The Harland Highway - NEW HARLAND HIGHWAY #28 ADAM CAROLLA, Comedian, Actor

Episode Date: November 1, 2022

Funnyman ADAM CAROLLA talks life, death, ball creams, and truck theft! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You're riding down the Harland Highway. All right, hold tight on the Harland Highway Show. Harland Williams. Let me hit the theme music and off we go. Oh, listen to that guy. Is that the bare naked ladies? You're not even bobbing your head. It's like your music is dead to you.

I'm deep. I'm deep in musical thought. But most people, they do, and you're just like, nothing. I'm, I'm, every, every endeavor for me is a game of poker. I don't want to be red. Oh, so you're not, you don't want to give anything away. I should put my sunglasses on. I left them in the next room.

What, why would you need your sunglasses? I don't want to be red. I want you to read my pupils. Oh, I see. So this isn't going to be a game of cat and mouse here today. Oh, yeah. Oh, am I the cat or the mouse? You're the ultimate prey.

Really? Yeah. so that means you're the cap yeah wow do i have to do like mice teeth for the that'd be nice for the whole podcast half ladies and gentlemen welcome to the harland highway podcast and uh what do you think of my logo guy yeah very clearable like i don't know if anyone else has that really yeah i think you're good it's probably public domain harland highway you know wait a minute do i tech to little bit of jealousy. Is this the first part of the cat and mouse game here? Did I just make the first me gone? Did I just make the first move? No, it's a wonderful logo. It's a good logo, right? Yeah,

because it's done like on a highway sign. Right. And that's the theme of my, my podcast is, you know, we just go down the road and jump off all the exits and see what happens. So Adam Carole is here, everybody. So, God, man, your resume. Like, I want to say podcast. castor first and TV personality and comedian and race car driver and boxer and producer and movie produce I mean you you what don't you do Adam um I don't make beds really I discovered that about myself I'm just not good at it I don't like it I look as kind of a waste of time because we're going to undo it later on that night and I'm not a bedmaker so that that that is one of the things I don't do.

But don't think all the guys in the military say the first thing you do, the first sign of a smart, good, put together human being is a guy or a girl who wakes up and makes their bad first thing in the morning? What do you say to that full metal jacket? Well, those guys get $827 bucks a month. So I don't know if they're the brightest people on the planet. I don't know how much we want to mold our lives after guys who don't make $1,000 a month. But I do agree there are those habits like those tells where you know like I'll clean up my hotel room before I leave you will I won't make the bed but I will clean up I'll throw away a bottle I'll take care of this I just straighten up you know what I have the exact opposite and I don't want to sound boorish but

when I'm in a hotel room I'm like I've just alleviated myself of any responsibility to clean and be neat so when I leave there's the Papa John's box I leave it open with the crust the towels are on the floor the soaps everywhere like all the rappers that I had they're everywhere and I'm not trying to be mean but it's like I need that that's like a release you're perching I think it is it's almost my way of not going you know becoming a shooter or something mm you know so that's the only thing between you and a mass shooting well then I would say you should continue to do it for me there are other levels i need to get to before the mass shooting starts but if it's just the papa johns box then i think i speak for all of america

and most of law enforcement when i say continue on the path you're on harlan stay on that highway and when i say mass shooting i don't mean gunning down humans i'm too compassionate i love humans too much i'm talking like shooting up endangered trees oh okay maybe a a rare species of manatee, which sounds really mean, but you got to remember, I'm in the red zone. I'm enraged. I don't want her to see cow. Right. But if I got a gun, an endangered sea cow down to get the frustrations of society out of my system, what's a guy to do? No, I think anyone who's had a teenage son who, when the kid's feeling frustrated and pent up, you say, son, take it outside, shoot a sea cow, get your head together, and then come back and finish dead.

So that's good fatherly advice. It's sagely, it's been around for long as humans to be a sea cow. Should that be a bumper sticker to help in this dangerous, crazy world we live in? I think, you know, I have a theory, which is, here we go. If you would like your house not to be robbed, then you put an NRA sticker in the front window. Okay. Or a Confederate flag, depending on what neighborhood you live in. You know what I have in my house?

How many cats you have for the fire department? See, that'll get your house robbed. You know what? I have to prevent my house getting robbed. I'll let you finish, but I'm proud of this. You know, some people put the statues of an owl, like they have an owl to keep birds off their house. Sure.

To keep my house from getting robbed, I have a full six foot three statue of OJ. Oh, smart. In a football pose, in a tackle pose. See, I put a Korean liquor store owner on the roof with a long gut a real one or a statue oh it's just a statue not a maniac yeah okay yeah yeah because you know during the L.A. riots when the shit went down that's those guys stood their ground that slowed people's role those are the only guys that really like yeah like old time western Americans like

yeah you come on my property you're going to get it yeah okay I didn't let you finish sorry so oh the manity bumper sticker yeah it might prevent people from tailgating you or getting a little too aggressive on the highway. Yeah, but what if they're really like animal activists and they get enraged that you had the audacity to put, what was your slogan, shoot a sea cow? Yeah. Don't you think that's going to trigger like someone who works for the Rainbow Warriorship or Greenpeace? You know, certain parts of Florida, but out here in L.A., people are mainly going to be confused and leave you alone.

Probably because there's no sea cows on this coast. That's my point. It's too cold. Yeah. Okay. Okay. So there's some logic to your sea cow madness. Yeah.

There's a method. Have you ever been the victim of a robbery, your car or your house or anything? Back when I used to be poor and have to like park on the streets and Hollywood and, you know, and it was the 80s and people were stealing people's car stereos and cars were getting stuff. stolen a lot and stuff like that i got my truck stolen a couple times a couple yeah what kind of truck um it was an 84 nissan pickup truck and i'm sure they just weren't doing you a favor guy well uh to say that and truck in the same it was a durable mini pickup truck that uh what was the next rig a tonka i mean dare you well come on a nisson that's that's like driving

even around a lipstick. Mini pickup truck, very durable, economically, very strong, fuel efficient. I did a lot. I worked out of that truck for years. Can we just say you had it coming like you deserved to have that thing stolen twice? And if the first time wasn't a lesson, you probably should have learned it the second time. I put a fuel cutoff switch in it so they couldn't get very far. How far could they get?

About 100 yards, maybe. Oh, that's it. Yeah. Okay, because I was going to say, if it was a couple of miles, well, that's still a long walk. You could get maybe a mile or so after I shut the fuel off because there was still fuel in the carburetor float bowl, like a cup of fuel that would get you maybe a mile or two away. But I started to figure it out and I would reach down and shut it off a mile from my house. So it was pretty much out by the time I got to. front of my apartment.

Just so I'm clear, you had a fruit bowl in your truck. Float bowl. Oh, a float ball. Isn't that part of a toilet? It has a tank. A toilet has a tank. But isn't float bowl the thing in your toilet when you flush? That's the ballcock valve with the float above it.

Excuse me, Home Depot, Jr. Sorry. God. First we had Carl's Jr., now we got Home Depot Jr. Yeah. Wow. Okay. Amazing.

Well, it's amazing, but I prevented my truck from being stolen twice. You know, see, just hearing you talk like that, that's the one thing I wanted to ask you about because you're one of my buddies that I feel like you know something about everything. Like when I listen to your podcast, when I talk with you, it's like there's never a topic I can bring up and you don't know something about it, I feel like. I'm not a manatee's expert, but I do know something. Something about them. But you did defer immediately to sea cow, which a lot of people might not have.

So you knew something about it. You knew they didn't live on this coast as part of your strategy. I know more than the average person who was born and bred in North Hollywood about sea cows. Yeah. Then can I just like just random? And this isn't to try and trip you up. This is just I just, when I'm walking around the house and we're not together, if I'm making French toast or I'm flipping some pancakes,

and I'm thinking of my buddy Adam, I'm thinking, what doesn't that guy know? And so these aren't trick. I'm just going to throw a few randos at you. All right. And you let me know if, you know something about them, maybe you can, first one, just rando going back to aquatic sea life, horseshoe crab.

Is that? Oldest creature on the planet. See? Immediately. Only on the East Coast. You didn't even blink. No. Like you.

it is one of the oldest creatures living creatures on the planet but like the manatee east coast that's right i don't have them out here see who knows that you you i got to ask this up because i know this do you know what color their blood is no okay i thought you immediate they have blue blood well i would have guess it's something other than red yeah just because of the question but no i I won't be honest. I don't know. But just that you knew that they were one of the most primitive oldest. Okay, great.

I knew you'd know something valid. How about the hydrant collider? Is that how you say? The hardron collider. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, like Los Alamos type stuff, you know, where they're trying to get, I don't know, weaponized cells. Not weaponized, but.

They're trying to create energy from, I don't know if it's fission or fusion or whatever, whatever they're trying to do. But I've heard of the whatever collider. Yeah, the giant, it's a giant, giant loop in, uh, in France, on the border of France and Switzerland. But how come we don't, how come nothing yields, you know, we're back to coal and fracking? Like, where is our power plant? Yeah, right.

Where is this thing? Yeah. They built this giant thing. It's 17 miles. circumference it's 500 feet beneath the earth every almost every civilized country on the on the planet has contributed to it and we're still dealing with coal and and you know bp unleaded fuel yeah i i i it's been spoken about ad nauseum for a million years but no one's ever come out with that personal power or the power that's, you know, nuclear and then there's coal and there's

hydro and there's natural gas and all that kind of stuff. But this is the, this is the, would be the Manhattan project of power. Yeah. I don't, I don't get why we don't have that. I think what it does, it, it smashes molecules together and they're looking for ways to harness the energy that it's too complicated for me but i just yeah oh really i don't i've just heard about you knew it okay so that one's a little bit of a stump the collider yeah okay what about something in the same this is the last one because i'm just you know the uh the microwave for example

any any thoughts or we didn't have one when i was growing up okay that that's number one so i wasn't i wasn't able to study it up close i do my thoughts on the microwave is i like the ones that would be at the a m pm in the early 80s because they didn't have a timer they had a picture picture of a burrito picture of a hot dog picture of a corn dog or a taco and you just pointed at that yeah and i wish the home version had that i want that one that just has a cup of coffee that needs to be heated up or an hard-boiled egg that's going to explode or whatever it is. I or maybe you put your own pictures on there. You know what I mean?

Like yeah, you like, you know, chicken pot pie. So Harlan Williams would have a chicken pot pie, a little picture. No guesswork about is that six minutes or nine minutes. Yeah. Well, I'll tell you, an incredible time-saving device I came up with. With the microwave. Yeah. Okay.

I remember saying, you know, instead of put it in for 30, seconds and you press the three and they have to lift your finger and drag it over to the zero and press that just go 33 seconds yeah it's no different than 30 seconds and you save yourself all the time of having to pick your finger up and move it somewhere that's kind of brilliant yeah i shared that information with my son i was like listen boy i'm going to save you months of of manual labor don't put anything in the microwave for 33 seconds for 30 seconds put it in for 33 bing bing you never have to lift your finger what's an extra three seconds yeah and he said or i can just hit the button that says 30 seconds yeah and i was like oh those didn't exist yeah that's back in the day but somebody

figured this one out doesn't your microwave have the just where it says popcorn or like it says the word but it doesn't have the icon no what what you know what you Here is your microwave. Same as your Nissan? 1984, yeah. Dude, all the microwaves now, it actually set, like, it doesn't have pictures, but it has the words, popcorn, steak. Yeah, I'll show you later, down in the cafeteria.

Yeah, you know, I'll take your word for it. And now a little word from our sponsor, ship station. Holy smokes, the holidays are coming up, and we all have to do our shopping and our shipping and all that crazy stuff. You know how it works, all last minute. And if you have an online store and you want to get everything moving, you're buried in your orders and your emails

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Cheetah. That's right. It's crazy. So wait a minute. Wait. Tarzan. We got to look it up. Tarzan.

Yeah, you know about everything. Tarzan named the boy boy and the woman, woman. But the chimp wasn't called chimp. It was called another animal that's completely different. Yeah. What the fuck? But wait, he didn't call the woman woman. He called the woman Jane.

Oh, that's true. Jane. Yeah, you're right. So somehow he found a name, a proper English name from the English vocabulary, vernacular, whatever it is. The monkey gets a completely wrong species. Yeah. And the boy gets a generic boy.

Who is this Tarzeg guy? I feel this way about the ban, you two. Why? Because I feel like when they're checking into the hotel, you got Bono up there. And he's like, hey, I'm Bono. They're like, wow. that's a cool name and then the next guy comes up and he goes i'm i'm the edge and he goes yeah it's cool and then the third guy comes up goes i'm larry i go what the is his name larry yeah who's he the

drummer he's the other guy larry's the other guy he's named larry he has to go to parties and just say shouldn't you have a cooler name than larry yeah that's the worst that's what i think whenever i hear st louis if you ever been to st louis yes it's like there was there was no saint named Lewis That's like You're in the like Okay is there a saint Larry Yeah

You can't throw But that would be a cool name For the YouTube guy What St. Larry San Larry I'm Bono I'm the edge

And I'm the saint Saint Larry Yeah Yeah just Larry's like Yeah It worked for the three stooges But not for him Gross

Yeah Do you moisturize? No Are he cereal? Yeah you don't moisturize no i do not have you ever no should men moisturize do you think no why you seem offended that i asked that your your eyes glazed over you you kind of got a little angry it looked like what's going on i am a staunch proponent of moisturizing but you don't do it that's right

why and why you mad oh i should sorry staunch opponent i said proponent i meant those words are too close upon it. Yeah. I'm a staunch. Why? I think most of that or all of it is really just Procter and Gamble trying to sell American, dumb people stuff. Yeah.

You know, I get compliments sometimes from people on my skin. Mm-hmm. And they go, you don't really have any wrinkles and your skin feels soft. I let people touch my face all the time. And they go, what do you do? Do you moisturize? what kind of soap do you use? And I never wash my face ever my whole life unless I'm in the shower. Oh, yeah, even then I don't. Yeah. I rinse off. So what you're saying might have some

truth to it. Oh, there's definite truth to not over cleansing your body. That's for sure. You're just stripping away stuff your body's putting there. Your epidermal layers are chucking it out almost immediately anyways. But do you put any type of thinking? The reason I'm asking, and this might get a little creepy and we can switch gears like real quick if you want to give me some kind of signal like a twitch of your eye or a wink or something but sometimes when we do these podcasts

we get like endorsements right and this place called Manscape Have you ever? Oh yeah, I've heard of that. They sent me like a shaver but they sent me like a bottle of I've never seen this in my life like testicle moisturizer.

Oh really? Did you get any of that? No. Okay. Well, but I've heard of the product. I don't, first off, I don't, you know, it's like my daughter played volleyball. Okay.

And she played indoor volleyball. You said did. Did she lose her legs? She, well, I don't know if she's still playing now, but she plays indoor volleyball. Okay. You have to buy these super expensive volleyball shoes. You do? Yeah, even though it's played on a basketball court in high school.

Okay, yeah. They have basketball shoes. Yeah. They're cheaper and they're more abundant. But you have special shoes for volleyball, even though whatever LeBron James is doing on the court, don't you think the 15-year-olds could handle it with a basketball shoe? Yeah, I think so.

He seems to excel. Yeah. All I'm saying is stopping, cutting, jumping, hitting a ball. it's pretty much the same floor. It is the same floor. Why do we need a separate shoe? Yeah. That's Madison Aveshoe trying to make big money.

Madison Avis shoe? I just made that up. That was kind of cool. I almost went by me, but I caught it because we are in a game of cat and mouse and I'm not letting anything go by guy. That's right. Screw you. Yeah, they're just making.

Some Madden shoe go by. Your ball moisturizer is no different than the stuff you put on your elbows. it's the volleyball shoe of moisturizers. We don't need it. Okay, so you're not avoiding this topic. No, I'm just leaning in. The next place I was going to go with it, and this is weird because I don't normally like to talk about this stuff,

I tried it. Like I thought when I got the prior, this was about like a month ago, I got this little jar, and it's called ball moisturizer or something. They use the word ball in it. They're pretty brazen. So I thought it was sort of funny.

You ever golf? Yeah. You know those things that say ball washers? Yeah. Do not mess that one up. Oh. You're a guy's very literal with the ball commands, and I'm just saying. You stuff that in there and you're going to talk like Mickey Mouse for the rest of your life.

That's right. But I was like, I'll never use this. What a joke. Like, come on. I was going to throw it out. And I thought, well, they must have done some research or something. So I thought, you know. I was part of that experiment.

You were. Oh, yeah. You were part of Operation Ballback. I was placebo ball nut cream, so I don't know if it actually worked or not. Wow. Yeah. God, maybe I want to stop talking about this. No, keep going.

You want to keep ball. Your listeners demand answers. They want the ball talk. That's right. Okay, the balls in my court, I guess. So I tried this stuff. I hate to get graphic, but put some in the hand, you know, got under the hood, slapped it around.

Kind of felt pretty good. good. Yeah. It was sort of refreshing. Like, is that weird? Is it weird for two guys to even talk about it? I don't know, but I, it is, but I would, I would reckon that 86% of people who apply ball moisturizing cream beat off within the first 14 minutes.

I'm sorry. No. I'm not saying you're in that 86%. You could be in the 14 outlier. No, because it says it on the thing. It's like a, it, they kind of. I'm just saying how much moisture. you're going to put down in your nether regions before.

Here's the thing. Have you ever accidentally, like, got toothpaste or Vix Vaporub or Tiger Bomb on your little friend? When I was playing football in high school, I got some stuff that was 10 times as hot as the tiger bomb that was supposed to be put on my shoulder, but I ended up itching myself down there, and that was tough. Right? It goes down your uretha, like someone stuffed a fire-breathing dragon down.

your pee hole and told it to yawn that's right like it's like a dairy queen brazer burger down yeah so this this this this this ball cream has a little bit of a menthol kick to it guy yeah so i ain't i ain't going anywhere and near the little friend so it's just for the old wallies the ballies i get it's dedicated to the sack i'm just saying how long can you moisturize down there before the mind starts to wander. You can't, because if you get that minty, Baskin-Robbins, mint chocolate chip, that down in your urethaw, you are going to be like,

I'm not saying you use it. I'm saying it reminds you. Okay. That's all. Hey, everybody, who wants to have better sex? No, yes, yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex.

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Okay Would you ever use it as I get Doesn't sound like I think you might I you know the day is young Yeah Back now that I looked in your eyes You need a good ball cream guy Come on

You're like one of those holistic healers right Ballistic ballistic healers where you can tell just by looking at someone's pupils by whether they're nuts or moisturized enough right i can see a lot because as soon as you said cat and mouse game it's it's on i'm watching every little flicker and twinkle in your dolly part and eyes my friend thank you now speaking of complexion and moisturizing you were a boxer so how is it that you your face is not you don't look like you have the only remnants of a broken nose. I don't see any scar. But you were a boxer, right? Mm-hmm. So? A good head movement, weak opponents. Really? And the list goes on.

But most, would it be fair to say that most guys and everyone watching, what percentage of men, not boys, but men over 30, would you estimate have been hit in the face or taken a punch in the face in their lifetime in America? The same 86% that used the ball moisturizing. Now, I would say your average younger person, like 31, 35, probably no. I bet as you get older, I would say, that those people have experienced the punch in the face. Really? Because I feel like most men in their life have never been punched in the face.

I would say most men, yeah, I would agree with that. But the number gets higher, the demographic gets older. Because at some point, your teacher would punch you in the face, like if you're 63. Wait, what? Where do you go born, Quaker boarding school? I actually did go to a Quaker school in Pennsylvania. I went to a Quaker boarding school. That's why I said that.

Really? Yeah. Are you cereal? Look, my kids will never know what it's like. to be hit by a school teacher but people over 50 know what it's like to be hit by a school teacher wait did you you really went to a quaker school yeah me too just for one year i went for like three years and they hit us around man yeah they're tough so you really got hit around by your teachers no because i went in pre like i was like in kindergarten or first grade or something like that

i was young uh had i hung in i'm sure I would have taken a beating. Because I'm not kidding. My Quaker school, the teachers were brutal. They would smack guys that one of my teachers would walk up to guys. Grab this meat right under your arm. It's so tender. We had this one teacher. He would walk up and just grab guys and twist it. They would scream. There was one teacher that would sneak into the class and he'd come in, the students were facing the chalkboard, he'd come in and he'd just like go bang off the back of their heads. Yeah. It was crazy, man. Yeah. And I just thought, oh, this is, this is the way it is, you know? And then I, then I got out of boarding school and went to like a Catholic school and I was

like, you hit a kid and you're going to jail. But at my boarding school, it was like common, man. Really? Yeah. I'm not even kidding. Why a boarding school? Why did I go to a boarding school? look at me no my parents said it was because they wanted me to get a better education yeah but i i honestly think it's because they kind of i was the only boy out of uh five kids and i was a bit of a troublemaker and i think it was more to get me out of you know get me out of the way because i could have been trouble yeah and my dad was a politician And I think the last thing a politician needs is, hey, so-and-so's kid just stole a monkey from the zoo or something, you know. He was a solicitor general.

Yeah. So I think, I think that I was sent for ulterior reasons just besides getting a good education. Yeah, that went you out. There's no doubt about it. Wow. Yeah. Do you think, because you know, like I said, you know all things. Yeah.

So you think they wanted me out. For sure. would you send your kids to boarding school no why i like them so i wasn't like i'm not saying that i like when people say that i didn't say that it's so passive aggressive yeah so under yeah that's not what i said i said i like my kids yeah so i wouldn't send them to boarding school yeah yeah really yeah it was a bit drastic i got to say like one day my dad just like out of the blue didn't ask me he just said hey get in the car and I said where are we going he said oh we're going for a ride we drove to this this big like boarding you had the pillars and the we we drove like way north of

the of the city we lived in in Toronto and I go what is this he goes this is a boarding school you're going here and I said I don't what I don't all my friends my family what grade were you in this was just coming into grade seven wow yeah so seven eight nine holy crap it was pretty and my first instinct adam was like i'm running away from home like that was the first thing that went in my head but i was too little i couldn't right and boom suddenly i'm in this quaker boarding school yeah they did not like you really no no can you talk to them for me you think your parents are the quakers which which do you prefer i i think my agent represents the general Oates guy, the General Mills guy.

He was great in Poultergeist, too. Yeah, he was a great Quaker. One of the best. Remember when he came to the door? Let me in. Yeah. Oh, we had the heart and the teeth. Yeah, yeah. But what's it like for the guys that don't, that have never taken a punch or been in a fist fight?

Because I actually have thought about this a lot over the years. I actually, prior to Fight Club becoming a movie, I actually sat down and started to write a script based on the fact that most men in their lifetime in this modern society, I don't think I've really ever been in an all-out fist fight. And so my question is, what do you think it's like to like, you've taken a shot right to the face? What's it feel like? Does it just make you go numb? It doesn't hurt, I don't know, because you have adrenaline or whatever. It's really not about pain. But any shots behind the head will definitely throw the,

equilibrium off. Really? Badly. So a punch rate smack in the face doesn't just numb it out. Because obviously I've been, I've been punched before, but I haven't, I've never had a full, like. Was a chick wearing a ring or anything? Did it leave a mark? A chick.

I'm just assuming. Okay. Okay. Yeah. She was. I've been hit by a few women. You have? Mm-hmm.

Why? Because of the Nissan? I did. I had a girlfriend punch me. come on for what though tell me um i played a i played a softball game okay and i was supposed to come home after the softball game and um you know go out to a movie and a dinner whatever but instead we just left the softball game we went to a bar you and the boys yeah we just hung out for too long and by the time i got home i was in any good condition to go out to a movie yeah

So I lay down on the bed and then still in my softball uniform. And then she walked into the bedroom and she said, stand up. I thought, okay. I stood up and she just punched me and I just fell back in the bed. She clocked you? Yeah. Where'd she hit you? In the face.

Whoa, dude. I remember thinking to myself, good. Because you could end it. That, like, good because that gave you. the door to end the relationship or you like to no no it gave me the door to win the argument you know now we weren't going to have to argue about why i didn't come home she'd feel bad for punching me oh smart worth it you know what i mean i was like you drunk she punched you in the face who cares i remember that was my thought but is that is that the same route that happens with abusive men

like once it starts you know they say with with men who beat women if it happens once it's going to keep coming did did she hit you again no no that was her last beat down why because you left her or you told her like don't do that again like how did you resolve that no i didn't tell her that i didn't mind or i didn't i didn't think much i had no thoughts about it really like honestly i was i was glad to not argue over my wrongdoings and to put the focus on her wrongdoings. So the minute that that contact was made, the energy shifted from you being the culprit to her being regretful. Yes. And wanting to pamper you and go, baby, I'm so sorry I'm like that type of energy. The energy was she felt bad for punching me in the face. And so now the onus,

It'd be like if a cop was pulling you over and he, like, walked up to the window and went like, hey, you had a few drinks tonight, whatever, and like a joint fell out of his pocket onto the ground or something you both just looked at it. Yeah. He'd probably just get back at his car and leave, you know what I mean? Like, that's what you'd want out of that experience, you know? I don't know if I'd be that lackadaisical about it. I think you're making me think about it now.

Yeah, you're still with her, aren't you? Yes, we are. she's out in the car really oh yeah isn't it better not be the nissau dude i got an 86 now god no i never thought about her punching me in the face i was never offended about it and i never had any thoughts about it other than a sense of relief that she punched me but i never really thought about my wiring to be upset or leave her or say like how dare you i just i never thought about it. See, that says a lot about you. And if you were my son, I'd probably immediately send you to boarding school at that attitude. The Quaker school. Quaker, I barely know. Where was that?

Quaker, are you cereal? But wait a minute. Now, this goes back to the boxer in you. Was this? Because I got to break this down now. I've been hit by people who know how to punch. So you'd experience. So when your woman punched you in the face, it was just like in your head you're like you call out a punch did you have that thought or were like it probably didn't resonate with you because you were used to it it was familiar the violence to your face was familiar facial violence yeah yeah i i i was buzzed i didn't hurt that much now now there's a new element in this violent story now the violent story involves uh illegal substances what are we talking here guy dark heroin we're talking going

out after her softball and drinking beers well that's it so you you were buzzed on what kind of beers though i'll say mulson just because you're Canadian beer okay so so when you're buzzed you can kind of take the hit a little easier mm-hmm okay mm-hmm how old were you when this happened 56 you're 56 now I was um 26 27 maybe 26, something like that. Still friends with the beater, with the girl? No, she moved, she was from England and then she moved back to England. Oh, she gave you a right pop a slap, did she?

Yes, she did. Oh, you had it coming, mate. Mm-hmm, I did. If you were a dog, which she probably thought you were, what would be the, what would be, if you could have one trait of a dog, like one thing that a dog does and you could be human what would it be that you would consider an asset or a gain to you as a human being I think an unbridled enthusiasm for something that was mundane and repeated on a daily basis oh that's interesting that's really interesting because dogs can just they do that they actually sort of thrive on that don't they? Yeah, I got a big 110-pound lab, black labs, names Phil, and he gets up in the morning

and I go, Phil, when you didn't eat, which just means time to eat, his tail starts wagging real hard. He trots, you know, to the bowl. He's excited about a bowl of kibble that he eats twice a day every day for the last five years but he's equally excited about the opportunity to get some of that tasteless kibble in his mouth once again even though it's just a weekday it's just another two scoops of kibble and in his his excitement about it is just unbridled so that leads me to ask is there's something in your life that you're not as excited about that you wish you were more excited about that that is doing repetitive doing this podcast for instance yeah one of the right things where i was like god yeah it's the other direction for my house oh boy but uh that's yeah you get to get up

yeah i get to get up and do what i want to do all day every day but you do so much of it that it kind of feels like a chore at some point or at least the the bloom is off the rose you know yeah but if you really just thought about it you know it's pretty exciting to lead the life that I lead or if not exciting at least super fortunate I mean considering what I used to do for living you know as a carpenter driving around my 84 Nissan pickup truck the idea that I just get to sit and talk and get paid It's a pretty, I mean, it would have been a pinch me and not by your horrible teacher. Pinch me, I must be dreaming situation. If I was sitting on a construction site and, you know, 1992, and you said, this is what you get to do.

I would have been like, that's insane. Yeah. What is that job? Yeah. And now it's like, yeah, you get up, you go in. And I don't dread it or anything, but I wish I was a little more like Phil, my dog, you know, tail wagon, trotting. yeah yeah pumped up what what is it you can do to like pump it up more is there anything or is it kind of in in its flow or is there anything you can do to i think you have to have like a near-death

experience every 11 days really yeah yeah have you ever wanted to die like not suicide but have you ever had a moment where you're just where you're just like fuck i wish i was just dead and i know it's a morbid question but you made me think of it it's really weird yeah i have I have had those fleeting thoughts when too many people are coming at me and life's a little overwhelming and you've got a thousand emails or people need answers and you just think, man, I could just not be here. Yeah. Yeah.

So it'll be a lateral move for us. Yeah. I used to get that. Like, when I was doing stand-up comedy and touring a lot, at the beginning of it, I just put it all in the hands of my manager. and so they planned all the travel. Sure. So if I had to go to like Minneapolis or Cleveland or whatever,

my manager would throw the travel arrangements to his assistant, who was a kid just out of college. College kids don't have a lot of money. So he'd map me out these routes where it's like four flights to get to Cleveland for $120 instead of getting me the direct flight for $600. Because in his mind, he's thinking economy. I've said this many times because this has been my path as well. I feel your pain.

The thing is when the person who's the person who's making the travel plans, when they're getting on an airplane, when they're actually doing it, completely different mindset than when you're doing it on Sunday morning and they're sleep somewhere back in their West L.A. mansion. You know what I mean? I've had that a million times. and it's always our fault because we never check it until that day. Yeah.

And then you go, why didn't we get a direct flight? First off, I can't get a direct flight from LAX to Vegas. Yeah. No, you have to stop in Merced. It's like, I didn't even know they had an airport. And then you're like, why are we doing this? And they're like, because it's $4 cheaper. But we have you leaving at five in the morning.

And you're like, why did you do this? But then you also realized if you looked at the stupid itinerary two weeks ago, When they emailed it to you, you would have stopped then, but you never do. And then you go, what the hell is going on with this? And then you realize it's a real basic thing. It's like they're not traveling. You're traveling. Right.

They're trying to save. First off, they don't care. They just want to save money. Yeah. Number one. Number two, you waiting in the lobby at 5 a.m. It's neither here nor there to them because they're not going to be there. So there's just a ton of that.

Yeah. And that's the dilemma I, because I didn't even know that there were different routes. When I got started, I was in a way of thought, if someone booked me from L.A. to Cleveland and it took four routes, I just went, oh, I guess that's all they offer. Right. And I'm telling you, Adam, between getting up early, like at four in the morning, getting on that flight, going to the next flight, the next flight, the next flight, spending all day to go what a direct flight would do in six hours. you're now doing in 12 or whatever. There were times between that and getting in a taxi or parking going to the busy airport, there were times when I'd sit on that plane. I don't get depressed easy. I don't get bummed out.

But there were times when I'd sit on that plane and I swear to God, I just be like, please crash. Please crash. That's a little selfish because other people are celebrating honeymoons and anniversaries and stuff. I know. A girl's soccer team behind you. You're like, please crash. But we're going to the championship in Cleveland.

Direct. Now that I think of it. Well, that's my manager's assistant's fault. Then you would get on stage. Yeah. And then the audience would go, God, I wish the plane crash.

But you were free at that moment. And had the plane crashed, you wouldn't have had to be at this stupid flight. But isn't that weird? Like I've never had thoughts like that, but I would literally, it would get me so anxious and bummed out. And I'm thinking, gee, look at all the crap going on in the world. And a tough flight to Cleveland is my biggest problem.

But sometimes it's the dumbest little things. And I would just be like so, like, get such a dark cloud. I just, please, just crap. Like, it's horrible. I'm glad I wasn't a seatmate. I'm sure you're in the middle seat. No. No.

coach oh yeah the guy would put me in the word seat on top of it yeah put you in the middle seat and coach and then you're just sitting there going please dear god can this plane crash and then i'd be like how about you just like OD on volume once or volume once you get out the plane i would be like why do i have to be part of this well i wasn't thinking for everyone else to perish But I guess now that you say that by association, my death wish would have involved 250 other completely innocent people. Unless there was a miraculous commercial airplane crash when it's like the news hit and there was a horrible crash on Southwest Airlines. Only one comedian was killed. Crew, passengers all walked away except for Harlan Williams.

The plane crashed and only one. One seat bounced out of the fuselage, went down a cliff and it was me. And the look on his face when they found him was, ah, he looked like he wanted it. Sweet relief. Yeah, I don't like when they do that thing where you're at their funeral and they're like, he's gone to a better place.

Yeah. I'm like, oh, but we're still living here. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, and my feeling is, I don't even need to go. I just need to go to a place that's not as bad. It doesn't really have to be great. You know,

I mean, yeah. Bakersfield's nice. What about Fresno? Yeah, he's noticed we both said Fresno. Yeah, because I probably played Bakersfield and then Fresno. Yeah. Yeah. Have you ever been in, and I, stop me if this is too personal.

I don't know if your folks are still with us or not. Mm-hmm. But my mom passed about six years ago. Mm-hmm. And I, for the life of me, still don't really understand the open casket concept. Because the last time I saw my mom, I flew up to Canada, and we knew she was going. She had lung cancer, and she was in, you know, the hospice and all that stuff. And so I went up for my final visit with her.

And I said my goodbyes. And, you know, she was obviously still alive and still had some life in her eyes. And we had some conversations. But then you go to these funeral parlors, and there's this open cast. I don't know if this sounds too cold or not, but I refused to look at her body in the funeral home because I didn't want to remember someone laying there. I wanted to remember her being alive,

and my last visual memory of her was when we were interacting. And if you don't want to talk about it, I get it, but did you experience anything like that, or have you with someone close to you? No, because my family is very weird and very cheap, and they're all like either in the Neptune Society or they gave their body to UCLA to be someone's cadaver or whatever. So when anyone, my family died, they just left.

So you didn't have like a big funeral where everyone showed up? We didn't have a small funeral. They were just like donated to science. Yeah, well, the Neptune Society, which my grandparents were in, they just come pick you up. Were your parents mermaids? No. What do you mean? The Neptunes Society.

The Neptune Society. Yes, I've never even heard of this. This is like a leap beyond the Quakers suddenly. Talk to me, guy. You could sign up like, you know, when you're 40. Underwater? For 40 bucks. And you're a member.

It's like Costco? When you go, yeah, they'll come get you. What? and they'll cream at you and throwing in the ocean. Are you cereal for? Yeah. Wait, the Neptune Society. They're going to,

they're, so I could potentially one day shoot a sea cow and it might have ingested your ashes. It's unlikely. Wait, I think I just stumped you. It's mathematically possible. That was officially a stump right there, bro.

I had to think about the odds. I think I'm in the lead. I think, I responded honestly by saying it would be an unlikely scenario. But I'm going to play back. There was a really long stump you pause. There's a great clip where some senator was talking about the island of Guam or something. And he's talking to some four-star admiral or something.

And he's like, but if you put too many troops on the island, is there a chance it could capsize? And he like paused. And he was like, we don't think that's likely. he wanted to yell you're the dumbest person in the world but he's like he paused and he goes we don't anticipate that scenario that the island would capsize but it was a real question for like a sitting senator from like 1992 or something but that was kind of my answer to the manatee eating my ashes and then you killing it sure sure we don't anticipate I think I'm going to take it as a point okay all right I mean, if you can get one in before the end of this podcast,

but I'm in the lead because of that. Okay. I just want to say, for the record, I'm officially in the lead in this cat and mouse game. Yeah. One, I'm up one guy. Oh, right. You don't get to work.

Yeah, well, as long as you're keeping score and umpiring, you may have an advantage. I mean, you don't even need an umpire. That was obvious, that giant pause. You're right. I mean, you caught me off guard. That was like Dolly Parton. cleavage right there yeah now go back because i've i've never heard of this neptune society so that

you join for 60 bucks when you die they show up in what a van take your body a station wagon my grandfather's case yeah a station wagon take your body where to the crematorium and they to a ferrilles and the ferrilles did ice cream to the to the place where they cremate you. Yeah, yeah. Not a creamery, the crematorium. The crematorium, yeah, which is not to be confused with a creamery. Okay. Right. Like, I don't want a mint chocolate chip like earned on my shell. No, no chunky monkey. Yeah, we don't want that. No. So then they take your remains out to the ocean. Can you, can you request a body of water? Can it be Lake Michigan? Can it be the Caspian Sea? Can it be the dead sea? Can it be the dead sea?

sea, which would be very appropriate. Could be the Sea of Galilee, but you've got to pay more. I've been there, by the way. Have you? Yep. Sweet. Isn't that wild? I was at the Sea of Galilee, which reportedly Jesus walked across. Oh, yeah?

Isn't that the body of water? Didn't you walk across? I did walk on water, but I don't remember which body it was. You're the one I went to a Quaker school. You probably have a handle on this. But you did too. That was six, though. You know, I just realized, we're just a couple of Quakers hanging around. That's right. That's right.

How fun. They would take you to the nearest ocean and dump you. So you don't have a say, and let's say you're from the south now and you all want to get dumped in the Mississippi River and flow down there where the catfish go, son. I mean, you want that and then they go dump you in the Atlantic Ocean up by Boston. I mean, that's not right. What accent was that? I don't know, but I'm guessing you could.

make a request well shouldn't you you're paying for it it's a service well i was to say they don't flush you down the toy go well you did make it to the water yeah they they might where was he buried oh the staple center uh mens room stall four right first they passed it through the glory hall and oh well that's grandpa nan that we're talking about well that that's what you're dealing with They, I guess you take them at their word that they're going to go to the ocean and dump. They're going down the toilet. They're going down an industrial home depot sink. They're going down a drain in the floor of like a jiffy loo.

They're not, they're not, it's not an elegant end. There's no one in a white robe sprinkling them into the frothing surf at sunset down by the palisades. Yes. There's some janitor and blue overalls shaking. it like cinnamon into a fucking toilet, a jiffy lobe. Yeah, happy trails there, uh, Gramps. I like the idea that three and a half minutes ago you've never heard about the Neptune Society. Now you're explaining a great deal, the inner workings of the Neptune Society and their policies as well. I'm not buying into it. When you mentioned, I thought this might be for me,

but when you said that you don't know where you end up, up a body of water water is water i said you end up sprinkled over the open sea yeah but you said you don't have control over what sea well one doesn't no but but but presumably the next of kin would have some you know what i've always wondered too about death and these zombie shows like the walking dead speaking of larry going circling back to larry which could officially be a second point because of the master, you know, maneuvering. I always wondered in these zombie shows and in the Walking Dead 15 seasons.

Everyone's so afraid of the walking dead people. How come they didn't write in just one necrophiliac who's up in a window and this guy standing there naked and he sees 700 corpses walking down his street and he's just like, oh yeah daddy's going to party deny I don't know if you have a lot of listeners in the South Harlan

but you've done them a great disservice by this great graceful characterization of folks who make their home in the southern part of this country that was just Larry the necrophilia you know you can

waltz in here and insult some of the hardest working people and I don't Yeah I didn't See there you go again

But wouldn't that be a necrophiliac's like dream There's dead people everywhere Well Speaking of the Neptune society But I don't know if you're a necrophiliac If you know the person trying to take a bite out of you During Lovemaking is something you're looking forward to

I think you're looking for a more docile partner A necrophiliac wants a dead person to have sex with, right? Mm-hmm. So what if you're used to going into the morgue, you go into the funeral home after hours, have a little fun, throw around a 69, whatever. But now here you got a stiffy who's got a little animation in their bones.

They got a little life. You can actually, you know, feel a little something coming back at you. So this is like if you're a pedophile and you found a 13-year-old with a fake ID. I had never thought of it in those terms, but maybe... I think this is what you're describing. No, I'm talking about a necrophiliac is a guy or a girl who likes to do it with ditties, stiffies. Understood.

I mean, they would love the zombie apocalypse. But you never, what I'm saying is you never see that character in these zombie shows. Like Larry, the necrophiliac is going to go, hmm, I know, they're going to party to not. I know one of the head riders over. You do? And he did tell me that on season 16, the guy's not named Larry, but they're having a necrophilia.

Are you serial? Mm-hmm. No, I'm Quaker. Mm-hmm. God. Yeah. Wow. I mean, his name's Terry, but I probably shouldn't say anymore.

Close to Larry. Yeah. Maybe you get another point for that one. Isn't it weird, though? Like, if you don't do the Neptune thing, though, Adam, that the last person that kind of physically interacts with your body is just someone you don't know, a mortician who has access to your whole human flesh,

and then all is access to it. I think at some point they're like siphoning out organs and the meat that corrods quickly and then injecting you with embalming fluid. Like most people probably don't think about that final ending is they're kind of being sort of put on display. is it yeah i think i think that's why you have to speak cremated yeah they're like does that freak you out the part where you're embalmed and stuff yes i that seems very archaic isn't it we yeah the fact that we still even do that what are you what are you going to do when you go uh

i'd like to i'd like to earn some money for my family oh okay because you know they're not going to have the breadwinner around anymore so and i'd like to kind of figure out a way to get paid for dying after yeah like one last gig after death oh i think i know where this is gone stunt stunt work oh okay i thought you're going to say body works no because that's what i'm doing i'm doing stunt well i'm doing body work because i'm a showman and body works is that thing they take around in the museums and they pose the cadaver yeah yeah and so i'm going to be uh posed on an Italian bachi ball team. Just stripped down, just my anatomy.

And they'll pay you for that. Yeah, and I'm going to have a bachie ball, and I'm not going to be playing a bachi. Yeah, we're almost an Italian name, Harland. Oh, yeah. So, you want to be on my bachy ball team? No, I'm not inviting you to be on my bachie ball team. You can make some money being on.

I got to check how much, but I'm pretty much set with the stunt work. I think you'll make a lot more traveling to prominent museums around the country as a stiffy playing boccey ball. I don't know if those guys get to keep hammering checks, but I'll look into it. Have you ever seen the posters for those things? Ever seen a dummy fall off the roof of a building and how fake it looks?

Yeah. Well, not this time. Oh, really? So, oh, so you want them to throw your cadaver off the building. Well, you get two choices. At least they don't need to spend money on an airbag. You get the weird limp dummy that falls off. Yeah, it looks horrible.

Or you get the actual stuntman, but he falls behind the barrier onto an air thing. You don't see him hit. You never see him hit. This is human flesh hitting sidewalk. Oh, wow. Filmed all the way down. What's that movie, that horror movie that came out a few years ago called Summer Fest or something about, did you ever see it?

The kids, they went to this, like this Danish flower festival. I heard about that. And these two. leaders of it like jump off a cliff and you just see it and they land right and it looks so real. I almost wonder if it was real. Yeah, they got different laws over there in Europe. Yeah, you're allowed to kill yourself for a movie. But have you ever seen the posters for the bodyworks things?

They put the banners all in. They go, body works. And then they have like, like they have these stripped anatomical. And I said it's all red and line. I thought it was a sushi restaurant. and I showed up at the place and tried to reserve the table for two on a date and it was unbelievable I thought it was like sushi we may deduct another point for that did I just go back to zero you may yeah you may be so we're even again well like in jeopardy

you know what I mean you screw the pooch on the daily double yeah but you got to admit that they do when that anatomical body with no epidermis It does look like sushi a bit. Do I get a little something? I agree, but there may be a deduction there. I don't know. I'm going to consult somebody about that. I never thought about that job, but you're right.

That could be a moneymaker because you do the stunt thing. A, you go off once. Why are you doing bachi ball? Why not stand up? That's a good idea. Up there. Just a guy holding the mic. Hold on the mic.

You know what I mean? Yeah. I went to it. You did. And I love horror movies. And I go to this thing in some city. I was bored. So I go to Body Works.

And they've got these cadab... These are real people. For whatever reason, there was a guy riding a horse, like a full-blown cadaver of a horse with all its flesh peeled and skin peeled off, a soccer player. And then the worst one,

and I actually left. I got queasy. They had one of a woman and she was cut in hair. half okay they cut her right down the middle showed the cross section but not only was she cut in half she was pregnant and had a fetus in her stomach and the fetus was cut in half hold on i'm going to grab some nachos i'll be back in a second dude i was like what that hell i was like well that's on you no it's on that's like i came here to see what are you going in there for i was

cure i thought it was a sushi thing there's no batting cage or go or go car track or something nearby you had to go in and see all the cadavers it was been put to a band saw i felt sick you know sometimes people go to disneyland every day you get those weirdos yeah i wonder if geoffrey dalmer went to bodyworks every day and just salivated i feel like he was around before they were around yeah but he could have been one of the early investors if they were looking definitely they're looking for cash because he's probably telling him now you're not doing it right that I've seen the ads. Yeah,

it's like when I see an ad for a megachurch or Scientology or something. I don't go, oh, the siren song. Like I'm a lured now. I just look at it and I go, not for me. I know.

I mean, it's like when people, a few years ago, remember they're talking about puppetry of the penis? Yeah. I didn't go in. No. I got it.

Yeah. I saw it by accident because they had it at the Montreal comedy festival so i you know when you're there you see all the acts oh i saw them and it i never wanted to go either but when i thought you're going to go in and get some brots some guy waving his ball sack around by the way which could have used some moisturizer i'm sure oh callback the table is even set you up like a bowling pin harland a botchy pin sorry um you saw puppetry of the penis yeah yeah it was it was actually sort of of funny and amusing. It got tired after about three minutes, you get it. But the first like three

minutes, you're like, this is never been done before. I've never seen it. Okay, credit to that. How do they present it? They come out and they're nude and they've got coverings and these Australian guys and then they just start doing different like things you can do with it. You can see their faces and everything. Oh yeah. And they're, they're, they're ham and it's kind of like a mixture of origami animal balloons oh i saw these guys in Vegas and they called himself uh blue balls yeah yeah that's blue man group blue balls grew i was just shooting for a point that's all no you definitely didn't get one but you might get a point when we close the show adam we do a thing called words from a wooden shoe and the way this works is you reach into this authentic dutch clog there's random words in here

And if it inspires a memory or a story, this is how we end the show out. So pick a word out and what's it say? So saliva. Saliva. Saliva. Inspire any memories or stories? I was kind of always been a mouth breather. Oh, me too. Yeah, I have a deviated septum. I think I have a deviated septum too.

Probably the boxing. And I always had my mouth hanging open even when I was a little kid. And there used to be a lot of abuse for breathing through your mouth. Like, hey, you're going to get a fly in there. Come on, get that mouth shut. I don't know why dads, other people's dads, invested in me closing my mouth when I was breathing. But I couldn't really, was uncomfortable to breathe through my nose.

Yeah. So I just hung my mouth open. Yeah. And then people thought I was dumb because when you breathe from your mouth, somehow it's an indicator of a lower IQ. you, and then I tended to drool a lot, because when I was really little, I couldn't control it, you know? Even now, when I sleep as a mouth breather, I will occasionally puddle up the pillow. Really? So, you know, you're that thing where you fall asleep on your side and you're breathing through

your mouth next thing, you know, you realize, oh, geez, my face is stuck to the pillow because I've been drooling out the side of my mouth. But, yeah, saliva reminds me of being yelled out. to shut my mouth not because i was talking just because i was breathing and for some reason at least here in the states the most entertaining take they could take on the mouth that could give to the mouth breatherers you're going to get fly in there which i don't think ever really happened yeah but uh there are other occasions where one would open their mouth when no one accused them of trapping a fly you know but i was a mouth breather I'm thinking about breathing through my nose.

And I drooled. Wow, interesting. Yeah, I'm a mouth breather too. I have a crazy deviated septum. And if you go to me, go to a movie with me or not with me. I've had people, I sit there in the movie and I'm like, and I sound like Darth Vader. Yeah.

I've literally had strangers like halfway through a movie, just do this to me. They just go. Like they, like. And I'm just like, it's just like horrible. Well, what I realized is I couldn't breathe and eat at the same time. So I did a lot of eating with my mouth open and people would yell at me.

Like, what are you doing? I'm like, I'm breathing and eating. God. And they'd be like, shut your mouth. You're so rude. I learned when I was older to kind of shut my mouth when I ate,

but I used to just like, chew and just eat and breathe at the same time. And people hate it. me for that and the worst thing of all you ever do this you're sleep all night you're a mouth breather and you wake up and your tongue is completely dry cleaving to the roof of your mouth right it's just dry and you you wake up and it feels like a camel did a turd in your mouth you're just like what is that yeah because you're not when are you when do you ever feel your tongue bone dry it never happens but when you wake up and it's dry it literally feels that you think someone snuck in

your room and stuck a potato in your mouth yeah So that same sensation. Which I'm glad neither of us did to each other today because what a great talk. Well, it was an enchanting talk. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Well, buddy, before we go, can you please tell the audience how they can watch you, watch your fabulous podcast, get your social media, any of your projects you want to plug? I got a book out called Everything Reminds Me Something and you can get it wherever you get books and you go to out.

Adamcroll.com for any live appearances or podcasts or, you know, it's all there. But Adam's podcast, the Adam Carolla show is one of the biggest, the best, one of the earliest. Adam was one of the pioneers of the whole podcast era and just an all seriousness, buddy, an inspiration to me. Well, thank you. Yeah, honestly, you're one of the first guys that grabbed this medium, even before Joe Rogan and everybody, and you made it into a real thing. And you've had me on your podcast all these years.

And you've always been a really big inspiration. And that's part of why I'm doing this. And so I'm honored to have you here. And to show how honored I am, I'm giving you the win. Oh, no. For the cat and mouse. I think people listening are going to realize that you should have your hand lifted after this. So.

Meow. Buddy, that's it for today. ladies gentlemen Adam Carolla check out his podcast it's fantastic get his book go see him do stand up

go to his website Adam great to have you here buddy thanks Arlen you're very welcome thank you and that's it for today everybody and until next time chicken chow main baby

thanks I'm really thinking about getting flushed when I die thanks to you I think a whiz. Oh, oh, I see. Piss on my ashes, huh, guy?

Wow, it's right behind you in there. Gee. Unreal.