The Harland Highway - NEW Harland Highway # 82 - Comedian Tom Rhodes

Episode Date: November 12, 2023

Tom talks about his dad, Vietnam, humming birds, bears, Burningman, and comedy! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Yeah, this woman told me I had a radiant smile. Oh, you do. And she said from the moment I first saw you across the road, I felt that you were radiant. Did you have a little romance with the young squirrel? I did not. Were you hoping you would? I, I, oh, yeah.

I mean, it was. That's a yes. That's a very long, long yes. Whenever someone goes, oh, yeah, you, It's either Helen Keller stuck in an elevator or it's a long-winded yes. Yeah. You're riding down the Harland Highway. All right, hold tight on the Harland Highway Show.

Harland Williams. And then this thing just like twisted around, like a dirty, do you eat licorice at like when you go to the movie theater? Not the black stuff. The red stuff? No, I'm like a popcorn guy And I like to get the Even if I'm by myself

I like to get the largest tub No way, why? It's just something It just feels like going to the movies I just like holding a big tub And can you eat it all though? Like when you say big tub They're like giant

Yeah You can eat that whole thing Not always But you know Just something I like there's something comforting About you know Why get the little tiny bag?

So there's something comforting about eating a tub of popcorn and walking out and you look like you're pregnant, that's comforting guy? Yeah. So let me, let's just break down. Are you going to start? We're not starting until we get through this.

Are you good at math? No. Okay, so I'm not great at math, but let's break it down. You got a tub of popcorn this big. Yeah. That's probably what, 700 kernels of popped corn in there. Okay. So you figure the average.

Average cobb of corn has, what, maybe 40, 50 kernels? More than that. So basically you're eating like nine corn on the cob. Yeah. Will you watch like a movie? Yeah. That's comforting. It is.

Bro, I am never going to a salad bar with you. I'll tell you that. Christ on a Christmas cracker. And I don't know if you're religious, but I'm going to say a Christ on a Christmas cracker. That's the best kind of. of Christ. Okay, so, dude, before we get into anything else, by the way, Tom Rhodes, ladies and gentlemen,

we have started. We've started and here comes the theme music. Uh-huh, that's right, ladies and gentlemen. You're on the Hallin' Highway podcast, and I want to welcome my guest Tom Rhodes, comedian, actor, Mona Lisa stand-in. That's kind of a Mona Lisa small. you just did. Like the half sort of...

Yeah, why was that? Why didn't she ever show teeth? I think she was trying to hold in some flatulence. Oh, the Mona Lisa had gas. Yep. I always wondered if it's because... Like, during the Renaissance, wasn't that when Black Death,

the Black Plague was around? Yeah. Maybe she just had horrible, like, gum disease or something. Have you ever seen it in DeLuve? It's actually really tiny. The Mona Lisa? The Mona Lisa is tiny. No.

Yeah, it's not that big at all. It's like... It's not that big. It's tiny. I've seen it. Have you seen it in real life? I've stood in front of it. Me too.

It's tiny. Are you sure you weren't at a postage stamp festival? No, I've been there. It's tiny. It's not that tiny guy. It's not that tiny? Yeah. No.

Okay. Let's, let's, I sort of remember it being like... Neither one. One of us are good at math, so we could get the measurements. It would mean nothing to us. Wow. Imagine getting Mona Lisa's measurements. What do you think?

A D cup? 36 double D. Oh, and no teeth. What a night on the town in Bakersfield. That would be. Mona Lisa, moaning in room 1209 at the Bakersfield Motel 6. Yeah, maybe her name was just Lisa and she moaned a lot. I never thought, I never put that together until you just spoke those words.

She's a moan. I wonder if Da Vinci ever painted the squirder, Lisa. Jello. But wait, no, it wasn't that big, was it? I mean, it's, it's smallish. When did you see it? What year? I'd say about 10 years ago.

Because I saw it, I think, about 20 years ago. It got smaller. They washed it. Do you think they washed it? It shrunk. Because it's been kicking around since the Renaissance, right? Right? Yeah. So how many years was that?

That's probably... Well, then there was a story, you know the story where it was stolen. And it was shot. And someone shot it and stole it. Well, there was a guy, he was an Italian guy, and he worked, I guess, for the Louvre, and he stole it, wanting to bring it back for Italy. But, you know, the king of France had brought Leonardo da Vinci to France, and it actually, it never belonged to Italy. Yeah. And neither did Leonardo da Vinci at that point.

Right. But the guy was like a security guard or something. It's a fascinating story. I don't know why. Not a very good security guard if people are stealing right under his nose. But he stole it. And he kept it. Again, not a good security guard if you're stealing.

I think, yeah, no background check, apparently. But I don't think the guy was making that much money. And he kept it under his bed. So I'm guessing the guy might have had like a studio apartment. No wonder she was Mona Lisa. Yeah. I mean, this guy, how often did he home? I mean, you got, you're under some creepy security guards mattress.

Yeah. You're gonna, you got, you're Mona Lisa by default. I'm guessing he had, he had like a little army cot or something. An army what? Cot. Okay, I'm just, dude, you got to enunciate around here. I mean, God, we're talking about Mona Lisa here. Dude, what is wrong with us?

have you ever been to the dorsay museum in paris the what the dorsay that's not real it is real you made that up no wait where is it it's in paris i'll actually like that better than the louvre well how big of the paintings there they're massive really yeah what did you see you couldn't keep any of those under your bed you couldn't they're huge the most of them pretty big the dose especially you walk in and there's one called the decadence of rome and it's um by who I don't know. Probably Duran Duran or someone. That sounds like one of theirs.

Yeah. The decadence of Rome. Right? It's got to be a Duran Duran. Yeah. Or Kajigou. Oh, no, thanks. I'm straight.

I always wondered what that meant. It is a secret code to pick somebody up. I don't know. Did you say Kajagugu? Kajagugu. Wow. You know, in Afghanistan, you say that on the street, they'll hang you. Wow.

Yeah, you know what it means in Afghani? No. Go there someday. See what happened. One of my favorite dogs is the Afghan. You know, they're beautiful dogs. They're just amazing and they have long necks and they got the fabulous hair. Yeah.

How come during the Afghan war, you never saw any of those running around in the background? Right. Because during Nazi Germany, you saw time. tons of German Shepherds. Right. So where were the Afghans? Where were the Afghans? Maybe they're draft Dodgers.

Maybe they're in Cleveland or something. They're in Canada. Maybe they're in Canada. Yeah. Fucking draft Dodgers. Yeah. Not so pretty when you factor that in. Hairy whores.

At least they'll stay warm. Cowards. Yellow bastards. Yeah, the Mona Lisa, bro. I don't get the hype about her. Like, you know, she's one of the most iconic, images on planet earth. Yeah. She's a very mediocre looking girl.

Like if she was on Instagram today, probably maybe 1,200 followers, not a haughty. Don't think she'd sport a bikini very well. I mean... I've thought about this recently. I think oil paintings were the original Instagram. Yeah, that's true. You know, because they didn't have camera phones back to. You know, I imagine how long it took to do a selfie,

like probably a day and a half. Have you ever worked with the oils? It takes forever for me to dry. Don't move, asshole. A day and a half later. Hey. Yeah. But would you, would you go?

I mean, she was very sort of plain Jane. Monalisa. Would you date her? I, be honest. I, you know, I like, I love people for their insides, Harlan. Okay, but if you flip her around, she was funny, she's only this fucking thing. Says humor's really attractive. Maybe she was hilarious.

Maybe she was, like, thinking of like a dirty joke or something. That's why she had a little cracked smile. Yeah, she didn't have the little, there's a bit of mischief in her smile, isn't there? Yeah. She was a little bit doughy. A little bit, would you say pudgy? I'm not fat shaming the Mona Lisa. Well, I said pudgy, which is sort of like flubbery.

You know, you're fat. You're Canadian. Yeah. And in the last couple of years, Yeah. I've done my best to avoid the news. I don't know if we've had this conversation. Yeah.

Because it's depressing and I don't get any jokes out of it. But when I listen to the news, because I have satellite radio, I listen to the CBC news. The Canadian Broadcasting Corporation. It's so much happier and friendly and in the morning. Really? They're not bombarding you with like pain and death and destruction. They'll interview writers and musicians.

And it's, you know, they'll do like the news. at the top of the hour, but it's like brief and it's not like all opinion. And like they've got the most lovely programs on there. Like last year I heard a show it was an hour program and it was songs that featured whistling.

And they played like the top 10 songs that Benny and the Jets. Did they whistle on that song? Yeah. Benny, Benny. Right? Yeah. The whistling is.

a prominent part of that song. The Andy Griffith theme song was, was on there. That was one of them. Oh, I thought you meant like pop radio tunes. Yeah, yeah, but like song pop, like it's songs throughout history or, you know, popular songs. Okay, go. You said Andy Griffin? Well, I can't remember, but that just shows you how lovable the Canadian broadcasting company is. And then, uh, there was another, uh, segment where they, they talked about how to get an, uh, extra inch on your souffle and you know that song by the scorpions the winds of change that one like I nailed it didn't I you got it what's the one by guns and roses patience patience how does that you can't whistle no really dude what are you doing that's like

Can you do that, like, finger whistle? No, what were you just doing? That was like a starfish scraping along a coral reef. You're like the sea flea sleastack from Land of the Lost. I love sleastacks. What were you doing over there, guy? God, Stephen King's creep show. Anyway, on the Canadian news, in Banff, like last month, there was a bear murdered two people.

Did you see that? No way. What did you use a knife? Or how did it? Yeah, it did. And the Canadian Broadcasting Company said that the bear was overweight, old, overweight, and had bad teeth. And when did we start body shaming the animal kingdom? I think if you murder humans, you're setting yourself up to a little verbal abuse.

Okay. Like if you kill a family of campers, I'm probably going to call you fatty and not feel bad about it. That's it. Hey, you ate my son. Thanks, fat fuck. Oh, you mauled my daughter. Her scalp's hanging off. Hey, you big hairy, fat fuck.

I'm not going to hold back. You scalped my daughter. Daddy's coming home. And I don't even have a daughter. And if, you know, why, why risk it? Why have a daughter? She's just going to get killed by a bear. If she's going to get mulled, why have kids?

You're going to get emotionally attached to the child. Yeah. I wanted to have kids until I saw the TV show, euphoria. No way. There was four of them. What? Wait. You wanted to have four kids? No. Did you ever seen the show euphoria?

Why would you want four kids? No, it's a television. Oh, no, what's euphoria about? Teenagers that are like doing like the worst things. Like what? Like just sex and drugs and weren't those the best things? Didn't you get it all wrong, Mr. Rhodes? Does somebody at this?

table deserved to be murdered by a bear because they got it all wrong. What were you doing? It sounded like you sound like an angry cobra. Oh, there you go. What's another whistling rock song? I can't really whistle that again. record because I'm missing you and I've seen a while

and I see her and a man I said woman take it slow because I ain't got time no more and you and I just need a little patient

um And then you do the Whitney. Have you ever seen Whitney Houston sing? Yeah. There's some of these soul singers where they can't just go, I love Chinese food. They have to go, I love Chinese. And they dislocate their jaw like an articulating python.

Like they just swallowed a gazelle. Like keep your jaw in your face, crooner lips or whatever. I don't know what to call them. I think that's that's on a Workerpedia. Our show is being sponsored today by Blue Chew, Blue Chew, can you believe it? Blue Chew is a unique online service that delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra, Cialis, and LaVitra, but in chewable tablets at a fraction of the cost. You can take them any time, day or night, so you can plan and be ready whenever the opportunity arises.

The process is simple. Sign up at bluechew.com. You consult with one of their licensed medical providers, and once you're approved, you'll receive the prescription within days. You'll be ready to go. The best part is it's all done online, so no visits to the doctor's office, no awkward conversations, and no waiting in line at the pharmacy.

Blue Chew's tablets are made in the USA and prepared and shipped direct to your door in a discrete package. So listen, check it out because they always say first impressions are important, but more importantly, a lasting impression. So Blue Chew wants to help you have better sex. Discover your options at bluechew.com. Chew it and do it. I mean, how simple is that?

And we've got a special deal for our listeners. Try Blue Chew free when you use our promo code, Harland, at checkout. Just pay $5 for shipping. That's bluechew.com promo Harland to receive your first month free. Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. And we thank Blu Chu for sponsoring the podcast today. Hey, everybody, I want to tell you about my bookie. Yeah, my bookie.

I want you to skip the arguments this Thanksgiving. Skip the arguments with Uncle Dave and focus on what really matters. food, boosted odds, and hitting those turkey day parlays. Yes, picture this, not just watching games, but turning every second into a potential win. With MyBooky, that's M-Y-B-O-O-K-E, you can stream the games and live bet them and turn any game day into a payday. Now, I don't know if you've ever bet on sports before, but it adds a whole new level of excitement to it. pitch, every swing, every throw, every shot, when you are placing bets on these moments as well as on a whole game, it just, it ups the adrenaline. It makes it very exciting. So are you ready

to up your game? Sign up today and make your first deposit with promo code Harland for a sweet deposit bonus up to $1,000. That's promo code Harlan to claim your bonus. This is a just a promo code, it's your secret weapon to get the extra edge on the house. And don't we all want that? We always want the extra edge on the house. The best part is you don't have to be a sports whiz to win at my bookie. You can cash in on everything from politics to your favorite shows and then some. So it's way more than just sports, bet anything, any time, and anywhere, only with my bookie. So give it a try and up your game with my bookie. Up anything you do with my bookie.

That's promo code Harland and go get them. Win, win, win. Say a prayer because I'm missing you. And I can't come. I don't know. words. I like this country singer named Charlie Crockett. You've heard him? No way. I know his brother Davy. Yeah, he's actually the son of Davy. No way. And he whistles in some of his songs. Can you give me an example? Hey, everybody, who wants to have better sex? No? Yes. Yes. The answer is

yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what you want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping. And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority. Plus, 100% free shipping on your entire order. Doesn't matter how much you spend or what you buy, all will be packaged and sent discreetly for free and fast. Don't wait, Better Sex is just a click away.

That's 50% off, one item, and free shipping. Bring more pleasure and satisfaction. your bedroom. Just go to Adam and Eve.com and select any one item. It could be an adventurous new toy, or anything you desire. Just enter the offer code Harland to check out. That's Harland, H-A-R-L-A-N-D at Adam and Eve.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to this podcast.

So be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discount and 100% free shipping. Code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out Tell the truth That's humming Shame the devil You go

I can't remember what parties Can you do the whistle though I can't remember what Okay now you're whistling Yeah Everyone can whistle But me You just did it though guy

Don't undersell yourself I won't You just whistle. I love that you got Monument Valley on the wall. Wow, one of the craftiest topic changers I've ever seen. Just great. Well, you get, yes what happens in the valley, guy.

So I'm going to bring it right back. The wind whistles through the fucking valley. So now we're back to whistling. Let's fucking go. Nice try. Have you been to Monument Valley? Twice this year. Talk to me, guy.

What are we talking about whistling for? What happened? What, talk to me. It's amazing. It's on the Navajo Nation, which is really exciting to go there. You know, the Navajo, they have their own police force. Whoa. Navajo police.

Yeah. And it's in San Arizona, right? It's at the top of Arizona on it's, it's, it's, uh, and the border with Utah. And so Monument Valley is just like right over the border. It's actually in Utah. And, uh, it's pretty thrilling. It's, um, you know, all these great. Westerns were filmed there and then John Wayne Westerns.

Do you know the official name of those structures behind me, what they're called? Well, that's a Mesa, the flat one. And then the ones with the pointy tips, I don't know. Would you? Do you want to know? I do. Yeah, I'm sorry. Well, just kind of hot and awkwardly kind of felt like I laid it up.

And then you just kind of let it hang. And now I feel, I think they're called Buttes. Oh, okay. But Mesa. The Mesa is the flat one. That's not an Esker. No. It's a Mesa.

Yeah. That's a, which is like, I, it just means table. It's like the flat part is a Mesa. I wonder if Karen Carpenter ever bought a summer home up there. I wonder. I mean, would he like the flat like? But it's pretty cool. And then the climactic scene of Thelman-Louise when they drive off to cliff, that was filmed.

Now, now, if we're going to be accurate, I'm starting to wonder, did they drive off a cliff or did they drive off a Mesa? Oh, wow. You've got a Mesa in my head, guy. Yeah. Not a lot. I don't know that I've ever had a friend or an acquaintance that's ever had the ability to pop a Mesa into my brain. And you did. So now I'm sitting here.

I'm playing back probably 30 years of my life. Yeah. I'm going back to that night. When I'm at the Glendale Galleria, I'm sitting in the movie theater watching Thelman Louise with my dad. He's got his ventilator on. We get the big tub, the way you do.

Daddy's got a little trouble chewing so that assist him, I pull his ventilator off, stuff popcorn in it. Just like a horse. Well, I just shove it on his, and he has to breathe. So by default, he's breathing in. You ever see one of those,

those bingo machines where the balls are popping around and they're just blowing. So that's a, it was like, he's like a Darth Vader and fucking Orville Redenbocker's house of whore meat. I don't know what this means, but you put a mace in my head and do you see where it took me? You put a whore meat into my head. I did? Yeah, just know. Do you have a story?

I had a story. How long have we known each other, Tom? Man, we met each other in Vancouver. Right, probably, what, 25 years? No longer than that. I think, I think 31, 30 or 31 years ago. Wow. It was 92 or 93.

And it was a really cool, they filmed comedy specials for Canadian television. And I don't think the network exists anymore. It was like the U network or something. Oh, God. Do you remember that? I don't. And they filmed it at the East Vancouver Cultural Center, which was like a theater in the round with balconies.

And I remember. I remember everyone in the audience. Did your set have candles on it? Yeah, candles. It was the coolest backdrop with candles. And then when Ari Shafir this year put out a special and had tons of candles reminded me of it, it was such a great effect. Yeah, it was if you're doing a police video.

Yeah. But it was at the cultural center. I always wondered because I remember I was sitting there and I looked out at the crowd and virtually, it was probably about 300, 500 cedar at the cultural center. And to this day, you just sort of cracked a mystery for me. Everyone in the crowd was eating yogurt.

And I'm like, what the fuck? And then when you just said that, I went, of course, yogurt, culture, and yogurt. And I'm like, okay, it was the cultural. Well, if you're going to laugh, maybe, this isn't the conversation. for me it was really cool and that's where i met you and i remember i remember walking around that neighborhood oh walk in the mean streets we're just walking through vancouver east vancouver

it's always a bit of a wind blowing yeah and i remember you still had your long hair yeah and i just remember your golden locks just they were just sort of floating on the breeze like an Angel's placenta. That was my first time ever in Vancouver, and it's still one of my favorite cities in the whole world. I love Vancouver. What happened there? Something else happened besides the comedy special that probably made you feel that way?

Well, that was the first time I went, and that was an amazing experience. You and I became friends. The special turned out phenomenal. And then I've been back. I was back many times through. the years. It's now defunct, but I used to do the comedy mix on Burrard every year. That was one of my favorite clubs in the world. It was great. The one down stairs in the basement. But you did one of my favorite comedy specials of all time, and I told you about this. Tom did a comedy special that

was so unorthodox, so out of the ordinary that I loved it. Tom went to Vietnam and did this crazy comedy special where he's slip sliding on the beach. You were eating like giant bats. You went to the marketplace and cobra and bats. And I was like, this is astounding. And it was on its surface. Like it was beyond just comedy. It was just sort of this surreal travel show almost.

And then we got into the heart of it outside of the comedy. Your father was in Vietnam. And did he do a tour of duty? He was a helicopter pilot. Yeah, my father flew helicopters. He was shot down. Wow. Everyone in the helicopter died,

except for him and his co-pilot, who was knocked unconscious. Wow. And my father unhooked him, unhooked his safety harness, dragged him across a field. And they had to wait, like, hours until they could be rescued.

And my dad got like five, six medals for this one incident. Wow. So I wanted to, I was kind of the face of Comedy Central, the first couple years of the network was on. Yeah. And I was given the first development deal in the history of Comedy Central.

And I could basically do whatever I wanted. Nice. And then in 1995, Vietnam had just opened up for Americans to travel there. Yeah. So I pitched them this show idea where I would go to Vietnam and have fun for the guys who went there

and didn't get to have fun. Yeah. And then also to show that Vietnam was a country and not a war, because all we ever saw was like Vietnam movies and things like that. Hostile. So there was some great ideas. I brought Rockham Sockham robots and I fought people wherever I went.

That's right. And I set up a slip and slide in Danang on the beach. That was like the world's most dangerous place to set up a slip and slide. Oh, God. And then one of the coolest things in Hanoi, we had, you know, 1995 technology. Actually, we filmed it in September 94. It came on April. April of 1995 for the 20th anniversary of the end of the war.

But we had to, we played the, there was old women doing Tai Chi in a park. Oh, God. And we showed the, I hate it when old women beat the shit out of each other. Why don't they just knit? We showed the, uh, the Jane Fonda workout tape. Oh, here we go. So in 1994 technology, did that start the next war? Almost.

Yeah. But we had to run extension cords for like two blocks to have this TV with a, um, VHS player to play it. And it was really cool. You know, Anthony Bourdain, there was that, the scene you're talking about, there was this restaurant,

and they served every kind of animal. Yeah. They served every kind of animal. It stuck with me. And they brought out a cobra. Yeah. And they cut the, the,

it's funny, the waiter throws the cobra down on the ground. Alive or dad? Alive. King cobra? Are we talking a king? Yeah, with the hood. The hood.

Why do they call it a hood, though? Because these people out here don't know this type of snake terminology. These ones. These guys watching. Because they're kind of criminal. They're hoods. So the waiter smacks the cobra on the nose because apparently they're more tasty if they're angry. Wow.

Okay. And, you know, you're watching this. What about just kick it in the balls and make it extra delicious? Exactly. Wow. So what happened? So the cobra strikes at the guy. He leans back. He grabs the cobra by its throat. And then at the table, he cuts the cobra's heart out.

And they put the cobra's heart in a shot glass. And then he drains the blood and puts the cobra blood in shot glasses. And then they poured vodka with the cobra. So it's vodka and cobra blood. And then they said the person of on. honor gets the, the cobra heart. And the cobra heart was still beating when they put it in the shot glass. And they put it, and I was like the person of honor.

Oh, God. And I said, no thanks. There's no way. I said, I'll do the shot of the cobra blood, but I'm not doing the cobra heart. And Anthony. It clearly had feelings for you if it was still beating. But Anthony Bourdain, when he went to Vietnam on his episode, he drank the shot with the cobra heart in it.

And everybody wrote about it. and they went crazy, so maybe I should have eaten it. Well, wouldn't that be a cultural offense to not take it? Well, that's what they were saying. The people I was with were saying that they would be upset. And I was like, I don't care. You don't care. I don't care who gets upset.

I'm not doing the... Well, let me ask you this to be the... I drank the blood. Well, that's not eating a beating heart. Yeah. And let me ask you this. Would there be any big difference between eating a stopped heart and a beating heart? no i mean i don't know because if you're just drinking the heart that stopped beating you know what

lucky charms has hearts robbing as it's going down right i don't know what if it kind of went down and started it somehow got attached to your heart and then you had like a little like extra motor down there that'd be kind of cool that'd be kind of rad but you'll never know because you didn't yeah well i drank the blood. How did it taste? I mean, you had vodka. It's just so, ugh. It was, well, it wasn't very pleasant. Was it like a toxic, uh, whole chemically taste or what was it? Mmm. I, I remember it was kind of nasty. Yeah. Yeah. God, you know, you, but it was that, that special was a really great experience and I really, um, I loved Vietnam and I've, I've since been back there three times.

Well, I don't talk about it a lot because it's, you know, but I actually did two tours of Vietnam. And with the gray line? With gray line, Suncoast bus lines. Well. And we were stationed at Holiday Inn. That was where we stayed, me and my platoon, my tour group, and two tours and air-conditioned buses and little TVs.

It was rough, wasn't it? But let me go deeper because your dad, I want to get back to your dad. And by the way, if you ever, what's the name of that special? Viva Vietnam. People should watch it. I was, no kidding. I was really like just taken by it. I thought it was so cool and bold and adventurous and it was so different from what comedians were doing.

Because the safe thing would be to stand on the stage with the velvet curtain and cut to the crowd. And here you were, like, doing this outrageous stuff. So I always thought it was super courageous and really fascinated me. I really loved it. Thanks, man. You know, it's, it's interesting how hindsight is 2020. Because, you know, I think that really gave me, it got great critical reviews and it was a big thing at the time. And then the next year, I was offered this sitcom development deal with NBC.

Yeah. And in retrospect, I wish I would have stayed with Comedy Central and made more shows like that. Right, because those were cut from a more original cloth. Yeah. Whereas the sitcoms were very formulaic. Formuliac and cookbook. And we'll talk about those in a minute, but I want to get back before we skip into that. Because it fascinates me that how old were you when you're, did your, this may be a story.

stupid question, but did you, did your dad have you after he got back from NOM or were you a little boy when he was in NOM? I was born in 67. My dad was there in 69. Just for a year? Yeah, a little, yeah, I think he was there for like 10 months and then he got shot down. If you got shot down or wounded, it's like a free pass to get out of his. This might be a tough question and you don't have to answer it, but did your dad have to shoot from the plane? Did your dad have to, do you think your dad? It's hard to say it, took, took a life or two? I don't know.

I mean, I never asked him. I, I, I did, I don't, I mean, he, you know, it wasn't, um, it was like, it was a big thing of my dad's identity, like every year he would go to this, uh, Vietnam Veterans, Helicopter of Pilots Association reunions, uh, so it was a big thing for him, Vietnam, but, uh, he, he didn't talk about specifics and like the the specifics of him getting shot down uh he kind of lightly told me a couple times but it wasn't until when he died and i found the letter from the army uh describing what happened to him yeah how he got the medals uh did i know like the full details so like there was all these guys stuck on the ground and they're surrounded by

the north vietnamese you know the vietnam people and they're just getting slaughtered so my dad's helicopter flies in to try and get them and it had taken so much heavy fire he had to pull up and circle around he goes back down to try and get him same thing so much heavy fire he pulls up circles around so he did this he did this three times and then on the fourth time he goes down and all these guys it was maybe about 20 guys and it's life or death they all jump onto the helicopter the american guys or the vicar american guys okay the guys who are stuck. Yeah, they're just getting slaughtered.

The last chance to get out is your dad. So like 20 guys jump on that. So it's a lot of weight to begin with. Yeah. And it had taken tons of fire. Yeah. So the helicopter's, you know, pulling up. And then it had taken so much heavy fire again.

And it's got all this weight. It just nosedived. And my dad and his co-pilot were the only ones who survived because they were the only ones wearing safety harnesses. So wait. So all the guys that jumped on. Dead. This.

Oh. Yeah. How many, like 20? Like, something like that. Like, yeah, like 15, 20. So it was kind of, there was no winning. It's like if they stayed on the ground, they were surrounded by Via Kong and would have been killed

and probably not in the most glamorous way. Yeah. Or it's make a mad dash to the helicopter as your lifeline. Yeah. And all of a sudden the weights out of balance. You're taking heavy fire. Yeah. I don't know if it's 20 exactly, but it was somewhere like, you know, between 10 and 10, 20 guys, it jumped on the thing, you know. Wow.

Now, and stop me if I'm going too deep, but this is sort of fascinating to me. Did your dad have to live with, obviously I had to live with that, but was it hard on him? Was it hard on you? Was it hard on the family? Or was he able to reason with that and go,

I did the best I could, you know, the vehicle could only take so much? My dad was a pretty badass guy. Yeah. Sounds like. He wasn't, he wasn't shaken up by, he was like, he had all these injuries from being shot down. Like, uh, his knees had surgery in his back.

So he had these big like kind of skin grafts on his back and his, his legs. Scarred up. Battles scarred up. Like, you know, in the summer, seeing him wear in shorts, no shirt. You know, you could see the remnants of it. But he wasn't disturbed mentally from it. He, he had just been wounded physically. Yeah, because he had a few, he always had a lot of Vietnam

I'm veteran friends. And a couple of these guys that used to come around to the house, they were really shaken up and still had, like, PTSD and stuff. It sounds like your dad did the best he could. And beyond heroic, taking heavy fire, did four attempts to get down there. Yeah. I mean, what more could he do, you know? Yeah.

You know, it's funny, I was always fascinated by helicopters my whole life. And I've, because of my father. And then there's a, man, you can whistle and do helicopter noises. You're the coolest. Right. I've been on three helicopters in my life. Yeah. And they're terrifying.

Oh, really? They're so light and the wind. Yeah. Which were like, the last one I was on, I had done a benefit for the Sacramento Police Department. Maybe this is like seven, eight years ago. Yeah. at the punchline in Sacramento. And the helicopter police guys were part of the crowd.

Yeah. And I told them about my father. And they said the next time I came to Sacramento, they would take me up on a ride along. Okay. So like a year later, I got back to Sacramento. And I spent a day flying over Sacramento with the police. The number one thing I learned is that everyone in Sacramento has got some shit in their yard. They need to clean up.

old cars, old washing machines. Like, there's a lot of shit in the yards of Sacramento. Yeah. But it was so light. Yeah. And just even like, I don't know if you've ever been in a hot air balloon or, No, but I've been in a few helicopters. I've been in the, I was in the, the, the good year blimp once.

And that also, the, the wind shoots it around. So imagine like that and you're getting shot at. I know. Yeah, you're, I mean, it's not an easy. a piece of machinery to control. It's like you're kind of working levers and you're working with a tail prop and an overhead prop.

Both your feet and both your hands. It's a constant dance, yeah. So take that into consideration. You're trying to come down in a jungle. You're taking heavy fire from enemies you can't even see. You're trying to get guys on your aircraft. Let me ask you this, so, because your dad, you said he's a badass god.

he obviously a hero in that sense of what he did the courage you have to have to do what he did as a little boy did did you kind of look up at your dad like sort of like this kind of heroic like cowboy hero guy yeah and i mean i always saw my dad was like mohammed ali yeah oh that's amazing i love that i had this image of like for some reason i always connected my dad with Muhammad Ali. Interesting. Just because he was such a heroic, badass guy. Yeah.

And funny and really super charming. Yeah. And my father loved stand-up comedy. You did? My dad's the reason that I'm a stand-up comedian. Wow. Yeah. Because my dad loved, my family's originally from Washington, D.C.

Yeah. And I remember as a kid, driving around with my dad, before seat belts, cars had seat belts. Yeah. Early 70s. And I would be standing. next to my dad as he drove and I had my my arm on his shoulders oh see I love that and my dad's were we my dad would be playing Richard Pryor cassettes okay and I remember uh I remember how how the feeling of my dad's

shoulders shaking when he laughed oh listening to the prior and I didn't understand the dirty parts yeah but when prior animated animals and stuff I just just killed me so uh You know, so that put the seeds in my head, first of all, to be a comedian. And then in 1978, when I was 11 years old, my dad took me to my first comedy show. My uncle, my dad's brother, did open Mike Nights in Washington, D.C. for one year. And you went to that? My dad took me to see him. The entrances by the door.

And it was a long shotgun shack style room. Yeah. And the show was already in progress when we walked in. and I was wearing a Washington Redskins jacket. Oh, here we go. And the comedian on stage, we sees us walk in, and then he pulls me on stage, and the comedian interviewed me like I was the coach of the Redskins.

And I was 11, and I just gave bashful, one word, dopey little kid answers. No, and yes, but I'll never forget standing on that stage and seeing all those happy people with their heads thrown back in laughter and all the teeth in their mouth. and then also watching the Mona Lisa wasn't in the crowd yeah good thing no teeth there and uh holding in um but but Washington DC is a very you know international city so uh in my mind I know I've romanicized it but I just remember like all flavors of humanity yeah were there and so it just seemed to me when you were on stage as a comedian you were talking to the world right right

So from that moment onward, I never, ever considered doing anything else in my life. Wow. Yeah. Interesting. Changed my life forever. Wow. Yeah, my dad drove me to my first two open mic nights, too. Was your dad, when you walked down the street with him as a kid, were you like, did the other kids know your dad's history, like, being the pilot?

Like, were you kind of like, my dad's, like, cool, he's a badass? I think everyone, I think people know. new. Yeah. And do you have brothers? Uh, yeah. Yeah. What's that smile? Oh, here we go. Here we go. Fuck. Let's just say I'm not very close with him. Yeah. Yeah. What happened, Tom? Uh, let's, let's, let's keep it. Let's not go there. Yeah. Let's see her quietly for a second. I'm going to try to figure it out my head. look into your eyes and see if I can. I'm telling you, telepathically.

Do it. For real. No, don't, you don't have to tell me. I'm just seeing if I can pick up on it. I'm good at reading energy. Like, is there something in your life, and I picked up on this before you even got here? I could be way wrong.

Was there something in your life that had to do with cold and freezing? something that happened in your life that involved freezing temperatures or something frozen. I could be way off, but I just, I had this thing, and I don't know. I'm just asking, but maybe there's nothing, but I felt like there was something. I've been cold before, but nothing like you've experienced. I don't think it's, you got up and turned the thermostat up guy. I thought maybe there was a big, like, some kind of experience, but I guess, my radars off.

And because of that, I'll never know what you and your brothers are going through, too, obviously. I'm not a medium. I'm just a rare. They can't. Buddy, let's quickly shift gears to hummingbirds. There's one thing we love to talk about. You have hummingbirds at your house. I want to get into this.

Yeah, I have hummingbirds coming to my balcony every day. But you let them in your house. Yeah. Well, I mean, accidentally. I've put up one of these screens that has the slit in the middle. So not really a screen at all, just an opening. Yeah, but, you know, they're for doorway things. Well, it's a screen and they're, you know, so you can go in and out.

Well, usually they're completely sealed. I just put it up a couple months ago because I don't want any more. I had one hummingbird die. Oh, no, what did it hit the dartboard? Well, just hummingbirds are attracted to music. I'm always playing music. And then I've had, since I've lived in my apartment, three times, four times.

Wait, is that true that theory? Hummingbirds are attracted to music because now I'm picturing like, you know, Iron Maiden doing an outdoor concert and I'm getting like stabbed to death. It could be. Just like a flock of hummingbirds coming. Run for the hills.

Run for your life. I mean, what are you talking? Did you just make that up? Hummingbirds love music. No, I'm full of all kinds of hummingbird knowledge. But I'm going to take a side detour here for a second. Oh, here we go. There's 7-Eleven by my apartment.

They blast classical music Because apparently homeless people don't like classical music Oh, they hate it You've seen this? So apparently it drives homeless people away Oh, I had a homeless guy near my house About three weeks ago put on some Tichofsky And he jumped in front of a bus

They hate it But this is what kills me There's one homeless guy Who's always in front of it It doesn't work on him He's going like this Yeah, he's got like a bread stick and a fucking slim gym and he's like,

he's like conducting people in and out of the 7-Eleven. Yeah. Buy some chips. Buy a donut. Get some milk. All right. Enough of that. So what happened?

So I've had hummingbirds come and get stuck in my apartment. Oh, no. Above the door, I've got really tall ceilings and there's a massive picture window. And so they'll freak out and they're banging into the window. They can't figure out to come down. Oh, God. And it's happened three or four times. So I have to wait for them to get tired.

And then when they get tired, they get down to the bottom. And then I've got this little net that I get up on a stool and then I put this net over them. And just very gently, I've taken them out. And I remember there was one, it's always the dumb. So I have this hummingbird feeder on, on my balcony. Okay. And there's always one dominant. I used to have multiple.

Dominant what? There's always one dominant hummingbird. Can you be dominant when you're only this big? Yeah. Hummingbirds are, they're nasty little bastards. Whoa. Oh, easy guy. There's always a dominant one.

Okay. It chases the other ones away. Okay. Because. It's like a flying lawn dart. Because flowers have a limited amount of neck. and they can't differentiate that a hummingbird nectar feeder never runs out from the person who loves them who keeps filling it up.

They think there's a limited amount of nectar. So I'll see these little aerial combats all the time where they're chasing away. First couple of years I lived there, I thought that they were dancing or playing or mating or something. But during the pandemic, when I was stuck in my apartment, I would sit there. I would Google everything they did. Like when the hummingbird makes clicking noises, it means that they're being dominant and claiming their territory.

Okay. So I had this one hummingbird got stuck in my apartment. The first time it happened, and then I gently got him down, take him out of the balcony, and I released him. How did you do it? Like, well, I have this. It's actually, it's a, it's a beach bag that's like a net. because, like, so sand, you know, falls through the net.

Fennicello? Yeah. That's an old reference. Wasn't that beach bag? Wasn't that one of her movies? Beach blanket bingo. Okay. So, like, two days later, I'm standing on my, my balcony having coffee.

Oh, God. And this humming, after I released it, and this hummingbird comes up, like, right in front of my face. And he just hovers there. Let me guess. You grabbed them and stirred the coffee? Yes. So he just looked at me for like a full minute And then he buzzed off

That's a lot of hovering by the way And I know it was the one that I saved And I know he like came back And he was like You know I had time to think about what happened And I realized you were trying to help me And I just wanted to say thank you Wow

So they don't really say thank you I think he would have hummed thank you right But they're hummingbirds They're not talking birds. Why do hummingbirds hum? Because they smell like cunt. Where did that even come? Where does that even come?

I was about to hit you with an innocent children's joke. Dude, why? Where do that even come from? What's the real answer? Let's move on. It's a children joke. You know that joke. No, what is it?

Why do hummingbirds hum? him because they don't know the words. They don't know the lyrics. It's like it's a kid's chair. Well, they should know the lyrics. They love music. I mean, apparently they should know all the lyric. They should be in front of the 7-Eleven with that homeless guy.

They should be. God. I'll tell you what, though, the worst experience I had with hummingbirds was my neighbor. He was this kid. He was out in the yard screaming one day. He was like 14. Did you ever get zits? Of course.

Yeah. So this kid had. had a face like a Chinese roasted pizza. One day he was out of the yard screaming. I looked over the fence and you ever get the zits with all the pus? Oh, yeah, the little volcano. Yeah, this kid had about 19 hummingbirds sucking pus out of this, hovering, licking the pus out of his zits.

Unreal. It's like a Stephen King horror movie. That would be a good way to pop them. Yeah, just get a hummingbird to suck them. But can I bore you with some more? Hummingbird facts. Oh, please, I love this. And my audience, by the way, this is just, we didn't plan this.

We didn't orchestrate this. I just happened to be one of the few podcasts out on the net that has a huge hummingbird audience. They love it. So please. Okay. So the, uh, Los Angeles has got indigenous hummingbirds that are here year around. The Anna and the Allen. hummingbirds.

Oh, my God. And if I'm not mistaken, you know, one, they've got like green bodies and the little ruby throat. The other one has a wrench. And then I think the other one is gray. But it has a wrench. So this is what the last couple years of being obsessed with hummingbirds. Yeah.

The most special hummingbird in my opinion. Oh my God. There's retards. That's, uh, that's, uh, Well, you said it, not me. You said it. I didn't, I didn't say it.

So how special are they? What do you mean? They're special. The most special hummingbirds are the Rufus hummingbirds. Oh, God. And these are the orange ones. I'm sure you've seen the orange ones. Yeah, yeah, I have.

So the orange hummingbirds are the Rufus hummingbirds. And the reason why I think they're so special is because their entire life is a constant state of migration. They go from Mexico all the way up the west coast to a, Alaska, and then, you know, through Canada, down into Colorado, and then back down to Mexico. So with the seasons, and then these hummingbirds live to 10 or 11 years old, and they can do this cycle, it takes them a whole year to go around. So it's like, they can do it like 10 times in their life. Wow.

And so they're only in Southern California for like a few months before they move on. right and then hummingbirds always remember where they got nectar like i saw all the flowers that you have yeah the hummingbirds were hitting it they'll always return because they drop a pin in their brain they always return to where they got nectar i see and to where a kind person but what what causes the orange pigment in their in their feathering they eat too much carrots just constantly eating carrots hummingbirds eat carrots no i'm just silly well it makes sense i thought maybe they ate oranges because oranges grow on trees and birds are up at elevation hummingbirds could get to an orange whereas a carrot grows

underground i've never seen a burrowing hummingbird but i figure if they picked up enough speed they could kind of dive bomb and get down to a carrot they only they like they prefer carrot cake i think okay okay so that's the middle ground great boy that took a long time to get that was one of the longest pauses in the history of this podcast i think we needed to get there though we needed it i should have whistled well you don't know how remember so that would have been well Why can't you whistle, though? That's a very standard thing.

Why is it hard, though? As a little boy, did you not whistle? I did. It's been a long time. It's not that tough. Yeah. You got it, guy. I'm on it.

Why don't we start at the whistling club? Okay. Yeah. When, where, and how many members? We could eat at my place, your place. Let's do it at your place Because we got the whistling You throw in the humming

And then we can just in about a year of practice Just make it a barbershop quartet place We'll invite the guy from the 7-Eleven With the breadstick and the beef jerky And yeah, he can conduct Thing Bang Boom, baby Next thing you know, we're selling them out Why are squeezing your tits?

You know I'm imagining the future Are you getting them trans? you're going to do the trans thing? I'm going to get a tattoo of an eagle on my chest? No, you said you're imagining the future. You're squeezing your breath, so I thought maybe you're going to transition.

Transams, remember they had the eagle. Oh, that was that an eagle or a Phoenix? Was it a Phoenix? On the hood of a transam, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, maybe. I don't know. Was it an eagle or a Phoenix? That's a question for you, the viewer.

It's too bad. Bert Reynolds died. He could have. answer this question. He did? Yeah. When? I don't remember. So maybe because you don't remember it's possible he's still alive. It could be. You just sort of ended a guy's career before it needed to end. Who's who's going to make WWW and the Dixie Dance Kings too if he's not living anymore I would like I am you'd be great in that that's why I put my hand up guy W W W and the dixie dance kings too right here fuck off everyone just fuck off uh let's go real quickly

we got to talk about Burning Man we are both there this year come on guy yeah what'd you think well this my it was my six time so you're really into it Oh, yeah. You love it. Was it your first? That was my first one, yeah. Well, then let's hear what you thought about it, because you were the virgin. Okay, first of all, I want to know, what is your Burning Man name?

Izzy Lizzie. Seriously? Yep. Okay. When you go to Burning Man, you have to create a profile and you create a, what's called a burner name. But somebody else has to give you the name. Oh, they do? That's what I was told.

Oh, I gave it to myself. Oh, okay. Izzy Lizzie. Okay. What's yours? Radiant. so you're like one one word like share yeah radiant radian who gave it to you these uh these topless canadian women who were across the road from where i was staying oh did you give them a name uh they

already had them because they were like they've been a squirrel was was one woman's name and then the other woman's um i forget what the other woman's thing parsnip rabbits maybe i don't know Bird? No, Rex was the other ones. It was the other one's burner name. Yeah, this woman told me I had a radiant smile. Oh, you do. And she said from the moment I first saw you across the road, I felt that you were radiant. That's that's apropos. And as a woman from Canada. Did you end up, it sounds like that's the kind of a lead in line to a little romance. Did you have a little romance with the young squirrel? I did not. Were you hoping you would? Was there a temptation? Was there a... I... I...

Yeah. I mean, it was... That's a yes. That's a very long, long yes. Whenever someone goes, it's either Helen Keller stuck in an elevator or it's a long-winded yes. Yeah.

And then there was some other fabulous Canadians to my right. And she got together with this wonderful... Canadian guy from BAMF. Oh, BAMF. And these people were all amazing human beings. And just so people know, Banff is a small mountain town in British, in Manitoba.

And it's also the sound you get if you in an old lady in the head with a canoe paddle. Bamf! Is it not in Alberta? It's in Alberta, yeah. What did I say? You said, Manitoba. Oh, Manitoba.

Sorry, Alberta. Manitoba is. two provinces over. I should know I lived in Banff. And I, uh, you out Canadian the Canadian. Or was I just testing you? It's because I listen to the CBC all the time. Oh, God.

But no, um, these people were so cool and they gave me gifts. The guy from, uh, I'm dead. Oh, okay. Well, I'll take over the show. Okay, then I'm back. Fuck that. Uh, ha. The guy from.

Yeah. BAMF gave me a necklace with a grizzly claw on it. Was it a grizzly or a black bear? You said grizzly. How big was the claw? It's, I'd say like the size of my pinky. Yeah, that's probably a gris. He gave it to you.

Gave it to me. Really cool guy, really wilderness people. And then he also gave me another necklace that was a bison. It is a bison tooth. Oh, this guy sounds like he hates animals. Yeah, he really, really cool people. What was the origin of the bear claw? Did he tell you?

Where, how are you acquired it? No, I guess, you know, in Canada, these things are just lying everywhere, right? I don't know. Well, I brought something out because in, you know, you showed me your bear claw when we're at the comedy store a few months ago. And we talked about it. And I said, if everyone, when you get you up here on the podcast, we'll talk about it. because I have a bear claw necklace. Look at this.

Wow. Are you kidding me? So this is a black bear and the big long things of course are the teeth and the smaller ones are the black bear claws. Wow. And I thought I'd pull that out because I knew you had your bear claw. Now you were going to bring it today but you forgot, but that's okay. And you out, you out bear clawed me. This is so cool.

Well, the reality. is you out bear clawed me because a grizzly bear is twice the size of a black bear. So your claws, as you said, would be a lot longer. Yeah, but I don't have the teeth. Wow. You want to hear the origin story for that? Totally. So it's pretty interesting.

I used to be a ranger, a forest ranger when I was younger. Yeah. And I was at this remote camp in the woods. And some of the guys who were working in the kitchen, I didn't. didn't like this part of it, but they, um, they would throw scraps of food out the back door of the kitchen after the meals were over. And inevitably, it attracted a big old bear. And these guys were sort of douche bonnets. And they kept luring this thing in and luring in it. And one day they just shot it. Oh, wow. Which was not cool. It broke my heart. And so I didn't know what happened

with the bear. And one day when I was out on one of my runs, I could smell. death in the air. You know, we were out in a forested area, obviously, and I literally just followed my nose. You could smell the decomposition of flesh, and I had an inkling that it was probably the bear they shot. This was, you know, probably about four or five days later. I followed that sent through the woods and came to the carcass of a full-grown black bear. And this thing, you know, laying on its back, let's say this is the forest floor. I mean, these things, they're girthy. And I said, okay, I saw the bear, and I was sad that it was shot,

and I thought, I'm not going to let this guy go to waste. But I've got these pliers, and those teeth look kind of cool. Well, they sort of just wasted this life. To me, it was a beautiful animal, and they sort of tricked it. They lured it in, and they ended its life in a cruel way. And so it was amazing how fast nature works, but this bear was like this and I kept my eye on it and I went back about five days later and the maggots had reduced it to about this high on the forest floor.

Carcass open. You could see the spinal column. It was awful. It smelled like hell. But obviously I had my axe and I was like, you know what? I cut the head off. I cut the paws off and I eventually cut the claws out. Did you really?

Yeah. This is them right here. Wow. And then I took the skull and I. I pulled the teeth out of the skull, and I thought, I'm not going to let this bear go to waste. And I got the drill, and I drilled it in, and I put them on leather, and I've had this thing with me my whole life almost. And so that bear's memory lives on, and this is sort of a symbol of a part of my life

that was wild and in nature and connected to the earth and the Greek God's good creatures and God. And so this actually hangs right by my bed on my light. It stays with me. It's a keepsake from, you know, they've had with me my whole life. Cool. What did you do with the head? The head I actually had the skull. I kept the whole skull.

I put it in bleach. And I had the head until recently. It actually, I was doing some cleaning and I knocked it and it broke. It fell and it sort of shattered and I had to get rid of it. But I had that with me for many, many years. so there's a little story behind the old bear claw that's fantastic that wild that's really cool yeah it's um it's too bad those people killed that beautiful animal it's awful but put in a way that that that that beast lives on and it's given me you know you know many people especially

indigenous people find spirit in animals and in nature and you know the aboriginals in Australia find spirit in rocks and twigs and leaves there's spirit in everything and so I hope in some way I kept that bears spirit alive by keeping this alive in the world and in my life so I think that's really awesome that you did you you have that where were you a ranger uh this was in northern Ontario, all through northern Ontario up on the shores of Lake Superior. Unbelievable. A place called Names.

Why does that lake think he's better than everyone else? I know, right? Yeah. I don't know. Do you imagine if Lake Superior was filled with great white sharks? Probably the most racist lake on the globe.

birds, black bears, hummingbirds, grizzly bears, great white sharks. What haven't we covered here today? My boy? Hmm. Yeah, what, no, I wanted, I really wanted to talk to. I'm glad you shared about your dad because, you know, ever since you told me about that way back when, I always, I always thought, you know, my dad comes from a whole different world. My dad's cut from a whole different cloth, and I always thought, must be so cool.

have a dad like that just holding his hand walking through the park and you know i was just i don't know it always stuck with me your dad so i'm glad i got a chance to talk to you about it and you shared yeah my dad was a cool guy when i when i started out we moved to florida when i was 12 yeah so i started out in florida as a comedian and then i you know started doing the southern circuits and this is before the internet you know before cell phones can you believe we live before the internet yeah those were the day my dad would ask me to write down where I was playing. Oh, your shows.

Yeah, so I remember, and I'm like, I'd be in like Murfreesboro, Tennessee at like a holiday inn, and my dad would come walking in. He would just, he would just like, show up sometime. My dad did a, it was really awesome. And then he was, he loved Viva Vietnam. And then when I had my sitcom, my dad lived in Los Angeles, and he sat in the front row for every taping.

So he was a big fan, great supporter. Is he still with us, your dad? Killed by a drunk driver in 2009 in Anheim. Yeah. Sorry, buddy. I know, it was a rough one. Isn't that interesting how a guy is willing to put his life out there and it just seems so sad when it's such a senseless death?

Yeah. Then he survived war and then gets taken out. By a guy on vodka. Yeah. not cool not cool man well i'm glad you you had a beautiful uh relationship with your dad and the years you had together sounded fantastic and that you were able to look up to him and he was sort of a why do you say your father was different my father was a very sort of a stoic kind of uh you know took more of a traditional path in life was a lawyer and a politician and so it wasn't i i i

I look at your dad, and my dad was a great guy, a very good man, but your dad's, your dad comes from such more of a dramatic place than mine, you know? And it sounds like you had a pretty tight, you know how you said you weren't tight with your brothers? Yeah, yeah. That's kind of like me with my dad. Okay. So if you want to look into my eyes now and see if you can figure out. Okay.

I got it. I hear you. Yep. Oh, no. I'm sorry that happens. if you're going to laugh i mean god you'll never share with me again you'll never open up like that again i'll never open my eyes to you again hey can i tell you a cool cool story about monument valley when i was there a couple weeks ago sure so um the i stayed in this town

Cayenta, Arizona. And it's on the Navajo Nation. Yes. And there was one movie theater. And so I was there for a couple days. I had gone earlier this year and spent a couple days there. I liked it so much. I went back.

And I went to this theater because it's a tiny little town and there's one theater and they were playing Killers of the Flower Moon. The new Scorsese movie. Which is based on. of American culture. Yeah, the Osage tribe in Oklahoma. Interesting. Okay.

Appropriate place to watch it. Phenomenal movies. So the Navajo people that I met when I went earlier this year and when I was back this time were the sweetest, most wonderful people. Good. And this theater, it turned out, they're giving away. There was all these posters that movie posters there were given away. And there was really sweet teenager people that were.

working there and this woman who was the manager and I go, these free? And they're like, yeah. And then I start talking to them. Oh, and it costs $6 for a movie. Wow. Unbelievable. How much for the giant tub of popcorn? They gave it to me for free. Sick. So the movie theater was going out of business

the next day. Oh, that popcorn must have tasted like shit. It was, it was a waiter, there's hair in my popcorn. It was pretty, but it was, so these were like the, and these were like the sweetest people. They're all Navajo and talking to them and... So you went to the final showing?

The final showing. And they were saying that the owner had like undercut their pay. And like he didn't sound like... And he's given away free popcorn? Didn't sound like a night. Well, they were going out of business. So they didn't care. Right.

And then there was this massive poster of Killers of the Flower Moon. Yeah. And I'm talking to them and I go, hey, I can't have that poster. can I? And they go, yeah, why not? So me, I got up on this, this, me and these, this, this teenager, uh, guy and I, Indian kid, uh, Native American, um, we're, uh, wait, is that a slam to say Indian now? You can't say Indian. I mean, I, I mean, I, I mean, what in Canada, you call them indigenous people, right?

Right. But is it, is it still wrong? Like, is it, I'm just, I'm being serious. Is it considered slanderous to say the term Indian? I have no idea. I don't either. That's why I said it. I hope not. I just stay away from it.

I never use it. Isn't it funny how we have to dance around everything now? Like everybody's title is changing. Like I'm half Irish. I'm wondering when the day comes when you can't call us Irish. You have to call us potato drunks or whatever. You know what I mean? Like it's just, you know,

I'm a quarter potato drunk. Right? Yeah. It's almost like you're afraid to talk about any. one's culture anymore because no matter what you do someone wants to peg you for for being an asshole about it but anyways keep going you got the big but i had this wonderful and wonderful experience and it was this massive poster it wasn't it wasn't like the normal size movie poster it was like it was the lobby poster and it was such a cool memory i mean i loved uh monument valley so much i went

back but then this time it was such a cool memory of me and this you know 15 year old navajo guy he's helped me take the staples out and rolling it up. And it was really cool. So I have a massive movie poster of that. That's what she said. But the charm of finding those little movie houses in those small towns, they're so, when you talk about going to the movies being magical,

when you find these little last stand movie places that still charge like $5 and you go in and you can smell the, but they're the best. There's a place out in California here called 29 Palms. It's out by Joshua Tree. Yeah. And they still have a drive-in movie theater.

Oh, wow. Where it's two hits. You get to see two big hits for like 450 and you line up at the thing and you wait to go in and the sun's going down and there's Joshua trees next to the speakers and you hang the speaker on your car and there's the, you have to get out and walk to the snack bar.

It's like, If you ever want to go, like, the charm of that stuff's, like, hard to find nowadays. Wow. So there's, really still, I would love to drive out there just to go to the director. Just to do that. I took a girlfriend out there for a birthday. I said, what are we doing for my birthday? I said, we're driving out to 29 palms and we went to the drive-in theater.

And, you know, you got that warm desert air out there. So it's like, it's just like, it's so charming. But anyways. Why do we ever have to get out of our car? Yeah. Yeah. That's what the guy in the trunk said out in Mafia Valley. That's cool to know.

I'll go check out that theater. Go check that out. I'll let you know. And now it's time for our final segment, Tom, words from a wooden shoe. Yes, this is an authentic dust club. Just because I lived in Amsterdam? Well, see, here's the thing with Tom.

There's so much I didn't get to, and you're going to come back. Yeah. Because, one, we didn't get to your world travels, which I know you've done extensively. And two, Tom and I took a very social. similar trajectory. You brushed on it earlier about your sitcom on NBC, Mr. Rhodes. And you and me at the same time had sitcoms on the air. I had Simon with me and Jason Bateman and you were doing Mr. Rhodes. And it's a whole world of entertainment experience that I'm sure we have stories we

could tell. Yeah. But I want to save it for next time when we can really elaborate on it, not just brush over it. But I think me and you took a very similar trajectory on many areas of our careers. So I want to get to that. But for the end of this segment, for your first visit down the Harlan Highway, you reach into the shoe.

There's words in this wooden shoe. You pull one out, read it, and see if it triggers a story or a memory from your life or from someone else's life. So reach in there, buddy. Great. I'm actually going to Holland next week. Well, I'm excited.

Name dropper. Here we go. That one. What do you got? Read it out loud. Camping. Here we go. I hate camping.

And my family, we went camping when I was a kid once. And my mother still talks about it. The raccoons came and ate our food. We couldn't sleep at night. We could just hear these. Um, I don't know why we left food outside. Yeah. Um, my, my mom had brought a cake and then they came and they got in the cake.

Wait, wait, wait. You brought a pastry camping? Oh, my, my mom. Where'd you camp in the mall parking lot? What the fucking raccoons? We had four kids. My mom brought, um, uh, I remember she brought a cake. Anyway, but none of us liked it.

Nothing like roughing it in the wilderness with a fucking double chocolate mint chip fucking cake. Was it Sarah Lee or Peppery Farm, do you remember? My mother made it from scratch. Lucky you survived, huh? My mother made it from scratch. Oh, no. She went to a period of, yeah. She went to a period where she was making cakes all the time.

Well, it sounds like that. Which is cool because it'd be those little icing squatters all over the kitchen. You could just go in there and get a big squirt of sugar. But that was the thing about Burning Man. You probably went there in a big RV or something. Yeah. With a cake. A friend of mine had had an extra ticket invited me, and I slept in a shift pod, and it was freezing at night.

Yeah, you don't go to Burning Man unless you have an RV. That's why you hate camping. That's what I learned. And I'm not a big fan of no showering. And then having to use the porta-potties. You never had to use the port-a-potties. Well, that's why you bring your own trailer, yeah. Yeah, well, now I know.

My mother, I told her that the worst part of Burning Man was that people don't bathe and that a lot of people had some serious body odor at Burning Man. And my mother goes, honey, I never, she's really religious. She goes, I never thought about this before, but the people in the Bible lived in the desert. And I guess the people in the Bible, a lot of them didn't smell very good. And I said, yeah, Mom, maybe that's where John the Baptist came up with the idea to baptize people. And she was like, that's funny, honey, but you can never say that on stage. So now she's editing you?

That's what I'm saying. No camping. And now this, she should have taught me to whistle. It's like you just got a big slice of edit cake. Well, Tommy, before we leave, please tell the folks where they can see you. Your website, your comedy tour, your social media. if you're plugging a book or an album or tell these folks where they can get

some Tom Rhodes Action Guy. At underscore Tom Rhodes on Instagram and I'm going to be, wow, I'm going to be in Europe for the next couple weeks. I don't have... Wow. I'm going to be different places. Find me.

Well, I'm busy. Oh, and I have a lovely podcast called Tom Rhodes. smart camp tell them where they can see it wait a minute you have a it's called smart camp and you hate camping yeah well yeah something's not adding up your uh cap and cake it's smart to not go camping unless you have an RV yeah that's uh okay that's well tell them where they can see your podcast guy uh it's wherever you can find podcasts on iTunes and um YouTube and you know all that good stuff yeah and i uh i talk to smart people about things that i'm passionate about so i'd love to have you on i think i might be exhausted but i think we i think we covered it all right no we

got lots more to talk about ladies and gentlemen check out tom roads hilarious comedian find out where he's at go to europe if you have to bring him a cake tommy thanks for being on the harland highway today man i love you so much harland love you love you buddy and we've had a long relationship and i think this is the longest conversation we've gone for like straight you know we've we've hung out and talked but this has been a nice long talk with tommy roads can you believe we've known each other for 30 years wow man makes me want to just throw a hummingbird in your face um that's it for today folks uh let's hit the theme music uh until next time everyone tom roads i'm holl and

you and we'll see you next time and until then, chicken chau-main, baby. Do you have fun, Tom? Very much so. Want to go to 7-Eleven? I do. Let's sit in front. Let's name the composers

as each song comes on. That's my balding! That's my guy. Bach. Bach. I'm supposed to say that like gutter all. Oh, we ended. We ended about 30 seconds ago, guy, you can't keep doing stuff.

Selfish. Thanks, Tom. I love you, heart.