The Harland Highway - LET'S HAVE A FIGHT 7 - Adam Ray vs Brad Williams

Episode Date: March 30, 2016

Comedians Adam Ray and Brad Williams go toe to toe in a 3 round fight with topics like animal abuse, dating, and beating kids. Become a PREMIUM MEMBER today and listen to the fun! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the Let's Have a Fight podcast. Hey everybody, this is Harlan Williams, and welcome to the Let's Have a Fight podcast. Here are our rules. rounds. Topics are selected by the producers and not known to the fighters until showtime. To balance the fights, each fighter must argue for or against a topic, even if it goes against his or her beliefs for comedic and entertainment effect. They are the voice of the every man. Each fighter can stop a fight instantly with a power slam using their power slam buzzer. Power slams are horrible insults. Fighters have written on cards.

and handed to their opponents before the fight. Fighters will then have to listen to an opponent, abuse them with their own written words during the power slam. If a fighter forgets to power slam during a round, they automatically lose the round. Each fighter will be allowed a closing statement at the end of each fight, and I will start and stop each fight with the sound of this bell. And at the end of each fight,

I will review my scorecard to determine the winner. Now, with all that out of the way, let's meet our fighters in the red corner, weighing in at 225 pounds. He's from Albuquerque, New York. I'm just making up a city. You know him from his stand-up comedy and his TV shows and his movie roles.

It's Adam Ray. Check it If you got the beef, I got the skee Wow, he came ready to fight And in the green corner He's a hurricane Ready to pull his rip card Yes, it is

comedian actor Brad Williams I don't have a rhyme But I'm gonna make Adam Ray sick Because I'm 4 foot 4 with a 10 foot dick Wow, all right Gentlemen, are you ready to fight? Yeah All right, let's get

Get this thing gone. We will start the fight. Adam, before I announced the first topic. Do you want to be for or against the first topic? I want to be against it. You want to be against it? Defense, baby. Defense wins championships. That's great.

So, Brad, you are for this topic. I am. That means you will start, Brad, because you are for the topic. Yes. Here is the topic. You have seven minutes to win your fight. Should men have to pay for everything on dates. Here we go.

Obviously men should pay for everything on dates because we have to show that the women that we can provide for them. It's in our biology. We are providers by nature. We show the woman that we provide for them and then they are obligated then to give us the sex. That's how it works.

That's how it's obligated. We're like, hey, we can provide for you. What can you provide for me little lady? And then they provide us the sex. We get them a meal. Come on. Everybody wins in this situation, Harlan. Everyone wins. If a man doesn't pay for the woman, then he's letting her know,

hey, I'm weak. I can't do it. I can barely support myself, let alone support someone else. Yeah. Yes. You went rape to the sex right away. Yeah. Hey, welcome back to the misogynistic hour with Brad Williams.

How dare you? You know what? We live in a world where women can do stuff too. So, I think it's about time we start allowing. them to pay for some shit too. Ooh, lobster's 50 bucks. Maybe it's 25 a piece on this night.

Wait, so you want the woman to do stuff that the man does? So now are you going to do stuff that the woman does? Are you going to start wearing dresses now, Adam Ray? Is that what you're going to do? Maybe if that's what you want. I mean, that might be what I want. Oh, we got

our first power slam. Brad's got a power slam. Yeah, Adam Ray. One time A guy saw you eating frozen yogurt and thought, who's the guy who loves jizz? Oh, that's yogurt. But he looks like he loves jizz. Oh, well. Yeah, that's what people think would they look at you?

Because you're doing the woman's role. You love the jizz the same way a woman does. All I'm saying is Beyonce wrote independent women and she had a point, okay? We live in a culture and a space and time where, you know, it's not just a man's world anymore, okay? We as women Oh wow You're going deep Now I know you have a vagina

I'm defending And I'll play with it on air We We also This studio is pretty dusty You should get it out of your apron And your dust mom And take care of this Alice

Yeah Oh the Alice bomb just dropped You know what? Power slam You know what I'll clean up this whole place I'll clean it this whole place after I tell you that your head

is bigger than Jeremy Piven's ego. That's huge! Yeah. Wow, wow. Sorry to bring Piven into this, but guess what? He also shares a similar sentiment as you do, which is that men should do it all. Well, guess what? I'm going to tell you from the women's perspective

that it's time, that times are changing. All right? Have you seen Mary Poppins? I've seen Mary Poppins. Great. Just checking to see if you've seen it. Women also have a voice and a role and they should be able to pay for shit to because that's the way

So has the residuals from the movie they heat Just dried up and now you need a And now you need a woman to pay for all your stuff Adam Ray? Is that what needs to happen? Look, did I get it? You're just not bringing home the bacon And I know you're a Jew

So technically you're not supposed to be bringing home the bacon Pulls out the Jew card Look pulling out the Jew card That's fine, okay? Look, did I get a second job at Chili's because I love I love what's on the menu? No. Did I get a second job there

because I need to make a little bit more money? Maybe. Did I also... Oh, wait, I can't... Oh, you can't do two. You only get one for show, buddy. That's a technical foul, but you don't lose the round. Sorry, that was my...

That was me getting a boner for the excitement that women are hopefully going to be able to pay for their own shit, too, someday. Well, Brad, you sound a little angry like, you know... I am angry, Harlan! There's a bit of... anger in your voice. You betcha! Wow, what's going on there? Well, listen, I just feel that

as a man, I should be able to provide for my family. I should be able to provide for the woman that I love, and she should be able to sit back, relax, and understand that I've got this. I've got it taken care of. There's other ways that you can say that you've got it. You don't need to just show it through financial,

monetary ways. You can show it through hugs for opening the door when she walks into her car or van or bus wherever you're getting whatever you're paying for the tit job that she's getting, okay? Look, women have rights and voices and money too. And let

them pay, baby. Let them pay. Wow, it sounds like maybe you're, it's a little sexist or something, what he's saying. It's incredibly sexist. Sounds like the woman is going to pay if she goes out on a date with Adam Ray. She's going to pay money. He's got a point, yeah. And then she's got to pay with her self-esteem, and she's going to have to pay with all

her friends knowing that she's going out with a pussy. Oh, dude. She doesn't have to pay every time But she can pay once And see what it feels like Wow Is that how you convince her to do anal? Just do it once, babe

Just do it once and let's see what it feels like You told me specifically You would not reveal my anal secrets On this show And you have crossed the line Anal secrets sounds like a Judy Blume novel It does and I want to write it Has it ever been an issue?

Has it ever come up that you've gotten a fight with a girl over the damn who pays the bill? I've thrown a lot of pillows. Oh, really? You know what? I just, I think that it's something that is empowering for both parties involved.

Okay. And I think... You want to know what's empowering when I throw down my credit card and say, get whatever you want, sweetheart. Spoken like a true man. That is kind of manly. I mean, you know?

I just say, if you want to order the lobster, or the lobster. Or the filet mignon wrapped in unicorn turds for all I care. I will pay for it. I will provide for you. You are standing strong on that. And guess who made those unicorn turds? Who made them?

The woman. She's back in the kitchen slaving over that unicorn turd. Let her pay for it. Wait, I thought you were going massages. Now I'm trying to backtrack. Oh, getting confused, typical man. It sounds like there's a lot of pride involved in this, Brad. There is a lot of pride.

like it makes you feel good to pay for a woman. Is that it? Well, because at 4 foot 4, if we get into a fight, I'm shoving her to the front because I can't defend myself. So that's how I prove myself as a man, is I pay for the meal. I pay for the meal. I pay the bills. Fuck it. Let's go to the limited

two in the mall, and you can get whatever you want there, too, as long as it's the limited two. Don't be going for that Chanel stuff. I'm not quite there yet. I don't have Harlan Williams. Well, guess what? Don't worry about paying for the Chanel, because the woman will buy it herself. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, boy, guy. Guy, guys, sounds like French twins. Well, guys, I got to stop it right there.

Some very good arguments, unbelievable. Adam, final thoughts? You get one minute to kind of sum up your argument here. You know, I'm going to recite one of my favorite monologues from the movie River Wild with Merrill Streep. Okay. And when she was straining on the boat and Kevin Bacon could say, said, hey, does anybody know how to drive this boat? And they looked at her and goes, I bet you don't.

And Meryl Streep goes, Hey, can I talk to you for a second, Mr. Bacon? And they go, cut. Merrill, his character's name is Jeff. She goes, sorry. Look, I know that you think that only men can drive boats. Paddle, row, whatever the fuck it is that you make it do to make a boat move. But I'm here to say that women have, we're here.

We're here And whether we pay for our meals Or row our own fucking boats Or play with our own Game Boys Perverts There is a line And you've crossed it, Sir Bacon

And all I have to say to that is Get ready for the Fury Because it's coming And I hope that I'm around to see you fall off this cliff Take it, John C. Riley Wow! I'm not sure I know what you said but excellent closing argument.

Yep. Brad, your closing statement? Well, you quoted the great Merrill Street. I will quote the great Charlie Sheen and say, I paid for this blow job. Get to sucking. That's right. Wow, wow. That's right. The man

should pay. Is that Charlie Sheen or Charlie Rose? Both. But anyway, the man should pay. The man should show the woman that he is a strong man, that he can do whatever he needs to do to provide for her, to protect her, to let her know that she is safe whenever she is around him.

When that's the man's power, you paid for the meal, you've got power. Once you get the woman to start paying for it, that's my closing argument. There you go, that's right. See, I pay for your coffee, that's why you're listening, because I have the power. That's right. So then when the woman starts paying, that makes gender rolls fuzzy. That means she now thinks that she, now she thinks that she has to kill the spider. Now think she thinks she's going to put up the aluminum siding.

No, that's the man's job. And now that means you have to go to the laundry, and that means you have to, that means you have to go to Victoria's Secret and pick something out that that looks sexy on you. That's not the kind of world I want to live in. I want to live in the world where men are men and women are women. Excellent closing argument. Excellent closing argument. If it's your relationship, she is the one putting up the aluminum side. Easy, easy.

That fights over. Guys, I got to pick a winner here. Adam, Adam, you had some really good arguments in there. It didn't sound like you were quite as on it as Brad here. Brad really went to the pride thing. Brad, Brad, really, I felt more passion coming from Brad in that fight. And his closing argument, it felt like it was coming from the soul. I didn't feel that you shot him down enough.

Your closing argument was almost like trying to solve a Rubik's Q that had melted. in a house fire. You know what? Clearly someone is not a fan of Meryl Street. Round one goes to Brad Williams on let's have a fight today, but we have two more rounds to go.

Maybe Adam can pull it out. Thank God, sure. I appreciate the support. Please don't like me like that guy's an asshole. Before we go on to our next ram, Brad, Brad, is there anything you want to plug before we go on? Brad Williams comedian actor? Yes.

Brad Williamscomedy.com for all my tour dates and listen to the podcast, the About Last Night podcast, which I co-host with my opponent, my esteemed opponent tonight, Adam Ray. So you can hear us rant about other things and debate other things like which character and Duck Tales was the most important. Obviously, I think it's Launchpad McQuack. Yeah. Wow. Well, that's another fight for another day. Let's go ready. Are you guys ready for round two? Ready for round two, Harlow. All right. So you were for it. You were against it. So that means this round, Brad. You will be against it

and Adam will be for it. The topic is should kids be spanked? You are up first Adam Ray. Here we go. Let's have a fight. Look, we live in a world

where there is a lot of temptation. There is a lot of craziness. There's a lot of terrible things to succumb to as a youth. And there's not a lot of repercussions because of the free for all ooh give me my kick cat when I want it

let me do a little hopscotch bangorang style Captain Hook Jesus Christ and Captain Planet so whatever you want to do you can just do it and think well cool mom and dad are working also I'm with my friends there's just not ever going to be any sort of

payback for what I'm doing that's where you go ahead and remind yourself that you've got a couple of arms with hands attached and you go, there's other ways to tell. Oh, power slam in your opening statement. That's right. I mean, as you listen to this rant from Adam Ray, just know.

Adam Ray, your breath smells like what it would smell like if every Eskimo in the world farted into a cup, covered it, then uncovered it 14 years later. Is that the opinion you want to share of a man that smells like Eskimo farts? You know what? I want to spank you. saying that. You're not, yo, you don't spank the kid. That's child abuse. You don't want to

abuse the child because you want to, you don't want to teach the child that physical violence is the only way to get your point across. You want to talk with the child. You want to let the child know mentally why something is wrong, not just because daddy's going to hit him, because

that they have figured it out that there's a moral dilemma here where they can identify right from wrong. That's what you to do to your child, not just beat them mercilessly. Yeah, well, there's some crazy kids out there that just don't get it. And you think talking to a kid in this day and age with all the information and the game boys and the phones and the iPads, they have no time to focus.

They're not listening to you. Your words aren't even words because it's not written down on something for them to read. They're not hearing you. So you need to actually physically force them into paying attention. Oh, way to go, Adrian Peterson. Oh, power slams. Adrian Peterson. Yeah, well, I'll see your Adrian Peterson.

raise you. Dwarves hate you so much. You've been ban from Baby Gap. How dare you, sir? Good luck's finding a wardrobe. I'm telling you, a good smack every now and then is what everybody needs, whether you're an adult or a kid, but specifically a kid, because you don't know what the world is yet, and you don't know that there are rules and ramifications for your actions. So you have to be taught that and instilled some sort of an example of you do something wrong. Well, this is what happens, because in this day and age, there's not a lot of payback. Well, it's funny you bring up ramifications, Chris Brown, who thinks it's okay to hit people,

because that's what you're teaching your child. If you hit them as a kid, then when they grow up, you're like, yeah, I could hit people. That's okay. My dad did it to me, so when my girlfriend burns the toast a little bit, she's going to get the back of my hand. Is that the kind of world you want to create? Clearly you were beaten over burnt toast, and I'm sorry about it. Sounds like it depends on your product of your environment. Yeah, if you're a parent who's just beating for the sake of beating, yeah, if you drop a

glass of milk and you get punched in the dick, sorry you were raised in that household, because that's not fair. I'm talking about getting punished for things that make sense. They're actually going to land and cause some sort of reflection from you as a kid. If you skip school and fake being sick because you don't want to take a test, yeah, maybe not spanking, but some sort of a talking to, followed by a spank, because clearly the talking to didn't work as you thought it was going to, but it didn't. Now you're expecting people to use proper judgment, proper judgment in this country where right now Donald Trump is the front

runner, you want Trump voters to be able to hit their hits. Way to distract us from the issue. Typical Trump typical Trump supporter. Get him out of here. Get him out of here. Get around. Get around. Kick his ass.

I'll pay for the legal fees. Wow. Wow. That was swift. So that's what you believe in the same way that we're supposed to waterboard people and torture them and make sure that physical violence is the only way to solve problems. So now what basically you're telling me is that you're not smart enough to win an argument with a five-year-old, that you have to hit a five-year-old because you can't reason with them, you can't use logic, and you can't prove yourself as the adult in the situation.

You just have to beat that. I'm talking about a dwarf who looks like a five-year-old. I'm not capable to win that fight, and I will spank his beautiful ass all day long. But what to his point, Adam? I mean, do you think sometimes you get challenged by a kid and you're a friend? afraid of that challenge? Where do you go? I think there is always room for improvement

and I think that you have to allow yourself the opportunity to get through before spanking but that should be an option because I was never spanked as a kid. I think I turned out all right you want to know my dad would do? You probably never did anything wrong.

No I did stuff wrong and here's what my dad would do. My dad would pick me up, put me on a counter and then leave. That's what he would do to me and at a two feet tall. That is a form of spanking. How is that a form of spanking? Because it made you think about what you didn't. It made you feel bad.

He used a word in an action. And you had to jump off that counter and probably injure yourself. No, I did not. Maybe fall in your butt. Maybe fall in your butt and get a little bit of a bruise. A similar bruise to that of a spank. So it's just like a passive aggressive spank. Put you up there and I'm going to have you fall on your ass so my hands are clean as a dad.

So you want to be out there at a restaurant and then when you're, kid acts up in front of all these people in the restaurant, you're just going to rear back and just smack your kid. No, I never said I was a fan of public spanking. Just let just let everyone know that, hey, my 7-year-old

just made more sense than me, so I'm just going to use physical dominance because that's the only trait that I have that can win here. Or do you talk with your child? Do you help your child learn something? Is that what you want a teacher to do? I think you're missing the point. I think you're saying that you're talking about

saying that if I just get challenged that I'm going to the spank. I think the point of the whole spank is to make the person think, and when there's, it's a last resort, and when there's nothing else that can be done and when nothing's getting through. Talking only goes so far. Everybody knows this.

And I think the spank, obviously, I'm not a advocate of just a spank being the go-to. It's like when a guy tries to hit on a girl and his third line is, you know, I've got some weed. You want to take a bubble bath? No, you got to get know the person first, okay? Have a little dialogue and then if nothing gets through. So I think

you're insinuating that I would go to a spank as my first pitch. Like that's, I'm going to throw the fastball every time. No, no, no. You got to try to find some reason, some middle ground. And if nothing gets through, you go to that because that's the only way to get through. I would never also just spank because I, a kid just like, if I was like, hey, seven times 10 is 74. He's like, it's actually 70. Give me your ass. Here's my hand. That's not how I operate. So I think you're wrong with that. Well, let's end right there. the end of the fight guys. What a round. What a fight. Holy smokes. Let's get Brad with your final closing argument on should you or should you not spank. Listen, you don't want your kid

to be someone that thinks violence is always a go-to to solve problems. That kid gets hit as a kid and then as he goes through adolescence, he feels that, well, I can hit because that's how I was taught. And then they get to be an adult and they think that they could hit and then that that just perpetuates itself over and over again start them young start to let's use our words let's use logic let's come let's solve the problems let's not just smash it with an iron fist let's not just do that there is a way to figure it out the aforementioned uh rubics cube you don't solve the rubic cube by smashing it with your hand and then and then and then putting it back together no you solve the rubic's cube by using your brain and figuring out how to

put it all together. And that is more impressive than someone that just uses brute force to get their point across. Do not spank your kid. You're going to create a lot of bad things in the future. Excellent closing argument, Adam. That's going to be tough to crack. What do you got?

You have a minute to give us your closing argument. Speaking of crack, Brad's on a lot of it right now. Apparently someone's still living in the candy cane rainbow fun fuck for us lame where nothing bad ever happens and words solve all the problems. clearly we don't live in a state of the world where that is the case anymore. There's a lot of shit going on where it's fight or flight and there's a lot of distractions

and a lot of things that are trumping really getting through to somebody. And again, I want to make the point that violence for me would not, that spanking, I'm not talking about that being the first option, but an option. So that is a clear thing to say. That if there comes a point when you just can't get through, like some people would, they can't get through, they send their kids away to like a boarding. school. Oh really? So that to me is like bailing. At least you're taking the

and you're trying to make the point that like the spank would lead to further violence from the kid as an adult. Well maybe take it upon yourself to be a good dad and educate the kid that this is serving a purpose and that it's happening because you did this, not because I'm lazy and you showed me that you know more about multiplication

than me. So I think somebody who says that oh it's obviously going to lead to more violence as an adult is not giving themselves very much thinking that they're going to be a good dad because they're like, oh, if I beat him, he's obviously going to turn into a beater. Well, maybe that's you deflecting your own shitty dad skills

into your shitty son. Wow, wow, excellent closing argument. Well, to sum it up, Brad seemed to take the more psychological approach that you shouldn't hit your kids, that you should be kind to them, talk to them, be gentle, take a hands-off approach. Adam, you were the more, you know,

I think you kind of reversed Brad's psychological approach and said, look, no matter what you do to a kid, if you put them on a counter, it's still psychologically a spanking. Sure. So you should spank them anyways. They'll learn more. It's a harder, faster lesson. And then Brad, you brought in the whole Trump thing and tried to sidetrack Adam, but Adam caught it immediately, cut you off and stayed true and strong to his position.

And I think for that reason, we got to give it to Adam Ray. this fight goes to Adam Ray guys. I just thank you for that judgment. Oh man, good fight. Adam got fire. Where'd you go to the Candyland Fire Truck Express Forest? Where were you? The Rainbow

Canyon Land Fuck Forest. That's the kind of stuff we like to hear. We like to hear that. All right, guys. Excellent. Excellent fight. We're ready for our third and final fight. I guess. I mean, you guys got to go big. You got to go big because... Great. You're telling you,

worth to go big. Thanks, Riley. This is where we see who the winner is here. Are you guys ready to go? Let's do it. Third and final round. So, Brad, you will be against on this fight because you were four on the last one, right?

No, no. He was four spanking. Oh, he was four. So you'll be against this topic and you will be for this topic. Okay. The topic gentleman is, my two prized fighters, should we have killer whale shows? You know, you hear about how killer whales are being abused and dying and should or should

we not allow this type of thing? All right. You guys ready? Yes. Let's have a fight. Yes. Well, here's the thing. Of course you should have killer whale shows.

These are majestic creatures that create wonderment in children that spark a curiosity in marine biology. Who wants to be a marine biologist? It sounds like a pretty nerdy profession to me, but you see a killer whale jump and knock a tennis ball with his nose. You're like, yeah, I kind of want to study that a little more. So it sparks the curiosity

and the intelligence of young people to learn more about our marine. Oh, boy. Instant power slam. That's a beautiful point you made there, Brad. You look like what happens when a gremlin gets wet. And I'll tell you this much. On that point, oh yeah, what a great idea.

A Killer Whale Show. Yeah, let's take an innocent creature that had nothing to do. No aspirations of swimming for money in front of millions of people that they get nothing but fish that they could already get in their own natural habitat. Let's pull them out of their home away from their families and put them on display. How would you feel if you were six years old and somebody came in to your little preschool or tree wherever you were taking math? And they pulled you out and they put you on stage and they said, hey, dance, you little bitch. And then he said, put on a show, put on a show. Shut up, shut up, put on a show.

I'm limited food in adoration of thousands of people. And you loved it. Yeah, and where's your family, by the way? Are you okay just not seeing them ever again? I'm a family of killer whales. They're killer whales. I don't trust being around them. Oh, so you don't trust your family.

I would love to be away from them. For sure. And being taken care of and massaged every day. Have all my medical expenses covered. Of course. And you used to be swimming, and you used to be swimming and living in a giant ocean. And now, and now you're on a tiny little pool. It's like if you were sleeping on a giant king-sized mattress,

and then the fucking bad guys came in and pulled you out and put you on a tiny little diorama to sleep on, a children's diorama. And you can't go outside that diorama. Otherwise, we're going to shoot you with a harpoon, you fucking dancing, bitch. See, you're not seeing what these shows actually are. Many of these killer whales are saved. They are sick. They are injured.

Seaworld. Do you know this for a fact? Do you hang out with sick killer whales? Listen, dwarves have a lot of friends. So they are plucked from the dangers of the wild and nestled nicely in the warm bosom. Name one disease a killer whale gets while swimming in the wild. The killer whale aids. Everyone knows about killer whale aids.

You heard it here first. Everyone knows about killer whale aids. No whale has gotten cades since 1962. Magic Johnson couldn't even cure Killer Whale AIDS. It's really bad. Like, it's killer whale AIDS. I think if you got separated from your family and you were put on display and you had no choice about the routine you got to pick

and you had to not even get to pick the hand gestures, you just were told to, hey, this happens, you got to respond. You are now not even your own person because we're going to rename you. What was your name in the wild? Kangtu? Well, now it's raisin. Oh, Kandu. Listen. Wow.

That's funny coming a guy... Power slam. That's funny coming from a guy whose dick is so tiny. When women suck it, they go, Did I get a raisin stuck in my tooth? Oh, no. It's just your tiny penis. I'm not going to take marine biology advice from a man with such a tiny penis.

Killer whales have a huge penis. And that penis should be on display. Yeah, well, at least if I'd take my tiny penis. And if I went on stage, at least I'd do it voluntarily and not be pulled from my family to do it, you heartless bastard. Wow. How can you support the creatures that can't even make decisions for themselves? You think they want

to just be plucked from their family? They don't have the ability. They go, and then the people who are pulling them go, he said yes, he loves this, because they speak for them. You don't even have a voice, these killer whales. They take them out of their homes, their habitats, and they put them into this confined space

where they say, you have to do what we have to do, and guess what? Those decisions and that life you led where you could be your own whale. Guess what? You're our whale now. And we're going to put up signs and sell mugs and t-shirts.

And you don't even get a cut. They don't even give you better fish. They gave you the same shitty fish you have in the ocean. And guess what? It's in a weird bucket and you've got to eat fish out of a weird fucking bucket

and be a dancing bitch the rest of your life. Eat fish out of a bucket. Now I know what it's like to eat your mom's pussy. Wow. So what I'm trying to say at break. This man over here.

You've eaten at a restaurant, fish out of a bucket? This man over here. Thanks for supporting my family business. Oh, unlike a killer whale who sees its family members stripped away and goes, I guess they just left. I guess we should just continue with our lives and not try to find our young un who was pulled away. Adam Ray supports seal clubbing.

He supports seal clubbing because killer whales eat seals. They brutalize and they kill seals, beautiful baby seals. They killed them for fun. Do you want that to continue happening? Do you want innocent, cute, dark little baby seals to be thrashed around? a killer whale's mouth like a blender? No, you want to protect those baby seals so you take the killer whale out of the ocean

where it's killing off all these seals and put it into a nice protected environment where they benefit, children benefit, future generations benefit, everyone can benefit from SeaWorld, they protect them, they keep them well when they're sick. Shut the fuck up, shut the fuck up! How would you feel, how would you feel a doctor?

You don't have a doctor in the ocean? Shut the fuck up. How would you feel tomorrow morning at 7 a. If I came in to your little fucking apartment and pulled you out of your race car bed and I pulled you out and I said Hey, I'm taking you to the backyard of the parking lot of a staples on Coanga

and I'm going to shoot you out of a cannon in front of 15 people who paid $45 a piece to see you get shot out of a cannon And guess what? When you're shot out of the cannon, you're coming right back to eat some fish and then shoot out of that fucking cannon again because you are now a trick.

You're not a human being. You're a trick. A trick that provides wonderment and joy. to thousands of people. But you hate cannons! I would gladly do that. And plus, they... Your name isn't Brad anymore.

It's Kazoo. Kazoo, the cannon shooter. They normally force breed. Now, they provide you with a mate. That's what they also do, because they want more killer whales. So they provide you with sex. You don't have to wander around

the depths of the ocean by yourself. No, they just put another sexy-ass killer whale in front of you and say, hey, fuck that killer whale. And you're like, hell yeah. In the last six years... In the last six years... In the last six years, you killer whale sex pervert. In the last six years, four human beings have died from killer whale shows.

They've made documentaries. They've made movies. They've written articles about the viciousness of what happens when you take an animal who's not supposed to be taken, Liam Neeson, out of their homes and put into a place where they're not supposed to be and they have shitty living conditions. And now they're supposed to not eat people. You did that to yourself. And that teaches a respect for animals to these kids.

These kids are watching these killer whales. You're trying to tell kids, oh, hey, don't get too close to the wall. The whales might eat you. Yes, that's a valuable thing. If you see a killer whale in the wild, in the wild, don't get too close to that thing. Well, I'm glad I wasn't raised in that household. All right, there we go. Wow, what a fight.

That was the most heated one yet. Sure. Well, I'm very passionate about killer whales. Wow, it sounds like it. Well, why don't you, since you're fired up, Why don't you give us your closing argument for the killer whale argument? Listen, do we get mad when an orphanage plucks an unwanted child off the street and gives them a meal and gives them a home? We're not mad about that.

The same way we're not mad about that, we should not be mad at an organization that goes around and can find killer whales in the wild that otherwise wouldn't flourish. It would probably get sick, die, something like that. They bring them to a wonderful atmosphere where they have all the medical care they could ever need. They never have to hunt anymore. Food is brought to them. And they get to perform shows and hear the cheers of thousands and thousands of children. We're all comedians. We respect the art of performing.

And I'm not going to take away Killer Whales, a want and need to perform and create wonderment in all these children. that will become marine biologists, they'll have a fascination and respect for the animal kingdom that otherwise would be spent talking about furbies and pogs or whatever these kids are playing with nowadays. Now they're talking about dolphins and killer whales, and they will support this species and help them thrive so that future generations will be able to enjoy them in the future. Nice, nice, good closing argument. Adam, you got a rebuttal here? Do you listen to yourself? Do you listen to yourself when you talk?

Do you hear the words and the sounds of your voice as you talk fucking bullshit? Do you hear that? The cheers. The whales love the cheers. They can't hear the cheers. You think they can hear the cheers and the booze? You think they can differentiate? They're like, boy, that was a bad show.

The whole section that got wet didn't want to get wet and they let us know about it. Well, what are we going to do next show? I'm going to splash a little harder. Fuck those guys. You think that's what the whales do? You think they talk to each other like that? No, they go, this sucks. Why are we here?

Why do we get pulled out of our homes? Did you say goodbye to your family? No, I didn't. Me neither. Now I'm just here working for the man. And you say, oh, do we get mad when we take orphans out of an orphanage and give them a meal and a place to live? No, we don't get mad because they have a choice.

We don't say, hey, Toby, here's a family and lasagna, but you got to eat it with your feet and blindfolded. We don't do that. If we did that, nobody would be happy that we took orphans out of orphanages. We'd be like, why are you taking them out and not giving them a choice to live their life? And that's what you do with killer whales. You take them out of their homes and you say, this is what you are now for no good reason. Oh, for cheers?

You don't think they got cheers in the ocean? Anytime they did a cool flip, free willy. Have you seen free willy? Everyone sees free willy. And when that whale jumps over the kid and the kid's like, this is the best, we all cheer. We cheer in the theater. I cheer every morning when I want. watch the movie and guess what whales have enough fun on their own they didn't need any help from

the man who's trying to make money and may i remind you people died from these shows because you lock them down and you tell them this is what you are and this is what you can't do long enough that finally they're going to go well okay if this is what i am then it's time to eat people wow it's time to eat people wow all right guys good job well let's sum this up say it is Morgan Freeman. It's time to eat people. It's time to eat people. What a great fight.

You guys got fired up. Sure. Brad, you had some really good points. You know, you were talking about how the educational aspect of it. Kids can learn from it. You talked about the safety that a whale can get out of its harsh, violent environment and be protected and saved. But then you went a little bit off and tried to seduce us with killer whale

sex, which I think might have been a little bit of a reach. Adam, on the other hand, Adam was very passionate. He was very upset about things coming out of the wild, being ripped away from their home, being fed processed food. And I think where, Adam, you really found a good hook is at the end of the day you were saying, human beings were killed. And whenever there's a recreational activity or some form of entertainment and human beings are dying, in fact, being eaten and swallowed and shit out the other end,

it's not a good thing. Gentlemen, it was a great fight. Brad, Adam, I've got to give this one to our champion, Adam, Ray. Adam, good job, Brad, great fight. Thanks, buddy. And I've got one last slam. Oh, you do. You've got a bonus power slam. Oh, let's hear it. It's like finding a deep cut from the Beatles White album. Holy crap, there's a new song.

Here we go. Don't forget this is against yourself. The power slams are against yourself, remember? So go ahead and abuse yourself. Here it is. Hey, you.

Yeah, you in the shirt. Fuck off. You know what? I think the win goes to you, Brad. No! He resented his decision. I think that would.

That was a big mistake you made at the end. You can't reverse. That was a huge mistake. You went over the boundary. He has a killer whale tank in his backyard. You went over. You took a gamble with the bonus. I got to give it to Brad.

Brad Williams is our champion. A tactical error rate at the end. Can I double down? I've got one more bonus. Let's see what happened. All right. All right. All right.

If there was only one vagina left on the earth and it belonged to you or Caitlin Jenner everybody would fuck Caitlin Jenner epic fail epic fail

Brad remains the winner I got one more I got one more Fowars I'm champion! Our fight is over Adam Ray was the champion he took a chance it didn't work That's all I heard.

Listen, they will talk late. Well, what do you mean was the champ? You should know this as a Seattle Seahawk fan. Yes, the Seahawks had it. They were on the one-yard line with Marshawn Lynch. I mean, of course they're going to win. And then from the jaws of defeat, the Patriot Snatch victory. We got to leave it there, gentlemen.

The fight is over. Adam, we heard what Brad's doing. Give us a little update on where we can see you and find you. You can see me on TBS right now, separation anxiety. Tuesday nights at 10 p.m. Set your DVR. Come see me do stand-up comedy all over the world. Adam Rait TV.com for my tour dates,

Ghostbusters this summer, and Adam Rai Comedy on Twitter, Adam Rade 33 on Instagram, and I will be filming the documentary. Brad Williams hates people and loves whaleseating people. com, the documentary website. All right. Comedy theaters this summer.

There's a Kickstarter for that project. Meads and funding. Gentlemen, the fight is over. Let's stop. Hey, both of you, great fight. You're both chivalry. champions in my mind. My special guest today on Let's Have a Fight,

Adam Ray, Brad Williams, hilarious. Check them out. And until the next fight, everybody, Bing Bong. Thank you.