The Harland Highway - JUNE PODCAST 2021 - A LITTLE SUMMER FUN!

Episode Date: June 27, 2021

A summer song by Harland! A call from Aunt Ruthy! Crazy whale and shark stories! A brand NEW dating APP! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It's summertime, and the living is easy. Hey, you pavement pounders, guess who this is? That's right, it's Harland Williams, and you are on the Harland Highway podcast. And, you know, I throw up podcast now and then because whenever I get in the mood, and what could get me in the mood more than summer? Summer being here almost, here, it is here. Who knows? If it's warm, I think it's summer.

But we're going to be talking about some summer activities. We're going to be talking about me and some life and death scenarios in the ocean. I mean, who doesn't want to go swimming in the ocean in the summer? But wait, you hear some of the creatures yours truly encountered during some of my forays into the big wild blue beyond. Pretty freaky, man. And then also checking in for the summer. is my Aunt Ruthie from Rochester, New York. She's always socializing, and when the weather gets warm,

she mingles with the people on her street. And it turns out she left me a voicemail, and I guess she had it through a barbecue or a street party or something. And so Aunt Ruthie is out here. And then also we're going to be hearing about some very unusual relationship stuff with a new app for pre-op people towards the end of the show. So it's going to be wild. Happy Summer.

Put your helmet on. This is the Harland Highway. Sit down, strap in, and tighten your diaper. Come on. You're about to go down the Harlan Highway. That means that every woman in this village who is capable of childbirth is going to have a baby. You shit kicking, stinky horseman, horse-mulling motherfucker, you. Tell me his name.

You must tell me his name. This is Harland Williams. Oh, well, my mistake. Ha ha ha. Guess I'll be on my way then. You just made a wrong turn. On to the Harland Highway. What have you done to it?

What have you done to its eyes? All of you. All of you freaks. Heavens to Murgatroyd. Whether you're wearing a pullover or a cardigan, it's the Harland Highway. I have to hang up now. Oh, golly. I love the cheering.

You know what the best part of the cheering is, is that it's, you know, it's like the end of June. And if summer isn't officially here, I don't know when it is. I mean, I don't even know what the official day for summer is. But it's got to be here by now. I mean, we're in the third week of June and the sun is shining and the, the oceans and lakes are warming up people are frolicking around in their shorts and their tank tops and their bathing suits and their bikinis and i thought man i should i should get the

energy right here man i should kick off the summer with some cool summer energy and and to do that i'm going to play i'm going to lay a song on you baby i'm going to play a song for you right here right now. It's a song that I actually did with my cousin, my cousin Kevin, and he's in a band called The Bare Naked Ladies. He's the keyboard player, one of the

guitar players, and he does it all, man. And we have a hobby band called the Cousins, and we put together this song called Bikini Baby Breakdown. And it's kind of an homage. I hate it when people say that.

It's kind of an homage. It's kind of an homage to those old kind of beach blanket bingo movies. You know, the movies from the 50s and 60s where all the groovy kids were hanging on the beach man and wearing their little bikinis and they, I don't even think the girls wore bikinis back then, did they? Don't they have to wrap themselves in tinfoil and, I don't know, walk around in a sleeping bag with the legs cut out or something? Were they even allowed to show anything back then? But anyways, there was all the, you know, the groovy, you know, beach movies

where all the kids were surfing and having campfires and breaking into songs on the beach. So my cousin and I put this groovy song together called Bikini Baby Breakdown. And it's just kind of a fun summary, you know, tap your feet while you're driving along type of song kind of, you know, the beach girl. and the beach guy and blah blah blah so without further ado to kick off the groovy summer podcast man please have a listen to our song this is me singing and my cousin Kevin doing all the music and this is the cousins and bikini baby breakdown she's leaving time Bikitty baby breakdown Bikini baby break down

Bikini baby break down Breaking down on me Bikini baby break down Bikini baby breakdown Bikini baby break down Break down on me Haking Bennett twisted Cr grooving by the scene

Bongo drums are blistern Under the palm tree Patti got the booty Caust the boys till he came She got a pink bikini That can freeze your brain Who Bikini baby breakdown

Bikini baby breakdown Bikini baby break down Bikini baby breakdown I'm Oh I'm Oh I'm

I'm Oh I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm

I've I'm Shake She's Go ahead She's All right All night long

Better leave in town Pikini sunset fading Wikini melting down Pekini baby melt down Bikini baby melt down Bikini baby melt down melting down on men Man

Oh come on baby Come on baby Come back to me, baby Oh sweet napinette Bikikini Oh, they're killing me It's standing here all alone. In the coconut house, baby.

Oh, Buc with some tan and butter up and down my back, honey. Oh, Betty. It's Hank. It's Hank. Poor Hank. She's leaving town. He blew it.

Bikini Baby Breakdown. And if you enjoyed that song, you can pick it up on iTunes or you can search around anywhere on the internet for it. And it's on the cousin's album called Rattlesnake Love. And if you enjoyed that song, there's about, I think, 10 or 11 more songs on the whole album and very diversified, kind of eclectic arrangement of different songs, different genres. And it's a ton of fun. So that's an official summer kicker offer right there.

And speaking of summer kicker offers, can I share some shark stories with you, please? I was down in Florida, and I was at this place where, you know, it was like a private place and there was a dock on the end of the property. And it was quite a long dock. And the dock went out into the ocean, obviously. and at the end of the dock you could sit on a bench or you could fish or you can climb down a ladder into the water and you could swim around

and you could dive and snorkel and all this stuff and I did all of it. You know, I took advantage of it. You know, it was beautiful, warm ocean water and it's Florida and it's, oh, it just feels great, right? But one thing I noticed is like just about every time I walked out on this dock, I saw a shark

and all kinds of different species of sharks I saw like bull sharks which if you look if you look it up on the list of the most dangerous sharks the ones that most commonly attack human beings at random

bull sharks are right at the top of the list I think it's between great whites and bull sharks as the number two like aggressors so I got that Then we got like hammerhead sharks swimming around. Just about every time I walk out on this dock, I see them. And then on the final day I was there, for God's sakes, I see a tiger shark,

which I think is number three on the list. And what's interesting is I was there for about like 10 days, and I probably went in swimming seven of those days, right off the end of the dock, where I'm seeing these darn sharks Now I'm either a complete moron and a fool Or I've got You know, you know what's made out of steel

Or I'm just lucky or I'm naive or whatever And then one night I made the mistake Of you know It was a little late in the afternoon The sun was starting to set It was beautiful, it was picturesque I've got the fishing rod out and I've been casting a fishing rod since I was a little boy man like I've been fishing my

whole life thank you very much and so over the years you know when you cast a fishing line it's like anything else when you do something a lot you get good at it and with a fishing rod when you cast you acquire aim just like if you were an archer or a marksman you you figure out the whole aim thing. You figure out velocity and trajectory and force and aim and all that stuff, right? So my aim is pretty darn good. I'm pretty darn accurate. Like if I see a clump of weeds or a pile of lily pads or an old log and I'm like, oh, I bet there's a fish sitting right under that old log, I can dang well cast my lure across through the air and land that lure right in front of that log to entice the fish that's hiding under that submerged log

to come out and attack my lure. And any good fisherman gets prolific at casting. So I'm standing on the dock, picturesque sunseting. You know, that Florida sunset. Oh, takes your breath away. And I look down into the water, and here comes a like probably six-foot bull shark so a fairly big mature bull shark

and I watch it go right by me it's right below me in the water I'm standing over it on the dock I'm probably up about nine feet over it and it's probably out from the dock about I'm going to say about six feet maybe so let's put it this way if I dove off the dock I could have landed on its back

okay I remember bull shark this is one of the mean boys So this thing swims by me And because the water gets murkier And there's seagrass and stuff You know, I lost sight of it But I could still see its weight The water was very calm at this point, right?

It wasn't choppy And so I could see the sharks wake I could see him displacing the water As he moved along His fin was not out of the water but it was just under the water, and it made kind of a ripple, a moving ripple, right? And so this thing got a good, probably 45, 50 feet away

from the end of the dock, which is quite a space. 50 feet is pretty, quite a long, you know, that's a lot of feet. Not to a centipede, it's not, but to me and you it is. And so I'm like, geez, I wonder, you know, with my casting skills, I could kind of figure out where the shark was underwater from the wake it was leaving, and I thought, I wonder if I can ding the thing with my lure. I had this, like, big kind of silver spinner on it, and I thought, what the hell? So I lined the thing up, and I cast, like, 50 feet out there,

bang, my lure hits the water, and, man, I must have hit that bull shark right in the back, either in the back fin or raid on the back, like somewhere, but I made direct contact, and this thing just churned in the water, this big, powerful, predatory fish. Hey, everybody, who wants to have better sex? No, yes, yes. The answer is yes.

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when you sneak up on a dog and you touch it on the back and it spins around, it's like, you know? Well, that's what this shark did, but in the water. And as I said, the water was fairly calm. And so there was this giant turbulent splash and the water was frothing. thinking, oh my God, I'm like, I hope this shark did not look up at me with its big black, gooey eyes and go, okay, okay, Mr. Fisherman, I got you my sights.

You want to throw shit at me? I'll take care of you. Going to be hard to cast when you have no arms. Oh, oh, right? And so here I am swimming around in these waters that are rife with sharks and not just little ones, but like ones that could do some damage. But just so you don't think I'm some kind of like gladiator, this is an area where there's lots of people swimming around. And it's not like a beach area.

This is more like a diving area. So when I say there's a lot, it's not like a beach. There are no beaches in this part of Florida. It's kind of like more of a nature part of Florida. And so the only people swimming are people out. in their boats, and to put it in perspective, maybe there's like 20 boats around. So people are diving off their boats and going into the water, and I'm out there swimming around. And I don't know, man.

You know, it's hard not to swim in the ocean. And, you know, they say that wherever you go swimming in the ocean, there's sharks. It doesn't matter. If you're in the ocean, there are sharks around somewhere. And they say that getting attacked by a shark, you have a better chance of getting hit by lightning and blah, and that's all fine and dandy until the day you got a shark swallowing you. So just to put it in context, I'm not the only moron that's swimming around out there,

but, you know, isn't it weird us humans, how we put ourselves in danger? You could just say to yourself, you know what? I don't really need to swim. You know what? The swimming's fun. I like to swim. I like to splash around and get wet. I don't necessarily want to do it where I can get eaten.

There's not a lot of places in life. We as humans as we wander around through cities and countries and towns. There's not a lot of places where you can actually get eaten. You can get shot. You can get stabbed. You can get run over. But think about it. It's not often a human gets eaten.

Okay? And here we go jumping into the water where if you think of it, it couldn't be easier for a predatory fish like a big shark to eat humans. We have no defense mechanisms. Get away. Get away. What are you going to slap it? Get away, you big six guild monster.

I'm trying to swim. Get away, slap. Slap, slap. Like we have no defenses. We're easy to cut through. We don't have scales. We don't have a thick hide. In fact, we're like a peach.

We're the peaches of the animal kingdom. We get a nice, easy, pink, fleshy, you know, or if you're black or Latino, whatever color your skin is, it's the same density. A shark could just pretty much bite through it like it's biting into sponge cake. I mean, we're probably the easiest meal. We can't really swim away very far.

fast. I don't know why they're not eating us more. Maybe they just haven't clued in yet, but. So I'm sure a bunch of you listening have swum in the ocean and you've been around sharks and I don't know, we just do it. And I guess it goes to show that our mythology about sharks is completely inaccurate. You know, this notion that sharks are just patrolling the shallows and the depths waiting for humans to step into their realm. so they can tear them to shreds.

Nothing can be further from the truth. I mean, really, you know, in the history of humankind, the amount of people killed by sharks is minuscule compared to everything else that kills us. So I guess I'll keep on swimming with the sharks and see what happens. I guess I'll regret it the day when it happens.

If it does happen, I don't want it to happen, but I don't know. The ocean is just so much fun. Oh, gosh. Oh, well. Little summertime story for you. And speaking of summertime, my aunt Ruthie always, you know, loves summer. She gets very, she was always very summer.

My aunt Ruthie, by the way, she's like 89 years old. She lives up in Rochester, New York with my uncle Harry. They're the cutest old couple you'll ever meet. They've lived in the same house. house on the same street, right up there in Rochester, and Aunt Ruthie has all her little customs and traditions, and she does a little barbecue, neighborhood barbecues and strawberry festivals and whatnot, and it sounds like Roger, she left a voicemail for us telling about, I don't know, I guess, what she's been doing or what her summer plans are

or something. Roger's just shrugging his shoulders. He doesn't know. So you obviously haven't listened to her message. Yeah, well, I guess I can't blame Roger. As you know, if you listen to the podcast, Aunt Ruthie's messages are kind of long. They're kind of detailed. But you know what? I cut her some slack. She's just so loving. And she's, you know, I grew up with my Aunt Ruthie. It's my mother's sister. And Uncle Harry's a bit of an odd ball. But he was always the nicest guy. And they're just, they're just nice old people. So, Raj, let's share it with the listeners, with the pavement pounders. Let's play the message, the summer message from Aunt Ruthie, from Rochester, New York.

Take it away, Rodge. Hello. Oh, my God. Hello, Angel props. Oh, my goodness. Is this thing even on? Oh, my goodness. I think I got your answering machine again, Angel.

Oh, my God, I never know if you're listening, or you know, you're sitting in your bedroom, reading your magazines or whatever you do. Oh, Angel, or Jamie Rand Ruthie calling from Rochester, New York. How are you, Angel, Pop? Oh, we miss you so much as you know, summertime started ony pie. Oh, my God, there's so many stories to tell you,

Of course, we had a strawberry festival barbecue in the backyard the other day, and everyone from the street came, and even a couple of the people from over on Waddington, you know, Daryl and Stacey Jackson, and there's the Carmichael's, and even Dr. Quincy and his young wife, Adrienne, she showed up, of course, you know, looking like a million dollars and a little bit of spare change off the night table, if you know what I mean, Angel Pops. And we just had a whole backyard full of people, and people brought strawberries for the Strawberry Festival, and everyone was having just a wonderful time. We had the hot dogs and the hamburgers going on the grill, and your Uncle Harry, you know,

was overseeing everything. He likes to cook. Do you remember, Angel? when you were just nine years old, I'll never forget it. Oh, you're so cute. I'll never forget it. You were eating a hot dog over you over by the picnic table. And a butterfly came flying down and landed right on the tip of your little feckled nose.

Do you remember, Angel, and you screamed. You thought it was a bat out of hell or what a Satan's minions or something. We were like, relax, Angel Pops. It's just a butterfly. They're harmless, but, you know, you saw the wings flapping and all the polka dots on its, you know, it's retarded wings, and you were screaming like, you know, you'd just been fondled in the back of a white van by a bunch of priests or something, for Christ's sake. I mean, we'd never heard such screaming, and we and Harry looked at each other, and we're like, what's wrong with Damien from the omen over there, eating his hot dog, is a butterfly on your nose, and it was the cutest little thing. and everyone was chuckling and pointing and you were running around in the yard

like you just had, you know, your first round of herpes or something for Christ's sake, Angel Pop. But anyways, we were here and everyone's having a great time and of course, you know, our old friend Irene Handelson who always likes to drink one too many margaritas

if you ask me personally, Angel Pop. Well, Irene got going and, of course, she tripped over the beer, where she was wearing a summer clogs with the corks soles on them, you know, Angel, she likes to show off her toenails. She always paints them purple and pink just so everyone will look at her feet.

I think they're disgusting, but, you know, she has her things, and she likes them, but anyhow, she tripped over the beer cooler, and she'd had a few too many of her fancy margaritas, and her face went right down on the grill. Oh, my God, her face right on the grill. grill, and it stuck there for just a few seconds, and she screamed almost like you did,

your little monkey, and she sat up, and she had grill marks on her face, and of course, two of the guys from over on Delphin Street, you know, Mike Davidson and Paul Minster, well, these crackpots always looking to get a joke in. They pulled out a Sharpie, for Christ's sake. Minter had a shoppy inside the breast pocket of his Hawaiian shirt for Christ's sake. He pulls it out, and these two, you'd see that Irene's got the grill marks on the face, and these two fools start playing tic-tac-o with a choppy to put in X's and O's all over her face, and she's three tits to the wind, you know, she's like a sunrise sinking behind Korea Town, and, you know, the rats are running into the drain types, for Christ's sake.

I mean, this girl's so drunk, she probably puts a dress on backwards and pees through the flap in the front, even though there isn't one, you know, Angel pops. So here she is. She's got grill marks out over her face, and, you know, there's all kinds of commotion, and you know, Harry, oh, my God, Angel, your uncle Harry, you know what happens to him when he eats too many onions. Oh, for Christ's sake. Harry puts onions all over his cheeseburger, and of course he gets the gas, and nothing's wasting the gas of a 91-year-old man. I mean, I mean, people. picture of volcano that's blowing fish guts into the sky, covered with, you know, some old

ladies halitosis from the senior center, for Christ's sake. So, Harry gets the onion gas, Angel Pop, and of course he doesn't want anyone to know, so what does he do? He squeezes the ketchup bottle, right? Angel Popp's, you know, the noise it makes when you squeeze the ketchup bottle, and it's almost empty, honey, you know, it goes, you know, it goes, you know, makes those little noise. I hate to do it on your answering machine,

but you know, the noise is, can you hear that? I'm trying to make the, you know, when you squeeze the ketchup bottle, Angel pudding pie, you know, you're squint, and all the air gets in it, and the ketchup's almost gone, and you're squeezing it. You know, it sounds like a bunch of elves are hiding behind a mushroom, you know, blasting diarrhea from here to eternity.

I mean, it's just like, you know, if someone could poo inside of a leaf blower and put it on full blast, I mean, your uncle Harry, you know, when he's doing it for a reason, Angel, you know, you're squeezing ketchup, hey, everybody, I've got ketchup, we're almost down, look. Can you hear that, Aene? I'm trying to make the noises that. ketchup, you know, the way it sounds like someone's in the bathroom, you're squeezing a, you know, a sea otter out of the onion ring. So your Uncle Harry's not fooling anyone, and, well, of course, you know what's going on. Uncle Harry's using the ketchup bottle to cover up his real excresions. And here's Uncle Harry in the middle of the Strawberry Festival for the whole neighborhood angel, and Uncle Harry, you know, all over his

hot dog, and what he's doing is he's timing his real gas of the excretions with the ketchup bottle. And, of course, now the air smells like, you know, someone just burnt a cat and, you know, held it up in the air and waved it around like a dirty dishrag in the back room of an applebees, for Christ's sake. It's just, you know, when he's, your uncle Harry's, you know, lifting one of his 91-year-old ash cheeks, and it looks like someone just pulled a loaf of raisin bread off a hot. hot road, for Christ's sake.

You know, and he said, but it's starting to smell. Oh, my God, it's like someone left a Caesar salad in the backseat of a hearse, for Christ's sake, and the corpse sat up and started eating it and wondering where the croutons are, little angel. I mean, it's just horrible. So Uncle Harry's not fooling anyone.

He's trying to time his emissions with the ketchup bottle, and before you know what the place smells like someone just boiled a catfish, and, you know, Dr. fucking Chevalgo's underpants, for Christ's sake. Excuse me, I got a little bug in my throat. Oh, my gosh. But anyways, Angel, anyways, everybody left. They left early. They couldn't stand the stink coming from your uncle Harry.

And I was, when we got in the house, you know, everyone was gone. We didn't even have time to bring out the strawberry shortcake. And that's the whole pit. The whole purpose of the strawberry festival after all, isn't it, Angel? Remember when you were a little boy and we used to put whipped cream on the end of your nose? And, well, that's probably why the fucking butterflies landed on your stupid face. But anyways, Angel, we miss you, we love you. We wish you could have been at the strawberry festival except for Uncle Harry's movement, you know.

But, you know, he does what he does, and he has a good heart. and he loves you. Say hello to the angel, Uncle Harry. Oh, I don't know what he's saying. It looks like he's sucking on a salami sandwich over there in the corner, a septent angel. But anyhow, we love you, Angel. Please give us a call back, or if you have time,

come up to Rochester and visit your dear Aunt Ruthie and your uncle Harry. We love... Say goodbye, Harry. Harry, use one. Birds, what are you, a caveman? Well, Christ in Heaven, he's eating something. It looks like a tozy roll, but he's putting it in sideways, Angel. Every love you.

Bye, Angel. We love you. Yes, I know. Hello? Hello? Hey, Harlem. It's a T.J. from Indiana. I had called for a while

but I just wanted to say I really appreciate the few podcasts that you put up and I'm glad I ain't worth you back I just wanted to say thanks it's really enjoyable too when it comes across my phone

and I've got a new podcast from Ireland it's just fun and I like listening to him And I just wanted to tell you, I appreciate it. So, check your name, bro. Later. E.J. from Indiana. It's got a ring to it, doesn't it?

E.J. from Indiana. I don't know. That's a cool name to me. I like that. But, um, dude, thank you so much for that wonderful phone call. You know, I got, I got to be honest, sometimes just those simple. little calls where I can hear the authenticity in someone's voice and they relate to me that the podcast means something to them, that it gives them something of value, whether it's entertainment or just to hear someone talking in their ear or whatever it is.

I won't overanalyze it, but whatever it is that gives them some kind of something. and they convey that message to me. Sometimes that in itself is enough to get me to do another episode. Just one person. And I don't know. I really have an emotional reaction to when somebody leaves a message like that because it, you know, it just tells me that there's something there that they get something out of.

And I guess I'm a bit of a giver. I guess I'm a bit of a giver I like to give And I think that's what makes This the most fulfilling of all of this process Is that You know I do this for me in a way Because I have fun

But I wouldn't be doing it If you guys didn't exist If I was the last guy on earth I wouldn't be doing podcast to amuse myself I do them because I'm hoping That's somewhere out there in this vast world, there's someone laying in bed at night

or sitting in their office or driving in their car or going for a walk and somehow they've got this podcast on or one of my other ones and it's bringing them something of value, whether it's a lot of joy or a little bit of joy or a lot of laughs or a few laughs, but it's enough to keep them engaged

and that they want to hear it and they want to listen to it and they want to hear more of it and so uh i tell you what buddy that that kind of message you left um really just hits me right right here and i'm i don't know if you can hear that but i'm slapping my left breast right now for you and i think i just punctured my nipple but that's okay um so thank you for that wonderful message and it's inspirational to me as you can no doubt hear from my reaction to it. So as a result, partially from your message, I have been doing this other podcast here

and not that I just get triggered by your calls and your messages, but they certainly do prod me along and they give me a reason to really want to get in there and do some more. So thank you, buddy. Hope you're having a fun. I'm hoping you enjoyed the last segment from Aunt Ruthie. She's such a mess. And let's keep going. Enough of this table talk. Let's keep, we got some podcasting to do. Let's keep going here. Okay, here we go. The Harland Highway Crazy news stories That's weird

That's strange stuff Okay We haven't done a crazy news story in a long time And that does not mean that the crazy stops Okay If there's one thing we know about the world Is the crazy just keeps them coming I mean isn't that why you're listening to this podcast

Because you're crazy Here's the headline for today's crazy news story, and I can relate to this a little bit. Whale Swallows Lobster Diver, rejects him as a meal. So think of the irony there. Here's a guy who's essentially diving for seafood for people to eat from the ocean, and he himself becomes the seafood. Remember I was talking earlier with my sharks? story about it's very rare

that humans are eaten you know it's just not a common thing to be eaten that's not how humans die unless you lived on Jeffrey Dalmer's street and then there's a really good chance you were eaten but

it's really a rare thing when you think about it oh how'd your father die oh he was eaten oh really yes he was apparently he was delicious honey bar had a honey barbecue sent to him or I don't know people said he was fabulous

they wish there was more of them well he was pretty fat yeah but they wanted more but um here we go let's read this story a Massachusetts and I cannot say the word Massachusetts whoever named this state

should have their fingers cut off because I cannot for the love of me say Massachusetts or whatever the why is that even a name Massachusetts. Where are you from? Massachusettsish. Like, shorten it, do something. Stuff it down a whale's throat. Just anyways.

A Massachusetts lobster diver survived being swallowed up and then spat out by a humpback whale off the coast of Cape Cod, giving him about 40 surreal seconds in the mouth of the large marine animal. In his own biblical Jonah and the whale story, Packard said it happened in a flash as he swam in about 45 feet of water one moment before everything turned dark in an instant on Friday. Packard said he initially thought he was attacked by a shark but realized he didn't feel like he was bitten and wasn't in any pain.

That's when he realized he was actually inside the mouth of a whale and fought to locate his breathing regulator fearing he could run out of air. and suffocate, but the whale had other plans moments later. Good Lord. Can you imagine just being swallowed up by a giant whale? And I'm going to tell you my story about the time it almost happened to me, and I'm not even joking. But let's get through this story first. The guy says, a humpback whale tried to eat me.

I was in his closed mouth for about 30 to 40 seconds before he rose to the surface and spit me out. I am very bruised up, but I have no broken bones. I mean, when you get spat out by one of the largest creatures on the planet, I mean, if he was spat out in Massachusetts, where did he land? Like, Colorado? Like, that is not just a, that's not like spitting a greener out the water. window. I mean, you're talking about a whale that's as long as a 747. You get spat by a whale. Where the hell do you land? I mean, you turn into whale greener at that point, man. Packard said for those frantic moments, all he could think about was his two young boys and possibly dying inside the whale before the mammal rejected him as a meal. Can you imagine?

There's no way that if you were swallowed up by a whale, like not even like Massachusetts CSI could figure that one out. Okay, so let me get this straight. Packard went in swimming, right? He was underwater looking for lobster. That's right, Chief. And he just vanished into thin air. Yep, no blood, no sharks, nothing.

I mean, how do you figure that, Mr. when you're just engulfed and you know the acidic nature of a whale's stomach and its insides? I mean, you know, who knows what that could do to a human body? It'd be like kind of one of those mob movies where they throw corpses in a barrel full of acid. I mean, you got a picture, that's probably what's going on in a whale's stomach. This poor lobster fisherman, he probably would have just been sizzled alive before suffocating. And it's dark and he's sloshing around with all the dead fish. I mean, talk about, you know, feeling like your fish chowder or clam chowder before you die.

Oh, my God. I mean, the guy was clearly a seafood lover. Maybe he could have a little snack before he dies. And it was like, I'm going to die. I might as well enjoy some fish. chowder. I mean, this is about as fresh as it gets. I mean, right out of the outshed, I mean. And then who knows what he would have looked like coming out the other end? I mean, I've seen whale poo, man. I've been out on a boat, like right over a humpback whale when it let

loose. And it is nasty. It's all white. And it stinks and it floats on the water. And it looks like, like mucus. And it's, oh, dude. I've been out fishing. And it. And. And this plays into my story. I used to go fishing up on the shores of British Columbia, just south of Alaska. I'd go salmon fishing up there. And trust me, there were whales all around me, humpback whales. And they'd come up and swim beside the boat. I can practically touch these things, man.

And they would crap and they would spray out of their blowholes. And they could be nasty. They're beautiful creatures, don't get me wrong, but they're kind of nasty and gnarly. And then one day I was out there in about, I guess it was about in a 17-foot boat, like a fishing boat. It was me and my bait guy. And I've probably told this story way back years ago on my podcast, but since you don't want to go digging for it, I'll give you the truncated version. And we were out in the morning and the ocean was calm.

And one of the ways humpback whales feed is they sometimes travel in little schools or pods, as they call them. Got to use the right whale terminology, man. A group of whales is a pod, baby. Oh! Anyways, they dive down really deep. They go under the schools of fish, under the mackerel, or whatever their prey may be. And these ingenious whales, they're very smart. They start swimming around in circles.

beneath the fish, the schools of fish, and they blow bubbles out of their blow hole. They blow air bubbles, and they do these wide circles, like, we're talking like the width of a four-lane road, okay? It's a very broad circle, and these whales swim around, and basically they make a wall of bubbles, and the bubbles float slowly up to the surface, and the fish, the mackerel, who aren't all that brainy, get confused, and they stay within the bubbles. They don't know what it is. And so they're hesitant to swim through the wall of bubbles, just the way a mammal on land is hesitant to run through a forest fire.

You see what I'm saying? And so what these whales do, is they corral these small schools of fish. I mean, they're big schools of fish, but the fish are small compared to a whale, obviously. and then these whales come torpedoing up from underneath and they open their giant, giant mouths. I mean, these mouths are like a train tunnel, okay? And they basically come to the surface and swallow all these fish, these schools of mackerel hole.

And so one time I was out fishing with my bait guy and we're in this 17-foot boat and we saw some hunt-back whales not too far off, and they were doing the bubble circle. And I said to my guy, I said, geez, wouldn't it be interesting if they did the circle right under our boat and came up and swallowed us. And I'm not kidding, lirtle-gurls and smurgle-blurgens.

I would say about 10 minutes later, okay, we're on the boat. The water was very calm on the ocean. that day. It was sort of like glass, if you can believe it. And all of a sudden, I looked to my left and I see a bubble come up. And I go, oh, where's a bubble? And then a few feet from that, I see another one. And I go, dude, do you see those bubbles? And then another one and another one. And I looked and I saw a circle forming around the boat. I'm not kidding. We were dead center. Okay. We were bullseye. and I'm watching this circle form, and all of a sudden the circle completes, and my brain went,

dude, we are right underneath the whales. I was at the controls of the boat. I'm not kidding, ladies and gentlemen, I have a video of this, okay? I had the wherewithal to be filming with one hand with my cell phone and driving away. I slammed the boat into reverse, and as I'm backing out, of the center of this whale bubble circle, two freaking gigantic humpback whales breached right underneath us, right on the bow of the boat, and I'm backing up,

and I'm telling you, if I hadn't put it in reverse, we would have been knocked flying and potentially could have gone right down the throat of these. I mean, when they open their mouths, like I said, it's like a train tunnel. I mean, this was dramatic stuff. We were freaked out, man. And maybe I'll post it on my Instagram or something. By the way, if you're not on my Instagram, get on it because it's a lot of fun. People love it.

I post a lot of wacky things. So anyways, that's my story. It's terrifying. And this guy actually got swallowed. He actually did not escape. and let's keep going with the story See what else he said He goes

I could sense I was moving He told the Cape Cod times I could feel the whale squeezing me With the muscles in his mouth Doctors released Packard from the hospital Battered but no broken bones And one heck of a fish story to tell I'll tell you what

Yeah Wow I mean you know just swallowed by a whale. We never think of that. We always think shark attacks and dog attacks and lion attacks, but you don't count on getting swallowed by a whale. And as a guy who escaped a swallowing,

it's kind of a funny term. Well, I'm happy to be alive. I escaped a swallowing. Excuse me? I escaped a swallowing. What do you mean? attacked by small birds, swallows? No, no. You had a perverse sexual experience? No, just it was a swallowing. Okay, buddy, whatever. Yeah, whatever you say. What was it, a whale or something? You know,

and you know what? Because it is so hard to believe the swallowing thing, you know what, I dug it up. I actually, I can't show you the video of the thing. I have the video of it, but I took the audio from the video. I told you I filmed this with my cell phone. I was steering the boat with one hand and filming with the other because I knew by the bubbles being all around the boat that these things were coming up. And I thought, man, this could be once in a lifetime like video opportunity. So as I mentioned, you can hear the whales coming up right on the bow of the boat. You can sort of hear the hum of the motor. I had it kind of of in a low idle mode and I'm kind of booting it backwards. And then I say to the guy,

you know, that could have been us. And then I told you I had my bake guy with me. And he was kind of like a, a Spacoli, like a stoner dude. And you'll hear his voice. And let's put it in. Take a listen. Wow. They did it right under us. Dude, that would have been us, man. So there you could hear kind of the excitement in my voice there. I was like kind of took my breath away, to be honest. And, you know, you're probably going, well, I didn't hear a loud splash.

Well, it's not like the whales don't come up and breach. They don't, their whole bodies don't come flying out of the water and they drop down. What they do is they literally come up with probably the top of their head. So just past their eyes, their whole front snout, they have this huge big front snout, and that comes out, and then, you know, their eye is behind their mouth. And so kind of, if it was us, I'd say it'd be like up to our Adam's apple, you know what I mean? That's how much comes out. And so the whole top half of the whale, which is gigantic on its own, it's the size of a freaking school bus.

But then that giant mouth opens, and there was two of them. like literally right up the tip of the boat. So what you're hearing is them like just coming up, mouths open, and that freaking guy I was with just cracks me up to this day. It's like, man, that could have been us, man. That would have been us, man. So there you go, man. A crazy news story that kind of spilled over into my own true life crazy news story.

And just insane. You know, here I am if I'm not getting swallowed by whales, Mr. Idiot, swimming with bull sharks and tiger sharks. And good Lord, maybe I should just stay away from the water, man. Holy crap. Do I even tell you about the killer whale episode? I mean, I'm on a roll here. Maybe I will.

Maybe I should play the audio from the killer whale thing. It's like, oh, God. I feel like I have no choice now. So same scenario. I'm up in this fishing area. I'm on the Pacific side. I'm up by British Columbia off the shores of British Columbia. I'm so close to Alaska, I can see it in the distance.

And we're coming home from a day of fish in. I'm driving the boat once again. I've got some people with me in the boat, fishing guides and whatnot. And I'm driving the boat. And as I'm driving through the, ocean, I see a giant dorsal fin, and I'm like, what the hell is that? I get closer. I see like six more dorsal fins. And lo and behold, it's a freaking pod, another pod, baby, of killer whales.

And I'm like, holy smokes. And I'm thinking, okay, well, let's get in a little closer. And in all the excitement, I kind of really wasn't sure how many there were, and I didn't really you know, get a full grasp of how spread out they were. And so as I'm approaching the killer whales, I realize I went in a little too far, and now I'm kind of right in the middle of them. You know, I'm not used to navigating through killer whales, are you? Have any of you had to maneuver a motorboat

through a half dozen killer whales before or maybe more? I don't think so. You know, you don't go to driving school for killer whale maneuvering. So now all of a sudden I've gone in too deep, and I'm right in with them. I'm part of the pod, man. It's like I've joined the gang. I'm one of the killers. I'm one of the killer whales.

I'm in the pod, baby. And I'm like, holy jumping. And when you listen to this video, you'll hear I get two goals. And you can start to hear the blowholes. These things are coming up. and blowing their air all around me and I look down and I realize I'm almost over top

and one of them is like a young one, a juvenile, a baby. And it's hard to call a baby whale a baby because they're as long as a submarine but yet somehow there's still a baby. That's like if our human babies were the size of Andre the giant, you'd be like, yeah, that's a baby, but not really a baby, you know.

So now I'm over top. I'm like, holy God. And I'm thinking, good Lord, I'm going to hit the baby with my boat propeller. Mama Orca is not going to be happy. She's going to flip me in the air. She's going to charge the boat. Man, I'm a whole mess of whale, man. Between whales and sharks and killer whales.

What the hell? I should not be allowed to near the water. I should not be allowed in. near an ocean. Something is not right. But anyways, listen to this video. This is me coming up on the whales, and you'll listen for

their breathing. You'll hear their blowholes all around me, and it was pretty freaking nutty. Here we go. Right now I'm chasing killer whales. You can see them breaching right here. I'm 25 feet away. This may be my last video.

We are right beside the killer whales. we are running with the killer whale i'm about to hit a killer whale i'm about to hit a killer whale i'm moving away he's almost under us wow i mean could could you hear it could you hear the the breathing the thing was like right beside me i could i could have stuck my finger in its blowhole and murdered it I got to choked it out. I got to put my thumb in it, like Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater or whatever that. I'll just stuck in his thumb and pulled out a plum and what a dear boy am I or whatever that stupid nursery rhyme.

I got a stuck in my thumb and murdered a whale and now who's the killer, killer whale? I am. I'm telling you, man, it's just ridiculous. I'm afraid to even keep talking. about fish and marine life because everywhere I turn I'm running into danger here it's just nuts

it's really nuts that would have been awesome so enough enough with my whale and fish stories good Lord let's do let's switch gear let's close out the show with something else enough holy God I'm starting to get

seasick aren't you either that I want to go to red lobster and see if I can chase something through the kitchen. I'm getting the urge to chase some seafood or something. It's like a sickness now. Okay, okay. Roger, do we have any guests? Is there anyone?

We do. Okay, good. Who is it? Okay, hang on. I'm pulling up the memo. Roger sent me something on the laptop here. Oh, okay. relationship expert as summer comes on and after COVID. Oh, okay. So yeah, I get it. So we're

kind of, we're going to talk to someone about kind of the latest, you know, dating trends and things like that after like the whole COVID thing where people were shut in and how times have changed and whatnot. Okay. Who is it? Okay. All right. Well, I'll just get an interesting. production on the air and they're on the line now. Okay. Patch them through and we'll close out the show with this interview, I guess, right, Roger? Yeah. Okay. Patch them through. Here we go. Okay. Let's jump into it. Hello there. We got someone on the line. Hello there, Mr. Williams. Yes, yes. Okay. Roger, we are connected. I have your name here, sir. It's Sandy Dalavar. Am I saying that correctly, Dalavar?

That is correct, Mr. Williams, yes, absolutely. Sandy Dalavar. I'm a relationships expert. I travel the country and span the globe, giving lectures and seminars on relationships, human relationships, couples relationships, and of the sort. Okay, well, this is a timely, you know, people have been locked in, people have been shut in and I think a lot of, you know, a lot of relationships were under duress and, you know, faced a lot of psychological challenges and, you know, physical challenges. And, I mean,

people don't always do well when they're kind of shut in and forced to be together. Yeah, you're absolutely right, Mr. Williams. And the appetite for our relationships is really expanding, especially during the COVID crisis. I think we saw a lot of people turning to dating gaps and whatnot, and looking for alternate sources, possibly alternate types of relationships. What do you mean alternate types? Well, possibly alternate lifestyles, if you will, opposite to orientations, if you will. You mean like sexual orientations and Uh, yeah, yes, across the board, Mr. Williams, uh, people, uh, you know, have jumped around from, uh, being extrosexual to being bisexual to, uh, you, I don't need to fill in all the

blanks. I mean, it's like a smorgish board of sexuality out there. And, and, yes, that's true. People are, it does seem to, you know, all the, all the terms now, I don't even know them all. Well, you'd have to open a, uh, Wikipedia to get them all. because there is a extreme proliferation of the terms, the terms for people's sexual orientation and the things people are doing. So you're absolutely correct there, Mr. Williams. Well, I mean, this brings us back to you. Can you give us an example of some of the changes that are going on?

As you mentioned, people maybe got restless during COVID, and a lot of people online, a lot of people turning to their phones for apps, And maybe, I think I can say this, sir, getting a lot of exposure maybe to material that maybe they won't get in their everyday routine if they were, you know, involved in their work and their nine to five and this and that. Well, you've hit the nail on the head, exactly. And when people are shut in, they can't sit there and hold a conversation all day. And so, as you know, we live in a cell phone society, and people turn. turn to their machines. And as you so aptly said, Mr. Williams, they have been exposed to alternate lifestyles, and this is where our new app comes in. Okay, so you've developed a new app for what?

Well, for people to explore alternate lifestyles. And what is the name of your app, sir? It's called Op Hop. I'm sorry, Op Hop. That's correct. Op-hop. Op-H-O-P. And what does op-hop stand for, sir? Well, I'm sure you've heard the term pre-op. Say again, sir? Pre-op? Pre-op, yes, pre-op when somebody's, you know, preparing for, I think it's for a sex change. Am I right?

That is absolutely correct. Pre-op is when someone is getting pre-op for the day that, you know, they will essentially have their genitalia turned from male to female or female to male. Yeah, and, you know, that's a big decision for someone to make, and so somehow your app, what is it, sir? Op-hop, op-hop. Op-hop plays into this? Well, it's a play on words.

It's pre-op, but it's also the word hop. Okay, meaning... Well, yeah, let's break it down like this, Mr. Williams. You know, when you're pre-op, you're living in a world with all due respect where one day, let's say you're a male. Right. And the next day, you're a female. Okay, you know, it's a bit fantastical, but look, this is the world we live in. This is the choice that some people want to make, and they have the freedom to do that.

They absolutely do, but it's also a very, very unique position to be in. Would you agree, sir? A hundred percent, yes. Look, it's not something I want to do, but there's people out there that want to go under the knife and change their sexuality, I guess. And this is where our app comes in, Opop. Well, what exactly does Opop do? Well, this gives people that are curious, people that want to explore,

a chance to experience the best of both worlds, and it also gives the patient who is undergoing the sex change operation to experience their newfound sexuality and their old-found, their old existing sexuality, I should say. I'm not sure I'm clear on this. So, op-hop. Basically, it means if you want to hop from one thing to the other, in a matter of 42 hours, you'd get on our app.

Wait a minute. So let me get this clear. I think I know what you're saying. So basically you're saying that you match with someone who, let's say I'm a man, I match with someone who's a woman. That's correct. And this could be on, let's say, a Monday. Okay.

And then I go on a date with them and what? presumably well you presumably might have sexual intercourse with them okay so that's pretty normal i'm having sexual intercourse with a woman on a monday they go under the knife on tuesday right and then by wednesday or thursday you're having sex with a man well wait a minute you so you're saying what i'm saying sir is if you want to fulfill your checklist of sexual desires, sexual fantasies, sexual curiosities, for all that matter. Op-hop gives you the chance to, basically, to put it in layman's terms, get laid by a woman on Monday and get laid by a man on Thursday.

That sounds maybe a little, I don't know, is that insulting? Is that a little... No, sir, because it plays both ways. you've got to remember, the patient is also experiencing a change in their sexual orientation. Meaning? Meaning, well, they are also eager to try sex for the last time as, let's say, a man, but excited and looking forward to having sex for the first time as a woman. And what we do is we find people and couples who are interested in,

Basically, op-hopping. Is this some kind of new term, sir, awe-popping? Well, you know, it's something that we're leaking into the lexicon, and it did, why not? This is very strange. So basically you're encouraging people who are sexually active, obviously, are sexually curious,

and they want the best of the two worlds, a male and female partner. all in the span of four days. And this is the beauty of it. You can get it out of your system. You can try it. You can tell your friends, hey, you know, you're at the water cool at work. Hey, John.

I got laid by Cindy on Monday. And then, you know, I took it in the rear end from Jack on Thursday. Well, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute. So that sounds a bit crass. And, you know, I think that could be borderline insulting to people who are pre-up. We've got to be careful here. This is a delicate matter. Well, look, it's like I told you, it's not just curious people who are not pre-op.

This also applies to the pre-op patient. Let's face it, there's part of the reason they are going through this procedure is not just because it's a psychological journey. Obviously, human beings have very strong sexual desires, and part of their journey to change over to another gender is probably out of curiosity and possibly for a need or a insatiable desire to experience sexual contact as that other gender. And so the journey at Opop is to appease the person who, you know,

the subscriber to the app, and also to satisfy the person undergoing the procedure. So, op-hop. That's right. And we're also opening a special... Sir, what is it? We're opening a restaurant chain called pre-I-Hop. And this is...

What is it? Pre-I-Hop. What is pre-I-Hop? Pre-eye hop is it's like a pancake house for pre-op patients, people who have undergone the surgery because, you know, the system needs nice soft food and a pancake going through the system. And so it's basically we set up a first date for anyone who's dating on op-hop, and we funnel them towards our own restaurant called pre-eye hop. Okay.

This sounds a little kind of contrived, if you ask me, sir, and it sounds like you're kind of cashing in on these people's conditions. Well, it's not a condition, Mr. Williams. It's a choice. And what we're doing is we're creating a safe playground, a safe area, and a safe zone for not only the people who join the app, but for the pre-op patient. So, you know, if you want to have sex with a guy and a girl,

uh, well, you know, in one week and then also throw in some delicious fluffy buttermilk pancakes. Uh, you know, op-hop, the op-hop app is the place you want to, you want to be. This seems just a little too. And I, I'd also like to mention our double dunk package. What is the double dunk package? Well, that is, uh, if, if you want to, if you want to try both ways where you can go out with a girl on a Monday, and then on Thursday it's a guy, but then you decide who's on the top

and who's on the bottom, or basically it's called the double dunk. That that makes no sense at all. So I don't know that I like this app. It sounds, I don't know. It just seems like people, can't they just go out and try this on their own? Yes, they can, but it's unlikely they're going to get,

a pre-op patient. There's not a lot of them, and so we funnel them all to the same app. They all have profiles. You can see a picture of them before the operation when they looked like a man, and then also see them what they look like as a girl. And for an extra 1995 a month, we'll actually show, albeit blurry pictures, but we will show areas of the groin and the genitalia slightly blurred for to, you know, just to keep it.

That sounds, sir, this sounds totally offensive, to be honest. You know, I would think anyone listening who's going through a pre-op procedure is making that leap, making that commitment to change their lifestyle. This sounds borderline insulting. Well, you listen, Mr. Williams, you did ask me to call the show, and then this is what we're doing, the op-hop app, and, Can I interest you in a double-dunk package? What?

Well, I'd like to, if you'd like to sign up, what I can do is I can give you a discount on the double-dunk, and we can also get you a reserve table on Saturday night at the pre-IHop if you join Op-Hop right now. Sir, look, no offense, but I don't have an interest in that kind of thing. I'm not interested in dating someone who's dealing with that or going through that. I'm heterosexual. I like women. I'm not looking. Well, you know, I think you're missing out on some wonderful pancakes.

And by the way, this Saturday we're doing blueberry walnut. And what we do is we put whipped cream on top. And it's just wonderful. And you get a bit of a mixed bag because the pre-op patients Adams apple has. hasn't settled yet, and so their voice is still breaking back and forth, and so for half the meal, it sounds like you're talking to a woman, and, you know, their register is a little higher, and then the Adams Apple slips down, and then there's a little deeper, so it's almost like you're talking to, you know, two different people, Mr. Williams.

You know, sir, it's a fascinating prospect. I applaud your ingenuity, but no, I don't think this is something I'm going to promote or spread to our listeners. This sounds, doesn't sound healthy or right. It sounds exploitive, if you ask me. Well, Mr. Williams, I mean, look, everybody wants to get some, and if you can get laid by, like I said, Charlese on a Monday and Danny on a Thursday, I mean, that's a pretty good night of night prowling, isn't that?

Night prowling. Well, whatever you want to call it, but so if I, I can get you down for op-hop, and we'll get you the double-dunk package, and we'll get you a nice corner table with the pre-eye hop, and we'll get some blueberry banana pancakes going for you. No, I don't want pancakes, and I don't want to be, no offense to any pre-op patients listening. I don't want to be with a pre-op. That's not in my wheelhouse. If someone wants that, great.

That's not for me. Well, Mr. Williams, you know, I think you're sounding a little. little close-minded and for someone with a platform that, uh, you know, is, uh, is getting out to so many people. I think you want to really promote op-hop. No, I don't want to promote it. And you know what? I think out of courtesy and respect, I would probably actually want to sit down and look someone in the eye who was going through a pre-op surgery and, and get their opinion on it. I would really like to hear what, what someone who's living that existence has to say and not, not just take it from you, I don't think pancakes and pre-op and all that stuff.

Well, listen, have you ever put vanilla in your pancake batter? Because not only does it make it fluffy or Mr. Williams, but it adds such a flavor. And I think, you know, picture yourself at the pre-eye hop, and you're staring into, you know, Barbara's slash Carl's eyes. and, I mean, the buttermilk pancakes sliding down your throat and you're picturing and making love on a waterbed with your first man, but she used to just two days ago,

she was a woman. Sir, I think we're going to terminate this, and thank you for your consideration. Thank you for calling. This really isn't something I'm kind of agreeing with. Okay, okay, listen, it's not for everyone, but can I get you down for the double-dum? package here and the

sir good night thank you about the triple slam I don't know Roger that was that guy is that wrong what he's the what is it the op hop app

you you hop back and forth with a pre-op I don't know I'll leave it up to the listeners to decide but I found that really a little distasteful to be honest I wouldn't, I don't know. But, you know, he's right in a way that people are doing this stuff.

Maybe he's on to something. I don't know. We'll leave something for our listeners to ponder, and we'll leave it there. That's an interesting way to end the show, I guess. And, wow. Mercy. But before you go, I want to remind all you guys that are listening out there to look into joining my Patreon account.

This is a digital platform where artists like myself, creators like myself, can put out exclusive material or first look material onto this digital platform, and people that are fans of what I do, people that enjoy what I do, can sign up and pay a monthly fee, a very small monthly fee. You can pay $5 or $10. or $25, whatever you want.

And you can see all kinds of crazy stuff. And by the way, the people who are on my Patreon account, they get to hear these podcasts first. They get exclusive first rights to the podcast. They get a first look at just about everything I do. Any of my new short stories that I do on audio or any little projects I'm working on. And also there's a video series.

on there called two guys in their underpants where I've traveled the country and parts of the world and taken these crazy little dolls with me and basically film little short movies with them. And this content is only available on patreon.com. So to get to my Patreon page, go into patreon.com backslash Harland Williams. So Patreon.com, then hit the backslash symbol on your keyboard.

and then my name, Harlan Williams. And it should take you right to the site, and you can look at it and see if you want to join and get a whole bunch more of my insanity that I think will put a big smile on your face. There's a lot of wild, funny comedy. There's a lot of cool stories, which kind of border on the more serious side of my brain.

There's photographs, there's drawings, There's all kinds of creative Harlan stuff there. So if you're a hardcore fan or a semi-fan or you just want something that'll make you laugh and get you stimulated, go and take a look. You can browse the page for free, and if you decide it's for you, you can jump on and support,

and you can pay a minimal fee to get all the material. And if you decide you don't like it, you can just as easily jump off. So it's whatever you want. but I did want to make you guys aware of it. And also another little plug before I go. I don't know if you have Netflix or not. But, you know, I do a lot of writing behind the scenes

when I'm not doing stand-up and other things. And there's two movies on Netflix right now, and I heard that one of them was the number one movie on Netflix. It's called, I think it's called Here Comes Trouble. and or looking for trouble, one of the other, I should know the name. It was originally just called Trouble, and then they added something to it, and that's why I'm not totally remembering it. But it's an animated movie for families and adults and kids.

It's really fun. It's sort of like a Pixar movie, and it's about a little dog named Trouble who gets lost. And basically what happened is they had a script for this movie, and it unfortunately wasn't in very good shape. and it wasn't really cutting it, as they say. And so they brought it to me to fix. And basically I did a page one rewrite on this whole movie. You know, there's going through a movie and punching up jokes and adding lines,

but this was a movie where I really had to change the structure and change the dialogue and introduce new characters. And so I basically did a full page one rewrite on this movie that's doing really well on Netflix and I invite you to watch it now don't go looking for my name in the credits as the writer because unfortunately the way

the Writers Guild for animated stuff works is the people who did the first pass of the movie legally get entitled to the credit of being the writer and so you will not see my name in there as the writer even though I pretty much as the producer said

saved their movie So I'm kind of proud of that. It came out really good. It's really cute and funny. And if you look real hard, you might even see a character in there. You might even see a dog character in there that sounds a lot like me. Might have my voice. He's actually a really fun character that I did in the movie.

So look for him. And then I did another movie that's on Netflix. I did the exact same thing. I did a page one rewrite. And this movie is called Fearless. and this movie's about a kid who's like a video gamer. It's another animated movie, and he's a video gamer who accidentally brings some of the creatures

from his video game into the real world, and he has to deal with them. And it really came out well. It's a lot of fun. It's called Fearless. And once again, you will not see my name as the writer, even though I revamped the whole thing. But once again, you might hear my voice in there

on one of the characters. I won't tell you who. So there you go, guys. I hope you get a chance to check them out. I'm proud of the work I did on those two movies, and I'm proud that they're doing so well. And even if you're a grown-up, I think you'll get a kick out of them. They're a lot of fun. So there you go. A little plug for me. Hooray for me for once. Wait, what am I talking about?

Anyways, let's wrap it up. We're getting long in the tooth here. We're almost at an hour and a half. I usually just do an hour, but then that weird op-hop guy called in, and yikes. What's his number, Roger? I want to get that app. No, I don't. I don't.

So thanks for listening, guys. Be safe. Keep on grooving. Have a great freaking summer. Oh, God. I think I just got some pancakes stuck in my throat. But watch out for sharks and whales and killer whales and all that other stuff when you're out there swimming. And I hope you have a really great summer.

I have a feeling you'll be hearing from me again before the summer's over. I don't know. I probably can't resist. But until them, my friends, all the best. Have fun. And until next time, chicken. Chao Maine, baby. Dude, that would have been awesome.

Thank you. Thank you.