The Harland Highway - NEW HARLAND HIGHWAY #31 - DANE COOK, Comedian, Actor

Episode Date: November 8, 2022

My comedian buddy DANE COOK is here to discuss time travel, his comedy journey, and our history together. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You're riding down the Harland Highway All right, hold tight on the Harland Highway Show Harland Williams All right, here we go, ladies and gentlemen. Here's the theme music. You are on the Harland Highway podcast. Yeah, point to it. Feel free to point.

You can want to touch it? No. You can touch, you want to. I don't want to knock something down. Finger bang it. Finger bang the logo, Dane. oh yeah you just went to third base with my logo oh you dirty heavy petting menu you just finger fuck the logo is that a first this looks I've never finger fucked a logo before but this looks great

man and I'm very happy to be here wild this is exciting to be with you harland it's exciting to be with you we've got a lot of history and we're going to get into it a little bit today we should but before we start anything and I know I know you is this an ad is this ad placement already before we start it could be for you here's my very first question because i've always wondered and i know i don't even know the answer but you have a question that you don't know the answer too we've known each other for millennials i know millenniums aren't it's not a group of people i think that's what they call the next yeah like we're not a part of that apparently well then let's take what we know what we are and ram it into a brick wall and a van let's ram it into this ram it into a logo

Oh, finger-diddling. God, you're almost like a priest. The way you did that, it was very priestly, bro. I will forgive you of your sins in this regard. I will forgive me of thy logo. All right, stop doing that. It's funky. Oh, smell your fingers.

Why, did you paint it? No, it's got logo taint. No, mine smells like the moisturizer that I used before I came. Wait, you have a question for me that I'm, this is breaking news because I think that we know each other very well. But this is something I don't know. What is a Dane-Cook? Cologne-like. Like, you know, all these celebrities make a scent?

What's your scent? Like, if you could slap together ingredients, what does this Dane cook? And what's the name of the fucking thing? Okay, first of all, it's called Splash. Oh, little Daryl Hannah. I'm not done yet. It's Splash and Dash.

It's the name of the set. And when you're first put on, it's got, like, it's got mint. There's a bit of a mint. And then it kind of almost like, it almost subsides. into like a cold stone creamery, uh, cake batter with Oreo kind of mix. It would have to change as the day goes on because that's really what people think of me is I'm a random

individual. And so the scent would have to probably coincide with my, dude, Jeffrey Dahmer would eat you in about a minute with that stink on you. Have you watched that by the way? I started to. Can we not talk about that? I just, I tuned out. I can't know. It was, it was like, it just got boring because it was like, why am I supporting this creep? It was really, yeah, it was unsettling to a point where you really couldn't enjoy eating your meal, which I probably shouldn't have done at the beginning of it. Oh, you were eating while you're watching Dahmer? Yeah, and I'm a meat eater.

And so I had myself a little steak over there from Boa and I found myself cut into it at exactly the right, wrong time. Just to get into the theme of the show, did you dress your steak up in a little outfit and then undo it? And this, like, maybe it was, like, a little human or something? I would, uh, no, it was nude when it hit the plate. It was nude, okay. Restly shamed, yeah. Anyway, it's splash and dash.

Look for it. It's going to be this, this fall, which is we're in. It'll be out in about 10 minutes at, uh, Macy's men's store, splash and dash. Well, I'm going to tell you what's in mine, but I'll let you name it because I don't have a name for mine. I like that. But I think mine has a little, because I like to be dangerous. So, my, and speaking to see, I have a little hint of Charles Manson. Okay.

Maybe a little hint of lasagna. Mm. And then maybe, have you ever sniffed a roller coaster seat at Dollywood? Like, have you ever put your nose down? I've not had that experience yet. But I think by proxy, I kind of know the pungent wafting that you're talking about when people are getting off the ride. Is pungent a race of people, by the way? way or is that it's just a word no that's uh pigmies pig me okay well that i'm gonna can i add that

to it yeah so charles manson lasagna yeah the stink of a roller coaster seat at dollywood okay and pigmy reek okay and what's it called can you name it for me yeah we're gonna think about that uh we're gonna call that um we're gonna call that um it's like i think i have the first part of it wait it's called uh fuck it's called no okay no no it's called it's called i like that because i have something around the manson it's called uh like fist fist jim mcgillicuddy is what it's called fist jim mcgillicuddy is the name of the sense so it's got a little scottish in it a little manson because you know his real last name was mcgillicuddy it was no dude no of Of course not.

First rule of improv, man. Oh, dude. Manson McGillicuddy and his dad actually own the amusement park with the... Tollywood. Yeah. So, and he was an investor, early investor. Okay. And everybody knows that you'd get off the roller coaster and you would eat lasagna at the place called the lasagna pop-up stand.

And sniff the seats. And sniff the seats. What's the worst thing you've ever sniffed in your life? I don't even know why I'm asking, but it just... What's the worst stink you've? ever walked in. When I first lived out in L.A., a buddy of mine, let me crash on his futon on Gower, Gower and Vine. And I asked him one time, I said, how long have you been sleeping on this futon? He's like, for years. And I go, did you ever wash it? And he goes, smell it and tell me. And I made

the mistake of just, like, putting my face right on it and going, no. And I can't even describe, like, I think I traveled through time, went back and just, like, tried to stop myself from doing that, but it just didn't work. When something stinks so bad, it makes you time travel. That's a stink, bro. Yeah, you want to go back and save yourself from smelling it in the first place? Wow. This sounds like a movie we should write. We should write.

I mean, can you imagine one of your uncles at Thanksgiving dinner farts so bad that you time travel? Like, it stinks so bad you go back and see a stegosaurus in the Paleozoic era. What is it about uncles that they're always the ones that we pin all the grossest, creepiest, most fucked up shit on, right? It's never your aunt in that story. It's never a cousin. And it's the uncle. And he's got, he's got like, you know, there's always, whatever the ailments are, whatever the creepiness. Yeah.

We always refer, even in stand-up, it's always like somebody's got an uncle. And you know what? I'm an uncle. So let's knock that shit off. All right. Let's change the stigma. Are you an uncle though? I'm an uncle and I have nothing but love in my heart.

Yeah. And I don't fart at the fucking dinner table. I don't know. Do you? Have you? I, what else do you got on the? question list. Can I tell you once? I did an indie movie called Family Tree and it was all about the family coming home for Thanksgiving. And we had a scene where everyone's at the dining room

table. It was like 18 people. Turkey, the set was dressed. And I was the guy over at the side, like getting the cutlery and bringing it to the table. Yeah. And I had built up like a giant Whopper and I just let it rip in the scene in the scene but they didn't know or they did hear it They didn't know but I lost it I started laughing so I had to reshoot oh my God But I did it on purpose it was really mean I had a gig about 15 years ago that whatever I ate Beforehand when I got on stage my stomach was doing like topsy-turvy And I just kept crop dusting my own stage and people were sitting there like watching the show And they were, I could tell that they were like,

it was like the most sour smelling air biscuit that I'd ever, that even when I was walking back and forth, I didn't even want to walk back through it. So I would stay over here and do some. Wow. Yeah, it was pretty, it was pretty gnarly. You just pretended you were working the stage,

but you were trying to stay away from your own death cloud. But I watched as other people were getting angry at the people around them, trying to figure out who's doing this. Dude, I did, I'd be honest, I've done it too. I've even seen people in the front row just, go, they do that like epileptic seizing face, like they just got hit by a van and their nerve got tweaked on the Harlan Highway. On the Harlan Highway. Hey, logo love, logo rape. So speaking of movies, dude, before we get too deep into this, let's tell everyone. I know where we're going with

this. Yeah, we have a long history, not only in stand-up, like we have a long history in stand-up that predated movies, but one of the highlights in my career, and I know yours because it was your first starring movie, you, you were the lead in a movie called Employer the Month with Jessica Simpson, and then I got, Jack Shepherd, and then I got cast in it, and Andy Dick, and we had the most fun on that movie. But I've never even asked you this, what was the process that that movie came to you because you were you were hot as all hell and you were probably getting thrown different scripts or were you or was this the one there's two movies i've been off only two movies at that time yeah and it was both lion's gate and they came to me and they said we we you know believe that

you're building this fan base and that your fans would like to see you in films yeah i was already knowing if i could do anything i was like i'd love to do an ensemble piece because i thought then it's not all on you if it tanks and it'd be fun right yeah yeah yeah because like you don't know how many, you know, step up to the plate moments you might get doing movies. Standup is different. Yeah. And so they handed me two scripts. And one was in play of the month that Greg Coolidge was going to direct.

And I read that. And I was like, oh, there's like really charming. And with the right cast, I think it could be funnier. Yeah. And the other one was called Beer Fest. Oh, yeah, the guys who did the cop, the, what's that cop movie, the lizard brothers? Yeah. Yeah.

So they had, they had offered me that. I don't remember the role. Yeah. And because I don't drink, and that was never my forte. I know my stand-up fans kind of thought, like, oh, I could sell that because I talk about all that stuff. But to me, the third active employee of the month, when it said the thing about the obstacle course and, like,

the whole thing with, like, the final competition between my character and Dax's Vince, it reminded me, like, meatballs in those movies that we grew up watching, like, meatballs or even, like, a cannonball run or stripes. It had a real kind of, like, just, silliness to it that I thought could be a blast. So I took that and then they started asking me who were the kinds of people that you

would like to work with. You were already pretty bona fide at that point. You'd had like big movies, your stand-up was already, you were, I didn't think I would get that opportunity that to work with you there, but I was so psyched when you jumped on board that because by rights you were looking

that you had your own shit going on and then you're like, this looks like it'd be a blast just to be able to participate this and, like, kick around some laughs. And next thing you know, when you said, yes, we were all in Albuquerque shooting that over a couple of months. It was so cool, man. It was so fun.

Well, I've got to tell you a big part of it was because of you because of our history doing stand-up together. We had spent so much time in the stand-up world. So when I got invited to the party to be in the movie, I was like, let's go. Yeah. But the other script, it was the guys who created Super Troopers. Right.

That's the Lizard Brothers did the beer fest thing. That's right. Wow. Hilarious guys. And that script was great, but it just didn't feel like, it didn't feel like me as much. You know,

it was like, all right, that's like animal house-ish. Yeah, yeah. And Employee the Month. There was like a charm about it that I remember thinking like,

you know what? This is a great way if it works to ease into doing film stuff. So I think you made the right choice. I did too. Somebody the other day said to me, oh, Andy Cohen, you know, Andy Cohen.

Yeah. He goes, how does it feel being in a bad movie, Employee of the Month? And I was like, I go, I got to tell you something, Andy. I said, people talk about that movie to this day the way we would talk about what we would consider a movie we love that might have been a bad, like Teen Wolf was probably a bad movie. You know, or like one crazy summer was probably considered a bad movie. But these were the things that we watched and loved. There was something. And so I told him, I go, like, I go, dude, like, think what you want.

but that movie has legs. I go, trust me, I know the bad movies I'm in. We don't know them. Yeah. Nobody's talking about them. It's a good movie.

It's a fun, good movie. Like, again, I can easily point to ones I don't like or that are stinkers. Yeah. That one,

it's got a great story. It's charming. It's got lots of funny bits in it. I'm trying to get a sequel mid. Oh, you are? I am because, Lionsgate owns it.

And I pocketed, and I would not want to make a sequel to any other movie that I made. But the thing about that one, one that seems obvious to me is if Dax and I, because Dax obviously in his own right, his career is great, he's got his podcast, he works a lot. And you go, we could now be the dads of the kids that are working down at that, you know, store and train them for their employees. It's

like, we're like the coaches in their corner. That gives us the chance to come back and, you know, go at it again. And I think that there's a story in there. There could be a lot of fun if they ever wanted to make it, but it's Lions Gates. Well, I remember at one point they were talking about making it into a TV series after we did the movie. And then that never happened. And then now there's this show on TV called Super Center or something. Oh, that's right. Yeah, yeah.

There was like a version of a big box. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's exactly what we did. I never saw it, but I saw like a promo and they were all like blue. Yeah. And I thought, okay, that's kind of close to. It's super close. Did that do, did it do well?

It's been on for like four or five years. It might, I don't know if it's still on, but it's like, it's current. It's always a nice thing when something that is in real time popular. It tells you how busy you are. I remember in the whole 90s being so busy that somebody once said, do you like friends? And I was like, I've never seen it because Thursday nights was a good club night to be at a comedy club. Or even Seinfeld.

It was like, I didn't see it until years later, some reruns. Me too. Right? That era, we were just working. Oh, we were working like crazy. The only reason I really knew about friends is because at that, That time, my girlfriend was the best friend of Jennifer Aniston. So I was going up and sleeping at Jennifer Aniston's house every night.

True or false? Did Jennifer Aniston work at the Laugh Factory for a few weeks before that pilot got picked up? Because Masada says that she worked down there, or the rumor is she worked there for a little bit. I don't think so. The only time she said... We're going to say false. I'm going to say false. I think the only time she was in there was maybe she came in to see me or I think I brought her in once to help

serve when Jamie did the Thanksgiving dinners and I think I brought her in to help serve. Okay. So maybe in some regard she worked at the Laugh Factory. Maybe that was it. Yes. She did a charity two hours serving food to people but but she but that's yeah it's the same thing. And then um you mentioned like not drinking and doing drugs and I had the same dilemma when I did half baked. I did this movie half baked about that's right about dope smoke. Chappelle Brewer. Brewer. Brewer. all these, and I was a guy who didn't participate in, I rarely drank, rarely ever smoked weed. And so I turned that movie down several times.

But I ended up kind of having the same dilemma you had. It's like, that's not my scene. I can't relate. And it was, I said no to them many times. It was my managers that said, hey, Harland, you know, you were a serial killer and something about Mary, you were this, you were that. It's like, it's just acting.

And I kind of went, yeah, I guess it is. And that movie has become definitely a cult classic. Yeah. Right? You can't like anybody who brings up Chappelle, I'm sure you get it all the time. Two people just like hold on to that movie. That's one of those ones that, and you were hilarious in that movie.

Because I remember when I saw it, I wanted to be in it because I knew Dave from New York. And I was vying to, I think I even wrote Dave like a whatever, an email or maybe even was a letter saying like, hey, if there's anything I could do to help out, I just, we've been working together in New York and I'm a fan. And I did read the script. I had a manager at the time and I remember being like oh this is gonna be a lot of fun and when I finally saw it I was like you knocked it out of the park

in there part of the reason I wanted to work with you too I'm employee because I was like I just know Harlan's gonna make scenes funnier and I think that if you have we looked at I've seen a few of the outtakes over the years there's so much funny shit

that you lose because you're telling story but like man you were you were on fire that whole shoot you killed it we had a laugh and it's one of the few movies I've only had two movies where I've lost it where I couldn't act

because I was laughing. Right. And Andy Dick was in that movie and he had, they gave him these coke bottle glasses so his eyes were this big. Yeah. And I remember we were in the scene

when we're up in our little clubhouse we built. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The forklift would take us up to some hidden. Yeah. And the scene was you were telling us that you had fallen for Jessica Simpson

and you're going to take her out of. And we were sitting in there and we were all there and Andy was to my left. side and the minute I just looked at him, dude, I broke out laughing. I remember they were getting mad because I couldn't do the fucking scene. And do you remember Andy got basically arrested in the last week of filming? Poor. And so Andy, Andy is just, Andy's one of these guys. He's just wired to be a wild man. He's funny as hell. But the way Brett Fav or Tom Brady is wired to be

an all-star quarterback. Andy was just, he's wired to be a wild man. And so they were a little nervous about having them on the movie. Right. And I remember he told me this. He goes, he goes, hey, if you behave yourself, the whole shoot, we'll have you on this movie. So for the first half, he was like an angel. Amazing. Went to his room at night, didn't drink, didn't do anything. And then at right about the halfway mark, the wheels fell off. And Andy was just a wild man. So, What he did was he basically, like, ran through the store one day when we weren't filming. Oh, we were in a giant Costco, by the way. And he, like, and again, I love Andy, but he, like, assaulted somebody.

He, he, like, well, I think he thought he was being funny by fake tackling people or whatever he was doing. Oh, yeah, there were some scenes where he was behind me and he was pushing me, where we were running. And because I'm a big guy and I'm a hockey player, I can handle it. But in my head, I'm like, this guy's nuts. Well, he pushed a stranger and he might have even like inappropriately touched. It was something where they came to me, the producer, and said, Oh, wow. Andy, Andy's in trouble.

Wow. And he's going to have to have a police officer for the remaining scenes. And here's my image of Andy. And this is hilarious, even though it was kind of sad. It would be a two shot of like, say, you and Andy or Andy and somebody else. And people didn't know that right off the side of the camera frame was a cop. Yeah. So it was something like the cop.

had to be within 20 feet of them. Even closer. They don't want him in the store. Yeah, they said he cannot be on the premises unless there's an officer of the law within 20 feet. And what he would do? Oh, no. It's from time to time when the jury would yell.

Cot, he would pretend to run away. So the cop would be immediately like, and then after like the fifth or six time where the cop knew that he was just going to pretend, he really ran away. Madness. madness. I mean, he was, I remember one time in between scenes. I was sitting there with, you, you were shooting. Yeah. But we were, we all had to be there because one of those cool movies where we're all kind of in the peripheral. Yeah. People were moving around.

So we all had to be in that Costco every day. And there'd be like hour blocks of like three, four hours where some actors were just sitting. Right. They're lighting something and you didn't even know if you're going to be in it. Yeah. Or you're doing a scene and I'm not or whatever. And, and I was sitting there with Dax and Andy and you just kept pushing Dax's buttons like like I don't know why and literally Dax got up out of his chair and I had to get up and stand between them and go guys I literally had to stop Dax from probably opening a can of whoop ass I almost feel like Andy's life is like performance art and I think that just like instigating is part of what he feels like he wants and needs to do but he's genuinely one of the funniest people that I

So funny. Like he's one of those guys where it oozes out of him. Yeah. And it's just he has a way of looking at you or he just like looks at you with this side off or he looks like astonished. Yeah. It just flicks my switch. I was lucky to get him,

lucky to get you. I mean, I thought that the cast that they built out was like, I thought it was awesome. I remember going to work on that first day and being like, oh wow, I'm surrounded by very funny people. I'll come off better because you guys were great.

It was great. And you were great. You, I mean, I was watching you because this was your first thing. This was like, I've been there. I got to be the lead in a movie, too. And it's a lot to carry. You came in every day, professional, prepared. You were nice to everybody.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You were great. Yeah, man, we had a good time. We had a blast. Let's see, maybe we'll make that sequel, dude. We might all be back. You never, now in this world of streaming. Yeah.

I don't know. I hope so. We've got to have Andy in there. It would be the same about it. Put him in a straight jacket, you know. He'll be on Zoom in a scene from somewhere else. Yeah, we'll get them in there. He works at corporate somewhere else.

But you mentioned that you, and I remember this, and I'll be honest, I was always impressed by this and I always admired you for this, because especially in our industry, the trappings are tough. Like, in our early years, most of our gigs were in bars that sold alcohol. And you always told me you're one of the few comedians, and I think I really picked up on it because...

I do it a little bit, but compared to other comedians, you never really drank or got into the drug thing. I don't even know if you've ever had a drink, have you? I've never had a drink, ever. Never had a drink or a drug in my entire life. You've never had alcohol to your lips. No. Not even in church taking communion, like drinking the wine.

No, no. Maybe when I was little, I would probably think if my dad was drinking a Schlitz beer, did he ever, like, say, do you want to try it? But I don't remember. That's the best time to drink when you're under seven. Right, but no, and there's never, dude, it just never was something I, it just didn't feel like I wanted to participate. Tell me the theory behind it, because I, I've always had a theory behind why I never did it, but there has to be a deeper theory behind why you didn't. Because let's face it, it alters your brain chemistry.

So, so, yeah, what's the deeper? Well, I wanted some brain altering when I was a kid because I was so like, nervous in my own skin, even in, like, junior high school that you know when you're supposed to like be starting to feel like you're coming through that awkwardness i felt like i was just getting into the awkwardness and my best friend in junior high school um al del benning you know al al al did comedy for a lot of years in l a he lives over in australia now he was like before school the kid who would like go behind a stop and shop and just like get drunk even before school and i'd hang with them i was his buddy who were like 13 or 14.

Wow. And he was already at that point being like, even drunk being like, you don't need this. You don't need to do what I. He wasn't saying you should drink with me. He was saying, don't,

you don't have to do, I drink because I'm so anxious and scared. And he was almost like weirdly being therapeutic as he was like drinking. He was sort of protecting you. It sounded like the metal. He was. And it gave me permission to go. My best friend says,

I don't need to do this until I'm comfortable to do it. And then by the time I hit high school, I was like, oh, yeah, you know what? I think part of it, too, is I grew up watching my dad drink and feeling like, you know, anytime that beverage gets involved, it seems to throw potential out of whack. Yeah.

So I didn't think I'd never drink. I just thought, like, for a little while, let me see what I can do, Sands, alcohol. And have you ever wondered what it felt like, or have you ever been tempted or come close? No. You're just like, I don't need it. No, it's just not even something I, like, rarely will think about to go. If there's ever anything I wonder about is when I hear people talk about things like ayahuasca and things like as a person who loves fantastical thinking and loves special effects

and stuff, like, sometimes I look at that and go, yeah, that, like, I would do that. If I felt like I was in the right place, you know, I wouldn't do it if, you know, if I bought it off the street, I wouldn't do like, yeah, yeah, no, no, I. You don't want to buy it behind a guy at Denny's with a, you know, urine crust on his pants, his brown pants. Yeah. No. So that's the only thing that entertains my brain once in a while to go, like, what would that do to my already crazy thinking?

Yeah. You know, I had a similar thought that I always said because I, you know, I also have a deep imagination. And I thought, what would happen if I layered on, you know, LSD or I never really considered hiawaska or whatever it's called, little hiawaska. Because I didn't even hear about that until recently. But I always said to my- Like shrooms and all that stuff. Things that like give you an, you know, I listen to other people talk about it, and I find myself going, well, that sounds kind of cool.

Sort of fascinating, yeah. But my theory always was, hey, everybody, who wants to have better sex? No? Yes. Yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what, you want it to be better, not worse.

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Just enter the offer code Harland to check out. That's Harland, H-A-R-L-A-N-D at Adam and Eve.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to this podcast. So be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discount and 100% free shipping code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. I knew I was going to get into stand up and kind of into the arts and entertainment. Yeah. And my theory was that, okay, a craftsman or a carpenter has his tools. A politician has this. A car mechanic has his box of tools.

Yeah. What is going to be my instrument in life? What am I? And I knew it was this. It was what's encased in my skull, my brain. And I thought, if I'm going to get anywhere in comedy, I'm going to need to be fast. I'm going to need to be alert.

I'm going to need to be sharp. I'm going to need to be present. Yeah. And so do you remember those old commercials when we are younger? Pop, pop, fizz, fizz. Oh, what a relief it is. And they'd show that the Alka salser, they put it in water and it would start to dissolve.

Yes. So in my head, I was always like, every time I take a sip of booze or if I were to do drugs, part of it would fizzle away. Okay. And I would lose my part of it. of my instrument, which I needed to get where I wanted to go in life. But was there ever another side of you that looked at certain people we knew that were

like imbibing and getting high and saying, now my brain opens up to, was there ever a part of you that was like, oh, I do know for some people, they seem to be even more wildly imaginative on stage, or did you always think it kind of slows you down a little bit? You know what? Every time I wanted to go in that direction, I'd see something on A&E, like Robin Williams going, oh, for 15 years, I was doing cocaine every night, and I wish I didn't, because once I got off it, I was the best I was ever going to be. Right, right. You know what I mean? Like everyone had a tragic story, and God love him, Mitch Hedberg, a guy that I worked with. He was really funny and really creative, and I knew he did heroin, and it just made me mad. Right. I was like,

I just wanted to grab him and go, dude, you've got a gift, you've got, and I know that, you know, people can't help what, what they do or what kind of trappings. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not, you know, freaking out on the guy, but it just, I was like, God, don't do that, you know. Yeah, looking at that is like, seeing it is restricting your, your imagination and ability to look beyond it. Yeah, yeah. I worked with Mitch when I was in the San Francisco comedy contest, and I made it to the finals with Mitch and Doug Stanhope and myself. And I will tell you, like, I watched Mitch over the course of maybe, like, it was a long competition. I think we were in it for like six weeks or eight weeks.

And because I got to watch him week to week, it was at 97, 98. He was still kind of putting the character together. He was still kind of piecing. And it was really fascinating to watch what I think was a small era of him like really honing in on what made him so prolific and interesting. Yeah. It was cool. It was one of the first times I remember watching like real artistry from a comic, you know.

Yeah. The comics I came up with were like, you know, guys, guys. out of Boston and a lot of the humor is just like you know you know fucking if you don't like it you can get the fuck out like it was just real tough and real like pirates yeah and then here was this guy who was like really methodically thinking of things in such a unique way that i feel uh fortunate to have seen him do some some gigs yeah yeah i worked with him and uh it was uh it was it was really fun to watch how his mind like put stuff together you know i appreciate that kind of comedy like Stephen Wright and guys like that because what they do is they set up a familiar premise that we all

know. And like, you know, I don't know one of his jokes is, I like to eat rice. If you like to eat 10,000 or something or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he would set up like a common thing and then take you on a direction where you didn't see it going. And I really appreciated that. And it was only Stephen Wright. I think that I could kind of like seal like a lineage because Stephen Wright, growing up in Boston, I remember seeing Stephen Wright one time say on stage, it's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it. And it was one of those things that like, to this day, if I hear the word world or I see a globe, I think of that.

You know, just those little things that they could insert. You know, you can't see a banana without thinking of Mitch's frozen banana. You know, I can't do it. Yeah, yeah. But there's certain things that they just like, boom, forever, that'll be a piece of his. Yeah, yeah, yeah. rain. Yep.

But your journey. Like you with Quaker Oats. I can't look at Quaker Oats. Without. And I can't look at it. There's a couple of products that once in a while when you're on one of your, dude, your tangents like, sometimes you go into these places. I'm like, was that rehearsed?

Was that? But like there's a couple of products that once in a while you know are like go to funny words. And I think Quaker Oats. Really? I think you said Quaker Oats one time. Probably. I can't look at Quaker Oats and I'd be like that Harlan, man. I thought you meant I looked like the guy on the logo, the old, like, the old creep, the poltergeist guy.

No, not at all. No, you said it one night where you, you, you, in one of your like, you're like a, what is that, like when a rapper does like, you know, off the top, like a flow or whatever. Like, that's what you get into sometimes. And I think you've gone with a Quaker Oats. What haven't I gone with? Yeah, Black Tower Heroin into Quaker Oats, into Jiminy Cricket and like, dude, you, you. You, man, you're, you get a wild imagination, my friend. I just let it roll, man.

You do. You let it rip like those farts back on stage that I used to do. Crop dusting. Get out of here. I met a stewardess once or a flight attendant who told me she does that. She says she cropped us. She goes, she walks up and down the island and just fumigates the passengers. Yeah.

That's the worst word. And that's where, that's where first class and economy ends. Like a fart doesn't care what class you are. That's right. It will assault your lungs and nostrils. no matter who you are. Let's have some quaker oats. Oh, God, I'll go get the wig and the hat.

But I want to talk, too, about your journey at the beginning when you came to town. Yeah, L.A. 98, 97, 98. Yeah, because, you know, I've stood back and I've watched your success. I saw where it all started. And then I've also seen, you know, people who have taken shots at you, which I don't like and I don't appreciate. So I want to do a little bit of an exorcism here today. And I want to tell everybody that Dane fucking earned everything he got in this industry. And if you don't believe me, I was with you every fucking night.

All those gigs. We were at the laugh factory. So I was there first. Yeah. And watching me piece together, my first album, Harmful of Swallow. You're seeing in real time starting to come together. But I was there before you were there. And I came to this town just as hungry as you.

And so I, the owner of the laugh factory, Jamie Massada, who I love, he let me go up at that club every single night. And I was there every night, a warrior dedicated, going up and up and up and working and work. And then another buddy of ours came along. Bob Marley. Bob Marley, who's from Maine. Yeah, people go, Bob Marley, white kid from Maine, Bob Marley. He's a white comedian from Maine.

And he went up and now, and now me and him are like, we're just so dedicated and we're just hammering it. And then about two years later, you show up. Right. And I remember it, you, you, because I knew all the comics that came through there. Yeah. And they put you on at midnight. Jamie didn't know you yet. So he put you on at midnight.

And you gave me like six minutes to do my thing. And he did that to all the kind of newbies, but you were the guy that after about half a year, three quarters of year, He goes, you know what? I'm going to push this guy to the 20-minute spots on the late show. Right. It wasn't the midnight show, but it was like the 10-30 show. That's right. So now you were doing those, and you were getting a little better and better.

You were doing kind of stuff, and I'll be honest. I was watching, okay, the guy's got good energy. There's something there. But I wasn't blown away, and you were up there doing the Kool-Aid jugs smashing through. Oh, yeah, a lot of big, bombastic stuff, and not so much about written material or stories at that time. Regardless, it was just, it was like I could see you were there, but I wasn't like blown away. And then you got moved to like the early regular shows where kind of the Primo guys would go. And I remember, Dane, one day I walked in, and this was after years of watching you every freaking night.

One day I walked in and I just went, oh, and then the next night I went, oh, and I saw you make your flip. From Dane, the guy looking for it. Dane, the guy working it relentlessly. And I want to stress that because fucking Dane worked his ass off everybody. And I'm sick and tired of people like taking shots at you. You fucking earned everything you got. I watched it. And if you need backup, as Bob Marley, he was there too.

But anyways, you kind of flipped into this zone where it was just like, wow. And you were there. Right. And you, I just want people to know, you earned every second of it. And I remember you told me you lived right by this club. You were like, you were in walking distance. I did. I walked to the club.

And I used to think, I don't think I've ever told you this. I used to think of you as Apocalypse Now guy because you used to tell me, used to go home and you lived in kind of this gothic looking building. It looked like a Transylvania castle almost. It was like really kind of cool. It was an old manner. Yeah, it was really cool. And you used to tell me.

me that you would just go in there and fucking work and write and sit in your living room and you and then you'd stay in there all day and you'd walk to this club go home and dan you you worked for everything you got and you kicked ass yeah man thank you yeah i appreciate it it was it was true it was really seeing that it was like you you come to l.a and you have kind of a few moments where people check you out and that first moment didn't seem to impress anybody and so i knew my avenue who wasn't going to be like, come along, kid, we're going to take you for the ride. Yeah. There was no golden horseshoe moment for me.

It was like, I'm going to have to figure out how to cultivate and build an act and an audience on my own. And I really did that from that spot, man. Those, those gigs, those nights. I looked at the animosity years later as, well, first of all, I never liked seeing comics go after other comics because only we know the sacrifice of being a stand-up comedian. That's right. even your listeners it's a lot it's you give up so much and what you need what you're really fulfilling

inside of yourself for a number of reasons i never understood why there was any hostility because there's room for every comic there's no one comic that goes like all right now the door's closed for other yeah there's everybody can have a moment as long as you work hard enough to get yourself to that place so i never i never i never got it i'll tell you what it was okay it was it was jealous A little about it. Not a little. It was pure out and out jealousy because you came in and as you said, you were just another guy in the mix. But I'm going to say it again, you worked your fucking ass off to get to that guy you needed to be to kick it to the next level. And not everyone like you said sacrifices and gives up so much. It's only the true warriors that want it. And you want it and you went and got it.

And I will say that I appreciate what you're saying. And I also understood it took me a long time that some of the people that weren't willing to work hard enough were the ones that were probably saying some of the things that were the most, you know, toxic against, you know, me. But there were also guys that were, you know, well established that were doing it. And I recognized it immediately was just jealousy because you didn't just like step up. As you know, you exploded. You're one of those rare. medians that had an explosive moment and there's no shame in it there's there's no like bowing down to it you you you went you wanted it you went for it and you took it and you got it

we we had a lot of um nights though at that club where as i was trying to figure it out you guys were killing so when i came in and you guys were already like me and bob dude it was you it was Bob. It was Freddie Soto. It was, there was like six or seven murderers row guys that Mitch, there was like, oh yeah, Mitch Mullaney. Mitch Malaney. God rest of. Great guy. crushing. And I'd come from, ready? I went from Boston, where all the guys that didn't make it in Hollywood in the Rob Williams era all came back to Boston, but they were crushing because they were that good, but they didn't, they didn't make it in L.A.

So I come up into guys crushing. Then I go to New York City crushing. Everybody who's up there, young Chris Rocks and all those guys that are. So now I'm like everywhere I went, it's like if I don't jump into this stream. So then I come out to L.A. And that first year, man, I felt like I felt like I was in slow-mo behind you guys because I would watch you go up. I'd watch.

If you guys went up back-to-back and I knew I was on that show, I was like, what do I do at this point? Because you guys were so solid in your routines. And also you were becoming, you especially were like in your moment where I knew people were there to see you. I'm going like, how can I dovetail off Harlan's success to go, hey, hopefully you'll support me as well. You'll dig what I do. So it was awesome, man. It helped to really put me, it put the fuel in my tank being at that club with you guys. Yeah, it was a great time.

And tell me, tell me about that process when you would go back to Dracula's Castle. When you, I know you didn't go back home at night after a gig and go to sleep. I went to MySpace. But in your apartment? That was it. Okay. See, okay. So MySpace was already starting to come into fruition right around 2000.

Previous to that, you remember like AOL Instant Messenger, which was like, okay. So I had a website. You got mail. I had that. And people, I would allow people to send me mail. I would allow people to instant message me. I made that private, you know, handle public and I would go home and I would quite literally sit there not just all night for

four years basically I did this for 22 hours of the day and if you wrote me I wrote you back I asked you where you were from I asked you a little bit about whatever and then I would send you a link to stand up that I had recorded like on whatever on a device and uploaded I would go to people ready this is how like obsessed I was with finding my fans if somebody was had written me I would save their tab If I saw it was their birthday I would write them and say, I see it's your birthday today

I just want to wish you a happy birthday And so I was building out this secret underground fan base And then they were the ones who were like You should come to a show in fucking Tampa You should come through Tempe You should go And I would start booking based on where

maybe like 20, 30, 40 people said they wanted me to come to do a show And I toiled for four years After the Laugh Factory, I'd go home didn't drink, didn't party, just go home. You didn't go out to the clubs, nothing, zero. And that's what I mean. You went into this dark, Dracula-like castle on you.

You, you go, you, you know, it's called show business. It's show, and then there's business. And what you did was very business sense, true, business-minded. But even though you did all that to help bolster what you were doing, Right. You still had the act and the funny and the energy and the persona and the material. You were very prolific.

I'd go in and see you do new stuff almost every night, every week. Yeah. And so I'm going to say this because it pissed me off. I saw you on another podcast or two over the time where I saw you like sort of apologize. You went and I had the spiky hair and I had the tight jeans. And I'm like, folks, Dane Cook. no longer he's not apologizing anymore he earned where he fucking is he earned everything he did no more fucking apologies that's it and that because i'm following your lead on this i love it

thank you buddy i love you no nobody has the right to to make you apologize or do anything like that i appreciate and again i was fucking there i know every night yeah yeah first first and foremost is like we came up together you're really part of that graduating class that i had and so hearing that from you means a lot. Yeah, for sure. You know what? I've talked to you, you know, about it here and there when we've hung out, but just I, I guess I just, you know, in this recent kind of era of podcasts, I saw a couple where

you were sort of a little bit apologizing about things. No, you don't have to. Right. You don't need to. Even though some of the things I was wearing back there, I owe people an apology. Not going to let you. Not going to let. Dude, you were, you were hot, you were energetic.

You were exuding a sexuality. that a lot of comics can't or don't know how or wish they could and I think that played into some of the jealousy totally played into I saw especially the other day

where you had a black like tank top on and you were doing like alien and it was great right it's like no more apologies you're done apologetic We have nothing more to say Dane is Dane

except I told you Yep Dane kicked ass and F you if you don't like it right? Okay I'll go oh yes Now let's switch gears to dinosaurs I love dinosaurs. I knew you would.

Let's talk about them. Yeah, T-Rex. T-Rex? Why do you like T-Rex, bro? You went right to the T-Dog. Yeah, because there's something about them that, yeah, it's like, I don't know, they're big and scary, and yet there's something about it, like you'd want one as a pet. You feel like if you raised it from when it was a, what would a baby tea? No, but what would it?

It's not a cub. It's not a tea bag. Yeah. A tea pole? Yeah. Maybe a teapole, like a tadpole. There's just something about them. I always like, when Jurassic Park came out, I remember being like, I'm not scared of that.

Like, I would like to, I would like to feel like, floss its teeth. That's exactly what I was going to say and maybe pour some crust and tense in its mouth. Wait, what's that? Well, because crust and tent? Yeah. What's that? I do, I know a lot about dinosaur dental stuff and they had nasty halitosis, those D-Rex. Can you imagine?

Yeah. They had nasty dynchalosaurus to taurus is what it was. Imagine being a brontosaurus, one of those giant things, and you get eaten by a fucker with gum disease? Like, it's already just humiliating enough that you get eaten by a thunder lizard. What's yours? I don't know. You know some random one that I've never heard of?

I think I like, you remember those things? I think they were called stegasaurus. Or no, aliasaurus. and they looked like a tank, but then on the end they had a tail and there was a big ball. Like a mace. Like a rock or something.

Yeah. That seemed pretty fucking cool. Yeah, I mean, if I had all these action figures when I was a kid of all these things. Like if I had one of those today, I would open a construction business and just like knock down old buildings with that tail, you know?

I need everybody cleared out from 5 a.m. to 8. I'm going to bring in my dinosaur. Um, if you could go back in time, like we talked about time machines earlier, would you go back and want to see the dinosaurs or would you be scared? If I only had one opportunity to time machine for like a day and then I was no longer allowed access to said time machine, then I'd probably, if I could pick any era, I've always wanted to see like the Rat Pack live, like Vegas, Frank and Dean and Jerry. To me, I don't know why I always go to that, but if I had a second day, I'd go see

some dinosaurs. Wow, let's see that. I love rat pack shit. Really? Yeah, man, they were singing and dancing and making fun of each other and busting balls. They had women broads, they used to call them. They were just drinking and partying and they were in Vegas. Tell me that wasn't one of the, and I knew Jerry.

I was very close with Jerry Lewis. I got a lot of, I got some stories. But tell me that era, like seeing them knowing what they became especially, that would be fun. So you'd take seeing the rat pack over podcast. Possibly going back and watching the crucifixion of Christ. I don't need to be there for that. Really? I feel like that would not be.

Like, if I know me, I'd be behind everybody. And then I go, I know how this story ends. Let me find some food. I'm getting a little bit of, let me find some of that lasagna that the Manson family started near the. Are you telling me, they got the crucifixion, they had snack cards? They did. They did. Yeah, they had falafels over there and they had some.

Pizza, get your hot dog. Get your hot dog. before the crown of thorns goes on. Get your hot dog. I saw Sinatra alive. You did? Does that piss you off? No.

No, I told you, I knew Jerry, so I was really close with Jerry, and I've seen some never before seen footage knowing Mr. Lewis. Oh, God. What was Frank like? I have a good Jerry Lewis story that you'd probably love. But Sinatra was, I went to Vegas, like way back in the 80s. I went down there with Norm McDonald's. and a bunch of other Canadian comedians.

For stand-up? We just went to go to Vegas. We'd never been, so a bunch of us, like 15 of us, got on a plane and we all went, and Norm just disappeared. Every time I'd walk past the poker table,

Norm would just be sitting there. He looked like he was in a coma, like playing poker. He was a poker fanatic. I didn't even know how to play poker. And do you remember the hotel this was at? Because a lot of them were famed and now we're not there.

Yeah, it was the, believe it or not, right across from Caesar's Palace on the strip was a holiday inn. This was in the 80s, and the guy who booked it all was a cheap wad. So we were in the holiday inn. It was sort of nice, but it was a holiday inn on the strip. It's gone now. Now I think it's called the Imperial Palliser. And where was Frank?

Do you remember the hotel? So Frank was at the Riviera. So we go to the Riviera, and one of the comedians that I was with was this guy named Eric Tunney. He's since passed, but he was great. He was very, like, starkingly handsome, and he slicked his hair back. He looked like Chris Isaac, you know, that singer. Yeah, yeah. Wicked game.

Yeah, and he wore the blazer, and he, you know, we go to see Sinatra, and he walks up, and somehow he just instinctively knew how to do this, and he goes, hey, and he just reached out and handed the matrily some bucks. Okay. And the matriedee just went, yes, sir, and he took us right to the front of the stage. There was a red leather horseshoe booth. Oh, I love this. And we sat there and there was Frank.

With an orchestra? No. I think there were a few players on stage, but it wasn't the full orchestra. It was recorded, but there was a few live musicians. Got it. And one of my favorite moments is he was singing Luck Be a Lady. He was doing all the classics. He kept shouting out to Barbara.

Hey, Barbara, it's a crowd. But on one of one. There was probably no Barbara. It was just part of his shit. But on his, one of the speakers, he had a big glass of Jack Daniels, like this huge, just you can see it in the gold liquid in the ice. And Sinatra, I swear to go, we were laughing our heads off. He, he starts singing, he's like, luck be a lady tonight.

He grabs a thing, goes, I love booze. Luck be a lady. Like he just in the middle of it says, I love booze and then took a sip and put it back and kept singing. It was like, it was so funny. But so on this same trip, Jerry Lewis. Yeah. Me and all the- Same trip.

The same trip. So me and all the other comedians, you know, this was, we're from Canada. So we've never been to a casino. We've never seen celebrities. Yeah. Like, this is in the 80s when, you know, it still wasn't Hollywood North up in Canada. So we go and see a boxing match. I don't even think boxing was legal in Canada at the time.

Okay. So we go to our first boxing match. Yeah. And it's packed. It's in one of these giant casinos. And all of a sudden the announcer goes, I think it was the let's get ready to rumble guy or something like that. And he goes, ladies and gentlemen, in the crowd tonight.

This was between fights. In the crowd tonight, one of the funniest men in the whole world, Jerry Lewis. And he points. And Jerry Lewis is like, you know, 60 feet away from me and the guys. Yeah. And I grew up on this guy. Of course. Carrie when I was a kid. Mine too, yes. And so I'm like, holy smoke, Jerry Lewis and all the other

guys like kind of look at me like seagulls, you know, and I go, oh my God, should I go say hi to him? Like I was, first time I'd really bumped up to a celebrity. Yeah. And this is Jerry Lewis. Jerry Lewis. And we're comedians. He's one of the kings of the comedy world. And so, so they all go, it's kind of surprised me. They go, oh, yeah, go say hi to them. And they, like, they all almost did it in unison like eight or nine of them like yeah go go go go and i go in my head it's going well why aren't these guys as excited as i am why aren't they going but i was like i don't care i'm going so like okay and i run over and jerry's sitting there with a gorgeous woman and he's got a security guard a uniform security guard and i walk up to the security guy and i go sir may i say hello to mr lewis

yeah and and the guy goes um yes go ahead and so i step in a little bit toward jerry and and and He looks up and I go, hello, Mr. Lewis. I just wanted to say I'm a huge fan. And I reached out and he reached up. He goes, thank you very much. He shakes my hand. I'm like, wow, this is great. And then that moment ended and I was so starstruck.

I just was staring at him. And I go, so, how are you doing? And he looked away and he didn't even, he just goes, take a seat. He just, he didn't even look at me. He just goes, take a seat. And I was standing there. Like the kid from the Christmas story movies, you know? And I'm just like, my eyes were almost running like fried eggs.

And I was like, did he just fucking told me to take a seat? In my head, like it's like two worlds collided. Right. Like my childhood hero. And then he just basically told me to fuck up. I go back to the seat and they go, how was it? And I go, he told me to take a seat. And they all burst out laughing.

And they go, don't you know he's known as the biggest asshole in the entertainment industry? I went, you pricks? And so that handed me. But he shook your hand. He shook my hand. So he set me up just to fucking sting me. But that kind of followed me around in my comedy career with the Canadian guys for about a decade. Right.

The running judge would take a seat when they'd see me. I love that there's so many great stories like that of Jerry. Because by the time I met him, he was 85 or 86 and he really had chilled out. And so all those stories that he's still. could be intense he had an intensity but i will tell you man he was so loving to me oh we talked almost every sunday and he would call me up we would talk about comedy would talk about stand-up and he would call me his son he was like we consider you family you my son my boy i'd call him every sunday hello it's the jew in the desert i want to talk to my boy wow that's amazing yeah man

he was uh and i got to finally ask him after i said i heard you a real hard ass for a lot of years there And, like, you know, he had his philosophy on it, like, for whatever that was. But it was like, I got to see a side of him. I think that not a lot of people got to see, which was like a much more subdued. You know what I mean? And his daughter was around Danielle. So he was just a real loving guy. He was great to me.

Well, you know what? That's fascinating. Yeah. But you know what's so cool about this industry? My favorite quick Jerry story was this. About three weeks before he passed away, he called me up. And he goes, I'm dying. He didn't say that yet.

Okay, sorry. He said, my boy, I have good news and I have bad news. And I go, what's the good news, Jerry? And he goes, I wrote a script and you're going to be the lead. And I said, really? And he goes, and he told me a little about it. And I go, wow, this is incredible. I go, and what's the bad news?

And he goes, I'm going to direct it. He said that at 90 years old. He was like, and I said, you are. Are you going to do that? And he told me what his plan was for that. But it was just one of those moments I'll never not hear him saying, I've got good news and I have bad news. Wow.

Take a seat. Jesus. Come on. It was about a young boy who came and visited a young handsome Jerry Lewis and he overstayed his welcome. Dude, I was so innocent. I know. Of course you were.

I just like, I just like stood there frozen. And, like, a train was coming. I was like, in my head, I was going, did he just tell me to take a seat? And I'm still looking at it. And he won't even look at me. He's like, did the other guy usher you out? The guy who was like, of course.

No, I just stood there and it dawned on me. You would think he would know take a seat is the code for get this kid out of here. No, I just kind of went in my head. I kind of went, I rationalized him. Of course. This guy doesn't know me? Yeah. What is he going to do?

Well, I just went up to the cottage last week with my daughter, and we celebrate, you know, it's like, why would he tell a complete stranger what's going on? Do you think maybe he meant take a seat, like, join me and take a seat? No, I wish. I wish. Thank you for rubbing it in even more. Thank you, sir. I'm going to tell you to take a seat.

Take a toilet seat. How about that? But here's what's so cool about what we do. Okay. Because you know this. We grew up loving movies. Yeah. You know, we grew up loving the genre.

We grew up probably, I don't want to put words in your mouth, but I'm assuming you're like, fuck, I want to be on the silver screen one day. Oh, man. Or more than anything, just Saturday Night Live, SCTV, sketch stand-up.

And just to maybe rub shoulders with some of these iconic people. So I get, you know, this was, when I did the thing with Jerry, I was into stand-up probably a year and a half. Okay.

Maybe two years. Yeah. So I was new. I hadn't moved to the States yet. I was just starting to become a headliner. Yeah. Me and Norm McDonald, we were kind of on the same trajectory.

up in Canada, and cut to me moving here, me getting things going, cut to 25 years later, I'm on Conan O'Brien doing the show in New York. The other guest is Jerry Lewis. No. We do the show. I did Conan probably 20 times, maybe more. Yeah. Conan, we would always shoot the shit.

Sometimes he'd take me to his office. this was the one time after the show. He goes, hey, I'm going back to Jerry's dressing room. Why don't you come with me? So now I go back to Jerry's dressing room. Me and him and Conan are standing there. Conan's talking to him, and I'm standing there almost trembling, just dying to go,

take a seat to Jerry Lewis. And I almost told him the story, but I couldn't do it. I was just like, you know what? He won't remember. but I was just, I never held resentment. I loved being this presence. I mean, I grew up watching that guy in my basement with my sisters. It was amazing.

Yeah. But that's the fun of what we do in the entertainment industry. When you end up working with people, you never dreamed. Well, it's like, I don't know about you, but that made me more growing up and having had experiences, especially in New York where you'd finally meet somebody that you'd seen on television and when they were good to you. And then a couple of people maybe were just having,

an off day but it taught me like if I especially when I meet young comedians yeah I try to go out of my way to let him know like you know I appreciate you I know what you're going through right you know what I mean I don't know if everybody's always mindful in that way people have shit on their mind I get it not everybody's available to be like ready to talk with a young comic you know in in that moment all the time but it kind of taught me those lessons of like this we're lucky to do this so give somebody else that same kind of enthusiasm that you want of dealing with ever a young comic comes up to me and says, hey, do you have any of advice? Yeah, I just look at them and I go, take a seat.

Take a seat. You knew where I was going with that. I did. You were away ahead of it. I seen that a thousand miles away. Did you see it in my eyes? Did you just feel it? Even in your body language, you were getting ready to get into take a seat mode.

Well, dude, this was so good. So the final thing we do on this show, which I think you'll enjoy, we do a little feature called Words from a Wooden Shoe. I love this. And what we do, there's inside this authentic Dutch clog. And I know you love Dutch Clause. Size 14. Yeah. Your favorite.

All right. There's words in here, random words. And you're going to reach in, take one. And if it sparks a story or a memory. This is great. Yeah. And that's how we'll close the show out. Okay.

How did you choose the words? I just randomly just plucked, made a few up. And do you do one too? What do we do? No, just you. If you want me to do one, I will. Yeah, I would like that as well. I've never been done, but you do it first, and then I will.

Okay, cool. You go first, what's your word? Is it the same word on everyone? Why do I feel like this is like a... No, it's for real. It's for real. Unexplainable. Okay.

Unexplainable is a word that would describe standing backstage at Saturday Night Live behind the door that we've all looked at and you wait for the person to walk through when Don Pardo back in the day would introduce somebody, it's Saturday Night Live! And I was there waiting for the Don Pardo to say my name. He was still there at the time,

and I can hear the band through the door. It's the beveled glass, and I'm kind of looking through, and it's dark. And I try to explain it, but it's almost unexplainable, of that moment where there's one producer, she's got her hand on your shoulder,

and she's going like this, like 20 seconds. Whoa. She's listening. And somebody's feeling. beating her. 10 seconds, take a breath. You're going to be great. 10 seconds.

And you hear Don Potter go, ladies and gentlemen, and she goes, go, go, go. Dame Cook. In the moment, I got goosebumps, the moment the door opens,

it's, I still have not figured out a way. I've written a book and I still in this chapter can't explain what happened to me in the eight steps walking toward the mark. Really?

And how I didn't know it was going to impact me. I didn't know how deeply emotional I would be, even though I had to perform. It was almost like I could have gotten sick. I was so present in that moment. I dreamt about it, man. Seventh grade,

I would watch Saturday Night Live and wonder what's behind that door? And I think I thought, what's behind that door for my whole life until I was behind that door? And then it all hit me. Wow, that's amazing. I did a pretty good job explaining it,

but there's still a lot that happened in those eight to ten steps when I see myself walk out and I'm like nobody will ever know what was happening in my mind in that moment. So are you saying that you sort of like blanked out and went into a dream state or was it vivid or clear? Were you like aware of every single step or were you like kind of where it was as if I, it was as if I always knew and I had always known I was there and I had already been there and I was just re-experiencing something. I don't know if it's because I dreamt it so much and saw it so much. Wow.

But the whole walk was slow motion where GE Smith and the band is over here and the keyboard and looking at that mark getting closer. And I used to watch the show as a kid. I could see the little mark. I guess that's where they got to stop right on that mark. And Lauren Michael standing in the over. I see him where he's standing in the hallway. And it's all kind of slow motion.

And you realize I'm on live television. And there's a little kid just like me probably watching. and wondering, wow, where did he come from behind that door? I was behind the door. Well, that goes back to what I said earlier about you having the drive and the will and the wherewithal to go and get it. And you deserve that moment and everything else. What about you, man?

Come on. We got to do it. By the way, folks, this has never been done. I love this. It's always just the gas. You and I are in the never been done before business. That's what we've always said, man, our prayer circles. It's almost unexplainable right here.

In our prayer circles, Don't tell them about those. God, you want Corey Feldman to come through the door? God. All right, I'm reaching in. What is my word? What's it say? Laughing fit.

Laughing fit. What does that make you think of? Oh, my God. Laughing fit. There's probably so many. Okay, I've got one. Oh, my God. When I was in college,

There was a guy that owed me money. And we talked about this earlier. I was not a guy who did drinking or drugs. So from the time I was 18 to the time I was probably 30, I probably smoked weed seven times. Okay. But there was this guy in college who owed me some money. And he didn't have the money.

And he says, hey, man, how about I give you a joint instead? And I was like, I don't want a joint, but I was like, okay. Because I knew I was never going to see the money. So at least I'll get some. thing. Right. So my buddy at college, Bob, who was a real we had just the same sense of humor. Yeah.

He came over to my apartment in college. I rented an apartment with three other guys. And where is this? This was in Oakville, Canada. We went to animation college. It was called Sheridan College. And so we went

to my townhouse and we were just bored and I said, hey, this guy gave me this thing. And he had smoked to let's spark it up and I was like my buddy's hilarious so we sparked it up and of course it started to hit and I just started

laughing right but it wasn't uncontrollable it was just like I'm laughing and then there was a cartoon way back in the 70s called the Wizard of Oz and it was a cartoon with the scarecrow the Tin Man everything

and the munchkins instead of having like dwarfs like little people, there were these little animations of teardrop shapes and triangle shapes. Okay. And there was, they had all kinds of them, but instead of speaking words, they just talked like this. They're like,

you know, like shibberish. Yeah, like Snoopy. Remember Snoopy now? Yeah, or the teacher. Yeah, so it was this weird. So we were sitting there and I'm laughing and my buddy sees a newspaper. This is a day when you, and I'm laying on the couch

and he picks up the newspaper and just casually opens it and starts reading out loud and he starts reading like the munchkins and I found this because I was high I was dying laughing so hard that I couldn't breathe right it put you into that next place of like you're cough laughing yeah I ran to the stairs I said you're trying to murder me you're accused him of murder

I ran upstairs it took me about four minutes to just get my breathing back. Yeah. I came back downstairs, like water running down my eyes. I laid down on the couch. He's still sitting there and I said, okay, read some more. Like, I just, I loved it because how often do you laugh that hard? Right.

And I repeated that about four times. And that was probably I almost, I, I almost died. Was that a person that supported you in your stand-up when you first started doing stand-up comedy, Bob? Oh, yeah, Bob, Bob, Bob's everything. Yeah. Me and him, our sensibility, our sense of humor. Okay.

We just supported each other. We did everything together. That's cool, man. And I support you, and you support me. Absolutely. My racquetball buddy. Yeah, me and Dane play racquetball all the time. It's really good.

Oh, thank you, buddy. You're getting better every single time we play. I have to. Yeah. If I want to play with you, I got it. We got it. But before we go, let's talk about, you're special and talk about it's a you shot it up at your house and can can i say something about

it before because i've seen dane special he invited me to the premiere at the man's chinese theater yeah tcl now chinese tvc l and that's the famous theater with all the concrete footprints yeah yeah star wars famously open there and coincidentally we had the premiere for employer the month that's right by the way which you helped me fulfill one of my hollywood dreams because one of my dreams, when I got into this racket, was to always, I always said, I want to do a premiere at the Man's Chinese Theater because that's where all the big Marilyn Monroe and all the famous...

It's still the place you want to open anything film-wise. So out of all the movies I've done in my career, that's the one that we did the premiere there. So thank you for that. But then you did your special there recently, you premiered your special, and I saw you standing there on the red carpet, and it was a proud moment,

and we watched your special. special in there and I told you I said hey Dan here's my honest opinion love it because I didn't want to BS you because that you don't gain anything for that I was so happy when you said that so I said hey you shot it at your house which is an unusual forum for a stand-up special but you're talking to a guy who shot one of his specials out in the desert with no audience so I watched it and I was sitting there for about the first four or five minutes I's like oh I don't know if I'm connecting to this that the house setting feels a little foreign to me. Like, I didn't hate it, but I was like, I was like, I don't know if I'm drawn in yet.

You didn't ease into that. You were like, I'm sure. But after watching it all, I'm glad because what happened is at about the four or five minute mark, your first bit, if I can, I won't say what it is. Yeah, I don't know. Stalker story. But it refers to a really funny, weird event that happened at your house where we're watching you perform.

Right. And so what it did, it became very personalized. And your story drew me in, but not only that, your comfort level at your house. And then on top of that, the material and the writing, this is about a 12-minute bit. Yeah. And I just sat back and went, that is not easy to do. And you just drew me into your special. And it was really neat because it wasn't like, boom, I'm here. At first I was trepidacious.

And then I got drawn in and I loved being there. It was almost hard to edit the beginning. Because part of me wanted to get right into something fast. But in the edit, and I tried that. But in the edit, I felt like the original beginning I had, which is what I used, was like, oh, this feels like I'm easing people into it and settling in because it is unusual to do a show like this for a number of reasons. But sitting in there and watching the show and being there with a lot of friends and a lot of comics and people I've known for a lot of years, ups and downs in Hollywood. to have people come, have like a party to celebrate this, you know, this dream come true moment was so, so cool. I always wanted to film it there. I moved into my home 12 years ago and I sat there

in the first week of living there and I actually had like a soothsayer moment where I was like, I'm going to film something here on this porch someday. And to finally have that fulfilled is awesome, man. People are loving it. Good. Well, tell everyone where they can see it or how they can access it. Yeah, it's easy. Right now it's just on Danecook.com. And that's it. Just go right to my website. If it goes beyond that, I'm sure you'll hear about it. But for now, I'm just going to direct to my fans through daincook.com.

Folks, watch this special. It is such a fun ride. And, oh, it's just, it's, it's great. Thanks, congratulations. And anything else, your social media or anything else you want to? TikTok is really kind of like the hub right now. So I've been doing that. But YouTube is coming in hot.

So YouTube, Dane Cook, TikTok, Dane Cook. and I would just say for the next year, if you follow me on there, I'm doing a documentary and we're going to be putting pieces of it behind the scenes of what we're actually shooting the dock for. So it's almost like a rolling hype machine that we're creating leading up to next fall, a documentary I'm releasing.

Oh, wow. Yeah. So if you follow me, you get to see like fragments of what it is that I'm putting together, figure out the puzzle with me. Little cock teaser. Yeah, exactly. I never thought I'd be able to say that about myself,

but I'm teasing cock. Are you cheating on the logo? Is that what you're doing? Last thing before you go, and I would only let you do this. Okay. You and Jerry Lewis, but I'm going to stand up,

and once I stand up, I think you know what to say. Hang on, let me get all the way up. And I'll ask you one question. Hi, Mr. Cook. How are you? Take a seat. It still hurts.

It still hurts. Ladies and gentlemen, The day cook on the Harlan Highway. Thanks for being here. And until next time, look for the unexplainable and chicken chow maim, baby. I love you, buddy. Love you, buddy. Thank you.