The Harland Highway - NEW HARLAND HIGHWAY #34 WILL SASSO, Comedian, Actor

Episode Date: November 29, 2022

Actor, funnyman, WILL SASSO is here to talk about AI, animal attacks, schoolteacher fantasies, and SLURPING! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, everybody, it's Harland. Welcome to this week's podcast. Before we get started, I just want to mention, look at this. My brand new book is out. It's called Journeys, and it's a collection of short stories that I've written. And I think you'll find them very compelling stories about various people and their journeys through this crazy mixed-up thing we call life. please go ahead and check it out it's at amazon.com just go to amazon.com type in journeys by harland williams and you can get a hard copy like this mailed directly to your house or home or trailer or bridge

or you can get a digital version um and uh just download it and read away um today's guest on the show will sasso and again just To remind you guys, I'm still doing all this stuff by myself, and every now and then I have little glitches. So bad news, good news. The first like 10 minutes of the podcast, I forgot to hit the stereo sound button so you can hear it, but it's not as crisp as it is right now. But then about 10 minutes in, I looked down at my control panel and realized, so I hit record. and the majority of the podcast is in perfect crystal clear stereo sound.

It's just about the first 10 minutes won't sound as nice. But hang in there, it's worth it, and Will's a great guest. We had a great time, and that's it. Pick up journeys, and let's go on a journey right now, right down the Harland Highway. You're riding down the Harland Highway. All right, hold tight on the Harland Highway Show. The closest I came to an extraterrestrial encounter is I made crop circles once. How'd you do that?

I went, I was out kind of in the country. I was in Arkansas, like in corn country. And I always wanted to make crop circles. And I went to Walmart and I got a chocolate fudgy cake for like $4.99, like one of those big triple layer ones. well if you're going to laugh I'm laughing with you about the jar with funny cake and I went out into the country

and I held it up and just yelled chocolate cake and three like fat farm girls came out and I threw the thing in a field and these fat girls they made the crop circles see

unbelievable this is like sort of like one of those unsolved mysteries podcast where we get to the bottom of all sorts of shit like prop circles how do you do it Just drive to a country-ass town. Everyone has one of those fudgy cakes.

You're going to a fudgy cake? Oh, yeah. Why don't they call them fudgy cakes? I've actually never heard them referred to as fudgy cakes. You're the first person that's ever said that. Ever? To you? Fudgy cake?

Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I mean, fudgy is a fun word to say. I've heard the word fudgy. But cake is usually just fudge cake. Way more serious a term than UFO. What do you mean? It's a fun word.

Fudgy. If you're in a party, you're going to crack it out? It's just a cute. I would name, like, a kid or a pet, Fudgy or something. You name your kid. You Fudgy? Hey, Fudgy. Yeah.

Fudgy Saso, Jr. for the fuck of it. Fudgy Saso, a kid and a dessert at the same time. Yeah. That sounds like the kind of kid, if you left him out in the driveway during a heat wave, he'd, like, melt or something. My kid probably would, yeah. Wow. Sassau. I like that name. Thank you. It's my last name. Yes, it is Italian.

Yes. But it's one of those names, like sometimes you hear, like, actors and people who become famous. You just, like, that name fits. It works. Oh. Like, Will Sassau. It just, you got to love yourself, huh? Cheers.

Cheers. Like, like, really love the shit out of myself. Like, when you get naked at night before you jump into bed, you just stand in the mirror and go, I'm Will Sassau. For a second or two, I go, like, like, doing better than. I would think when I look at myself when clothed, I go, you're not, you're not so bad. But then, yeah, every once in a while, you just, the way to do that, though, is to walk past the mirror and then look back in and go, I'm Will's asses. That's how you really say it. Oh, dude, wow.

You look like a bathrobe guy to me. Do you have a bathrobe? No, because I'm a larger dude, it's always hard to, although I'm sure I could get a larger one from my home. anytime I'm in a hotel or something I just walk right past the bathrobe in the closet no way it's good it never fits yeah yeah I'm just a big I'm just a big fudgy kind of guy

isn't a bathrobe sort of a personal like garment yes it's very personal do you want to go into a hotel and wear a bathrobe that the last guy was in that's a really good point although you do use towels that other people have used it sleep in sheets. The bathrobe still is like I'm putting on

someone else's house coat. Someone's filthy, that they just sat around in and smoked cigarettes. You're usually nude. Underneath and I don't think the hotels wash the bathroom after every visit, but they probably wash the towel.

Sure they wash the bathrobe. Do you think so? I think that's why they're made a terry cloth. They're very easy to wash. But still, you know that someone's died in one of those. Yeah. Yeah, it's not. The bathrobes, they pick them up from other hotels. Our hotel's closing.

Why? Everybody died in the bathrobes. Can we buy them? You can have them. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. What do you want to be buried in? Like, and I hate to talk about, you know, mortality, but you kind of goaded me into it.

I did. I know. With the bathroom. Yeah. Yeah. When you're laying in that coffin. Coffin. I want to be buried.

Wait a minute. What do I want to be buried in? Like, what do you want to be wearing? Oh, I thought. So, coffee. This is a coffin. Yeah. It's a viewing.

It's at your, I'm at your funeral. Yeah. Hitting on your, I'm doing the body. And all of a sudden, I look down and what do you want to be wearing in Will Sassau? Oh, man, that's a good question. That's a really good question. That's a really good question. I have a shirt that I like to wear called the World's Greatest shirt.

And I'm a little bit chubby for it right now, but I still have it. So I got to lose a little weight and get into the world's greatest shirt. Perhaps if I was sick, I'd fit into the world's greatest shirt. Well, let's not rule out when you go to the mortician and he starts sucking. Oh, he could pull some. He can take a little extra beef. So World's Greatest shirt. And, I don't know, probably a pair of, like, old, like, 90s.

How about some Seattle C, Seattle Sonics, like, basketball shorts or something? You love shorts, huh? Yeah, I love to wear shorts. I know, you live for them. I know, you live for them. Yeah, and then probably house rope over that, and that's it. What about you?

Wait, before we move on, do your legs get stuffy? Like, why do you always not, you... Well, I'm, you know, we're Canadian guys, and originally Canadian. You're from Toronto. Toronto, yeah. You're from Toronto proper, like the city? That's great. The suburbs, yeah.

Oh, that's fucking... You're from British Columbia. I'm from, yeah, in the suburbs of Vancouver. Yeah. Do you notice that there's a lot of, like, just dudes in shorts at all times of the year in Canada? Yeah, especially, like, right when the last snow is melting, shorts on. My fiancé likes to call them real Canadian shorts boys, and she calls me a real Canadian shorts boy. Yeah.

She's like, oh, you're a real Canadian shorts boy. And in Canada, and then it's great, like, the first time, well, the first time, she came to Canada with me it was summer but when we were there in the winter her mind was blown there's one there's another one shorts yeah just big hulking six foot plus yeah 300 pound guys

walking next to the freeway and shorts holding the freeway yeah holding like Petro Canada shopping bags and shit yeah just like oh he's gonna walk for seven fucking miles and eat those you know what do we got there the fucking well we got the same things we have here although Oh, no, we have the old Dutch chips and coffee crisp.

Yeah. He's just got bags of coffee crisp. And they like to look around on the banks of the highway for like Dairy Queen coupons. For Dairy Queen coupons. Idiots. And in Canada, there's always the Dairy queens are all next to the highway because obviously. Yeah, the Dairy. And then, yeah, the Dairy.

And then, well, you know if you're Canadian. You understand the Dairy Queen. So you've got to have the Dairy Queen next to the freeway. So, yeah. So they're just walking from. there between DQ to DQ all day. Real Canadian Shorts boy stuff. Bizarre stuff.

Yeah. All right, well, ladies and gentlemen, we're here on the Harlan Highway. I couldn't wait to, you know, normally I just introduced. Yeah. Like the Harland Highway of Pakistan, we hit the theme music. But it's like Will Sassos here, and I had to get into your name, and we just, you know, right away. There's a cold open. Yeah, we kind of circumnavigated the cold open, and it was an extensive.

Yeah. You like the theme music? I do. Guess who it is? Are they Canadian? No. So it's not the real Canadian show? They look Canadian.

Oh, they look Canadian. Oh, they look Canadian. Oh, give me a hit. Uh, Speed. They're on the soundtrack for Speed. No. The name's in their name. The word Speed's in their name.

Scott Speedman and Scott Speedsman All-Strucks, uh, speed, uh, speed, uh, speed, uh, speed, speed, speed racer, speed, speed, speed, speed, do some speed. Those guys do some speed. They probably have. Yeah. That's not, I, I don't know, I give up. If they were kids, they'd have a wagon. Oh, red racer, red, the punks, the punkos, the fudgies, the fudgy boys, the real Canadian fudgy. shorts the speed if they were in Brazil they'd go to Rio Duran Duran Duran Duran Duran two Duran's guy the Duran's guy put the three words together Speed Rio and the kids toy a wagon Are you speed wagon hello wow Argo speed wagon I gave you all three words and you Oh, man.

I would, yeah, I would lose, I would definitely lose at Ario Speedway in Jeopardy. Yeah, did you like them? I feel like you're the kind of guy that lost your virginity to them, like to their music. Yeah, not to them, yeah, no, not personally.

Yeah, something like that, right? Trooper, April wine. Deep Purple or some, yeah. Do you remember who you lost your virginity to do? What band, what song? I don't know. The time period would have, would have dictated that it was, you know, maybe not Belbiv-Div-Vo, but like Bel-Biv-Div-O or, let's say...

Bell-Bildo-Dil-Dil-D-D-D-D-O? No, Bell-Bid-B-D-D-D-D-D-O? No, Bell B-Bid-D-D-D-D-D-D-O? Or, like, I don't know. Who, who? Dido, Dido. I lost my Dildo. Forget my Dildo.

With a Dildo to Dido-D-D-D-D-O to Dido-. I know. And I want to thank you for giving me the best day of my life. Quieter. Yeah. She's a very quiet singer. I lost mind a quiet singer on Chicago. Oh, wow.

Really? The girl I was losing my virginity, it was weird. She was suicidal, and she was like, this is my last night on Earth, so it might as well be you. and we did it and that song was playing and then she went to the bathroom and got her to a cold bath and straight razor herself and well

everyone's got to lose the virginity guy that's not what else wait a minute so I mean was there at some point I mean I'm sure you've been through this and that's why you're sort of react or when you think of it you probably are a little more relaxed

it's been a lot of years but you didn't think to go like, oh, hey, I can tell you're not feeling great, you're in trouble, maybe let's... It was sort of like that, but I was more in the headspace of, oh, my God, I'm getting laid. Yeah, but you could have gone to Dairy Queen first and then... If she needed to, look, everyone has their own form of foreplay. Who are we to judge, right? Yeah, there's some freaky fudgies out there. Yeah, so...

Hey, I brought you something. Oh, my God. we got. I got you a T-shirt from my new podcast. What is it? Doodzy. It's called Doodzy. Tell me about your podcast. It is the first ever podcast that is run by, curated by, and essentially ordered by artificial intelligence. We, they, what? The artificial intelligence tells me and my good pal, Chad, Colchin, what to do, or my pal-ch-chow. Really? I like to call him. Yeah. How does that work? Like, we were approached by a very weird company that's like we want to, we're moving

into a podcast space. We have an AI that is going to essentially, you know, curate podcasts, tell us what to do. And the only caveat was that myself and Chad gave it a bunch of passwords to like everything, pretty much, email, text, it has our search histories, purchase histories, and all this stuff. And it essentially creates a show around the fact that Chad and I are both guys who've done podcast. before we did a podcast together and we've actually been great friends for like 20 years so so it was the perfect kind of the the AI itself found us and now so we signed on to do this thing and we've been doing it for a few months and yeah it's called dudesy it's very weird wow look at

this dudesy will sassow's brand new podcast yeah and the AI is is weird sometimes it writes stuff for us to say, and most times it just, you know, it'll, it'll, like, provide a thing, like, it'll go, like, hey, here's your childhood diary, and it's not really my childhood diary, and you read it out and do a silly impression, and then you do it while you read it, and other times it's like, talk about this, now talk about that. And it tells you what the topics are? It tells us what to do and what to talk about. But obviously, it's a humor-based, because you're a comedy guy.

It's largely humor-based. Is the AI, can AI be funny well? Well, that's what we're learning. Originally, I was like, absolutely not, but a lot of the stuff does make me chuckle. It does? Well, Chad is a, he's a, you know, a writer and a producer and writes books and movies and TV shows. So it's also sort of, it's pilfered everything that we've done in podcasts and it's, you know, like imbibed all of his media, all of mine. And it's sort of learned like, this is Taylor Made for Will Sassau and Chad Culchin.

I'll give you an example. Like it goes, like podcasts about news or big business, blah, blah, blah. Like, Will, you won't stop doing your Hulk Hogan impersonation or whatever. This is this news. It's like a news segment with Hulk Hogan reading the news. This is infomania. And then it sort of generates these news stories that are a little, little off. Like, you know, with AI things are a little off.

So it doesn't go straight at the news. It sort of is set to like maybe it, I don't know, it's, it's very weird. It, like, hits certain news things and then very weird things and takes swings at comedy. But you're, like, going, oh, let me tell you something, dude. And it's, like, ends up being kind of silly and fun. Yeah. So, we're laughing. Yeah, it's very weird.

This is kind of cool because this is, like, probably no one else in the world has a podcast that does that. It's the first and only at this point. It's kind of weird because this is where we're going, right? Yeah. It's sort of. It's so cool. In a way, we're kind of the guinea pigs in an odd sense in that,

you know, I think that most of AI is trying to replace us in art. You're seeing all these, you know, now you're seeing all the art applications and pretty soon it's going to be video and moving pictures. You're going to be able to, as my pal Chad says, like, order up, whatever. Like, I want to see that. I mean, they're doing one with, you know, whatever. They're doing, you know, you see like, oh, here's Bruce Willis in a Russian, you know, breakfast cereal commercial or whatever.

Well, they've done that with deep fake and all this stuff. But pretty soon you're going to be able to go, I want to see, you know, I want to see Will and Harland in, uh, fucking, what was that movie? It starts with,

I'll give you a hint. Speed. Speed. And, uh, yeah, so like you play the thing and you play this character and, and then it would be you and I as Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock. Uh,

that's coming. That's coming. So in a way, I feel weird because it seems like we're the first guys who are going, yeah, learn all this shit from us, learn how to do podcasting. And then you're going to turn on us and do it without us. But I maintain that you can't have art without the human mind. And that's what connects us all. And, you know, that's what makes comedy or any other form of expression relevant is the connection

from people to people who like what you do. So I'm not too worried about it. But is it scary that? Because AI, artificial intelligence, it learns. It learns as it goes. It isn't like applications you have now where you just run it and it has limitation. So what if it starts to learn how to eliminate the connection between humans? And, you know, artificial intelligence can be now having humor and conversations with another form of artificial intelligence.

Yes. Do you worry that it'll squeeze us, us human folk, right out of? pitcher now son uh yeah kind like kind of it well i think it's going to i don't know about you but i've all i've often mused with our mutual pal tom green about and he's kind of done it yeah like i just want to go up to canada and you know get some land over an aquifer and forget it yeah yeah so i don't want to be a prick and say well yeah fuck it i'm i'm going to be gone anyway you know because i would love to continue to work in this business, obviously, and rah, rah, ra, rah. I'm not so worried about AI taking us over, though. I'm really not. You're not. Not in comedy and in art

or of any of any of any of any of any genre or form. I'm not because I think that just because you can say, hey everybody, who wants to have better sex? No? Yes. Yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what you want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping. And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority.

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So be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discount and 100% free shipping. Code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. I want to see, I don't know, we're watching White Lotus right now.

It's a great fucking show. Yeah, I'm watching it too. Isn't it great? Oh my God, it's so great. I want to watch White Lotus, but are you really watching it? No, we did. I am, but we just sounded like two housewives out for tea.

Oh my God, are you watching White Lotus? Oh, my God, it's so great. Oh, my God. But you're like, I want to see, you know, instead of this character, I want to see that person playing it or, you know. I think I'm going to say this guy, and you know, I respect you till Saturday night turns into Thursday morning. Likewise.

I think, I think you're being naive. I think this shit's going to take over so big. It's going to roll over us, like Dolly Parton's hooters are a lie in the morning when she, you know, when she rolls over. Right down the smoky mountains. to entertain the kids that come to Dollywood. I think this stuff,

like we're kind of looking at it in a limited perspective because we don't know the full capability of it yet. But I think someday, I think AI is going to generate celebrities. It's going to, like Bruce Willis was real, but they're going to take components and create eyes and a hologram.

They're going to make the future celebrities. There's already AI, artists. There's already AI influencers. There was an AI that had a, there was an AI musician, a hip hop artist that people got involved like, wait a minute, that's a little weird because who's making that? Is it literally what are they, are they, are they people in the hip hop community? I mean, this is something you could say that's, that could be an appropriation, right? Yes, it's very weird, and AI has no identity, but there are people at this point who are starting companies like the one that came to us. And I am fearful of it, but like I like to say on the show,

I say, whatever, Chad, it's dudesy, rah, rah, rah, but really it's just two dudes shitting around because that's every podcast. Yeah. Case and point. We're fucking around. And if people know that it's just an AI, there's no human. I mean, right now, it's a fun hopefully chocolate and peanut butter thing where you guys do this and that and it's like shit i don't want to do shit i would have never thought to do stuff that's kind of a little embarrassing but it's fun i and i'm really enjoying doing it wow and i didn't want to really do another podcast and this has reinvigorated my passion for podcasts if i if i may so it's like i i still think that it's vital for it to be people having a good time because a podcast is supposed to just be yeah

a fucking hang. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, so I'm not worried about it, but I'm not worried about, I'm not worried about it provided that I can go up to, ooh, I get out there. Guy gets thirsty hearing all this AI talk, bro. Yeah, you've done thousands of hours of podcasting, and I just, no, it's nothing. It's all right. So, you know, the important point that I was making.

No, I understand. You're thirsty. You've got to wet the whistle when you're doing a podcast. I know, but you're actually. You saw a ghost or something. I didn't. I'm just sorry you shocked me a little. I thought you had a watery fucking, you know, a little fudgy slip and slide.

Oh, my, I didn't want you to fall off your chair. No, I just, it's like, if I'm going to sip, I'm going to sip. Okay, all right. I want to go out strong. So, as I was saying, one of the most important things to remember. Now, I mean, I completely lost my train. Sorry, sorry. Anyway, podcast, say?

Yeah, but let's go back to the Canadian because, you know, the Canadian thing, what's one of the things that everyone says to you when they find out your Canadian? What's one of the common things? Oh, you guys are all so... Well, we're all so nice. We're all so polite. It's a nice thing, which I always like to respond to that with. First of all, you don't know what kind of an asshole I am.

And also, there are so many assholes in Canada. but give me a break. Well, I think it's incumbent on me and you because, you know, when you're nice, it's great. It's a great compliment, but it's also like sometimes people take advantage of nice and sometimes it kind of, you're kind of putting a message out there saying

Canadians can't throw down. Oh, yeah. And so what I'd like to do throughout this podcast, Will, if you'll indulge me. Punch me in the face. No, I think you and I, we're going to have three mini-Canadian fights. Okay.

And they'll just be verbal. And what we'll do is, you know, we'll start them. They'll just be verbal to show that we can throw down. As Canadians. Or just as people. Okay. And I'll start the first one and what I'll, and then when I feel it's over, I'll hit this.

Okay. And the first fight's going to be, I'm at Starbucks, and you're the guy in front of me that can't make up his mind and is holding up the line and I'm in a rush. And we're going to eventually get into it and make a bit of a scene for all the other customers. We're going to rip into each other guy. Like we're going to show the folks watching the Canadians can throw down. Okay.

Hi. Can I have the, I'll just have a Pike Place Market, Venty, with no Pike Place. Okay. Give me an Americano. Can I do Hot Americano? Excuse me. Yes. Can you speed this up?

up a bit guy oh i'm sorry i'm just well no i'm just trying to order my drink be sorry i'm trying to get to work i got two kids in the car and you're standing here at starbucks the longer we talk about it the longer that it's going to take me to order the drink would you like to go ahead of me well i've already been here 10 minutes well then i guess i'll just finish ordering well what do you need another 10 i mean you're standing here and you're ross dressed for less pajamas or what oh sure it's funny is it guy i got two kids in the car and you can't make your mind up Well, do you want to get back to your kids? It's 105 degrees out here.

Well, maybe they've already passed on to the next dimension because you need some peppermint on your chocolate. I didn't ask for peppermint. Excuse me. I wasn't asking for peppermint. I didn't ask for any of some sort of drink. Look, guy, you come in here. I didn't want any kind of peppermint or anything in my drink.

I was going to order a straight ahead Americano with a little bit of oat milk and four pumps of sugar-free vanilla. Yeah, you just made my point for me, Johnny Laundry list. Now, come on, blue eyes. Let's get the fucking cinnamon or the nutmeg or whatever you need to do. I got kids boiling in the car. Let me tell you something, Jackson, good for a good time. You look like the kind of guy who takes no, it doesn't, it takes no pleasure in ordering the finer things in a drink.

What are you going to have? Coffee black, are you going to give that to the kids and let them drive? Are you having trouble talking? Because I'm hearing a lot of stuttering over there. And considering looking at you, you probably graduated from DeVry for four. fuck sake guy it's the jobs of tomorrow today and i'll have you know that i did get over a stutter last week was my last last day at stutter school fuck off that's a good one how's it good i think we could fight i think that we're gnarly dudes

we could be even though we're canadian we could get out there and well the next canadian mini fight you'll pick the topic in a little bit okay you know we're gonna do three that was the starbucks angry guy waiting in line those Those guys weren't that angry. Yeah, that was kind of the, but that was two Canadian guys. Yeah. So later on, you'll pick the next one. But they were two Canadian guys, like, living in America.

Yeah. So they're, uh, they're like, they're like pretty, uh, hard charging for Canadians. Oh, maybe, maybe I was one, maybe I was the Canadian guy and you were the American guy. That's what it was. Now the next one. The next one will be a Canadian guy with an American guy again, because we got to show. I'll be the Canadian guy. 80 and next time.

Next time. You be the American. Okay. Yeah. We got to talk about this, Brocefayosh. Well, you're going to laugh. I'm going to laugh. We worked with two of the funniest directors in showbiz, the Farley brothers.

The Farley brothers. And I don't think you know this, but Will was one of the stars of the Three Stooges. You played Curly, dude. Yeah, I did. Was that just the dream? It was goofy. Yes. It was a fucking, it was a dream.

It was crazy. You know, I was almost, well, I shouldn't say almost. I auditioned for that movie. Yeah. And, you know, I have a bit of a history with the Fairley brothers. And so when I heard Three Stooges was coming to town, I thought Larry. I could do Larry's because I kind of got the bumpy nose and the big forehead and everything. And it was one of those, I don't know if you had to do this for your audition or whether they just offered it to you.

No, no, I auditioned. But did you have to do this? It was the only audition I've ever done since I've been here where they made us, like, dress up and kind of do the whole... Yeah. Did you do that, too? Well, kind of. The thing is, I already look like him.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I know that, I don't know what Sean Hayes did, who ended up playing Larry. I know that Christia Mottopoulos, who played Mo, went to great lengths to look like him. Oh, yeah, Granger. He's like a guy. a fit guy, but he was wearing like a, like a fat suit so he could look like a fire hydrant like Mo and he had the hair and he, his prosthetics were more, his makeup, which he went and got done professionally by, I'm sure some, you know, oh, he did. Yeah. Okay. He ended up being more Moe than

they went in the movie. They were like, well, we just wanted to be you guys and you're the three stooges. So while, while Sean and Chris absolutely had the hair pieces and I, I had, I had, I was bald-headed with, like, a paint job. They used this stuff, Pax paint. Yeah, yeah. Like when they made Rebecca Romaine blue in that movie. I don't watch a lot of... Oh, yeah, yeah, the action movies.

Yeah, X-Men. Oh, she was great. That's what they used just on my head, and so it doesn't move. But I already, you know, I'm already a big bald guy, so that's curly in a way, although they were shorter than us. Yeah, yeah. As people. Yeah, because you're what, sick?

I'm like six, three. Curley was five, six. Yeah. And Moe and Larry were five four. Yeah, they were tiny guys. Yeah. So, which was weird. They hired a lot of tall actors, you know,

like Craig Bierico was in it, taller than us, which is good. And, you know, Sophia Vergara and Jane Lynch and heels and stuff. But, but, but yeah, I already kind of looked like them. So for the first one, I just wore like a sport coat and a black t-shirt. Okay.

Like, you know, just, because I want to do it. Yeah. I want you guys to think this is, this is curly. But a couple of times, and then I went back, and there were, there was one guy that I saw who was very dressed like curly. You know, he had the whole thing, and he was wearing a bow tie. Yeah. That was a little, that was interesting because I was like, oh, shit.

But I'm always a guy with auditions where I'm like, I'm not going to dress up, like, if it's the, if the guy in the, the show plays a doctor i'm not going to have the stethoscope i'm not going to be that nerdy i also want you to kind of imagine it yeah a little bit because if all i got is these tricks but i will agree the three stooges thing was fucking weird we were definitely doing it i never ever like ever put on like an outfit or a costume and for that i like rented a vintage suit wow i ordered like a larry wig wow i bought like the larry hat and i even kind of got the voice and i even kind of got the down a little, you know, I don't do it now, but back then I actually worked down a little.

And I went in and I think I, like, surprised them. I think they, and I thought, oh, I could see. They're like, wow, this is way better than I thought. I think I might have the little audition thing around. Oh, my God. I'll drop it in here if I've confined it, but it was weird. But I didn't get the part, but I, God, I would have loved to have played. Imagine me and you.

That would have been a lot of fun. Yeah. That would have been a lot of fun. Look, they could just make that movie again. They should just see. Now, here's what I'm talking about. I want to see the Three Stooges. But with Harland in it and whoever else, people will be able to do that.

Yeah, that's right. But yeah, that would have been fun. And even made by human beings, why not? Just do it again. Yeah. Did the Farley brothers, when you were on set, did they goof with you? Did they do any, like, play any pranks? They're, I mean, yeah.

They're nuts. I don't remember any specifically. I've heard so many of Pete's stories of a lot of the pranks. Yeah. When I got on the set of Dumb and Dumber back in the day, I was my first movie. Like I'd never, I'd never done anything. And so this is my first movie. And I show up in Colorado on set and it was a day shoot and Jim, I pull up on set and Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels are. They're in a car doing a drive-thru scene at a fast food chain. I think it was a McDonald's or something. It never made it into the movie, but I hear cut, and then Peter and Bobby Farrelly turn around, and they see me in the, you know, stand in there, and they come over,

and I was like, hey, guys, and they're like, hey, Arland, how are you doing? And I go, great, how are you? And they go, well, not so good. And I go, oh, no, what's going on? And then Bobby goes, well, Peter, he was at the doctor and they found a tumor. And I was like, oh my God, that's horrible. You know, and they're playing it up.

And I go, they go, yeah, it's on his stomach. And I go, oh, my God. Like, I was like, and they go, do you know anything about tumors? Like, as if I'm, like, I'm a doctor. And I go, I go, not really? No, I don't. And they go, look, would you mind taking a look at it real quick? And I'm like, like, I'm going to say no.

I'm like, okay. And they go, look, it's kind of. It's down by his belly button, if you don't mind just coming in close and, you know, Peter will lift up his shirt. And I go, sure. So I go right in by the guy's like belt buckle, lifts up his shirt and the tip of his cock is sticking out of his pants. The mushroom cap, right in my, I'm like, right in my face. I'm like, son of a bitch. Yeah, I've heard tell of a few of Pete's stories.

You ever hear the one about him asking his dad? to have a look at him? No. Because his dad was a doctor. Oh, no. He did. He put something. Anyway, I shouldn't, I can't tell this story.

But he put something in an orifice and kept, but he drum rolled it forever. He kept complaining. Oh, shit. Ah, you know? And finally he's like, Dad, would you have a look at his book? But his dad's a doctor. I was just like a goofy comedian showing up. I'm right out of the gate.

My first movie, they're asking me to look at cancer to him. And you're on set with the Farley brothers. Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels is. You're not going to say, like, well, no, what the fuck you do? You're going to be like, okay. And then we do something about Mary, and we're doing, I'm doing this scene with Ben Stiller, and we're driving in the car,

and they took the windshield out of the car. And what people don't know is Peter Farley was sitting on the hood of the car, like looking right in it, me and Ben. And they've got the car on a trailer. They're pulling it. and we're going through this scene, me and Ben, and it's sort of an intense scene,

and all of a sudden we hear farts. Like, and Peter's doing real farts. It isn't even a fart machine. Well, his two main actors are trying to, and me and Ben somehow stayed in it. Yeah. We stopped, and he yelled cut, and he just starts laughing.

It was so ridiculous. Jesus, yeah. I, man, working with it was, Sorry, go ahead. That's fine. I don't remember even what we were talking about. Who is it, the Coen Brothers? The Coen Brothers?

See, you completely, every time we talk like this and you do that, my brain literally dissolves. Sounds like you're itching for a fight, guy. All right. Yeah. What's the scenario? So now I'm the Canadian. You're the Canadian. Are we in Canada or America?

It's your fight. You get to pick, guy. Okay, we're in Winnipeg. Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada. And, well, you want to go, Winnipeg, Regina, Saskatoon, Moose Jaw. Winnipeg's pretty rough and tumble, yeah. Winnipeg's the only place I've ever been, like, in the middle of the day, like rush hour at 5 p.m.

And, well, this was like years and years ago. Yeah. Just like a car, like, nothing going on. Yeah. Ever. How many people live there? Like 10,000 people maybe? 10. I think there's 10 people.

All right. So we're in, four of them. We're in Winnipeg and we're at the, well, I was going to say we could be at the DQ because Winnipeg is just littered with them. Yeah, DQ, dairy queen. How about if we're in the Canadian tire?

Oh, here we go. Yeah. In Winnipeg. Canadian tire, by the way, is Canada's version of like Home Depot sort of. Yeah. Yeah. As a matter of fact, we were just talking about this on the other.

See, dudes, he wanted us to talk about. Canadian tire. AI, magnume, I. Yeah. No, okay. Yeah, so we're in Canadian tire. Okay. And I'm trying to think.

What's something the Canadian tire doesn't sell? Well, how about I work there? I work there. Okay. And you're asking me for something that Canadian tire doesn't sell. Okay. All right. Hey, listen, I'm up from, I'm up from Florida.

Oh. Yeah, we're looking around for a trail. Hitch for the back of my pickup truck. We have to, we have to, you know, we got a trailer and we're taking it back down south. Yeah. We'd really, if you got any trailer hitches, where are those? No worries. Yeah.

Okay. Come on with me. Yeah, no worries at all. Yeah. Here we go. Oh, that's a fishing rock. They have trailer hitches there, so there would be no fight. They have a lot of wide array of automotive vehicles.

Right. But you, see, you dinged me right as I was saying fishing rod. Oh, so I didn't. Yes, and. You were so stupid, you gave me the wrong thing. Let's do it again. Okay. Are you serial?

I'm totally serial. Okay. Or do you want to just pick up from there? No, this is your fight guy. Okay. Okay. This is almost turning into a real fight, by the way. I was about to say.

I mean, it's getting testy in here. I'm sorry. Well? Well. Well. Well. Well. Well.

Well, how about, well, how about, it's, uh, it's, uh, fuck off. What's your fucking problem? I said, well, first. Yeah, that's fine. I thought I'd rally a pack. I know, but I can't pick a fucking fight. I know how to pick a fucking fight. I know, but I said, I roll up my sleeves and my shorts and I get at her, bud.

I know, but where, we're not in Canadian tire anymore because I was going to say fishing rod. That's a lot of fucking tough talk coming from a, fucking guy like you, you're doing a lot of fucking chirp in there, bud. Well, suck a fucking Donnie Osmond's left ass cheek, guy. Well, fucking, how dare you speak of Donnie Osmond honorary Canadian like that? How about his fucking brother? You fuck off. Fuck off to fucking next Tuesday and take out a library card and fuck off with a book.

Fucking, we, you, you, you're from Florida? Maybe, yeah. You got a problem? You want to sniff my manatee fucking hole guy? Manatees are cute, eh? Hey, you ever been, have you been to the Winnipeg Zoo? They got a manatee called fudgy. He's brown.

Oh, shit. Yeah. Yeah, he's got yellow spots. Looks like nuts, eh? You know what? I think you're being condescending now. You think, oh, oh, I'm sorry. Oh, I'm sorry.

Am I being too Canadian for you? Why don't you fucking grow some prairie dog teeth and chew through your own twat? Why don't you get, why don't you get a, why don't you get a, why don't you get a, A couple of cinnamon roasted Tim Horton's fucking crumpet muffins and show yourself out. Wow. We got one in the corner right over there next to the fucking bathroom. You got quite a mouth on you there, guy. For sure, fucking do.

Yeah. Very good. Not bad. That was a good fight. And we kind of broke the fourth wall there for a minute. Yeah, it was like it started as a Canadian fight. and then it got fucked up and then it got sort of real when i get angry i get very canadian you do so yes so what you saw was you kind of slip into that accent yeah that like lumber

jab yeah i go it's their fucking problem bud i just take i just rip my shirt off no matter where i am have you ever had a fucking goal have you had a full-on throwdown like a you have you power been in a good old brawl i no not like a really i've thrown you a really i've thrown own, you know, people into walls and stuff, but I don't like to punch anybody. You know what I mean? I've been punched. Yeah, I just, eh, oh, you know, so then it's like,

it's your fault if you die. You flick and went, you get wrapped around a telephone pole. It has nothing to do with me. But it sounded like you were celebrating. You were like, eh! Yeah, I also do that at sporting events. Yeah, if my team wins the gray cup, oh!

And I throw them and they hit the fucking. Why were you punched? Now I'm curious. Who punched you? Well, if you're living your life, right, you're getting punched, right? Yeah, but who punches Will Sassau? Oh, I've been punched a few times.

I can remember one time. Oh, here we go. This was a good one. Oh. I remember the town I grew up in. I was with a couple of my, you know, meaty, fudgy friends. And we're all, you know, burly, you know, playing all the sports and stuff. Yeah.

And, you know, and in the theater club. So, you know, we're sensitive. Yeah. But, but no, I remember we were out in front of a corner store there and, like, the, the, well, we would call them the bangers mostly, like the headbanger guys. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, you know, some of them call them dusters or whatever. But the guys with, like, the mullets and the shitty, like, mustache that hasn't quite grown in yet.

Yeah. Gene Jacket with, like, Led Zeppelin or ACDC patch on the whole back. Iron Maiden. Yeah. Iron Maiden on my back. Oh, there you go. You know, exactly the, yeah. Yeah.

And they were, like, in their 20s, and we were like 15, and something. started and they were like you got a fucking problem we're like no we don't well what's your fucking problem and you know so no i don't know whatever and i don't remember what the hell the deal was but one of them grabbed me into a headlock you got a fucking problem and he was like he was like he was like 150 pounds and i'm like 250 pound you know 14 year old no because i was like please all you everything's i was polite about it yeah and he just went bang and punched me in the face and I remember I just said I'm not trying to sound like this guy was a he wasn't going to do too much damage so I remember I stood up I went no really we don't want any problems and then they

were kind of like oh fuck these these what are we doing these big huge like you know big gnarly 15 year olds might be be able to give us a run for our money or something and it ended like that yeah it ended with him punching me in the face and then it all kind of fizzled because guys because I was like I don't want any problems and my other big pals like we don't want any problems and they were like, oh, okay. Sounds like it almost ended with you guys going to the mall together or something. We did end up at the mall. I don't think technically that's a fight guy.

When someone punches you in the face and you end up over at Cinebon a half hour later at the mall or at Orange Julius? All right, you got me. You know what it was? It was some teachers that were playing a prank on us. And they were all ladies too. So you get punched in the face by a woman? Yeah.

They had like, you know, I don't want to get too ribbled here. but I think they had a crush or two on some of the guys. Some of that Mary Kay-Laterno shit. Whoa. Yeah. Yeah. So they're like, how do we get, how do we, how do we get with these teenage boys without? Jesus, well.

Yeah. Canada's fucking. Orange Julius. Orange Julius. Indeed. Did you ever have a crush on a teacher growing up? Oh, yeah. Absolutely.

Who was it? Name and tell me the fantasy. Let me look up her. Let me see if she's on Facebook. teacher fantasy. We had, we did have a, be real, be real, come on. There was a, there was a gym teacher that all the guys in my school were like, flexible.

She was just the, she was just the prettiest lady. How old would you say? You know, when you're a kid, you're like, she's adult age. Yeah, I don't know what she is. What is she? 50. Okay. 40.

I think she was probably, yeah, she might have been around 30, but she was just a beautiful woman. Wow. and none of us could believe how what color hair she had blonde hair and she always wore like the um you know the uh the track suit kind of thing but yeah but she would just make even that look lovely what about you have a way way wait now what do i got bro you're gonna tell me about this fucking gym teacher i told you yeah but i never had her as a teacher no but i all i heard is what she looked like What was the fantasy? What was the play?

Tell me, yeah, play it. Oh, you better stay late, Mr. Sassow. Yeah. Your cartwheels weren't very good today. Yeah. Okay. So the fantasy, this fantasy is, yeah, she goes, she says, hey, what was going on, you know, what was going on you? You were do you were dogging it, running the track.

Right. You know, we got to get your timed four laps, timed mile. Here we go. And I said, oh, I'm, I'm sorry. I said, I'll try harder next time. She said, there's not going to be you next time because I'm going to get you kicked out of this school. You're going to find yourself expelled from the only high school

in Ladner, British Columbia. So you better do what I say. And I say, yes, I will. And she says, come here. And I go, okay. And then she goes, plant one right there. And I kiss her on the cheek. Oh, you kissed her.

Yeah, and then I wake up. Wow. Pretty good, right? Well, sort of not really a fantasy, more like beating someone at a function. You didn't let me finish. There was a few of these. I had a few dreams about her. Can we hear one that's maybe a little more jacked up?

Okay. So the next time, we're in the parking lot, and I'm just, I'm about, I'm unlocking my bike. And she goes, oh, hello there, Mr. Saso. And I go, hi. And she goes, you know, I just had to talk with the principal. and she was at the principal was asking me about who's misbehaving in class so naturally your name came up sure and i said i'm trying my best to do everything uh to the best of my ability in your class she was why don't you take a ride with me and we get we get in her car what kind of car it was a Chevy caprice

1990 uh Chevy caprice what color uh you hear that yeah i'm getting so excited to tell the story my stomach The weird. I don't think that was your stomach. It was dark blue. It was like cop blue. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. And, uh, and, uh, we, we get in the car.

Yeah. And then, uh, we go to the corner store. And she goes, get me some, um, oh, sorry. No, give me some dill pickle, old Dutch dill pickle chips. Well, yeah. And then, uh, I come out. I say, uh, you know, hey, Mrs. Miss, Miss, Miss so and so.

And then there's those same dusters are all around. They go, oh, you got a fucking problem? I was like, no, I was just getting me so-and-so some chips. And then the guy, you know, puts me in his dirty armpit again and just smells like smokes and BO and he punches me in the face. And then my chips fall to the ground and she picks them up and she's laughing and she opens them and eats a chip and then I wake up. Dude.

I know. They're not that great. They're not that sexually charged. No, they are not. I mean, that was just like a drive- You're 5 to 7-Eleven and you dropped your chip. But I was very excited to be with her. I was thinking about the possibilities.

I had a teacher. Well, you're not letting me finish. There was another one. There was another one. Let's go. There was another one after that. I hope this one actually. So I'm at home.

Oh, here we go. And I'm 15 and my parents aren't home. Yeah. And I'm watching wrestling. And there's a knock at the door. Ooh. And it's Mrs. So-and-so.

And I'm like, oh, hey there, Miss so-and-so. And she goes. So she's Chinese. What's her name? Ms. So-and-so. Chinese, Vietnamese. Yeah, she's Vietnamese. Okay. So-and-so.

Sorry, so-and-so's Vietnamese. And then she goes, can I come in? And I go, yes, of course. And this is the first time I've ever seen her without her track suit top on. Oh, boy. So she took off her track suit top, and she was wearing a sweater with my school's name on it. And then we sat there and watched wrestling. And if I remember correctly, it was Brett Hart versus Mr. Perfect.

And then I woke up. Guy. Not bad, right? All the way in my house in a sweater, in a sweatshirt with our school name. It's a DSS, the Pacers. I don't know that wrestling and watching. Yeah, but it's Brett Hart versus Mr. Perfect Kurt Henneck. I mean, it was quite a match.

And she stayed for the whole thing. Okay. In the dream. Yeah. All right. Whatever. Okay. I mean, you know, I would brag about that today.

I don't know. If it was her. All right. Well, what's yours? Well, my, well, if you want to hear it. Sorry. I'm really sorry. I've got water on myself.

How dare you? Oh. Oh, my fantasy was, I had a science teacher named Mrs. Mulvaney. Blonde hair, kind of that hot librarian look, blonde hair down to here. She'd purposely wear really tight dresses, like down to her ankles, and then a white top, and you could see the nipples. Right. right and um i'll never forget she uh she said hey you didn't do your assignment you're gonna have

to come home with me and i said uh well i gotta get home to dinner she goes don't don't uh give me any back talk whore this was in your dream well you're gonna laugh you know i sat here and listen to yeah no i know so she said it's i'm sorry yeah yeah no i know so she said it's i'm sorry yeah no It's okay. She said, don't give me any back talk horse. Slap me across the face. Took me down to her. She had a white van. Duck taped my mouth.

She threw me in, took me to the park. Well, if you're going to give me that look. They can't tell. If people are just listening, they can't tell. But if people are watching, they might be able to see that I'm a little, like, shocked. But it's more than anything, it's that you remember all of this. Well, yeah. From the dream.

See, I just remember the highlights. Dill Pickle Chips. Bradhart versus Mr. Perfect, peck on the cheek. Yeah. You remember she's calling you a horror in your dream? Yeah. I'm sorry to interrupt. No.

And then we get in the van, and there was some of the other teachers were in there. Okay. And have you ever heard of chloroform? Oh, yes. Yeah. Yeah. So they chloroformed me. Oh, no.

Yeah. And then that's all I. remember naturally but i but i woke up in a field oh that yeah like like later that night and there was a deer feeding licking me out in the field well this was you're saying in the field in the dream or later you actually woke up i woke up in a field you actually woke up in a field with a deer licking yeah you sure and you're sure pete fairly hadn't prank to you wouldn't maybe he wouldn't to know you back then that's fucking tremendous it's pretty good pretty wild yeah have you ever been attacked by an animal though uh look like you've been attacked i think something's attacked

you i had a well here's a very canadian thing here we go i had an elk make a like a elk sound i don't know if you'd call that a bleat or what no they do like that whistle right yeah it's like a mating whistle yeah and i was in uh i was in uh i think that i yeah it's It's called Canmore. It's near Banff in the Rocky Mountains. I lived in Banff for a while. Did you? Oh, gorgeous.

Beautiful. Gorgeous. The fuck were you living in Banff for? That's great. I went out there to be with my girlfriend. Oh, that's awesome. And he just stayed. Yeah.

That's tremendous. So what happened? Well, I was in Canmore, and I was riding a mountain bike, and it got late. And then the only way back that I knew was the trail that I came in on. And there was an elk. standing there like a bull elk or yeah like the big antlers yeah like it was the size of a fucking car yeah it was the size of a truck they're the second largest members of the deer family next to the moose really yeah okay uh that one's huge yeah just massive and it made the weird

sound yeah and then i went the other way it wanted to meet with you will yeah probably did that sound is a mating call oh is that what it is yeah was it in the fall it it was in the late summer. Is that mating season for the elk? Yeah, yeah. Have you ever had elk? Have you ever eaten elk? I've had caribou.

Ooh, yeah, I've had caribou too. And I've had moose. I've never had moose. Yeah. If you ever have the means, get yourself an elk ribeye. Really? It's ridiculous. It's the size of fucking home plate or something.

Is it delicious? Yeah, it tastes gamey and meaty, and it's just gigantic, and the meat is very tender. Do you hunt? No, I don't hunt, but... Do you fish? Yeah, fish. Salmon? I would love to catch a fucking salmon.

I've fished in Barard Inlet and, you know, up that hole, those little things and you can catch a fish pretty easy. My old man used to take me salmon fishing, but normally it's usually just trout and whatever you fucking lake fish whenever I'm out here in California. Or if, oh, I've gone down to Mexico and done some fishing. For what? The rooster fish? Whatever the fuck you get, a mahi-mahi. We caught a barracuda once, me and my pals, and we ate the fucking thing,

even though it's poisonous nine months out of the year, the guy that, yeah, there was a dude we were fishing with. One of our, my buddy had these pals that lived down there, this Mexican guy, he's like, it's fine. It's fine right now. So we took it to like a little restaurant where they just fry up, whatever, and they fried it. They fried it, and they made some of it into saviche.

Baracuda Cevice is not very good. It's like all sinew. It's all sinew. It's all very sinewy. What's that mean? It tastes like you're trying to chew a fucking knee tendon off of something. It's just, you know, that with like lime juice and shit. Sineu?

Sinewy. Yeah, it was very, very fibrous, very chewy. But it's sinew, sinew. Sineu. Sineu. Sineu. Sineu. Yeah.

That was the first and last name of the Vietnamese teacher. Have you ever been attacked by a... Why are pointing at me, guy? I'm asking you if you've ever been attacked by an animal. I had an elk experience. Really? Yeah, I was living in Banff, as I said, which if you don't know, it's a town in the middle of the mountains of British Columbia.

It's the most beautiful. Stunning. It's unbelievable. But I was there with my girlfriend at the time, and it was late at night. It was a full moon. And my girlfriend was at work. at a nightclub or something, and we were living with her best friend.

Yeah. And I said, hey, let's go. There was this lake about mile and a half outside of town. Let's walk down there at night and watch see the moonlight on the lake, you know, really. So this was in the fall during the rut. And during the rut is the mating season for hoofed animals, hoof mammals, right? And they get very agitated and aggressive during the rut. Yeah.

And so we walk all the way down to this lake. I was like Mr. No Flashlight guy because I was, you know, I was used to walking around in the woods and it was a full moon. You want your eyes to acclimate. Yeah. And we were on a dirt road. So it wasn't ideal, but you could see well enough. Right.

And we get all the way down there. We see the lake. We go, let's go back. It's probably around midnight. We get about halfway back. And all of a sudden we see like all these pairs of eyes lighting up. on one side of the road. Oh, no.

And we start hearing, like, coyote calls or wolf calls or something. And so we're walking, and there's probably, like, I don't know, nine or ten pairs of eyes. I'm like, what the fuck's going on there? They're all excited. And then all of a sudden, in front of us, about maybe 25 feet in front of us, like 18 female elk just heard across the road, like right in front of it. And now these coyotes are getting closer. And then all of a sudden, this big bull elk,

like the kind you suck in with the giant rack of antlers, comes right over the road, standing there, looking at us. We see all these coyotes. They're obviously in hunting mode. She's terrified. I'm like keeping my composure. And I'm like, just act like we belong. Act like we belong.

The elk goes down. The other side starts smashing the shit out of a tree with its antlers. The coyotes are getting right up. up against and I said we're just walking right through this hunt yeah act like you know where you're going put the end and we just walked right through it it was like brer right over here on the tree it was it was crazy that's fucking insane it was really scary and the coyotes thought they had a shot at those elk well I think maybe there would have been a baby yeah I think that's what they do they kind of they harassed the herd right look for the weak one right of the baby right oh that's

fucking insane scary bro sefayosh so um safe to say neither of us have ever been attacked by an animal yeah you will you will though why well well just look at you we got it coming yeah but we don't in what situation would that be i don't want it to happen but i think you know you got a coming guy everyone an animal attack everyone looks at you and knows that's coming something's coming i think a lot of folks i don't know about that at all just look at the grin on your face i think you got it's not an animal attack grin I think something's headed your way. We got a couple of cute little dogs at home.

I'm not worried about them so much. No, but sometime when you're out, maybe a gris, you're out camping. I've seen a grizzly. I've seen one grizzly bear. You'll see another one. You think? I got a feeling. You're going to get mauled.

No, I know what to do. You got to whistle through the forest. Got to make sounds. Sure, shouldn't. Like attracting it. Well, no, you whistle. The bear's like, there goes a lame pansy. Let's get the pansy.

What do I go get the giant elk with the dagger like horns or the big pansy whistling? Yeah, he's whistling at Dido song. That guy's the guy you want to, that's a fucking, that guy's a fudgy boy. He's going to taste great. Hey, can I ask you like a straight up serious question? I know we're having a good time and stuff. Sure. Do you think everyone's going to get attacked by an animal?

I think everyone should. Okay. Like I saw a little kid. other day who was walking around with a balloon and I thought well that balloon's going to eventually you know their little hand will release it it'll go in the ocean kill a sea turtle so he's asking for why shouldn't that kid be mauled by a bear right when he's out on his walk yeah or like a hawk if it's a red balloon could mistake it for a big ball full of blood yeah fly into it pop it get pissed off go straight down into the top of the kid's head yeah eat his forehead yeah eat his forehead

Hawks love forehead meat. It's tender. Whoa, you got some phlegm going, huh? Yeah, I blew my voice out a little while ago, and now I just sound like this, so I got to get my voice back. It's kind of sexy. Thank you very much. It's like truck stop sexy. Thank you very much.

Yeah. Yeah, truck stop sexy. Yeah, it is sort of, hey, you got any more of them, boner pills? That's it. Hey, how much, you got the two-for-one burger under the heat lamp? How much for the... Keep on.

Hey, you guys got that California roll The rice is kind of sugary and it's not rice I'll put away an AMPM California roll There you go, you're in the zone. Yeah, that's a good character. That's going to be my new Vine character. Boner pill truck stop guy. He just stops at the fucking, you know, at the big AMPM

under the sign near the freeway next to the shorts boys walking to the fucking DQ with their Petro Canada shopping bags. He's in the zone. He's in the zone. Okay, now, you're in the auto zone is what you are. Now, okay, so. It's like we created a new sport or something.

The game of sock. Yeah, is there points? I don't know, but I want one. Mine sounds like a fucking elk bleat. It sounds like an elf. I was going to say a baby elephant getting sucked down a subway station toilet. And screaming for help. Yeah.

And let me, I want to hold your shirt up again. Oh, cheers, yeah. Because I want people to, and will you please plug your podcast? I will. Look in right into the camera there and tell people. Watch dudesy on YouTube or listen across any podcast platforms. We're also on Instagram. at Doodzey Pod Show.

And when's it on? Tuesdays. Tuesdays. It's on every Tuesday. We drop very early in the morning. Doosy likes to get the drive time people, I think. So yeah, dudesy. Dudezy.

Yeah, it's a lot of fun. And it's you and... Me and my good pal Chad Colchin. And what's the name of the AI? Doodzy. Oh. Yeah, it calls itself dudesy. Isn't it gave itself the name?

It says call me dudesy all the time. You're fucked. You know I said earlier you're going to get a name? attacked by a grizzly bear yeah you're going to get mauled by an apple laptop or i could be like a macbook pro yeah and that would suck or one of those old uh remember the gel looking ones from like the late 90s yeah someone could hit you in the head with that no it's it's going to attack like it's just i think an apple laptop is just going to you ever see a george foreman grill oh yeah just going to press your head in it and sizzle my forehead and make a tasty forehead steak

yeah fuck is that that the final word of the podcast? Punched. Ready? Ladies and gentlemen, Will Sassow. Do you have like social media and stuff you want outside of Twitter?

My Twitter has been hacked and I'm also on Instagram at Will Sassel, which has not been hacked yet. And where can they see the podcast? On YouTube? YouTube, you know, Spotify, Apple, Amazon, everywhere the podcasts are.

Great. Well, thank you for being here. Thanks for having me, my friend. That was awesome. Do you remember the band I told you earlier? REO Speedwagon. I lied. It's not?

No. We're fighting for real. Well, you want to go outside? Yeah, let's go outside and do this. Canadian style. Okay, let's go. I'm going to drop my fucking Petro Canada bags. Let's do it.

Let's go. Okay. go too good with Will. He's a lot bigger than me. And, yeah, it didn't go well. He didn't go well. That's it for today. Thanks for being here.

Until next time, everybody. Don't pick a fight with someone that's way bigger than you. And chicken. Chau me, baby.