The Harland Highway - NEW HARLAND HIGHWAY #54 - ALONZO BODDEN, Comedian, Actor, Writer, Motorcycle buff.

Episode Date: April 18, 2023

Comedian Elonzo Bodden talks about motorcycles, bussing, comedy, and airplanes! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Scooblo-do, shat-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Scoot-du-lid-da-bye. Oh, if you're going to laugh, maybe. I'm not laughing. I'm enjoying. I'm enjoying. Scooby-Doo. And the mystery machine.

Do-lid-da-da-da-da-da-da. See, this is why I said I'm enjoying, because there's another. talent that Harlan has. There's another one that we, people, there's another talent he has, we had no idea. And yet there it is. Harlan Williams scatting.

And you heard it here first. You're riding down the Harland Highway. All right, hold tight on the Harland Highway Show. Harland Williams. Uh-huh. Well, now Das, right you're on the harland highway podcast with my very special guest and friend alonzo boden right yes sir how are you guy i'm great man i've been looking forward to this yeah don't forget your

microphone yeah early on there we just started yeah and it's already everything i expected it is experience yeah yeah this is this is beautiful so thank you it's been fun i'm gonna head back down Oh, are we done? Yeah, I think so. Okay, let me put the theme music back up, and this has been Alonzo Bowden. And imagine that. It's all we need. That's it.

We got that. We got that. Dude, so good to see you. Thanks for being here. Absolutely, man. Happy to be here. And, yeah, I mean, things are the new normal is what I call it. Yeah, the new normal.

Yeah. You're a guy, too, that I noticed that you really, like, in your life, in your comedy, you really kind of map what's going on socially in the world. You know when that happened? That happened after last comic standing. Why? Because I did a ton of material on the show and I was writing new stuff and I started finding the world funnier than me.

Oh, really? Yeah, that's what it was. It was at a time when we had, what we had Bush, we had Paris Hilton, we had Arnold Schwarzenegger. Yeah. We were just starting to go crazy. Like now we're deep. But back then, we were just starting. And I just started finding that stuff

funnier than, you know, talking about my relationships or something at the house or, you know, whatever. So, yeah. So that's when my act started changing and I just became more and more like social commentary and what's going on in the world. And then people started asking me to do it. Like I started getting booked.

Let me tell you, Barack Obama being elected was so good for my career. It was because it was like, oh, we got the black politics guy. Yeah, let's call him. And it really started, it started a whole thing to where at one point, a couple of years ago, I was like, wait a minute, am I becoming a pundit? I don't want to be a pundit. You know, same thing, exact same thing happened to me when Barack was elected because

you know he's half white, half black. Right. So you covered the other side. Yeah, wow. Someone had to. Wow, so we both broke. Come on, guy. Wow.

Wow, that's incredible. I love that. Yeah, but what would you say right now? And by the way, when you said we kind of went over the edge, where were we at then and where do you think we are now on a scale of 1 to 10? Well, I'll put it this way. Remember the good old days when Sarah Palin was crazy? Yeah, right.

Right, like that's what we thought. So if Sarah Palin at that time, she was probably an 8. But now I'm going to give her a 4. and put our society at least a seven, but Marjorie Taylor Green is a nine. You know what's interesting? Yeah, what you said there is like so true because at that point, it was like one focal point.

Like you went to a person, an individual, and what you just said is society, and whereas before you could find like one person that you thought was nuts or over the top, it feels like everybody's going over the ledge now. Like on all sides, all walks of life, whether it's a political issue, a social issue, a stupid issue about a zoning law and a neighborhood. Like everyone's just like falling over the edge. We were talking about this because this happened in sports, right?

Sports, all the announcers now, they're like, they're angry and they're outraged over something and they don't like this athlete or they don't like. And it's, I guess it's what you have to do to be heard above the noise. yeah you you had like like you said even local issues like when did people start yelling at the school board meeting like nobody even knew there was a school board meeting yeah now you get a video at a person going absolutely psycho and it's like well now we understand your kid's problem yeah and it's not only they're going nuts but then instead of the school board going oh we're public servants we're public schools we're here to serve as you and your family and your children now they get belligerent and push back.

Right. Right. And they go, well, we're going to get our union together and we're going to come after you and we're going to sue you and we're going to make your life miserable and we're going to single it. Everything's a fight now, man. Yeah, you just nailed it. You just nailed it. Everything's a fight. Even some things that are like common sense, but people fight it just because, well, I can't go along with you, right? I have to. Yeah. I have to fight. So it's, yeah, I don't know, man. I don't know what's going on. My thing, you know, when global warming fully kicks in,

I'm heading to Canada, man. I'm moving to your old. Oh, yeah. Once it melts, you know, once it melts, I'm heading up. Well, you know it gets hot from the head down, right? So Canada is going to be like a tropical playground. But you know, here's the thing. Back me up on this.

You've heard of Captain America, obviously. We all know Captain America. What I've learned now is people, when they fight, it's partly because of this when you see out these videos it's like hey man go ahead hey whoa oh hey officer

hey you with the shopping cart hey you and my neighbor like people are using their phones like it's a Captain America shield like it's gonna protect them it's bizarre I mean that's part of it though right because we are all carrying

a video camera with us at all times and even that is something that people decided, okay, I'm going to be famous just because I have this video camera, right, I'm going to just do something like they, I just read a thing that they arrested this couple. They were staging car accidents for YouTube. Oh, come on. Yeah.

That doesn't surprise me. Yeah, and you just like, well, and now they're going to jail. So now they're famous for that, you know, now it's now, oh, we got to set up the YouTube cameras at our trial and when we go to jail. So it's a strange thing. I'm not necessarily, I'm not one of those, like I'm not the old get off my lawn. It's all bad. It's just at the level of stupidity you have to deal with, man.

It's just, my last special was called Stupid Don't Get Tired. Because stupid don't get tired. You get tired. Stupid, stupid, like, no, I can keep going. Your next special might be called Retard stays wide away. How about that? Tard never sleeps. But, you know, it's funny because, you know, you look at TikTok, right?

And this is where we see half this stuff now. You see a guy, you know, people doing things that are, you didn't used to see. And in my head, I'm like, this is why they call it TikTok, because the more you watch this stuff, the more it kind of persuades your brain that this is the normal. And I get to the point where I go, it's just a matter of time until I'm doing that.

And so I'm like, TikTok, tick, talk. Today I'm going to wrap myself in bacon and stuff. stand in front of a bison, tick, to-tok, tick-to. Today I'm going to punch my neighbor in the face with a two-by-four. Tick-tock, tick, tick, tick. I feel like we're all just these ticking clocks ready to go off now. You know, and I love that you mentioned the bison, because that is one of them I follow. It's what's it called Taurons, which is a combination of tourists and morons of Yellowstone.

And it's those people like, hey, I want to take a selfie with a bear, you know, or hanging off the side of the Grand Canyon, you know, and it's like, yeah, we're going to miss you. Yeah, you know what? No, we're not. No, we're not. No, we're not. But now the funny thing, this, this, we need to ban TikTok, right? Yeah.

There is no better way to get kids on TikTok than to say we're going to ban TikTok. Because first of all, they're better at the technology than their parents, right? So you think they're blocked. They're, yeah, yeah. And everything, like, they're writing down a list. Oh, I'm not supposed to watch. that I'm not supposed to let like it there's nothing better there's no TikTok is laughing they're like yeah please yeah please tell the kids you're going to ban TikTok so all kids who had no

interest or something well I got to get on TikTok yeah and they're just waiting to do their thing TikTok TikTok TikTok it's crazy man yeah you can you know you can't stop it right this is this is this goes back to right what rock and roll was going to ruin the kids right then hip hop was going to ruin the kids like every generation of kids something's going to ruin the kids so now ticot's going to ruin the kids and yeah well it's weird too because what we're just saying about everything going over the edge i i try to stand back and be objective about it and be a third eye and i go okay take away all my emotion take away my age take away all my experiences just look at the world now and all this stuff's happening from you know the gender

stuff to sex stuff to social stuff and then I sit here and I go am I am I the old guy am I the old guy going oh you kids are going to ruin everything you know what I mean yeah I don't think so yeah and it's also the fact that we're comics right so comics are always we're naturally kind of open-minded observers yeah and we're around I think being a comic we're around young people enough to be in touch with that like like I'm not pretending I'm 25 anymore but I'll go out, and the room will be full of 25-year-olds. So, you know, you kind of get that. And some of these things, this is what's funny, like the gender thing, right?

This is what's hilarious to me about it. Transgender people make up less than 1% of the population. Less than that. Less than 1.1% problem. Right. So, you know, if you're in Kansas and you're yelling about, oh, I don't want transgender is in my school. Like, they're not.

They're not. There's just not that many of them. They're not, you know what I mean? You should be more worried about children of the corn in your school than transgenders. We're in L.A., right? We're right above Hollywood. Yeah, we're going to see some transgender people. If you're in rural Mississippi, nah, not so much.

You'll be okay. There's nobody going to the bathroom you got to worry about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's the, and that's what you're talking about, though. Like you said, you go down the rabbit hole, right? so you start getting on videos, and after a day and a half of not coming up for air, suddenly transgenderes are out to get you. Yeah, right.

And it's like, not really. You know, are there drag queen shows in elementary schools? No. Yeah. Are there? No, there's drag queen shows down on Hollywood Boulevard at some, you know, clubs somewhere or whatever. But schools don't have the budget for drag queens. They barely have the budget to put on like,

you know, a little orphan annie, let alone a drag queen show. Drag queens aren't working for free. And by the, yeah, by the way, a good drag queen show in Vegas is like $65. Thank you. Instead of just doing it for the kids, bring the whole family and have a night out. Yeah, it's, you know, that point you made. I mean, yeah, people get, we get caught up in watching these videos. That's why you got to have reality, man.

You got to step out. Yeah, yeah. And we're kind of forced to because we work. in the world. Yeah, yeah, we got to be, like, in tune with all that stuff. But when you're sitting at home just watching those videos 24 hours a day, and then the way the algorithm works when you watch one, it's like, well, you may also like, you know, you may,

and then they just start sending you more and more of them. Again, what happened to the good old days? Porn. It was just some good old porn, and then you just didn't tell anybody about it, and you went to work. Yeah. Now what is it? Now it's like, it's almost like,

the porn's right on TikTok almost. Yeah, yeah. I mean, there are men and women wearing stuff that's like, you know, dental floss. Right. And then you got the only fans and to this, you know, it's, I don't know. It's wild, man. I don't know. Wow.

Are you an influencer? Well, it depends. I mean, pick a category. I mean, I'm an influencer in some ways. Aren't we all sort of influencers in a way? Yeah, I think there's a number, though. I don't know. It used to be 40,000.

It's probably more than that. But when you get that number of followers, then they call you an influencer, yeah. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, it's a certain number, but I don't know exactly. Oh, wow. Well, I have, I think I've got like 105,000 followers on my Instagram. So I'm a triple influencer.

Yeah, you're an influence. I'm an influencer, but no one's listening. What do you mean? No, sure they are. No, I think that's how the people make money off of it. it right when you have all those followers then you start selling ads do you do that on your instagram i don't do i have uh someone who does my social media and she's the one who told me she said like okay you're eligible to get this much and my accountant told me last month and it's good you're

sitting down because you're probably not ready for these kind of numbers but i made a hundred and twenty one dollars last month so i'm pretty much going to give up comedy and go with influence from here on now. You're done. Yeah. Happy retirement guy. Wow. You should be able to get an egg roll and maybe a cracker every month.

Wow, dude. Well, I want to say something because you're a first for this podcast. You're the physically biggest person to do the podcast. Like you're, what, six? Six three. Six three. Yeah. And you're like, I'm going to ask because people want to know, today have you,

snapped a school bus in half or a Greyhound bus? I have not snapped the school bus in half. I actually sat behind one in traffic coming over here because you know, they're, I don't know what they're doing. They were close. The construction thing is interesting because

construction always looks like a lot of works getting done, but you never really know what they're doing. Yeah. There's a lot of orange cones and red flags and you're just like, man, you guys look really busy and then you come back when it's done and nothing's different you're like well what you so i was stuck behind a bus and i did but i did not snap it in half a good power to have though my insurance

doesn't cover that sort of thing have you ever punched a whale no not not so far whales live in the ocean so i let them have that is is whale punching is that a thing see that might be a new thing that might be what would that might be the uh the influencer in the challenge yeah that might be the latest Instagram challenge. You've got to punch a whale. Next time I'm working at Laugh factory in Long Beach, I'll jump across the street to the aquarium. Punch a whale.

Just deck a whale. What would that feel like? I wonder, like, they got blubber, right, under that skin? Like, you punch a whale, does your fist, like, go in? I'm guessing a human punch, a whale doesn't even notice. What? A human punch, a whale, it would just keep going. It was just, you know.

That's like a flea landing on us. Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, the human punch me. If they laugh, they would be telling the story. Yeah. And then a human, he just came up and punched me.

It was a cutest thing. Well, that's the thing I've seen on TikTok now. Now they got these things. Well, have you seen them? Whales are coming up and people are like kissing them and rubbing them. And I'm like... Again, you're just, you're asking for trouble. Like, what was it?

I think, 2021. It was one year where they had more people falling into the Grand Canyon than ever. Because of Instagram? Yeah, they wanted to take videos, you know, hanging over the side. And I said, you know who doesn't fall into the Grand Canyon? The mules. Yeah, right. The mules walk up and they're like, all right, that's as far as I go.

See, that fence? Yeah, I don't climb fences. The mule, that's where I get to stupid. Like, how much smarter is the mule than you? The mule's like, hey, you go ahead. You have fun. I'm going to be right. Well, you know what the irony of that is?

Another name for the mule is ass. Yeah. And the asses are probably walking along, seeing some idiot out on a ledge going like this and just going, ass. Right? It's like total reversal of creature. And the reason there's no protection against that is because no or never thought you'd be that stupid.

Right? They're like, well, there's a railing and a fence and a sign. They didn't think you'd actually be so dumb as to cross all of that. And it's like, well. Idiot. Have you ever seen someone like in real life do one of these things where they do something really stupid or they, they're clearly doing like a social media, something or other? No, I never had that.

I'll tell you the one I did have. And it happened at the Laugh Factory in Long Beach. Yeah. I walk outside and this girl in lingerie is posing on my motorcycle. Wow. What a stroke of a lot. I was like, no, no, go, have fun. Do your thing.

And she's like, it's for Instagram. I was like, well, I was hoping so. I didn't think you were just doing it. But yeah, that was a really, like, weird, surreal kind of moment. Because that means she was either walking or driving around in lingerie looking for somewhere to take pictures. What a treat, too, to come out. Like, you know, you're probably thinking, worst case that you come out, some guys jacking your

vehicle or someone's just. trying to steal it. You come out and you got Miss February laying across the seat. Exactly. Wow, bro. Nice. I was once down on Melrose Boulevard. And, you know, some of these buildings, they paint murals on the side of them and stuff.

So I'm just walking and I come around a corner and I look. And you've ever seen these kids on Instagram that do like the choreographed dancing? Right, right. They like just randomly, they just start dancing. And this one girl, you know how Beyonce does it? is that really kind of violent, kind of jerky. And some girl was doing it. And she was like, I don't know, she looks like he was 21 and really wasn't good at it,

but she was like doing all this stuff. And I just, I just looked at it. I was like, you look like a fucking idiot. Yeah. Like it actually made me angry. Beyonce safe. Yeah. No one's safe in the job.

But it was just like, it was almost like annoying. I was like, stop. I hope I never see that anywhere. Yeah. Freak. I don't know. I mean, again, it's just that. thing of getting likes right just being yeah being famous for being famous and and don't they realize

they don't have to go on instagram they're going to be liked if they just draped themselves over your vehicle and lingerie that usually is a good way to make friends i'm thinking it'll be popular speaking of motorcycles my friend yes sir somebody might have bought you a little present oh for your trip here today oh somebody might have all right i'm standing by did you buy yourself a present i did not get myself a gift, but I'm looking at that can a creamed possum. And don't think I'm not thinking of that. I don't know if the fans have seen that. No, they haven't

seen it. There you go. Creamed pot. Have you ever had creamed possum? Look at that. Look at that. If you want to read the ingredients, go ahead. Well, oh, with sweet potatoes garnished in coon fat gravy.

So you get cream possum and coon fat gravy. This is this can't be too healthy I like it though raccoon gravy no you were speaking of your your motorcycle and I got you a little present buddy

I hope you like it look at this I like it that's for you a Ducati A Ducati race bike That's for you my friend I will add this I have a little collection You do bike models

This will definitely go on the shelf This is very cool Isn't that cool Very cool very cool now when you're welcome buddy when you ride i got to ask you did you ride hot do you ride like hard or do you ride ripe 20 20 years ago i rode like this the sport bikes and the canyons i rode on racetracks and i didn't race but it was you know a speed thing now now i'm cruising man i'm comfortable now so you went from because duccotties are like

built for speed, right? Yeah, yeah. And now you're what, you're more like a Harley guy, just like rolling? Yeah, yeah, BMWs, Honda's. Oh, wow. I'm thinking, I may get a Harley. The thing about Harley is when you buy a Harley, you buy into that whole culture. Yeah, but it comes like a club almost.

That's the part I'm not sure about. But, you know, I look at Ducati's, like, 25-year-old women, like, oh, yeah. They were fun to ride back in the day. Now, now they're just good to look at. Yeah. You don't want to spill one. You don't want to get involved in that anymore. That's not going to end well.

Did you ever drop a bike? Yeah. Yeah. I, you know, I broke my wrist twice, 20 years apart. I did it when I was 18 and then again when I was 38. Just, you know, because you go down and you put your hand out, right? Instinctively. Yeah.

And my wrist, wrist snap. Oh, really? Yeah. But did you just spilled, like, did you hit? something or did a car? No, one time a car hit me, a car side-swiped me, and then the other time we were on the racetrack, and there's a great story on Wikipedia, right?

So I don't know who puts stuff on Wikipedia. Yeah, me neither. My middle name is apparently Michael somehow. And I'm not even joking. Harlan Michael Williams. I had a bike crash at a little track called Buttonwillow. And whoever wrote the story, wrote up the story like I was the greatest motorcycle racer of all times like I'm not changing this

that's a great story that's so much better than what actually happened you know and it's funny because motorcycle racers they're like jockeys they're literally half my size they yeah yeah yeah because in racing you want a little guy because he's lightweight and he's small you know so whoever wrote this story I was like oh there's no way in hell I'm changing that yeah you're gonna leave that. Alonzo Michael Bolan is on in Buttonwillow. Buttonwillow crash. By the way, where we, where's button willow? That sounds like Lord of the Rings country. Button Willow is in, you know, beautiful Bakersfield because there's room. Sounds like you were driving and you hit an elf or something. I mean, Buttonwillow. Yeah, I, I had, I used to have a Honda shadow. Okay. Nice.

Yeah. And it was more of like a cruiser. That's a cruiser bike. Yeah. And I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I never dropped it, but one time I was coming up one of the canyons. And, you know, sometimes when cars are driving, every now and then they'll just, like, shit a little bit of oil. Yep. Like a little puddle will just, they hit a bump in it. So I was just driving, clear day, dry roads, and I'm just driving. And all of a sudden, my whole bike just went, like, it's like I hit ice almost.

Yeah, just a quick. Oh, my God. And the whole bike just, and I was able to grapple it and keep it going, but I almost went flying. Well, your ass tightens up. It pulls a bike right up under you. Does it? Yeah, it's like a back of. Yeah.

Just like Luke Skywalker's hover car, man. Yeah, I've had, you know, I've had a few close calls. And, you know, people ask what it's like riding in L.A. So it's like playing a giant game of Frogger. Oh, yeah. You know, live. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

But it's the, I'm so used to it. I grew up. I always wanted a bike. I got one. I've been in, you know, I've been riding them all my life. I've been in love with them for, And you just get used to getting around town so much quicker, not having to sit in traffic. Do you white line?

Oh, yeah, absolutely. See, that's something I never got the courage to do. For those of you that don't know what white lining is, it's when cars are on the highway and you get that space in the middle and some guys do it and some guys do it fast. Do you wail up it? Here's the thing about riding a motorcycle. If you live through your 20s, you'll be okay. because in your 20s you're crazy

so in your 20s is when you're flying between the cars and then you get older you're like man maybe I'll keep moving but I'll slow down some you know but there's more room in between cars than people think yeah there is there is

so when you're riding it's not like you're you know right up against them and people most people are cool with it every now and then you get the car that gets mad at you so they try to cut you off or block it but yeah it's something I'm just so used to doing.

And I'll tell you, the cops do it, right? What? Motorcycle cops. They do the white line? Yeah. Yeah, they got those fat. They got like the baskets on the side. There's nothing better than getting behind a motorcycle cop just cruising up the 405 because

no one's going to get in his way. No one's going to. And the cops don't mind. There'll be a row of bikes behind them. They like lead because they think they're the king of the cowboy. Yeah, they're leading the parade and we're like, yeah, you're saving me time and I ain't got to worry about these cars. So, yeah.

I have a story. This might make you a little jealous. When I was like, I think I was like nine or ten years old or something. Hey, everybody. Who wants to have better sex? No? Yes. The answer is yes.

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so you get your discount and 100% free shipping code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. my dad took me to see evil caneval jump 13 mac trucks oh wow like i saw that's very cool in that wild remember evil can evil absolutely absolutely i'll give you a trivia story oh here we go um i was working in tampa and this woman at the show she said yeah my mom was evil caneval's nurse like toward the end of his life like he because he he broke every bone in his body in the course of his life. So when he... I think he broke one of my bones.

I mean, that guy broke everybody, yeah. So when he got old, he needed help, you know, because his body was literally all busted up. Oh, yeah. And this woman was like, yeah, my mom was evil's nurse. Wow. So, but that would have been awesome to see it live. Well, it had to be.

You still remember it. I remember it vividly. And it's like the guy, he just, you know, when you're a little boy, it's even more fantastical. It's like seeing Santa Claus and this guy just, you know, the anticipation, and he just floated over it. And back then, we didn't have where he saw it. Now guys are doing like clips.

But back then, it was a very unique thing. And it was crazy. Yeah, well, you know, the thing about fame back then, if somebody was famous like Evil Kniegel. They earned it. Everyone knew who they were. You know, like you said, now you got stunt guys and you guys flipping on. And some of them, I've been to some of these stunt shows,

and these guys are incredible on the bikes. Yeah. But no one knows who they are. Yeah. They're not. Yeah. But evil can evil, like everyone in America, like, like, the whole world knew who that guy was. You knew who evil caneval was, yeah.

And that name. What was the, was it, she said he was his nurse? Yeah. Imagine her going for her next job and hands in the resume. Says here you worked for evil? Uh, yeah, next. It's like, I don't know if you want that on your resume. Yeah, it worked for evil.

But that was a whole different, it was a different, it was a different. You know, and it wasn't that long ago, you know, but it was, yeah. And that, you know, I feel like it's a good point you brought up because I feel like the luster and the shine has kind of gone off of celebrity and big stars. Like even when someone kind of gets to a certain level of fame, things go so fast now. It's like I'll binge watch a really good like Netflix show or HBO show or something. and I watch it so fast I don't even know the name of the actor Right

And even if they were amazing It's too late I'm on to the next binge watch Well that's why now When you have someone Like you mentioned Beyonce Like to be that famous now It's incredible

Because there's so many others That you're up against And not only that They're all sort of ripping off her Like she kind of started With all that like kind of I don't know what that's called It was sort of like

Almost like Remember that dance They called stomped or whatever. It's almost like she incorporated some of that really like violent, jerky movement. And then you look back. I think Janet Jackson was the first one to do like those big production music videos but a whole group dancing, you know.

But like in comedy, I don't know when you started. I started in 93. But I always tell people like I miss the 80s. Like George Wallace, he's like, man, you missed the 80s. You know, think about when you did Johnny Carson, back then, like 30 to 40 million people saw it because there were only three channels. I know.

So if you were on Johnny, everyone saw you, you know. And I did the Tonight Show plenty of times with Jay Leno and Jay is great. And the show was super fun. Yeah. But it wasn't like when Johnny had it, when he could call you over to the couch and give you a career. Yeah. If you got on that show, you had your career.

Yeah. And I got lucky because I started comedy in the 80s. Mm-hmm. But I was in Canada, so I couldn't really get into the slipstream to get on Johnny. And so when I finally moved to L.A., Johnny was in, I think, his last three years of doing the show. Yeah. So what I did get to do is go and be live in the studio. I went and saw it twice.

So I got to see him. Yeah. But I never got to go on. You never got to do it. Yeah. But I sort of was lucky because I got into the next tier before it all seemed to fade away. and that's when Letterman kind of got his own show in the, you know, the prime time slot. Yeah, Letterman was big.

That was big for a number of years. Like he was kind of the guy who came in behind Carson and it was like, to get on there, it felt big. It still wasn't like the huge career maker that it didn't hurt. It still meant something. But isn't it funny, Alonzo, now you don't even hear comics talking about putting a set together for late night. That used to be the thing. Oh, I'm putting a set together for Conan or for Letterman or Leno or wherever.

And now you don't even – I got to be honest. I wouldn't even know where to start. Yeah. You know, if I had to put together – And there are still comics. Fallon still has comics on and stuff. And I wish them all the best, right?

Because we're the old veterans now, right? We've been there and we know it. And I say, let's, man, enjoy it. It's not the same as Carson, but it's still the Tonight Show, you know. So enjoy. do you experience it's still a big deal but yeah i i wouldn't even know how to begin putting it like um america's got talent reached out to me and i was like no man i can't i don't know how to put those sets together anymore let let alone four or five of them and you know it's just

such a shorter the shorter set because they're really short they're really short and it's really like tv clean like you can't you can't push any buttons like no i want to make fun of idiots And on that show, that's mean. Yeah, that's right. You know, you can't. I'm like, no, all right, thanks for reaching out. But, yeah. Yeah.

You know what's interesting, too, is it's, you said it, it's different because I did the Tonight Show when Jay was hosting it. I did the Tonight Show when Conan hosted it for that brief. I think it was seven months or something. And then the last two times I've done the Tonight Show is with Jimmy. and it was really interesting because when I did it the last time with Jimmy, all that sort of pressure, even though it's good pressure, you're excited to be there.

But it's intense. Like it used to be sort of career making and career defining. And I realized the last time I did the Tonight Show, it was great to be there. It's still a big thing. But I didn't feel any of that kind of pressure to destroy it. And I went out and I was so long. loose and so like sort of carefree because it was like I'm just doing a fun spot right and as much

as it's an honor and a privilege to be there it doesn't carry all the weight that it used to and so it actually made it sort of silly and fun it was it was a whole different energy I know that feeling I had that experience at the Apollo yeah because the first time you do the Apollo you're scared to death because it's the Apollo right and it has a history yeah of first of all if They tell you, if you're not funny in 30 seconds, they're going to boo you right out of the house. It's that crazy? Yeah. And if they hate you, they hate you, but when they love you, they love you.

And so the first set, I didn't get to enjoy the actual experience of like, man, this is the Apollo theater. Because you were terrified? Yeah, yeah. But I got the laughs and it went good. But when I went back, and I wasn't doing the amateur contest, like I was booked to do the set. Yeah, yeah. Oh, wow. And I got to enjoy the history of, like, you're at the Apollo Theater.

I mean, from Ella Fitzgerald to James Brown to Michael Jackson, Ray Charles, like, you know, Richard Pryor, of course. And, I mean, it's the Apollo, right? It's everybody, you had to work the Apollo in the black entertainment world. You didn't make it until you worked the Apollo, you know. Really? That was like the kind of target for it. So just doing that. And the other thing that's funny is when you get there, it's much smaller than you think.

Because you're watching it on TV. It looks huge. On TV, it looks huge. It's bigger than life. And then you get there, you're like, wait a minute. This is big, you know, but the audience is right on top of you and you feel the energy. And it was just such a huge experience. I loved it.

But the thing about them loving you or hating you, though, I feel like it's not malicious. I feel like it's them going, you know what, we love you in here, but you're not presenting and you're not ready yet. That's exactly. And so they're not doing it to be assholes. It's them saying kind of in a fun sort of, even though it's got to be hard to receive it, they're saying, hey, you're not here yet. Is that kind of what it's? Yeah, absolutely. The best story I heard, and I don't know if it's true because, you know, there's stories. It's not about me, is it? No, Ella Fitzgerald went to the Apollo. Oh, God.

Boothed off the stage. Ella. And she said, oh, next time I'm going to try singing, she was a dancer. They booed her off as a dancer. They did her a favor. And she came back, and apparently that singing thing worked out for her. What's that called? That kind of scatting, scatting.

In Germany, that's a whole different thing. You don't want to see Ella. Mitch Carroll's scatting in Germany. No, no, thank you. No, thank you. I would boo her off stage. The kids, the kids are Googling that right now, and they're going to be a little surprise.

If Ella was scatting on stage in Germany, I'd be booing through a traffic cone, all right? Boo. No, it was, that was one of those. Yeah, and the talent those people have, you know, and I've always loved jazz, what I love about it is the creativity. It's like, okay, I'm going to sing an entire song with no words.

You just play music and I'll just scuba-b-b-b-b-b-d-b-d-b-d-d-d-d- And then it's like, wow, you're perfect. And a friend of mine who's a producer in jazz, he said, yeah, for them, their voice, that's an instrument. There's like the piano and there's the bass and there's the drums and there's you. And you're another instrument in the band, and that's how the voice were. It's fascinating. Can I do something for you? Put those headphones on. I'm going to scat for you for a minute.

I'm ready. Just as a little. I hope the audience can hear this. Oh, they can hear it, but I want you to hear it in your headphones. Are you ready? I am ready. I'm an isolated experience. Scoob-lidoo, shat-da-la-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-ty-ty-ty-do.

Well, if you're going to laugh, maybe. I'm not laughing. I'm enjoying. I'm enjoying. Scooby-doo. And the mystery machine. See, this is why I said I'm enjoying because there's another talent that Harlan has. There's another one that we, people, there's another talent he has, we had no idea.

And yet there it is, Harlan Williams scatting, and you heard it here first. You know what? You almost sold that too good. It's like, I love the sarcasm, and I went, no, he really means it. No, really, I mean, come on, there's, I don't know anyone as genuinely unique as you. You don't? No, honestly. Oh, thank you.

And you've always been that. Yeah. I tell people, this is my favorite. You may not remember this. You probably don't. Oh, boy, here we go. What did I do? My all-time favorite Harlan Williams moment, you were doing a set at the laugh factory,

and in the middle of it, this woman actually raised her hand and just looked at, at you and said, what is wrong with you? It was so perfect because it was like, yeah, if you just walked in off the street, you had no idea what you were about to experience. It was, it was beautiful. What did I say to her? Do you remember? She was some.

The answer didn't matter. The question was the beauty of it. She was genuinely confused. I wish I knew. the answer. I don't know what's wrong with me. I used to listen to Ele Fitzgerald all the time. Every now and then I still do. Um, do you remember, speaking of the laugh factory, I don't know if you'll remember this name. Do you remember Moon Jones? Yes, absolutely. I remember Moon. Remember when, so we, Alonzo and I have known each other for what, 25 years now, maybe a bit longer. And we do our sets at

the laugh factory and we'd hang out in the lobby and we'd be out there, me, you, and then there was this other guy, Moon Jones, and the reason I, there's two reasons I love him. One, that name. I just love that name. I could never forget that name. I remember Moon, absolutely. And then he was about your size almost, but he was the most gentle, nice, like, friend, like, almost like Winnie the Pooh-esque.

Yeah, he was a sweetheart. And he was, he was doing stand-up kind of dipping in and out of it, but I don't think he sort of got over. Do you know what happened to him? That's why I'm asking. I have no idea. I have no idea. You know, there's so much.

people we cross paths with and you don't know you know i have a friend right now who uh his name stan davis and back when i started he was from st louis and we're doing open mics together and this and that you know and he kind of leaned into he got into acting and he got that kind of came his thing and now he's one of the stars of this show on abit elementary you know and i'm so happy for him because you know how you like you said you lose touch with people and you're like i wonder what they're up to. Yeah, you think they're working at a Walmart in Ohio or something. You have no idea what they're doing.

And then boom, he's on a big hit comedy show. And it's one of those things where people see the show that, you know, everyone thinks you just rolled in and got a TV show, you know, and it's like, no, man, this guy earned it. This guy's been grinding for a long time. Yeah, and it's, I, and I appreciate when people say it, you know, because their heart's in the right place, but they're like, you should have a TV show. I'm like, yeah, I should, you know, why don't we make a call?

Yeah. Why don't you just make that happen? Finish your bagel over there, and why don't we make that happen? I know it's almost, it's almost disrespectful, but the other side of it is people don't know. They don't know. They don't know the problem. Every now and then you get someone that just opens the door and boom. Yeah.

But for most people in this industry, it's this arduous climb and it's up and down. And you never ever get there. It's always a dangling carrot, but you find the places that you enjoy and you try to get to places that you know will be fulfilling for you creatively, right? Yeah, you got to love doing it because if you do this for the money, you won't last. Yeah. Because you're not going to get it, you know, not right away. Yeah. It comes.

And you got to love it. And yeah, like you said, you find your niche, you find things that you enjoy doing creatively and that's what we do. you know and and i always say that this is the lottery business right we're in the lottery business because you're you're working and you're grinding you get a hit show or a movie or something like that and now you're making this guy was in Vegas and this guy said man would you want to do a tv show and i was like you mean what i want to make a couple of hundred thousand bucks a week yeah yeah i'll go for that but no i mean that's what it is that that's the you know and on these big shows now people are making you know what was it friends and

so you're making a million dollars a show like a million bucks a week yeah that's a good job you have the voice actors from the simpsons oh man they don't even know how much money they have those are the people with all the simpsons residuals and this and that i promise you they have they have no idea how much money they have they're just you know or uh law and order oh just Law and order's on right now. There's never a time law and order is not on TV, right? Yeah, you're right. It's always on.

It's even on during the commercials. Yeah, exactly, exactly. Yeah, during the commercial in one channel, you flip to another channel, hey, law and orders. I just want to watch a commercial or two, and I always get fucking law and order getting in the way. So I don't know, you know, I don't know where Moon Jones went or where he is, but if for some weird reason he's out there watching,

Hey, buddy. I hope you're doing well. We miss you. Yeah. You know, and that's the thing, though, today, if he's on social media, you could find him. I know. If you wanted to do the search. And with that name, I mean, I don't know if anybody has that name, Moon Jones, but actually the first script I ever wrote, that name moved me so much.

I put it in the script. I actually kind of wrote a character around his character because he was such a, like a gentle giant. He hung out with a guy named Kevin. I can't remember Kevin's last name. And then I did bump into Kevin some years ago, and Kevin was working downtown. Oh, my God. What if it was Kevin Bacon?

Then they could have had a kid and called him Full Moon over Miami. Too soon. Sorry, man. We won't be reaching out. I apologize. Yeah, Kevin was working with Garrett Morris. And Garrett Morris. Oh, yeah, from S&L, right?

Yeah, he had a club downtown. He did? it was like blues and comedy or something like that and Kevin was working with him but now I don't know whatever happened with me. Wow, well I hope you're good if you're watching buddy we're always still thinking of you after all these years

it's wild. Yeah there's so many people so many people pass through or you meet them but you almost did I don't know if you didn't almost go into comedy but one point in time and I don't know if I got this right but weren't you like interested in aviation? I was an airplane mechanic that was my Yeah, that was my first job.

Oh, I didn't know you were like a mechanic. Yeah, that's what I, I did that for 10 years before I got in the comedy. And the way it led in the comedy was teaching new, I got a job training new guys, you know, teaching new mechanics and just had more fun making them laugh. Right, right. And when you're in a technical job like that, probably dropping any type of joke is probably a sweet relief from all the techno jar. Well, that's what it was.

Yeah. It broke it up. And I, you know, I just got it. And comedy was harder, but I had to take a writing class because I was like, okay, I can make jokes about airplanes, but how do you come up with material? Like I had no idea how comics came up with material.

So I took this writing class and I did it. Oh, I see. And then never looked back. But yeah, I used to fix airplanes. So you must know planes pretty good, huh? I know how they work. Can I test you? Fire away.

All right. Do something. Let's see. Ready? I'm ready. that's a great question what was it 737 take off

dude I told you I'm ready can I try another one fire away fire away jet took off much quicker and did you see what it did it did a loop the loop all right one more fire away i'm ready i had no idea to be working this hard Oh, that's a traffic helicopter trying to figure out what's going on on the 110.

No, that's Rosie O'Donnell eating a cob of corn. Ah, yeah, got trick question, trick question. You got two out of three guy, and that's more than meatloaf God. How is meat? God. imagine evil can evil and meatloaf hanging out evil and meat a night on the town what would be the third name we could put in there to make the trio moon jones evil meat and moon evil meat and moon wow that sounds like a weird like cajan restaurant out on the bio that sounds like somewhere you go after the show at two in the morning all the comics you had over at evil meat and moon Move, me, and meat, boom. Holy shit, crazy.

You did a bit once that I loved. I don't know if you want to talk about a bit. Absolutely. Anywhere you want to go. You did a, you talked about Mr. Potato Head and how with all the kind of the gender phobia stuff. Like, can we talk about that bit? I love that one.

Well, again, this is the crazy we're into that people, like there was a national debate over the gender, of Mr. Potato Head. And like I say, if you're, if you're poking a plastic potato, gender isn't the big question. Gender isn't a big problem. You're banging a plastic potato. But you want to make sure it's a female potato.

Like, no, there's more to it than that. Yeah. Yeah, that's what, but that's what I'm talking about, about our society where, you know, nobody stands back and says, well, this whole argument is insane. It's a plastic potato. Yeah. You're worried about the.

gender. What are you doing to the potato that the gender is that important? That's the bigger question. It's so stupid. Did you ever have one as a kid? Yeah. Yeah, we all did. You did? It's the weirdest toy, a potato. It made no sense, right? You poke the nose in it and had the hat and you could, yeah, listen, they sold pet rocks for how good were the drugs when they sold a pet rock? Pet rocks. Yeah, Mr. Potato. Imagine if you open, like, how is a Mr. Potato Head faulty? Like, imagine you opened one and it had leprosy. Hey, this thing's got leprosy. Yeah, send it back.

This Mr. Potato Head has cancer. I wonder if it shits curly fries. I have no idea. Now, you're going to start another national debate now. I bet when Mr. Let's say Mr. Potato had had a night out. A rough night. A rough night ate all kinds of, like, spicy cage.

Asian food at evil moon and bacon, or whatever it was, evil moon and meat. You know Mr. Potato Head sitting on the Fisher Price toilet shitting out curly fries, right? And maybe a few tater tots. That might be the end of civilization as we know it. God, man. What toys did you have as a kid outside of Mr. Potatoo head? I remember Hot Wheels. Oh, yeah.

That was hot wheels were a big one. Tonka trucks, but back when they were made of steel, when you couldn't break one, right? It was a challenge to try to break a tonka truck, and it was impossible to break. I remember those. And they worked, like the diggers and the scoopers and dump trucks and garbage trucks and all that stuff.

And, you know, they wouldn't allow kids to play with today, right? They'd be like, oh, his fingers could get caught in there and this and then that. And they were like, well, don't stick your finger in there. And it, you know, but I remember those. And then the usual stuff, stickball and football and stuff like that. Stick ball. What's stickball?

Didn't they play that back in the Renaissance? No, man, stick ball. It's big in the east. I know it's a New York thing. I don't know where else. But the bat is a broomstick, you know, a broom handle. Yeah. Yeah, you tape it up and you use that as a bat.

And what you do is you'd have a wall and you paint a stone. and you paint a square, right? And the square is the strike zone. Yeah. So they'd fired. They had these rubber, the pink rubber ball, I don't remember who made them, but they were universal.

They were everywhere. Okay. So you'd throw the pink rubber ball. And you could theoretically play with just two people, a pitcher and a hitter, because the ball would bounce off the wall behind the hitter, and, you know, that's how you had balls. This is a real game?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, stick ball was huge. Yeah. Why didn't you just buy like a baseball back? Because you didn't have, Fields. Oh, so it's a city. New York City, yeah.

You know, there was a park. There was a park with a baseball field and stuff like that, but you could play stickball anywhere. All you needed was a wall. Dude, that sounds so sad. Mommy, I want to go out and play. You can't. We have no fields.

Can I go out on the lawn? We have no lawn. Kids adapt. Kids adapt. So stick ball, but stick ball was definitely a thing. And I mean, there was. I did play little. league like we had a baseball field and stuff but but if you want to play little league you got to have

enough people right stick ball you could play with two or three guys four guys and just yeah what was the objective though that you can't hit the ball yeah you did you hit the ball and then you know there'd be a fence for a home run and whatever it depends on how far you hit there were different ways to play you could but we basically played it like baseball except that the the bases might be you know, the trash can over there is first base. And then the vent. The corpse on the curb, yeah. Yeah, second.

And then the drunk guy laying there, he's third. Wait, you, did you grow up in New York? I grew up in Queens. I grew up in New York City. I loved it. Was it? New York City is the greatest education you can have growing up. It just feels like that the Queens is just seeped in kind of culture.

And like there's a vibe to the neighborhood. Queens was residential, right? Queens was like residential as opposed to Manhattan, which was all business. Yeah, yeah. Brooklyn is a planet unto itself, you know. But I loved growing up in New York because you're exposed to every culture, right? Every culture in the world is in New York. You know, it's, I grew up, I was bused to white schools.

I grew up with Jewish kids, you know, I had Puerto Rican friends, this, that, the other. So you just, you, you just, you, you, you. You meet all kind of people and cultures. I think that's the best thing about the city. Yeah. Is you're exposed to everything. Well, because this is something I've never,

we didn't experience in Canada. But I've heard this my whole life and I feel a bit stupid that I've never asked about it more. But explain to me what the bust to a white school thing is. Is this where they, like, tell me. So what happened was the schools in my neighborhood,

right? Because I lived in a black neighborhood. Yeah. Schools were full. The black school. Yeah, yeah. And it was just black kids? Yeah.

Mm-hmm. And, you know, New York, Okay. New York is divided in neighborhoods, right? Okay. Because when immigrants came to New York, New York is one to see, you kind of hung out with your own people, right?

So if you're Italian, you get off the boat, you go with other Italians or Greek or whatever it might be. So neighborhoods kind of formed. And so I lived in a black neighborhood. The schools were full, you know. Oh, wow. I mean, you learn more as an adult, right, that the money wasn't being put into the schools in our neighborhood and so on. And that's part of racism and segregation and stuff.

But when you're a kid, you don't know that. You just know that, hey, I can't go to this school. Wait, were there less schools? Is that like, is that why they're part of why they were overflowed? Right. Okay, okay. And so you, they put you on it, you get on a school bus and you got to ride a half hour, 40 minutes, whatever, and you go to a different neighborhood to go to school. So I went to this white neighborhood and there were Jewish kids.

And, you know, it's the kind of thing. It's funny. Now they would fight that. But at that time, it's just what they did. And it was, I was honestly, Harlan, all jokes aside, I was so lucky that happened because I got a much better education. Okay. Than if I had gone to a black school because the unfortunate truth is that they didn't put as much money into the black schools. that the classes were more crowded.

They didn't have the same books and whatever else. So I got a better education because I was bused to a different neighborhood, which it's a horrible and it's a shame, but that's the reality of it. And back then, this was in the 70s, it was really common. And the other thing was New York actually compared to other cities had an incredible school system. It did. So you could get like, I went to aviation, high school, which was a specialty school

to learn about aircraft. Oh, cool. Oh, wow. And they had one for automotive, and they had like a vocational school where you could learn plumbing and electrical and stuff. You know, obviously, uh, performing arts that show fame.

That was the most famous high school. Oh, yeah, from the movie fame. Yeah, yeah. But they had that for, and, and it was really, you could get a good education in public school, you know, and, you know, we were joking about it in the beginning. But yeah, that would be the ideal. So when people fight that now, it's like, you know what?

What, like, the idea that people fight against everyone getting a good education. Yeah. That's the part that's crazy to me because it's a valuable thing. And again, I was lucky. And it's really just a numbers game and luck being at the right time and being sent to this other school and getting a better education. And I would have gotten, I mean, there was a high school near my house that was at one point it was like the worst high school in the city because it was just

it wasn't a school it was a warehouse it was a warehouse they just sent kids there and lock them in there for the day you know you know what i mean like they didn't you know the teachers were overwhelmed and so that they couldn't in all for all practical purposes like teach a proper curriculum exactly exactly so take me through like i'm just trying to imagine whether you're Asian or white going to a black neighborhood or Latino going to a whatever neighbor. Was it weird getting off that bus and there were kids from another race?

I feel like when your kids, it doesn't matter that much. That's the good thing. It didn't freak me out as much because I was a little kid. Good, yeah. Because I started in the first grade. By the way, that's what I love about kids. None of this shit matters.

Right. It seems like all the adults whip all this horrible shit up. They teach it to you. Yeah. Go ahead. So when we were kids, you really didn't know. Like, I didn't really, I wasn't that aware of it until maybe seventh grade or something. Then it starts seeping in.

Like, you know, as a teenager, it starts seeping in it. As the age comes. Yeah, you're different. And this and this. And, again, this is what I talk about, part of the education and part of the great thing was growing up around all these kids. Like, like, I didn't know anything about. Judaism or the Jewish religion. And we used to laugh.

The only thing we knew was they had to go to school again. They had to go to school and then they had to go to Hebrew school. And we were like, wait, what? You got to go to school after school? You know, and then you talk about it, but you talk about it with a curiosity, not with a hatred. Yeah, right. You know, like, oh, what do you do here and this and that? And it was really, like you said, when your kids, there's an innocence to it.

Oh, I love it. that opens, you know, and it was very cool. And then, and you also, you joke about it. Like, my high school was just completely international. I mean, we had kids from South America. One of my best friends was Korean, you know, Puerto Ricans. And you laugh about the different cultures. You joke about with the Puerto Ricans.

And they're speaking Spanish and you're like, the hell are you talking about, you know, and black kids and all of that. And it was, you know, I'm sure there were some to whom it was real, but to most of us, it was just funny, man. We were just kids having fun. It was, it was funny. And it feels like, because I went to a boarding school where we lived there. Yeah.

And it was kids from everywhere, like Jamaica, China, like it was really, and we had to live and sleep there and be together all the time. And I found that even when there was any type of. cultural difference or pot shot or con it's it's almost like family you get over it when you're a kid you kind of you don't take it so personally you don't you don't hold on to it it's like oh that guy said that or whatever and then it's sort of gone but it feels like as we get older people try to take this stuff and sort of manipulate it and weaponize it to a degree it's really it's really sad weaponize it and and a tribalism.

Yeah, that's a very good word. I'm in my tribe and my tribe. And we have to be better than you or this or that yet. And it's really like, no, man, we're, you know, it's, it's one of those things like in the movies, like when Earth gets attacked by aliens from another planet, that's suddenly, suddenly that difference doesn't really matter anymore. That's right. It's almost like that's what we need.

We need some other planet. And they say that they dropped by and they looked around and said, no. Yeah, it's true. We're like the bad neighborhood of the solar system. We are, man. We are nothing but trouble. And what's interesting, too, about what you said about tribes is, you know, even if you clearly defined a tribe,

let's say you corral different groups and it was a tribe, even when you get there, it doesn't work. I was in Rwanda. And I'm sure you remember, I think it was back in the early 90s. It was the genocide. Yeah, the Hotel Rwanda. Yeah, where the Rwandans, there was two tribes, it was the Tutsi tribe, and I forget the other one. I'm sorry I forget, but these were definitive tribes slaughtering each other, both black and bodies floating down the river.

And I went to Rwanda several years ago and had some long conversations about this stuff. And my point is like, even when you get your tribes and the separation, it still doesn't work. There's always something, and in Rwanda now, it's illegal to reference a tribe. They took the tribes out of it, and now you're just Rwandan. Yeah. And so even for these people that, like you said, want to separate people and put everyone into a group, even once you get there, it doesn't end. So it just shows that universally we're all just the same no matter what.

You can't separate us. Yeah, you have the extremes, right, and then you have the leaders. And those are the ones fighting. But the everyday people, they're too busy trying to live. Yeah, that's right. To fight, you know, the first time I went to Israel, I went on this U.S.O. tour. Yeah, that's great. They took us to, like, Bethlehem and stuff, which was in the West Bank, which was Palestinian, right?

Yeah. So they had a, the Jewish tour guide would stay on the bus or whatever, and it's a Palestinian tour guide. And he would show you around, and then they'd take you to the souvenir. street, whatever, right? Then you go to the Jewish part, you go to the wailing wall and stuff. Now a Palestinian guy stays in, and the Jewish guy takes you, but he takes you on the exact same thing. And I said, you guys don't hate each other.

You guys just trade hustling Americans, right? You're both hustling these trinkets and these stores and stuff. And at the end of the day, it's all business. There's no. And obviously there's conflicts over there, right? the creation of religion and this and that. But when you see the average person, man, the average person, they don't have time to hate you.

It's like, you know, I said that if I knew how to say my boss is an asshole in six languages, I'm going to get along with people in six countries, right? Right, right? You know, teenagers don't listen. It doesn't matter if you're Jewish or Muslim or Latin or Asian. Teenagers ain't listening to you, right? Every parent of a teenager is how. has the same experience.

That's why it's so funny. Like there's this hatred that they, like you said, over time and they build it against each other. But if you were to somehow take it away, they'd realize like, oh man, my kid don't listen to me either. You know, my kid stays out too late or, you know, my daughter dates the wrong guy or whatever. Like, it's all the same.

Yeah. And once again, with comedians, Dane Cook said something once. This was during the pandemic when Black Lives Matter protests were going on. Yeah. He said something to me that it was just very profound. He said, man, wouldn't it be great if society was like a comics green room? Oh, wow.

Now, there's a lot that goes on in a green room, so I'm trying to put the pieces. How did you interpret that? Interpreting it that there's no, no racism, no hate, no nothing like that in the green room. Right, right. green room you got a black comic got an Asian comic you got two women you got this white guy you got the old guy you got the whatever yeah and it's all just the only question of green world are you funny yeah right that's the only question are you funny yeah and then we go from there and then we we laugh at each other's difference or each other's funny you know I thought that was a really profound thing to

say like yeah man if we got if we could get along like a green room where even if you are different. You can laugh at that. You know, it's interesting. I'm going to be seeing Dane in two hours. We're playing rocketball today. So I'm going to mention that to him. Mention that to him. Yeah. That's, that's very cool. Yeah. Wow, this has been a really cool fucking sit down and chat, buddy. Absolutely amazing. Before we get into the last bit, because I don't want to wait to the end, Alonzo, as you know, an incredible comedian, writer. And can you tell, the gang where they can see you and find you. Alonzo Bowden.com or Instagram is so funny.

Z-O-F-U-N-N-N-Y. Yeah. And yeah, I mean, I'm back. You know, like I say, it's a new normal, right? So I'm back on tour. So yeah, I have coming up, I got Michigan. I have San Francisco. I got something in Colorado.

And yeah, I'll be out there, man. I'm working. Go see you. Life is good. Alonzo's not only funny, but you finish watching his show and you, you think about a lot of stuff. Like you bring up a lot of topics that make you think, which I really love.

That's the best. You know, I watch Carlin, I think Carlin was the best at that. And now it's Chappelle where they're really funny, but they're also going to hit you and make you think. Yeah. And that's okay. But you know what I like about you though?

Chappelle I found has been getting a little more, almost leaning more towards TED Talkish. Yeah. Whereas what I love about you is you tread the same ground, but yours is a little crisper and as like more defined punch lines. Yeah, I'm more about... Personally, I like that better. I'm more of a joke teller and he's more of a stream of consciousness.

Yeah, yeah, definitely. Kind of guy. And, you know, something for everybody in comedy. Something for everybody. It's all good, but I just, I like yours because it's sort of like you take me methodically through the funny. You'll pick a topic and hit it with like, like four or five punchlines and move on as opposed to kind of meandering with a long story.

So I like that it kind of replenishes over and over. But go see them. Judge for yourself. Judge for yourself. Now before we go, we do a thing with all our guests. Oh, there's something else under the table.

This is the last bit of it's called Words from a Wooden Shoe. That is, that is what, that's a clog, right? It's a Dutch clog. It's a Dutch clog. You know it well. It sounds like. Yeah, it's a Dutch clog you got right there. You don't want to ride your motorcycle.

wearing these. Well, you'd be all right until you stop and put your foot down and just keep sliding. That wouldn't be good. Although this little lip might be good for getting under the gears and clicking it up. You could shift with that. I don't want to put my foot down in a wooden shoe. You don't want to step in dog shit in these because there's no tread and you just slide down the street like Gumby. You just, there's no stop at you.

How it works is there's words in here. All right. Reach in, grab one, and then see if it sparks a memory or a story. story from your life and you know see if you can share something with us all right words from a wooden shoe yeah all right what do you got guy here what do you got a laughing fit oh wow okay all right you ever had a wild laughing fit yeah i'm trying to think of of particular times when i had it i'll tell you a story Here we go.

This wasn't me. I was there to witness it. Okay, okay. It doesn't have to be you. But it was one of those times when you're a new comic. Yeah. And you get to see how good a comic can be. Okay.

So I am starting out. I'm maybe two years in or something like that. Yeah. And I'm opening for Tommy Davidson, you know, from, and he's coming off Living Color. This is the early 90s. He's hot. He's big. Tommy's a great storyteller.

and he can do these different characters in the story and this and that, right? Very physical with his face. Right, right, yeah. So you remember the Jerry curl, remember the drippy curl that black people would do with their hair? Dude, I had one right up until last week. Boom, there you go.

So we're at the old Santa Monica Improb and this guy in the front row had this Jerry curl, right? And somehow, and I don't even know how he got there, but Tommy started making the curl, like he gave the Jerry curl its own persona and the juice you spray whatever that liquid activator stuff

was. Yeah, we used to call Jerry Curl Juice. Jerry Girl Juice. Oh, God. So now Tommy has the Jerry Curl Juice is a miracle it's bulletproof, right? So this is in the 90s and the Crips and the Bloods are firing and this guy can't get killed because he just twists his head and the

Jerry Curled juice. Next thing, you know, Tommy has a deer out in the woods being hunted, but the deer has Jerry Curled juice. And he's doing this thing and the crowd can't we it's ridiculous and we can't breathe it was like a collective laughing fit i mean people are just people are panting they're falling out their chairs and they literally physically had to remove him from the stage so that people could breathe again it was one of the greatest just one of those moments where he just hit on something and it was

so ridiculous and he gave it so much life and i was watching and i mean i'm I'm laughing my ass up. I'm also watching it like, wow, that's how good at this you can be, where you have a whole group of people. A group laughing fit. Yeah, a group laughing fit where they just can't. And, you know, when you get into that way, and now anything you say is funny. So now anything he did with the curl, whether it was, you know, it was on the front of your car,

and you spray the car or Jericho juice, and you're in a drive-by, and the bullets are bouncing off your car. And, you know, it was just, it was totally insane. but he gave it such life and it just you know sometimes that happens and I know you've had these sets right when you have that set where the crowd is laughing so hard

and you walk off stage and people are like what do you say and you're like I don't even know it's just it's like a flow it's like an energy you were in just in the moment and connected those are the laughing fits I like and we all experience them sometimes and but I remember that one because I was a new comic and

I was just watching and I was like, wow. That's why I like that thing because laughing fits don't happen as much as you think in your life. Like when you look back, like those fits where it's just overwhelming and you can't breathe and it's sort of, they come very rare. Like think in a year, like you've laughed in a year, but how many like out of control laughing fits where your stomach hurts, those are rare. And you can't, you can't intentionally create that.

It happens in the moment, for whatever reason, you know, things come together. Yeah. It's a ridiculousness and it hits something in you. And then, but I love that once it starts, then anything is funny, right? Anything just keeps it going. And what happens is a lot of time, it escalates. Like you think you can't laugh any harder and then someone does something and it goes. And it just goes.

It's amazing. And it goes even farther. Jerry curl juice loaded with vitamin C. But before we. go where does that term come from jerry curl i've always wondered that's what it was called i i don't know who came up with it is it a hairdo or a no it was like this this chemical you put in your hair oh so it is it was it was a liquid they called it activator and it would make your hair it would make your hair like it had a like wet look and a curl to it and it was really popular you know in the 80s and 90s i

never did it but uh obviously no i wasn't but a lot of people did alonzo and i this was a thing this was a thing i always remembered about jerry curl and jerry curl choose by the way can jerry curl be one of the new x-men i mean just that name sounds it's got to be an ex-man i would hate going out with a girl and she had one oh because it would get all over your car seat you know you'd be like oh gee look at this mess you know just your car see what about if something she started getting Oral on you. It'd be like you were getting it from a blob of seaweed or something. Well, yikes.

That's a worthwhile trade. Yeah, it's already lubed up. Yeah, whatever. Oh, my God. We've got to end on the Jerry Curr. We're going to slide on out of here. We're going to slide on out of here on Jerry Curl juice. Folks, check out Alonzo.

Go to all his social media. Check out his specials on YouTube. Yes, on YouTube. Stupid Don't Get Tired. Amazing. And you do a lot of stuff on MP. radio too. I do wait, wait, don't tell me on NPR and I do videos with the young Turks. That's the pundit side. Yeah. That's, we're going to talk some politics. You know, the funny thing about

politics, when people say to a comedian, oh, you shouldn't do politics. It's like, oh, that means you don't agree with me. That's right. That's all it means. And that's stupid because I find if you don't agree with someone, who cares? Listen to the opinion. Listen to the funny. Right. Or don't. Yeah, right. One of the funny things on social media is when you, you tune in to hate somebody. Yeah. I don't have that kind of time. Yeah.

I hate this guy. Let me hear what he has to say. No, I'm good. I've heard enough out of him. Yeah. I've heard enough whip. Don't need to hear of gone. I'm not going to suddenly love Tucker Carlson tomorrow.

Yeah, right, right. Yeah, I got you. You got you, you know where it's coming from? You got yours? I'll keep mine. Get on that, get on that Jerry Curl surfboard and get out of Dodge. We're out of Dodge. Thanks for being here.

Until next time, chicken chowman, ladies and gentlemen. I got a ducati. I did a show, and I now have a ducati. I dare you to, A, ride that home, or B, get on some lingerie and lay out on it later. Oh, for two on that, just so you know. We're out of here. Harland Highway, Alonzo Bowden, lingerie model, motorcycle driver, and we'll never do Jerry Curl. Never.

Thanks, buddy. Thank you. Awesome.