The Harland Highway - JOSH BLUE is here to tell us about his Jitterbugs and also being an African American white person!

Episode Date: November 18, 2025

Thanks for watching the Harland Highway. This episode is sponsored by Factor, Chubbies, Hims: -Eat smart at FactorMeals.com/HARLAND50OFF and use code HARLAND50OFF to get 50% off your first box, plus Free Breakfast for 1 Year. -To get simple, online access to personalized, affordable care for ED, Hair Loss, Weight Loss, and more, visit Hims.com/HARLAND -Your Holiday wardrobe awaits! Get 20% off @chubbies with the code [harlandhighway] at https://www.chubbiesshorts.com/[harlandhighway] #chubbiespod More Harland Williams: Harland Highway Podcast Video: https://www.youtube.com/c/HarlandHighwayPodcast Harland Highway Podcast Audio: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-harland-highway/id321980603 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/harlandwilliams Harbling Shirts: https://www.harbling.com Official Website: https://www.harlandwilliams.com Twitter :https://twitter.com/harlandhighway?lang=en #podcast #harlandwilliams More Josh Blue: Website: https://www.joshblue.com/Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/joshbluecomedy/?hl=enX: https://x.com/JoshBlueComedyTiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/ ⁨@JoshBlueComedy⁩  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Okay, gang, a few things to get to get a while we start today's episode on the Halahawa Ponka. First of all, what a milestone. We just hit 200,000 subscribers to the YouTube channel where we play the Harle and Highway Podcast. For those of you that don't know what 200,000 is, it's 200K. I don't know why they call it K. I don't know why it's not 200,000 T for 1,000,

but someone threw a K in there. Maybe they worked at Kmart. Maybe they ate special K. Maybe they drive a K car. I don't know. But 200,000 subscribers, you guys, Oh, I love you. Thank you so much for staying with the show, for joining in, for subscribing.

If you haven't subscribed yet, please subscribe now. It takes one second. You just hit the subscribe button. And we're off to the races to 300,000 subscribers. But you guys got us there. And I'm overwhelmed. I'm thankful. I'm grateful.

It's such an honor that you guys would make this show part. of your life, take time out of your life to make this a piece of your life. And all you guys, thank you so much, so much, so much. I want to thank Alex, my guy that helps get all our ads. He's doing such a great job. I know we hate the ads, but they're unnecessary evil. We have overhead. We have things we got to fund. So thank you for your patience with the ads. And thank you, Alex, for getting us there. I want to thank Amber, my assistant. and creative director on the show. She's been fantastic.

She's contributed so much. All the little videos and extra bonus clips that you see are all because of her. I've even got her editing a couple of episodes here and there. You won't even know because she's doing such a great job. So thank you, Amber, for all the work you do, all the contributions. And she's been just great.

And then, of course, Keith Corsetti. He does all our thumbnails and some of the graphics. And he also did the incredible new animated opening that we have, the Harland Highway animated opening. And as you know, you guys, many of you have supplied the song for that opening. So I want to say thank you to all you guys. I want to say thank you to Keith for all the great graphics, all the great animation.

And he keeps throwing creative suggestions at the show that we use. And so thank you, Keith, thank you, Amber, thank you Alex and everyone else. And thank you guys most of all. And by the way, those songs that you're sending in, they're fantastic. People are like, oh, why are you making songs? You just want free songs. No, no, no, no, no. I have a great theme song.

You guys know it. You love it. But I wanted to include you guys in the show and put your creativity into the show because this is your podcast as much as it is mine. And so I just love the theme songs you guys have done. Probably later in the year, we're going to do another batch. We'll reach out, I'm getting emotional. We'll reach out to you guys and see if anyone else wants to submit.

But for now we have plenty, and they've all been incredible. And I love hearing new ones and putting them in the show every week. It's a different theme song, but they're great. so all of you all of you everyone involved the viewers the people involved i want to thank harland williams uh he's been a big part of it and of course i want to thank our guests our wonderful guests oh my god we get so many great people um they're so funny they're so smart they're so clever they're so crazy they're so hilarious like i never know what i'm going to get i don't really know anything till they sit down right there we don't talk about

the podcast before we start we just let it happen so uh folks thank you thank you thank you 200,000 thanks to my guests uh what uh thank you to youtube for letting us put this up there and uh thank you to all our sponsors who have faith in the show and want to be part of it it it really helps we have we have uh overhead and costs and so that really uh helps us with that But more than anything, thank you to you guys, and I really appreciate it, 200,000 followers, subscribers on YouTube. Let's keep it going, 300K on the way, and thank you. You are loved, you are cherished, you are freaks, and you know that. And that's all I'm going to say, thank you again, and let's enjoy the show.

All right, guys, before we enjoy the show, one of the things we did recently, I had an episode with Adam Ray, and we did a fashion show where I was getting rid of a bunch of my old t-shirts, and I didn't want to just give them to Goodwill. I thought, what if I could give them to some of you guys who are already fans and know that you have a piece of me, a piece of Harland, and I thought that would be pretty cool rather than just getting rid of the shirt. So we put about five six shirts on the Adam Ray fashion show. And the idea was we trade. So you send in a piece of art, something creative, a song, a photo, a painting. And if we select it, you in turn get one of the shirts. So here we go. Our first person is Reagan McKee. And Reagan is going to be receiving, he requested the half-baked shirt. There's a picture of all. the main cast from Half-Baked, me and Chappelle and Jim Brewer and Guiermo. And what Reagan did is he made this hilarious song about ants.

It's this random song about ants. Little did Reagan know I love ants. I did a song about ants once. And so when I heard this, we're kind of kindred spirits, Reagan McKee. So Reagan, congratulations. You're our first fashion show T-shirt recipient. thank you for your song

and we're going to play your song right now and our creative director Amber did a video to go with your song so we put a your song over under her video and folks here it is Reagan McKee's T-shirt winning Ant Song. Take it away.

There's a colony of ants under my house invading my spades. And the only way for me to get them out is by using my brain. How their legs are creepy, polytherics, so skeleton bodies are insane. I'll avoid using my shoddy because my house is made of polyrothane. Nobody wants imitation vanilla, even if it costs much less at the store. Concentrate your energy on becoming a banana. Double the amount of number two would equal poor. I farted last Tuesday, oh, yeah.

There you go. So thank you, Reagan McKee. You guys keep the creativity coming. And we got more shirts going out over the next few weeks. And who knows, maybe we'll put some more shirts up in the future. But thank you for your creativity. And now let's get to the show. Speaking of breasts, I got to tell you, buddy.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. I won up you, bitch. That's what you got now. Sit right down and buckle it. Now it's time for Harlem. Harland Highway It's time for the Harlan Highway

It's now for the Harlan Highway It's now for the Harlan Highway Look at this, my headphone wire stuck, right out of the gate Yeah Did you see it? I got jammed, I got stuck under my chair During my life, bro Is that right?

Dude, everything that can go wrong Goes wrong. Isn't that called Murphy's Law? Yeah. Who was Murphy, by the way? Yeah, well, he's a dick. Yeah. Because it's been bad, man.

What? It's just weird. Oh, Josh. Yeah. Dear sweet, Josh. I know, man. But wait, was Murphy's Law is everything that can go wrong will go wrong. Is that accurate?

Isn't that Murphy's Law? Yeah, I believe so. Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. Like if you drop your toast, it'll land face. face down with the peanut butter on the floor right was murphy a girl or a guy i don't know we should look into this this is actually this is interesting and why should we listen to murphy if everything he does is wrong why would we dare listen to his little quote anigans yeah you know maybe everything that can go wrong goes right why would we listen to a guy who says everything is wrong but

kind of idiots are we? Yeah, I think you just changed my whole life trajectory, man. Thank you for, like, pointing that out. I'm a life changer. Fuck Murphy, dude. Fuck, fuck Murphy hard. All right. Fuck them wrong. Fuck them right. I don't think there's a right way to fuck Murphy.

Yeah. Because he'd always say you're doing it wrong. Exactly. No matter how good you plowed Murphy, he'd be like, you're doing it wrong. You can give him, or her, multiple orgasms, 30 orgasms. Hey, how was that? You came 18 times. Well, you did it wrong.

Yeah, it wasn't my kind of thing, you know. All right, well, cool. How do you ever satisfy Murphy? Don't date a Murphy. I know that much. Don't date a Smurphy. You ever make love to someone until they turn blue? I think that's called assault, man.

That's assault. Okay, I was trying to cartoon it up and make it smurfing and cute, but you're right. You can't make assault really. That's not that cute. Even if they asked for it, you can't. Yeah. Nope.

Have you ever been assaulted? By, like, sure. I mean, after the show, do you sell merch at all? I do sell merch sometimes. And they'll assault me there for sure. Whoa, talk to me. Like, you know, like. What?

Older women come up after the show. And they're, like, taking a picture with me. but then they'll, like, grab my ass. They'll grab some beef. Right, and I'm like, dude, I'm a human being. You know, I don't want to step on your toes, but to me, you're a piece of meat, a hot meat. Well, that means a lot coming from you, man,

because I know you're very selective. Well, look, yes, A, you're a human being, but subtext in my head, hot sizzling beef. Well, thanks, bro. You're welcome. And I'm not wrong. You want me to take my shirt off, man? I would love that, actually.

Let's not do it. I'm just kidding. Although I wouldn't want to lose the broccoli design. I love the broccoli. Oh, thanks, man. Are you a vegetarian? I'm just, is that a broccoli or is that a nuclear mushroom cloud? It's whatever you want it to be, man.

No, it's broccoli. Okay. My sister actually sows these is my merch. So your merch is broccoli? Yeah. Well, no wonder the old ladies are squeezing your ass. They want to see if you're fresh. Yeah.

Wow. I don't even like broccoli, but... Do you like old ladies? Sure, man. They're fine. They're big ticket buyers for me, so I like them. Really? You're big with the seniors' crowd?

Yeah, they love me. Oh, wow. I always say I'm such a nice boy. Well, let me ask you this. Sometimes we get groupies. Yeah. You ever have an oldie, grab the beef, and maybe two hours later,

it's you and her in a motel sick, cigarette, laying there staring at the ceiling fan? I can't say that's ever happened. You know. Can you wink and just sort of... Well, you wouldn't be able to tell you to think I'm having a seizure. Seizure, yeah. Oh, God.

Now, what are we dealing with here? Because some people, this is Josh Blue, amazing comedian, philanthropist, loves broccoli. And people would probably see that you're sort of twitching a bit. Can we talk about what it is just so they know? Yeah, yeah, let's let them off the hook. Oh, yeah. That's a good one. Yeah.

Yeah. No, I have cerebral palsy. Okay. Yeah, and whatever. Wink, wink. You wink. But really, if you wink, people think you're having a seizure? Sometimes.

I mean, I can, you know, I can play whatever up I need to, you know. You know what? If you were in a singles joint, you'd probably be great at picking up a nurse. Oh, yeah, they want to help. Yeah, because you're like, and they recognize. recognize you're having a seizure. Well, my ex-wife was a nurse. Oh, there you go.

Oh, there you go. So cerebral palsy. Yeah. Can I just, I don't like that word. It's too technical. How about palsy? Is that? Can it be something fun like jitterbugs or butter twinkles or something?

Jitterbugs is fun. Because it's hard to say, oh, how's your cerebral palsy? It sounds too technical. But if I walk up to you, hey, Josh, how's the jitterbugs or the, The butter flutters. It's more fun. Let's think of a good word for that. You're right.

It's too medical. Jitterbug does kind of... Jitterbug works. It kind of really fits it. Right? Thanks, man. You're really... I didn't think you're going to change

so much perspective of my life, but man, we've only a couple minutes in. Wow. It's almost like Murphy's all about everything being wrong, but Williams is about everything being, oh, so right. Dude, this is amazing. Thank you. You're welcome.

You're welcome. You're welcome. So, yeah, I'll just tell you a little bit more about palsy, just so. Well, what is it? Sarah, oh, jitterbugs. I just, so jitterbugs is something that happens at birth. It's like, oh. It's not like a disease or anything.

It's like a brain injury. It's a brain injury. So you can get it in utero or up to one year of life. So then once you get it, that's the last. level you have, it doesn't get worse, it doesn't get better, it's just like, you're just stuck in this. And the symptoms begin immediately when you're a little fetus, when your little baby? Yeah, I mean, with me, they said they weren't able to tell until I was like, like, eight months or something, because a baby's just a wiggly little.

Yeah, they're already wiggling. They're like a fishing lure. But they said when my mom tried to, like, get me to sit up on my own, I was, like, doing it. and then she handed me a cracker and I just fell over because I couldn't do both of them at the same time. Like, I just got excited about the food and forgot to concentrate on, like, balance. Right, right.

So, but, yeah, I mean, doesn't get worse, doesn't get better. I often wondered, and I'm not a doctor, you know this. How long have we known each other? A couple of days, like, I mean, we've known each other for a long time, but we've only met each other. It only feels like a couple of days. That's true. We've known each other 30 years,

and we've only hung out about four times maybe. That's true. Very true. Oh, so right. A couple of days. But you know this. I'm not a licensed doctor. All right.

I believe you. I didn't go to DeVry. I didn't go to MIT. I don't have a medical license. But can I make a suggestion to jitterbugs? Yeah. What if? What if it's just at birth?

Have you ever had an ingrown hair Like in your nose and you have a hair in your nose And it tickles? Yeah, yeah. Or you get an ingrown hair And it turns into a Zet. What if maybe you just got an ingrown hair And you're constantly being tickled?

Really? And you can't sit still. Yeah. Man. Well, if you want to look for that hair for me, man. Well, that might be busy for the rest of my life. Yeah, I'm a hairy fucking. You are hairy.

Yeah, I'm very hairy. But so I always thought it was a neurological thing like it was your nerves and everything, but you're saying it's from the brain. Yeah, so basically my understanding is that the body sends a message to the brain. Yeah. And the brain is damaged where the message is going. So it sends the message wrong back. But yet you have perfect clarity of thought.

I mean, yeah, no, I mean, I'm sharp as attack, brother. know. Yeah. So it doesn't disrupt the thinking. It just confuses the neurons through the body. Is that what we're deducing here? You know, I know a lot of palsy folks, and palsy is like, or jitterbugs. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Yeah. Jitterbub. Insulting my people. Yeah. So there's so many varying degrees of it. You know, you can be in a wheelchair to like barely able to tell. It's there. Oh, wow. So it's like such, there's all these levels of it. So it's like, but like it's so interesting to me because many palsy folks I know are very successful people just in life and nice people.

Yeah. And it's interesting because I think the brain finds different routes to go to the end goal. So it's like you're using different avenues of your brain. that you wouldn't be using because that part's not damaging your brain. Got it. Well, when we talk about me and brain damage, I think we have to conclude that there might be a little bit.

Well, I'm just a pinch. I'm just saying it's in a different area. Yeah, yeah. Would it be cruel if parent, because as you said, you don't realize there's palsy slash jitterbugs until a few months out, right? Well, sometimes you can tell. So for me, with the level I have,

it was just like, but I had a real rough birth, too. So that was the, oh, no, what happened? Well, I was born in Cameroon, West Africa. That is rough, yeah. Yeah, yeah, they didn't have the proper medical facilities there. And I was, I'm the fourth child, and for some reason I didn't want to come out of the womb.

Why would you? It was nice in there. It's like a cottage on a snowy night. But I was in utero for 10 months. So they finally had to do like an emergency C-section to get me out and it didn't go well. And then I was actually flown from Cameroon to Buffalo, New York within the like three days of my life.

Like I flew across the world. So you were an African-American to start. Yeah. And then you became a white American. three days later. Wow. And then I went back, I went back to Africa. So then you were an African-American again? Yeah, back again.

Wow, you talk about diversity. I still hold... Your life matters. Yeah, your life matters. And it sure does. Wow. And, yeah, so... More than most. And, uh...

You've been an African-American and a honky American. I've been... Wow. A little bit greedy, maybe, too. I'm just going to say. Well... Maybe decide. Disabled and African-American and honky American, man. I'm like, I check a lot of boxes.

How many placards do you have hanging on your rearview mirror? They don't let me drive, man. You can park anywhere. African-American, honky-American, butterfingers or whatever. Butternuts, what is it? Chitterbugs. Butterfingers. That's another good one.

Yeah, butterfingers. What are you got, butterfingers? Yeah, how about I can't believe it's not butterfingers? That'd be a good one, too. Would it be cruel if by accident? Have you ever heard of accidental cruelty? Sure. You don't know your kid's coming out with the palsy, right?

Okay. And you name your kid Paul. Paul. And what's a nickname for Paul? Paulsie. Yeah. That'd be like if your kid came out, you named him Luke. And he went on to get?

Luke Chimia. Luke, uh, I mean, that's, uh, man. It's like people who are cancers, the sad, you know, the star side, and then they get cancer. Well, it's almost, it's already, it's just not fair. Yeah. Imagine palsy, cancer, and Luke are, walk into a bar. I feel like there's a joke ready to happen here. Palsy, cancer, and Luke walk into a bar.

Who dies first? Cancer. Yeah, for sure. I don't know, actually. I cannot last that shit. I think we should ask Murphy. He knows who dies first. All of them.

They all die. We all die. Kill them all. Hey, guys, did you know that according to the National Institutes of Health, as many as 30 million men in the U.S. have E.D. Dile dysfunction. You don't want that. I'd rather slam my head in a mini van car door. Hymns, which is an ED treatment, Hymns offers access to ED treatment options ranging from trust to generics that cost 95% less than brand names to hard mince if prescribed.

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Prescription required. See website for detail, restrictions, and important safety information. Guys, get that confidence back. Have fun. Don't worry. Hymns. Can I talk to you about something that's steaming me up real bad? Do you get steamed?

Do you get mad? I get a little steamed sometimes. What's the latest? Because I want to get this off my shoulder, but maybe, because I'm going to vent, maybe I should let you steam one out first. Are you sure? Yeah, you go. Will you steam one out after I steam one out?

I don't like the way you're saying. I know. I don't like it either. It's wrong. It's oh, so wrong, Murph. I can muster a steamer for it. Yeah. Here's the deal.

I'm at the airport the other day. Daddy has to do a tinkle. I go into the men's room. I'm standing at the urinal. They got these dividers at the urinal, my guy, but they only come up to here. So now, taking a pee and a poo is maybe one of the most intimate things you can do in life.

We do it in privacy. But for some reason, in public, we're supposed to do it standing two inches from another human being and instead of completing the wall all the way up so I don't have to look at someone while I'm urinating right beside me is Carl

from Pittsburgh and Danny from Cleveland and we're all three just standing there we don't know where to look if you go like that suddenly you're locking eyes with the guy while you're doing one of the most intimate acts in your life can't they just construct a wall

my guy that goes above our shoulders so I don't have to look at anybody Or even just start at the shoulders and up. Yeah. You don't have to look at their face. You can look at their dick, no problem. Oh, I don't know if I like that part. I remember when you had to pee in like a trough?

A trough? That was the worst thing. Yeah. I'd just leave a lot. I know. I'd rather just go on the floor out in the hall. Animals. Yeah.

But women, they get their own stalls where they get walls. But we're standing there. You can look at the guy. And the ultimate thing is if you wanted to look down and see your neighbor's Yahoo! Sirius, you could. Yeah, well... What's going on with that guy? I'm steamed. I don't know if you can see how steamed I am,

but I'm steamed. I'm hot. I'm on... Daddy's on fire. Like, I'm... There's steam boiling up inside this old engine. I can hear it, man. And you see it? You see the fire in my irises? Anger. Dude. Yeah. Can I'm looking to you for a solution?

and I'm not hearing a lock coming out of your mouth. You're sitting there giving me Google eyes. You're sort of sending me telepathic little things. I just like fly a lot, and I know that the airport's not listening to any suggestion I have. But do you have a solution for me? I think more private stalls. You know, it's like next to the breastfeeding room.

There's like a little family bathroom. That's not for those, man. That's true. They have a breastfeeding. room, don't they? Yeah. Have you ever gone in one and got your tits sucked? I just fill up the water bottle and, uh...

I did it. I was in the Denver airport and I had three choices. I had pinkberry. There was a pizza joint and a smoothie thing. And I went in the tit sucking thing and got my, my tits suck. It's fulfilling, right? Oh, it just relaxes you because you know, you get so tense running through the airport. Yeah, yeah, for sure.

Oh, God. Yeah, man, that's great. Speaking of breasts, I got to tell you, buddy. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. I won up, you bitch. That's what you got now. Dude, that was miraculous.

I thought you liked that. I love that. Wow. That wasn't just for you. I was just trying to get it in my mouth. That was for real. Yeah. That's like an everyday drink for you.

He does the jitterbugs. He does the jitterbuck. He does the jitterbug. You put the crystal water into my beard. Dude. Oh, my God. I, and I haven't told anyone this yet, but I feel like we're sort of connecting here. I'm getting breast surgery done. Oh, dude, congrats. Yeah. I really thought that would be great. A reduction or adding? You're going to love this. I'm just getting nipples put on, girls' nipples.

Because our nipples are about, we're lucky if they're a third of an inch. What can you do with that, right? But a woman's nipples, if I get those put in, now they get excited. I walk into a meeting, let's say I have a meeting with a CEO.

Let's say I'm doing a presentation in the boardroom. I walk in my nipples. are erect. It screams excitement. I come in, it's like a power move. Like, what are you talking? Like, half a roller quarters? Maybe.

Maybe you ever see those rollo candies, the chocolate rolloes with the, maybe a rollo and a half? Oh, dude. And I'm walking into a boardroom meeting and suddenly what was dull and droll and boring, suddenly the room comes alive,

is I walk in with a wreck nipples. Oh, dude. That spells extremes excitement. I go to a black tie dinner. Babow. I've got my nipples popping through my fabric, whether it's silk or nylon or whatever. So when are you getting this done?

Probably in about three weeks. Sweet, dude. You have a guy already picked out? Yeah. Oh, cool. Beverly Hills, one of the best. Oh, yeah, yeah. And I want them firm.

I want it so a hummingbird could land on one. And hum. Just hum away. Humb half the day away. Like a nice, hard, crispy nipple. Dude, I really hope this works out for you, man. And can you send me pictures? I'll send you pictures.

I don't mind, like, the scars or anything. I like to see the healing process. You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to wash a car with lots of soap suds. And have someone in the car. car filming out and I'm going to press them against the glasses. I'm washing the roof of the car and you'll get a full like nipple salad as they call it. You've really put some thought into this. I have. Congrats, man. It's cool. It's cool that we're in this time. It's a time we can do this stuff.

Surgery, surgery, surgery. Have you ever been at a party or a nightclub and a woman walks in and her nipples are poking through her fabric, and it just, you know, lights you up. It doesn't have to be at a nightclub, man, anywhere, really. Yeah, right? Whole foods, wow. Whole food, but anywhere you go, you see nipples popping through. That's excitement.

Jitterbug. The jitterbug. Oh, my God. You know what? Cripples love nipples. Did you know it? Oh, wow. Yeah.

That could be a bumper sticker. It's a known fact. Why do they love nipples, the crissons? cripples. You know? Oh. What's this? You'll find out once you get your nipples.

They just, they loved it. The cripples love the nipples. They're just coming right up on you. Wow. Wow. If you see someone with a walker. Oh, my God. I loved him.

He was hilarious on good times. All right. So I let out a big steamer about the airport bathrooms. What's grinding your gears these days, Josh? Well, I just, I got teenagers, so I'm just, I'm, I'm, I'm, uh, and they're my kids, like, I don't just, like, have teenagers. Oh, they're, they're my kids. They're your teenagers. They're your seed. Yes. Okay, how many do we have? I have a 17-year-old boy and a 15-year-old girl, so I'm just, like, in the thick of it.

Yeah. And these little condescending fucking bitches, uh, oh, they, I think they, let it out. I think they watch your show, so I'm. Yeah, let it out. No, just, you know, teens, man. Yeah. It's a lot. These, they're very conniving little fucks. That's all I'm saying.

Wow. You know, lovely people, great, great. Doesn't sound like it? Like, I always wanted to be a dad. I did. Yeah. I really did. I love babies.

Babies, great. Oh, babies are a riot. But then, like, now that they're teenagers, I don't want to be a dad anymore. This is a brutal, man. It's brutal. Wow, you're done with them. What was the turning point, Josh, where you were like, enough, enough with my seed?

Is there a age that you, like, how old, can I put them up for adoption is what I'm asking? Let me ask. Are they, can they do any housework? Can they? No, apparently not. Can they do drywall? No. Can they run a lawn more?

You probably don't know what drywall is. Okay. Uh, can they run a lawn more? I bet my son could, but... Okay, I'm interested. Okay. It's a starting point. All right, well, he...

Can they take garbage cans out to the, to the curve? Yeah, they can do that. Okay. I'm getting more interested. They don't need much space, man. Do you have like a little yard area? I got a yard, or something? I got a shed.

Oh, cool, dude. I'll fly them in. I'll adopt. Tonight. Tonight. You want them? Cool, too. Well, garbage days tomorrow.

Good timing. Oh, you really ticked them. Yeah. Do either of them cook? I don't want to be sexist and say, does she cook? Does he or she cook? They both can cook. She's much better.

Okay. Yeah. I'm real interested here. All right. Like I said, they'll be great to you. Wow. You know. What have they done to you to make you go around this corner we called hatred and spite?

Just, it's just the stuff that. Obviously, teens are teens, but it's when you're your first time father, I'm a single dad. You know, I got my girlfriend, but, you know, I'm a single dad. I have 50% custody, and it's just a lot of custody, you know? Yeah. 50's a lot, man. And custody sounds a lot like custody. And who likes custard?

Not these guys. Yuck. Custard sucks. God, have they done anything where you just were like, get the hell out. out of my house? I haven't done it, but I want, you know, it's just, it's just like this age of kids. Like, I tell them, teach them stuff.

They just don't, these phones is what it is. That's the real. Wait, what's happening? What are they doing with their phones? It just sucks their brains in. Like, you can't get them to, like, pay attention to anything else. It's crazy. I don't know how I described.

Oh, Josh. I know. I'm so sorry. Thanks for letting me get that out. Yeah, see, that's why I wanted to let you vent. So now that we've vented, let's start the show. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Holland Highway podcast. And my very special guest today, like I said, we've known each other probably 25 years.

We've only got to hang out a few times. I'm delighted you here. Josh Blue is here. And you kind of came up pretty hard and fast. the ranks on, wasn't it Last Comic Standing? I won that in 06. 06. How long

ago does that feel? It's about 20 years, though, was that? Is that what it is? Yeah, crazy. Is it 20 years? Yeah. Wow, and that just kind of launched you into the comedy stratosphere, right, my guy? Yeah, so I was already touring as a feature

and I was headlining a lot of colleges, but once I got that, it just The career took off for sure. Wow. 20 years later, still at the same level, but still going, you know. Dude, unbelievable. And a lot of your act centers around the butterfingers, right?

Jitterbugs. Jitterbugs. I notice you talk about it a lot on stage. Well, I do, but it's also, I guess if you saw my show, like a live hour show, that's just a part of it. Everything is just coming from the perspective of a guy that has that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know how to do it from another perspective.

So if you, like, think about it that way, like, you know, fat comics talk about being fat. Yeah. You know, what do you think Brad Williams is talking about? Being short. It's like me. I almost get bored. I have to go up there and talk about being gorgeous all the time.

And I'm like, it gets tiring, but it's like, you know, like you said, you go to what you know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's another good bumper sticker. Cripples suck nipples and you go to what you know. Yeah. Interesting. Cripples love nipples.

Cripples love nipples. Can you say cripple anymore? Oh, sure. It's probably easier if you've got an ailment like... Yeah, I wouldn't recommend you say it to anyone else besides me, but... But you could say it. As an African-American, American honky, you can say cripple. And you can call me a cripple.

I give you permission. Yeah, I like cripple. Yeah, that's nice. There's a lot of words they weeded out that I think, are they really that offensive? Like, I don't know if we have some cripples watching. Oh, I'm sure. But is cripple, I'm not crippled, but is that, what's the offensive part of cripple? That's pretty too great.

It is? Talk to me. What? See how? What? What? What? Is it just the, the, the, the, the meter of it?

Like, cripple. Like, doesn't it describe something? No, it really does work for what it is. Yeah. I think it also has a, like, a greater connotation of, like, if you're crippled, then you're completely useless. Oh, that's what it is. I think that might have.

And I'm not trying to be a wise guy. I really don't really understand why they weeded that one out. Right. I feel like it's just kind of, you know, just because you're disabled doesn't mean you're also not able to be a contributory. member of societies, I think it's a connotation of like, it's an all-encompassing versus like, we want to be singled out and, you know. Well, how do we differentiate, like, if cripple describes someone who's incapacitated,

yeah. How does any other term differentiate from that? Right. Well, that's it. You've got to be creative. Like, what's the term instead of crippled we should be using? Disabled? Oh, fucktart.

Yeah, yeah. Oh. It's much more PC, man. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. That pretty much says it all, too. And I think that extends to all of us, really. Yeah, yeah.

It was a greater community. Yeah. As Americans are a lot of fucktarts. Because I can go to any mall or any food court and see quite a few fucktards. Yeah, for sure. Wow, interesting. Yeah. Well, I'm glad I could help educate you on this.

Yeah, no. Again, I wasn't trying to. be a wise guy about the cripple thing, because I guess I never saw it as being derogatory, the word cripple. But now that I'm here and maybe it, but does disabled also give the connotation that someone's not able to contribute somehow? Is it any, does disabled make crippled any less or any more? Right. I don't know what we're exchanging here. I'm with you on this. Because I agree, like, okay, it's disabled less. I find it almost more offensive because...

Here we go. But it's also like, I appreciate the effort of them trying to include us and not make us... Because, like, the disabled community is the largest minority group on the planet. It is? Yeah. Well, think about it. Oh, let's talk about chubby.

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Black Friday skip the code and take advantage of even bigger markdowns during their exclusive Black Friday sale. Just head to chubbies shorts.com. That's chubbyshorts.com. Make sure to support our show and tell them that we sent you. The chubbiest guy of all, me for chubbies. No. It is? Yeah. More than... Any other minority? Every culture, every man, women have it, men have blind, deaf, disabled, you know, like that. Oh, yeah. So it's like that it is the largest group on the planet, a minority group.

And it's also the only minority group that you can join at any time. You're right. Interesting. Yeah. So, wow. So, but we're also one of the least served and heard groups of people. Yeah. Which is interesting because it is hard because they put us all together, right?

So I'm in the same category as someone with autism or someone who's deaf or someone who's in wheelchair. How do we get the rights for all those people? Because we don't need the same thing. I don't need a wheelchair ramp. The deaf person doesn't need, you know, the ramp. Right. You know, and then. Although if I'm being honest, a ramp makes everyone's life a little bit easier than going upstairs.

For all the fucktards. Yeah, let's not get rid of the ramp just yet. Okay. I mean, if I'm walking up to a building, Josh Blue, and I see a set of crappy old concrete stairs, and I see a nice ramp, Daddy's going up the ramp, and I don't have any butterfingers. Right, well, and I'm sure you'll use that push-button door, too.

Oh, I do that a lot. Yeah, I'm sure. I do that a hell of a lot. I love it. Yeah. Does that make me a bad guy? I'm not kidding, when I walk up to a building and I see the wheelchair thing

and the door opens for you? I love it. Would you do blackface too, man? Blackface? I'd maybe do it going through one of those doors just because I'd love to see my own reflection just from a, hey, if you're going to be African-American, I'm going to be, okay?

Cool, man. Give me a chance. Good God. Yeah, I love it because it feels like You know, who holds the door for anyone anymore? It's rare. Robots, man. Right.

So if I can press a button and that door opens for me, I'm going to take that. That's a free, that's a freebie for me. Dude, I don't live here. I'm in Denver. Denver, Colorado, mile high. Yeah, me and the lady were staying here a couple nights. And we saw those food robot. The little robots.

Yeah. And we just, we grew really attached to the couple. in our neighborhood, and we just really are hoping the best for them, you know. They're really cute. They are cute, and I feel bad. Sometimes they get stuck in a corner, like, I don't know if I should go or now.

Yeah. And then you've got to push a button for it, and then it can go. Yeah, they roll around, and they got food in them. They got the little eyes. They blink it. They blink it at night. They light up.

Yeah. Very sweet. And they have their names on it. We really like Mary. She was a sweetheart. Oh, yeah. Have you ever seen one pee on a fire hydrant? No, I haven't. Oh, it's so cute.

Is this soda? I think it's whatever they're carrying. Oh, yeah, just a lot. Yeah, they'll just, if you have them deliver water or lemonade, they'll piss it out. They'll mark the territory. Yeah, oh, yeah. Rolling through my hood.

Oh, so cute. Yeah, anyway, I just had to get that out there because I just, we don't have those in Denver. You don't? No. Denver sort of like, I got, you know, Denver's sort of led the charge with drugs. They kind of legalized everything.

And I was, I was going through Denver in the summer. I rented a car. and everyone's doing drugs and I'm speeding down the road and the cops pull me over and he walks up to the window and he says blow into this and it was his bong and we turned on his lights and we did a burning man party right on the side of the highway everyone's cranked up in Denver yeah man well we're the first to legalize with Washington state yeah so what do we got we got weed yeah we got

Well, they decriminalized mushrooms now. Shrooms? So, yeah. What else? No, I think that's all. Didn't they do one of the harder drugs? No. Are they heading down that road?

Uh, well, the people are. God damn. Wow. Check. Check me, bro. You are. Fucking refreshing, bro. You are a competitor.

Wow. What else you got me? I'm going to keep doing it until one of us wins this game. I'm probably going to get electrocuted. Yeah, yeah. But no one would know. Yeah, no one would know. Yeah.

Yeah, no one would know. That's the one thing you can do is get electrocuted and no one would have a clue. Speaking of the body movements, I don't know if anyone's ever dipped into your sex life. But you've got to be a great bottom. Like laying on your back, your lady on top. That's got to be like a Calgary rodeo. They called me the human vibrator. Oh, my God.

Wow. Yeah, well, you just do. When God takes up away, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Wow, dude. Just fucking power jacking. I love it.

Is it awkward in the saccharoni when you got the jitterbugs? No, I mean, I guess if you got that far with them, they're willing, you would hope. And this, I know, I know. I'm getting intimate here, but this isn't me. My viewers have a curiosity. Oh, yeah, you're getting questions, yeah. One of the things when a man wants to pleasure a woman is, and I'm not trying to be graphic here, but we have a rare opportunity to talk to a jitterbugger. Right.

A man will often place his hand in a woman's opening and help them achieve orgasm, but when your hand seems to be constantly. Well, I let them choose which one they want. Really? Yeah, yeah. Some people like this, you know? Yeah. Yeah, never had that before.

And your arm probably never gets tired because you're used to doing it, right? Oh, God. Yeah. If you were an X-Men, what would your name be? The Crippler. We don't use that word. It's fine. He's a villain.

Okay. Yeah. The Cripler. So he, his, the villain, he cripples people. Yeah. Oh, I like that. Yeah. And is the cripple, well, interesting because the leader of the X-Men's in a wheelchair.

Yeah, I did that. You, the crippler caused him to be cripple. Yeah. And we're not using that word cripple. No. We're not using it. Fucked hard. We're saying fuck-tard.

Yeah. Even though we did say cripple, we didn't really say it. Right. Well, it's fine for the villain. You know what I mean? The villain. Right. The crippler.

Yeah. And what does he do? How does he cripple? How does he maim? There's another word, maim. Mame? I don't mind maim. Mame.

Don't be maim. How does the crippler... I mean, what would be the move? I think it's just like if I touch you, you get the palsy or something. Or what would you think? I don't know. Maybe it's contagious. I was picturing more like, remember that movie misery?

where she slammed his legs with the... I pictured the crippler, like, coming in and doing a misery. Or what about, like, a medium-level tap on the head with a crowbar? Medium-level. Yeah, just enough to, like, not kill you, but like... Sort of short-circuit everything. Yeah. Oh, dude, you are the crippler.

Medium level, though, medium. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, I like where you're headed with this. Yeah. Can we sketch it out, man? Yeah. Let's do a comic book, The Crippler.

Dude. So you saw the little guys going down the sidewalk. Yeah. So people that don't know, they're these little robots on wheels. What are they called? It's like... I don't know. Scary? Can we call them that?

It's weird. Yeah, you order food in L.A. Waymo is the car, right? Waymo's the car. So that's the driverless car. I don't really believe they're driverless. And here's my theory. We're talking about a full.

blown vehicle. It's like a SUV size. Right. On the road, functioning 40, 50, 60 miles an hour with other cars filled with humans, I don't buy that there's no one in them. And to test my theory, stay with me. I'm intrigued. The other day, I'm driving down the road.

It's an empty road. It's just me. And coming in the other lane is a Waymo, a driverless, automated, or whatever they're called car. And I'm just, I got to prove my theory. I go into his lane oncoming. Now I'm playing chicken with the Waymo. I'm going to see what happens.

We get three inches, the Waymo skids to a stop, the trunk flies open, a midget flies into the air, holding a steering wheel, wearing a parachute. Driverless my ass. Wow, that's quite a tail, man. There's midgets in the back. And we don't use the word midget.

No. Have you ever seen a crippled midget? Yeah. And we don't use those words. No, I, yeah. Oh. I'm trying to get crippled. Oh.

No, I'm just. Sorry. No? Just let it marinate. We don't use certain words here. All right, I'm sorry. You didn't, like, say that before the, we started recording. No, it's okay.

All right, man, if you're going to have rules. Rules, Chucky Cheese Rules. Have you ever been in a scenario, Josh, where somebody was cruel to you about what's going on? Like you're on stage and they heckled you.

They didn't have compassion for what you're dealing with and they said something mean-spirited or something that... Oh, sure. I mean, it really doesn't happen very often on stage. Yeah.

I can think of a couple times and it wasn't even like that big a thing. Yeah. I've had it more just in day-to-day life. What's an example of something that really hurt you, hurt you hard? Well, I used to work. I had one day job out of college before I became a comedian. What was it? I went to a day program, which was like a daycare for adults with like severe mental and physical disability. Oh, wow.

And, yeah, I've had a lot of help in my life, so I was like, let me get back to my people. Yeah, yeah. That's nice. Well, you know, I lasted about six months, but, oh, let me tell you this, is actually crazy. One big problem at the facility was that the clients would come in every day on a series of short buses. Yeah. And there was nothing that I could do to convince the drivers that I worked there. That's come again now, say what?

So I'd go, hey, man, I got it from here. And they'd go, okay, buddy, who's a good helper? he patted you on the head and he petted you like like a dog is it go inside get a person like and like and that happened like the whole time like and like i could never it was an ongoing thing which is insane you should have peed on his leg um yeah who pet somebody yeah he sent me inside uh that was a big thing and it was just like that place

there was one woman that they hired after they had hired me and she was such a bitch to me she hated my gut why what did you do nothing I was disabled

and more successful than her why was she so angry actually we had an incident where she like basically was talking shit about me to the other co-workers

it was like a small facility I could hear her like talking shit and then it went back and forth like that a couple days where she said something like well I can hear you

you know and then I finally told the boss and then she took us like we sat down together with the boss and she was like I'm sorry you proceed that

I was being mean to you and I was like it was like total fake you know apology and the boss was even like she's full of shit yeah yeah so then I went back

I went back in the room with her and she's like, I'm sorry, buddy. Oh, can I call you buddy or does that offend you too? I was like, no, it's fine. And she goes, why don't you run back and tell on me? And I go, why don't you suck my dick? Wow. And then I was like, whoops.

And I ran and I told them myself. I was like, just so you know, I told her, I suck my dick. And she was like, Josh, you can't say that shit. But, and the craziest thing is like, she was a bitch to me for like two months. months, and then one day I had some really good weed, and I smoked her up, and after that, she loved me. No.

Yeah, it was the craziest thing, like, turned to complete. How cool is that? It was weird as shit. Oh, that's amazing. But, yeah, she was a total bitch to me. Oh, I'm glad you got through that with her. When people say weed is bad, drugs are bad. There goes that theory.

Right. Is there any sense of, you know, we all pop out into this world and we're given what God gives us. Was there ever, and if this is too personal, cut me off up, was there any resentment or anger towards the big guy that like, why did you do this to me or why did I get this ailment? Was there any resentment or anger? Sure, for a long time, there was. there was a kid, yeah, yeah, I just didn't understand why. Yeah. Yeah, and maybe not toward God, because I don't really believe in that shit.

Yeah. But more like, why me, kind of woe is me kind of thing. And I had that through, almost through, like, high school. I was always, like, a fun, cheery kid, like, class clown, you know. Yeah. Just like, and I was also one of the only disabled kids to go through the St. Paul public school system like I was the first round so I was like yeah I was like the only disabled kid in class and stuff so yeah so I got like a lot it was a weird ride yeah yeah um and but I always had this gift

of being you know funny quick and just yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I'm gonna get away with anything yeah and the new teachers who never taught a disabled kid can't send them to detention you know I mean yeah there's a lot of little things I could get away with and shit that's fascinating Did your ability to be humorous and be funny? Did that sort of, in a way, create a suit of armor for you? Or did that diminish maybe the effects of your disability and give you more confidence and strength? Yeah, for sure.

But I also feel like, you know, when you're young, if you're funny, you maybe don't know that you're funny. Yeah, that's true. You know what I mean? So I didn't really have a full grasp that I had this power. I knew my timing was good. like I always knew when to just pop something into the class, the whole class, you know.

But it definitely was like one of those things where I was friends with everybody. Like I could go between the clicks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And just I sat at the all black girl lunch table for like three years of high school. Well, you are African American. And like, when you do that, people like, I'm not fucking with that, dude, because whatever he's doing. I can do anything.

Yeah, whatever he's doing. And that's also where I got some of the snappiness. Yeah. These young ladies that I got to hang out. I was just talking mad shit about people. It was like so, so fun. And they'd always give me their food. They'd like, you want my hamburger?

I'm like, hell yeah. Eat like six hamburgers at lunch and shit. Wow. That's what's interesting about humor. It sort of crosses that bridge into any, as you said, like cleaks. When I was in high school, too, I could kind of bounce between the, The jocks, the cool kids, the pretty kids, the nerds, the losers. Like, somehow if they recognized you had a quick sense of humor,

I think there was an attractiveness to people because of that because everyone wants to laugh and sort of be entertained in a way. And it's also kind of like a chameleon ability where, like, you can cater your humor to the click you're talking. That's true. Right? So you know how to talk to them. I can talk to these people a little different

and then that group When you were with the black girls How many would you say there were a gaggle, a flock? Like I don't even know What do you call a group of black girls? I'm not going to touch that one. I think it's a flock. It's a big fluck and flock of flat girls.

Maybe six was the normal. Yeah, I think that's a flock. Yeah. That's a flock. And with whites, it has to be 12 before it's a flock. I don't know why. I don't know why. It's just the rule. Audubon wrote it, not me.

But when you were with the flock, when you were with the black girls, did you lean into that thing that people tend to do? Like sometimes you'll see when Hillary Clinton would give a speech in front of a black congressional, suddenly he's like, oh yeah, my sisters and brother. Like for some reason people tend to go into the accent or the racial cadence. When you were sitting with the black girls,

did you sort of have sort of a bit of a different dialect with them? Yeah, probably. Did you? Can you give us a little taste? I'd love to hear. They're not here. I'd love to hear some of your flocking. They're not here.

Picture me as a large black girl in the cafeteria. Well, that's what I've been doing this whole time. What's up, player? What's up? Hey, girl. Well, okay, I'll take this. Here we go. There we go.

My black sisters, sit down. Get ready. Here we go. Well, so I can't physically write, right? So I have trouble writing. Yeah. And then I'm a very slow reader when I was in special education until like the fourth grade before they mainstreamed me. And then they like basically told me I couldn't read so that I didn't bother trying, right?

Yeah, well, I bother. Right. So when I was in junior high, the state provided a scribe for me, which was a woman that went to every class with me. and she's a middle-aged black woman from Mississippi, and her husband was a reverend and started a new church in St. Paul right at that time. And she got this job, and for six years, it was like I went to school with my big black mom. Wow! How cool! And she was like, she sat in the death next to me, took my notes, we took tests together, she would read.

Wow! And it was like the craziest experience. And she was amazingly just a force of a woman. Like she would come in the classroom. I don't think I ever saw her wear the same shoes. Wow. And she would wear like hats and just dressed up to go to work. But sitting in a high school desk and sitting there.

So she was a flamboyant dresser? Yeah, just. Oh, colorful. Yeah. And it was funny because I didn't really. they realized, like, the teachers must have been just terrified of her because she was such an opposing woman, like, just sitting in the classroom. And they couldn't, you know, they couldn't fuck up because she was listening.

And at one time, I remember she was painting her fingernails in class. Sure. Like big, long nails. Big, the long ones, yeah. And the teacher smelled the nail pose. Yeah. And he turned around and goes, who's doing the, who? Oh.

And you just, like, you just shut the fuck up and turn back around. She just ran, she didn't even, she didn't even have to. She just looked at him like, yeah. You must have formed quite a special bond with that, that woman. What a sort of odd pairing. Yeah, it's the weirdest pairing ever. Do you feel like that woman affected your life in a way? Do you feel like she?

Yeah, tons, man. She made an imprint on you. For sure. You must, she must live in your heart somewhere, I would have. Oh, yeah, yeah, Rosa Marie Daniels. Just that name. She's an amazing woman, yeah. We still are in contact.

I want to see it. I hate to say it. I want to see an after-school special. Yeah, man. With Rosa Marie Saint. Daniels. Well, it's my show. Okay, fine.

Daniels, Saint, whatever. Daniels, St. Marie. Yeah. Oh, that's such an interesting. And did she know that you were originally African-American as well? Not when she took the job, but she learned very quickly. So that must have given her a little. comfort.

Yeah, and again, it was like, I couldn't get away with shit. Oh, she was sort of a taskmaster. Like other kids would be passing notes and I'd be like, hey, can you write this? And she says, but... She was like... Pay attention, boy. Oh, wow. She called your boy.

Yeah, sometimes. That's got to be offensive being an African American. That's fine coming from her. Okay, yeah. I remember one time she was sitting in class and the teacher was a lexion of the teacher's lecturing and she was like tapping her fingers like did her nails yeah like on the desk and I was are you bored and she goes yeah I already went to high school oh wow like that was a really big moment my life was like oh shit you did go like like you know your dumb little brain doesn't

realize oh this lady is like this must be hell yeah amazing that's great that's kind of a very unique. I guess that's, if there's a silver lining to having a disability, you're afforded kind of special opportunities that someone without a disability would have. Not that you want that payoff, but it's an interesting give and take. Yeah. Again, a unique, very unique. Yeah. And then, you know, the Africa thing, I wasn't, you know, I was born, like I said, in Cameroon, but when I was 15, I moved to Senegal, West Africa for a whole year, too. So you're African-American again? Right, but I'm back for the motherland.

You're like a zebra. You just bounce back and forth between colors. Yeah, man. Wow. Unbelievable. Yeah. You're a lucky guy. Camillion, like I said.

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Get delicious, ready to eat meals delivered with Factor. And that's a fact, Tor. Well, I'll tell you, look, God's not perfect. He's given all of us flaws. and faults and disabilities in our own way, whether it's mental or physical or psychological or, who knows. And some of us got more than more. Some of us got more than others,

but I don't want to sit here and say that God didn't get it right. But there is one area that I'd like to bring up where I think he could have done better. I think he messed up. If you'll entertain this. Yeah, I'm ready. I don't think when we were born. born, God should have given us an umbilical cord. Okay.

It dries up, it comes out, it's long, it gets sniffed, it dries up like beef jerky, it withers away, it falls off, it's of no use to anybody. What I think God should have done, if I may make us suggest it, oh great supreme Lord, I think God should have given us an extension cord coming out of our belly button. and then look at this guy I could be charging my damn phone whenever I want

right from my damn belly button look at this I'm just walking along I'm down, I'm on low battery mode oh hello extension cord out of my belly button man how many things do you think you could charge well I could be camping and suddenly I've got a toaster

I could be up on Brokeback Mountain now I got a flat screen. A guy, I could be jogging, and instead of a stupid bottle of water, I could be rolling a mini fridge beside me. Or vacuuming, vacuuming. I could be vacuuming. God, hello, let's drop the umbilical cord,

let's add an extension cord. And I'm just trying to be practical. I'm trying to help. Are you with me on this or not? Yeah, man. If you hear back from the big guy, let me know. I'm not hearing a lot of enthusiasm. I think this is a good idea.

I'd be willing to take this onto Shark Tank. I'd get a fetus, modify it, and go on to Shark Tank with a placenta-covered fetus with an extension cord coming out. That's how dedicated I am to this, Oh, Holy Lord, host of the lambs, save your Lord God. Or what do you call him?

I don't. You don't believe in God? I don't call him. Would you like to? You got his number? I got his number. Hang on. Why aren't you just putting in a direct call to...

Hang on. I'm going to call him for you. You can say whatever you want to him. Dude. Say whatever you want to God. Is that on speaker? You know, it's just... I want you to have a call.

Say whatever you got to say. Let me get over here. Hey. Yep. Yep. You know, let it out. No, I'm talking. Now is your time. I know, but you can't interrupt it. You done? Okay, well, I just got to say I'm not upset about the palsy, but I'm a little mad about the neck and back hair. Okay. All right. Thank you. Ask him if he watched the baseball. ball game last night for me if you don't mind you say yeah he can hear you oh oh yeah

of course yeah I don't need to sorry I just can you text me his number of them yeah hang on thanks hang on you'll never believe his area code 666 unbelievable I believe it I do that wild

well I'm glad you got to connect with them yeah man that's The show is full of unexpected things. It's really been a healing experience, I think. I've been meaning to ask you, have you read all those books behind you? I read, like, a Chinese guy

sucking plum sauce out of an egg roll during a termite festival. Wow. Yeah. Well, you can I... Well, you asked. No, no, that's great. I was just going to say,

like, I first remember you when you would come to Denver, to comedy, right? Yeah. And, like, I got... I got there open for you when I was like a little starting out. Yeah. I mean, and I always remember, like, just like, when you were in town, I would try to get there and be, like, even if I wasn't on the show.

Oh, thank you. Yeah. I just like, thank you, Josh. Really, like, got me, you know. Oh. Thank you. That's so nice, funny. Well, I'm proud of you.

You've done so well, my guy, and you're still kicking ass. And before we do our final segment. I want you to tell the folks where they can see you do your tour, what your website is, what your social media. Hi, folks, it's me, comedian Josh Blue. And you can find my information on Josh Blue.com. You can also look me up on all social media, which is Josh Blue Comedy, across the board. I'm very excited about this.

My book just came out. Wow. You can get it on my website. order it there, I will sign it for you, but the downside is I mail them. So it's going to be late. Yeah, it's going to be a long time. You can also just get it on Amazon. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then my new special is on YouTube. It's called Freak Accident. Oh, wow. Yeah. Just went over a million views. Is that right? Yeah, I'm excited, man. Dude. Yeah. Woo. You're killing it. It's been great, man. And now not only that, now you believe in

God, because you just talked to him about four minutes ago. Yeah, thanks for... This has been a good... This has been nothing but upside for you at this podcast. Fuck you, Murphy. Yeah. Fuck Murphy's Law. Yeah, man.

Buddy, our final segment, everyone does it. It's called Words from a Wooden Shoe. We have an authentic Dutch cloggy. There's words inside. You reach in, pull one out, and see if it triggers a story from your journey. Maybe someone you met. be something you did in life. Okay, okay.

Pick any word you want, my guy. Let's see. And see what if it, you know, inspires a story for Josh Blue, uh, Denver's own. Yeah. What's your word? Underwater moment. Underwater moment.

Well, that's a biggie. Wow. Can you even swim? And I'm just asking. No, uh, this is, uh, it sure did trigger, uh, trigger something. Here we go, here we go. So I used to play for the Paralympics, the soccer team. Yeah.

So I was in the 2004 Olympics in Athens, Greece. You were? Yeah. Amazing. And I've been to eight countries playing soccer. And the particular moment that triggered, we were in Rio de Janeiro in Brazil. Yeah. Copa Cabana, beautiful beach.

and the team had a day off and we're all playing in the surf and the fucking riptide sucked me out like it like yeah like you know when you can like dive under a wave where you kind of bounce with one

yeah like I was like literally ankle to knee deep and the water just sucked me under and I stood up and I like dove under the next wave and when I came up I was like it pulled me out like half a mile out and I was like I do not swim well yeah and I'm like and I just remember wow I was like I was like neck deep and then a wave would go over and it'd be like eight feet above me water and I'd be like I remember the sunlight coming through like oh wow I was like

and I'm like jumping up and like water would go in my mouth instead of breathing I swallowed it instead of, like, aspirating. Yeah. And, like, I can see people on the beach, like, I think he's dying. And then... They were pointing at you? Yeah, yeah. People were, like, gathering, watching me dying.

But not helping, just pointing. And then this beach bum came out, ran out, dove in, and he swam over to me. And I'm like, I'm like, you know. And he's like, just swim with the current. I'm like, I'm not swimming, bro. You know? Yeah. He didn't know. And, like, one of the...

thing I remember in swimming class is like if someone's trying to help you let them help you don't grab them and yeah because people panic right so I was like I'm not going to do that and he like offered me his elbow and I just like put my hand on his elbow where he kind of like help me go above the water and then the trainer from the Paralympic team who was like a triathlete he swam out so then they both like came on either side of me and they like you know swam me back in and by the time they got me ashore, I was like blue from like

just, I was hyperventilating and like they were dragging the tops of my feet across the sharp shells because I couldn't even walk or anything. Oh like the coral and all that? Oh God. But I couldn't even like move my legs. I was exhausted. Oh wow. I was like I couldn't catch my breath

and then they laid me on the hot sand and I just remember and I just like puked up ocean water for like 10 minutes like probably a gallon and it was like that saved my life where I didn't breathe

it, I swallowed and then wow and then the scariest part still they come then they took me to the hospital in Rio de Janeiro

and dude I was barefoot with no shoes on and they took me in the hospital and the hospital floor was like muddy wet muddy and it was like splats

of blood everywhere and shit and then they parked me by a like a dead woman like there's a woman just like laying right here my wheelchair I mean I was there for like an hour this old woman did not move

I didn't see her breathing you know she was dead and then finally they like wheel me in to get x-ray to see if I had like I kept telling them I'm like I didn't breathe anything in like there's nothing in my lungs I didn't yeah but they weren't having it they won't yeah so

so then they take me in the waiting or the the examining room, but it's like a big room with like five examining tables in there. So other people are, like there's a stab wound in a thing and you can see it all. And right when the doctor comes over to me, the door's like bang open. And this lady's having like an allergic reaction where her throat closed. And it's producing all this saliva. And she like spins around and saliva like spins on all the tables. Oh, like a water wiggle.

Yeah. And I was like, and I was just laying there and go, I'd be a fine. I would like to go home now, please. You were like, throw me back in the ocean. Yeah, yeah, please. God. Wash this off. And then, yeah.

Wow. So, yeah, I damn near died in Brazil underwater moment. And guess who brought you back, your new friend? Yeah. You better call him later and say thank you. I don't think it was him. I think it was a beach bum. He comes in many disguises.

Okay. Yeah. Okay. God, holy host of the lamb, Lord's Savior, beach bum. Dude, and the two days after that, every joint in my body had, like, salt. It could feel like... Oh, my God.

Drink so much salt water. Dude, that's... Well, thank God you're alive, buddy. That was a near-death experience right there. I've had lots of them. Really? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Well, have me back on sometime. I'll take something out of it. of your shoe and work. Okay. Okay. Well, Josh, we're glad you made it. We're glad you're here, buddy. What's that hand there?

Can I see? Oh, yeah. If you want to do something with that, it might, you know. You'd think I could have just attached it like that? Yeah, if that's what you'd go for it. If it helps with the jitterbugs. Thanks, man. Buddy, thank you for being here.

Folks, check out Josh. Go see him. Check out his website. stand-up shows. Yeah, I tour all over. He tours everywhere. You can't miss them. And hilarious. Thanks for being here today, buddy. Thanks, man. Jitterbugs. Jitterbugs forever. And folks, that's it for today on the Holland Highway podcast. Until next time, Chicken Chau Mane and give yourself a hand. Hey, everybody. How would you like your very own personal

video message from me, yours truly. It's your birthday, it's your anniversary, it's your graduation, or you just want me to make you laugh. You get to pick the topic, you want me to discuss, give me some talking points, and off we go. You can get it for yourself or get it for a friend. It's super easy and fun. Just go to the cameo app on your phone or to camio.com. And I record a custom video made just for you or your loved one. Your very own personalized Harland.