The Harland Highway - NEW Harland Highway podcast #15

Episode Date: July 12, 2022

Actor and comedian ADAM RAY joins the show today to talk about comedy, nicknames, and this game called LIFE. Sponsor:  Manscaped: Get 20% off and free shipping with our code HARLAND at manscaped.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You're riding down the Harland Highway. All right, hold tight on the Harland Highway show. Harland Williams. Here we go. Oh yeah, we are here on the Harland Highway. The only highway you need to know about. The only highway where the hedges are being trimmed, right? outside. Yeah, can you hear it? Oh, yeah. I can hear a chainsaw and a leaf blower. And I think a

hair dryer. I don't panic until I hear someone screaming. Yeah, right. Boy, hair dryer, chainsaw. How you, hair dryer, leaf blower. Blue blower and chainsaw. Now, if you were playing a video game and you had to choose one of those as your main weapon, what would you go with? I like anything with the word blow in it, so I'd go leaf blower all the way. Let's go through the top five best compound words with blow in it ready okay we already open with leaf blower leaf blower i'll go next um blow torch blow torch i'm a sucker for a good torch yeah and a good blow any you know what the best is why you're really into this there's a category on porn hub where you can get torched by a blowtorch while getting a blow job whoa three how much does that cost you think 250 250 an hour okay so we have three

Yeah, torch, job, and blower. Okay, so the other blow I would go to defer to is not a lot of people know this. Please. But you've heard of Steve Jobs, obviously. Sure. So his younger brother, his big Mac. Yeah, his younger brother's name is Blow. So Blow Jobs.

Can you imagine being in Steve Jobs' shadows A and your first name is Blow? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Teasing. And what did he get teased morpho? Mofo? Okay, player, whatever. Wow.

Guy goes urban on my ass in the middle of a Steve Blowjobs. I got inspired by this basement. Okay, what's the fifth one? No, wait, what does blow jobs get tease morpho? Oh, dude. What's a player? Flayer wants to play. Flayer got to.

What does he get teased morpho? his speech impediments God hello DeVry yeah we've got Johnny dyslexion channel 12 over here it's not even on a phone

he's on a TV channel 12 what does he get teased more for does he get teased no you can't do it yeah you got to say what does he get teased mofo

yeah I'm not let you've gone too far now I've got to lean into it what does he get tease mofo his lack of production in the technological world because of like his family's like your brother made the iPad

yeah the iPod what are you doing yeah just walk around being a just being named after human suckoffs and he's like he's like well I uh I did make a toaster last week that can also play music and they're like get the fuck out of here

I don't think they say get the fuck out I think they go that blows because that's his name That stings even harder. That stings. All right. So blow jobs. We got blow jobs, the guy.

Leaf blower, blow jobs, the act, and blow torch. What's the last one? Do you want to say it or do I? It's your show. Why don't I toss up the initials? Great. And see if you grab it and then it's like we do it together like we're a couple of blowers holding hands.

B.H. Bathhouse. No, that doesn't have the word blow in it. Oh. Blow. Blow. Can I give you a hint? Yeah.

Blow hole. Hey, oh. Right. Circle gets a square. Circle gets a blow. Ladies and gentlemen, Adam Ray, in case you're wondering, who the wonder lust over here is. Johnny Wonderlust. Look at this guy. Adam Ray, comedian, actor, buddy, model, inventor of the coconut cream pie.

Thank you. Thank you. We just came out with two new sizes, extra large and fatty supreme. Wow. Fatty Supreme. We're not beating around the bush. Wow. If you show your bush, you get 50 cents off. Wow. Yeah. Just what America needs. More like big. Gluttonous items. Yeah. I once went to a KFC. My buddy and I got real baked. We got high. hired for 250 bucks off Craigslist to perform at someone's rehearsal dinner, their wedding. A wedding, okay. So they go, we saw some of your YouTube clips where you come write a song for us and do stand

up in songs at our rehearsal dinner. A real roll of the dice. We are not even, we're very green in the comedy world. We don't have our legs at all yet. This is when you were just started. I just graduated college in 2005. What college, just because people always want to know. University of Southern California fight on Trojans.

Now people are probably going, whoa, that's an expensive college to go. go to. It was. I just finished paying off my loans three years ago. My single mom got financial aid and some financial assistance for my GPA and from being a Jew. If you don't believe me, I'll post a circumcised photo on my Instagram at Adam Ray Comedy or circumcision.com or Harlandhighway.com. All three of those have my penis on them. So there is, boy, are you sure to get a degree in communications? Because that answer did not shut the fuck off. I mean, that thing kept rolling like a dildo down the side

of Brokeback Mountain. Oh, it just bounced. They left that shot in, by the way. They did? Yeah. Oh, really? It was like the Starbucks Cup in the back of Game of Thrones. Oh, right. Like, people were like, was that dildo rolling down the side of the road supposed to be there? Right. But Gyllenhaal was an EP and he had final cuts.

Oh, wow. Final cut, he says, just after a circumcision joke. Unreal. Unbelievable. a blow. So we perform with this thing. Take a sip break. Yes. And we go up to KFC. We get just stoned out of our minds.

And we go, let's take our 250 and go to KFC. $250. And blow it all on KFC. No, you didn't. You bought $250 worth of Kentucky fried chicken. Yeah. Come on. I swear to God.

His roommate at the time was having people over. And so we were like, let's roll up to the like, Shinde, the Friday night party with $250 for the KFC. We know they're going to be stoned and drunk, we're stoned. We were laughing so hard because they probably made

nine trips through the drive-thru window. The last trip, and the whole point of the story, two buckets of soda. We said, give us your largest sodas. They had handles on them, and it was a bucket-o soda, and we started laughing so hard,

and then the driver was just like, you guys are so baked. And I go, what gave it away? The big drinks? She goes, yeah, that, or the nine trips I've made to the window to give you more food. Yeah.

Fucking stoners. Dude, what you probably don't realize is that KFC doesn't have that much chicken. And they probably sent one of the workers to go out in the back and hit a few squirrels over the head with a spatula. That's what that was. And those last like long pieces of chicken with the tail. Yeah, that was, uh, that wasn't that wasn't a breast. No, that wasn't a breast.

It wasn't a, it was a rodent. Yeah. dude that's why we that's probably why she threw an extra sauces to try to dilute the taste because she didn't want us to know dude i did that once and i'm not trying to name drop but it's it's funny to the story there was a time when i worked over at dream works animation studio and i don't know why but some for some reason they put my office i was developing an animated movie they put my office three down from geoffrey cats and bart so i'd wake up in the i'd show up in the morning and you know Jeffrey and I was like hey morning Jeffrey you know he's like hey how you

doing like it was the most bizarre thing and as I got to know Jeffrey Christmas came around and I thought I got to get a I got to get a present for my boss but I don't want to seem like a suck up so I'll get something fun and through our conversations he he had mentioned that for some reason he loved jack in the box you know the fast food like burger chain yeah and he has kids and I guess they loved it And I thought, okay, as a goof, I'll go to Jack in the Box and get them like, like, $300 gift certificate, you know. So I do. But it's a great gift. It also is like funny.

It's thoughtful. Yeah. It's also not going too big. Yeah. He's like, easy, man. I'm married. Hang on. I hear the, is that a leaf blower, a hair dryer, or the most painful blow job on planet Earth?

From Edward Scissorhead. Wow. Now, talk about a circumcision. Can you go, shh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-sh-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h. He could do like a kindergarten. Just be in and out, dude. Meat flaps flying everywhere like pork rinds.

How about a drive-through circumcision? Oh, wow. And you don't even have to completely come to a stop. Is it the same thing if you ask for a supersize? I guess if you got a, if you're a baby with a big hunker. God, imagine you're a, a baby on your hunkers bigger than you? Yeah.

Do you think the rabbi gets, like, intimidated or, like, offended that, or jealous that he, like, cuts a little, he does a weird thing, almost like if, what's a good analogy here? I don't know. If, uh, you don't, uh, if, like someone comes in to get a tattoo and they're a little rude and the guy's, like, you know, he wants to, he, he fudges something on the, uh, inscription. Yeah. Or the, uh, subscription.

Subscrib, yeah. You know, he does something funky with a tattoo. If the rabbi saw a baby with a huge, huge wean, would he be like, you know what, I'm going to do a little something fun on this one because I don't like you coming in here with this big dick baby energy. Yeah, yeah, kind of taking control of the room or the synagogue. Do you think rabbis get jealous if a baby's got a huge weener? And this is for everyone in the room.

This is for everyone, especially the men. But yeah, I think they would get jealous. And my dad was a bit of a prankster. and they left just a mess with our priest. We didn't do it with a rabbi. We did it with a priest, which is like a Jewish priest. Yes. Priest rabbi.

We left my umbilical cord attached for the first four months. So it was about this long. And we had it trailing out of the diaper. And he thought I had like a giraffe weener, you know. And he cut about three feet off, but he couldn't get it all. No. You know, I was skipping it. on the way out of the church.

You get a personal jump rope. I certainly did. But anyways, so, so I go to, I pull up to the drive-thru. Yeah, okay, so you went to buy it at the live-in-old. I did it at the drive-thru. I go, can I get a $300 gift certificate? They did it. It's not a normal purchase.

Right, it's not, I get home that in an hour later, my credit card's been canceled. So I phone, I go, what's going on? They go, Mr. Williams, somebody just spent $300 a jack in the back. I go, that was me in the, no, nobody. does that. Nobody eats that much. I go, it was a gift certificate. So I thought that was funny. Oh, my God. Well, good to know that the credit card company is looking out for you. But also, yeah, now, now think about the guy that does that and there's no fraud intersection. And they just go, no, we know that you're definitely doing that fatty. Right. It's like they made a food judgment.

Yeah. Like they were like, that food's not good enough for someone to spend $300. Now, if this- Also, it's not safe. The food's not. There's only so many squirrels, clits you can eat, Mr. Squirrel what now? Clits. It was that KFC that's serving those up. Remember you said that half of my KFC was? Yeah. I didn't know that squirrels had clits though. Oh, you need to Google more stuff. Squirrel clit is what you're saying. They're also opening at Coachella next year.

Oh, it's a band too. Yeah. Speaking of weird names, have you ever had a nickname? Adam Ray, by the way, ladies and gentlemen, let me, let me hit some applause and some Adam Ray, comedian, stand-up comedian, friend, buddy, actor. You're doing a lot of acting now. We'll get into that. But I want to ask you, have you ever had a nickname? Did you have a nickname growing up?

Growing up when I was a Chubba Lub, I had nicknames such as Jello Jigler. This is pre-putting Pops. Yeah, yeah. Jello Jigler. Yeah. And I remember the first kid that called me that, I went back to him. Yeah. And he didn't find it funny.

And I was like, all right, I was trying to fight fire with fire. I was trying to dilute some of the severity of the insult. Yeah. Wait, before we get, were you a big? I was probably, I think, I remember, I want to say one, I want to say one, I want to say one, seven or four in fifth grade. So you would have been about 11? Yeah.

That's big. That is big. Yeah. What was the nickname again? Jello Jigler was probably J.G. Or a penis and tits kid was another one that was, no, that was, that was one that I, that was one that I gave yourself. I gave myself to get ahead of it. Yeah, yeah.

Wow. Wow. You caused yourself childhood trauma to get ahead of it. Smart. The classic just Ray, there were three atoms in my sixth grade class. Ray was what a lot of people call me. And then Ray from the Ghostbusters was popular. So then people would go, who are you going to call?

I was like, I don't know, man. I don't have a cell phone. I don't know where this bit's going. And then I'd get A-Ray. That was what I got in college, which is A-R-Rae. A-Rae's kind of cool. It's cool. But I've never referred to myself as that.

In college. I like A-Rae. It is cool. It's almost like A-Rod or J-Lo or, you know. It sounds like a cool brand of sunglasses, too. Yeah. You go get your A-Rays. It's going to be, there's a solar acclars.

lips today. Get the A raise on player. We've got them in all shapes and sizes, even for the... Yeah. Would I be allowed to give you, like, a nickname? Please. It's open season. And you can give me one after, but if I'll go first, how about Flunderbunch McGlundlebunk? Does that do anything for you or no? We don't even need to follow up. That's perfect. It works. Yep. Because I've also, I've also, you know, I've been very envious of the Flunderbunch family. For decades. Yeah.

So just to be mentioned in the same sense. Oh, good. Okay. Flundr bunch bundled gunks? It makes me think of the original honey bunches of oats before they got it right. Yeah. They were like, what if we call it Flundle Bunch? What was it?

Grundle crunch? I don't know. I don't remember. It's a very hard and difficult linguistic nickname. And I never, I should have just gone with something short and easy. The best nicknames are. are tough to remember yeah okay you got one for me sure sure how about uh so we remember captain captain crunch yeah yeah the most famous captains of course he was the theater of war you're shocking on iraq and

iraq and iran sure to Vietnam arguably one of the most famous captains yeah Vietnam people don't remember they was over there fighting yeah the uh the crunchberry war yeah and uh so we're going captain crunch and you've got just your overall aura and energy is commanding. You've got a presence on stage on and off. You're always looking to salute at the wrong times, right? When you jump into a pool, you've always got a fun catchphrase locked and loaded, right? You've got quips and trips and slips and clits,

just ready at the whim for any squirrel family reunion. So I'd say we're going, Captain Cueef. Captain Cueef. Yeah, because I think Cueve, is when I think of Harlan Williams, I think of fun, I think of lightheartedness, I think of joy,

I think of, uh, uh, airy, uh, hairy farts. What the hell? This might be the worst nickname ever.

Wait, just so people know, what is a quiff? So a quiff. Some people don't know this term. I'm not even sure I know what a quefe is. And by the way, parents,

this is when you want to take your hands off the kid's ears. A quif. from Webster's Dictionary is defined as a fart not from the butt but from the other place down there where sex is the preferred region for penetration. It's a woman. That's Webster's Dictionary. That's not mine.

It's a woman fart. It's a woman fart. I guess that would be the better way to say. It's a woman fart, not from the butt. So I'm Captain Cueef. Can we, does that, do you know what it sounds like at all?

Just so I can kind of. I appreciate you asking, because, and I knew you were going to ask me that. Yeah. So, yeah, I've prepared a couple options for that.

Okay. So, because of course, every captain wants a theme song. Right. Some sort of harmonious celebratory. When you enter the room, what do they play?

Yeah. They play, they play the quief noise for Captain Quif. So here's a couple of different options for you. was that one yeah okay i just thought maybe you're getting ready to do it and you're exhaling but that was the first queen it's got an exhale quality okay but i did hear a little like like the lips flapping yeah okay there's another one oh wow uh and your third option uh is probably the one that most people go with yeah and it's the most recognizable

Dude. Dude, that sounded like if I was at a red roof in in Bakersfield and Jabba the hut was through the drywall making love to Chewbacca, I think that's what that was. That was no quiff. That was Starwax, Star Wars perversion. Starwax. Star Wars, Motel 6, pervert sex. Like, dude. Now, is it actual Chewbaco or a guy dressed as Chewbacca? Probably a guy, a truck driver dressed as Chewbacca. It's always got to be a truck driver.

Yeah, always. I just was talking to a guy on Instagram. No way. Who drives trucks and was, you know, thanking me for the comedy. Yeah, truck drivers love podcast, don't they? Yeah. Speaking of the Harlan Highway, think about all the highways, the Harlan Highway is getting listened to on.

Yeah. And so I started asking him, you know, what trucks he drives, how long. I mean, man, what a job. Yeah. I don't know if you ever when you, you know, are on the road and you pass by a truck, whether it's filled with cars or bread or, you know, butt plugs or whatever. Whatever they're trying to get, you know, torrential Kukamonga by 5 p.m. Right, right.

I'm always like, where's that guy been and where's he headed and when is he going to get there? Yeah, based on this guy telling me, he's like, oh, I'll drive sometimes, you know, I think he said there was like a, I want to say you can't drive two days, more than two days straight, but he's like pushed it sometimes pounded in Red Bulls, whatever, and gone like four days with like a couple stops. Whoa. Power naps. Yeah. And so I've heard some of these guys, and I don't want a bad mouth truck drivers, but this is something I've heard. I can't verify. I heard sometimes they take little pills or speed to keep them like riveted at the wheel. Is that for real? Oh, yeah. And I think there's also incentive, you know, to get to where they're going quicker probably. I'm sure there's little, you know, bumps here and there in the pay world. Mark Saratella, shout to Mark Saratella. He has a great joke where he goes, I just read this new stat that American truck drivers are,

78% of American truck drivers are on crystal meth, which means 72% of American truck drivers are giving 110%. Pretty good joke. Yeah, it's Mark Seratella. Nice, nice. Yeah, that's not an easy job. Not a job. I don't think you could pay me enough to do. Yeah, and people don't, you know, I'll be honest when I was a kid, when I was going to high school, I actually, one of my dreams was to be a truck driver because much like comedy, which is what we do, stand up comedy, once you leave that office with your rig, you really got no boss, you're rolling down the road, you're going through cities, you're going through beautiful mountains,

You're going through prayers. You see wildlife. When you want to stop for a burger, you want to stop for a milkshake or fries, you stop. If you want to pull over and watch a moose walk across a river, like to me there was a real enchantment to being a truck driver. And I always loved the prospect when I was a kid being in school where everything was so orderly and you had to study English and math and this and that. I thought, I don't have to know any of this stuff to drive a truck.

And I'm just out there on the road. and I can roll the window down. Like, there was a real, I really romanticized to the point where I'm not even kidding when I was in grade, like, grade 10 and 11, I would dress like a truck driver because I literally thought it's what I was going to segue into. I wore a down vest, like one of those down like ski vests. And like a trucker hat, I wore work boots. And sometimes I'd be at school thinking I outsmarted everyone.

I was like, yeah, I failed the biology test. What do they know? I'm going to be hauling turnips down Route 73 one day, you know? Yeah. I guess what's going through my head. Wow. Yeah, because I just, I was one of these guys who couldn't fathom the concept of being under someone's thumb and having a boss.

And I thought, what freer thing is it? But now that I'm older, like you said, these guys have to be at a certain destination at a certain time. I'm sure the faster they get there, the more Moolah they get. Maybe their produce has got an expiration date. So it's not as easy as it seems. But when I was a kid and just thought all you do is drive around, I was like enchanted with it.

There is a freedom to being on the road. Yeah. And you're right. But the travel aspect for a comedian is there is a, you know, like you said, being enchanted by it. Yeah. It feels very like there's so much to absorb. And the lack of structure, I think,

that you enter into that is the opposite of what school is providing. I like how you said being under someone's thumb. Yeah. You just reminded me of this kid I went to elementary school with. Dustin Brody, he was like the school bully. Oh, yeah. He used to kill insects by pressing his thumb on them. Really?

Yeah. It's a weird way to do it. And then one day he pressed one on like a bee and got stung, and that was the end of that? I hope so. No, he was pretty resilient. I mean, he would, dude, this guy could take a lot. This guy was a real insect killer. He was the guy that would yell back at the teacher

and even like ruffle their feathers a bit, right? Like if Mrs. Watkins was like, Dustin, you know, you know, stop pulling your pants all the way down to take a pee in the bathroom. Right. We're hearing rumors about it. Yeah. He would go, up yours, Mrs. Watkins.

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Don't throw your back out. That seems like she got aroused. Like that's almost borderline almost quiffed. Like you were right on the edge of a Captain quefe, I thought. Hey. Hey, shut up.

I'm trying to sleep. of an hauling onions all day. Sick. But did you ever, as a stand-up comedian, was that ever a consideration for you? Like, you know, obviously we love traveling. No, just like the concept of having a career and a professional life where you weren't,

you had a lot of freedom. You could kind of wake up late. You could work at night. You could see the country, see the world perhaps. Yes, there were classes I even, It's why I love just, you know, drama and acting school because it just felt, hey, it just felt fun and just the ability to, like, play around still.

And there's still, I don't know, even with acting, it's like, you know, you're getting taught certain, you know, ways to do things. Yeah. And here's an approach and here's something to think about. But never, ever, like, this is what you have to do. Yeah, right. Everyone's coming in.

I remember Jason Alexander, George from Seinfeld came in and guest professed my senior at SC. Wow. Or sophomore year. And he gave a scene study class. And I remember him teaching certain ways of like, you know, of having thoughts before each joke and really like just every joke as you have a thought and like a purpose of why you're saying it, how you're saying it.

Yeah. And it was really calculated. And so you're looking at a guy like, I mean, he seems like a guy to probably trust. But he would say some stuff. And I remember one kid, you know, didn't do it the kind of way he was suggesting. Right. And he kind of called out Jason Alexander, and he was like, I don't really want to do it that way. And I remember Jason Alexander being like, yeah, what the fuck do I know?

I was just on the best show of all time. Whoa. I was like, oof, yeah. Captain Creef, rides again. Right to the gullet. Wow. Well, one of the things I really loved when I started entertaining the concept of going into the entertainment industry, I always had this fantasy because, you know, we grew up watching movies where, you know, it was a war movie in Vietnam, or it was a,

the jungle queen in Africa or it was it was you know something in new york and so i always had this wonderful concept that as an actor if i was able to make a career of it you know a few times a year i'd get to go to some exotic location in the world and shoot them um for seven weeks i'm in hawaii and then i mean you just did a whole project where you got to shoot in australia for like two months would never i don't know when i would go there if i was the second time i got to go there Amazing. Yeah. And like you literally does already interrupt the other side of the world.

You got to go because of acting. And that's what I'm talking about. Suddenly you're in this place that you might never even considered going. I do love that about it. And the time when I open for you, I mean, some of the places we got to go to and would vent. You also have to have a thirst and a zest to venture out. Yeah.

And see. And even, and I think there's a lot to chalk up to even going to a, mall in a city, which we, you know, when we were in Minnesota and had the Mall of America right there, that was a great place to fart around. But like, even going to little town centers and going to a movie, there's a lot to gather of a place just from that experience. Because you're getting all walks of life. It's like the airport or anywhere else where you're, a movie theater, you're getting people from all shapes and sizes and just coming into the theater to swallow their popcorn and choke on their soda. And, uh, and, uh, and, um,

One of my favorite places I went to I never thought I would go to is Alaska. Alaska, I've never been, by the way. I've been all over the world, never been to Alaska. Captain Cueef's never been to Alaska. I've never quiffed all over a grizzly bear. I've never quefed on the ice caps. I've never held up a halibut and quiffed on its flat, stupid face where its eyes are on the top of its stupid head.

Why not just be born a pancake? Why you've got to pretend you're alive and live at the bottom of the cold ocean? Please continue, Alaska. Son of a, I should queef on you right now. I was about to. This close. I was about to interject when you go, I've never quiffed, held up a halibut, and quifed on its head. I was about to go, you will.

You will. Who's that? I will. Hey, everybody. Let's take a little break and catch our breath right now and hear a word from today's sponsor. Hey, have you got Bush? You definitely do if you haven't tried the best products from our sponsor today, manscaped. Okay?

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It's time you level up from the Amazon to the Amadong. Yes, that's right, with the ultimate bushwhacking tools from Manscaped. Folks, go to Manscaped.com and order your kit today. And now let's get back to the madness on the Harle. Highway Podcast. Alaska feels like a place Harlan Williams would have frequented many a times. I know, because I'm a nature guy. You are.

And it is, oh, man, dude, we should book a gig and go up there together. Do they do comedy there? Yes. What's there? The place I went to was about, we might be coming up on 10 years ago, which was I was only about five years in. Okay. It was awesome.

It was called Chilcote Chalys. Say that again now? Chilk, I don't know if you can still say this. Don't cancel me. Chilcook Carly's. Also the name of a young Eskimo boy, I know. Chuka Charlie, yeah. Great caribou skinner.

I mean, this guy will got a caribou. Yeah, unbelievable. Okay, so you're at... Chilcook Charlies. Or as we say here in the rest of the lower 52, Chucky Cheese. Yeah. It's the Eskimo Chucky Cheese.

They don't have a rat. They have a walrus. Hi, kids. Can we here? stick my touch through your fucking face. Sorry. I don't know where the anger comes. I queefed.

Please. Continue. I'm having my next birthday bar. Alaskan chucky cheese. Are you? Yeah. Come for the pizza. Stay for the walrus quiff.

Yeah. By the way, there's a new chucky cheese in Florida called Fuck on your knees. It's more of an adult chucky cheese. but you might want to try fuck on your knees, too. The mascot isn't a rat, it's a priest, but whatever you want, keep going, Alaska. So you're in Alaska.

What happened, kid? I'm in Alaska. Oh, man, I met Joe. I met the Eskimos' boy's circumcision, and I'm getting ready to do stand-up. Yeah. And this is a bar that apparently has been there for like 70 years. Oh, so it wasn't. an actual comedy club.

Now, just so you know, comedy people, Adam and I've been doing this a long time, there's gigs where you go to a club and it's a brick and mortar club. It's the improv or it's the laugh factory. And then you get places, they say, oh, come to our comedy club and you get there and it's not a comedy club. It's my big fat Greek wedding banquet hall or it's a beer. And this sounds like it's one of those. Yes, where it's a part where they've turned, they've made a makeshift stage and sound system.

The worst. I'll be honest. It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to do. Good. When I saw it, I go, oof. But they. You did what now? What's that?

You did what? You said, oof. What did I say? Well, you said, you said I blah, blah, blah. And I said, oof. And I'm just wondering, was that technically a queef? Because it's your side. Either you got kicked in the stomach.

by a football player just now that I didn't see? Are you fucking queef, Daddy? Is it an oof-a-queath? I think it even sounded like, and I don't know if this is a brand, but it sounded like a sandpaper quefe. It was a little itchy. Came out a little itchy guy.

You got some robitussing? I will in a minute. What? Here, let me. No, I don't take Tusson from under the table. Here's some Vaseline. How about that? Oh, my God.

Close enough. Pure petroleum jelly That's what she said Now I was in Chilkat Charlies I think there's 10 different bars in this bar Here's the appeal for 70 years So they have a room where there was like a massive earthquake In like 1964

And one of the rooms got like tilted And was like underground And that bar's cool They call it like the bird room They've got a bunch of like dead birds in it Wait it's underground by accident Yes It like it stayed like it survived the earthquake

And it's got like this where you walk in then it's just lower and on a tilt. And nobody from the city said, maybe we should shut this underground, tilted, disaster waiting to happen down. No, they said, let's add more Marinera and let's fucking put in a comedy club. They do things a little bit different up there in Alaska now, boys and girls.

Yeah, yeah. Well, their mayor is a moose. And so, um, wet it and some laughter. And so there's, uh... Oh, hold on. I can give you some laughter. Okay, it's him. I just... I have a crush.

I have a little. little button. If you have your cans on, you can hear. You just got a huge laugh, dude. Do you want some applause, too? You just got, like, everyone's cheering. Thank you. Thank you so much, guys. Thank you. Yes, my first time in Alaska, and boy, it's true what they say. The ketchup tastes a little different up here. And the mayors of moose. And suck my quefe. How about a hand for that? Okay. I did make a joke about, because they shoot mooses up there. Mises, moose, they shoot the moose. Mice. They shoot the moose. I think they shoot mice. They shoot mice.

And I go, well, you guys really just got it going on for these guys that, I don't know what they've done to you. What do they challenge you to a staring contest? And now you want to end their life, dead silent. And then afterwards, the guys like, yeah, you might want to take it easy with damn moose jokes. This isn't how it's sad at all. But again, I've got going along with your... They were actually Moose Sensitive. Dynasty, Moose Sensitive, which is a thing now.

Hashtag Moose Sensitive. Yeah. And so they're up to the guy's like, you bear watching them moose jokes. Whoa, dude. People up here in Alaska, dude, we like to kill mooses. It's how we make our food. It's how we make our chicken. When KFC runs out of chicken, we replace it with moose tender.

You dip it in moose sauce. You go down down to the strip club. You ask for Mrs. Moose. She comes out wearing a fucking hump. And she dry humps, your hump. Wow. Just all sorts of moose-related activity. Yeah, you stepped on a landmine.

The point being, they are highly revered creatures and to be killed. They're like, don't you talk about us? What we do with our mooses is our, what happens in the last. I guess stays in our moose's fucking, you know, you know. Bro, I'm not into hunting. I don't like hunting. It's cruel. I was making fun of it.

I was like, what are you doing to these guys? But with a moose, I mean, come on. When you're an animal where your nutbag is hanging from your throat and not between your back legs, when you have the audacity to dangle your hairy moose balls from your throat. Get ready to hit that lap button. Oh, the laugh button. Here we go. You might need a bullet between.

the eyes. When your shadow is teabagging you. You might be a redneck. You might be a moose neck. Do you know what that's called, by the way? That big sack. Tea bag throat. That's probably what it is in the city.

The original TBT. But in real life, do you know what that? The male moose has a big dangling thing, Harry. Do you know what it's called? It's like their Adam's apple. Yeah, but it looks like a ball sack. What is it? It's called a bell.

For real? A moose bell. Yeah. What's the purpose of it? To keep their balls warm and close. There's a lot of cold up there so they can just go like that. And on a real cold day, they can flip their nuts into their mouth and keep them warm.

It does always make me. It does always make me. Hang on. I definitely need a laugh. And that laugh was just to cover up my queef. Is that the name of your next special? It is. Cover up my queve.

There is something really awesome about creatures that end up at like a moose like who decided that it would start or be created or exist in alaska right i feel like that's probably the origin location okay i'm i'm saying i'll go with that the moose like it didn't start in africa right there's none in africa it's a creature that can um tolerate the the chilly temperatures and stream cold and is built to be able to like you said you know throw like that little cup you try to the ball you try to flip into the cup yeah does that with those balls into its mouth like he said, to keep his nuts warm.

Yeah, just, he's designed to be around cold temperatures. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So the fact that it didn't end up in Africa is crazy that that just worked out like that. I don't know. Well, you know what's weird, and I get your theory on it. It makes perfect sense, but then you cut to the camel, which is almost as, could be bigger than a moose for all I know. Some of those camels are gigantic.

Enormous. They've got just as much thick hair, but they've been engineered. to live without water, but not permanently, but they can go a long amount of time without water, but that still doesn't delineate the fact that they have all this fur and they've got this massive frame and they're walking around in sand dunes that are, you know, 120, the air's burning. But yet, so it's weird.

I wonder if a camel, I think I know the answer to this actually, because I grew up in Toronto and at the Toronto Zoo, they had camels and they would put them out in the winter. So I guess a camel can tolerate cold, but I see what you're saying. It's funny how each animal has its place. Would a camel prefer, if given the opportunity, to take a one-way ticket to some chillier, you know, tundras?

Yeah, I think it would. If it could get, like, like, business class and stretch its hump out. I think it camels a little bit of a, you know, hoity tooty traveler. Bit of a prima don. I mean, when you can, when you can drink water from your own ass flap. I mean, you deserve a little special treat.

You don't have to pay for cocktails. Is that what you're saying? By the way. Hang on, hold on. We need a laugh. We need a laugh. I would pay top dollar to see you teach

just at a zoo, by the way. Yeah. Here's a great movie for you, Har. Okay, here we go. I don't know the premise yet. Yeah. Opens on you because I was just at the San Diego Zoo a month ago.

Okay. And the San Diego Zoo has just really done a wonderful job adding in-house entertainment. The animals are like an afterthought now. What? There was a cover band up there. Oh, no. It was awful. There was a woman that like, you know, the Lion King Broadway show?

They have like people that have like, you know, they've got a thing where they can operate like a, not a rooster, a fuck. There was a rooster in the fucking Serengetty. A peacock or a rhinoceros. She was like a rhinoceros. But the woman who was wearing the rhino outfit. Yeah. You know, she had like the rhino hat like this and then she had the rhino, the hips, the rhino hips.

So when she walked, they looked like a rhino. But the woman who was manipulating the rhino puppet, I'm sorry, but you got to pick some, you have to either have someone with like a ski mask on. Yeah. So that you're not looking at the person or pick someone who wasn't running, who didn't just win the biggest gums in America. no she couldn't stop smiling and her gums couldn't stop trying to escape her job it was the biggest mouth gum combo i've ever seen since i went to bubble gum shrimp i had that bubble gum festival yeah it was just and so i wouldn't even look at the rhino

i'm just looking at this woman who's pretending to be a rhino so now it's just doubly sad uh nothing worse than giant gums yeah and your dress is a rhino so we're just like And we started hypothesizing. We're like, God, what if, like, she met a Tinder date? And that guy, she goes, meet me at the zoo. And he goes, I love that. And he shows up, and he's, like, texting her, where are you? And then he looks up and sees her dancing around as the rhino.

What do you think he does? Do you think he just texts her like, hey, I couldn't find you or something came up? Or does he, if that initial moment happens and he sees her, hey, Bethany, Daniel. He's like, you work here. Wow. I do. Or you might be in a scenario because a lot of lonely, desperate perverts on Tinder. He sees a rhino and he goes, holy shit, she's already horny.

Thank you, thank you. Isn't that funny? That's why I do comedy. That's why I do it. Yeah, that's why. I was going to be a truck driver, but I do that. Can I be honest? No.

Yes. Yes, be honest. As much as you just, that'll be a fart in the wind on this podcast. Yeah. It, there is something to be said about everything you've done up until this point prepared you to be able to hear my shitty, with no ending, zoo, Tinder Date, big gum, dressed up as a rhino story. Right.

You buttoned it. You listened to. This should be a lesson to anyone out there who's thinking about comedy or is in comedy. Here we go. Here we go. The importance of listening. Mm-hmm. in acting comedy you and i both do crowd work i studied from the best what i mean a thousand

percent when i started doing it har i think i've seen before but i was watching you when i first hosted uh for you at laughs in kirkland oh yeah and you were just so brilliant still are and i go when did you start doing it because i want to you oh crowd work you be so fun and i don't forget it you told me you go i was unless your answers changed or i made this up yeah i was on pills the whole weekend but you go uh uh you go i was always afraid to do it yeah it was it was it was like a thing that i was scared to do so i started and there's some version of this answer you said i started doing it to kind of like conquer that fear but because every time i would start doing it i was just not comfortable and i wanted to get comfortable with it yeah that's that's part of it and

and the other part was i was terrified to do it when i started doing stand-up and that's the part you're remembering but before i even got on stage for the first time and did did actual professional stand-up, in my head, I said to myself, I want to be able to just do crowdwork. I want to be able to test myself, see how funny I can be without any pre-planned material. Can I walk out and walk into a room full of strangers and make them laugh just as much? And so I always knew I wanted to do it. And it was scary getting there because, you know, when you're doing crowdwork, as you know, you got no net. You're on a, you're got nothing. You don't even have a tight rope.

You're just, you have zero and you go, here we go. And everyone's waiting for you to fuck up. I mean, yeah. They're just anticipating you're not going to be funny. It's right.

Yeah. And you have to, you're controlling the moment, the room. Everyone's just, I mean, literally, and it's a timing thing.

Yeah. Also can't, you know, what I found is like, like I just said, the piggyback on the listening thing and gaining and gathering information so that you can really,

but it takes a minute to get comfortable to trust yourself to, a, build a moment, sit in silence. is the biggest thing. I still am always trying to, and you have just such a great pace

and the way that you just kind of take your time, I'm still always trying to implement. But crowdwork, I think, allows you to settle into that. Oh, yeah. I try to take what happens with the crowdwork and put it into my actual act because you can't rush things. And you do have split seconds to say or not say something.

Split seconds. Or give an extra beat on something. Or something happens and everyone erupt. and then you're like, what am I going to come right back in with? Yeah. And doesn't it make it so exciting? Like as a comedian, it makes it so exciting because it's almost like you're purposely throwing yourself into the fire.

You know it could go south any second, but you're making the conscious decision and go, okay, I'm going to go out of it with the crowd in real time, no material prepared, and just boom. And for me, it creates adrenaline and excitement. and it doesn't always work, but sometimes it works amazing. I did one recently. You've probably seen it. I posted it on,

but sometimes you get ones that you just love and they happen just like that. And I think you've seen this one. I put it on Instagram, but I said to a lady, I go, what do you do, ma'am? And she goes, oh, I'm a hostess. And right away I just went, oh, a Twinkie or a Ding Dong. And it just, like, even as I was saying it, I went,

how did I even, how did that happen? It was so fun, and you knew the crowd. it happened in in less than a blink of an eye and and when you get those nuggets they're they're just the best you know you got the laugh you got because you fired right back if you immediately yeah everyone would have been like well i could have thought of that right that's just enough time to go like they think of it before you do yeah that's right it's not as powerful that's right yeah came in with it before they could even think of it and that's why i'm boasting about that one because it almost, it's almost as we're talking right now,

there was not even a millisecond. It was like, she said hostess and I said twinkie or a ding-dong. And when that happens, honestly, in my head, I kind of take a beat afterwards. I go, thank you, God. Like, how did I, how did, like, those are like little gifts. And that's what makes it fun for me. Now, that being said, sometimes you do a line and it's like completely the room just,

it's like dragging an anchor over a quarter. oral if it's a night but so that's why I like the great ones so much because when they hit it's such a payoff well I think so that horny joke was great and you in a zoo a you already just love animals yeah force of nature force or forces of nature you're special force of nature we can get on amazon right now oh it's great special that thank you did out in the desert with um some uh just some creatures of the world yeah like five to ten creatures well what happened is I did it I did force of nature up on a hill in the in the desert with no audience and we took a tortoise we took an actual tortoise and let it walk around while I was doing my act but while I was doing my act a couple of

wild dogs apparently the deserts I read up on it out in Palmdale and out out in the the desert north of Los Angeles there's there's tons of wild dogs people leave there I've seen whole packs of dogs running around out there like 16 at a time like They're actually a thing. And so while I was doing my set up on this hill in the middle of nowhere, two wild dogs just wandered up and wandered through and I was talking to them. And it was beautiful. I loved it.

Yeah, it's a great special. And it just furthers your, you know, relationship with animals. And so you in a zoo, I feel like the way you were describing the camel drinks water out of its ass flap. Yeah. I just like, they have people in the zoo in different stations. Oh, okay. That are giving, like, many, not tutorials, but just like, they're fat givers. They're just standing on a podium in little spots around the zoo with a mic and, like, in front of the reptile station.

And you just walk by and you hear just passing soundbites, and that's when the boa constrictor learned how to come, you know. And then you're like, well, I didn't feel like the thing to say at two in the afternoon. Then you walk back by, you know, and that's how the tiger got its name. You know Just so I'm clear And people don't think we had a little sound blip or anything The boa constrictor Came

Oh you need to go to the San Diego Zoo And book A ticket to the reptile Sex house Yeah okay great I can't wait to see an iguana And a fucking beaded lizard in a 69 position Eating fucking Yahoo

Out of a fucking seven an 11 milk chug bottle or whatever. I don't even know what I just said. Quief. You as a zoo, not a zookeeper. We've seen that movie. You and working the, like, you're one of the fat givers. You're one of the offhand employees.

Right, right, right. And it's not even like a Dr. Doolittle movie, although you'd be great in one of those. But it just takes, the backdrop of you, almost like the way in, what's the movie, role models with Sean William Scott and Paul Rudd. Yeah, yeah. They're like, they're like motivational speakers for kids. No, they work for that, like a monster energy type thing.

Yeah. They go around to schools, trying to pitch the product and be like, whatever. The zoo is just our launching pad. Yeah. This is the guy that, this is what he does. And then it's maybe you meet the girl there too. And then she sees you doing it and bounce. You know what's interesting?

Because you hit the nail on the head. I love the zoo. I love the environment. I love animals. And an incarnation of what you're saying sort of drifted around in my head. back in the 90s. Like, it wasn't specific in any way, but I thought, God, I really love animals.

And I actually developed a movie that someone else ended up kind of doing. I don't know if it was stolen from me or what. But in the zoo world, Georgia the Jungle. I was offered that movie, actually. That's another story. But, no, this was a movie called Zookeeper by Kevin James.

They ended up doing a movie. Remember, they did a movie called, I think it's called Zookeeper where he is that kind of comedy guy at a zoo. And I never, I think I saw a part of the movie and it didn't really work. And it's not a knock on Kevin. It's just some movies kick ass and some, that one kind of. But I was a little bummed because as you said, that is such a rich environment. And to throw in an animal nerd or some kind of guy and stuff just starts going wacky at a zoo.

But somehow whatever they did with Zookeeper, it didn't really. really make it but uh well i think there's a kid version of that yeah story but i think the more adult comedy that's almost even a rom-com of you being there because i don't know i got very i had flashbacks to when i worked at albertson's the grocery store and the cast of characters that are that helped to fill out that uh setting yeah i just in a five-minute span i saw eight different jobs from 17 different types of people that was like that in a place where everyone has been to or is going to go to. So it's like you have this relatable, you know, uh, location.

Yeah. I just, the, you know, same with a grocery store. There's just like an endless amount of, I feel like you could also do the way that mall rats was one of my favorite. Oh, yeah. Everything at the mall. I love those movies where we don't leave that spot. Yeah.

And you literally, or Adventureland, like with the theme park. Even though I think they bounce out a few times. But I like movies like that where you could... I got to do a movie like... How about that? Okay, there you go. Yeah, I got to do a movie like that with Dane Cook and Jessica Simpson, and Ploy of the Month where we shot almost the entire movie inside of Costco.

It was a Costco you shot at it? Yeah, it was a Costco in Albuquerque, New Mexico. And it was a blast, but I know what you mean. Those are neat, neat environments with such specific, quirky people. with specific jobs and it's it's not just the jobs it's the egos that go with the jobs it's the personalities it's the it's the status it's the pecking order and uh it's a fun examination it's kind of like a microcosm of of the whole human society under a roof you know and the comedy really you're resting on the cast and the uh you know the characters that you are

providing for this movie because yeah if you only have this one spot and you can't go anywhere It's like, all right, that's a hilarious scene in front of the service deli with the gal giving the kid potato salad that she gave a weird hand job to and now he won't text her back. My speaking for personal experience, maybe I don't know what we're talking about. You had to put potato salad and hand job together. Why? Why you got to do that to me?

Because this is my life. I got a lot of years to live. I did not need that imagery. Now, it's ruined your barbecue? You ruined a lot of things. A long list of things. You ruined potato salad, picnics, the deli counter at Ralph's, my dad when I shower him, and your sister's forehead.

And I don't know why, but you did. Now, speaking of queef, if I can go back to it, there's another word that sounds like quefe, and it's called for slang. And at this point of the show, we have a little treat, a little insert. You know, earlier you were, what was that? rap thing you were doing? You were saying mofo or what were you saying? I was trying to say

morpho. You're saying mofo or something, some rap thing and you wouldn't look at Adam or I and go these guys can rap but here's where you're wrong because right after you quiff, another sound comes out and it's fush slang. And I would like to present to you right

now that me and Adam did an episode of a show called flish slang that I kind of made up and if you want to see some hot rap uh should do you want to throw to the clip right now so this is uh filmed uh in bellevue washington outside the uh parlor live comedy club rip where harlund and i were performing and uh about 30 minutes from where i grew up about 28 minutes from where uh i got that potato salad handy and about 42 minutes away from my from where my parents split up i almost said my ferrets from where my from where my my ferret parents split up.

Yeah. I was raised by parents. Let's cut to the clip. It's obvious. Here it is, Adam and I for slang. Hey, Peaks. What's up? It's Harlanne Williams here.

I'm on the set for another amazing stunt. on fish lang. I mean, it's a, this one's gonna be like, this one's gonna be like the total eclipse of the heart, like thunder paw. Today we're doing a stunt that's crazy. I'm here with my sidekick on fish lang. This is Adam Ray right here. Scourge the beef and grind the meat. And today we're doing something and you can't do it at home, peeps, players. I don't know if you know what this is, but this is a ping pong paddle. And today we're doing something off a slag. We ain't never none's done.

We're doing a song, and it's going to be called the ping pong song. Right, player? Scores the beef. Well, now you said it twice. The ping pong song. Get ready, because we're going to drop it. We're going to drop it. Yeah.

We're playing ping pong out in the street. Street, street, stream! We're playing ping pong, and we're eating smoke meat. We're playing ping pong in front of a house House! A house! We're playing ping pong inside of your mouth! We'll be playing ping pong all over the place. We're playing ping pong up in your face.

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Yeah! Stupid it! Yo! We playin with our paddles because we know that's cool.

We're even using pedals when we'll shoot in cool. The ladies all love us, summer, spring or fall. They always have access to our ping pong balls. Ping pong balls. One more time. Ping pong balls. Ping pong balls. Balls! Balls! Balls!

Ping-pong! Pink-pong! Pink-pong! Pink-pong! Pink-pong! Pink-pong! Pink-pong! Pink-pong balls, Biot! Woo! It's just a cool game and it's got no catch! The girls in South Korea! Yo! Yo! Yo! Yo! Blow it out this bitch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-ch. So step back, so step back, mother fuck.

It's the ping pong song. And if you don't like it, take it in the ding dong. Yo, yeah. Oh! Ha! Ha! Hush-Lang Wow, for slang.

Still relevant. Wow, still relevant. I mean, I think, I don't... I don't, goodbye, M and M. Fuck you. Sorry, man. You had a good run. Snoop.

Hey, man. We know you got your own rosé now, but yeah, the fist of the face. The boys are back in town, the new boy. The boys are the ping pong brothers. Wow. So it's funny because we were up there doing stand-up together. That's your hometown, as you mentioned. And before we go, you know, we've been doing stand-up so long.

We still do it here in Hollywood. We see each other all the time. and what's great is we get to watch each other's acts and we get to see guys try new bits. And is there a bit that haunts you or it could have been something that's even recent? Is there a stand-up comedy bit that you conceived laying in bed one night or at the gym or whatever?

And you go, oh my God, the barbecue fire starter thing. This is going to be great. And it could be anything. But is there a bit that you went up on stage and you thought it was a home run? and for whatever reason it didn't click and you go, okay, I'll try it three or four more times

and it never worked. It never really got off the ground and you were bummed or you were confused because it really, your comedy sensibility said to you, this is going to kill. Is there one that just never could get off the ground? Yes.

What is it? I want to hear it. Well, when I first started stand up in 2007, I started, somebody told me, you know, you've got to have some jokes that are like personal things to help open you up to the audience and let them know who you are a little bit. Because I think right out of the gate, I was doing a lot of observational stuff with no real emotional attachment. You know, dumb jokes about like, you know, NyQuil, you know, that slogan's a little misleading. You know, the nighttime sniffling, sneezing, coughing stuff, you had fever so you can rest medicine. Yeah, you can rest after you hallucinate for 45 minutes.

I took two of those little matrix pills last night. I had a dream I was a cheater running at daycare. And, you know, and so I do stuff like that. Not bad. Oh, my God. Good, good. Last. What was that 15 years ago?

And so, no, that would get some good laughs. But there was no, it was nothing about, you didn't know who I was. Yeah. So I was like, all right, let me do some stuff. So I would do this joke. I'd come out. I go, man, it's great to be here. This room feels a lot like my Little League games because my dad's not here.

And that would always get, not what I wanted. I always just, I thought it would get a great laugh. Yeah. It would be a good opener. Never hit like I wanted it to. And then I would double down. Yeah. talk about my folks splitting up, I go, you know, a lot of kids think that they were the cause

of the divorce, you know, which is just sad and shitty and, and, you know, is the case about 85% of the time. But, but, no, then I would say, you know, it's, it's never the kids. It's usually when, you know, folks got bullshit going on, I go, the fact that some parents say that it was because of the kids is insane to me. Like, I've never heard of a dad being like, all right, look, Billy, here's how it's going to go down. Either you're going to get a B in social studies this year, or I'm going to cheat on your mom. I'm like, Dad, well, you know social studies did my worth subject.

It looks like I better get some condoms. And that would also not hit like I wanted to. This was 15 years ago. And I was like, so then that kind of put a, and I would always do it, I would rework different things that the dad would say that the kid thought, you know, that was why the dad cheated. Yeah, just like, you know, again, like it's not the kids, fault so here's yeah i've never heard this happened because of and this is what resulted in the

divorce and the dad putting it on the kid yeah the kid's the victim now which is which is funny yeah and i just couldn't find uh uh a um you know and i mean i was performing in front of mostly widows so i think that was i might have had something to do with it yeah those funeral parlor gigs are really tough to get a giggle a lot of crying and that that corpse is always in the corner of your eye smells in the corner of its eye because always like that you know the family was always like we to, you know, open casket, open eyes. Yeah, open legs, too. Those are always hard.

Can you imagine? When they do the showing and the legs are open, just, I went to Rod Stewart's funeral, spread eagleed, spread eagled with girls Calvin Klein jeans on. Yeah, and I don't even think he's dead. I think he's still alive. There's a list of people that people think have passed on that are still clicking and ticking. Speaking of the Eagles, I just saw a headline today, I'm going to bring this up and get your take,

at an Eagles concert during Take It Easy, a brawl broke out. To take it easy? I saw that I thought that was one of the funniest headlines. Is that irony? Is that officially irony? Before I get into the Eagles thing, I want to say, you know, hearing you do your bit about your parents and the kid and everything, no, we'll go back to the Eagle thing, but I just wanted to comment on it that I visualize you, you know, I can pitch you up on the stage at

the comedy store or whatever, and I'll be honest, like, if it was like a lumpy, premise or it was kind of a stinker. I would say, yeah, I get why that didn't work. But I'm visualizing you doing it. I know your delivery. I know your cadence. And I'm surprised that one didn't work. But isn't that the majesty and the beauty of stand-up is you just, you never know. And that's what keeps it interesting and mysterious. And there is a trial and air of like, there's no comedy course or rule book to follow of like, do a joke this many times. And then if it doesn't work, don't do it. You just decide for yourself.

And especially when you're early on like I was in trying that joke, maybe I didn't have enough, you know, self-assuredness and trust in myself. Yeah, that could be it too. Trying it. Yeah. Or maybe I was just in a place where I decided if it doesn't work in the first few times, move on. Yeah.

Or I also probably attribute that I was trying to write so much that it was like, well, just the fact that it wasn't hitting like I wanted to, I was like, well, let me, let me put the, uh, excitement that I had towards that towards something else. Yeah. So that I can just kind of keep this moving and not get fixated on something. Yeah. Clearly not resonating.

But, you know, I think you get more, uh, trusting in yourself as you get on and seasoned. Like I should try to dip back into that, not only because it is still like a, a big part of, I think who I am and just stuff that I don't talk about enough. And I think there is something in that now to revisit that I, I might be able to. Well, what's rich about it, too, is it has a real deep emotional connection. Whether someone's parents are divorced or not, we were all kids, and kids are so sensitive to everything their parents do. And, of course, a divorce is just something really paramount in a

young child's life. So I think it's worth revisiting. And that's the other fun thing about stand-up comedy, too. Sometimes you can do a bit, and 15 years later, it haunts you, or you're remember it and you go, you know what? It's 15 years later. Let me try it again. Yeah. And then suddenly you figured it out. Something you've gotten better or you've found a new way to do it and you breathe new life into it. So maybe it is worth another chance. It's interesting that you asked me that question and immediately I thought of that. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I knew there'd be something because we all have them. We all have them. Now going back to the Eagles thing, that that is funny. Like a fight broke out during Take It Easy.

That's like going to see meatloaf and, you know, somebody throws a casserole at the stage. Is that the same thing? No. It's close, yeah. Yeah, not really. It's like you go to, do you, maybe you go to, again, Rod Stewart's funeral. Yeah. His legs or spread eagle.

Yeah. And shares, do you believe in love after life? Life after love. Life after love. Yeah. So if it was love after life. Yeah. And someone was going to.

down on the corpse maybe that in that song going down on the corp yeah moving love afterlife so should ever go to share's funeral someone's going to be going down on share do you believe in cunalingis after life if somebody had like somehow put that into the into the playlist do you have funeral playlist i would i don't want my funeral to be a dreary affair and i don't want sad I want to celebrate that. Yeah. I always said that somebody should start a new company to revolutionize the funeral industry.

That's what I call funeral music, volume 48. Right? Yeah. Like make it a party. Make it a celebration. Make it so everyone's not so sad. But those are stories for another day. Part two.

Adam Ray, I think we want to end on your comedy story. And when you come back, we want to see if you were able to rebate. repurpose that whole premise about the divorce thing. But before we go, ladies and gentlemen, I got to give Adam laughs and applause. And can we ask Adam, where can people see you? What are you doing? Tell us about any projects.

Your television project in Australia, we want to know about your Instagram, your Twitter, Adam has a wonderful, wonderful podcast as well. This is your moment. Let it rip, buddy. So when I was five. Okay, and thank you very much. If we could stick to, let's not repurpose that bit here and now.

You know, when I get a little tongue-tied on a podcast trying to close things out on a high note, and I feel my lips getting a little buttery. It's time to loop up with some potato salad, hand-job. Oh, God. Newman's own. You can find me in Newman's own. Potato Salad Hand, yeah.

It is Adam Ray Comedy on Instagram and Twitter. The podcast about last night, Spotify, iTunes, YouTube. Harlan is a legend, ALN guest, been on double digits times. All of them crushed. The last one we reenacted, his famous scene from Dumb and Dumber. That clip is crushing on the YouTube. You can find my tour dates at Adamraycomedy.com. I'll be in Boston, San Diego, Vegas, Kansas City.

and Detroit and North Carolina coming up. Young Rock, season three comes out in November. Seasons one and two are on Hulu and Peacock. Pam and Tommy, I played Jay Leno on that. You can check that out with Hulu. And there's a show I'm going to be on that comes out in October called Welcome to Chippendales, which will be on Hulu. I do not play one of the dancers.

I play the MC on Roller Skates, who warms up. Okay. Either way, we want to see it. We want to watch it. And I have a couple YouTube specials that dropped live from San Francisco at the Punchline and live from Madison. They're on my YouTube channel. Type an Adam Ray, Madison special, San Francisco special.

Wow. A couple hours of great fun goofs and quiffs. And that's... You should shoot one up in Alaska, Tatungablanx or whatever it's called. Yeah. Coconut Charlie's. Yeah. Well, folks, could have had more fun having an ass.

Adam here. And it was a real treat, buddy thing. We all, me and Adam have been friends for a long time. We've toured together. We hang out together. We started a podcast together for strangers. Yeah, we go to movies. We go out. So it's great to have a good buddy here. And I hope you enjoyed Adam. And we'll certainly have him back if he behaves himself. And, uh, there's that creep. Fuck off. I'm almost done. Oh, God. On that note, thanks for being here on the Harland Highway. Until next time, be cool, don't quiff, and chicken. Chalman, baby.