The Harland Highway - NEW HARLAND HIGHWAY #62 - CHAD & JT, Comedians, Actors, Podcasters, Activists.

Episode Date: June 13, 2023

Chad & JT bring the power glaze and discuss huge social issues to help save the world. Full brosephio power glaze! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

They say a draught tongue is as soft as velvet. You ever made out with a draft? Where can he make out with a draft? You can make out with a draft at approximately about 16 and a half feet. You have to get elevation to make out with a draft. You got to be above sea level Well, you got to have a ladder

You're riding down the Harland Highway All right, hold tight On the Harland Highway Show Harland Williams I feel like you guys are watching me or something No, no I feel like some staring happening No, I was looking at nothing

I'm not nothing I'm a guy, I'm a human being What's up, dog? well was that what's up doc or what's up dog dog okay you know you're a dog but you come at me like that you might need the doc whoa did I just get power slammed right out of the gate guy I'm just all full of test today wow you're amped bro I'm amped I'm really excited to do this you are yeah yeah I'm excited to have you guys here I guess I just I was a little thrown off just at the beginning there because I was kind of like getting organized and I could feel you guys giving me a

stare down like pretty deep. I don't know it's admiration. It is. My pupils are getting bigger. I'm into you. Yeah. Let's see. Oh, yeah. Those are like the, probably the diameter of like an eraser on a pencil. Yeah. Wow. It's either you're into me or the, uh, fucking, uh, quailudes have kicked in or something. Yeah, the ludes. I'm sad I missed out on that whole.

Ludes? Yeah. They don't make them anymore. They don't? No, if you find them, they're from that time period. Were you a Ludes guy? No, when was the Ludes area or era? Is it an area or an era?

I think the 80s. Both, dude. Yeah. There's an area where there were Ludes? Topeka. Wow. Wow. My favorite masseuse down at Earl's Rub Parlor.

Yeah, she'll stand on your back. She'll work on all the knots. She'll stand on your. face with their fucking golf shoes, brosh. Oh, my God. You're into that, that punishment stuff? Me too, brother. I like to get aerated.

Yeah, make it hurt. Like, if I'm going to get massaged, aerate me, you know? Leave a mark. Don't fix these divvets. Puncture me. Do you guys have tramp stamps speaking of marks? Yeah, we both do. What's yours?

Mine says, JT's face. Mm-hmm. Oh, are you cereal? Yeah. And mine says a Calabunga. Like a true tramp stamp stamp stamp. Yeah, right above my ass. Wow.

I have a. Mack truck. It's Calabung hole. Oh, okay. Okay, yeah. I have a Mac truck with a Dolly Parton swinging a baby. Wow. Yeah.

Yeah. That's a, I thought, yeah, interesting. Right? That's hot. Dollywood. The baby part's not hot, but the Dolly. You don't like a swinging baby? I do.

I think it's excited. Have you ever swung a baby over your head and be honest? Like just a full like twirl? Yeah, I got a. trouble and it's hard for me to talk about, but when my cousin Lucie was born, I didn't know any better and I just tried to lasso my brother with him. More like, I'm Lukey.

Great, great, play, play. It's a tough way to come out. All right, well, guys, before we get any more ridiculous, let's hit the theme music, shall we? Gang, welcome to the Harlan Highway podcast. This is a special one because we got the triangle of love going here today and we got Brad and Chad and

my name's JT what doesn't matter wait I thought it was Brad Brad and Chad is like a popular phrase for like oh it's JT and chat

oh shit sorry dude it happens oh no you can give me a new name if you want oh Marlin Marlon

Instead of Harlan Marlin Brad and Chad Okay Oh sorry Dude dude I didn't even know if I should correct you I was like should we just roll with it

But then if they want to look me up after They might hit some roadblocks Sorry dude Dude it happens Wow It's all good Before we begin You came on our podcast

And you brought us Donettes Oh yeah And so I had an offering for you Oh wow Oh Brought you some ding don't Wow Yeah

That's so nice ding dong you know where i'm going to put these your butt no on my doorbell oh nice yeah yeah yeah so that instead of people ringing my doorbell with a ding dong they can just eat a ding don't dude thanks man yeah i was i was i was contemplating i was like are you a snowball guy or ding dong guy ding dong for sure yeah snowballs are kind of yeah they're there but i've never partaken yeah it's a weird thing that you're making a pastry based after like snow like something that would happen in the snow and snowballs are a sign of a lot of pain and trauma for people they are you know if you're a dork

and you got pummeled you know can i tell you a horrible story yes so i grew up in canada right and one time there was like a ton of us at the bus stop and you had to cross the the busy road to get to the bus stop and there was this wicked snowstorm all day long so after school like there was like 15 of us standing at the bus stop i don't know why i'm laughing i you're making me laugh really yeah but uh so this girl was trying to cross the road to get to the bus stop to join everyone else and she got halfway across and every every fucking kid at the bus stop through snowballs and she just stopped in the middle of the road, and a car hit her, and it was one of those ones. She didn't go flying, like it slowed down enough so that when it hit her, she went on onto

the hood, and she slid up onto the roof and then back down and onto the ground. It's one of those horrible things where you don't want to laugh, but you can't help it. I mean, she's dead. She's not going to be bummed or nothing. Was she dead? She died. She freaking died? So I murdered someone.

They did it. Netflix talk about it. Well, that's why, see, even better that you brought these, because I eat a snowball and I'm just, that's like murder trauma. Well, then you guys snowballed her corpse, right? Just threw snowballs in her dead body? Yeah. We didn't know at the time.

Isn't that Canadian? We would have, but when the snow plow had her like two miles down the street, yeah. So we don't know what happened to her. And there ain't no vultures in the winter. No. Yeah, when the bombardier comes, it just takes, everything in its path. Right,

Brash. By the way, wouldn't that be a great name of a song? There ain't no vultures in the winter. That's a really good name for a song. How would that go, guy? How would it go? It sounds like it could either be like a hard rock song,

like kind of like a queen, like Eagles of Death Metal or whatever they do is. But I could also hear it as a folk song. If you woke up in the middle of the night. It's about a breakup, right, in Ontario? Well, it's about a girl, getting murdered by a bunch of kids throwing snowballs is what it's about. Whoa. How'd you come up with that? Well, it happened for real. Like I just told you like a few minutes ago that we all,

but I can tell it again. So we're at school and all these guys, there's 12 of us standing on the curb, right? Yeah. And it's the snowfall happened all day and you had to cross to get to the bus stop, right? So this one girl comes and she comes across and like we all just start throwing snowballs at her, That's hot. And she froze in the middle of the road, and a car, like, kind of tried to stop, hit her. She went right up on the roof, slid up, back down, and on the ground.

Holy shit. And then did the snowplow come and take her way? Yeah, that's right. Wow. It's almost like you were there. A snowplow, like, dragged her, like, two miles down the road. And her body just laid there. Her body just laid there, and there ain't no vultures in the wintertime.

Wow. We just wrote it. Bingo. Some of us are on fire. Three boys are on fire. fire. I think you found the lyrics right there. Yeah.

Are we the new Eagles? I would love that. Don Henley, Glenn Fry, Brad. I feel so horrible. No, dude, it's going to help for the rest of the episode.

It's something we can always go back to you. That's true. Do you remember what my actual name is? No. Yeah. What is it? J.T. That's what I said.

At the beginning. No, you didn't. Didn't I say, oh, I said, I said, I believe you for a second, because I wrote it.

Brad and Chad. Brad and chat. On the top of your research. It does. Brad and Jack. Dang and darn right here. Sorry, guys.

Brad and Chad. Why did I? I didn't even know. I wrote it right down. Brad. Brad. Oh, dear. Well, let's talk about Nick, because you guys, you guys represent like a whole Brashefios culture, right?

Mm-hmm. So just so our audience is clear, should we be referring to ourselves today as like, I got all the, I got all the names written down. And these ones hopefully are right. We got Brosh, Brash, Brasch, Brosefiosch, Brosefiosch. What's right? All of them. Oh. Yeah.

I think the root word is bra. Bra. B-R-A. Yeah, but any playoff of that on the following syllables is game and can be interpreted to mean a bunch of things. It's really mood-dependent. So you're not, it's okay to call you bro-shaefi-osh? I love it. And bro-sha-fioche.

I think the more creative, the spin on the bra, the deeper the connection between the deliver and recipient. Can I try one out? Go. Uh, you want to, uh, go hang at Arby's tonight, Procefayesh? Why Arby's? Because they got the meat. Do you like Arbyes? I've never tried it, but...

Well, you know what they got, right. You know, I'm down for it, Brocefiyosh. Hey, Bras, Shepioche,osh. Maybe we could get some horsey sauce, prosy sauce, procephionnish. Whoa. Oh, dronayish, oh, she, oh, shi, bro, shimi, bryosci, oh, she, esi, wash, yoshi. Dude, bro, shamalima. Your hands, like, almost like, koala-esque.

How do you mean? Like, the way you had it splayed on the table. I think I was reaching out towards you, and I remember when we did our podcast together, I touched you too much. Yeah, you put your arm around me at one point. You remember that. Oh, yeah, I remember that. I still have the stains on my shirt.

You're my old shirt. Yeah, no, don't wash the blood off the blade. Oh, the scapula? Yeah. It's a tough muscle. Yeah. Wait, is the scapula a muscle or a bone? I have no idea.

I have no idea. Some of them are both. My dad's a doctor, we could call him. Wait, you don't know if the scapula's bone or a muscle? Well, I don't know the difference. Yeah. God, I wonder now. Because they call the bone.

Wonder, dude. Wonder bread. God. Wonder broad? Wonder bra? Sure. Here you go. He'd ask if he shall receive guy.

And gal was wearing this. Oh, what gal? Fine looking gal. Yeah. That's one of them over the shoulder, boulder holders right there, guy. Wow. You like some big, uh,

I mean, big tits. Well, nobody's. Sorry, sorry, sorry. I didn't mean to get so. No, nobody's going to say no to the bigans. Which guess left this? Uh, well. Wow, bro.

You fill that out nice. You like that? Nice milk jugs. Whoa. Oh, dude. Yeah. You feel like Oscar Delahoya. You look, feel like Oscar Meyer Weiner to me.

Is that what I'm doing to you? Something's happened. All right, let's pull out. Come on. I can't be about that. Good God. But I'm glad I could do that to you. Yeah. What are you thinking about this? I'm thinking. He's got to fill those out, bro, Sefiosch.

I'm thinking Daddy over here might be a bee cup instead of the sea. Yeah, they're probably perky bees. Dude, you look like you. Yeah, no disrespect intended. Yeah, you look like you just got rolled behind a dairy. very queen or something. Wow. But guys, I want to welcome to the Harland Highway.

It's good to be here. Thank you. You guys have me on your podcast. Great to have you on here. And before we get gone, tell the gang a little about you guys. Because you guys are kind of crusaders, modern day crusaders. You have a show on Netflix. You're standing there in front of the government and letting them hear it.

Like, give them a little background on the honey glazers or whatever you call yourselves. Well, we met doing a four-hose beer bong, the Mount Chugmore in high school. Mount Chugmore? Mount Chugmore, just cosmic connection. You know, when you see your long-lost brother at the other end of the tube, you realize that there's something special.

Yeah, we should do one. I think we talked about it. We should do one. Do what? A beer bomb? Beer bomb. What's that? I've heard of it.

But what is it physically? It's like a funnel. You pour a beer into it and then he suck it through a tube. Oh. you hang upside down or something? You don't have to, but that will add to the hit. Did the hit from the beer? Yeah, the upside down one, I think that's more of a...

College thing? That's more of a keg. Oh, yeah. Like a keg stand? Yeah, yeah. But you have the funnel up, so there's something called gravity that pushes the beer down your... Okay. There's this old bro.

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saw them through a beer tunnel. What? Yeah, we made eye contact. We locked in. We became homies for life. And now we go to city council meetings. Yeah, what's that all about? Any citizen is allowed to attend and also allowed to speak. We typically speak during public comment, which is non-agenda items, so it's not about like a road they're paving. It's not about like a Hilton they're going to put in a previously historical site. It's sometimes not about, you know, toxic fumes that are getting pumped out of an asphalt factory in Irvine.

It's, we talk about the things that matter to us. And that matter to a lot of American citizens. We protect house parties. We try to get a statue built for Paul Walker. we try to reorganize the budge so that you could bomb the freeway harder and there'd be more places to do pull-ups. Wait, Paul Walker from Fast and the Furious?

Oh, a statue made of what? Are we talking butter, marble? Bronze. A good cue. Bronze. Yeah, because we've had offers to build it, but no one's given us the offer for the bronze, which is going to, you know,

clean out our parents' pockets about 50G if we go for it. Where would it go, though? Where would you a rack? Our Neptune's net. Yeah, Neptune's. Our original plan was to put it on the San Clemente Pier. Sort of as a... Oh, wow.

You know, the Statue of Liberty to Europeans is kind of... I know, yeah. No? No, I just... I didn't know, it looks like somebody's power glazing over here, and I didn't know if you were, so I was like... Yeah. You see that?

Yeah, I'm about to kick it, though, because I'm about to get life insurance, so I've got to be off of it. Oh, you serial? Yeah. What kind of life insurance? Is there different kinds? Yeah, there's...

Aflack. Oh, like what company am I going on? Yeah. Well, right now I'm getting my offers back, so I'm going to see who fits best with my lifestyle. Yeah, I'm kind of like a free agent in basketball scoping out different teams I could join. Who's the frontrunner guy? Lakers.

I'm going with the Lakers. The Lakers have their own insurance? Yeah. God. That didn't work out so well for one of them. Magic. Someone else, but. Oh, yeah. Shack.

Shack, yeah. Okay, so, but one of the things you guys did is because you have concerns for the environment, right? Yes. And I know you guys bleached your hair for the coral. Talk about that, man. Come on. That was heavy hitting, huh? That was hard.

That was hard. You both had the bleached hair and talked to me, the pain, what you went through for that. Well, the coral reefs are bleaching themselves. which sounds cool because normally when you hear someone bleaching it's either their hair or their butt and it's for good reasons by the way i got into a lawsuit because of you guys oh yeah because what you just said the bleach in the butthole the girls do that right yeah so when i saw you guys with the bleached hair yeah uh my girlfriend went out and did it and she didn't tell me and the second night she had it we were in the bedroom with the lights down

We were doing the doggy style. Yeah. And I looked down and just there was this white eye staring up at me. And I thought a raccoon got loose in the room. And I power punched her right in the ass. Like I was like, fuck, there's a raccoon. And I punched her right in that white eye. Like it was like a panda eye.

And she sued me. Wow. I got sued for punching a bleached asshole. Did you get exempt for like religious expression? No, I got an award for fisting. Nice. Nice. A. BNs. Those are cool. And they have a lot of comedians there. Did you, and you and her are still together? How'd you guys get past it?

We actually bought a real raccoon and raised it as a pet. It was like a therapy coon. Oh, that's really sweet. Yeah. So I had to learn the difference between a darkened room, a bleached red eye. And you learned to love raccoons and not just sock them on site. Yeah, I learned to love them, cuddle with them, feed them pine nuts, hazelnuts. So now whenever you see that eye, whether it be butthole or raccoon, Yeah, no, no punching. Was it a right or a left? It was a left because I was holding her, you know, under the midsection with the other hand.

You know, when you're punching a raccoon, you've got to brace it. Dude, I would shock the shit out of me. If I was making love and in an intimate setting like that and I saw a raccoon, I don't know how I'd react. Probably, you got to swing out, bro. But where do you find 12 peers to be your jury for that? Probably down by the ocean. It's where all the piers are.

Oh, that's what they meant? Yeah, bro. You said it. Where do you find the peers? Yeah. Same place you find the docks and the rafts right down by the water. When I have to find a jury of my peers.

Yeah. And I need 12. Head down to Santa Monica. Lakers. Twelve guys on a team. That's right. You know, I'm going to put in Dreamboat music right here, right? Like, we're just, I'm lost in your eyes right now.

I'm lost in your eyes. There ain't no vultures in the wintertime. No, I'll never find a bar. Ah, dude, am I allowed to fall in love with your buddy here, or is that? I mean, he's Brad. I now pronounce you, Marlon and Brad. Like, dude, that was, that was a, that was a glaze. I was a full-on glaze on.

Jobs was big on eye contact. Oh, do you remember his little brother, Blow? Yeah, he was fun to hang out with. Blow Jobs was, what a guy. I just got to have it a party. Yeah, blow jobs. Always down. Always great. I feel bad, though, because I haven't done a full-on glaze on with you, though.

What if I'm more in love with you than I am with Thunderboy? Well, let's not force it. I mean, let's make it organic. And it's not my place to stand in the way of look. We're going to play romantic music. I'll just say it's up to you. Well, now you're stepping on our moment. moment. We had ours, and now you're... Not my intention.

Ready? Oh, Brosh. Holy Brosh. When you, you just pierced my soul. Dude, you just punched me in the bleached asshole with your eyes. Wow. Now that one pour some spaghettios down there. Ding, dog. the witch is dead.

Oh, dude. Holy shit. Dude, I don't think that was not. Did you guys think there'd be so much love happening when we started this like 15 minutes ago? I did. You did? That's your vibe. I didn't see it coming, but I like it.

It's like a full-on glaze mount. Wow. Well, we're desert guys. Yeah, we love the des. But you guys... Like, you're kind of like, like the bleat coral thing. You, like, concern yourselves with global causes, right? Try to you.

So can I throw a few out there and we can kind of talk about maybe, you know, what we do, how we resolve them, how you wildcats come out of the jungle and wheel and deal and power drop? Absolutely. Okay. How about this one? Global warming. That's right on the tip of everyone's tit. We did something for this.

Well, okay, here we glow. But it got shadow banned because it was too powerful a statement. Oh, what was it, Grosophie Grosch? We both got immensely sunburned and stayed sunburned for an entire summer to raise awareness about sun damage and the increasing heat. Like, what degree burn were we talking about? Dude, we were scorched. Really? We looked like we were fighting the Americans in 1776.

I mean, we were... So not first degree. second or third degree burns like full scorch yeah like our organs got we're tan there's an issue though what we look like raccoons so every time we'd see people on the street they'd just punch us in the face wow yeah bleach eye yeah yeah wait so you were like red like lobster red or what an entire summer wow we did it in palm springs actually how long is it entire summer though we talk in june july August or just like endless summer yeah May to May oh it's like an endless summer yeah oh my god are you okay guy yeah let's just sit on my foot are you cereal mm-hmm because I'm flexible

quads I mean you must love it when someone puts their foot up your ass dude I'm not into but play but I've tried so it wasn't for lack of investigation but I've had digits in there and it just sets off alarms it's not for me it does how many did you Just one. Have you ever been with a three-toed sloth? No. They'll get you around the bend. You and animals in the bedroom, you're no stranger.

No. Dude, the fucking eyes. I just got through a power glaze, and now you triple-reversed sour-patched me. Do you think that can help with global warming, though, us being sunburned like that? Well, it can, but here was my solution. By the way, commend you, Brocephiociations for going red for the cause.

I pink it up, Penelope it down, power stop it sideways, and sunset yeast, whatever it is. But here's what I, my resolution is this. So people can help with global warming. Everyone get their air conditioners, turn around backwards. This is such a good idea. So they face outside, put them on front. full blast all day and prop your fridge and your freezer open all day, like put something to keep them open and let the cool waves come out into the hotties. So we cool outside, outside conditioning.

Yeah, right. And even inside, like some of your fumes, like cold fumes, go up through the roof. Wow. And that's like doubly effective too because then people will be out of the house more. They'll be interacting. Like, that's something we need post-quarantine is like to get kids out of the house socialized and like a part of the world. Slip, slop, drippity drop. What you got too is you got climate control. Because the way we're rolling now, Brocefayatios, is we wake up every morning. Mother Nature says, here's what it's going to be, 70, 80, 60.

I mean, who wants a woman in charge? Yeah, they're dealing the cards and it's a loaded deck. Bingo, Graham Cracker, Sally. So what happens is we now have climate. control we dictate how we want our day to be so are you saying we have one thermostat for the world i'm saying let's say you have a house right bro sheaf you're out in the yard doing some working you probably have a perimeter you turn a couple of your air conditioners around stuff them out the window and if you need guidance or reference like an outy belly button pop you hit the fucking temp control play

you're out cutting the grass you're out trimming the h so who dictates what the temperature we pump outwards is you do because you have a control switch on your AC but how do I know what is most beneficial for the earth like do we all need to be on the same page you know how you's going to tell you not me not him what's the opposite of Rich Bitch? No.

Close. Opposite of rich? Dick? Close. Snitch? No, opposite of rich. Like if you have a lot of money. Oh, not what rhymes with it.

Right. No, we're not rhyming. What's the opposite of rich? Bitter. Poor? Poor. Oh. That's who's going to tell you what temperature to set.

Your pores. You've got probably seven or eight hundred on your whole epidural electoskello. You're covered with pores, guy. You thought you were rich, but you're pores. You think you're better than me? Maybe. That's fair. What time is it?

230. Yeah, I'm better than you. You'll be better than me after 7 p.m. So, yeah, I think that's kind of a good solution, right? I actually really think we should go speak to the council about that. I think that's a really good idea. Really? Yeah.

Did you join us? I'd join you at the council. You could give the pitch. I'd love to. Look, all I want to do is help. Yeah. Help us get another TV show. That'll do it.

Really? You want a TV show? Sure. Okay. What kind? One where we save the planet. Okay. What's it called?

Chad and J.T. Save the Planet. Done. Or. Okay. Rewrite already. Harlan saves the planet? No, this is about you. It's about the Brofioches raise the planet or play it.

Yeah, we're making everybody. Yeah. Brosefios is this planet. Save the planet. The, the, the, the, the. Josh is

save the pores. That was amazing. Right? I'm trying. You got to put your esophagus right on the mic and then swallow deep and swallow. That was good. Welcome to bullfrog country, son.

Wow. There's three bro, Shefayoshes at the table. Two know how to bullfrog and one don't. Can you figure out which one? Don't punch me in the butthole because of that, man. Should we do a cheers? One together?

Wow, dude. I think we should stare at each other again. When we do it, when we do a, power glunk you know what that made me want to do ding dong bend you over an Epson jet printer finally

just power slam you nothing better the color copier you just relax that's the best man Isn't it the best feeling? Just power slamming over. I was in an alley about three weeks ago.

Homeless guy asleep. Someone had dumped out an old S-Bond 650, Inc. I bent that guy over there in his sleep. Didn't even know what hit him. Power, just. It's awesome. With your fist? No, no.

It was a full body power slam. Ink everywhere. Right. Oh, his pants with like a rainbow warrior. Ink everywhere. Ink everywhere, bro. That's expensive. I know.

When you can make love and it looks like somebody ran over a squid. that's some good love-making. Wow. You can make love and it looks like somebody twirled an octopus around over their head in the middle of the night. That's some sweet love-making. That's a Jackson-Polak. Yeah.

That's some Jackson-Polak love-making right there. They left that out of the Ed Harris movie. Yeah, right? Where he'd power slam. Just power-glazed. what's what's the most power thing you've ever done power like we've you've glazed right power glazed every day i've power slammed what have you powered probably a sweet shashimi sprinkling a power sweet shishimi sprinkling probably say that three times fast uh i forget what i said power shishimi

that's what i did say it three times fast and there was a couple people there so it wasn't just a one-on-one. I dare you to say that three times. I did a power shishimi sweet sprinkling. I did a power sweet shishimi sprinkling. I did a power sweet shesimmy sprinkling. I did a power sweet shesimmy sprinkling. That was four, bro.

I said it wrong the first time. You did? I think so. But there's no wrong or right. There's the act of doing, and then there's the act of remembering. And the remembering is where you get in trouble. It's really leading into the moment

where you can't be wrong. because it happens in its expression and then you move on. Yeah, you're shishinkling. So who's to say what's wrong and what's right? And let him hang. You're going to be up on the roof all day? Shishinkle. I saw him do it one time and I doused him in Ponzu.

What the hell's Ponzo? It's that hot stuff. It's the sauce you do that after you do is shashimi sprinkling. That was crazy though. And it was dangerous. And I want to do it again, but I'm, you know, combating what could happen, you know? It's flammable. I could hurt people.

Ponzi is flammable. Really? Yeah, because it sounds friendly, a sweet shashimi sprinkling. It does. It almost sounds like like something you'd find at a sushi restaurant. Sure. No, it's Pan-Asian. But it's not, is it?

No. Where do you do it, though? Where's the best place for a shashami shinkling? Like a karaoke situation? Okay. Because you're elevated. Okay. And all eyes are on you, but they never see it coming.

I said that to my potato the other day. That poor fuck, dude. All eyes are on you. Mm. A little brown bastard. Didn't know what was going to happen to it? It did. But then I dropped, kicked it out into the garden,

and it was eaten alive by the Brussels sprouts. A little fucking whore. Yeah. Dirty little slut. That potato deserved it. Probably liked it. I saw that potato's smile. Yeah.

Right before the Brussels sprouts had their second go-round. Really? Yeah, the boys in the back having their fun. Coleslaw City, bro. Dude, it's messy. Dude. Too much man. Wait, what about, here's another.

Too much man. You know what I'm talking about. What about this global cause? Yeah. Carbon footprints. It's big, dude. It's a big deal. Talk to me, bro, sepia.

Something I've been picking up is that a lot of ladies think the maneuver is to not have kids anymore. Because that'll reduce the carbon footprint. Okay. But what I think is actually, we got to bang it at an exponential. route have as many kids as possible because that gives us a better job that gives us a better shot of making the kid who will figure out the solution oh wow that's interesting that's the plan so you don't want more kids but you're banking on if you just have piles of them one needle in the haystack could be the solution exactly so you eat it for a while but then that one kid solutionizes it

And then you figure out how to... That needle goes into the syringe and it's got the cure. Oh, wow. And then you plug that straight into your butt. Maybe when you're with your lady and the raccoon's sleeping. The eye pounder. Oh, bleach eye. God.

Should have heard it scream. You ever heard a one-eyed white raccoon scream in the middle of the night? Every night. We have a ton in Culver. They sound so human. Yeah. You don't almost realize it's a raccoon. You think it could be something else.

Dude. Every time you look at me like I'm playing the romantic music, I'm dropping it in. If you're going to fall in love on the show, then you're going to fall. We're going to commit. Whoa, wait a minute. Yeah, you're in a notebook situation right now. You got two paramours and you got a pit, dude. Hold on, please.

Whoa, he's Dr. McCoying me. Mm-hmm. Oh, I'm just a, mm-hmm, I was buttery. You know what they call that back in the States? What? Mr. Pib. They call me Mr. Pib. You're right.

Here's my solution for the carbon footprint. What did he say? They call me Mr. Pib. That's the direct movie quote. Yeah, I know. In the heat of the night. Yeah, Denzel Washington. Sidney Poitier.

Right. Didn't Denzel Washington? Did they do a remake? No, I'm kidding. I was getting it wrong on purpose. You got it wrong. On purpose, on purpose. I don't like guys that get names wrong.

What's your solution? So here's the solution so we don't leave a carbon footprint. Have you guys ever had, and hear me now, hear me, give me a chance. I'm with you. Have you ever had the tastiest pastries of all? If you look into the night and it's not a full moon, but it's a crescent moon there's a pastry that a little

yeasty boy makes and they look like a crescent in fact they're called crescents in French they're the best this little boy the name is Pillsbury you get that doughy yeasty stuff when you hammered on the counter and it blows your child's eye out

you get those Pillsbury fucking croissant thing softer than a witch's nipple hairs You wrap those things around your feet And make yeast slippers Right Who's going to leave a footprint When you're wearing yeast slippers?

They're continually rising Right Softer They say a draft tongue is as soft as velvet Made out with a draft That's way better than that Oh Sensual

Yeah soft So now you can't leave a footprint Because you got this soft Like croissant slipper on I like it I like it. Where can he make out with a draft? That's kind of up to you.

Well, not really. So there's a specific answer. You can make out with the draft at approximately about 16 and a half feet. You have to get elevation to make out with a draft. You've got to be above sea level? Well, you've got to have a ladder. About five meters. Unless you can get it to bend down.

Well, I think the most romantic thing. thing is like a cherry picker. I'm not one to ask. I don't say can you bend down? You will. I got to grow up. You will. Do you like werewolf's guy?

I do. Get a load of this. Oh, wheeh-h-h-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-w. That's a dog, bro. Right. Oh. Oh.

Oh. Oh, nice. Okay, so we got the, we got the velvety slippers. Yeah. Is that a cure? Are we, are we a go? I'm not as hot on that one as the first. You're not.

Well, I think you, you douse it in a little bit of velvita. Oh, here we go. You know, you get the Pillsbury dough boy. Yeah. But then you throw some velvita cheese on there. Oh, yeah. And then you toss on some Air Jordans. This is sort of like it started off as one thing, but when you add layers, that's called a recipe solution.

Well, you got a, you got to build on. It takes a lot. Whoa. Bro. I didn't burp. I heard it. That was you. Did you hear that?

Dude, that was you. Bro. Bro. Rochefee. You gassed out, bro. That wasn't me, homie. I could swear I heard it. I would take it.

I think it if it was. I think who, well, let's leave it up to the bros. You're going to get a fart. Hey everybody, check out my merchandise at Harbling.com. Yeah, most people just slap some letters or images on a t-shirt or a hoodie. But not me. Yours truly. Guess what?

I draw my own designs at Harbleng.com. You can see tons of my hand-drawn t-shirts. You can either buy the original or you can buy a print. And man, oh man, wear them loud and proud. I love making these designs for you guys and keeping it personal. So check out the whole catalog. We got hoodies. We got copy mugs.

We got t-shirts. You name it. It's there at harbling.com. Get your Harland original design, wearable art at Harbling.com. today and uh thank you for your support and i'll just keep the uh the groovy images coming who is your best friend in high school okay okay here we go they called them johnny the mole and this kid you ever seen a kid with a mole on his face yeah i went to high school with henrique a class yes are you cereal yeah

he had a like where's his mole because he got it removed but where was it i remember he had it was on his cheek it was on his cheek but his was sort of sexy super sexy so this kid you ever see one of these kids that have like a mole and it's really big yeah so this guy's mole grew from his belly button right up to his hairline wow right here it's a lot of surface area yeah so he was uh johnny the mole man and he was my best buddy sounds like a good guy put a ski lift on that thing and write it down. Oh, dude. I really dug him.

And are you guys still close? We are. We are close. Yeah. He's, uh, he's, you know, it's one of those, those little buddies from high school you never let go of. That's your crew. I mean, once, once you make friends with a guy that's half mole, you don't let go

of that. I mean, and he, and he's not only that, he, but he became a priest. Wow. Yeah, now they call him holy moly. Oh, wow. And, uh, great guy. Great fingers. Didn't he have one of those little, like, uh, insect kind of, uh, zoo things?

Well, that's a say what now? What do you call like a, uh, uh, like, is it, it's not an aquarium, it's not a terrarium. What do you call it? Like an ant farm? Yeah, and an ant farm. He had an ant farm? Yeah, full of roly polies. Probably something he never told me about.

Yeah. God. Some secrets, you know, you don't feel safe. Yeah. your best friend in high school. Chad. Oh, yeah? Yeah.

Oh, so this goes back that far. Oh, my God. It's from the beginning. Well, my best friend was Brad. But you said you guys met at a beer pong thing, right? Yeah. So you can't do that when you're like in grade school. That was actually when we were younger, our movements were more like let 15 year olds drink.

Oh, okay. That is so cool. It was sick. You guys will be friends buddies for life. Well, we met at Hogue Hospital. I thought it was Mount Hogmore. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, that's why it was named back in 1993. And now it's Hogue Hospital? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Sounds a little Harry Potterish. We were kids there. They should have called it Hoh Hospital because me and this dude were running a roughshod over all... Were you really?

Sweet honey-housy. You were power slamming your way through time. Did it in the incubator? I mean, I was doing more than incubating. Whoa. Yeah. Yeah. I was incubisin.

that's like full body protection too you got that like plastic dome over you yeah they had to they had like this really clever name they had to rename the er the squirt zone wow you know you can seal it from the inside so the nurses would be freaking out you know daddy would be going to town wow you were just power power glazing yeah you were baby humping in the incubator those little you know they call it dick a baby arm but a baby arm is it yeah i know yeah were you guys like doing like avatar and like wrapping your umbilical cords around like intertwining them and reading each other. Well, there's a little bit more like the last of us, you know, and the mycelium intertwined.

It was like that, but it was more of a cosmic, I'd say. And I don't like to brag, but yeah, when we were like five, me and him were just deep. So how old were you when you lost your virginity, like a one day? Not even, like 30 minutes. So you were, you were humping covered in placenta. Yeah. In real life, I lost it to 24. It took me a long time.

So 24, and you were like... 30 minutes, yeah. I just shot out with a boner and went straight into a cooch. Oh, God, man. Yeah. The mom next door. From baby to making babies. Yeah.

That much time in between. Yeah. I kind of surfed over. Dude. And then just hopped in a new veg. I get it, too, because when you're covered with that placenta, you can just slide across the... I could just see you on two legs just sliding across the... It's more like Gumby.

When you're more prone to extreme sports, it's... Brother Man. Guy, sorry. I didn't mean it. He didn't mean to interrupt. I didn't do that, dog. A dog. Power glaze, go?

I mean, I'm all with it, and this is your show, and it smells good. But, like, you can't be putting it on me like that, dude. I don't know how they do it where you're from, homie. Yeah, but a razor glaze is a power glaze, bro. No, and I appreciate that. But you got a, you know, water blast the dry. way and keep it clean, man. Yeah, but I was just sitting here having a full-on froth fest with China Boy over here,

and you thunderblasted some water scratch. No, I'm in the back of your pickup, and we're cruising, and the hair is through the air. But I'm not the kind of guy to just let someone knock me off the back and call it a speed bump. Dude, don't Bratworth roast me on my own show with some froth from Kujo's fucking silent sister. You gubble-blumped, Howard Gumped, and Forrest Gumped me right into the fucking backdrop. I'm not trying to set it on fire. I'm just trying to give it a little.

little sin, so it's edible for everyone. Okay, bro, but come on, let's not bubble bath the fucking barn boy. All right, if I promise to pack up the campsite and leave some trash for the bears, can we call it even? Even Stephen or Captain Gork talk? Look, I'm from America.

Okay, even Stephen. You were saying? Shall it above. That's it. I mean, sometimes it's just it. Okay, so that's carbon footprinting solved right there. All roads lead to Shia LeBuff. Fuck.

All right, what's the other one? Overpopulation. How do we handle that, guys? I think we got to just... The problem's not overpopulation. Okay. The problem's under Earth. Okay.

So how do we expand the Earth? Let me ask my mole friend. Your mole friend is hip to this stuff, and I think he'll agree with me. It's about plugging the Earth with something that's going to make it expand. So for humans, if you want to make your head bigger, you take HGH. Oh, wow. So instead of human growth hormone, EGH, Earth growth hormone, you start plugging that straight into the Earth. So you want to expand the planet.

And it can handle it. It can still rotate around the sun at double this size. Gravity adjusts. Wow. So the answer is make more room to accommodate more people. Make a bigger earth. And I don't want to mess up the race between the water and the earth because then the party's no fun.

You know what that's all about. So it's really about just making the whole thing a little supersized. Dude, I like that. That one's probably the cleanest one. You think so? Yeah, I like that. I've been ruminating on it for a bit. Wow.

I didn't even know you had a roommate, but that's fantastic. Wow. Make it bigger. My girlfriend is my roommate. I never thought about it like that. So you have been ruminating? Yeah. Okay, but you said you hadn't.

This whole time you've had a roommate. I mean, dude, if you're going to call me a liar when the sticks are up and the camera's running? Friend of yours? Yeah. Lifelong friend of yours? Since Mount Hogue. I'm all out.

Bras, do you want another one? They're right there. I'll take another recess. Grab another goalie. You're playing with the Wonderbra again? Yeah, I'm just seeing how fast I, a lot of guys, like, want to be like, oh, yeah. I can unhook it so fast. For me, it's how fast can you hook it?

Yeah, you got some play. Hold that up so the can. Let's see, let's see you do your work. Because fellas are always like, oh, I can unhook a bra so easily. And for me, it's more like. Wait, bring it up from behind your mic where we can see it. When I meet a gal. Oh, there we go.

When I meet a gallon, she drops jug on me. I go, hey, I don't know you that well. Let's get to know each other first and form a connection. And so I put her bra back on. And I'm really good at it. That's smooth, bro. There you go, sweetie. Okay.

I go home and read your Bible. But notice on that one there's three clips. You only need to use two. But on that one, there's three. So that's like we're talking Thunder Jug on that one. Yeah, these things are in there good, dude. There is three, huh? Yeah.

Got it. You handled three, like a six-gun shooter at the O.K.K. Corral on a frosty Friday night where the tumbleweeds are blowing raid through the Arby's drive-thru. When me and him were carousing about town, he was Dick Holiday and I was Wyatt Herp because I have herpes. Are you serial? Yeah. What number? And you can't shoot those off with any kind of pistol.

What number, Herp? Isn't there like Herpes, One, Two, Three? Which one of you? 69. You're up there, guy. Yeah, it's a later version. How long do they break out? Never. What do you mean?

I'm out a couple, but they go away pretty quick. Like, how often do they pop and drop? Like, once every six months? And you get like a red, like, welts and stuff? Sure, yeah. And they're itchy? No, I never really had a big problem with it. Huh.

Yeah. Were you freaked out when you, the first day they told you you got the herpoids? I wasn't that bad, right? No. So you almost seem like you're happy you got it. Kind of. Hey, life gives you lemons. It's herpes.

What is it? Like gold is tested in the fire. Where herpes tested. My doctor just looked at it and said that's herpes. Herpalicious, Fergalicious. You're from Canada, but you wear Hawaiian shirts. Is that appropriation? Whoa, bro.

I don't mean to get all PC on the dot of where we're at in this moment, but it did. You can't culturally appropriation place that used to be like a tropical, like, island that had its own culture and its own people, and the Americans made it into a state. Oh, so the original appropriation was... Was the pineapple oche of the... Yeah, right? I don't know my history. That's my thing now.

Yeah, but you know herpes, and that's all that matters. I know the history of herpes for sure. You started it, it sounds like. It's a happy, positive story. Yeah. And revolution. God. When you are like you guys, like cause guys,

yes. There's got to be, and I don't mean this in a bad way, there's got to be a little bit of anger. There's got to be a little fire in the belly because you want to institute change. Mm-hmm. You guys are kind of like standing up on the hill fighting for the people, it feels like, a little bit.

Mm-hmm. And so to kind of maybe fall into your parade a little bit, little. I don't know if you guys keep cinnamon journals at home or not, but I do. And I wrote a little thing that maybe, you know, I could help kind of lead the charge and read for my cinnamon journal, like a little kind of like for the people type of thing. If you're cool with it. Read away. We're all oregano. Okay. This is like, let me get my glasses on. This is a sort of like a rage and glaze, you know, like kind of get the people's blood boiling and make solutions, kind of like the way you guys do.

Here we go. Get nestled in. Sit on your feet. Ready? Hey, world. Let's glaze it together. Rosefayashi's unite for the heavily glazed tomorrow. Let's power save the rainforests.

Let's auto-glide the molecules. Brocephiishes unite and spread the glaze. Power brash the pollution particles. Thunder brosoph, the glave powers. Brochefiosch's stand up for the children. The tinies, the baby brochefioses of tomorrow. Let the tini's power glaze with their tiny feet. Let's hand the tinies of freshly glazed

world for the next gen of Brocefayasios's slam it, grind it, ride it ripe, fuck Spider-Man and fuck Vietnam, power glaze Brosefayosh,

bro-sophiashi, Harmony glaze. Cinnamon Journal drop. Wow, that really spoke to me. I love that you mentioned Spider-Man because a lot of people didn't know that Henry Kissinger became Spider-Man.

he always had a plan you know what I like to you yeah go go like on the monopoly board you hit you were gonna say you were gonna let no I was I was gonna say I didn't know about that with a Christian cross Chris Cross yeah yeah uh chrysinger

he became Spider-Man but he planned Vietnam and then to get away from it he became a human spider he started wearing a mask and then he started slinging around town glazing with his web. Left and right, dude.

Wow. But the baby Bersepheasches, you know, they need to be taught how to glaze. The tinies? Yeah. Well, after the superhero's done super and who's responsible for the cleanup. The tinies?

That's what they leave it to. You know what I liked about when you go to? What I wrote my cinnamon journal? Straight yin and bang. Yeah. It had that heavy heart at the end, and I thought that really brought home the thrust. which because it is about the tini's

and we do want to give the tinies something real but if the tinies don't know what came before then they're going to turn into bigs that are full of sad and nobody knows that better than placenta boy I mean you were you were power grinding when you were a tiny

well I mean it's you have so much time with their placenta and it starts to dry and the world's your canvas right and if you don't come out grinding and you're going to miss that ledge. You know what you can do, bro, chef? Next time you're making sweet power taint with your love bun,

if you want that placenta feeling, that old placenta feeling the way Kenny Rogers used to sing. You lost that placenta feeling. You dried up in the sun. What you do, get a bottle of Heinz relish. Oh. Just thundercoat. Mm-hmm.

You got that placenta feeling. You dried up that near the relish, moisture rises, the flower, you've got that placenta singing, and it's yaw. where you get your relish at your wife's house oh sorry for that slipped dude you crossed the line dude dude you're setting me off dude we were grooving too man that one slipped i got to tell you that was not a righteous brother thing to do right there dude that was a knee jerk that was that was dark dude you took us to a dark place can i take you in the apology canoe and and take you up paddle up sorry river Hey, you can say it all day, but where we land.

And if it's not me returning the favor on your old lady, then I got to say, we're circle, not square. Brosh, I will get us out on Regret Island, and I will kneel down, and I will Apollo glaze. Oh, okay. Yeah. Grasias. But thank you for letting me join the club.

I hope that that was empowering. I hope that was, like, you know. It really was great. It gave the viewers, some of the watchers, like, kind of. I don't know, make them want to have a cause. So many people seem to go through life and not have a cause. That's what I like about you guys. You have drive, you have cause, you have motivation.

Thanks, man. We're trying. God. We're trying to get the whole city of Thousand Oaks to be marble because it's better to skate on. They put ledge stoppers in Hollywood. You can't grind. Oh, you want them to make pave the roads with marble.

Yeah. Oh, wow. Is that pretty? That would be, that's like rollerblade heaven right there. For sure. We didn't even think about the bladers. Yeah, you just import it from Vermont. You could go curling.

You ever gone curling? Never. I have a perm. It's like, no, no, no, no. Curling is like that thing you do on the ice. That activity that's in the Olympics. Yeah. But you could do it with your placenta baby friends.

Slide them down. Just, dude. I'm trying to really do a show here and you keep, fucking gassing on the fucking fourth parallel brash. You need to get to my dimension because we don't do stuff like that. I've heard it. Yeah.

Let me see what else. Yeah, what's up? Oh, this is because you guys stand in front of the, hold on, you guys stand in front of the, you know, what is it called the legislature when you guys go and talk? The council. The council. But have you ever done it in front of the,

the legislature or parliament or whatever or the we've gone in front of boards are you cereal yeah all every type of board really like pine maple maple i'm maple surf um even a particle particle board god it's got to get messy yeah i mean you just smashed through that though it's easy to get a cause through but maple that's tough that stuff that stuff's hard yeah that's a hard board But I thought, you know, since you guys are kind of up there making speeches, probably creating quotes, if we took some of the more famous ones through history and kind of slapped the brochefios on them, is that something we could do? 100%. 100%, you're telling me. I don't have a single doubt.

There's not an iota of me not thinking that's it, dude. That is the way to go. And I think we've gone away from that. Because there's a reason those old speeches resonate, right? Right. There's something in the DNA of them that matches our DNA. Talk to me. And I think if you get the B&C, the Brad and Chad, in on that DNA,

so you're going to have something that's okay. I was right at the beginning. You just said Brad and chat. I'm starting to think it's better. I think it is. I think it was right. You are right. I was gripping it too tight.

Yeah, you were grasping it like a big. Maybe pulling its umbilical cord around its own neck, turning blue and coming out into fucking muffin country. Yeah. Can't be that close to mom. But no, so what speeches were you thinking? So here's what I'm thinking. We take some famous quotes, and you guys glaze them with a brand new kind of honey glazed, like Rosefayosh glaze. Like top coat them.

Yeah. Like how about, remember Kennedy? Ask not what your country can do for you. ask what you can do for your country. Honey, glaze that one. Stop saying that so-and-so doesn't bring legitness to the activity and start realizing that they are part of what's up.

Wow. Got a point. Ask not what board you can glaze. Ask which hospital wing. Needs the glaze. Whoa. I'm saying step back into that placenta brother and power slam the nearest mom, you see. Wow.

Just give it. It's like you're the new KFC or JFK. My dad's moving to Kentucky. The fried chicken part? Yeah. He said I can be a lieutenant. Crispy or spicy? Mild.

Horsy. I hope not the mild. Yeah. For placenti. That's not the way to live your life. He said there's Buffalo. I was like, they're extinct. He's like, not where you're going, friend.

Wow. Yeah. Dude, I think you're in a better rhythm, though, with the, like, the larger brocefias. Yeah. That flows through all. Yeah, yeah. I think so, too.

Can you give us a version to hit us with it and then, you know. Okay. Ask not what Brochefayoshes can do for the country, but ask what a brocefayshiosch can do for you-ish. it's almost like don't ask what your country can do for the brocefayash ask instead is a brocefayash even know what a country is wow that's profiatic because then you get a little bit more like cracking the rock open yeah breaking the egg letting the yoke drip down your leg yeah we're staring at it and we're saying there's nothing inside it's like well you haven't banged it

against the counter yet you got to shake it you got to slap it around smear it sit on it and then double blast a fucking thunder furnace all over it hmm i mean are you just saying or do you agree i'm thinking what would henry ford do probably buy a chevy yeah friend just fucking jugged up on us bro the de cut man dude easy all right here's the next one yeah we all know this guy right martin luther king yeah i have been to the mountain top and i have seen the other side honey glaze that one bro how's it look now in 2023 go i've been hip to this actually one of the coolest things i think about martin luther king is that he was a short guy he was like five six and he also beyond

Being a hero, maybe our greatest American hero, he got laid a good amount. And a lot of dudes who are, you know, not as tall, worry that chicks aren't into them. So I think it's like, I have a dream that one day I'll live in a country where men are not judged by the height of their inches, but by the amount of inches that they deliver. Wow. You know what I thought you meant, though? And I'm going to be totally honest. Give me a rewrite, dude. No, it's not a rewrite.

Right, I just thought when you said he was a short guy, I was picturing him in like some really nice navy blue Bermuda shorts. Oh, yeah. I took what you said the wrong way, but then you took it into the hike gallery. No, but I like where you're at more because if you picture him, because shorts guys get a lot of disrespect. Here we go. Shorts guys get a lot of disrespect. Here he goes. People don't take them seriously.

Yeah. If you get the reverse shot of him in D.C. doing the I have a dream. Hang your ear. And then we find out he's in shorts. What does that do? You see MLK up on the hill behind that podium? He's got the tie, the red tie, the blader. I have a dream.

He steps out. He's in like polka-off, Bermuda shorts. The whole fucking place goes crazy. What the fuck? You're going to glaze out the whole fucking nation. I didn't even know that was possible. I didn't even know you could inspire. I didn't know it until you said it.

So I want to say thank you. I want to say thank you. I want to say thank you to you. Did you want to thank anyone or no? I mean Thank you No Why isn't

We thank like How many thank you And then we go to him And it's just fucking No but he's gracious Like are you gonna thank anyone Or I mean we're talking Martin Luther King here bro, Seffey Blast

I hear you I'm just not Let me just say I'm just not a shorts guy Oh This happens And when people talk about shorts, I go quiet and I get upset. And every time I see a shorts guy, I just want to blast him in the face. He surfs in pants.

Respect. So when you guys start talking about shorts and you're like, you want to say thank you, I don't want to thank the shorts guys. I want to say, you're welcome to the shorts guys. You're welcome. Thank you. You're welcome. You're welcome.

You know, actually, I like to wear these more as shorts. Dude, don't disrespect me well. you're making your pants into shorts i thought that was like the momentum of it and i thought you were going to follow suit i don't wear a suit i wear shorts well the top part for sure but the bottom part that's where the shorts are but you're a shorts guy not really i like tall guys bro wait don't move the target when i'm mid you know walmart on the dart dude oh are you just saying that because i just said i don't well listen you're a guest you guys are equals i have Compassion, love, feelings, and respect at the same latitude,

the same fortitude, and the same longitude for both of yeas, Shakespeare. We're skateboarders. It's about altitude. Altitude, too. So I'm not going to double-diss Waffle Hut and Camelback any one of you. So when you're feeling, say, now what, hey? It's what happened. It doesn't need to be repeated.

But if you're sitting here and there's a hole in the vacuum of time and the Cyclops' eye is blinking. And somebody threw a toothpick right into the pupil. I'm not going to be a guy that sits here and fucking squishes up a Snickers bar rapper and starts singing the colors of the rainbow. Right. You're going to snap.

Because your siren songs got to be rocked up for days. That's true. I was going to say you're going to snap up a Kit Kat. I would, but I'm allergic. But just so, like, to make it clear, we're cool, right? The three of us? Oh, we're cool. Yeah, we're good.

Yeah, we're good. We're cool. Just don't wear shorts. Yeah, that's what we learn. No shorts. Is that how you high-five and where you're from? No, I do finger sniff. I touch someone and then sniff their finger. I'm a scent guy.

So I know where you've been. I know where you've been touching. And, uh, whew. Uh, let's go to the next one. No, nothing personal, but, uh, how about this one? Have you given it? This one is. fucking sweet

this is one small step for man one giant leap for mankind remember when they went to the moon and 60 whatever it was yeah how do we power glaze and honey drop on that one I would say

this is one giant pilsberry for the dough but one massive velvita for the earth I can't touch that one I'd say like this is a shocker for the homies

and then this is a big hug for everyone who would blow me it's a lot of people I think we're going to go with yours I didn't do a good job on that one man Dude, it's tough, bro. They have writers, dog.

I know, but, bro, I mean, we're talking about this was outer space. Well, this is what we're all about. You got to respect the moon. But if I'm up there, I'm going chaotic, bro. I'm not abiding by any sort of expectation. Why don't we do this? We did this here, and this was unfair to you. We did this here on terra firma on planet Earth.

Yeah, that's the thing, bro. Put me in that headspace. Let's get you up. Picture it now. You're on the surface of the moon. This is one small step for man. one giant leap for mankind now you're lunar go all right this is one small step for man and yeah and and fuck you to all the haters wow squid but do you see but my

hold on romantic music and eyes connecting that's how you pound in the earth no that's how you pound on the moon i'm sorry i was like a moon slam it's a lunar pound that was a full moon over my hammy right there yeah could it be that could it be wordless up there I was heavy, bro. I mean, we resurfaced the pavement. We put a new power glaze level on a lot of history. I didn't even think I knew history that well,

but after sitting with the bro Shafis, I feel like I do. Well, you kick around the hostess, you're going to get the glaze. Fucking ding, dog. And that's, you know, when you messaged me about this podcast, you said, let's put some pastry on the earth. And that's what we're talking about with the glaze. It's when you glaze. It pays.

Yeah. And that's something that the bro sefias just don't know. Yeah. The baby brocefayoshes? The tinies? They don't even know about glaze yet because they're on TikTok. So they don't know that the glaze pays. It's like if you have to look at from your screen and see the glaze or else it's just haze.

Dude, can I say something while we were doing this? Somebody was doing some ding-dong crinkling with the rapper. And if I can just slam it into full reverse and ask you as a flavor to get that, those ding-dongs and get right up on your mic and do us some crinkling you want it again do put right up on them if you wouldn't mind we'll be quiet you can't say no do you do you mind if I'm gonna be weird and you can say now but I feel like we're bro chefi-oshes take me there would you be cool bro. And you can say no. It's only two letters. Would you be cool, ding-dong, crinkling?

Well, I pick my nose. I'm just asking. How do you know you were going to throw such a, like a heavy ask at me, though? Because that's, that's big for me. I'm not the kind of guy who would typically give an affirmative off that. As a brochefio, to a bro sheaf, to a bro sheafio, it's not for us. Maybe we do it for the tini's. But what do I do during this? You want to pick your nose? I was going to scratch my leannis. I think you're right. I think your instincts are right.

If it'll help the tini's, all right. Okay. Even if it's an indirect course and you're, you know, mapping it around Pangean oceans that aren't there. Fuck it. Dude. Oh, come on, man. I'm glad we'd be.

did that because that was itchy. Thanks, bro, Shraef. Dude, you got a good nug. Is it hanging? Yeah. Keep it there. No, no, let it hang. You ever seen that show Horton?

Here's a Who? Yeah. How about Harland, here's a snot? What's it saying? Crinkle. Wait, and who's the ultimate tiny? They're living. That thing's got something, you know.

Can't form a sentence, but it's got sentience. Sure does. It was living on my nose. You can't help but scent it. Did you ever see the movie Osmosis Jones where Bill Murray plays like a part of the body? No, I was straight. Before we go, Brochefayosh,

we do this final thing. It's called Words from a Wooden Shoe. And what we do is we reach into the wooden, Dutch clog and you pull out a word and if you have a story from your memory or your life you could share it with us you'll be the first time we've done two on one show you each get a chance we'll do you first a happy time do tell happy time you know you know I once got the golden ticket to Harry Hostess's factory. And I fell in the mushroom river.

And then I was pulled through the marshmallow squeeze. And I turned into a giant twinkie. Wow. And then Halle Berry ate me. And then I was reincarnated as Chad. That's my happy time. Wow. The cat has nine lives when my dogs lived a hundred, man.

Dude, you just, you made me here. happy just telling that i was i was severely depressed this whole last since we sat down i've been bummed to fuck out yeah just down you hear about finally you hear about dizzy you hear about you hear about cannibalism in a negative way but when hallie berry does it it's it's more like deliciousism is it's really sensual yeah take a bite bro put your hand in this stinky swiss clog and pull out a word is that what you wear to bed maybe what's your word lost oh here we go one time me and the bros the brocefayoshes yeah we were riding heavy stezed up in the suburb like heavy heart and ripe or just heavy heavy heart dude oh no it was on

we were moving for reasons that we're not pure okay you were chasing that demon because we heard could alleviate. But then, this was before they had all the Wingo Bongo GPS. You know, we were just traveling on ears and heart. How? Hearing where we should go. We started slip sliding away. The darker element started to pull us down.

And then there was just this siren call that said, like, hey, there's a better way to do it. Put it in reverse, whole way back home. You don't have to stay lost. You can always return home That was the lesson I mean Just you saying that I wasn't lost

And then just you saying that I got lost I think I'm still lost But if Maybe a ding-dong crinkle Were to come into my ears I might come back Imagine you're just driving right now

listening to this? And you're getting this in your ears. Yeah, the Hardy Boys on audio. E, e, ding dong. All of a sudden in the wood shop and it doesn't seem so tiring. Yeah. Suddenly the gerbils have a toilet roll tube to fuck. Yeah.

Do you have a caterpillar? Yeah. And a bobcat. Yeah. I like to move Earth guy. I don't forget. One of my friends is half mole. Right.

Best friend. Can you call them? Sure. Dottie. Yeah? Oh. Fuck. What's up?

Oh, you're Donnie. You're my best friend. Yeah. What do you need? I don't know. Some mold juice. Oh, dude. I'm all squeezed out.

Holy molly. Who do you think will be your best friend? In 18 years, a high school amount of time. You know, that's an interesting question. I don't know. I don't know if I still have a best friend in 18 years. Did you say eight years or 18? 18.

I really wonder if I'll even have one. Yeah, it's kind of like, should you have a best friend at a certain point? You should. Everyone should have a best friend. Yeah. But I wonder when I'm older if I'll even have one. Because people die. They go away.

People move on. They're gone. People shift. People, your friends decide they don't like anymore. You decide you don't like your friends. And then there is a chance. I won't have one. Right.

But will I have you two? Yes. And Donnie. The planks on the boat can change, but we'll always be your mast. Wow. Great. Guess I'm going to be okay after all. We learned anything here today.

Yeah. Do you feel better now? because you were saying Yeah, from the minute we sat down I was just super suicidal. Dude, you handled it well? Yeah.

Because when I was looking in your eyes I saw that desire to leave. Yeah. Not even just here, but all of it. I wanted to just like jump off the side of a building and land on an old lady and not just kill myself,

but kill an oldie on the way out. Mm-hmm. And speaking of the way out, do the bros have anything they want to plug before we go? I want the world to find you guys And find you fucking fast And you know my dog's a big plugger

Plug it Yeah Here's a whole Raccoon I it bro We're on tour We're going to the hostess factory tonight And then we're going to Have you performed there before?

Ding dong the doorbell was broken I couldn't get in I threw a snowball through the window And they still didn't hear me To check out our show on Netflix, Chan and J.T. Go Deep. And check us out on this new Netflix show called Unstable. We have a podcast with you.

You should come back on. You're everyone's favorite guest. All the minutes, when people do like a, you know, name it, they say Harlan Williams episode. Anytime, man. We'll have you back soon, dude. Going deep with Chad and JT. Because now I'm a bro chef, right?

And also, you can just call me 949-3-35-4279. Is that for real? realsies. I made that number up, but now I'm worried that it could be a real person, but I'm kind of excited at what the implications could be. Well, then, I think it's the only fair I give my number out then. Let them have it. I want to be connected with you. I'll sing my number. 8,6, 7, 5, 309. They know it. Because I call you a lot. Yeah. Do you get bothered when I do those midnight calls to you? Not at all. You're always there to hope. What was funny, and then we'll end on this, is I was, I was just had my, my fist up, ready to punch the raccoon, right in the eye,

that glowing white eye, and my phone rang. So you prevented a lawsuit. Earlier you caused one, but then I was going to punch that one-eyed fucking shit bandit all over again, and you stop me by calling me at midnight. Do you know what your ringtone is? Sure. 8, 6, 7, 5, 3.09. Time it to.

tone. No thanks. I'm busy for the rest of my life. Oh, damn. Ladies and gentlemen, I took a shot there. J.T. and Brad. Right here

on the Harlan Highway podcast. Guys, go see these guys. Watch their Netflix show. Go to their website. Watch their podcast. If you don't think anyone's changing the world anymore,

These two stokers are, they're glazing it up big time, and we're out of here. We're going to go toast some squirrels over the campfire. Until next time, chicken chamein, baby. What are you doing? Grabbing my hat. Oh, I thought you were grabbing your bra.