The Harland Highway - JOSH ADAM MEYERS goes over the rainbow, gives hickeys, and sings his heart out!

Episode Date: January 21, 2025

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And that was something I was I thought they were These are like the most effeminate Yeah Like looking back at it now Poison rats Cinderella

I think I think one of my first Masturbatory things Was to a picture of the band Poison Because they just all look like girls Yeah Is that weird? Is that what? Don't know

No, am I gay? Yeah, you are. You've been poisoned. You ate the gay poison and it took, guy. You're riding down the Harland Highway. All right, hold tight on the Harland Highway Show. Harland Williams. These are optional if you want them or not.

Do you do them? I'd do them because... I'll do them if you're doing. I have a beautiful, like, theme song that I play. Oh, I'd love to. to hear that you'd like to hear the theme song because they're going to come into my earphones yeah unless you want the band to show up and play it live which would be kind of probably take a couple of days if you want to sit there i'm in town until friday remember can you sit here for three

or four days till they get here or would you rather hear it in your would you be able to postmates me all my meals and would i be able to eat not really no you just have to sit here and wait for the band more extra drinks well you can have until the drinks run out or you can just hear it in these all right that's that sounds fine oh ladies and gentlemen welcome to the holly highway podcast and uh it's appropriate that you know normally i don't start the music till deep deep deep into like hour three or hour four are you go rogan style we do we do a longie yeah nice but the theme theme song usually doesn't start till we're way deep like like picture a crab walking through a basket of underpants at Ross dressed for last like that deep dude I love that you went with crab knowing up from Maryland you know to speak my language yeah the cake form love crab but the fact that you're you're immersed in music and comedy oh I love it I think it's apropos that the well you're getting into this I love this I'm gonna let it ride a little longer is there any lyrics

I think so. I'm driving down the Holland Highway. Make a left on Doheny, right on Siena. Go up to Jujonga. Miss the homeless guy that's trying to ask you for a dollar. Don't look at him because then he'll keep bothering you. There's no more music anymore, but I don't fucking need it again. Yeah, I can do this all day, dude.

You're like a second machine. So I will be getting now. royalties every time the podcast theme song is played you know the queen do i and the king really yep so you will be getting royalties do i do i do i who knows i don't know i do i do i that's why you know that's why yoda could never get married right why because he speaks backwards and every time he he got do you take this woman do i do i Oh, Yode. God bless, good old Yod.

Do you think the friends call him Yode? Yode. Yod. What's up, Yod? What's up, Mace Windew? You are how? I can do a good Yoda. Dude, you can do a good Yoda. What's the best impersonation that you can do?

Like, that you, even if it's somebody you don't even, like, people wouldn't normally know. But you still got it. Ooh, I can do. don't I Do we did that one already Come on, dude Go deep Oh how about

Mr. Magooser That's pretty good That's pretty good Or how about Like it's the minor 49ers scobe That's scoob That's the

Shaggy Yeah yeah yeah Okay That's really good Yeah Yeah And What else he got

Meryl Streep Hit me I Suck my face Suck my face With garlic butter I Garlic butter

My face Suck it Suck the pimples off my face With garlic butter Garlic butter and apple butter Apple butter Garlic butter Combined

See? I'm licking it I'm getting the Chewy little whore Wow I think those noises Sound best in a Let's just turn the rest of the podcast

Into ASMR What's that? Like this kind of stuff Like What does What does it stand for? I don't know what it stands for, but it's like that stuff where it's like

people do things into the microphone, so you'd be like, what? Yeah. Ooh. People hear that and they fall asleep to it. ASMR. Yeah, garlic butter.

Golic butter on my face. Suck the pimples. Yeah, that's a good one. Would you suck, if Merrill Street presented it to you, only if she presented it to you, would you suck her face? you would oh my god how long and how hard at least at least 15 to 25 minutes at least

and then probably at a level 7 to 7.5 strength of hardness so you're breaking blood vessels and leaving street hickeys oh yeah dude you wouldn't neck that's more necking do you remember that necking i would probably have you ever got hot rocks on your back like the massage thing where it leaves those round red welts i thought that was from the cupping The cupping, yeah, or whatever it is. Cuppings the welts, the rocks are... I don't think the rocks are putting burning rocks on your back. Well, they did to me.

Yeah. But I would suck Streep's face so hard in multiple areas that she had the cupping well. So she had big, red weld, like she looked like a polka dot bathing suit. Have you ever gotten hickies on you? Like, have you ever had, like, in a good makeout session? Yeah. Is it embarrassing?

Do you feel embarrassed? I remember being in the... like middle school and like high school and I went to camp and I got that done. I didn't really, I thought it was like a like a like a badge of honor. Yeah, I think it is. You should be because it proves you made out, right? Yes, it does. It proves it.

And people are always questioning that a lot of times. They look at me and they're like, he doesn't get anything. It's weird the concept of a woman doing it though, because it's quite aggressive. Like for a woman to kind of put her lips on you and just you have to suck pretty hard to sort of break those blood vessels, right? Yeah, you really do. Like you're bruising. give me a hickie right now right now yeah give me a hickie okay bill bill hickie yeah okay

that's i'll give you now you guys said uh who's another who's a guy that killed he doesn't there a president assassinator that was like a hickie oh john hinkley jr john hickley junior yeah he shot he popped reagan he did he popped ragan he what if he didn't shoot him he just ran up to him and he just gave him a hickie The hickie to president. I recently, not too long ago, had a girl asked me to give her a hickie. Really?

Yeah, it was pretty weird because right away, we both went to high school for the hickie thing, right? So to do it as an adult, it's a bit of an interesting... She wanted it. Yeah. Did you give it to her? I tried. It's not that hard.

Is it? Is it difficult? Depending on... I mean, is it the older you get? Is it, like, harder to get a hickie? Like, are, like, can, like, an 80s? five-year-old like you know how they always say like people in the retirement homes in those

communities they're like fucking like crazy did you know that like syphilis and gonorrhea are running run rampant in old folks homes did you know that they're having sex up at prune manor fucking diuretic dynasty dude they are

they are flowing they are fucking can we cost on this they're you can say whatever you want they are they're humping I'll try to clean it up The seniors. I don't know if I want to have sexual intercourse with someone. And when you put it in, a dust cloud comes out. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of like, you know, when you open an attic door and there's a, who's a little like, a little dust. I don't know. And moths. Do you really want to get fallacious and there's moths coming out?

Like John Coffey from the Green Mile. But also like you're at that age. Like you're in a community where you're almost, you know, going there to die. Oh, yeah. You're being, and you're, and with a bunch of other people that are all the same age. Yeah.

And it's not like you can drive anymore. So if one of the, one of the, like a woman across the hallway, this, Miss Featherbottom, let's call her. Yeah. Sure. Um, she's, you know, 82. Yeah. You're 86. Yeah.

You know, you guys are going to bed between four to five p.m. every night, waking up at three a.m. you know what I wondered the most too is I've always wondered this as a younger person when you like to picture you or I with an old lady like in her 80s or 90s it's now it's like you would never right now right but when you get to that age that the ladies at like let's say you're both 85 or 90 I always wondered does the attraction to someone your same age is it's a still is heightened as to when you're 25 and you're attracted to another 25 year old. In other words, do old people get sort of repulsed by the oldness or because they're there with it? Are they still like extremely turned on by it? Okay. Now, am I, I'm 45. Okay. Am I attracted to 45 year old women? Yes. Yeah. Do, would I rather be with a woman in her mid, uh, late 20? yes yeah you would um so i think i think you could still be attracted i think i mean do we have an eighty four year old guy that we could call do we know anybody isn't tom dreeson i deleted i deleted them

all out of my phone why would you ever call they don't know how to work a cell phone i just i don't like calling old guys and i've had four or five die in the middle of the call so i'm just i'm too traumatized i can't call anyone over 68 no i've had 12 people die in the middle of a call. But what about your family? When you call your family. My dad was one of them twice. He died, yeah.

He died. They revived him in seven weeks later. He did it again, the son of a bitch. Oh, my God. Yeah, I passed away. You're talking about baseball and dad? Dad, you know, sometimes someone doesn't talk for 10 minutes. They found him.

They went into the house. His forehead was on the phone and he dialed a pizza joint. No, he didn't. When he hit the, when his phone, his head hit the phone and he dialed the pizza. Did the pizza guy revive him? No, the guy revived him? No, the guy. was at the door he was knocking for four days he was waiting for the band to come by but i would

think i think you like i think you might as you get old like an 80 year old you would be attracted to an 80 year old girl i wonder if what i'm asking is i wonder if that's in our DNA if we're wired that way of course we'd be attracted to younger sure more nubile women or men but i wonder if because we are designed to survive, I wonder if it's built into our DNA as human beings that we are attracted to the age sect that we are in. I don't know, man. It's an interesting question. Well, look, you're telling me these places, these old folks' homes are rampant with senior

sex. Because I don't think there's anything to do. I think it's more that it's like, it's just like, dude, we could either go play Yotsie again or we could fuck. Yeah, but come on. Even when you're nine, when I'm 90, if I see Prune Zelda sitting there, and she's got more varicose veins than a roadmap to Bakersfield, and her sorriasis, she looks like,

she looks like with all the psoriasis and she looks like Ben Grimm eating Apple Cobbler. Like, I'm not going there, guy. Keep going. I'm seeing it, dude. I'd rather find, like, a hammer hole in the drywall. You know what I mean? Like, I'm not. So they, you've got to figure there must be.

be some level of sexual desire where the oldies are like, you know what, I'm still attracted to that. And my question is, and I keep hammering at home, are they attracted to that because their ages are similar? Are we, are we, are we wired that way? It's an interesting question. It is an interesting question. I think you have to ask somebody that's 84, but we can't call anybody because you deleted them all out of your numbers. Well, I had to. They kept passing away. Yeah. I called, I called my grandfather. about three months ago he was driving and we were just talking he was going to pick up groceries and I had to be to talk about trauma for me I had to be on the line while he was crashing

through the grocery store he went right down aisle the aisle with all the soup my grandfather the soup aisle the soup and the pickles and the spices that is that is that's my favorite aisle and you can hear children and shopping carts and dude I will not fold it full it and oldie. Who is that? Who's the oldest person you know? Like that you know. Who's the oldest person that you, like?

I talked about it on the podcast a few months ago. My uncle Bill. Okay. My dad's brother. He in a few weeks is going to be 101 years old. Okay. Was in World War II in the Royal Canadian Air Force. Flew bomber runs over Germany, about 45 of them,

as a tail gunner and live. and he's 101, still lives by himself. Sharp? Sharp as it still walks around, still gets his own groceries. You can talk to him about anything. Does he have sex? I don't think so. Could we call him and ask him if another 100,

of a 100-year-old woman to give him a little younger? Here's why I think I can say he doesn't. My Uncle Bill is such a pure, wonderful gentleman of a guy. His wife passed away. and in life, she was crippled. She wasn't crippled when they got married, but when they got married, she suffered a disease in her spine.

And this, I've never seen a more doting man. He would carry her everywhere, bring her her meals. One of the most wonderful guys I've ever met. And so I think when she passed, I couldn't see him ever touching anyone. I could be wrong, but I don't think he would. Good for him, man. He was such a devoted guy, yeah.

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i really know because me and my sister have to help her out but she's like she's not sharp at all anymore like she's getting like she's literally these like african uh what do you call them the The scammers, the African, like, scammers. Like, she's been scammed. She's laundering money for these, I swear to God. From Nairobi and stuff, yeah. She's literally laundering hundreds of thousands of dollars thinking she's getting publishers clearinghouse.

Yeah, yeah. And she's doing a good job. She's a kingpin at this point. She's killing it for them. Dude, she, like, I mean, the stuff that she's gotten sent to her house that then she sends or deposits, it's, it's, she is. She's like the movie Blow. Like she's literally that character.

She's like a coyote. She's a mule. She's a mule. Yeah. She is a mule. My aunt Shirley, so. And Shirley, if you need some good, give Shirley a call. Shirley's probably got it, dude.

Yeah. Well, folks, Josh Adam Myers is here and one of my comedian buddies, we've been kicking around a long time doing shows. And out of all my comedian friends, Josh is like extremely musical. You do a show called Jam in the... God damn. The goddamn comedy jam. Yeah.

That was the show that kind of started it, where comedians do stand up and then they sing a cover song with my band. Nice. Here, come on, both of us. Make it musical. You go high, I'll go low. Wow.

That's how I said. Oh, wow. You're like a foghorn. You're like a ship in the night. Let me hear yours. Take me there. Wow. Yeah, I did.

And so I sip. Even your sipping is musical. It's the musical fruit. Why are you so musical? Talk to me, Guy. What is it about you as a kid growing up? Like, you got obviously the musical thing in you. What is it?

Where does it come from? I think I just was, I could hear, I mean, I used to be like, before my voice got all raspy, I could hear something and like almost redo it. You know what I mean? So I used to do a lot of impersonations. And singing, I used to like hear the guy singing and I would just try to duplicate it.

And so musically, it just at a very, very young age, I just was, you know, that was like I loved, I loved sports. I loved, you know, video games like normal kids. Yeah. But I just was so attracted to music. And also I thought it was, I thought it was so crazy because I was born in 79.

So like when I was. growing up it was all like hair metal yeah and that was something i was i thought they were these are like the most effeminate yeah like looking back at it now poison rats cinderella i think i think one of my first masturbatory things was to a picture of the band poison because they just all look like girls yeah is that weird is that don't know no am i gay yeah y'all are you've been poisoned you get you ate the gay poison and it took guy um what what is what is a lyric that stuck with you over the course of your life because you're obviously a music guy what's a lyric that that absolutely moves you like what's a lyric from a popular song we either know it or we

don't but just like you hear that and it actually like moves you to be emotional do you have anything i don't know if it's a lyric but i can tell you a song what is it that that makes me cry every time. There's two of them. It makes you honestly cry. Vincent by Don McLean, the one that's starry, starry nine. Yeah.

Be babu, new me. I don't know words. That's the problem. You asked me to do lyrics and I've never learned. I know choruses. Okay, but it's like as far as like the verse or anything,

I generally, I don't, when I hear the music, I only hear like the phonetic sound of what they're doing. I see. And sometimes I have to really sit there and read the lyrics. So what is it about that one that makes you

I think it's about, I think it's the, you know, it's really that part where it's like the bridge where he's like, and on that story, story night, you took your life as lovers off and do, but I could never something, Vincent, this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you. You. I love that, yeah. That always makes me cry. That's a heavy there.

This world was never meant for someone as beautiful as you. Yeah. And it's crazy that we're sitting here in front of the sunflowers. Sunflowers. Because that was what Vincent Van Gogh, I think it was like a famous thing that he. Yeah, he did a famous painting. That's it right there, right?

This is, well, if you're inebriated, it turns into that. But right now they're just straight sunflowers. I'm drinking the mood juice. So I mean, hold on. Give me cheers. Come on. Oh, cheers for fears, buddy. Something happens and I'm head over here.

You really don't know lyrics. God. I, I, damn, my friend has to squeeze. I, I went to go see them at,

at Madison Square Garden. Oh, Tears for Fear. So good. You know what's funny is that I'm at the gym, and there's a guy that was at my gym I used to talk to about concerts. And I'm like, I'm going to see Tears for Fears in the garden.

And this woman's walking up as she's checking in. And she says, and she says, Tears for Fears is headlining the garden. garden and I'm like yeah she's like they can sell that out and I in that moment I was like yeah I guess so yeah but I was I didn't know and then I go to the show I went by myself and I took a light dose of of mushrooms and mescaline whoa which is the guy that sponsors my show shimmy at the comedy store he brings it out and he's probably giving you some too so

I won't tell everybody that you got any don't worry you don't got me you did but you know the time I got the um but then I but I so I was in the right mood to just be like to still like really like vibe out and connect to the music they went up i think i cried from the moment they walked on stage until they ended with shut i didn't cry during shout but i definitely excuse me cried during like everybody wants to rule the world and head over head over heels yeah i love pale shelter which one's that you don't give me love you give me pale shelter oh yeah really there's there's a a line in that where um there's a line in that that actually really moves me where he goes um

he just goes um i ask for more and more and then he goes i'm calling you i'm calling you like it's just like it's very sorrowful and mournful is that off the record songs from the big chair i think like one of the early ones yeah yeah you've got to hear um pale shelter it's one of their it's it's such a great tune i know they're hits and I know like what they usually play at a concert and if they did do do pale shelter I would I probably do know it I just don't remember yeah I'm not probably singing it well but you're killing you're doing a great job you sing and you also we should give ever give a Harlan the shout out because eclectically

musically you've sang do you know the songs that you've sang at the gym at the jam not the gym yeah I sang um carry on wayward son by Kansas yep war pigs by black Sabbath Oh, that's one of my favorites, dude. Yeah. Space Audity by Bowie. That one moves. You've done... Not a puppy love.

I did Donnie Osmond, not a puppy love. I did Eyes Without a Face by Billy Idol. You did. You did that at the, at the, uh, you've done Kung Fu fighting. Um, you did. Did I? Yes, you did. Oh, wow.

Kung Fu fighting. And then I just did, uh, stray cat strut. Yep. By the stray cats. Yeah, man. It's, we've had fun. What makes you choose? choose the song that you choose when you do the jam.

I like songs that sort of I've sang in the car when I'm driving and I know I can actually maybe sing them. Or I like songs that sort of move me emotionally a little bit like because it, it sparks something from my past or whatever. What moves you? What songs like? Because the two that Vincent is the number one for sure. I can't listen to it or I'll cry.

The other one, it's just my favorite song ever is. Stardust, the Nat King Cole version. Oh, wow. You know that one? It's such a standard, you know, I love that song so much. The one I have that's really unexpected, and I'm going to read you the lyrics, because it caught me so by surprise. I'm not a huge fan of some of the more modern music, like Katie Perry and that whole group. And Rihanna's got a beautiful voice, but Umbrella Ella Ella.

It was never really my jam. Sure. A little simple, but then one day I'm in the car and I'm listening to a Rihanna song and there's a line in it that dude, it almost moves me to tears. Like I don't know if I've ever had a song like just hearing the words like pushed me to. I'm excited. And I think it's based on a life lived with relationships with women and, you know, we've all had relationships that have come and gone and failed and succeeded and you've wanted them to, you know,

you look at the fault at who did what and and these lyrics to me just um i'll read them to you and see see if they impact you take me there um so i'm just going to read a part of it and this is from i want you to stay riana and uh she i think it's a duet with another guy okay but she goes ooh the reason i hold on ooh because i need this hole gone well funny you're the broken one but I'm the only one who needed saving. Funny, you're the broken one, but I'm the only one that needed saving. Like, it's just so probably, like...

Are you singing somewhere over the rainbow? Is that the same song? Maybe it was a little bit. That's where you'll find me. Somewhere over the rainbow. Bluebird sing That's where we will run to And then a crow comes and fucks it all up

But I love that that long funny I'm the, wait, what, wait, I just, it just moved you And when you hear sure sing it, well, funny, you're the broken one but I'm the only one who needed saving. What do you think that means? I don't know. It seems to me like when you get in a relationship sometimes, you think you're the whole one.

You think they're the problem or they need the help. Or you're the rock. You're the stability in the relationship. And you're carrying them. And then you know they're broken. And so there's been time, where I've probably thought, okay, I'm, I'm the pillar for that person. But then you realize we all, we all have our holes and we all have faults. Yes. And that we're all broken to

a degree. Sure. And to hear it verbalized and to, to hear it sang like that. It just, it really like, it was really powerful because I think we're all like that. I think we've all been in relationships where we felt maybe we were the stronger one, but we were, maybe we weren't. Maybe we were the broken one what if i've always thought that i was the broken one okay yeah yeah i've always i've i've only had two real girlfriends though okay so but they're both were like three year relationships okay um but i definitely think they were probably well one of them not so much i think we were both pretty broken um actually both of i think everybody we were just fucking let me change the lyrics change it to match me now okay well funny you're the broken one i'm

broken too we're both fucking broken we're on the side of the road and nobody's stopping we're so damn broken our legs are shattered in four places we can't even walk we are so broken they won't even put us on a gurney because our bodies will fall apart we have no skeletal structure left we are so fucking broken that's you and your girlfriend sing that sing that like somewhere over the rainbow fucking broken so broken no skeletal structure we're

burning we're so very broken my knee is broken toes are broken leg is broken neck is broken broken

now you my legs are snapped my spine is gone my scapulas are snapped in half. I'm broken, broke somewhere over the hospital. Please put me out of my misery. I'm so broken.

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and 100% free shipping code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. Good. Damn, dude. All right, so I just broke my hand.

I'm broken again. All right. So how about this we go we go from relationships to a lyric to you that is like extremely sexy like a thing that wow you would sing into a girl's ear like just like like a beautifully sexy have you done that before yeah what lyric oh it's from the doors song you love the door crystal ship you want to hear the lyric yeah and then let's talk about the doors for a second because i just rewatched the movie ready yeah be

Before you slip into unconsciousness, I'd like to grab another kiss, another yearning chance at bliss, another kiss. Damn, dude. don't you love the doors you did the podcast the 500 podcast where we would go through the Rolling Stone magazine's list of the 500 greatest albums you did that during COVID remember

yeah because the whole story of you and the doors I'm really after watching that movie I've really liked them even more even though that scene though where he's at the Andy Warhol party and he's getting the blow job and he's like it's just zoned on acid it's just a little

it's so Oliver Stoney you know what I mean yeah yeah over the top and, you know, great movie. But I think, like, when you do a band like The Doors, you kind of have to get a director like Oliver Stone to really capture. Yeah, because they were over the top, and he was. But I just love a lyric, though, like the way he says,

before you slip into unconsciousness, I'd like to have another kiss. Because with that lyric, you can sort of paint the picture of the whole night. Was it full of drinking and debauchery? Like, you know there must have been a lot of activity if she and him or they're both about to slip into unconsciousness.

And you've probably got to assume a gym with the drinking. The unconsciousness refers to drinking. So sometimes a drunken kiss can be the most beautiful kiss you'll ever have because everything's just sort of swimming. And when you put your lips on the mouth of that girl who's feeling the same,

so that song, it's just beautiful. I miss a good drunken, like, because it's been, my God, December, December 8th, yeah, 2006 was the last time I drank on a regular basis. Well, don't let this get you back into it. I'm not. Do you think this is what's going to do it? A kiss. I'm having fun.

If this was depressing, I would be like, all right, maybe I have a drink and just if I can deal with this. No. This is fun. Yeah. But I miss that. I miss drunken sex. I miss like, that's such a good.

You're 100% right. Yeah. That lyric's great. And it takes me back. It makes me remember being in Baltimore and just like you're at a bar and you're just like, yeah. Yeah. And you're just,

okay. Now that I'm going to say is a bit sloppy. I never liked it sloppy. You like sloppy? I liked it when drunkenness kind of drifted into more poetic. So like you're saying like a nice date. You're having a nice dinner. You've had a couple glasses of wine.

You're a little bubbly. And then you almost like you just, you're talking and something you look at each other. And it's just because, you're both inebriated you just it could be that or it could be a night of total debauchery but when that final moment

comes no matter where you are it's almost like this peaceful dome of poetry and romance descends upon you I didn't have that ever mine was always like oh yeah okay this doesn't apply to you this isn't for you

this here that's not for you you never got sloppy oh yeah but I'm talking about the beautiful poetic moments where it's beautiful and it's it's it's like sloppy can be beautiful sloppy yeah sloppy but when you say sloppy i see your tongue hangers like and then i smell liquor breath and cigarettes and she's not really mentally there what i'm saying is when you kind of got on that drunk and you sort of floated into that mystical artistic poetic place and it was it was more like harmonious and and sort of mystical

you know, versus just kind of, hey, baby, let's get it all, you know. You know what, you're a funny story because I can pinpoint exactly that moment. So I was, so I was living in Baltimore. I'm a senior in college. I was dating this. Yeah, definitely there's this. Here we get, Baltimore. Here we go.

Yeah, Baltimore. Don't let me interrupt your story. Come on. So this girl, we were, we took a class together and. What was the class? It was dance for the camera. It was, I was a senior. And she was a freshman in college.

Sure this wasn't a guy? She had, the guy had great boobs. I'll tell you that much. Dance for the class. Dance for the camera. That is not. Film student, film, hear me out.

Hear me. Guys only. Go on, dude. You just outed yourself. 2025, dude. Trust me. No, sorry. It might get me a Netflix special.

So I. Hey, everybody. My brand new book, Uncle Milton is here at last. It's a collection of strange but wonderful. short stories and you can read that along with some of my other books. I bet you didn't know that I wrote books, did you? It's a little secret I've had. We have craved with zombie stories and we have journeys, people's harrowing tales of their journeys through life, sex in and Satan where we explore some darker themes and don't look under the bed, some Twilight Zone S stories for

bedtime reading at Harlan Williams.com. So I'll explain this. Actually, it was dance majors and film majors. The dance majors would design a choreograph and then the dance the film majors would shoot it. Okay. We basically make like a music video of what they did. It was a conjunction class. Okay. And she was one of the dancers in it and we had hooked up a few times.

But then something happened. I think she went back to her ex-boyfriend and then months later, we're like, I don't know what it was. I think I saw her and we were, we started talking and I said, we should go out. She's like, yeah, I'm not talking to the guy anymore. I'd love to. And there was this nightclub in downtown Baltimore called the Talking Head. And it was like a real hipstery vibe, you know, like, like Natty Bo, five, you know, dollar beers and stuff like that.

And it was just, and they would do these shows called Taxlo every Monday where it was basically they'd pay like Joy Division and Block Party. Just very like the cure, like Depeche Mode, like danceable 80s or post-punk music. Yeah, yeah. And so we went. Yeah, dude. And we went and, and, uh, the. the night before she had gone to this concert, this panic at the disco concert, right?

And she was so excited. They were like the hot band at the time. And I pick her up from, because she's staying down on campus, and I pick her up and I take her downtown. She's got this bag. And I'm like, all right,

so do you want to go drop that bag off before you, we go to the talking head? And she's like, no, don't worry about. I got nothing in there. And so I'm like,

okay. So we go to the club and we're dancing and we're drinking and it's just, we're having the best time. And just like you're saying, it's that like you're inebriating. you're bubbly you're feeling good and then we just start like kissing suddenly later into the night and it's like and she whispers something like very sexy into my ear like let's go back to your place

like like I want you whatever it was there's just something very sexy and I'm just like done and then we go out to my car and my I have a jeep wrangler and one of my windows is unzipped and I'm like oh no just somebody break into my car and I go to my car I go to my car I search. I'm like, all right, my stereo is there. My stuff is there. My coat. My school bag with all my books. I'm good. And she goes, my bag's gone. She starts choking up. I'm like, oh, you said it was like only like a toothbrush. She goes, no, it was my my wallet with my credit cards and my passport and my social security card. I mean, it was everything. My grandmother's antique emulate and the this and the that and the this and my panic at the disco shirt. And

And so that was it. I had to take her back to the dorm. She was so sad. And then I still tried, you know what I mean? Like, I still tried to get a little nooky, but it just couldn't. It was over. Have you ever heard the term missed the point of the story? Yeah.

Why? Did I? Dude. What I didn't miss it. This is the most depressing. It started that way. It was supposed to lead to you on a ledge with the moon. It could have.

hear about your beautiful kiss. That was it. And now I got El Depresso on the dorm. She's like lost all her shit. There wasn't even a kiss involved. I said there was a kiss. I just feel depressed. I want to go to an old folks home right now and plow a 80 year old.

I'm like, dude. I told you it was that moment and then we had the moment. You didn't. We were at the club. And then you went out of the club. You weren't paying attention to that part. You only heard the break in. But then you never had the beautiful.

Yes, we did. At the club, I told you, at the club, it was that like, we were drunk, we were bubbly, we were feeling it. And then we leaned in, we made out. It was so beautiful. I should have stepped that up more, shouldn't I have? I should have really stayed on that part longer. Because the break-in was funnier. By the way, you know you're never getting any action when you have a car that unzips.

I know. Who the fuck came up with that car? Gumbi? Jump in, baby. Sh-h-h-z-z-z-h. Can you roll my... Let me roll the window down. It was literally like that.

It was like a flapping. I know. It's like you zip the window down. Oh, and when it got... The funny thing was the first, because when I first got that Jeep, by the way, by the way, the Jeep color, no bullshit, was pink. It was a pink. It was a...

She didn't lose the bag. She didn't want anything to do with you. A zip-up car on its pink. And you're taking night dance classes? Dude, you're definitely gay. That's why it didn't work out. What the hell? What if I figured it out in this moment?

Yeah. I'm glad I could help. Come on. Let's get bubbly. Let's get hickies. Let me hickie your neck real quick. Dude, what are you doing with your tongue? I don't want to see that.

I have a good tongue. I know, but now I got a picture it in places I don't want to see. Dude. Who the hell invented a zip-up car? Jeep? I mean, it was a Jeep Wrangler. It was a soft top. Can we just relive the board meeting, okay?

Yes, do it. You be the boss, and I'll be the guy. Mr. Jenkins. Yes. Now, hear me out, sir. I have a brilliant new proposal for our next line of jeeps. All right, let me hear it. We already have the hard top.

We already have the convertible. Mm-hmm. We already have the Wrangler that can drive over rocks and through mountains and can take dings and dangs and, you know, it's built like a tank. Mm-hmm. How about this, sir? Can I ask you to look down between your legs at your crotch? What do you see on your jeans there, sir?

I got a zipper fly. The new Jeep Wrangler. Sir, stay with me. I'm sorry. We zip it open. You get in. It's got to fly. I'm listening.

And it's pink. How fast can we get it into production? It doesn't move. It's gay. It has no engine. It just sits there. You turn it on. It's like, vroom.

Vroom. Vroom. Yeah. was a pretty gay car i just i was i couldn't i broke character because that was just you're that's hilarious the way your brain thinks is is like it's your 10 steps ahead of what the joke is it's really smart never ever tell you that wait what joke just the zipper you like did look down to know exactly the the funniest place where a zipper would be is on your pants what if i would have said button fly i thought about that for a second i was like should i should i throw him a curveball and say i got a

Dude, you would have fucked it off. Well, that's why I went with it. Like the way you did the original story. That story's gold, by the way. Okay, let me ask you this. Okay, what are you got? Because I want to stay on this, because music is such a part of our lives

and your life in particular. And now music, the set, which is so great, it's so great. And it's like, I'm having so much fun on stage right now, especially because my set is, so, dude, do it on beat. Give me like a, give me like a, like a, like a, like a,

It's hard, dude. Wait, you do the drums. I know it hurts, dude. It's tough because of the can. But my set now is like even with when I don't, like I'm really excited to be here in L.A. for the week because I haven't really, Every time I come here, I only do the jam and I do shimmy.

Yeah. But in New York, I'm working all the clubs, and my set has changed so much. Where now what I do in the jam is what I do all the time. So even if I don't have a band, I use, like, the audience as my, like, band. It's really cool. It's really fun. Like, I don't know if it's, if it's stand-up comedy anymore, but it's like. Well, it's, it's comedy, but it's a different sort of art form because you, look, how many stand-up comedians

incorporate music like that? You're kind of defining your own sort of genre. Sure. It's pretty cool. I don't like I don't, because I would never even call myself a musical comedian because I think there's, there's like, there's the people that are like, this is a song about, you know, giving a, giving a hand job, like, don't forget about the balls. Like, which is a great song, by the way.

It is. If anyone wants to take that joke, feel free. Yeah. I just think that, I think that what, you know, because I was singing before I started doing the jam and it wasn't like I was singing to be like musical it's just that's just what i heard yeah you know what i mean and somebody once said to me like lean into whatever you are and the more you lean into it is like that's when you get to become the comic you want to be so so i was sarah tiana said that and i and i've never that was probably the best advice i've ever gotten and the only advice i give to people is like just

lean into whatever you are as hard as you can and it'll like because i think when you lean into whoever you are you find the place you like the most you know what i mean like you music is such a big part of you. So for you to lean into it and bring it into your comedy, it's a great marriage. And I feel very comfortable in that, like more than I would, more than I would just,

because I used to just be up there and just be like, blah blah, blah, blah, blah. And I did fine. I got shit that way. But it's like I have way more fun being myself. Oh, yeah. You're in your L. You can see you're up there freaking loving it.

Love it. Yeah. A buddy of mine said that. He goes, he was like, you need to, you know, you're doing comedy. you're great and you're comfortable, but when you're doing music, he's like, so figure out a way to merge both of those.

Yeah, you've done it. Thank you. Well, let's go back to the, since you really didn't have a super intimate, like, drunk moment. I've had other ones. I thought that story was like the gold one because of the break-end. I thought that was funny. Well, I think it turned into more of a break-in story than a drunk kissing story.

Do you have any break-in stories? Well, wait, I won't. I wanted to ask you first because I wanted to see, because I want to stay on the theme of romance. Okay. Because it's a common question. Do you ever remember a song in your life that you sort of lost your virginity to? Was there a song swirling around in those days that you can sort of pinpoint to?

I think playing in the background, I remember when I lost my virginity. I don't even remember her name either. Really? I think her name was Jen. Oh, I thought you meant she was a North Carolina. American Indian girl. I don't even remember her name.

That was her name? Yeah. This is don't remember her name. Yeah. She was a girl from Myrtle Beach. She was a beach girl. It's a beach girl. We were, we were drinking.

We were down there for like senior week. I was, I was 18. Wow. What was popular? I think it was like Chumba Wamba might have been playing. Oh, wow. Like tub thumping. But there was no like,

song in particular that you sort of associate directly with the moment? I, not with that one. You know what I did? It's, this is, it's not off topic, but okay. Do we go there?

Talk to me, guy. So everybody, that we were all hanging out, we're drinking. Everybody knew that me and her were going to hook up. And so they all left the hotel room. And so we get on the bed and we get naked.

And then I'm like, wait, wait here. And then I run outside to zip up the gym. because a storm was coming. Oh, dude. You got to get a new car. No, what happened?

I'll just say right here. I went to the ice box and I got some, I got an ice cube. Yeah, and I brought it over and I like, I like rubbed it on her vagina because I thought that she would enjoy it. Right. Like, so I froze her buzzing. You went to the ice machine You got one ice cube

Okay You couldn't just got a bucket You got one cue I mean maybe I got like three or four Just in case Because you weren't slippery It could like You ever had it

It was like So the The desired effect Was to freeze the said area I thought it would feel I thought it would feel good To her I thought she would

You know From watching like Cinemax And you know Like the Mickey Rourke movies Like the Wild Orchid in the nine and a half weeks. I thought that women would like that.

So you're on a tropical warm beach. And how did... She called South Carolina tropical? Well, a beach. Yeah. You know, you associate a beach with warm weather, not necessarily ice. Yeah.

But how was the reaction? How was the ice on said area received? Good. I think so, yeah. Did she say anything? He's like, ooh, that's cold. Maybe. I don't think it was like, I don't think she didn't enjoy it.

Yeah. But, I mean, God damn, that was so long ago. Wow. We should call her, shouldn't we? She's probably in the seniors home now. I had a girl do that once, like put, put, like stuffed ice in her belt like a chipmunk. Oh, yeah, I've had that too. Put it in and I didn't think I'd like it, but it was, it was okay.

I think I remember I like that. There was a girl I dated and she would do the same thing. She would drink cold water too. And you were like, wow. Yeah, dude. Cold water, mama. Oh, baby. Dude.

Is there a song in your life that was a pivotal song that sort of inspired you or moved you or directed you into what you do career-wise or relationship-wise? Or was there a song that sort of just had a really powerful moment? Motivational force for you, or no? The life-changingest moment with music and me and me wanting to, there's two of hearing something. I don't know if it's a song in particular, but definitely a band and an album.

Okay, what was it? Appetite for destruction. Don't tell me. Appetite for destruction. Oh, Guns and Roses. Yep. Yeah. I heard that.

It was on the raid. DC 101 plays. that album all in its entirety yeah i was seven wow and i still remember them playing it and being like this is the coolest thing i had ever heard yeah and that was when i was like i really started like i was singing before that but then i really started like getting really into rock and roll and and wow and really falling in love with it and then when i really decided that i could do it yeah was delivering flyers when i was 14 yeah excuse me and um on the radio in the guy's car he was listening to 991 w hfs which is the dc

rock station stone temple pilots yeah do you remember plush when i see the times oh yeah yeah where you go and that dude that when i heard that song i was like i can do that and that was when i started being like oh i want to get into bands See, that's what I was wondering. Like, that's a big thing. When one piece of music or one pushes you, because in a way, you're in the comedy world, but you're sort of in the music world, too.

I sometimes, like, I want to make, like, an actual, just a music album and not have anything funny about it. Yeah. I would love to do that. And when I was down in Nashville, um, a week or so ago, go ahead, go ahead. ASMR, dude. Yeah. Something's wrong.

Yeah. A lot. Something is wrong. A lot. Hold on. I like that one. You were doing one of those? Yeah, that's like a nice summer sitting on a porch in Georgia, just watching people go by on the street.

Racism. Georgia. Is there racism there? I think so. What? What happened? I don't know. You know, white people.

black people. They don't get along all the time. That's the night that the lights went out in Georgia. That's a night that they hung in an innocent man. See, it all comes back to music with you. Oh, dude. The devil went down to Georgia with the banjo on a thing. Oh, dude.

Yeah, dude. Can you play those at my funeral? What, those two songs? No, just you doing the version. of those singing them at cappella yeah yeah when are you dying guy i'm open next week there's a good chance what day i'm open i got thursday open thursday i'm busy i got something on thursday so it'll be like a friday it'll be a saturday probably let me see if i can move a few things please what time you're thinking of dying well if i die at noon the funeral won't be till the next day because i'm jewish

oh sunday i'm open i've got sunday yeah i'm there perfect perfect oh great yeah this worked out Will you, if I do die, will you definitely do that? I just said I would. Okay, but I mean it for real. Hey, everybody, how would you like your very own personal video message from me, yours truly? It's your birthday, it's your anniversary, it's your graduation, or you just want me to make you laugh. You get to pick the topic. You want me to discuss.

Give me some talking points. And off we go. You can get it for yourself or get it for a friend. It's super easy and fun. Just go to the Cameo app on your phone or to Cameo.com. And I record a custom video made just for you or your loved one. Your very own personalized Harland. Yeah, this Sunday.

But I mean it. Like, if not, no joke, if I die in the next 10 to 15 years and you're still alive, remember this moment. Yeah. It's on film. It's on film. Yeah. At my funeral.

That's a night that the lights run out. in Georgia. And you'll play that, just like that. Well, I can do it like this. Yes, yes, yes. That's a night that they hung an innocent man. Oh, please do that. And then the devil went down to Georgia, Annie.

What's a, I don't know. You don't know lyrics. Why I'm asking you? You just make them out. How do you not know lyrics? Because I'm not really that smart. But don't you hear them like in repetition in your head on the radio? I only hear like.

I'm flabbergasted. You don't know lyrics. I hear like the, like the, like, you know, like, all right, so when I sing Enner Sandman, yeah. I just, you know, I think what I say, like, I say your prayer, say your prayer, say your fucking prayer. Say your prayer. I say my prayer, say your prayer, say your prayer, say your prayer. Say your prayer.

Then I know this part. Sleep with one eye open. Gripping his pillow, died. Exit light Exit night Take my head Off to never never let But I just do say your prayer for the voice

You know just And I don't don't get weirded out But you know I predicated this whole episode On you knowing song lyrics You should have run it by me first I can sing the song without the right lyrics. I know some lyric. What do you want to do with the rest of the time then?

I don't know. I'm really into, like, kinetic energy, just, like, sitting quietly and feeling another person. Are you into that? I can do it. Right. Kinetically. Do you hear what I'm saying?

Hold on. dude feel this oh you just unzip me the whole thing i feel like i've been me jeep jeep what a great car man you're a great car i know you too i wasn't finished okay i was sitting here trying to like have a quiet kinetic moment with you and you started blabbing Dude, can we just please? Genetic. I'm laughing. Laughing is silent.

Genetic. That felt good. I picked up a lot on you. I picked up a lot on you too. Do you want to know about yourself? Please, unzip me. Okay. You might not have known this.

You'd love broccoli salad. And you're a Scorpio. Yes. November 14th. Yeah, dude. Right? Both of us. We're both November 14.

What time? I can be there at about eight. Dude, isn't it weird that we're Scorpio's? I mean, do you think it really dictates, like, who we are and all this stuff? I mean, you're a little bit more into the, ethereal. Yeah, I think so, right? I guess, I mean, I don't subscribe to it. I'm not like Mr. Astronomy guy,

but what I've always thought is, you know, there's seven billion people on planet Earth. I think there's nine now. Okay, nine. And they say there's like 20 trillion universes and five quadrillion infinity stars. So why do me and you have to share a Scorpio? Why can't I just look up and go,

hey, there's me, Wopper with cheese? And then you have a Scorpio, and the other guy can be, hey, there's me, a pine tree. There's me, the scotch pine. Why do you get burger with cheese and I get Scorpio? Well, I was just saying, like, that's what I mean. There's so many stars. Couldn't we all just have our own, like, hey, what's your sign?

Oh, uh, tampon. You know? Like, there's enough stars we can get a little creative. Why do we only have 12 freaking star signs? Every kid born, there's enough stars to give them 50. Yeah, yeah, I guess, but also, like, I'm just trying if I can say, you defend it. Is it because, like, when we, when the Earth shifts around, we go back to that same grouping? I don't know.

I go out at night. I see trillions of stars. Trillions? Hey, what's your sign? Oh, zip up Jeep. See, the pink one right there with the missing nap sack. But don't you think? I'm a missing nap sack.

You're the missing knapsack romance. Oh, man, that never, that was... Can we do a song about the missing knapsack? Sure. Like a nice, soft sort of love song? Sure. Like, how do you... I'll start it with a verse, and then you'd do a verse, and we'll just swap verses.

Okay, cool. I saw you at the club. I think I was falling in love. I put my arm around you, and I asked you outside. I asked you if you wanted to take you. Take a long ride. And then we walked to the car under the stars. We didn't get very far.

We were feeling chipper. Then I noticed that my Zip was unzipper. Someone stole your bag. So I tried to lean in, tried to go for the kiss. But with your naps had gone, something was amiss. I thought we had a moment, but then there was none. I had to walk home and said, dude, I am done. I am done.

Napsack of love. Stolen from my heart, right from the start. We couldn't get deep because of my jeep. Unzip my heart. Unzip my heart. Unzit my heart. Unzit my heart. Unzit my heart.

Unzit my heart. Unzit my heart Unzit my heart Unzit my heart Unzit my heart So I tried to walk home All alone in the night You caught up to me

Because you stole a bike You jumped off and grabbed me He said, baby, I'm sorry Let's kiss all night Until it's to-mori Yeah Samori! To Mori to Mori in all of its glory

My friend's name is Mori But this is just a part of the story Because you're feeling chipper Don't grab on my heart zipper Don't unzip my heart Don't unzip my heart I'm going hard Oh, you said heart.

I said car. I said my heart, but it's right from the start, you're feeling my heart. Turn on the car. Ain't going too far. Ka, ka, ka, ka, ka. Ka. Wow.

That was pretty good. Can you buy it on iTunes now? Did you just go on iTunes? Spotify? You can download it, but you can only hear it if you have a zip file. Two, You're so good, you're on a level that's, it's like you and another guy.

Who's the other guy, though? You're why? See, see what I'm talking about? Buddy, let's get, that was a good, I like that, dude. Let's go to the final segment. Oh, wow. So this is a segment we called Words from a Wooden shoe. It's our final segment.

Normally, the shoe's full of words. You reach in and you grab a word. as I just noticed, we're down to the last word. So you're going to reach in, grab the word, and see if it triggers a story from your Josh's journey in life. If there's a someone you knew, something that happened to you, something, I mean, it's just a story from out of your life. What's the word?

Tornado. Okay. Wow. Tornado. So, um, interesting. Pretty dramatic. I, I, I, I've never, to deal with this, what this sparked. Yeah.

And it can be anything. Yeah, anything. It's not tornado, but my buddy used to call me the hurricane. Ooh, okay. Why? Because I was a mess. And I would like, I drop things and I just, I like, you know, even now I can be holding something and it just flies out of my hand.

Like I, I'm just a mess. of a, I'm a lot. Yeah. And one story that this made me think of, thinking of the hurricane was my buddy Greg. He, when he lived with his mom, I think we were in high school. And we, he lived, it was a, it was a two-story apartment, but the second story was a loft. Okay. More or less.

So he was like this spiral staircase and he stayed in the loft upstairs. And we went to make like Campbell. chunky beef stew or whatever like the microwave and so living he was either i was in front of him or he was in front of me i think i was in front of him okay and we're walking up the spousal staircase holding our chunky stew and i kicked his stew out of his hand and it just went all over the wall and carpet and he you know he got really emotional oh really he was like oh my god they're going to kill me. My mom's going to kill me.

Because there's stew everywhere. Oh, yeah. And you know how hard it is to get stew out of stuff. Oh, dude, yeah. Yeah. Holy shit. And so that's just a way to, that I was the hurricane. The hurricane caused stew.

The hurricane cause stew, dude. Wow. Yeah. Hurricane. I could see you being the hurricane. I know. When you're on stage, you have this kind of energy. You're almost sort of remind me of the Tasmania.

devil, which he was a little hurricane. Yeah. Folks, you got to see Josh on stage because he just, you're just like a bundle of energy. I have so much of it. It's great. I never, it's, it's great. I don't know how to get rid of it. I can't.

There's nothing that I can do that will, that brings me to a like, even, even like yesterday doing the show, I, I didn't sleep on the, I didn't sleep all night. I got maybe like an hour of sleep on the flight from New York to L.A. And then I went up and did the show. And it was like, it was, I was just, I'm just jacked like, yeah, yeah, all the time. Yeah, you are the hurricane. Yeah. Or tornado.

Yeah, or a tornado. Well, buddy, tell the good folks, this is your time. Tell the folks where they can see you to stand up, where they can see the goddamn comedy jam, where they can get your book or your album or whatever you're promoting guy. So, so at Josh Adam Myers on all social media. I post clips, pretty much daily. Joshadam Myers.com for tickets. I'm on the road.

When does this come out? That's none of your business. Okay. Well, Jesus Christ. I'm out. I'm going to be out on the road most of the year. Oh.

So come out and see me. You can get tickets at Joshademeyers.com or punchup. Dot live backslash Josh Adam Myers. I have a podcast called The 500 where I'm going through Rolling Stone Magazine's list of the 500 greatest albums. Yeah. It's been great. We've been doing it for like six years. What number yet now?

180 something. Wow. Yeah, dude, we're almost there. We've got like three and a half years left. May 31st, 2028 is the last episode. Wow. Yep. And I think that's, I think that's it.

I got a dog named Leka. She rules. Come see me. Come see me live. Leca. Leca rules. Buddy, I'll play the theme music. Do you want to sing us out?

Let's do. That's unzip my heart. No, a new song. Like a freshie, like a goodbye song. All right, cool. Yeah, I'll do it. Folks, that's it for today. You've been on the Harlan Highway with Josh Adam Myers.

Check them out. Go to the goddamn comedy jam. You'll have the time of your life. Follow this cat. And until next time, Chicken Chalmane and Josh, my guy, sing us out, man. You got it.

It's the end of the show, but don't go. Follow hauling on Socean, Josh on sojourn that make some wheat toast with some butter and jam. Butter and jam, maybe slice of ham, maybe a broccoli salad, because that's what I like, and then unzip my heart from the start. Don't leave an overnight bag because it's a drag. He knows an 80-year-old dude that will die on the phone that call home. My aunt surely will launder you some money. And give it to you, honey, but don't forget it.

You're a tampon astrology sign. Tampon astrology sign. Why can't that one be mine like a burger with cheese? Pretty, please get on your knees. Eat five guns and roses. I'm just doing the whole episode. Oh, oh, okay. Let me state it out.

Here we go. next time, folks.