The Harland Highway - NEW HARLAND HIGHWAY #64 - MELISSA VILLASENOR, Comedian, Actor, Podcaster, Artist, Author.

Episode Date: July 4, 2023

SNL star Melissa Villasenor is here to share her crafts, her art, her comedy, and stories from Saturday night live. And she stuffs her hand up a watermelon! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You're riding down the Harland Highway All right, hold tight on the Harland Highway Show Harland Williams Oh, they look good on you. But it also helps, I feel like, helps me keep track of if we do do any voices, right? Oh, yeah. Yeah, when you do voice work, it always helps when you can hear in your own head.

Same with on stage, having the monitor on stage. You're like, oh, I can hear it. I love having a lizard on stage. A lizard on stage? What do you mean? Is that what they call them? We just said you like to have a monitor on stage. Yeah.

I like a commoto myself. Wait. What? Are you talking about monitor lizards? I'm talking about a monitor to hear the speaker. Wait, is that a lizard? The monitor lizard is a very large lizard from Africa. Oh, I'll shut out of my cap.

I don't, it's up to you. For respect of the podcast? Doesn't matter. It's up to you. It's whatever the wild thing wants to do while she's on the prowl. I feel like it's cool to see the silver's in my hair. Oh, wow. Lady Greystoke is in the house.

Wow. That's true. That looks great. Doesn't one of the X-Men girls have a silver streak in her hair? This is natural, man. Which X-Men is it? Or X-girl. It's like a storm.

Storm. So you're like slightly turbulent. incoming tropical weather? You never know if I'm going to be in friendly or dark. Oi! Whoa, what did you do? The lightning hit a baby? What was that?

No, I hit me in the buns. Oh, in the buns? In the butt. So that way, so that's why I went, oie! Wow. What do you got up that butt? It sounds like, did you sit on a smurf?

One of the munchkins pops out. We want to welcome you to Munchkin land. I probably have one of those in my butt. Good Lord. I think we all do. Yeah, no one wants to admit it. Yeah. Ma'am, you have a tapeworm.

Oh, no, I don't. That's a Wizard of Oz Munchkin. That's one of the lollipop boys. A lollipop. Yeah. How creepy were they? Yeah, poor guys. Dementoid.

Do you believe that one of them hung itself or not? A lollipop boy? Well, not the lollipop boy, exactly, but one of them, remember? Someone. Remember that, there's that. Oh, that one scene. They think it's hanged, he hung himself. Yeah, no.

I don't think so. I don't think. Why would a lollipop boy hang himself? Well, I'm not saying lollipop boy, one of the munchkins. We don't know if it's certain, but you think it'd be a lollip. Well, first of all, how does a munchkin even get up to a tree branch? So that's your first clue that it never happened. Like if a munchkin is going to commit suicide,

he's probably going to, like, jump off an armoire or a footstool. Well, yeah. You're not getting up in a tree when you're shorter than a chipmunk. Maybe that Judy Garland, maybe she's like, here, I'll help you. Oh, this is trouble. Here, let me throw some munchkin treats into the branches. Up you go. little feller go along little scamp and here's a rope in case you slip just put it around your

little tiny neck for a little guy are we recording uh yeah it's good yeah oh yeah let's hit the theme music ladies and gentlemen welcome to the harland highway podcast melissa and i'm going to butcher your last name just like i always do i don't think you've ever butchered i have go ahead Melissa Alamator Velociraptor No I like velociraptor Vola Vala Vala Dictorian

No Valla Vala seigneur Via seor Is it? Yeah See I always mess it up Huh? You could do it

Say it again This is a good intro Yeah This is the Harland Highway Intro Valisneur. Is that what you said? Via seigneur. There you go.

I know, but I always mess it up. Can you just be like Melissa Smith for once? No. You're allergic to Smiths. Wow. So let's get right into a comedian, actor, author, artist, singer, impressionist, so many juices. just so many juicy things, right? That's true.

I'm really proud of it. I'm proud of having a colorful palette as a person. Yeah. You have a really, like you do a lot of things. Like some people do one or two or three things. You do like. I can't contain it. Yeah.

It's got to ooze out everywhere. Yeah. It's good though, right? No, it feels good. It feels good when you just like you think, should I have taken another path? Should I have, you know, worked in an, office. Sometimes as a creative person, you think that because you go, is this a normal life?

Can this sustain? And then when you realize you just can't stop it, you realize you made the right choice. In fact, you probably didn't even have a choice. Yeah, no. Yeah. There was always something telling me inside, like, if I avoided it or avoided comedy, I would feel very, like, empty and I'm like oh it's because I'm not listening to it and at what age did that little voice kick in immediately 19 years old right when I started doing open lines yeah I already knew early but did you know before that was there a little thing going I don't know what it is but I'm gonna be doing something in front of people or that's how I felt when I was like when I was like a little guy like 10 11 I started to feel like something's the little sparkles yeah yeah that's how I felt too yeah

How cool to just listen. Yeah. And no one, my parents were like, what the hell? Don't do this. Yeah. And I was like, no, I'm going to listen. Yeah, yeah. You listen to the voice.

Imagine how many people in life don't, though. That's a shame. There's a lot of talent out there. Imagine, yeah, people that never realized or listened to that voice. And I've met a lot of people in life who have regretted it. They've kind of gotten older and like, why didn't I do this? Why didn't I do that? But it's not easy.

That's the thing. It's not easy. And if there's people. People in your life that are pushing you in other ways, and it's hard to, like, clean it out and be like, no, I'm not. Oh, wait, so your folks weren't supportive of it? They tried to. When I started, no. Yeah.

And, but it wasn't until I started making the mullah. Then they were like, okay, I guess she could maybe make a living. We don't really like what you're doing, honey, but that new house you bought us sure is making us start to rethink things. Actually, I do have a condo, okay. Not to break. What? Talk to me. No, no, no.

But I didn't, this was like within three years of S&L. And my mom was the one that was like, hey, you got to stop crashing here. Get a place. You can invest now. And I was like, I don't know. I feel like I need to crash around people's. I don't know. But it took me some time to.

Wait, so you were still living with Mammi Amo when you were? No, no, no. I had apartments. Okay. I never bought property until a few years ago. And how does that feel? It feels pretty damn cool. So it's a condo?

Yeah. Can you hear people through the walls? No. You will. No, I've been there three years, buddy. You will. All right. What's going to happen, guy?

I'm telling you. No, I haven't heard. I only hear dogs sometimes and TV, maybe. But it's not. That's pretty thick wall. But you just said you heard a TV Well, very faint, okay? But through the wall

I got you, kid Right out of the gate Condo grab Power slammed Tried to deny it Heard it faintly Well, they probably got They probably get on my

It's too late You know what you win All right Yeah got you Just gonna sit here and gloat So what's the solution Just gloating for a little longer and then let it just wash over me that I won the through the drywall competition.

Ew. Ew. I don't hear that. That's not. That's gloating too much, right? Yes, that's too much. Yeah. That's okay. But I'm glad you got a condo.

Isn't it nice to have your freedom? Yeah. Did you pay for, did you put all the lettuce out immediately? Are you still paying? No, I'm still paying some mortgage. Okay. But. When will you be done?

How many years? I don't know. Okay. Let me know when that's taken care of and, uh, might even ask you out for dinner. What the, just might. After the mortgage is paid. When everything's clear.

What the heck? I don't need any, I don't want any trouble until that's, Kind of clean up your mess And then I think there might be a dinner in it for you All right Talk to me Now speaking of your creativity Boom

My book Talk to me about this book Come on So it's called Whoops I'm Awesome Yeah And it's kind of a activity fun book for adults in your child really yeah like give me an example like it's well like i have a i drew my own version of a back of a cereal box and you have to play games and then

it's kind of a little self-helpy but there's a lot of jokes it's it's very fun in my story and then there's a lot of emo drawings and did you do all the artwork hell yeah look this i love it yeah is that you I guess so, yeah. That's me jumping in a rainbow water puddle. I love it. I love it. And it deals with sort of like, as you said, a little bit of self-help. Yeah.

And meditation and reflecting and stuff like that. Yeah. And I think I try to make it, I didn't want it too serious because I, you know, there's corny books out there. Yeah. Too much. You're like easy. Yeah.

You're getting too fluffy on me. Yeah. I made sure there's mistakes. That's why I put whoop. The whoops, yeah. It's like I left a mistakes in there where I said, there's a crossword puzzle, and I had on one word there to find rice, and I forgot to write it in there. So I said, sorry, it's not there. So the crossword puzzle was one word.

Rice. Oh, I love it. Next one, you can add a ronie to it. It'll be the more complicated one. Well, I want it, because my art is very similar to Shell Silverstein. Oh, yeah, the giving tree, right? Yeah, yeah. So I get that comparison a lot.

And he is one of my favorites growing up, too. Yeah. But I wanted just a book of just straight art, just doodles. Okay. But I think because of what's in the world, people like activity books, coloring books these days. Yeah. Interactive. Yeah.

But see, I love the simplicity of that. That's what people, I think they're drawn to that a lot. Yeah. Some artists just. get too busy and too detailed, but that's just like, it reminds me of, remember that book, Le Petit Prince, the little prince, standing up on that planet. Yeah. But that's you with your little tree house and.

See, there's a maze. Yeah, I saw that. You go hiking in my book. So you go hiking in the book. Yeah, there's a, there's like a corn maze. You take naps. I tell you take a nap. Look at that.

Well, there you go. See? Yeah. It's like Candyland. I love that, man. So I want to break down, like, the different categories, because this is stuff I've tried to do in my life. First one, talk to me about meditation. Because that's something that I think a lot of people toy with, but don't necessarily, like, what's your method for meditation and what?

Well, now it's TM. I've been doing the Transcendental. What's that? You've heard, you must have heard of this here in L.A. There's a lot, I've heard, that's all I've been hearing about is the trans stuff. But what do you? Well, that. It's transcendental meditation.

It's been around a long time. So if you meditate enough, you'll change genders? No, you. What's transmental? What's transmental tautation? Okay. Wait. It goes way back.

It's when you get kind of like a mantra that's only for you. Okay. You practice with the school. It's like a little class. It's not a big deal. It's something fancy. Wait a minute. You're meditating at SeaWorld?

No. Well, where are you getting the mantra? I got it at the school, that the building, the offices there in Los Feliz. Okay. What is a mantra? I guess it's just a phrase or a word. Oh, I'm sorry. I was thinking of the big underwater, the mantra rays.

Sorry, okay. So what's, God, someone get me a munchkin and get me a munchkin quick. There it is. That sounded like a munchkin honestly doing a fart in a movie theater if I'm being on it. Like that had a little bit of buttered popcorn and some hot dog relish on it. Good Christ. I think I just started my own mantra. Must kill munchkins.

What's your mantra? Are you allowed to say it? No, I can't share it. It's private, right? Yeah, it's my own. And is it your own one for you? Is it in another language? Like I know sometimes the monsons.

Is there umbi gumbali wamba like i think it is is yours yeah well i don't know what it means but it does sound it's cool because oh when the teacher gave it to me it is that okay is it smelling no i thought the lid was on it and i was about to thunderblast my face i haven't seen a mountain dew in a while whoa god ever had a brokeback mountain dew those things hurt Can I get a munchkin noise after that? Yeah, that's about it. That's what you'll hear up on Brokeback Mountain Dew. Wow.

So what language is your mantra in? You know what? I don't know. Okay. Yeah. But it's like a chanty type of thing. It's just one thing, one word I'm repeating. Oh, like, I'm gungari, like that type of, sort of like a rhythm.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And is it supposed to sort of evoke like a trance-like kind of thing, or just is it, is it like a guttural thing that helps you center? Mm-hmm, like that. Yeah, I think it kind of helps what their thing is how you, should I be sharing it? Whatever. I mean.

It's up to you. I don't know. Are there mantra police? I mean, are you? It just, you do 20 minutes, so you're actually getting so deep into like the almost like an ocean, like you get so deep down into and all the thoughts and noise just kind of starts scattering. Hey, everybody, who wants to have better sex? No? Yes, yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what you want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. And Adam and Eve is

offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping. And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a private. Priority plus 100% free shipping on your entire order doesn't matter how much you spend or what you buy I will be packaged and sent discreetly for free and fast don't wait better sex is just a click away That's 50% off one item and free shipping bring more pleasure and satisfaction into your bedroom Just go to Adam and Eve.com and select any one item. It could be an adventurous new toy or anything you desire. Just enter the offer code Harland to check out.

That's Harland, H-A-R-L-A-N-D at Adam and Eve.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to this podcast. So be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discount and 100% free shipping code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. And is it supposed to like sort of clear your head? It does.

And you do this how often? If I can, twice a day, but usually once, these days. I tried it once. Someone was teaching me all about, you know, meditation and get in a room and do your thing and, you know, try and get everything quiet. Yeah. And I was in there and I was like, have my eyes, I'm going to dore, and the fucking usher came over and said,

sir, you're disturbing the other people. They're trying to watch the movie. And I was like, fuck you, guy. I'm trying to get into my space. And it turned into a big thing. And I don't mean to swear, but I was angry. I mean... Were you in the movie theater?

Yeah. Oh, that's on you. Well, as I said, get in a room and try to get... Well, if you're going to laugh, maybe I'll never meditate again in my life. And you can go, stuff a midget in your glove box. How about that? You could go hang a munchkin as far as I care. Okay.

What's the next one? Reflecting. Tell me about reflecting. Oh, are you cupping what I shared in the book? That's right. Yeah. Yeah, we're kind of, we're doing a step by step through the walks. Reflecting.

I don't know if I have reflecting in there. Oh. No, I think it's, look, it's broken down in four different chapters, and it's like, how do I get to that lighter, silly side of myself? So the first one's embracing your kid's self. Okay. The second one is like physical being active and stuff. And then the third is mental.

And then the fourth is helping others. Oh, I like that one. Yeah. What, what's, did you do random acts of kindness? I tried to. Is that important to you? Yeah. Like, what's the last sort of random?

I planted an oak tree on one of the trails with tree people last month. With the tree people, you planted an oak tree. Or a future suicide spot for a munchkin. No. Well, you said earlier there was a munchkin hanging off a tree. You're right, I did. I mean, if you don't like them. I love them.

But you're setting up jumping off points. Oh, man. All these connections, you know. My recent random act of kindness. Well, it was kind of spurred by someone else's act of kindness. I was, yesterday I was in Chicago and my flight was delayed because they were short one crew person, right? They were short one flight attendant, so they couldn't leave.

And there was no flight attendant in sight. They were actually going to have to wait for another plane to come from another. city, blah, blah, blah. So some lady, one of the customers, was a trained flight attendant. And she came forward and said, she went up to the counter and said, I'm a flight, I'm willing to give up my seat, da, da, da, da, and I can act as the flight, and the flight can go. And so she did that and saved us all like probably a day or half a day. So during the flight, I got up and they had her way in the back. I went all the way to the back and I found her and I gave her 20 dollar bill. I said, lunch is on me when you land. Thank you so much.

Hey, that's nice. So her random act of kindness led to mine. Oh, I thought you were going to volunteer as a flight attendant. You know what's funny? I did before she went up. I went up to the guy and I said, sir, how long is this going to be? He goes, we don't have any idea. We don't even have anyone in our scope. And I said, I will slap the dress on and be the flight attendant if you need it as a joke. That would be real fun. Yeah. That would have been a fun plan. ride with you that would have been fun i haven't been in a dress for years wow it's time yeah it's real time to get back in it yeah papa don't preach i'm keeping the baby uh wait what was the oh

i had another one too i wanted to ask you about okay oh hang on oh healing oh is that one that we should talk about like does all this stuff lead to healing all the meditation and reflection and all that. Self-healing. Do you believe in that stuff? Well, I think, yes, because it, I get, I personally feel healed when I'm talking about stuff that, that makes me laugh or bugs me in my life or, or art even. Yeah.

I think that's all healing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then connecting it with other people that are like, I feel that way too. Yeah. Those are my fans know that. Who the hell of your fans? I feel like that way too. Sounds like a rowing team likes you or something.

What the hell? Sweet loaf of raisin bread. But you like crafts and stuff, though. This is, you like kind of. I'm dangerous. I'm a dangerous person because if I'm good at crafts, I've hate to brag it to you. Right.

If you teach me something new that's crafty, my brain, I'll think, okay, I'm going to quit everything and this will be my full time. I get obsessed, and I got to be careful. Any craft, like I did ceramics recently through the pot, you know, throwing the wheel. Yeah. And I was so good. I was like, I could do that.

Like, it's dangerous for me. I like so many crafts out there. Well, and this is perfect because this is summer. We're right at the doorstep of summer. And this is when I do my summer craft series. Ooh. And so I got some stuff here. Really?

Oh, yeah. Cool. We're going to do, I'm going to teach you some of my get you involved in my summer craft series. Whoa. Yeah. This is something nasty. No, no.

This is this stuff I do every summer. I just see this Vaseline. I don't know why. We have a jar of Vaseline. We have kous-kose. Okay. So the first one's called baby kus-kos. What we do.

You made this up. No, this is, well, of course, this is part of my summer craft series. Okay. So you get a glass bowl, pour some kusk-k-kose. And then what we do, and you, can help me with this. Then what we do is we open the Vaseline up. We get a baby. I'm so confused. Oh no. Well this is summer crafts and then what we this is so weird. What are you doing? What we do is we Vaseline the baby's head. Well if you

don't want to do summer crafts series. This isn't crass. This is creepy. Oh this is summer. Every summer I do new craft. You do summer. You just get its head shining like a munchkin standing in the moonlight. Oh. Yeah. Look at this. What the? Yeah.

So now what we do is you get the baby and you pull them upside down and you dunk his head in the kuskos. It's called baby. Is this something you've done before? Yeah. It's called baby kuskosk. Oh, this is creepy. Just stuff his head right in the kuskooze. Yeah.

Squish it around. Oh, yeah. Just grind it around. No, this is so weird. Yeah. Hold that up to camera. Oh, yeah. Why?

You got baby cooscoes. You're that wild? Oh, look at that. That beautiful. So now he has hair. Now he's, well, he's got cuss-coos. What's that mean? That's what this is.

No, I know, but is there a different meeting? No, just doing one of my summer crafts from my summer craft series. Now, do you sell, do you give this to one of your fans, the baby kuskos? No, no, I keep them because there's going to be more. Oh, no, because look at the eye. You did something. What? There's like more vassina under his eye.

Oh, well, if you want to, coo-st. Ew, what is this? Where'd you get this baby? Well, he's my summer craft series baby. So he's been through a lot. He's had peanut butter on him. He's had all kinds of stuff. Wow.

Yeah. Man, he has a heavy head. Yeah, baby cuss-coose. And then I have what's... I won't make fun of your craps. It's what... Two each is known, you know? No, they're fun.

Where's... Let me see. I think I have one more... Let me go get. I have a little... You play with him for a minute. Oh, no. And I got one more little thing.

His head's so heavy. No, it's not. Yeah, look at that. Baby cuss-cus. I don't like him. Well, you'll like him in a minute because there's more. All right. No, I'll be nice.

No, that's okay. There's another part of the summer crafts. If you want to hold him for a minute. Okay. And then this one's called, you'll like this. All right. This is called Baby Barbecue. Okay.

And how it works is you get a nice, like, summertime barbecue sauce. You just pour it in a little dish like that. And then this is all summer crafts. And then you get a dirty eye dropper. And then look at this. You're going to love that. I'll do one eye. You can do the other.

What you do is you're so. up some of this barbecue sauce and you give baby some barbecue sauce summertime tears. Look at that. Just weeping, weeping the barbecue sauce. Try, you'll love it. Try this. Here, oh, baby barbecue sauce. Here, soak up some juice.

Right under that eye. Yeah. This is so weird. Yeah. But that's the joy of craft, summertime craft. Oh, yeah, right in his mouth. Look at that. Oh, hold them up to your camera.

Look at them weeping. Do you want to do that baby noise you were doing earlier? Wait. I could do better, John. Keep going, keep going. That is so creepy. Keep going, keep going. He's weeping.

Can't you do baby voice? I feel like you could. It's like a baby seal. Well, isn't that fun? Yeah, that was pretty fun. Summertime crafts? I kind of, you know what? Maybe it forced me out of my comfort zone.

Well, that's the joy of my summer craft series. Yeah, maybe just do whatever. Like they just take you right out of it. Yeah, no, I think you're right. That was fun. Thank you. So baby cuss-coose. You could try it at home.

Barbecue baby. Yeah, please try it at home, gang. Unbelievable. Great job. I mean, I have one other one, but it's a little more extreme. I don't know if you want to try it. All right. It's called watermelon Wonderland.

All right. I can't tell if you're making this on a sparta. You really do. No, this is my summertime craft series. And I knew you loved crafts. So I was like. Yeah. Let's see it.

All right, Amber, bring in the watermelons. Let's get it set up. Here we go. Bring in the watermelon. All right, here we go. There's one. There's two. Great.

Thank you, Amber. Oh, my God. What we do? We get the knife out. We've got to cut the watermel. Here's how it works. This is the watermelon summer crafts here. Oh, man.

You cut the front off the watermelon. You're going to have to do mine. I'm too. Yeah, I'm going to do yours. I don't really use big knives. I know, it's pretty intimidating. I learned this from... So what?

All right, so that's yours. Okay. And then I do mine. It's called Watermelon Wonderland. And have you ever wanted an alternate career, like outside of... Did you ever flirt with another career outside of doing stand-up or acting? No. And I'll tell you why.

You'll see when we do this. So this is called watermelon wonderland. Okay. And what you do is you get your hand and you just shove it right up inside that watermelon, like right up inside, right in the belly. No way. And the watermelon. Oh.

Just shove right up in there. What? We're wasting good food. Yeah, but it's crafts. Think of it as crafts. Wow, I don't think I want to... Yeah, it's pretty. This one's a little advanced.

I don't know if you want. It's... Look at that, right up in there. Whoa. And what I wanted to do at one point in my life was... I wanted to be a baby turner. You ever heard of that? No.

So sometimes when a woman's preggers, the baby gets twisted around. Oh. And so I always want to... wanted to be the guy that reached up and turned it because I felt like I was a real thing yeah a baby turner because if it comes out the wrong way right the baby will turn blue or have you know is epiglottis will be so I just and then I always just imagine being a baby turner while in the watermelon yeah so this sort of kind of replicates it summer craft series

Hang on. I'm stuck. Can you just pull mine? I got my hand stuck. Oh. Ew. You're a wild one. Yeah.

All right. I think we should still have these to eat. Yeah, you can pick away at it if you want. You know, I did a little writing of my own. Yeah. And, you know, I'd love to share. You know, do you have a cinnamon journal? No.

Okay, I keep a cinnamon journal. It's not a book that's published, but it's sort of like my private. Why cinnamon? Just look at it. I love cinnamon. Right? You just answered your own question. Everyone loves cinnamon.

It's Christmas. Yeah. Right, it smells good. So I knew you wrote a book. I do a little writing and I wrote a little poem. Oh, I wrote. want to hear if you'd like to hear. Yeah. This is a little poem. You like birds. You have a tattoo of a bird on your arm. So why a hummingbird? That's a good way to lead into this. I think they're

beautiful in the colors. And I like, on my grandma's funeral, there was one hovering over her casket. Yeah. So it's pretty cool. That's why I got it. There was a hummingbird hovering over your grandmother's casket while we were having the funeral. She was nearby. It was outside? Yeah. Wow. Pretty cool.

Yeah. That was pretty. Is there symbolism behind that? And the hummingbirds have some spiritual connection. If a hummingbird hovers over your casket when you're dead, does it mean something? Maybe. But I also was a fan of this artist for a while, and I liked her. Oh, you did?

Wow, that's kind of cool. I would like some critters over my casket. Well, don't you have any? Oh, that'd be cool. What ones would you want? I think I'd want a wolf or a Black Panther. Whoa. Yeah.

That's edgy. Well, I just, I love their eyes. I love the eyes of a wolf. I love the eyes of a black panther. What if the people around you just run because they get scared, but then. Or maybe you have to say as a wolf, come back, though. It's just me. Or what if the wolf or the wolf or the.

Black Panther take some of them down, and then they're already at a funeral. Now I don't have to go alone. That's a good point. Bring some friends with you. Got a couple of stiffies to take me into the white light. Never heard to have a little support around. Right? That's true.

That's good. You're very smart. Yeah. That's smart. All right. Let's hear this poem. Yeah. This is birds.

Birds. Birds. I wrote this for you. Oh, wow. Yeah. Wow, thank you. My cinnamon journal. It's called Little Birds.

Okay. Little birds, tiny, crackling in my tree, teeny tiny tiny tiny tini tinyes sing a song to me. Oh, little tiny birdie. Little tiny birdie. twiddle, twiddle, twiddle, d, birdie sniff a stinky, twiddle, twill, twill. Well, I'm going to laugh. No, no, I'm not going to laugh. I thought you said stinky, Aggie.

I did. Okay, that's fine. Birdy sniff a stinky. Twiddle, twiddle, d. Little birds, tiny, tiny. mucous membrane and you stink tiny tiny bird bird smash a block of wood

on an old lady's face it's like an evil bird well it's just it's about birds and I thought you'd like it yeah thank you you're what get rid of this yeah that knife I don't like a knife sitting there.

Wow. Yeah. You're a pro bird whistler. Yeah. Have you ever whistled like that and then some approach you? No. No, I only do bird whistling indoors. I like to play it safe.

Yeah. Are you a nail biter? I noticed you're chewing your nails. Oh, it's these, those little, no, I don't choose it. It's the hang nail that's all. Oh, yeah. What causes a hang nail? We all get them.

I don't know. Like all of a sudden your skin gives up and goes, you know what? Doinglingling. Yeah. And it just like gives up and, you know, all year it's like fastened to your nail. And then all of a sudden a little slice goes, I quit. And then it just hangs there. Like when you pull up your pants, I feel like that's when they arrive.

They're going, oh. Yeah. Or I don't know. It's like if you were driving in the hood of your car, suddenly just went, and flapped up. front of you like why why does the skin around your nail give up i don't know yeah yeah that's a like what if that happened on other parts of your body just doing oh yeah ew i would pick it you would yeah i pick all those things do you eat your skin like when you because some people when they

pick the skin be honest they'll eat it if i if it's a little tiny yeah and i've picked it yeah sure you'll eat it yeah for sure sometimes i'll toss it and sometimes i'll toss it and sometimes and if I'm in a mood where I'm like, man, whatever, I'll keep it. If you had like a skin condition, like psoriasis, would you just pick it and eat them like chips? No way. No, that's, I wouldn't do that. Okay. I don't know.

I think you might. Amber, let's get the watermelons out. They're starting to stink, aren't they? Really? They have a smell? Yeah, oh, yeah. You can't smell them. Come on and grab these watermelons out of here if you could.

Thank you. There we go Oh, look at those melons There we go Thank you Tell me about your dog I know you didn't bring them today But you love your dog

I love my penny Like he's with you all the time right A she Oh it's a she now Let me guess Transmeditation Wait it's a she Yeah Penny

Penny or Penny? Penny. Penny like a penny. Like a coin. Why'd you name her that? Are you always dropping her? Hmm. No. Why? Why Penny? Just she looked like a penny. Penny is like a spunky name. But is she copper in color? She's she's kind of gold. She's golden. So maybe goldy. Yeah, I didn't think about that. Whoops. Do you have a dog? I used to have dogs. But I don't know. I had to get rid of my regular dogs, and I had to get a service dog. Is Penny a service dog?

Oh. Oh, really? Just to make her fly with me. Oh, so is it, it's a phony? Sort of, yeah. So you can get her on the plane. Does she have the little vest and everything? Yeah.

Oh, and what do you claim her service is? Well, they're not supposed to ask you, right? Oh, they're not? They're not. God, I get asked every time. So what do you have? Well, I want to hear yours first, because if I have the same one, I'm going to be... I think I just say vertigo.

Really? So you... Oh, okay. And I do have dizzy spells. I thought you meant she reenact scenes from the Alfred Hitchcock movie. I haven't seen that. You haven't seen Vertigo? No.

Boy, that would be a... service dog all right i'll check it out suddenly your dog's jumping around do reenacting scenes from a famous hitchcock movie what a talent that would be cool look you don't have a dog that needs to serve as your psycho i haven't i haven't brought her on the road in a while so i don't use that that okay unless it's i'm driving to a place that's local then i'll bring her but oh really long flights No. Do you take her on stage with you? No, she's too nervous.

Oh, she is? Yeah, because everyone will go Penny, and then she gets all, she gets frazzled. Has anyone ever challenged you on it, though? Like, sometimes you take a service dog, like with me, I get it all the time. You take a service dog on a plane and someone's like, they're not a dog person. Like, hey, what's with the dog? Oh, yeah, sure. Have you ever had like a confrontation?

No, thankfully, no. No. Penny's pretty good on the plane, so. Is she? Yeah. What have you had? So I had to get this service dog. I don't know if you suffer from arthritis at all or Restless Leg syndrome. Is that a real thing, the Restless Leg?

Yeah, it's like, there was a guy in the front row on my show the other night. He was restless leg in it. Yeah, just your legs sort of starts. I kept seeing in the corner of my eye. I was like, I'm getting anxiety from this. Right? Yeah, but is it, what is it? Well, you got it just from seeing it.

Imagine having it. So now you understand the need for my dog, my service dog. so what it does is it make your leg trembles and then if you have arthritis so imagine your joints hurt already all you want to do is keep them still but now you got restless leg syndrome your legs are twitching involuntarily so i had to get a service dog and i had to hunt high and low for this the great dane and what i had to get is a dog have you ever heard of a humper like humping you know they hump a leg yeah so what happened it was just by a fluke. I was at a friend's at a party, and my leg started going off, you know,

started kicking and thrashing. And my friend had a great day, and they're huge. And this thing ran over and started, you know, dogs hump the leg and just started going nuts on my leg. And all of a sudden I was like, good Lord, it alleviated the pain. Like, you've been fooling me this whole time. No, I'm telling you, this, my knee felt, it felt like. like everything just gone. And this thing humping like an Arizona shitstorm. Okay. And so I located through a service and I got a Great Dane and it's a service humper.

And I got this thing on the plane and I get into trouble on planes, restaurants, because the dog will just be going on my leg and I'm just sitting there. And it's a big dog that's looking me in the eyes while it does it. This is weird. Well. Yes, some people are allowed to have service dogs and some aren't. God. I mean, sharing is caring.

No, look, whatever helps you, okay? Yeah, it helps. I mean, oh, I did a flight from L.A. to New York about three weeks ago. For real. This thing, I was, no, I, no, this thing was humping my leg probably, as we flew over Denver, it kicked in. And Sparky just went berserk on my leg. took about 45 minutes to really stop the restless leg from kicking around. But the guy in front of me, I was just kicking his seat.

Oh, man. I got the restless legs and I'm kicking this guy. He's turning around. Would you stop? And then finally he turns around and sparky's humping my leg. And now he's like pressing the stewardess button. And it was a whole, like it just, when are people going to start caring about my afflictions? Yeah.

Well. any new voices have we got any new ones Melissa's like the master impersonator you you did voices that other people weren't even you were even doing guys voices you were doing like Owen Wilson and yeah you're right you were like a pioneer with voices I think I was a pioneer yeah and you still are hey thanks yeah I haven't really worked on any new ones no newbies

No. Do you get tired of doing it because you started with the voice stuff. That's what really drew attention to you. But then you sort of, like all things, you sort of then segue into S&L. Now you're doing acting. You're doing sketches. You're doing, do the voices start to take a backseat? Because that's what happened with Jim Carrey.

Yeah, that's kind of where I'm at. Yeah, where are you at? I think I'm like Jim with the art right now. Is that right? Yeah. Yeah. Because Jim segued into art big time too. I think something interesting happened.

I don't crave, I don't know. I couldn't keep that up forever of like just impressions. Yeah. It kills me inside because I think I'm funny as myself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I was like I, and who cares if that means less fame, then fine. I don't, I don't need to be in the celeb. No, there's no less fame.

I mean, you're already there. Come on. Oh, no, no. I'm just saying like I, I, I, you can. That was one thing. So I did a TED Talk in March, and that's what it was about, about doing so many voices. Because I started at 15, and I wanted to be on SNL, and that was the dream. Was it really?

Yeah, that was the main goal. And so now, afterward, it's kind of this place where I'm like, that's why right now I'm in so many classes. I just want to expand and like, and just get more knowledge on other things. Wait, what kind of classes? I mean, I'm taking Spanish. I'm taking guitar and piano. Wow. ceramics, and I've just been traveling the world on my own.

I get, oh, not the world. That sounded really cool. Well, it did, but where really? Like Cleveland? I went to Japan. No way. I was just there recently. Really?

Tokyo. Yeah. When were you there? A March, mid-March, right when the cherry blossoms were full, full-blown. Oh, wow. I was there the second week in January. Oh. Yeah.

So not too far ahead of you. You were there in March. I was there in January. So you were before. Yeah, we missed each other by a little bit. By a few months. We could have held hands and skipped through the cherry blossom petals. Man,

it was cool. What did you love about Tokyo? I love that city. I didn't know really what to expect. I've always wanted to go there, but it was one of, it's one of my top favorite cities now. I just,

I couldn't explore much because it was pouring rain. I only went for a couple days. But I was in Osaka and Kyoto more. Okay. And I liked Kyoto the most. Why? It was just beautiful. All the buildings are so cool.

And the temples, I was just like, oh, man, I just, I don't know. And I liked how quiet it was. It's quiet. And the people are very civil. Yeah. And they're very, they're very sort of quiet. And they move through the streets with kind of purpose. And the chairs, if you don't tuck your chair and after you eat at a place, someone will do it.

before like they go. Oh, they will? Yeah, because I didn't on the, I went on the bullet train. Yeah, I did that. I didn't put the CPEC up. And my neighbor, he put it, he put it back before we all left. The guy who was sitting beside you. Yeah, yeah. They were really nice. It wasn't like rude, no. And then it made me like, oh, I got to clean up after myself and put things back. Yeah. There's a, there's a sense of order, but it's like, yeah, there's that sense of order, but it's not a sense of like, like someone's got a clamp on you. It's, it feels like, like the citizens decided to all be orderly together and take care of things and take care of things and it's nice so to put it in context for the three or four people watching well you know a lot

I know the three or four are very important they're important they might go to Tokyo one day you're right you're right go ahead um but to put it in context if you've ever been to New York and you watch people running across red lights and green lights it's it's like a lights don't matter. No. But then you go to Tokyo, which is as equally as big and bustling, and you get to an intersection, if the lights red, they will all stay there until it turns green, even if there's no oncoming traffic.

They will all just stand there. No one will jaywalk. And I just thought, oh, I didn't get. So the first few days I was there, I did a couple of jaywalk, and you could just feel them like staring at you, like, what is this madness? And I actually felt like a douche bonnet like it was breaking protocol. I like that word douche bonnet. I'm going to use that.

You can use it. You want to use it in a sentence right now? Yeah, yeah. Yes, please. So the other day, I was a real douche bonnet because I didn't pick up my dog's poop. I'd like to use it in a sentence. Go ahead. Yeah.

Actually, my sentence sucked. It wasn't that funny. Okay. Well, I'll do one and then you can try another one. Okay. I was on the plane the other day. and some guy didn't get out of the aisle. I was like, hey, douche bonnet.

You want to move it there, Chuckie Cheese? That was better. That was good. Back to you. It's your turn to douche bonnet. We're playing douche bonnet tennis here on the Arland Highway podcast. Yeah, so the other night I was at the bar. I had a couple beers in me, two, three, four, you might say.

And then a shot at tequila. So then I started getting this, Hey, fight mode, I'm going in my And someone was like, hey, did you spill your drink on me? And I said, no, let's take it outside. So then outside we're going. I said, you better watch your mouth, you douche bonnet. Wow.

So you were disco dancing outside? Okay. And not the best acting. Yeah, I don't know if anyone's ever resolved an argument by breaking into Saturday night fever, but hey, douche bonnet. you want to dance. Wow. Okay, grease. That was more fun, though. It was good. Your second douche bonnet was a, that was a volley over the net for game point. Yeah. I'll probably text you when I think of new ones.

Oh, good, okay. A good old, good old fashioned douche bonnet. Yeah. Did you see the snow monkeys when you're in Japan? No. I went, I took the, that's where I took. I went to Nala. Oh, wow. What kind of deer? Oh, there's, does, Are those the deer that walk around in the city streets? Yeah. And you give them cookies. Yeah, and they're really friendly, but they're not. And they bow. Yeah, that's right.

Yeah, that's pretty cool. They're like, magical. That's, yeah, that's sort of. And isn't that fitting for the Japanese culture because the Japanese bow? Yeah. And the deer by association bow. How weird is that? Wait, tell me about these snow monkeys I missed out.

So I took the bullet train, the snow monkeys, it's the only place in the world they exist, is in the mountains of Japan in one specific area. And these snow monkeys are the only monkeys in the world. There's these natural hot springs that exist in the mountains. These mountains are full of snow. And the monkeys have learned to stay warm. They come and they sit in the, they're like fat tourists.

They sit in the hot tub all day. Snow coming down. It's the most beautiful. It's snowing. And the snow's like landing on their fur, but they're just sitting. They got red faces and they're just sitting there chilling. out in the hot tub. It's hilarious. It's like a, it's like a retirement home for like hairy people.

Yeah. It's just, it's like, they're just sitting around. Every now and then you'd see a loaf of monkey poof float by and they're just like oblivious, you know? Whoa. And can you get close to them or? You can get right close. And sometimes, and when they're not in the water, they're running around and sometimes they, they're not aggressive or they, some monkeys to see where they jump on you and grab at you. But these, these guys would just walk around around your feet and then go in the water and they just sit there. Ah, I'm going to do that next day. If you go back, go and do it.

It's so worth it. Wow. Because you take the bullet train to the edge of a park. Then you take a car up to the park and then you walk for about 40 minutes through this park through the mountains through the hills. Whoa. And boom, you find these snow monkeys and it's beautiful. That's so cool. Yeah.

And the snow's like drifting down like the big, the big flakes are coming down and they're landing in their fur and just sticking there. They're not melting. And then they're beautiful animals. And how did you feel? Were you cold up there staring at them? No, I got, we got dressed for it. We brought gloves and hats and everything. Yeah, it was a real highlight.

Oh, so you just went for a vacation. I went, it was part of a vacation. Yeah, I did. That was the first leg and then the second leg of the vacation. I went down to Indonesia and snorkeled around all the islands, the tropical islands. Oh, that's awesome. It's great, snorkeling with like sharks and, trillions of fish.

I want to swim with the whale shark. Oh, me too. Those things are beautiful. We want to do all the same things. Oh, cool. Hey, you want to go whale shark and you douche bonnet? Yeah. Hey, let's go whale shark and douche bonnet.

Let's go. Oh, my God. You got your shoulders going. You are like, you are grease. You truly are. Yeah, I do feel like grease. Oh, God. Before we go, it's a,

Oh, that went by fast. I know, it goes by fast, right? But we're not done yet. Okay. I'm just saying before we go, there's a thing we do with all the guests. And it's called, I think you'll like this. It's called Words from a Wooden Shoe. And this is an authentic Dutch clog.

And what you do... Oh, it reminds me of Heidi with Shirley Temple. Oh, remember Shirley Temple? That movie where she goes, Do you like my new shoes? They are made out of wood. Such nice little shoes. shoes don't you think they look good like a dimsel and she has her little wooden clogs and she's

kicking him oh yeah and what's that other what was the other famous song she did i'm a little ruppie care or what it no she did oh oh no um uh animal crackers in my soup that one no there's another famous one uh i'm a little teapot or something what was it it's oh god it's gonna come It's one of those things that's going to come back to me later. Someone, some listener will know. Some listener. It's her most famous song. It was like, oh, something.

Oh, God, that little. Anyway, I interrupted you. No, I mean, first of all, just so our four or five viewers are clear. And I think you know this because you're a Shirley Temple fan. Yeah. Just so we're crystal clear and everyone knows this. Shirley Temple is actually a young nine-year-old Kenny G. when he was before he got proficient with the piccolo or whatever he plays he was a child actor

oh i don't know yeah that curly hair that's kenny g and then when he got older and his man parts started coming in and he couldn't do the lower voice any little kid voice he decided to get into uh into the redwoods or the windwoods what's what's a what's a flute or a reed something with a read, the windwoods, the wild woods? I wouldn't know. What's that instrument called? Flute? Yeah, but.

No, trumpet. No, that's a horn, but anything like a piccolo or a flute with a reed in it is called the windwoods or the woodwinds or, I don't know. Sorry. It's okay. I don't know. Did you stick with Charlie as she got, he got older and became like the famous, like, No.

Kenny G. You don't have any Kenny G. No. So you just liked him when he was a little girl. Yeah. Okay. Okay. What's inside this shoe?

So this is called words from a wooden shoe. Okay. And what you do, Melissa, is you reach inside and you pull out a word. And you tell us if it pertains to your life, if it evokes a story or a memory. It's just a random word. Oh, I love this. Yes, if you love it and it's fun, we can even do too. But try reaching, don't look.

You can't peek. There's nothing in there. It's just over here. Yeah. And then tell us what your word says or words. Hit something with your car. Oh, interesting. Have you ever hit something with your car?

Or seen something. Somebody hit something. Hit with the car. story? Well, oh, here we go. I just remember I tried to prevent an accident from hitting me, so I honked naturally. Okay.

Checked to the cars. And then the guy sped up and threw pennies at my face. He threw your dog at you? No. Coins. Oh, oh. In the car and it hit my face. Sounds like there was a little change in the weather.

What? What about it throws pennies? I don't know. What a cheap skate. So then I pulled over and I was crying, you know, because it's... What a baby. I'm such a baby. Someone threw a handful of pennies.

And it made me cry. I guess it sounded scary, hitting the glass. Was it a woman or a man? I feel like it was a dude. I don't know. Because if it was a woman, you could have meet her. Could I meet her? Well, she's throwing coins.

What do you mean meter? Like a coin meter? Oh. Dush bonnet. You can call me a, please call me one. I'm not that quick of a person. Could you just call me a douche bonnet? Yeah, you douche bonnet.

Yeah, that evens things out. But wait a good story. No, this is a fascinating. No, this is fascinating. So you're driving along. So how many pennies are we talking? I feel like there had to be at least five or seven. so someone had him probably in their little cup holder yeah that's what i imagine they just went

so they're like i want to get revenge on this girl but only seven cents worth like i don't want to go too large yeah yeah and so someone threw pennies your window was down yeah it was and so pennies are pelting off your face yeah yeah exactly wow you know the only the only way this could have worked out in terms of synchronicity and this is the morbid ending thank god it didn't happen right but imagine she threw the pennies or he threw the pennies they landed on your eyes you crashed and died on the scene the ambulance guys come up you're laying there with pennies on your eyes and that looked like corline with the button eyes i mean that would be a funny and then a hummingbird flies over oh it says let me give you my two cents worth i remember i told my mom that story and I thought she would be on my side you know like wow how could they but she said should have had your window open you shouldn't have had your window open you should have said hey mom

I made seven cents up yours now let's go to Arvys yeah do want to do another one you didn't seem happy with that one okay but what about you we it's only for the guess but I want you to be happy do one more what else we got oh boy here we go Oh, okay. Sounds like that happened when someone threw fucking pennies in your face. Yeah. But we can't do the same one twice. We're not giving this guy too. Disrespect. Yeah. Man. I don't think I've ever actually said, I feel so disrespected right now. Can I, can I nudge you with this one? Yeah.

Imagine the industry we're in. We put our wares out in front of producers, directors, other creative people. you got to tell me at one point some douche bonnet director or producer went Melissa no That's not what we're looking for Can we get someone else That you know

There's got to be one of those stories Yeah Because that's in our business For sure you've got to have been disrespected Yeah Sadly This is one This is a true little story

Here we go The Nudge helped right Yeah Okay So Is this a story that would bring Barbecue baby tears To a baby

Maybe. Okay, let's hear it. So a couple seasons ago when I was on the S&L, that singer Grimes was there, and she was going to play Bjork, and I do a Bjork impression. So she was going to do it. Is this Elon Musk's girlfriend, Grimes? Yeah, I guess so. Okay.

Nice name, by the way. What's her sister's name, Skidmark? Grimes and Skidmark? Well, I mean, if you're going to call them Grimes, hey, Skidmark, Grimes. Shitstein. here for dinner anyway sorry sorry no it's okay so they were going to have they were like can you just stand in for her and i was like what do you mean i'm not even in the sketch at all and i said no actually

i'm not going to stand it yeah like an extra yeah oh see and i was like get one of the pages to do that i'm not going to do it you were you were like one of the the full-on cast members yeah it was a little thing but it could really set you right fire when you're like well but you're You immediately felt disrespectful because that, like, lowered your value as a cat. Yeah, because I do have killer Bjork impression, too. Oh, my God. So it was just, that's a good little story. That's a great.

So did you ever come back and say something to anybody about it? Did you let them know that that wasn't cool? Yeah, yeah, and they were apologized. They did? Yeah. Did they realize, did they fake like the, oh, we did, we're sorry? Or did they kind of know that they kind of did that to you? I don't think they know in the moment.

moment because it's so busy there that I don't think they'd do anything on purpose. It's just, it's a wild environment. Yeah, did you take yourself out of that show? I thought I read a story where you just said, you know what? It was just too much. And it was kind of making me just like comedy and myself. And I was like, I think, I think I'm a tender softie, which is great. That's beautiful, yeah.

But that place I think you need to have a shell that's like, this is, you know, really push. And I was like, I think I'm okay. It's aggressive and competitive and almost maybe in a certain way, I've always got the sense that you almost have to give it to your fellow castmates a bit and little backstabby and, yeah, that's got to be tough. I'm the same way. I don't want to do that. I want to.

But on the other hand, it's like I had to learn to be on a team and help people. Yeah. I think with stand-up I could get so alone in my world. Yeah. I think I learned some good lessons for sure. But did you, because I don't see you as a defiant like, like, you know, like pushy person. Were you able to go with the flow to a degree? I tried.

In some moments, I know my bubble pop, you know. Oh, really? Did you have any outbursts, like, like, little like, like, yeah. Like yell at someone or snap? Not snap, but definitely there's been times I cried where I were just kind of like when I'm trying to. Because when I am, when I need to be aggressive, I'm not. tears come at the same time. You know, I'm one of those people.

I'm not ever like, you know, why don't you listen to me? It's never that. Is it ever this? Why don't you want to listen to me? Yeah. And I wish. It's hard to take your anger seriously when you're disco dancing, you know?

Yeah, and when you sound like this. But I, um, no, no, but it's, it's okay. It's good. I had to learn how to speak. up for myself. I'm a mumbler. Oh, really? Yeah, I mumble when I need to ask for something because I'm, well, people pleaser too. It's just in my bones. You know, it's a little bit, and that's the one thing I loved about you when I saw you on America's Got Talent all those years ago. And that's, well, you know, I've had very few guests. I did the Harland Highway as an audio podcast for 11 years before I started

doing this. And I must have had, I could count on two hands the amount of guests I had. And you were one of them because I would watch you on America's Got Talent. I go, she's just the sweetest. Like you would smile and laugh. And I go, I just, I was drawn to your, your beautiful energy. Oh, thanks. And you're one of the few people I had come in and I interviewed on the audio podcast. That's right. And what I was going to say is, it's, look, I'm in this industry too. And you have to learn how to stand up for yourself but it's it's hard when you're a gentle kind nice spirit and soul and and you know how to stand up for yourself in your head you're like well this is my line but then you realize a lot of the other people in this industry can be very aggressive and they don't have the time or the patients or

the care for your sensitivity yeah yeah so they're ready to just plow over to get where they need to go and so when you're a little more sensitive and have a softer touch you're right it's it's a hard thing to confront and it's a very hard thing to convey and communicate to someone when that's not how you're wired. Yeah. Yeah. And I could see that being a problem. But you know what? You did three years there, right? Six. You did six years. Six. Oh, well, that's a feather in the captus. Yeah, that's pretty good. Well, I feel like I give up fast. That's pretty good for me. No, you didn't give up at all. You outlasted many people. There's a lot of people. There's a lot of people that didn't last that long.

And, but what I'm saying with, with your kind of sensibilities to last there in that environment, that, that's amazing. Thanks. Thanks. Yeah. Did you love it? Like, outside of that part of it, did you,

did you love the creativity of it and the comedy? I loved knowing I could, I was bringing joy to a huge audience. Yeah. That's what was magic. And being like, man, this was, every time I did something that, you know, shine right through me. then I felt like, oh, I'm living, I feel like magic, like just true magic.

So, so that was, that was cool. It's funny because I've noticed in this interview, we have a lot of similarities. Yeah. And one of the things you just said is about the best part of comedy for me is what you just said, bringing joy to people. Yeah. And I always say, people go, what do you do? And in my head, I go, we're door to door salesman and what we sell is joy.

Ooh. Because we don't know all these people. A lot of people, the three or four, watching now, we don't know their names or their faces. But it's, it's Kevin, David, and Kelly and Kelly and Kelly and Dushbonnet. Yeah. But it's so gratifying to bring joy to people. You know you can't see them, but you know they're out there receiving it.

Yeah. And I think me and you are the same. This is where it flows from for me and you. And again, that's why going back to those years ago when I had you on, I was like, I just love your energy and your vibe. So if we were on SNL together, I think me and you would have been like the two buddies. We would have had each other's back. Yeah, for sure.

Yeah. That and my little dog sparky. And your little cusscus baby. That would have been a good sketch. Should I bring Cous Coo's baby up just to say what we say goodbye? Yeah, sure. Okay. Let me get Couscoos baby.

Shirt's all stained. Hold them up. I don't want to touch him. I know. I don't want to touch him. I don't want to see him. Look at his hair. He looks like that kickboxer, Chuck Ladell.

Remember the Iceman Chuck Ladell? He's got the Couss. Coos Mohawk hair. Goodbye, everyone. I hope you had a fun time. Hey, let me give them more tears as we go. Mm-hmm. Bovecube before the July.

Ah, that's a good, Dad. I'll hit the theme music, keep them going. A little higher, a little high. There he goes. Oh, God. Truly a baby douche bonnet right there. Oh, get him do your disco dancing. Ladies and gentlemen, our thank you to Melissa and give me the name.

Come on. Via seigneur. Via seigneur. I always get the inflection wrong. It's okay. Melissa Villasena. And before you go tell everyone where they can find your book, you got to get Whoopi Goldberg.

I'm awesome. And tell them where they can get it, where they can see you tour. Melissa's touring all over the country. Let them know. Go to Melissa v.esior.com. Melissa v.comedy on, you know, Instagram and stuff. Yeah, my book's available. art prints.

And I'll see you soon. Yes. Did you see how you timed that? Just went the thing out? Yeah. Wow. I bet you can't do it again. All right.

Thanks, everybody. Thanks for being on the Harlan Highway. Until next time, check out Melissa's all her social media, her tour, her comedy, her book. And until next time, Chicken, Chowmaine. Doosh Bonnet. Wait, baby

Thanks for having me Oh, thanks for being had Wait, no No, not after that I think I deserve a final douche bonnet For that comment Yeah You want to give me one

Goodbye all you douche bonnet No goodbye you sweet folks Don't be a douche bonnet out there in the world Be a good bonnet Yeah Oh there's the disco Travolta We're out