last one but that would have been a bit of a necrophilia one because he's he's laying there how I am who I am yeah well my last thought my way to solve the the homeless problem and I put into practice, Jim. We have the homeless living in tents, human campers. How do we solve it? How do we help them transition?

Technology is where we turn to solve problems nowadays. I went on my laptop, eBay.com. You can buy anything you want. I found for $320 a full head-to-toe black bear costume. Oh. So now, when the moon is full and the star, Splash across the midnight sky. Old smoky suits up.

I get down on all fours. I crawl down the sidewalk. My bare claws clacking on the urine-soaked pavement. I get right outside the human campers' tents. And just as the oxy-cotton nightmares and the crystal meth night tears are kicking in, I'm like, and they're gone from my neighborhood.

What have you done, ass wipe? Well, they come to. In my neighborhood, they moved down the hill because they're up the hill here. They moved down the hill to where I live. Oh. And then that's how I have to deal with them. Not fun. Yeah.

It's not a fun thing. It's not something I'm proud of. But gasoline in a match. Yeah. I don't even know if you need the gasoline. And I'm not trying to be mean to homeless. I burn my house down. Oh, I thought you're lighting the homeless on fire.

No. Because they've got a lot of oils and... Not after what happened in the palisades. Yeah. I often think that about my career. If I was more successful, I would have moved to the palisades and lost everything. Yeah, and you probably deserve that. Yeah, so it's lucky I am where I am.

Well, I would have liked to see me lose everything. Again? I really would, and that's from the heart. Jim, let's do our last segment. We go back to the shoot. We're ready, the last segment. Then it go fast? It did go fast.

It goes fast when you... What a joy it is to hang out with you, sir. Isn't it a bloody joy? It is a joy. You're a very funny man. Sorry? I said, you're a very funny man. I've never heard someone sing that.

Like when someone says, what's he like? He's very funny. He's a funny man. I don't want to push you, but I've never heard someone sing that sentence to me. Was I sing-y-sing? you're a very funny man do do do do thank you

I think that's the theme song too I don't know what that is Ben and Jerry's ice cream yeah Ben and Jerry's ice cream So this is called Words from a Wooden Shoe Jim Jeffries Words from Wooden Shire

It's an authentic Dutch clog Inside are random words You reach in Pull one out and see if it connects to a story in your journey in life to you someone you met

And this is our final bit right here I've done it with my left hand to give it a bit of love. Yeah. Wow, you never used that hand. Bad Celebrity Encounter. Oh, here we go. I've had a few. Wow.

Geez, I've had a few. Bad? I've had a few. Oh, let's hear. Do you have a top one? That's a top look. Let me think. I recently did a

a charity function, right, in Malibu. I was working for a charity for E.B., which is a terrible condition with the skin blisters outside. Terrible condition. E.B. E.B. Kids have it. It's a really, really. That's for real?

Yeah, it's a look at up. It's very good charity to help out, right? It just sounds awful, yeah, EB. But anyway, I was there, and I was the opening act for, Well, I was the opening act, and the closing act was pink. Oh, wow. And Pink was on after me. And I went on, and I sort of went, I went, I went, what are you having a dirty comedian on before Pink?

You never go dirty before Pink. There's not enough cranberry juice behind the bar for everyone here, blah, blah, blah. I did a lot of anal jokes. Yeah. Now, obviously, the charity is also kids get this condition. So there's a lot of kids at the charity. They love anal jokes. They love it.

They love it. Especially the albino kids. The abino. He was laughing the most. He was way at the back in the show, but he was enjoying it. And so I did that. And then afterwards I was just sitting another,

and Pink went up on stage and she apologized for me to the audience. Oh, she did. She did. She said, I'm sorry about Jim Jeffries and what he said. And then said, I don't know how his wife puts up with him. My wife was very, now once my wife heard this, she was a nightmare to live with,

knowing that Pink doesn't approve of our relationship. Really? Yeah, but then afterwards, Pink came up to me and apologized and went, I'm so sorry, can we be friends? And I said we can, and she hasn't called me since. So what type of friendship is this? Dude. When does an artist call out another artist?

I could see it if it was like the chairman of the Chamber of Commerce for Malibu. And he goes, well, I have to apologize. but for an outspoken, like, party girl, like, cutting-edge artist like her, she gave you grief? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I was too, uh, I was too offensive for Pink. That's crazy. She was very nice afterwards in the end, but it was, it was a bit weird. She apologized to me. Other than that, um, what else?

Uh, uh, oh, me and, me and the podcast I do called ATM, yeah, Amos Gill. Is that a disease as well? It means at this moment, but it's also a porn search that means ass to mouth. I found that out afterwards. Oh, like the human centipede. Yeah, yeah, ass to mouth. Okay. Anyway, so me and Amos, I said on a podcast that I thought it was funny at Trump's inauguration,

that the village people played and all these, like, you know, far right-wing Christians and stuff are all dancing to the YMCA, which is a song about having sex in the showers, which I'm having gay citizens At the YMCA At the YMCA Well I got sued By Victor Willis

Victor Willis and Karen Willis Victor Willis Victor Willis is the cop From the village people The cop Yeah You're not allowed to say The village people

Have gay overtones Anymore What about it? Undertones Yeah they said a cease and desist I'm not allowed to say That the village people And I said

What about in the Navy And macho man Macho man Mets got homosexual overtones Come on Yeah Body, got to work that body, baby. Body, body, body, body, body.

And the steam bath, body, body, body, body, pink, body, tender body. I don't know all the lyrics, but... Everybody wants to be a macho, macho man. Albao. Hey, hey, hey, hey, macho. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, I tell you what, after being, I'm having a cease and assist letter sent to me from the village people. Yeah.

I have to tell you, I listen back to all the village people. The songs are bangers. right? Yeah, they're good songs. I don't rage often, but when I rage, it's to that stuff. Yeah, yeah, you go, all right, they're fun. They're still getting played at school dances when my son goes to. They were played at school dances that I went to, right?

So since the 70s, they've had longevity. Well, you went to that old boys boarding school, right? Not to my knowledge, but I black out a lot of bad memories. Black out, black out memories, black out memories. And so I said, and I said, what about macho men? Is that one gay? And Victor Willis's wife, Karen, who was on the phone to, she said, she said, that's just about men working out in the gym. In the steam room in the gym?

There's no women in the song. And she goes, women didn't work out the gym in the 70s. She might have me there. I don't remember the 70s very well. I was born in 77. So I can't tell you a lot about it. Yeah, you're right. But she says that women didn't work out to Jane Fonda.

So I was just being misogynistic and homophobic by implying that the village people's songs were gay anthems. Your lucky pink wasn't there. But I tell you it, so TMZ picked up on the story. And Harvey Levin, who is the head of TMZ, who's a gay lawyer, he said, he's gay? He's gay. He interviewed Victor Willis from the village people,

and he went, hey, I think the songs are gay as well. And Victor Willis went, ah, there may be some overtones. Maybe some double-on-tons. You're off the gay hook. What are you buddy suing me for? You're off the gay hook, guy. I'll tell you what, to Victor Willis, right?

And to Karen Willis, who sent you the letter. Victor, okay, maybe Victor's songs aren't gay, but I'll tell you this. He never wrote a song called Karen, did he? Never wrote a song about his wife? And the rest of the band, I'll tell you for sure, the construction worker and the biker, they had to be gay, those two, they had to be.

Well, you've never heard the song, VOLVA. I love VOLVA. delicious vulva. I can't get enough of sliding in and out of vulva, balva. I mean, you don't hear it. I want to come inside a vulva. And there's never like...

You don't get it. You're right. And then like, young man, if you're short and you don't, go home to your parents or go home to your wife. See a counselor. Get help. You're going to be all right, kid. Yeah, instead it's like go to the YMCA.

You can get yourself fit. can have a good meal you can do whatever you feel yeah you want to hear a real and then when victor said to me he goes that song's just about playing basketball that's what he said to me doesn't mention basketball once yeah i think you're off it goes you might score a big three you can have a layer you can do whatever you feel except for bumming young man i think you're off the gay hawk yeah i think i oh i tell you what when i did when i said that the village people were gay anthems before Victor Willis went after me, I had no

pushback from the gay community. The gay community seemed to be okay with the village people. I think they get it. But I think what's happened is I think the village people now that they've got all the right wing people following them and all the Trump supporters and they're back in the charts because of Trump doing that day. And that dance does look like Trump's

wanking off two cops. What's he doing? He does that wanking off two cops. Oh, wow. So I think to sue him now. Well, I think so. He's making this. He's making the song's very salacious. Yeah, I think I think we're going to see you.

You got off the gay hook. He's on the gay hook. If they took me to court for it, I was going to spill out not guilty. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Slight attendant way. Yeah, yeah.

You might be preaching to the choir guy. You want to hear something? There we go. There's to say that. I didn't cheat me thing. I might residually be a member of the village people. You're looking at a guy

Really? Which one were you? Who, no word of a lie. The Mountie. Nope. I did a movie called Down Periscope and for the credits It's a movie about a submarine In the Navy.

For the final credits If you watch the movie They got the village people And they brought them to our submarine And I had to dance and sing And be in the video They recreated in the Navy And I was in it.

That song has a lyric that goes, We need more semen. I didn't think I had any more. In the Navy, you can wipe your fingers in the Navy. That's quite a pile, guy. I've had a good time. Did you have a good time here?

It looks like you had. This may be the happiest I've been on a podcast in me whole life, Hall. I think so. Before we go, ladies, Jim Jeffries, this is your moment. I have to go back and watch you dance in the Navy now. You got to watch it, Down Periscope, go on YouTube. I'm not even joking.

Me, Rob Schneider, Kelsey Grammer. We're up, they choreographed it. I'm up there dancing with the Indian, the cop. It's one of those moments you go, I couldn't believe. I grew up in Canada in the suburbs, watching that stuff on MTV. And now here I am on a submarine in San Francisco in the harbor. they've got the song playing on loudspeakers and they're telling us what to do

and I'm jumping around with all the village people the people that are suing your ass the people in San Francisco must have been very offended with that. Oh no. No, I think that was the day Pride Week started. Oh, okay. Week.

Jim, before we go, tell the folks where they... By the way, Jim, amazing stand-up comedian. You got to go see them. Tell them where they can see you, Any of your projects, your podcast, everything. I got the ATM podcast, which you just put ATM Jim Jeffries in the podcast. I got coming up in a couple of weeks, I'll be performing in Las Vegas at the Palazio Theater. And also in the week after that, I'll be at the Vic Theatre in Chicago recording my next Netflix special.

So come on to that. And apart from that, watch the snake on Fox coming out this summer, the snake. Jim, I want to say congratulations because you're one of the comics that a lot of comics get specials, but over the course of your career, you sort of have one every year or two, and you have this continual flow of prolific. Your writing's always fresh and new. You're fantastic. Thank you. Congratulations. And thank you for being on the Hala Highway podcast. Any time you want me on, brother. I've had a hell of a time. What are you doing this afternoon?

Well, next week. Liar. Folks, that's it for today. Thank you for being here. Jim Jeffreys, check out his Instagram, his website. Go see this man. Go listen to YMCA to this man. That's it for today.

Until next time, chicken chamee, baby. Wow. Hey, everybody. How would you like your very own personal video message from me, yours truly. It's your birthday, it's your anniversary, it's your graduation, or you just want me to make you laugh. You get to pick the topic, you want me to discuss, give me some talking points, and off we go. You can get it for yourself or get it for a friend. It's super easy and fun. Just go to the cameo app on your phone or to camio.com.

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