The Harland Highway - NEW HARLAND HIGHWAY #47 - BRENDAN SCHAUB, Comedian, Podcaster, Cage Fighter.

Episode Date: February 28, 2023

Former cage fighter turned stand up comedian, Brendan Schaub is here to talk about how fighting and comedy mix. Also Harland challenges Brendan to a fight! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

So my fish died, and I was like, oh, my God, my son's crying. Every time the fish dies, he draws a picture and puts on his wall. His wall looks like freaking Schindler's list. It's not good. It's not good. Wow. Yeah, it's not good. Schindler's fish.

Wow. It's going to be the name of my next special. Schindler's fish. And record it in your son's room. In black and white. He's hiding under the blanket. It's terrible. Shake it.

When does the funny stuff? Stop, Patty. And you're like, shut up. You're riding down the Harland Highway. All right, hold tight on the Harland Highway Show. Harland Williams. Look at that. I think we're up and rolling, Guy.

We're live. We're not dead. This could be the first zombie podcast if we're dead. Huge numbers. Huge numbers. I beat Rogan for two zombies. Oh, wow. Yeah, man.

Beat Rogan. Have you ever been in a fight with Rogan? Like a fist fight? Physically? No, never. Who would win? Him? Really?

He has so much, he's mental. He's so strong-minded. You'd have to shoot him. He's a shaved baby gorilla, man. His arms are long of mine. We're both black butts and jit-to. He has that mean wheel kick. I don't want any problems, you know?

He's a shaved baby girl. That's what he looks like. I don't want any problems with that guy. Man. And then verbally, he'll just ruin your life. So it's like there's no win there. Because you beat him up, then he gives a play-by-play on his next podcast.

There's 10 gigillion followers just making fun of you. I can't get past baby-evolved gorilla. What'd you say? I want to see a National Geographic special on that. Have you ever seen those chimps? Which one? That are hairless? The Rogan tribe?

Yeah. Wait, what? They're Italian, too. A hairless Italian? No. That I don't believe. Yeah, they know Jiu-Jitsu. Wait, there's a tribe of a pack of bald chimps?

Where? Where are they? Look it up, man. They're jacked. They're jacked. I think they're like alpine. I could be making this up. No, but I'm pretty sure.

They're not Italian. You're sure it's not Casper and his little. buddies up at the haunted house. Maybe I was crazy, man. Imagine if our chimps had various hairstyles, like there was a pack of chimps with like afros, a pack of chips with straight blonde hair. Dreds.

Jerry curled. Oh, my God, hilarious. I was going to make that meme. Oh, God. Well, great to have you here, but I'm going to hit the theme music. R.O. Speedwagon. Oh. You like them?

I like them. Yeah. You ever make out with a chick to a Rio Speedwagon? No. Never? A dude. Wait, what? No, I'm just kidding.

No, no. I want you to stop. Oh, okay. No, never. I mean, I'm not upset you made out with a dude, but not to Oreo Speedwagon. At least do it to Kenny Loggins or something. Kenny G. Maybe.

Kenny G. Kenny G. Spot. Kenny G spot is right. Well, Brendan, thanks for being here, man. Of course, we think you have me. Right here on the Harland Highway podcast.

So the list of stuff you do, I don't even know where to start. Comedian, podcast like guru. And the thing that I got to be honest, fascinates me more than anything, is your history and fighting. Really? The UFC stuff. I find that men nowadays aren't quite as like... Manly.

Yeah, they're not like, like there's manly men out there, but I think a lot of the manly men are afraid to be manly, and there's a lot of men. that are kind of be raised not to be manly. Which isn't good. We're headed down a dark road. Yeah, because, you know, going back to what you're saying,

like, chimps, we're primal as well. We're tribal. And it's like when you kind of weed out that kind of primal aggression, where does it leave us? Starbucks? Starbucks and mass shootings. Yeah.

You know, they have these young males with all this aggression, they're lost and they feel like they don't fit in. But it's like, you know, right now it's an attack on like that alpha kind of male mentality. Yeah. They're out there. They're still crushing.

They're still leading the world. But as far as online and the way Hollywood works, it's frowned upon. It's really weird because no one goes the other way and kind of puts down women who are super feminine, like supermodels or beautiful women. Like we still like, oh my God, she's gorgeous. Like IG thoughts are like, yes, queen, get it. Yeah. Like what? Yeah, right.

Yeah. It's dicey. But why are they trying to squash the masculinity of masculate the man? People hate a winner. Really? You know, it's like those guys who do have those genetics and have that mentality. It's like they go pretty far. So as soon as they can turn the table on them and try to suppress it, they're doing it.

Wow. Look at Andrew Tate. I don't agree with everything he says. Yeah. He said some pretty gnarly stuff, which I don't agree with. It was his overall message about, you know, young boys and, you know, working out and healthy lifestyle kind of those old school values there's something to it he's a little extreme you probably could have delivered a different way but look look what's happening to him he's in prison right

now yeah i know i know and and and also get out of romania who's yeah right yeah you know what's weird because you you watch his things and he he kind of bashes the u.s and talks about how great romania is but whenever you're in another world country it's it's always you never know what you're getting you don't play by the same set of rules yeah yeah at least if he's here in the States and they put him in jail, he would have been out, like, on bail or something. But right now he's out there and, you know, God bless him. Hopefully you figure out. Yeah. And whether he says stuff that, you know, who's to say if someone says someone the wrong way or the right way? Like, just let him say what he wants to say. Let the feminists say what they want to say. Let the

Greenpeace guys. Like, quit saying I don't like the way you said it. And then if you, if I don't like what you said, I'm going to not only suppress it, but take your livelihood away. Yeah. That's where it's dicey. That's hard. not dicey it's horrible but think about with with elon buying twitter right yeah he's trying to get rid of all that kind of uh you know the the the silencing of certain people yeah because he's like left or right i want everyone to have a voice well you know what they've turned him into this you know hitler character now yeah just this craze well they're trying they're trying he's like so above

the fray because he's not just a voice he's also like a genius he's also perpetuating the human race to new planets and you know new environmental levels and technology and it's like he's far right and he's like no i i don't think i've ever voted for a republican what do you guys stop but they're trying to the propaganda is trying to paint them that way but it's not working and people the gig is up on that stuff yeah i think here's what i like i like to i want to let people say what they want to say because then i know what they're about and who they are agree and i can agree with them or disagree with them but don't try to silence a liberal don't try to silence a conservative i want to hear what they have to say and if they say something bad or racy or whatever then i go okay i know who that is but now we're

like these teams it's like these teams so let's say i came here and you you and i are friends and let's say yeah i came here and you're like this super woke whatever you know far left which i'm not yeah all good yeah i don't care dude yeah i'm the same way it's yankees and uh the yankees and red sox yeah you like Red Sox. Yeah. That means we can't be friends. Yeah, and there used to be nothing wrong with a robust debate. Yes.

Or a conversation that, you know, where people weren't on the same playing field, but you walked away and you went to Arby's after. Yeah, man, have some curly fries. Have some curly fries, bro. We got the meat. We hate each other, but let's have some curly fries and a cheese roast beef sandwich. Yeah. That's a nice night.

But, yeah, I feel like, like, you know, the men now, days it's like you're right it's kind of like they squish them down and maybe too many men wearing sweaters and well think what the internet's about because now everybody has a voice so you have these guys who maybe weren't the most popular in high school or something they have all this hatred towards women or alpha males yeah now they have a voice but not only do they have a voice but now they have a place where they can all meet around the world whether they're in forum or it's on social media so they're like we're all like minded let's go for that guy whoever it is yeah so you have these, you know, these kids that they maybe lost their way, you know, going down life and

didn't work out for them. So they have all this resentment. But now they have a group where they have one common thing where they hate this idea or this person or this car, whoever it is. You know, it's interesting that you said a voice because that just triggered something of me that, you know, up until about five, six years ago before social media, it was hard to just have a voice suddenly overnight. You could have a voice with a tweet. And maybe that's what's missing in the whole voice thing is people don't realize the power of that voice or the implications of that voice. And if they say something, it's like, think about what you say and don't just blurt stuff out because everything has ramifications. Everything affects everyone

else. But there's that where just don't blurt things out, but like, you know, we're shooting from the hip right now. And I do a million podcasts. Or if I'm on Rogan, we're drinking and doing other stuff so man I might make some mistakes I shouldn't be silence or bring it off the island like people make mistakes dude you know mistakes are beautiful yeah you know a lot of mistakes led to great things like penicillin was sort of a mistake the guy who tracked the uh the human uh chromosome that was sort of a mistake there's all kinds of mistake we we have to have mistakes we yeah i don't know where society how we've gotten to it were just no mistakes yeah so it's like okay if you're playing the game then you people are trying to cancel whoever it is yeah said you're perfect yeah

no you probably don't have a platform where you have to talk all the time yeah everyone's so woke i did a knock knock joke the other day and uh some lady said hey homeless people don't have doors that's offensive i'm like wow okay okay guess i'll store that one but you remember that movie obviously the fight club, you know? Oh, yeah, Brad Pitt. Yeah, and it's like, I feel like most modern men have never, and that's why I say I'm fascinated with you of it, because you've felt a punt, you've given a punt,

you've been in battle with another human being, but I think a lot of modern men, I would bet like 80%, maybe 90, you've never even been in a fist fight, or? Probably higher than that, yeah. You think so? I mean, fist fight as far as maybe on the playground, If you want to go 90%,

but as far as like a legit fight, I bet you're somewhere in the 95% haven't been punched in the face. Yeah, and I'm not knocking men. Like I'm not saying, oh, you're less than a man or you're effeminate or anything like that. But I guess what I'm saying in the modern world we live in, it's kind of a primal experience that a lot of men

can't relate to or don't know. And I guess psychologically, I wonder if that's what's knocked a lot of the manliness out of men or women maybe sense that men haven't kind of done battle and it's a weakness to them and they can push them down the way you said earlier. Yeah, it's a good point. But that's why, you know, I was the advocate for, you know, back in the day, you'd have to go in the military, whether or not just to learn kind of, you know, those kind of tough lessons.

Because now unless your kids in a sport, whether it's wrestling, football or something like that, they're not learning like real hardcore mental toughness, life lessons. I get a little CT, but whatever. What's CT? Country, country, trauma, corporate, I don't know. What is CT? It's when it's brain trauma. When you get accumulate so much brain trauma, your brain starts to, it's like mashed potatoes.

It's called CT? Yeah. Me and Biden haven't. You and Biden? You can be his vice president on the next run around. You don't want that. You think he fumbles works. Oh, wow.

Do you have CT for real? No. a lot of my buddies do like they came up with fighting and a lot of guys that fought before me have it bad and then football players get it right that movie concussion oh is that what it means concussion trauma is yeah it's like a lot it's a long thing but they just call CT but it's basically you know uh you get so many concussions eventually you know it's it's also a state isn't it Connecticut that's right I've got Connecticut I used to have Illinois but I think I'm a little bit close to

to having some Maryland. Some Maryland. I don't know. But, you know, you have this skill set, right? Like, how many years were you in the MMA? Probably 10 years total. Wow. Been doing Jitsu for 15 years.

Really? Yeah. And because I can't, I mean, I played hockey. I've smashed around. I like getting physical. I played hockey my whole life. Tough, tough sport. But when you walk around in the public,

like let's see. you're at a bar, you're at a crowd scenario or at a concert or something, and you see some guys starting to act out or getting drunk or unruly. Is there a little button in your head that goes, I could handle this if I needed to? Yeah, I try to avoid it at all cost. Yeah, you don't want to engage. I don't want it, but there's a sense of almost safety where I'm like,

if things do happen to twerk off, I figured like I could figure the situation out. Like, I was on a plane, and there's this unruly passenger. Oh, here we go. And the flight attendant goes, hey, so if he keeps going, are you cool? Could we ask you for help? And I was like, sure. If it gets like stage five, red terror level here, I'll help you guys out,

but hopefully I don't have to do anything. What does that look like? Okay, you got big drunk guy on Delta Flight 907 to Dallas. Matt didn't get peanuts or something like that. Yeah, Matt didn't get peanuts. What does that look like? the stewardess or the flight attendant goes, okay, go.

Yeah, I'd be like right now. Yeah. Okay. You're right. I'm right in the middle of watching Bridges of Madison County. Can we do it when the movie's over? Yeah. What does it look like when you get up and you have to deal with a guy?

What's the, take us through it. I go through it in my head. I guess because you don't want to, I don't want to get hurt. B, I don't want to hurt them where they're going to sue me. So I would probably wrestle them to the ground and wrestle them into the seat and then choke him unconscious.

and then they just duct tape him, you know? He wakes up to duct tape. And I put on my Instagram live, I'm like, what's up? And hopefully I get a free flight out of it. Then you get a sponsorship deal with Scotch brand duct tape. Yeah. But what I love is just how casually you said, you just choke them out, make them unconscious. No, I don't want it.

That's the thing, though. It's like, don't get it wrong. Like, yeah, I'm an alpha male technically. I'm more of, if you ever seen that movie, Shark's Tale, I'm more of a great white, but inside them a dolphin. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. I don't want, I'm not, like, super aggressive or anything like that.

Wow. No. Can I ask you a question? Eight inches. Wait, what? No. What? You're a dolphin.

Yeah. You know, I lost my dolphin. I lost my dolphin, yeah. The answer's eight inches. Eight inches. Yeah. You had the first time. You had the first time, man.

But no. What I'm saying is the casualness of like just that you have that in your toolbox to say, oh, I could go and just choke that guy out and make him unconscious. And you didn't even blink. It wasn't something you had to think about. It's in you. But what I'm saying is the rest of the men. If you ask them that said, they'd be like, uh, I guess I'd get up and, uh, maybe I'd get the dinner tray and hit them or,

or I'd take my belt off and back, back, back, back peanut, you know, you know? But isn't, that should be alarming. If you bring other guests in this And you ask them and they're like I don't know I guess I'll just sit there and tear like Hey man you should probably do something about that That's what I mean

I'm not saying you need to go You know fight grown men and steal cage In an octagon Yeah In your underwear like I did But you should at least equip yourself Where if things get nice You can protect your family

I know but that's what I That's what I love about you and guys like you Like you just you You have that silent confidence in you Like I feel like I could rumble it up but I'm not a skilled fighter. It's like I'm a guy that would hockey feel like swing and trip. And that's not going to work against.

Bulls blazer over like the hockey fight. His Merrill Lynch blazer over his head and smack him with his Isosceles triangle. Yeah. But you got that silent confidence. That's something I bet every guy wishes they have. I'm just, that's a compliment. That's cool.

I appreciate it, brother. Yeah. But I think, too, the confidence comes from because whoever that unruly passenger is. I've definitely been in worse situations in combat sports than whatever this guy's going to bring. Yeah, that's right. This guy hammered off of, you know, the peanuts. I should be able to.

You should. And the other thing is, too, you're familiar with what it feels like. A lot of going back to men not being in physical altercations, a lot of guys don't know what it feels like to even get hit in the face. But you could probably hit it and go, okay, that was nothing, boom, you know. I hope I have the skill set where he does it land in a punch. Exactly.

The hammered, dying, you know, Spirit Airlines lands a punch. Yeah. Yeah, you are in trouble. That could be a national TMZ disgrace. I got this. He whoops my ass. I come back. I'm so sorry.

Yeah. Does somebody else want to give it a go? They're a what? Oh, my God. But what's the, so let's say the guy standing there. What's sort of the physical move? You kind of distract them and then come in behind to get that chokehold. I would probably see the how.

aggressive he is. If he's coming at me, then it makes it easier. But then if he's just like, oh, I'm cool, man. You know, you can talk. First, I'd verbally try to talk about it. Yeah, what would that sound like? I don't want to do this either, man.

What would that? Real calm voice. Like, have you ever had an altercation with a cop or been with a cop? Yeah, yeah. They're not like shouting. Right. Right. Like, hey, man, what we're doing?

Oh, that's even scarier. Real scary. What would you say? Hey, everybody. Who wants to have better sex? No? Yes. Yes.

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Don't throw your back out. I'd say, listen, man, I'm upset too. I'd board in Group D. I get it. It's frustrating, man. My luggage is all the way back there. I'm all the way up here. It's not cool.

And we're on Southwest, so clearly life isn't going great for either of us. I'm with you, dude. I'm with you. And when we get off, If you want to storm airwant or whatever you want to do, I'm in. Let's not do this here. Then hopefully it works. Hey, everybody.

Check out my merchandise at Harbling.com. Yeah, most people just slap some letters or images on a t-shirt or a hoodie. But not me. Yours truly. Guess what? I draw my own designs at Harbleng.com. You can see tons of my hand-drawn t-shirts. You can either buy the original or you can buy a print and man, oh man, wear them loud and proud.

I love making these designs for you guys and keeping it personal. So check out the whole catalog. We got hoodies, we got copy mugs, we got t-shirts, you name it. It's there at harbling.com. Get your Harland original design, wearable art at Harbling. today. And thank you for your support. And I'll just keep the, uh, the groovy images coming. So let's say he doesn't recognize that you, who you are, he's not intimidated. Do you have a go-to line that where you kind of say, hey guy, like I'll give you an example. My cousin was with an

MMA guy. I don't remember his name, but they're in a bar. Like legit MMA guy? Yeah, I don't know if he was a name guy or he was a ring fighter but he basically was at a bar with my cousin they got in some big drunk guy knocked one of their girlfriends spilled the drink the mma guy said hey apologize and get the lady a new drink please he was very cordial and the guy said hey fuck you fuck off all this and my cousin said he just said hey we're going to go outside and i'm going to break your knee here and here now you're going to get like he was so calm about that he just went And I always love that story. So I wondered if you had like a line that was just sort of like,

hey, dude, this is what you're up again. I was probably like, like, please don't make me do this. Okay. I don't want to do this, but please don't make me do this. Yeah, please don't make me do this. Mr. McGee, don't make me angry. Yeah. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

You don't do this, man. I'm trying to get back to my seventh Charles Manson book up there that I've read. Please be for that. Oh, yeah. You know? Yeah. What's the hardest in your whole career in fighting? Was there a standout punch or kick that you took that was the one?

The one that just you remembered it through all the others. There's probably two. The first one I remember the best is that my first loss I ever had. It was on the worst time to have a loss. It was the ultimate fighter finale in Las Vegas at the Palms Casino. Yeah. And I was doing well against this guy, Roy Nelson. He had like 30 fights at four at the time.

But we both won a tournament. off the ultimate fighter to fight each other. So we both got contracts in the UFC. Yeah. To become the champion, we had to fight each other. So it was one versus two. Okay. So I remember I was doing really well against him.

And he even took me down, which was his thing. And I stood up and I'm like, I'm going to beat the hell of this guy. He's a big dude. And then he landed a right hand flush. And it was the first time I've been actually hitting a fight like really, really hit like that. Yeah. I remember my whole face was warm. I remember thinking, can't take too many of those, dude.

Yeah. Let's not do that again. And then sure enough, he timed it where I threw a jab and came right over and hit it again, boom, knock me out. The same side? Same side, same punch. Yeah, and he's quick. He looks, you know, he looks at he's really thick, thick with the foursies,

and just landed the perfect punch. And the first time I was knocked down, I was just wondering like, what the heck, because you don't know what's going on. You have no idea. When you go to black when you get knocked out, is it just vacant in there? Because I'm a fainter. When I lose blood, like if they take blood from me or something,

I faint, and I've found that when I faint, when I go out like that, I go into a deep dream state immediate, like as if I've been sleeping for nine hours, I dream really intense. When you get hit and go to black, is it just black? No dream of just black, and then you come to, because you're not out that long as you're out, a certain, you know, amount of time you're in real trouble. You're talking about, you know, death. But you just, you wake up and you're like, wait, what, it's over? I just remember being like, oh, it's over.

Oh, no. Wow. I'm like, oh, I lost. And then that's the thing in fighting is, like in comedy, let's say we both have sets tonight at the comedy store. If I bomb, man, it sucks. It hurts. It sucks.

But I can go across to the improv and redeem myself or laugh at your ice house. Yeah. 20 minutes later. Yeah, you're okay. Yeah. The peaks and the peaks and valleys are, there's no middle ground. You win. You're on top of the world.

You feel like Superman. And the low is you feel like the biggest loser in the world. So it's just a straight cut to black. Cut to black, wake up, and like, what happened? Wow. And I have to tell you, you're like, oh, my God. Okay, and what was the second one? You said there was two.

Second one, I was in Brazil. Oh, boy. Yeah, I was fighting the guy. Did you get hit in the Brazilian? Oh, man. Those hurt. Yeah. Because you've just been shaved.

Brazilian butt lift, man. They got me good. Wow. I got some junk in the trunk now. You got hitting the butt left, yeah. An uppercut in the butt left? Right in the cheek, dude. That's when your ass cheek.

flies right over your back and slaps you in the face. Yeah. I know those. Like a hound dog. Yeah. No, I was fighting this guy named Big Nog, Noggera. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's a legend. Yeah, yeah. They were like, hey, we can do it in Denver. In my hometown, I'm like, no.

And at the time, you know, I was just ignorance is bliss. I was really cocky and just, I was like, no, I'll destroy this old man. Yeah. I was like, I want to go to his backyard and do it. It's like, oh, okay, we'll make that happen. So they make it happen. So I'm in Brazil. and I was like, I'm going to smoke this,

I remember I landed in an uppercut, and he's like wobbling. Like, it was just a matter of time. And then he's backing me up, and then he throws the right hand instead of zigging, I zagged when I should have zigged. And it just hit me right in the chin against the cage. And you have nowhere to go.

So the punch, you just absorb all the force. Yeah. That was rough. That was a rough one. Because then my whole family flew from America to Brazil. Oh. Staying there seven days after. Come on.

So I'm just, like, sitting on the beach, black guy, Half my pay. Did that black you out when he hit you there? Was that another black? Yep, that was another loss. Yeah, that was a tough one. You know what's great about me, how I could do better than you in that regard?

I have no chin. So every punch would just be like a feeling of that. I got nothing. I got like a pelican wall. Yeah. And even if you did hit me there, I'd puke up like a cardine right in your eyes. So there's no upside.

It's just, whew, you have to stand here like that. Like hit him in the chin. I'm trying. He doesn't have a chin. Oh, my God. Yeah, there's, there's, you know, my memories now of the UFC are great,

but when I got done, I had the biggest chip on my shoulder, man. Oh, I bet. I was so upset. I was so mad. But that's what fueled me to build everything I've got now. But man. Well, that's the competitive in you. That's the competitive.

Like, you never lose. Even if you go down and lose, you find a way to come back. Yep. But those life lessons, especially in comedy, it's like, you know, sometimes comedy can be a little rough, little mean. which I expected that because I came on, I came up a different way than you guys. You probably started open mics and then build it up.

And then obviously I come on and I have somewhat of a fan base. I'm not like Kevin Hart, but I have a fan base where I can't go anywhere without somebody be like, oh, that's the UFC guy, which I hate it. I hate it. When doing comedy, you mean? I hated it. Or when the host would bring me up and go,

you know I'm from the UFC? I'm like, oh, man, this isn't helping me. Yeah. So, and then when I was headlining, what was this, eight years ago, when I first started headlining, I get to the venue and say UFC's, you know. Yeah, they use that to bring them in. Don't do that.

You want to stand on your own. Yeah, yeah. I want to acknowledge me as a state of commune, but it's probably, I mean, I probably took four or five years a headline before I was able to ditch that, shed that skin. And then I used to be like, I'd say probably seven years ago, if you would have came on there and asked me a fight questions,

I want to answer them. Really? I would have politician my way around the answer. I don't talk about fighting. You got so much resentment against it for whatever reason. I understand that. And then now as I get older and mature, have kids. I'm like, no, no, no. Oh, that was a great time. That's such a good learning lesson that's

it made me who I am. Well, here's why I wanted to set the fighting thing up because... I don't mind talking about fighting. That's not a, you know, red flag anymore. Good, good. But the reason I sort of led with that, led with that, see the terminology, I wanted to bring a full circle and ask you with all that fighting experience, because, you know, fighters have a certain mindset. They're they're fighters, they're competitive, they don't want to stay down. What did you bring to comedy from fighting? How did the fighting mentality influence it? Because like you just said, you can go down in comedy in flames in two minutes.

You could have a full house. You could have a theater of 4,000 people and you could just hit the mat. They're not buying it. So what from fighting did you bring in to help you or infuse into your comedy? I think the thick skin of fighting and dealing, because when I first started fighting, that was just when, like, Twitter and social media was happening. So you're getting, you're going to a fight,

and you're fighting these legends, and obviously no one wants the new kid to win. So I was getting all this animosity. I was like, oh, that's weird. But I was like, okay, whatever. And I would get through it and be able to deal with it mentally, they ignore it and realize that's not real. You know, again, it's teams.

It's team, USA or team, whatever, Croatia, or team Brazil, or team, you know, Bulgaria, whoever you're fighting. So I was able to view it a different way. Like I said, the peaks and valleys are so drastic. They're crazy. So the valleys are so low. You're talking about real depression. You know, after a fight, after a concussion, I can have the lights on in the house.

I've just stayed in the dark. You know, there's some opiate use. You know, I went down a dark, dark road. So I think being able to manage that, it just gives you this kind of no fair thing where, like, you know, when I first started comedy like tonight if I have to follow you okay yeah good could be worse could get knocked on my underwear in Brazil yeah yeah yeah it's like all good yeah you could get attacked by bald monkeys in the jungle you know yeah Italian monkeys I yeah I love that attitude because I'm the same way I've always been like like like I've always had the mentality as good as

they are I want to follow them yes like guys used to a lot of comedians I know don't want to follow I used to purposely love to follow Tim Allen, Rodney Dangerfield, Andrew Dice Clay. I would go up after these guys, and I'd love it because it was scary, I was vulnerable, I had to fight twice as hard. And it makes you focus. Yeah, man. You've got to be on it because you know if you're on someone like you or Rogan or Joey Diaz or Julia, like you got, you better be on it. You're piece and two, so that's similar with fighting. So if you go in the training room and it'd be sparring day, and there's always one or two guys where you just,

for a reason, they just have your number. They might not be in the UFC or ranked in the top 10, but they just give you frits. And it's natural to go, I'm good. I'm going to go with these guys because they're easier. Yeah. But I would always force myself, nope, you're going that guy. I love that.

So in comedy, it was always like, you know, are you sure you want to do this show? Oh, I'm like, oh, yeah, oh, yeah, yeah. Good for you. Are you serious? I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I love that. I never asked, where am I at?

Yeah. Put me here on the lineup. I don't care. Huge props. Yeah. I love that. There's guys at higher levels than me and you that I know still don't want to do that. Yes.

And that's what fast. I had a feeling your answer would be the fighter in you. There's nothing that can kind of scare you, you know? And to hear that is beautiful. I love that. Would you say one of the key elements to winning a fight is knowing a little bit about your opponent, having recon, understanding what their toolbox is for? 100%.

Okay. Yeah, 100%. Well, yes, that. Okay, well, I'm about to do something that could be the stupidest thing in my life. But you don't know much about me, right? As a fighter? No. Would you look at me and think I'm a fighter?

No. But just as a fighter in general. No. Would you think I have any skills? I know you played hockey, so you got that, you know, that Canada street vibe a little bit. Right. And your shirt, I'd be like, oh, I'm not going to mess with that guy. So if I were to sincerely challenge you.

just get into the ring with me. Yeah. For four rounds, me and you, I'm not scared of anything. I'm not scared of you. I'm not scared of anybody. Okay. Would you step in with me? No.

Why not? Wait, no, I don't want to hurt you. I like you. B, don't worry about me. We all need our, listen, I need all the brain cells I can mustard these days. Wait a minute. Don't worry about me. I'm planning on hurting you.

Now, would you... Is it boxing or straight MMA? It's fucking fighting, okay? It's punching. Are you in or out, bro? I don't want to... Four rounds. I don't worry about me.

I can take it. And all... Anything goes. Anything goes. Why would you sign up for that? Because you don't know what I got in my toolbox. That's true. You never know.

Do I sense a little fear? Yeah. Yeah, I'm still scared, man. You in or out. I'm not joking. I'd rather do that than follow you at the store. How about that? Can we do this?

Sure, man. Four rounds? Four rounds. Me and you? Okay. Oh, nice. Nice. Four round.

Wait. Now, wait, here's the caveat. Let me just make sure they both work. Okay. Here's the caveat. The loser has to answer a provocative question. Oh, I love that. So whoever gets their block knocked off.

has to answer one of these questions. Okay. So wait for the bell. Are you ready? I'm ready. Round one. Bing. I won, right?

Oh, you got me. I didn't even feel it. See, you don't have a chin. I did not even feel. I did not even feel. even see you kept going man that's the fighter in you all right round one i got to answer the question i'll pick a random one and you made these questions up yeah but but i made them with with thinking like they could affect either of us i pulled no punches pardon the pun okay what's this one say

what's the biggest regret in your life wow that's for me I would probably say breaking a girl's heart. That's tough. You know, like someone you signed up to love, you fell into a relationship, you had all that magic. Your friends. Your friends.

And when you start with a girl, you never see, oh, we're four months in, I want to hurt her. I think I'll hurt her. I want, you don't think about that. And so I think inadvertently or in whatever, way like hurting a girl someone you love that's in your heart and somehow through your actions or breaking up or whatever you hurt them yep that's a good answer you can answer

too if you want i mean biggest regret i have um i mean i never looked back too much on my past i like that you don't want it right it's the fighter in you you keep going but it's the fighter I guess the one thing, as far as regrets go, you know, it's a good product and I appreciate the people that support it. But I remember, you know, and you know this doing comedy, when I was doing comedy maybe two years when I got first, my first major special. Oh, yeah, yeah. So Showtime. Showtime. Asked me to do a special.

I remember I called Rogan. I called Callan and I was asking Deleon and Thiel, you know, my close friends. Then I like, don't do it. Don't do it, man. And everyone waits about 10 years. There's a reason for that. And I had so, I was like, oh, they're just haters. You know, they're mad dating, which wasn't the case.

No, that wasn't the case. Yeah. Like, no, no, no. There's no reason to. Just keep working. You're doing great. There's no reason to put this out right now. I was like, oh, they're just haters.

No. No. And then I thought, you know, then you do it. And then I thought, oh, people would realize that I was the fastest ever to get a major network special two years in, which is insane. Yeah. And I thought people would realize that, you know, man, only two years in was able to do an hour and this was yeah that's for doing it two years pretty good no no no when you do that

you're entering the big leagues yeah it's show time so you're there with the you know the sebastian had a special on showtime yeah eric griffin burrs on hboh like season guys have been doing it 20 years yeah they were they were they were i can honestly back that up but the other side of it brendon is how do you say no like imagine if joe rogan two years in or me or anyone they said hey we want to you know, you're too new to not know that it's probably the wrong move. You're like, oh, my God, this is, this will propel me that, you know, it's like any, in anything. And I always learn the hardest way.

Yeah. Like, and they know that. With anything, it's like I have to learn the way I learn. You got to learn. You got to learn. You've got to learn the toughest road. It's like if they said for your second fight, hey, we know you're new kid, but we want to put you in against Chuck Liddell.

Would you go, no? Probably not. Maybe you would, but I'd say no. Yeah, I'd probably say no. Or hopefully my management team would be like, you're not ready for that. Right. But as far as the business wise, everyone around me is like, yeah, this is great, free rate.

But the real comics I respect so much and idolized, they're like, no, there's no upside. You're doing great. Just keep doing what you're doing, doing, your tours, keep doing that. There's no reason. There's no rush. You know what the upside of it is, though? Even though you maybe stepped on a little landmine, you learned a lot from up. But the upside is you came out the other side and you know that those guys are your buddies.

Correct. They're your friends. They weren't doing it out of jealousy or spite. 100%. They were looking out for you. So that's got to be a good feeling. And you learn from it. So when you do your next special,

it's like you went from this level. It's all stepping stones. And, you know, people who would throw stones go, hey, what would you do? Yeah, exactly. So you're ready for round two, bud? Let's do it. I got to get my game.

What's the name of your guy? Mine's the blue blockhead or something. This is red rocket. Wow. Okay. Are you ready? Ding ding. I want to taste the pain.

I think I'm seeing all right. Two bullets in a gun, one shot to the head. I need a plague space. Because everything is a threat. But I never backed down. Man, I'd rather be dead. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Man. Look at a card. You guys must be tested. Tested for roids? Yeah, dude. Oh, bro. The red rocket looks a little jacked up at the ass me.

Oh, this is interesting. What's the meanest thing you've ever done to an animal? I'm a big animal guy My mom's like super involved in PETA The meat I've always had such a soft spot for animals So I'm not too mean Sometimes Like I'm really into fish

Super into fish Yeah like four tanks Oh wow awesome Yeah and sometimes the die But it's out of my control So the meanest thing would be I cover all my base So I change the water

I filter out all the rocks And make sure there's no disease and sometimes it's just something you can't control. Like, I have a guy now who helps me, a fish expert. Yeah. I come to the house maybe once every two weeks. Yeah. And so my fish died.

And I was like, oh, my God, my son's crying. Every time the fish dies, he draws a picture and puts on his wall. Oh, God. His wall looks like freaking Schindler's list. It's not good. It's not good. Wow. Yeah, it's not good.

Schindler's fish. Wow. It's going to be the name of my next special. Schindler's fish. you lose fish and record it in your son's room in black and white he's hiding under the blanket terrified when does the funny stop daddy and you're like shut up but sometimes I told him I said hey can you stop drawing those buddy that hurt daddy's feelings wait so what's the meanest thing you did you didn't kill the fish or you feel guilty I feel guilty when they do get sick and die

Oh, God. You'll flush him down the toilet, it's a bummer man. Yeah. But no, I've never done anything mean to an animal, never. You made me think of a cruel fish story. You might hate me after this. Fish are friends, not food. Fish.

This was a fish story. What would you do? So when I was a kid, this is when I was a kid. I was like, like, 12 years old. We grew up on a lake, and we used to fish. It was a lake full of trout, beautiful trout and some, some bass. And then somehow, some year, some guy dumped some extra fish from his minnow pail, and he dumped in these things called yellow perch.

And they never get much bigger than this in the small lake we were in. And so they're sort of like an evasive species. And they started just taking over. Like every time you went fishing, a school of them would surround your bait, like 40, 20 at a time. And so we were just pulling them out all night. We'd go fishing and pull out 50, 60 perch in a night. and we were kids,

and so we thought we were doing the world of favor, killing them, and one year, somehow we got our hands on a pack of firecrackers, and we would stick the firecrackers in their mouth and light it and just boom. Yeah. Now, that's kids stuff,

but still, it's haunted me. Like, it was so. But as a kid, yeah, I'm with you. Now, if you were like, I would beat them to death. Yeah, very Jeffrey Dahmer of you.

Yeah, if I did it now, I deserve to be up on your son. bedroom wall. Yeah. Just a picture of you. Yeah. Okay. That's round two. You're ready for round three? Let's do it. This is pretty good. It's not bad. Pretty competitive. You stepped into the ring with me, buddy. You didn't want it when you did. All right, ready? Yeah. Ding. What are you got this time? What's the worst thing you ever said to your dad or mom?

Oh, damn, bro. Again, I was a good kid, but I'd say it's more recently, like, within the past three years, whenever, like, me and my dad are very similar. So my family likes to argue, like, my brother, my dad, and I should have been lawyers. Like, we like to argue. So when you put us together, if we don't see each other for a while, it's like this feeling out here, like two Siamese fish, where they're going to fight and then they love. So are you Italian?

No. What's your heritage? Well, my mom born and raised in England, so I'm half English. Okay. And then my dad's a German splash of Italian. Okay, okay. So pretty firing. If you had Starbucks, just a splash.

Just a splash. 15%. Just a little. Just a little. So me and my dad argue over certain things politically. Like you can't bring up like COVID or you can't bring up certain politics around us because we'll argue. Okay. And then we're talking about the Ukraine-Russian war.

And we're going. And he's, you know, he's getting pretty, pretty, it's getting pretty heavy. And we're driving and my stepmom's in the car, and my wife's in the car. And then he said something. I just said, oh, how in the hell would you know? And then I remember, I was like, oh, how would you say that to your dad? And he goes, oh, I don't know. I did serve in the Navy for four years, work on Russian intelligence, dumbass.

I was like, yeah. Didn't talk for the car. Right. Yeah. At least he didn't say, I'm going to pull over and you're going to walk home and you're not getting any dessert, you little Brad. Yeah. I would have...

38, but yeah, sure. Still, it's my car. Maybe you should... And I paid for dinner, but I had... You should have just reached around from the back seat and done that airline choke hold and choked them out. You're talking about the Spirit Airline choke? Yeah, like, just give it to him, Daddy.

Really? I teach you this in the Navy. Right, and he couldn't answer because he's like, right? Yeah. But, Dad, usually nothing too bad. Okay. Yeah, I think the only thing I can remember when I was a kid, my dad spanked me. Like, he ever get the...

to pull down the pants, whack the bare bottoms. And I remember my dad just walking out of my room and I just went, I hate you, daddy. Again, that's the kid stuff. It's, for some reason,

it was the only, I only said it once. But you remember it. I remember I said hate and I just remember I'm kind of doing kind of like a backwards look like that. And even as a kid, I went,

that was too powerful. That was too strong. Yeah, I roasted dad way too hard. Yeah, I can't hate my daddy. No. He's my daddy. I'm sure. I'm sure at whatever age he was as a grown man, he knows.

He's like, okay. He knew. Yeah, he's like, okay. I don't think he was like, oh, man, I messed this up. He hates me now. Yeah, he didn't, like, spike my drink with antifreeze at night or anything. I didn't pour antifreeze in my milk. Still got presents on Christmas.

All right, well, that's two rounds to one. If I win this one, I win. It's over. I know. But if we tie, we have to do a final round. I have to. So, something's wrong with my guy. Oh, is that the excuse?

The arthritis kicking is in there. red rocket or whatever your name is. All right, ready? Yeah. You got a seizure, man. Dude. You got to get power. What the hell the blue bongo drunk.

Yeah. What's one of the best or worst lies you've ever told? Oh, here we go. Oh, my first year in college, we had, I was taking this business class. We had this big paper due. And a friend of mine was like, oh, and this was early days of the internet. And he's like, you know, there's this thing called essayworld.com where you type in. Yeah.

And someone has an essay on that topic or that book. And it was some big book. And I waited the last second. And he was like, I've used it before. It works. And I was like, I'm going to try it. So I paid for this essay off essaywold.com. I handed it in.

I mean, clearly not my vocabulary. I mean, it was really probably. It wasn't even the right topic probably either. It was like Shakespeare and you're doing a thing on biology. It's on the Roman Empire. But I remember I handed it in and then the next day I get an email from the professor, Mr. Decker, he's like, hey, can you come in? I'm like, yeah, I don't know.

And then I walk in and I was like, I wonder if you're going to bring it up. And so I go, hey, listen, I'm sure you're going to talk about the essay. And, you know, I want you to know my brother helped me because it's pretty damn good am I right yeah he's like yeah it's good it's definitely good and he goes uh what's this and he holds up my paper i go that that's the paper i wrote that you're supposed to grade and there's no grades on it and he goes cool cool and then what's this and it's the exact thing off it said assa worldcom oh man i was like that that's the same paper on assa world dot com he's like right he's gonna fail you i'm gonna fail you but we're not gonna kick you out of school you should

have just kept the lie going and say no no i work for essay world dot com i wrote that and sold it to them like i cited them as a source even though i paid for it be cool man be cool man he failed me i felt so stupid and then the class i remember never forget this the class was going to see some movie it was like minions or despicable me like it was like a fun day class and i was like can i still go to the movie no no no go sit in the corner you little liar dirty liar you think he deserved to go the movies with this you traitor you can't spread your liar dust on the other children. Get out of here. That's probably the

worst. I felt awful too. I think one of the best lies I ever told I think actually saved my life. I was backpacking through Australia and I was walking through these little lumber towns in the middle of nowhere. We're in Australia? You're talking like you're in the Alpac? No, I'm on the

west coast south of like of Sydney between Melbourne and Sydney where it's sort of like a lot of park land. I was walking through a national I walked for about nine miles and I was like thirsty so I didn't take any water and I came to this little logging town there no water back then I didn't think about it I didn't you know I was like in my like I was like 21 and I thought oh just walking's good exercise yeah you don't need water in Australia do you so I end up in this little logging town they had one diner I'm sitting there

I drink about 80 pepsies I have some scrambled eggs I'm leaving I'm paying my check in this this this guy kind of tattoos and shit, you know. Hey, mate, how you doing? I go, not bad. He goes, ah, you're from around here? And I go, no. He goes, you want to come fishing? And I knew there was a river right down behind the,

and I love fishing. And I'm like, yeah, I'll go fishing. He goes, yeah, come on down the hill. Me and my mates have a boat, you know? And I'm like, okay, seem like a nice guy, start walking down this hill towards the river. All of a sudden, there's another guy standing in the bushes. And I go, okay.

And he goes, so what do you do, mate? and I just instinctly I knew there was trouble. Like I knew this guy. Suddenly I realized, oh, my God, I walked into a trap. And I said, oh, I'm from Canada. I'm a cop. And it threw him a little. They're probably like, ooh.

And I had long hair. And I said, yeah, I'm an undercover cop. And so just for a second, he goes, I'll be honest. I'm a jailbird. I escape from jail. I don't want any trouble. And so he like sort of fessed up to me. And now I'm like, holy, now there's a guy in front of me, a guy behind me.

I get down to the bottom of the hill There's three other guys waiting There's no fishing boat There's nothing And the guy goes I should beat the shit out of you Just for being a cop And I just, you know

I was a bit of an actor And I just kind of did my best Clint East When I went You don't want to do that And I just said I'm gonna leave And it was just enough To frazzle them and kind of short circuit

Where they're like Maybe we shouldn't do this Right, and I just calmly walked away, and I think if I had stayed there like five more minutes, I wouldn't be surprised if they murdered me. I agree. Because I was in the middle. I wonder why they wanted to do it. Well, I think because the guy, he said, he escaped from jail, and I think they're looking for money.

He asked me, goes, do you have any money? They're going to rob you. Yeah, and I said, I don't have anything for you. And he goes, I should beat the shit out of you for me. And I said, and I said, you don't want to do that. And I just walked, yeah, it was a total setup. And there was no one around. That's a fair lie.

That's a good lie. That lie probably saved my sweet, hickory ass. Who knows what they would have done to you down under. Now I'm regretting it. That actually sounds really good, actually. Put another strip on the bar. It's always good when they go down under. I wanted to ask you, too, like, because, again, going back to the fighter mentality,

what do you say, not just in common, but in life because life is tough life can like you said after your your UFC experience you kind of went down a rabbit hole what would you say to people in general the guy that got fired the the girl that can't get a boyfriend someone who can't make their rent they don't have any direction what does someone with a fighter's mentality kind of say to someone out there that might be looking for inspiration or words of wisdom uh find a bitch girlfriend no um probably just don't stop what you mean stop like you have to be like a shark sharks never stop swimming they stop swimming they

die yeah like i'm like you almost got to be like a racehorse with those blinders on so you have all this outside nose but you just got you just got to keep going man like don't stop like one foot in front of the other like i never stopped never stopped yeah never stopped and some days are tough than others man you know some days are really tough just Always keep going. Keep going. Keep going. You know, you, you inspired me because I was thinking about our interview and I got really excited because I like the fighter and the mentality. And I realized as I was laying in bed at night, you inspired me to write a poem. Oh, yeah? About kind of the question. And if you'll indulge me, I'd like to read it. It's sort of, it's sort of, um, hopefully those guys down under are incorporated. it's kind of a little thing that you sort of inspired me to write knowing you were coming on the show so here we go see if you like it or not the world can beat you down like a lost abused old dog sometimes makes you wonder if there's even a god alone feeling broken your head in the fog

how did each day become such a sad lonely slog all out of money and all out of friends you forget how it started and you pray that it ends. How did your life go around so many bends? You act like you're fine, but it's only pretend. You're down on the mat, all out of breath. The only comfort now is the cold hand of death. You want it to stop, to all disappear. Everything you dreamed of was so very near. So you lay there, defeated, ready to concede. You gave it your all, No blood left to bleed. But then, deep inside, the faintest light glimmers. Refusing to lose, you want to stand tall with the winners.

And through all the pain, your eyes up in life's mist. Sweat from your pores, blood on your lips. Something inside you says you have to go on. Fight until the end, until everything's gone. Your eyes in the shadows glow menacing with desire. To keep battling on, your soul filled with fire. The fighter within you, refusing to quit. Now nothing left to lose, you don't give a shit.

You step back in the ring and glide into the light. You're a warrior, a survivor, ready to fight. And no matter what confronts you, you still swing away, hammering back at the world that sent you astray. You're a fighter, you're a champ, round after round nothing and no one can ever keep you down

a hurricane of power muscle and speed no more being denied time to take what you need fueled by determination focus and dreams deepen your pupils victory rage screams

you punch through the darkness your world getting brighter there's no giving up ever you're a motherfucking fucking Jeez, man. I wish I could turn that into my teacher. You're a good writer, huh? You inspired that in me.

I appreciate it, man. Yeah, that's beautiful, brother. I appreciate it, man. Can I take that? You can have that, yeah. I really, you know, I really, I know that your comedy's your main focus now, but somehow I felt like there was a real symbiotic.

100%, you know, kind of energy between them, and I really wanted to explore that with you, and I thank you for opening up and sharing about it. You got a great pod. Yeah, this is great, man. You've always been a, I mean, you're clearly a smart guy. Like we had to just knock this out. You just always been, like in school, did you accelerate in school?

You know what, Brandon, when I, when all the other kids were partying and stuff like that, I would go home and sit in my room and write stuff like that. Like I would think about life and the world and I wasn't out drinking and I was sort of not antisocial, but I was a bit of an introvert. And so I would, I almost got to the point. or had to stop writing it because it would get so heady. I'd over thinking I'd write things down. But when something now comes along that inspires me and moves me,

it makes me want to. That's great, thank you. Yeah, that's amazing. Thank you. That's a great gift, man. Yeah, of course. Thanks, brother. And you mentioned Joe Rogan at the top of the thing, you know.

And you know what? I want to kind of give a little shout out to Joe Rogan. You know, he walks around. He's on his podcast. cast he's you know doing his back kicks mr tough guy taking bass in the ice while you know what rogan party boy i'm calling you out okay i'll get so i v brandon i'm calling you out joe rogan anytime you want to step into the ring i'm ready to rock and roll hopefully does better than me yeah three one man it's embarrassing i be brandon i'm coming for you rogan i can see why i stop fighting

and i'm going to start yes before we go buddy we do the This one thing we do with all our guests. It's a lot of fun. It's called, let me pull it out here. Words from a wooden shoe. This is an authentic clog, Dutch clog, Brendan. And what we do, there's a bunch of words inside. You don't look, you reach inside, pull out a word, read it,

and see if it inspires a story or a memory, and that's kind of how we close out the show. You got a creative podcast. Well, you know, we try. So grab, grab a reach in there. What about all the stuff I do? What about all the stuff you do? This is about you, wild thing.

This is about you. What's your word from a wooden shoe? What's it say? Oh, here we go. What's it say? Famous sex. Famous sex. Oh, wow.

This might not be the fight you want to have right now. Did I lose another round? That just means. Like wrestling in the sack with somebody famous? Yeah. Have you ever power greased somebody, you know, a famous person? I can do a flash joke in real life. I can tell about your face.

It looks like there's been a few. Are we? No comment. The fighters taking a pass on this round. Hard pass. Yeah, yeah. Hard vats. You?

Oh, wait. I'm red. Wow. Wow. So the answer is yes, but we're not going to say any names, right? Yeah. So let me go down this rabbit hole. Can we talk about the scenario without mentioning the name on one of one or the only one of the? Yeah, I mean, at the time I moved here.

Yeah. She was just starting into acting. And it was like one of the first friends ever made in the now. she's very famous okay yeah she was great though she's cool this is the one fight you never prepared for was not ready for this we didn't learn this in the gym yeah yeah oh man well my answer is it was the same girl I didn't tell you it was I know but I know I know yeah I know she came here got famous in L.A one one word

Great blowhole. Really good down under. All right. Before we go, buddy, please let everyone know about your various podcasts, your upcoming stand-up gigs, everything going on. Let me think. Shows-wise, I have Thick Boy Studios,

just Thick Boy on YouTube. I have all my Cowbass Fight Companion, food truck diaries, and then the shop shows on there that you find the kid with Brian, Allen, which you came on, which is so fun. And then the goal now with Krista Leonier Griffin. Wow.

Yeah. Wow, that's like a whole collection of podcasts. It's a lot. I'm exhausted. That's why I like doing these because I can just be the co-pilot and enjoy my time. And thanks for coming up, man. I know how busy you are. And as far as stand-up.

Stand-up. By the time this comes out, I'm in Brea on March 4th. It's a Friday. Brea two shows one night. I'm sorry, that's March 3rd. Bray's March, Bray Improv is March 3rd, two shows one night. Yeah.

And then after that, I'm in Oklahoma City, then Tacoma and March. Tickets at Thickboy. Thick boy. And any other, like, projects you're working on a special or books or anything else? We should tell the fans. Nope, not right now, brother. That's it, man. You got your hands full, guy.

Buddy. You're the bass, bro. Let's hit the theme music. Oh, the poem. You inspired it. Thank you. Thank you. And ladies and gentlemen, Brendan Schwab, give them a hand.

well you can't because you don't have hands this podcast goes out to people with no hands i didn't tell you that no hands into all the australians out there yeah what do you think those boys are doing right now i don't know man i like if they didn't get me like who did they get a few you might have to teach me the old uh chokeholds if i'm ever by an australian riverbed again with some jailbirds i know what to do all right folks that's it the harland highway until next time chicken chowmain and uh We'll see you on the dark side of the moon, Pink Floyd. Awesome. Thank you, buddy.

Thank you so much. That was excellent. That was great. That's such a good time.