The Harland Highway - NEW HARLAND HIGHWAY #35 -PAULY SHORE, Comedian, Actor

Episode Date: December 6, 2022

Comedian Pauly Shore is here to talk dating, dragonflying, and what's going on with the state of comedy now days! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

that's the opposite of the wheeze what's that that's the that's the that's the badger oh wow i've never met the that's in the badger's in the wheezes out whoa badger in wheezes out wheeze is out wow wheeze is out there you go dude that sounded like a lot of like uh weasel style masturbation going on right there second question the first question was good okay you're riding down the harland highway all right hold tight on the

harland highway show harland williams you wear your cans don't worry about it just start rolling I might have to not wear the cans I know but I don't think people like your ears so maybe if you cover them you're not wow you're right now I can

people don't like your ears. Hey, bud. Oh, sorry, theme music. Yeah, mm-hmm. Well, now that's right. You're on the Harlan Highway guy. The Harlan Hershey Highway. Well, let's not go down that road.

Why? You live close to West Hollywood, bro. I know. I see you down there a lot. I don't eat chocolate. I don't, I'm not a chocolate guy. Well, they eat your chocolate. Well, no, I don't allow to, I'm diabetic.

Well, you're very homophiles. I don't know if I could do this. I'm chocaholic. Ladies and gentlemen, Polly Shore here on the Harlet Highway. People are like, Jesus Christ, why the fuck do you have that guy in your show? Well, the first thing I wanted to ask

is I don't really trust the internet stuff, but do you have polio? That's what it's been saying. No, but I like to play polio. I like to play polo. Dude, you look like a dragonfly. Well, you know, now I'm just pitching you,

Laying on a lily pad dropping like eggs. Whoa, bro. I didn't expect you can bust in here and go full dragonfly on me. It took you long enough, Harlan. You ever see that movie? It took you long enough. What about that movie Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon? No, Crouching died at Hibbing Whee, so, bro.

See? Bah, ha, ha, Chinese face. Whoa, come on, dragonfly. Dude, you know, all we need is fucking a little Farley baby on the side right here. we're back to square one a what baby farley baby kevin farley oh yeah we did the thing with the thing but the thing you're your buddies with kevin farley your fucking buddies with them your buddies with them you probably camp with them and stuff and roll around well no remember we did that first podcast years ago over on sunset yeah yeah yeah and that was kevin was your sidekick kevin he was your

sidekick oh yeah you're right it was your podcast all right first question you have here on your thing well the first thing I was asking is do you have polio um I don't know I how do you how do you get tested for it well look at you you look I mean now nutritioned I don't know you do you think you have it hmm I don't know I don't know I mean the way I look at myself I don't say oh man you might have polio when I look at myself but do others um look at you and go that guy's riddled with polio I'd probably have to ask them after they see my face. Yeah. Have you ever had like any type of like ailment,

like a physical ailment attributed to you? Like a name of a disease or, uh, well. It was nice having polished her on the podcast. Say it. Where are you going? It was really nice having the dragonfly. Whoa. Whoa.

Sexual assault is not part of the fucker. You think you can fucking get this shit off. Dude, you're not touching this beef. Make a dig with the Bobby Lee. Wow. Oh, hey, nice try, huh? The dragon flies on the loose. Wow.

Look, you got all right because no one ever had said. Dude, it's like I'm fucking Will Smith and you're fucking Kanye West. You chris rocked me right out of the gate. Kanye West. Did you try to power slam me? But has anyone ever attributed you? Because when I think of there's one, and don't take this the wrong way. I've already taken everything you fucking said the wrong way.

You can say it to me too. I might have an ailment. But I think of it. And I don't think this exists, but saliva wards. Saliva wards. Is that something that you could have started? That's more like, what's that called? That's called, fuck, I forgot the name of it.

What? Shit. Canker sores. Yeah, but I've heard of those. So saliva warts is your version of canker warts. But I feel like that's something you could start, saliva warts. I do have, I do have a club foot. Are you serious?

Yeah, so I have a club foot. No way. Yeah. So that's, I mean, if you look at me when I, what, I'm just saying? If you look at me when I stand, it's off just a hair. It's about a half inches. So I have like a, I have an extra. Well, you ask me if I had any ailments.

Yeah. So I have like a pad on my, um, on my left foot. it's a little bit shorter than the right footh. You know, club foot's the gateway to polio, right? I didn't know that. I'll have to Google it. How'd you get it? First question.

First question. I got to know how you got a club foot guy. I just, when they pulled me out, they pulled me out of my mom. It was just they pulled one leg a little harder. Was the abillical cord wrapped around your foot? It was it wrapped around my penis. Holy, choke me out and take me to fucking Denmark. Dude, we're down the motherfucking Harlan, Hershey, motherfucking highway.

There, guy, right there. First question, dude? I'm asking the first question. This is not how you do a podcast. You ask questions. You know what? In Ginger Snapland, you do it my way. Okay, that's good.

I like that. But you started out with the weasel thing. Now you're asking questions. I want to go back to polio. Well, do you have it or don't you? Because you look a little crooked up. No, I don't. Well, leprosy?

Mm. Mm. I could. I don't know. I'm not quite sure. You came into. here strong with the weasel thing right out of the gate and i thought you know you you're one of the rare guys in the world that coined a phrase like a pop culture phrase the weasel right yeah the

weasel but that was then this is now can still the wheeze it's still work god damn it's still good but what i'm asking you guy can me and you come up with a new catchphrase for the folks watching to Well, I have a new one, too, that I use. It's called Spatch. Okay. Spatch. Spatch. Spat, C-A-T-C-H.

What does it mean? So it means when someone comes up to you or you're not into something, you go like this. That's Spatch. Spatch. Like, you're trying to spatch me off your podcast right now. You're sure, it's not just fleas? No, you're like, you know, it's like someone comes up. If you're not into something like Spatch, bro.

But you're into this, right? You're not spatching. Yeah, no, I'm not spatching this. Who did you just look at your producer? No, I was just, you know, I was looking around, wondering if I was getting spatched. No, you're in, you're in. Well, what can we come up with together that's a new catchphrase for the world to use? Polio.

No, but that's a disease you've got. Oh, right, oh, yeah. Well, it looks like you got. What was that? I have Gerd as well. That's another catchphrase. Gert, wasn't that one of the Muppets? No, that's Larry in, I forgot his name.

Gert. Oh, the dragon. Fly. Dude, when you see Bobby Lee, do you touch his face? I slap it around a little. Yeah, I like it pink. I did Stevie's podcast, Stevie and Jeremiah. What?

Well, Jeremiah is Jeremiah Watkins, and then you got Stevie. Stevie Lee. Yeah, he's the brother of Bobby Lee. Yeah, but he's like the Tony Rock of Bob, you know what I mean? He is. And he's not as pleasant to touch his face. Did you spat him? I spatched them, yeah.

Dude, we got to come up with a catchphrase, though, because we get the, I know, it's daunting. And we got the TikTok kids. You have cheese and crackers? We got the, wait, is that this? I like cheese and crackers. Yeah, but that's not a saying. We got to come up with a cool saying that your kids can say on the street,

brash. Well, a lot of the kids are saying fire. That's a big one. No, that's from 1997. seven that is so fire that's fire that is so fire yeah or lit that's they also go B B B B B but what's a new one oh no one's ever heard like something to do with the tic talk insta like um what about salsberry bro what salesberry yeah what's that mean salesberry dude it means like it's juicy and moist and fucking fun to eat what about we hey bro when you get let me check out your

Salisbury, dude. Yeah, I like it. What do you think? Salisbury. That is so Salisbury. First question. Thanks. Oh, oh.

Yeah. What was I going to ask you? Oh, yeah. I don't know if I can bring this up and you can stop me if you want. Okay. But we had a conversation once. Uh-oh. And you dated a hottie named Kylie Minow.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I want to know how that first, like, how do you ask out Kylie Minow guy? Like, we're talking the do, do, do, do. What's her song? Nah, nah, nah, nah, na, na, na, na, na, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. I can't get you out of my heart. And all the love in the titsy.

Were you the inspiration for that song? Yeah, no, I was the one. That was the one that actually made her write that song for her new boyfriend after she dumped me. Well, how did you ask? her out. Come on. Everyone wants to know how you ask Kylie Minowah the first time. Come on. Well, I was pretty lucky because we did a movie

called Biodome together. She was in that? She was in Biodome. Yeah, I'm glad you pay attention to my films, you cock sucker piece of shit. I watch your fucking move. Salisbury. I want a juicy Salisbury, dude. I know you did. Juice out. No, no, she was in Biodome. She was

one of the stars of Biodome. So she was one of my love interests on the film. And I just thought she was adored. I thought she was sweet. I didn't know who she was. Yeah. You knew she was Australian, right? Yeah, I knew she was like a singer, but that's all I knew.

I didn't know how big she was. And she just was so charming and so adorable. And she showed up. And it was like, wow. And it was just, you know, it was one of those onset things where I just, you know, I fell in love with her. Did she have the sex appeal thing? No, like some girls are beautiful.

Some girls are hot, but some girls just have that kind of vibe where it's like, Yeah. They just emote sex appeal. She was. Yeah, I thought so. Yeah, she was just, um, uh, she was juicy treat, bro. Oh. Just really sweet.

You know, I took her to Las Vegas for the first time. You did? Yeah, we took her to the Bahamas for the first time. Wow. Yeah, we, we traveled around. She was, how long were you, did you date her for it? Probably six months after the movie. Wow.

Towards the end of the movie and then, and then maybe about maybe, maybe four or five months. I wonder. Just a hell. our viewers visualize you mean your viewer my viewer well i said viewers i have two oh who are they uh don and carroll say what's up don and carroll hi they're in cincinnati i like you your chinese face well they are asian oh yeah like you i don't like you no more oh what's going on with your hat it's like a helicopter propeller oh here he goes here you know you're not you're not gonna sell's bury me you get dude whoa power block the dragon fly got power dropped

gotta sit down and relax corn on the cob that's the opposite of the wheeze what's that's that's the that's the badger oh wow i've never met the that's in the badger's in the wheezes out whoa badger in wheeze this out Badger in wheeze this out there you go dude that sounded like a lot of like weasel style masturbation going on right there

second question the first question was good okay so dog or something there's a dog around here no what I want to do is if you'll indulge me because my two viewers want to know what Carol and who? Donne Gero and Don what's it like to go on a dinner date with Polly Zachary Shore

It's Montgomery Shore Well, it's my show That's true Sorry, I apologize Yeah So what I like Is this a show? Well, it's kind of a chit chat

Yeah Because to me a show Like you see show girls There's music There's a monologue I know This is a chit chat Yeah

But what I'd like to do Is how about this I'm the girl And we go out to a restaurant And this is our first date and we're sitting down to dinner, and I want people to get a sense of what it's like to go on that first dinner date with Polly Shore.

Okay, say action. Okay, and action. Hey, babe, what is your tiny? Oh, I don't play like that, Polly. I would just rather order first. Can we? And cut, so that's pretty much it. Were you cereal?

Yes. That was like aggravated assault. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yo, Salisbury, dude. Salisbury, no. Juicy, dude. I'm kind of, um, yeah. I don't know.

It's, it's definitely like, uh, you know, first, if you're talking first date. Yeah. First date. You're definitely not trying to get laid. I'm not. No, I'm no. Oh, yeah, I should have said, I'm definitely trying not to get late. You're not.

No, on the first. date why can we talk about this as a couple though i think i think it would be better if we channeled this so polly um this is a great place and oh you want to act out as if the girl i'm being the girl oh yeah the well that's weird dude you don't look like a pretty girl i know but it's this is for the folks okay let me let me let me let me let me yeah hey everybody who wants to have better sex no yes yes yes The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what you want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping. And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority. Plus 100% free shipping on your entire order. Doesn't matter how much you spend or what you buy. All will be packaged and sent discreetly for, for $100% free shipping. free and fast. Don't wait. Better Sex is just a click away. That's 50% off, one item, and free shipping. Bring more pleasure and satisfaction into your bedroom. Just go to Adam and Eve.com

and select any one item. It could be an adventurous new toy or anything you desire. Just enter the offer code Harlan to check out. That's Harland, H-A-R-L-A-N-D at Adam and Eve.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to this podcast. So be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discount and 100% free shipping code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. Okay, say action. Action. Hey, hey, what's up? Hi, Polly. What's your name? Oh, right, no, so it's your name's, let's call you Summer. Summer. Hi, Summer. Hi, I love this place. What is this place? It's a tiki bar.

It's a tiki bar. Oh, my God. Yeah, the sotiki bar. No, I like to come here because they have great drinks. Oh, are you going to order me a drink? They have a great Mai Tai here. They got a great flaming lips.

Oh, my goodness. Yeah, they have great flaming lips. And they also have a great poop. They have a great poo platter. Oh, what's that? It's just, it's a mixture of like, you know, some Sastron dumplings. And then also it's got some egg rolls. Or as I, they like to call them here, egg rolls.

Egg rolls. Egg roast. Egg gross. Oh my God. I've never heard it put that way before. How fun. Yeah. And we got some noodles.

Oh, my God. So do you want me to order for us? Well, Polly, I was hoping. Are you a vegan or something? Well, I was thinking about maybe I was in the mood for a shank, like a shank of lamb or some beef Wellington. I think they can prepare that for you. Oh, you wouldn't mind. Yeah.

But we get some, we get some waters with lemon, please. I don't want to be fussy. We get some waters with lemons, please. So you always get the water with the lemons because it's good. It kind of nurtures your. my shank go down. I really want something to lubricate my shanks. So tell me, what's your passion?

Well, I'm working in the marine biology field. No, but what's your passion? What gets you out of bed? Well, it's working on sea urchin reproductive systems. So you love it. Up at the marina at the aquarium, and we're doing all kinds of wonderful research, Polly. And then did you see the tiger whale,

the new documentary on Netflix? I'm afraid there's not such a species. No, it's a tiger whale. There's a tiger shark. Yeah, the tiger shark, I'm there. So have you seen that yet? Well, because you work at the marine place. I haven't had time.

In fact, if I can be honest, I was actually going to blow this dinner date off because we're so deep into our research. So why didn't your research? It's so deep. Say that again? Deep. Really deep

We go real deep into our research All right cut we got That's enough of the fucking date Well come on guy It's like I feel like I don't know I didn't even get to order my shank Are you mad that you weren't in guesthouse

My movie that's gonna come back to Netflix In two weeks You fucking dumb son of a bitch Eat your Selsberry You know what I'm saying It comes back on Netflix in two weeks Your movie That's okay

It's a good movie right Yeah it was great I wanted to be with you in it. I know, but I wanted to be in something that we could be, like, kind of like what we just did, where we can get deeper. Yeah. Yeah.

The guest house thing was a bit. So tell me this. It's a bit spatch. It's what? It was a bit spatch. It was a bit spatch. Did you love it? The guest house movie?

I did. It was cool. It was fun. Yeah. Bobby Lee was in it. Mm-hmm. What's going on with the state of where we're at these days, buddy, in terms of comedy? in terms of comedy because when we started you got on a tonight show you got on a late night talk show you did a TV show you did a movie is that all gone now do you feel like Steve Jobs fucked it up what's the what's the path now for comics now it's pretty much Rogan and everyone else you think so yeah it's kind of like what we're doing here it's like this is it this is why I'm sure you're doing it it's like you got a podcast you got Twitter you got Facebook Instagram

This is the world. YouTube. You know, look at Ari just. Ari just put his special out on YouTube and it's kind of like, that's it. You're just paying for your own special. You're owning it and you're licensing it. And you're not really making your money back. You're not.

Not really. I don't think so. I mean, not if you want your special to look really good. Yeah, yeah. You could spend 10 grand on it. It can look like shit. Yeah. Or you could spend 100, 200 grand on it make it look dope.

But you're not going to see that money back on it. But do you like this method? Like, it's so different from how we came up. don't because why because it's a lot it's um i guess the word is white noise there's too much you know i have a saying that the good part about the internet is everyone can get on the internet yeah and the bad part about the internet is what everyone get on the internet yeah so everyone is out there just watering everything down exactly so like guys like us you know to break through it's a lot it's a lot harder so then you find yourself saying why am i doing this and you say well you know

what i love it you love it yeah so that's kind of kind of like why you do love it right yeah yeah it's your whole life yeah yeah so i i love it and in in and um and i do the youtube thing i have my band which is fun i have a band you have a band what do you sing yeah i'm the singer it's called the crusties this is my band i didn't know you sang yeah yeah it's polly shorn the crusties it's my band in las vegas i'm not opposed to being serenaded are you okay are you are you in for a serenade yeah so um i mean i'll take a song if you want to belt one out at me, guy. Do you have anything like soft and like a love song?

Her name is Rio and she dances on the sands. It's like the rivers takes her to the dusty lands. And when she's signed, she really shows you all she can. The Rio, Rio, Rio, and she's called the Rio Grande. Do, do, do, do, do. But that's not yours? I don't say I sing my own songs. They're cover songs.

You didn't say that out of the gate. Well, I never. We just, yeah. Okay, so Rio. No, I don't do that song. No, it's me and a bunch of senior citizens in Vegas. We play in my garage and then we do some shows around town. Good God.

It's fun. So back to your thing. I mean, we don't have any, this is it. Yeah. This is where the cheese is. You want to be in show business? Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, YouTube podcast. Say it. Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, YouTube podcast.

But do you feel sad that, because when we came up, man, you had to get like on the Tonight Show and on Letterman and you had to get like a sitcom and you need to get little parts and movies and then hopefully get your own, which is everything you did. Remember the time we used to just audition, how much fun it was? You get your sides and you get a Sharpie or a. Highlighter. Yeah. You put your name. Oh, that's Ralph. I'm playing Ralph.

And you work with a coach sometimes. And then you go in there. Did you work with an acting coach? I did. No way. Yeah. Yeah. But isn't it weird?

Do you think it sucks now the method? Because it seems like we had such a kind of a plateau way of going up incrementally. Yeah. And you could feel a building. And now it just feels like anything could happen with a viral video or something. It is what it is. It's like the way that it. it is, is that the 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s, 2000s were all the same.

Yeah, right. It was all the same. That's right. The only thing that changed was an album to cassette to CD. Yeah, yeah. But other than that, the styles were different, but it was still the same thing, which is, you know, you get on Carson, you get on Letterman, you get on Conan, you do an album, you do that stuff.

But, you know, even like if you're a pretty girl, back in the old days, which I was. Yeah. Back in the old days, you would go, you would audition for Playboy or Maxim or FHM, which I did. Yeah, so you know. Yeah. So what was it like when you did the Maxim spread? God, I went straight to Penthouse. Oh, wow.

I was Miss November in 1994. Yeah, so you probably met Bob Guccioni Jr. Yeah, yeah. He casting couched me and everything. So I was in, I was in Hustler. Are you serial? Yeah, so I sucked Larry Flint's penis. But I, you know, I won't.

I wanted to suck his penis. Did you do a centerfold spread? I did. What did you go on? What name? Chastity. I was Cherry. Well, wait, what year?

We probably went to the Avians together. What year were you? I was 97. I was 97 too. So that's what I'm saying. What month? August. I was November.

Thank God we didn't criss cross. Can you remember if Cherry Cross Chassity? Talk about a bitch slap fast. I remember her. Did you do full spread eagle? I did. I did full spread. My spread was like an office space theme, so I had shot to me, well, if you're going to laugh.

Chinese face. Dude, I did a spread where I had one shot where I was bent over an inkjet photocopier. Oh, wow. And then I had the other one, the classic I twirl around in the boss's leather chair and put my legs up on the desk. So you had a lot of different themes. Yeah. And I had the drop the paper clip holder thing on the ground and then my little skirt. Yeah, well, that's what it was.

What was yours? What was your setup? I played like a kind of a cheerleader. Oh, wow. Wow. Yeah, it was cool. Chastity, the cheerleader. Yeah, and there was a lot of different football players around.

It was like, that type of thing. Did you do a signing or anything? I did, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, we did that. I did one in Burbank by Bob Hope's Airport. Yeah, I did one at the Armenian Community Center. We have one out there. Yeah, no, you're very big in the Army.

I know you're very, yeah, you go in Glendale a lot, right? Glendale party player. Yeah, I'm a party player. So, uh, so yeah, it's, it is what it is. There's no turning back now. I mean, you got Kanye West wearing fucking Nazi crucifixions now. Is he got, yeah, dude. Wait, he's wearing, yeah, he's wearing Nazi shit now.

He is? Yeah, he's got, like literally swastikas? No, he's got like, you know, I guess this thing's called ye or something. ye you know ye yeah so he did like a swastika i saw it on instagram no yeah like he's into hitler so jesus bro and being jewish you know i'm a little bit offended you're jewish too yeah wow and with polio oh yeah did you see nicholas cage on my video that's cool right you put you hang out with some pretty cool yeah he's he's awesome what's going on with cage because you were just with him

What, today or yesterday? He's flying to Ireland. To do what, Ghost Rider 4? No, to do two weeks on a film. With film? I don't know the name of it. Did you get intimidated hanging out with, like, big celebrities like that? No, because he's nuts like you and me.

He is? Yeah, he's got a good sense of humor. What's going on with Nicholas Cage? Here we go. Well, whatever you think about him is, I don't want to say it's true, but he's, he's goofy. You know, he's a sweetheart. You know, he goose around, which is fun. When you're just one-on-one with him.

Yeah. Yeah. Do you guys camp? We've camped. We've camped. Mostly at sushi bars. He took me to the sickest sushi bar yesterday. Oh, my God.

I threw up. It was so good. Ew. Yeah, I threw a fish whenever. Ew. Why? I don't know, man. Were you drinking sake?

We were. So you go to a sushi bar with Nicholas. Cage downtown L.A. Puck up raw fish all over. Did you get any on Nicholas Cage? I did. What did he say?

He rubbed it in. He liked it. Fish oils. Essential fish oils. And then I talked to Charlie Sheen. No. Yes. This all happened yesterday.

Yes. So you're caging it up and sheening it up in one day. We're all from the same kind of era. You're from that era as well. Yeah, but I don't party player with power players. Well, you're Canadian, bro. You're lucky to fucking still be here in fact can i see your papers what the hell did you let me see your papers charlie sheen guy

what i have to say to him what are you what is polly short charlie sheen talking about that's what i'd like to know well he wants to get in another film he says are you doing incino man too because i'd like to be in that so i'm thinking about maybe are you you doing an seno man too brendon's not gonna do it why not well he's doing the whale why you got to cut him out he's cut himself out he's And he's getting an Oscar for the whale, dude. Yeah, but doesn't mean the whale can't go and see, you know. He's not going to do that. What the hell now where are you going?

I got to wipe this down. I don't want to fucking, I don't want to bow your wood, bro. Bow your wood. I like it that, you know, carpenter terms. Do you know how to build stuff? Let me ask you about your relationship situation, because I see you out there, like, I see, you know, do you ever see that the show, what's it called, um, uh, the deadliest catch? Yeah.

You know, what the fish is on the boat. Like, you masturbate. to that, right? There's no masturbating. Because when I see you in your ruralness, you have a boat or some shit. You know, you're always out there in the job on shit. I love, I love fishing. So, but you're solo all the time.

So when you're doing your schick, because that's what you do, schick, because when the camera's not on, you're fucking asshole. So when you do your schick, is your baby in the back, like in the cabin? I'll say this. Yeah. I don't normally talk about my private life, but I walk amongst the creatures

of the night. So you have a babe or what? Take it as you will, guy. Do you date Mark Maren's girlfriends? I don't know if you... Do you know the term she nymph? I do. Well, I think that's all you need to know.

That's true. Okay, I get it now. Thanks for clarifying. Yeah, but I ain't never dated no Kylie Minow, bro. Oh, the dragon fly. You weren't in the movie, Biodome. Dude, I almost was. I told you that story.

I was the original guy cast in Biodome. You still don't believe that, do you? You and Keith Coogan? Me and Dana Gould, comedian Dana Gould. Me and Dana went in and read, open casting call. Open casket? Open casket call.

Right. I'm just one of the first things I did when I moved to L.A. Go in, audition against all these funny people. according to the director, get the part. He says, you and Dana are the guys now come into Sony. Wow. And they take us to Sony, me and Dana, they go, you just got to read for the executives in the boardroom.

So me and Dana go to walk into this giant boardroom. There was all these executives. Me and Dana do like two or three scenes. The executives are just staring at us like, who the fuck are these guys? Because we'd never done anything. Right. And then we were gone.

faster than one of your Chinese popcorn far. Wow. So they didn't, no callback? No, we were just, we were just done that they were, because this director was new, right? Yeah, Jason Bloom. It was his first thing. Yeah, yeah.

So he was excited. I think he was like, hey, it's my movie. I get to cast who I want. He didn't realize the studio gets to say. And then they were just, we don't know who Dana Gould and Harlan Williams are gone. Right.

And then tell me how you ended up getting it. Because now all I got to do is be angry and jealous and bitter. Well, you were in that other movie, though, with Ben Stiller, that was fantastic. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm not fucking kidding. I'm not fucking kidding. You're really good in that movie. You were jerking him off when you're driving down the street. None of that. There is none of that. He was jerking you off? You're delusional again. You got your eyes upside down. I took drugs. I'm sorry. Did you ever see that? Did you ever see? Did you ever see the documentary called Xanax? It's on Netflix. Can we please answer my question? You were sitting here for 20 minutes.

it's going to ask me a question. I know, but I just took a Xanax. I know, but that doesn't involve my brain. It involves yours. So we're going to do things. Okay, I'll slow it down. But what I need to know, holy dragonfly noises.

How did you get the biodome thing? Because I know how I got it and lost it, but how did you get it? Was it just offered you? It was offered. Yeah, offered to me. Because you were coming off of Encino Man, right? Or something.

I think it was the Army movie or, jury duty or something yeah yeah yeah yeah no it's jury duty yeah yeah yeah biodome was before jury it was after it was it was wow yeah so and plus i'm a good actor yeah you are one of the best one of breast yeah nicholas cage is putting me in one of his films and when you see me act with nicholas cage and i fucking start stealing scenes from him people were gonna be like fuck this is the motherfucker why are we dealing around with this fucking cage guy this is the guy is that important to you acting? Do you really want to get in solid, just do it more and more? I love it. I love it. Would you, do you want that to be kind of your main thing now or what? If the, no, if the parts

right and the situation's right and the actors and the, and it all lines up, yeah, but I'm not going to work on something that I'm not into. Yeah. But if something comes along that, you know, has got a great cast around it, you know. What's the ultimate movie for you? And it doesn't have to be comedy. No. I know it's a serial killer movie, but what, if Polly Shore could do the movie of his dreams, what is it? Anything, a specific movie or a role or a director?

A movie, like you, you in a role, like as a, is it a dramatic? Is it a musical? I think maybe a bad guy, you know, like a sinister guy, like a villain would be fucking dope. Why? Why are you going there? Because, you know, everyone wants to play a villain and then also it's unexpected. Yeah.

You know, because everyone, you know, I play goofy shit all the time, so something a little darker. I did do this short film called Sin City Psycho, and it's on YouTube, and I play a villain in it's pretty real, and it's not played, like, silly. Do you find that when you go for the villain role, it lets you dig deep and be, because we do comedy, we do silly stuff, but when you play the dark character, it lets you, like, kind of dig into the drama. Is that part of it? Yeah, I love it. I'm the same way, man. I love it. I love it. I would love the chance to play like a dark, like kind of sinister guy. Yeah. And then something just subtle and not, you know, crazy and stuff like that and more real and, you know, more, you know, something that people would be like, was that fucking Pauli Shores? Is that fucking Harlan Williams? There's no way.

It's kind of like when Sandler did that movie about the diamonds. What was that? That diamond movie he did? Yeah, Blood Diamond. No, that was Leonardo DiCaprio. No, yeah, I forgot. He played that New York Diamond. And it's like you didn't see that coming from Sandler. But it was intense and dark and dramatic. Yeah, he's pretty much the king. What do you mean?

He's the king of all movies. I mean, it really is because he hasn't stopped working since the 90s. Yeah, you're right. I mean, just movie after. And he's not going to stop. And now he's getting into the dramatic stuff that you want. He's taking your parts. And yeah, and with him.

And with him, he's probably going through the same thing. You know, he was doing like Happy Gilmore and all these kind of, you know, Big Daddy, all these different kind of silly, great films that were kind of wacky. And then he's like, yo, I want to do something different. And then it was up to Paul Thomas Anderson, who cast him in that movie. I forgot what it was called, but he did that movie where he played a dramatic role. And he was fantastic. That's the diamond one I'm talking about.

The diamond was more recently. Paul Thomas Anderson was a not no you're talking about uncut gems yeah yeah yeah uncut gems the other one it was um I thought that was a circumcision movie by the way at first so uh yeah you know I love acting as my favorite it is yeah dude so would you put comedy would you put stand up behind you if you could just act yeah you would yeah do you agree with that whole thing because you're you're a comedian and the whole comedy is the hardest thing to do acting wise. Without sounding snobby, I feel like it's not because that's what we're wired to do. But every other actor like Meryl Streep and all the serious actors always go,

comedy's the hardest thing. But we're comics. Yeah. So we're able to pull, you know, pull that off. So why is it when they say these, the big dramatic actors always say comedy is the hardest thing to do why is it it's the only category that doesn't exist at the oscars best comedy do you think comedy's been overlooked and and not given it to uh props i think that it just has kind of a lower kind of echelon than the other kind of stuff for some reason but that's kind of like

put it you know but that's what i don't get they all say it's the hardest to do yeah and yet like look Leslie Nielsen in the Naked Gun movie. That is such a subtle, beautiful form of comedy. Right. Not hardly anyone could do that. You know what I mean? I think because it's goofy and

wacky, it takes the seriousness off it obviously and so it gets overlooked. I don't like that. Well, maybe after people, you know, the two people that listen and watch your podcast, maybe Don and Carol, after they see this, they can kind of

do the clips, send it to the, you know, the academy, and maybe they could shift and they can have a comedy category. What do you think about that? I think they should. I started here on the Harlem Williams, Hershey-Hideway podcast. Like, I think the Austin- Did you have that made at Staples? Actually, I got-

Or Office Depot. I got Office Depot. Okay. What do you think? Well, no, I was, I know it because I, yeah, because I seen that template over there. You should. What?

Just. I'm just kidding. I just heard you do like, like one of those. Okay, what? I haven't eaten. I know, but I'm wondering where that comes from. Do you like steak? Slurping gurgle noises.

Oh, no, my baby is back. Can I bring my dog up here? Yeah. Okay. Do you want to put them on the table? Yes. Bring them up. That's sick.

You're the opposite of Jeremiah Watkins. Here, let me. Move this. Polly's going to put his dog up on the Harland Highway. a table. Here we go. Oh, my God. Maybe not. What? His toupee. Yeah, he's too big. Well, he's too heavy. He's like 60 pounds.

Well, I think. I almost start my dad. You did? Oh, my God. That's that polio. Oh, my God. And you have a dog too. What the fuck. Yeah, that's my dog. Yeah. He's got a dog. Right? Look at that. He's a meat eater. Oh, sweet. So when I was talking, you were texting you. yeah weeks ago when you requested my presence yeah this podcast you're on your way to reno i was you said i go where you going you're doing a show in reno it's a laugh factory no where was it it was like a casino you did it which one crystal bay yes casino it was a really weird place it's the it's the frank sinatra built a casino up there i and they say that's where him him and maryland minroe

and the rat pack hung out up there. And all the people up there, they said this. They go, they believe that Maryland was murdered up there. And Sinatra and all them had a helicopter pad on the roof. And they say that they believe she was murdered there. And they flew her back to L.A. Maryland's body. It was kind of creepy.

Everyone up there says they've seen her ghost. Wow. Yeah. That's pretty heavy. Marilyn Monroe. Yeah. Yeah, so, because we did a show, it was me, you, and Tom Green. Yeah.

That was fun. We went through Chicago Town. Yeah, that was a good time. We went through the Chicago area. That was cool. Now, people go nuts for you, bro. They go absolutely apes shit. So do you like, do you like bopping around touring still?

I think I... Yes and no, combo, right? Combo, yeah. But I like doing this kind of stuff, too. It's fun. Yeah, because when I first saw you, I don't know, when did you start this about a year ago? six months ago.

Oh, like five months ago? Five months ago. When I first, yeah, when I first started seeing you do this, I was happy. I'm like, you were?

Yeah, of course, because I love you. Of course. I love you. Yeah. Thank you. I was happy that you were doing this.

Uh-huh. Because, uh, yeah, everyone, like I said earlier, everyone's got a podcast. Everyone's on Instagram.

Everyone's on Twitter. It's a, but you said it even earlier, like, do you like, do you like, well, we don't have a choice.

Yeah, it's kind of the thing we, we got to do now. yeah you had to do it so if you had to do a ted talk let's say you had to give a ted talk on your life or your contribution in life what's that look like it would be three minutes it would yeah it'd be a quick one um what would it be about what would polly shores ted talk be about good god well i don't know i think the the resilience you know i have my mom and dad in me you know and they're they're fighters so i have that yeah i have that

kind of like, you know, where you get punched and you get knocked down, you're okay, I didn't punch you. You get punched, you get knocked down, you get up. So that's kind of like what life is. You know, life is kind of one big fuck you, you know, every morning you wake up, you're tired or you're this. You have all these excuses. You can't do this. You can't do that. But, you know, I keep going.

Yeah. You know, I get out of bed and I keep going every day. So I don't know. I think that's what life's about. Yeah. You just keep going, you know. Just fucking get up. You just got to get up.

I mean, we're all sit there. We all sit there in the fucking morning. And we're, like, on our phones and we're, like, sitting there like, when should we get up? And then, you know, when I get out of bed, like, because I'm older now. What do you do? Well, I roll to the side in, like, a fetal position. Okay. And I push my way up like that so I don't hurt my back.

Oh, you do that one more time. So I'd roll on the side. Yeah. And I go, push my way up. Do you have back issues? Most people with polio do. Mm. My back issues, yeah, a little bit.

I had back surgery a while ago. Twisted gnarly spine? Yeah. Southwest. South by Southwest. No, that's a festival. How did you tweak your spine up guy? Like, how did you power jet?

Flying coach. Flying coach? Yeah. Probably. I fly coach. Why do you fly coach? I like it. I don't mind it.

But look at the result. You've got a, your back's jacked. Yeah. Poor guy. Can we take a break? I'm tired all of a sudden. You are? Do you want to take a nap?

Yeah. All right. You want to put your head down? Yeah. Just going to keep it nice and quiet here for a few minutes, folks. I'm like, Polly have a little nap. A lot of energy to make you do it. It's all right.

Just take a little breather, have a nap, and I'll just kind of sit here and interpret. Well, I'm trying to interpret your dreams. I'll plug some of your dates. So let's see. Oh, I was going to talk to Polly about when he wakes up again, about health and health-related issues. I've got these crazy things.

I don't know if it's just women. or girls, but whenever you get sick, and God bless the women, they rush in with all kinds of little products for you to, like, heal. This is stuff guys don't really go for or even know about it. Here's this thing called liquid IV, and for all intents of purposes. I need a fucking liquid IV. Oh, shit, that's cool. Well, it looks like all it does is it makes water wetter, which is ridiculous to me.

Someone's paying to make water wetter. Huh. That's virtually impossible. I know, but read it. It's ridiculous. And then this thing's called throat coat. And it's like suddenly there's something you're going to coat your throat. Huh.

And that's going to make you better. But do you feel like when girls get sick, they come up with all this stuff like eukanasia. I love this. This is great. And eucalyptus and it seems like they find all these vitamins and weird things. What is it? Oh, this is great.

Can I borrow these? Pour one in your water if you want. What is it? Oh, there's smoke coming out of it. Oh, wow. Are you sure you know what it does? So it's a liquid IV? I kind of, this is great.

How did you know you knew? You knew when I just, you said you needed help. When I passed out. Yeah. passed out and it just showed up yeah it was like something i had that i wanted to talk to you about but see oh see now your water's bubbling that's all right look at there's like smoke coming out it's like you're in an evil laboratory with satan what's it doing it's not bad does it does the water feel wetter no it feels more um foamy

This might be the dumbest thing I've ever seen. Do you want the throat coat stuff? I can smell it. It smells like yeast. Hydration multiplexer player. Yeah. I don't know. Do you want any of this?

Throat coat? Yeah. We can do that later after I suck a big penis. Whoa, guy. Where did that come from? I was raising West Hollywood. it dude but what does that mean you're gonna later on you're gonna go and do what suck a big penis but how where you just find it and it just hits you in your chin and you put in your mouth how does that even

come about though i'm just kidding oh what's this stuff this is probably you know when you start getting covid remember when we start doing our thing that's where we first got covid together what right i never got covid with me it What? You got, oh, yeah, you did get COVID. Yeah. That's right. You did get COVID. Everyone's getting it again, right? How did it, tell me your COVID experience.

What did it feel like? I'd rather talk about my piss surgery. Okay. What happened? You're having problems with your erythra? I don't know what a urethra is. That's the tube where all your pee comes out. No, it's more like emptying my bladder.

Okay, what's going on? Well, you know, you can see I've been here for a while. and I haven't had to go pee. Right. So before the surgery, I would have to say, yo, I have to go pee. Wait, you had surgery? Yes. For what?

I'm telling you, I had my head, it's called, it's called resume. It's basically, it's a surgery that you do, and after you do the surgery, you resume to how you used to pee before you had a pee problem. But what was the pee problem? It wasn't, was getting clogged? No, it wasn't emptying my prostate. So for instance, like, say you go to sleep at night. and you pee before you go to sleep and then you lie down and then you still have more pee left in your bladder yeah oh so that's kind of what happened so it feels you get up to go pee but then

you go back to bed and it feels like you with both of them it feels like you haven't gone pee right yeah it's called not emptying your bladder why can't you empty your bladder i don't know my my my prostate was clogged or something i don't know did you eat a lot of bacon I don't know. Oh, God, dude. Yeah. But now you had a surgery and you can, what's it called? Resume.

And now you can pee. No, now my bladder empties when I pee. How many times a day do you pee? Just normal. Like how many? I think I might need a number. I don't know. I don't count.

Maybe three or four times in the day, the whole day. something like that creepy ever wet your bed no you can be honest can I go lie down in the other room okay go have a lay down on the couch I gotta go make sure my dog's not eating up

yeah lay on the couch and have a little nap and then come back in about can you come back in about 10 minutes okay so Polly's gonna take a little little break. He's exhausted and I'm exhausted. I mean, holy smokes. I mean, just trying to keep up the pace here. What's that? Well, if you could not talk from the other room, I'm trying to do a podcast. It's kind of distracting and I'm talking. Well, if you could not yell from the other room

either, I'm trying to do a podcast and trying to do some topics. So anyways, we were talking about health issues, and I don't know what it is, but women seem to find all the craziest ingredients to help you get through the flu or a cold or something. There's always some kind of eucalyptus bush or some kind of a magic elixir or some kind of vitamins that I've never heard of. and suddenly they're jamming stuff into their faces and asking you to take stuff, and it's like, holy God, I've never even heard of all this madness. So I don't know where you ladies get it or where it comes from, but holy God. How you feeling? Well, maybe not.

I mean, I don't want you. Do you drool when you sleep? I do. Oh, God. I'm going to have drool all over the studio. Polly's having a nap out in the studio. We're going to have drool. We're going to have polio drool all over the place.

And so we better go check in on Polly Shore. and oh are you coming back oh bro are you okay oh bro are you okay you look rested i know i just sit a line i'm good you did a line of coke yeah i mean not the actual drug there's coca col in there i poured it and i just put it in the thing and i snorted it you're sure you're okay you look a little pet do you want to do any good i think i have polio again yeah I think you, yeah I'm just seeing if there's any polio. Let's go, rock and roll, bro.

Well, there's some polio. It's hard to go toe to toe with you with this fucking bullshit for an hour, dude. It's tiring. I know, but it's not me. It's supposed to be in 15 minute increments. I don't have the polio. You do. Oh, that's terrible.

Where am I? headphones for the podcast because we're going to say goodbye now so you want you got to so uh before we go anything you want to you look so rested you look rest i needed to just do a line i'm good now yeah do you have anything you want to plug guy before we before we wrap it up just my butt plug go ahead okay so hey guys i have a butt plug that harlan took out and he's putting it back in no i'm just kidding no i love you and um thank you Thank you for being you. Thank you.

And I know your papers are due in three months for your Canadian visa thing. Yeah. So you can use me as a reference. I can. Yeah, you could say that we're married or whatever. Or I know someone with severe polio. Or someone that can keep you in the country so you don't have to go back to Suzanne McCrone. Suzanne McCrone.

McCrone. And, you know, I'm happy to be here. And I'm happy that you live in such a nice small. apartment in Frogtown. But don't you want to plug like your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, want people to come see you. So go to, yeah, go to my YouTube, go to my Instagram. My Facebook is just Polly Shore.

If you're interested in any of my stuff, uh, my band, it's called the Krusties. We got guest house on Netflix coming out December 18th. We got, uh, uh, uh, what is it? Uh, it's called, um, it's called the big trip number two. It's a sequel. Okay. Because the Big Trip 1 did so well. So many people saw the Big Trip 1.

They did? Yeah. Okay. And I play a bear called Mick Mick, and that comes out with Lionsgate. And then I'm the voice of Pinocchio. Whoa. Father, I come to be on my own. I had the whole world to see.

So I did that. That's out, that's gone viral. I'd feel a little queasy after hearing that. Father, I'm going to be my own. I got the whole world to see. Oh, go. I got my band called Polly Shore and the what? The crusties.

The crusties. It's me and a bunch of senior citizens. We got Guido. We got Norm and Pop Ellie Richard. And of course, baby Larry David's in that shit. Are you sure you want to put your dog up before we go? And then we got the one-man show. Stick with the dancing that we just did at the comedy store last night.

And that's cool. So you guys, I'll be in Maui and Hawaii for the holidays. So if you're out there and you want to shaka-a-brada, Wow. Chaka Brada will be there. And I guess that. The wheeze has what? Left the building, bro.

The wheeze has left the motherfucking building. Are you going to put your dog up? No, he's too big, dude. He's going to smash all your shit. Later, bro. See ya, Polly. Ladies and gentlemen, the one, the only. The polio, Polly Shore.

And we are out of here. Thank you for being here today with me and Polly. And until next time, chicken, chow maim, baby. You're not still here, are you? Well, I heard you say no.