The Harland Highway - NEW HARLAND HIGHWAY #53 - ANTHONY JESELNIK, Comedian, Actor, Writer, Podcaster.

Episode Date: April 11, 2023

ANTHONY JESELNIK and I discuss the beauty of silence, write jokes in real time, and ponder the delights of cannibalism. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Would we dare write a joke right now? Like people watching could see it? We'll see. Let's see what we come up with. Give me a premise. What do you want? We got car crash, funeral, sex, girlfriend. I want to combine those?

I want people to see a joke being born. I don't think anyone's ever done it. Let's try them all. Okay. You're riding down the Harland Highway. All right, hold tight on the Harland Highway. Heartland Williams. Mike gets too far away or something,

just give me a little. Like a push? Like a, yeah, like a shove. Like a direct. You don't mean to get physical with you. I would love that. Wait, I guess if I, if you needed, I'd have to grab the back of your head and pull it.

Because if I pushed you, you'd be further away. You could push this, like right into my face. Right, but then I'm not touching you and your hair. You're touching me with this, though. But I'm not feeling your cells. I'm not feeling your DNA. I'm not feeling Anthony. You got to push enough that I go down and then you can have your way.

You want Down syndrome? Mm-hmm. More than anything. I've never heard anybody say they want down. Do you ever see a depressed person with Down syndrome? They're happy. Right. Yeah.

Seems nice. Yeah. I mean, what are we doing with ourselves? Thinking about Down syndrome. Wow. Yeah. Before I get going, bud. I want to do something with you that I've never done with anyone,

like on the podcast, before we even do the theme music or anything. Okay. And I'll tell you why when we get through to the other side of it, I want to do just a moment of silence. Is that cool? Nothing could be cooler. All right.

Three, two, one. wow did you feel anything like was that intense for you in any way or was it i was i was listening to the music that was playing oh and the musak and the yeah in the background good vibrations yeah i was like i didn't know if that was playing through the earphones and this was a bit no if it was just hearing it in the back no that's what i hear whenever there's a moment of silence like a 9-11 type situation i'm hearing good vibrations the whole time the beach boys so whenever there's a tragedy you hear the beach boys they're the soundtrack.

Imagine if there was a tsunami, you'd probably hear surfing USA. I think it's always good vibrations. Oh, it is? Surfing USA would be appropriate if it was in the USA. But if it's a tsunami, wouldn't you want to be up on that board hanging a fucking $3 backwards ego twist flip

or whatever they're called? No, 100%. And I would probably play Surfing USA. But in my head, I'm just hearing good vibrations. Wow. Well, before I talk about why we had a moment of silence. Welcome to the Harland Highway podcast, Anthony Jezzelnock. Yeah, let me hit the, can I hit the theme music here? You can't hear it because you don't

have cans on, but dude. You said it was optional. Yeah, no, you. Yeah, you can even move those away if you want. Throw them on the floor. I like having him here in case. Just in case. Anthony Jezzelnick is here. Uh-huh. Now, that's right. He's right here on the Harlem Highway, and incredible comedian, like amazing comedian, amazing writer. And that's why I kind of had the moment of silence. And can I tell you why? Please do. Because you're one of the only comedians I know that lives in the silence.

You love the silence. Like you walk the stage, you do your act, and a lot of comedians aren't comfortable with the silence. but you hang stuff on it like it's almost it's almost a part of your act it's a character or sometimes even a punchline oh definitely yeah those pauses are in there for a reason you know uh and i just i enjoy the silence it rams up the tension yeah longer you can do it there was a comic remember um sean rouse i know that name yeah he passed away a few years ago but he also he's really silent yes 100% uh he used to like he would like wait so long in between jokes that the audience would to start talking because they couldn't, like, they couldn't handle it.

He would take a long pause. Yeah. And then right when he thought he was about to talk, he would take a drink of water. And I love that. Oh, that's what I love about you. And I do that too. I love the silence. I love to just stand there and the audience gets so uncomfortable.

Yeah. And you're right. It creates such tension. And, you know, not a lot of people do that. And was that something you were always like doing or did you have to build up to that because it takes courage it takes courage to be silent up on that comedy stage i think i just like to tell jokes and i noticed the silence in between like people were yeah riveted like they were you're still entertaining even though they don't have to laugh the whole time yeah it's like if you

lose them and they start talking to each other then it's it's gone too far yeah but i really enjoy just that that pause where they're just like oh this guy knows exactly what he's doing yeah like it's it breeds confidence and don't you feel it just sort of hanging too like outside of just being a moment i feel like I don't know. It feels like it's something, even though it's nothing. It just feels like, I don't know. There's a thickness to it. Yeah, yeah. It really feels like, oh, you've got command of the room. And on TV, it doesn't play as well. You know, you see like, people watch the special and be like, he's just, he takes too long in between jokes. It's like, no, if you were in the room, you would understand what I'm doing. With you, though, I'm going to disagree. Because I, that's why I brought it up. I think you play it so well. It's almost like an instrument. You know, you got violinists and penis and some are good. But when I watch you on TV and your specials, I think you nail it. I mean, you're preaching to the choir here. I'm talking about some random asshole on YouTube who says, I'd take too long.

Yeah, yeah. If you want to argue with him, be my guest. Yeah, yeah. Do you know his address or his name or anything? Do you know his YouTube channel? I'd actually like to kill him, I think. You would? Well, for you.

You do that for me? For you. I'd appreciate it. Or why don't we both go to his house, ring the doorbell and just stare at him and use our silent? How about I ring the doorbell? And then when you tries to run out the back, you're waiting. Oh, dude. That's how you do it.

You know what people don't do as much anymore as you used to? Is the kneeled, like, crouched down behind somebody and someone comes and pushes them. Yeah. That was a fun thing to do with friends. That was fun. Especially on subway tracks. I always like that because then you got sound effects. You got that splat noise.

And you got like the sort of the Jackson Pollock artwork once the train left. There'd be this dripping mural on the wall. Mm-hmm. You know, you made me so happy Can I do something for you right now As a little thank you And I think you'll appreciate this I've never done this to another guest

Hello darkness, my old friend I've come to talk with you again You know what song that is? No, never heard it before. Sound of silence Huh, okay, that's sound of silence I've been hearing a lot of good things about that song Yeah, but I did it for you

because we were talking about your silence a lot of firsts on this episode you know I was thinking about on the way over I was thinking I quote you more than almost any other comedian come on now I don't watch a lot of stand-ups when I do see someone and something sticks with me and like I quote it but I might me and my girlfriend always saying like give me a hand that's my son

we just say it we say it all the time that I love it we plan this yeah that's something I do on stage whenever something goes sort of a south for me or something goes wrong. Like, you know, you always have to have moments where something doesn't work, or maybe you say something to someone in the crowd and it doesn't work.

So instead of acknowledging or getting stuck in, I'm struggling, I just turn to someone and go, give that guy a hand. That's my son. And then the crowds, so it works. Thank you. Those things you find in stand up that you can always use that always get you out of a sticky situation are such a great, it's better than the best joke. Yeah.

Because you always have it. It just becomes your thing. You're not worried at all about how the set's going to go, because you know if it goes wrong. Like, I used to love to say, if the crowd hated a joke, I would go, oh, I'm sorry, I thought you guys were cool. And then always got me right back. Like, it was almost good that the joke bombed so I could say that.

That having one of those is very nice. Oh, I love that one. Yeah. If you were a, do you believe in the spirit animal thing? No, I think it's hack. But I'm going to throw a twist, a corn twist at you. Corn twist. Yeah.

I like those Fritos corn twist, you know? Of course. Of course I know that. Has anyone ever asked you what your comedy stage spirit animal is? They wouldn't, but I think anyone who knows me at all or has ever seen me or heard me would know it's a shark. It's a great white shark. Really? Yeah.

Oh, that's interesting. Because I have another one and I'll tell you what it is, but why do you say a great white shark? And first of all, racist, great white, why is he great? That's why. Oh. Yeah. It encompasses the racism I project on stage. No, I've just always been a big shark guy.

I did, like, famous shark segments that have gotten me in a lot of trouble and just love the sharks. Wait, the cover of my, like, second album was a big, just shark coming out of the water. Well, how does a shark segment get you in trouble? I did a segment on my first TV show called The Jesselink Offensive, where I wanted to highlight the fact that, like, hundreds of millions of sharks killed every year. And, like, two people are killed a year, and they, like, people think are afraid of sharks. So when a guy died from a shark attack, it was the first shark attack death, a shark attack death of the year.

We had, like, a big segment where there was, like, dancers came out, and we did, like, a dance and a song. And at the end of the segment, I showed the guy's picture. Oh, wow. And said, like, smile, you son of a bitch. And, like, from Jaws. And New Zealand got very upset. And the corporations got mad, and the network got mad. and I got mad, so it was a big, it was a big thing.

New Zealand has no right to get mad, because how old is that country? A couple months. Oh, it's only, oh, so it is new. Yeah, brand new. It's the newest of, should be brand New Zealand, not just New Zealand. Should be brand New Zealand.

I'll tell them. Or since we're mad at them, how about on sale, half price, New Zealand? That's too far. It's too much of an insult. Are you passionate about sharks for real, or was it just a bit? Like, do you really love sharks?

They're my favorites. I am. I am passionate. I've become less, like, shark party was the segment, was like the nadir. That was like, that was the height for me. And then after that, I was kind of like, all right, I did the thing. I can move on. Like, whenever there's a shark attack death, social media is like, Anthony, time for

another shark party. And I'm like, I already did it. It was 10 years ago, like, we can move on. But are you actually, like, outside of the comedy element, are you actually concerned about the hundred million sharks that are slaughtered every year for the shark's fin soup? Yes. I once got in a fight, I was doing a photo shoot. Wow.

And the guy's like, hey, we want you to, it's like the, it's the food issue. Would you be eating this shark, the shark sandwich? Like, I can't. Like, I'm down, there's no lines for me, but I'm not going to eat a shark sandwich. Yeah. And he's like, oh, okay, he's really disappointed. And it's like, ruined the shoot. And he comes back.

He's like, I've got a swordfish sandwich, would you eat that? And I go, show me both sandwiches. I don't believe you. I think you just, they're calling this something else to have me eat it. And he couldn't. Oh, it was, you tried to dupe you. Isn't it sad, though, that's how sharks are being decimated for a soup? Yeah.

You go from the world's top apex predator. You'd think its predator would be some kind of humongous monster and it's soup. Yeah. Great white sharks and bull sharks are getting killed by soup. I don't know if they're getting the great whites and the bull sharks in there. I think it's probably the blue sharks. shark is probably the most common, but they'll take whatever. It's the finning.

Yeah, the finning is just gross. I have a big painting in my house of like a shark, a red shark with a fin cut off. Oh, it's so sad because that's all they harvest. They harvest the fins and then they let the animal float to the bottom, flounder to the bottom. Suffocate. It has no fins, so it just, it's like if they cut our arms and legs off and told us to go run down the street. Yeah, and that's illegal for a reason. Yeah. Do you ever weep? Do you ever cry about it?

No, I've never cried about a shark. It's tough to get me to cry. It is? Yeah. Everything's got to be the perfect scenario. I've got to be kind of tired and like watching a movie or a TV show where it's like it's super emotional and it'll get to me. What if I were to cut open a Spanish onion and grind it in your face for half an hour? I'd tear up for the first 20 minutes or so. Technically crying guy. Yeah. I mean, yeah, my eyes will water. I think I got, yeah.

You're like, I don't have a windshield in my car. So when I'm driving fast, I, like, tears are coming down, but I don't think of that as crying. So let's say, hypothetically, you're whaling down the 405, 80MPH, no window. I'm on the bridge at Rosencranz in Normandy. I throw a Spanish onion right in your face. Are you bawling? I think I'm probably more impressed that you hit me.

But you got to be crying. I mean, you got the wind and the onion juice. Does it hit me in the nose? Right on the nose. Right, right. I aim for the fucking bullseye, bro. Then you have fiasch. Then I'm crying.

Yeah. Got you. I'm crying. Got you, kid. Ouch. Another moment of silence. How long is this, like as a podcast? This one today I was probably going to do what we call it our marathon on six hours.

That's good. Great. And if that doesn't get you crying, I don't know what will. Holy Lord. Hey everybody. This is Harland. I'm so excited. We finally have some Harland Highway merchandise for you guys. T-shirts, coffee mugs, stickers, available at Harbling.com. So get on at Pavement Pounders, Harland Highway merch. Woo! No, the reason I was asking about the spirit animal is because there's another thing you do, and I hope you don't find it creepy that I'm so observational about you, but you're very different than most comedians. And I love that. But you kind of, I think of you as sort of like a jungle cat, like a, like a, like a, like a Jaguar or a Puma. Because you kind of prowl the stage. You kind of methodically, hey everybody, who wants to have better sex? No? Yes. Yes. The answer is yes.

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So be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discount and 100% free shipping. Code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. Sort of your walk is, it's like the silence and your walk and your stairs. I have a pace that I kind of stick to.

And I moved like, I don't think about the way that I move on stage but I did my last special. Yeah. The director was like, it was amazing. Like you moved exactly around the stage exactly the same way both shows. You took a sip of water at the same point.

Like it was so easy to. match things up. And I don't pay attention to that. I only have so many moves I do. Have you always been a mover? Because I see you sometimes here in town at like some of the Cubs and you're more like standing at the mic. You're not moving as much. I used to just stand with the mic stand in front of me and hold it. I was like the lead singer of a rock band. Like I thought that was cool. And then after like, you know, 10 years, I realized I was way more present if I had the mic out and I was looking at the audience and moving around a little bit. It just made it more fun for me that I did that.

But yeah, it depends on the size of the stage, how much I move, and how long my set is, you know, what I'm getting into. Some bits are easier to move than others. Yeah. But there are times if I'm trying stuff out, I'm just standing right there and like, boom, boom, boom. Yeah, you have kind of this cool prowl that you do, man. I like it. Thank you.

And your material, obviously, is like, it's super edgy. It's super, I don't know what the way. word is it's like it's like it's like a it's like a blow dart right to the soul like like some of your jokes are just killer and the stuff you do on the roast so is there any line you've ever done on a roast or with someone that you've regretted because you you go way out there and you take no prisoners but was there ever a line that you threw at a roast or someone you just went oh maybe i shouldn't have said that one kind of like i feel bad for the people you know and usually i try to kind of like glance off and make a joke about something else.

You know, it's like the hard punchline of the joke is AIDS, but it's not like because you have AIDS. It's like, I'm just going to make this joke. But there was one joke, my first roast, I was building to this thing where I wanted, everyone was so mean to Lisa Lampinelli. Yeah, yeah. And so I wanted her to think that I was about to kill her.

Like I was being so mean to everyone, I saved her for last before I got to Donald Trump. Yeah. And so right before her, I'm making fun of Marley Matlin, the deaf actor. oh yeah yeah and there was a joke where everyone's like hey you shouldn't do this joke like please don't do this it's like it's too mean we're not going to use it and I'm like I have to

to set up like I don't want to crush Marley Mountain but I've got to set up I want Mississa to be afraid yeah and the joke was Marley Matlin I think it's incredible you've had this amazing career despite having one of the biggest handicaps an actress can have you're ugly and every like I'm about to go up there and someone's like hey points to the joke is like are you sure you don't you probably shouldn't I'm like I'm doing it's fine. And she didn't hear it. But her translator did. And she could read what the joke was and she was not happy.

Oh, wow. And I was said, I tried to apologize afterwards to be like, hey, it was just because of this. I got, you're beautiful. But if a deaf person wants to ignore you, they can do it forever. There's no, there's no winning that one. Yeah, but you can ignore them by not moving your lips. No, after I did the roast, so no one ever wanted to talk to me. There was like, I would, I would be standing there on the stage and everyone's like talking. Like, that was a great joke. I love this. Everyone avoided me like I was Darth Vader. Really? I remember asking Jeff Ross.

I was like, Jeff, I'm like, gotten me famous. I'm meeting all these cool people, but they're all afraid of me. Like, what do I do? And he goes, you got mystique. Enjoy it. And I was like, oh, mystique, yeah, that's cool. That's it. That's kind of like I was talking with the prowling on the stage and the, you do have a mystique.

It's cool. People sometimes be like, are you joking up there? And I'm like, I'm on stage at a comedy club. Like, of course I'm joking, but I like that you would think that I'm serious. I think it's funny. And is it with you, I think I'm the same way. Like a lot of people hear a bit and they hear the words strung together and they go, oh, that's a joke or it's a mean joke. But I don't know if we're the same in this way.

But for me, it's just words. Like I just go in my head, I go, these are just words. Like if I say the word AIDS or pussy or some kind of dirty word, I take all the fanfare off of it in the back of my head. These are just words. And I'm going, if you people want to have an adverse reaction. to it and get all crazy about it, but it's just a word. No, I mean, I think I use words as tools and the tools to amp up the tension. You hear AIDS, and you're, especially in a comedy club, it's like, it makes you feel a

certain way. And my job is to subvert that. It's like if I bring up AIDS before the punchline, it's the punchline subverting that to make it more silly. Like, a lot of my jokes are just very silly. You know, they're not always edgy and dark. It's like, it's a silly darkness that I think is just fun to do. But I'm building the tension.

Every time. Would we be, I mean, this is another first. I'm just winging this. Has anyone ever seen you write a joke? Like watched me as I wrote? Like watched it like in its infancy and be created? I've had like girlfriends who would say, they like, when you think of a joke, I can tell because we're talking and I just go,

and she's like, what did you just think of? And I'm like, I've got to go write it down right away. Like something pops into my head. well, I'm like, oh, I got it. Would we dare write a joke right now? Like, people watching could see it? It might not be good, but it's something that you could use in your act. What if you used it?

I don't know. We'll see. Let's see what we come up with. Give me a premise. What do you want? We got four premises. Car crash, funeral, sex, girlfriend. I thought you were making this up.

really have that written down. I've got jokes about all those things. No, but a new one. You want to combine those? I want people to see a joke being born. I don't think anyone's ever done it. It's hard. It's not, we might not.

And doing it, doing it together is what I'm saying. You know what I mean? We both have different sensibilities, but what if we could write a joke that worked? Has it ever been done, Guy? Not well. What if we broke that mold? I'm willing to give it a try.

What topic? Car crash, funeral, sex, or girlfriend? I mean, I'd like to combine them all into one joke. Into one super joke. One super joke. You're really going hard on that seven-up. I know, dude. It makes the bubbles foam up.

It's not like for distracting purposes. It's how you... No, this is how I drink pop. Like, if you suck on it over the lip really hard, it causes it to foam up in your mouth it certainly does so now you're not just getting a flat liquid you're getting

when I was 18 I went to Germany on an exchange program and the family took me to a wine tasting and the guy would to sip the wine and he would go and after a couple sips of wine like it was the funniest thing

in the world too I'm trying to be respectful and I just could not do it I was just under the table by the end just like covered in sweat just like dying laughing at this at this weird German guy Under the table You would laugh so hard

You fall under the table Oh I just Okay You stay up You stay on the table Well no when I hear And then you say under the table There's some German kinkiness going on

Oh you thought I was going down on him Because he said it not me I mean They probably would have let me I was 18 I was cute And you're in Germany. Mm-hmm.

They have a different sensibility over there. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Big time. Wait, what part of Germany? I was in, I believe the town was called Leverkusen. Excuse me? Yeah.

Wow. They have a soccer team, the Baron Leverkusen, is their football team, whatever, they're big. Wow. Yeah, I lived in Germany in Cologne for a while. Colon, it was right, I would have to go to school during the day, like with the German students, but I was like, I just graduated. doing this so i would get on the train and go into cologne oh there's a pub called the fru fru umlaut h wow that i would sit in with my friend that we would just see how many because

the beers are small yeah they would just make a little mark on your coaster to like count them yeah and we were one day we were like we want to get a hundred marks on this coaster whoa just sat there and just drank i like i love the fru they i found fru at like a wine store a couple years ago i was so excited and they what they have of those little cylindrical glasses they're about yay high, and it's called Guralsh, isn't it? Colch. What is it? Colch.

I mean, there's different ones, but every town, Colch, Cologne. Yeah. And so, like, you went into a bar and you asked for a beer, and they just brought you the beer. There was no, like, I want a light, or I want to flavor. It was just like, here's our beer. You know what I had? I used to get, I'd never had it before, Hepha Weisson, which is the wheat beer, and they put it in the really tall things.

And back in those days, when I was in Cologne, and the Germans, they loved a laugh, but they don't necessarily have the best sense of humor, but they'll laugh at anything. So in those days, I had a leather jacket and I had a little, I hung a little plastic skeleton on it. It was about this big. It was the skull, the bones, the legs, and it just dangled, right? So when I'd go into, I went to a place called the Fritz, our little German bar. And when I'd go in and get these tall glasses of hepha vison, I'd take the skeleton off, put it in, and it would slowly sink to the bottom in my beer

and all the Germans would be, Vass is das? And I'd say, oh, that's my wife. And we'd get, that's what? And it would just freak. And then it would slowly form bubbles and slowly float back up. And then I'd smash the glass

and all the bubbles would pop and it would sink back down. I'd go, that's my wife. It would just freak them out. Yeah, they were right to be freaked out. Yeah. All right. So let's write a joke. joke, bro. And if it doesn't work, we can bail out. Okay. But I think this could be fascinating.

Okay. We got car crash, funeral, sex, girlfriend. You want to try and combine all of them? I mean, we could. Or do you want to pick one? How about, let's try, let's try them all. Okay. Let's try. Last week, I was driving my girlfriend to a funeral. got into a car accident. So we decided while I waited for the, so I decided while we waited for the tow truck, let's have sex. And then

the ambulance finally came and pulled me off for coffin. What do you think about that? Come on, guy. You did it. You said we were going to do this together and you just watched me. I know, you blew my mind.

And I thought I was, I thought I was going to, like, you were going to get stumped. And then I would say, well, what if we throw in, you know, this or that? But you just fucking. I pulled it all together. See? Yeah. See, you're the puma. You're the shark, man.

That was great. I need this stuff like this more. I'm always looking for stimuli. That was great. Like, I have friends, send me premises, like, try to do something with this. And, because I'm just like, if I can just get my brain going. Yeah. I love picking a topic and being like, I'm going to afraid of joke about this.

Yeah. I'm just going to make it happen. happen. Sometimes it takes, I've had jokes take 10, 15 years. Yeah. I'm finally like, okay, like that's how I do it. Well, that's why I wanted to do this with you because your joke telling is a bit like mine.

We're kind of like connect the dots. Like a lot of guys get up there like Chappelle, he'll go, man, I was at the thing the other day and I saw a guy and, you know, they're almost like just talking about their lives. Yeah. But me and you, and especially you, I freewheel it a bit more, but you pick all your words very carefully. and it's almost like connect the dots, go point to point,

and they're clean, they're crisp, they work perfect. And so I thought, man, it would be really neat to see the wheels in motion and see if it was doable, not doable, how quickly. And you just like, it was fun to just, I could see the gears going, man. That was great. Thank you. I mean, I did want to jump in and help, but I'm almost happier I didn't have to. I'll try it tonight.

See how it goes. Yeah. I was thinking of myself I love it if it was a joke that was good enough that he would inject it into his act and maybe it's the beginning of something that sounds like something that people pitch me jokes they're like only you could do this

and it's either like something really racist or there's not really a joke yeah I had someone come and be like a comic I respect it Russell Peters yeah I got a great joke for you only you could do it and I'm like okay I normally say like I don't want to hear because I like to write my own stuff

that's the fun thing yeah I was like okay and he goes like looking at his phone And he's like, something about make-a-wish kids. And I was like, that's, it's not a joke. That's just, that's all he said? That's all he said. Literally, that was it. And I get bad a lot.

Yeah. Have you ever, because your jokes are very specific. Like, there's a lot of guys that do stuff that's not generic, but it sort of falls into the same, you know, jokes about the wall, jokes about seatbells. But because your jokes are very sort of unique, have you ever been in a scenario where you've, where you've been working at a club and somebody did something so close to yours or something that was yours and everyone goes there's no way that's an anthony joke not with jokes specifically but with like the persona oh yeah yeah it's a great joke or like i'm killing it up here

and it's like it's usually like the emcee you know just watches me and they're like it's fun to do it's like actors will be like it's fun to play the villain it's like yeah that's i'm the villain on stage yeah most comedians i would think so it's like people just want to do that You know, that I'll be like, hey, you got a, the in-between, it's like, you're just doing me. And I get it, but knock it off. Is that what you said? Yeah. Just knock it off?

Yeah. I had a guy once, I had a guy opening for me. And I used to do, this was earlier on, I used to do this whole bit about, I did an impression of Scooby-Doo getting run over by an 18-wheeler, and I do the truck noise, and then Scooby-U, you know, and then it was just a kind of a noise thing. and this guy comes up to me before we go on stage is the first night and he goes he goes hey man i just want you to know um i know you do your scooby-do thing was kind of my my big piece you know back when i was getting started he goes i just want you to know man that uh i do a scooby-doo

bit where he gets hit by a truck but i do it as batman and i go what and then sure enough the guy went up he put a batman mask on and did my exact bit but he thought it was different because he was Batman doing Scooby-Doo getting hit by a truck. But this was not parallel thought. He saw you and was like, I can prove on that by making a Batman. And it was an opener. It was a guy, like a local town opener. It wasn't even a guy in the circuit.

It was like, you know, you go to the towns and the club goes, let's put up Billy, you know. And I was just like, I just let him do it. It was such a. Yeah. So stupid. I would let it go. Yeah. I once had an opener who was like this kind of nerdy young kid.

Yeah. and it was like kind of cute his humor was cute i was like you know what that would be a perfect opener for me like you'd be a perfect opening act because it's the opposite of me it like sets people upright i was like i'm taping a special in six months yeah you know nearby would you come and open he was like i'd love to he shows up six months later and he's like written a whole new act because he was like excited about opening oh yeah and everything was super dark and like he was aggressive all the sudden and it was just he's doing 10 minutes before i go out and do my hour that i was like it's not even worth telling him but like we had the same pun

lunch lines. Oh, God. And he had like a Paul bear. And I was like, no. What happened? So, yeah, don't give people too much heads up. Yeah.

Because he sort of stepped on what you were doing, and now you're doing a special, and he's not even going to be on camera. So he sort of pissed on your parade a little bit. Exactly. Literally. Right on my parade. Dude,

that's the type of guy you want to grind an onion in his face, huh? Make him cry like an altar boy. Yeah, like a little altar boy. Have you ever made, what's a good love-making? song. I don't know why. Just the way you were looking at me, there was a bit of lust in your eye when, and I just thought, what's a, is there a song that you ever, like, pound to? I mean, the two things popped in my head. One was a friend of mine. One of my best friends,

I have a podcast with my best friend. Yeah. We've been friends for, like, over 20 years. Back in college, we went, we came home from this, we went to school in New Orleans. We come home from the bar, and he brings this girl home, and they go into his room, and it was one of those, like, houses where it was, like, a common area. and then all the bedrooms were off the common area. So we could hear him go in the room, and he put on music to, like, cover up, like, to cover up the sound. Sexual activity.

And he was drunk and put on Missy Elliott's, um, what's someone that's like beep beep who's got the keys to the Jeep, whatever that was. Yeah. Uh, put that on repeat. Really loud on repeat.

Yeah. And for like an hour, it was just, that was blasting out of the room. We just couldn't stop laughing. And the next day he was like, I don't know what I was doing. Um, but there was one,

it was a guy. He was like on Reddit or something. where guy was like, I have a fuck playlist. Oh, wow. These are songs that, like, give me my rhythm. And like, whenever I have sex, I put this on. And there's one song on that is, like, the best one. It's like, if I just go to the rhythm of that song,

it like, I last long, the woman's really into it. And my girlfriend of like a year, after a year of this told me that this one, she hates this one song, but it's my favorite. And he plays it. It is, it sounds like, like a techno circus song. Like it was the dead last song You would ever want to hear while you were fucking That it just really cracked me up

I can't remember the name of the song And if it's the last song It's probably the song where you're achieving right And it's a circus techno song Yeah That'd be like having sex with John Wayne Gacy almost Not as fun But close

Yeah I bet he was good He's got something to prove Wow I mean most people had a cigarette After they had intercourse What do you think John Wayne Gacy had after he had

intercourse. He probably just flossed his teeth. Was he eating them? Was he an eater? Was he eaten his victims? Yeah. I think he was sampling them. More like a cheese tray.

How do you not? Yeah. If you go through all the work to get victims, you got to take a little nibble. I mean, if you got them handcuffed to a chair and they got that, you know, little calf look in their eyes, you got to have just a little nibble.

Do you take a nibble before they die or after they die? I think you want to kind of be. Be like sort of one of those people that testing your palate. So you try a little before, a little after. That is the right answer. Yeah. That is correct. And maybe even a sniff or a lick, like in that in-between transition where they're just sort of fading into black.

I mean, the meat's got to have a certain tender texture at that point. Yeah. And you see if the fear makes them taste different. Right. It's sort of the same way Kobe beef. I think they scrub the cows with milk. Is that what they do? think so yeah with the wrong milk i don't love the kobe beef you don't know i don't like i don't like a lot

of fat what about the shack o'neal beef are you going to be serious well i'm just saying you said co-said is there anything not to talk about and i said don't make this joke specifically and it seemed like you've just been winding your way there the whole time but you you said you liked Kobe beef and I said do you like the Shaq O'Neal? Is that his name? The Shaquille O'Neal? No one calls him Shaq O'Neal. That's a big giant guy, right? You can say Shaq. Imagine Jeffrey Tomer going to town on that guy. That would be like an all-you-can-eat family buffet. Like imagine a cannibal serial killer trying to eat that guy. I wonder if those guys, cannibals, zero killers, if they go for like the weak ones, you know, or do you go, do you try to climb that mountain?

You go for a Shaq O'Neal. Right? Yeah. And you'd be crapping for two weeks if you ate Shaq. In one sitting. Yeah. If you froze Shaq. Right.

And then nibbled. You could eat them all year. You could pull them out at Christmas. Do you remember the movie Alive? Yeah. The guys that crashed in the plane, the soccer players. Yeah. And they have to eat each other.

Yeah. I remember my friends and I went opening night to go see that movie. and we brought a fork and knife And we ate Twizzlers with a fork and knife Throughout the movie And people were like really I really thought that was weird Twizzlers though

It would have been better if you had like a brisket You know? Sure Like it looked like a like a skinned ass cheek or something We were little kids Yeah And they sold Twizzlers in the theater So we just, you know

They brought it to us They begged us to do it So you used to go to a theater That didn't sell brisket? Mm-hmm Okay I was from Pittsburgh you know we didn't have the brisket theaters yeah would you do it would you if if if it came down to it

and you're in a plane crash or something like that would you eat another person or would you just say no way i would i guess that's the second we crashed like if we like if we bounced by the time we finally settled down i'm already eating someone wow even if we had food i would still be like this is my chance oh so you've always wanted to it i mean yeah i was not in in alive they start with the butt. And I was like, why are they doing that? And it's like, oh, that's where the real, that's like the best place you can eat someone. That's the real meat. You go butt first. Why is that? Because it's got the most fat in it or something. It's like the fat and like that big muscle right there. I guess like thigh would be good too. But yeah, the butt is. I think too,

it's sort of ambiguous, right? Like every other part of the human body. Like if you're eating like a like a, like a femur or a, or a, you know, a tibia or something or like that, that's identifiable as as a human own, a human body, but an ass cheek almost is like a brisket. But they didn't just cut the cheek and start eating. They would like, they would cut it and then like into strips. And I think they would like dry it like a like a jerky. So they're eating. You don't see them like with fork and a knife.

They're ripping the, ripping the jerky. What if you're an ass guy and you just get right down there and just got your nose in the crack and you're just eating your way like a. I'm not going to kinksham. I'm not going to argue against it. Yeah. That's not for me.

I'm just asking. There's a movie that you get, you get the shakes if you eat people. I don't know what it is. There was a movie where you get the fries too. Denzel Washington is a, okay. Well,

you're gonna, we can have, do you want another moment of silence? Let me just refocus. Denzel Washington's a blind guy in the, in the apocalypse. Oh, the book of Eli.

Book of Eli. At one point, they come across an old couple who's trying to help them, but they're shaking. And he's like, these people are chemicals. They've been eating humans.

And that's why. they have the shakes, whatever's in there, it's not good for you. Did you see the deleted scene in the, if you get the DVD, the scene where he's blind, right? And he's walking through the wasteland and he comes up on Marty Maglan or whatever her name is, the deaf. Mary Magdalene? The deaf actress.

Oh, Marley Matlin. Yeah. Marty Maglin. I don't know. Shaq, what's his name? Shaq O'Neill? Why don't I know names? Shaquille O'Neal.

I'm not good with names. No, you don't have to be. Yeah. It's okay. Are you good with faces, though? Yeah. I'm bad with everything. Like, I forget everyone and everything.

And if I think I know someone's name, I get really excited and I want to use it. Yeah. I'm always wrong. Always wrong. Do you do that thing, though, where you attach things? Like, if you meet a guy named Jack, you go, oh, Jack in the box, or... I've tried. Yeah.

I can't, like, there was a president. I think it was FDR would, like, imagine your name on your forehead. Yeah. And he would always, years later, he'd see someone and be like, you know, Arland. Yeah. But I've tried everything. I'm bad. I used to, I had a boss, I used to work at this other job at a grocery store,

and his name was Frank, and I could, I could never remember it, so I thought, I just thought, F, F, F, F, and I was like, fuck face, right? So in the morning, I'd go, and I go, good morning, fuck face, and I got fired. You said you were in Dallas, were you at the Dallas Improv, the Addison Improv? Yeah, Addison Improv. That guy, the guy who owns it, calls everyone, he can't remember anyone's name, so he calls everybody either Peaches or Kiki Lala. Oh, really?

Like, what's up, Peaches? And just, he's always happy. He's always fun. Everyone loves them. All his employees love him. Sounds gay, too. But it's Peaches and Kiki Lala. Wow.

I was like, that's a guy who's got it figured out. That sounds like a guy to me that dances around mushrooms in the middle of the night. I mean, that's... As opposed to the day? Well, I mean, Kiki and Lala, isn't that where the, aren't those two of the Teletubbies? Kiki Lala was one name. And then Beaches was another. Yeah, I think those are Teletubbies guy.

I don't know. Have you ever watched the Teletubbies? I've seen clips. Kiki. La La Kiki That's how they sing all their names It's the most twisted show

And then there's a sun that comes up And they superimpose a baby's face He's like Kiki La La Just saying You don't watch the telotubbies Nude

Would you watch them nude If the teletubbies were nude No would you watch the telotubbies in the nude I'd be more likely If I had to watch it, I would take off all my clothes to watch it, yes. If I had to. But I don't, I got to avoid all the children's television thing. Yeah.

You know, I never had. What was your TV show growing up as a kid? I love Mr. Rogers. Because Mr. Rogers lived in Pittsburgh where I grew up. Oh, that's right. So you would see him. So I thought that like Pittsburgh was like the epicenter of entertainment. Yeah.

Because Mr. Rogers lived there. Big Bird must be around here somewhere. Was he near your neighborhood? I don't know where he actually lived, but we, if we went into it. to the city like I was in the suburbs if we went into the city you sometimes you would see him in his little sweater and his loafers sweater loafers sport coat sometimes you know he'd be around you know I don't want to knock the guy because he was a good-hearted guy like he he's truly a guy that wanted good for the world but I'm gonna be honest even as a kid when I when my mom turned me on to that show I was a little

disarmed and I'm talking as a little boy I didn't know about the world of pedophilia and and you know people and molesters. And I'm not saying he was that guy, but there was something about him that creeped me a little. It wouldn't play today. But did you see the documentary about Mr. Rogers? No.

It's great. And I mean, it's good, but there's a scene where they go to his, he had two sons. Oh. And they cut to one of the sons, and he's like, it could be tough sometimes

being raised by Mr. Rogers. You know, if he yelled at us, he used the voice of like one of like the witch puppets. He would yell him in that place because he was uncomfortable yelling himself. And the son had like a long beard. Like one of those, like, don't look at me beards and, like, long hair. And I was like, I want to document you about this guy.

I want to hear this guy talk for two hours about what it was like to be raised by Mr. Rogers. That seemed fascinating. What was his name? I don't remember. He's probably some YouTube guy. Maybe he's just son Rogers. Because you got Mr. Rogers. Because Tarzan called his kid boy.

He did? So if this guy's name was Mr. Rogers, maybe it was just Sun Rogers. But he had two sons. Sun Rogers one, Sun Rogers two? There's two. And daughter Rogers. You didn't know a daughter, just a wife. Maybe he called the wife daughter.

Did he have anything in the basement that had spaced out eyes? In the documentary, yes. So, Tard Rogers, was there one of those? Dude. You can get canceled. You made me say it. You made me say it. I did voice your hand.

You know. You're right. Guy. I did do that. You know, you mentioned earlier when we're talking about the guy that, that went on ahead of you and all of a sudden he was doing all that dark humor and I wanted to do something with you because you know some of your stuff is sort of dark it leans on the dark not all of it some of it's just silly and fun but I wrote up these things and I thought it'd be cool

they're like kind of dark stories from the news okay and just see what your response would be to these dark stories I'm excited to see because on my podcast yeah we do headlines like dark, weird headlines from the news. I wonder if we've covered any of these. Oh, really? Okay. Well, I've got four. Is that cool?

Yeah. The first one is horrible news. My sister just had a miscarriage and she was going to have triplets. All of the babies were lost. What's the horrible news? Sounds like you dodged the bullet, my friend. I thought you made these up,

or these are things on people have written on the internet, or you just made out horrible things? We just made them up. Okay, I thought when you said horrible news, I thought you meant like stories. Well, no, like if someone ran in the room and gave you horrible news. Okay, do that one again. Okay, sir.

Horrible news. My sister just had a miscarriage and she was going to have triplets. All of the babies were lost. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Three, three sorry. I mean, it's funny that you would get all that information into one proclamation.

What's a proclamation? Like a statement. Why didn't you just say statement? Proclamation is more fun. Say proclamation. Say statement. Statement. Which one's more fun?

Yeah. I just have my first proclamation, bro. Congratulations. Thank you. Thanks. Thanks, friend. The emancipation statement, the emancipation. The emancipation.

One of them freed the slaves. One of them is not even a thing. What's emancipation, though? You just got me again. Freeing slaves? You're emancipated. Why don't you just say you're free? The free statement?

Oh, emancipation feels better to say it. Emancipation proclamation. It's fun. That's the reason they let them go. Because it was fun. Why didn't they just get the slave some X-Lax? So they could... For their emancipation.

Wait. You're saying constipation? Oh. Because slaves had Everyone knows about slaves Is that they didn't get paid And that their bowel movements were second to none They could shit at the drop of a hat

Never needed X-lax or any kind of laxative Wow Sounds like a Me Too movement Very much so A man was attacked by a Rottweiler in the park And tore both his legs off They're not sure what to do with the dog Give him to me

Sounds great I've been looking for that dog I think I've been looking for that dog You have? I've been looking for him everywhere Why don't you? You probably sound like You should have a shark instead

You like sharks I have a dog though You do? People are afraid of him yeah Wait what kind He was from Korea He was a meat factory rescue Oh is it a Gindo?

I thought I was getting a Gindo But he's like 20 pounds bigger than Gindo's get because he's part of Kita Oh wow And when I did the DNA test they said a Korean village dog, which is like a super mutt. But it's like,

there's some gindo in there, I'm sure. Yeah. But I'm doing the improv tonight. Wendy Liebman's on the show. Wendy Liebman has two gindo. So I want to talk to her about. I had a gindo. You did?

Yeah. Was it from Korea? Was it like... Well, gindo, yeah, Gindo is an island off of the coast of Korea. And gindos, do you know the history of the dog? Yes. Okay.

But for our audience, I'll just throw it out there. They were bred for royalty, Korean royalty as guard dogs and hunting dogs. And they have a lot of the attributes of a cat. They don't like to step on water. Like my gindo, when there was due on the morning grass, you know, when cats get on water, they're very tender. And my gindo, they don't like water. And they're very skittish, but they will attack anything that comes into your perimeter. Yeah.

Um, so yeah, no one's been to my, to my place since I got this dog. Wow. Yeah. Uh, yeah, Gindo's are great, but they're, they're very kind of quirky dogs. Very. Yeah, what's your name? What's your gindo's name? Or your dog.

Red rum. We call him, we call him rummy. But when I got him, I was thinking of a name and so I was walking him when he was a puppy. And, like, I got so much attention for this dog. Yeah. Walking him on Hollywood that I almost gave him up because I was like, everyone stopped me to talk to me about this dog. I don't want to talk to these people.

Yeah. But then he grew up a little bit and people kind of leave us alone. They'll be like, oh, what kind of dog is that? He's interesting looking. But a woman goes, what a beautiful red dog. And I was like, red dog, red rum. And when he was in Korea, he was in Korea for six months. They called him gummy.

His name was gummy. I was like, I'm not calling my dog gummy. Yeah. But I like that you kind of keep a similar name. It's like shows respect. Yeah. So I was like rumy. Red rum.

Well, you know, you could always change his name to gummy if he gets hit by a car. Like a bunch of cars? Like he's just like a puddle? Blob. Like gum. But red rum is also a reference. I know it's murder spelled backwards, but it's also a reference from the movie The Shining,

from the book The Shining. Are you a fan? I'm not as big a fan. I mean, I liked, the movie's great. Yeah. But I think I like the book more. I always thought it was interesting that Stephen King. I like the book more too.

Stephen King hated the movie. Hates it to this day. I can see why. Yeah. I think visually there's some really neat things in the movie and the acting from Jack Nicholson and, you know, the camera stuff, that's neat.

But the story, the horror, the tension, I felt never matched the book. Yeah, I wasn't scared. You might like this. This is something I do very often because we travel to a lot of hotels, right? When we do stand-up, you might like this a lot. Can I give you a little treat? Yes, please do. When I go in the shower at the hotels, either on the shower where all the mist is,

or usually I'll do it on the mirror. I write red rum in big letters right across the mirror. So the next person that uses that hotel room, when they missed up the bathroom, red rum appears right on the mirror. Because you know those maids don't wash down the mirrors. I think we probably stay in different hotels. But, yeah, it's not a bad.

What if you just wrote it in blood? Well, then it wouldn't have the ghostly effect of emergency. on the mere out of the mist? What if while someone else, you go to your neighbor's place, get a key, get in their room while they're showering, and then when they come out, it's blood, red room. Whose blood? Yours.

Oh. You've got to commit to the bit. Why can't I use theirs? I don't want to die for a bit. They should. Ruins a surprise. Well, what about I use theirs, and then their partner comes home and sees it? Didn't even think of that.

That's good. It's good stuff. Hello? That's duh and hello to get. I got it. I got it, buddy. A little child fell down a well in Chinatown has been trapped for four days. They're not sure how or if they can get her out. I'll be right there. Is that her name?

Right there? The Chinese girl. I'm going to go. I'm going to try to help. You didn't say it was a Chinese girl. Well, I said it was in Chinatown. A child in Chinatown. Oh. They could have been visiting.

A lot of wells in Chinatown. I'll give you that. Yeah. I used to have a joke. I would just say, hey, you guys remember baby Jessica? Yeah. And someone would be like, yeah.

I go, whatever happened to that cunt? And it just, I never did in a special anything, but it just always made me laugh. You ever have a joke that you think it's funny, but it only takes up like 10 seconds? Yeah. So you forget about it? Yeah.

That was one of those. I used to do a really dark one back in the 80s when AIDS quilts were a thing. And I used to go, I don't think my grand. mother likes me anymore. She just knitted me an AIDS quilt. And I never got a laugh.

But I always thought it was sort of clever as far as AIDS jokes go. I had to write your mama jokes once. I forget what for. It was like an audition or something. And I remember, I think it was that, remember that show Wild and out? I think it's still a thing.

It's an MTV. And it was like improv, but like with like hip hop involved. You'd have to like battle rap and like, do this stuff. It wasn't about gay guys coming out of the forest? I think the first season was and then as it moved on they got away from that

wild and out and I remember saying your mom is so fat she sleeps with the AIDS quilt and it was these people auditioning me were just dead totally stone straight-faced I remember like oh I'm not getting this

that was my I was so proud of it I opened with that I love it but see that's what I mean again it's just words it's the way you put them together that can be offensive but if you if you just take all the emotion out of them, it's just words. And I've always, I've secretly always felt Anthony's a master at that. I don't know if that's even how you interpret it, but I've always thought somehow that guy knows it, it's just words. I think of it that way. And you shouldn't joke

about pedophilia. I'm like, there is no, I made all this up. Yeah. I'm not making fun of like a real person. There's no one here. It's just words. Yeah. Yeah. It's like a, it's fiction. Yeah. Yeah, I love it. All right. Last, last, last crazy news story, because you said, pedophilia. A pedophile has been seen on security cameras luring children into his van with Legos, toys, and treats.

I got to get a new van. I didn't know they saw me. You like that one? I liked that. That one was I got to get a new van. I didn't know anybody saw me. Oh God. All right. We do this thing.

I hope you like it. With every guest, it's the last kind of thing we do. And it's a lot of fun. It's called Words from a Wooden Shoe. And there's words in here. And what we do is we have a guest reach in and see if it sparks a memory or a story from your life or somewhere in your travels or your journey.

So don't look, reach in. It's the last thing we do, I'm definitely in the life. Yeah. Wait, there's one piece that's way bigger than all the others. Is that like, you know me? No, you can take whatever. whatever one you want. Words from a wooden shoe.

Here we go. Breakfast cereal. Oh. It reminds me when I was a kid, like there were, I'm the oldest of five kids. Okay. We were like five kids in seven years.

We were all very close together. Wow. And there was, you know, I hated getting up early for school. I still hate getting up early. I really hated it. And there was at one point in my life,

for like two years, I was in junior high where I got to sleep in the most. I think I got to get up at 8 a.m. Everyone else had to be up earlier. I would get up 8 or maybe 9 even. Yeah. Get to school by 10. And all the other kids would have gone to school before I got up.

So I remember getting up and my dad is, I was going to say was, but still is very much like, does not waste anything. Okay. It doesn't waste food. It doesn't waste money. Yeah. My dad's like that too. Yeah. Very tight.

Yeah. And I would get up in the morning. And usually it was like, get your own stuff. I'm like, and especially my dad, my mom made meals and stuff. my dad never made anything. It's like, go get it yourself. Yeah.

But for some reason, like when I first started going to seventh grade, and I was getting up late, he was like, I'll make you cereal. Yeah. I was like, what are you going to make me cereal?

Okay. Well, yeah, go ahead. He's like, what do you want? I'd be like, oh, we had like, we had different, we had like some honeynut churios, some,

some, some, the leprecon, Lucky Charms. And I'm like, yeah, I want Honey Nut Cheerios. And he's like,

he's going, opening up the fridge. He's taking a little while. I'm like, why is this taking so long to make me my cereal? And then he gets it, and I, it's just a bowl cereal. I'm like, okay. And I'm like, the milk looks a little gray. Why is the milk gray?

Like, I don't know. I'm eating some more. And then I find like a lucky charm in there. And I'm like, this motherfucker, he would, my sisters would eat, like, just eat the lucky charms and then leave the milk behind. And he would see it, and he'd put the milk back into the fridge and the bowl and then pour it into my cereal. And after that, he was like, he did it to me like twice.

I caught him the second time. I was like, sometimes the milk tastes weird. It's a little warmer than it should be. And after the second time, I was like, you're never touched my cereal ever again. I'm going to make my own cereal. Oh, God. Yeah. And Lucky Charms is one of those cereals, too, that it seeps, like chemicals and colors.

Like, it disperses all this crap into the milk. Yeah, that's why it was gray. Yeah. It's like had like a tang to it. Oh, God. More like a taint. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

I wish I had known. that, to say that to my dad back then. That's almost like living with that old lady from misery, another Stephen King's story. She wasn't that old in misery. I know, but remember she kind of did weird stuff to James Khan? I think your dad might have been a little well, like the woman from misery?

Might be a Stephen King story around your old man guy. Stephen King would have a field day with my dad's quirks. Yeah. Well, Anthony, before we go, buddy, tell the folks where they can catch you, catch your stand-up, you're touring all over the country, your podcast,

anything. I've got a podcast called JARVP, the Jesselik and Rosenthal Vanity Project. You can check that out wherever you find your podcasts. It's fun.

It's silly. It's like this only better. And then I'm on tour right now. I'm about to announce a major theater tour in the fall. So check out Anthonyjesslenink. com for tour dates. When is this air?

I don't know. after that last comment, I don't know if we're going to put it on. Oh, it's tough to fit it in. April 3rd, I'm announcing fall tour dates, so check out Anthonyjessling.com and come see me. It's great. Yeah, go see Anthony, man. I work with tons of comics, great comics, but Anthony is one of a kind. I'm telling you, the Cougar prowls the stage, and you will love him.

You've probably already seen him, but go see Anthony. I love what you do, man. Thank you. It's amazing. yeah so and it's been an honor having you here buddy great to be i'm a big fan of yours as well i don't watch a lot of comics but i always enjoy catching your set at the uh at the improv at the store and i'm happy to have been here and i'll be get some views that's my son uh that's it for now everybody let's crank the theme music uh thank you for being here uh until next time chicken chowmaine

baby you finally heard the theme music think you can make love to that Fuck yeah, I could. Fuck you out could. Big time. That's my boy. It's my son.