The Harland Highway - KIRK FOX RETURNS- with 8 to 10 inches of pure comedy!!

Episode Date: May 14, 2024

Kirk Fox joins the Harland Highway again to talk orgies, art and eight to ten inches. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When I did have crabs. Yes. I was dating a girl. From Red Lobster? Close. Okay. She had a yeast infection. Oh, so at least you got bread with the meal.

And we made crab cakes. Yeah, that's called Golden Corral Sex. I'm not sure. Just like a buffet. Yeah. You're riding down the Harland Highway. All right, hold tight on the Harland Highway Show. Harland Williams

How are you doing? Great. Are you all geared up? This has to be like close. I'll get it there. I've done this four times. Is this number four? Five maybe.

Ah, okay. Just let me have my moment. Yeah, I'm going to just let you settle in. No, you should have me settling in when it happens if you're smart. I know, but I just let, I want you to kind of breathe. That doesn't, are we rolling? Yeah, we're rolling. See?

then you already lied to me. I didn't lie. I just was evasive. I didn't answer specifically. So already we started in a hole, and now I'm... We're in a bit of a hole, I think. I'm wondering what we kind of discussed.

I wasn't comfy yet. And you said, I'm going to try and let you get comfy before we start. Well, I... The truth was, you had already started. Well, I think I started the minute I sat down because what I'm sending you is a visual sign. As you noticed, I've dressed very eclectic.

today because I thought we would talk about art. I just thought art would. We can get to art. We can talk about anything. There's a lot. That's nice. Like kind of colorful and I got the hat. I do enjoy art.

I do some sketching at times. You do? I'm sure we can get to that. Eventually, I'm not ready. You're not ready yet. Immediately. Settle in. Have a drink.

Maybe I'll have a sip. You had told me we were going to take a moment to get comfy and that wasn't really oh you know this this will help this all the theme song always soothes it gets people in the zone ladies and gentlemen you're on the holla how wet punk and uh i'm going to fade it really slow just to get the vibes gone get the podcast vibes gone get i think i just winked at you which was really weird i took it i'm just i know but I just I'm still getting comfy you I'm still dealing with your deceptiveness at the top I know but look how slow I'm fading the music like slower than I ever have before I can't tell because I don't

have the oh you don't have the tinker nuts on I'll put them I'll just I don't know if you clean them yeah we don't clean them why would we so everyone likes wax that's kind of why I don't wear them yeah there's there's a big wax residue on there so that's that's kind of probably why. You know how Gwyneth Paltrow made like a candle? Like a Paltrow scented candle? I'm aware that she did some candle work and I believe the smell was vaginal.

Yeah. So what I do is I collect the wax from all the guests and make like podcast guest candles. So that probably, those probably smell a little bit like Polly Shore, Kevin Neillan and Cher. Yeah, that's, that's not what I want. on my ears. My ears, I like to keep them clean. I already have tinnitus. Oh, God. That's like the ringing

in the ear, the constant. Is it happening right now? Right now 24-7. So if you hear that, it's me. Wow. But it's always ringing. There's a thing called habituation where the brain has decided that it's not a threat, but it's always ringing. Like if you could put the tinnitus at a volume, what's the volume right now and maybe I'll use the theme music as a guide like what's the volume of your tinnitus well I can't hear that because I'm not putting the disease no I'm doing you can't hear but I'm going to do it for the viewers okay well then you're going to have to guess it's kind of imagine a car alarm uh in the next room wow very loud I I can't even hear that no I know but I'm I'm kind of demonstrating for our viewers what your tinnitus might be like.

Oh, but it's constant. It's a, oh, you're going up and down. Yeah. This is just a high-pitched. On a scale of 1 to 10, what's the volume? Is 10 how loud? It's a 10? No, is 10 how loud would a 10 be for volume?

Like if you're listening to your stereo in your bedroom, you're listening to Boston or Kansas, whatever you listen to, Bay City Rollers, you're in your bedroom with your stereo. and you turn it up, what's the volume at? Not quite full volume. I'd say an eight out of ten. So you have an eight going on in your head the whole time? Constantly. So when you say, get comfortable, basically.

It's an insult. It's just me trying to find out where I am and breathe in the moment and just be here. What kind of ringing is, is like a telephone ring? Or is it like a fire alarm or a car alarm? I had mentioned car alarm So it's like that Beep, beep, beep, beep, but without all that, just a straight

and then so you combine those. And that's what's in my head, 24-7. Come on, even when you sleep? Even when I sleep. I used to sleep with a white noise machine, but I eventually just got married and that replaced the white noise machine.

Now it's the wife. noise. Every night I go to bed and she starts talking and I'm out pretty quick. I wake up it's still going. But do you still get the, I still get it all, man. So at least you get the from the wife. I still get the, occasionally by accident. That's just if she is possibly leaned there while she's asleep. If she's asleep and she's in the area, I'll do the rest. She won't even know. Oh, you'll make love to do her in her sleep? Of course, man. Really? That's love. Do you ever worry about getting that eye gunk all over you, though?

You know those crusty things in the eyes? No, I don't really. I don't sleep. You get it all over your weenus? They're not closed. You mean her gun? Her eye gunk all over your weenus because it's sort of crusty. It's like it's almost like a kidney stone.

Hers is always so crusty. Yeah. It's just there always. There's a crust. It drops in your pubs. No, this doesn't drop. It's just, it's always there. Her eyes is.

She's always got eye crust. always her eyes are always closed tired she's up late so that's life man has she ever woken up in the middle of one of these love making sessions no and that's the beauty of it how aggressive is this on a scale of one to ten

I'm pretty aggressive and she just takes it and she just lays there she thinks she's sleeping it's wonderful and then sometimes she'll say oh I thought we were going to you know get it on last night and you didn't wake me and i i said we did and and i didn't wake you so it works out pretty great wow is there a term for that is it called sleep intercourse or sleep i don't

really sleep i'm not aware of terms i just know that when she's asleep uh it feels better to me what about nighty night fuck yeah there's there's not a lot of dialogue no i'm just trying to find a title For it. That's up to you. Sleepy buys fuck. I don't even want to name it in case it ever comes up in court. Sandman sex. Now, you're looking to get a response from the planet?

No, I'm just, look, I have viewers, and sometimes they need, I got about eight, and they need visual cues sometimes. And sometimes when you're at. Look at that. That's the first time I've just zeroed in on them. Oh, yeah. them take it yeah okay it's just the eyes have gotten greener and yeah what's crazy is last time we were here i think we talked about my beauty yeah that's true and i don't know how that was it maybe

four or five months ago i'm back pretty too soon yeah but i'm getting better looking and i think they can adjust yeah the hair is strong looks good looks good a little quaffed the key is to just keep The chin up. Chin, the little subtle stubble, I call it. I've been filming, so I've been a nine on the mustache. Yeah. And a four everywhere else. Yeah.

So I go four to nine so I can repeat it before I go to bed at night. Now, when you're doing the sleepy time, fuck. Oh, we can get back to that. I just wondered, does she snore at all? She's not really snoring. She's just out. a deep sleeper. Okay. Is there a sleep apnea mask on her face or anything? No, it's just the face is pretty deep in the pillow. Okay. Because we have a child. Okay. And I don't want to wake the child. No,

no, no, no. Because when the child sleeps, I can imagine she doesn't exist. Oh, wow. Yeah. So when the child, when the child is asleep, I'm single and I see a woman next to me. Yeah, your wife. I don't think of her as my wife at that moment. Oh, it's like a now she's a fantasy leg. Just like a blow-up doll that's warm. Yeah, a warm blow-up doll. And that I didn't have to really blow up. It's just there.

Warm like a Keish-Lorraine or warm like a- I don't know the language of Kish. I feel like I'm gauging a lot of meters, but is she like warm like a nice Kish-Lorraine or would she be warm like a blint? For some reason, she sleeps warm. She runs hot. Enough for penetration. Yeah.

I don't know why you're laughing at love, but there has to be enough warmth for penetration. Otherwise, she could wake up. So wait, just scientifically, medically. Oh, of course. If she's cold, there's a contraction where it's hard to open the garage. Like if her body's cold, That's not my department.

Right. Mine is a penis. Yeah. That's what I'm working with. Right. So if there's an erection, yeah. If it's erecti. Yeah, erecti.

I can go right in, man. But you said if she, which is warm. But she seems to sleep warm. I've never seen her cold. It's always a pretty smooth entrance. Have you ever? Enough to not wake her. Wow.

So that's love. I mean, that's the best part. of marriage if you can just treat her like a blow-up doll. No dialogue. Yeah. And in the morning, she says, why didn't we? And you say we did. I will say this. Yeah. As a gentleman. Okay. I do clean her up after. Wow. So. If I have left a puddle of love, me. Yeah. Yeah. I go get a rag. A rag. Like a garage rag? Like a. It's kind of. It's a similar. Similar. I will say it could live in the garage. Yeah. It's in the house. Okay. But this rag should not be. Yeah. I wet it a little. Okay. Cold. Yeah. I'd like it to be warm. Yeah. But we have an electric water heater. Yeah. That takes a long time to warm up. So just when I say a lot, maybe 20 minutes. Oh, God. So by then I feel I'm losing sleep. Yeah. So there's a little rag that's always close.

Yeah. It just kind of stands in the corner. I don't even hang it. Yeah. And I wet it. And then I just kind of wipe her up. And I'll say this. What a gentleman.

Seriously. I pull the underwear back up as far as I can without moving her. Like a wedgy? No, I said as far as I can. It kind of gets to the thigh area. Okay. But I do get them down. It starts with the, there's panties on.

Yeah. And I kind of move them down. Yeah. And it's easier to move them down than to put them up. Yeah. So after I've completed what maintains the marriage. Yeah. I pulled them up a little because in the morning she said,

I thought we were going to have sex. And I said, we did. She's like, why are my, then why are my underwear? Panties. the garment. Why is my panties still on? Yeah. And I said, they are, but look where they're at. They're higher. Or lower than they should be. Oh, lower, lower. They're on her leg, the thigh area. Oh, they're down. Okay. Okay. Because I couldn't get them back up. Got it. Got it. So I pulled them down enough so that I can see the target. Yeah. Target. I get in there. She sleeps warm.

Now, you say she sleeps warm. Do you ever put on the infrared goggles and look, For the thermal heat, pretend you're having love with the desert. I don't like things that, you know, could keep me up. Yeah. So there's no goggles. I just, I just need sometimes to get the poison out. Well, I just thought, you know, you see these, you ever see the helicopters at night and they're following cars or criminals running through backyards?

It's like thermal imaging. And I thought if she's running hot, you could put those on and almost have like silence of the lamb's sex. I will say, and then you see her body and the fumes. I know she's running hot because the penis penetrates smoothly. And to the point where when there's a little heat from the woman, even a little, the ego of the man gets involved. And you feel that you're exciting her. But luckily, she runs hot.

She runs hot. So I'm pretending. She's excited. And then I just do it up, two or three pumps, because I'm an edger. How long does this at last? I just said two or three pumps. So, oh, wow. Hey, everybody.

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code Harland so you get your discount and 100% free shipping. Code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. I'm, wow. You don't know that this about me. I don't think we've ever talked about it. And I wanted to mention it as I was driving here. I don't know if you have time. I have time, buddy.

This is good. And this will all tie in. Okay. And maybe toward the end we can get to photography, but. Okay. No, this is key. Because I know you brought up, you're in your art theme. That's okay.

Look, when everyone wants to have a conversation about chivalry and being a gentleman, I'm all in, because I think it's a lost art form. I think the art of lovemaking is lost and for you to come in here and throw this at my audience and re-envigorate. I don't even know how it came into play. I don't either, but who cares. But when I got here, I said, I'm going to just be open, as I say, present, vulnerable to see where this goes. I like coming up here, Harlan, because I don't really talk to people much.

I don't do a lot of these podcasts. I know. I like that you're a block from me so I can drive here. So when you say, hey, will you come up? I'm like, yes. And I do it because in case of an emergency in life, I want to be able to ask for help. Oh, explain.

So, well, if I'm always home alone, not talking. Yeah. In case of an emergency, I wouldn't really be able to say, hey, can you help or hand me a rope? But if I practice talking to you, yeah this is i feel practice we're talking so in case of an emergency i'd be i'd feel comfortable to say to you or anyone okay i even talk to the homeless often to practice you do in case i need something from someone who has a home wow that makes sense have you ever been in one of those

homeless tents uh i have what's in i've always wondered what's in there clutter but what like what Because I have a feel on my dad's couch in one of those days. Name it. What did you see in there? Just name anything that you can think of in life. I'm missing a lawnmower. In there. What the F?

Name something else. Ah, my neighbor has a fake leg that's gone missing. I've seen a fake leg. I've... In the tent. Yes. And I've been in a few. And each one has almost the same shit.

legs and lawn mowers. Wow. So, yeah, I've been in a tent. Wow. Homeless. I still call them homeless. A lot of people call them less fortunate or unhoused. Yeah.

Or tent stealers. Tent stealers is fine. Because I don't think if you're homeless, you can afford a $700 tent. Some of them, to me, I call Lucky. Oh, why? There's no wife. There's no mortgage. They seem happy.

Yeah. There's no. commitment there's no the man watching over them yeah they're in their reading a lot of them read candlelight there's a lot of books in one of them i went to wow kind of a library feel with limbs there's some about a guy with three teeth and charles dickens you know it's just romantic that's that's why books were written you know when dickens was writing that yeah that was probably a dream to be in a coleman tent with urine soaked pants and four teeth leaning on a lawnmower.

I mean, that's why, that's why you're right. Yeah, that's why you're right. You think you want some rich guy and a leather chair looking at a view. Oh, you want someone that's covered in shit. Yeah, you want a guy with a grocery bag on his head, a subway sandwich sticking out of his belly button. Makes me want to write. Makes me want to finish something.

A dog that's got so much hair, it's a cat. Oh, man. And a foot that's twisted backwards. So can we get back to... Sorry, yeah, go ahead. I just want to finish this up. Yeah. Is this the lovemaking thing still?

Yeah. It's all ties into that because you asked how I told you two or three thrusts. Thrust. Thrust. And I'm completed. Describe a thrust though. Is that like, well,

I'm six five. Oh, wow. So, and I'm, I'm packing quite a punch. I have a lot of penis. Can we say how much?

I don't need to. I don't. For them. For them. I don't need more information. But they love penis sizes. Depending on my mood. it's it's a monster like can we for them they love sizes eight to 10 inches depending on mood uh it's

it's one of the reasons i've never worked that's like a northern pike or cared about uh life in general because at the end of the day when you're packing quite a punch you're going to win sometimes did you say eight to 10 mostly eight depending on my mood yeah but it it can uh telescope to i've i've seen it at 10, which is very, it's TV time. Wow. If she's running real hot, you're getting a 10. But I cannot get that all in. Oh, no, you can probably only go up to what, four and a half and then the rest is just out

in the cold. The rest is just, like the Flintstone's cat. The rest is just punishment. So when you say how big of a thrust, I would say four to six. Wow. And that's pretty deep thrust. Let me ask it's just big. But I want to get to why it's so quick.

okay okay i don't it's like having a Ferrari that doesn't work okay but uh the reason it's so quick okay uh sometimes i have places to go you got stuff to do but also and this is going to tie into what i wanted to mention right but i am an edger what does that mean like i'm always edging i don't know what that means and neither do they i think a lot of them do i'm always I'm here ejaculating. Oh, oh, I'm constantly. You're at the edge of ejaculate. I do not masturbate, Harlan.

You don't. I save my chi, my life force for special occasions. Your seed? My seed, my, my just, the, the shine on my pee is constant. The white, the albino polywogs. Whatever you want to call it. Yeah. It's, it's that, it's that life force.

It's the shine. So it's, it's always leaking. And let me tell you, so when I say two or three thrusts, that's if I'm quick. I have to get it in there to even thrust. Because the minute I see an open area ready for penetration, I start to ejaculate. So I'm always clamped. So I try not to watch pornography. Yeah, don't.

You don't need it. Because it encourages suffering. Yeah. Most of the women don't want to be. there and you can pretend they do but it's a sad existence a lot of them are sex trafficked a lot of are doing it to support drugs and most die early some of them even are asleep yeah that well this is true there is a whole sleep porn genre that I avoid because once again I avoid porn but when I do watch it I don't masturbate yeah so I'm always close you're because you're like a blue

hair and just about to get a frog that's uh that's edging so that's wow That's why it's pretty quick. There's probably a lot of edgers out there right now. But I wanted to mention. Yeah, please. Because last time we were here, we talked about an orgy in Parma. We talked about that's right. Ferrari sent me there.

Yeah, yeah, that's right. To do some jokes at a... Yeah. It was just a corporate event. Corporate, yeah. And then an orgy broke out. Yeah, I remember you told me. And we talked about that.

And I continued doing what I do. Yeah. I stayed in the pocket. there got my sea legs yeah yeah and a lot of things happened we don't need to get into it they can listen to the other podcast that's right uh but afterwards after that podcast i'd say a thousand people asked me did you nut did you at this orgy okay okay yeah probably because i had said i'd gotten involved and i'd handed out water yeah yeah but i did not but i did not nut twice. Okay. And the first one was in my pants, right when it started. Okay. Because why?

Because you're nuts? Because I'm an edger. We just had this. We just had this conversation. You're an edger. The minute an orgy breaks out, and if you're an edger, the train leaves the station pretty quick. Yeah. Yeah. So I nutted almost immediately. But I kept doing it. my comedy so that was the first nut was there a big stain on your crotch low pardon you a low strain low a low stain stain you said strain there was a strain and a stain a stain because i'm packing a punch so it was you said crotch yeah it's down by your knee i'm saying yeah got it got it got it yeah uh wow and the second one the valet blew me so the second nut was actually I, they couldn't find my car.

So I had one nut in my pants. Yeah. And the other, the valet. The valet. Do you remember his name? I don't, but there was nudity. It could have been a man or a woman. But in that environment, in Parma, the lighting, you just run with it.

But I will say this as a friend, and we can move on from edging. If you're within two feet. Yeah. Of a woman. okay and you're having good conversation and there's eye contact yeah like this i'm looking at whoever i'm talking to it's pretty straightforward if you're within two feet and you're nut in your pants because you're an edger it counts as sex what a lot of people do not know that it counts as sex i have had i've had sex

with at least 500 women that don't know it. Yeah. Edging. Edging. Because I'm there and it happens. And Hugh Jackman, I believe. Hugh Jackulate is more like it. Exactly.

I was in an elevator with Hugh Jackman. There was an edge going on. I made it three floors. And then I nutted in my pants. Over Hugh Jackman. Jackman. That's who I was talking to. Wow.

But here's a loophole. That's called Wolverine squirt. Exactly. But here's the loophole because you're on the right thought pattern. Okay. Hugh Jackman looks similar to me. Now, you look to them like it's not true, but enough in my mind where it may have been masturbation.

What was? The nut. Oh, okay. I was looking at what I thought was myself. I see. And then I realized I look like Hugh Jackman if Wolverine had rabies or or Hugh was feral. So that's so that's kind of the edging world.

And a lot of women like it when men edge. They don't talk about it. But for men edges and nuts in his pants. on a date, it's one less thing for a woman to have to deal with at the end of the night. It probably takes the stress off the date because now there's no sort of expectation of physical togetherness. Exactly, brother. And also, this might come into play in your world, but I want to always be ready to,

to yeah in case a woman changes her mind and doesn't want to have sex right where if she were to say I don't think we should maybe have sex and then you just have it anyways in your pants it's a little late yeah you should have maybe told me before you took your jacket off at dinner yeah so that's who I am I don't know what uh put us on that no no well now agent and I apologize No, this is good because you've got me wondering about the physics of this sleeping thing. You kind of do it at your own whim. You've got 10 inches. She has given permission.

It's not, I'm not taking it against her will. Right. She has always kind of said. It's a marital agreement. It's kind of always said, if I'm asleep and you need a release, you can go ahead. What does the drywall look? like at the head of your bad? Like how many holes are in the drywall from her head?

I told you the face is in a pillow. Right, but if you're behind it, even in a pillow, you're going down. But her head's got to be going forward. I'm going down, not. Oh, you're drilling down, not forward. Straight down. Wow. So these are things that.

Wow. And she's also, I don't want to wake up a child. I've told you that. Is a child sleeping in? in the room or in their own room? The child has their own room. Okay. I'm doing pretty good in life.

Because you've got to wonder if the child's in the other room in the crib and mummy's head smashes through the... The child has made it to almost six years old. Okay. So we've gotten through the crib. So the child's laying in their own bed in the next room, mummy's head comes crashing through the drywall. Well...

The kid wakes up mommy and mommy's just like... Is sleep? Does the kid ever think mommy's dead and somehow got smashed through the wall? I don't think that really comes into play. Well, the child, I think it will. The child does talk about death.

The child does talk about death a lot. Really? I don't think she'd really mind too much. A dead mother coming through the wall. But I tell you, I go down. You are stuck on the visual. I know,

but when you, yeah, okay, but I'm pitching if you've got 10 inches and you're going down. I'm picturing. I said 10 is rare. I know, but that'll go right through the mattress

and into the floorboards. 10 is rare, my friend. But you ever get stuck in the floorboards and you can't get out? I don't go that deep. I'm not in there long enough to really deal with furniture. It's just a, I just get it over with pretty quick. It is a pretty good life.

And I must say, I'm against sex if she's awake. Yeah, you don't want to. I don't really want her to get anything out of it. Yeah, okay, I get it. So it's a lot of business. It's kind of making love for spite. Yeah. Wow.

But I do clean her up. I do use that rag. Have you ever, has she ever reciprocated where you've been asleep and she's nighty night fucked you or whatever it's called? I think once there was, I don't want to be. be waking up. I'm sure I pushed her off. Okay.

I don't want that sort of behavior. If I'm asleep, I want to continue on the dream, especially if I'm dreaming about somebody else. Having sex with someone else? Yeah, and then that she comes in a way. You don't want to wake up and see your own wife on you

and you're like having sex with Farah Fawcett in a dream. Yeah. And then you slowly open your eyes and it's your wife, God forbid. I mean, that's why I come up here. Smart. Smart. Smart. It's fun to just laugh.

Well, I'm glad we got through this, that quick opening bit on our way to talking about art. And I know you wanted to discuss art. I didn't really. Oh. Maybe a month ago, I said, hey, if we ever do this again, we should talk about art. We don't have to. But art is a part of my life. Why?

Well, first of all, was it in Parma? Did I mention that I was not allowed a selfie? No. I was not allowed a selfie at the orgy I wanted oh an orgy selfie yeah but I always have a a pen okay so I did a sketch of the orgy so I'm always okay and maybe this can tie into art but uh to draw an orgy yeah it's pretty easy it is and you're an artist in a way yeah yeah you close your eyes you close your eyes Yeah. And then you just, you just feel what you're seeing in your mind.

And nothing has to match up. And an orgy is just a lot of. It's sort of chaos. It is chaos. So you do this, a limb, and then at the end, you draw a tit, which is a circle, and then you just dot it. Yeah. And then I sneeze on it.

on it. Wow. So I'm picturing like a Jackson Pollock with a tit sticking out. With sneeze on it. Wow. Which represents ejaculate. So once again it ties to that. Hey everybody, check out my merchandise at harbling.com. Yeah, most people just slap some letters or images on a t-shirt or a hoodie, but not me. Yours truly. Guess what? I draw my own designs. At Harbleng.com, you can see tons of my hand-drawn t-shirts. You can either buy the original or you can buy a print. And man, oh man, wear them loud and proud. I love making these designs for you guys and keeping it personal.

So check out the whole catalog. We got hoodies. We got coffee mugs. We got t-shirts. You name it. It's there at Harbleng. dot com get your harland original design wearable art at harbling.com today and thank you for your support and i'll just keep the uh the groovy images coming now have you seen an orgy lately not lately

here's what i can kind of okay describe it to you if you've ever been driving down and alley late at night and you see 20 or or 30 discarded mannequins right just piled on each other in a dumpster or near it yeah that is uh that's kind of the feel for an orgy it would seem that would seem a little rigid to me though there's no bend in a in a mannequin it seems a little stiff was the orgy you were at with people with rheumatoid arthritis or was it an there was a lot of stiffness. There wasn't a lot, mostly flat. I think you were at an arthritis convention and an orgy broke out. That's fine. It doesn't matter what caused the... Well, the good thing about being at an orgy with people suffering from arthritis is you don't have to worry about anyone being stiff.

Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah. So, wow. But orgies are interesting. Do you know this? Yeah. Here's something I learned. You are not allowed to spray at, an orgy. Like bug spray? You're ejaculate. Oh, okay. Okay, my bad. You are wearing condoms.

Because if I was at an orgy, I'd definitely get some raid or off. Of course. You have to. Before I jumped into the meat pile. I think they're sprayed before they get there. Yeah, like you don't want to. Because it's a villa. Yeah, I'm using black flag.

You don't want to bring bed bugs into a villa. And some of these people looked a little suspect. Yeah. I'm thinking like dung beetles. and rhinoceros beetles. But there's no spraining. But as an edger, that's got to be very hard for you. I edge in my pants.

But in an orgy, you're naked. I was not. You were the only guy at the orgy with clothes on. I did not take my pants off. For the orgy. I stood on the stage and continued comedy. Well, the orgy was at your feet. Yes, I told you.

That's why I stayed in my lane. But you are not allowed to spray. unless the woman says okay, no spray without the okay. No spray, no stay. Wow. And I saw this. I saw one guy get the nod from a woman. A Chinese guy?

Possibly. Well, you said one guy? Maybe. I see where you're going there. They're going to love that. I didn't know you knew anyone's name. I didn't. No name tag.

There was a gentleman. One gentleman. gentleman got the nod from a woman who one guy one guy maybe an Asian yeah yeah what I said so you know you know him yeah one guy I circled back because now it becomes clear okay so one guy yeah the Asian one guy yeah got the nod from the woman okay and he gave her the look that said really and he took off the condom oh and sprayed and seemed to very happy it's like winning the lottery and then another guy took off his condom took off one guys no one guys is already off wow he took it off himself who's the second guy i did not know him but i

saw that he was involved in this corner he took off his condom to spray and she said not you only him one guy only him so second guy no one guy was not allowed and he looks sad to see someone's feelings hurt at an orgy is something to behold an orgy is usually just a love fest but to see someone sad because he wasn't allowed to spray wow and what do they do when they take the condom off where do you put that in the middle of an orgy is there how do you Just, where does it go? I did not see. Maybe on, in the couch, in a cushion.

Wow. But I did come back the next day. Okay. For, I lost, I left my jacket. Oh, God. And I came back the next. At an orgy. And I came back the next day to the villa in Parma.

Yeah. Looking for my jacket. And was it there? There was a lost and found. Oh, God. With mostly socks. Yeah. And cock rings.

Wow. So that was what was in the lost and found and my jacket. There were cock rings all over your jacket? Near it. It was a pretty big lost and found. How many cock rings are we talking? There was probably 10 and a lot of random socks. There were 10 cock rings.

That's enough for a shower curtain where I come from. Well, if I had known, if I had known you were short, I would have brought some cock rings. But here's the interesting thing. Okay. the cleanup at a villa at a parma orgy they burn most of the furniture they do it looked like they were pulling things out and just burning them so that's you know if if which makes sense if there was an orgy in my house I'd level it I'd burn it does a I've never asked this question and

maybe you know because you don't know what I know I'm just you seem to know a lot about this. I just know because I was there and I'm an edger and... Well, as an edgy, you might even know. And we started talking about it last time. So I remembered more about it. If the seed, the semen, the joccalon gets into fabric like on a couch or whatever, is it a flammable substance?

Is there any... I don't... Will it go up? Like, if you dropped a cigarette butt on an orgy soaked semen couch... I do not know. I do not know if ejaculate is flammable. That's a great question. I think it is.

I think it's valid. I do know this. Okay. Those blue fluorescent lights. Yeah. If you flash them on my pants at any time. Oh, you'd probably go blind. It looks like 4th of July.

More like the northern lights. Exactly. Or the southern. Wow. Wow. So that's kind of. That's kind of who I am. You know, you got me wondering about this flammable thing now.

Have you ever put a cigarette butt out in the hole of your penis? No, but I will say this as a friend. Okay. I thought about it once. Okay. I had what's called scabies. Oh, God. It's my favorite episode of Fragal Rock.

Yeah. I haven't seen that. I don't have a TV. It's when a crab. Crab lays an egg under your skin. And I believe there was a scabie in the tip of my peehole. Oh. And I thought about, I wasn't a smoker, but I thought about just a match, something where I would

burning it. And I didn't. Oh, my God. I went and jumped in the ocean and really scraped. And then eventually you get a thing called, I believe, quell. Oh, that's delicious. if it's prepared properly. Yeah, I didn't drink it.

Oh. Oh, what did you say? I believe quail. Oh, I thought you said quail. But quail might also work. Under glass, you can't beat it with crab. Oh, man. Well, let's, dude, thank you.

Oh, please. Was there an addendum? Yeah, I think there's more. I think there's more here. Yeah. When I did have crabs. Yes. I was dating a girl.

From Red Lobster. Close. Okay. She had a yeast infection. Oh, so at least you got bread with the meal. And we made crab cakes, which at the time, 1495 a pound. Oh. So we had a good little business going to the point where I did not want to get rid of the crabs.

Yeah, that's called Golden Corral Sex. I'm not sure. Yeah. So that's, so college. Wow. Which could lead us. Does one eliminate the crabs? Quill.

Quill. Wait, what is quell? It's a lotion that you rub on your fur. Okay. And they die and then you, they gives you a little comb with them. And you comb out the crabs and the eggs. It's called quell, I believe.

How do you spell that? I believe K-W-E-L-L. I don't. K? I believe quell. No, it's not Q. No. but I believe I remember seeing the letter K.

K-E-L-L. I believe K-W, K-W, K-W. K-W. K-W. K-W-K-L, okay. I don't need any. I'm just asking. I kept it for a while.

You did? So you're itching. Is that because of the conversation? No, I don't have crabs. Okay. Because if you do, I know someone with a yeast infection, if you want to get into business. I'd love that. This happened in college, where I took my first art class.

Oh, speaking of art, I do art. I do portraits. Okay. Have you heard of street art? I have not. Okay. Well, there's street art. I do priest art and I do portraits.

Here's, this is a brother, father for Zachary from St. Timothy's. Now, did you do that? Yeah, I did this. It got a, he, I don't know. what was going on with him but just as he got a little asked him to keep a straight face and it was a little um i don't know what was on his mind that is beautiful thank you now did you learn was that from college yeah i learned that in college pre-start i i would can i tell you about what how i was kicked out of my first art class or do you have some more art talk when you say kicked

out of an art class yes that is art talk hello Okay. Bring it. Bring it, Bohemian Rhapsody. I am a pretty good, I'm better than I was. Okay. You know, the artist? I'm a better artist.

Okay. Than I was. But I've always, I've always been excited about it. Okay. And to the point where you're edging? Well, this was in college. Okay. Pre-edging.

Pre-edging. I hadn't really perfected it. And I think even in college, I was probably, I may have masturbated. but if you see an ugly girl is that called edge hogging oh maybe but I see beauty in in all women okay I don't even know the word ugly okay so keep going you're in our class and it was a lot a live nude model boy or girl uh it was a woman so that would be girl was the answer okay okay I get confused about terms and he she girl woman I I don't know.

See, the itch. All right. Well, K-W-E-L. How do you spell it? I believe K-W-E-L-L. Sorry, go ahead. Okay. So I just find my first art class.

It was, I believe, a live nude or life-drying. I'm not sure what the class. A live nude, so it wasn't a cadaver. It wasn't a cadaver. And let me tell you what happened. Okay. I was kicked out of the class for doing a sketch of a student masturbating.

What a masturbating going on here today. And it was a... Do you need to step out for a few minutes? No, not at all. So they kicked me out of the class because the sketch was a student masturbating. It was a self-portrait, which I guess

Of you Yes So you turned the nude around I was I just made it about me And I had even tipped her To To pose in doggy style

Because I'm not good with faces Oh the model The model I had even tipped earlier To maybe maintain a doggy style position Like a cash tip To change positions. To start in that position and stay there. So instead of the traditional just like this, you said, hey, here's 20.

Can you doggie it up for me? Yeah, because I'm not good with faces. Right. And that, I think, sped up the drawing and also the masturbation. Wow. I wasn't really an edger. I had to kind of help then because I think I was probably a chronic masturbator at 20. What was the grade on that etching?

An incomplete, which is ironic. You didn't finish. I did finish, which I thought was ironic. What do you, how'd you? I finished. And they didn't give you a grade? No. And here's what I did learn.

Assholes. Which, uh, you'll appreciate this because I'm a pretty good sketch artist. But you know who's really even better at sketch art, uh, police sketch artist. Because a month later, he drew a picture of me at the window masturbating again. There's that masturbation again. Well, there is a theme. And eventually I became an edger, but at the time in college, you know, you're just collecting units. Are you edging right now, by the way?

Because I'm getting a real weird. Of course. I'm always close, man. And that's the juice of life. So you need some quell or anything? I don't need anything. I am alive. I'm ready to go at any moment.

If I bumped in, if I bump into somebody, there's a chance I could nut. It's just life. I want to tell you. I'm not attracted to you. Well, if you are Hugh Jackman, I would have already nutted a few times. And once again, that could be masturbation. Yeah, I've always been, you know, good with the eye contact with you because I think it's important when you're communicating with a friend or a human in general. But now that I know you're

an edger, it's going to be real tough for me to look you in the eye anymore when we talk. I think it's too late maybe. Don't change who you are. Well, I think you changed who I am. Okay, can I ask a serious question about you? Do you save your life force? Are you a masturbator? Do you have wet dreams? I have wet dreams, which is great at 50 years old or however old I am, almost 50, still having wet dreams. That's good living. Well, the Bible says thou shalt not spill thy seed. And I tried to live by that, and about four weeks ago, I feel so guilty.

I was at Home Depot, and I rammed my card into a bag of grass seed, and it just was all over aisle 27, the sprinkler aisle. Yeah. And I feel like now I'm going straight to head. I spilled seed all over that Home Depot at Western and Vineland, yeah. Now, is that the seed that the Bible was talking about? No, it was the Kentucky Blue, which is even worse. Man, did you clean that up, or?

They did. All you heard was clean up on aisle 5 seed. Someone spilled their seed. I like that. A bunch of women came running around. Are you in control of who you are, are you beholding to the weakness of masturbation? do you save your chi your life force or are you weak my story about that i'd love to hear it if i could

about three weeks ago i'm going through home depot and i ram into a bag of grass seed with my shopping cart and spilled seed everywhere and i gotta tell you that sounds familiar where have i heard that well just trying to tell you where I'm coming from but can I tell you a story about life nude nude drawing of course happened to me yes this is real so I went to animation college okay when I was a when I was a student I went to animation college okay twice a week we had to do life drawing okay we had to do draw nude so that's what it is called though life drawing it's called yes and you you draw nudes they bring in models people who feel comfortable doing this they get stripped naked we'd do it twice a week we'd stand in a horseshoe there'd be someone on

the stage and we'd be in a horseshoe shape around them like like a circle like a circle jerk you all right sorry you got that itch i got to quell that itch i can't itch now without nutting But anyway, so we're standing around this model, okay? On this particular occasion, it's a skinny dude, like a skinny male, sort of sickly. A little, almost looked a bit sickly. So was this at medical school? This was animation school.

Okay. Where I went to college. Gotcha. I lost that. When you started talking about how sickly he was, he looked, he looked a little emaciated. And sometimes you wonder if these people are doing this because they get a few bucks. They don't have jobs. So it's like, so one of the things.

And that's less pencil. Right. That's less a mass you have to draw. So it makes it easier for us. But this was my second year. And one of the things they always taught us to get perspective is to hold up the pencil. You know, you've always seen this thing. You hold up your thumb or you hold up the pencil.

And it's supposed to give you a sense of perspective. And I always thought. it was so pretentious. Yeah. I hated it, so I never did it. I never once did this to my nude models. Everyone else in class. How close are you?

Because I was two rows back. Okay, we were probably... Can you actually touch yours? No, we're probably, I'd say 15 feet perimeter, 15 to 20 feet. This is you pick what part of her you want to draw? Yeah, or him? Or him, yeah. And you kind of do this.

and you kind of, it's supposed to give you a perspective. I should have done that at the orgy. Yeah. Yeah, you should have. My perspective was off. But next one, if it ever happens again. You could do that. Go ahead.

I'm sorry, brother. No, no, not at all. And so this was my second year. Everyone had been doing this for almost two years. Whoa. And so I finally. But did they stop to eat or is it just a constant? For two years, someone's sitting like that?

Oh, no, I'm sorry. Because that's why he's. Right. That's why he was so weak. Oh, if he's sitting there for two years, that's why he's sickly. No, no, I didn't mean he could have started off a linebacker. That's right. Okay.

No, he was, it was for two years my course and we'd have different models every week. Sorry. I apologize. I didn't explain it properly. I also was just, you know, I do some forensic thinking. Yeah. So two years seen. I think I didn't communicate it well.

And I think part of that is because I don't like to look you in the eye anymore because you're about to squirt. I know. but I told you you're not going to do it for me. Well, I'm, I just, I'm a little apprehending, but that's just who I am. I can smell it. Okay. So now after almost two years, one day, I go, I've never done it.

I hate it. I hate watching the other students do it. This nude model standing there. And I go, you know what? I'm just going to do it to see what it's like. And so I, for the first time, I go like that. I have my little pencil. I go like that, and I'm holding it like that for about four seconds.

And this guy just goes, fainted. He just fell over, fainted. Because of what you did? No, but the timing was, oh, I went like this. And I'm like, I squinned my eye. And the minute I do this, so did you do this? No, no, he just, no, I didn't, I didn't follow. Oh, why didn't you?

I was just in shock because I actually thought after two years, an artist it never happened and i thought fuck it was me you know i i was like so have you done it again to anyone no i have never done it i kid i joke i didn't but isn't that funny yeah so he was sick i don't know maybe he was just needed some sugar or whatever and my my ex-girl what year was this oh this was in the early 80s age maybe maybe it was the first maybe i started aids yeah with this Was there a monkey around? Did you have a monkey? Hold on a second.

There was a monkey. Okay. Do you have the drawing? I would love to see this picture. I do have the drawing of the monkey. You're right. But what about the guy? Do you have this guy?

Because you can match it to the, there was a stewardess on a plane. Yeah, it was an Air Canada steward. It was a guy. Was this him? Oh, my God. Was this in Canada? This was in Canada. Holy shit I started AIDS

And you Who knew it was that Well we worked on it together Now I do feel guilty Remember I said I sort of felt guilt But now I really started a lethal disease Because if he Idiot

I'm an idiot Because when he passed out They took him to a hospital And he infected everyone I feel like such an idiot For doing this AIDS started in an art class But it started on a flight with a monkey, correct?

That's what I heard. Air Canada. Air raids. Air raids. Do you hear that? I do. That's my ear. Oh, that's your tonight's really loud because I could hear it.

I got quiet. It went real. I think it went to an 11 because I could hear it coming out of your head. We learned a lot. How are we doing? What do you mean? We've learned so much. much. Oh, should we start? Yeah, let's start this. Okay.

Folks, we have Kirk Fox here, gang. Hey. We just had a little, we had a little coffee table talk just to get the juices flowing. Yeah. Because we said we wanted to kind of ease you into it. And I think we kind of just got there. Let's start. And let's start. My first question, Kirk, you're one of my friends who's got a spiritual side. You've got sort of an inner spiritual element to you that I don't find. Get out of bed, stand on your head, take a deep breath, and say love. That's how I start every day. Well, I want to do fast forward to the end, and I wanted to ask you hypothetically. Wait, the end.

No, I mean, just this question, this question. Hypothetically, Kirk Fox, Rimmer. How do I look? Father Rimmer. Oh, you look great. Rimmer. A rimmer. An edger.

An edger. I'm not really a rimmer. You look like a rimmer to me. Could you be both? I got a, I don't mind a rim. Could you be an edge trimmer? An edge trimmer.

That's good. I do, I have seen an edge trimmer in a homeless tent. Oh, wow. Is it next to my lawnmore? Yes. So edge trimmer. I do manicure the wood area.

You do? I trim it down pretty good. I use a straight edge. Do the crabs get mad? No, I do that just so they can get some sunlight. Oh, God. So here's my question. Okay.

Kirk Fox is a bit of a spiritual entity to me. Well, no, I look at all my friends and you're one of the guys that I go, there's, there's a spiritual energy that burns in you. Okay. That not, all my friends. It burns, not gonorrhea. No. But all my friends have it, but you, I feel the essence of it more.

So my question to you is sort of. spiritual based. Okay. If Kirk Fox is, let's say, hypothetically, lost in a desert, lost in the Amazon, his resources are dwindling, you're coming to the end, you're in one of those crawling, water, water. Do you reach out to God and talk to God, or did you just roll over and go, it's time to go? Can I tell you something?

Please. Because we have started the, hang on. We have started the podcast officially now. You reminded me of a story that I hadn't thought about in a long time. I knew it. When I was in my early 20s, I was even better looking, but more young looking. I've grown into kind of an adult male. But in my early 20s, it was just straight up pretty.

But there was also that edge of I always kind of looked hungry. But I was doing a grand marion. ad for Italy and I was crawling across the desert in search of water and in the distance I saw four beautiful women in red skin tight dresses moving I looked like a mirage did you edge all over the desert this was when I was younger before the edging took over but one of them was Cameron Diaz she'll confirm and as I I got to them, I passed out, and then I was suddenly in a chair drinking Grand Marnier, and they were shaving me, and I was in a tuxedo now.

Oh, and when I was crawling, I also had a birdcage with me. Sure. It was crazy, and they were shaving me, and I was drinking Grand Marnier. We were in the desert, it was hot, maybe 100 degrees. Which desert was this? Out toward Barstow area. I thought it was in Italy. No, it was for Grand Marnier.

It was an Italian commercial. We were shooting there. And then suddenly. So it was the Mojave Desert. Suddenly I was being shaved, drinking Grand Marnier, and suddenly I was on a teeter-totter. Very long. It was the length of a telephone pole.

Kind of like your penis. Yes. And I was going back and forth. I was on one end, and the four girls were on the other end. and I was on a sandbag. And for some reason, I told the Italian director, I believe his name was Alberto Delardo. Great director, by the way.

Or Ombarto. Great director. I think Alberto Delarte. Yeah. And I said, I'm falling, and they said, we're getting the shot. We're getting the shot. And I slid off the end of the teeter-totter when the four girls were at the top.

And when I slid off, They fell and injured themselves. Cameron, you injured Cameron Diaz? I injured her. At the time she thought I broke the, what is the bone? The coxas? The coxas. Your tailbone?

Yes, but I think she thought I broke the vagina bone. Oh, that one's tough to break too. There was anger. The commercial ended at that moment. But I don't think, did she have a baby recently? Cameron Diaz? Yes. No.

Are you sure? I heard she can't have them due to a teeter-totter accident. I'd like to find out if she had a child. If she did, it was probably in a playground. Let me tell you this because of the teeter-totter. If she did have a child, I'd like to just know. that I feel better because for 20 or 30 years I thought I broke her vagina on that teeter totter. But did she have a baby? Cameron, I don't know if you watch this. She does. She does.

Can you reach out to me and let me know if you had that child or did someone else have it? There's a way for other people to carry a baby, correct? Yeah, oh yeah. It's called a surrogation. Yeah, it's called Okay, I'm just wondering if she gave birth or she and the rock star, one of the Madden boys, created a seed and put it somewhere else to grow. Kentucky bluegrass. Is her kid green? I'm not sure, but it was because you had mentioned crawling across the desert. So finish your question.

Well, I think I did, but I'll say it all over again. If you're at death's door, you're crawling across the desert. And without the long, huge 20-minute detour to a teeter-totter story. Sorry, brother. You just triggered something. No, it's important we get it all out because I don't want you to rim. And so... Edge, but rimming, not bad also.

Nice to see you. If you're right there, you're about to take your last gulp of water, you're about to take your last breath, does Kirk Fox reach out to a higher forest? Do you go, God, I'm coming home, God, save me God or does Kirk Fox just go ah it was a good Ron Don you do your last edge I've often said and I've said this publicly and I'll say it again because it it matters yeah if I had four minutes to live okay you can take me in two I can get everything I need to do done in two minutes

If I'm face to face with death, I thank him, I take a deep breath, and I say love. Love. And as long as you say love with your last exhale, it's a smooth exit. It's when you fight it and scream and cry, just say thank you and just say love. I've walked many people out. You have. When people die, I used to do this where I would comfort people and help them make their exit smoothly.

I have that gift. How many people have you helped murder, help die? Well, I wouldn't say murder because they were close. Hospice was there, but I just talked them out of it gently. Bob Hospice, one of my favorite actors. Yes. so yeah when toward the end when they're at the edge between life and death i don't know if they want to be at the edge around you i nudge them to the end last thing they see is you nice music whatever they

like to hear i see your clothes your family's here what do you see oh do you see the ocean you're walking toward the water oh it feels nice touch that breathe it in ah we're all going to be okay we're going to miss you you were great this was nice what a beautiful day How many people have you? Ten, I think ten I've been paid to assist. You're paid to go on. I'm paid to assist in death. Now, my wife's dad, I wasn't paid.

I did it kind of on the house. A freebie? It was a freebie. Why him? Well, he was there. I was in the house when it happened. And I actually drove him down the driveway. He died on a Sunday.

It was a high holiday, I believe, Judaism or something. A lot of people died on this day. Wow. He died. I made it a nice exit. And then two old men came for the body. Wow. They were close also to death.

Two Jewish men from a Jewish funeral home. They came to get the body. Yikes. They zipped him up. They could not wheel him down the outdoor stairs. Why were his pants down? his pants were up i believe they zipped him up in a body bag but i like your no it's easy to get lost in today's conversation we zipped him in a plastic body bag okay we took him down the stairs okay to the

gate by the way i never understood the head hit the gate oh he opened the gate i had told my wife that it was his feet that kicked the gate open yeah but it was really his head on the gurney they got to the van we put them in the back of the van and there was two other bodies in there they had double dipped they had stopped to pick up two bodies wow and then that's like when you order uber eats and they don't come right to your house they do another delivery you're absolutely right harley and then they couldn't back down the driveway i drove the van down the driveway like dexter they waited for me at the bottom of the driveway these two they were almost 80 whoa maybe you should have just put them in the back no one would have known the difference i'm

not sure they both made it i don't think they did but at the bottom of the driveway they wanted a tip oh god i did not tip them yeah because i felt i did the work and i i didn't feel it was right to tip it's like i did the driving you don't They didn't know who you are. You just said, I don't. They should have tip me. You tip the valet. Yeah.

I backed that van down with two bodies in it. They wanted to tip. I said, no. No. And they understood. And then I went back upstairs. And then this hospice woman who was there with me, slowly giving a little morphine drip, I believe, which helped my story. Oh.

She wanted a tip. And I think I had to give her 50. Don't they know you're the guy that broke Cameron Diaz's vagina? Well, they're going to now, but I don't know if I broke it. I'd like Cameron, I apologize, but I'll tell you this. Yeah. She hadn't gotten mask yet. Okay.

She was about to audition for mask. Oh, God. And she was nervous. Yeah. And I think because I broke the vagina. So now you're saying you did. I think she went in there a little happy to be alive because she played her. I said, just be yourself, be the goofball.

And she was and she got mask. And I think her whole career was jumpstarted because I had a little too much grand marnier. Yeah. I fell off the teeter totter. Broker vagina. The other four women hit. I don't know what happened to the other three. But Cameron, I remember I broke the vagina.

Yeah. No wonder she got the mask. I mean, nothing takes the edge off your nerves. You go into an audition. You're all tired. But when you walk in a room with a broken vagina, you've got nothing to lose. You're going to get every audition you go in for. She never really thanked me. I saw her over the years and she was always friendly. Yeah. But, uh, just take her to a park. Yeah. Cameron Diaz. Cameron, I hope the kid's great. Maybe you named it Kirk. or crack. Yeah. Broken crack. Sorry, go ahead. No, this is our final segment with Kirk Fox.

What an outing we've had, but we have to do it. Words from a wooden shoe. And Harlan, I feel that I monopolized, but you led me down. No, it was important we settled in for about 55 minutes before we got to the last four-minute segment. Yes. That's important, because if my guest's not comfortable, this doesn't work. And they know that. I wasn't at first.

You saw, because I felt betrayed. You felt betrayed. You felt I could see your nerves. When you started a conversation, you want to know that they're recording. It's got to be fluid. I didn't say what I should have said to calm you. And you always do that. It's always kind of a rocky beginning here.

My bad. My bad, Rimmer. Okay. Edger. So what we do is we reach into the wooden shoe, pull out a word, and if something relates to your journey. Gosh, after what we've been through. Well, it's of a tradition at the show here.

It's any story. It could be three seconds long. It could be whatever, just like an edge. It could be a quick, a quick, you know. I don't even want to. Don't even look. I'd like to go near the toes. Yeah.

Oh, wow, you're going deep. Only because most people don't. I don't like to stick my hand where other people do. Yeah. Oh, boy, what is it, guy? What we got, Guy? Here we go. drunkest ever

here we go interesting it can be you or it could be a friend could be a relative could be a stranger you saw I was thinking about this recently there we go

and because I'm not a big drinker okay so it would never be the drunkest I've ever been right but wow I would in my early 20s I used to teach tennis out in port Washington great place great town and I'll tell you this kind of ties in to everything and it's making me laugh because only with you do I open up about some of this stuff my friend but I met a girl on the train, Harlan. Broker Regina. No.

Oh, gosh. And we'd go on this train. I'd ride the train with her a few times. I would teach tennis out of Port Washington. And then I would take the train back to Manhattan. And I would catch the train up to the upper west side. I was staying with my sister during this time. I was actually training to be a,

professional tennis player, but I was teaching tennis at the time. Okay. And somehow, I don't know how it happened, but at some point, I got off the train to meet this girl once, and she had a car parked at the train station. Okay, so no real reason for the train. Well, I had to get there. But she didn't. She had a car.

Yeah, this must have been her stop. We met there. Or she was stupid. I'm not sure all this, because it happened. so quick but somehow i'll drive my vehicle to get on another vehicle somehow i know somehow we got into the car okay and there was uh intimacy involved uh between her mouth i believe and part of my manhood what what inch where we uh the start it started at the end okay not a lot happened before she was drunk i found out because she threw up all over my lap and the car and everything and that might be the

drunkest ever but maybe not ever but she was it's definitely the most memorable to have someone throw up on you because at first I thought it was me I thought wow this is a hell of a low whoa hell of a nut but then you saw egg salad in it and realized it came from the other side but even when I saw the egg salad I'm like oh gosh this is certainly chunky and it was I was young yeah 20 so chunky when you're younger so I wasn't really an edger I think I was just excited to have met a girl and then gotten uh you know oral pleasure wow at a train station I think it was roanoke uh Long Island is that sound right I thought that was a flavor of ice cream I over your left.

Ah, it was Roanoke of flavor. But that's a pretty interesting. Wow. Do you remember what kind of car it was? I don't, but it may have been a Volvo. Or Volvo.

Maybe, but I think it was boxy. Yeah. And I was young. Always, when I'd get on the train in Port Washington, I'd get a big beer and a kit cat. Wow. So that was part of my tennis training.

So not a lot happened with my tennis. Yeah. because I believe my training was skewed. Yeah, it's hard to play tennis when you're caked and vomit. Yeah, but man, it's a memory. Yeah. Triggered by that shoe. Yeah.

Man, Harlan. Wow, good stuff. Well, Kirk, we want to thank you for being here on the Harland Highway. Anything you want to plug or mention before we... No, I think I've talked about enough. Yeah. Maybe too much even. Really?

Why? life is short i just poured it out we we had a good talk these are things yeah you're right there's no there's never any filter between us ago you had mentioned art and i said oh maybe i could maybe it'll trigger some memories yeah we never really even got to it we did a little bit did we talked about uh uh life drawing and the the nude model you know what i feel bad about though we talked a lot The art room sketch artists are also good because eventually they drew me looking at the judge. So I was a good artist, the police sketch artist, but the courtroom... You're right.

We talked a lot about art, and my only regret here is today that we didn't have time for any Garfunkel. But you'll come back. I keep coming back. Do you have others? You'll be back. Kirk's one of the fave guests here on the Harlan Highway. Boy, I hope this was educational. It was edge occasional.

And gentlemen, edge more. Just save that chee for your pants. And that way you can do more at the end of the night with your girl. She'll thank you. Keep on edging. Ladies and gentlemen, you heard it from the rim master. Buddy, that. edge master

sorry buddy thank you for being here folks Kirk Fox check them out go see them do stand-up comedy unbelievable

and that's it for today we're all out of time and until next time everybody be sure and call in and leave a voicemail 323-696

0222 ask for Cameron Diaz let us know if she gave birth Let us know about Cameron's baby. And until next time, chicken chalmayne, baby. Thank you. Wow.

Do you need to go and release yourself? No, I'm good. Okay.