The Harland Highway - NEW HARLAND HIGHWAY #67 - JEREMIAH WATKINS, Comedian, Actor, talks road rage, SLOTH from Goonies, and Boozin!

Episode Date: July 25, 2023

Jeremiah discusses raising family, SLOTH from Goonies, road raging and TV ads! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You're riding down the Harland Highway. All right, hold tight on the Harland Highway Show. Harland Williams. Putting my cans on, guy. This rocket ship's about to launch. Oh. How's that sound? How's my velvety voice sound in your puffy little ears?

Oh, it's smoother than carrot cake. Really? Oh, yeah. Carrot cake with icing or no icing? Oh, you got to do it with it. icing. Whoa. I'm that smooth. Yeah. Are you saying I'm like the new Sinatra almost? Oh, yeah. The summer wind came crashing in across your anvil and hammer and coxiel. What's the little, there's another bone. It's the hammer the anvil and the coxiel. Your coxas is in your tailbone. Coxix. Cox's in your tailbone. Costco's in your tailbone.

Wow. And then what were you talking about? There's the hammer, the anvil. And then it's the tiniest bone in the whole human body. It's called the cox seal, I think. The cox seal. It's the third little bone in that mixture in your ear. Okay.

So I'm sorry. I wanted to get into the podcast, but since my voice sounds like the new Frank Sinatra and carrot cheesecake. Have you been wetting it lately? I think I've been dampening at night. I put like a towel on it and a, I wrap one of those tampons with wings. I wrap the wings around it to keep it moist.

I can't get enough of it. The summer wind came crashing in across your coxiel anvil and hammer. I love boos. I saw Sinatra once. That wasn't in the song, though. I saw him in Vegas once. And he sang that on stage that line? The Riviera Casino.

I'm not joking. He had sitting on one of the amps, he had a big glass of, like, of, what's it called, Jack Daniels or something? Yeah, it's like a golden copper-colored booze. And I'm not kidding. The guy was in the middle of this song. He goes, luck be a lady tonight. I love booze. And then he just put it right back down.

It was like the best thing I've ever seen. That's some classic Sinatra right there. Oh, it was classic. Oh, maybe he felt more comfortable. Maybe he was looking at you. He felt more comfortable, and he didn't realize he was seeing that into the mic. No, he knew like he held it up for everyone to see. I love booze. Just that he called it booze, too. I love it. You're a booze hound if you call it booze. Oh, I'm a Lorraine. What's her name, Elaine Boozler? Oh, I thought you were saying Lorraine Abbot. Did you ever date her, Elaine Boozler, the comedian?

I had a time. Yeah. How long did that go? Well, I was pre-term. Oh, you were pregnant? No, before my abortion. Jesus, ladies, oh, wow. Yeah, the podcast just officially started. Wow. Uh-huh.

Now, that's right, ladies and gentlemen. You're on the Holland Highway podcast. And great guest today. Like, such a good, look at just, you can tell by the rhythm going through his body, The way he moves, like Saturday night fever, just had a oil party with John Cougar Mellon camp and the dumpster behind Dairy Queen.

I mean, just the way you move, I picture John Cougar Mellencamp, like, all over you with linseed oil and cabbage grease and stuff. I think I'm going to commit to these. I think you sound so good. Right. Because at the beginning, before we went on the air, I asked Wadi, and by the way,

Jeremiah Watkins, ladies and gentlemen, right here, comedian, musician, artist, podcaster. I mean, what else do you do, Wild Fingers? I don't know, you know, I had a nickname called Wild Thing when I was growing up. I was called Wild Thing Watkins. And if you got lost, did everyone in the neighbor go where the wild things are? Remember the kids' book? I don't. No.

All right. Um, but, um, before Jeremiah Watkins or Wadi sat down, um, we were discussing whether he should wear the cans or if he wanted to wear the cans. And then when he heard my voice, I couldn't resist. Right. There's something that's going in like, I don't know, I'd never wanted your voice inside my ears so much. Right. Because when you did our podcast, we go canless. Did we? Mm-hmm. Oh, that's right. Yeah. So you didn't really ever get the full. flavor of my carrot cheesecake cords. The summer breeze.

I think there might be some nuts in that cake now. Suddenly. I have a nut allergy. Are you serious? Dude, that sounded like an attic door creaking open. Do that again. Sorry. Do that one again.

I might throw up. I think you're going to puke. Yeah, let's have a drink so you don't puke. Okay, great. Oh, cool. You do all kinds of sound effects. Yeah.

Let me tell a little story and then see if you can do the sound effects to it. I would love that. Here we go. Some 1920s radio right here. Yeah. Dan got out of his car. He slammed the door again. He started walking along the gravelly trail into the forest.

He got into the forest and all of a sudden he heard water dripping from above. He looked around and saw a waterfall in the distance. He ran through the forest, crackling on the leaves underfoot. Suddenly he stepped in a bear trap. And shit, bear shit I meant. It was a deep pile. And he stood there as the waterfall dripped from above. But then he realized it wasn't a waterfall at all.

It was elves in the forest, and they were pissing on him as he stood there in the bearshit. That was a choir of elves. And then a bullet, a sniper's bullet rang out of nowhere. And that ended the story. Great work, Guy. Thanks. I did my best. It's weird you got assassinated at the end.

Yeah, I wasn't thinking that was going to happen in the story. It's usually happy endings rather than a sniper shot to the head and then our main character dies. Right. You're here you are in a forest, a beautiful dripping, of waterfalls and elf urine. You're standing in a big warm pile of bear shit, and who thought there'd be a sniper in the woods? There's a choir, golden showering you.

Oh, God. And then all of a sudden you're dead? What is this? Heaven, then hell immediately? Yeah. I mean, this is the beauty of entertainment, of drama, of being a writer. Yeah.

The way you handled it, though. Sometimes you just got to go with it. Your commitment, your ability to knock it to a moment, emotionally involved and step on the material. Well, you know, me as the Foley guy, you know, you can't be invested emotionally in it. You're just doing the sounds.

You're the pilot. I'm in the cockpit. Wow, bro. You are good. But you're a good guy. You're a nice guy. You know, I've known you for years. We do stand up together.

and we've done a few singing gigs together. That's where I first met you, singing. Yeah. Right? The scat lounges, yeah. No, but didn't we do the, didn't we do the, the comedy jam? Yeah, the comedy jam. We did, like, we sang War Pigs and all these great songs.

And you were up there and playing. Uh-huh. So we've known each other for a long time. And you've always been like the nicest guy. You're just, people, I can look at you and tell you're a nice guy. That's how I feel about you, though. Oh, thank you. When people see you in the halls and stuff like that,

I feel like people are like at the comedy store and the clubs and stuff like that. Yeah. I feel like people walk by and you're like, they're like, that's a nice guy right there. Oh, that's good. That's a good vibe. That's a good feeling. But do you ever get angry?

Like we were talking about that off camera. Have you ever had, I don't know. I'm sure you have, but have you ever had road rage? Like, have you ever like been one of those guys that just, uh-huh. Yeah, I got out of my car once. What happened, guy? He there's- Wait a minute before.

First of all, what kind of car? What kind of car was I driving? It was a 98 Accura CL. Okay, so he should have been mad at you, really. Yeah. Okay, but it was you who was mad. Yeah. What was he driving?

I don't remember what this guy was driving. Could have been any worse than what you had, though. It definitely wasn't worse than what I was driving. Are you sure you just weren't mad at yourself for the car you were? I could have been looking in the mirror and just like upset. Yeah. So what was this? scenario like what led to you but i want to hear about you getting out of the car but what what led up

to the moment this guy just kept honking at me over and over okay and there was a car in front of me and there was traffic ahead yeah and i just got out of the car and i went to his window i go nothing's moving up there what are we going to do about this yeah and he was so freaked out that i had gotten out of my car he thought that i was going to pull a gun on him or something really yeah I think that people generally, if you get out of your car, then they think your screws are a little loose in your head. Well, especially in L.A., man. Yeah. Because people, like, people, you'll get shot for honking at someone here.

Right. So how did you resolve it? I mean, he stopped honking after I confronted him. And he was just like, okay, okay. Did he roll down his window? No. Wow. It was one of those things where I was talking through the window.

No way. Will you swear he was yelling? No, that's what also another thing. I think that made it more creepy. I was just like, hey, nobody's moving up there. Yeah. Okay? So quit honking at me.

What are we going to do here? He's like, okay, okay, all right, man, all right. Oh, wow. Yeah. It's almost sort of like a dad lecture. Yeah, a little bit. Wow, wow. It happened to me once I was, here's the scenario.

I was out on a date with this hawk girl. Okay. And we were. This is a true story. Wait a minute. Right away. What part don't you believe the date or the hot girl? All right.

I just continue. You know, it's fine. It's fine. Yeah, like Harlan could get a date and Harlan could get a hot girl. Let's go back to the Elv story. Oh, wow. Power slammed. I did slam you about your car to make your car.

It's okay. You had to check maybe. You had to slam me immediately. You're seeing the spark of slam versus slam. Yeah, slam ball's coming back, by the way. What slam ball? Do you remember that? No.

It's a full contact basketball on trampolines. Oh, really? Yeah, they shoot it in Vegas, and it's like this, it used to be a sport on like ESPN2 in the early to mid-2000s. Whoa. Yeah. They bring it back. You said slams.

I just thought of it. I wonder if they're ever bring it back for like, you know, they have the disabled Olympics. I'd love to see slam ball for the wheelchair gang. Now, would the people slamming them, would they be out of wheelchairs? How extreme we talk. They're in wheelchairs. They're all in wheelchairs. Just wheelchairs bouncing around.

You're talking jousting in wheelchairs and stuff? I don't know what they do, jump, just bouncing in a wheelchair because you got that extra weight with a wheelchair, so you're going to go deep and high. So you're saying off of the ledge. push someone in a wheelchair so they hit extra hard on the trampoline and then they're colliding in mid-air. Well, yeah, colliding and to add an element of danger have ceiling fans.

So you really get your money's worth when you're watching the disabled powered slam or whatever. What's it called? Slam ball. Slam ball. Yeah. Wow, dude. Yeah, the DSB. Disabled slam ball. I feel like that would be a hard pitch in her room to convince people, like, listen, we're already of the name.

Yeah. It's called disabled slam ball. And they're like, we're going to stop you right there. Yeah. We don't want to market it like that. Yeah. We want to be maybe the handy capable slam ball. You know what's great, though?

Disabled people would do it. Like, when you'd think that there's something they won't do, like skiing. I saw one on Tick-knock the other day where a guy with no legs went off a ski jump. Yeah. or water skiing or wrestling or like i love that the disabled are like screw you i'm disabled i can do anything you can do yeah there's a professional blind skateboarder is there really yeah yeah yeah and he has uh the excuse me the stick i don't know what it's called the white the white stick yeah the cane yeah yeah yeah he has that like he feels out all the ramps like with somebody he walks around the skate

park really and then he'll then he has it mapped in his head and then he rides around with the stick and he will literally hop on rails he'll go off ramps it's crazy and he doesn't wipe out everywhere i'm sure he oh no he does i mean he does but then he he perfects it he lands it he's determined it's all like memory like what's that called memory perception or what's it called where you your mind just almost plugs it in yeah yeah memory retention or whatever it's called yeah holy god yeah that's what i mean so even though i'm joking about like the the wheelchair power slam or whatever, they do it. They're nuts.

Yeah. They do dodge ball. They do, I think I've seen people in wheelchairs jumping out of like airplanes. Yeah. So anyways, I'm on this hot date, right, with this haughty, right? This is my road rage story. Okay, okay. This is for real, though.

Okay, okay. So I'm driving around and it's going great. And, you know, you know, it's the first date. So I'm trying to be missed, you know, you always want to impress your day. They're trying to impress you. You're trying to press down. So we're driving around and this car cuts me off. And it was like a blatant cut off.

And I'm like, okay, you know what? She saw it. She saw me kind of flinch. And I'm like, I got to commit. I got to show her that I'm the guy, right? So we get up to the red light. I get out of the car. I said, hey, baby, let me take care of this, right?

I push the door open, I get out, and I kind of walk towards the car with kind of like, cross between like Clean Eastwood in the enforcer and a little bit of that, the liquid Terminator guy from Terminator 2. Like a little bit of that, right? Yeah, yeah. And then I'm like, I'm like putting my chest out. You know how peacocks put the tail out? Like I'm, you got to puff it out.

I'm displaying. Like, so I'm like walking up to this car. and I look back and I see she's checking me out. She's like, oh, you know, that's my man. And I'm squeezing the buns a little. Like I'm tightening my... Oh, the glute's just so my... Almost looks like my ass crack is smiling at her, right?

Giving a little wink for it. Yeah. What's to come later if she decides to step on the Harlan Highway? Bingo, baby. So Daddy's like doing the walk. I'm like strutting. I'm displaying. And I get up to this car and I just did what you do.

I just, I'm in the window, I'm like, and I, you know, normally I don't get that mad, but I wanted to show her that I was a tough guy. And I'm like, you motherfucker, what the fuck do you think you're messing with? You fucker, get the fuck out of the car. You know what, don't get out of the car. Fuck you, you know. And then as I'm yelling, I looked and I realized it's one of those autonomous cars with no driver. Well, if you're going to laugh at my stuff.

Have you seen them? There's these new, they got these cars now where they, they got the Uber's with no drivers. They got the Google cars. Yeah. So now I'm committed. Oh, yeah, you got to because she doesn't know that there's nobody that's not actually driving it. So now I'm like, holy shit. So now what I do is I pull some heat out.

And now, you know, I got an audience back there. So I got the kind of like, you motherfucker, get the fuck out of it. I'll blow your brains. You know, this type of thing. And then the light turn green. This thing goes, I put the piece back. in I struck back to the car. What's the piece? I pulled some heat. I pulled the gun. Oh, I thought you whipped your dick out. I did, but not at that moment. Later. Oh.

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It's like a 78, no, the 98 magnum. That's a good year. Yeah. And so I struck back to the car and I sit down and I looked out, I said, let's go, baby. I took care of that. And off we went. So, yeah, I can road rage.

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you won't want to take your bird dogs off we promise you and now back to the show I had one happen to me Oh, here we go. What happened, guy? It's actually happened. I was in the car with Stevie Weeby in San Diego, who you know. Yeah, Stevie Weeby.

Yep. We did a gig in San Diego the night before, and I was still kind of waking up in the morning, and I guess I blew through a stop sign that I did not see. But there is a car. You blew Stevie Weeby through a stop sign? Through the stop sign. What did he say? Stop.

You didn't. Actually, he would never say that. So you blew him right through the stop sign? Yeah. Then what happened? Well, then somebody saw it, got upset because, you know, I'm going all over the road. He's going all over me. And he starts to come out, and I start honking at him because I thought that he was going to tibone me.

And he thought I was going to tee bone him. So you guys were, you've just been shopping for meat? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So, and then, and then I'm like, and then he's like, pull over.

He was ready to, this dude was ready to, he's like, pull over right now. Whoa. I'm like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. He sort of falling me. Whoa. Yeah. Whoa.

Yeah. What kind of car were you in this time? This one was a 2012 Honda C.R. R-Z. Okay. Yeah. Probably not worth following, but what did he look like? Yeah.

He had a face. Wow. Eyebrows. Whoa. And Mexican. Wow. Mexican with a face and eyebrows. They're the worst kind of Mexicans.

Yeah, I know. Don't want to mess with the ones that have eyebrows on a face. I know. Forget it. So what happened? This is scary. I noticed that he tried to start following me and I bust a right down a street that he was already, he was trying to slow down and then follow me.

And then so I hit my brakes. I hit a different street and then I lost him. Oh, dude. Were you terrified? Yeah, there was, yeah, because this dude was ready. Like, really? He wanted to fight. He legit wanted to fight.

And it was seven or seven 30 in the morning. Whoa. I'm like, how do you get that hot? Yeah. It's too early to get that. He was probably just leaving a canteen to somewhere. Probably. He'd probably been up raging all night.

Because of the eyebrows. Yeah. Yeah. Was he alone or was he with a posse? Full family. Holy shit. Wow, man. Just him.

Wow. Just him. That's brutal. People need to calm down. Yeah. People need to calm down. Yeah. You know what I do to calm down and I hope you enjoy this?

but and you know as artists we have to push ourselves right like you do comedy you do music and and if we didn't push ourselves in our art we would just sort of stagnate right i agree so one of the instruments i don't play a real instrument but you've heard of air guitar oh yeah so i do this thing i wanted to push myself and as you see i don't have a chin i was somehow born without a chin i'm just sort of like very pelicany i have a waddle Hey, don't say that around me. Okay, but I have a, this. Well, you, well, together, you and I would make the perfect bird then.

We would? Oh, because you got. I got the beak, you got the. Wait, what would we? What would we call it? If it was a mixture of me and you, would it be the Haramaya? Haramaya? That sounds pretty good.

Yeah. Like you go through the Audubon, there's the Great Ark, there's the Dodo, there's the Great Blue Heron, there's the Mighty California Condor, and the Haramaya. Oh, oh, dude. I mean, every birdwatcher would be nutting in their shorts, getting ready to look at that thing. Dude. And you missed it. I didn't want them to see.

I know, I know. I got excited about the Haramaya. I forgot about the Foley. Yeah. You know what relaxes me sometimes? What? Shaving another man's face. Oh, no way.

Yeah. Oh, here we go. Oh. What do you got, guy? Oh, wow. Go ahead. What? What? You want me to shave your face?

Yeah. Great. It's so weird because when I saw you, I was like, God, would I love to shave your face? Yeah. What side do you, what kind of cut do you want? That's up to you. Okay. You get to choose exactly what you want to do with my facial hair. I think I can tell you what I want in my velvety voice. Okay. Ziggy played guitar. Jamming good with spice. and gilly, and the spiders from ma. So what I want for you, Waddy, is a David Bowie lightning bolt right through the side of that greasy, greasy, oily,

salad dressing, soaked beard. Okay. Get over here, you son of a whore. Boy, we better do this side so we can see it on the camera. You really made the gray planet is blue And there's nothing I can do I think there's like a little zigzag lightning bolt there guy Take a look

Okay Sort of got it. Oh. What do you think? Is it? Sort of? It just looks like... Has it looked like a lightning bolt?

I mean, maybe after it already hit the ground. Let's see? Yeah. It looks like I'm transitioning from a female Wolverine to a male folder. Yeah, maybe that's what I meant to do. The tranny. the trane the traneen yeah i mean i could do more if you want it oh fuck a toui mm-hmm wow that was worth it was it yeah okay good two box two bones two bones two bones two bones to

give you a bowie fucking lightning bowl cut guy yeah yeah i think it looked i think it looks pretty good okay i mean are you happy with it or no hey if you're happy with the finished product i'll leave it it's sort of hot okay as hot as that date you went on geez there's nothing's hotter than that okay that's as hot as a thousand suns wow shizu yeah shitsu yeah shitsu your fucking diaper oh yeah um Well, I hope I did a good job on your face. I'm sure you did. But I was going to say what I used to calm down is I learned to play the air violin. Because I, right, I have no chin.

So it's like I wanted to kind of figure out of you, but I also wanted to do something to calm. So if you're cool with it, I'd love to play you some air violin. I would love to hear it. Okay, hang on. Let me, I got to mime it all out. Let me pull it out as Stradivara. castor or whatever they're called. Beautiful model, right?

Just put it under my lack of chin and bring out the bow. And let me play you a... How do you feel? Pretty good. Calm? Oh, yeah. I think that put everybody in a good mood. Yeah.

Yeah. You know what else calms people down, Wadi? What? Beloved characters. in the entertainment industry. It's true. You love movies. I love them.

Who's a beloved movie character that just, when you see them on screen, just fills your heart with warmth and joy and just like, oh, and just the world seems at peace? You know, this is a specific one, but it's Steve Martin in Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. Oh, wow. as rubriced oh yeah he was kind of like how did how did he goes kind of like a mentally challenged character right yeah like how did he talk he was well he's not like this yeah excuse me now you go to the bathroom yeah yeah and that could that that that just put everything of peace for you? Oh, yeah. I love that character. When you just did it, it just calmed me down.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's banging on pots and pans. Oh, go, my, go, blah, blah, yeah. If you haven't seen that movie, it's with Michael Kane and Steve Martin. It's an old movie, but it's, I've watched it a bunch with my dad, and it's, like, one of my favorites. Oh, it's class. Yeah. My character is, guess who it is? Huh. I don't think there's any character that puts a smile on our faces and makes us feel more relaxed and beloved than sloth from Goonies. Oh, that's a good one. Right, that big goofy nut, you know, this big puffy face. Oh, yeah.

And I thought if we could, you know, we've been going at it here on the pod for about 20 minutes now. And I thought, what if we just switched gears, stop being selfish and making it about me and you, and gave our viewers some sloth and just did a few questions to each other. As sloth, would that feel right to you? I think that would feel great. I think it would feel great. Yeah. Let's do this.

Here's put your sloth on, Wadi. And here's, here's three questions for you. And three questions for me. Man, I'm telling you, man. Oh, doesn't the world just love this guy? Oh, yeah, absolutely, absolutely. Who doesn't love Slough? Everybody loves Sloth.

So I'll go first, and I'll read my question, and I'll do it as Slough. Yeah. How many? times have you had diarrhea? I've had diarrhea. I've had diarrhea at least once a week for 20 years. Hey you guys.

Have you ever used an electric can opener? An electric can opener? Yeah. Yeah, you guys. Do you squirrels like meatballs and ginger, I know they like my nuts. Thank you guys. Do you have a friend named diarrhea?

Thank you guys. Do you ever have diarrhea on a Helicopter? That's what I call the spin cycle on the washing machine. Oh, you guys! If a circus bear can ride a bicycle, can a turtle ride diarrhea? Yeah, you guys. Wow, dude.

How relaxed are people going to be right now? Like, if people aren't just glowing right now, like they're probably sitting there watching the podcast, and they're like, just like, wow. Like, calm. centered. Oh, yeah. Like their core right now is probably just like,

oh, then like we might have, well, have been doing yoga or ASMR or anything, like to really make people feel enlightened and good. And I got to tell you, I don't know how you feel. I'm going to ask you,

but I feel really centered inside. I feel really calm right now, very, like, leveled. I let out a lot of demons. Wow. Yeah. Sloth. Sloth, bringing people together still since the 80s.

Right? Yeah. He's still bringing people together. Still after all these years. How does he do with that gingeritis halitosis riddled freak? I think there's a little sloth on all of us. I think that's how he does it. When was the last time you had a baby Ruth?

Wow. It's been a wild guy. Been a minute, right? When was the last time you had a baby Ruth? probably over 10 years it was the last time you had Ruth Chris Steakhouse I've never had it

it's time are we going after this do you want to yeah who's gonna drive I've got a 2012 on to CRZ with your passenger seat warming up right now in the hot sun

and no one's getting in our way with you at the wheel. No way. I'm in. Let's go tonight. Okay, great. Hey, everybody. Check out my merchandise at Harbling.com. Yeah, most people just slap some letters or images on a t-shirt or a hoodie, but not me. Yours truly. Guess what? I draw my own designs at Harbleng.com. You can see tons of my hand-drawn t-shirts. You can either buy the original or you can buy a print. And man, oh man, wear them loud and proud. I love making these designs for you guys and keeping it personal.

So check out the whole catalog. We got hoodies, we got coffee mugs, we got t-shirts, you name it. It's there at Harblank.com. I'll get your Harland original design, wearable art at Harbling.com today. And thank you for your support, and I'll just keep the, the groovy images coming. Because I do, there are certain songs that lift me up when I'm not feeling good. Oh, like what? My Lift Me Up song, or if something really good has happened, Steve Winwood.

Higher love. Why that one? That's just, there's something about it. Take me a higher love. That came out in the 80s, right? Yeah. And it just gets you. That song just gets me.

That's my feel good song. Really? Yeah, that's a, yeah. I think it's because it's like an anthemic song and it's like a feel good. What's a themic mean? You know, like multiple people like singing, anthemic, like, choir-like. I never even heard that. that word my whole life yeah is that a real word anthemic yeah i look it up for the viewers okay

yeah it's there yeah it's there huh huh glad i looked it up yeah um but you play music though you play i do i do you play like guitar as a bass is a electric guitar or both i play i'm not i'm not amazing guitar but i play guitar piano and sax is what I'm best at really yeah I didn't know you played the sax yeah yeah oh wow yeah sax is kind of sexy though oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah really have you ever used it on a date to like I know you're married now but before did you ever use it as a tool of seduction I mean for other people yeah you did I mean when you play it it it gets other people horned up but oh I never received anything from it. But did you ever try? Like, were you ever on a date? And you go, let's go back to my apartment and you light a candle. And you're like, did you ever? I, you know, I would have a date with me out. I would be out of a restaurant. I play the

sacks and thinking that the date was going to come home with me. And then she would end up going home with somebody else. No. Yeah. That happened? Yeah. What the hell? Yeah. You got to be careful where you play sacks. it's yeah it's yeah wow you're you real like super fluent at it or is it i mean you know i speak a couple languages really yeah like you could just wail on it or you kind of like a like a practicing like kind of just oh no i mean i can i can play some fun stuff really yeah yeah i'm impressed man because i can't play an instrument no no so i'm like i mean i can improvise a bit on the piano yeah but i'm always jealous of of people who have the discipline and the ability to learn an instrument.

And you know like four. Well, you've got a, you get that, that's summer breeze. The summer wind. The summer. Crushing in. The summer's Eve. The douche I use. Came crashing in.

I love douche. That would be a great ad for him back in the day. Sinatra. The summer's Eve. Sinatra did it. I love douche. Sinatra does a douche commercial. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, my God. That would be good. That's a good one. You know, it's funny, too, because you look at the advertising world nowadays, and I wish people thought outside of the box like that. I know. Like, just. And get inside the box with Somersie.

Steve, I love duch. But just like, like, you look at ads nowadays, and I was watching the other day, there was a Coke ad, and there's a bunch of kids, like, going around on a, skateboard and they're dancing and they're all dressed in purple and pink and spiked hair. Yeah. And it was like representative of the world we live in, but it just felt so kind of phony and glossy. And when you just did what you did, even though we were joking, I thought if a man walked out and did a fully committed to a douche commercial.

Oh, so memorable. Like it's so memorable and it's so ridiculous that I think it would resonate with people. And that's what they used to do with advertising. And now when I see an ad like the flashy Coke thing, and I go, okay, well produced, visually it's moving. It's done well. But it's so empty to me. Like it has no, it doesn't resonate.

It's just like nothing, right? And they probably put $20 million into it. But nothing to me in the advertising world seems creative and kind of standing out anymore. I miss, like, the Budweiser frogs and stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Like the Bud, like, bud. Why?

And the, what's up? You know, like, even though they were annoying. You remembered them. I mean, we still, years later, that, you know. Right. You remember them. And at least they were creative. And they created sort of almost a cultural moment.

That's what I like to do with my stand-up. It is. Yeah, tell me. It is like, listen, I might not be the guy that killed. the hardest that night. Right. There's a good chance you're going to remember what I did. Yeah, that's right.

Yeah. Because you always do stuff that's sort of visual like that. Yeah. Like what's the song you do the parody of and then you just like butcher it? Oh, Blink 182. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you just like make the most ridiculous faces and just fucking keep going with the crowd.

Yeah. Yeah. No, that's the stuff that's missing, you know? And I just, I find everything's like so homogenized. and safe nowadays. Yeah. And that to me is starting to jump over into movies now. Oh, I know.

Right. Yeah, movies definitely feels too safe like they're not taking chances and stuff like that. Especially with comedy. Yeah. Yeah. So I have to, I'm going to, I want to share a story. And this is a real Harlan story. Here we glow.

This is a real Harlan story. So Harlan and I have known each other for years. And you could say that our love language is riff. Riffing is our love language. language. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, but there's some people that if they are not aware what's going on, they get really lost when you and I start talking. Yeah, like this whole last hour. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So we're in the green room of the, the main room of the comedy store, and you and I are talking. And Tim Dillon happens to be in the green room with us. We're all waiting to go out. Big Dilly. Big Dilley.

Yeah. And you say to me that you've fallen upon. on hard times and that you've had to take work as one of the elves at the Grove during Christmas time to help pay bills and stuff like that. And I said, oh, okay, well, you know, any way I can help out. And he said, well, you can come by. I was like, okay, yeah, I'll come by with my son. What time should we show up? He said, 2.30. I go, okay, yeah, we can get up from his nap in the afternoon. and you go, no, in the morning. And Tim could not follow what was going on. So he really thought that you had fallen on hard times.

And he was looking at you like, he's like, everything, okay? And you and I just kept going with it for the longest time. And it was just, it made me laugh so hard because he, like, it was like him watching a ping pong match. Yeah. And him genuinely. I remember. And he was just like sitting in the corner.

like big Tim and it was just us in this big green room in the back. Yeah. That's my favorite. And you know what's funny? I haven't done a lot of stuff with Tim. In fact, I think that was the first time I was ever sort of alone with him in a room. Yeah.

So I think he didn't really know much about me in real in person. Yeah. Had you interacted with them before? I've known him for years. Yeah. Okay. So he didn't really know what he was getting with me. I know.

I know. Oh, that was classic. So it was like I was like joke upon joke inside. jokes for me because I'm like at the corner of my eye seeing him not knowing what's going on and you and I just keep going for like 10 minutes straight we always do it whatever we mean it's I don't we've ever had a serious conversation no I've actually made a point for this podcast my one of my final questions I'm going to ask a serious question because I said when I sit down with Wadi what's something I've never done with them and I thought I've never

really asked them a serious question. We don't have serious conversations. Yeah. But I thought I want to. I want to ask you at least one question that this is a good sick because you mentioned your son. Yeah. So we're in a wild world right now, you know, whether it's politics, whether it's social stuff, whether it's, you know, gender stuff, whether it's violence, whether it's crime, whether it's defund the police, whether it's the Ukraine, like, whether it's AI. Like there's, it seems like more than ever there's a lot, there's like a tidal wave of tsunami of crap coming at us. How old is your boy?

So the first one is like two in a few months. Oh, there's two. Two and some change. And then the baby is, he's like five weeks old. Wow. So my serious question is because I was really thinking about this because I knew you had, I thought you only had one kid, but you just had the new one. Congratulations, by the way.

Oh, thank you. But how does a dad, and you're kind of a younger dad too, But how does a dad mentally psychologically prepare for that wave that's coming at your kid? Because, you know, when you and I grew up, there were probably little things that were different. Oh, we didn't have fax machines. We didn't have this. But now it seems like there's this much difference between dads and their kids because shit's happening so quickly. Is that daunting to you?

And how do you, how do you in your head prepare your children? Honestly, this is the first I've thought about it. So anyways, my dad's an ostrich. He's down at the petting zoo. Do you want to go and see him later? I should have just stuck with the bullshit. I mean, why did I have to ruin it? No, no, I just got a wave of anxiety as you started describing all the things.

I don't have to talk to my son. About, I'm like, I'm just trying to get by day to day. Right. I know. Well, that's, I think that's why I asked because just for us on a daily level. And I hope I didn't cause any anxiety, but I'll be driving home. We're like to smash over the cliff. You're going to road rage on the way home.

But I guess I just, I knew you had boys and I knew you're a nice guy. And I thought, how do you, how do you get, how do you get ready for that to talk to your. kid about all this stuff. Is it a daunting thing? Or is it just like, hey, just let it happen? I think it's more, I think, well, for me, I think I have to let it happen. Otherwise, I'm, I'm very good at compartmentalizing, sometimes almost to a fault where I do, I'm very in the present and very now. And sometimes I try not to think too far ahead with certain things. Why does that mess you up? I think that if you're too focused about like stuff that could or could not happen, that it's a waste of time and energy.

Yeah, I think you're right. I think so. That's true. That's true. Because you can't alter it. You can't affect it. Yeah. I mean, obviously, like, you know, you try to set yourself up where, you know, you're paying

your bills and stuff like that. Yeah. Where you know, like, ahead of time, that kind of stuff. But as far as, like, relationships and that kind of stuff, I try to be, like, present and in tune to the now. So, like, as things happen with my son, he's starting to learn more, I'm kind of figuring that out because like as he's becoming a kid i'm figuring out how to be a dad and how to even talk to a kid along the way and then my wife is also helping me because she's like she's amazing

she's like a social emotional learning specialist so oh she's like she's like literally on the pro side of raising kids and interaction and stuff like that yeah yeah and i'm i'm just i'm the you're just hanging in there i'm the disabled slam ball guy and you're this close to the ceiling fan. Very close to that ceiling. Wow. Yeah. Wow.

Yeah. So you think maybe your wife's maybe better adjusted it dealing with the kids than you are? Yeah. On a, like a psychological level maybe? For sure. Yeah. Interesting.

But I can ground her in a way where I can be like, eh, I think we'll be okay if we don't, you know, don't put as much pressure on certain things. I see. So you can be a little bit of the anchor if she, overthink stuff. Yeah, yeah. And is there, and I'm, again, I'm not trying to raise your anxiety. I'm just curious. It fascinates me because I look around and see all the hurricane a crap that sort of gets into all of our lives these days. Like, there's a lot more than it seems there used to be. So, and this will be my last question, but is there one thing in particular, you think, that,

that kind of is coming at you and the family and the kids where you just go, oh, I, I, I, I, I, don't want to deal with that or that's going to be a tough one this particular thing or is it all just one big mishmash um there's not a there's not one particular topic or anything yeah well it'll be interesting uh it's more like just because i i grew up so with such a religious background you did okay i did so oh but i think my wife and i think we've kind of agreed that it's we're going to be kind of like pretty hands off and kind of like well what do you think like what do you like what do you want uh for religion you mean what religion what religion is it uh i grew up uh protestant christian okay yeah yeah and was that religion kind of one of those ones where you get the

sense they're overbearing or overpowering or yeah so your parents were kind of like as a kid i was terrified of hell like terrified of hell oh yeah your name sort of feels like that too like you're You kind of remind me, like, didn't, I feel, I know this wasn't the name, but in the, in that movie, there will be blood. Uh-huh. I felt there was, um, the main guy, what's his name? Uh-huh. And then his son, his son who had no hearing or whatever, and I feel like his name

could have been Jeremiah Watkins, you know what I mean? Yeah. Like, you sort of have like you came from a, you're like a preacher's boy. Uh-huh. There's Jeremiah walking. That's the preacher's boy from just over the hill and around the apple orchard over there. You don't know, Jeremiah. walking oh everyone know jeremiah walking now oh come on he he's spreading that good word of the lord right

there well i saw him down about a creek the other day fishing for cat fishing he said to me said son i dare you to walk across this creek and i said oh no jeremiah only the lord could do that and jeremiah looked me in the eyes he said oh no as long as you believe in the lord you can walk across the creek now and i said are you fishing for compliments because that was just pure molasses running down my ear holes right now Amen. Jeremiah Walkins on the Harland Highway to hell.

Wait, what was that last part to hell? The Harlan Highway to hell. You really are scared of hell. Is it getting hot in here? Are we in hell? Hey, do you think it's a cancelable offense? To do sloth face. I can't, I hope so.

I mean, if I ever get canceled, can you imagine the headlines? Two sloths canceled. Two sloths. Look at, he's a beloved character. Uh-huh. That's how he sounded. That's how he sounded. That's how he looked.

We're just doing an impression. We're actors. And we were doing the character. Yeah, that's all that we were doing. But more than that, what were doing? What were doing? Jamai Walkins? We were bringing joy.

To the world. To the world. Oh, I thought you were doing like a, like a three dog night. Jeremiah was a bullfrog. Oh, joy to the world. All the boys and girls. Joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea. Joy to you and me.

Yeah. No, I wasn't doing that. I was doing, bringing joy to the flock. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm.

Oh. Mm. Mm. Mm. That's either two people in church Like giving praise or it's two fatties at the cheesecake factory I was just thinking that And enjoying some pie or a cheese

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm oh Lord Jesus Mm-hmm the Lord has blesses with this cheesecake right here Oh, give me some all that icing Mm-hmm is that creme bruley Oh Jesus slather it on my inner thighs waitress Mm-hmm Oh. So anyways, is there one thing in particular that freaks you out coming at your?

It would probably, it's more like, well, okay, we're being real. Yeah. It would be, I would have a pretty hard, there's like some, there's some alcohol stuff in my family. Okay. I'm going to approach it from try to be as cool as possible. Right. But like secretly, like, I would rather my son not drink at all. Right.

Because my family has, like, issues with it. There's been alcoholism in your family. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they say that can be hereditary, believe it or not. Oh, yeah, passed down. Yeah. Yeah. Did it affect you at all?

I've never drank. So it has affected me. So it has affected me on the inverse, you know? Yeah. Yeah. So that, I mean, that, really, that would be one of the only topics where I'm like, I don't even, I haven't even thought of even how to tackle or approach that. Because it would be easier if he's like, I don't want to. I'd be like, oh, what a relief. You know what, though? I'll say this because I think sometimes good parents set good examples. And my folks rarely ever, ever drank, like rarely. And growing up watching them, it really made me very disinterested in drinking.

like I never really have been much of a drinker and many alcohols I've never even tried like yeah like hard alcohols I've had beer I've had a couple of wines yeah rubbing rubbing alcohol I'll drink that all day long yes because I like to rub one out but well but yeah so so that I get it that that's one you you don't necessarily want your kid to get the devil's tear drops inside of no no good for you I'm glad you're I'm glad you I'm glad you I'm glad you I'm I'm glad you're cognizant of that. I was just watching an interview with Letterman the other day, believe it or not, on YouTube.

It was an older one where he was talking about how he started drinking at nine years old. His father gave him a mixed drink and said, here, son, try this, like just because his dad liked to drink. And David said he, and I'm quoting his direct interview, he said he loved it so much. He never stopped. So he drank all through high school, all his buddies loved it. And then college, where it got to a bigger level.

Of course. And then he said out of college, his friend started dropping off, not dying, but you know, you lose contact. And then he started to realize he was sort of drinking alone. And then he was, I think he said he was like into his mid-40s where he finally just went, I'm going to die if I keep doing this. Wow. But that sort of came right from his father, literally handing it to him.

So hopefully in your case, like by not making alcohol a presence and of the children. Yeah. Hopefully it doesn't pique their interest. Yeah. Okay. I'm glad I asked our first serious like convo ever. How do you feel about it?

Pretty rough. You do? No, no. It's all right. Are you sure? Yeah. I mean, because we can stick to, I can never ask you another serious question ever.

I think maybe we should live there, I think. No, no, no. Wait, you want me to? Ask another serious question or no? Tell me about your childhood, Harlan. Are you serial? We're opening it up. We're opening it up.

Okay. What do you want to know about it? Okay. At what age did you first feel shame? Wow, that's a great fucking question, man. Yeah. First feel shame. that's a really good question.

I remember there was a pivotal moment for me. I think I was, I don't know, it was probably like nine or ten or something, and we're up at our cottage, and me and my cousin found a little frog. And I loved animals. I loved frogs. I loved everything.

But for some reason on that day, like the Lord of the Flies got in me, And I just, you know, children are curious and children want to know things and children aren't inherently violent, but at some level we were wired violent or we wouldn't kill and we wouldn't have eaten and we wouldn't have survived. So for whatever reason on this sunny morning, here was this cute little frog and I said to my cousin, I go, what would happen if we poked a stick into its stomach? And I don't know where that came from, but it was the kid thing. And I was curious and so I poked a stick into its stomach and like you know there was full of air and these

bubbles of blood came out and we didn't kill it but I put a hole in its stomach and to me kids don't know that you know I thought oh I've killed it and I let it go and it swam away and and I felt so much shame like that night I remember I was laying in bed and I just started crying in my bedroom and my mother was in the liver and she was what's wrong and I went out and I crawled up on her lap and I put a stick in the frog, you know, and I was just so ashamed. And I think that might have been the first time. Yeah. It was weird, but I always remembered it.

My whole life, it was vivid. And it taught me not to follow those impulses, because as a child, you don't really know. You don't know what's going on with your body sometimes. Yeah, and your feelings. Yeah. You sometimes react, you do something. Right. Oh, what did I just do?

So I think that taught me, I didn't like the feeling of shame and guilt and so it taught me going forward like process things think before you put a stick into something like understand there's ramifications you could hurt things even though you're not trying to hurt things so it was a big lesson but i i think there's a lot of shame involved in that that i did that because i always considered myself such a nurturer and lover of nature and all the little critters It was like I'd even let bugs go, and I'd always try to save bugs. And here I was. I felt like I let them down.

This protector was now the violator. Yeah, someone who they led into their community or whatever. Yeah, and I just, so I felt a lot of shame in that. Maybe I still do. Maybe I'm going to go drinking now, get real drunk, and come read your son a bedtime story called Jack Daniels. Me. No, sorry. I'm just, I'm blashing out. Well, I think it's time for, you know what, buddy. Words from a wooden shoe. Are you ready?

Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, this is an authentic Dutch clog. Have you ever been to Dutch? Yeah. Only at dinners. Okay. Don't have to snap at me. I'm just saying. I know. I like to go. Dutch at dinners. The way you came at me was like... I'm just saying.

Tough guy suddenly, huh? I mean, you know, you prod around in my past enough, I might become a tough guy. Maybe I'm going to go to the store and buy some tampons with wings and stick one on your face and wrap the wings around your temples. So you have a tampon face. Oh, because you're threatening to break my nose and it needs to catch the blood that's going to come out of the nose into the tampon. Is that what you're saying?

Probably. Are you there, guy? Yeah, are you? I don't know. I think I might have mentally checked out. I felt threatened. I was a frog and you were a stick coming at me. Let's get to the shoe.

Yeah. Words from a wooden shoe. Inside this shoe, Jeremiah Watkins. Mm-hmm. As I live and breathe, Jeremiah Walkins. Oh, Lord, have mercy on my grilled cheese sandwich, my bacon sandwich, and my bacon, lettuce, and tomato. Lord, have mercy, Jeremiah Watkins.

Bless the defried Twinkies and cupcakes and all hostess products that are in the pantry right now. Oh, Lord, Jesus, someone get me a double chocolate glazed donut. Mmm. So anyways, this shoe is full of words. And what you do is you reach in, pull out a word, and see if it stimulates a memory or a story from your life that you can share with all three of our, with all the viewers. All three?

Two. Reach in words from a wooden shoe with Jamai Walkins. Lord I'm missing now What is your word I'm a wooden shoe Sure It says your lotto numbers are 525

41 and 6 Dude fuck off Okay sorry Those are my numbers Okay sorry I'm playing it for 14 years And you just gave them away Okay sorry We'll turn it over the other side

Oh here we go It's the word say Oh it says cut yourself Oh wow you ever cut yourself like uh i think everybody's at some time point in time impaled themselves or stabbed themselves or cut themselves in art class or something yeah oh you know what here we go gang this is uh here we go this is a i was working at an italian restaurant bottle of red bottle of white i was working in an italian restaurant okay and

I was a waiter there, and I went to go grab something quickly from one counter to the next. Oh, God. It was a linoleum cover that was on the counter that had started to roll up a little bit. Okay. That there was literally this much space between the wood counter and the glossy top. Oh, no. And I went and I went to grab it. and it was sticking up, it went underneath my thumb.

Oh. The lip of it went all, like, halfway down. God. And I literally, it was one of the most painful things. Oh, yeah. I mean, that's literally what they do to torture people. Yeah, they tore. It's the bamboo under the fingernails.

Yeah. Torture treatment. Went halfway down. I started to bleed and bruise immediately, and I almost passed out on the spot because it was so painful. Oh. Oh, my God. They'd just sit me down.

I was like, oh, I don't feel good. Oh, my God. Yeah. So that, like, literally, the cut yourself, that triggered that immediately, that, that, like, that cholt of thinking that you're grabbing just, like, I was grabbing, like, I was grabbing, like a bag or something. Yeah. But it was up high enough lifted where it went, it was just, it was at the perfect spot. And how weird is it that it just, it was perfect. It went right under the nail.

I know. It could have been anywhere else. It could have been anywhere on my thumb. would have maybe drew a little bit of blood just from poking it, but like it just hit perfectly. And did it like kill the nail and then like, it took forever for it to grow out? But it turned black and then so now when you're going out with girls, you got like black nail. Yeah, yeah. I'm goth on only one one thumb.

But it doesn't look goth. It looks rot. It does. Yeah. It looks like something like it's about to die there. Yeah. Yeah. It's all like purple and bloody and yeah, it's gross.

Oh, God. Sounds like you need a sum of douche. Just stuff your thumb in the douche bottle. There you go. Mm-mm, child. Things are not going to get easier. I got to douche that thumb now, child. I'm a walk in.

Yes, yes, yes. Buddy, before we roll out of here, tell the good folks, all five, the folks watching. Is it five? No, I had a garlic bud in my throat. but tell the folks where they can see you tell them about your beautiful podcast i was on jeremiah's podcast recently check it out we had a riot yeah check out harland on cizzer bros with me and my brother stevie webe yeah um he couldn't be here today he's working on his album at the moment yeah one day we'll have both of you guys on yeah that would love that but check out stevie's album when it drops on his

band camp uh he'll be i think he's putting it out through there and so okay yeah um but yeah uh you recently did uh it'll come out in the next month or two, you did stand up on the spot. Oh, yeah. Up at the comedy store. And I felt so bad because I forget what happened, but that night I showed up and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then when I got home, I looked at your text and it said, Harlow, make sure you don't wear a black shirt. And I looked down and I had worn a black shirt. So I apologize. No, it's okay. We light it in a certain way just in case people wear black shirts. So you're fine. Okay, but the reason being because the back drop is draft. So you said it looks like just your heads floating.

It can. Yeah, yeah. Oh, God. But tell them about your stand-up comedy tour where they can find out about your dates, all that. Tickets at Jeremiah Watkins.com. I'm going to be in Dallas and Fort Worth coming up. Oh, wow. Bakersfield, California, Tacoma, Washington.

There's a bunch of different places that I'll be Jeremiah Watkins.com. And then I've got a special that's out on YouTube called Daddy. and come see Harlan and I at the comedy store. We're there all the time together. I get to bring you up all the time and the original domain and vice versa. Yeah, yeah. We have a good time over there. And if you never want to hear anything serious between the two of us, just come see us there.

It is funny. This podcast is literally a couple of moments. We know each other for years. It's literally the most serious we've been in years. And for some reason, it was hilarious, too. Like, even though I asked you a couple of serious questions, we ended up laughing about it. Yeah.

Let me hit the theme music, folks. And, uh, Jim, my walkins, I thank you for being here. And, uh, thank you, everyone for being on the Harlan Highway podcast. Please check out the kid and all his social media and the Cizzer Brothers podcast, hilarious. And until next time, everybody. Chicken chalman baby and amen.