The Harland Highway - NEW HARLAND HIGHWAY #60 - ERIK GRIFFIN, Comedian, Podcaster, Actor.
Episode Date: May 30, 2023Comedian Erik Griffin talks wokeness, puppies, and laughing at ourselves!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn mo...re about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Hey everybody, Harland here.
Just before we get started, I want to let you know about some of my stand-up comedy dates coming up
where you can see me live being Mr. Funny.
The first one is in St. Catharines, Ontario, Canada.
I'll be at the Showtime Comedy Club, May 26 and 27th.
And then I'll be at the Laugh Out Loud Comedy Club in San Antonio, Texas, June 2nd to the 4th.
And then finally, I'll be at the St. Croix Casino in.
Webster, Wisconsin, June 10th, one night only.
So go to Harlandwilliams.com and you can buy your tickets
rate online and don't miss me showing up live in your town.
Now, let's get to the Harland Highway.
I think women are hilarious and they're 50% of the population.
Yeah.
So it's like, 50?
Whatever it is, dude, whatever it is, I'm just saying, I'm just saying what else will
be supposed to talk about?
You know, like the interaction.
between men and women has been hilarious since the dawn of time, I'm sure.
You know, you can go back to Adam and Eve if you believe in that.
And that's a funny interaction.
You know what I mean?
So it's like...
Yeah, but they were limited.
All they had to joke about was an apple, a tree, and a snake.
I mean, that's not a lot of material.
And look what she did.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're riding down the Harland Highway.
All right, hold tight on the Harland Highway Show.
Harland Williams.
All right.
You feel comfort like the cans?
Yeah.
These are good.
Everything's good.
I mean, I don't really need them, but, you know, as long as you.
It kind of looked good on you, though.
You look almost.
I look like an old radio guy.
Hello, everybody.
It's 1935.
Yeah.
Or I was going to say a World War I, like, bomber, like a fighter pilot or something.
I'm trying out hat looks.
Yeah.
I like it.
You know, my wife got me this one.
So I'm like, all right.
Let me see how this goes.
Yeah, it's a beaut.
Yeah.
So we'll see.
We'll see if this is going to be the new thing.
I had this other one that's like more of a, I don't even know.
I don't know hat lingo yet.
That one has a bit of, I got to say,
because I have a lot of dog lovers who watch the show.
That one has a little bit of a, after the podcast,
I'm going to go steal 101 Dalmatians.
It's got a little.
Is this a Disney bad guy vibe?
It's a little bit of that guy that crept around chim-chimmy, you know, that guy.
Well, it's good.
And I'm also ethnic, so Disney would probably hire me.
No, wait, you're ethnic?
Me too.
What?
No way.
What's your ethnic?
It doesn't matter.
I'm very mixed.
You know what I mean?
I'm very mixed.
So it's just like, you know,
I always say people want to know what you are
so they can know how to hate you.
I know what you are, by the way.
We're going to hit the theme music and then we're going to get into it.
Here we go.
Right here, ladies and gentlemen.
Uh-huh.
Well, now that's right.
You're on the Harlan Highway Podcast.
I love it.
And, yeah, what's not to love, right?
Yeah, this is great.
This sweet.
It's a sweet deal.
Sweet butter.
It's the best, man.
And I can't thank you enough for coming up here.
Eric Griffin, everybody.
Come on.
Give it up Eric Griffin, podcaster, comedian, actor.
You have quite the resume guy.
Yeah.
Well, we have to do that now.
How are we going to survive on one thing?
Yeah, but you did it before.
we had to do it.
You were doing it.
You were in deep like a giant.
No, apparently you were doing it before.
Yeah, I was too.
You're right.
You were doing it,
you were doing it.
You come from,
like, your era is the era of like,
it's like,
this is,
it was the dream you became a comic
and then you acted and then you,
you know what I mean?
Like, it's like,
there was like that,
a format that we all wanted to follow.
Yeah.
And then it just got all shattered.
Yeah,
it's just blown up.
Yeah.
There's no,
there's no rhyme or reason now.
It's like,
scatter shot it used to be a sniper's bullet you kind of picked a direction and you
went and now it's just buckshot yeah yeah yeah and you hope things hit
it's what mike tyson said to his wife but griffy which one whoa easy tender tootsies
come on now chim chim chim chim chim churu to you sir it really is that am i uh am i uh
A chimney sweep.
Is that what just looks like?
There's like that British, like I said, like a puppy thief.
Yeah, it is.
So anyone watching, lock your dogs up tonight.
Okay.
You have a dog in spite?
You don't have a dog.
I used to have a few.
I've had a few over the years.
And what happened?
You just got sick of taking care of them.
Kind of like a podcast.
You just get done with it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You bury it in the yard.
You teach it to play dead and then you go through with it.
Play dead boy and then bury them.
And they're like, wait, what the hell kind of trick is this?
I'm undergris.
But we were talking about who you are, ethnicity, and I'm going to bring something up because
your last name.
Mm-hmm.
Bro.
Oh, God.
I love this faux preparation that you have right now.
Right.
The Griffin right there.
Look at this.
This is, you're part lion.
Part eagle.
Like, what the hell are you guys?
Oh, my God.
Have you ever done Ancestry.com?
No, I, I, you know what?
I have it ready to go.
I just haven't done it.
I almost don't want to know.
I don't want to know.
I don't want to find out that I've just been completely wrong my whole life or something.
You know, you're going to find out all this stuff.
Yeah, but you're part, part lion.
Like that, you got to feel good about that.
That would be terrible to find out.
Why?
They're the king of the beast.
Oh, but the king of the beast.
That's what you would want to find out.
No, you wouldn't be king of the beast.
be like some.
Yeah, this is, this is weird.
Yeah, that's why I was outcast.
You don't want to be, it's like, oh, what are you?
Pick one.
You're like imbree to the beast here.
Yeah, like the island of Dr. Moreau's love toy.
Yeah, this would be like, this person would be doing Avis commercials right now
because they'd want to keep it mixed.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
They just can't have regular lions anymore.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's got to have.
Trans, Trans, Trans, Trans,
Riffin Lions or whatever the hell they're called.
But, yeah, so you've never done it.
You've never done that.
No, I've never done it.
Yeah.
It's because I've always been, like, you know,
I've always had like a weird upbringing, weird past with my family,
such as strange from each other.
I've never met my father.
What?
Yeah.
So it's just like, it's like that whole thing where you just kind of go, you know what?
Let me just stick with.
Yeah.
This is what I know.
And I'm just going to go with this.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
Because you don't want to, what do you do if you find out their,
not cool or you're right right right or you find out i don't know you find but maybe maybe that
but there are some people that want that information yeah i i i've just like i've i'm i am
resigned i'm okay with yeah never knowing anything i wonder if one day though it hits you like
do you have kids yet no so i wonder if you have a kid one day and and those juices start
yeah i know what maybe i do want to know it's got to be odd well at this point i feel like oh man
It's sad to say, but I can't imagine my father's still alive.
You know what I mean?
Okay.
You know, I just, just because of my age and my mom.
I sensed a little hope in your voice there.
And my mom's age.
No, but I say that just to say like, it's like I'm going to, am I going to regret?
Like, oh, I should have just done this.
Yeah.
20 years ago, I should have been like more into trying to find out if I have brothers and sisters.
And what, what happened?
And then there was just a part of me that was just kind of like, you know what?
you know my mom made a choice she made
and I'm not gonna you know be mad at her about it
because that's what happens
because to me what happens is like you know
people make choices when they're you know
they're young they have a kid and then they might be like
well I don't want you in this you know my kid's life
and they make their own choices for themselves
and then later the kid comes and like
where's my father you know yeah
and then you find out that you know maybe he
he could have been trying to but like I say
I don't hold any grudges because I feel like
I know choices I've made
selfish choices I've made in my life.
Okay.
And you just kind of go, oh, people have their reasons.
Yeah.
And you just kind of got to be okay with it.
And did you ever like kind of prod your mother for answers?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I did.
But I was way younger when I was a way younger.
And she just had a really like adverse reaction.
Just like, I raised you.
You know, that kind of thing.
Like territorial almost.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I was like, and it wasn't until I got older that I was like, but I got there
some information, but I didn't do anything with it.
I didn't, it didn't, I wasn't pulled to be like, I need to find out my.
Yeah.
But her reaction, it almost sounds like you might have been an immaculate child.
Oh, well, I know I was like some kind of a fair baby.
But I think you might have been sort of like Jesus where there was no seed going into the egg.
I think your mother.
I would have ended up like that.
What would, if you, you know, knowing yourself now.
Yeah.
If you could be three kind of animal.
You know, inhabiting their spirit and their essence, what would the Eric Griffith animals be?
I don't even know.
I think I'd have a bit of a wolf in me because I like, yeah, I thought the little dog in you.
You're not, I don't, I don't know what, no, because wolves are pack animals and you're not a pack guy.
You're not a.
Yeah, but there's, there's kind of the lone, there's always the lone wolf too.
Okay, got you.
But there's also the, like I think, and I don't want to say this for all comedians, but, but, but, you know, wolves are kind of like a.
observers, they're always, they got those eyes and they're always looking and I feel like we're
always, yeah, yeah. Sometimes they're in a pack, but a lot of times they just, you know, they're okay
with being like, see ya. Yeah, yeah. Are you like that? Like you're always, we're always watching and
looking at people and looking for. Yeah, I do find that. It's, it's not like we're looking for
funny things, like that's what people would think. I think it's just more like, you know, we just,
you know, the goggles that we look through, there's always an angle, you know, there's
always asking why.
Yeah.
That's what I think our thing is.
It's like, why is that happening?
Yeah.
And this is, and then our thing is like, I see something and I'll be like, well, I'm
going to explain to this audience why I think the way I think.
To me, that's what comedy is anyway.
Yeah, yeah.
You know, it's like, you know, so that's what I find myself doing that too.
For real.
Something happens and I go, well, that's crazy or that's whatever, or that makes me feel
something.
And then someone else might not even think of it that.
way.
Yeah.
It's sometimes it's hard to live like that.
Like,
it's hard to enjoy things.
Yeah,
because then you're constantly over-analyzing, yeah, yeah.
But you said goggles,
which is a key word.
Mm-hmm.
And can I tell you,
are you into self-deprecating humor at all?
Sometimes, yeah,
yeah, for sure.
Because when I first saw you on stage,
okay,
just the way you look,
there was something that happened
that made me very happy,
but I don't want to be insulting
because it might,
but,
but,
but,
When I saw you on Stan.
Just this setup is already like, I'm like, here we go.
No, no.
Here comes a Harlan Williams special.
No, no, no, but you reminded me because the way you look.
Here we go.
Of the quintessential kind of face of comedy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I understand.
Can I illustrate?
Yeah, the comedy's here.
Oh, you already have some preparation.
Is there another terrible picture?
No, it's no picture.
But when I saw you, I've seen this image.
whole life. And I close your eyes. Close your eyes. Don't look. I'm going to, I'm going to set it up for you. And then don't, don't open them until I say, but don't open them yet. When I saw you on stage with your features, your face, I went, this is the comedy guy. Take a look.
I'm going to, can I gas before I open my eyes? Yeah. This is a Mr. Potato Head. Oh, that. Okay. Yeah. I get that all the time. You do. Yeah. Yeah. Especially when I just had.
my just a mustache where I used to have just mustache no beard yeah that was the thing everybody was
like oh is that the nose mustache that was the thing everybody would say I don't like that one
because is that the Hitler version what you mean it's got the little yeah why does it have
just a little mustache you know what yeah it's let's get rid of it yeah what happened with
yeah that's insulting is that the intern does she no that's that's just gone get it out
Did you get that from, like, the leftover racist?
The racist pile.
We're not doing any more, though.
Forget it.
Nobody get that a lot.
People are, oh, there's another one.
You have two.
I'm sorry.
You got two of it?
I wanted full revelation.
Let's look.
Gone.
Is there another one?
No, that's it.
That's it.
Two.
two and um i always but yeah my my my my comedy is for sure in my face yeah it's because because i'm
expressive it's great yeah so that's i there's no insult there yeah i did a lot of like like
how do you feel about the self-deprecating stuff because i i think every comedian at some point
in their act and their growth spurt went through it like i used to do a whole bit about having no
chin yeah how i could never play the violin because i couldn't i couldn't hold it under there
Like, yeah, you just, you basically go chest to lip.
Yeah.
Like, if I put a turtleneck sweater on, I slide right through to the bottom.
Yeah.
I used to say, like, I'm the best guy to be in a fight with because no one can ever hit me because the, the fists always go right past.
I mean, self-deprecating is like, I think that in comedy, especially now.
Yeah.
People like that because they, because there's this whole movement of like, you know, don't talk about anyone else.
Yeah.
don't, like, you know, there's this thing in people to not make, like, as if no one should
be made fun of except you, you know what I mean?
Which is like, it's like, no.
Yeah, you know, you're not buying into that.
I don't buy into it at all.
Yeah, good.
But it does make you have to be more thoughtful.
Thoughtful in terms of what, though?
Because there is a fine line between, and this is very subjective in terms of like, mean.
Yeah.
The line between mean and funny.
the line between, you know, you know what I mean?
Yeah.
Where it's like you want, because like if I'm talking about you.
Yeah.
Like even the way you talked about bringing out the Hitler thing, the glasses.
Yeah.
Even the way you talked about that, there's a way you were doing that because you were.
Yeah, the other one.
No, I mean, you brought it up this time.
It wasn't me.
It was.
Come on, guy.
So you brought this one up.
This one's not on me.
Bro, let's come on.
Let's call a potato a potato here.
Okay.
Come on, guys.
So what I'm saying is, like, even in this moment right now,
sure.
Even the way you're presented it, you're having fun.
But you easily could have been what someone would consider mean about it.
Right.
It could have been perceived as mean, but even still to some people funny.
So that's what I'm saying about being thoughtful about it.
You were being thoughtful by saying like, hey, listen, I don't want to.
I mean, that's what I'm saying.
So there's ways to do that in our jokes.
Yeah, I would never want to be mean.
Forget it.
But the way.
If there's another one, I'm walking out of here.
No, there's no more.
Three, three and three, or whatever the same.
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Have fun.
Don't throw your back out.
I'm so stupid.
But here's the thing.
I came at it from a very legitimate and warm place because when I saw you up there the first
time, it just made me happy.
I know I get it.
It's sort of a bit of that groucho marks look, I think, where those glasses are from
were based sort of on his look.
But that was a comedic look that was as present to me as Charlie Chaplin and Laurel and Hardy.
So when you sort of had a sort of resemblance to it, I went, oh my God, this guy's funny
already and then on top of your killer material.
Well, I think that, like, I have, like, this, like, having a weird look, you know?
Yeah. It helps me to, like, then I can talk, I feel like I get away with a lot more on stage
because of, you know, when you come, you know, you come and, you know, you disarm people
with your look, and then you might make a joke about something where they go, oh, I didn't know
you were going to talk about that.
You know what I mean?
So you're saying you get away with a lot more on stage with.
why you brought it up again
well you said i get away with a lot more
okay well i mean guy if you're gonna try to pin the tail on the donkey
the budget on this podcast
i mean guy
that's not twisting it's around
i didn't take you for a prop comic well these aren't props
this is a conversation started but if you're uncomfortable
with it
Now I know there's more.
There's no more.
Four on the floor.
There's more.
You're the worst.
You're the worst.
Come on.
So I just, I don't know.
I mean, I feel like I saw this producer.
Oh, here we go.
No, no, there's this producer.
It was on Instagram.
I don't know what her name was, but she was like, let's stop doing fat jokes.
And she goes, I promise you they're not funny.
And I read that and I thought to my, I heard.
And I thought to myself,
oh,
they're super funny.
They're super funny.
Like,
like stop.
Yeah.
So,
but what I really hear,
yeah,
is let's be kind to people.
Let's find,
you know,
that,
you know what I mean?
But it's just kind of,
you just kind of go,
it's,
that's one of those things
that comedy dips into this.
It's got to have danger.
There's a little,
like,
you can't watch the Indy 500
and tell all the cars,
look,
let's just go into third gear
and not fifth gear.
Yeah.
You got, you got to go into the danger zone with comedy.
Well, sometimes I say, like, I say that there's always a butt of the joke.
Right.
And sometimes that butt gets slapped.
I can't agree more.
Well, I mean, you brought it off.
Dude, if you're going to, you said that.
You said, there's got to be a butt to the dog.
Look, guy, I don't know what the hell is wrong with you.
Oh, my God.
Seriously.
If you're going to.
I don't know why I'm getting.
Look.
Look, Eric.
Eric, please.
You're taking them off.
I can take them off too.
I'm not going to throw mine.
I can't.
As you can see, it's not really connected.
Imagine if it was, your eyes came out of your skull.
Oh, no.
The gig is up.
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Wait, did they...
See, I went to Groucho Marx, but you said, Mr.
Potato Head. Is that what the reference was? Oh, there was a lot of, yeah, there was a lot of people that, yeah, that say that too.
Okay. Bobby Lee started that. Is that hurtful or is that fun? No, no. Is that in the danger zone?
No, no, no, no. The fun danger zone. Yes, yes, yes. That's the fun. Like, you just got to know what you are.
You cannot do fat jokes. You can not do fart jokes. You can't self-awareness. Yeah. But you got to do humor's always got to be able to step
into the edge zone, right?
Yeah, it's a weird...
But you don't subscribe to that.
Like, you haven't let that affect
your comedy, have you?
No, but at the same time, I'm trying
to be more thoughtful, but you're all...
But what does that mean?
Like, explain thoughtful.
Okay, so think of it,
like, think of the Me Too movement.
Okay.
Okay, so if you have jokes, say, about women,
you're making fun of women,
because they're hilarious, you know what I mean?
So now you have to find,
you can't just, it can't just be like,
totally misogynistic you know because but why because not that I want it to be but I'm just
asking the question why because if that's what people are getting out of it because what happens
is the person you're making fun of you want them to laugh right right so if they can't get past
the message okay if they can't get past how the message is being conveyed to get to the humor
then it's up to us as performers comedians to like make sure that we're presenting this in a way
even if we're still saying the same biting, funny thing about, you know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So it's just about, it's just the thoughtfulness in the words so we can get to the same point.
We can get to the same place without it being like cut through, you know,
if it's talking about women, if it's talking about fat people.
You know, it's like, how can we talk about it as opposed to just being like,
oh, this big old fat, whatever.
Yeah.
I don't know.
It's just, that's what I mean by thoughtful.
You know what I mean?
Okay, okay.
And I get it because I'm like that too.
I never want someone to leave my show
and feel like their feelings were hurt.
I want to have fun with them.
Right.
I want to play with them.
And more often or not,
they make themselves look stupid
with their answers.
Right.
But I've seen comics like just go into like anger
like Dr. Jekyll's owner.
Just like attack.
I've done that.
That's what happens to me.
So I've had to like really work on that.
But that has something to do with even offstage.
I talk about it in therapy.
You know what I mean?
About, you know, like why?
Anger issues.
Yeah, about, no, because it's like we feel so insulted that this thing that we're doing is being interrupted.
Oh, right, right.
And we don't like being misunderstood.
Like, that's the main thing.
Like, if you're, like, we say a joke and if somebody gets upset, that's upsetting because we're going, that's not what I meant.
Right.
You're putting words in my mouth, but that's what people do.
Right.
I mean, the other night, I was in the main room at the comedy store.
And there was some guys in the front row and they were, they were like, they were.
I don't know who they were, but they were, like, going crazy.
They were acting up.
And Rick Engelman was on stage, you know, he messes with people.
So it's like, so they had that same energy going.
So I come out after him.
And the guy is clearly like, he's still, who's this guy?
He's still talking and acting up.
He was saying that about you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, as doing it's a say.
And I can tell people around him are just kind of like, shut up already.
So I leaned out.
I was like, hey, man, it's time for you to shut the fuck up.
Okay, it's time, you know, it's time for you to be quite.
So anyways, my point is, I've continued my set, but it was already awkward and weird.
Because this is what happens when you do that.
You don't know that there's 200 other people.
that don't even know what's going on.
Right.
Because he's right at the front.
All they saw was me having a crazy reaction.
So anyways, when I get off stage, I tell the next comic, I go,
something's up with this guy.
The guy actually fell over during my set because he's drunk.
He fell over.
I've had that happen.
So this is like not a good situation.
So now they're going to kick him out.
And these other people in the crowd sort of around him are mad about it.
They're like, he'd be doing anything.
And that's the part that glugs me the most.
That bugged me the most.
Now you're the bad guy.
Yeah.
It bug me the most because I was like, oh, you didn't just see him fall over.
Yeah.
You didn't just see him like, you know, like people think that it's like it's their right in a comedy show because they don't, it's the least respected art form.
Yeah.
Stand-up comedy.
It is?
Yeah, yeah, I think so.
What?
I don't know if I agree with that.
What do you think is less respected than stand-up comedy?
I mean, stand-up comedy is so hard that I think people respect it because-
No, if they respected it, they'd be in the crowd and they would shut up.
Well, no, here's what I think.
It's not about respect.
I think they don't understand the etiquette.
But I think they respect it because one of the,
one of the biggest phobias in human existence is public speaking.
And that's basically what we're doing.
Yeah, but public speaking and being funny is not the same thing.
Everyone in that crowd, there's, not everyone,
but there's a portion of people that act up in the crowd
because they think that they could do exactly what we do.
That's right.
They think that's why I'm saying they don't respect the art form.
but they don't understand that it's like even somebody like that's up there like yourself you do you have a way or you play with the crowd yeah but they think that that oh i could do that i could do that oh he's just talking he's just saying stuff and it's just like okay but here's where i'd interject they they're they're saying that from the shadows from their seat they're not saying that from being on stage in the spotlight and i think if they made the transition from seat to stage they'd go oh my god do i have
respect this.
This is so hard.
Of course, but the fact that the, well, my point is, sometimes I don't need to paint.
Yeah, that's true.
I don't need to get in front of an easel to go, well, damn, this is.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Picasso.
Yeah.
Wow.
I don't need to do that.
I know.
Yeah.
I don't need to, like, sit in front of like, you know, get like a, you know, a sculpture or like,
to know that, oh, this is really hard to do.
I can see it and be like, I can appreciate the art and, and how.
From there, I can hear music and be like, oh, wow.
Yeah, that's true.
No, comedy is the one thing that people are sitting in the crowd going,
I can do this.
I don't, geez.
Hey, just, you know, we have a difference of opinion.
It's fine.
But I get what you mean.
Like, we've been chased by those people.
Yeah.
But to me, I don't know if it's a thing of respect or it's a thing of ignorance.
But, you know, it's a little bit of this and that maybe.
I don't know.
It's a little bit of this and that.
It's a hybrid blend of agreeing and disagreeing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I get you.
But speaking of those topics, you mentioned fat and Me Too.
Would we be remiss if we didn't toss out like an example?
Like, did you actually make, as touchy as subject it is,
did you actually make any jokes on Me Too?
No, I don't mean making jokes about that.
I meant like before that.
that maybe if you were making some, like, super misogynistic jokes.
Yeah, not.
Because you could you find it funny.
Right.
So then later, you might not be as misogynistic anymore after that.
Got it.
You know, because you don't, because then you don't want everybody in a crudgeon to be like, oh,
it's just about this.
Right.
I mean, for me, getting married, I found that I've been, you know, I think women are hilarious
and they're 50% of the population.
Yeah.
So it's like, 50?
Whatever it is, dude.
Whatever it is.
I'm just saying, I'm just saying.
What else will be supposed to talk about?
You know, like the interaction between men and women has been hilarious since the dawn of time, I'm sure.
You know, you can go back to Adam and Eve if you believe in that.
And that's a funny interaction.
You know what I mean?
So it's like.
Yeah, but they were limited.
All they had to joke about was an apple, a tree, and a snake.
I mean, that's not a lot of material.
And look what she did.
Yeah, yeah.
So I'm just saying it's like, you know, you just, again, you just become more, you know, you become more.
thoughtful. Do you have a fat joke in the chamber? I mean, we're talking about fat jokes. Can we
toss one out? Do you have a fatty joke in the chamber? I don't even know. I mean, I got a couple
if you want. Let me hear it. Are you going to do it in the? Oh, excellent, excellent, excellent,
excellent suggestion. Thank you for that. See?
I mean, yeah.
Makes sense.
I'm doing it, Joe.
It only makes it better.
Yeah.
So I was attacked by a fat girl the other day.
She came a rushing right at me.
I was out for a walk.
Big 300 Walmart whaler came at me.
And I had no choice.
I had to pull out the peppercorn spray.
All right.
You know what?
Fuck off.
asshole you've set me up yeah that's yeah let me try old school that well
fuck you i'm not going down in flames because of you how many do you have that's what she said
i saw this fat girl the other day uh-huh and uh i said how you doing she said well i'm not
doing very well and i go why not she goes have you heard of lime disease and i said i sure have
she goes, I've got key lime pie disease.
Oh, man.
Something about it makes it mean with this.
See, funny.
Funny, right?
Yeah.
But that's the same, but, you know, if you're at like, you know, a Lizzo concert.
Yeah.
Wow.
Then you get pummeled into the ground.
You get stomped.
But that's the thing.
That's what people miss is when you do the,
these jokes, they're so ridiculous.
It's the word smithing.
It's the wordplay.
They're so,
they're so dumb and stupid that you got to get that it's playfulness.
It's not,
it's not vindictive or mean.
I understand that.
And this is the plight of the comic is that is our thought process.
Yeah.
But the people that receive that information,
received that.
Yeah.
They're living in their own truth and whatever's going on with them.
And they're just kind of like,
I don't.
I don't like this.
Do you have one fat joke?
My aunt is fat.
They'll be like that.
Do you have one fat joke?
You know, I'm trying to think I just, I really have put all the bad ones out of my head.
Like even a bad one, an oldie from way about like.
You know what?
Can I just still think about it?
I just, I didn't know that I was, you know.
No, I would love.
I think we'd all love to hear a.
And you know you're going to put the glasses on when you do it, right?
I got a boy.
I don't know.
I'm trying to think of I don't even remember.
I actually had a Me Too joke.
and it was such a sensitive.
Yeah.
It was such a sensitive.
What was it?
You know, you don't want to make fun of it,
but then you want to be topical.
It's so fun.
But what I'm saying is there's part of it that is like as a comic when you really look at it.
There's a part of it that's, there's some funny here.
And we're thinking like, hey, can we discuss this and still be funny?
And it's just like, you know.
Yeah, I think mine was something like my dad had no idea about the Me Too movement.
I said to him the other day, have you heard about this Me Too movement?
and he goes,
I've been hearing all about it.
Who is this Chinese chick?
Sounds like she's really putting out.
That's a great layered to joke.
Yeah.
It's a layered,
you know,
I mean,
it's like if people would listen and the city would hear that
and they would be like,
oh,
so he made a joke about his father
who was not up at the time.
Right.
Came from an era that he was super racist
and he doesn't realize what he's saying.
I mean,
there's so much layers there.
But there's people out there to hear that instantly in a moment and just be like, oh, this is, oh, my God.
They get all clenching.
Yeah, you're being, stop Asian hate, stop, you know, this, you know, it's that kind of thing.
So it's like, you know, it just becomes, I mean, I have my, my, my, my, well, I talk about my mom's dementia, you know.
Oh, for real?
Yeah, yeah.
My mom has dementia.
Oh, okay.
That's, that's like not funny, but can you make that?
Oh, yeah, I make it, I make it funny the way.
Because people come up to me afterwards and they go, thank you.
I've never laughed at dementia.
I've never laughed at it and it's in my lives and blah,
that's why I do it, you know.
Okay.
Wow.
Yeah, but the point of it is at the end, though, after I talk about it,
I'm saying everything and I'm talking about like,
now I stop fighting with my mom, you know,
because that's what I was doing when you,
you don't know that with dementia,
you're not supposed to fight with them.
You're not supposed to reason with them.
It's not good.
Why?
Because they can't fight.
They don't understand.
You can't reason with somebody with dementia.
It's just because they have no reason.
Yeah, yeah.
You just have to like go with whatever.
they're saying, you know. But when I stopped fighting, though, I felt like, oh, I was happier
and she was happier. And, you know, when I say to the crowd, I go, this is, you know, this is how
we're supposed to live. You know, you got to stop fighting. And I'm talking to the men because
men fight a lot. And I said, stop fighting with the women in your life. You have to treat all of them
like they have dementia. You know, I say that. Say that again. I say that anyways. I just
think a fluorescent light bulb just went off in my head. Anyways, the point is, I got off the
dating apps, but I'm going on right after this.
The point is it's just a funny tag after this really like I'm having this emotional moment and I make this funny joke, you know?
And so it's just like, you know, you have people who are just like, oh my God, that's the most misogynistic thing.
They hear what they want to hear.
You know, and I've had, I've had that like, I can't stand when like, you know what it really pisses me off?
Let me tell you right now.
I'll tell you.
This is what really gets me.
Oh, I love it.
If you're on stage, if you're on stage and you're making jokes about something.
And, like, let's say you made that Me Too joke.
Then I go on after you.
I go on after you and I go, ha, Harlan Williams, huh?
He comes from a line of racist, right, guys?
Yeah, yeah.
Then it's just like, I, dad, oh, man.
Have you had that happen?
Yes.
What?
I've had it happen at the comedy store where some, like, you know,
I'm trying to be a, like, some comic goes on after me and, like, totally misunderstands.
He virtue signaled you.
Virtue signaled me.
Oh, come on.
A comic did that?
Oh, there's a lot of comics doing that.
Trust me.
What?
There's a lot of comics out here trying to be good people.
Oh, that's bullshit.
I'm a good person.
To me, that's not a true comic then.
If they're going to do that.
Oh, I just had this crazy interaction with somebody.
That's brutal.
The other day, somebody sent me just stupid message on, after my laugh, I was at the
Laugh Factory.
Yeah.
And I have this material now where I'm just talking about, like, you know, the COVID and vaccines.
And I'm just saying, like, I was too old and too fat to politicize the virus.
Okay.
I was at an age where I was.
like, I have to take this vaccine.
You were the guy that it was coming for.
Yeah, yeah.
I was like, I am, obesity is in.
I can't sit here and be like, whatever.
And I was like, you know, these, but people were doing that, you know.
And I'm making, I'm giving examples of both sides.
I'll be like, you know, you have one side who, like, they got, you know, they're wearing
masks outside and getting four vaccination shots and not paying their rent, you know.
Yeah, yeah.
These people and like, and my joke is, I say, getting three or four vaccination shots is like
getting bundled insurance and getting.
boat insurance and you don't even have a boat, you know?
Right, right.
And then I talk about the other side where I'm talking about like meatloaf who was like,
I'm never getting vaccinated and he died of COVID.
So I'm making fun about this, right?
I get some idiot hits me up in the thing about like, you got a fat check.
You know, people were taking to that scene because they were, you know,
and I'm thinking to myself, oh, you didn't hear, you didn't, you didn't get the point I was
making.
Yeah, right.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
You didn't get the point of it was making.
And the thing that takes me off the most is that it's always, it's, it's sad.
the left side.
Yeah.
That is the dumbest.
Yeah, what are they saying?
They're the ones.
It's the left side who comes at you like,
oh, you don't know what you're talking about or like they're not,
they're missing that,
hey, you know, this is just fun, man.
So they're the ones that are trying to preach at you?
Yes.
Oh, wow.
That's sad to hear.
I think the right, people that are more conservative,
they love jokes.
Yeah.
They just want you to talk about both sides.
That's all.
Right, right.
That's what I find with that when I,
I'm in the middle of the country doing comedy and I'm doing jokes.
They're the ones they come and they just say, hey, that was funny.
And I'm glad you, I'm glad you said something about both sides.
Yeah, I agree with that.
Because to them, all they see is like these like, you know, virtue signaling liberal comics
that come in.
They're just like, Trump is dumb and blah, blah, blah.
And they just say that's all they talk about.
But they don't talk about the other side at all.
Yeah, yeah.
I think for me, when it comes to COVID and the vaccine, both sides were stupid.
Yeah.
Like the fringe sides.
It was all a shit show.
It was a shit show.
You know, you got these people who are on, like, getting vaccinated on Instagram.
This is my fifth booster shot.
Yeah.
Like, who you're doing that for?
Yeah.
Yeah.
If social media didn't exist, you won't be doing that.
You wouldn't be doing that.
Yeah.
So it was those people I'm talking about.
And to me, it's inferred, but then you have people who are in the crowd.
And then the thing that really bugged me about the message is the guy's mentioning people I'm mentioning in my joke.
You know, he's like, you know, stupid people like meatloaf.
And I was like, I'm thinking.
to myself, I brought that up.
Yeah, yeah.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
So you don't even hear half of what I'm saying.
Yeah.
That's what's going on in the comedy world.
Yeah.
It's annoying, too.
It's so annoying.
Because I, I'm like you, I always try to play.
Like, if I do a joke about Trump, I'll do a joke about Hillary and I'll do a joke about Bernie.
I try to, I try to cover it all because I'm not there to push my opinion on people.
I'm there to push my comedy on people.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I know that audiences is as diverse.
Or you're saying you're showing your opinion of all of it.
Like you don't just have one-sided opinion.
That's right.
Yeah.
Like, like, because what we're saying is like, they're all hilarious.
Yeah, yeah, right.
That's my point about it.
I'm saying they're all hilarious.
Biden is hilarious.
Hillary's hilarious.
Trump is hilarious.
They're all hilarious in their own way.
And it's like, I'm just saying, hey, can we point this out?
Can we all?
And also I could be like, hey, you conservative.
Oh, I agree with you on this.
Yeah.
Hey, you liberals, I agree with you on this.
And I'm just showing you, like, it's like these idiots that are like,
they only care about the echo chamber.
Yeah, they stay in one lane.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I know.
When did that happen in this country?
And that's not for comedy.
Listen, all I'm saying is that doesn't mix well with comedy.
It doesn't.
That's the thing.
This is our world.
Yeah.
Comedy, it doesn't.
If you want to be that way in your life, when you go to church,
I get it that if you're Catholic,
And you go to church, maybe at church you don't want to talk about what's going on in the Satanist community.
Yeah, right.
You know what I'm saying?
I get it.
Not necessarily, yeah.
You know what I mean?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Lucifer.
Yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
You don't want like you're at, before you do communion, we have like, we have a guest speaker from the Satanist colony.
It's like, no, that's not they're all mixed.
Yeah.
So what I'm saying is, hey, guys out there, you're bullshit one-sided politics.
Yeah.
Don't come to comedy shows.
Well, this is what's destroyed late night talk shows for me.
I used to stay up religiously and watch, you know, Leno and Letterman and all these guys.
And now I can't watch them because they're all one-sided, obviously, one way.
Yes.
And that's okay, but do it dance in the middle.
I used to watch Bill Maher all the time.
And I loved him.
I thought he was very intelligent, but I was like, Bill, I can't watch you any more because no matter what anyone brings up,
I know your answer is going to be on this side.
You know what?
I disagree.
Oh, really?
Oh, you have?
Sometimes he bends a little.
When did you?
You haven't watched in a while?
When's the last time you watched?
I stopped watching like four years ago.
Oh, you got to go.
You got to check back in.
Okay.
Oh, he's.
If he's more in the middle, I would love that.
He's really, he's, because that's, that's what I think moderators need.
No, no, no.
You need to check.
No, no.
Let me speak from Bill.
Oh, here we go.
You got check back in.
Hang on.
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Talk to me.
Talk to me, dad.
Papa don't preach.
I'm keeping the baby.
I just got one, two, three, four, five, six, seven.
That's number seven.
It must be a pack of ten, right?
Is it a ten pack?
I don't know what you're talking about, friend.
I just, I wish the mustache was a little thicker.
Yeah, I know, right?
You know, the Hitler stash.
It sort of is.
But it's fuzzy, though.
Yeah, because he had a long week or something, you know what I mean?
Oh, you're right.
but yeah man i i i i totally follow your vibe and it's interesting because you know i've only
seen you do shorter sets like i you know when your headliners like us we don't get to see
but we we usually see each other do short like 15 minutes sets and based on what i saw from you
i thought maybe your leanings were a little more liberal on stage but i haven't seen it all so
what you're saying is you kind of like to
swigle down the middle more.
That's good, yeah.
I don't, and by the way, it's like,
and even if somebody is liberal-leaning,
I have no problem with that.
If they, just, just make what you're saying,
like, funny.
Like, it's okay.
It's like, that's all I want, too,
is like, you could be like a staunch liberal.
You could be a super leftist.
Be funny with whatever you're saying.
Yeah, I agree.
Don't just make it like, you know,
you're just making a point.
Don't be up there and preach.
Yeah, yeah. And I find myself I was doing that sometimes, and so I've been really working on that.
Okay, yeah.
Preaching on both sides. I mean, it's just, like I say, yeah, you haven't really watched me a lot because I'm very much like, I go out to both sides.
Oh, good.
Because I think they're both ridiculous.
I do, too.
The fringes of these sides are so ridiculous.
I keep saying the far left and the far right are so far apart, I'm in the middle with a fascist.
Yeah, yeah.
That's how, you know what I mean?
Like, that's how far apart they are from each other.
I'm sitting with a fascist like, wait, we're on the same page, you know what I mean?
Isn't it sad?
It's sad.
And it's like in that process, it's pulling the fabric of society apart.
It is.
It's really tough to watch.
And one of the things it keeps the fabrics of society together is comedy.
Interesting point.
Yeah, explain that behind that.
Because when you can't, like, look, the base common reaction to most situations is laughter.
Yeah, that's true.
You laugh at funerals.
Yeah.
you laugh at you know you just laugh that's it's the way if i agree with you i might laugh if i disagree
with you i might laugh yeah it's just if i'm angry at you i might laugh yeah you laugh you know
your girl does something and you're like ah really you know what i mean you laugh because it makes
you feel yeah so that's just a reaction that we have and so sometimes i feel like when something
like major is happening when something that is like you know really tearing away at us yeah
The comedian's job comes in and we, we poke fun at it.
Yeah.
And then it makes people go like, oh, all right, this isn't as serious as I thought.
And then now let me look at it through a different lens.
I like that word poke because I feel like we let the air out of it to it.
Yes.
We let it breathe.
We bring in some levity to it.
That's what it is.
Some sauce on it to lighten the moment.
Even in the most serious situation.
Like 9-11, any of it, it's shuttlecraft.
Like you don't want to make cruel, hurtful jokes.
But like you said at funerals, there's, I've never been.
to a funeral where I haven't leaned over and whispered a joke to someone.
I remember one of the time...
You needed it's therapeutic for the human soul and mind and psyche.
Well, I remember having to speak at a funeral.
It was for a kid, you know?
Oh, God.
You know what I mean?
And it was, I wasn't a comic yet, you know?
I was thinking about it, you know?
Yeah.
And I just remember, like, you know, I had to go up, you know, it's like, they said, okay,
well, the priest will call you up, you know?
So I'm just sitting there like, oh, my God, don't cry.
You know what I mean?
Don't cry.
You cry.
Okay.
Because of the kid.
Yeah.
And his family.
And when a child dies, the funerals are really big.
Because they know more people.
Yeah.
You know, when you died, it's going to be like.
Unless people hate them, too.
Right.
When you died, it's going to be like six people there.
You know what I mean?
Because it's like,
thanks.
Ah, get it.
Fuck you.
Fuck you.
Six.
How about 14?
How about that?
You want to fight fire with fire.
It's a 10 pack.
I'm pretty sure it's a 10 pack.
So we got one more guy.
That's the over, under, moving forward on the pockets.
Is there one more or is there more?
Let's find out.
That's number 10.
You're right.
You were right.
It was a 10-pack.
He's good, gang.
He's good.
So what I'm saying is like, you know, when you're, so I'm, you know, I'm sitting here.
You're at a child's funeral.
You know, and then, like, I'm waiting for the guy that priest is going to, he's going to tell me.
It's time for you to come up.
Read a eulogy.
At the child's funeral.
Yeah.
And then they play Ave Maria, you know.
So I'm sitting in the crowd and all of a sudden.
You know?
So now I'm just like freaking.
It's opera, dude.
Let it play up.
What's the next part?
Well, you know what?
You know what?
Fuck you.
Oh, no.
Oh, it was a 15-pack.
There's two on.
There's two on.
Look at this.
It wasn't a 10.
It's a 12th pack.
Who's fucking 2?
Oh, you bought two 10 packs?
It was a 15 pack.
Oh, me, Maria.
Oh, fuck.
So then.
So sorry.
Sorry.
So then there's Avi Maria.
All right.
We're at a children's funeral.
And then they call me up.
It's serious.
So now I have to go up and, you know, talk.
I have to read this thing.
remember he's he's he's survived by his great grandmother that's how how did the kid die it was
it was tragic it was a he was in a go cart in a street and got hit by our car so he was in a coma
for a little while and they had to take him off the machines you know so they had this big funeral
you know and I was up there and when I finished reading the stuff it was they wanted me to talk
about him you know and I um I coach I coached him in sports and so I was like you know
started to talk about him, and I was like, you know, as I started to talk, people are laughing,
you know, they're smiling.
They're like, you know, because I'm talking about him.
I'm like, you know, you know he's getting in trouble right now, right?
That kind of stuff.
Yeah.
And I know, I think, and I was like, I think a lot of his girlfriends are here that don't know
he had a lot of girlfriends, you know.
Like, I'm just like talking, remembering him in that way.
And people are laughing and stuff, you know.
And that was the moment.
It truly was the moment.
I was like, oh, I could be a comedian.
But see.
You know, it was in that.
moment I was like oh yeah but let me let me throw something else at you and if there's more to
this story I want to know that's it that's it that's it's it's I'm just saying that's just I'm just
giving you an example of how laughter is a base it's a common base reaction in all situations well I've
been in situations because I'm a comedian I was in a couple of situations where I went up to give a very
heartfelt speech at a friend's wedding and an event for my dad he was turning 80 or whatever and I
up on stage and one time I wrote a very like really sort of emotional poem and at one point
I opened up and the people in the crowd just started laughing and I was I was mortified. I was like
guys I'm not doing a routine but it was just it was the same thing laughter comes and goes in
weird places but you have to remember like the messenger yeah the messenger has no chin
And it's
You know what?
I'm not kidding.
You're going to fuck around, guy.
Daddy can fuck around too.
I'm just saying like if you're known for everyone in there knows who you are,
it is like they actually are looking for it.
I know.
And it was weird.
Because they needed it or whatever it is.
And they're just like,
so sometimes when, you know,
see,
I find this when like when I'm doing an,
I'm on an acting job.
Okay.
You know, on an acting job, then it becomes this kind of thing where they're just like, hey, you know, let's be grounded and blah, blah, because our tendency is like, well, I'm going to be funny.
And even when I think, well, let me be serious.
And then people are laughing, then I'm just like, oh, I'm funny.
Yeah.
And so it's to find some sort of grounded vulnerability, you know, in a situation.
Yeah.
That.
What the way with this conversation, are you?
Oh, I'm listening.
But this is what I'm saying, though.
Even in this moment, people can, people might laugh at.
The fact that we're having this serious conversation
And you had the thing on
But us in the moment
We're having a serious conversation
We are
So people viewing that laugh
That's just, it is what it is
Maybe they don't understand the way we do
Yeah
But whatever that reaction is
It's like, you know
That's what draws people to do comedy
In the first place
Do you ever remember the first time
You made somebody laugh
And that sort of like
Euphoric feeling that it gave you
Of being like, oh I made them do that
Hell yeah
And I didn't need these
Yeah
Well, you might have, but...
Oh, okay.
You say so.
I just...
Was this a 20-pack?
Like, what is this?
It doesn't matter if you're going to...
It might have been a 20-pack.
I feel like you're making me do it.
Okay, let's be called a spade of spade.
I was going to do one and you just keep coming at me, player.
I mean, dude.
Unreal.
I feel I'm almost at the point where I'm feeling abused.
We're going to have to auction these off, I think.
Well...
you will be coming back to this podcast.
They're staying right here.
I'm going to have to because they're staying right here.
The money that was spent.
Yeah, I'm not going to waste them.
You're coming back every week now that I think about it.
So silly.
No, seriously.
But do you find, too, that as you get a little older,
like we're obviously getting a little older,
we got a little salt and pepper?
And this could be dreaded or this could be good.
This could be wisdom.
Do you feel like you're getting a little more.
homogenee and a little more, like, as you get old, has that shifted your comedy?
Yeah, it has.
Put a different hue on it type of thing?
But now I'm trying to be self-deprecating about that.
Oh, okay.
Because it's like it really- Interesting.
It goes right back to the beginning with the self-deprecation.
Because it's weird to like think that, oh, we're never going to be old.
And you think to yourself, what is being old?
Okay.
And what I realize now is like being old is just like not relating to whatever young people are doing.
and like and feeling like what you know so getting old is like when like we come from an era where
you you talked on the phone yeah you know you pick the phone up you called someone you
connected in that way yeah and and then these young people thinking that they they don't need
to connect like that that they don't understand human interaction they don't understand
pheromones and they don't understand like eye contact and body language and all this stuff
and they're they're living their lives and it's sort of like you know well i'm only going to
talk to people like this and I'm going to swipe and I'm going to and they don't they have
completely forgot so I go so then as a you know you go what are you guys doing yeah how can you
date like this and how can you and you just go oh wow I just caught myself one day being like oh man
I I'm I'm old now hold that thought does that make you feel on hip because some days it makes
me feel on hip but then sometimes I swing around to the other side of it I go fuck you young kids
I'm so much smarter and so much more knowledgeable than you.
Maybe not academically, but just in life experience.
So some days I feel like I'm on the bad side of the youth
and sometimes I feel like I'm on the superior side of the youth.
Do you ever have those swings?
I don't think of it like that because I know that Cool has a shelf life.
Oh, interesting.
What is the shelf life?
I think like around 28-ish, you're done.
But then you look at a guy like Tom Brady who's still.
cool you look at Tom Brady's not cool anymore he comes to Tom Brady just he's just a winning athlete
now that he's not playing anymore he's just he's just the old guy okay what about like
Sean Penn or Jack Nicholson he's no way still cool isn't he no no I'm mortified you're just
you're just remembering them in a certain way but people I knew I remember being at a comedy
show a few years back and I and I'm making a reference I'm like oh you probably end up
Brad Pitt and the girl said it would say to a girl in their front row
Brad Pitt, she goes, oh, isn't he like 40?
And in that moment, in that moment, I was like, oh, yeah.
That was our most handsome guy in the world reference 25 years ago.
But wait a minute.
Brad Pitt is like old now.
But still, he's cooler and better looking.
That's an anomaly because he's rich and famous.
But think of Leonardo DiCaprio.
Okay.
Think of how vilified he's being right now because he's dating a 25-year-old.
Right.
All of a sudden now, is he cool?
Is he cool again?
He's not cool anymore.
He's not.
He's not king in the world anymore.
Yeah.
No, he's the old guy praying on whatever, you know.
That's what they're saying.
That's what they're saying.
That's not what you're saying.
That's what they're saying.
Right.
I always find it strange that like, like, we have this weird fascination with women in their mid-20s,
in their 20s of being like, like, what is it?
Are they strong independent women?
women? Yeah. Or not.
Yeah, right. Are they strong independent women that can make choices and go to war and own
businesses and pay rent and date who they want? But apparently the only thing they can't handle
is old dick. Yeah, right. Apparently, you know, you could be 25 and be like a bad bitch,
strong independent woman. But if some old dick comes around, all of a sudden, she's a baby.
Yeah. You know, that's a choice that a lot of women make, they want a more mature guy, just like
sometimes a young dude wants
an older woman. All I'm saying
is, all I'm saying is, there
is a time when you're not cool anymore.
Wow. Okay. Are we cool still?
No, dude. Come on, man.
The things that we did before are cool
and they remember those things, just don't reason
why they would even talk to us, right?
But if they're just like,
one of us isn't
cool, maybe. That might be a 25.
That might be a 25 pack. I'm really sure.
I got to see the box it just came.
in because this is a lot.
Dude, I'm just trying to stay cool.
I think you said the intern and just said, just grab all of them.
I want to see the phone call you were having.
She was probably like, well, there's like a, there's a 20-pack?
And then there's, you're like, just get them all.
I'd like at this point for you to tell me again that I'm not cool.
Look me right in my fake eyes.
Tell me I'm not cool.
Those are your eyes.
There's no lenses in those.
Am I cool or not?
you're you've done cool things
get that out of here
you've done cool things
am I cool or not
oh you're so cool
I didn't want to bring out the third pair
you bring it putting that on
is like when the old guy your age gets plastic surgery
you know
you know we have to like
I always say like when old guys get plastic surgery
we have to treat them like
little kids playing hide and seek we go oh i don't see you i don't where are you you can i invite you
to do something right now with me that's that's what i feel about your coolness you're going i'm cool right
we got to be like this oh you're so cool you are so cool harland you're the coolest guy in the room
sometimes you don't have to say you're cool you just are will you be cool with me
Oh, my God.
This doesn't even.
Just for a minute.
This doesn't even make sense.
Will you please?
So I have to take off my real glasses to put over with my own big nose.
Like this.
Are you happy?
Can we say it to each other?
You're so cool.
Arland.
You're cool.
And you're cool.
We're cool.
All right.
Were these the last two?
Don't ask stupid fucking question.
No.
You got to,
is there like a dwarf from here
just feeding you that they just keep peeling them out the ground?
There's a glasses dwarf.
Now,
I only say that because it's short and it would have to be a little person.
We're not doing the sensitive thing here.
No,
we're not.
To all the little people out there.
To all the little people out there.
there you're little you probably here's the thing uh-huh people from different sex of life
probably like humor if you're little people and someone does little people jokes they're not sitting
there going oh i'm so offended most of them are going that's me he's talking about i can relate to that
it's funny same with blind people same with gay people straight people whatever it is most people
want to be included and that's the that's the fucking that's what we're trying to do yeah but these
these liberal types that are like, you know, fighting against that,
they're just, they're all this, like,
it's just virtue signaling like,
I need to show you I'm a good person and I accept everyone.
You know Jeff Die?
You know Jeff Die. You know Jeff Die, right, comic.
When?
Jeff Die, he's a funny comic.
Yeah, but when did he die?
His last name is Die.
He's stupid.
Stupid am I?
Okay.
I don't know if you're going to call a guy in glasses.
Stupid.
You want to try that again there?
Corky?
He really has this really funny joke right now on Instagram.
What is it?
It says if he says if Lizzo is so pretty, why do women get mad when I say you look like Lizzo?
Oh, nice.
Yes.
Yes.
That's one of those head exploters.
But what I'm saying is like when you say that to someone of those like the ilk of these like oversensitive like liberal times, they hear that and they don't even know what to do with themselves.
Yeah.
They just don't want to slow.
So shout out.
You got to check out Jeff.
Jeff D-D-Y-E is his last name.
And why do people want to put all that energy into, you know,
breaking down a joke and getting offended and just sit back and it's like if you order a meal.
How about this?
How about this?
If you don't like it, like I say, I don't like the glasses.
I just go, oh, I don't like that.
And I move on.
I don't have to be like, well, these glasses are a depiction of, you know, it's just,
you just go, I don't, you know, this is not my cup of tea.
This is, this comedy's not my cup of tea.
Yeah.
And I move on.
Can that be, can that be an option to?
I actually don't even need you to understand.
Yeah.
I don't even care if you laugh or not.
Yeah.
How about just be like, I don't like it and you move the fuck on.
Oh, say that again.
Move.
I got to say it like this.
We've got to put our glasses.
Oh, I like you.
Now you're in the zone.
Move the fuck on.
That's it.
Okay.
Yeah.
Dude, what a way to end.
But there's one last thing we do with every guest before we go.
You're ready?
You pull out five more glasses.
Funny you should ask.
Tell me that's it.
Come on.
That's it.
I don't believe you anymore.
You've now beat me down that I don't.
Are you calling me a liar?
Yeah.
Full of that case.
Yeah, you're a huge liar.
You really thought, I got to tell you something.
Have you, have you been on Rick Glassman's podcast?
Yes.
This is so Rick Glassman.
Glass.
Yeah, Rick Glassman is just, right now he's going like this.
Harlan Williams.
Angel clap, golf class.
He's like, well done, sir.
So just, Rick, you can use this part.
He's, uh, he's,
Awesome. He's been on here twice.
Of course.
Yeah.
This is so Rick Glassman.
You'll be on here twice.
I've got to take a picture of this.
Oh, yeah.
I can't wait to be on here.
Take a picture of the glasses graveyard.
Oh, yeah.
Let me do me do a quick little video of this because this is crazy.
Got to have this.
So I'm on Harlan Williams podcast, Rick, and he.
He's got more.
Hi, Rick.
How are you?
You son of a bitch.
And this is how many.
He was doing, this is, this is so you.
You know, I went to Rick Glassman's podcast school, right?
School of podcasting.
Is that the learning annex?
Yeah, the DeVry of podcasting.
Oh, my God, dude.
But we're going to do one final segment here, buddy.
No, not at all.
This is a, this is something we do with all the guests, buddy.
We pull out a Dutch clog.
It's called Words from a Wooden Shoe.
inside this authentic Dutch clog or a bunch of words on a piece of paper.
You reach in, take out a word, and see if it sparks a story or a memory from your life that you'd like to share with us.
Okay.
No looking.
Just reach in there.
It's really scary now.
See what you get.
Words from a wooden shoe.
Quarky habit.
Yes, go on.
Do I have a quirky habit?
I do.
It's like if I, like, I have guilty pleasures when it comes to, like, movies.
Oh, cool.
Okay.
So, like, I love Twilight.
I love, I'm a big into vampires, but I love the Twilight movies.
And I'll tell you, if I put on the Twilight movie, I have to watch all of them.
Like, how many are there?
There's four.
Wow.
So, and I'm like that with certain movies.
So, like, the other day, Hunger Games was on.
Yeah.
And I started watching, and I had to watch all of them.
How many of those are there?
There's four of those, too.
So it's just like, I just do that.
So I turn on Twilight, and I'll be like, oh, I got to watch all of this.
So isn't Twilight all about drinking blood?
No, it's not.
And Hunger Games is all about eating.
It's not.
Why don't you just go to the drive-thru and cut your time in almost a third?
For all those Twilight fans and Hunger Games fans out there, I'm so sorry that he just, like, you know,
He basically just whittled down our passion to that.
It's all comedy, gang.
It's just comedy.
Eric, before we go, will you please plug your podcast?
He has a great podcast.
Well, I have a play podcast.
It's called Riffin with Griffin.
I do a lot of solo podcast.
I actually did it today because I do it on Wednesdays,
and I do it live on Wednesdays.
Wow.
I game a lot so you can find me on Eric Griffin Gaming on Twitch.
And I'm also on the Golden Hour podcast with Brendan Shob and Crystal.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, how's that going?
That's going great, too.
We have a Patreon.
We have a thing.
Everything's going great.
Good.
And also, please, please, please catch Eric doing stand-up comedy.
Do you have a tour in schedule?
Oh, yeah, that's right.
What am I talking about?
Yes, I'm going to be, I'm coming to Huntsville and Nashville late June.
So come check me out there, and I got some more dates.
I'm going to be putting on my website.
I'm coming to Arlington in Texas.
I'm coming to the Orlando Improft for one night and then Tampa side splitters for that weekend.
So I got a lot of dates coming up.
So come check me out, Eric Griffin.com.
Check out my podcast, Riffin with Griffin.
Check me out gaming and check me out.
I'll be, you know, here another time and we'll bust out the noses.
Yeah.
Eric, what a treat, man.
Thank you for having me.
Yeah, man.
And if you have a little time.
Oh, I shouldn't put that.
I throw it away like you don't need it.
Oh, that's no.
You can throw it away.
Okay.
It's okay.
If you need a partner tonight collecting those 101 Dalmatians, I'm free to me.
That's it for now, ladies and gentlemen.
Until next time, chicken chowmaine, baby.
And thank you for being here on the Harlan Highway with the griff.
See ya.
Sweet dreams.
Oh, what's happening?
The griff.
No way.
The griff.