The Harland Highway - NEW HARLAND HIGHWAY #42 - BILL BURR, Comedian, Actor, Podcaster

Episode Date: January 24, 2023

Funnyman BILL BURR is here and we discuss anger, hair, monkeys, and bonding in the desert! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey everybody, this is Harland. Welcome to the Harland Highway podcast with our special guest, Bill Burr. But before we get going, I just want to let you know, I will be doing stand-up comedy this weekend, January 27th and 28th, at the Brea Improv, just outside of Los Angeles, the Brea Improv, January 27th and 28th this weekend. So come on out and see. see me live, and let's have some laughs. And now, without any more detours, let's get rolling down the Harland Highway with today's special guest, Bill Burr. You know what? Let me tell you. I want to tell you two things.

When the sun and the moon is out at the same time, and you're like, you had to do the math real quick. That's right. Those are two different things. Listen to me. Shh. The pointing was enough. You didn't have to shush me.

Sh again. Through the mist. Shhh. God. I've never shish someone through the guerrillas in the middle. I was going to say, was that a Sigourney Weaver movie? Yeah, this is now it's turning to shut the fuck up, guy. So when she resents the guerrillas?

Guy, when I was going to take you out to the desert, take me out to the desert, take me out to the desert, take me out to the game. You're riding down the Harland Highway. All right, hold tight on the Harland Highway. All right, let's do it. Ready, guy? Hang on, I got to hit the theme music. Do you like theme music or no? I love theme music.

You're not going to get angry about it? No, I love it. Here we are. Here we are on the Harland Highway with Guess Who? Do you want to say your name or should I? I'll say it. Okay, you say it. Eric Stoltz.

wait wait who are no i'm not eric stokes he has a nice head of here bill burr but what can i call you just call you bill cold yeah because what i just i've never felt comfortable like your last name is the result of a weather condition

i know like i thought that would be interesting it's not my legal name that's like if my name was harlan like just i like that though that has a ring to it but i would rather you just call me Harland Hot than Harlan, Well, I think that's more of like your ego, you know. Weren't you on the cover of People Magazine? Penthouse.

No, 50 Most Beautiful Featurex? No, I was on the cover of Penthouse. Oh, you were. 85, I did the center spread as cherry. With the popsicle. Yeah. You remember that issue? I remember that.

I still have it. I have it framed. They have me on a zebra rug. I asked for a bear rug, and I got a zebra rug. Americans. It's what we do. We don't respect you, Canadians. God damn. Look at you. You're from Ottawa? No, Toronto, bro. Toronto? Yeah, Ottawa.

The media capital of Canada. Wait, what? The media capital. What do you mean? Of Canada. I mean, like, that's where all the media is. Wow. You didn't know that? Right away. You're getting... Rush is from there? Right away you're getting...

Media's there. You're getting jacked, bro. Oh, am I? Yeah, right. Instillate. But I brought the steamer. How fucked up is my that? I don't even feel there's anything weird that I'm doing. You're telling me.

But you got, you instantly got jacked. Like I was saving this for when you got jacked. But you instantly saved it. This is not jacked. This is just me shooting a breeze. You're just, this is the start. I'm warming up.

You got to get me some more antifreeze. Oh, God, bro. Break out the press stone. Your eyes, though, are a bit disarming. You got like, Does anyone ever call you Fjord eyes? Like your eyes. I don't know what that means.

Like it's like a crystal blue like a fjord in the Netherlands. Oh. Like, you know. Iceland eyes? Yeah, like Iceland fjord eyes. Disarming. I feel if I stared Hitler in the eyes long enough, you know, I could have prevented World War II. That might be my ego talking.

But if he could get lost in my blue eyes and his fascination with the, uh, the genetics of northern Europe that were really blondes. I think eventually if he actually finished his final solution, he was going to get to redheads. Really? Is that why you? Yeah, because I heard he's still in Argentina. According to the internet that I'm on. Yeah, him and I think he's living with Jim Morrison too is what I've heard. Well, Jim's a forgiven guy. Can you imagine those two as roommates? Yeah, the lizard king and the war criminal. Wow. They should put out a double album.

One guy's right. Like Andre 3000 and what's his face? They could do, you could do, oh, and you have the guy from the Neptunes produce it? Yeah. You could totally rebrand Hitler. Yeah. An older, wiser, more forgiving, poetic. Argentine and fluent.

Imagine him with that passion when he did those speeches. I don't, I did, but he was doing like Jim Morrison's poetry. The butterfly is flying through the. Egg-shell child's mind is just a young geek. Yeah, I was trying to think that. Travel through the child's eggshell fraction mind. Yeah. Yeah.

This is the end, my friend. This is the end, my beautiful friend. Maybe that's what he needed. He just needed a funky baseline under what he was saying. People wouldn't have taken him seriously. Yeah. He would have been a beat poet. Poetry takes the edge off of like death camps and stuff.

Yeah, off of genocide. Yeah. You just kind of make it a bit flowery. You can make the same points, but if it rhymes, people go, oh, you want to do away with my people, but like, you know, you got me humming your song. Yeah. Yeah. Good point, man.

Charles Manson, also a good drummer. We could get the three of them together to put together a power trio. And Manson had his own band too, right? Oh, he had a band. He did. He had a fucking orchestra. He had like fucking 15, 20 hippies up there. Yeah.

And I think Guns and Roses did a cover of a. one of his songs. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's right. Helter Skelter. That was his original. What did the Beatles pay for that? Dude.

And didn't he front his murders? I went to that house. The Helter Skelter house. Oh, you did. You want to hear how I went? It was the weirdest thing. It was Bob Sagg its 60th birthday. I was at that party.

You were there, too. You must have got there late. No, I'm just forgettable. You forgot. How do you forget? Do you get the health or skelet or murder house? There was a bunch of people there. Yeah.

Are you going to tell the story of the song that they, no, don't do that. What, wait, what? What happened? At the party? Were you there? I was there. I wasn't. And the, wait, were you there?

I was in the yard. Yeah. And yeah. But wasn't it creepy being in there? It was, well, because they tore down the house and they built a new one. Right, but the layout's still the same. The yard. I mean, that's where the murders went down.

Well, some of them. It was in the driveway. There was in the yard and then there was in that front room, which the front room, I think, was the front room of the house. So I stayed out of that room. Yeah. Yeah, I'm not into that shit. Yeah.

So that's what I'm saying. It was a weird vibe up there, right? And then you got murders and helter, skeletor written in blood, and then Bob Saggett from family. Full house. Full house or corpses. you combine the two. Is that a death metal band?

Wow. Full House of Corps. Starring Bob Sagitt. Wow. Too, God. This is getting dark, man. Yeah, this is getting dark. But you know, you'll blame the guests when I leave when you do the outro.

Never, never. But what I, you know, because I put this song because you get jacked easy. Like you get, you get, you hit, you go into the red zone. Do you know what? You look like... Say it. You got like a Sam Elliott thing going. Mm-hmm.

That's right. With the desert background, an amazing head of silver salt hair, right? Yeah. Yeah. Maybe they reboot that bowling movie. Which one? The one with the boozy.

What did he keep drinking? The white Russians. The dude. Oh, yeah, yeah. The Big Lobowski. Big Lobowski. And you narrate it this time. Oh, that guy, Sam Elliott.

They go with the big, thick mustache. Yeah, the manliest mustache. His voice, that guy has a great voice. He does. Can you see me okay? Yeah. Okay. You know what it is?

With you, it's never like seeing you. It's your vibe. Yeah. Yeah, you have a vibe. I do. Yeah. What is it? It's that.

Whatever that is right now. That's squinting, sort of confused. Yet I know you're about to insult me. That's your vibe. Peering through the fog? no i'm not going to go into the fog of the child's eggshell mind adolf hitler as you've never seen him before undead jim morrison

charles manson on drums putting mitch mitchell to shame damn yeah that would be a fucking band can you imagine if he did less drugs Hitler loved a little more and charlie wasn't so in uh you know charismatic yeah

What would the name of that band be? He was sort of the, after Jesus, Charles Manson was the first guy to get people with dirty bare feet to do what he wanted. Wait a minute. That's the connection. You just brought up an interesting name. Why don't we toss Jesus in as the bass player? He would be the Yoko.

Oh, yeah. He'd bring it down. He'd keep reminding you, guys, we shouldn't be doing this, man. Yeah. What's the name of the band with Charles Manson, Hitler, and Jim Morrison? We've got to name this band. Ah, wow. I think that's for your listeners.

I think you just named it. No, this is what... You just, it's like, wow. Listen without prejudice. Done. Now appearing at the Hollywood Bowl. Listen without prejudice. Who was that?

Who was that? That was the, uh, what's... Wake me up before you go, go. Who was it? George Michael. George Michael. Speaking of which. Rest his soul.

Do you get tempted, easy? I mean, you got a lot. To go to a porta potty and blow somebody? Is that what happened with George Michael? I thought you're going that direction. Well, I think that did happen with George Michael. Yeah. He got busted in Beverly Hills for...

Doing someone a solid. Yeah. He didn't need to do that. He could have sold out the Staples Center and said he was blowing some nobody in a porta party. What does he get? What does he get? Get that steam going.

He got a bunch of shit for it. He was a man of the people. Do you think there was a glory hole involved? There was it a straight, like, blowy? I think it was, you know. Well, how would you do that with a porta party? What, that little lock? Oh, it was in a port of, I don't know.

Wait, it was in a porta potty? I just remember watching the behind the music And I just thought he had a real cool relationship Because he had a boyfriend at the time Yeah And he just kept going, oh, honey Oh, honey, oh, darling Oh, honey, he wasn't upset

He was just like, oh, Jesus Like he got pulled over for a ticket Yeah Oh, God, oh honey What time are you going to be home? Yeah It's just like, that's, you know I think it was like a public like a bathroom or something

I think Hitler was in there Wow Was that who he was doing? No, but Hitler was criticizing the whole thing. Wow. What are we talking about? What's in that smoke? It's just to keep you calm, but I don't know if it's going to work.

Because I think you get jacked easy. And I'm a little worried about Bill Burr's tenderness. Can I tell you something? I'm worried that you're not going to bring that point up enough. Well, I want to kind of... Can you get that stinky cheese look off your face? I can't because I worry about your tenderness. That's a key word.

Because you have kids, right? I have tenderness. That's the name of my new country album. But can I test your tenderness? Is that, would you be okay with a tenderness test guy? Like a steak? No. You're going to go like this and then touch my head?

What I'm going to do, when you have kids, I want you, Bill Burr, to demonstrate tenderness if you can. I don't think I can. I'm going to pretend I'm a kid. Oh, is this the curious, George? And you're going to read. Oh, fuck, yeah. Well, already, you're swearing.

Huh? I'll be the kid. I'm reading the book and I'm teaching about the real world, you little shit. I'll be the kid and I'll ask Daddy to read. Dad, Daddy, can you read me Curious George, please? Absolutely, my goate little son. Thank you, Daddy. All right.

Oh, this, oh, Curious George goes to the zoo. This was one of my favorites when I was in. Yay. Okay. This is George. George is a good-looking little monkey. Oh, George is a good little monkey and always very curious. Today, George was feeling very excited.

The man with the yellow hat, he owed taxes, so he never gave his name. Why did you throw that part in, Daddy? How did you know I threw that part in? He can't fucking read, you, cunt. Daddy. The man with the yellow hat, don't tell Mama said that. It was taking him to the zoo. Okay, is that proper for a full-grown man to take a hairy little monkey boy to the zoo, Daddy?

They're speaking in code. They're going to go score some smack in this little red-roofed house there. Daddy. This is the first red roof end. Daddy. Filled with Crack Horse. And as they drove, the man explained to George that this wasn't just any zoo. They're going to Brooklyn.

That they were going to visit. Remember old dirty Brooklyn? Shame on you. It was called Old Dirty Bastard. It was a one of them. Be nice, Daddy. Go up to your mother right now and say Wu Tang. Wu Tang.

Daddy, read nice. All right. Oh, your mom's. already read this book so you know how it goes all right it's called the wild animal park the man said all of the animals roam around freely they must be down wall street daddy uh when they arrived george saw a huge banner george looked up at it but he could not read the words because he's fucking illiterate daddy no swearing daddy i didn't i said fudgical a friendly zookeeper explained let me tell you something there's no such thing as a friendly zookeeper what do you mean

they all hate animals and they the only thing they more than animals or children. If you ever go to the zoo and you get lost, do not trust the zoo. Daddy, stop. All right. Stand near the fucking reindeer and I'll find you. Daddy, be tender.

It's an extra special day here at the wild animal park. What does that mean? You know, I went to the zoo one time in Iceland. Yes. And they actually had pigeons in there because those were exotic to them. Wow, Daddy. And cockroaches. They actually brought insects there.

That sounds fun. What a nice add-on, Daddy. It was. Did you take a creative writing class, son, that you already know what an add-on is? Are you making fun of me, Daddy? Absolutely. Daddy. I'll tell you right now, between you and me, I don't think you're mine.

Daddy, ow. Your mother and I went through a rough patch six years ago. Daddy. It's our baby rhino's first birthday. We're going to have a party for her later on. A party. Yeah, of course, because it's a female rhino, right? That was a male rhino.

They would have skipped right over it. Daddy, you're too angry. Only a fucking broad rhino could still figure out how to have a goddamn birthday. at the zoo. Daddy! Jesus Christ, let's go dig up some plant

for the fucking queen. A party! That was going to be a wonderful trip to the zoo. Stop swearing, Daddy.

George tried to walk into the park where the animals were, but the zookeeper stopped him. You can't walk in there, she said. And he said,

yeah, I can't. I'm a fucking monkey. Trying to get back in here and get away from that weirdo with the yellow hat. That's a fucking monkey, Daddy.

Fucking monkey is what they're all are because they'll rip your face off when you don't him enough daddy i'm scared hey well welcome to life to explore this zoo you have to ride in one of our special cars she pointed to a huge car that had no roof on it huge car it's a fucking two-wheel drive suburban i didn't even know they made those on my way oh my what fun this was going to be

george and his friend climbed on board and the car drove into the park okay daddy that's enough can i tell you something oh how soon before somebody gets mauled by a fucking A fucking leopard on one of those things. Where? Because they used to view you and the automobile as all one thing, and now they're starting to separate it. The lions. Oh, yeah.

Like leopards have gotten into those things. I went into the, by the way. Well. Well. You got it down. I know that's how you drink. Yours was good, though, bro. I was a solid.

It started slow. That was a solid. That's probably the best counter slurp I've had on the show. I went cinematic with it. Oh, it was good. I set a tone. I made you curious. And then I landed that third act, I feel.

Like George? Would Curious George be by Curious George these days? By Curious George. Yeah. And the man with the yellow private parts. Yeah. God. And it would win so many awards.

You weren't, see, I think I made my point. You were not too tender with it. You started swearing and cussing and scared. You scared the hell out of me as your son. I don't believe that. Yeah. You were playing scared. You weren't actually scared.

I was scared. I had to play. I get into my parts. I was the kid. And you were like, the fucking monkey. All right. Can I go back in character and apologize? You know, maybe later,

If you're, we can try later. If I behave, did you just say that? No, I'm going to say, I've got Curious George makes a pancake. We can try it later in the show to see if you're, if this mist is kind of. No, if Curious George makes pancakes, not makes a pancake. I was sitting there going, why there's a stack of them there. Well, see, already. We'll try this later, but I don't know that, do you get tempted on the road like by things?

Like, you got, you got fame, you got fortune, you got looking. you got looks. Do you get, yeah, all that stuff. Do you get tempted by the ladies and the drugs and the booze? Can you handle it, guy? No, there's no temptation for me on the road because I do the gig and then I leave and I go right back to my hotel room.

That's it. So no temptation. No temptation of Christ or of, dude, I'm a fucking 55-year-old bald ginger. I know. Nobody's throwing themselves at me. Can I, I'm past the, can you throw yourself in me? Can I try to tempt you, Bill Burr?

Okay. I'm just going to, you mentioned George Michael earlier. Okay. So I'm just going to, I'm going to throw this out on the table. It's a never-be-worn George Michael Whig, the tag. I'm just going to leave it there and see, you know, that, I know there's something that you don't have that it's, I'll just leave it there. All right. Are you going to judge me?

No. What about your listeners? I don't know what they'll do, but it's just a temptation. I will say this. I don't think you believed in it. What do you mean? Because you kept the tag on. Well, I just wanted you to know that it was fresh.

I wanted you to know it hasn't been on a transvestite in the valley behind Denny's. You know, I wanted you to know it was a-merkin. You went right to it. See, you are tempted. Well, I mean, I know what you're doing. You're like, this is like, you know, is he, is he, got too much of you went, has he been tempted on the road? Yeah.

You know, you're trying to see if I've changed. Well, I know you. You said you didn't go for drugs or you went for booze or the, or the horrors, as you put it. I like how the tag's going to hang off like an 80s earring. Yeah. I mean, I got to do it, no? I don't know. How tempted can you get?

I don't know, Bill. It's kind of hard to put one of these on without being in the mirror or anything. Hang on a second. Hang on a second. Just wait for it, wait for it. Oh, yeah. Huh? This is a whole new me.

What's up, bro? Dude. Fucking rad. Wow. Yeah, I like this. You were, I just realized why Justin Bieber could be in a mood sometimes. This just gets annoying after a while. Yeah.

You got real tempted real quick. I thought maybe he was going to sit there and kind of eat at you, but you, wow. Is that what you were hoping for? I didn't know. I wanted to. see what your line was. You're a very curious person. I'm curious about you. What about this guy? Who do you like better? Who I was and who I am now. I don't, I can't decide yet. I'm thinking about leaving my wife all of a sudden. I like this new guy. Yeah, just head straight for the nearest porta

potty, right? I'm going to face time. I'm going to face time. My wife right now and tell her I'm not going to be home for a few days. Oh, dude. And when she goes, what is that on your head? I'm just going to act like, what? Yeah. What he's talking about? Go pads. Still me.

Wow. It kind of works for you, though, bro. I think it does. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You like that? Yeah. That was, one thing I can't handle it.

This shit's getting in my fucking. You don't have to keep it on. It's up to you, but it's just. I want this to be as uncomfortable as possible. As possible. Not real, bro. That's all. Oh, you got.

Unreal, bro. Yeah. Unreal George. I like that. George Michael? Curious George. Church George Michael. You are curious George Michael.

You are curious George Michael. This is getting hot. Yeah, take it up. How about this? Curious George Michael goes to the porta potty. There's your new curious George book. Oh, wait. By curious George.

You know, by Curious George Michael goes to the bathroom with him. Hitler, Jim Morrison, and Charles Manson on drums. And once they recoil in horror, all you do is go, it's animated. Yeah. It'll be, oh, okay. Hey, everybody. Who wants to have better sex? No? Yes.

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on the Harlan Highway. Let's go back to you being jacked because you get jacked easy. Like when I watch you in interviews and stuff. We're already on repeat questions? No, because I want to go to what do you think the origin of humankind being like jacked? Like when was the first time somebody did like, why do airplane seats got to be so small? Like when do you think on a historical thing? When do I think hackneyed comedy?

started? No, like, when did the first, like, when was it? when did people start doing that? Because I don't think they did it during Shakespeare days, did they? Why Arst thou airplaneist seat so smallest? They absolutely did. They did? You think a hack somebody with unoriginal thought is brand new? Well, I don't mean, I just mean people like getting lit up by things. Because you see things and you just fucking go, bro.

You tear a piece off of stuff. You know what I'm saying? No. Yeah. Well, now you're getting heated. I know I am. You're heating me up, guy. I think that Stanley Steamer you're on fucking sitting next to.

You, you... So you think I'm like a hack comic that just gets all flipping out about stuff and I should put on a zany wig and be a prop comic? Is that what the... Is this an intervention? No, no, no. There's something going on here. No, no. going on here.

No, no, no, no, no. Insulting me a little bit. No, no. No, what I'm saying is... You couldn't even get me a real grape soda. I get this fucking shit watered down. No, let's see. It's happening right now.

The Waterloo Springs. Now, don't excuse your rude behavior is my fucking... I'm reacting to what you did. No, but what I'm... I came in here and complimented your office building and you didn't fucking say anything about it. No, I... Nice freshly pay.

parking lot? My car thanks you. No, what I'm saying is you get... I'm going to forget this podcast this second I walk out of you. No, you're not. I'm just going to block it out.

You can. No, because I like you. I don't want to hold this against you. What I'm saying is, see, you're doing, you're getting heated up. You're proving my point. I'm not. Like when I see...

I'm not. When I see you on it... You're getting weird. You're getting quirky. No. I know you're not. I'm just going to just say that you're doing things that you're not doing.

But you don't think when you get on interviews and stuff, you get heated if someone, like, presses your button quickly? I think you went down a YouTube rabbit hole of watching me on shows. But on stage, you're like very like, I'm not. Yeah. I'm not. You go off on things. Sometimes. Right?

See? That's my point. Like if I pulled something out, would you? go off on it. Pull something out. Okay, but I think... Not your dick. I think it's something you've never seen.

Okay. You've never, like, ripped into it before. An ant farm. Let me put that right in the golden mist. Okay. Get the wig out. I am more fascinated. This is an actual ant farm.

It's an actual ant farm. Thoughts? You didn't shake it up? No, you can't shake it. You'll hurt them. That's what I'm saying. saying it looks like it's not an etches sketch it looks like a few got hurt no what happens is they you buy the thing right and you put like 30 ants in it and one by one they start to die

is that what the brown stuff is in there yeah those aren't dead ants those are the dead ants and there's only like this looks like the end of society there's only this much amount of land It's this wide. I like that they don't complain. Okay. Why are you acting like you have a psychology degree? I don't know. Like, okay.

I just, I won't. You're behind the mist. Are you trying to be mysterious? No. Because I'm not buying it. No. I just want to. This is what I used to always tease New Yorkers about.

Yeah. I used to say Manhattan. It's like living in a fucking ant farm. Right. They all think it's amazing. It's just a bunch of human beings piled on top of each other. And then even when you go to Central Park to try and get connected. with nature, you can't do it because everybody's trying to do that.

So you have to, eventually, you have to get out of New York or you end up looking like Lou Reed. Everybody looks like Lou Reed past the surface. Yeah. That lives in New York. There you go. Yeah. Was that okay?

Did I improvise? I can't warn the wig. I've talked about the end farm. No, no. I think that was, that was a great, like, kind of analogy of what it is. But I didn't know if you'd, like, go off on it and get mad. at the ant farm oh no

I don't see that getting me upset okay I didn't because it's you know what I feel like I feel like you think I'm really one dimensional like this ant farm looks like is this a metaphor for my act that it looks like it's like this no no really it's really like that no no I just

is that your tell do that when you get nervous no I just wanted to see if you thought that was like kind of what that was represented to you like a microcosm of something you know my bullshit act no no now you're getting you're getting he's he's doing something no i get what you're doing no wait what am i doing nothing no no you're doing no no i just wanted to discuss because i i thought i love when you get angry that's what i That's where I'm going with that. But you don't, maybe I'm wrong then.

You don't, you don't. Listen. Yeah. A set line of Goodfellas. Don't, hey, Karen, don't play the babe in the woods. Right? It's one of the most usable lines in that movie. What do you mean?

Explain. Especially when you say it to a guy. When somebody acts like they don't know what they're doing, you just go, come on, Karen. Don't play the babe in the woods. You know, when they were going into, not protective custody, whatever the fuck they call it, secret society. Yeah. Oh, witness protection.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she's trying to act like, I didn't know what was going on. You know, I thought he was a plumber. Yeah. Come on, Karen. Don't play the babe in the woods. That's one of my favorite lines in the movie. Wow, what good fellas?

Yeah. What's the worst thing or the scariest thing your dad ever said to you? Can I ask you that? Is that too provocative? What are he doing this weekend? That's what he's sad? Oh, what am I? Oh, there's a lot of things.

No, no, no, no. I was just joking. I was trying to think of just something that wouldn't freak anybody out. It's the worst thing my dad, I don't know. Yeah. Nothing comes to mind. Like, there was never a moment in your childhood

when you were, like, scared of them. Did you ever get like a spanking or anything? And then I snapped on ant farms, and then this whole podcast makes sense. oh no during covid did you get some sort of psychology degree and this is like i'm not trying to stop with this i'm not trying to do this thing you're literally behind smoke all you need is mirrors behind you it's just no yeah you're getting you're reading you do it wrong i'm not yeah i just no i'm not i just i wanted to just like

find out about like like you know when you go off because it's that's part of the genesis of your comedy right when you just like get fucking i think that's all it is right you just hand me an ant farm and i go off on it and people like my god that's fascinating no i mean like you you have like you like have a trigger where you you like to like find things and just like like you go you go ballistic on them no no i mean i don't know i don't like watch myself but i don't I just don't think, I, like, walk into a room and be like, all right. No, but on stage. Who's getting it next?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look at that knick-knack. All right, all right. So you're saying I took a wrong turn with that. Well, I mean, it's your podcast. You can't take a wrong turn. No, but, but I mean. I just don't go with you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. So, I mean, I certainly didn't mean to, you know, I'm not trying to psychoanalyze you, but I would like to if you'd left. me. No, I'm not trying to psychoanalyze you. You know, this might be the longest I've ever been alone with you talking to you. Yeah. I just realized that. I've known you for 20-something years. Yeah. And anytime I see you in like a comedy club, you always have the walls up. What do you mean? Here we go. Here we go. What do you say there, Piccadilly? Yeah, yeah. You know? Hold on. I'm turning the

steam off. You get enough cream fresh in you today, there, pork you pine. Wait, I'm turning the steam off. Who's this Huckleberry up here? Wait, wait. I love how everybody now knows it's not Huckleberry. It's Hucklebearer. What do you mean? I don't know. Somebody put that on the fucking internet.

It's, I'll be your Hucklebearer. Wait, so that's the name of the handles on the side of a casket, meaning I'll fucking kill you and put you in the ground. Oh, wow. I don't know. I just, I turned the thing off too soon. But what do you mean? The walls up. Here we go.

Talk to me, guy. Oh, I can't. Come on. I can't talk to you. Why? because you can't the smoke was a metaphor you made it seem like it was for me but i don't think you were comfortable enough to sit this close to me and actually have a real fucking conversation i am i am having some sort of dry ice machine going on like you in one of your movies like the rocket man

no no i think that that's what it is no really yeah i think you're an uncomfortable person really i like this yeah i think you grew up in the middle of fucking nowhere in canada yeah and all your best friends with the voices in your head yeah and when you finally met another human that wasn't in your family, somewhere around the eighth or ninth grade. Yeah. It was too much for you. It was overwhelmed, and you ended up at yuck yucks. And you didn't know how to talk to people, so you just sort of picked out knick-knacks

that were your best friends. What do you say, they are lampshade? Yeah, yeah. Are you sitting over here next to needlepoint? Yeah, I just think, right. You grew up. I'm going to say maybe Saskatchewan. No, no, Toronto.

Outside of Regina. We said that at the beginning, Toronto. If you look at a map far away enough, Regina is outside of. I just had a total deja vu moment that you said that to me before. The whole Regina Tron, sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt your flow. There's no flow. But that's interesting. So you think I'm uncomfortable talking to people.

Yes. Why? And I think you say bizarre things to keep them away from you. Really? They say nonsensical shit. And then people just respect your boundaries and they go like, oh, you know, he doesn't feel like talking. Hmm. there might be a there might be a little bit of truth to that but there couldn't be any less

feeling behind that hmm like you were doing some sort of introspection all right now I'm making you uncomfortable no you're not I love it I love it keep it rolling I loved how you turned it all around on me this is brilliant I think I was trying to participate in whatever this exercise is it's not an exercise all right it's it's I'm having a conversation with you It's just taken, it's the highway, man. We're going down some weird roads. They used to change this to the rabbit hole. Yeah.

Just have a hole in the ground. But let's go back to your interpretations. Like, do you think that's an unhealthy thing that you just, about me that you just kind of set? I never think of you until I see you. Right. See you. And I go, oh, this is the guy. And I just go into your mode.

Right. Like, what do you say there, button fly? And I just do what you do? And that's all we do. And then you sip your drink loudly. Yeah, for 20 years. I just realized that's all we've done. Well, remember one day you called me up out of the blue.

Do you remember? You called me up out of the blue and said, Harlan, let's go in your pickup truck and drive out to the desert. You remember that? Yeah. Like out of the blue, you just, it was very. Because you were doing something out in the desert. Right.

And I was so sick of being in L.A. For the second time, because I lived out here in the 90s, and just not seeing anything except driving down the sunset to either go to fucking the laugh factory, the comedy store, or down to the improv. And I just sort of was living my life there. Yeah. And let's not forget the Beverly Center. Remember if you had an industry showcase, you had to go out to the Beverly Center and fucking get a shiny shirt, do your little tap dance. No, no.

I never did that. spent all that money only not to be chosen? No, never did that. I know. You were always an industry, darling. I didn't have that same. But what was the catalyst? The impetus.

The impetus. It would have been a great word to use there. The impetus. Not the catalyst? Or are they similar? The master of ceremonies? Is that a cinnamon? Cinnamon.

Sinonym? You said cinnamon. I did. Okay. You're trying to throw some darts past me now. I get it. I'm just not the. the smartest guy.

You don't say that. I try to say that. Whoa, that was a reverse triple flopback deflection right there. No. If I'm being psychoanalytic on you, which I am, I was a triple flip back, Zopwith Camel, reverse back. See, now you're in your safe place. No. No, I'm not.

I'm asking you to analyze this, this. Most likely to use non-sequitur, well into his middle of. Well, wait, here's... Did you win that in high school? Was that your identity, non-sequitur man? Not as much as it is now. I think I grew into that more. Who had the goatee first?

You were Kurt Cobain. Did you make it mainstream? No, he did. He did, didn't he? Yeah. Fucking bastard. But wait, when we were back then, when you wanted to go on the ride out to the desert,

and we still hadn't talked a lot back then. That's because I thought you were a human being. But were you hoping to get to know me more on that drive? I was hoping to get the fuck out of L.A. And you seemed like a cool enough guy. Right. And you were telling me stories about grizzly bears jumping in the back of your truck. I was like anything other than going to some other L.A. Hollywood thing.

I was looking to do the opposite. Yeah, yeah. This is before it was cool to go out to the desert. And what do people do? They take mushrooms. Yeah. And then they have this really, like, amazing human moment that then they immediately post about on Instagram. Yeah, yeah, that's all it is now.

To add to the spirituality of it. Yeah. Oh, my God, you guys, I had such a breakthrough. And then you show your abs as you do the heart thing, acting like you're spiritual, but you're really doing this narcissistic thing. I like how that works. Yeah. You think people are phonies?

I would include myself in them. Why? Well, because you always got like a little bit of a thing going on, you know? I mean, I bought this flannel button down like I actually own a hammer and know how to fix things. I don't. You don't? Like, what am I doing here? Wait, that's a stylish shirt.

That's not the shirt of a handyman. Yeah, exactly. This is the Hollywood version of a handyman shirt. But no, I don't see you as... Like if I had an audition to play a construction worker. Yeah. I would take this designer flannel and I would roll up the sleeves and stick a pencil in my ear. You're not going to get the park guy.

It's going to take about four to six weeks. No, you're not getting the part. Not with that. 46 weeks. No, you need a plaid shirt rolled up. Is that what I'm doing wrong? Well, Bill, a black shirt, you look like a priest showing up to do drywall. And you don't.

We all know how that goes. Well, they're the only ones that put drywall up with a glory hall. I'm actually offended by that because I feel like you're attacking my religion. You're offended by everything I'm doing today. That's pretty interesting. Let's play the victim. But if we went out into the desert and just so you know, I bought 20 acres out there, I bought a hill in the middle of nowhere.

I was out roaming around in my pickup truck one day, out in the desert north of L.A. up in Palmdale. Not in Victorville. Yeah, no, Victorville's the other way guy. Oh, yeah. You're out in Antelope Valley. Yeah, that's right. Antelope Valley, where there's no antelope, by the way.

There is a valley, but there's no antelope. There's a Choo-Train that goes through it. Well, let's not go back into Curious George. Choo-Train isn't something one grown man says to another grown man. Hey, tell it to Michael Jackson. Well, he's in a grave and maggots are eating his eye sockets. Yeah, that's probably true. put him in the band

we can't go back to the band we've gone down this beautiful road where we want to talk about if we were in that truck together out in the desert going out to my land like I think we'd have a good time right okay we would have just do you think we would have had

just a normal conversation or I've been on hey blinkety Bill how you how's your quality there, buddy. You want to stop at the Burger King and get some sesame seats on the double wapper there, buddy? Would you be worried that's who you'd get for two, four hours? I could handle that. Because it was about how sick of L.A. I was. Right. Not that I hate L.A. I love L.A. It's just, you know, after a while, you need like a change of scenery. So I could have handled that. You know what, though? I always regretted we didn't do that trip because I followed up with you twice

on that trip because I thought that would have been a cool bond. bonding moment for us. I know. And it was pre like Bill becoming like, you know, the level you're at now. It was just like we were kind of. One of the hardest working features in the country. You are. But I thought that would have been a really cool, like, challenge my shit jokes.

Really? Let's hear one. A shit joke? I mean, I just, I don't even know if you can handle my, I, right, I like to think I do the thinking man's shit jokes. Okay. Can I hear one? Yeah, I just don't think you think enough.

Can I be the judge of my own? think thoughts no well give me i'm the judge the jury and the execution you are don't steal that i'm going to use that as a slug line to sell them no that's mine guy you're on the harle that's mine oh anything on here well i mean do you know what there is i love how this silence is my responsibility it is it's your podcast no i would like to go out to wherever that is behind you. Oh, out to the desert. Yeah.

That's in Arizona. You know what those are called? I talked about a geographical formation earlier. I said fjords. Do you remember that? Uh-huh. Your eyes are like deep crystal blue fjords from Norway. But you know what?

Those spiky things? Yeah, do you know what those are called? He just said fjords. No, that's what I said about your eyes. But what are those spiky things? The bugs, the deserts moves. That was like the dude in the 90s. You had every hair all spiked up.

What are those? Those isotopes. Those rhizotopes. Remember those things? Remember the things that hang? That's a Korean dish, isotope. Those things in the caves, ones that hang down is one that hangs up.

Oh, oh, yeah, those isotopes. Yeah, you get those wrong. Yeah, yeah. They drip. They drip over the center. And make, uh, no, is that what they're called? Cave dicks. And then there was also, um, I didn't hear an excuse me after that burr.

I feel like I have to. It's part of my, uh, narcissism. And then there was concave and convex. Concave and convex, which can be applied to contact lenses. Right. But tell the folks who are watching what concave and what convex is, because some might not know. We know, me and you know. I was always confused because it just depends.

on what side you're standing on. Well, if I'm over here and that's convex, if I stand on the other side, it becomes concave. But think of the word concave as a cave. So concave is when you're going in into where it warps, and convex is where you're coming on the outside. So convex and concave.

Isotopes and equilateral triangles. That's not a real thing. And opposite angles being congruent. Ooh. Okay, but I think you're evading this geographical formation by throwing... Is that an isosceles isotope? First, outside, inside, last. Well, and other things that are in my head for no reason.

Butte. They're called Butte. Montana. No. No, that's a city. It's a fine city, too. These are called Butte's stuff. I mean, if you want to throw a geographical term of me guy.

What? That's just somebody's a fucking pain to the ass. Oh, he's a Butte. Yeah, is that a Boston thing? No. That guy's a Butta. It's a Montana. I'm talking about those cunts up there.

Hold on. Do you know what time I think I did a gig in Butte, Montana, and what was amazing was driving up there. Yeah. You said, what were they again? The Montanans are. Wonderful people. You know all this is reminding me of is that that... Well, I heard the sea word.

That giant... Yeah, cooking. Whose joke? David Feldman. This reminds me of that pool. What pool? In Iceland. They call it the Blue Lagoon Pool,

and it's actually the runoff of their nuclear power plant. Oh, really? The heavy water? Yeah, and you swim in the water. But it's just the water that kept... The Homer Simpson thing from overheating, right? Yeah, the nuclear silo thing. Yeah.

Oh, we're both in over ahead. I thought you're going to know that word. What is that, what are those things that, they're like popsicles but for like nuclear shit, which evidently is supposed to be the best form of energy that we could be using and somehow it got demonized. What, nuclear? Yeah, I think it got demonized by oil companies

and hippies latched onto it thinking that was their idea. Well, no, the issue with, nuclear power, it's the most efficient and it's the cheapest, but the problem is it creates the most lethal byproduct. So the radioactive, no, it creates radioactive cones that are in the heavy water and they have to actually bury them. They dig giant caves under the earth's crust and they store them in barrels. And they're highly radioactive. For how long? There's no time. They don't run out. That's the problem. They're radioactive forever. So if there's ever... So we got that going for us. Well, we got plastic in the ocean. Yeah. That takes 8 to 100 to a thousand years to break down.

Yeah. The fish are breathing it in. Do you want to hear a sad story, Bill? No. I don't. Now, do you? I'm looking, I'm looking for hope. Well, let me let me tell you this story and then maybe you and I can find, figure out the home. Listen to the story about a man named Jed. A poor mountaineer barely kept his family fed. And then one day he was shooting for some food. And up from the ground came to a bubbling crude. Oil, that is.

Texas tea. Black tar. Black gold. Well, it's my podcast. Billy Hill, the billies. That's the first thing we bonded on this whole podcast. Well, if you weren't hiding behind your fucking smokescreen, maybe that would happen. Sorry.

If we had taken my... I keep waiting to hear like Little Red Corvette when you... You know that beginning with the echo? Yeah, yeah. I think if we had taken that road trip to the desert, that time we would have sang that, the Beverly Hillbillies together. I love how fucking weird you are. Weird.

Yeah, you're just a different dude. Huh? You know what I was going to have you do with me, too, when we were out there? Say another theme song? No, do you want to hear it for real? For real, for real? Yeah. And this would have...

I like hip-hop Harland. For real's. For real's plays. But, you know, it's interesting. All these themes that we started with, are going back into each other, the Nordic fjords, all this stuff. So now we're going back into the construction. I think that means we're limited.

No, we're not. It means we keep flying. We keep going. But this plays back into your... Like the aviator. I told you, I'm watching that. Oh, yeah. I'm watching all these great movies that I missed because I was doing other shit.

Wait. And Leonardo DiCaprio is one of my favorite actors. And he's also like the combination, for somebody to be your favorite actor, they have to be obviously an amazing. actor, but also great at picking scripts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, that guy's like, I mean, that guy picks a winner 99.9% of the time. DiCaprio?

Yes. Yeah, I'd say 75%. That's 99% for acting. Yeah, that's true. You're right. Hey! Well, here's a little story about a man named jail. Oh, yeah, let's do it with your name.

Every once in a while, he gets an answer right. Then Harlan said, I'll have to agree. with you and he feels good for a minute or two bill that is and ginger tea um but you fly uh speaking of aviator you fly a helicopter right yes god i did yesterday i flew it out where well i flew it out to camereo to get serviced have look at something wait you flew the helicopter to get serviced yeah the same way you drive a car out there to get serviced it's not going to You're just getting it serviced. Don't you want to get it serviced before you fly out?

Hey, why don't they make the fucking fusillage out of the black, bark, fake. There we go. There's the bill I was talking about, huh? Yeah, a hack comedian. No, not hat. I know what you're doing. No, that's an insult to me that you would think I would think you were a hack. This is the Canadian passive aggressiveness that you guys have known for.

What in the name of Carol Burnett's fake tea? What in the name of Maple Leafs are we doing over here over at the fuck? You're a fucking Home Depot. No. But you fly a helicopter, which is one of the most difficult pieces of aeronautics to fly. I'd say the space shuttle is a little more involved. Well, you're never going to get your hands on that, thank God. Who wants a guy in a free shirt and a wig?

Watch me. Wow. No, they're shutting that whole program down. Dude, you can get a space shuttle for like fucking $30,000 on eBay. Wow. You know, you've got to replace the tiles, though. Can I do something for you since you're a helicopter pilot? And this is, this is like a freebie.

This is like a gift since you fly a helicopter. Okay. That's a semi-articulated main rotor. He's pulling a lot of power. So the things are flapping. People in Santa Monica are complaining right now. They have out there binoculars, and they're taking down your tail number. And they know who to complain to.

Fuck, you're good, bro. Yeah. Oh, I might have been a Sikorsky. They all have a different sound. Do another one. That's the same one. He's coming back. He must need fuel.

That's the same one. He's going over the Hollywood Hills. He's now in Burbank's airspace. He's coming back. He's coming back. They didn't let him in the airspace for something. Sir, get out of your car. That's a police chopper, bro.

I don't know about that. From what, the 1960s? I guess. you want to do one together we can do one together bro a slurp oh a slurp i thought you meant imitate helicopters oh do you want to do helicopters together so it's all right okay ready go or your sounds like an old lady stuttering though why can't it be an old man she got all that bass in her voice really

that sounds like an old lady she's an old trans She has, she's got, she has her own TV series coming out in Regina. And what? It's called, Where's My Vagina? Where's, where's my vagina in Regina? It's still a person transitioning from a woman to a man. And it's progressive because it's Canada and you guys are the best white people. You know, you feel it.

Wait, really? You think you are. Wait, the best white people are maybe, I would say, Icelandic. Why? See, back to Iceland again, right into your Fjord eyes. Because they don't want credit. We're explaining. They're not looking for credit.

They're just up there. They're doing the right thing. They stood up to the fucking banks. They backed Metallica in their position on Napster. The entire nation did. They did, didn't they? They were the first. Why do you think Lars always goes there to vacation?

Because he just likes walking down the street. And they go, hey, Lars, you'll write about that one. You want to see a volcano? But what about Canadians? Why are Canadians good white people? They're not. They're not. They're not.

They think they are. What makes a good white person, though, guy? Having land in the 17 and 1800s that could be farmed out using slaves and you don't. And instead, you use Irish indentured servants to watch them turn red in the sun. that's what is that one in the same thing though that was what good white people did in the 171800s and you can look that up but in the end isn't that just the abuse of a human being regardless of the scan it's documented right but does that make it right

or does that make it white i'd be a good hook if we were songwriters you could write that song for chero oh Cheryl crow yeah again a weird last name can i just call her Cheryl Because I'm calling you Bill Cold I mean these last names guy They get to you Hey Cheryl My kid is totally into That movie Cars

The animated one? Yeah so I listen that Cheryl Crow song Which one? It starts the movie that Cars number one Oh the one That one I'm American made by the Chevrolet I was born in the south

I got a big mouth If I see something I gotta say something like Oh she goes I gotta say it Jesus what was that That's the voice that makes my daughter laugh Every day when I drive her to school I listen to that song when that part comes on

I turn around ignore the traffic And I go I gotta say it And she cracks up every time What? And I'm a comedian That's how I connect with people So I do it every time I've never heard you do that voice before.

It's almost as good as my helicopter. I got to say it. That's Cheryl Crow in a helicopter. Cheryl who? Ah! In a helicopter. I think we unpacked it all. No, I like when you hang in the silence.

I can't hang in the silence much longer. How old are much longer? Listen, I didn't tell you this. I wasn't going to tell you I'm sick. What? I'm sick, and the doctor said I only have to 3.30 to live. So this is my final performance. All right.

Well, I think you have. I would get the smoke machine going. Okay. Is this going to get angry? Is this an angry ending? I hope it is. I don't feel like that seems soothing to me. Oh, really?

Yeah, that's what the intent was to kind of keep you. I like how you just pulled that out of your ass. Oh, that was the intent. Right. Wait, no, that was the intent there, butter snuffles. We've got the corn on the cob juice swirling around in your pumpkin pie teeth there, Wingle Bunks. Right? To sell use snowmobiles at a dealership outside of Toronto?

Maybe. Hey, what do you say to Huckleberry? I got another fucking hoser coming down to look at this in five minutes there, truncated toast. You're going to make a move on this? Truncated toast. I don't know. I had alliteration. That sounds like it would make a great tramp stamp.

I looked up truncated last night Yeah Why to get ready for this podcast? No, because that's one of those fucking words That you just come across It means shortened It means to edit it down Is that what it means?

Okay Like this podcast, we've been here almost You know what I hate? You know the one I never get is meta You just truncated me bro I started talking and you truncated me off Listen, the last thing I wanted to do Was coming here and truncate

Anything that was happening here Well, you just did it, bro That sounded like I was laying in a cottage and it was raining on the roof. You know what that sounded like to me, like a spot of a rocket getting blown off. And you just continue up to the space going, and you're riding it and going, why did I do this? Oh, wow. Why didn't I just learn how to talk to women? why do I need to accomplish and achieve at this fucking level?

Can I psychoanalyze that whole thing you just did? Because that's what I'm doing here today, as you've figured out early. I get it. You got the little crystal ball. I think you got defensive because my helicopter noise was so immaculate and you trumped it with the most immaculate rocket lift-off sound I've ever heard in my life. You back me into a corner.

Way to go, guy. I mean, I thought it was something that I know. knew about, and then, you know, I thought I knew about a little bit about aviation. You bust in here with a pre-shirt on, and you're one of the best mental chess players I've ever played. I took off my white collar before I came in. I know, bro. You probably can we sing the song again before we leave? We'll do that, and then we got one final bit we've got to do. All right. Why don't we do the final bit, and then as we go out, we'll sing the song, since I'm directing the... Did you used to watch the Lawrence Welk show? Yeah. What do you think

this is all about? The bubbles. Why, what about it? We're going to sing the end theme song. Oh, it's musical, though. Now, you'll remember it when I start singing it. Oh, that's got a little cold to it. Right? That's what's supposed to calm you down in your pre-shirt.

All right, here's the final segment, and then we can do the song. I'm asking, you're not eager to get out of here, are you? No, I just have something else. I just feel like this might be like the weirdest, most uncomfortable podcast ever, done and I think we should be proud of that. I think that you want that. No. But the problem is you're a lot more lovable than you think. No, in my head, this was supposed to be our metaphorically, our ride into the desert, our bonding moment. I hope you feel like we bonded. Do you know what I just realized about you all these years? I smell?

No. Wait, why would I say that? You and Bill Russell have the exact same goatee. Who's Bill Russell? He was one of the great athletes of all time. Go ahead. Not to me. wasn't. Billy Jean King, asshole. Sorry, I didn't mean to swear. You know Bobby Riggs bet Billy Gene and threw that one, a bunch of fucking money, right? Are you serial? Uh, that's what they said. The final statement bill called the truncated wooden shoe. It's called the other one. It's called words from a wooden shoe. What happened is you reach into this authentic Dutch clog, pull out a word, and see if it elicits a memory or a story that you can share with the gang. But you can't look.

You've got to reach in and close those crystal blue fjords. All right, I picked it right here. What do we got? Jesus, hate. Hate. Wow, how weird is that? We're talking about the anger, your whole acts based on your explosive anger. Well, I don't have this anymore.

Let's talk about it. What happened to it? Were you a hater? I wasn't a hater. I was envious and jealous in my 20s, but that's part of being a younger comic because you know you want to be better than you are. But I don't, yeah, I don't hate anybody.

But back then, you carried a lot of envy and... I didn't, no, I didn't carry, no, there's a few people I was just envious of because I thought, it was just mainly because I stunk as a comic. And I didn't, but I didn't resent them. I just was like, fuck. I wish I was as good as they were. But as far as, like, hate, I don't hate anybody.

But if you hate, do you hate anything? Is there something you hate in this world, this life? I just don't have that in me anymore. About anything? I don't, because I just find the humor in it. Well, let me ask you this. If I'm going to an event that I don't want to be at, I just find the humor in it.

I might get bugged by something, but I don't go to hate it. I'll tell you know what, emotion I never do? What? Vengeance. Vengeance. I feel like vengeance is the darkest of all emotions. It is. Where you're deciding, I am God, and I'm going to punish you and do all.

I just, you know, and then it ends up like consuming you. And it was one of the things that scared me the most about females. Really? Why? I feel like they, they, you know, generally speaking, that was like their thing. Like, you know, if you broke up, they had to get you back. Yeah, right. right where like if i got dumped i would just be like fucking bitch you know yeah yeah that's like

the end of it fuck her i don't fucking need her you know it would be that but i wouldn't go like you know what i'm gonna do yeah go fucking attack your car or make up some shit about you whatever the fuck it is that you do when you do that stuff so i don't i don't do hate i don't do vengeance um i find if if i am going towards something like this towards hate um Or just a darker emotion, I always know it's something going on with me. I either, I'm not saying what I'm feeling. I either agreed to something I don't want to do or I'm scared. Huh.

So I just realized, sorry, dude. No, this. You should have busted out the smoke about five years ago. That's where I was at. And this would have escalated. And you could have then gone to fire mode. Wow. We could have burned down the whole studio, but I'm just not that way anymore.

I love it. I think this might have helped, actually. I think you should get all the credit. I will. How did you expel hate from your, from your core? Like, how did you just know how to turn it off or get it out? I took some mushrooms, figured out who I was, or at least what I was sitting on,

and then I sort of got sober and confronted it. And then, you know, I talked to people about some things and other shit that I couldn't talk to people about. I just sort of put it to bed. I think having kids and being a husband and shit, and it's just like, why should these people pay from my childhood? Interesting. It's not their fault.

So my job is to, yeah, it ends with me. Can I say something that I've never wanted to say in my whole life? That was very mature of you. Like what you just said, it's very mature. Like you got. I'm not for a guy I was wearing a wig 20 minutes ago. And a priest shirt. In a priest shirt, I know.

A priest that's handy around the rectory. Well, that doesn't sound right. That sounds really. Yeah. Around the, yeah. I'm missing religion. You are? I'm missing it in my life because.

Well, you got the shirt guy. You're not missing it that much. I'm like that sports fan. Can I get you an altar boy? I'm like that sports fan who dresses up like the athletes but can't throw a ball. Yeah, yeah. I'm doing that with like religion. No, I just, yeah, I would like to find one that makes sense.

You know, I was just in Japan two weeks ago, in Tokyo. It's a good name for a special. And it will be. Special. Special. And they don't really have a religious religion. They just have, their religion is all about nature and fluid. They don't have.

Straightening rivers. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's the worst than a gay river. Before we go, last thing, before we think our scene song. I'm a big fan of Japanese architecture. Oh, yeah.

Whatever is left from after we fucking, you know, well, us anyways, drops your bombs on them. Yeah. And I also like, I like their food. And I also like the musicians that they gravitate towards. I think they have really good taste in music. Interesting. What about their footwear?

Why do they wear? Where? All right. I don't know. Do you think they're upset with what we've done with sushi? What do we put like ketchup on it, mayonnaise and stuff? No. Where do you eat sushi, a ponderosa?

I mean, dude, sushi's not different? Over here, yeah. Well, I'm sensing some hate right now on sushi. No, I'm just saying, no. Just saying, you know, we do it we don't put ketchup on sushi we eat it normally like no there was a place down the street from the laugh factory they used to get fucking crazy with that shit you go in there and like usually you eat sushi other than the rice spike in your sugar which i heard there's a lot of diabetes

in uh japanese in japanese in japan but like so basically you're saying hey waiter can i get some ketchup for this no i order i order uh you know you go in there and they go This is a fuckhead roll, and they add all of this shit to it. You know, I thought we were through the fucking ring of fire guy, but we're not. I'm owning up to the fact that we don't, uh, what's it matter, a little special effect is out of water? Wait, stop. There.

What is that exactly? It's fascinating to me. It's a Bill Burr settled downer machine. When can I be on this podcast? again. I had a great time. I did have a good time because it got so fucking weird, dude. It got really awkward for both of us, and I loved it. But we're a couple of weirdos.

I loved it. You're welcome anytime. If I didn't have, I think we missed the desert window. But I would love to go out. I don't drink anymore. I don't know what, but I would love to just be sitting on one of those low-to-the-ground lawn chairs. You know what? Let me tell you.

I want to tell you two things. When the sun and the moon is out at the same time, you're like you had to do the math real quick that's right those are two different things listen to me the pointing was enough you didn't have to shush me again through the mist shh god i've never shish someone through the gorillas in the i was going to say was that a sigorney weaver movie now it's turning to shut the fuck up guy so when she resents the gorilla's guy when i was going to take you out to the desert take me out to the desert take me out to the cacti you're the one that wanted to leave a half an hour ago sidewinder sidewinder good snake

explain how they move to the folks oh they go sideways it's called they're called sidewinder yeah so if they want to go over there they they look this way and go sideways because of a fucked up childhood their father was cold blooded sorry so i was going to take you out. I bought in the desert, I bought 20 acres, 10 of it is flat. The area that I bought is all flat. It looks like this. You can see for eternity, 10 of the acres is the only hill in the whole part of that desert. In Carboreator County? Well, I'm not going to mention where it is, but you climb up this hillbill and you can see 360 forever. And part of the reason I bought it was to go and sit up there and meditate and just watch the world.

Beautiful red sunsets and at night I used to go up with my ex-girlfriend. We take two chairs, sit up there, bring the ghetto blaster, play Beethoven, eat donuts, and watch the stars. So anytime you want to go out to that hill and get away from L.A. and just sit there and absorb the universe. All that we'd be doing is Joe Pesci lines from Casino. Up on the hill. A lot of problems.

I can't do it. A lot of problems. solved in the desert. Was that him or De Niro? That was him, Pesci. Oh, dude, my fucking back is still messed up. I threw out my back getting a frozen waffle out of the freezer. Well, you know, there's that little bit of suction.

It was just enough. Yeah. My freezers on the bottom. Well, now we're going back to the George Michael Port-a-Potty. Yep. Sucked him. All right, sit down. I thought we're going to sing a song.

We're going to sing. We're going to sing me, me, me, me, me, me, me, Harland. Bill, first of all, I want to thank you. you for being on the Harlan Highway. I wasn't sincere. That's true. Can we sing the song? Yeah.

Do you remember how the song went? Yeah. Are we adding your name? At the end of Lawrence Welk? Are we setting? I don't think so. For the Beverly Hillbillies thing? No, we're doing the end of the Lawrence Welk show.

Oh, refresh my memory. Good night, sleep tight, and pleasant dreams to you. There's a wish and a prayer for every dream. dream to come true and now till we meet again I think I'm getting adios

I think I'm getting au revoir avida zaid I think I'm getting it nice I think I'm getting the free shirt now I like how they start off with adios like it was inclusive and then they immediately went

au revoir and then went to the Germans avidazain I see back to Hitler again Can we just, can we go out on a song that everybody knows? Okay. And can we sing? Oh, Canada. Hell.

Our home and native land. Remember how early you were saying you got to go? No, I'm just trying to get you the hell out of here. In all our sons command. Can we? I respect this by. Da-da-da-da-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba. My favorite part.

From far while, oh, Canada. I stand up for thee. Disquest part. God keep our land, glorious and free. Oh, Canada, we stand on guard for thee. Oh, Canada, we stand on guard for thee. Yeah. Go Bruins.

Bill Burr, ladies and gentlemen, here on the Harlan Highway. Bill, before we go, turn off the mist, plug your, whatever you want to plug, your comedy dates or the anger tour, whatever you're doing. I have no dates. And I have no work. And I'm loving life. What about your podcast? You got to plug something. You know, podcast doesn't work.

That's just me shooting the shit. Well, what do you, do you want to plug me and you going, doing something? That's two going out. Next time you see us, we'll be out in the desert doing a podcast, sitting on some lawn chairs. Up on my hill. Up on the roof. You love to sing. I do love to sing.

Wake me up before you go, go. Because I don't plan on going so low. Wake me up. I would have grabbed the wig if it was on the floor. Before you. You go, go. Grab it. And take me dancing tonight.

My favorite part, I got to feel that. Wow. That was amazing. Did we just become lovers? I think we did. Weird. And we broke up in that silence. I'm not even gay.

Aren't she a little bit? Let me see those eyes. Harlan's highway. Look at those eyes. Isn't that one of the gay guys would meet back in the day, and the rest area on the highway. Harlan's highway to his true gay self. The pre-shirt and the blue eyes, I'm in.

All right. Thanks, Bill. Not really. Thank you, Harlem. Thank you, everybody. All right, thank you, everybody. I'm going to take my Waterloo grape sparkling water with me. That's it for today, everybody.

Bill Burr. Till next time. Oh, wait. Hang on. Chicken chau-main, baby. Now you can do it. Wow, dude. Thank you.