The Harland Highway - LET'S HAVE A FIGHT #3 - PREMIUM CONTENT

Episode Date: December 1, 2015

Hey Premium members here it is, Let's Have a Fight Podcast #3 - spoiler alert this one features outrageous adult entertainment personality Sam Philips, she has quite the potty mouth but is great at fighting. So if you're sensitive to swearing and sexual content plug your ears of just walk on by! It's a great fight both heated and hilarious! Who's gonna win? Join the premium club for only $20 a year and find out! Enjoy the fight all you Premium Members! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, hey, hey, my premium members, how are you? Hey, welcome to some more prime premium content. This is the third podcast of Let's Have a Fight and a little spoiler alert. If you're sensitive to foul language and explicit sexual content, this isn't the fight for you. my goodness, our fighters today are myself and my opponent, Sam Phillips, who just goes out of control with the foul language and the graphic, descriptive, sexual stuff. But she's masterful at it. She's a great fighter.

She uses it to her advantage. And she might even possibly win. I can't give away the ending. But my God, can this potty-mouth vixen. Give a good scrap. So I hope you enjoy it. If your ears are too sensitive for things getting down and dirty, this isn't the one for you. But if it is, if you like it to get raunchy, this is the one for you.

So here we go, guys. I hope you enjoy. Let's have a fight. Podcast 3. Welcome to the list. Let's Have a Fight Podcast Welcome to the

Let's Have a Fight podcast The podcast that lets two guests have an all-out verbal throwdown with no punches pulled and only one champion standing in the bloody ring at the end. I'm your referee Eddie Delisepi and here are the rules. There will be three 11-minute rounds

each fighter picking a topic of their choice and the referee, me, picking the third. Each fighter must argue his or her topic with all they've got while his or her opponent must argue the other side of the topic, even if it goes against his or her personal beliefs. He or she must be the voice for every man, every citizen, politician, social activists, redneck, lobby group, racist, scholar, dumbass, homophobe, zealot, and everyone else in between. The fighter can use media soundbites, quotes, false facts, lies, and even bullshit to try to knock out his or her opponent. With this technique, the opponent does not have to be accountable or necessarily believe in any of the statements they make.

as they are basically borrowing from the lexicon of human opinion for comedic and entertainment effect. Each fighter can stop a fight instantly with a power slam using their power slam buzzer. Power slams are horrible insults fighters have written on cards and handed to their opponents before the fight. Fighters will then have to listen to an opponent and abuse them with their own written words during the power slam. If a fighter forgets to power slam during a round, he or she automatically loses the round at the end. each fighter will be allowed a closing statement at the end of each fight and signify by this sound and I will stop and start each fight with the sound of this bell

at the end of each fight I will review my scorecard and determine the winner now with that all the way let's meet our fighters in the red corner weighing in at a measly 145 she's a sales from Brooklyn New York Radio and TV host, writer, producer, and former Penthouse, Pet Sederfold, Sam, the sledgehammer Phillips. Listen, I am not 145, fucker.

Try 130. To get it straight. In the other corner, hailing from the Badlands of Alberta. You've seen him on Dumb and Dumber, his podcast, The Harlan Highway. He is the destroyer that is Harland Williams. Ah! Why do I feel like your applause is louder? Okay, okay, okay.

Okay, I want a funny, dirty fight with lots of yelling and swearing. Definitely hitting him below the belt and all the cheap shots you can fire. So, Harlan, you're going to pick your card. Okay. Okay, Harlan, can you read the topic, please? The topic is... The topic is... Ass is the new pussy.

Okay. I'm for ass being the new pussy. Okay. Then I'm going to be against ass being the new pussy. Okay. Okay, so check it out. Hold on. Wait one second. Oh, she's ready to go.

Are you guys ready? Yes. Yeah. Are you, Sam? Are you ready? Yes. Give each other the middle finger. Let's have a fight. Dude, analingus is on the rise.

Ass is the new pussy. It's in every article, GQ Cosmo. Everybody's giving you instructions on how to eat ass, fuck ass. It's the one hole that people are invading. America's on the ass train. Analingis, isn't that an Irish airline? What the hell are you talking? That's aerolingus. This is analingus where you rim anuses. It is the next new vestige

of pleasure. What do you mean new? People have, it's called sodomy, young lady, and it's been happening since the day of the caveman. What do you mean new? Now it's legal in almost 50 states like gay marriage. Which states isn't it legal in? I couldn't tell you off the top my head, but I'm sure there's like Canada. That's not a state. That's a country that's not even part of America. It's North America. Look, why would you want to put your thing

in a dirty hole that's clearly an exit, not an entrance? What are you, fucking, were you raised on the fucking Charles Manson family barn? Yes, but that has nothing to do with it. Wow. Okay, so listen, it's notorious that pussies are very large.

Anuses, by proxy, are very small. Men prefer smaller things around their penises than large gaping holes. So therefore, anus is the new pussy. They heinous because we anus. No, no, no, no. There's a lot of men that would never go near the anus. It's where, look, I hate to be crass, but that's where the poop comes out, man. Listen, every rapper is talking about it.

Have you ever pooed out your pussy? Have you? I'm looking at you, Gorgonzola face. Have you ever pooed out of your pussy? Not recently. Okay, then that's where I'm going to go. I ain't going up a dirty highway. You don't just stick a penis in a poopy hole.

You need to clean it out first. Oh, my God. What am I? I love making nurse. Harlan, she's telling you and taking you there. She's painting a picture. What do you think about that? She's really speaking from experience here?

Yeah, she's painting a picture with a brown crayon. I'll tell you that, man. And this is not an art gallery I want to go to. Close your legs and fucking have some Listerine. Don't you know who Mozart is or Nikki Minaj? They both sung about anus, anacondas. What? When did Mozart?

What was Mozart 6? It was about ass eating? He has a famous song, which is translated to lick my anus. Yes, it is. It's lips, mind shits. Good Lord. I'm not really sure if Sam is using actual facts. I know.

What do you think about... It is a fucking fact. What do you think about her historical music references? I don't know. It sounds more like you got these ideas from Barney the dinosaur. What are you talking about? Mozart was, wasn't he blind? That's probably why he went up the anus. He didn't know where to go.

Was he blind or was he deaf? I think he was dumb. He was dumb. Oh, speaking of dumb. This is the dumbest idea I've ever heard. Most decent, hardworking man want to come home to a nice, clean. environment to park their penis at night after work. They don't want to go

up the dung hole. That's disgusting. I want to state that Harlan let's start the statement by saying, I don't want to be crass. I don't want to be ass. It's a little too late for that three eyes. Whoa. You're getting a power slam.

We Harlan had a first power slam. Harlan came in first. Harlan, you're up. You're getting power slam. This is your own words. How do you not have any diseases with all the people you you've slept with. 500 people is not a lot. Oh, wow.

Well, let me ask you, this ass queen. I didn't swallow them all. How many of these 500 people have you had up your ass since you're the one here jumping up and down for ass sacks? One and a half, a half of one and a half. What? I was able to get two heads in my ass. Oh, my God.

Not at the same time. I had two boyfriends Where was this in a circus? What the hell? Was it the Ripley's Believe it or not Museum in the janitor's closet? Two heads up my ass. Listen, out of the 500 I fucked in my day.

Wow. One of them I loved a lot. One of them was my ex-husband. So I allowed these men who I loved to try and invade my ass because I'm not really ass friendly by nature. So they eerlingist you? Yes.

Wow. But it didn't work. What do you mean? Did you have a cork in that day? It doesn't. It, like you say, it likes being an exit, not necessarily an entrance. So this is why I'm on the ass train. That's why I've been doing my research.

I want to get there. I want to be like America. I want things in my ass. Sam has a lot of passion about her ass being the new pussy. Wow. And she's got a power slam. Yeah, I didn't want to fucking forget her else I'd lose. Okay.

Suck a stale bag of Oprah Winfrey's ass gabs. Well, you fuck her in the ass, mother. Fucker. Oh, my God. The queen of television has been thrown into the ring. She just got thrown into the asshole. Dear God. Wow.

Okay, so basically what she's saying, that, you know, that anal sex is becoming more prevalent. It's everywhere. It's on television. It's in magazines. It's in movies. Not just pornos. Sam, give me some facts. I need some facts in here, Sam.

You can't just throw those out. From here to eternity. Don't you remember? What? When he slid into her Hershey Highway. What? That ended up on the cutting room floor. But you know, it's that notorious scene that everybody talks about.

Hershey Highway. Is that the one where they were on the beach, like with the waves came up? Yes. So you're telling me that beautiful, romantic black and white scene with Bert Lancaster. Yes. Frolicking in the foam on the beach. He's upper ass. You don't know what it's like getting ass fucked with sand around you.

It's not comfortable. What about the sun? That's not fun either, but Wow But you know, Mozart from here to eternity Fucking Nicki Minaj Ice Cube, all these people It's all like ass, ass, ass

I feel like it's a big message People are talking to me, it's like aliens And I'm like, I need to open up my ass I just need to do it Oh God I guess what do you say to that? Well, she clearly has a passion for her asshole And the thing is it's so small

Okay, I don't know about that It's really tiny Yeah, but there's men that that's not what they want to do They find it a bit like it's taboo, it's disgusting It's dirty No, that's what I'm trying to tell you ass is the new pussy And by the way, for play should include analingus Every single time

Wait a minute, so you're saying men should forget about Whoa, hello, sounds like the crowd like that too So you're saying Yes That men should forget about when they go to have standard sex bypassed the vagina and second base and third base go right to the ass. To the home run.

Okay, here's the problem with your little plan. What? Miss Miss Anus. Yes, Calamari Ring 2016. Okay, Mr. Superman sneakers. Fucking red and blue like you're going to fly out of here. Most fucking women don't want it in the Calamari ring.

That's true. So now what do we do? Hello. The tide is turning. Hello, Dr. Ruth. The tide is turning. It is a new era, a new dawn. Ladies love it. They even have these douche kits for your asshole to get it ready. Come on. Yes.

What are those called? Enimas. Oh, douche cat. A douche cat. She's speaking of a personal experience, Harlan. She feels that, you know, there's obviously a lot of things out there in society. Are they aiding towards her cause? Yes, I feel like everyone is saying it.

So, ladies listening, jump on the ass train. Make your man happy. I've never known a man to leave a lady who gave up the ass. And I'll tell you something, most men want the ass. It's a control power thing. So I say, ladies, support your guy. Just give him the ass, make him feel like a stud. Wow.

Wait. Okay? Oh, man. Did you lift that from when I was being plowed in the ass? Because that's exactly how I sounded. Really? Yeah, no, it really doesn't feel good. So why would you want it if it hurts so much?

You're kind of like crunch. your own argument. I hear pleasure is pain. Pain is pleasure. And once you get past like the terror initially, it's supposed to feel good. What if a guy doesn't want to do that? What if a guy wants a good old fashion lay on your back missionary style lovemaking? Well, then he's a heterosexual man.

Okay. That makes sense. That makes sense. Thank you. I agree. I actually agree with that point right there. See, we're on a level playing field Harlan feels that his partner

shouldn't have to feel uncomfortable for his own pleasure. What do you feel about that? I think that whoever Harland is with should do whatever he wants. Yeah, that's just how I feel. Women are here to please men. Wow. Yeah. Bold statement.

You're here living in California where everybody's a lot more open. Are you telling women out in the middle of Omaha and Ohio? Ohio and Pennsylvania to get down on all fours and let their men get up in their ass. Okay, so check it out. There's a Facebook page called Cheat Him, Please Him. And it's all about feeding and pleasing your man, ass fucking food making, whatever he wants. Oh, man.

I'm telling you, the consciousness of women today, it's expanding. We are incorporating things. We're being experimental and adventurous. You should applaud that. Applots. Wow. Wow. I should slap your ass.

cheeks together for that. Really? Wow, you should go suck on Daniel Day Lewis's prolapse is what you should do. Oh, and that's another thing. Beware the prolapse. No, seriously. That is if you do too much ass-fucking. What? Yeah. Oh, God.

Okay, guys. We got a final statement so since you had the last word, we're going to have Harlan, his last word, and then you, Sam. Harlan, last word. Okay, my last word is this. Look, there's a lot of guys that just want a nice, healthy woman that doesn't get dirty. He has no desire to go up the dirty hole and he just wants to have good old fashioned love making. The idea of bending the average everyday woman over and penetrating her anally is vile. It's disgusting. And you should

be ashamed of yourself. I hope you wake up in Dorothy Hamill's house with one of her figure skates in your butt. Okay. Sam, one final statement. You got 30 seconds. Oh, shit. Okay. Well, hey listen I don't agree with anything that you just said I wasn't even listening to you bottom line is yeah whatever the bottom line is you know our appetites are expanding and asses on the menu these

days so that's it boom end of story that's it boom wow okay this is a this is a heated debate yeah obviously one person speaking smelly brown debate I'm going to have to pick a winner for this round

Now if I can go to Harlan spoke from the heart Spoke truly about a group of people that he feels he represents But Sam's passion to the topic Her musical references that had no clue And the inside track and a lot of movies brought some interesting provocative points I'm going to have to give the round to Sam I've never seen someone with so much passion towards

As being the new pussy So Sam takes round one, dear God. Dear Lord in heaven. Okay, cool. Wow. I'm clapping my tits together, everybody. So Sam, you won that round. How do you feel?

Do you feel good? I was a little intimidated initially, and I thought, just fuck it. Just say what I feel. Speak from the heart. That's good. Yeah. Anything you're working on lately? Any projects you've got coming up?

Obviously, you've got a lot of passion in you. I'm sure that whatever you put your life into. I like to talk. That's my gig. Really? Yeah, yeah. And I'm a radio host. Okay.

On VividRadio, Serious XM-791 and VividRadio.com. I'm on a couple times a week. So check it out. Where can they catch you? Twitter, Instagram. What is that? Oh, God, yeah. I'm at The Single Life on Twitter.

And I'm Sam's pajama party on Instagram. Very cool. Thank you for being part of this fire. You're ready for round two? Fuck yeah. Harlan, are you ready for round two? I'm ready, man. Okay, Sam, since Harlan picked the first round, you're going to pick the second round.

So put your hand in the middle bucket and pick a card. Sam, can you read the topic out loud, please? Harry Clint? What? Oh, Hillary Clinton? You know, you just read what you want to read. Okay. Now, since that's Harlan's card, Harlan, what do you choose for the topic?

Or or against? I'm against. I'm against. So Harlan's against Hillary Clinton? You're for Hillary Clinton. Are you guys ready? Yes. Hartland, are you ready?

I'm ready. Sam? Yes. Let's have a fight. You know, Hillary Clinton, the idea of this woman being president of the United States makes my stomach turn. I don't think that this woman has earned it. I can't see her being a good president. I feel like she's kind of rode her husband's coattails all these years. I don't even know why she's running for president.

I think she is our best solution to move this country forward. She has already been in the White House. Fucking how many years? 12 years, eight years, eight years, how many years can you go? Yeah, so is the cleaning lady, okay? Oh my God. Just because you're in the White House doesn't mean you're ready for the White House. Bill Clinton was our best president this country has ever had.

Oh, boy. By osmosis, his wife would do better than any fucking president we've had since. Oh, come on. Come on. She walks around. She acts like she somehow earned a spot in the White House. She did. On her back.

On her back. Yeah, that's about it. That's about, except she was on her back. Well, Bill was on someone else's stomach. How else do we get ahead in life, us ladies? Look, I'm not against a woman president, but I just don't feel like Hillary brings anything to the table. Okay, like Jeb Bush is better? I would take Jeb Bush over.

Hillary Clinton, yeah. Are you fucking kidding me? I would take anyone over. I'd take your fucking left ass hair over Hillary Clinton. I would take a lady who licks Bush allegedly supposedly over a man whose last name is motherfucking Bush. Ew, ew, yuck, yuck, y'all. You need to go suck Reese Witherspoons left ass mole is what you need to do.

And you know what else? What? Left ass. Fucking idiot. Unbelievable. The other thing. Harlins. What?

This lady is a class example of stand by your man. Oh, God. We need more of this. You know what? If she had any scruples at all, she would have left her man. In the real world, a woman who catches her husband flirting and having sex with a 19-year-old intern has the decency to leave their husband. But she had her eyes on the White House, even back then.

And so she stuck around just knowing that. if she stayed by Bill's side, it would be her pathway to gaining the Whiteout. She's, she's been scheming about this for years, and that's why I don't like her. That's why I fucking love her. Look how smart this lady is. The best laid plans were made years in advance, as that general, Sal said. Whatever his name was. There's a difference between well-laid plans and scheming and being conniving and weird, yeah.

She's just creepy. No, no, Harlan believes just because she was involved in the White House doesn't mean she's qualified. I think she's qualified. How? Because she wears a pantsuit and looks like fucking Captain Kangaroo with a dildo up her ass. Sheaf champions for the rights of impoverished for the Mexicans, for children, for change in America. Oh, God. And who doesn't?

What politician doesn't? That's a laundry list of every politician you can think of. Right. But she hasn't earned it. Look, and on top of that, she's a weasel. What about this whole debacle where she just, like, decided to delete all her emails? Well. Right, right.

Yeah. Boy, that's a trustworthy president. That's not very presidential. But we don't know if she actually deleted them. She did. She said she did in a press conference. Maybe it was an accident. No, she said, I deleted the emails that didn't pertain to any White House business.

Chelsea's wedding plans, my yoga classes, things like that. And we're just supposed to believe her? Yes. We're just supposed to believe her? Yes, I believe her. Maybe we should have had O.J. defend himself and say, hey, I didn't kill anyone. Can I go golf now? But he did kill somebody.

And they finally caught up with his ass over fucking merchandise. Yeah, and then they're going to catch up with Hillary the Pantsuit Queen's ass when she's already in office and we realized we fucked it up. I think she is our best hope to move this country forward. Give me some facts, Sam. Give me some facts Uh-huh, exactly She's much prettier today than she was 20 years ago Oh God, are you kidding?

She looks like a melting wax figure From the Hollywood Wax Museum And whatever child they have, children You don't even hear about them So they obviously did something right Kids are not in the news Oh, okay Okay, okay

Yeah, look at those bush trends They were fucking drinking And like rebel rousing And who cares? they're not going to be running for president. They're not in the White House. Yeah, but they affected their credibility of their parents because if you can't even take care of your children and make them do the right thing, how are you going to fucking make the country do the right thing? So what's worth your children out drinking or someone who's running for president deleting vital emails about a world event that could change the outcome of history?

And I don't even believe that shit. You know why? Because nothing is ever deleted. The Internet is a huge bank of information. like it's like the time capsule portal thing where you could just go and go through pages and everything you've ever written on the internet

there's a record of it so if they really wanted to see her fucking emails they could have it's a bunch of bullshit why don't you get some mayonnaise why don't you get some mayonnaise butter Cindy Crawford's mole our first power slam

Harley we got a first power slam go ahead Sam put your head up your ass and take a mouthful wow See, you are already on my ass tip, dude. We were, like, fucking ESPing it before we even got here. Yeah, you knew it was all. I'm very impressed you didn't talk about ass with Hillary already, which is really interesting.

Okay, so she feels that Hillary has a lot of core values that would be beneficial as a president. Harlan believes that just because she's in the White House doesn't mean she's qualified and the email fiasco. Fuck that email fiasco. Like, you haven't lost your emails? Oh, she didn't lose them. She wiped them clean off her server. That's the mark of a conniving. dishonest person

that we shouldn't trust. Plus she's already starting with these propaganda bullet points in her campaign. The war on women. She's for illegal immigrants. Yes. This is amazing. She changed her stance on gay marriage

like less than a year and a half ago. You come from another country. It's all fake. It is not fake. It's fake. She's talking about things that she believes. She's soliciting vote. She's making up bullet points. to get votes, okay? I want her as our first woman president. Oh, God. There's nobody better.

Why do you want her? Just because she's a woman? Because, you know, there's a lot of women around. How about your fucking cleaning lady, Marioolo de Silva? Harlan believes is a bias. She would do good. She would be able to speak to all the Spanish people. Do you just want a woman, or do you want fucking pantsuit Willie in particular? I want to note everyone that they both intermittently burped throughout this whole fight.

I have gas, everybody. I just want to say, I'm sorry. Yeah, there's a lot of hot wind coming from over there. Now, Harlan believes there's a bias there. You're a woman? She's a woman. Do you feel like you're voting on a bias? No.

If she was running against Barack Obama, I'd still pick Obama. Interesting. Oh, okay. Well, there's a little bit. I wish that Mrs. Obama would be our president. She's awesome. Well, maybe she will run. And she rocks pantsuits.

She wears them, too? What is with these first ladies? Well, what do you think they were supposed to wear? Like, fucking little mini skirts and crotchel's panties? Why not? I mean, God, they are the first lady. Well, you know. Oh, hold on, hold on.

We got a power slam. You need a power slam. You're just getting too out of control. You dress like a lesbian. There's your power swim. I don't know what that means, but maybe. I don't either, but I enjoyed it. Thank you.

Yeah, yeah, you do. You know what, maybe. I like wearing men's jeans. Yeah, so does Hillary. And this is why I love that fucking lesbian men. You know what? We don't need a present with a haircut like Lord Fortnoid from Shrek, all right? She's got the bangs.

Oh, and like we need Jeb Bush's haircut. He looks like a weasel. He is disgusting. The hanging chad. Oh, God. Hang. I'd rather have a hanging chad than a woman that has the Osmond family's teeth combined in her mouth. I could give a shit.

She looked like she could chew. through a giant redwood faster than a flock of rabid beavers. And I bet you she could suck your dick better than anybody. She probably bite it right off and hang it over the fireplace. No, it's for real. Ladies with big teeth, they learn how to give good head early

because they have to get past the horse teeth. Oh, God. Maybe that's why there's never any microphones at her press conferences. I wanted everyone to know that I thought the sucking dick references would come a little earlier from you. I tried to, like, be highbrow with the Hillary. Of course. Now, Harlan believes that

But, you know, she's been in and out of Washington for years. Which is why she'd be the best. But maybe not. Maybe she knows how to manipulate the system. Maybe we need some more fresher in Washington. Thank you. Manipulate. That's the key word.

Oh, and Donald Trump should be our fucking president. Why not? At least it's someone fresh, exciting, has some crazy ideas. Go for it, Donald. That Mexican are dirty and disgusting and illegal. There could be one or two good ones. You don't know. Miss America was fucking Mexican.

You don't have to believe in everything someone says, but God, I'd take him over Hillary. He did a press conference saying he hates Mexicans. Yeah, well, I'm going to do a press conference saying I hate Hillary. How about that? Go back to Canada. Okay. Go blow up on a Hillary's pantsuits and float the fucking East India. Yeah, you will.

Somebody should. In my lesbian outfit. Now Donald Trump came up, Harland. I mean, other presidential candidates, you can't just say Hillary is. good. Maybe there's other people that you feel would be more fitting. Who? You know, I would take anyone. I'm not a Democrat or a Republican.

I kind of sit in the middle. I look at who presents the best options. And Hillary, I think, is just a phony. She's presenting all these rehearsed bullet points. There's been nobody more authentic

in this White House. I don't know. Outside of Bernie Sanders and his 90% tax thing, I think he's a more exciting candidate than Hillary because maybe I don't agree with everything he says, but at least I feel like he's real. I didn't know Colonel Sanders was running. Oh, wow. How about why don't you go eat Orville Redenbockers niblets?

How about that? I'd rather eat your feet. Oh, my God. Okay, guys, we got the warning bell. We got last statements. I heard eat your feet. I don't think I'm going to go with that. I'm going to go to Harland.

Harlan, final word. I just think this country is at a place where we need a fresh. new direction. We need to be void of all the old attachments. I think we need someone who's honest, has integrity. I think we shouldn't have a presidential candidate.

We feel like we're kind of mixed in with a manipulative conniving weasel. And so that's why I can't throw my support behind Hillary. And I hate those stupid pantsuits and our cancals. That's Harlan's last word.

I have one sentence. to say. Okay. This cunt tree needs a cunt running it. I don't know if that's really for women. You can use that word. Okay, guys. That was a hell of a round.

Wow. This is a heated, it's a political debate. I wouldn't really know listening, but that it was political. You guys both brought up interesting points. non-sequitur points we attacked Hillary we were for Hillary but I will say this

in politics you have to keep your composure and not be as passionate because sometimes your emotions can get in the way of rationale Harlan was clean, collective and in the zone he had great points I felt you're a little bit too heated maybe it was the pussy ran from before

it bled into this round two got a little bit too much I can give the round to Harlan Harlan Harle Williams takes round two Yeah All right all right I love it. Harley, how do you feel about that round?

You know, it was a tough round because, you know, people love Hillary. Right. But, you know, I love the country more than I love any politician. And I really do passionately believe that she's old tired news. What was that? That's her blowing out some holes. So I think this country deserves someone fresh, new, and exciting that doesn't have any of the past baggage. And let's get this country back up.

where it used to be or where it could be. And I don't think Hillary has that. The beautiful thing about America is that you're allowed to make that opinion. Yeah. And if you're people passionate about it, people will listen. Harland, anything to plug? Anything coming up? Just my podcast, The Harland Highway.

You can check that out and follow me on the new app Periscope, which is a lot of fun at Harlan Williams. I watched the Harlan on Periscope recently, and he was a panda drinking a Corona beer, complaining about his ex-wife. Drunk Panda. Drunk Panda. One panda, periscope. So we're at a tie here.

Okay. Yeah. We got Sam with round one, the pussy rants. Yeah. I saw a vein throbbing out of her head. I've never seen another one before. Wow. And I saw Harland Clean, Calm Collective, Anderson Cooper in the zone, just looking at you right in the eye, telling you facts about America that he feels will help America.

I'm going to pick the final topic. All right. It's a topic I wrote. And we're going to see who's going to take this final round. Are you guys ready? Okay. So the topic is America. should buy the country Greece.

Greece is obviously bankrupt. Greece is now completely disheveled economically. I think America should make them another state. Since Harlan won the last round, I'm going to make you... Sam, hello? Yeah.

You're going to be for America buying Greece. I won't be against America buying Greece. All right, all right. All right, guys. It's a little geopolitical. It's a little international. Yep. Like the house of pancakes.

Like the house of pancakes. Yeah. Are you guys ready? Yes. Yeah. This is the final round, guys. Let's have a fight. So, America should buy Greece.

We need more beaches. They're very pretty over there. Oh, boy. The people are gorgeous. America is the land of the home, the free, and the beautiful. We need more beautiful people over here. And we need, like, a camp out, like a base camp, like, across the waters. That we could put, like, some armed.

me bases and maybe a military Are you describing Hawaii? No, no, no, but we need another like Cuba and a Hawaii, but like we'll make it Greece. Oh, God. Why is Greece in the middle of everything? Why is our stock market? Why is our

economy? Why is the world economy hanging in the balance because of a country that makes olives and feta cheese? I don't get it. They're about the size of my backyard and they can't keep their shit together. Their ATM machines

are empty, and we're all paying the price. The European Union's about to collapse because of this tiny little country full of baklava lovers. First of all, I love feta cheese. I love bakalava. It's bacclava, but it'd go on.

Why don't you scrape some of the fettic cheese out of your underpants? And I think that instead of like all the big taxes having to import these delicacies, that if we owned the country then clearly we would get a discount on importations.

If we owned the country, we would inherit all their bullshit, okay? But that's okay. We inherit everybody else's fucking bullshit. We are always sticking our noses in everyone else's fucking backyard. Give me some facts, Sam. Uh, uh, Iraq, Afghanistan,

the, uh, the Confederate flag. in the South. Everyone's going crazy over that thing hanging like... What does that do with taking over countries? Why do we... If... Well, because it was a civil war and they were trying to insurgent and rise up against our very own country. So then we had to go smack those

bitches down, down south. Okay. I'm just saying, you know, we're after everybody's fucking oil. We're after everybody's resources. So why stop at Greece? Why stop at Greece? She's pro-imperialism. Their shit is better. God, I... Look, you just made the argument. It's like if you believe a

America is taking everything over, why do we want to inherit yet another country, another piece of geography? Because we are diamond in the ruffers. We like to sparkle things up and then make them anew again. And we have egos. Americans are the most egotistical peoples on the earth. And if we could like rise up Greece and make it all better and solve all their money problems, imagine how we would look to the rest of the nations and the countries. They'd be like, yo, USA. fucking number one you know what you need to go soak your ass in a bowl of Campbell's cream of mushroom soup is what you need to do my prolapse is hanging out oh god take your prolapse to grease oh we got a power slam sam last power slam read it out go to red lobster and ask them

to boil your crabs oh man and all honesty i once had crabs what do you what cool wearing grease yes i got them from the this the fucking sands of grease those beaches and you don't even understand how hard it is to get rid of crabs. It's not your average, like, disease. All right, as much as I want to keep arguing about grease, I really would like to hear how you finally got rid of your crab. I would like to use the vacuum. I would like to know how you got rid of your pubic crustaceans as well.

By the way, finding out you have crabs is the singular most terrifying event of anyone's life. Really? Over AIDS? Wow. Potentially perhaps you can. be right. How did you get rid of your crabs before we get back to green? I'll let this slide. Let me hear it. Okay, Quell, it's the shit

that you pour all over your body. You're supposed to just put on your pubic area where the crabs go, but I thought it could be on my head because hair is everywhere. And actually, I bathed my whole body, and this is what it does. These crabs they burrow into the hair follicles in your

skin. So when you go to try and capture one, they run away, and they go inside. So the quill goes down the hair root and it makes them spontaneously combust and then rise up as it looks like

Zit stuff. Like it just rises up like a little white thing. So it like makes them disintegrate and you have to only use this shit named quell and you can only get it in Greece. Say what you will about Sam. She knows how to gross out of stranger. Yeah, I officially have just stopped eating seafood

for the rest of my life. Yeah, I think I'm going to be a meat. I think it's going to be a chicken guy. Well, speaking of acquired things, she feels that, you know, we can a lot to gain from Greece, that, you know, the rich in culture, maybe we can find a way to use them economically, even though they're bankrupt, to be a part of America and help build America stronger. What do you feel about that? I just feel like, why do we want an idiot child that doesn't know how to balance their own checkbook? Look at the debacle with the Olympics. Nobody went. They didn't have the construction finished.

Half the sporting venues weren't completed. These guys can't even run the Olympics. How are they going to run any type of economy? They had the first Olympics too. Yeah, the first one where people sat on the grass and picked their Greek noses. Yeah, but didn't those Olympic people, didn't that committee fucking vote on to go to Greece? Yes, but Greece had 10 years to build bridges and build roads and build coliseums. You know what happens when you assume?

You make an ass out of you and Greece. Oh, very cute Yeah Harlan feels that You know It's going to be a detriment Greece is going to hurt us I don't think so

Look at all of the beautiful Greek people They love They love doing it in the ass Oh Here we go Why don't you go Bites of Gornie Weaver's

fucking prolaps And that is my argument The Greek Substantiate my ass As the new pussy Because when they fucking come here It's going to be ass play every day

Well, isn't that where the term getting Greek comes from? Maybe. Maybe. I mean, that's, you just kind of brought a full circle. I mean, Greece is bringing us a lot. George, sorry, Stephanopolis. George, Sephanopolis. We love him. He's tiny. John Stamos.

He's tiny. Greeks. I mean, I mean, obviously they're. Zorba. Zorba. The Greece. Or Zoro. And Zora.

Zoro. Okay. See, now you're arguing on my side. Salad. Salad is great. I mean, they're not necessarily helping America, though. I mean, part of the social fabric doesn't mean. mean, they're great. I mean, what do you feel? Do you feel it? We are a country that has no borders. There's no lines. Come on, come all. Everybody from every country can come. You're here from Canada.

Yeah. Why can't the Greeks come here? Here we go. Here you go. We got one minute left. Okay. We got one minute left. Harlan, final word. Look, I said it at the beginning of the argument. We don't need to adopt a country that's got nothing but problems. Okay, we got a lot of our own domestic problems that never get resolved, never find resolution. We're seriously going to bring in a little bastard child that doesn't even know how to tie its own shoes and wipe the snot from its nose? Forget about it. Go suck to Sigourney Weaver's French toast ass cheek. All right, Sam.

I think that Greece should be our 51st state. I do. I think it should be part of the union. Stick them in the Constitution. And fuck off, you boers. How dare you? Shut the fuck up. Okay, that's our final round

Okay, but wait a minute Oh, no, the bells were been wrong Okay, so it's the final round? No, that's been our final round. Okay, great, guess what? Oh, no. You didn't insult me. Hold on, let me bring that up.

Oh, shit. Oh, no. Yes. Oh, no. You forgot. I forgot the power swing. No, I've only known Sam for a little bit. And I didn't think I'd say this throughout this whole podcast,

but she's right? Oh man, man, no Harlan didn't use the power slam Although I didn't use the power slam Although I was going to give Harlan the round I know, I know Disqualified because of it I hate to do this

Well even though I forgot to do it can I read it Because I'm sure it's a doozy You know what I'd hate for it to go unhurt Go ahead Harlan This was the final power slam that cost me the round I didn't use it but it reads You have ugly big feet with sloth toes I can't believe I forgot

It's amazing that the soft toes would have helped you out So that's it Our champion What do I win? What do I win? You win Greece Have grease Right up the ass You get a copy of Greece the movie

Yeah Yeah right up the ass Play it fast forward loser We'll put it on a flash card season That's been our podcast Let's have a fight Let's give a round of applause to Sam Our champion for the round

she brought all the heat she could she tied in asses the new pussy in a final round I didn't think it could do that's let's have a fight podcast thank you so much everybody and keep listening and we'll keep fighting

yeah Yeah!