The Harland Highway - KIRK FOX and the mysteries of women. The BLM movement, and can women feel the same pleasures as men?

Episode Date: July 14, 2026

WINGMAN is out now on Gumroad, Apple TV and Amazon Prime! GUMROAD- https://thewingman.gumroad.com/l/WINGMAN APPLE TV- https://tv.apple.com/us/movie/wingman/umc.cmc.nfzru25awp5jnendhudhjw9t This episode is sponsored by Hims & Hers, Quince, Kalshi!-Download the Kalshi app and use code Soccer10 to get $10 when you trade $10. Youcan also sign up at kalshi.com/r/soccer10, which auto-applies the code at checkout. -To get simple, online access to personalized, affordable care for ED, HairLoss, Weight Loss, and more, visit Hims.com/Harland.-Go to Quince.com/harland for free shipping on your order! Thanks for watching the Harland Highway. More Harland Williams: Harland Highway Podcast Video: https://www.youtube.com/c/HarlandHighwayPodcast Harland Highway Podcast Audio: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-harland-highway/id321980603 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/harlandwilliams Harbling Shirts: https://www.harbling.com Official Website: https://www.harlandwilliams.com Twitter :https://twitter.com/harlandhighway?lang=en More Kirk Fox: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kirkfox/ X: https://x.com/kirkfox Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/foxkirk/ #podcast #harlandwilliams Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Let's see you out there. We're going to have some laughs. And also, don't forget, folks, I'm going to be in Brea, California, the Brea Improv. Great Club. Get your tickets. All the information right here in fronty at harlandwilliams.com. And we'll see you soon. What if you pay for your cremation in advance?

Yeah. And then you die in a terrible fire. Wow, do you get a refund? That's the question. Because now you're being cooked twice. Twice. Like refried beans. This is the Harland Highway.

Just will make you crazy. When did we start? Like the minute I sit down, should I always assume? You're on. The minute I sit? The minute buttock touches pleather, and that is a pleather chair. We were talking about this trying to get this right. You were behind a camera.

Yeah. But you were. That was recording. Like I said, if you were standing, we wouldn't be. But the minute your buttocks touched pleather, you're on. we're recording. You know, it's very shady, this whole operation. Yeah. So that's why I just kind of like to know when I'm being sabotaged. What is that?

You think you got problems? Can I read? I got a letter in the mail. Okay, I do like a letter. Is it from me? Huh? Is it from me? No, you know who it's from? Let me read it to you. This came in the mail to me. I'm not showing my address. I'm going to read it to you. Just like that. So basically we're here for you. Well, this could apply to you too.

Okay. But this is a letter unlike I've ever got my whole life, an accent on the word life. I'm going to just sit back, let you have your moment. Well, I think you're going to be able to commentate deeply on this. After. After. It's not a long letter.

But you're a man of depth. You're a man of foresight. I don't have a... either of those. You will. I do not have to hear this letter. I do not have depth or foresight. And you said I did. Well, because I know once I read this, you're going to be able to offer up some calming words. Maybe not. I think you will, because you have depth and foresight. I don't, but go ahead and read, and then I'll see if I'm moved or if I want to comment. I hope you help me through this. I'm a bit traumatized, guy. I can tell.

but I'm not here to help you. Why not? We're buddies. Are we? Not really? Yeah, so I sit down and you're like, oh, you're going to be able to help me with this. And now suddenly I have the pressure to help.

Well, here's the deal, Wally Wallberger in helping me. This is going to help you because this is applicable to you too, Fine Grinder. Do you know? Do you know it is? Oh, yeah. This is going to scare you, too, fibroid face. Okay. Ready?

There's a lot of, those are all adjectives, correct? Yes. So fibroid, can we talk about that first? Sure. It's not going to stop me from reading this. I know, but it might set the table. You called me a fibroid face. Now, is that good?

Yes. What is it? A fibroid is a fatty ball clump that grows a woman's uterus. Okay, so when you say fibroid face, so I'm a clump of something that grows in a uterus. Well, no, your face has a bunch of fibroids all over it. So is that positive? Not really. Okay, so you're being hurtful and negative, and then you want me to give you help? But I set it up after you said we're not really friends. So we're allowed to. Do we really? Do we know what friendship is?

No. So you can call me something, face. I would never. Why not? I think you're beautiful. So beautiful face. Okay, beauty. Great.

Okay. I'll take it. Are we ready? Yeah. And fibroid. Face. I guess it's better to say fibroid face than to describe what a fibroid is. Well, let me help you here.

Oh, will you please read it? Well, look, here's a uterus, and a fibroid grows. So a uterus, that looks like an elephant. Yeah. Have you looked at that? There. Okay. Yeah.

So what part of my face is? Well, the fibroids grow inside. Think of a gumball machine full of big jawbreakers, and so the fibroids grow in the uterine wall, and then take the amount of there and pop them all over your face like zip. And now your fibroid face. Now, do the fibroids bring out my eyes? Yes.

So it's a positive. That is a positive, yeah. So I apologize for thinking that a clump that lives in a uterus and that is probably cut out to save the woman's life. Right. For me to think that was negative. Right. Because now that I see the uterus, and I'm kind of against pornography, You are?

Unless I'm in a room where it's filming. Yeah. Then I get involved. Good point. But to look at this, it's very sexual. Yeah. I don't like to just look at a vagina. This is a vaginca?

This is a uterus. Now, is that part of the vagina? Yes, but it's the inside that you would never get to see. I would like to see that. I've often tried to get in there. Like this is what Superman sees when he looks at a pussy. A what? Superman has X-ray vision.

The P-word was pretty... Hard? It's getting there. Well, when you touch... I'm just trying to drive the point home. Superman has X-ray eyes. Does he? So when he looks at your snatch...

So that's triple X-ray. Triple-X-ray eyes. So when he looks at a... He sees right through... No, the pun. When Superman looks at the pu... Let's just... With this...

Shiffle X-ray eyes. He doesn't see what we see the lovely lips. He sees the fibroids. He goes right inside and sees the inner. So if he looked at my face, and then we'll get to your letter. I know that's important. It is. So he would look at my face and see fibroid.

No, because they're on the outside. Your fibroid face. So you'd have fibroids all over your face. Okay, so Superman wouldn't see fibroids. He would see them, but if he looked through with his x-ray eyes, he would see your skull. Okay. And can I, is that a, there's a thing called a pocket. Is that what that is?

No, this was a mistake. I ordered online from my nephew. I wanted to get him a toy elephant on Toys or Us. And I accidentally ordered from Toys or Uter Us. Ah. And I got, this is what, I guess, was the closest they had to an elephant. Toys are uterus.

Uterus. Yeah. And boy, was he surprised when he opened that package. Can I ask you one question as a friend? Because I was told we're friends. Well, first you said we weren't, though. I know, but then you said we are. So now we are. Yes.

For this segment of the podcast, we're friends. Of course. As a friend, what do you need to ask me? That's what's inside a woman? Yeah. So I'm not saying it's happened often. Yeah. But there's been penetration at times in my life with the Pinal.

Yeah. Into the Pissin. Into this, yeah. So that's the canal. Yeah. That thing. You see the nose? Yeah, the trunk right here.

So is that what I'm going in? Yes. So at times I'm going all the way up between the eyes. Yeah. And is there a top part? Yeah, it's called the skull. So if you can get all the way up and hit the, it's called the cranium. Of her.

Right. So if you feel something hard when you're in her. Besides myself. It's going to, if you go too far up, you're going to hit the top of her skull, and you can't get past that. Everything's soft and fleshy till the top of the cranium. And then are you supposed to stop or keep trying? You got to pull back. Because you won't get through it.

Unless your hole on your knob has gopher teeth. and then it could chew through. At times, there has been things of that nature. Oh, I don't doubt it. I told you once about crabs. Right. And I went to swim at night late. Yeah.

Thinking they'd leave. Right, right. But they did not. Yeah. Part of me thinks more joined. So crabs aren't from the sea. Well, there's sea crabs and then there's crabs. Okay, that's the one.

I had. You had the crabs. Okay. So just the last thing about this. Yeah, because this, I don't know if you've ever held a uterus, but my wrist is really starting to throb. Like, I've been holding this uterus for about five minutes. No, the throbbing is just DNA. You're a man holding a woman's canal. But it's not overly throbbing. It's getting swollen and it's getting moist. Okay. Last. I know.

Okay. Well, I'm just saying this isn't easy for me. Okay. I hope it's a short word. You see the nose. Yes. Is it half like that, or is there, is that sliced in half? This is a slice. This is, think of this as a pizza slice, but it smells like a woman. Okay, so there's a lid to the, that. Well, you could fold the trunk up and it's called unfuckable.

Okay. With pepperoni and olives. So untrunkable. So I'm just wondering why the penis feels good in there sometimes. if it's only a half. Well, this is just a present for my nephew. But is it a half? This is a half.

Yeah, this is a, called a cross section of a put. Okay, that was the question. Okay, my arm is killing me. I don't know how much this uterus weighs, but I don't know. Can I put it down? Yeah, you can. God, wow. Unbelievable.

That was interesting. I was just confused. Yeah. of the cross section. Yeah, right. Because if there's no top, there's no friction. There's no friction. That'd be like laying a weaner on a hot dog bond.

Yeah. But you didn't close the bond. Okay, so that does close. That's concealed. That's a casing. Yeah. That's like putting a bullet in a chamber. Okay.

But without the top half of the chamber, the bullet won't fire. Okay, see, this is education. Yeah. Okay, do you want to read your letter? I would like to, because this, This pertains to you, too. I believe we got a little sidetracked. That's okay.

It's part of life. Yeah. And this is part of life. Okay. And this is paper? This is paper. This came in my mailbox. Business reply mail.

Dear Harland. So they know you. I guess. That's what's really terrifying. Why would they say, Dear Harlan? Yeah. For over 50 years, Neptune Society and its affiliates have been recognized as the largest,

and most trusted cremation provider in the United States. We provide simple cremation at an affordable price without any of the unnecessary services many people don't want. A, I'm dead. I don't care about the price. B, I've never had someone mail me a letter saying, hey, I'd like to burn your fucking body guy in an oven. That's a little scary. I'm traumatized.

But they said you have been chosen? They're just offering their services. Like, do they know something I don't? I've never had this before. I have. I found out that you can pay for cremation in advance. Yeah, that's what this is. But what if, and I've always thought about this,

and you could tell them that, what if you pay for your cremation in advance? Yeah. And then you die in a terrible fire. Wow, do you get a refund? That's the question. Because now you're being cooked twice. Like refried beans.

Oh, yeah, like refried corpse. Yeah, so that's something I, because I've gotten one of these. I don't think it was... Oh, you did. Well, you know, it was really scary about this one. It came with a California Pizza Kitchen menu attached to it. That's not bad.

Now, are you going to do it? I don't know. Do I want to, like, write to someone and tell them I'm, I want to... I think about death a lot also. You do? Yeah, and it's just mainly because I'm married. Oh, yeah. So I think about death a lot, but...

Oh, wow. Talk to me. I just, what I'd like to do is wherever I die, it's so soothing to me when you do that. When I slurp? Yeah. You want another one? Yeah. It's just like a white noise machine. It's great.

But when I die, and it's coming, I feel it's right around the corner. Oh, look at you. I want to be, it's the fibroids. Yeah. I'd like to be left where I die. Okay. Let nature take its course. Okay.

So wherever I die, just let me lie there. If I die on the couch, leave me there. and then I started thinking, that's not cool. What if I'm on the remote? What's the remote? You know, for the TV. Okay, now if I die and I'm on the remote, someone's going to have to move that.

Or if I die in the bathtub. Yeah, like Whitney Houston. Yeah, you're going to have to leave me there. So then I thought about places where I'd like to be left. Wow. And I thought about, and you can tell me where what you'd like done to your corpse. Okay. But I wanted, and I've all, I've trained for it, and it was in play. I was going to

climb Mount Everest. Okay. And do five minutes of stand-up from the top. Oh, wow. It was a plan. That would have been a career highlight. It would have. And Comedy Central was going to allow me. It was a two-oxygen bottle minimum. My first comedy Central Presents and only one was supposed to be from the top of Mount Everest. Wow. But it would have cost 250 grand. Yeah. Ed Vistris was going to lead me.

There was no guarantee. Wow. So they decided against it. Yeah. And just put me in front of Mount Everest. It was a backdrop. Oh, God. And it was very painful.

Have you ever thought about doing a stand-up something a little lower to the ground? Like maybe the grassy, in Dallas? I thought about that, but I don't want a tick. Oh, yeah. There's a lot of ticks. You don't want to do a special and get Lyme disease. No.

So now this was where I was, I said, forget it. Yeah. I want to climb Mount Everest. You don't have to film it. Okay. And when I get to the summit, which is inevitable, everyone is summiting now. It's just expensive.

That's why so many people can't. Yeah. Guys with no legs are summiting. Blind people. Blind people. Anyone. 90-year-old woman. People on downers, which is kind of, you know.

Downers going up her. That's really, that impresses me more than a guy with no legs. Old women have summited carrying a pot of stew. I watched a woman give birth to triplets on the peak the other week. Exactly. It was a Discovery Channel special. A dating list. Go mountain babies.

When you get up there, you have to wait in line. Yeah. There's hundreds, and you're just standing in trash. And you get five seconds to stand on the summit, and then you're gone. You've got to go. So here's what I suggested to some Sherpas I know. Okay. I dated my Sherpa's daughter.

I've been to Everest. Raspberry or Orange? It was more of a tofu. Tofu Shurpa? Type Shurpa. I'm an orange Sherpa guy. That is very. You go a tangerine, anything orange.

God. But I want, I want to summit, which is inevitable. And then I just stay there when they say your five. Right. They say your five seconds is up. I'm like, I'm going to just stay. And I get on my hands and knees. Oh, boy.

And now I'm a table. Either that or your Eskimo doggie style. That's fine too. Eskimo doggie. Those are a Siberian Husky style. Yeah, yeah. But then I would just be a table. Yeah.

So people could sit down at me on Everest. Yeah. But then I realized, oh, they're going to carve their initials in my back. Yeah. And they're going to put gum under you in my belly button. And what's worse, you're going to get the coffee cup rings all over, and it'll look like you got hot stone massaged. Yeah.

Yeah, you don't need that. that. No, but that's what I was thinking. And now, and I think I've told you before that I have invested in a Viking funeral. Oh, so you want to be on a burning funeral pyre? Yes, it's a little canoe. It's a kayak. Kayak, yeah. Hey, folks, today's episode of the Harland Highway is brought to you by Kalshi. That's right, the largest prediction market in the United States. Here's what makes Kalshi different. You are not playing against a house. Kalshi is peer-to-peer trading. You buy a yes or no contract on whether something will happen and you're trading directly against other users. Think of it like buying or selling

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You can also sign up at Kalshi.com slash off. slash soccer 10, which automatically applies the code. That's K-A-L-S-H-I-K-L-S-H-I-C-T. Trade what's next. Calci. I've looked into it. Okay. They wrap you in paper.

Okay. Newspaper. You can pick your paper. Okay. I wanted the sports section from the waist down. Nice. I'm very athletic, Harlan. Yeah.

And from the waist up, I wanted like the comics. Yeah. You know, funnies, the Sunday funnies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I have friends that I've given archery lessons to. They did not know why, but they're going to be trained to fire arrows at me. Oh, wow. So I will burn.

I've studied currents. Okay. Oh, so you want to be on a floating fire? You push it off? Push it off. Oh, wow. And then you shoot flaming arrows at it. Yeah, that's Viking and East Indian style.

Yes. Wow. And then knowing the current. So you could be like a Vindaloo even since you're already cooking. Exactly. But the big fear now is currents. They're changing. I don't want to be on fire.

And then the current bring me to shore. Yeah. And then some kids are having a birthday party and they start roasting s'mores on me. Yeah. Or they're playing VIII. volleyball and a burning, smoldering corpse washes in in the middle of a slam shot or something. Yeah. And I also canoe at night. I thought you were on a kayak. Yeah, I canoe kayak at night on a lake sometimes. Okay. I fall asleep and I don't want my friends to shoot arrows at me. Yeah.

Not knowing that I'm alive. I respect your final resting place. Mine is a little more complicated. Let me hear it, brother. And thank you for your patience. Oh my God, I love it. This is why I told you this was going to lead to a lot. But as you want to die in place on the crest of Mount Everest, I wanted to. I do not now. I want to die during the lovemaking process and die while inside of said lover. And I'm just worried about how she's got to deal with me not wanting to be moved the way you don't want to be moved. What's interesting is when you die, you continue thrusting.

Yeah. So if you passed away with a bonorama. Yeah. Well, making love. Whatever you want to call it. Yeah. Because I went to med school for a week. Okay.

So if you die with a bonorama, it remains a rectal. Yeah. Oh, yeah. So she could keep going. Right. It's like when you chop a chicken's head off, it keeps running. Yes. If you're making love when you die, yes, your brain will be dead, but you will still keep

humping. And she can continue. She can achieve. She can have her orgasm. What is that word? Achieve. No. Orgasm.

And that is... That's when a woman climaxes and achieves full erotic sensation. Okay. Question. Okay. I did not know that they could also... Many don't. achieve orgasmic since...

Well, you're looking, you're talking to a lover. So what I am is I'm a lover. I know my way around women, the way a cattleman knows his way around a bull's nut sack. Okay, so women can also climax. Yeah, they can orgasm multiple times. And when did this start? Probably when I hit puberty.

No, I mean for them. Oh, has this always been in play. Yeah, this is from the... primal days, we just didn't know it until 1986. It was just nobody knew it. They didn't know. How'd we learn that by accident, clearly? Well, I said it was me.

Oh, so you... I discovered that women could, because I'm a lover. If you look at me, if you look in my eyes, I can be very seduct... I can't see. I'm a lover. Well, I'm not going to look in yours. I don't want to seduce you. Yeah, so that's interesting. This changes thing. This changes thing.

And that was in 86. This was an 86. So when I die, I want to be, you know, in mid-intercourse. And then when I take my last breath, my body keeps humping, pumping, grinding, and plowing. And those are all things involved in helping them achieve. What's the word? Achieve orgasm.

Yeah. Yeah. This is, like we've done a lot of these podcasts. Some of them you learn stuff. I mean, this must be my seventh or eighth or not. I mean, I've come here a lot. What was that last part? I've come here a lot.

And you say you don't know about orgasms? No, is that part of the phraseology? Well, coming a lot is kind of intertwined with orgasming. But that's for me. You just said you came a lot. So orgasms apply to men also. Men and women. Okay.

I thought it was called nutting, nutting. Nut? No. No, that's something else. But here's the stigma that's attached to the woman that is with me when I die. Yeah. I'm a lover. When I'm on her, she's a lover. But that when I pass away while I'm on her and now I'm technically dead, but my body keeps going like a beheaded chicken, she goes from lover to the stigma of having to be a necrophil. for the rest of her life. And at the funeral, everyone's going to be like, there's the corpse fucker over there.

It's like, but that's not on me. I didn't plan on fucking. You'll beep out that word, the F word. No. You can say the F. Yeah. The thing. I'll say it right now.

Do you want me to? The ucker? Fuck. Hucker. Hey man. Hey man. Fucker. Fucker.

Fucker. I barely know her. So this is pretty. So girls can only. Girls can orgasm. And then what, does it, do they like it? They like it and they can, so men kind of have to wait in between. Women can do what I call a machine gun gasm.

They can just, they can do 15, 16 in a row. They almost become stutterers. Okay, that seems greedy. Have you ever seen a kid stuttering? Like a kid's like, I, I've never seen it. I look away immediately. Okay. If a child or anyone I know begins to stutter, I look away for fear of catching it.

Yeah. Well, picture of vulva stuttering. The car? The car? The orgasms. The vulva. That's another word for the pun-uh. Volva.

The put-in. I know, but did you say vulva? Volva is a technical word that only lovers really know for the put-in. Okay, this is why I've never known what a vulva. was. I had a Volvo. Okay. They're close. But they're boxy. Yeah. Well, box is the key word, and you don't have to wear a rubber because there's already

four rubber tires. And what is a rubber? What's this? That's a condom. Again. I know. This isn't easy for you. This is so much knowledge. Yeah. So condom and rubber are the same thing. Right. But when they have a multiple orgasm, it's almost like a kid. A kid with a goofy lips.

stuttering going, I go, good, good, good, good, good. And the Volvo's like, go, good, good, good, because it's like a machine anyways. So women can have these multiple things? Multiple. It's kind of a bummer because I was men. And this started in 86. 86 in Glendale. Yeah, I took a girl to the IKEA cafeteria. So when a girl goes on, she got jacked up. When she goes IKEA, yeah, that's an orgasm. Either that or she's calling her husky. That's not bad. But This is good to know. She got really turned on. I took her for dinner at the IKEA, like, cafeteria.

Oh, they have those meatballs? The meatballs. And she got fired up and, you know, boom, boom, bangy, wangy, boom, bingy bangy, bingy bang. So what do you do to get them no orgasm? You just say, die on them? Well, that's, if you keep pumping, you'll achieve. They'll have an award. And we die.

Well, you can do it when you're dying, but if just for your sick, you might want to try it while you're alive too. They like that. That seems to defeat the purpose. Oh. You don't want to... I don't want her to have one of those orgasms. Oh, you don't? But also black widows, when you have sex with that spider, they die.

The women? The women eat the men. Yeah, so that's what's happening. Oh. When a woman has an orgasm, they're killing us. They are? Explain. I just said it.

But their joy, we know we can't. create that again. It's a one-time thing, right? The orgasm wants a life. No. They can do it every time, just like us. Wait, we can. Yeah.

And what's even... Every time? Well, what's even more fascinating is they can pretend, too. They can do what's called a fake orgasm. I do that. Yeah, you knew about those. Yeah, I fake those. You do?

I'm like, ah! And then there's just nothing. I was like, it was so fast. And then your wife's always saying, How come we never have any children? Please don't bring up my wife when we're talking about sexual. Lovemaking, yeah. Yeah.

I don't think she's ever had a... Your wife? Why would she? Yeah. Orgasm. Yeah. Have you ever asked her? I don't talk to her.

Does she moan when you're making love? She moans just when she wakes up and looks at me. Does she groan when you're making love? No, this is just when she sees me. She groans and moan. It's not when we're making, what's the word? Well, during the act of coitus, does she do pleasurable moans because that could be a hint that she's having an orgasm. I've never had sex with her.

This is the crazy thing. And we have a child. Wow, so you have an immaculate kid. Not very clean. Huh. Not at all. Whoa. So this is interesting.

I hope that she sees this. Well, I told you this would open a lot of doors, and I was right. And you are deep, and you are insightful, and you did address this in a very robust way. So thank you. And I hope when I die, you come to my barbecue and sniff my sizzling meat. This whole thing is educational. Women can orgasm. Do they know?

No, I don't know if they know. Can I talk directly to your listeners? Some orgasm talk. Well, I don't like the talk, but a lot of you might not know this. I learned today, women, these beautiful creatures, can also orgasm. Right? Yeah. And they have what's called multiple stuttering orgasm.

Orgas. Yeah. And that's it. I guess it, does it feel good for them? They love it. They love it so much they fake it? They'll fake it or they'll do it on their own when you're not there, which is probably better. They fake it so we leave.

They fake it to make you feel good to massage your ego because, you know, looking at you, you probably couldn't. Satisfy. Yeah. Yeah, I'm not here to satisfy women. Yeah. Who are you here to satisfy? Just everyone but women. Women.

But this is a new concept. If I'm ever near a woman again, how do you make them achieve that thing? You could, wow. Because you showed me a picture of that thing. You started this whole lesson today. Can I see it again? With the uterus? So is there a part of this that can help achieve?

achieve that? Yes, but they unfortunately cut that part off. So how can they achieve? So most women have it already cut off? No, just this. Remember, they cut the front of it off. But the front is where the hood ornament is. So is this an area where I would stick things? Yes. This is not the rectum. No, that is the uterile wall. And is that an area? The rectum's over that way. A bit, yeah. This is so confusing. This, I'm going to be honest with you, Arlen, right? Yes, yes.

Okay, the way this is built. Yeah. Is probably why they didn't start orgasming until 86. Yeah. It's sort of, okay, it would be up here, right about this area. Is this backwards? It's upside down. There it is.

I'm so confused. God, it looks like a bat now. It looks like a pink bat. This is very education. Yeah. No one said women are easy. Is this the throat? All right, guys, the moment you notice something's off in the bedroom, right, it tends to stick with you.

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registered trademark of Viatris specialty LLC. Hymns is not affiliated with or endorsed by Viatris. So there you go, guys. Hym it up. Hymns, hymns, hymns. Yeah, this is like, it's like the labyrinth. Like you could wake up and see David Bowie walking around in this. So this, I think, proves that man is God. It does? would a woman create this sort of labyrinth? Yeah. A god made the shaft and the pee hole at the top. Yeah.

Well, ours is easy to work. Yeah, that's true, just one piece. This is like... This is why they don't orgasm. This is like doodle art. I don't think most know. Yeah. Anyone that's been with you know that they can orgasm.

Yeah. But me, I'm a lover. You're a lover. Yeah. No one I've been with is aware. Yeah, you've got to start learning how to love. I just think it's extra work. Well, speak in to extra work.

Okay. Can I shift gears? Please. Because I want to celebrate you in another way. Even though you don't know how to orgasm. Oh, I know how. Oh. I don't know.

You don't know how to make them orgasm. Yeah. But I'm very good at it. I think I had a wet dream last night. Where? Inside my unders. Unders. What do you call it?

Unders. What year is this? Unders. 1986. No, I think I had an orgasm in my unders. I swear. And I just let it go. There was an elevator involved.

God Lord. And it was. Kind of lucid because lucid or rare. Yeah. What were you dreaming of? Do you remember the dream? Yeah, there was an elevator involved. Okay.

And I followed three women into the elevator. Oh, wow. They were kind of dressed up nicely. Okay. Sundresses or one was in a sundress. Wow. Because somehow I could see her uteral thing. Oh, wow.

And I think just seeing that, I wasn't. talking to them. Yeah. I was in the corner of the elevator. Yeah. And when they left and the door shut, I just let it go. You're in your unders. I over in my under.

What was your under over? It was probably like seven in the morning because that's when it happens. Yeah. It doesn't happen in the middle of the night. Yeah. What dreams happened between seven, and nine a.m. Yeah, the early under gets the warm.

So I work up at seven and I usually go pee. Yeah. Out of the penult. Yeah. But I woke up at seven and I didn't go pee. Ooh. So I just stayed in bed and I must have fallen back to sleep. Mm-hmm.

And somehow in that elevator, when the door shut, I began orgasmining. Wow. And I kind of knew there was a camera going. Yeah. But I wasn't touching myself. No, they were. No one was. Oh, wow.

It was the memory of the girls. Oh, wow. And seeing her, her skin flapage. Mm-hmm. That thing that hangs low. The uteril. Yeah, the uteril. Yeah.

The uteril mistake. Wow. God's mistake is the vaginaeck. Yeah. Well, congratulations. On the wettie. On the what? The wettie in my undies.

And your unders, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I want to congratulate you on something else that's a big milestone for you. Are you ready for this? I'm shifting gears. Folks, somebody wrote a book. Oh. Kirk Fox wrote a book, ladies and gentlemen. That is the book. That's your book that just came out and you're all going to go get it and read it. Look at that.

Palmdale. Show them there's pages in there. Yeah. This is a real book. Those are all words connected. These are all words connected. Palmdale. Wow. And there's some quotes on the back from our friends. People you've had on here.

Let me read a few. These are like kind of reviews and endorsements. From our your friends. A mysterious dead body at the edge of Los Angeles County, a crooked trail from the suburbs to the desert. Here's one of the reviews. I thought this was a well done and believed, wait, I thought this.

I thought this was very well done, and believe me, I wanted to hate it from David Spade. What? That feels right. Yeah. Kevin Neal and wrote, wow, what a world Fox has created. It's amazing what you can accomplish while under house arrest. Congratulations, Kirk Foxx. Thanks, Kevin. I hadn't read that one. What Tom Seguer say? Oh, here we go. Tom Seguer says Fox has always had a mind that is primed for crime.

Thankfully, he used it to write a book instead of realizing his true calling career criminal. These are all right on track. Yeah. Well, what I'd like to do, buddy, because I don't know if you know this or not, but I have a new book out.

What? Called Uncle Milton. I love this. Right? So we both have a book, and I thought, what better way to celebrate each other's writing is if we pick a page

and we each one, read a sentence from a random page. Okay. So you go first, pick a page. From Uncle Milton? No, from Palm De, from your book. Oh, I'm reading from mine. I'm reading yours.

You're going to read mine. Okay. That'll make it more fun. Yeah. So I just pick a page? Pick a random page. 69. 69, folks.

Here we go. And top, middle, or bottom passage on the page. Middle. Okay, here we go. Middle. Ready? This is from Kirk Fox's new book, Palmdale. She cruised to the east side, navigating left, then right, to get to Joe's house. It was 9 a.m. She, of course, knew where he lived. She parked in front at the curb and looked at the weeds growing across the lawn. She frowned, disgusted, and reminded herself why she was only here because she had to be. She was tolerating him. for the time being, but she was in control. She was in control.

Wow, dude. That's pretty good. Can we 69 my book, too? Yeah, let me 69. 69, I'm going to do the same, 69 mid-page. This is, 69. 69 mid-page paragraph. Did you write one because I did?

Of course. Uncle Milton from Harlan, Williams. Before long, the great hunter had retreated straight back into the shadows from whence it came. Burl ended his frantic orchestra of screams and rattling chains. Suddenly, the night belonged to the breeze and the songs of the night creatures again. Burl strained and watched, his chest was held out high, defiantly, filled with energy and adrenaline. But his legs trembled. They trembled bad. With his eyes still staring into the darkness, Broo reached down and picked up a large branch that was lying there. He held it tightly in his hand with so much conviction. It might as well

be a loaded musket. Oh. Wait, let me just finish. This is slowly and carefully. He walked backwards toward the tree. The branch out in front of him like a long, crooked spear. I hate to do this. I have to just go to the next page. Wow, that's a good sign. After what seemed in eternity, Burl felt his back thud against the tree. And for the first time since the car, oh, since the cat had appeared. he took a deep breath and wiped the sweat from the dripping brow. Burrell would stand the rest of the night against the tree, the crooked stick pointing toward the darkness.

Oh. Whoa. But you are a lover. Yeah. Because as an edger and as a nocturnal a missioner, even someone who not more than six or seven hours ago lost a load in my unders. You're unders. I was feeling some tingly in that section. Wow, really? So you do create orgasms in women and also men. Well, good writing. Good writing and just so people know the context,

tell us sort of in the broad strokes the story so that people can sort of put into their brain what they heard. It's a private investigator working a case with his daughter. They do not get along, but maybe they will eventually start some Bel Air. There's two brothers, and maybe one of them did something bad to the other brother. It's, oh, wow. I did some private investigating early in my career. So this could be something I was invited to do and I didn't, or maybe I did. Wow. But that's me on the cover. I love it. Well, my story to put it in context. And can I also just hold this up? Thank you. God, our lives are all about relationships, whether they be with one another to nature, to our ideals and perceptions, or simply to our possessions and dreams. In this collection of short stories,

I explore all of these options, and in doing so might even inspire you. to form some kind of relationship with this book and joy. And that's Harlan, a very handsome author. And that's his... Uncle Milton. That's Milton on the cover. And the context of the story you read was about a slave that was freed at the end of slavery. Question. Yes.

So slaves were freed? They were freed. Yes. And this was right at the end of that. Was this also in 86? This was 87 actually. But 18. Yeah, 18.

Okay, not 19. 19806 was the orgasm that you created. Good note, yes, good at all. Okay, so slavery's ended? And so this is the story about on his first day of freedom, this black man decides to walk up. Does he have to be black? Well, he was a slave. He was a black slave.

And the slaves were black. Well, there's all kinds of slaves, but this was a southern black slave in Florida. Interesting. So Florida has... The South was ravaged with slaves. Interesting. Black slaves, yeah. And so on... And this is a fact. Yeah, yeah, it's historically documented.

Yeah. So the word slavery, I'll look into it. Yeah, look into it. But this is the story of a slave on his first day of freedom. He wanted to embrace his freedom, so he decided to just walk. and he walked up the coast of Florida when it was still undeveloped, obviously. Getting his steps in? And getting his steps in.

And on the way, he encountered some white men who weren't happy about slavery ending, and they chained them to a tree. So white men were not happy that slavery was ending. Some weren't. Some embraced it. Some didn't. But these men, it was so new, it was so fresh. And were the whites involved in slavery?

Yes. But now they were mandated no more. slavery. So this is a history book? It's just a fictional story, but they chained this man to a tree and left him there. And on top of being chained to the tree, this man, when he was walking, unbeknownst to him, was being stocked by a Florida panther or a Puma or a mountain lion, as they call them here. And so now he's chained to this tree and he's being hunted by this wild cat that's never seen a human before, and this is why he had the stick out

and was using the tree to cover his back. So things just went from bad to worse. But he's chained to the tree? He's chained to the tree. It just goes from bad to worse, and it's the story about how he... But he's free. Well, he was for a minute,

now he's in a chain again. It's the story's called The Walk. So was he walking in chains? No, he was freed. So anyways, yeah, that's the story. That is a great. It's a short story. About slavery.

Yeah, there's three stories in there. So yours is a comedy also. No, mine's, no, that's like high drama, tense. Yeah, life and death. Mine's high drama, but there's a little laughter. Yeah, yours is sort of like a dark comedy type of thing. And where can they get your book, Palmdale? Wherever books are sold.

Okay. But online too? Of course. Amazon, Barnes & Noble. Exciting. I just wrote it, man. Now I'll try and make a movie or a TV series. I'm just trying.

Yeah. Just words. Oh, sweet. Syrupy. Look at it says Durbanois. Dirt bag noir, yeah. Because of how I look, I guess. Yeah, you look hot.

You look kind of like cool. I felt it. Speaking of syrupy. Okay. I love this. You can have that if you want. I don't. No, I do.

I'll take it. I'll read it. I love that. Speaking of syrupy. Okay. Oh, one thing I love about summer. It's how nice everything feels. Breezy and easy, right, gang?

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Guy. I made some flapjacks. You call them flapjacks or pancakes. Who does? Do you? Oh, I don't know the difference. What are they? Like when you make them at home, do you make a, hey, who wants a pancake or who wants a flapjack?

Never made either. Oh, wow. And I don't know the difference. Okay. Okay. Well, this lady does, Aunt Jemima. Oh, does she have a phone? Huh?

She have a phone number? There's a phone number on here. I want to talk to her. Aunt Jemima. She would love this short story. She might like that short story. Yeah. Because it probably deals with her ancestry.

Yes. Is she black? She's Aunt Jemima's black. But here's the kicker. Okay, I thought it was just this. They've taken her off the bottle now. This is a vintage bottle. They removed Aunt Jemima during BLM.

Black Lives Matter. So as a way to celebrate black people with BLM, they removed one of the most prominent, iconic black people. Find out why. Find out why. I think we got a call. Don't you? Yeah. And where does she live now?

Jemima. I don't know where she lives. We can ask. Aunt Jemima. What's the word in the front? Aunt Jemima. Aunt Jemima with natural butter flavor. I did not know that was a name.

Imagine cremating her with natural butter flavor. She'd go up like a Chinese, bonfire. Ooh, don't bring, that sounds racial. No. Jemina. Let's call them and see.

Gemini is what I thought, and Gemini. Yeah. I hope she's there. Is this her house? I think this is the... To Pearl Milling Company Consumer Relations.

All calls will be recorded for quality and training purposes. Good. For where to buy inquiries, please press 1. For all other inquiries, please press 2. for assistance in Spanish or prima

three. I love this song. Just the parts are traveling? Yeah. Someone's got to be there. Maybe a lot of people are looking for her. Ah.

Jemima. Jemima. What the hell is going on? Like the orchestra. They took her off the bottle and no one's answer. You have a relations representative. Aren't...

Ugh. Huh? Next available representative. You should have to wait a minute. Have you called before? No. But I am outraged. Like, not only look at her.

She's so lovable. And it's her brand. We all grew up on Antimima. And is that her body shape? I don't know. I think that's Mrs. Butterworth's body shape. Okay. Boy, this sounds like the music you'd hear.

at a funeral home. Like if I was being burnt alive, you know. If you find more information about our products, please visit our website at www.pseyco.com. PepsiCo. Who says WWW anymore?

We called them once before. Oh God. Let's not go back to that. Stay focused. But who says WWW anymore? The wrestlers? That's like if you were telling someone your phone number and you told

the area code, but you said, bracket, 818, bracket 555-792. Like, you don't, you know, that number. You don't, who is it? I can't talk about it, but. I apologize for the delay. Your call is important to us. They should be a policy. How many people need to talk to Aunt Jemima?

I can't take this much longer. I could have made a full pancake breakfast by now. Maybe we'll call her next time. We'll give them one more little minute, but after that, screw it. Yeah. I almost want to read another passage from your book. I'd like to see how yours ends. Wow.

Well, if they don't pick up quickly. This music, I sort of want to kill myself. Is this a suicide hotline? It sounds like Little House on the Prairie episode... Oh, God. It's at our website at WWW. It sounded like episode 1295 when Nelly gets molested. Remember behind the general store?

Yeah, I remember that. That was probably my favorite. I had that one on the loop. But it seems like they don't want to talk about it. Something's up about the BLM thing. That they removed one of the most lovable, recognizable, successful black people. Wasn't BLM about elevating black people?

I don't know. And here they are making her vanish. Okay, that's a forensic files episode and a bottle, gang. BL, what's the third letter? BLT. So Black Lives Tomato? Yeah. It's a delicious sandwich

and a social revolution. Revolution? Yeah. They were marching and rioting and eating. When was this? When was this? This was around 86

around the time I developed the female orgasm. Wow. You've had your finger on a lot. I've had my finger in a lot. Could I read another passage? Yeah, and I'd like one more of yours. Oh, my God.

Okay. Let's see. You go random. No random? You pick it this time. I'm going to go towards the end of the book this time. I'm going to pick page, let's say, 102. Okay.

Let's see, 102. Actually, your book's longer than that, but 102, I said it. I'm going to stand by it. I know. I should have gone deeper. I want to get more near the end. Yeah. Let me just see.

It's 273 pages. What? I'm going to go 269. Go for it. Yeah, because I want to sort of see if we get a hand. of, I won't give away the ending. Why not? Who cares? And top, middle, or bottom?

Bottom. The end. You went too far. I'm not kidding. Look, 269. It says the end. That's the bottom. All right, let's go back one page.

Yeah, at least. And I'll do the bottom. Yeah, I'd like to hear how it ends. Okay, ready? And then I'm going to do yours. I can't wait. Okay. All of it really.

wasn't that much, but it would go far in the right third world country with no extradition, specifically Ecuador. This would go a long way there, and once they heard from him, his parents would send him money. They would send him something. He wouldn't be out in the cold, but he would be out of the reach of that FBI woman who wanted to meet him tomorrow. The money for Drew was meant to be a stopgap, just what he was owed. He would have used it to invest in a club. on sunset. Well, just off sunset. Now he'd have to make it work. No way back. Not now, but at least it was his. How many pages is my book? 328. So how about 269 for mine? I'd like to. Okay. Oh boy. That was good, buddy. I don't know. I like he.

Oh, God. I... I'm going to just start at the top. Okay. Because something up there got me. Okay. Do you want to be with me? She asked sweetly, considering seconds ago she was scolding him.

Yes, as friends, I don't want a serious relationship. I've told you that. I'm going to wait for as long as it takes. I'm going to wait. Ed stared at the phone, a hopelessness in his eyes. He never knew what to do or say when she said that. He felt guilty, not worthy of her affections, knowing that she would give it all to him. And he didn't even want to commit to officially being boyfriend and girlfriend.

Okay, he said emptily. I better get going. I'm not feeling well, and I've got to try and get some work done. almost, almost likely be back tomorrow. Harlan, man, I didn't know you had this in you. First of all, I just learned that you're capable of giving organisms? Well, there's organisms in the orgasm.

They're called sperm cells. So you're selling these? What? Sperm selling? I don't sell them. Oh, I see what you're saying. No, they're in jail. My sperm cells are in jail.

Okay. You're very educational. You're a great writer. Thanks, buddy. I'm a writer, a lover, podcaster, created the female orgasm. I mean, what don't I do? You seem to do it all.

Yeah. You seem to do it all. Twanks. I like it. I like it. Well, buddy, let's do our final segment, words from a wooden shoe. You know how it works.

You pull a word. See if it triggers something from your journey in life. Okay. And off we go. What's your word? A movie theater moment. Oh, wow. That could be romantic, or maybe not, if you're Abraham Lincoln.

I've never been in a movie theater. What? I just... What? You've never taken a date or a girl to a movie theater. I didn't know it was in play. What? So movie theater moments, I do not have any.

You've never been to a movie theater, ever. No, I find this hard to believe. So is this the movie theater moments where you put your penis in popcorn? It could be the first time your dad took you to a movie as a little kid. It could be a date. It could be making out in the back row. It could be the camera went dead like it's done here today. It could be, you saw a movie in a theater and the crowd went wild.

Just a moment. Okay. I can't spoon feed it to you. You're a writer. You've got to write your own story. Okay. Here we go. Oh, wow.

One time in Pacific Beach, there was like 75 cent movie days. There you go. And I saw old yeller. Oh, wow. And after the movie, I went behind the movie theater, and I found some film from a movie. And I think about it often. The movie was called Torah, Torah, Torah. Yeah, Japanese war movie.

About Pearl Harbor. Kill, Kill, Kill, in Japanese. Okay. Well, that is the memory I have. Wow. Because I still have that film. And when I hold it up, I can see the plane crash. They actually used real play.

plane crash footage of Pearl Harbor. Pearl Harbor. That's a great story. So that's nice. And by the way, old Yeller is a movie about a rape that happens in a senior's home. Oh, I love that. She was yelling? I didn't make the movie. I just watched it. I have to tell you now that I have learned that women can orgasm.

These old folks' homes and things that I know are in play and their history. in their past that I've never known to talk about. Yeah. Now I can. Yeah. You're welcome. Sweet. You too can become a lover.

Just read my book. I'm going to. I have it. That's for you. Uncle Milton. Uncle Milton. And Palmdale. I love it.

Like Kirk Fox. Buddy, anything else you want to promote besides your beautiful new book? I will say this quickly. I don't know if anyone will ever get this far. Do they watch the whole podcast? No. Okay. But I have a comedy special, an hour special, called That Guy,

which I did, I did, I think, a year or two ago. Okay. And I forgot to ever post it. What was it doing? It's just in my couch, like change. So I put it on YouTube. There's an hour special there now. Oh, wow.

It's called That guy. That guy. And you can go watch an hour of me doing it. some jokes. So that guy is you. Yeah, that guy. That's the title and it's on YouTube. I have a channel now. So watch that guy on YouTube then pop over to Amazon and pick up Palmdale. And where can we get your book? Amazon. Uncle Milton, it's one of four of my short story collections. Okay, I love this. I'm going to go home and write more. Yeah. Stop picking your nose. Sorry. Well, no one will see it. It's at the end. Okay.

Thank you, Harlan. There was laughter, education. Folks, Kirk Fox was here, gang. Please get his beautiful new book. It's a lot of fun. It's a great story. And check out that guy on YouTube. It's incredible comedy special. Yeah. And buddy, so thank you so much for being here.

This is so good to be here with you and the cremation stuff and organisms. Can I read you out with your own book? I'm going to read the bottom of a thing. and then we'll go out. Yeah. So he stopped here for lunch. Remember, Joe said. We're following his phone, not as zombies lunch stops.

Billy was reminded of this. Wait, she said. Why are we showing his photo around? That's it. Chicken Chowmaine. We'll see you next time. Kirk Fox, get stuffed. Bye, everybody.

What was that? You know, you're just trying to balance out the brim. That's what she said. Okay. Bye bye. Hey, everybody. How would you like your very own personal video message from me, yours truly? It's your birthday, it's your anniversary, it's your graduation, or you just want me to make you laugh.

You get to pick the topic. You want me to discuss. Give me some talking points. And off we go. You can get it for yourself or get it for a friend. It's super easy and fun. Just go to the Cameo app on your phone or to Cameo.com. And I record a custom video made just for you or your loved one.

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