The Harland Highway - NEW HARLAND HIGHWAY #76 - FRED ARMISEN - Comedian, Actor, Writer - Portlandia, SNL, E=Mc2, Irish, and drumming are all discussed.

Episode Date: September 26, 2023

NEW HARLAND HIGHWAY #76 - FRED ARMISEN - Comedian, Actor, Writer - Portlandia, SNL, E=Mc2, Irish, and drumming are all discussed. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Let's give it up for Albert Einstein, though. Oh, my God. I mean, how do you wake up one day, Fred? You wake up, you're like, eh, equals MC square. What? Yeah. Huh?

Dude. Equals MC square. It was right in front of me the whole time. Hey, uh, come over. Come over. I think, maybe I'm crazy, but I think I got it. What do you got? I'm busy.

Can you hear, I'm making French toast. Oh, are you? Well, yeah. Why did you pick up the phone? is e what it equals m c squared what so just come just come over okay eat your french toast come over okay let's be there in half an hour yeah you want some french toast please fuck off no i didn't mean that last part i mean you want to see this e equals mc squared or not yes come over okay see in a bit yeah back okay you're riding down the harland highway all right hold tight on the

Highway Show Harland Williams Let me hear your Check 2, 2, 2, hello Yeah, pull it in just a little tighter. Maybe facing up a little bit. Oh, perfect guy. I might even say brilliant.

Oh, yeah. Like I know what I'm doing. Like maybe some of the nicest mic work I've seen. It's that I've been around them, you know? Did you? I know, yeah, I know mics. Did you take a night class or anything? Like DeVry?

Probably. I don't remember. My memory isn't great, but I probably took a bunch of classes. Yeah. So hold on. You're sitting here before we start. Yeah. And you're telling me you took night classes for mics.

Yeah. You know, you go in. Hey, everyone. Good morning. I'm sorry. Good evening. Let's see your mic work. Hey, you know, you got to fix yours.

You got to fix yours. And like, hey, this guy's doing pretty good. So, yeah, everyone has a little stand. Pretty great. Dude. Come on. Well, I just want to say before we get in it, this is the fun of doing this. Yeah.

When you flip over a stone and something comes up that you didn't see coming, something unexpected. Yeah. Something like, as they said in the 60s, Wowsville. Wowsville, yeah. Like, dude. Yeah. They used to say like, hey, this cat, they used to say cats for people. Yeah.

So this was the 50s that said, hey, cat, you're taking a night class and Mike stuff? Cat, guy? Yeah. I think, cool cat, hey, cool cat. Remember the 50s? Oh, God. I lost my Virginia in the 50s. Yeah, 50s was wild.

Yeah. And everything was, you know, we heard all those like old crooners and stuff all of a sudden. Oh. Elvis and Chuck Barry, and you're like, what is this music? Yeah. Little Richard and, you know, on the radio, I remember it's just sort of like everyone just going like, let's band this music. You know, this is too loud and too rock us. Yeah.

But we were like, no, this is what our school hop is going to be, is going to be this stuff. Yeah. Remember the guys that did the, there was like the ink spots and there was the bands that, they always had the one guy in the middle of the song. You would, my honey pie, my little child, I dream of you at night, my child. When the moon goes down, I'll always dream of you. And then it would start back into the song. Yeah.

I wonder if we probably have an equivalent of it now. What? What would that be? I think in the middle of songs, people, you know, there is like sort of, you know, someone will talk or something. Oh, they'll do like a rap now. Oh, like, yeah, or even just like a little, you know, even in rock, they'll be like a sort of a little, you know, a little middle part where someone will say something.

God, I love the little middle part. It reminds me of Neapolitan ice cream. Yeah. Remember strawberry chocolate vanilla. Vanilla, I was going to say it. Well, it's the middle one, though. What were, what were flanking? What were the flanking?

Was it chocolate, strawberry, and vanilla in the middle? But then the strawberry was just like a pink, you know, may as well have been vanilla with some coloring or something. But it wasn't, certainly wasn't like, there's no berry content. Like you would never be in danger of eating strawberry ice cream in the woods and having a grizzly bear attack you. No, or if you were allergic to strawberries. There's no berry content.

No. It was like a, it was an off pink. Yeah. Sort of like a clit-wise. Clit pink, sort of. Yeah. Like a clit. It should be chocolate, vanilla, sort of clit pink apolitum.

And then the chocolate part wasn't quite chocolate either. Yeah, it was like runny. Yeah, like dirt water. Grayish. Yeah. Like whale mucous, sort of. I was going to say like an age spot. Oh, like a melanoma, like liquid melanoma?

Yeah. God, it's almost like Vegemite. Yeah. Wow. Well, Fred, welcome, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Holland Highway podcast. That's right. I'm hitting the theme music. And what a guest we have today.

We got, you know, we got kind of off track a little at the beginning because you just, when you came at me with the mic stuff, the trained mic stuff, that kind of derailed us for a second. But we're back. Yes. We're on the Hala Hawa Paca. Yes, look at this. That's the beauty of this. You can phonetically pronounce it any way you want.

Like I could go, it's the Harland Highway podcast or what I just did with you. It's the Halaphawapaka. Or Arland Highway Podcast. Oh, yeah. What's Irish? Are you Irish? Ireland.

I don't know. That seemed like almost Italian. Arland Highway Podcast. God, have you ever met, speaking of, and again, you're taking me off track, guy, but this is the sign of a dynamic guest. Speaking of Italians, have you ever met chef boyardee, the famous? I know what my parents did. Are you cereal?

Yeah. Talk to me, guy. I had a whole list of questions, but whoa, here we go again. New York is a place where you just bump into people. Yeah. You know, so all the news anchors and stuff or just, they're going down 34th Street. I find those are the hardest people to bump into, though, the anchors.

Because no matter how hard you bump into them, they just won't budge. That's their, you know, they're anchors. That's why they're called anchors. They don't move. I know, but that's why I'm saying, guy, they're tough to bump into. Yeah. Nonetheless, chefs are there, famous chefs. And your parents have met Boyardee.

Oh, many, many times. Talk to me, guy. Like, sit and talk in your, talk to me. It's just New York. New York, you just, there's Chef Boyardy and there's, you know, Kermit or whoever. And you just. Wait, we talk in the Mupp? Yeah.

It's New York. But it's not like when you're in the city, it's not a special like, oh, my, I'm Chef Boy, D is so good to meet you. Yeah. It's just like you're on the street. I'm on the street where I have a train to catch. Good to see you. So they were really friendly with them and they, I think they went to see music together.

They went to Broadway. Radio City Music Hall. So they'd go see. What'd they go see? Liberace. Yeah, of course. Yeah. Did he wear the hat?

Does he always wear the hat? Do you know? No. No. Okay. That's like a work hat. Right, right. But you almost want them to when you're out.

it's like that famous Hattie wore. You want him to, but it's he doesn't want to. Yeah. Because he was actually really good with his fans. That's the thing that was crazy. Like, you know, my parents are like, hey, well, you know, shield you from all these people running out. And then people would be like, hey, I love your food. And Sepa R.D was like, would stop, talk to them, what's your name?

Yeah. What's your name? What are both of your names? Yeah. What are your last names? Wow. Where do you live? What do you do?

And he really took his time with people Because his whole thing was I'm a chef But I learn everything I know from everybody else Isn't it indicative of a chef To want the details What's your last name? Who were you?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because to them, I feel like with Boyardee And I didn't meet him, you did So I just stopped. My parents did. Your parents didn't stop me if I'm going to vote Before my time. But I feel like everything he picks up

On these details are ingredients Fred, you know. Yeah, and he mixes them all together. And it's almost like the people, the streets, New York becomes a recipe for that cat. Yeah. Yeah, it's, which is why he was so big, you know, you don't get to the top. R.D. Yeah.

You know, they named, Lucas named R2D2 after. I didn't know that. Yeah, that was the Assamplem or whatever, when you can, an Akailim. Oh. What's it got when you squish a word? Akelelim. A call it's an Akailim. R2D2 is a derivative of Chef Boyardee, R2D2.

R2. Was he one of the robots? He was the robot, the retarded one, yeah, that only knew how to whistle and chirp like a bird that had just smashed into a window. And what's the robot with the fur? Oh, that's a Chewbacca. Okay. Yeah, he's, well, he was, you don't know he's a robot until on the last episode,

the Stardust continues, as the Stardust continues. Yeah. They shaved them. And they shaved the wookie and found out it was a robot underneath. Yeah. They're like, okay, let's shape. What is this?

Yeah. Pad of numbers. Right. It was like, Clank, clank. Yeah. And you had an exoskeleton. Yeah.

Yeah. Spoiler alert. Yeah, you spoiled it for me. But yeah, R2D2. Yeah. Clank. Yeah. Yeah.

and he screamed like a mofo i don't know if you use that word but he just like but his screams were fake yeah right he's a robot they were programmed so it's like yeah oh i heard chubaka oh yeah there is no chibbara yeah it was actually his voice was a sampling of a spandau ballet song true and david bowie and freddie mercury's under pressure yeah and they they sampled them together and got the If you slow it down and play it backwards

It's all that together And play with your Yeah You're not You can hear it Yeah Which we're going to play a little bit of Spandau ballet coming at you

Yeah Oh And here we go We're going to play This is True by Spanabelle Ballet Ah Ah I know this

Much is true I bet. How much? I bet that Spandau Ballet were emulating David Bowie. You bring up David Bowie and Freddie Mercury. I think they were kind of going for that crony, like real singing deep, like respectable singing. There's nothing like rough around the edges about it. Well, I heard that they were trying to capture the fat audience because originally they're called Spandex Ballet.

Did you know that? I didn't know that. Yeah. And, well, it actually wasn't even ballet because ballet is symbolic of someone who's very toned. So it was spandex jelly, jelly bumpers. They shortened it. Oh, my man.

As Chef Bardi would say. No, but we're goofing around, but Chef Wardy, we're going to give it up for you. Yeah, yeah. New York. Really, really, really was a real presence in New York. Well, let's kick this off. Can I introduce you?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, please. Folks, I want to introduce our guest today, actor, comedian, writer, creator, singer, and one other talent that we're going to put to the test later that I'm not telling you until we get there. And it's interesting because most human beings, they have their first name and then their last name. But you're the only guy I've ever met who has your first. name and then your nationality. It's Fred Armenian, ladies and gentlemen. That's right.

Now, we did that in Armenia so that when we used to arrive in Italy. Oh, boy, our D country, by the way. Yeah, we used to arrive and in France and England and stuff, we were just like, you know, they would ask us, like, where are you from? Yeah. We'd say our name.

We're like, sorry, where are you from again? And we'd be like, so we made a decision. We're like, everyone, our last name is our nationality. Yeah. We're done with this game. of like filling out and they don't know. And it's just easier. Like, that's our last name.

Yeah. How many times can you roll your eyes before you start to look like Garfield, the cat, you know? That was what he said. We're like, how can we don't want to look like Garfield, the cat? So just Fred Armenian. Am I saying it right? Yeah, Armenian.

Fred Armenian. But your first name is a bit of a bait and switch. Yeah. Because it's Fred to the lay person. Yeah. But to a guy like me, not them. Fred, they don't know. They don't know.

But there's another way to say your name, Fred, and I'll let you do it because I don't want to butcher it. Well, there's Ferry Dunn, which is what I was named when I was a baby. And then me and my dad changed our names because everyone called us Fred. So we're like, let's just change it to Fred. But now I think I like Ferry Dunn. Very done. It's very sort of Lord of the Rings, Harry. Potter? Like you could be a character in either one of those movies. Here comes steady, Don.

I wish. Imagine some of that Harry Potter money? Hello? What I meant more than that. I made you to be able to fly around on a twig. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, Fred, sometimes you got to say, fuck the cash. I can fly on a pine tree branch. Yeah, you're right. I didn't think of it that way. That was greedy of me to just think of the cash. It's very, very, but if you think about you could fly, no more going to airports, no more booking flights, just jump on your birch branch. Now, let's think about this, though. Here we go. You have to go to Austin, Austin, Texas.

I'll go there. Okay, so we're going to go on a flight. Now, I'm going to take my birch branch tree. Yeah. First of all, everyone's staring at you on the way. Second of all, how much? Hey, everybody. Who wants to have better sex?

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It'll weigh you down. What if, and this is just a what I'm not a wizard, but what if you have a magic pine log, like a thick one, and it's for luggage. It's like a side car, side ride for luggage, like a floating magic pine log. Will you whisper around on your willow tree, wisp, or whatever. Let's take that into consideration. Okay. Now, how long is that flight? Oh, it's only a couple hours.

No, it's not. On a branch? You're not on a jet. Yeah. So you're out there in the sun, right? And you're going over Arizona and New Mexico. So it seems cool, like, hey, no more airports. You want to get on a branch and in the sun and you're sort of trying to find a place to land in Austin.

You get there, you're going to be like, I wouldn't mind sitting in a seat in the air conditioning. Yeah. By the way, I'm not convinced of this. I'm just putting it out there as a think about. Right. Magic isn't always as magical as it seems, is what I'm saying. And how fast does a twig go? I don't know, but it can't be that fast.

Yeah. Or maybe I'm wrong. No, I think you're right. The wind. And you might get slivers. You know, you hit turbulence. You get slivers in your legs. Yeah.

It's like a flying motorcycle in a way. It seems cool for a minute. You know what it would be good for? Flying to your friend's house here. Yeah. So at home in L.A., sure. Oh, I'll be right over. But airport.

Or it might be good for knocking. on a beaver's door and shoving it in his big buck to his face. Hey, hey, hey. Well, no, they love wood, Fred. They eat it. Beavers eat wood, guy. All right. I'm talking. I'm saying we got to, you know, I'm not saying. I hear a lot of people knocking on beavers. Yeah. Right. I hear people like, hey, they're shopping. I'm like, slow down. But let's dissect this. If you're going to wander around with big golden buck teeth. Sure. And your main food source is wood.

Yeah. What is it, is it a crime or is it a gift? If you knock on a beaver's door, he opens a door, smiles, he's got those big goldons. And you ram your fucking Chinese wood stick, whatever they're called. You don't have to ram it. Well, it's a beaver. Yeah. If you want.

I think you present it to the beaver. sideways and you go here's a gift oh like a cob of corn yeah so the so i was thinking but you're thinking yeah yeah because they're not i don't they're not as fast as we think yeah they'd be like gunk but they're more like and they live in a lodge yeah don't we all i meant symbolically don't we all live in a lodge i didn't we all live in a lodge mean it literally well don't write letters please it's kind of a slap at the beavers or an applause maybe i'm clapping for the beavers maybe maybe i don't know we don't know we i'm a kid yeah we're just we're throwing it out there what do we know about beavers you tell me about beavers you tell me i don't i have

no idea can i fast forward i don't know if you're a fast forward guy and you like fast forward okay i thought you did yeah can i fast forward to talking about something that I've always found fascinating about you. That's very nice of you. And this is a compliment. I'm going to be talking about a physical attribute that belongs to you, Fred. It is always, and I think it's part of your allure. I think it's part of what makes you you.

But you have something, what I call, and I look in your eyes, you have something that I call faraway eyes. Have you ever heard that? I've heard a song about it. Yeah. But what does it entail? So what it seems to me is when I look at you sometimes or when you look back,

sometimes I feel like you're looking somewhere far away. Oh, I like that. And to test my theory, and you can say no, but I'd like to test the theory. It is my podcast and I don't want to throw you off. Would you be willing to stare into you? your camera, and just see if I can read what I think you're really seeing, because I know the minute you sat down, you're not seeing me. You've got that faraway stare.

Well, I'll take it. But I do see the real you because I see all your surroundings. I'm like, oh, I see what this guy's about. Okay. But for how long have I got you here? Those faraway eyes. I'm taking in more than you think I am. Whoa. I'm just... Well, let me test it. All right. Let me test it.

On three, I want you to just stare into your camera and I'll look into your eyes and see if I can see where you're going. Okay. Here we go. One, two, three. There, at the end of the pier, a ferris wheel spins in the night. The soft, gentle mists of the sea caressing its sun. spinning neon glow, and standing there in the shadows of the midnight carnival. I see her again. Cindy!

Her youthful smile, her ivory skin, her eyes sparkling like dancing fireflies with nowhere to land. I cry to her, I sing to her, I love for her, I want for her. Cindy at the ocean shore shrouded in the mist and she vanishes once more Frette where'd you go guy I don't remember so I was right sort of

must have been what did I do I just I was just looking at you and I pictured you just staring a million miles away to a romantic place on a here with a girl. Oh, I love it.

You know, a night with a carnival. Yeah. Oh, beautiful. Wow. Yeah. It's just a blur. Wow.

Yeah. Cindy. What did you say? Nothing. I said, I'm sitting here. Oh. I thought I heard something else.

I said, I'm sitting here. A microphone. Hey, everybody. Check out. my merchandise at harbling.com. Yeah, most people just slap some letters or images on a t-shirt or a hoodie, but not me. Yours truly. Guess what? I draw my own designs at harbleng.com. You can see

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Can we cut to a little place, Fred? Yeah. Called Saturday Night Live. Now, you were on it for, what, nine seasons? I think like 11. 11 seasons. One of the longest, right? One of the longer ones, yeah.

First of all, congratulations. Thank you. And I'm not going to ask you about any skits. I'm not going to ask you about any of the other cast members, but there's something that I've always wanted to ask about because you never hear about this, and I've always wondered about it. I always pitch you guys out there having fun,

but then when you're not there, there's got to be sort of a web of back offices where each of you cast members, did you have a little office? Oh, yeah. So my question is, forget about the guests. Is there an office store? Is there a story that sticks out in your mind something that went down in your office at Saturday Night Live?

Because we never hear about the office. The office is where we spent most of our time. Most of the time is in that office. So your own office? Or is there someone else in there? My own office. Your own office. And how big is it?

Teeny. Oh. Maybe about half of this room. I had a small office. Yeah. No window. Purposefully no window. So I wasn't distracted.

Wow. But some people had bigger offices. Yeah. And I spent a lot of time there. You just write and write and write. And sometimes a writer is in there with you, and you both write something together to the wee hours of the morning. And one time I was writing a sketch with Maya Rudolph.

Maya Rudolph, hilarious. It was a sketch where it was like a big band on stage. And someone has announced. saying, hey, on bass, so-and-so, and on drums, and they'd say a little something about each band member. Okay. And she was making things up about this fictional band, and she made me laugh so hard,

and I was laughing and laughing. And then I remember sort of being on the carpet, like I was down on the ground, you know, and there's like a little couch. Yeah. And I remember looking at the carpet and being afraid that it wouldn't be able to breathe back in again. Like the air had left my,

Murder by laughter almost. And I was out of air. And I remember like a little bit of fear, like, I think I won't be able to breathe in again. But a lot of my, most of my memories are, that's like the main part of the job. Really?

Yeah. All week. Even after you're done with your sketch, you're sort of going back to rewrite it and work on it and fix it and stuff. Was there ever anything in the office that beyond the writing, like, you know, was there any, did you bring a cast memory?

remember back there and I have a little physical fun. Did you get in a fight with anyone? Was there yelling? Was there some crying? Was there frustration? Like, what's a story that happened in that space that really maybe stood out as a? Well, it's, you know, it's in a public space. Like, you're sort of in a hallway with other offices nearby. So it's not that private. And in fact, you don't want to shut the door anyway. It's like hot in there. And like, it's more of a weird move to be like, could you. Yeah. So you're in your own office, but you're sort of in a big, it's an office building. So all the other cast members offices are, and it's like a hallway of cast members? Yeah. Weird. And writers. Yeah. And writers. And are you guys mingled together or is it

the writers are at this end? No, no, mingled together. Mingle together all the way. How many writers? 18 or 20 or something? Wow. So there's all the input from them and then all the cast members are, are these these writers are separate of the on-camera cast members like yourself but still it's it's both parties trying to come up with a sketch wow yeah and sometimes you'd hear laughter down the hall like a writer and a cast member they hit gold they hit gold and then i would think damn it what did they come up with yeah um but did that push you harder to go okay they clearly hit gold i got a but what did they think when they heard you laughing in your room almost dying when whenever we all talk to each other years later yeah that's always what it is like oh you guys were the ones having all the fun

while i was working on my sketch so so there's a lot of that and as far as like heated stuff it was always little stuff yeah little flash fight so this would be like a real common thing come back the salad bacon bits on there I said every week I order this thing with no bacon bits and look at it look so it was the lunch order or dinner order

it's like little things I asked them to print it up nothing and now they're gone now they're gone so I have no idea it's little things that make people the most mad yeah yeah it's funny yeah but you know you're kind of in a high pressure high tension situation trying to come up with that gold every week.

And sometimes that little reprieve is the salad. And when it's not done the way you want it in that moment, you're like, how hard is it? I asked for three ingredients on my salad. That happened to me once. I was shooting a movie somewhere. And I didn't want the craft services. I was just craving a McDonald's egg McMuffin.

Yeah. Was it breakfast time? It was breakfast. I said, can one of the guys go out and just get me an egg? McMillard. It's all I wanted. And first of all, it took them like an hour. Yeah. And so I was already mad. And then they came back and it was a Burger King like egg something. And I was just like, no. I like just the weirdest thing can set you off. Yeah, it is. Yeah. You're focused on the one thing. Yeah. You're focused on the one thing. Yeah, that's happened a bunch of times. Now we're

going to sound like some like some real complainers. But that, but that is always the thing where you're like, my fridge has no water. Why do I have a fridge? Yeah. It's an empty fridge in here. Is there a reason that I've got an empty fridge? Well, because when you're working at that capacity, when you're under pressure to put out a hilarious show every week to a live audience, those little things you don't have time for. So it's like, boom.

Yeah. But I want to go back to the laughter thing because isn't it funny how those moments, you really can almost die from laughter? I happen to me a few times where I literally accused a friend of mine in the middle of the laughing fit, when I got my breath back, I accused of trying to murder me. I literally said,

you're trying to murder me. And then I sat down on the couch and said, whatever you just said, now say it again. Because I wanted that extreme laughter all over again. Yeah. Like it's the best feeling, you can almost remember during the course of your life,

the moments where you had those massive laughing fits. Like it was yesterday. Wow. And it doesn't feel like, ha ha ha yeah it actually feels like your lungs going yeah like pushing something it's like a swelling yeah and i'm like i i hope i can breathe in again sometimes and sometimes you go out of the swelling into the coughing where oh yeah yeah you can't stop and it feels like you're gonna puke you're laughing so hard you're like yeah it's rare but great um but no sweet sweet like lovey

love making in the Saturday Night Live offices? No, this is it. It's an office. Yeah, but open, open it. There's a desk. You just said there's a little tiny couch. It would be so, it would be, no human being would be comfortable doing it. It would be the equivalent of someone doing it right behind, like, if you knew someone was right behind that door, you'd be like, yeah, but isn't that the thrill of a guy? I don't know. No, no, it's not the thrill of it. I think you should have. Well, too late now.

Well, too late now. And it's like, it is a New York City building. You know what I mean? Meaning like... There's a code. It's not a code. It's like buildings are not... Made for...

They're not made for fucking. Not like... Window, like couch, a laptop, or I'm sorry, desktop. People up and down the hall. People laughing down the hall. Yeah. It's not, it just feels very like, it's like being in a classroom or being,

it's like being in a mall. Fred, you could have closed that door. And won't a little power slamming if maybe got the creative juices going a little, that adrenaline rush. Doesn't it drain? Not in my world. I think in everybody's world, it's draining.

Well, maybe you've got to try some reverse psychology on yourself. Maybe. I feel like it's like, sleep. Sleepy time. Can I invite you on your next gig where you have an office to make some sweet, sweet writer's love in your office? And then we'll see how my writing turns out after. Because this would be the piece that I'd write. Sleepy sleeps.

My eyes closed. And then it was a sleepy time. Wow. It would be the shut eyes sketch. Yeah. Which I'm liking. I'm liking the genesis of it. Okay. Okay. Well, let's, next time.

Yeah. I'll let you know. So slamming gets you tired? Like, if you have sex, you go into tired mode? Yeah. Wow. You ever like... You don't? I like a good round of tennis right after I make sweet love. Or bull riding. I don't know if you've ever done that. You only have to stay on for seven seconds. Yeah. should stay for longer.

Yeah, but God, I died. You know, I'll make sweet, sweet, tender love, and I'll get right down to the rodeo arena and get on about a 3,000 pound steer and buck around, like Dolly Parton just landed on a box of pretzels, you know? Yeah, of course. That's what I was going to say. Yeah, like.

But you got to be on there for longer than seven seconds if you're on a, because if it's a public arena, if you're like on, yeah, well, you're, it's a show. Yeah. So if you, if people are paying and they see you on a bull for seven seconds, I want my money back. But you know that's the required time, right? That's how rodeos work. I thought it was longer.

I thought it was seven minutes. No. No, no, no. That's if you're riding a cow. But a bull. Yeah, the bulls go crazy. For you to stay on for even two seconds is almost a miracle. I heard it was easy.

I heard you stay on for as long as you want. No, it's not like riding the subway. You get on a bucking bull. A bull? How bad, how... Well, they're very powerful and large and muscular. But I thought they were dumb and slow. Well, some people maybe think that, but no, they're red. A bull?

A bull. I'm talking about a bull. Horns, like three times the size of a BMW. I thought they were just dumb, lumbering. No. You're thinking of sloths. You ever ride a sloth? Yes. I stayed on a sloth for six weeks once.

Like they're almost too slow. They are too slow. But a bull seven seconds. Get out of here. Yeah. I'll bet you $1,000 I could stay on a bull for longer. How long? I think I could do three minutes.

What is the big deal? You get on a bull. Yeah. Are you allowed to hold on to anything? You can hold on to the back. There's a rope. I know. Maybe you're right.

You hold on to a rope. So what? It goes like this. You balance it out, you balance it out, you figure out where it's going to go. What is the big deal? Well, let me ask you this, because this might seal the deal. Do you have a thigh master? Yes.

Done. I think you could ride that thing all the way to Cleveland. Yeah. One rope. You got like Suzanne Summer in her thighs. Do you have to go upside down? You will if it bucks you around. But if you've been doing the thigh master, don't worry, guy.

Is there a world where bulls, don't move around can they just stand there you know hey sure so then i'd get a call on you've ever been to the meat section at your grocery store yeah they don't move around much there and when you get like uh bull meat yeah get a nice teabone nice teabone of bull meat now who's doing the riding right right right into the barbecue right well done yeah Pizzle Oh, God. Pish.

Pish. Pish. Actually, I like mine a little more well done. Oh, sure. Yeah, sorry. A little louder because it was like. Yeah, I was the juice.

I'm going to get some onions? Oh. Yeah, Fred. Oh, holy fuck. Zick, zig, zik. Oh. Fred, excuse me. Just, I like mine a little more well done.

Than this? Yeah, I'm sorry. Well, you kind of didn't ask. You just kind of put it back without. I was going to go off. Yeah. I'm going to look into the mean here. Yeah.

She said. what you don't that's not well done enough for you that is not yet little just a bit more you're right at the edge fred you're almost I'm not turning it over anymore your borderline chef boy RDA right and yeah okay sorry I just you know I don't want

scrape it off it's like stuck have you ever had a tapeworm yeah yeah can you eat the uncooked meat you're gonna have a tapeworm How long was yours? Oh, an inch? Oh, that was an inch worm. Yeah. Did you get it out in the garden?

Yeah. Yeah, when you were pretending you were a robin? Yes. Yeah, no, that's an inchworm. It's an inch worm. That's not the same thing as the tapeworm? No, tapeworms are about 12 feet long and eat your manure. Ew.

Yeah, I'm sorry. If I was a tapeworm, I would say to humans, you know, you complain about us, but we're eating your manure. Yeah. And so, we're not eating your food. We're eating your way. So why do you have issue with us? And why aren't they called diet worms? I mean, they're pretty much eating our food.

Think of all the calories you'll save. Yeah, nice and skinny. Yeah, I'll have an extra banana split. Don't worry. Timmy's in here. He'll take your Timmy the tapeworm. Timmy the tapeworm. Eating the rest of the ice cream Sunday.

If I could get my. That's right here. Yeah. Gung. Wow. Oh, yeah. Oh, shit. What?

Just. No, no, no, no, no. I don't want a tapeworm guy. The problem is, I put that buck in the grill, and everyone else is going to want. Yeah. Their burgers. I'm putting it half. You ate from it.

You ate from it. Yeah. Go to McDonald's and get a breakfast McMuffin like you wanted. That was so many years ago. It kind of passed it right. through the cord. Yeah. It was that movable,

malleable. Yeah, the light just went. Wow. So hold on. Whoa. Can I stop everything for a minute? So you're taking a night school class doing the mic shit.

I just saw what you did. Are you fucking, are you taking a night school class in electronic? How did you do that? These are Tivoli lights? Yeah. So as soon as a connection is disconnected down there, all you have to do is push it forward.

And, yeah, it's kind of like Christmas lights. They're all connected. I don't know if anyone's ever said this to you before, but who are you, Guy? Yeah, I've heard that. Who are you? How many night school classes are you taking? Like, are there other things I don't need? We've got...

That's it. I promise. Electronic lighting. Okay, at night. Yeah, and microphone movement. And there's nothing else. No. So if we go along here, I'm not going to uncover a third night school class that you're doing.

I don't think so. But see, I don't think so. I don't. It feels a bit open-ended. Yeah, no, my belief is I don't think there are any other classes, night school classes. I don't think. Would you do me a quick thing? fred and stare into your camera because those eyes lemon butter clouds drifting on a mayonnaise sky

i watched the sun burn hot melting rain drops as they sizzle tender angel flesh a cowboy rides through the dust on a rattlesnake's dream i lay beside you on a blanket on the bluff salami white wine hazelnut spread puffed shrimp Calypso Fred

Guy your eyes I just got hungry Where do you go I don't know I don't have any memory of it But I do want to bring up Calypso music Please check it out

Please. What? We over at Spotify and Apple Music, we are, people are not checking out Calypso. Did you just say Calypso? Yeah. Because when I looked in your eyes and I was reading it, the final thing I said was Calypso. What the F? You know how to read my eyes.

What the corn beef sandwich F. But what the corned beef sandwich F? Like, I mean, you can say F off, but when you throw a food in front of it, Fred, it's like triple like try one like throw whatever what the what the uh corn flakes f wow what the milky cornflakes f well easy guy dial it down nocho yeah speaking of music fred calypso but in every form of music mostly there's an instrument that occurs and someone at this table is that a drummer. Not me. Talk to me about your drumming guy. You're not a drummer? I'm not a drummer, but I'm in awe of drummers. They're the best. Talk to me about the art of drumming, please.

I love drumming. I love drum kits. I love drum sets. I love drummers. I love watching drummers play. How long have you been a drummer? When did you start? I started to be when I was like 10 years old or something. So are you a fluent drummer? Not really. I mean, yeah. Yes, but, you know, there's drummers who are, like, jazz, you know, experts. I'm not one of those guys. I'm not one of, like, you know, who really break down different time signatures. But I love drumming, and I drum as often as I can. Are you a guy who likes to challenge yourself?

Only just. I'm not one of those, like, I got to, you know. Okay. I got to learn beats from Pakistan, and let me get these, you know. I'm a little bit like. No, I'm comfortable here, but I'll push it a little. They say, Fred, and I looked this up many times, many a rainy night.

I sat under the cork tree in my yard and looked this up. They say that every true drummer started, and the mark of a true drummer is if a drummer can play on Tupperware with chopsticks. let's rock and roll guy let's rock and roll let's see what we get we got your drum kit and your metal one for the symbol so metal for symbol and let's do this one's going to be the snare drum and so let's turn it into a snare but let's put some like paper on it or something yeah and you got your chopsticks like a little make it kind of rattling and if you want to make it jazzy fred because I don't want to I feel like I sort of sprung this on you. If you want to point to me and I'll come in with some sacks,

but only when you're ready. Here we go. Go. That was Beard Beard Beh That was kind of like a driving Kind of a

Almost dancey Almost dancey Almost jazz. I felt like, and excuse me for putting this on you, I felt like me and you were up at Forest Lawn Graveyard on a foggy Thursday night, standing around Dave Brubeck's grave. Yeah.

And Oscar Peterson's grave. And they came out ghostly and maggotty. And just, I feel like we channeled them. Yeah. They give us a standing ovation. They were like, first they were a little bit like, And then they were like, Oh.

Cat, you can play. I can play okay. Holy. Do you like. Do you like swearing or no? No. Am I allowed? No.

Okay. Then I'll just say, holy summertime mashed potatoes, F. Yeah. Like, whoa, guy. Yeah. Summertime mashed potatoes. F. No, you could curse.

Go ahead. Well, I think I just did. I don't know. I'd be going backwards in time like Albert Einstein at a curl your own fucking taco stand festival or whatever they call it. Let's give it up for Albert Einstein, though. Oh, my God. God, what? I mean, who did his hair?

Out of the gate. Out of the gate. I mean, how do you wake up one day, Fred? You wake up, you're like, uh, E equals MC square. What? Yeah.

Huh? Who? He was just like, he had a coffee and he's just like, what is E equals? Uh, he's like, I got it. Dude. P equals MC square. It was right in front of me the whole time.

Hey, uh, come over. Yeah. Come over. I, I think, I'm, maybe I'm crazy, but I think I got it. What, what do you got? I'm busy. Uh, okay. Remember how I was saying, what is E equal?

Yeah, but what is E first of all? Because when you went on that, okay, energy, okay, yeah, that's right. Uh, can you hear, I'm making French toast. Oh, are you? Well, yeah. Why did you pick up the phone? Well, I saw it was you and, uh, you know. In 1939?

Yes. Yes. You saw it was, wait. I saw it was you in the egg batter. You know how sometimes you see Jesus Christ on a potato chip or on a loaf of bread? When I was whispering the French toast egg batter, I saw a vision of your face. And I just went, I bet that's him that old mustache for. That's where we should put in our money.

Okay. If you're able to know who's calling in 1939, buddy, I, you know, we got, we have another conversation coming up. Because it is me. Well, I'd like to finish this conversation. What I'm saying is, is E what? It equals MC squared. What? So just come over.

Just come over. Eat your French toast. Come over. Okay. Be there in half an hour? Yeah. You want some French toast? Please.

Fuck off. No, I didn't mean that last part. I mean, um, you want to see this? E equals M.C. squared or not? Yes. Come over. Okay.

See in a bit. Yeah. It's too late I got. Yeah. Too late. Wow, that was fantastico. Thank you. I mean, his chef boy, R.D, would say fantastico.

Grazie. You can, uh, cat, you can really pound those skins. Yeah. Yeah. Tupperware. Look at these. Tupperware turned out to be useful after all, huh? Well, musically.

I think for storing food, we still seem to use. So wait a minute. You can lay down, like, some really solid jazz, and you're telling me you'd put a souffle or a meatloaf in there after? Yeah. Or I'd mix part of the ingredients in here. I don't know that I was going to say this, but party player. Like, you're a party player, cat. Do you host parties and make food?

Well, no, but when a cat can tap the skins and then go put a meatloaf in his drum set, You're a party player, cat, wildcat. Yeah. I don't know what jungle you prowl through, but your prey is like uck and suflay in a Tupperware. You got to recycle these, buddy. Well, I'll show you how. Okay, wait, recycle the chopsticks?

Always. By the way, ladies and gentlemen, the guy just opens a fresh pair of chopsticks and plays some of the hottest jazz we've ever had on the Harland Highway. Like amazing Always Oh wow

Yeah Yeah So give this to your next guest Or to your next food guest If you have someone come over Wow Save the turtles Save the turtle

I don't know if I want to bring this up Because we're having such a good jam here Yeah But sometimes life is tragedy And we might want to talk about this Sure Kay Costner getting a divorce Kevin Costner

I hope he's doing okay That's uh that's it Like he's at five children With a woman for 15 years And that's I hope he's doing okay Maybe they'll both be happier

you know what he was on right oh god he was a drug addict no he's that he was on a huge TV show what was it you know outside the show was called outside

and where did they shoot it that was called Outside Empire oh my god so it was part of the Star Wars trilogy No, it was more like, it's more like people out in Montana. Oh, so outside Montana. Yeah. Wow.

Well, there's a lot of silence I felt hanging around his divorce. Like I thought maybe we'd have a robust discussion about divorce and the pain, but there was just a lot of silence hanging around. Maybe there was a lot of silence around his divorce. Maybe there's a lot of silence around their relationship. we don't know. I like to put, I don't know if you've noticed this about me,

but I like to put pieces together. Yeah. And that deafening silence when I brought up Kevin Costner's divorce, did something happen between you two? Like, was there, is there some bad blood? Let's call it good blood, first of all. What?

And let's just say, I guess I could speak critically, that... So you're going to speak from a wheelchair? Yeah, I'm going to speak from a wheelchair. I've got a high wheelchair. Certain shows sometimes don't look as dark as other shows.

But... But there are people who forget that sometimes we like to sit out on the beach, out on the sun. but some people tend to eat sorbets that have melted in the sun but they turn it into

sorbet juice. That's all. So I can't get direct with it but yeah i'm dancing all around it i think you might be glad you got divorced is what i'm thinking after that tirade it's not a tirade let's just say that somebody had a sunglasses company and forgot to copyright the name of the company i i'm not saying it's me i'm not saying it's okay okay let's say that two buddies who went to the same college try to put together a sunglasses company right I don't know who.

I don't know. Right. Could be. Just could be anyone. But somebody, not me. Not you. Forgot that you've got a copyright. Which is something you'd never forget.

Not you. When, see, now I'm going to get mad. And emotional. When you sit with someone at dinner and you go, don't worry, I got it. I'm a copyright the name. Yeah. Of the sunglasses. Of the sunglasses.

Of the sunglasses company. Company. Yeah. You go, are you sure because I can do it? And when the other person goes like, no, no, no, I got it. I know how to do this. That's when you go, all right. It sounds like that ship has sailed.

I'm not saying it to you. Sounds like whoever it was, there's some bitterness. Yeah. How about this? I propose something new, something fresh. In the eyewear arena, faraway eyes glasses. I love it. do you have any glasses with you right now i don't i mean i haven't my sunglasses please put them on

please fred far away eyes sunglasses this could be and it wasn't you that lost the sunglasses but far away eyes sunglasses and how they work is you have them on pull them off and immediately look into camera and see what those faraway eyes are things Okay, here we go, ready? Oh, God. Wendy's Baconator with a chocolate frosty. Wow. It made it shorter.

Yeah. Made you far away a little shorter. Yeah. And I do remember this time. What was it? Wendy's. Baconator. Frosty.

What flavor? Vanilla. Ah, I didn't get it all. I was close. Did it sponge bath? Sponge bath. What, no, I mean, do you need a minute? Do you need a minute?

No, no. I thought, I wasn't. I haven't winked at the camera yet, right? Oh. Wow. Just so you have it. Now, if we were to put it, some people when they wink, They do the obligatory.

Yeah, yeah. What's a Fred wink do? What sound do we put in? Like a door slamming? No, it's like an electronic sound. Okay. So you wink and we'll put in. I'll get the team here at the Harland Highway Park,

our electronics team to put in any sound you want. Wow. For me, would you mind doing a door slamming wink? That's a door slam. But we put the sound in. I thought you wanted me to do the sound. You just have to do the wink. Wow.

Wow, dude. A car door is more like, Oh. We'll do the sound. you do the wink. Oh, right. A car slamming door wink. But it's that's a car door closing.

A slam is different. Okay. It's still similar, but there's a... Will do the sound. Yeah. You do the wink. And I'll do... I could also do like a closet door opening.

It's an old wooden house. we'll do the sound and you do the wink for the 15th time okay and then i'll do you since you like star wars so much one of those sliding futuristic space doors no fred we'll do the sound you do the wink for the 17th time that was a cough sound effect a janitor's door clink um same rules apply to the last 20

great have you ever heard of a show called I dream of genie yeah Barbara Eden no thanks I'm busy uh Speaking of TV show.

Stand up. Gosh. Got it. I'm going to do a machine gunwink. Oh, machine gun. Yeah. No. Fred? No. No. We do the noises. You do the wink.

Speaking of TV shows, we're getting to the end of the interview, even though it hasn't started yet. We need to talk about Portlandia, my friend, because what you did with that show is probably every artist dream coming to Holly Weird, right? To conceptualize a show, to create the case. Characters, to be able to write the show, to be able to bring your friends into the show, to have, what was it, eight seasons? Yeah. Talk to me about that journey. It's unbelievable. It all happened just to do it for fun.

Myself and Carrie Brownstein, my best friend and someone I was a fan of, we just started making these little videos. Yeah. We shot them in Portland. and then it just turned into a show. My manager, we have managers and agents here in Los Angeles. And then he was like, what do you want to work on next? And I was like, I just want to do these. I want to make these.

And then we pitched it. Somehow they let us do a pilot and then a first season. And we just kept going and going. We shot it in Portland. All our ideas came to fruition. I can't believe it. It was fun. And you got to kind of be,

which is very rare in this town or in any industry, you got to kind of be the captain of the ship, right? And even though there were other creatos. Well, there was like three of us who really were the captains of the ship. Okay. But it's that it was small. So it was on this channel called IFC. Independent film channel.

Yeah. So because of that, we didn't have the weight of anyone, you know, making sure we were doing something. something a certain way. Less meddling. Yeah, it was just too small of a company.

Isn't that a blessing in disguise? What a dream. And outside of the obvious success of it and the fulfillment, was there any unexpected kind of result that came from that, whether it was like metaphorically or whether it was just beyond the scope of the entertainment industry? Was there any residual kind of thing that came from that that was rewarding? or satisfying or a surprise.

Yeah, like we, I remember I would say in interviews and stuff, oh, we just do it because me and carry your friends, we get to spend more time with each other. Then we did really spend more time with each other. And our working relationship sort of kept going in a way that we got to hang out. Yeah. And then this other weird thing happened where I spent a lot of time in Portland. Yeah.

I still have a place there. And I always loved it there. But now when I go, and people see, tourists see me or me and Carrie. Yeah. It blows their minds. Right. I don't know how to put it.

It just doesn't seem like it's like bravado or anything, but like, but people are just sort of like, they can't believe. Because you've sort of become part of the fabric of the place because of the show, right? In a way. Yeah. Or whatever in the comedy world or something. So it's like a place I always loved. And then now when I go there, it's excellent.

extra intense. Wow. Yeah, yeah. So I would say those are some good outcomes. And then when I look back, I just can't believe all the concepts that we had for all the sketches. Yeah. A lot of recording studio stuff. And it's like inside jokes or something.

And you were able to get away with it, execute it the way you wanted. And you're right, because what people don't know about this industry, sometimes the more polished, and the more wealthy the studio or the network, the more these high-paid executives come in and want to put their fingerprints all over it in. And they not only sort of sometimes inhibit and upset the apple cart, but then they sort of psychologically make you as the creator not go to all the places you want to go

because you're already sort of like putting up roadblock, like, oh, they won't let us do that. Yes. But when you had that complete almost creative freedom, it must have been so liberating. Absolutely. But we still made sure to, like, you know, we gave ourselves rules anyway. Yeah, right.

So that it wasn't too out there. Yeah, right. Because sometimes if you go beyond too eclectic, you... Then you're just wallowing in it. Then you're just making things up just to make things. Yeah, and then it sort of becomes self-destructive on itself because it's too much of an inside joke or... Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. And the other two were good at if I was getting... If I was trying to come up with something that was too far, they were sort of, thankfully, wow. So based on that and all your experience on SNL, is there a dream project that lies ahead for you that you would love to see come to fruition,

like another show or a movie or something that would challenge you that you haven't done? Yeah, I want to, something in like completely in another language. Oh, really? Yeah, but like, wow, where it isn't the gimmick of the show. So, like, something in, like, either Icelandic or in, you know, Farsi or something. Really? Yeah.

Is it a language you speak or is it just? I speak neither, but something where, yeah, so I could, I could, like, learn the language as I go. But something that isn't just about that, like, we're in Iceland or Iran. Yeah. It's more like, I picked, just, I don't know, you know, countries with the letter I. Yeah. Ireland's got an eye in it. Yeah.

Yeah, but I speak English. I know, but it's sort of a weird English. It's got that kind of thing on it, Fred. So it's sort of English, but in a way it's not. It's a little battery. I mean, it's English. You can understand me right now, I'm assuming. But still, it's not really proper English.

No, no. It's like if they were all born with a slur, or maybe they got their head slammed in a car door, all the Irish. But when they hear us, they think we have an accent. Yeah, but we're a lot swifter. We're a lot smarter than them. They sound like they've been...

They're watching. Who? The Irish. The Irish don't know how to work technology, Fred. They're out churning butter in the field. If you're out there, separate these two cameras and not put his side on the other side, I would never accuse the Irish of not being good at technology. My God.

Well, there's no point in wasting your breath talking to them. They don't even know how to turn on a television, Fred. Please, please. If you're Irish and you're out there. First of all, he apologizes, I apologize. They don't even have cell phones, Fred. They stand at the edge of a field and they yell to each other. Some of them even folk and yodel.

If you're Irish and you're out there, we find you highly technologically savvy. They're wasting your breath, lad. You know technology. There's no one. listening over in the Emerald Island. Our hope is that you will become the center. They still eat out of seashells, Fred. Of technology.

Please, if you're Irish, please know that we invest in you. They don't even know how to run roller skate. They skip and they prance over there for the Irish. And if I open up a roller rink, you guys are first in line and I want to see you out there on the roller rink. I think you're pandering now. I think you're doing some Irish ass sucking. I don't know about that.

But if you're Irish, you guys, listen to you guys, you're at number one. At the top ten of countries, you guys are number one. And we believe in you. And we like you and we love you. So get out there. Fred, that's, look, where I come from, that's called Irish ass sock. Where are you from, Ireland? Well, how did you know, Fred?

Oh, well. Well, look at that. Yeah. How the hell did you know is from Ireland, Fred? I can just guess. No, we love you. We're kidding around with you, but we love it. We love you.

I love you. I'm going to have for the Irish, huh, Fred, those dumb fuck. But let's get down. Speaking of other cultures, Fred, this is our last segment, and you're going to love this because I know you love footwear.

This is called Words from a Wooden Shoe. This is an authentic Dutch clog, and inside are some folded up words. All you got to do is reach in, pull out a word, see if it elicits a memory or a story, from some point in your life that you could share with the gang.

Sure. Words from a wooden shoe. Words from a wooden shoe. With dear sweet Fred, Armenian. Lost as a child. Oh, I remember being in a campground. Here we go. You know, you go, your family goes like in a camper

and there's other campers around. It was nighttime. So wait, there's campers and other families camping. Yeah, yeah. And that's a campground? I mean like camper cars, like the vehicle. got it got it so not like really camping your way out there more like there's like a Volkswagen camper here and like got it got it but it's still you know there's like little dirt roads and stuff okay you could hear

everyone i remember i did get lost what and i remember it being very uh upsetting i remember the feeling of like i'm not from here oh my god where are my parents i'll never forget it was a very very scary And I sometimes have a hard time with being in nature, I will say. I wonder if that would help. You were lost in the woods? No, no, no. Just in the campground. Just in the campground.

So it wouldn't have taken more than like, excuse me, you know, where's? Right. So it wasn't like. So I'm not really lost at all. No, but when you're a kid, just at all, if you're disoriented even a little, it's the end of the world. Maybe if you just turned around even four or five degrees, you would have been right there. I mean, that's probably what happened. Yeah.

I probably ended up turning around four or five degrees and being like, oh, there it is right there. There's my family. I wouldn't have gone very far. Huh. Well, so that didn't really work. This did work. Well, I don't know that you were lost. I think you were standing beside your trailer and just facing the other way.

Yeah, but lost as a child, the center point of the sentence is the word child. meaning that when you're a child everything seems much worse than it is okay that's what i'm saying so the fact that you were raped beside your family but just facing the wrong way was horrific to you that's lost as a child if you're lost as an adult oh wait uh where were we a seven ah sorry yes we're right of through this way boy this place is disorganized lost as an adult lost as a child well oh no i think maybe we call that fred a very young drama queen we do yeah we do call it my family called it that they called you a drama queen a very young drama queen because you were probably screaming help i'm lost and they're like uh fred we got some hot dogs on the yeah bonfire yeah and you

turned around and there there they were yeah drama queen yeah very young drama queen a young one You grew out of it, though. Hell, yeah. I didn't see any drama queen BS here today. Please. You want drama? Go elsewhere. Yeah.

Go outside where Kevin Costner goes. Yeah. Yeah, outside. Outside. Yeah. Get out. Get out of here. Costner.

Go get divorced outside. Casey. Wait, are you taking another one? No. No. No one's ever taken two. I'm not going to. I'm just rearranging them.

Well, it seems like maybe you're about to take another one. Fred Armenian, would you please look into the camera and tell the folks where they can see you, where they can go see you perform, where they can pick up your book? I've been doing stand-up, which is a comedy for musicians, and when I did the show recently at Largo in Los Angeles, You were there, you were a guest.

We were there. We were together. You're not a guest. You were a part of the show. Yeah. And so I just do that all over the place. So that's what I'm doing. Do you know, I think that's the first time we physically, like, definitely.

I think we'd been in the same room before together, but I think it was the first time we actually got to talk. That's exactly right. And I want to say, I was super excited. I'm a huge fan. You're such a talented guy. And I reached out to Marissa and said, will you please, asked Fred if he would come on the show and I want to say thank you for doing it because huge fan Fred and the feeling is mutual thank you buddy it's mutual and it's so funny it was a

great set that night it was fun I think I got there late so I didn't get to see anyone else I saw a mere set but I didn't get to see yours but yours is so funny well I think we had a nice set here today yeah I do too and I think you have a nice set thank you oh your eyes are up there yeah Your fireway eyes are up there. Folks, let me hit the theme music, and we're going to, do you want to do one more faraway eyes before we go? Up to you? Happy to do it.

It's up to the folks, really. I think they would like it. And there I sat on the edge of eternity, eating curly fries and pretending they were rolled up drinking straws, and over the abyss came Mary. with her giant face brace and her hammerhead shark eyes. Wow. The places you go. Yeah.

We're glad you came here to the Harlan Highway. Folks, check Fred out. Thank you for being here. And until next time, everybody, chicken chow bean, baby. He did it. He did it. You look like Costner right now, by the way. Do you want to go get a divorce?