The Harland Highway - NEW HARLAND HIGHWAY #65 - KIRK FOX, Comedian, Actor, Writer. Kirk's 3rd visit is full of seafood stories, death, love, and talk of his hit TV show The JURY.

Episode Date: July 11, 2023

Kirk talks about his hit TV show The JURY, as well as some deep, deep discussions about seafood, love, and dangerous granny's!! Sponsors: HelloFresh.com/HARLAND50 and and use codeHARLAND50 for 50% off plus free shipping! Birddogs.com/HARLAND or enter promo code HARLAND for a free Yeti style tumbler with your order Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You're riding down the Harland Highway All right, hold tight on the Harland Highway Show Oh, God, does the camera, do I have to see the screen? Mm-hmm. I do? Oh, yeah. Can't you just put it down? You want it down?

I don't want to see the... You don't want to see yourself. Yeah, can you flip it down? Sure I can. Although seeing you is the best part of the day. Yeah, but not for me. There. Thank you.

I want to focus on you, not on me. Wait, are you saying you don't like to look yourself in the mirror? No. Why? Then I'd never leave. Oh, so it's a haughty, you're a haughty. Yeah, we're rolling. No, we're not.

You missed that. What do you mean? That was great pod. No, we're rolling. So that was going? Yeah. But then you went and touched something. No, I just adjusted the volume because any second now I'm going to hit the theme music,

but you don't need to know when. So the question you asked that I don't want to look at myself was because I wanted that. The camera monitor, you were looking into your own monitor. Yeah, and I was just hypnotized. You were hypnotized by beauty, just like, oh, I'm going to focus on that. when I know that I should be interacting with whoever I'm with. I just didn't want to make that about the show. Do you know that the term beauty and the beast?

I do know the term. I haven't seen the show. Would you consider yourself beauty or the beast? Oh, I ride the middle. So the breast? I could be that. You're the breast. I'm kind of pretty, but I'm also, you don't think I'm pretty.

Well, isn't pretty for girls? I mean, wouldn't you say handsome? No, I think I'm a beautiful young lady man. I have green eyes, long eyelashes, a strong nose. You are kind of pretty. Yeah, so I'm pretty. No that you say it. I'm also beastly.

I'm kind of rugged. I have the beard. I have a lot of craggles, which is... Craggles? I think that's lines. Wasn't that one of the puppets? Not sure. I haven't seen that film. Was there a craggle?

I just have crows feet and pigeon toes. Oh, wow. And that makes my eyes pop. Sounds like you've been laying down in your bird bath. How do you get pigeon toes and crows feet all over your face? You just let the sun do what it does. I don't believe. This is all from nature.

Oh, this, you're talking about your skin is weather. worn from the sun. Yes, but this all started with my beauty and my pretty. Yes, I'm pretty, but I have elements of the beast. This is, we're still on your line of questioning. Wait, so if we follow this chronologically, at your age, 30 years from now, you'll have like an ostrich footprint on your face? I would like that. Like, how far do these bird footprints go? I don't think I'll be around in 30. I do. I'd like to be out sooner. A week would be fine. A week would be fine. A week to me you'll be around i'll come visit your grave i live my life in a way that if someone said you have four minutes to live yeah after two minutes i would say take me really i've done all i

needed to do you only need to say goodbye and just to to make the exit i live my life that if you take me right now i'm okay with it i'll die with a smile i live in love i live uh wow i just ride that middle. I'm not swayed by praise or blame. So every day you wake up, you go, this could be the last day and I'm okay with it. I don't even need to say it. You don't even need to wake up, apparently. I'm not. I'm kind of a little sleepy, dreamy. Walking. I wake up and I say, just love. How? So that's kind of how I live my life. You mean love others or love thyself? Just love. Just love in perpetuity. And whatever that means, does that mean, everything. Just love, man. Just feel love. I don't need to direct it at anything other than

everything. That's a good way. That's a good mantra. You know, some people think, okay, in certain situations, I have to turn it on. Right. But I just, it's always on with me. You're always radiating, emitting love. I'm trying. It's tricky at times. As a married man and as a father, it's hard to love, but I know that I need to. Okay, so on a scale of 1 to 10. Four. For me right now, a 4. Sure.

That doesn't seem. Because if you have to ask, you're on the fence. But that seems almost like almost a movie buddy, not love. Four? Like a four, I feel like, hey, are you want to go to a movie? That's about. Oh, so you say you're feeling a four for. me? I asked you, what, what are you feeling for me? Out of 10, you said a four, and I'm like,

you want to go get a Coke? You just said, you just said on a scale of one to 10. Right. And I said four. Right. I didn't even really hear your question. Okay. I just felt that four was going to be in the ballpark. So what's your question? I'll listen now. Well, on a scale of one to 10, how much love are you pushing out at me right now? Oh, a 10. Oh. But I thought, I thought you were going to ask, How much love am I feeling from you? Oh. And I would say a four because you're not trained in love. You have a lot going on.

You're worried about cameras. Yeah. You have an intern that's beautiful. Wow. Your love is scattered. Yeah. Mine's pretty focused on the planet. So how does one like me get focused love?

You just kind of dump your ego. I don't know if I can do that guy. Exactly. I mean, look at me. So four is the answer for now. How do I get it down to it? too. Well, you're on your way. Just the way you're looking at yourself there and you're working the audience, even the wink. Each time you're down to a one. What's up, player? Bingo. A lot of

self-love. I'd say you love yourself at 10. That's right. You give me a 4, 3, 2, 1.0. I'm getting nothing from you right now because you don't even know I'm here. Bingo. What's up? What's up? You want to go to Arby's later? And I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to that. Oh, I know you're not. You wouldn't ask me about Arby's, because Arby's is something you want. If it was true love, you'd ask the camera, hey, where would you like to go?

And that's love. Okay. Let me try that. Harland, where would you like to go? Arby's. Okay. So you're directing it back to Harlan instead of whoever is out there. That's right.

Nice. It's up, Blair. Sweet. a lot of love. It's just, uh, not directed in the right, uh, angle. There it is. You're with a party. So no, when I look at this camera, yeah, I'm just sending love to the planet. Like anyone watching, that's for everyone out there. What? It doesn't have to do with Arby's. It doesn't have to do with anything. I'm just sending love. A sincere aspiration to be an asset. I'm, I'm sending whatever will ease your suffering. So if you're watching, you're watching, you're watching,

right now and you're feeling a little low, I'm sending you anything that'll kind of raise your vibrations. Wait, in that, is that not selfish that you're assuming everyone wants to receive your love? No. Because you're just saying, hey, I'm sending my love, irregardless of what anyone else wants. Exactly. That might be a bit self-centered. Well, I'm just sending love.

What if someone doesn't want it, guy? Well, then that's on them. That's something they need to wonder why they don't want. want to be loved what if everyone should be open to love what you want to be loved yeah i love you how much 10 so how much do you want to be loved i don't know probably thousand i don't have that capability case closed hater good point man you won your ego this was all ego to you even this This sweet conversation. Ladies and gentlemen, off to a very volatile yet intriguing start here on the Harland Highway

podcast where we're diving in deep. To love. We're diving into love. And my guest today is a love connoisseur. I wouldn't say I'm a connoisseur. You were just saying... I said connoisseur. More sewer than con.

Yeah. But the con part's definitely. prevalent right now if you if you want to believe that i mean this whole i love everything sounds like a bit of a con well i try to love when i say just love and i also said it's hard to when you're married with a child to love everything but shouldn't that be the impetus to make you love more of course it should a loving wife and a child i know that's that's my battle so you're struggling to find love for your own child and your wife yes but you're willing to give a 10 to me of course what are they getting maybe a two sounds like my kind of woman yeah i'm not proud of it is she on tinder i don't even know

where she is let me know i'd love to date her if she has my number well if you find hers i would love to date her does she like garbys i think she might they got the meats well she likes things alphabetical I should make you some alphabet soup. No, I just, Arby's is the first restaurant in the A's. Well, what about assholes? Is that a restaurant? No, that's my dad. Is he a chef?

You digressed a little bit. Sorry, yeah. It seemed important to you. Sorry, we're talking about food. Can we bust into what's going on in the seafood industry right now, guy? Hello Fresh. What is Hello Fresh? Well, with Hello Fresh, you get farm fresh, pre-portion ingredients and seasonal recipes delivered

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That's where I want to know. Forget to dump the love. I will say this. Here we go. There's quite an upsell in life. Upshell? Upshell also. But whatever you want,

want. Yeah. I think you should just know that it's wrong. Someone's going to hit you with something a little more expensive. And that's just been something that's on my mind lately. Wait, in the seafood industry? Oh, seafood, produce, definitely in beef. What happened?

Something happened to me. Oh, boy, here we go. What happened? I'll tell you. And then maybe you, what I do like coming here and talking about what's going on in my life because you seem to find a bigger picture. Yeah. I feel like I'm a window, a conduit into kind of opening up everything.

It's the highway of life. Yeah. This Harlan Highway, I think you keep all the lanes moving somewhere. Yeah. But. Sounds like there's some seafood weighing heavy on your shoulders, my weary friend. Well, let's talk about it and maybe it'll lighten up. You see what I can bring to the conversation.

and I, the other night, I don't need to mention who he was. I wouldn't want to know. But on a scale of one to ten, what's he getting, love-wise? Oh, a ten. A ten. Like I said, I'm loving everyone in the high tens except probably wife and child. What about Bo Derek? A ten for sure.

Got no choice with that one. There's memories. I like the hair with the braids and the bead life. He has, the bead life. I'm trying to tell you she's a tan, you have no choice. Yes, some little Dudley Moore, that little sweet little shortstop. You were going to say shrimp, which brings us right back to seafood. What is going on with you and seafood?

I've never seen you this wound up. Well. It's like you're in a... My buddy and I, we just wanted some shitty little shrimp. Okay. The other night. Just shit shrimp. Shit shrimp.

Just nothing crazy. Just. Like, not the jumbo shrimp, not the tiger prawns, just the cocktail shrimps. Just the littlest shrimp that are trying to do the best they can. Sounds like a cheats book. And jumbo shrimp did come into this story. So I like that you're on the same path of what really is a shrimp. Let's hear it.

And we went to a very nice restaurant. Okay. Big money. Can we say the name? I think it's best that we don't need to. Maybe at the end, I can tell you where this happened. Okay. But we met in front of this restaurant.

Okay. And we had a little talk of what was going to happen in there. Just, let's just get the shit shrimp. Don't let them talk us into anything. Can you just agree to the shit shrimp? So it sounds like you came to this place knowing they had shit shrimp and that's what you were. I know that every place. has tiny shrimp.

I'm calling them... I remember that. That's soothing. That sounds like the ocean. That seems to fit into the... With the shit shrimp. Yeah. Okay.

But when I say shit shrimp, it's not just... You know, it's not on the menu. It doesn't say shit shrimp. Oh, so you've just deemed it shit shrimp. I just said, let's just go for... Basically, the cheapest shrimp the building. Okay. So if you'd like me to say, hey, everybody, who wants to have better sex?

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That's 50% off, one item, and free shipping. Bring more pleasure and satisfaction into your bedroom. Just go to Adam and Eve.com and select any one item. be an adventurous new toy or anything you desire. Just enter the offer code Harland to check out. That's Harland, H-A-R-L-A-N-D at Adam and Eve.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to this podcast. So be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discount and 100% free shipping code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. They, you know, some cheap shrimp.

But shitty shrimp seems to just roll off my tongue. Have you ever seen shrimp shit? Oh, I have. Because you know when you peel the shrimp, they got that black line right up their spine and you pull it out and that's like their shrimp shit. And that never comes out, I've heard. That just stays in there.

Sometimes you just eat it. All right. No, there's nothing wrong with that. But I was thinking about the, The human, we have a lot of pooping us. Well, I think we're... Sometimes it's pulled out. Well, I think pushed.

Maybe not pulled. If it's getting pulled out, it might be at Jeffrey Dahmer's barbecue. Well, and there's nothing wrong with that. Not everyone complained about meals with Jeffrey. Well, who heard their complaints because they never left. Well, a few got out and said, you know, he was actually charming and a pretty good photographer. Yeah, that's true. And one of them even called him Butterfingers.

Nothing wrong with that. Yeah. So what I'm saying is, you know, Jeffrey wasn't all about cannibalism. Okay. Because he had a lot of meals in life where he didn't eat his, whoever was sitting across from him. I wonder. How many did he kill 30, maybe 830 young men? Yeah.

So he, and he was in his 30s, he had had thousands of meals where he didn't eat somebody or kill them. I wonder if his idea of a happy meal was tickling someone's feet while he was eating their face. You know, as someone who's a thinker and open to all meals in a box, a happy meal. Yeah. I mean, his refrigerator was kind of a giant happy meal holder. Yeah, because you opened the fridge and there was a head going. Yeah. And Jack in the box was just a head?

Yeah. Right? Jack in the box. Isn't that just a head of Jack? My last girlfriend was just a... Just a box? And a head. Ah, that's one extra.

Sometimes just a box is enough. Well, they work well together if you ask me. Oh, so they did come as a package. Well, you got the box and then you got the head. In what order do you prefer? Depend if you were 69ing or just straight. Yeah, that's a big number. I usually stop at a 38.

Okay, if you want to sleep with a midget, that's up to you. I have no problem with someone of... That stature. I don't, the word midget, I'm not even sure if that's legal. Well, it is. And you think about being with them, you've got to watch out for the shrimp shit. Nice. Way to bring it back.

Should we continue? Yes. So you're in front of the shrimp shit restaurant. A fancy restaurant. Okay. And he agreed. It was like we were going in to rob a bank. I don't know if you've ever robbed a bank, but you meet in front and you talk about it.

And you agree to not kill anybody. Right. you don't want to kill anyone and uh that's kind of what was happening in front of this restaurant okay and it wasn't let's not kill anyone it's like just don't let them sell you anything other than the shitty little shrimp let's just agree to that we don't want to spend a lot of money we are we kind of had a budget we kind of agreed how much we would like to spend on shit shrimp on shitty little shrimp so you go in we went in and uh i wanted to sit far away i wanted to sit in a a far table. Because the further away from the kitchen you sit, the harder it is for a waiter or a

waitress to push other shit on you. How's Cleveland? That's far. If you went to a restaurant here but sat in Cleveland, they're not going to be hitting you up for an expensive appetizer. So I went in and there was a beautiful little hostess. Okay. Twinkie or a ding-dong? Excuse me. Twinkie or a ding-dog. Sweet, that's nice. Asian, so I don't know what that would be. Maybe a little fortune or a ding-dog.

That's funny. It's funny. I bet people like you. So here's what I was doing. Yeah. I said, hey, is there anything in the back? And she said, no, we only have two seats at the sushi bar, the counter. Okay.

And that's not where you want to sit. that's expensive. That's like being, that's like court-side at a Laker game. Yeah. That's like when you go to a strip joint and you sit on stage. Yeah, you're right at the,

you can touch the stage. But you're going to have to tip. You can't just sit that close to the strippers and not tip. And same as at a Laker game. If you're sitting courtside, it's going to get expensive. You ever go to a strip joint

and just throw shrimp at the girls? No, I used to throw quarters. and they didn't like that. There were some injuries. Try shrimp. I threw a quarter once in a young lady named, I believe Destiny, it was stage one, maybe caught her in the eye with a quarter.

And it might not have even been a quarter. It may have been a copper slug. That's an illegal coin used to put into parking meters or vending machines. But I threw it out and I clipped her. in the eye. Oh. And I wasn't sure at the time, but a week later I came back and she had an eye patch. Huh.

And she was doing kind of a pirate theme strip. And I think it was because I hit her in the eye with that copper slug. You should have thrown a saw blade, a circular sawblade at her leg. And then next week she could have come back with a wooden leg. See, but then you're getting into blood. Well, that's just not what I mean to. theme going really okay well she's probably still there she's older now this was 20 years ago maybe i'll bring her a parrot these are all things that can make her a top a top money earner because she would

be more into the i would say the outfit now yeah than actually the body yeah because she was old back then she maybe was 50 when i threw oh god the place i went to you're lucky when you throw coins at a girl that that's stripping you're lucky that coin doesn't disappear in a cellulite hole. I mean, that's like stuffing like five cents in a gumball machine. You're always thinking. Yeah. That's what separates you from a lot of my friends. Well, what I do is I throw raw shrimp at the girls and then it bounces back and you're

just like, boom, you just like kind of catch it like a seal. These are all things. These are all things that you think about. By the way, this is, I don't, not to deviate from your story. I want to hear the outcome. We're not deviating from anything, including the septum, which a friend of mine has. Oh, God, does he? Yeah.

Two of them. Oh, my God. He's got four nose holes. Oh, God. And he used to have a Coke problem. The guy tapped out. He went through all his money like in a week. And he was rich.

Four nose holes. Four nose holes. Wow, you fart in front of that guy. He probably has an epileptic seizure. That's probably what's going to happen. Go ahead. You seem to. No, but this is just, it's,

a little side. It's a Martha Stewart-esque type of shrimp tip. A shrimp test? Tip. I'm not being a shrimp. These are air quotes. Super. I'm not going to ever question anyone having, that could be a seizure or. Well, that could be just shrimp, too. Okay. Epileptics. So basically, this is a little tip and then we'll get back to your story. We don't ever have to get back to anything. That's the beauty of love. That's the beauty of love. I come here as practice. In case of an emergency. I rarely leave my house. So if there is an emergency, I want to know how to ask for help.

So coming here, talking to you, this is all icing on the cake of life. So we don't have to finish any story, my friend. What a darling. Super. I don't call a lot of my guy buddies darlings, but what a darling. It's probably my green eyes and long eyelashes. Time as old as time, beauty and the breast. So this is what you do if you're having like a one-night stand,

and you're married, so you probably don't have as many as he used to. Not as many, but they're always on my mind. Yeah. So I have a one-night stand next to my bed. Oh, my God. What's his name? He goes by Bob, but, you know, I call him anything I want. Bobston.

But here's the thing. Sometimes when you have a one-nighter, you don't want the lady to necessarily stay over the whole night. It's called a one-nighter, but it could also technically be a one-hourer, right? Sometimes you just want to have a little fun and see you later. Just a one-nutter. Right?

Yes. So how do you get them out? How do you get that girl out of your band? You've done it. You're laying there in the afterglow. You're radiating. She's smoking a cigarette. You're eating a corned beef sandwich, whatever you do.

Are you asking me how I do it? Or are you going to have a suggestion? Well, this is the tip. And then you can tell me how you do it. I'll tell you how I have done it. But what I do is I keep a bucket of raw shrimp and the golf shrimp, not the shit shrimp. I got the big boys. Okay.

I keep peeled shrimp right by the side of the bad. And when she's kind of rolled over having her cigarette, I grab a handful. So she's a smoker? Well, after sex, you got to smoke. Okay. Because, you know, what better way to tell someone you love them than say, hey, that was great. I think I'm slowly going to kill myself. Yeah.

Oh, that's good. That's a good way. But if you're trying to get rid of whoever you slept with cancer, it's a slow play. You want them out quick. Right. So here's where the boiled peeled shrimp come in. Well, she's laying there kind of in her after. Because cancer can go long.

Yeah. So if you have a one-night stand and you're in bed and say, have a cigarette, and you're hoping for cancer, she's going to be in that bed for a long time. And then eventually hospice. Right. So that could be a 10-year run. Right. You just roll off and go,

so how's your leukemia? Yeah. And that's a long talk. Yeah. But tell me how you get it about quick. So here's how you do it. When they're in the afterglow kind of drifting off into nothing. So they're glowing.

They're glowing. So you're a good lover of the sexual. I'm a great lover. Lover of the sexual conduct. And so what you do is when they're sort of in that kind of misty haze, you reach into the bucket beside your bed. You pull out a handful of like. The big ones.

Peeled like gull, almost like you're going to throw them to a bunch of seagulls off the back of a boat. Okay. You can almost feel the salty breeze in your hair. Do you have seagulls in your room or no? That's happened. Okay. One time I had an echolocadon. Oh, I don't know what that is, but it's a prehistoric bird.

It sounds like a good smelling creature. Yeah, it smells like turnips. So what you do is, well, she's in this afterglow. Glowing because of your sex. You love making. You reach into the bucket. You have a handful of pink boiled shrimp. You throw them under the blankets.

Okay. And it takes about five, maybe ten minutes. Are they alive? No, they're already peeled. They've got the little tails on them, but you got that pink. So peeling kills them usually? You got that pink meat, you know, that flesh. And so, well, you're just kind of sitting there.

Eventually, she starts moving around and she feels these fleshy things. So she'll think it's a penis. No, here's where you go with the, as you're moving around, you start to tell her about your leprosy. And she's up out of there, like, you won't believe, like a baby deer running out of a forest fire while watching its mother just sizzle under a cedar tree. Wow. Yeah.

And they leave. Oh, they're gone. Hey, everybody, check out my merchandise at Harbling.com. Yeah, most people just slap some letters or images on a t-shirt or a hoodie. but not me yours truly guess what I draw my own designs at harbleng.com you can see tons of my hand-drawn t-shirts you can either buy the original or you can buy a print and man oh man wear them loud and proud I love making these designs for you guys and keeping it personal so check out the whole catalog we got hoodies we got coffee mugs we

got t-shirts, you name it. It's there at Harbling.com. Get your Harland original design, wearable art at Harbling.com today. And thank you for your support. And I'll just keep the the groovy images coming. So, this is how you get a girl out after a one-night stand. And I, and like I say, It's all about love. It is all about love. And I've only done this a few times because I like to sleep alone. And this way gets pretty expensive.

Okay. Let's see. All right. So I keep what appears to be water next to my bed on my side. Like a bottle? No, a glass. A glass of water. And it's a blue glass.

Okay. So it's antique. But what's really in the cup is not water. It's, uh, it's an accelerant. Oh. So it's excellent. I don't know if you see where this is going. It's kind of a gasoline.

It's a charcoal briquette lighter. It's a combination of a few things. Highly flammable. Yes. Okay. So my woman is not smoking. Okay. But I always have incense burning next to the bed.

Sexy. So after I make the. love, and she gets comfortable, like she's planning on staying the night. The love. I spill my glass of water. Water. The accelerant. Shrimp fingers.

On my side of the bed. I'm not a murderer. No. It has happened, and I've explained. So my side of the bed, oh, I've spilled water, baby. let me go get a towel. Right. But as I leave, I grab the incense, which is burning.

Burning. Red ember on the tip. Red ember. And as I get closer to the door, I flick it. I kind of, I'm a thumb guy. I do this so that the thumbs up. So Fonzie style. Yeah, you do that.

pointing, which is aggressive. Hey, you're going to die, but you're like, you're going to die. Boom, but she's not going to die because I'm just, I'm burning the bed. Oh, sorry. This is to get them out of bed. So you light the bed on fire. My side. Your side, yeah.

And hopefully she sees it in time, but the minute a bed is engulfed in hot, heat, flames. Yeah. They get up. They call it a night. Yeah. And they leave. I've done it four or five times. This is good.

I said at the beginning, it's expensive. Yeah. I don't know if you know what memory foam costs. But I've had one mattress, which has survived three or four fires. I don't throw each mattress out. Just flip it over. That's the beauty of mattresses. So my memory foam has three or four horrendous memories of fire screaming.

So that's how, you know, I like your shrimp. I have a memory foam mattress, but I can't remember what brand it is. Nice. That's a strong mattress. And I see the comedy, and there's people out there that are laughing. What do you mean, comedy? What? I mean, I have a...

My mattress never forgets. I remember I took it to hang out with some elephants once, and they just... I mean, I'm very private. Like, I have a sleep number on my side of the bed. Okay. Which is blocked. That's how private. Wow.

That's how private I am. And that's right along that your memory foam forgets. But mine remembers. Wow. Four fires, premature ejaculation. There's some bad memories in my phone. What if you have a memory foam mattress and then you go to Taco Bell and then you fart in that mattress all night?

It remembers. And so next time there's Taco Bell in the house, you just, you go to go to bed and you You just see your mattress running across the front lawn? That can happen. Down the street. Yeah. It's like, I ain't sitting through that shit storm again. Yeah.

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with your order. Yeah, to put all your liquids in. That's birddogs.com slash Harland or promo code Harland for a free Yeti-style tumbler. You won't want to take your bird dogs off. We promise you. So there you go. Bird dogs. Have you ever had? had a. I probably have. Oh, good. Here we go. Go ahead. Have you ever had a run in with we're talking about seafood and shit shrimp? Have you ever had a run in in the ocean with a real like sea critter? By a critter, are you talking size? Are you talking crabs? I have any type of marine wildlife. I have had a one-on-one with a shark. Here we go. Down in La Jolla. Let's hear it, guy. I was, I used to swim. Okay. I used to get out there in the mornings and

swim in La Jolla Cove. I would do a mile every morning. A mile. And on this particular morning, a shark came at me. And I did what you're supposed to do. I popped it right in the nose. Okay. It came back again. Oh. And I did it one more time. But I'll tell you, I've had two run-ins, not just with a shark. And this, I have had a run-in with a dolphin, and everyone has dolphin rape stories. They, they, because the dolphins are known to be rapists. The rape? They, the dolphins rape.

This is just a fact. Huh. But when I was eight years old, I was swimming, I was swimming off Mission Beach. Oh, where the priest dolphins are. Now it makes sense. Exactly. And I got caught in a riptime. when I was eight years old.

Oh, God. And I was pulled out. I always knew he was gay. I was, yes, I was pulled out beyond the waves. Oh. And suddenly, I felt a dolphin press up against my rectum, my rectal area. For those that don't know what a rectum is, the other word is... The anal cavital hole.

Okay. Pressed the beak, the rubber horn they have. Oh, their snout? the bottle nose Maybe it was trying to put its blowhole on your asshole and give you mouth to mouth asshole resuscitation.

See, this is what we're going to find out may have been in play. Whoa, here we go. So suddenly the dolphin has the bottle nose pressed against the rect eye. I just, if I could get that on a loop, just you're slurping as a wave. And that's...

We aren't talking about the ocean. He pressed his bottle nose against the rectus. Okay. And he began pushing me around. And I thought he was looking for something to get leverage against. Okay. Because he was pushing me toward a buoy, a giant buoy.

Oh, God. And I was like, ah, he's going to pin me against. He really was a priest fish. He was going to pin me against the buoy to finish the rape. But I managed to dodge the buoy. Okay. And he took me to shore. Oh my God

And he left me there You left you a Pauley Shores house Possibly I believe Polly's mom had a place in the vicinity But people said to me That dolphin saved your life What say what now Because the dolphin took me from a dangerous riptide Oh okay

And took me to shore He took me to the beach and left me there. And they said, that dolphin saved your life. And I said, you weren't there. Yeah. You didn't smell the alcohol on its breath. Yeah. And I eventually saw that dolphin a few years later at SeaWorld. Okay. It was wearing my shorts still. This was the rape dolphin. Took my shorts off. So, Polly Shorts. Polly Shorts. So those are my critter stories. A shark.

Wow. Gave a shark a pop in the nose and a dolphin. What kind of shark? I believe it was a, it looked like a hammerhead because it was wearing a tool belt. Oh, God. So I nailed you, huh? Tried. Good point.

Should we finish up on what happened with these shrimp? Yeah, let's sorry. I mean, you had a Martha Stewart thing going. No, I was just trying to. We've done it. I just added a little tip, but I told you I didn't want to diverge from what you were. Was your Martha Stewart segue, did it have to do with getting women out of bed? It was just a shrimp.

It was to talk. You were talking about shrimp, and then I had some experience with shrimp and one night stands, but we're through that. We got to the dolphin rape, and now we're good. All right. Let me, I mean, I don't know how much time you have. We got time. We got to hear the end of this. Okay.

So, I wanted a table. in the back. Right. Far away as possible. Because I thought I would save money. Yeah. And this beautiful hostess, she said, I have two seats and they're at the sushi counter, sushi bar.

I don't know what the real term for it. Is it just the counter where they're doing the cooking? It's where the chefs are. The sushi chefs. And I don't want to sit there because it's all, every time I've sat there, it's been expensive. You have to buy them beers. Yeah, you have to talk to them. You have to talk.

You can see their saliva dripping in your food. And they all change their, most of them change their name to Gary so that you can humanize the experience. Hey, Gary, can I, would you like a beer? Yeah. And it's never a small beer. They always want those jumbo beers. There's that word again. There it is.

Yeah. And usually it's dangerous to give them beers. Yeah, because by the end of the night, they're giving you. bottle caps with rice and tuna and your chipping teeth and they have that little uh sushi torch that seers i believe the tuna and you by the end of the night you're losing eyebrows they're just they're drunk they're at war flame throwers okay so i said okay well we'll we'll sit at the we'll sit at the counter. Yeah.

And I immediately, and then she kind of leaned against me and said, would you like to buy Gary a beer? And I said, you know, I'll buy him a house if you keep pressing your little titties against my back.

You know, it was part of the hostess's ploy. They're very flirtatious, almost hugging me when she whispered in my ear, would you like to buy Gary a beer? I'll buy him, whatever, anything. Just stop. So I said, you know, Gary's like, what do you guys want?

I was like, just some shit shrimp. Gary, just some shitty little shrimp, nothing crazy. Just, it can be off the floor. Just nothing too much. Did something just go out? Has that always been flashing? Yeah. Really?

Yeah. I didn't know. Okay, I just noticed it. Something's going on. Is there any way you could just turn it off with that button behind you? Or unplug it for a moment? Let's see. Let's see.

How did that happen? I don't know. I think Gary did it. Okay. Thanks, buddy. Only because I have migraines that are triggered. Oh, by flashing light. Strobing.

Yeah. Yeah. So the fact that you just strobed, I said, you know, we might be calling it. It's going again. Wow. We won't even be able to get to. Hang on. Thanks, pal.

There we go. Thanks, man. You know, just solid. No, we don't want any accidents. No, I mean, the fact that it just started after three times. Yeah. Was this a new trick you have? Was this to see what I'm capable and what I'm aware of?

No, I wasn't trying to, I was not trying to get you off of your four-hour shrimp story, I promise. Well, we've been, so many things have come into play with the shrimp story, my friend. Are you saying that I'm drawing this out? I believe you threw Martha Stewart in there and how you get a girl out of bed. Anytime the word shrimp came into play, it seemed to trigger a memory in your life. I know, sorry. I mean, as I was about to finish the story, you said, hey, have you ever been attacked in the ocean?

By a critter, I said, you know, is rape and attack in your brain? So this four-hour shrimp story, I believe two of it's yours. Okay. Okay. So where are we? So you're at the counter. You said, you said, Gary, just give me some shit shrimp. And then what?

And I had to get him a beer, which I was against because of the dangers, chipping teeth. losing eyebrows with the seared thing, yeah. I said, just some shitty shit, little shit, shit. Yeah. And he said, you guys are big guys. How about just some jumbo shrimp? Which you had mentioned at the beginning.

And I said, no, just some shitty little shrimp. Shrimp that the jumbo shrimp bully. Okay, yeah. I just, you know. Kick around. And then he looked at my friend, and he kind of said, you know, how about some live shrimp? It's $10 more, but there's nothing better than live shrimp. And I'm like, yeah, I think if you're a shrimp, there's nothing better than live shrimp.

It's worth way more $10 than $10. And I just said, no, we want that shitty little shrimp. And then Gary said, but it's an aphrodisiac. It'll make your dick hard. The shitty shrimp. No, the live shrimp. Oh, the live shrimp. He's still working on the upsell.

So you're going to put the shrimp on your lap, and the shrimp's going to crawl up and down your penis. He said it's an aphrodisiac. It'll make your dick hard. By crawling up and down your penis. And I said, Gary, I have enough trouble working these chopsticks as is. You don't need to throw a boner in the mix. Right.

And my buddy said, give me the live shrimp. Oh, God. He fell for the upsell. Oh, God. The whole story is about the upsell of seafood. And he held that live, and I was so upset at my friend. I said, we had agreed on shit shrimp. And then he said, you know, the aphrodisiac.

My dick hasn't been hard. Come on, let me get. Long time. So he held the live shrimp up in front of my friend's face. Oh. Like proof of life. Yeah, was it wiggling and stuff? Of course.

It was alive. And it was like there should have been a newspaper. just next to it was it was a little tent eye going everything was going and the shrimp was even glancing looked at me like what's going on man i was having what's going on here yeah and then my buddy nodded and gary pop that shrimp's head off that exact sound yeah oh god so So for $10 more, you can be God. Right. It's your own little snuff film.

Yeah, it's like snuff shrimp. You're just, I mean, you're nodding and the guy's executing. That's like murder shrimp. Murder. Wow. And then Gary said to me, we have one more. Would you like live shrimp also?

I said, no, I want to. the shitty little shrimp. Shit shrimp. And then he's like, but it's the last one. If we don't kill him, he'll feel bad about what happened to his friend. They came in together. Yeah. And I was angry.

I was like, survivor guilt. That's how you're moving this shit. You have to kill it at that point. Kind of. Yeah. And I said, I said, how about I give you $10 and you just give me the shrimp? like a pet like and I would just take the shrimp

to the ocean and let it go because maybe it hated the shrimp that was just killed well what about a middle ground you take it out back for four dollars beat the shit out of it and bring it back that's also a way to go it's like battered shrimp

that's not bad I wasn't in the right frame of mine it's almost like tempura battered shrimp is just a little bit just like this close to being tempura no you're right These are things that if you had been with me. I would have sorted it out. But I thought, just give me 10, I'll give you 10.

And let me, and he said, this isn't a rescue. This is a rescuant. And I just said, you know, for $10 more, we'll just give it, give that $10 to the family of the one you just executed. You know, I'm sure they're going to need some comfort food after they see what happened to their brother. Like when they see executions on TV of reporters, the family. Yeah. For $10, you can get a lot of krill, which is, I believe, what the shrimp like to eat on the whales. Whales, whale sharks, they like believe whales.

Do you know what the word krill is? Yes, it's a very tiny shrimp-like creature. Yeah, so for $10, they amass in gigantic schools. For $10, you can get a lot of krill. Yeah, you can, for $10, you can be. probably get like a garbage bag full of crap. But the guy would not do that. He would not just sell me the shrimp to take.

Yeah. It's like murder or nothing. Because I thought I would take the shrimp to the ocean and they're like, where's, you know, where's George? And I'm like, you know, they killed him. And then everyone would be happy because the one they killed was an asshole. Sounds like seafood's not for you. You've got rape, dolphins, murder shrimp.

I mean. But here's what happened. This, what's next, O.J. Whale? Well, a sperm whale and a blowfish. I saw that. Oh, God. Yeah. It took a while because the blowfish are so small. Yeah. But I saw a blowfish and a sperm whale go at it, and the result was pretty messy.

Oh, that's got to be awful. Pretty messy. But here's what happened. Here's how I, here's how the story ended up. I bought the live shrimp. Okay. I gave him that 10 for the aphrodisiac. And you did what with it? I ate it.

He killed it. And my buddy and I ate it. We fell for the upsell. Yeah. We left with two boners. Oh, okay. Three chipped teeth. Yeah, from the beer caps.

From the beer. And one eyebrow. between the two of us was left from the flame thrower thing from the sushi not from the tunis from the seer the searer yeah so that that was last week that's not a good food can i tell you a good food story of course like one that involved that's not like that's full of hate murder can i tell you a love food story i would love one okay this is one I think you're going to be a lot happier with. This is a feel-good love-like food story.

I would like one with a happy ending, one that didn't include a dentist and a Sharpie having to fill in eyebrows so that I could utilize the boner that we both had. Oh, right. Should have gone right back down to the water and looked for that rape dolphin. Now you were ready. I do know that dolphin. Still at SeaWorld, still wearing the shorts.

Not much left of them now. What's its name? Well, he goes by Stephen. Stephen the Rape Dolphin. And my shorts were small, so they fit him pretty tight. And now they're more of a kind of a G string because they've worn out. Salt eats through Birdwell. They were that Birdwell material.

I used to have a pair of Hooter's shorts. Remember those orange shorts? Of course, man. I wore those around for a while. Why wouldn't you? But here's the, this is a store of food store. with a happy ending. You ready?

Of course. So I'm not here for sadness. Right? You said at the beginning, love. This is about, this story is about love and food and happy endings. Have you ever been to Cracker Barrel? I think I have once. In Mississippi, I believe I went to a lot of whites.

Yeah, they're all over the sort of the Midwest towards the South Cracker Barrel. Yes. And what they are, they're kind of like a country store type of restaurant with comfort food, you know, meatloaf and biscuits and gravy and chicken pop pies, that type of stuff. So that's comfortable if you're into that. Oh, it's comfort food. And then it's kind of set up sort of like an old southern like shack. And out front, they have like an old wooden porch and they have rocking chairs.

Now, is this a house? No, this is like a restaurant. And the rocking chairs are right outside the rest of. restaurant window. So I had this gal for a while. We were dating, and she liked to do it in public. I don't know if you've ever done it in public. Oh, of course. Now, when you say do it, does that mean the inter of the course? Yeah, lovemaking. Okay. So we were... The insertion of organs. Yeah, yeah. Just shy of a dolphin rape. And so we were, we were... You had me a rape. Yeah. So did the dolphin. Well, almost. Missed it by one buoy. Wow.

go ahead uh so we're we're at the we're at the cracker barrel and they got this outdoor deck with rocking chairs while you're waiting to go in to eat you can look through the window and do they give you that little thing that beeps when it's time yeah they give you a little electric beeper and you can look through the window and see people eating so little pacemakers yeah so we're sitting out on the deck we're in a rock one of the rocking chairs yes and my gal says she wants to do it. She wants to get it on. Okay.

On you. Right? We're making love. And she instigated it. So this isn't a Me Too situation. She instigated it. So here she is. She's naked.

We're in front of the Cracker Barrel on the rocking chair. The rocking chairs go like crazy. And your penal is involved? Yeah. It's love making. So it's been filled with the fluid that makes it? Yeah. Cracker Barrel love guy.

Okay. And we're just rocking back and full. And we get going, we get so much momentum, we smash through the window of the restaurant. Nice. Okay. We land on someone's table. They got the meatloaf, the pancakes. It's like a family of like 18.

That's a big family. Right. But that sounds like a Cracker Barrel family. 18 seems to be. Right. That's about right. Okay. And one thing inside Cracker Barrel, they decorate it with antiques.

They got old like milk jugs. They got giant saws. You know, the giant saws that the old lumberjacks used to use. So here we are, we fly. And do they use those saws on the meat? Well, here's what happened. You're going to love it. I hope so.

We smashed through the window. We're on the table. One of the people at the table was so taken aback and surprised. They went backwards, hit the wall. The giant saw came down, cut one of my gal's boobs off. Nice. So was she, who landed back on the table? She landed on her back.

I'm on top. Oh, so you were sitting on the, right? rocker when she was got you we flew backwards some reason i pictured oh wait yeah so i'm sitting on the rocket so i flew back she's on top yeah i if you're sitting right and it throws you right back she's gonna she's landing on top of me how because i'm here's the window here's the rocker going back and forth. I'm sitting on the rocker. You're thrown like this.

So now you're going through the window on top. No, the back of the rocker goes through the window. See? The rocker went back. We flew off through the window. Right? I'm not sure. She's on top of me.

This person backs into the wall. Old antique saw comes out. Cuts her breast off. We race to the hospital to reinstate. attach it. Doctor comes out, we can't reattach this breast. And we go, why not? She goes, you have full-blown breast cancer. You would have been dead in three weeks. Can you believe it? So if you had had a one night stand with her, it would have been a three-weeker. You wouldn't have had to burn her. Right. Okay. But what a, what a beautiful, like, make love, find out,

saved her life. And did your, your buzzer ever go off? We never found it. Okay. And then three weeks later, we were at a movie and we heard it and I guess it went. Okay. Can I just say one thing? Sure. I'm sure this was wonderful for everyone that got to see this. You're in the rocking chair.

Yeah. I don't like to go back. But as a detective at heart. Okay. The chair is rocking. Right. And maybe some of your fans can, I don't know if they can show us a drawing of how this happened. But you're sitting in the chair.

Right. Like imagine I'm in the chair now in the back of the rocking chair is behind me. So I'm going back and forth, back and forth, just like this. Oh, but the window's behind you? The windows behind me. You had told me the window was in front of you. No, it was behind us. Okay.

So we went right through onto a table. Okay. Did you stay in the chair? Was the chair? No, we flew right out of it. Okay. So you slid out. Right.

Flew out. Okay. Because of the thrust of. Yeah. The power of love making. So you kind of slid through the window without the chair. Smashed right through it. And you were hooked together because of like when dogs get it on, tough to unhook them.

Yeah. Okay. So this is making sense. Yeah. So you went through the window. You landed on the table. Yep, exactly. Now you got it.

You're still bonarized. Well, beginning to lose the wood for the glass. Was there your back bleeding? No, we landed right on some pancakes. It was almost like landing on sponge. Was it a sugar glass? No, it just shattered. But nothing in your back.

No, it blew to the side. We went through with a lot of force, so the glass dispersed. We landed, I had a meat loaf behind my hands. had two pancakes under each shoulder blade and chicken pop pie right in the archibrate. Pancakes at dinner. Well, you can get it all day. That's the beauty of Cracker barrel. Of the Cracker.

Yeah. And then that saw fell and took off a breast. It fell. One of the guys went reeling backwards, hit the wall. This giant saw came crashing down. Just didn't even saw just cleaved their breast off. We put it in an ice bucket with some lemonade and some Dr. I was going to ask you if someone tried to.

to eat the tit. No. Are you saying no one reached for that out of 18? There wasn't. A family of 18 at a cracker barrel, no one's reaching for a lone tit. It bounced over onto another guy's plate. He was a truck driver. He did pour some biscuit gravy on it, but we were able to get to him before he could

put a knife and forked. So when you got to the hospital, did the breast have the biscuit gravy? It did. So maybe that's what the doctor thought was the cancer. No, no. They looked inside. This thing was cancerous. Saved her life.

Wow. I mean, this is why I leave the house. Well, because stories like that that let people know there's hope, that even if you're spending a lot of time waiting for a table, you can make what's left of the love. It's all about love. It comes right back to what you started. Love.

Just love, man. I have a question. This is important. We're talking about a lot of important stuff. Well, death and cancer. Right. Ready? One sip.

Thank you, brother. Here's my question. And it's for me? Yes. Crinkle, crinkle crack, or crinkle, crackle, crunch. Now, those are, those are, those are, words in a type of order, crinkle, crinkle. Crack. Crackle, crinkle, crunch. Man, I think I would like to, you know, get that crack out of the way. Okay. So whether it's sunflower seed or

pistachio, I'd like to get the crack so that I get to the crack. The crunch okay this is just the way i was raised so i'm not really understanding the the question wait is that a cereal so are you saying crinkle crackle crunch is your answer oh i thought there was one where crack was first crinkle crinkle crack or crinkle crackle crunch oh i would get the as long as crackle is not the end no no no yes none of them have crackle at the end oh none of them do So which one? And the crinkle is what? Crinkle, crinkle crack.

Yeah, I don't want that. So you want crinkle, crackle crunch. Yes. That's all I was asking, guy. No, but I just... I feel like I got a bit of toad. Well, not a toot. I just, you know, I'm learning as I go.

Okay. You're asking questions that... That's the question. Had never been asked of me. But when I think about it, because of history. I'd like that crack closer to the front. Okay.

Great. Was that it? Was that the question that you needed answered? Yeah. Okay. And now that brings us to words from a wooden shoe, my friend. Okay. And you know the drill.

I don't. I don't really remember. It's a Dutch clog, an authentic Dutch wooden clog. I don't remember anything from our previous visits. You need to lay down on a memory foam mattress, I think. I don't want to know. I'm trying to just move forward in life. I don't want to go back.

Well, let's see if you can go back one last time. To the shoe. The words in here brings out a memory or a story from your life. Words from a wooden shoe. So I have something in my hand. Read it and see if it spawns a memory, a story, a good experience, a bad experience, whatever. What's it say?

Gun. It's a big one. It doesn't. It does remind me of a simpler time in my life. Okay. Here we go. I used to know how I was going to die. Oh.

I was, for many years, I was going to be shot in the top of the head by a 357 magnum. Very specific. I had an old lady that lived above me. Is she a marksman? No, but she was probably a hundred years old. Wow. And she lived in the apartment right above me. Okay.

And she had a 357 magnum. Wow, that's a big condom. Well, this is the weapon, the gun. Oh, the gun, I'm sorry. That's all right. It's an easy mistake when Magnum triggers a lot of thoughts. But this woman could not even lift the weapon. It would just hang in her bony, 100-year-old arm into her shag carpet from the 20s,

which was filled with dust mites and lice. Lice and just everything, everything. Sorriasis. Dush, I believe, is what a hundred-year-old women used to. Gray pubs. Oh, all colors. She'd been in the same house for 80 years. Shingles.

Shingles, also curtains. But that gun was pointed right through her shag carpet. To you underneath. To me. And I'm tall, and my head almost hit the ceiling of my old apartment. That's horrifying. So I always knew that one day she was going to shoot through the floor into the top of my head with that 357 magnum. So you walked around all day like a ticking time ball.

I knew how I was going to die. And one day I finally asked her. I'm like, why? Why do you have a gun? Yeah. And she says, there's a hit out on me. No way. She was a singer?

She was actually jazz from the early 20s. And I said, you've been on the couch for 70 years. If someone's trying to kill you, you are not a high priority target. right god god can't even kill you is that the name of her hit it could have been but i felt i felt safe eventually i got her a lock for the gun wow so she put your hair on her gun a lock of just a lock but i i know exactly and i feel safe because she can't even open the the sliding the what is it called that keeps the bug out the bugs out of a door fuck off no that's the type of repellent there's a door a screen door oh a screen door she can't

even open that can she shoot through it i don't know she can't lift it right right it's just always she cannot lift it didn't got it okay and i love her uh she's still alive i don't know I had to move, but she used to make three bean salad, but would only use three beans. Wow, frugal. And I said, that's just the title. That's not the total number of ingredients, I mean, it wasn't enough beans in there for a fart. Good thing she never made a human bean salad. She would have, if she had just enough strength to pull that.

But that's what the word gun. Wow. Triggers in me. Wow. And she never shot through the floor? She never shot. I guess she maybe never even had bullets. But for many years, I thought that's how I was going to die.

What a way to live. How long did you live there? Man, 16 years. Wow. I'm a creature of habit. Yeah. God, I bet you stayed out of the living room a lot, huh? Didn't you say she was ready?

It was just kind of a living room. Yeah. Could have been a dead room if you didn't. Wouldn't have been bad living in a dead room. But that's what gun brings up in me is suicide. Unbelievable. Well, it's not a suicide if someone else shoots you. Well, if I stay there, I could have left.

Oh, so you wanted to die. Wherever she walked, I kind of mirrored her. So maybe it was a suicide. You were trying to kill yourself. If you think about it. Yeah. Why would I stay? Why would, oh, I hear her in the bathroom, I'll go there for a minute,

because she walked around with the gun. So you were trying to kill yourself but without the guilt. Yeah. Retick it into heaven. Well, when a 100-year-old woman, a lounge singer from the 20s who dated Bugsie Siegel, when she puts a bullet in the top of your head, that's the story you tell at the pearly gates. You get right in.

The good thing about getting killed by an old lady is at least at the funeral, there's freshly baked cookies. Yeah. Oh, that's good thinking. I should probably move back. What a day, huh? This was all about Lovewell. Folks, this has been Kirk Fox here on the Harland Highway Pogh.

Do you want to plug anything? Third season of your TV show? Come on, tell them. Well, I'm just a part of it. It's so good. A small wonderful part. Tell them. August 2nd will be the third and final season of

reservation dogs, one of the greatest shows ever created by Sterland Harjo and a young man named Taika Waititi. And I've been fortunate enough to be a part of this show for three years and health insurance. I played Kenny Boy, who's in charge of salvage and meth, which seems to be my wheelhouse. And I also, I'm on a show right now. You have to look carefully because I'm in disguise. and I don't say a lot. It's called jury duty.

Yes, I just watched the whole thing. Well, and it's one of the greatest shows on the planet. It's really funny. And I play Pat McCurdy, juror number one. Yeah. And I was there. I was one of the jurors. And I asked you about this because they did use you sparingly,

which is a shame because every time they do use you, it's hilarious. So something, are you allowed to say what happened when you got there? Well, I think the word is out that. I think maybe even on the first day, this young man named Ronald Gladden, the Mark, he was the Mark. The Innocent, he told James Marsden that he loved Parks and Rec. They were talking about Ben Schwartz, who was also in Sonic, I believe, with Mr. Marsden. Yeah.

And word traveled fast that this guy loved Parks and Rec, which you were in. Which I was a part of. I played Sewage Joe. one of the greatest sex offenders probably on primetime. Yeah. And did he recognize you? No, because I immediately went into his blind spots. I immediately never made too much eye contact.

Did the producers make you do that? There was a, I believe the word is conscientious. Is that a word where we said, let's kind of pull back Kirk. I mean, I could have dodged it if it happened, but if he had seen someone from Parks and Rec, also James Marsden, his brain may have started thinking, these are all actors.

How is it possible that there's two actors on the same? Because the premise of the show is it's a reality show where it's 12 jurors who are all actors and they found one guy who wasn't in on it. And so the whole show centers around this guy not knowing he's being duped. We create a magic world. There was hundreds involved. There was a whole courthouse we took over.

I know. And he even was sequestered with six other jurors. And they went to a hotel every night. And the other six jurors, which I was a part of, we went to what he thought was another hotel. But we just went around the block and were allowed to. to get into our cars and leave. Oh, that's awesome. But we weren't home long because we had to be back the next morning.

It sucks because you were in that thing, and early on you had some of the funniest lines, you were hilarious, and then I was watching, oh, why aren't they cutting to you enough? And when I called you and asked you said, you know, he might have figured it out if I, if I was too much of a present. And Ronald even said that if I had said a little bit more, he would have pieced it all together he was very he could not believe at the reveal that oh shit i sort of couldn't believe he didn't figure it out but i know i know it's i guess it's good he didn't or the show wouldn't

worked obviously if he had figured it out then it wouldn't have been the same show and that show would have ended yeah yeah and then we would have had to have uh what's it looked for somebody else to try it on what's interesting too is he seemed like a sort of an intelligent guy like he He didn't seem slow or dim-witted. He was just an average guy, but I was like, man, there's so many weird coincidences and things happening here that sort of felt comedic. There were a few cameras, so he knew he was making a documentary about this judge's last case. Yeah.

So he was okay with that there were some cameras. Yeah. But he did not know there was 50 other hidden cameras. cameras so he was he did not know but it just shows you that if a few people want to want to lead you to believe something they they certainly can two people can convince an old lady to buy a 357 magnum for home protection but imagine a hundred people can get one guy to think he's deciding on a case Yeah. I think I got people to believe I made love outside of a cracker barrel and saved a girl from getting breast cancer. There's probably someone who doesn't think that happened, but we know it did.

We know it did. You saved a woman. Cancer is real. So if they don't believe that you can find breast cancer in a tit that got cut off on a table. At a cracker barrel. Then maybe you don't believe in life. Maybe that's something you need to work on. All right, thank you. This was great. That was good. I like ending on that.

Let's hit the theme music. Okay. We'll see you next time. Ladies and gentlemen, do you want to tell them where they can find it? You're doing stand-up. You got into social media. You know, I do a little stand-up, but hey, Instagram, Kirk Fox on Instagram, I post a little there. I'm not very social, but I'll probably respond to you if you say hi.

Yeah. Maybe even get a one-nighter. Yeah, if you like fire. Ladies and gentlemen, the Harland Highway podcast, Kirk the Man Fox. Until next time, chicken chamein with biscuit gravy. You want to go get some shrimp? Why not? Let's find a rocking chair.

I don't know if I want to go that far. I just said shrimp.