The Harland Highway - NEW HARLAND HIGHWAY #63 - JOSH WOLF, Comedian, Podcaster, Writer.

Episode Date: June 27, 2023

JOSH WOLF - sings country tunes, talks rednecks, and solves the mystery of 'blow me.' Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

There's something sexy about wind. Yeah, should we try it together? Ready? You know, somebody just came? I think we just gave each other a blowjob. Yeah, that's right. You think that's where it started? You're riding down the Harland Highway.

All right, hold tight on the Harland High. I have one guitar. What happened is I was doing a gig somewhere and this guy I was after the gig I went to like this this nightclub and this guy walked up to me and he goes Mr. Williams and I go yeah he goes do you play guitar and I go no I don't why am I doing a southern voice for my own voice I said no I don't Dude, I went in too deep. I went in too deep, bro. Yeah, I like it, though.

I like it. Yeah, yeah. What I said is, no, I don't. That was weird. Yeah. And I was really scared. Like, I almost felt I've got Meryl Streeped myself. I went in deep.

So I said, no, I don't play guitar. And he goes, well, he goes, I own a guitar company. We make our own guitars. and my brother, I did it with my brother, and he passed away a month ago, and we loved what you do, and I want you to have this guitar. He gave me a brand new guitar in a case. I said, I said, bro, I don't play. It's a great gesture.

Yeah. But my brother loves you, and I just saw it in his eyes. And I just want, give me the guitar. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And so now I just kind of keep it in the studio if someone wants to play. Do you play it all? I play at the end of every one of my sets. Oh, so, okay.

So I do, like, uh, I do like, uh, wait let me ask that again okay do you play guitar i play at the end of every one of my sets i'm i'm going to ask you again yes do you play guitar yeah i play guitar there's see that voice yeah it feels better when you slip into that yeah that's right yeah all right speaking of music let's play the theme music excited and uh ladies and gentlemen here we are on the harland highway podcast. And what a guest I have today, Josh Wolfe is here

and a comedian, stand-up comedian, comedian in general, funny person, writer, actor, do you still do taxidermy or no? Yeah,

but only on squirrels. Oh, okay, squirrel taxidermist. Yep. And pottery or no? Am I thinking of the other Josh Wolf?

No, I've taken a pottery class, and I knit. Oh, wow, I didn't, I didn't know that part. Yeah, I'll put those sleeves back on for you. Wow, too soon. Have you ever done, like, in pottery? Have you ever had done that thing where a guy comes in behind you with no shirt and, like, puts his arms around you while you're doing the pottery wheel thing?

In pottery, have I done that? Yeah. No, not in pottery. But in taxidermy, like you're stuffing a squirrel and a guy comes behind you and helps. It's good to have a couple extra thumbs in taxidermy. Yeah, so you have the guy come behind you and do some stuffing. Important for him to be shirtless. Right.

Yeah. But just so we're clear, he's behind you and he's stuffing. Yeah. But he's just stuffing the squirrel. Okay. I think our audience can come to their own conclusions if you, I don't know why you want to bully my audience. No, I don't want to tell them what to think. Well, I think you just did.

And, you know, you're telling him that he only stuffs the squirrel, but I think a lot of the audience might have been picturing something else. Yeah. Well, listen, shirt on, pants only off for dinner. We don't do pants off for the taxidermy. You've never taken, you've never stuffed a squirrel pantless. I'm pantless. You're pantless, but the guy behind you, the ghost guy.

Don't you know how it goes? I don't do that. I don't stuff. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, my stuffers out there, they know what the deal is. The stuffers know what to stuff. to be the person behind you shirtless skin from the waist up you skin from the waist down but

no skin skin wow yeah it's the rules of taxidermy did dude you know a let did you go to devry or something i would i went to tommy's taxidermy school oh tommy's yeah down on melrose yeah dude right next to the bartending school he's got a bartending school and a taxidermy school right next to it oh my god wow well i think you i saw a picture of you up in the bartending school well i know uh tommy I was down visiting, but I didn't, I didn't take the class. I didn't, yeah, I'm not good at mixing drinks. One time I, I, I mixed up a sex on the beach for someone, and she got crabs. Oh, yeah.

That'll happen. Yeah. One time I made another guy an orgasm, and it went right in his eye. Yeah, at least it wasn't on your face. Right. It wasn't. No. Dude, it wasn't.

Have you ever... I swear it wasn't. Have you, you know, the worst part about the sex on the beach besides the sand. Yeah. Yeah. Um, it doesn't taste good. It doesn't? No.

I've never had a sex on the beach. It's sticky. Is it? Yeah, I don't like it. Have you ever had physical sex on the beach? Yeah. Oh, was that sticky? It was terrible.

What happened? Well, the sand issue was, was legit. But not only that, you know what I hadn't thought? of is like sand like your knees my knees had like burn like burn oh like sand burn yeah yeah because say it's like sandpaper when you're doing that yeah friction i imagine it is a lot like sandpaper yeah so you chapped your knees yeah and she she she had on her back the same thing i had on my knees oh so it wasn't good it wasn't great and then yeah it wasn't great it wasn't great I had a buddy who had sex on the beach in Fiji,

and when he got back to the hotel, he had a sea urchin stuck to his ass. He didn't know. Really? Yeah. Where was he? How close to the water was he? He was right at the edge where the water like trickles in,

where the waves just push in and you got to. By the way, that would distract me. Yeah. I don't, like if I was having sex with somebody and then water was. Yeah. That wouldn't, I wouldn't think. I would like that. Yeah.

I mean, no, I don't think I was in Italy. You know that famous fountain with the horses where the horses are spitting the water? I had sex with a girl in that fountain in Italy. Huge tourist attraction.

People were throwing pennies at us and coins. Let me ask you a question. Honestly, do I look like a guy who's familiar with the fountains in Italy? Yeah, right? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. You were like, you know that fountain in Italy? I'm like, you're talking. Let me rephrase you. You know the fountain in the lobby at Olive Garden? Yeah, dude, I know that.

Okay, okay. There's your Italy. I know that fountain way better. By the way, bro, speaking of food, you got the Terry Black's barbecue rib hack guy. Is it, to me, the best barbecue? So good. Boston, Texas.

The beef rib at this is so good. Yeah, I would punch a small child for these beefers. You know what I call? I call it, I call it Terry Jack's barbecue. Do you know Terry Jacks is? No, but he sounds like an old wrestler. No, he's an old singer from the 70s. He wrote that song, goodbye to you, my trusted friend, we had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun, but the wine and the song, now the seasons are, so Terry Jacks wrote that hit song. For who? For himself. He sung it. Oh, he sung it. And so whenever I go to Terry Blacks, I call it Terry Jacks. I call it.

Jacks, and when I'm eating ribs, I pretend I'm eating his ribs. I'm sure there's at least one person at the restaurant who remembers Terry Jack and who would love that. Love that story. Yeah, yeah, I'm sure. One person from across the restaurant would be like, I know that song. Yeah, so everyone watching probably doesn't even know who the hell I'm talking about. But they are, they love, if I saw somebody at a restaurant singing to themselves when they were eating,

that would be really enjoyable. You know what I love about Terry Jacks, too? Would you get the half rack or the full rack, the baby rack? I go beef rib. Oh, the big giant ones? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you know what I do with those? So I go probably to Terry Jacks probably about 30 times a year.

I love it. Yeah. And I get the big ribs and then I'll get the big, like the full rack of the baby backs. Instead of tossing the bones out, what I do is I put them in the backyard to bleach in the sun. Yeah. And then I collect all the bones after a few months. I go in the basement and I build a Tyrannosaurus rex skeleton. I think that's a great idea.

Yeah, and then I charge all the kids in the neighborhood $20 a pop to come into my basement and tell them, hey, come see the dinosaur, kids. How big is the dinosaur? It goes right through the root. I mean, this thing's probably 25, 30 feet high. How many years did it take you to get enough bones to build the T-Rags? Well, at the rate I go, probably two. Yeah.

Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm working on a stegosaurus now. And how are you making these anatomically correct? Is it from Night of the Museum?

Is that how you're... Just all you got to do is look at a coloring book or, you know, just old drawings, cave paintings. I go to find caves where the cavemen meticulously put graphic, detailed. You know, there's one with a stick and an arm and then perfectly anatomically, almost like the guys who created Jurassic Pondon. We're doodling on a cave. They went there first to get there. So I just follow what. Are you,

is any chance to maybe you build in a Bigfoot? Because I think, oh, yeah. Oh, wow, that's a good idea. Do you know I interviewed somebody. Here we go, gang. Podcast just started. Where are you with Bigfoot? I'm so curious.

Well, no need to point. Okay. Well, I don't know if I like. And not only point the ET, like your finger. It's huge. Yeah, yeah. You actually did this. You went, where are you at?

Yeah. Dude, I don't want to go home. Well, listen, now you know why my wife likes me so much. God, Donnie did getz over here. Tell me, God. It was a more active index finger than it needed to be. Wait, you use that on your wife? E.T. Touch clit.

E.T. Touch clit. Come on, guy. This one is intimidating. This is intimidating. This is intimidating. I'm going to start doing this at meetings. Talk about. I'm going to do this. talk about sex on the biotch.

What if I went into the next meeting and I was like, what do you think about my idea? What do you think about that? And they're just like, and then they all achieved. They just go, oh, oh. Good Lord. My child, bless you, my child.

God. Yeah, I think, because now I'm laughing because I really think, This is something that I do. It is. Now that you pointed out, I think I do have an active... It's intimidating. Like, it's, it's a hard one. Like it...

Yeah, I saw your face right away. You were like, what is this? Well, have you ever been to the aquarium and or even red lobster and those fucking lobsters are in the thing and they're going like that? You're like, like, a projiplegic or what's someone with one leg? A progerplegic? What's a one-legged guy? Not a project polygic.

A project police? No. A quadriplegic? What's someone? someone with one leg i got i think he a pirate okay then you're right when you're right you're right guy i think pirate is so you're like a pirate lobster with just the one yeah by the way yeah i read something about goldfish the other day oh here we speaking about oh i like this yeah you know how the the common that goldfish have terrible memories yeah horrible horrible turned out to be false

As a matter of fact, you can teach goldfish to do things. Like what? How about that? I read an article and somebody who was putting, I don't know why anyone would put research into a goldfish memory. Okay. But you can train goldfish. And if you can train something, that means it has to have a memory.

A memory, yeah. Right. And so remember the memory of a goldfish is now, it's been disproven. They have like decent memories for fish anyways, I guess. What does a goldfish have to remember like? Well, that's a great question. They probably don't need to. It's not like they're taking a test.

Am I on this side of the bowl or this side of the ball? Yeah. Have you ever wondered what it would like to have eyes on the side of your head instead of straight ahead? Is that something that you might enjoy more over here? Not as far as trying to have sex with other people because I think that would be a problem. Yeah. But just walking around life, more of a side view. as opposed to like a straight on.

Yeah, I think that would make driving tough. Yeah, or, I mean, you would know when to switch lanes. Yeah, that's true. That would be easier. That's true. One of these over here. I think, look, I actually don't think by itself as good. Yeah.

But if you were hiking, one person with side eyes isn't terrible. Right. Do you know what I mean? Just to have everything covered. Yeah, yeah. What's a good job? you'd need to see out of the side of your head. Yeah, not too many where, oh, you know what?

When I was younger, I used to pick cucumbers. Okay. No, still straight ahead. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I'll tell you a good application for, I buy the goldfish. I always keep three or four on hand. They're sort of the bigger ones, and they've got the giant bubble eyes.

Have you seen the ones that got like giant bubble eyes? and I always keep four or five in the bowl because every now and then the wife likes to do tea bagging. Yeah. And sometimes I'm just not in the mood. I'm tired of at a long day at the factory, whatever. So, well, you know, we're in the dark.

She wants to teabag me and I'll just pull one of those goldfish out and just, you know, with the big bubbly eyes and just dip that in and out of her mouth. She doesn't know the difference. Is your nut sack wet and clammy? Yeah. and it's orange and it drips like that and it's salt well salty probably well they're freshwater fish but yeah but salty by default i yeah and so your nuts are scaly they have

well the eyes don't have the scale that's the right are you just dip the eyes in you just well you're dipping the head in so just it's almost like an underwater ball bag i'm gonna try that tonight Whoa, dude. E.T. Now, I want to ask you about your attire today. Well, okay, good. I'm glad you did. Yeah.

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Code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. Did you get a drink guy? You got a... God. Well, here's the deal. Like me and you, I think we can say this about me and you.

Yeah. We're sort of part city guys, part country. guys right like we sort of i've lived in in the city but i've also lived in small towns country towns yep as can i say that's the same for you i spent i went to college in texas i grew up in a small town right yeah yeah yeah i tour to larry the cable guy for many years right so so i just wanted tonally because i i feel like me and you kind of came from the same background kind of more of that country vibe and i thought let's let's let's set up little end of that, you know.

Meanwhile, I'm wearing a shirt that I bought at a unisex. Like, this is also a woman's shirt. So I might not have dressed the same. That's a woman's shirt. I bought it in Australia and they were like, that's the rack for men and women. Right. So I don't know, like, I don't know if that really. Yeah.

I mean, I. Although I've seen women wear that shirt. Yeah. Oh, yeah. What, what's the designer name for that? one do you know i think the store with s t a i styes maybe i don't remember styes i was i was it was in australia and um i was a little stony bologna walking around yeah and i was like i'm gonna walk in there and i ended up with this and a couple other pieces of clothing that i think when i wore them

the first time my wife was like in a nicest way where did you buy those and i said i got in australia She was like, oh, so we can't return them. I was like, no. She was like, okay, well, be careful. I wouldn't wear those around me. Did she know, because women have, like, radar for this. Did she know immediately that was a girl's shirt? Yeah, that's a woman.

Like, if you look at the cut. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's like almost a dress. Yeah, it's like that goes right down like below your crotch. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, that's definitely a girl's out. Yeah, you're welcome. But I thought, I mean, if I had known, I would have, I would have dressed up.

But no, you sort of like just the hat and, you know, just the way we talk. I think people can feel it. And what I was going to ask you is like, do you think people like need that in their life, like the slower kind of country vibe? Do you think people like, is that something people long for, people too like cityified, if that's even a word? I think a little bit of everything. is good for you.

Yeah. That's what I think. I think I agree because, like I said, I had both. Like I had a mixture of small, small town, like one general store and just the locals. And then I grew up in a city as well. So it's nice. I think, honestly, in all, for being serious, like, I think the more of different that you see makes you more tolerant of everything. Like if you stay in one small little place or one big place, and that's all you know.

anything else outside of that you're going to have probably not a great view of yeah but the more you see like you've traveled so much yeah I'm sure you're like I don't give a fuck what anybody does yeah right I've been everywhere yeah

yeah yeah I'm wrong with that I mean you've seen fountains in Italy I've made love in fountains in Italy was it making love what's the difference well okay so She was $300.

She told me it was lovemaking. That's great. So $300 American? Yeah. Wow. So if she, you know, I paid for it and she said it was making love.

Yeah. Then it wasn't just casual sex. So I don't think someone would lie to me over 300 when I'm paying for it. I agree with you. I agree with you. That's the true sign of love right there. Right. Yeah, 300 and over.

But you know what I love about the country too is it's sort of a. simpler that's what i i kind of like about it it's like the the cities we live in even though we've tasted both everything just goes in slow motion when you're in a small town and then what go the one thing i will say my wife is from a small southern town yeah the pace with which they tell stories yeah needs to be picked up just it does yeah it needs to be picked up and not only that like what i do love about southern small town southern stories too is that you'll be like the story might be about whatever, somebody's garden.

Yeah. But somewhere in the middle of the story, like, now my cousin's son played football. And you're like, what the fuck does that? Yeah. He was a middle linebacker for the, the woman who sold me the seeds, her husband's father was the coach.

And you're like, this, what, what are we doing? You're already lost. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Like you feel like an inbreed just hearing it. You're just like, why?

Sometimes with my wife, too. she'll start the story and I'm like yeah put the tractor into fifth gear baby well there's also that stigma that I you know we always take the crap out of it so I don't know if you're able to do it but I thought it might be fun if you and I like took a crack at the old you might be a redneck jokes I love it you know you know Jeff Foxworthy does those sure we won't do any of his but I said before you got it I said if you can write a few I'll write a few I'll write a few few you write a few we'll go back and forth all right now you want to crack them out sure i got it all right you go first okay you we got to do the setup too if you're yeah okay yeah the whole

if your parents couldn't make your high school graduation because they were at their own you might be a redneck if you go to a fancy restaurant and think escargo is a rental car place at the airport, you might be a redneck. If you use old teeth as jewelry, you might be a redneck. If you think a sperm whale is a fat guy that got caught masturbating behind the aquarium, you might be a redneck. If you think mac and cheese is a vegetable, You might be a redneck.

If your sister with steel braces in her mouth gets hung upside down from the gym ceiling at prom and is used as a disco ball, you might be a red neck. If you think Joe Dirt is historically accurate, you might be a red neck. And my last one, if your wife wears a G string, then shits are pants. just to see if it will cut her dump into, you might be a redneck. I got two more. Oh, good. If you think of Eskimo is just a Mexican who got lost, you might be a redneck. And the last one I got is, um, where is it?

Oh, if your sister is older than your mom, you might be a red neck. Yeah, I like those. That thong in the dump, dude, is like. Oh, too soon. It's so good. Oh, my God. But you know what I think, too? And this is something, I'm going to, you know,

if you can set the timer on your phone for one minute, your stopwatch. Yeah. Because I'm all about, you know, sort of servicing my viewers. Yeah. That sounds gross, but it isn't. And what happens is, you know, People in the city get wound up.

They got caught up in their nine to five. They get caught up in the rat race. And I think they forget how calming and therapeutic country life can be. Okay. So I'm going to throw this out there. Do you know how to do any barnyard noises, like animals? I don't, but I'm willing to give it a shot. So I'm just submitting we give our folks.

You know, some people put white noise at night and they have a fan. It calms them down. I just say we take our time. we do one minute of barnyard noises for the folks just to help. It's therapy. I love it. And tell me when we're going. And I want to let you know,

and people who know me know that voices and impersonations right in my wheelhouse. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. This is going to be great. So should we announce what the animal is before? No, I think because what we want to do is eliminate the human presence and just transport. People make them think they're sitting in a grassy field and in the distance. they hear the critters, the farm critters.

Yeah, yeah. And it doesn't have to be constant. We can have some quiet moments where I can even do a wind noise where the wind's blowing through the heather and the hay. Just Heather? Whatever her name was. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So whenever you're ready.

Okay, ready, here we go. Ah! Ha! Kuk-da-do-doo! Woo-hoo-b-b-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-kk-kk-kkkkkkk-ttch-tme. B-mbeh. Hey there, is that a pig? Ah!

Peck, big, big, big, big, big, pig, pig, pig. E! Ah, ah, ah. Oh. Hey, stop fucking your sister. Oh, sorry. Oh. We're at a minute.

Sorry. Yeah. What was that last one? That was just the farmer on the... I thought, but I really feel like we... right didn't that doesn't that feel like you kind of like could definitely go to sleep to that right yeah just on repeat like i think folks watching the podcast the two or three watch this i think they're gonna you know just really calming and relaxing yeah i think some of it is some of it was a little

some of it could be masturbatory i think oh which part do you think oh it's not obvious no what What did you feel? What? Did some of it arouse you? Yeah, there was parts of it that it felt pretty good. Which one? Well, the wind. Yeah.

Yeah. That really does it for me right there. I've never seen someone with such a pained look on their face when they were doing a wind noise. When they're passing wind? Oh. all right you do it more erotic or you do your wind i'll do my mind but your win you were like kind of like an ecstasy and i'm you're right it's painful for me yeah you're you're oh well see but i was i found my wind more more like ira i did it was just like

there's something sexy about wind yeah what should we try it together ready somebody just came i think we just gave each other a blowjob yeah that's right you think that's where it started it always seemed to me such a weird term yeah blow job First of all, I don't like the word job in there. Yeah, it shouldn't be a job. I feel like... It should be a treat, like a blow treat. Something.

Or a gift, a blow gift. I feel like it would be more accepted or something that would happen more often if the word job haven't been dropped in there. Yeah. Because when you, it's not a job when you go down on a girl. It's not called like a eating out job. Yeah. It's like a pleasure sort of. By the way, eating out is something we all enjoy.

Yeah. It's something that we look forward to eating out. Yeah. But this job situation. Yeah, that's two, uh, yeah, it's two village people. It's too, yeah. It's workman like, like you need a, like you need a tool belt. Steel toe boots.

Yeah, helmet. A helmet. Yeah. A mining, maybe a light, click, click. Yeah, yeah. A belt. Yeah, something electric. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And like you have to sign a waiver. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? That's a job. Yeah. And I, you're right. Blow doesn't, like I remember the first time I heard a kid yell that. I'm not even joking.

Yeah. I was in high school and some guy yelled, blow me. And I didn't, I didn't know what the hell he meant. Yeah. Like, what do you mean, blow you? Yeah. You know, like we just did. Yeah, yeah.

I was like, I was so confluent. Why is he yelling at that guy about a weather condition? That's right. And when, and so both words are not, it's not a blow and it's not, it's not a job. Yeah. It's more like a, it's like a suck treat. Pingo. Yeah.

You know, it's like, I don't know if those are the right words, but I think we're in the right ballpark. I tell you, if I go back to Italy and see that girl at the fountain, I'm just going to, how much for a suck treat? Oh, man. You know what we should do? We should maybe try to push this out as new, because they're changing terms all the time.

Everything's changing, yeah. People find that terms aren't acceptable anymore. Yeah. And I find the term blowjob, not acceptable anymore. Yeah, I don't like it. I don't like it. I don't like it. So I think maybe suck treat seems, I don't know why those words don't feel great together.

Yeah. I do like treat. Suck treat feels a bit weird. Yeah. But I think we're in the same. We're in the blow job. Because it is, it's the first word that I'm having trouble. Yeah.

Blow. It is sucking. Yeah. So it should be suck assignment. Oh, yes. Like a, no, is that too technical, maybe? Like you're taking it like it's homework. Yeah, like you've been sent to the principal's office and you've got to go home and do a suck assignment.

Opportunity? Suck opportunity. It is an opportunity. It is an opportunity. But it's not necessarily romantic or sexual. But opportunity feels very politically correct in that I'm not making you do it. Yeah. This is an opportunity for you to better yourself.

Right. Right. Right. But is it, it's oral, so succical? Is that? There's a two summary. You probably don't want a succinctal in the summer. Yeah.

Or like an oral opportunity? Oral opportunity. Is not terrible because that really does. It says what it is. But it sort of feels like job interview, read your resume. Yes, I've had several oral opportunities at my last company. And, you know, it's a bit. My last boss gave me many oral opportunities.

Yeah, yeah. You're right. Oral opportunities sounds, that sounds bad. Listen, I, so far, a suck treat might be my favorite. Although it's a little too. Yeah. The hard K sound and T sound at both of them make it a little too harsh. What about a tonsil T-bone?

Have you ever seen a car like just T-bone another car? Yeah. You can get it. tongue lashing tongue lashing's good but that's a term already associated with like with doing this well not with the mouth yeah yeah so it's like yeah so it's a um a tonging tongueing that's it's got to be its own new work i feel like 7-11 could get in on slurpy somewhere yeah slurpy slurpy session uh uh a slurpy set well no no that we'd be Might have copyright issues.

Yeah, that's true. And slurpy in there. I really think this, I just think blowjob feels antiquated. Yeah. Because truly eating out when, if I said to you, Hey,

Harlan, tonight, we should go eat out. Yeah. You'd be like that sounds. Yeah. That sounds fun. Yeah.

But blow job. Yeah. What was the, you said suck treat? Is that? Suck treat. It was the first one. But it feels the one you sort of like just a minute ago.

Was it, suck treat uh oral opportunity yeah that one's still too technical yeah i i i think opportunity feels fun yeah it's the first one although you're right opportunity does feel like something that it feels a little too stuffy what if it's more like drawn out like do your job or we're breaking up yeah yeah yeah your turn yeah you're just call it a your turn yeah Hey, how about a your turn? Yeah. I like that.

Okay. Let's see if we can get that moving. God. If we were the pioneers of your turn, we'd go down in history. We were talking about earlier about art that, you know, cements you in history. Yeah.

If we were the guys responsible for your turn. Yeah. And your turn also sounds like we could write a pretty funny country song about it. Now it's your turn. Oh my God. I can't believe you said that. Don't you think so? Well, that was the next thing I was going to ask you to,

if we could write a country song. I think we write your turn. I think your turn is a great country song to write. Oh, my God. You don't think so? I think here's what we'll do. We both did, we both did the redneck jokes. So let's write a country song, what's it called?

Your turn. Your turn. Or is it your turn? Look, here are the opportunity. We can do your turn. Oral opportunity, which doesn't sound like a country song. Suck tree. Feels more hip-hop.

Shoot, we're right in your turn. Here we go. Oh, I don't, is it tuned? It doesn't matter. Okay. We can't sing. We can't. It just has to, you know, blow jobs are messy.

Yep. It doesn't matter if this is messy. Okay. Your turn. Your turn. Oh, that sounds perfect. Right. And remember, this is from a dead guy, so it'd be nice.

Yeah. Did you take it from the dead guy? It sounds like it. And he just took his guitar. You were like, you don't need this anymore. It was his brother. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, this might bring him back from the grave.

But I, uh, yeah, let me see. So this was his, darling, I love you. I spent a long day at work. I came home kind of early so you could give it a jerk. And here we are together in the bedroom. I did my. job now it's your turn so i pull down my pants and i release the cracking put down your hair dryer and get it whackin what did we say the name of the song was i forget

that's where i would have come in yeah the worst simon and garfunkel ever our only song and we forget the name of it right when it comes to the hook and we were like what is it completely gone all right well this is so funny because i wrote us i actually wrote down some lyrics to a country song it's so funny you ask because i i wanted to us to write a country song and then we can come back to the one we don't know but let me put my peepers on so what i did is i wanted to write a song about the difference between country guys and city guys right so here's some lyrics can i ask you by the way when you put your glasses on does it make you feel smarter or older older me too i hate it i hate putting them on i said this to

my wife the other day. I said if I wore them all the time, I wouldn't care. Yeah. But the fact that I got to put them on to see, mate, I fucking hate. And what sucks is I can look, I could be on the highway and see a street sign eight miles away and read it perfectly, but I can't read something three inches in front of me. How big is the font on your phone? It's the biggest you can get. I picked up my son's phone the other day and I was like, this is a font that's available to humans. is it huge no dude it's like tiny i was like how can you see that and he saw mine he was like what the yeah it's pretty like my font right now i basically get two letters per screen yeah you got to do it got to get it up there yeah yeah and then you got to put these stupid

things on which i hate now they're all foggy because we're laughing so hard i'll tell you what else maybe the thing that i hate the most about getting older is going out to eat and having to turn the light on on my phone to see the fucking menu yeah Yeah. Because you got to wear these, too. Yeah. That, my wife's always like, just turn the letter on your phone. I'm like, I won't. I'm just going to assume they have steak on the menu, right?

I'm going to order that. Well, how about this one? You ever get like the microwave dinner or the soup can or the can stuff? And on the back, it says, this is how you cook it and you can't read anything? And you just got to throw it in the microwave and guess? I mean, I think that's what you do with microwave food anyways. is you just put it in there. And gas?

Like it doesn't tell you how much time. Oh, yeah. And then sometimes you have to stop it, peel it, stir it, do it again. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Those microwave meals, though, I think it almost doesn't matter.

Yeah, you're right. Okay, so this is a song that I started and I wrote like the first verse and then the second verse for you. Okay. And then the chorus, and then me and you can write the second verse on the fly. Because once we do the first two verses, we'll know what the song's about. Yeah, I love it. So basically it's about the difference between country boys and city boys.

Uh-huh. So I'll kick it off. Okay. You can play along or I can, what I'm going to do is at the end of the thing, I'm going to cut it together. So at the end of the podcast, I'm going to have me and you sing and we'll get all the lines clean. I love it. Hey, everybody. Check out my merchandise at Harbling.com. Yeah, most people just slap some letters or images on a t-shirt or a hoodie. But not me. Yours truly. Guess what? I draw my own designs at Harbleng.com. You can see tons of my hand-drawn t-shirts. You can either buy the original or you can buy a print. And man, oh man, wear. I'm loud and proud.

I love making these designs for you guys and keeping it personal. So check out the whole catalog. We got hoodies. We got coffee mugs. We got t-shirts. You name it. It's there at harbling.com. Get your Harland original design, wearable art at Harbling.com today.

And thank you for your support. And I'll just keep the groovy image. is coming I will tell you one of my favorite things as a child yeah was zipping up my sleeping bag and farting in there with myself you dutched oven yourself yeah yeah yeah oh not a lot of Jews going into the oven by themselves wow wow but I would I'm that kind of guy yeah what inspired you to do that to Dutch oven yourself.

I really love, I, for whatever reason, really was fond of my own kind of cadence and smell. And it made me laugh. My, my dad would even, he said, I would hear you laughing.

Because I would have a sleeping bag. I'd like to sleep in a sleeping bag on my bed. You did? Sometimes, yeah. Yeah. And he was like, I would hear you laughing in your sleeping bag. And I was like,

I was just farting. He was like, that is just like, but now it makes sense with the career that I chose. Yeah. Yeah. Because farts are funny. Oh,

farts are the best. Anybody tells me farts isn't funny, they don't understand comedy. Well, whoever tells you a fart isn't funny are the same people that will laugh at a fart. Everyone laughs at a fart. Yeah, yeah,

yeah, was your sleeping bag, a designer's sleeping bag? Like, did it have a pattern on it? Or was it just like a brown or blue? Blue. Because I had a sleeping bag when I was a kid.

I thought it was the coolest sleeping bag. It had traffic signs all over it. Like stop, yield yeah it was pretty pretty pretty fancy did you yeah i remember my friends here's how when i thought you were rich first if you had a second refrigerator in your garage oh yeah like with soda in it oh yeah that's rich people yeah but i remember my buddy had a race car bed you know oh yeah and i was like your bed is like in the shape of something you must have so much money but i would have thrown you in there with your fancy sleeping bag we didn't grow did you go up with money uh we were

okay we did not grow up with money so like like a sleeping bag that had shit on it well what's great about having a race car bed is that you never run out of rubbers that's right i mean there's four and just in case you need to get out of there yeah there's always a quick ghetto i'd be a good bed for like now like as an adult an actual race car bed just when you're done drive her home drop her off and you're you don't have to mess with getting into your jammies just drop her off drive home and you're already in bad. And you, what a genius in the, and the bed folds up into a seat.

So you can, and then you can just fold it back down. Yeah, it's one of those post-repedic beds where it sits up. I mean, if you're looking for retirement money, dude, this might be, that might be the, now your bedroom would need a driveway. Right?

Not necessarily. If you're one of those hell riders that can get it up on two wheels. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bring it in. Plop it down. And if you're doing a lot of intercourse, you're going to get good at that. That's true. The intercourse or the driving?

You're going to get good at the intercourse? Yeah. That's what I meant. Not though. Just out of curiosity, asking for a friend. How many times do you have to do the intercourse to get good at it? In real life? What do you mean?

I don't understand the question. You mean in terms of the sports, the race car bad, or just in life? In life. In life, how many times do you think you have to do the intercourse to get good at it? I think you got to probably do it maybe like 20 times. What if after 20 times you're still not, you're still not that good at it? I think your partner would say something. Yeah.

And then if you weren't good at it, I don't think you'd know you weren't good at it. Yeah, that's the thing. But it's like, I think it always evolves, right? Like when you started when you first lost your virginity, you were probably like awkward and weird and right? Yeah, yeah, for sure. Like you just did it like missionary style? Can I tell you the first time a girl rolled over and got on all fours,

I asked her what she was doing. Really? I go, what are you doing? You thought she like dropped her contact lens or something? I was like, I was like, because this. This is, look, man, I, I, we, I didn't grow up in an era where porn was super accessible. Right. Yeah.

So positions. You didn't know positions. No, no, no, no. So when she rolled over, I said, what are you doing? And she said, she was like, what do you mean? I go, what, what, like, and she goes, we do a doggy. Oh, wow. And I thought that was like another term for anal.

and I at the time in my life didn't I was like I don't think I'm ready for that yeah yeah and she said we were just having sex she had to explain to me the doggy style meant you know her on yeah it was very it was embarrassing because I was in high school yeah and that story got around it did yeah yeah she told everyone or you did she I wasn't gonna tell do you know the okay two two embarrassing stuff whoa that was It was embarrassing in high school. Yeah. You know, the first, to the most embarrassing, the first, the first girl I went, the first girl I went down on fell asleep. Come on. Maybe you didn't go down far enough. What were you licking her belly button or something? That'll put anyone to sleep.

Jesus. Yeah, she fell asleep, dude. She fell asleep. What? How do you know? Did she close up? Because I heard. Oh, God.

Sure. Father wasn't under the bed. God. I was like, can I tell you what my first thought was? Sounds like she was on a respirator, if I'm being honest. Who are you licking, Darth Vader?

The first thing I thought was, I did this so well. Yeah. She came and went to sleep. Like I knocked her out. So you rationalized. I was so good. You're so good.

You licked her out. Yeah. Now, granted, she had had a couple of things. She'd been drinking a little bit. Some cocktails. Right, right, right. But still, not a great confidence booster. Do you know what I mean?

Well, I do know what you mean. And this is real. I had a girl fall asleep on me while doing that to me once. No. I'm not kidding. Fell freaking asleep. How did you know? Like, what was your first sign?

Because I'm just laying there and the movement, the head movement just stopped. The head movement just stopped, and she just stopped. And I'm just laying there, I thought, okay, maybe she needs a break. Yeah. And I'm waiting. She was still just down there? Yeah, she was down. Oh, she fell asleep with it in the mouth oleo.

And so, A, it was weird. Yeah. And B, it made me feel like, what kind of lame lover am I? Like, how lame am I that a woman would fall asleep? Yeah. And like it, it was sort of devastating. Can I ask, did it slow down like somebody had run out of batteries? Sort of me.

It was like, you know, like one of those, like one of the things at Disney that goes, and just kind of slows down. It was this. You ever been on an airplane and you look at the person beside you and they're like this or like, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. It was that, all right? The passenger between my legs fell asleep over and over. What's your move? Did you wake her up? I finally, I was so mortified. No, this was probably about 25 years ago.

So you left? You were at her place or? No, we were at my old place that I had way back then. Yeah. We were in my bedroom and I just laid there. I didn't know what to do. I'd never had some, you know, when you're having sex with someone, it's traditionally super exciting.

Yeah. You kind of don't want it to end. Yeah. It's like, you're, you know, you're doing something to her. She does something to you. You flip around. It's like, you don't want it to end. And your turn was the name of this was song.

Right, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, there you go. It took this to trigger our memory. Yeah. So you're at, you're, you know, it's, it's like, running in the Olympics. You don't stop and have a nap. You see that finish line and you're like, let's go.

That's what sex should be like. And old salmonella Sally fucking fell asleep on the mushroom cap. And I don't think you'll hear that in any Nancy Drew novel. Old narcolepsy nancy man. Yeah. The narcolepsy. What did I say? Salmonella.

Listen, if your penis is giving salmonella, you might be a red neck. Maybe. Maybe I poisoned her. Yeah. Salmon, but yeah, dude, it was, it was like, it was devastating. So when you say your gal fell asleep, because with a woman, right, there's no, there's no projectile. There's no fallace.

So, right. If you fall asleep on there, it's sort of like laying on a flat pillow. Hard to fall asleep with something in your mouth. Right. So this woman just like, I'm like, dude, crush her. And did, I'm just curious, like, did you, were you like, excuse me, or were you like, hey, I got to go. Were you like, I laid there for like, like, like just silent for about 30, 40 seconds.

Because I, I thought maybe she was just, you know, sometimes people tease. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, is this her move? Yeah. Is this her kind of, you know. I'm pretending to be asleep. Yeah.

And then nothing. And I kind of like, and I was like, and then I just kind of like, hey. Yeah. He's like, oh, yeah. Sorry. And then she just crawled up and went to sleep. So I didn't have time to. Yeah.

But it wounded me. It wounded me deep. That is a tough one. Yeah. Because then you have to start, there's questions about your own penis. Like, like what? Like, what kind of questions?

Well, does my penis put people to sleep? So I got one of those sleeping penises? Which, listen, dude, can really be useful. I mean, some people need help sleeping. You know, there's millions of people in this country who can't get to sleep. And maybe your penis is the answer. There's nights when I can't sleep. Well, dude, get to it.

You better start taking some yoga classes. Yeah, yeah. Or just get like one of those, you know, the penis in longer, elonger, elonger. Wait, now what are you saying? Elonger. Elongator? Elongator. That's the right word?

Stretcher. Elongator. I barely know her. Stretcher? Stretcher. Penis stretcher? Yeah. Is this the name of our next country song?

Penis stretcher, I think is the next one. Yeah. I think so, but they have those, I think those, they have those, those things that stretch it out. Yeah. They also, you could probably get surgery nowadays. But wait a minute. What did your girl say? Did you wake her up and say, hey, what's the deal there, Sleepy Head?

Okay, so here's what happened. Sleepy had, that's what I should have. That's what you should. Hey, Sleepy Head, let's go. Let's go. open the peepers let's go sleepy head this of my girl we were okay i i remember i was a freshman in high school and so i i didn't know i honestly thought she was just deep like i had put her to sleep but not in a good way right i'd put her to sleep and my buddy was with another girl in the house okay

And I went and I was like, hey, he goes, you're ready to go? Yeah, I'm ready to go. He goes, how to go? I go, I fuck it. I put her to sleep. He was like, what? And he was way more sexually advanced than I. He's the dude who taught me that when you use your finger on a girl,

I thought you were just supposed to stick it. I thought you were just supposed to stick it in and leave it there. Oh, okay. Like you were taking her temperature or something. Right. I think I did too, actually. It was this situation. Yeah, you just leave it.

You leave it until it's done. Like you're cooking something. Yeah, yeah. Right. He was the guy who told me. He was like, what do you? Don't do that. I was like, what do you mean?

He was like, there's got to be movement. I was like, oh, wow. Good note. And so when I left there, I told them, I put her to sleep. And he was like, what? I had never gone down on something before. And I went down on her. And like, 10 minutes in, I heard her sleeping.

He was like, why are you whispering? Yeah. Dude, you're creeping me the fuck out, bro. Can we just fucking talk about this like fucking meth? What are you a librarian? Let's go. Spit it out there, sleepy head. It's getting quieter and quiet.

And then we got a, I'm like, let's go, church mouse. God, fuck. Need a hearing aid to. Keep up with you. Oh, my God, dude. All right, try again. I have the ear full of God. I was trying to bring us into the story

because when I was talking to him, I was whispering. I fucked up the drama. No, I was whispering in the story. Okay, go ahead. But I don't have to whisper because we're not in the story. And you're not eating pussy here. Yeah, yeah. So I don't know it sounds like you have fucking.

Sorry. clear the mucus get the fucking range up let's fucking talk to me i'm right here guy wow god damn okay jesus i told him i was like i put it asleep is it as good as a story if i'm not whispering yeah it's a little loud yeah dial it down all right dial it down nacho yeah okay so that would happen yeah maybe it's better if i tell it yeah adds to the attention. But I said to him, I put her asleep. And he was like, what do you mean?

I go, when I went down on her for like 10 minutes and I heard her. By the way, your face is wetter than her pussy right now. I mean, your eyes are like, it's like you're a squirder with your eyes. I wish. Out this way. Yeah. Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt. That's okay.

Keep going. He said to me, that's not supposed to happen. And I go, what do you mean? And he was like, well, like, she's supposed to enjoy yourself, like, but not go to, when you're, something's happening to you that you like, does it put you to sleep? And I was like, no, he goes, what you, how do you usually fall asleep? I go, when I'm really relaxed or, like, bored. And he was like, yeah, this was not.

And I go, we'll find out. I said, I think I, she really liked it. And I found it in school. Her friends were like, one of her friends came up to me. And I thought I had escaped all embarrassment. And one of her friends came up to me. And she was like, hey, you want to come over Friday night? I've been having trouble sleeping.

And I was like, damn it. Well, I guess this isn't a secret anymore. Should have gave her my name. Yeah. Apparently I could put her to sleep real fast. I don't help you. Yeah. Yeah, it was.

Wow. By the way, that I really do. I was whispering it up. Yeah, you were really. I was back in it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I was back in it. You don't, when you are on stage, yeah, you don't, you tell stories, but they're pretty out there. Do you ever bring, like, real stories on stage?

I did once. I did once. I think a couple of times I have, but very rarely. Right. Because what I love about watching you is that anything can happen in your stories on stage. Right.

That's what you've set, you've set up the parameters for like, there's no rules. No rules. No rules to my stories. Yeah. But you tell them, it's one of my favorite types of comedy, absurd comedy told in a very serious, straightforward, matter-of-fact manner.

Yeah, just tell it like it's a real story, even though it's not. And when I watch you, I watch the audience, and some people every time think, oh, this is a story. This actually happens. They do. Every. Good. fucking time.

Like the story you told the other day about hiking. Yeah. When you're at Jeremiah's. Yeah. Right. I know people were like, oh, this is a story about he was actually hiking up the hill.

Yeah. Yeah. It's, you tell it so seriously and so convincingly. It's one of my favorite things. Is it? Oh, thanks. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I like convincing people it's real. And then when you throw in something so odd, ball, they can't differentiate if it's part of the reality or the thing. But in my head, I guess it's a bit selfish.

I'm laughing inside. So I kind of go either they're going to get it or they're not. Yeah, I'm laughing inside. So selfishly, half of my reason for doing comedy is to amuse myself. But I think that's what makes the best comics. It does. I think if you're doing your comedy for other people, it's not going to be as good. You're doing what you think is funny

Yeah, oh yeah To me that's what people want to watch Yeah Right If you wrote a joke Because you were like Oh I think they're gonna like this Yeah

You're gonna be writing it From somebody else's point of view That's true I didn't think of it like that Do you know what I mean? It's one of my reasons Like it's why There's some guys that I'll always watch

Like I'll always watch you Because you look like You look like you're having a good time Always face. I have to have a good time. Me too. You know, everything we do in life is tough. Like, you know, it's not, I'm not saying it's a grind. Like, everything's, we have a good time, but you always know when you get up to go do stand up, it's guaranteed a good time. Yeah. I find even if I'm in a, in a bad mood, like, like yesterday I did a show. Yeah. And for some reason,

I woke up real early, like 4.30 in the morning. I was tired, had to go to a whole bunch of meetings. Then at 5 o'clock, I had to play racquetball for three hours. Why? Because I love it. I play every week. Rocketball? Racquetball.

So I played intensely for three hours, doubles. And then, you know, three hours nonstop. Doubles racquetball? Doubles racquetball. I get off stage, I get off the racquetball court at seven. I have to be on stage at 8.15, so I don't shower. I followed you. Yeah.

I go right to the racket, to the comedy club, still sweaty because I like it that I'm pumped up, but yesterday I was so exhausted. I didn't get a chance to spend much time with you yet last night at the club because I was so exhausted. I had to come home, but I took that exhaustedness onto the stage and kind of did an act like kind of using my exhausted state, but I still had fun because I tapped into that, you know? How much, when you go on at the store,

and by the way, side note, we should write a movie about a competitive racquetball league. Really? Do you play? My dad was like a stud. Age 40, age 50, age 60, he won like all those competitive, right? I love it. And whenever he used to come, we'd take him to LA Fitness.

and play racquetball. I love it. But when you get on stage, like at the store, are you a blank slate or you have an idea or in these stories that you tell when you're on the road doing an hour? Yeah. Are you like, I have these four stories I'm going to tell or are you just, because you seem so in the moment and some people are geniuses like that where they feel in

the moment all the time but it's not or I know a lot of yours is like what percentage do you go back and forth. So last night, it was blank slate. I just went up. I thought to myself, I'm going to go up on stage and tell the audience,

I got in a fight with my girlfriend because I made, I'm a coalslaw nut, and I made her coal slaw and she didn't like it. That's all I went on stage with. And then when I got out there, I just filled in all the blanks.

Yeah. From a coleslaw story. But it was so, It was so funny. Was it? Yeah. It was so funny. But like that's the thing.

Is it, you know, it's master class level to be able to do that and to have your stories and jokes or whatever you want to call them be structured as well as those are. Wow. Like it's really, it's really, it's really awesome to watch. Well, thank you. Holy smokes. Yeah, yeah. I always wondered like how much of that, like if you go on the road and do an hour. Yeah.

When I go on the road, it's more of a show show because folks are coming to a comedy club to see a feature, an emcee, and a headliner. So I do a bit more of a more traditional show on the road, but I always slip in some of the wild stuff, you know, just... But I do have to have a set because I need those shows to be more consistent. So people will buy tickets.

So, yeah, and I just don't want them leaving thinking, oh, that was sort of experimental and weird. crazy is I feel the same type of like, oh, they're buying tickets specifically to see me. Yeah. I would feel weird to be like, hey, I'm just going to do an hour of totally new jokes. Even though sometimes, actually, you know, sometimes you will. Do you know what I've been doing on Friday night late shows? What?

I take mushrooms before I go on stage. Oh, what's that like? I will tell you, I am having so much fun. What? Really? Friday night late shows. If you come see me. I got to see this.

You come see me on Friday night shows. I'm taking mushrooms. Like how many mush? Like how deep are you? On a scale of one to ten, how high are you? Have you ever been a mushroom guy? Not me. All right.

Well, between those of you who are listening, between two and three grams. So on a scale of one to ten, what's that high like? Is it intense or is it mild? I'm not like, I'm not full on hallucinating. Okay. But I'm fucked up. Yeah, okay. I'm fucked up.

Okay. And so, you know what it is for me is, like, if I'm stuck on a joke, yeah, sometimes one, trying it on mushrooms opens up so many other doors that in a spot that I'm kind of stuck on a joke I don't like, but I keep opening the same fucking door. Yeah. I don't know why my brain isn't letting me try something else. Yeah, yeah. The mushroom's like, fuck that joke.

What about this? The other night at the comedy store on Sam Tripoli's show, I was, whacked out on mushrooms and I was telling this story I was telling the story that and my goal was to see I wonder if I can tell the story from beginning to end

this high but there were two parts in the story that I've just been fucking stuck on yeah and I solved them both that night and you were happy with them so happy I told them I told them last night on both sets I wanted to make sure I wasn't just mushroom happy that I was

happy happy right yeah I told them both I told them once of the store once at the improv and I was like fuck well what do you fucking know but now let me ask you this on always being the devil's advocate of course do you now worry that maybe now you might have to lean on the mushrooms to help you or can you go i just needed it that once or well what if it becomes a bad habit and it becomes detrimental i so if i start doing it out of every show yeah i'll check myself okay but the friday night late show, I feel like, and you know Friday night late shows are, yeah, sometimes need a little

extra boost to energy. Yeah. Oh, so you just do it on that night. Just that. That's mushroom night. Mushroom night. Just Friday night. And I'll definitely, I go in with two or three stories or two or three jokes that I feel like, ah, that could use a little juge. Yeah. And then some, I just talk to the audience. But do you have to time it? Because it's not like you take mushrooms and it's like, boom, you're high, like, isn't it like an hour or something before they kick in? They usually start hitting me about 40 minutes after. So you have to eat them, knowing when you're going on. Yeah, yeah.

And do you want to be into the high or do you want it to sort of be kicking when you're up there? I want the audience to see me sober first. So you're there for the transition. I want them to see the whole thing. Do they know of you told them? Yes. And they know when they're coming in. They know the whole situation.

Wow. and that's pretty wild i have some people come on mushrooms yeah i have it because my shows on the road now are different i just travel with my son yeah and um so he he does like a couple minutes up front i do like 70 he and i do a q and a because so many of my jokes in the past i've been about him my crowd feels like they know them they know your kid right so the q and a is kind of he's your only I have three kids. I have three kids. Oh, my two oldest ones, but I have old kids.

My oldest son is 31, and my daughter's 29. Okay, got it. And so I used to only tell stories about them. Yeah. But nobody knew who I was. And so by the time anybody found out who I was, Jacob was the only one still at the house. You know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he got all the, all the embarrassing stories about him. But I'll do that. And he knows, I'll tell him if I'm on stage for, because I was in Royal Oak and my, I was at like an hour 50. You do an hour 50? On mushrooms? And are you doing that because of the mushrooms?

Like you lose track of time? A little bit. But I... Wow, that's a long show. If I see people getting up and leaving, I would walk out. But everybody's there. They stay with you. Everybody's there.

Because it's a little weird. And mushroom shows are really interactive. And I'll say to say, if you have a question, raise your hand. You can ask me anything. I'll have an answer for you. And some people ask real weird questions. How? Like, why is the sky blue or how long have turtles been alive?

And some people will just ask me questions about my life and my act, but on mushrooms. And I find so much material doing that. All right. Before you go. Yeah. Not go, but before we go any further, tell them immediately where they can find out about your comedy tour. Comedianjashwulf.com. Comedianjoshwulf.com.

So now go see him on any night. But if you want to have a really wild time, go see them on Fridays. Okay. Keep going. You know what? is also man and i feel like i i feel like as long as i'm doing this yeah i want i want to walk down every road i want to you know yeah i can i hear yeah i do you know what i so you only come through life once what am i what am i you know what i did also for a year yeah for three months

all i did was sit down the whole time i never took the mic out of the sand three months okay for the next three months i stood in front of the mic but i never took it out right for the next three months I held it almost like burr and for the next three months I paced just and I took I did basically the same jokes yeah but you know what it showed me in parts of my stories they work better when I'm sitting down right right and so if if you see me in a story where in one part I go to sit down that's because during those three months what I learned is that part of the story works better with me sitting down yeah yeah but this is what I mean I it's what I love about what we do yeah it's always fun ever changing, you can always just invent something for yourself to do that keeps you

entertained. Yeah, you got to. If you don't, you just sort of creatively die, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look, you know, one of my favorite things about what we do in that other people understand is I love the shit giving. Yeah. It's one of my favorite things about comics, and if you're a comic and I don't know you,

I still feel like I can give you, I can make fun of you. Yeah. But you know what's been lost a little bit when I, first started, you would make fun of the person that you follow. You would say something. Yeah. This is not a thing people like anymore. Really? I do it all the time.

I did it with you last night when I introduced you. Do you remember what I said? I don't remember exactly. I said, so I finished my act. You were coming up next. I said, ladies and gentlemen, I work with so many great comedians all over the country, all through the years. And I want to tell you about this next guest.

out of every comic I work with, he's probably the most humble comedian I've ever worked with. And case in point, he would never tell you this, so I'm going to tell you, I write all his material. And then you came out.

Like, it's fun to goof with the other comedians, right? It's why, like, it's part of... It's camaraderie, yeah. A hundred percent. And you're telling me there's people that don't like that anymore? Do you know, yeah.

You know, when I first started, open mics, that was part of the deal. Yeah. Is that you made fun of the person who you just saw. Yeah. And not like that, honestly, I only did it to people that I liked. Yeah. I'm not making fun of somebody I don't like.

I don't, that's not. Yeah, you're right. There are people like that. It feels, when I make fun of somebody I don't like, it feels like I'm really making fun. Yeah. You can tear it in the inflection. Yeah, I'm like, yeah, that felt real.

There are, you're right. There's guys like that. I remember when I used to MC when I first moved to Hall. because nobody knew me, so I couldn't get regular spots so they would MC me, which I didn't like, because I, you know, I just came down from Canada and I was a AAA headliner up there, and now I'm MCing, but I knew I had to have my place in line. So I did it, and I was grateful for it, but I only lasted about six months. But in order to make it interesting for me, now I'm in Hollywood, and I'm with all the top players

in the comedy industry, but I didn't know any of them because I was from Canada. So here they were kind of big news. So I would bring these guys up on stage and just to amuse myself, this next guy coming up, me and him used to go fishing together. And I'll never forget, one time we got snagged on a log. Let's bring him up, Donnie Smith.

And I remember half of them would go up and go, I never went fishing with this guy. He's just an asshole. So they literally get mad at me. And it just made me want to do it more because I was like, you fucking relax. When you first started here, who were the people that you were starting?

with uh so when i was when i was starting here it was a louis k dave chapelle oh uh dain cook uh and were you were you like a laugh factory dude were you a improv were you i did mostly the laugh factory back then and i would have done the other ones but i got so many gigs like i just had an open door there they said yeah you know i was i was working there every weekend every night so i didn't need to go anywhere else and then eventually you know all the other clubs just asked me to come and I was like you know what so now sometimes we'll do three clubs a night but and by the way it's such a crazy thing for those clubs to all be within like whatever a mile of each other but to but to have completely different

audiences like the laugh the store audience the improv and the laugh factory couldn't be more different yeah the laugh factory feels more like a road gig doesn't it for me it feels more like Like as far as the reception you get, and I don't mean that in a bad way. I feel like the laughs are easier is not the right word, but like it feels more like the ice house, which is like, oh, I'm going to have a great set tonight. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I don't, by the way, that's not a negative on the laugh. No, no, not at all.

It feels good to go in there. Oh, yeah, that's a con crush in there. I don't know if it feels like a road gig to me because it's like right here in town and I live here. Right. But yeah, I would agree. agree that each one has its own energy that's for sure like like the store feels really hip yeah the laugh factory feels sort of more middle of the road like tourists and and and then the the improv to me feels it's it's the toughest one it feels sort of really i always struggle there but i like it because

i struggle sometimes you find your best stuff when you're struggling the i the input listen i would tell you for sure those wednesday night one a m sets at the comedy store in the o r yeah in front of eight people who have seen three hours of comedy. It could be great. If you're making them laugh, those are funny jokes. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Oh, yeah. They're keepers. And because those people, they're like, I bought the ticket. I'm watching the whole show. You know, I don't care if I've been here for fucking four hours.

I'm watching the whole show. But I agree with you. Sometimes I love those small rooms. Yeah. I, for a couple reasons. One, you know,

sometimes I find myself. getting a little too performative in front of bigger crowds. Yeah, yeah. And I want to make sure, and those small crowds remind me just to talk. I don't need to raise my voice. I have a microphone. Yeah. Do you know what I mean?

Well, sometimes you'll go to a club for a weekend and you're like, they'll go, oh, Saturday's sold out and you kind of go, oh, it's like, okay, I got to do my. I think. But when you get in there on a Thursday night and it's only like half full, you sort of feel like, oh, that can be kind of free and loosey goosey. Like, it's, it's not that you don't give a great show on Saturday, but there's something about that half crowd that makes you feel a little freer to just. Yeah, it feels, you, it feels more intimate.

Yeah, it does. I really agree with you. Yeah. I think some of my best, and not only that, I think Thursday night crowds are comedy fans. It's not date night. They weren't just looking for something to do. Yeah, it's more. If they're there on Thursday, they like you.

Yeah. And they like comedy. And that's why they're there. And speaking to you. Oh, are you going to picking a picture of me? Words from a wooden shoe. Oh, that's do it. So this is our closing bit.

Okay. And what we do... Do you have two of those? Do you ever wear them? Just one. Okay. Yeah, got them from a pirate. Right.

Yeah, that explains it. And what we do, Guy, is you reach into the... This is an authentic Dutch clog. You reach in there, you grab a word, and see if the word brings back a memory or a story from your life. Okay. Words from a wooden shoe. you with Josh, Zachary Wolf.

What's your word, guy? Gun. Here we go. What do we got? Okay. Wow. That's a tight one. Yeah.

Does this say gun or gum? I don't know my glasses on. Oh, great. Thank you, son of a bit. You son of it. It actually says bun. Oh. No.

No. It says gun. Okay, it says gun. Okay. And so I'm... I was going to ask you to lick my pussy, but you'd probably pass out, so forget it. Tell me. No, you would pass out.

Yeah. Not me. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Tell me something again. So what's the assignment? So it's just if it elicits a memory or a story from your life, does that word inspire something from your life that involves a gun or gun related or? I will say this.

I'm not, first I'm not a real, I have a gun. Yeah. I'm not a gun guy. Yeah. But I will tell you that the word, anytime I hear the word gun, for whatever reason, it brings me back to Wayne's world. Oh, okay. Where his ex-girlfriend gives him a gun rack. Right.

And he says, I don't even have a gun, much less, what he says, much less something to necessitate a rack. Right. For whatever reason, whenever I hear the word, I was a big Wayne's World fan. Yeah. For whatever reason, when I hear that word gun, that joke pops right into my head. Wow. Are you mental? Yeah.

Yeah. That's, I don't know if that fits what you were looking for. No, that's the thing. It can be whatever you want. But that word always makes me think of that joke. Well, you know what? The upside to that story is that you said it, it reminds you of a joke. So gun, which we usually associate with violence and murder and death, to you,

equals joke and funny, which is a nice thing. So that's a nice story. Ladies and gentlemen, before we go, Josh, please tell the folks where they can find you, where they can see your tour,

where they can get on your social media. Comedianjoshwulf.com is the, for the tour dates. I do a podcast with my son called Hey Man. I will tell you to me, it's the most fun I've ever had. The podcast, every podcast,

he seems to admit something like last podcast he admitted he was like do you did I ever tell you I used to steal your car and do donuts in the Macy's parking lot I'm like what yeah that's cool so there's a lot of that wow I in on a little bit of a serious note I've had dads and kids come up to me and say your podcast is inspirational and aspirational because the relationship is super cool to watch but we talk there's a lot of generation gap stuff where his idea of hip hop and my idea of hip hop are two different things Yeah, that's cool. He teaches me where I found out what cap and no cap means.

Okay. Which he teaches me a lot of stuff, but it's a, it's a lot of fun. So it's, Hey, man with three A's because that's how I, he told me that's how I say it. He says, I say, hey man. Well, catch Josh, catches his podcast, catches, go see his comedy, especially that Friday night show, wherever you may be. And all your cities are listed on your website. It's all listed on the website.

It's a good time. We have a lot of fun out there. Listen, since you got the, uh, the, the action. in your hand. Do you want to say goodbye to the folks with a little song? Yeah. I mean, just you. This is your time to sing. I'm going to shut my pie hole. It sounds pretty good, right? Excellent.

Thank you for joining us on the Harlan's Highway. We've had a lot of fun. And later, we might get just a little gay. and when I say just a little gay I mean an oral opportunity and more for him and not...

No, I meant for me. Theme music, ladies and gentlemen, thanks for being here on the hard-on highway. Until next time, chicken chamein, baby. Put that fucking thing. down immediately. Holy God.

Here comes old sleepy head. I'm a good old country boy and I got a country heart. A Walmart sleeping bag where I do my country farts. You city boys spend your millions on fancy sports cars. Us country boys can drop panties

with our thrift store guitars. Well, I'm a country boy at heart. And that's all you need to know If you don't like a cornfield, then just fuck off and go I'm a country boy at heart and that's all you need to know You city boy see your therapist and manicure your toes If you want me, you got me behind the silo And I'll make you squeal like a hog and the townsfolk all know

I'm a country boy at heart I'm a country boy at heart I'm a country boy at heart, and that's all you need to know. That was beautiful.