The Harland Highway - NEW HARLAND HIGHWAY #25 -RYAN SICKLER, Comedian, Podcaster

Episode Date: September 28, 2022

Comedian RYAN SICKLER and I, re-name the NFL teams, swap fishing stories, and deal with deadbeat mom's! Sponsor: Shipstation.com with promocode HARLAND for a free 60 day trial Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You're riding down the Harland Highway. All right, hold tight on the Harland Highway Show. Harland Williams. Let's do this. Oh, rock and roll fever, bro. God, rock and roll fever. Listen to that. Holy God.

Gentlemen, you're on the Harland Highway with Ryan Sickler. Can you believe it? How are you, guy? I'm great. Thank you for having me. I've been looking forward to this. Right? You don't get this with every podcast.

This kind of power jam right out of the gate? Power cords right out of the gate. Does this remind you of high school in any way? Totally, totally. Really? Oh, yeah. Did you ever make out with a chick in the gym? Like, was your prom in the gym, like the undersea bubble bath or whatever they?

No. What was your prom in the gym? called, first of all. I don't remember. I do remember prom. Oh, so it was like an Alzheimer's theme prom? It was like, um, we didn't.

It was the Alzheimer's, Alzheimer's under the sea. How is your prom? I don't know. When was it? I don't know if we had a theme. We maybe did.

I don't know. Maybe we did. But it was not. It was not in the gym. Where was it? It was at, like they would do that, they had these places called Martin's West and Martin's East. And they were one on the east side of Baltimore, one on the west side.

Wow. And they had, um, they were like ballrooms. You know what I mean? Like you could rent it for a corporate event or whatever. So this was where the is. Did you smooch in the ballroom? Yeah. And then also, um, my girlfriend was a little advanced, uh, senior year.

I was the prince of the prom. No way. So you had to wear. purple this is a funny story no um they gave king and queen to a couple who had been together from ninth grade through 12th grade oh so the incest couple yeah but the the votes the tallies you got you won pointed to your boy right here but they did they gave the king and queen of the of the prom to the couple and then i got prince of the prom which i didn't even know was a thing i feel like that was some made-up bullshit god hold on i think you just heard some doves cry

Oh, Prince. Oh, my dear friends. Oh, yeah, that elevator. Was there an elevator at the place? Probably. Okay. Did you go in it? Do you remember? I don't know. It broke down, I think. Yeah, Prince. I know. He died. He didn't do well. An elevator.

And sang that song about the elevator. Don't let it break us down. Isn't that freaking weird? Yeah, it's weird. And then Simon and Garfunkel wrote that song, The Sound of Silence. and I think it was Garfunkel was murdered by a mime. Wasn't he, didn't a mine beat the shit out of him in an alley behind a deaf college or something? Deaf college, Guy, Ned, D.C. You got to meet up my guy, behind Guy, you dead D.C.

So wait a minute, you said it was in. There will be no laughing. I'm laughing because I have three deaf cousins. That's what also. Are you serial? Three of them. Three of them. Fuck.

What's the. family reunion like it's quiet wow well they're loud it's like that movie with the guy from the office you know where the you can't talk and the fucking monsters come you ever been like thanksgiving with your cousins and like a monster crashes through the wall like kool-aid no no like that what was that monster the quiet place did you see that movie i never saw it yeah i do know what you're talking about that bro so wait the the ballroom was in martin martin's uh West, I believe it was. That's where the prom was.

The dance was actually there. So what we would do is everyone would go to dinner. You'd get a limo. Yeah, you got to get the limo. A few couples would get together and, you know, divvy that up. And then we'd all go to a really nice dinner in the city somewhere. Now, wait a minute. When you're a student, nice dinner translate to what?

Olive Garden, no, no, no. Shake shack. No, no. We would save our money. And we went, we would go to a little Italy in Baltimore and go to a really nice Italian spot or somewhere down. in the city. Really?

So it was real. That would be a real one, yeah. Because when you're... It was McDonald's and pizza every other fucking day during the senior year. But that one meal was the one that you divvied out. You know what's interesting to me when you say Martin, West Martin and East Martin, it's also, you probably know this. It's also a mammal.

Did you know that? Yeah. A Martin is a small mink like it. It's somewhere between a mink and a wolverine. Let's throw a picture up. right now of a martin are also called pine martins they're why do you know this they're quite they're quite aggressive uh like little badger motherfucker but they're thin they look more like like a like a mink or a weasel but

they're bigger and they jump around in trees and when you said martin i just i immediately went to a squirrel getting its throat ripped out yeah i mean i mean no i didn't even think of the prom I just heard a squirrel screaming in the night. Well, this leads to two men fighting over me. Have you ever had two men fight over you before? You mean like those men or? No, like men, just regular, like heterosexual men. Okay, I thought you meant like gay guys that we're crushing on you.

It looked gay. Really? Wait, what? So when we got back to high school the next week. That's a long prom. Well, it was Saturday. So we got back to high school like Monday. Okay, we made it sound like it was a week-long prom, and I'm like, okay, club med,

Martin med, whatever, whatever, dude. Guy goes to a fancy steak shop, goes to the Bahamas for prom. We're in Jim Glad the Bahamas, and everybody's in their fucking tiny witties and shit. This is 1991. Yeah, what's that movie? Risky Business for Tom Cruise slides across on priest grease or whatever's on the floor. Yeah. What was on the floor, by the way?

Was it priest? What is priest grease? It's like, you know, when they get oily in the bedroom and they drip. The priests? Yeah. I was worried. That's what it was. I was worried.

You nailed it. Yeah. You nailed it. They nailed it. They nailed it. What is priest grease for 400 hours? God. I just literally made it.

that up and I feel squeezy. I feel queasy. I feel greasy though. I feel dirty. Priest grease is fucking great. Yeah, I'm afraid we're going to have to priest greasing. You have Jiffy Lubas

priest grease. You have to get there in holy shit time. Priest greasing. Okay, sorry. So two guys. We're never going to get this. There's only like 20 seconds.

Should we end? It's a one minute story. It's been gone. for ten minutes. Unreal. No. So we get back on Monday and one of my good friends starts arguing with the guy who got the king of the prom that he wasn't really deserving of king of the prom. It was just some bullshit political stuff and that his buddy down here, Ryan, he deserved to be the king of the prom. Isn't it funny? Even at high school level, there's politics. So dumb. Okay. Keep going, Prince. And they start arguing. Yeah. And then that carries over into fist fighting. And these two men are fist fighting. in their tidy whiteys, the king, and my friend. And was your friend knighted or anything? Yeah, I knighted him. He's the king in the night in their tidy white.

God. You said it wasn't gay at the beginning, but I think it might have been. No, I said that they were. I think he just missed the gay express into queer town guy. It's like that priest greased and shot on down the queer town. Good Lord, lad. Oh shit. So yeah, these two guys end up fistfighting over who should have been king, me or them, and their tiny whiteys over all of it. Yeah, that was our prom.

But that's interesting because that says that the student body had a lot of passion for you. Like for them to break into a fight over your status as the prince, I mean, you must have been the most popular kid in school or something. The numbers didn't lie, Harlan. Wow. Well, we were popular by default, honestly. So I have a twin brother who's fraternal, looks nothing like me at all. We sound alike, which is weird.

Sometimes when I speak, I can hear them. And I'm like, oh, it's a creepy feeling to feel like someone else came out of your mouth. Pretty squeezed, bro. Okay, before we continue on with any more of this hilarity, let's just grab a little word from our sponsor. Today, Ship Station is the sponsor of the Harland Highway podcast. The best time to prepare for growth is before the opportunity arrives, especially for online businesses. Ship station sets you up for growth by directly integrating with every shopping cart and storefront. So your products are easier to find, easier to manage, and easier to get into the hands of happy customers.

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Get out there and make ship happen And now let's get back to Ryan Sickler and the Harland Highway podcast So and then I have a younger brother and Our mom had left the family we were raised by single dad He dies at 16 when my brother and I are 16 my younger brother's 13 and we are the house we're the kids in your high school that don't have parents if you had them oh we're the house where everyone comes to our home yeah yeah

yeah popular oh wow because we're the house where kids can drink kids can fuck kids can smoke what was the second one second what kids can drink kids can fuck i think it was fuck i said second yeah there was a lot of kid fucking i saw a lot of um guys and girls naked in my home. And I hadn't even had fucking sex. Like, wait, what are you doing? So the kids were coming over to your house to pop their chairs. Everything, everything.

That was the spot. Wow. You're lucky. We were popular. We were lucky. We had to have parents. We were lucky. You're the luckiest kid in school.

And no parents. Everyone was there. So that's why we were popular. Wow. Well, I had a weird. prom experience because we did the graduation thing first you oh you graduate before prom yeah you graduate and then you do the prom like a few weeks later and it was hilarious because i was a real introverted kid at home like i would come home go in my room turn on black sabbath get in my

sketchbooks doodle write poetry and i hardly talked to my family at all like they it was just i was just one of those weird moody kids that so they just thought I was this weird boo radley recluse freak right right and then they all came to my graduation and then one by one they call the kids up you know johnny smith carol walter you know whatever and so one by one the kids go up and it's very lack of daisy ago lackluster no no real fanfare and then my name's william so i was like the last kid and my whole family's sitting there they're just like watching and then they go harland williams and the whole friggin place like exploded like people were the all the kids are laughing and my parents were just like well like they were so confused they didn't even think i had friends

like who is this kid yeah like what what's going on did you know it was just so fucking weird and then we had our our prom in a hotel ballroom okay and i didn't get Prince, but what I I got a made-up title. You know what I got? I got, they did all these little awards, and I got called up, and I got a coffee mug, and it said most likely to succeed on the hockey mug.

They were right, bro. They were right. Wild. So Ryan Sickler's here, gang. You're on the Harlan Highway. We popped and dropped with a prom story, right out of the gate, a comedian. What, did you act?

movies and stuff too? No. You're writer, though. I write. Anything else? I write and produce a lot. I've acted in some sketches and things like that. Yeah, yeah.

I'd like to do more acting. Well, I want to establish something because what would you say that the mark of a good friendship is? What are some of the attributes of a good friendship? I think one of the good attributes or one of the successful attributes of a good friendship I should say is someone who I have a friend like this we've been friends since kindergarten yeah we might not even communicate for six seven months these days and then immediately we pick up right where we left off wow you know that feeling yeah familiarity yeah

it's like no time's gone by at all um but talking about a mark of a good friendship a man a friend who will stick up for you and say look man my friend won that fucking thing and then fist fighting his tidy whitties. Yeah. We're still friends today. That's Jim Grindstaff. He lives... Jim Grindstaff.

He lives in Southern California now. It works for... I don't think I'm allowed to say the company, so I won't. But not in the industry at all. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, we're still really tight. We've known each other since we were 14 and... It's quite the name of Grindstaff.

Also, the name of a bar down in West Hollywood. Grind with a D, though. Okay, okay. Right next to Priest Creek. Yeah, right. Grine Staffs, it's Grindstaff's Priest, Grace. If you need to slide across the floor on your father. On your father. On your holy ghost.

I say, can I, can I. Someone you can trust. There you go. You just, Nick, because here's what I want to do with you. Okay. Because we're friends. and I don't know if we've ever sort of sealed the friendship. We've never really had a prom.

We've never been, you're the prince. I've never been labeled anything. But I think to show you that I have trust in you and our friendship, I'm going to trust you as something that really, I think, is emblematic of a good relationship. Okay. Are you ready? I'm ready.

I'm going to let you, and I just got this yesterday, and only good friend would allow this to happen. Let me get it. look at this i'm going to let you open my amazon delivery even though this part's open what i ordered is inside only a true friend this is real right now this is real i have not opened this i didn't come to the harland highway expecting this yeah this is uh this is a real bonding moment ceiling take that out we'll get rid of the big amazon box looks like it says big rig defense Uh-huh.

Take a look. Big rigdefense.com. Open that puppy up. This is what friends do. This is called trust right here. This is called sharing, which is another big friends thing. Oh, dude.

This is a stick? Dude. Right? You know what that is? Yeah, I know what this is. I used to carry one of my car all the time. This is, I mean, this is a Billy Club, a nightstick. You can take it out.

what I ordered it for? What? Because I think you're into this. It's for fishing. I'll just knock them out. It's to knock the fish. And just so all you people who are watching, you know, I catch and release 99% of all my fish.

Hold that up so the folks can see that beauty. Look at that guy. That's some solid wood. That's going to knock out a trout. That's going to. Trout doesn't stand a chance. That's going to smack a catfish into shit town. I mean, dude, I mean, you could Rodney King a fucking

A fucking Northern Pike with that thing, bro. I mean, Jesus. Right? Oh, hell yeah. That's fucking solid. Yeah, that's solid. Great grip. I like the oval on it.

Isn't it nice? I used to have one in my car just for safety. Did you ever have to use it? Never had to use it. because this is the thing I go fishing in the summer and I don't know if you how you fillet your fish but I got into some guy showed me to fillet the fish with an electric carving knife the same thing you'd use to cut up your Thanksgiving turkey right and you do it you carve up your you fillet your fish in like in a minute you're done huh but the problem is

it doesn't tear the you're not getting a lot oh it's as smooth as can be it's it's fast it's smooth But the problem is, and again, I catch and release 99.9% of my fish. What's the 0.01 that you'll keep? Is it just a monster? No, it's an eating fish. So usually it's something around this size. It's something I want to, every now and then, I want to go right from the body of water into the tum-tum. And so what happened is, and this is going to sound awful, but I had no choice. I was cutting their heads off with the electric carving knife. and that's not pretty

because you know it does it quickly but when that blade starts going in you know their mouth they're like you know they do that stupid I'm having my head cut off face you know give me a break enough with the gill trip right so

the gill trip yeah so I decided I wanted a club just to put them out of their misery quickly and i hate doing it i hate hitting any living thing but and so that's why i got this you're a fisherman right yeah i'm actually gonna go up to big bear in like two weeks i'm gonna go trout that's trout i think they got what do they got up there speckles rainbow trout up there

um last i'll show you a picture when we're done the last time i was there i caught one you would definitely keep it it was an eating fish it was a big fat motherfucker did you keep three of them we kept yeah we kept that one and ate it yeah yeah that one the other two we Toss them back. Have you got any funny fishing stories? Because I got one stupid funny fishing story I want to tell you. But has anything really kind of silly or funny while you were out fishing and you and your buds just like died laughing? I can't think of it right now. Tell your story and I'll think of it while. You might trigger it. I have some from crabbing with my father. Oh good. Not fishing but crabbing. Okay. You want to want to spit it? I want to hear your fish.

So I used to work up north. I used to work up in northern Ontario at a bush camp. And we were out on, like, we were in the middle of nowhere. The bush camp I was out on a lake called Dead Horse Lake. That's how remote we were. That was really at, Dead Horse. And we had all these old timber trails that were abandoned. And so we'd take the pickup trucks and drive down them.

And we'd find these lakes that no human had ever been in. Like these guys would go in, harvest them. trees and vanish. This was like, we're talking on the eastern shores of Lake Superior, like rugged, rugged northern country up there. So me and my buddies, we got a canoe. We drove it down, you know, six miles down this old dirt timber road. We found this lake. No one had ever been in it. No human, I would calculate, it ever stepped foot on this lake. And we trudged the canoe through the bush. There was like three of us. We got in the canoe. We got in the canoe. We get out there, we're fishing, and, you know, no one has ever fished this lake. So these fish

have no contact with humanity. And we were fishing away, and we were out about, maybe about 70 feet from the shore doing the shoreline and casting in. And I had a red devil, you know, the red striped spinner on there, and I let it fly in this virgin lake. And the three of us, And this spinner hit the water. And at this precise moment, the exact second it hit, I had a fish. Like just boom, like instantaneously. We reel the fucking thing up. We get it to the boat.

It's a northern pike. And I got it right in the fucking eye. The hook was right through its eye. You cast into the fish. So here's what we said. We started going, what the fuck? And then we broke it down. And he went, here was this fish.

It lived its whole life. No one had ever been in the lake. And this fucking fish said, I think I hear something I've never heard before. And so weighing at the shore, he thought, I've never done this before. But I'm going to swim out and stick my eye out of the water. Just one eye and see what it is. And the second he did it, bang, right in the fucking eye. As if that's not bad enough.

And then you reel. reel him in and we let him go but now he's old fucking johnny one eye right yeah don't look don't look out of the water it's just so it's so brutal we laughed so hard we almost fell out of the canoe could you imagine no that poor fucking first time in his life ever just one to the eye and then reeled aggressively out of his own fuck Poor guy. First time anyone ever on the lake.

All right, let me hear the crab story. It's nothing like that, dude. Let me hear it. Crab me up. Give me crabs. So we had, we used to go out on the, it was called the Y River. Why? I'm not sure, W.Y.

though. I'm not sure why it was called the Y River, but, um, fun little fact. This is where, do you remember the Elio Gonzalez story that we had the kid who wouldn't come out of the closet? Elio or Ileon. Elion. A little gay kid that wouldn't come out of the closet. I don't know what his sexual preference was.

No, I'm kidding. Yeah, I remember that guy that like the FBI went in and they had to bring in people from the. They hid him down in this area for a little while before they did whatever they were doing with him ultimately. But it's right. It's a channel off the Chesapeake Bay. And we built a homemade trot line. and you would get, we would get bull lips from the butcher, like actual lips from the bull, just shit they would throw away, you know,

because crabs are scavengers. Okay, I'm going to be honest, guy, I did not know the bulls had lips. You know how you didn't know what a martin was? Yeah. Can we put some bull lips up on the, Hey, everybody, who wants to have better sex? No, yes, yes. The answer is yes.

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Don't throw your back out. Because I also want a picture of some bull shit because I don't know if this is real. Bulls have lips. Yeah, of course. Cows, they have a mouth, they have lips. Yeah, but I ain't never seen no lip. Have you ever seen a bull blow out a candle? I have not.

Well, then they ain't got lips. What the fuck are you talking about? about do they have fingernails too what are you going on about were these crabs filled with tequila oh shit bull lips i couldn't wait i knew i was going to laugh um fucking bull lips guy so my dad was friends with these watermen in in maryland that did this for a living and they were telling because a lot of people use chicken necks that was another position of chicken have i know chickens have neck a lot of people use a chicken neck or something like that because crabs will eat anything They're scavengers.

You ever use a turtle clit? Funny you say turtles. So not a clit, no. But I wonder if that would. Look, guy. If a bull has lips, a turtle's got a big old pink clit. Come on. It's a big.

Come on, guy. Don't be, don't get so picky with me. You know what a flamingo's got a twat. How about that? Okay. You're going to throw bull lips around. That's what we use in the off season, flamingo's twas. Oh, those are good for a grouper.

but you um so you make you just take a hundred yard line and every three feet you tie a bull lip okay so every three feet there's a bullet how many boy are you got a bucket of bull lips so you have a bushel basket and you just snake the line in when you're done and it i mean it stinks like it's fucking disgusting things like bull left oh dude but and then it's beaten down in that fucking humid sun on the boat with you and shit i got to ask though because it sounds like they're slippery like slimy you ever been putting on a set of bull lips on a line and it slips out of your hand and lands right on your lap you got the lips like it's kissed my dick got the bull lips ever kissed my dick i would

have to say over my pants they have yeah yeah yeah they definitely that's got to look weird you look down they're fucking gnarly bull lips on your fly tough and shit but they're they're they're adorable so you can keep using them over and over all right so you got crabs aren't tearing them up yeah you got the bull lips and uh what you do is you take your bow And we have a homemade little 2x4 going across that you have bolts through that you put where the oars would go, right? Okay. And then you just get a spool, a rope spool that you see at the hardware store where you pull chain off or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then you take a little chlorox bleach bucket to mark your beginning and one at the end. Okay. You're putting chain at the beginning, the middle, and the end. So that chain weighs the line down into the mud. You have to have something to weigh it down. So you make a little homemade anchor for one end and the other end. Yeah. And then the Clorox bottles, you're float so you know where it begins.

So you grab it and you slowly just, you're slowly just gliding the boat like this straight ahead. You grab the line. You just put it up. And naturally as you're going forward, the line will come up and go over your spool right back into the water. And the crabs, if you go slow and steady enough, will stay right on. And you just take a net and you dip and dump them in the bucket. Boom, boom. a good day you're you're go boom boom boom and then you go through them to see what sizes are

you know illegal to keep because you can't keep anything under um 16 I think it's like five and a half it's a soda can point point okay okay all right well and there these are dungagrees crab how do you say dungarees dungarees what's what did I say dungeon s is what oh these are Maryland so these are blue crab blue crab I've got I've caught those yeah they got they actually have like on the ends of their little legs They're blue. Yeah, they're beautiful. They're really pretty.

And they're sort of aggressive, too. They're very aggressive. Like if you're in the water, they'll kind of chase you down like a pit bull. Yeah. Okay. They're aggressive. I could see them now. That's what's good.

So these fucking things hurt, you know. And I pick up one and I'm holding it by the back claw and I'm just holding it. And my cousin, he's got his shirt off the time. We're younger. He turns. This motherfucker just, I mean, gets him, pinches him like this. And he's screaming because it's back here right behind the shoulder blade. He can't get it.

And I'm laughing so fucking hard, but I can't get it. You know what I mean? I'm laughing so hard. He's screaming. He's starting to bleed now and shit. What? So I just go, I go to grab it and throw it off of it. But I do it.

When I look back, the claw is still, yeah, still hanging. Oh, wow. Like a clothes pin. These things were so aggressive. So I missed this one. My father was yelling at me. I missed this one point to point. It would have fed to family.

Huge. To this day, that's big for a blue crowd. You never seen one that big. Yeah. And after that, so then you drop the line after you do your run and you fuck around. You let it set, you know, 15, 20 minutes or whatever, get away from it. And as we're circling back to go again, we see this fucking thing floating in the water. My dad's like, what the fuck is that?

And I go to take the net to get it, and it's a turtle shell, okay? Whoa. And when I scoop it up, the fucking head is gone. It's just a slime coming out of this fucking tiger shark. I don't know. what got it but it fucking ripped it apart and my I still to this day thinking it might have been that crab I missed oh the big boy yeah yeah well you know what the a specific shark that targets sea turtles is the tiger shark is that right yeah I think they're one of the only sharks

and out there that's probably what it was they go up and they just bite their heads off and they get the flappers and then just leave the shell yeah yeah they got that motherfucker so how did your cousin was it your cousin, how did he get the claw off his back? I just pulled it. Did it take any skin? Yeah, for sure. And he was bleeding? Oh, he was bleeding while it was on him.

He was bleeding because it just kept squeezing him. What if that was the pivotal moment that turned him on to S&M, though? Like the next time he went fishing, he had, you know, he had clips on his nipples or something. Yeah, he comes out crabbing with nipple clips. Yeah. He's wearing chappless, assless chaps, and he's got the black hat on. He got purved out. Out by a blue crab.

By a blue crab, tricked his ass out. Jesus. Turned him out. Turned him out. So you're a sports guy, right? Oh, yes, I am. Tell me, football's your thing. You love football.

Yeah, football. I love baseball, too, but I'm a Baltimore guy. So I love the Ravens. I love the Orioles. But the Orioles have sucked for so long until this year. I shouldn't say until this year. There's been about three or four seasons since 1980, fucking three that they've been good. Yeah.

And that's it. So it's been hard and not fun to root for that, but I still root for them. And then the Ravens are good, so I root for them too. You know what I want to do with you? Because I can tell you're like, I know the prince is passionate about his sports. Yeah, I am. You're the prince, right? Yeah, yeah.

Should have been the king, but I'll take the prince. You're the prince. On this podcast, you're the prince. I'll take it. So what I want to do, because this drives me nuts, I don't know if it drives you nuts, but you can either help or you can be on board with this. I am sick and tired of all the names of the NFL teams.

I want to break them down with you, discuss them, and then we're going to change them. All right. We're going to change the names. I'm going to pull up the list of NFL names here, guy. Are you a CFL guy? No. That's the Canadian football league.

Yeah, that's, I mean, it's a whole different. All three downs. Three downs. It's a different, it's even a different size field. Yeah, different size field. All right. Let me pull up the list of, we've got to break these down. Are you cool with this?

Yeah, of course. The Arizona Cardinals, number one. Okay, we got a team of big buff men, 300 pounds, smashing each other. They're named after a little red bird. Formerly from St. Louis. Yeah. that eat seeds. I'm not sure how many fucking Cardinals are in Arizona

dying out there in 120 degree heat. What's the bird you'd associate with Arizona in the desert? Be me. Yeah, roadrunner. Roadrunner. Roadrunner. Isn't that a better note that that indicates fast runners? Yeah.

It goes with the climate. It goes with the environment. Shifty, undefeated. Right. Outsmarting. They can outsmart a coyote who drops pianos and dynamite. exactly a lot of acme shit yep acme that's them the arizona roadrunners i like that i was going to say firebirds just because oh but i don't think of firebirds a real thing i think it's just a car

it is if you throw the barbecue at oh okay uh that i like that see our first one i think we nailed it the arizona roadrunners bro no doubt i love that okay next one it's another Bird-themed one. A lot of birds at the top. I know. Atlanta Falcons. Yeah. Talk to me.

I don't know. I feel like Atlanta. Yeah. It's a beautiful southern city. Yeah. I really don't know what I would go. If they're Coca-Cola there in Atlanta. Oh, yeah.

I think Coca-Cola in Atlanta. Atlanta cavities. Atlanta diabetes. Diabetes. The Atlanta diabetes, diabetes, I'd say. And it only goes to two. So, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the field. The Atlanta Diabetes 3, Cancer Willie, your quarterback.

Cancer Willie. Yeah, I like it. The diabetes falcons. You nailed it, bro. You said it, but I got us. You nailed it. All right. What do we have?

The Carolina Panthers. Yeah, this one's kind of stupid. I mean, are there Panthers in Carolina? You know what, I think there's Panthers in Southern Florida, like down in the Keys. Jaguars and shit like that. That's why they don't. Not Jaguars. Panthers. They look like mountain lions. It's another, they call them Panthers, Pumas. Oh, Pumas. Okay. So they're not black. They're the, the khaki color. Yeah, the banana republic of the cat world. Yeah. And they also have the little alarm on their inner thigh if you try to walk them out of the store before paying.

that's the sound of the alarm but but i think the range because that you know the south and i think the range of the panthers could have potentially gone up to north carolina up the coast there okay all right but i don't know what else the carola what else is in the carolina North Carolina specifically, not, well, I mean, it says Carolina, so you got to throw South in there, too. Well, where's the actual team located? North Carolina. I think it's Charlotte.

I think it's Charlotte, North Carolina. I think we found it now because that's unfair. And I think we have to call it what it is, the North Carolina Panthers. You know, yeah. Like, fuck you, South Carolina. You didn't want to invest in a stadium. You didn't want to buy a franchise. Fuck you.

You're out. the fucking panther just ate your hairy ass. It's the North Carolina Panthers. Thank you. I'm going to start calling that wherever I go now. Yeah. That's well done. Unless they build that new stadium right on the border.

So half of it's in the north, half is in the south. It's fair. Then you got your Carolina Panthers. Outside of that, the South can fuck off real hard. They can buy a bus ticket to fuck off town and get off in the deepest part. Okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Oh, the Chicago Bears. Another tough one here.

Chicago known for, what is it, Mallort, that drink they have there. Oh, I thought that was like a, I thought that was a sexually transmitted disease. You get that empty drink Mallor. I got the Mallorts again. And it's getting bumpy down there. What else? Chicago Bears. A lot of fucking. There's no.

Bears in Chicago. I don't think so. Or maybe in Illinois in the woods of Illinois, but I wouldn't say Chicago. Yeah, Chicago's got, doesn't have a lot of gang activity? Yeah, Chicago is one of the deadliest cities in, um, they call it Shyrak. Is that right? The Shyrak bears. The Shyrak bears. Oh, wow. Shirek bears. Really, tell me the Shirek story. I mean, they, they, they just, it's a nickname for Chicago because the violence has gotten so bad. Really? The shy rack bears. See, that's accurate. Look us going. This is, we're going on right here. The Dallas Cowboys. I mean, I just feel like Cowboys is like this like, you know, kitty thing. You know, well, why don't we? This is tough. This is a tough one, but what's the most infamous thing that

ever happened in Dallas? JFK got hit from the depository. What about the Dallas depositories? I like it. I mean, it's a tough one. Or the Dallas headshots? Kind of like in the Dallas headshots. Yeah, the Dallas. I'd be like alliteration, so Dallas deposit. Like Dallas Oswald. Dallas. Wow.

You know growing up, growing up, I always had history wrong. I thought that people in Dallas hated fast food because I thought Lee Harvey Oswald shot up a KFC. It wasn't until I got to DeVry that they told me that it was JFK. I was like, why would you want to shoot up fried chicken? So what are we going with? I think we got the Dallas depositories, the Dallas headshots. See, that's violent.

Like, let's be honest, football's violent. I think headshot. I'm a fan of the headshot. It's a little raw. It's aggressive. It's aggressive. And it probably, you know, rubs a sore part of history,

but we're trying to make these teams more accurate. And if we don't do it, who will, Guy? That's a lot more accurate, a lot. Boom. Oh, we're nailing this. The Detroit Lions. No lions up there. None.

None. And maybe can we? No healthy drinking water either. Oh, that's right. How about the Detroit lymph nodes? Doesn't, doesn't that water like, Destroy your lymph nodes. It probably destroys everything.

It's got an L in it. It's a lion's lymphoid. Who fucking cares? I think it's definitely going to kill you. Right? Detroit lymph nodes. Detroit lymph nodes. God.

We're wailing. The Green Bay Packers. See, now I just think of Packers. I think of like a bunch of people at the Amazon factory packing like boxes. Like that that's not going to work. I mean, they call themselves cheeseheads. I don't really know much more about how much more what Wisconsin has to offer the world outside of cheese and the Packers.

And you're on a bay. Are they really on a bay? Is there a green bay somewhere? Not familiar with the green one. Like I think they're sitting on Lake Michigan, aren't they? On the shore? Look, I'll be honest. I'm ignorant.

I should know which lake it is, but I don't. I think it's one of the great lakes. I think it's Lake Michigan. But it's not green. Green indicates healthy waters, seaweed, vibrant life. Help. Yeah, kelp. I think isn't it more right near Detroit?

Wouldn't there be more like bodies on the shoreline? It could be. The Green Bay. I mean, they're rivals. They're in the same division. The Green Bay bodies? Green Bay. Green Bay.

Green Bay. You know, why don't we just eliminate them from the NFL and fuck them we can't come up with a good name Super Bowl trophy's just after their coach they're gone just let's just get rid of them Green Bay gone

how about we can't come up with a name you're done oh the L.A. Rams. I mean there's no fucking Rams in L.A. either you know. Yeah. They bounced around between St. Louis, L.A. They went L.A. St. Louis, L.

The fucking, I don't know. They're all over the place. It also sounds a little like, you know, the L.A. Rams. It's like, you know, it's L.A. where everything's fucking kinky. Why don't we just call it what it is, the L.A. fistings. I like the fistings. Yeah. Yeah, that'd be a good logo on the side of the helmet, too.

Yeah, just a, like, priest grease. Freest grease, fist, you know. The L.A. The L.A. The L.A. Fisting. This is a, this place was built on sex, man. The porno industry's here. Oh, yeah, it is.

The L.A. fistings. This one always bug me, the Minnesota Vikings. Because didn't Vikings come from like Greenland and the Nordic countries? And they landed on the eastern shores like Newfoundland and Prince Edward Island. They didn't come all the way in. to Minnesota. That's like the middle of the country. You're just claiming that. Yeah.

Claiming Vikings. Yeah. This soda, it's the land of a thousand lakes. That's on their license plate. It is on their license plate. How about just like the Minnesota water? Well, here's the thing. The Lakers used to be in Minnesota.

That's why they're called the Lakers. Oh, I didn't know that. Right? Then they move here. many fucking lakes we have around here like six you know yeah they're all man-made yeah they're a land of a thousand lakes that's why they're the lakers so like utah jazz they were originally um i think they were new orleans and they moved to utah there's no fucking jazz who's playing jazz in utah yeah right not known for their jazz they don't even have music there so what are we

go on with i don't the minnesota water i'll take the minnesota water we can call it agua Agua. Make it a little fancy. Is that Spanish? Yeah. Agua. La Minnesota Agua. Wait, I said, lo, that's French.

La Minnesota Agua. They're French. They're the only French Spanish team in the league. That's it. The Minnesota French Spaniards. Yeah, that's it. That's it. You know, they're sort of like Vikings, but they're a lot shorter.

And louder. Yeah, not as hairy. um new orleans saints yeah this one's different too yeah um this one new i know they wanted the saints go marching in and all that shit yeah but it ain't so saintly when marty gras happens like we're talking orgies we're talking nude people rolling down the street tities i that's it the new orleans titty all you got to do is fucking show titty's yeah jewelry down there yeah show tities i i i flash titties at the rb's drive-thru and got free fries Fuck yeah. Curly ones?

Curly fries. Fuck yeah, bro. Didn't even eat them. Wrapped them around my aerolias. Fucking right. Hock and right guy. Curly Titty Joe, they called me while I was there. The New York Giants.

The New York Giants. I don't know. You know there's 30 of these, right? We're going to do 30 of these. You know what we'll do? We'll do this division only. And then we'll do the other division. when you come back if the prince decides to grace us again the prince will be back

oh the prince will be back new york giants god there's and we have a well we'll get to the jets next so we have to come up with one for the giants first well they technically play in jersey they do yeah well see this is why i love it that you know the meadowlands they did for a long time and they share the stadium with the giants and the jets yeah um so they're really the new jersey i would call them the New Jersey giants. That's what I would really call them. But are there any giants anymore? Like, it's not like Paul Bunyan's their mascot or anything. How about like, you mean like just a, like, how about the New York average sized male athletes? I mean, that's technical as shit, but New Jersey. I agree with it, but call them New Jersey.

The New Jersey average sized male athletes. Yeah. You're not giants. There's no one on the team over 60 feet tall 60 There he is at the Zero Yard line he takes one step Touchdown! No There's no giant As if there's anyone at 50 Well

Good point Yeah Who else we got? The Philadelphia Eagles Another bird Another bird Another city we used to call it Philthedophia Philthedophia Is it a dirty city?

Look I just went to Philly and honestly it's a fucking beautiful city it's one of my every city is get everyone's like you got get out of here at night like that's fucking every city i feel like i go to now yeah to fuck out of here get out of here uh but it's a great fucking town i really loved it now i the other thing i loved about it too are there's still neighborhood spots like oh really like you can walk through a neighborhood where people live and there's a great restaurant there you know what i mean not you don't have to go to this row or this area where they all are you can walk through this neighbor i'm like oh my god it's a italian place has been here since 19

There's a coffee shop, there's a bagel shop, there's a pizza place, Italian, but also just actual restaurants. Wait, what about that? It sounds a lot like Eagle, but bagel. All right. I mean, it's a little alliteration, but the Philadelphia bagels. Sure, I'll take it. All right, we got three more.

San Francisco, San Francisco 60. The homeless. The homeless. I have not been to any city where the homeless, including here, we're bad here. San Francisco has been this for... Well, it's so bad the homeless are now the players. I mean, I watched three guys run out of a tent the other day and get a touchdown.

I mean, it's ridiculous. They really do use a tent on the sidewalk. It's the fucking homeless run. And they don't run plays. They just run around in circles and smash into the fucking wall and pick through the garbage can. It's definitely the homeless. The San Francisco homeless. The Seattle Seahawks.

What's with all these birds of prey? A lot of birds. A lot of, this might be the only one. Dare we leave one? We still have one more to go. We have one more to go. My team, the Ravens. Oh, we have two, we have two more to go in this division.

Okay, so. The Seattle Seahawks. Seattle's known for suicide. Big. The Seattle, Seattle suicide. I hate to do it to you, folks, but the Seattle suicides.

And you should see their mascot. They got a new one every week. He just lays there. Not the most physical mascot. You know those guys that jumped the mid tramps that he's not doing that. They got the T-shirt cannons. And when they do the mascot race, he's always just laying at the start line.

I can Seattle suicides. They don't. shoot t-shirts, they throw out razor blades to the crowd. It's really, really not the most comfortable. Okay. Tampa Bay Buccaneers. Come on, dude. Pirates. What are we at Disneyland? I know. Yeah, there's no fucking pirates anymore. How about the Tampex Buccaneers? Because I want to see blood. Yeah. It's football. We don't watch football for the plays. We want to see. But we're still using Buccaneers. Yeah.

So Tampax is perfect. Tampex. Buccaneers. I just, I would say we could keep that. You can call them the Tampex. Tampex Buccaneers. Yeah. Now here's an interesting one because this team was just renamed.

This is the last one. Yeah. Did what you want to say it out loud? Well, they originally were the Washington Redskins. That's right. And they, along with another team in baseball. Yeah. The Indians has been renamed to the generals.

Oh, wow. Yeah, these guys are now the Washington. So get rid of the native culture and then add the name of the person that eradicated the native culture. Smart guys. Good Christ. What do we call these now? The Colonel Custers over here. The Washington Custer.

That's it. The Washington Custer. Dude, I don't know why they didn't just call them just Washington. For a long time. Yeah. They had the, I believe, was it Brooklyn had the Giants? and then they moved to San Francisco. Yeah.

And so the Giants football team, they called for a long time, the New York football giants. Okay. No reason they couldn't have done that with this Washington team. Yeah. And look, I get it. I get it if you're there and it's been the team name for what, 40 years? Maybe longer.

It's hard for people to adapt. But when you look at it from the outside, the redskins, it's sort of a real slanderous name because the native cultures didn't give themselves that name. Right. we did white people and civilized people called them the red skips and so as much as you might be attached to it as a goofy sports name it's really like if you're an indigenous person it's it's it's like sort of almost like the N word in a way like it's not it's not a kind so they kind

had to do that one well even had the face of the guy on the fucking out yeah now here's red face here's the other thing there's the other side of the argument where where here's a big mega million sports thing that's seen all over the world and you've got an image of an indigenous person and, you know, it's sort of a proud image, the eagle feather in the hair. It wasn't malicious or slanderous. It was a nice logo. So then you go, well, that puts Native culture sort of in the scope of everybody.

So there's that kind of side where it's like, oh yeah, we remember these people. but then the name was not glamorous. The name did not complement the culture. Right. And so we got, I think it's kind of good they got rid of the red stance. Yeah, for sure. The Colonel Mustards would have been way better, though.

Colonel Mustard, that's from Clue. That's what you said, though, the Colonel Mustard. No, I said Colonel Custard. Oh, Custard. Colonel. He's at the 40-yard line with the wrench in the library. What do you mean? Colonel Mustard.

Colonel Mustard's from the game of clue. I know. I play it with my dog. Yeah, apparently a little too much. Holy God. Colonel Custard. But even Colonel Custard's not a good name. Are you going to be scared of a military leader who's named after a dairy tree?

I'm with you, Custard. Hey, here comes Captain Min Chocolate Chip, Ron. No, he sounds delicious. Let's lick the fucking guy. Colonel Custard. So what's the official final one for that? The Washington, what is it? Commanders, they call themselves.

Yeah, but what did we come up with? The custer's. The cussards. General custards. The Washington. Washington custards. No, we can't because that guy, he went to battle with, that would just almost be worse than calling them the red skin.

That would be like rubbing salt in the wound. Yeah. We got to come up with. Where is the team? Is it in D.C.? It's technically in Maryland. It's in Laurel, Maryland, right outside of D.C. By the way, just so we're clear, it's pronounced Maryland.

Yes, I'm sorry. In Laurel, Maryland, just outside of D.C., technically in Maryland. Well, since the name keeps kind of going around and around, why don't we call it the Washington Mary-Go-round? Boy, dude. There it is. We're going to save the other ones until next time. But I think we did good.

We did damn good. We did damn good. And I learned a little. I didn't know about the Minnesota thing. St. Louis is a team that moved a bunch. Yeah. I read, going back to your family earlier, I read somewhere, and I don't know if this is true or not.

You can correct me, but I've never asked you about this. But in a way, I thought it was hilarious, but also very kind of tragic and sad. Tell me if this is true that your mother didn't like you or you didn't like your mother. Is that? Well, I didn't dislike her first. It was she disliked me and would tell me about that. Is that okay to talk about it? Yeah, yeah, totally.

I've never, I've never had a friend where outright, I've heard them say, my mother didn't like me. Yeah. How did that happen? I mean, we've reconnected now. Yeah. Well, after like 30 years and we've talked about these things, my mom just didn't. She had three kids. Yeah.

My youngest brother was her absolute favorite. So when my parents split, they went to court. Yeah. And my dad, you know, was here with my grandma, my aunt. My mom's here with her friends. And we have a, we had a female judge. And my dad said, look, you know, the judge said to him, what would you like? to do he's like well i would like to have my kids i want all my kids but but if you're going to just

this is 1989 by the way if you're just going to give her custody because she's the mom right then even though it's bad for me i think it's best that my kids stay together i don't want to split them up and did you see you had a twin too right you don't split up twins right you don't split the kids up what's the age difference with the twin like four minutes he's four minutes older wow did you share the same umbilical cord or did you each have your own fraternal we had our own age were separate zygoats. Okay. So, um, then the judge says to my mom, well, what would you like to do?

My mom says, I want my youngest son, Derek, who's my twin brother, can come with me if he wants. I do not want Ryan. Come on. And she said that? Yeah. And you were there? I didn't go because I mean, she'd said it to me every day.

I didn't need to go hear it there. She said it every day. Oh, all the time. Have fun at school today. I hate your guts. It was a ass wopping. It was all the time. What the shit?

Dude. I want to name a football team after her now. You should. The judge heard that, and she said in all her years of, like you just said, dealing with these family things, I've never heard the mom say that. So she gave my dad in 1989, she awarded my dad full custody of all three of us, and then made my mom pay him child support. Oh, change.

Yeah, she's not okay with what was said in there. And then, unfortunately, very shortly after that, that was the summer. So it was probably July-ish. In November, my dad died. So it was a quick. Quick time with Daddy. That's it. Yeah.

I mean, we were with him already, but I'm saying once it got finalized and all this shit was like, we were finally like, okay, all this shit's done. Now we're with that. We can just move forward and then boom. How old were you when daddy died? 16. God. So are you kind of.

saying we had no parents. Yeah, we were all, we were the three kids. So the state moves us into this apartment where my mom lives. Yeah. And as I say in my stand up, my mom was nothing but consistent. She moved out. She went and lived with her boyfriend. And the three of us just stayed in this tiny-ass, uh, in the same bedroom apartment. And we got ourselves through school from 10th through 12th grade. And then she kicked us out with your own money. Well, we, because we were underage, my dad, um, we were minors. So we would get a. something from his work. It was Social Security or something like that.

So it was like, but the problem was my mom took out a P.O. box so that we couldn't get that one. She was drunk driving. Because our names were. Dude, I fucking love you. She went and got a P.O. box. Oh, she got it. I thought you said she just went out. Okay, okay.

So she wasn't drinking a driver. Got it. Thank you. And because the check had everyone's name on it, right. Anyone whose name was on it could cash it. Oh, so she made sure she got a P.O. box so that we,

because we would beat her home from work after school. So we weren't allowed to get that money. And she would give us $20 a week. That was it. My younger brother would get $10 because he didn't drive. That extra 10 was for gas. So we lived off of $20 a week. So I grew up living off of, you know, pizza and fucking fast food.

And a pizza's $6. out of a $20 week that my dad used to do that when I went to college that's what we but there's three of us give me 23 of you right so we each pitch in for pizzas so you were thin kids there was a we were athletes thank God wow but there was a American pizza it was called we they had to call our ID and we call and they go we know what you want we'll be there in a little bit and it was that and did they sort of ever give you discounts or throw on extra things because they knew you they were well then they would come and party at our fucking place Like we were the house party.

You know what I mean? They'd come over and they'd like, you went and everybody's drinking. There's a keg out back. Like, go ahead, do whatever you want. And they'd bring free pizza and all that shit. Oh, dude. It sort of sounds tragic, but it almost sounds in a way that you guys made it fun to a degree. I mean, we did.

We made the best of a fucking, the worst situation, I would say, for sure. Yeah, yeah. And all the parents knew us. Like, we were good kids. We were athletes. So the thing was, if we didn't show up at school, you don't pay. play. And sports were everything to us. So by default, we were good students and good kids, because if we weren't, sports is taken away from us. And at that point, that's all we

fucking had. But wait a minute. Sports requires a lot of energy. And three kids on 20 bucks a week. I mean, you got when you're already eating like a machine when you're going through adolescence. Add on to that, you're like sports junkies. How did you guys have enough fuel to to get through your sports. I mean, we just non-stop had junk food or, you know, it's all garbage. Nothing. I don't remember eating vegetables. Just like shoveling coal in a train.

Yeah, never, there was never a meal prepared. We would grill, we would grill, burgers, hot dogs, things like that. We had a little grill outside. Yeah. Nobody was cooking. Nobody was baking. You know, nobody was doing anything like that. There was no parent in the house to, you know, we didn't even come home to hugs.

I tell people all that to all that. all the time. We don't even come home to hugs. Like, fast food was fine. And McDonald's Cheeseburger was what fucking got you through the day. Yeah. I still, that's still the taste of their fake cheese is so good. Oh, it's so good.

God damn it. I remember there was, this is off topic a little, but there was a McDonald's new my high school. And one year, they did this thing where you got the, they gave out these little coupons. And then they would stamp them with this little red stamp that was the golden

arches, like a red ink, and if you had that, if you got it stamped four times, you got a free meal. Okay. So me and my cousin, Mary Pat, went into the McDonald's one morning, and when the lady turned around to get our food, we grabbed a stack this big and the stamp. Hell yeah. And we went in there for two months and had free fucking McDonald's. That's fucking great.

And I didn't play any sports. I just ate it in road, man. well listen buddy thank you for sharing that's that's some tough stuff and and you know mother that's what my whole podcast is that you've done and your episode is great by the way oh we had a riot it's a it's a it's a i mean it's a different episode you coming on and talking about animals yeah it's it really resonated with a lot it did oh good yeah i'd love to have you back but that's what of course the whole premise is highlighting the low lights so i want to tell them about your podcast. Yeah, I want to talk to you about the worst times in your life, you know, when, because that's

who you are. That's what I mean. Those times breaking through that, getting through that, still dealing with that, even though it might be 20 years in the past, you know, shit creeps up in different ways. So I want to talk, I'm so sick of seeing everyone's Instagrams. It's like a sports center. It's all highlights. I was always the guy when we went to the ball games. I loved watching those blooper videos. Seeing these superior athletes, up and stuff. It made me feel normal. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. So listening to people's traumas and the worst parts of their lives and seeing who they are and where they are now has just been,

it's been, it's been amazing. I had no idea people would come on and share some of the stories of the word. It's, it really defines people. And it was said to me once, there's every, every child or every human being, every adult had one moment in their life, in their childhood most likely one key pivotal moment where an adult, a parent, the mother or the father, maybe both said or did something to that child that affected them for the rest of their life. And it's a powerful thing to hear. And I think if everyone listening just thinks about that and goes through the chronology of

their life, I bet they'll find one moment where they just went, you know what? that time my dad said this made it changed the course of everything whether my dad or my mom said it maliciously or they said it by accident or it was a throwaway comment you know oh he's so stupid you know every person listening has that moment and someone someone confronted me with that once and it was uh i went i went down my life and i went oh wait that there was a moment maybe i'll save it for your podcast. Yeah, which I only had one.

Well, this is the thing. I was going to go deeper with you and ask you all about it and say, hey, obviously you have residual psychological issues from your mother, but that's a whole other podcast. Come on mine. Come back on mine. We'll go back on yours and do that.

Before we go today, though, we'll lighten the mood a little. We do this with all our guests. We have a little moment where we do a thing called words from a wooden shoe. Okay. And what you do, Ryan, Sickler, is you reach into this authentic Dutch clog from Holland. This is for real. You reach in, there's words or a word.

And it's not word association. What you do is you look at the word and if it triggers a story or a memory or a joke or anything, you can tell it. Words from a wooden shoe with Ryan Zachary Sickler. Zachary. Here we go. Read it out loud. The last time you cried. Wow, that's sort of appropriate.

The last time I cried. Okay. I cry. I'm a crier. Okay. I'm an emotional man. Good. I like that.

I would have to say the last time I actually cried. Let me think just for a moment. Because I know it's a movie or something I watch with my daughter, I'm sure, where I get all emotional or something like that. Up. Up. Have you seen Up? Yes. Man.

Beautiful movie. Yeah, that one gets me. The beginning part of it gets me. I think I want to say it was probably up or, um, might even been E.T. Oh, really? It might have been a little freak with the electric finger. She was like, is he dead? And then she got all upset and I was like, just.

And were you, were there water works? I was getting all up in here. Did she notice? Did your daughter notice? She knows when I cry. Yeah. Because I get all excited and proud for her. and stuff she's like dad you know she's already at that you know and i'm like come here i'm so proud oh my god

i'm so proud wow et destroying families up and et i would say yeah wow okay they get me movies get me a good a good fucking score under a powerful moment yeah i'm done there's something really good about crying at an emotional movie though like it's it's a good feeling because it remind you that emotion and human drama and human feelings and human interactions, when they trigger you, it makes you remind you that you're human. Like, I don't know those people. I don't know their story, but it's not even real. It's not even real, but it triggered me.

I'll tell you a little secret. I used to cry, and I actually loved it. I wouldn't do it in front of anyone, but I used to watch that stupid show Highway to Heaven with Michael Landon. And I'd say about 50% of them I would sit there and start weeping Like an old lady scraping psoriasis off her eyes All right, I got a couple for you

Yeah They're not the last time At times I certainly have remembered There was a great show on for a while Called Homicide Life on the Street It was a cop show Like NYPD Blue but set in Baltimore Yeah

There was a character in there Played by Andre Brower And he was a cop who believed in God and all this stuff, and then had a stroke and started questioning everything. Oh, wow. God, his place, whatever. Yeah.

And then when one of the police, he had committed suicide, I believe, so they couldn't give him a proper barrier or some shit like that. He could have got a gig on the San Francisco suicides. He could have. Yeah. So they ended up doing a sort of like a New Orleans-style funeral procession where they do a, you know, people are dancing with the umbrellas. Yeah, they do a wake and they, like, it's a, it's a celebration of that.

And they're walking the casket down the street in front of the precinct. Cajun style. And the dude that's like, I'm not going, I'm not going or anything, standing out on the fucking steps in his dress blues and starts saluting as he goes by and I just fucking lost it. Lost. I get goosebumps. Not lost. Like blubbering or just kind of like watery eyes?

No. You know, like that Denzel tear from Glory, where he's just looking with the straight face. Have you seen the sequel, Glory Hall? Is Denzel crying that one? Well, that's a whole different type of crying. Oh, that's both eyes, and it's at the Shell Station right down the street. Holy fuck. One of the most painful sequels I've ever watched, Glory Hall.

Unbelievable. It's at the Shell Station down the street. Yeah. seven, stall seven. It's one of the big ones. Yeah. I was at the glory. I actually went to the glory hole

to see it on the Star Tour thing and I slid a Snickers bar through it and I came back and there was some bull lips wrapped around it. What a good thing. Ryan, tell the folks where they can see you. Tell them about your, this guy's an amazing

stand-up comedian. We just did gig recently here in Hollywood. Tell the folks where they can catch your tour, your website, your Instagram, your podcast. When's this come out? I don't have to answer your questions. All right. This will probably come out.

Let's see. It'll probably be this coming Tuesday, sir. All right, Tuesday. So then if it's coming out Tuesday, you can go to Edmonton. I'll be in Edmonton this coming weekend. I'll be in Chicago in November and I'll be in Grand Rapids and D'S and December go to ryan sickler.com everything is there follow me on social media at ryan sickler and make sure you watch the honeydew and subscribe on youtube yeah check out his podcast gang i'm

tell you a lot of podcasts don't get as deep as as ryan's and it it's a blast and we had a really fun episode and uh we'll catch up and then when ryan comes back we're going to do the other half of the NFL teams the world deserves new names they need it uh buddy thank you for being here Thank you. As I say it, everyone, not really. I'll see you on the dark side of the moon, Pink Floyd. And until next time, everybody, cow lips and chicken chowmaine, baby.

You want to head down to the Shell Station? Yeah, let's go to stall seven. Thank you.