The Harland Highway - NEW HARLAND HIGHWAY #50 - KYLE DUNNIGAN, Comedian, Actor, Writer, YouTube great.

Episode Date: March 21, 2023

Emmy winning writer and hilarious comedian Kyle Dunnigan talks about nightmares, EMMY suductions, murder, and baseball. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you ever had sex with a pregnant woman? No, as far as I know. I think you should. That's what I think. Just for the experience. Just so you get over the hump, so to speak. So you can do it more. You're riding down the Harland Highway.

All right, hold tight on the Harland Highway Show. Harland Williams. Check one, check one. Wait, let's see. Check, check. Oh, that was, okay. Yeah. Is that better?

Let's see if I hear it. Check, check, check. Can you hear me? Check, check. What's your nationality? That's loaded. Well, I mean, if your Czechoslovakian, I don't want to say the C word because you're dropping. Yeah, you're good.

So I can say check. Yeah, you could have just said, are you Czechoslovakian instead of what you're nationality because i don't i mean yeah but if i shorten it down like i don't want you flying over this table and throwing down no smart check i appreciate that check check mick what are you check check uh mick are you uh are you irish ish you have some irish yesish yeah you're irish no i'm just ish you're ish yeah okay well you give you Insisting I'm Irish. I'm just ish. No, I just, I was asking. I know. Sorry. Sounds like a new Apple product. I ish. Wait, hang on one sec.

We'll get this. We'll get it. It's good. No, it's good. Yeah, it just, it just, it doesn't bother me. It's just if you're, if it's going into the recording thing, the fuzz doesn't bother me. It doesn't? It doesn't bother me. But if it's, is it really loud? Let me. Let me hear. No, it's like, it's like, you hear like a, when you had a loud sound, you hear like a, check one, check one, check, check, check. Can you hear like a, like a, at the end, like a little, no, no, no, not at all? Roy, I think we've got to get you to an ear, doctor. And while we're at it, can we just send you to an eye, ear, nose, and throat doctor?

Because I'm guessing there's some other things going on. Yeah, well. I mean, look at you. Yeah. No, I definitely, I haven't been checked in a while. Really? Yeah. Do you ever, well, because doctors are so expensive.

And have you ever done this just because you're like, I can't afford the, and you just go down to jiffy lube? I haven't done that, but I, yeah. Oh, dude, they lay you on the thing. It's like, you know that hydra, you just slide up, you feel like Frankenstein going up into the lightning. It's so relaxing. And if you're lucky, you get hit by lightning. And then the guy gets under you and does all the proctalate, like drains your fluids. Everything drops right down into his face, into a pan.

It's really good. I have to look into that because it is expensive. I mean, health care. I don't know about you. I just got it. I changed mine to make it like $50 less. But now I have like a terrible doctor. And it wasn't.

It was worth it. Wait. So your doctor was too expensive. The plan I was on. I could use that doctor. Now this plan, he's not in the family. Oh, he's not, he's not under the umbrella. The network.

Okay. No, I do that's other lady. And she doesn't care about me. Do you know what I mean? Like, not she's a bad doctor. Yeah. I am like some kind of object that came in that she's clinically going, blah, blah, and there's just nothing.

And I, you'd try to make a little rapport and just nothing from her. You're just like a hood ornament. Yeah. And so I worry that makes her. her not look deep enough into things. Yeah. It's just like very surfacy, like, okay. Yeah.

Yeah. She's not even like that. Like that I would actually appreciate. This would be enough. Just a hand wave. Yeah. Okay. But she's just like writing.

But I had a cyst on my gallbladder. No way. This is like a year ago. And my good doctor said, in six months, we'll just do another sonogram to see if it's grown. So then six, so then he's gone. Then I got another one and I sent it to her and it, and it grew like to two millimeters and she was fine.

Whoa. I go, it's fine. So it's fine. And then didn't have any. So I probably should go back because it hurts really bad. My gallbladder hurts really bad. If you grew a cyst on your ass, that would be an assist. I mean, are you kidding, guys?

Ladies and gentlemen, Kyle Dunnigan is here. Let's hit the theme. music uh-huh well now that's right you on the holland highway player right hell yeah how's it how's it feel how's it feel guy it feels nice and smooth yeah uh i'm really honored to be here thank you where are you kidding we're honored to have you writer comedian uh showrunner emmy winner showrunner i'll take that i don't think i am i think you could be though i think i was projecting my is YouTube a put a show run YouTube show runner your what's the name of your tell them your YouTube show right out of the gate so they can bail out of this and go to that

immediately yeah YouTube slash Kyle Dunnigan is my you I got my own name and everything over there yeah are you do you like being called a comedian how do you feel no about that I hate it yeah why do you hate it because I don't like to be categorized as something I think we're what me and you and all the people in the comedy community are funny people who are capable of delivering comedy, but in many forms. But I don't like being category. Oh, he's a stand-up comic. I don't know why. It just rubs me the wrong way. Some guys are proud to wear. That's all they want to be. Yeah. But I'm mad if you don't want to be all that. They get mad at you. Maybe they do. But I just, I don't like to any type of title. I guess if I was a brain

surgeon. I go, I'm a brain surgeon. Yeah, yeah. But I don't know that I just like stand-up comedian because guys like you and me and most people in the industry were so multifaceted. Acting, writing, you know, do you dance? Knitting, a dance. You knit? I do, I can knit. I can. I did it when I was younger. What the hell? My mother knitted. Yeah. Nitted? Yeah. And I just was like six years old, my feet, and I just would just learn how to knit. And then it was kind of like a calming memory. I was in college, and I was stressed out.

And something in me said, go knit. Because it was back to my childhood. So I went to the, they have knitting stores, which you don't see unless you go, I want to go knit. You never see them, but they're there. So I went and I got like the whatever. I felt like I was getting porn.

I was like, I'll take the 22-millimeter needles with the, you know, and I got a bag. And I went to my college dorm, I was just furiously knitting. And then my girlfriend at the time walked in and saw me knitting. Hold on, hold on. You were a knitter and you had a girlfriend. Yeah, it's rare.

Well, it wasn't really... He must have been really good because... Nitting and girlfriend don't always go together. I would nip, like, tough stuff, like guns and stuff. You would knit guns? Wow. But she was like, are you knitting? Like, it did dry her up.

But anyway, that was just, I didn't, I haven't... knitted much since. So following this logic, you knit a gun, someone breaks into the house, you have to knit a bullet, or a clip of bullets, you shoot the bullet, does it even penetrate? Does yarn go through epidermis? It would have to go really fast, actually. It could. Have you ever knitted a Glock or a 45 magnum?

Those are tough. You're going to have to crochet to get a magnum. Probably need a permit, too. Yeah. Yeah, pearl stitch and a knit stitch would have to be used to... You know, I was a quilter. Is that right? Oh, I quilted.

I went right past knitting. I could see that. I quilted like crazy. And, you know, you always want to, like you said, you want to present people with presents. Yeah. And I'll never forget, in 1984, I knitted my family. I have a big family. Like, there's like 12 of them.

And I knitted them an AIDS quilt. And you quilted them in AIDS quilt. Yeah. I quilted them in AIDS quilt. AIDS quilt and not didn't go over well So they were the dead people who died of AIDS Well they were healthy

But they felt like I was telegraphing Like that they're going to get AIDS Yeah And it had their names in it And butterflies and even one out of gravestone Just because I thought They would be the one that would get it first And but oh you had the order

Yeah so I got out of quilting And I got into botchy ball Have you ever done that? I love boxy ball I'll tell you this, though, it's sad. Every time I move at a yard, I buy a botchy ball set, and no one's ever played with me. I'll play?

Okay, okay. I love botchy ball. No one seems to want to play, and then I end up throwing out the botchie set every time I move. Oh, no, they're not cheap. You can't just throw them out. You know what's fun to do is, do you have seniors that live in your neighborhood?

No. Gather, go to the mall. Yeah, they play. Get some, gather up some seniors. seniors over at the Glendale Galleria, like where, get some old clothes at the vintage store at the, at the Goodwill, something that smells like death. Go to the food court at the Glendale Gallery. Like they'll hone in on it. They can smell it and bring them back to your house. And then instead of rolling the botchie balls, it's a riot. You just throw them at them fastball.

And just, I don't know this is going there, but that is, that does sound like on. I mean, do you like to throw stuff at old people or no? yeah yeah i do venice is gonna work guy yeah yeah bought you the the little balls called the paulina paulina is that what's called the the little silver ball that you roll the one you're trying to get near you're trying to get near that's called the is it called the paulina amber um she know i don't know she come in here no no she doesn't Amber Amber Amber what's she come in here no she doesn't Amber Amber Amber what's the the little ball called in a botchy set in a botchy set she doesn't even know a but you know what

botchy ball is oh ping pong it's called the ping pong ball okay perfect thank you thank you you you just were on the show um yeah uh so botchy yeah you wrote my name you wrote my name down there yeah do you might is it okay if at certain times in the show um the show um you might is it okay if at certain times in show i just refer to you as done again yeah that's okay i don't mind is that cool yeah that's you can you can refer to me as william harlan is a cool name yeah but Kyle and Kyle i like it though it's good in irish i'll it's irish right it's named after a girl i don't know if it's irish oh oh i was named that they didn't know if i was going to be a boy or girl and then my there was a girl named kyle in my mom's class she was tutoring and then

they're like oh i like that name and then i came out a boy yeah she was what Just remember those tutoring kids. Oh, she played the flute? Yeah. And this one kid who, one of our flute students, was named Kyle. And then, so we wanted to do it. But anyway, I came out a boy. Then my dad said, this is a boring story.

No, I love this. He said, oh, there's a football player named Kyle. Kyle can be a boy's name. Yeah. But, you know, look, I don't like you dumping on yourself. You come out here, your first story, you say it's boring. Yeah. So I'm here to support and help.

Yeah. Next time when you come back, we'll do that same story. But knit it. Knit that story. Yeah. I feel like the knitting thing is, even though it turns women off, it shouldn't. It should turn them on. Yeah.

You know? Because women are nesters, right? It's also, you know, apocalypse or something. That's like a life skill, you know, to be able to make. something. Yeah. If there's an apocalypse, like nuclear bomb, mushroom clouds, virus, you want someone in your camp that can knit. All the blankets burn up in the heat blast. But therefore, if I'm to follow this, wouldn't want the yarn and all material, and then you're knitting air blankets? I didn't think it through. You're right.

Done again. I like done again because it's like done it again. So I think like I finish things. And I think your name may have an effect on who you are as a person. Yeah. I've done it again. Done it again. And then done again.

Like I'm finished again. My Christian name that I never use is kneel and suck. And so I. Well, if you're going to laugh, maybe this isn't the form for you. I was thinking of something else that you said earlier. Okay. But here we go. You're on the Harlan Highway guy.

I can feel it. You can feel it. My posture is out. Your posture, your aureolize or tingling. I'm, but here's what I want to do. You know, these podcasts, they need to trend. I know. And one of the thing that really seems, I've did some research.

One of the thing that really seems to trend in these podcasts is murder stories. Yes. So what I want to come to you at done again. yeah is i want to know the perfect murder that you plan okay i want to know who you're murdering why you're murdering where you're going to murder them and how how do how does kyle dunnigan get away with this this murder do with the body that's the big thing is they don't get rid of the body right is well don't say they i'm talking about you guy okay you're murdering today and not look i didn't say coming on this podcast would be a

cakewalk. This is tough stuff right out of the, you're not going to knit your way out of this one. I wish you like, you know, emailed me and said, hey, prepare, because this is like sort of a big question. It's big. It's big. And it's, you know, if I, if I gave you a preamble and let you know, it would be a cakewalk. I don't want, I want this to be a bit tight, a bit ripe. It wouldn't be a cakewalk. People have, people have, people plan the murders way ahead of time and they still screw it up. It's very difficult. And you're telling me to improvise how I would murder and high. the body. I don't know. Improvise sounds like fun time. Okay. I'm talking about you ending terminating a life guy. Okay. Do you want to say who it is? Who? Let's start. I'll run you through the list if this helps you, gives you time to think, who is it? Who's going down? Who are you

taken out of the picture? I probably shouldn't say their name on it right now. You don't have to say the name, but how about the relationship to you? Is it a buddy? Is it a girlfriend? All right. I won't say the name. My mother. No, I would never. I love my mom. She's great. She's talking about it, Nett. Sure.

You know, I really wouldn't murder it. You're forced me to murder somebody. Yeah, yeah. Be clear about that. Yeah, it's on me. If you get caught, I'm going to take the fall, okay? Yeah, I would definitely not murder the person. I said on a podcast, I would murder this person.

Right. Although maybe that's good. Who would do that? That's what I mean. There was a story in the news recently. I heard it, I think, on another podcast where some guy was murdering people then going to other towns and confessing to other murders, and they thought he was such a nut job.

It turned out he was really murdering people in his town, but everyone thought he was such a kook. That was his methodology to get away with that. That's really smart, right? Do you know that comedian who got, who was, he was a murder, he was raping. Oh, yeah, this was back in like the, the 90s. Yeah, yeah, yeah, 80s and 90s.

But he would go from town to town. Yeah, well, colleges. Yeah. And then the way they caught him was like, there was just a rape in every college that he was at. That he was at that day. Imagine that billing. Come to the comedy show.

Have some laughs. Get raped. God. I don't think they put that on the bill. Well, they should have. They should have at least give the kids. It's a warning, yeah. Hey, have some last, maybe some profanity, and you may get raped.

You decide if you want to attend. This was all to give me more time to think about. Oh, yeah. So who is it? And it could even be a hypothetical, you know, you could say, hey, it's my doctor. It could be, you know, it could be anyone. But I think what we're really trying to get to is how you do it. I think that's what the podcast murder freaks are like.

I think it's easy to murder some of you don't know that well. Okay. Um, let's go with my doctor. Your doctor? The guy that, the one that did this? It's a lady.

You're kind of sexist. It's a lady. Well, girls can be doctors too. I was doing a gay guy. Oh, yeah. You look,

you look fine. No, that was a good doctor. And this is also, pull down your pants. That's a gay doctor. You look fine. And it also means pull down your pants so I can look at the good.

Yeah. They don't do the finger up the butt anymore. Do you know that? They don't? They find it doesn't. do anything or something. Oh, God. When did they find this out?

Because I was there last week. Yeah. That's what I heard. I might be wrong. I got mine went a step further. He goes, do you mind we're kind of an advanced clinic? Do you mind if I give you the shocker? Yeah, yeah.

Put two in the bunk and one in the junk. Yeah, two birds. That's probably good. Yeah. And I don't even have a. Wait, yeah, because the junk, he's just poking. Like, you're trying your nutsack.

Yeah, like he was trying to put a hole. in me. Oh, yeah, hard to get the shock. Information out of that probably. But I'm not a doctor. I dated a doctor and it's really fascinating how, like, for one, one thing is when they go through their test, they do these fake patients. Like, people just come in to be a fake patient.

Yeah. Give them like 20 bucks. And they have to run through and it's all videotaped. And then they scrutinize how you were with them. Yeah. What was inappropriate or whatever. Okay. And then they have the board exams.

which are really difficult. I can imagine you'd probably be falling asleep all the way through them. Those damn board exams? Too soon? Sorry, keep going, Guy. What a God. I deserve an AIDS quilt. You really do?

Oh, shit. It's okay, guy. It's okay. Throw it around. You're about to murder. You can do what you want. I'm delaying this so hard on purpose. I know, but it's okay.

It's okay. The wheels are turned. I can see it. So they would also get these things, like for the board exams, they would get these pictures you could buy online that just are insane to help you remember the names of every kind of medicine or body part. Yeah. And it would just be like a pirate.

And so you'd go like, oh, that's piracognosis, crazy ways of, because you need a way to remember all these things. Pirate canosis is a disease? No, I made that up. It might be. But like I'm saying there'd be a pirate. and then like two noses and then pirate noses oh pyraconosis okay like that this is how they memorize really like a little book of word play giant like pictures that's crazy things but it helps your

memory you have to visualize that i found interesting yeah then they have um just like a dead body room where it just smells and in this when you donate your body they like just this is where it goes anyway would you do are you going to donate i'm a donor but not to like science like if someone needs like my gallbladder yeah they won't um well it's got crawling with cysts cover yeah yeah i mean why would you do that to someone yeah yeah yeah kind of a cruel final goodbye yeah so you have you have your you have your you've got the only thing you're on your donor card is your yeah yeah i said you can have that because i don't i don't need that and it's it's got growing on it.

Yeah. But the lady said it's fine. The lady doesn't care. It said it's fine. All right. Who am I going to murder? Yeah. Who are you going to murder?

Who is it? Who is it? Is it still your doctor? Okay. Why are you murdering them? That's the next. I don't like her attitude. Yeah.

She's not really giving you the personal one-on-one treatment. She doesn't care about me. I don't look at me like I'm a human being. So now I can murder her because I don't feel like you're a human being either. I'm able to do that now. I can now murder because I can now visualize her. her is a person. So the way I murder her. Yeah. I mean, it's got to be. No, first it's got to be where. Where do you do the murder? Okay, we're going to, I'm not hiring anyone. That's the big problem.

You've got to do yourself because there's a weak link. If you hired someone, they're going to crumble to get caught and they're telling you. Yeah, you've got to do it. The more people you bring in that just increases your chances of getting caught. Okay. Yeah. All right. Forget your phone. Don't bring your phone anywhere the week before the murder you're gonna like don't bring it anywhere you're oh yeah you yeah okay good for the for a week i'm gonna follow her schedule yeah i'm gonna follow and know her schedule yeah and um i'm going to leave my phone so that they can't track me right but find out where she lives when she's not home i'm going to put poison just in every drink so this is how now or at the house at her home how do i get the poison though that's a that's a that's a that's a little

sticking point you got to get what's the poison it's got to be something tasteless i'd have to do okay donalds a research i have to do research on um i've lot to say about McDonald's um my dad owns McDonald's i have a lot of research on your dad's Ronald McDonald's yeah no wonder you're in the comedy scene there's really no choice um i got to find a tasteless poison. Okay. Do we know of any?

No, this is a problem. Oh, murders. Okay. You know what one? Maybe you're just curing thirst and not murdering.

Yeah. All right, here's what I'll do. Okay. Here we go. I'm going to make love to her. I'm going to meet her and romance her make love to her. We're going to be coming to a couple.

Then we're going to go to like some. Then we're going to go to like Joshua Trier, someplace with cliffs. And, She's going to slip. She's going to slip and fall. It's going to be a push. People can't tell you it pushed them.

And then I'll just come back and say she fell and be. She fell off cliff. Yeah. God. How tall is he? Hey, everybody. Who wants to have better sex? No?

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Got to be at least two stories. Three stories. God, it's a giant. Yeah, yeah. How would you murder? Have you thought about this? Yeah. You must have. No, I haven't, but I'm willing to, look, I put you on the spot, so I got to play the game too. I feel like, yeah, like, I feel like I really got to think about the, yeah, my wheels turning. Because also, like, how do you get rid of a, let's see you have the body. Yeah. That's the real place where they screw up. How do you get rid of it? the body well i think you you had them going off a cliff so nature takes care of the body but you have to worry about if they find the body before nature takes it no it's but it's landing in like a wolf

um pack area yeah so that's it's done i mean they're going to find scattered bones that's what you want yeah you you but yeah the body but but here's the thing if you execute the murder so perfectly it doesn't matter if they find the body because you've executed the perfect murder and they can never trace it to you. Okay, see? So even if they found the body laying beside you in your own bed,

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your first box delivered right to your door factor Meals.com enjoy them and let's get back to the show the worst one was that guy who killed his

put his kids in those like oil drums oh no what's his name? him. Killed his wife. It's always like there's some woman he wants to be with. Scott Peterson did the same thing.

Some woman comes in and their wife's pregnant and has a little kids. The number one person to murder you if you're a pregnant woman is your husband. Really? That's a fact. Imagine if it was the kid. One day you're laying in bed and just an arm comes out of your belly with a knife and your own kid murders you. He has a knife in the womb.

Yeah. He times it. Like, what's the gesture? gestation period for a baby nine months like on the like the like the like the two days before he's supposed to be born he's like fuck you i hate you mom yeah jim morrison just an arm comes out and just mother i want to yeah you know yeah that'd be amazing a baby murderer or instead of you know sometimes the mother wraps the umbilical cord around the baby yeah the baby sticks his arm out in the night it's a cowboy baby

Lassos is his own mother and fucking... You know, we'll be amazed me about the trial. With the, just the two-week-old, just sitting there, bald, crying. Covered in placenta. And just the jury having to decide, the fate. Yeah. You can't even put that guy in juvie. That's even too young for that.

Yeah, you'd probably have to put him in an incubator. Yeah, like a crib. You just put a top in the crib. That's a jail anyway. And he's drooling. his defense is drooling how do you plead zero yeah i plead zero years old yeah and he has what's great is at that age does an infant child have does a fetus have fingerprints i don't think so it is the perfect time it's the perfect murder yeah we figured out isn't you or me

it's the infant childs fetuses if you're listening uh get to kill him if you don't want your crabby mom around ordering you to do stuff you don't need your mom great i mean people do uh i mean how do you feel about um these women who and men i don't mean you get to be sexist here no be sexist i love it but very really men will like just adopt a kid alone you're alone yeah i know women have done it yeah rich women because then you can just have nannies yeah but just to Ray, do you have any kids? What a fine kid? Okay, hold on.

Smaller than you, but like similar? There's a, I have a few in, uh, Haiti. Okay. And I had them in Haiti because I hate kids. You have AIDS and hate, yeah. Yeah, you got that. Yeah, but, um, no, you know what? The other thing is, have you ever had sex with a prego?

no as far as i know no i mean a bottle of uh italian oh yeah spaghetti sauce no have you have you ever had sex with a pregnant woman no dude don't do it because you know i was talking about that i did and here's what happened i would you know you're going in and out the way one does and the little fucker grabbed me and like yeah slamming me and i hit my head against the wall like yeah see i got a I got concussed. Yeah, he probably thought that was like lunch or something. It was just a powerful kid. How old was this?

How far along was she? She was 11 months. Oh, she stayed in there. 14 pound baby and just yanked power yanked me. And at first, you know, sort of part of the ride, but then I couldn't, you know, my head's in the wall. Yeah, at first it probably felt good. Yeah, I thought she had really powerful lips.

Like I thought she was like one of those ones that went to the gym and did that. machine where you butterfly like you pretend you're squeezing Rod Stewart's head between your leg you know that one the what's that machine called the Rod Stewart head scruncher or whatever it is yeah they all imagine that oh dude and I was just getting whipped this kid out of grip like dolly parton at a dildo festival it was insane yeah wow dude unreal we should start with that story because that's a fast story. I know. But we still got to it and that's key. So you've never had, you've never had sexual encounter with a pregnant woman. I don't think I've ever gotten anyone pregnant.

Okay. But you could still have sex with a pregnant woman. Like she could be single. I, I, there's a certain month where I think I would, um, have a problem with that. So if you could see the hump, you'd be out like you wouldn't want to have Sur Edmund Hillary sex. I'm trying to think is there's a point where I couldn't perform. And I don't think there is, though. You know what? I think I could. I wouldn't want to, but I think I could.

I think you should. That's what I think. Just for the experience. Just so you get over the hump, so to speak. So you can do it more. But you know what bothers me about it? You'd think the giant, you know, camel hump on the woman's belly would be the deterrent. But for me, have you ever seen a pregnant woman, their belly button goes from an iny?

to about a golf ball-sized outy. And that's, uh, turns you off. It turns me off because, you know, you look down and you look like you're looking at someone's punched eye and it's just this swollen pink belly button. It looks like you're on top of them. Yeah. I was imagining like they're laying on their side and bed and you're from behind is the way to do it, I would think.

No, no. You want to confronting. You want to be on top because then you get a bit of that roll. It's almost like being on a teeter totter. You get to pivot. it their their stomach becomes a fulcrum ah yeah you come out and you kiss and you come back you you're teeter back you push teeter back it's almost like remember those birds that used to you ever see those birds they drink water so you're kind of dipping into their face you get some

tongue you go out you breathe kiss push pump i mean it you do it's a good it's a good pitch it's selling it pretty well i'd love you to try it i i mean i would i can set it up i know some pregos i know a couple of pregos who are single okay if you'd like are you setting people up i'd like to set you up i'm single i'm single right now okay i could you could power dip if they're how far along one's at uh one's right at uh eight and a half months like her belly button looks like someone punched you know Donnie Osmond

right in the asshole Yeah it's amazing They go back Like someone just go right back Yeah They're pretty amazing I don't know how that happens Are you dating someone right now?

I'm not Okay And you're not I'm not I mean I'm going on dates But I yeah I don't have like a girlfriend I don't do

I wasn't dating I mean I went a while Not dating Yeah I've gone on a couple Dipping my toe But it's been Oh really they have a foot feathers

What? Yeah Wait yeah they you where do you meet these girls though there's new ones yeah one i met a while ago and then just the loss didn't didn't like um she came back and at me and said that she wanted me take take her out which is rare and then another one um was a setup actually oh no yeah well well that sounds like ominous it was a setup oh yeah no no but like not like a bad way and they didn't go well like you didn't it did no no no um no no no no no no

no they both went well and it's it's i'm just started dating again i've just started after how long well um my last girlfriend girlfriend yeah dates in between but like i haven't had a girlfriend in years probably like since like three or four years oh that's okay i i am actually kind of okay alone I, like, and I'm very busy, you know, so I don't feel lonely. I'm alone, but I don't feel lonely that often, you know what I mean? Yeah, you're good at, you can cope on being alone. Yeah, talk to myself, I'd feel like, that's good, like someone else is there. Maybe you don't need a girlfriend.

Maybe, you know, because won't a girlfriend infringe on that, that aloneness that you've adjusted so well to? They probably have to understand that I, that I'm probably not going to be like a full-on codependent. We do everything together. But I think most people don't want that. Would you sleep in the same bed or would you have separate? Sounds like I'm here and you'll have separate bedrooms.

Are you into that? You'll get her an apartment. Oh, you'll get her own apartment like Woody Allen did with. Yeah, Woody Allen. Wow. So you date her. Get her her own apartment. Yeah, in Vegas.

I'll get her apartment in Vegas. Wow. You know. Wow. No, I'll sleep in the same bed, but they can't have, like, you know, bad issues. Like what? Dutch ovens? Has a girl ever dutched oven you? No.

Yeah, I wouldn't love that. That happened to you? Oh, I got dutched oven once, and it smelled like someone just kicked the door in at an outhouse at a Lilith Fair. Like, you know, well, the red hot chili peppers were just on stage for their fourth encore. It was beautiful. Right. Oh, no. you serious? Oh, are you going to puke?

Oh, never. God. I've never puked in my life. Are you cereal? Well, that's not true, but very, very rarely. The first time I ever puked was 11 years old. I was in my, uh... Why? Well, I mean, this sounds like my dad was ripped, but he had a plane, but he was like, my dad had a plane. Yeah, what kind of plane? Like a Piper Cherokee, four cedar. Cedar. Yeah, that's single pro. The wing on the bottom. Yeah. Yeah. That's what my dad had that. CFO, U.S. So were the numbers. What the age?

No, but he did have a same plane, my father. Wow, that's so weird. It's like a Toyota just like, yeah, takes off.

It's terrifying. Yeah. Anyway, I was in that and I just had blueberry muffins and I just, I never had in puke before. Oh, wow. My dad knew and he goes,

get a bag in the back real calm guy. The little barf bags, right? The white ones? No, it was like a, it was like a stew liner. It's like grocery bag.

oh and then and I just was like I don't feel so good he's like get the bag and I was like I don't I couldn't move and I just like barfed and then my brother's in the front and my dad goes at least you're doing all right and he turns out and he barfed and I'm sorry seeing my barf and then there's a tiny I don't remember this the window is like four inches yeah just open this four inch window yeah the little tiny thing yeah yeah poor guy and then me and my brother just we look like twins you know just covered with bar just like walking through the terminal crying just covered in barf. Anyway, did everyone think your father

was Jackson Pollock? I don't, I didn't like ask. I was just like upset about the barf. You looked like some of his paintings walking through. But you know what's amazing about those little planes? And there's one thing I give thanks for because I barfed all over too.

You did? I didn't know. And so I would drink chocolate milk before I went on and I'd barf. But those little planes, when you get up there, they're just going like this. Like the whole time, like the most horrible, like, aeronautical, like terror. And so now when I'm on a commercial airline and the giant jets go, I just laugh and I go, this is nothing.

Like if nothing else, they train me that anything a big airline goes through in the air, it does nothing. Yeah. Yeah, whenever I get nervous about airlines, flights, I used to, like, kind of be not a great flyer, but I just remember there's a thing where those wings can bend all, the way up and like touch each other almost oh really you see the wings flapping and you're like oh we're gonna break apart like yeah like it's just very well that's the best thing too because if if if you're

going up and down and the wings are moving that means there's air under the wings and that's what that's what keeps the plane aflo so you know what kept but cured me from uh being afraid of flying or whatever i read a book about it and it talked about how every time there's a crash Air flight gets safer because they fix every plane. Oh, right. Everything. Yeah. So it's like every single time we see a plane got safer.

Right. So it's probably good that they crash a lot. So then at about 70 years, maybe one crash a year? Yeah. I mean, you should celebrate whatever you see. Let's hope there's some crashes this year. Yeah. Yeah, we can only hope for that.

I know all the crashes, by the way. I watch on YouTube. YouTube sends you what you like. Yeah, you like a lot of prank crashes. I don't know. It makes me feel better to watch because it's them, not you. Kind of. I also am just, I don't know, fascinated by what people say right before they die.

You know, they have the cockpit recording. Yeah, what do they say? It's upsetting and disturbing. Very strange things. Like what? one guy over the coast of California the plane got inverted

that movie kind of stole this from this thing and he goes up here we go and then gone yeah like they were dive bombing yeah

and that's the last thing what would you say what would your final words be probably like plug my my website or something yeah some traffic I don't I think I don't know

smart smart Yeah, I don't know. What would you say? I'd probably say Cameron Diaz, where are you? Okay. Something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or fuck me tender.

Like not her, but just, I'm about to get the ground. Well, fuck me tender. Boom. Splat. Yeah. I guess it's a great time to say to sort of pick something to be remembered by. Weird. I didn't mean to bring that up.

No, that's good. It's good. We're talking about murder. We got to the air. there we um what i wanted to talk to about though is um bill mar yeah because you you you you Kyle does the best impression i think of anyone i've ever seen doing bill mar you nobody else i don't think anyone does them as good as you thank you you do tons of impressions mm-hmm and we can see them all on your web show mm-hmm and bill mark do you like bill or do you hate bill or you

somewhere in the middle. I don't hate Bill. There's a little bit out there that there's some kind of, it's probably my fault, but he went on Joe Rogan. He just brought me up out of nowhere. Okay. He was like, he said what did he say?

He said something. He was like, he goes, oh, I saw you, you had some guy doing a terrible impression of me. That's what he said. And Joe's like, Kyle, he does great impressions. He goes, hey, Jamie, put that up. And he goes, if. If you play that, I'm leaving.

Wow, really. Yeah, he kind of came on there to, so then I started making more videos because before that, I made videos about him, but they weren't mean. They were just like him reading children's story, you know? And just him reading the children was like, that's all I had done. You know, the thing with Bill is he's, he's very intellectual. He's quite smart, but he can also come off as, as smarmy and pompous. Okay, people.

Okay. You don't. I know and you don't. Okay. Yeah, yeah. That guy. And I used to do his show all the time politically incorrect. Yeah.

And I remember on the air, this is when it was on ABC where you couldn't swear. And one time he just stopped and he looked at me. He goes, you're an asshole. And I loved it because what he didn't know was backstage, the producers are saying, Harlan, go out and just cause as much hell as you can. Oh, really? And so I would go in and just provoke the guy. and to have them say that was like a badge of honor,

but what I thought would be fun if you're up for it. Oh, let me, I didn't, yes, I am up for it. Oh, nice. I forgot about this. I went on vacation with Billimar before the, this is before the whole thing. Okay, that's odd. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, even before that, I was, there was a, here are the two instance with that I had. One, it was at the ice house and, like, there's nowhere to stay at, and he just wanted the green room by himself. So, like, me and the comedians have to, like, stand in the hallway, and it's like, We don't care. Get over here. That I didn't like, but whatever.

Don't do that. Prima don't do that. Now we have to stand for... Yeah, don't do that and don't be one of these comics that comes in and just goes, oh, I'm here, I'm going to go up and you knock everyone else out of their time slot. Do, or if you do that, do short and also apologize. Yeah. I'm okay with that.

Or even ask the other guys, hey, is it okay? But don't just strut in and then do like, 40 minutes or you know it yeah yeah that's not cool no it's really not yeah you go you drive there and then you have to go home because you didn't get bumped by like dave chapelle or whatever he yeah yeah oh if dave goes up he'll do he'll do an hour two hours yeah i hate that i'll just leave i'll just leave oh yeah i'm like no not on my time yeah um so i've done that and i thought maybe they didn't even notice i left you know i thought they'd be like okay um so then the other thing I was, um, I was going on vacation with a girl I was digging at the time.

And we missed our flight and she was friends with them. And he goes, why don't you come on my plane? So we went on his, his plane. Yeah, he had private jet to Hawaii. He was like a show there every year. So I'm on this and he just was real dismissive of me. And I really, uh, I was already insecure. Like I didn't even want to be there.

Yeah. And just like, we never, people be talking and then he's just like back with like, get me out of the circle of. people talking you know and I was like this guy so I started to study his voice good well this this is how we have fun with him because you know he's he's quite smart and he's he's sort of hard to get when you go on his show and if you watch his show he seems to have an answer for everything yeah okay so I thought there's a way we can get him and just a short skip but we do a thing where you're bill and you're interviewing the dumbest I think dumbness is what can trip him up

Because if you're intellectual or you're smart or you're clever, he can bounce with that. But if he's talking to the dumbest guy in the world, I think that's where you get Bill Maher frustrated off his game. So I submit to you, you be Bill, you're interviewing me on whatever topics you want, global one. He's always got the hot abortion, whatever they are. And then dumb guy will see if I can just get you like so frustrated that you, who knows, what you're going to do okay so so bill mar interviewing uh dumbest guy ever okay we're back we were talking about this woke bullshit what are your thoughts on that dumb guy uh i woke up this morning and um had raisin brad okay um woke up no that's not what we're we're not talking about waking up

Well, you said, woke, Bill. And I woke up and guess what I had fresh raisin bread? Can someone get me a different guest? You don't like raisin bread with raisin? No, I don't eat raisin bread. Well, it's like toast. It's like regular bread, but there's speckles in it and they're raisins, Bill. Why are we talking about food?

Because I woke up and had raisin bread. I'm really bad at improv. Dude, that was great. should we try another topic i thought it was excellent i don't know dude you were getting mad you're like i i succeeded in getting you off your game yeah you got me off my game yeah what about the climate change things oh great climate change yeah is it really getting warmer this felt like a pretty cold winter to me well you know what bill i was um yesterday i was at the mall and i was in the shade but then when i went out on the sidewalk it was warm because i was not in the shade anymore

and it was warm globe the globe got warm okay so you're telling me your answer to global warming is to tell me that you went outside and it was warm in where the sun was bill the sun's warm well yeah that's your point and then when i was in school once up at devry we had a globe and they put it near the window and the sun was shining on it. So you think global warming is just an actual small globe and those are getting warmer.

Well, you said it, Bill, not me. Okay, we'll be right back with someone totally different. Nice, dude. It's not, I don't know. Dude, I liked it. You were totally fucked. I was in, in...

We fucked tomorrow over. Good. Like, we sizzle-funk. No, it is hard to get him, like, We just got him twice. I don't know about that. Dude, when you look at this back, he might as well cancel his show.

I don't know. I don't think we should put that on. I think we sizzle fucked him. Yeah. He is hard to like improvise because he is. He nailed it. I do think he, I do agree with a lot of what he says.

Yeah. I mean, you know. Well, I used to watch him religiously. And then I got to. discouraged because he always took the same point of view. Like as a moderator, I don't think you should be liberal or conservative. I like the idea of someone being in the middle and dancing on each side. But I felt like every time he went to answer, I knew what the answer was because he always

sort of leaned to one side, so I got frustrated. And I don't care what side you're on, but I think be in the middle so that I can see you do the dance with everyone. And that's just me. Yeah, no, that's actually a, um, a harder thing to do and takes more intellectual you have to sort of drop your ego and sort of see their other side yeah and and plus you're a moderator so I feel like you kind of got to sit on the fence a little and dance the dance right yeah no he gets yeah right but that's my opinion

it seems like more shows are doing that where they're like have they the host is taking the strong opinion and then you're on to sort of like be fighting with that person or with that person and that's the show. Well, every show now is somebody's picking aside. And it's taking away for me the entertainment value. I just like to see someone up there goofy and telling jokes and being funny. It's like, I don't want to hear about either side of the political spectrum. I just want to have a laugh, you know.

Who's that for you? Is there any show? There's none left. You know, and even Letterman, who I really loved, even towards his final years, he started becoming Mr. political guy to a degree. Have you seen the Kyle Doddickett show? Yeah.

You do it. You know, I trapped you. You see, there aren't any. And then I mentioned mine. You have a show? You have your show on YouTube. Yeah, and you can't just get a show on YouTube, by the way. There's a process.

You know what I mean? What do you mean? Well, you've got to upload the video. It's not like everybody can just have a show on YouTube, you know? Yeah, you put tons of work. You're an amazing. writer. You've won an Emmy. You're an Emmy winning writer. Yeah, my mom has it. I kind of, I kind of regret that. Wait, what? Your mom won the Emmy? Yeah. For you? Mommy, I want an Emmy.

Stay here, you little bastard. I'll go win one for you. Is that my mom? Truck driver. Sorry. Wait, tell me about, what was it like to? I took her to the Emmys, you know. So you were there. She loves those shows and stuff. Yeah. So I knew that would be fun for her. She flew out. It was really I'm glad I brought her And I won, which was a surprise. And then... Wow. And did you have to go up and receive...

I went up. I made... Catherine McPhee, you know, from American Idol. Yeah. I gave me that. She's beautiful and talented. Yeah. She's beautiful and talented. Yeah.

And then my mom, it's... I just gave it to her at her house. Yeah. But now I'm like, when I've girls over, you know, it's like, that's a panty dropper. Now I don't have it. Yeah. That's a, I blew it. It's a huge panty dropper.

I don't have it. Oh. Do you think your mom's using it at home and there's men's underwear all over the house? It's not a boxer dropper. Well, I mean, you got it. You know what they're wearing. You got it. You got it flaunted.

Yeah, yeah. What was it like, though? Did you have a speech ready? Like, the process of going up and winning an award is foreign to most people. That's quite an accolade for you. It was interesting because first they came over right before the award was coming up and they go um they're like are you from blah blah blah some other show i was like no and i was like oh i didn't win it's like why are they looking for someone from another show yeah so i was like okay because

i'm thinking they want to put the camera on the winner so they're trying to know who the winner is right so like yeah they're like are like are you from blah blah blah so i was like um no i'm not from saran live or whatever it was and then um and then yeah and then um i won and i really I really didn't know how excited I would be. I was really excited. Was it nervous excitement? Like were you panicked? Or was it just full on like adulation, like crazy fun?

No, it was like crazy fun because I didn't realize that I, I wanted to win. I think I probably was lying to myself. I'm like, whatever, blah, blah. And then when it happened, I was allowing myself to be like really excited. Like that was really cool. And then I was very, you know, the speech, I blabbered on for a while. And then when it was on TV, they cut the speech. Way down.

Well, it was like, it was on FXX. Okay. Every other year, they have the best, it was best original music. Yeah, that's right. You won for a song, right? Yeah, yeah. And so every year they have it off the main show that's on live, whatever, on Fox, whatever. And then the awards are like, who cares?

Yeah. This was an every other year. This was the other year. they were having an FXX, so they were able to edit me down. Oh. How long was your speech? How many minutes? It's a long.

Like how many minutes? No, it's probably just like, it's probably like 35 seconds, but they literally, and I cut it down to what? From 35 seconds to 10, maybe. So it was like, hi, thank you? Yeah, basically. Oh, no. And I did thank a lot of people.

I mean, it was the Amy Schumer show. Yeah. And the writers had, you know, a lot to do with it. And, yeah, and Kurt Metsker was, like, key in that song. I wrote the music and I wrote some of the lyrics. Right. But, like, they just gave it to me. So all the people included the song, we're watching it,

expecting to hear you say thank you. And you blocked them all. They blocked them all. I said all their names. Yeah. And I was very specific. And they just cut them all. I was just like, I did all this.

And I walked off the stage. They were like, you prick. You didn't mention. Probably. Although who watches FXX, nobody. I don't know. But I think they did see it. I think they did. So, well, congratulations. That's, that's exciting.

That's huge. It was exciting, yeah. But take me back to the world, you didn't give the Emmy to your mother. You walk in the door with a girl after a nice dinner at an Italian restaurant, a little bit of wine in the system, you slap on some Kenny G, you love. Lower the lights. Light some pottery barn candles. Yep.

And here comes the Emmy. Is it on the mantel piece? Is it on the fireplace? I don't take it. I don't take it out. It's where they, I'm like, oh,

was that there? Do you know what I mean? Like, I don't even realize it's there, but they have to run into it. Right. To get into my house. They bump into it.

So maybe it's on the floor, on the way to the kitchen. Yeah, it's a doorstop. Just like, oh, like kind of like a phase. how did that get there yeah yeah yeah and then what happens and they say oh what's this and then you

i say oh that's just a me i won or something you want some water and then i'm on to them i ask them questions like you know you focus over i've gone on if you do date do you go on dates yeah i've gone on some weird dates what tell what well i think it might be l a it's one this isn't this isn't recently, but like this one girl, she's texting, and like, you know, they'll pick a restaurant that's like crazy expensive, you know, it's all right, you know, whatever, but, um, well, of course it's all right, because you're always paying. Yeah, yeah. It's all right for them. Yeah, that's the one thing that didn't carry over to the equal rights. Yeah. No, no, not at all. I mean, yeah. And especially when they have the gall to pick the very expensive restaurant, too. That just adds

another layer. But as much as they think they're getting away with it, to me, it tells me a lot about that girl and their M.O. and kind of who they are. But anyways, keep going on. So she's texting. And so I took a picture of her texting and then I sent it to her. So she would like get a picture of her texting. I thought she'd laugh. Oh, she was texting during your dinner. Yeah. Oh, a lot. Oh, yeah. That's, yeah. I sent her the picture of herself texting. And she goes, I do look cute. And I was like, in my head, I erased her from the planet Earth. Wow.

So her response, she didn't get that you were being sort of hinting and being sarcastic. Like, hey, we're on a date and you're texting. Yeah. And I wasn't, I thought she'd laugh, you know, like, oh, my God, sorry or something. I thought it'd be kind of like a. Do you still know where she is or at all? Because I think we might have found your murder victim. I should have killed her.

I think she's the one guy. And it's not too late. No. No. It's actually better now because it's been years. Right. No one's going to even know. Yeah.

Bingo, bro. The text murders. Mm-hmm. Well, I love writing. I love that you're such a great writer because your stand-up comedy is like, it's very unique. It's cleverly written. Like you don't see where it's coming.

You pick premises that, you know, you don't see coming like you know all of a sudden you'll be talking about bowling in the dark you know the night bowl like like i love that you never know where you're going and so i love writing i love that you won an emmy and i wondered if you would indulge me because i yeah i want to be a writer i would love to win an emmy okay you're not you're a writer not at your level no not but i'm aspiring if you if i can throw that word around yeah yeah i think you don't do you Just fine. Because if you're okay with this,

Emmy winning writer, would you be okay with me running a short little piece that I wrote by you and getting your feedback? Absolutely, sure, yeah. I don't know if you do this at all, but do you keep a cinnamon journal? No.

Okay. I keep a cinnamon journal and every day I write in my cinnamon journal. Is it all about cinnamon? No, no. It's just the, you know, it's scented, leather-scented cinnamon. Oh, okay. Yeah.

And I, you know, I write, right in my, and, uh, cinnamon, cinnamon stick. Oh, yeah. I like, uh, go ahead. No, but I, I'd love to see what you think. And, you know, it's just some musings. And if you could give me any feedback, I'd, I'd be honored. I mean, I don't think I, I'm a little nervous and a little intimidated if that, if that, No, don't be.

You don't mind? Not at all, no. I feel like I'm sort of commandeering your time, but you said it's okay. No, no, I'm honored. I mean, I'd love to hear this piece you wrote. It's a comedy piece? No, this is kind of like, poetry. It's not even point.

It's sort of like trying to get to be a writer, an eloquent writer. Okay. And it's in this. You want me to give you feedback, like criticism or just tell you it's great? Constructive criticism. But like some people. No, I can hand. because you're an Emmy winner, and I'm trying to get there.

I'm trying to climb the hill. So anything you say, all right. You ready? Yeah. I sit by the sea with the wind of my hair. No, that's not going to work. Let me try another one. It wasn't a bad start.

It wasn't bad. Really? I mean, it almost wasn't enough to be good or bad. Okay. Can I try, take another crack at it? All right, from my cinnamon journal. Children cry in the corn at night. Niblets, butter, Orville, Redenbocker's teeth. Where's Waldo? Who gives a flying royal fuck? Bacon, lettuce, tomato

On Jim Morrison's grave Pink flamingos Crossed the sunset Poltergeist ghost sniff Orville Redenbocker's twat crust I'm not done yet Oh, I thought that because it was a pretty good end Do you mean you want it to end?

It was strong to end that way Because it was just, it was an alarming On Orville Reddenbock's Twock crust? Yeah, because you're left with that image And then you have to sort of piece together What you meant. Oh, this is good to know. Yeah, no, that was actually very impressed with that.

Oh, thank you. Okay, well, that's the halfway mark. I mean, no notes so far. Really? Yeah, no notes. I'm at the halfway mark, should I keep going? I mean, I wouldn't gamble, but I mean, go ahead. You have it.

Let's hear it. So nervous. Melon juice, garlic spread, Dutch oven, and Rebel Wilson's bad. If God exists, then so does Karen Carpenter's tapeworm. Blood stains the stairs, rape fills the night, souls die like dreams. I'd like to have a sexual affair with your food court-sucking wife. Are you married? No.

No. Bacon and eggs. sea turtle lips barf me a river merrill streep's tits oh wow what do you think guy wow it's um it's really uh talk to me i've never heard writing like that okay i'll say um i like that it didn't have any like nothing was connected which is weird for writing it didn't go anywhere

it was all over the place in a good way in a good way yeah like you couldn't follow it in a good way yeah in a really good way and you couldn't get emotionally

involved at all because you never stayed anywhere for any amount of time there was no theme it seemed like what about merrill streep's tits was that emotional it just it it was a nice tag at the end but i don't think we um i don't i don't think we were taking any any journey there but i liked that about it okay can we call it a work in progress thing then or yeah yeah would definitely i mean i'm not sure how you're going to get an emmy with that type of writing.

That was your goal at the beginning, you said. Well, I just want to get my foot into, in the door. I want to, yeah. Well, I'm laughing at something else I heard earlier. Oh. Yeah. Okay. God, cinnamon.

Does it really smell like cinnamon? Yeah, would you like a sniff? Oh, yeah. That's not what cinnamon smells. Well, what does it smell like to you? Well, it's leather. It smells like leather. Well, cinnamon leather.

No, it's just leather. Well, that's not what I'm picking up. I don't know. Well, I see a lot of those pages are empty in that book. Well, that's like I said, I'm just getting going on. I'm getting going on. It's a good start. I don't want to, I want you to feel encouraged.

Thank you. Good analysis. Good review. Yeah, there's nothing about that, that's at all something that. that anyone could say was going anywhere or there was no protagonist or story arc, which a lot of people put like a story arc in. You don't really need that. Yeah, you don't.

Now that I hear it, you don't really need that. I don't think it's, why waste time with that? Yeah. So are you dating? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's hard. It's hard.

if you're dating right it is so the Emmy comes out we just high five people should know that well it was weird it wasn't it was sort of it wasn't a strong slap like it was sort of it was sort of yeah it was like mid like high come over your mic and then yeah it's that was too light

it's because it did this yeah let's do up there that's a high five Hell yeah. The other ones were kind of like a fruity tap on the shoulder type of thing. I like that doctor, yeah. You have more questions for me? Getting deep. Oh, I wanted to ask you because, you know, guys like us, we have vivid imaginations, right?

Writers, comedians, performers, and you're super. By the way, check out your show on YouTube again. I want to plug it again. Thank you. It's one of the most creative shows out there. Thank you. Impressions, the, is that called deep faking or is it? Face swap.

face swap like dude the amount of work you put into it's it's like it's like a tv show yeah i do two different one one's like a live sketch show one's like a tv show the fresh prez i do like a political biden thing and it's it's it's i haven't left my house in five days this is the first place i've come because i'm i have a deadline and i've just around the clock shooting and editing and writing it's it's amazing it's uh yeah i got to figure out um you need a whole staff almost like a big staffer. Yeah, I have two, I edit, but I also have two editors now because I'm in a crunch. So one's in Europe so they can edit around, you know, when we're asleep, they can edit.

Oh, European editing is the best. Yeah. So my next question was nightmares. Have you ever had like a reoccurring nightmare or one horrible nightmare that just sticks out? Because we have such vivid imaginations, the guys like you and me and people in the arts. Like, have you had one that just like pops out a nightmare and image imagery or some recurring thing? This is a reoccurring one when I was younger, which is weird. Okay.

Me and my grandfather are like in New Jersey. Okay. We're looking over at Manhattan and one of the towers, Twin Towers, is slightly lower than the other one. Okay. And I'd say, why is that tower lower? And my grandfather would say, because the other one's on a hill. Now, why would this dream? dream recur, but I would just be like, weird.

Yeah. I was like, between like, I don't know, eight and 12. Yeah. So then when 9-11 happened and then the tower one came down, it was like that image that I dreamed was like had happened. Oh, wow. Weird. That was the weirdest.

Oh, that's creepy. Yeah. When would you ever think one of the towers would move down? Yeah. And be like your reoccurring dream. Oh, that. And you had this dream over and over? yeah i probably had i had enough time to remember it and go why did i why is this keep and why is my

grandfather there i don't know did your grandfather have any link to 9-11 he did no but that would have been that would have really put that dream that would all together but did he know someone or the fire guys that died or did he was he a pilot there's no connect no but my dad was a um he was a attorney and he would do plane crashes that was his specialty towards the end of his life and he did like so when 9-11 happened he was the guy they were calling to be like the attorney but he died so he couldn't do it your dad died he did he had 99 so he missed the whole 9-11 thing but wow yeah well i wonder though if there's something that you'll find out as life goes on that there was some kind of obscure connection to the twin towers or your grandfather 9-11 somehow you

never know maybe something comes out of the because it seems like it's a bit of a premonition His birthday is in September 11th, 21st. I guess it's not that. Anyway, what's your dream? I, God, I have this dream sometimes that I'm at a crosswalk, okay? It's like a busy intersection, like four lights, traffic, like cars everywhere waiting to go.

I'm standing there. The light turns green. I start walking across and then walking the other way is a black poodle, like one of the big ones, up on two legs, walks past me. And as I'm going past it, I sort of look back and it doesn't look back at me, but it just tilts its head and its eye rolls back at me.

Like I just see its eye like roll back and look at me. So it's black fur, white eye, and it just like rolls back the eyeball moves to the back no but it just it just moves as much as it can so it's sort of like looking at me like that but it's really why it's really weird it's really startling and that's why i love that movie the ring because it was like all that crazy imagery yeah yeah do you link that to something in your childhood attacked by a dog one of my dogs this is this is weird One of my dogs I bought on 9-11 and it was killed by an old man. Well, if you're going to laugh, maybe. I was just thinking about your poem earlier. The last thing I want to talk, going back to the award show, because the Oscars was recently, right?

Did you see everything, everywhere all at once? I saw it when I was really high. didn't understand any of it. Oh, okay, okay. I don't know if that's a good movie or not. Why? Because I really liked it. It was like my favorite movie of last year.

And I just wanted to say, you know, movies lately have become very, um, blase for me. I never used to walk out of movies. I find myself walking out of movies more than I used to. Yeah. And that movie, to me, hit all the elements of what a movie should do. It made me laugh. It made me cry. It made me enjoy the drama.

made me think. It made me root for the action scenes. Like, it just had all the, it pushed all the buttons for me. And it was also very, like, artistic. There's one scene where it's like all this kung fu stuff and this Matrix stuff, and then smash cut to the desert,

and there's two bolders sitting on a cliff looking out over the desert, and they're talking to each other. And it's like a three, four-minute scene of two rocks in the desert, just chit-chatting. Why, because I was high, why, what was that? I sort of forget, but I remember this is fucking beautiful. Like, I love it that, and that's what movies should be doing to me is pressing those buttons

where we're exploring the imagination and, and just, you know, I don't know. And so I was really happy at one because it's, so, anyways. And it's really, it's hard to, you ever try to write a movie? It's really hard. I've written probably 20 movies. Yeah? Oh, yeah. I've sold a few.

Yeah. I've, one's been made that I wrote. Which one? It's a movie I wrote called Fudgy Wudgey Fudge Face. And then hopefully maybe this summer, I can't talk about it now, but I might be doing another one that I wrote finally.

But it's tough. Ogy-W-G part two. No, I wish, but it's tough. It's just like you get to page 70 and you're like, oh, it's almost like chess where it gets exponentially more difficult, the longer. it doesn't really tell me why well it's like you have to you set up all these different plots you got to hit certain marks or the audience goes this movie sucks you have to have some

you know they call it inciting incident or whatever something happened within 12 minutes or people go this is boring right right right crazy it has to happen where it like flips the thing around and then you need like the act one plot point and then you need you need like the all is lost moment yeah end of act two and then you need like to find a new way to win for Act 3. If those things don't happen, the movies, people don't like it. Yeah, and sadly, that's what I was alluding to earlier.

It's become sort of a recipe book. It's almost become a playbook, like, paid 12 this, paid 23, this. And I think that's why I appreciated everything everywhere all at once because it sort of broke those boundaries to a degree. Yeah. That's what your cinnamon story did. It did.

all at once everything all over the place but nothing at all in the end yeah well speaking of words done again we we usually end the show with a very special thing have you've heard it's called words from a wooden shoe sure yeah and what we do is we reach into a Dutch clog and there's a couple of words in there and you just pick one out and see if you know there is literally only two there's two So which one do you pick? How could they wear these shoes and not, it just seems so uncomfortable. They really wear those shoes.

Yeah. Okay. What's it say? It says Daddy Moment. Oh. You know, it's funny that I pick this because at the comedy store, like when I would go on after you, I don't know if you remember this. Yeah.

You would always introduce me to say, this next comedian is my son. Okay. And he wouldn't make a joke about it. yeah and they would think your son was coming up and i would come up you know not much younger than you and they'd be confused and i'd have to i'd have to dig myself out of that hole yeah oh sorry no it's always it always made me laugh i love that so i love that i've got daddy moment yeah it's funny because you shared a granddaddy moment with your dream but is there a daddy moment from your

life that really poignant stands out yeah i mean oh boy here we go i feel like you want me to cry. Is that? I would love it. It would be good. I would love you to cry. I cried. Let me try to cry. Um, this is, I got two. Oh, great. Okay.

Bring them. One, I was in this play when I got out of, uh, I guess it was like, it was like 18. I was young. Okay. And they, I got hired at this, uh, theater to get paid to be an actor, which was like not a thing.

Yeah. Ever did before. And, um, it was, I, I, I played six different roles. Wow. It was called the dining room. There was like five actors play a bunch of different roles. Yeah. So I got this part.

And then my dad came the first night and we got a standing ovation. Wow. My dad, you know, I was going to step up. The second night, my dad came again. And he thought there'd be a standing ovation. So he stood up, but no one else did. Wow. And my dad was a very shy guy.

Like he stood there. Like for me, he stayed standing up, which I thought was like just really nice. Oh, wow. And I knew it was hard for him. That's a great moment. But wait a minute. Before you go into the next one, when someone stands up for a standing ovation,

yeah. Usually that leads the charge and everyone else gets up. They decided it was not good enough. So that play did not go well. That night, they did not want to stand. Six rolls. I'm surprised they weren't throwing rolls. well doesn't mean it was terrible well they just they clapped when one guy gets up and nobody follows

i mean it's almost he was kind of the back you know what i mean does that help sure sure someone didn't see i think it was in the front row they would have got up just to see i mean let me just imagine that was a good play yeah and uh still not crying by the way but that i could have i could have i didn't because that is emotional for your dad to kind of throw up himself on the sword and a shy guy real shy really shy like i know that was pain and then he had to stand there in that moment and be the focus yep and everyone's just looking at him and everyone's not they looking at them they're probably like what's wrong with you bro that wasn't a good play yeah yeah wait you're clapping for him yeah the six roll guy uh-huh yeah that's a dad right there i could have cry

but I'm like tough and manly. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Well, I mean, those high fives, it took us about six. That was a two to tango bad five. Yeah, I was kind of lame on it too. You were free. I had this in the way.

Yeah. So the other one is, I was in, I was a little pipsqueat when I was younger. I was tiny, you know, and eighth grade, but I could throw the ball hard, baseball. You know, and my baseball coach, we're in the undefeated team. We just had all the best players. Softball or hard ball? Hard ball. Oh, wow.

wow okay you got some heat overhand and so he goes i want you to pitch in the next game and i was excited i told my dad so he took off work and in a suit he came to the uh baseball game and you've never well first of all i'm warming up and i see i hear the um coach from the other team this adult man i'm in eighth grade he goes you can hit this guy he's pint size so now my confidence just kind of went i was pretty tiny yeah um and i just was like i had never thrown with people standing there yeah like i just your dad was standing already he was yeah he well he came standing you have to but he wasn't in the in the batterers box okay came to watch i thought maybe he was doing another standing oh before okay well he was standing in the back he didn't

go in the bleachers he just was like yeah he was standing again you're right yeah but i was very thrown by someone in the batters box and i could not throw and so i was walking everybody people were you've never seen someone just around the bases humiliating and uh i saw my next my dad took up work and came to watch me yeah are these supposed to be funny stories i told you too like emotional stories no i like that okay but i pitch you because you're a writer yeah when you said they sent you into pitch i pitch you on the pitchers mound oh good the guy the umps says play ball and you're on the pitchers mound and you go fade in three priests walk into a bar yeah a gun is hidden under the counter a woman to you know what i mean

i can see how you thought you pitched a movie i think most people yeah and all the players are like dude throw the fucking ball and hey i'm still in the second act right we got a long way to go yeah everyone have a seat i'm i'm pitching here okay it would have gone over better than my actual pitches and then your dad could have done the standing oh when you get fade to the cowboy rides off to the sunset fade to black and your dad that's my boy yeah yeah that would have been better oh buddy before we go will you pitch your all your beautiful websites all your shows all your stuff so people can follow you go see your stand-up comedy yeah i am doing a I thank you for this opportunity to pitch my stuff

because I'm doing a tour. So Kyle Dunningin.com is the best place to go for that. And I got a new fresh prez episode coming out Tuesday. Yes. And I'll get that done in time. And then I do a monthly live sketch show. Belinda Carlisle just did it. Oh, from the go-goes.

Yeah. Jerry Seinfeld's done it. Where do you do it at the groundlings? I know in my house, in my tiny house. I just zoom people in. Harlan Williams might do it. I would be on or as long as I get a standing all. Oh, yeah.

Absolutely. Yeah. So anyway. Oh, wow. Yeah. And God to see his comedy. You're touring all over the country? Well, Minneapolis, Tacoma, Texas, Bakersfields.

That's the country. Not too much east. That's okay. Yeah. But go on your website and they can find it. Yeah, come on up. Buddy, and thanks for the writing tips. You keep going.

I think it's one of those things we're like, keep going. And don't read it. Like, don't judge what you're doing. Just keep trying. Yeah. You'll make it. High five before we go, guy? Let's do it.

And if you guys don't hear a co-thwap, we've failed. But if you do hear it, we should. I'd probably go out on that. Yeah, let me get the theme music queued. Ready? Here we go. Look at the guy's elbow. That's how you do a high five.

My elbow. Wait, no, no, no. I was back. I fell back on the chair. Okay, God. Ready? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Kyle Dunnigan. Check him out. Go to his house. Wear your underpants. They'll be off. before you can say Emmy. That's it for today.

Chicken Chowmaine, everybody. Thanks for being here. We'll see you next time of the Harlot Highway Podcast.