The Harland Highway - LET'S HAVE A FIGHT 6 - TOM GREEN vs ORNY ADAMS - PREMIUM CONTENT

Episode Date: March 12, 2016

Tom Green and comedian Orny Adams go toe to toe in a great 3 round verbal fight with Harland as the moderator. Sit back and enjoy all the FIGHT action!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the Let's Have a Fight podcast. Hey, everybody, welcome to the Let's Have a Fight podcast. I am your referee. Easy, easy, easy. One of my guests is already getting fired up out of the gate. You know, no, no. Well, you said I have to. Not yet.

I'm so anxious that if I'm. I don't get my slam and I lose. You're fired out. I haven't even introduced them yet. These guys are like race horses at the gate. This is a let's have a fight podcast. I'm your referee, Harlem Williams. My co-referee, Sam Phillips is here.

Hi, Sam. Hey, guys. Hey, hello. So we have two brilliant comedians here today, and they are going to have a throwdown here. It's three eight-minute rounds, three eight-minute fights. And the topics are not known to our fighters. They're only known to the producers of the show.

Lots of producers here. Yeah. To balance the fight, each fighter must argue for or against a topic, even if it goes against tis or horb beliefs for comedic and entertainment effect. They are the voice for the every man, all right? Each fighter can stop a fight instantly with a power slam using their power slam buzzers. Power slams are horrible insults. Fighters have written on cards.

Fighters will then have to listen to an opponent abuse them with their own written words during a power slam. If a fighter forgets to power slam during a round, they automatically lose the round at the end. Have you considered hiring a comedy writer to make that at least interesting to the listener? That was... You didn't understand it? No, it was starting to sound like... Wait, are you arguing with me? Yeah, I mean, it was starting to feel like the Passover Seder.

Like, there was a lot of set up, let's get to the meal. I know, well, they understand the rules. My guest, let me just start. My guest today, Tom Green, Orney Adams, I'm very excited. Set it up. Okay. Here we go. Tom, he was giving you the rules.

Tell me, Tom, you've been on MTV. Explain to him. Here's the last rule. I honestly still don't know. He's just dying to get out there. I honestly still don't understand what's going on. Okay. What's going on?

We're being read the riot act. All right. I tuned out after paragraph one. Clearly, we've got to get going to go. here everybody. All right, let's meet our fighters. Our first fighter, Tom Green. Hey. You're all Tom Green from the Tom Green

show. Tom is Tom has a new podcast. CBS It's on the CBS Radio Play at Network and iTunes. And iTunes. But if you're not a Mac person or an iPhone person, you go to Play It Network.

Oh, great. Okay. It's called the Tom Green Radio Show. Just Google that and click on stuff. Yeah, and go to Tom Green.com and get all Tom's amazing stand-up comedy tour dates for 2016. Including the dates that we're doing together, Harlow. Yes, we're going to be doing some shows in April.

Me, you, Bobby Lee, and Pauly Shore. Awesome. I didn't know you were in bed with one of the judges. Oh, is that a conflict of interest? It feels a little bit. It does. It does feels rig, right? Ordie, I can get in bed with you. Yeah. Oh, thank you, Sam. Right? You can make it even. Don't worry.

She cares. We're all set. And in the other corner fighting today, is Orney Adams. Check him out at orneyadams.com for all his stand-up tours all over the country. Incredible comedian. Actor, can I mention teen wolf?

Yeah, I mean... He's a wolf. He's a teen wolf. You look wolfers. Yeah, he's a cougar. I think of him is a cougar. All right, are you guys ready to fight? All right, so we're going to pick the first topic. Tom has elected

to fight against it. And Orney is going for it. And we do not know the topic yet. You do not know the topic. Orney will start because he's for it. No. Oh, oh. Hold it.

Hold it. Here it comes. Orney, the first topic, driverless cars, yes or no? Oh, absolutely. I mean, there's no question. I don't know if you've been out on the streets lately, but it's pretty dangerous. And as somebody who likes to bike around, you know, people are driving and texting. So absolutely.

I mean, what kind of asshole wouldn't be for driverless? cars. I mean, are you prepared to give up your freedom and your freedom of movement? That's interesting coming from a Canadian. Yeah. You're going to quote my bill of rights. What says? Okay. Wait, wait, no, you don't read it. Oh, oh wait. Yes. Yes. Wow. No, a lot of time was put it. No, I read it. He interrupted me. I won the argument. He was losing. I coined the bill. No, he gets to insult you with. Oh, I insult him. Yes.

Oh, back it up. Back it up. Let me, I'll say the line again. I don't worry. I'll let it. Oh, oh, because you're from Canada, quoting our Bill of Rights? Look, I'm sorry I got you kicked off the Byron Allen show 10 years ago. I didn't realize it would be the last thing you did. Wow. Yeah. Power slam. There you go. I can already tell my, I put a lot more into my insults. I think he actually did the insult that you. Hey, don't read them. Don't read them. So keep going.

I don't recall, did I actually get you kicked off the show? I don't recall getting a good. You absolutely got me kicked off the show. A lot of weird shit. How do we go from driverless cars to Byron Allen? Listen. Come on. Because all bits.

What happens when you're late for an appointment and your driverless car won't speed, right? You can't get there. You can't speed anymore. What happens if you want to go down a dirt road that's not on the navigation system and the car won't take you. There's no freedom anymore once you have this thing. You know, we've got to have the right to be able to speed. We've got to have the right to be able to, you know, drive off the road, you know, crash into stuff.

You know, for somebody who looks like they're high all the time, this would be a great solution for you. Yeah, but first of all, if you want to go on a dirt road, you go right onto the dirt road. I mean, the tests are there. Elon Musk has made an amazing. amazing driverless car. I know, but it's going to, then they're going to start programming it so it'll only take you to certain places. Yeah, why don't you driverless right back to Canada with that attitude where you guys have

18 bins for recycling? This is America, damn it. Wow. Pulls the border card. Well, that's what I'm saying. In America, right, you would think that you would want to have the freedom to drive your car wherever you want to go at whatever speed you want to go. Yeah, you're going wherever you're going wherever you.

you want to go with just you're not driving anymore you're out of control that's the first step then they take it away then they don't then it won't speed it won't go over a certain speed limit you know you'll you'll lose all your freedom with all and i am somebody that likes the freedom that we have here in this country as well as in canada we also have freedom in canada there are um 1.7 million deaths a year on the road caused by people that are either drunk or or texting or just driving horribly Tom is that a real fact is that a real stat excuse me

oh sorry excuse me I was about to buzz you but I realized you don't have with all due respect Tom Green I don't think you've researched this topic much and I think you're just running

and on top of that you are a stupid avocado face wow wow okay yeah did you want to finish with those stats you were pulling out of your ass

Okay. Okay. I don't know if you've seen Harlan's act, but there's zero. There's zero reality in that. Yeah. I just think that as a comedian, as a person that values freedom of speech, freedom of

thought, right? Driving is kind of like thought, right? It's a creative thing. Drive. It's a creative process. You know, how you get drive, you know, how fast you go, where you go, the ability to go places that you, you know, want to go. It's freedom. That is the essence of freedom. It's like poetry.

So once you take away your ability to operate your motor vehicle, you've basically taken away a person's freedom. Well, what if, and this is what I have proposed to the Senate, that you can alternate between driverless. or you could opt in and drive. My concern is then what will happen is two, three, four, or five years into it. You know, everyone who's on driverless mode is driving safe. Nobody's getting killed. There's no deaths. None of these 1.7 million deaths.

There's like less deaths. And so then they say, hey, you're not even allowed to drive driver mode anymore. They make it illegal to not have a driverless car. Tom, let me ask you a question. Have you ever taken a little bit of a car? Uber? Yeah. Where's your freedom there?

Wow. That's what I'm talking about. He's up out of the chair. He gets your jet someplace without you driving? Yeah. Wow. Tom, what about the freedom to get roadhead? Yeah.

Oh, wow. Yeah, well, yeah. I mean, that would be a good thing, I guess. Tom got a bit caught up with the roadhead there. I started thinking about it. Maybe this driverless car thing's not such a bad idea. Good point, Sam. Oh, my God, Sam shut it down for...

Why were you... Why did you get up out of your chair just there? What was that? I don't know. I got excited. Holy God, he, like, jumped. You almost hit your head on the ceiling fan. I just, every second I'm here, I just feel like I'm getting closer to when you and Tom

are doing shows together with Bobby Lee. It just... What, no, what was it about what Tom said that got you so animated? I caught him. I got him to admit. that getting someplace without driving isn't giving up your freedom. Well, and that's what happened. No, no, because I'm saying, like, you know, when you take an Uber or a taxi, right, you know,

you still also have the freedom to just take your own car and drive anywhere you want to go. Whereas what I'm saying is if they bring in all these driverless cars, then the next thing, you know, the government will make it illegal not to have anything but a driverless car. You know, like I was just over in Europe recently. And, like, it's illegal to have a car over there that was built before, like, 1990. or something like that. Yeah, like they have no old, like in Belgium, they have no old classic muscle cars

because they pollute too much. Too much pollutants come out of them. So you can't drive around in an old Mustang over there. They can't be retrofitted? No, they did. It's not allowed, nothing. Imagine if a guy from Belgium went to Cuba where it's the exact opposite?

Yeah. A stroke. Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt your fight. Do you have anything to say to that? You just, he's rolling over you right now, it feels like. They're going to take away our freedom. Can you imagine if a guy from Belgium. went to like Cuba. Can you imagine the reaction where Cuba, it's basically stuck in the 60s when we put

the embargoes? I mean, I understand, I understand, look, first of all, I think that it's an impossible argument. I mean, I think you probably agree with me. I mean, we were given these topics just a second ago, right? You probably agree with me. You wouldn't want to just have a driver on this car. I'm not a car guy.

You are a car guy. You showed me that beautiful. Would you want to just get in your car and just. push go. I would love it. But then what would happen if then they said, like, you weren't allowed to ever drive ever again? What would happen? Yeah, like they made it illegal to have a self-driving car that you, or, you know, whatever they are now. I would get used to it like I do everything else. You would, yeah? I would adapt. Just like I'd to bring my own bags to the supermarket. Yeah, I'll get used to it. And then it's all programmed. They know where you'll land.

This life has beat me down, Tom. You think not being able to drive. Oh, that's the funny, guys. That's eight minutes. Eight minutes right there. That was the fight, the first fight? A little low key, Sam, any thoughts on the first fight? Well, there's something that neither of you guys brought up that I thought was an immediate. Yeah. What? Plus for it.

Actually, it would have been on your end. Roadhead. Yeah, you brought it up. Yeah, no, forget the roadhead. Oh, okay. Napping while driving. No, I said that if you're drunk or something. Yeah, you ought to listen.

Was it when you jumped up and made, like, the big fanfare with your arms? No, it wasn't then. It was, I said, what if you were drunk or? and wanted to get home at one point, I believe. Maybe I was going to say that, and Harlan interrupted me with his. I did interrupt a little bit, but I don't think it caused the fight to deviate. It was a good fight. It was a good early fight.

Orney got really animated about three quarters through. He literally, for you folks at home, he jumped up out of his chair, was pointing vigorously at Tom. And here's where Tom kind of got the edge. And he stayed very calm. And at the end, I felt like Tom was almost, you know, telling you to come you know to I feel like Tom was steering the argument at the end yeah he was

yeah I guess that's called boredom all right well we got to judge the first fight I mean you know he brought up a good thing about losing the rights and no all that yeah I do agree with that like it's eliminating your choice I understand what he's saying absolutely no no it's like basically like

going on it now we're still having the the discussion. It's been after eight minutes. Yeah, it's after eight minutes. It's time for me and Sam to pick a winner. Sam, closing thoughts, who won the fight? Gosh, it's tough, because if we're going on sheer energy, it would be orny, but if we're going on sheer will,

it would be Tom. Yeah, I felt Tom kind of controlled that fight verbally a little better. It would be like you're about to tell me I lost. I think fight one goes to Tom Green on that one. I can see you guys in the Greenland before your next show.

Remember what I did for you on that podcast? Maybe it helps that I wrote. I think I dialed out when his insult was pathetic that he wrote. I was going to say I liked something about an avocado face. I like that. Those are pretty good powers. The main thing is they remembered to do it. They remember to do it.

Yes. All right. Should we move right into to fight number two? There's three fights. There's three fights. We're going into fight. You guys ready? Orney?

Yes. You're down by one. And who takes the no? Who's going to take the? This time, Orney has to. take the no and Thomas to take the yes. So wait a minute, I have a serious question. If I lose this one, which is a really good possibility.

Yeah. We don't have to do the third, right? No, we have a double or nothing. The third fight is a double or nothing. Oh, they've thought of everything. Oh, yeah, we've got it covered. Nice try. I know you've got to get to Arby's.

Relax, dude. It's a 24-hour... I was getting into my driverless car and getting home. Would you be getting head on the way? No, no, no, no. Why not? Drunk, getting head. All right, here we go.

Not a bad idea of these driverless curts. So, Tom, you're going to be fighting for this topic. Orney will be against it. Sam Phillips will read the topic. And Sam, go for it. What's our next topic? Period. Sex, yes or no?

I'm what? You're against. You're against it and Tom's for it. Here we go, ladies and gentlemen. That means you have to start, Tom. Are you four, are you period sex? Why is it so? I think if you are in love.

Uh-oh, he's doing a power slam right out of the gate. You got to read your power slam, guy. If you're in love, why don't you go eat your mom's hockey pants? Sappy, if you're in love. If there's period in there. He'll eat your mom's hockey pants. Tom, bring it, buddy. The fight is on.

He powers slammed right out of the gate. I'm understanding this topic correctly, right? Yeah, period. Menstru. You're saying like, you're talking about whether or not having sex with her. There's a problem with that. Yeah. And you have to argue that it's great.

It's the best thing ever. I think, you know, I think that you, what you do in these situations is you let the woman decide. So if you are in love. and the woman is menstruating, menstruating, menstruating. How do you say that? Menstruating. Yeah, I know, I don't say that. And she wants to make love.

Wow. Then you make love to your beautiful girlfriend. What a gentleman. With her, you know. Do you put something down on the sheets or do you? Yeah, you put some towel down. Is this a hotel towel? Yeah, yeah.

If you're in a hotel room, it doesn't even matter. come clean it up for you that's right yeah just put it down or what you do is you uh you uh make love in the shower oh yeah you take her into the shower you make love in the shower good point and then it's all everything's fine i think um oh he's going for a drink i think i can explain why uh my colleague tom green is so for this okay when a woman is on her period that is the only time she is wet down there for him oh wow and I think that this is mistaking you know listen I think you are hitting on something you know like I mean I don't I don't I don't turn turn down sex really that often really when it's presented to you as an option you know you know if you're if you're able to actually

have some sex yeah you know do it yeah I think the one of the greatest arguments Wait, am I ford are against it? You're against it. Let me tell you why. Yeah. Period. Sex is wrong. Yeah.

Why? Because the Lord put us on this planet to procreate. And a woman cannot procreate when she is menstruating. Can we figure out how to say that word yet? Menstruating. I'm glad that we both. Oh, we got a power slam. Oh, no.

Tom's power slamming you. You said menstruating. You didn't like it. Can I choose whichever one? I want? No, not really. You have to read either. You got to read. Hey, hate to interrupt you, Arnie, but what happened to you since that documentary came out? Oh, comedian.

Plenty as this happened. You wrote the show. I did your show. Which is, you know, was in your house and then upgraded to a, you know, warehouse in Burbank where the rent was $150 and you couldn't sustain it. Things are going well. Things are going well. well he insulted my insult of me I know it was beautiful

that triggered me I didn't insult you're in spite of no I know yeah so what what is your argument against having I just told you it's not what the Lord wants sex is so it's religious for you sex is for procreation okay you don't stick your

dick inside a check a jewel I think it's funny that it seems like we're both getting a little bashful on this thing yeah yeah this i've noticed i've never seen orney never seen ornie i make a lot of money doing corporate gigs wow yeah wow yeah you don't want to i never talk about i don't talk about in my act i don't uh we're both a little bashful in this yeah this is a little bit rude to put it is it is but this is let's have a fight you better you better do something and ornie probably

doesn't want to offend women this was my topic to offend women yeah so don't think you're offending me with this. No, I know, but we're not talking about, you were talking about all the other women out there. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe you're not offended because you wrote the topic, but some people might be offended by it. Yeah. That's why you took that. It's easy for me to like, to say it's okay because I don't think anybody would be offended by that, but for you to say, no, that is. As if it's dirty. Yeah, exactly. That's why I took the Lord's approach because I'm not very religious, so I you're almost saying that you agree with me on this. I think you're trying to win. It's almost like I'm winning this one, too, right? Well, if you were to win this one, that's just by sheer luck.

Yeah, well, that's part of it. But that's part of it. Yeah, the topic was. Luck is part of it. But if certain people, and I don't speak for all of them, would see this as not clean. And they may not, now, here's another thing. It seems like you have a great respect for women, a great deep. I always have. You're out there dating, no, aren't you? I mean, stronger gender. I've always said that. Women are the stronger gender. I've always said that. I would also think that there's a greater chance of transmitting venereal diseases when there's blood involved. I'm just saying that if you're in love and you're in a monogamous relationship with your girlfriend or your wife,

and your wife is having that time of the month and she wants to have some sexy time, then you just say yes to the same. sexy time. Have you guys ever had your red wings? No, I don't know what that is. Tell them, Sam. What a red way? I don't even know what that is. I have a feeling. What is it? My button's broken. What are red wings? When you go down on a chick, and she's on her period. Here's a good news. We're only have a minute and 30 seconds left. Maybe we can just kind of stall. What do they call it when they icing? Let's verbal icing. Wow. Wow. I've never seen you two guys so uncomfortable.

We're not uncomfortable. We're in complete control. I don't know. I've never seen your flummocks. Maybe this one's a draw. Yeah. I don't know. Maybe it is. This is an automatic draw. This could be our first draw. Yeah. I could say so.

Maybe we forfeit it and call it a draw. This one's a draw. Okay. We could poll the eight people that listen to this podcast. Seven. We might have lost a few on this topic. All right. Are we calling this round? to draw? Yeah. I'm happy to do so. Oh, boy. Okay. Well, that means that Tom, you're up by once. So you get a swooped in. Tom's in the lead. We have one more fight. I'm a gentleman. I'm a gentleman. I also don't believe the terms that I lost the first one. I don't believe. I think it was,

you know, I know we're trying to create drama. I like it that you guys took a gentleman's approach to that sensitive topic. Any final thoughts on that topic to wrap it up, Tom? Who knew that we were gentlemen? Orney? Final thoughts? We've come. a long way. That's amazing. We've matured. I love it. I love it. This is good. All right. Let's reset the clock and go into our final fight.

All right. Boy, that was wild. I may have a problem with my... Now, would this be a double or nothing? No, because one loss. But if he wins, then... You're right, Sam. You're right, Sam. You're going to tell people to put the speaker on the mic. Hey, Tom, if I win, it's a draw.

It's a double or nothing. It's great. That's what we go for. It's a double or nothing. Throwdown. Let's do that. Set that up. Yeah. All right. Here we go. Last topic. Are you right? Are the fighters ready? Orney? Yes.

Tom? Yes, ready. Here's the topic. That means who's starting you, right, Orney? Well, yeah, I'm for this. You're for it. Here's the topic. Are UFOs real? Absolutely. There's no question.

Stephen Hawking's astrophysicist, went on TV. and he said, They were aliens. Now, that's... Now, you won't talk about periods, but you'll do a guy who's crumpled up in a wheelchair's voice who has buck teeth. I think crumpled up is insensitive.

He has Lugarig's disease. Although now they're saying Lugarig didn't have Lugarig's disease. That's impossible. Any disease he had would have been Lugarig's disease. That's right. That's right. Everybody else says something else. You can't take away the guy's disease.

That's his disease. That's his legacy. Once again, we agree. What if Lou Gehrig had... catfish hunter disease. Is that possible? I'm saying if Lou Gehrig had the hooping cough, that would be still Lou Gehrig's disease. I'd like to be... Everything he had is Lou Gehrig's disease. He's Lou Gehrig for granted.

So if he had herpes, it would be Lou Gehrig's. Herpes, yeah. Which is a disease, so it's Lou Gehrig's disease. Anyways, we're off topic here. I'd like to be 100% clear since I was mentioned in the topic. Yes. I was not doing an impression of Stephen. I was doing an impression of the computer. The robotic voice. I got that.

I was doing an impression of a computer. You weren't doing an impression of a crumpled up man in a chair with bad teeth. Doing an impression of a guy from a computer from the 1970s. Was the computer on the rag or was it was it a good month? By the way, I'm the only one that thinks maybe the computer got hacked. If Stephen Hawking's computer was on the rag, I would have sex with it if she wanted it. In a driverless car? In a driverless car.

Would you have sex? No, no. I don't want my freedom taken away from me. Are UFOs real or not? I think that, you know, that just because that we believe in alien life, what happened to me? Power slam. Sorry. Orney's giving you.

You didn't even let you get started. No, I didn't even get. Okay. Go do it. Power slam. Go back to Canada, Tom. There's probably more sightings up there. Then now

Before I forget Oh, there we go He's power slamming you back Yeah You look more like A Jewish version of John Lovitz With less jokes, Orney No, let me read it the way

You should have read it Orney wants to meet his own power slam Double the abuse You look like a more Jewish version of John Lovitz With less jokes Dot dot dot means take a beat I like the way Tom read it better

Sure you did He's Canadian And you guys are touring Or like, you said like more, you know. Are UFOs real or are they not? I believe that there is definitely life in the universe for certainly bacterial, microbial life somewhere, most likely intelligent life. But I believe it is so far away that it's impossible to know. I mean, we have no photographic evidence of any UFOs visiting the planet other than, you know, stuff that is sort of clearly fake, right?

There's no real, with all the cell phones and all the. the video cameras these days. You'd think we'd have a clear picture of one of these things now, right? Right. Right. Now, it doesn't mean I don't believe in alien life. Stephen Hawking, he believes in alien life, but are they actually visiting the planet? Right. Who built the pyramids? The Egyptians.

Right. No, the aliens did, Tom. The Egyptians built the pyramids. It's just a bunch of rocks. Just a big pile of rocks. Well, once again, my friend is misinformed. The aliens came here. Not to kill us, Tom. But to

Decorate. Stop the round now. Let's tally the score. No, that's not enough of an argument to decorate. He thinks it's over after he said that. He's going to drop the mic and walk off. Do you guys think there's crossbreeds out there? Like reptilians and lizard people.

You know, like Sam Donaldson and those types of people where they look sort of like alien-ish? No, no, no, no. You're saying Sam Donaldson's an alien? He looks it. Really? But that's... Larry King? I think he's Canadian, isn't he?

Sam Donaldson? I don't know. I believe he is. That's what you're mistaking him for a Canadian. No. Got Canadian in him. Pretty sure. Which is a bit alien-like, I admit.

Harland and I both are Canadian. You see the Sam Donaldson resemblance between Harlan and I? Wait, why do you believe there are UFOs out there? You haven't told us yet. there's there's an amazing amount of evidence that points to UFO activity so that means there isn't so that means there isn't tell them why I mean come on where you abducted I just haven't seen any with all the video cameras now you'd think okay all of a sudden we'd start seeing them all the time

because people can film everything right it's like you know like all the police shootings that are happening now and we're seeing them so now the police are being sort of exposed for I don't want to get political here but I'm saying you know video has changed the world you think now would be the time that we would see more alien they got the memo don't show up visitation I think they got the memo really yeah I do they're smart enough to know when I was a kid I used to do a lot of things that if I wouldn't do now knowing that there's video care like right now we're we're being video we're always we're constantly on video to me. Oh, boy. Now I've got to rethink that whole, you know, period conversation we had. That's all on video, isn't it? We handled that very well. We were put in an awkward situation to, to bouch people that don't care. They don't care. We were put in this position. You might win the fight just on that word. Oh, my close to closing out the, uh, just for the people that don't know what that means. What does that word mean? You can go to tomgreen.com.

And the definition for debauch will be next to the link. I would say that like an area 51, right? They say that they've got it, you know, they said that an alien spacecraft crashed in Roswell, New Mexico in the 1940s, right? You say that's so condescending. Well, if it really did happen, you think there'd some whistleblower would have said something, there'd be a photo of it, right? So this is like, tons of photos. This is one of the, any of the big UFO stories that people talk about, you know, are really kind of not, there's really no physical. evidence. And Bigfoot doesn't

exist. Well, we're not talking about that right now. I don't get into that because something big's about to happen. I believe that Bigfoot could exist. I believe that. Sam's got to jump in. What do you got? Where do you guys believe technology came from? Oh. Stephen Jobs? What is Stephen? You agree with me then, right? I don't agree with you.

Technology didn't come from aliens. See, because aliens created technology. First of all, that argument makes no sense at all. Because we agree on technology means I agree. I mean, I think what she's saying, what she's trying to say that all of our modern jet fighters and rocketry and all this stuff comes from aliens, which which I don't agree. And I don't think if we had alien technology, we'd be far more advanced than just having a little iPhone that can, you know. Or this. Look at this. Wow. Wow.

I mean. Hey, I bought these at toys or us. I'll have you know. the only reason I did this podcast was I was hoping to run into Bill Burr in the hall maybe get on his ass munch

you're running out of time you've got 45 seconds no physical evidence of UFOs no decent video they're sneaky any any any any cases where they say they have found aliens you know there's been no

whistleblowers showing it And I just think, frankly, that any intelligent life is just too far away. Right. Too far away. We know what's generally around us, and they can't get here. I had such a big insult. I couldn't say it. The fight is over.

The fight is over. But what we're going to do is let you guys have final thoughts. Oh. You might be able to win the fight on the final thought, guys. Well, we didn't do a final thought on any other topic. You did on the second one. The first one we forgot. The second one we did.

You got me so fired up when you jumped out of your chair. So, Tom, final thoughts, summation on why you don't believe there are UFOs. I simply don't believe in UFOs because I have never seen one or have I seen any physical evidence of one. And I think that if these aliens were so highly advanced, they probably wouldn't care. if they got seen or not, because they knew they could probably blow up the entire planet, you know, with ease. So they have nothing to fear by showing themselves. So then for that reason, it doesn't make any sense that we haven't seen one.

The only explanation is that they're not visiting the planet. Interesting. Orny, why do UFOs exist in your mind? Final argument. I'm going to do something that you only see in the corner. court of law. Oh. When an attorney is so competent that they've proven their case, they rest.

Really? They rest. Wow. Wow. That's palsy, dude. I know I have it. Wow. It feels like quitting to me.

Oh, wow. All right, let's sum it up. Sam, what are your comments? This is really hard because I do believe there are aliens. so I actually do too but I really liked Tom's position like I liked his arguments

do you think Tom do you think the aliens have been here real Tom well for the sake of the show I absolutely do not no no no no not for the for the sake of not avoiding reality we're going to wait until we stop tape this is a Starbucks we're fighting now now

you're going to get nice why don't you invite him out for a hot dog I just might hot shot I just might What I want everybody who's listening to know, and this will probably be edited out, because it is so against the character of Harlan Williams. But Harlan is one of the nicest, deepest people that you can have a conversation with, and yet he has made a career avoiding reality, which is what this podcast is. This is so, like, there's more evidence that there are aliens that exist than there is that this podcast makes any sense. like could you imagine trying to explain this in a pitch meeting this would be the biggest nightmare

heads would spin i mean and that's why it'll work i want the real harlan i want the guy that almost had me in tears at the melrose fight improv a couple of weeks ago that we had that conversation we can do that later when we go for a hot dog that's what i was hoping for tonight i didn't know i was going to have folk conversations with another great friend of mine tom green and take positions on whether we're, you know, having sex with, uh, with women, you know, in driverless cars who have their period and, uh, there's a UFO watching us. It's just, uh, you're better than this, hard. Dude, this is a lot of like, trying to stop up the mess afterwards. Yeah, you're damn right. All right. I got to give my judgment. I hate to say it. I love Orney. I love Tom. I think Tom

had a more, uh, more concise argument. I think he had, he was more to the point. You're not going to say, Tom, I felt like you kind of wandered around a bit. I think you should have laid off that last insult. Maybe I don't know. No, that had nothing to do with it. I can take anything. I think Orney threw in the towel of it. He didn't want to present a closing argument.

Right? That was a draw. No, the second one was, you didn't have a closing argument. Tom had a very good one. I didn't need a closing argument. Unfortunately, my friend, you did. And Tom Green is today's winner. Oh, right.

Let's have a fight. Congratulations, Tom. Orney, great fights. You know, we'll have you back. Oh, I won't be back. There ain't going to be no sequel. My thanks to Tom Green. Don't forget to check tomgreen.com for all Tom's stand-up comedy tour dates.

Orney Adams, you're the best thank you. Excuse me. Why doesn't she get to weigh in? She did. she did? Yeah, she mentioned she, you chose Tom too? Yeah. Oh, God. I know. Wow. But you, you didn't, you didn't have enough argument for me. You weren't abducted by an alien. You, you didn't agree that there were cross breeds running around. Like, all the things I needed to know that there were aliens out there. I guess, I don't, I don't get it. And when you made fun of Stephen Hawking crumpled up in a wheelchair, how low is that? First of all, I'm the only one who got a legitimate laugh in 24 minutes. That should need something. They get you an invite to another fight. You will not be back. You will.

Orney Adams, check out his website, ornyadams.com. Go see both these guys live on stage. They are hilarious. Check out Tom's podcast, the Tom Green Radio show. Thank you. Thank you, Hal. And Sam Phillips, check out Sam on Twitter, at the Single Life, Instagram, Sam's Pajama Party.

And there you go, guys. What a fight. What a heated match here. Thanks for listening. We'll see you next time on Let's Have a Fight. All right. Yeah.