The Harland Highway - PAULY SHORE is back flipping flapjacks and domo arigato Mr. Roboto-ing like a crazy person!!!

Episode Date: April 1, 2025

This episode is sponsored by Brooklyn Bedding, ZocDoc, and Odoo. -Visit Odoo.com today and start creating the website of your dreams. Odoo: Fast, simple, and all you need to elevate your business! -Stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to Zocdoc.com/HARLAND to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today! -Go to brooklynbedding.com and use my promo code HARLAND at checkout to get 30% off sitewide. Thanks for watching the Harland Highway. More Harland Williams: Harland Highway Podcast Video: https://www.youtube.com/c/HarlandHighwayPodcast Harland Highway Podcast Audio: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-harland-highway/id321980603 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/harlandwilliams Harbling Shirts: https://www.harbling.com Official Website: https://www.harlandwilliams.com Twitter :https://twitter.com/harlandhighway?lang=en More Pauly Shore: Website: https://www.paulyshore.com/ Youtube: https://www.instagram.com/paulyshore/?hl=en #podcast #harlandwilliams Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Book club on Monday. Gym on Tuesday. Date night on Wednesday. Out on the town on Thursday. Quiet night in on Friday. It's good to have a routine. And it's good for your eyes too. Because with regular comprehensive eye exams at Specsavers,

you'll know just how healthy they are. Visit Spexsavers.cavers.cai to book your next eye exam. Eye exams provided by independent optometrists. Okay, pavement pounders. Before we get started today, I got to talk about something so freaking cool. A few weeks back, I asked you guys to submit, get creative, do a short theme song for the Harland Highway podcast. You know, I've been using the same one for two years,

and I thought, how do I get my viewers involved, all the creative people watching, people that like to tinker around with music or bang a drum or do AI? And, holy smokes, I got to tell you, the submissions that came in are amazing, like tons of them came in, and I can't use them all,

so I want to thank everybody who participated, everybody who sent something in. I can only play so many, but I'm going to try and instead of using one, I decided, because there's so many good ones, I'm going to circulate them and try and do a new theme song every week. So you guys sent in some great, wild, crazy stuff,

and I just love it. So thank you. Don't be offended if your song doesn't get on. Like I said, there was just too many. I can't play them all. But we're going to get to some of them. And the first one, oh my goodness, not only did this gentleman do a song, but he did a video to go with it. He did a whole AI thing.

And for those of you that don't like AI, you got to watch this opening song because I think it's hilarious. I love the AI. I love the just you got, I'm pretty sure you're going to watch this new intro song more than once. And I want to thank Jack Champ. Jack Champ is the guy who sent it in. And he actually sent in two, and I'm going to post the second one later on further down the road. But Jack Champ, thank you so much. Yours is the first one to go up on the air and sit back and enjoy it.

If you want to keep sending them in, send them. Some of you actually included lines from some of my movies and things like that. Unfortunately, we can't use those ones because that stuff's all copyrighted. So you have to do your own original song with your own original lines and you can't inject lines from movies and stuff like that. Like actually taking lines out of movies and putting them in. You can say the line yourself, but you can't import from a piece from the actual movie. That's a copyright infringement, so they won't let me do that. But without further ado, check out this.

new song. Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast. Thank you for all of you who I'm subscribed to the podcast. Keep it coming. Check out my stand-up comedy dates. And without further a do-do, let's go to Jack Champ's amazing new Harland Highway theme song. I think you're going to like it. Enjoy the show. Domo Aragato, Mr. Roboto. Domo. Domo. Thank you very much. Roboto Domo Domo Domo

Domo I am the modern man Domo What to do my guy Welcome to the show What's new my guy Let's talk about you my guy

Or you can take a word from a shoe my guy My guy My IQ high yeah I went to the fry Not too shy because I'm quick on the fly Ain't gonna lie make you laugh to your cry Chicken child mean in my distor fry I'm going to do things my way My God

Harley I'm going to do things my way My God On the hall in highway My God I'm going to do things my way My God On the hall in highway

My God I'm going to do things my way My God On the hallin highway Harley What's up bro You want to keep that door open Huh

Just in case you come in Well in case there's a fire Yeah but you might come into the thing We gotta keep you out Oh that's the fire door In case the studio goes up and fly Flames. Wow. Yeah. Have you ever been on a Flaming podcast? I've been at Adam Barnhart's. What's that? Dude, Lenny Schultz died, bro. Finally. No, dude. Lenny Schultz was the original Gallagher. All right, let's start. Come on. Okay. All right, geez. Buster up. Buster up. Buster up. Dude. Buster up. Buster up. That sounds like a rap song. Buster up. What is this?

that? That's my dog. But that sounds like a morning rooster or something. That's what I did. It's like, my man, my man. Chinese. And dude, dude, okay, so I live with my dog. What's up? I live with my dog.

And I have such crazy shit that I do with just me and him. Like what? In the middle of the night, like a, my man. And I scream that. And I'm like, you're mine, you're mine. You're mine. You're mine.

You're mine. So you're screaming my man. And you're a man. mine. You know, if you lived in West Hollywood, that would be a, that would be a mating call. Yeah, and I do live in West Hollywood. It is a mating call. And then I kiss, and then I kiss his gums. Let me show you what I do to him. Here, come here. Let me see your gums. No, for real. Mine? Yeah, no, you have to do it. Everyone's watching now. I'm not letting you kiss my gums, bro. I just want to show you how I kissed my dog's gums. Oh, come on. Just for a sec. Oh, come on. Here, just come here. I hold his gum. I hold his gums. I'm like,

Buster, come. No, I'm not letting you kiss my gums. Because you know what gums rhymes with? What? Bums. And then you're on to the next thing. Oh, no, look at you. I'm a Chinese, bro.

I'm a Chinese, bro. What part of China, you from, funny guy? Bobby Lee, I saw his dick inside his pubic hair, and I squeeze it. Boop, boop, bo, bo, bo. See, he knows. Gross. You can cancel the show if you want already by now. That's already canceled, bro.

You don't want it to say, heiress? Oh, wait. What? Okay, so introduce me, and then I have some nice stuff to say about you. Oh, God. Okay, hang on. Ladies and gentlemen, that's right. You on the Harlan Highway podcast, Player.

Hi, Hi, Player. What's up, player? Yeah, we're here with the one and only, right straight from the hood. Mr. Paula Shaw, he calmed down in his. low rider and he come trucking on up here. And you speak a Chinese too, dude. Oh, we speak a Chinese. Oh, we do a Chinese podcast.

I like you. You're my friend, dude. I like you. Whoa, dude. No, come for a sec. Just for a sec. Dude. Just for a sec.

I just want to get some. Ow. Ow. I like that grease. What does it smell? like straight cat shit what does it smell like guy i don't know if there's a smell well you just tasted it yeah so listen so first of all odd ball first of all um i want to say thank you so much for not changing now that you become re-famous again um from the kill tony blow up and your your big

man about town uh movie you got a movie called i'm the man about town right yeah and And, you know, usually people, what happens is they, what happened? Are you okay? No, I'm just, I'm just taking in all these compliments. Keep going, guy. Yeah, yeah. I could use about three, four, five dozen more. Dude, come on.

Let me kiss your gum. Oh, come on, no, I don't, I don't want halitosis, bro. No, because I can kiss your gum just like, oh, man. So this. God. You sound like a gay rink. rooster in Hollywood. Yeah.

My man! My man! Like a cock. You sound like a cock in West Hollywood. You're mine. You're mine. And then when I please his face, I'm like,

I give you fucking steak. You're my fucking dog. I give you steak. No one give you steak like me. I give you steak. Is what I do. But anyways, can I start compliment you someone?

Just a minute. I'm still in shock. A Harlem Highway Go ahead Who wants compliments That's for idiot People don't want compliments No you have to know

When someone gives you love It's hard to let it in I know No love is different Like love I can accept But a compliment Like blah blah But you just haven't changed

You're like a big star again I mean you were a star in the 90s And you know you kind of Your career went in the chair for a while And then you know You're back up again and you're one of the, you're one of, you're one of kills Tony's killers. And he doesn't even text me back anymore.

Come on. No, he's patched me, dude. He's too big for me. No. But he likes you. You're one of his main guests, and I want to thank you so much. Thank you. So maybe you can put a good word with me with Tony Hinchcliffe.

Yeah. Yeah. Puerto Rico boy. Oh, wow. 100,000. Got a plaque for a hundred thousand. Downloads. Now wild?

Well, thank you for the compliments guy. you're welcome no but i am i'm happy that um your talent and the people has as resonated out there in the podcast world and i'm happy that things are going well for you me on the other hand of retired no you haven't i won't let you well the day i let you retire is the day that uh donnie osman smashes his humvee into the side of a dairy queen in baker's field what is it in baker's field Oh. Have you ever been to the Dairy Queen there? Fuck, that's a good one.

Yeah. Yeah. Donnie Osmond smashed his Humvee into the side of it. I heard about that. Yeah. Who hasn't? Made national headlines. All right, first question.

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on the very last page of checkout to get the discount. That's Brooklynbending.com and use my promo code Harland for 30% off sitewide. Brooklynbending.com promo code harland sweet dreams and say hi to the sam man for me uh are you are you a patent pending kind of guy like i look at you and have a feeling you've got some some patents pending

pending i do i do what what is it what do you got going well it's the uh it's the uh um it's the tuna can without that thing in it. And then it comes with a thing with a plate, it's basically, you know what a tuna, you know what a tuna can is, right? But most of the tuna cans, if you notice, they have that silver thing. Yeah, the little pop top.

Yeah, but we always, we cut ourselves with it. It ever works. Yeah, yeah. So what it is, it's the, it's the teeth one. It's kind of like, it's like the wrapper teeth thing. So what I put the tooth in here, and it comes up with a little thing there, and then you take the tuna thing, and it slits like that and it opens up like that.

What's it called? It's called the, it's the gum, it's the gum opener. It's the gum opener. The gum opener. And this is a patent pending? Yes, that's one of my patents. I got a lot. What's another one guy?

Okay, so the, the, the, so we have the, the, the, the, the, the, the, so we have the, the, the, the, so we have the, the, the, you know, you ever, you ever use a marijuana, papers, like zigzags? Not me, but I know people that have. Yeah, so what happens is, you know, a lot of people, what they do is the zigzags, the zigzag is actually too, it's too small to put all the marijuana in it. Okay. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah. So my patent, and I don't, people aren't going to steal this, right? Well, you've got it patented so they can. That's true. That's true. So it's, it's, in, what happens is sometimes the bud is so strong and so thick and big. Yeah. that the actual zigzag is not big enough to roll the joints. So what we do is we take the other zigzag and then we lick the thing and then we put the two zigzags

and then that does that. And then what happens there, it always gets fucked up. So my patent is a bigger zigzag paper. You couldn't have just said that right at the beginning. You couldn't have just said I have a patent for a bigger zigzag paper. Well, what's this one called? The second patent. No, this is, I've done, this is, I've, my manager just texting me, he says, all I'm supposed to do is 11 minutes on the Harlan Highway podcast, and then I have to, I have to, I have to, I have to, a patent pending.

I have to go, but thanks for having it. Wait, I want to tell you about my patent. Okay, and then after you do that, then I can go? Yeah. Okay. It's only, it's only, probably about a 50-minute description. Whoa, whoa, whoa, bro. What?

Are you, are you a pancake guy? you look like you know your way around a pancake I like oatmeal pancakes so I created this thing called Boily cakes are you ever in a rush in the morning to make your pancakes did you know that was one of the

key words that disrupted me is the word pancakes oh you that triggers you yes when I was a kid I had a lot of problems with cake why why you're coming around this way guy something that comes in my thing like

What do I have to do with pancake? Don't hurt him! Dude, what the F, guys? Dude, Sarah, take some seratillin or some saranomen or something. You like these guys help me back. Like, have some quadrilineum nitrate or some... One of my favorite comedians at the comedy store was Willie Tyler and Rester. Okay.

Willie who and whater? Willie Tyler and Lester. Okay. Okay, is that... Oh, hey, man, what's happening, motherfucker? Oh, you got to wiggle of the things on the stick. It makes his mouth move. There's little triggers on the back.

Oh. Okay. What was his name? It was weird talking about that's the motherfucker. You want some of this motherfucker? I'm going to fuck your shit. No, the thing that makes his mouth move. There's a thing that goes up.

I don't know what you're talking about. This is really mean, motherfucker. Did you want me to show you? Yeah. Give me his head. Well, look. Well, you cut this part out. No.

Look, this makes his mouth go. Yeah, I know, but I couldn't fucking find it. So eyes, go. So eyes, mouth. Now let's put it back together and do it right. Okay, why don't I do without the body? Fuck the body. The body doesn't help.

It doesn't work for me. Fuck the body. Okay, here we go. He could just be over here. Okay, just a head. Shit. I don't know where to look, but I see some.

pussy up in this motherfucker? Okay, I just showed you how to do it and the mouth still isn't moving. You need to go to Dementoid school? What? Fuck them. Here we are, rock and roll. We're going back to the 90s, motherfucker.

Back to the good old times. So I made... Shh. Stop. We're going to talk about the 90s. But can I talk about my patent pending first? Oh, wait. Joe Rogan's calling me. Yo, what's up, bro?

yes he's still into Donald Trump yep yep Elon Musk yep he's still into him uh huh he voted yep Republican all right

I'll call you back sorry Rogan was just checking in with me to make sure you weren't even holding a phone bro no he calls me into the thing the headphones the headphones yeah okay so go on

so I came up like who has time in the morning to make a pancake you know you gotta pour the thing you got to stir it you got to make the batter it's a lot so look at me i'm i'm over here guy okay sorry oh my god how's justin doing just wait wait i made a thing called boiling cakes okay where the the batter's in a bag like a mesh bag and you throw it in boiling water and it

boils out a pancake oh wow yeah so that's your patent boyley cakes okay patent patent pending So we got the numbers with the tuna can numbs. And the giant zigzags. We got the giant zigzags. We got the boiler cakes. Okay, then that's the next question. No, but I want to see, I want to know, because I look at you, and I think everyone looks at you and goes, how does Polly Shore make his way around a pancake? Like, what's your flipping action look like?

It's pretty easy. I mean, what happens is you make sure that the pancake is what? flat no yeah flat at the beginning but you just ask me how am I supposed to flip it when am I supposed to know to flip it

no I'm saying what's your flipping action like are you how's your wrist are you like this or do you do a smooth flip or like look guy like if you could show us how you flip a fucking

pancake that's why can I ask you these questions no this isn't this is a guy Look, guy, do you do math, pancakes, fucking flipper. Show us how Polly Shore flips a fucking pancake, guy. There's still something that needs to be done before you flip it. What?

It has to bubble. Okay. So that's my answer to you. Now you're getting mean, and now I feel like I've been, you've been bullied. You're bullying me. I'm just want to know. No, no, no, no, you're bullying me. That's a, that's a hot word.

bullying the woke community. He's bullying me, you guys. You're fucking bullying me. I'm bullying. Now show us how Pauly Shore flips a fucking pancake! Ah, motherfucker! That's how I flip them. I just jack them. I do a flip jack. Wow. Now, how do you fucking do it, Shore? I'll tell you. So what happens is... How does Polly Shore flip a fucking pancake? Okay. I didn't know this was... Dude, I didn't know you're gonna... getting angry. I didn't know you're going to get... I flip jack them.

Okay. What do you do, guy? Okay, so I wait from them bubble up a little. Okay. So they bubble up because that gives me the inclination that it's time to what? Flip them? Flip them. Flip them.

Why would you say it as a fucking question? Here we go. You go like this? Like that. Dude, that was weak. I'm talking about... flipping them up in the air and down. Not just turning them over like a lame-oid Boy Scout.

You're like a Boy Scout in a wheelchair with stumpy legs and diarrhea. I want to see a man flipping a pancake shore. How do you flip it into the air, guy? Fuck. Here we go. Bitch slapping. Flapped.

Shore. Flap off. flap you fucking flip flap fuck bro flap off guy Chinese those are like baby little baby flying saucers yeah that was cool

that was really cool buster buster you are a good flipper after all yeah do you remember flipper the dolphin my man yes I do dude that definitely sounds like a gay alarm clock oh man

yeah yeah I remember Flipper the Dolphin, of course. Oh, yeah, that's it. You know what I've been watching on TV a lot lately? What? It's just burning firewood. Oh, like you can put a...

Yeah, yeah, let me put the dog outside. Talk to your sponsors for a sec. Talk to your sponsors for a sec. Okay. And then I'll talk to your... Dude, fuck. Fuck, dude. What the fuck, guy?

What the fuck? I can't stop it now. Got fucking asshole. I can't stop the plate from spinning. Fuck. Sure. Why did you... Sure?

Come on. Sure. Ah! It won't stop. It won't stop it. There it goes. Why you leave my shit on the motherfucker firewood on the highway? That's some bullshit.

You're supposed to move his lips. Fuck him. So, yeah, Lenny Schultz died. Finally. Who is he? Lenny. Schultz was the original Gallagher. He was one of my favorite comedians at the store.

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm joking. I didn't know who. I thought you were making up a name, but that's for real? Yeah, he was cool. Is he the guy with the mustache? No, he was the guy that would take off all his clothes on stage and go down to a bikini, and then he pour shit on him.

He was wild. Oh, no. Yeah, he was wild. He was fucking hilarious. My favorite comedian. How did he die if you don't mind me asking? He was older. So he was old back in the 70s, bro.

So he was a P.E. coach. P.E., what's that stand for? Physical education. How do I know it's not like a partridge elephant? That's true. I mean, there's no real documentation what P.E. is. That's true. Could be purple eggplant.

So he was a really funny guy, classic store comic. Oh, dude. Are you going to his funeral? I don't know. I mean, it's in Florida. But I don't know. I got to talk to his son. What if he's dead? And I'll probably talk to the nanny. Well, if she's a nanny, she's probably older than both of them. That's true.

So she's gone. So maybe a cousin or a nephew. If you can find them. I'll go on 23 and me. What if they're 24? Then I'm fucked. I'm so sorry. Do you have some sad music?

Yeah. Hey, Joe, what's up? It's Polly, yep. Ashes, two ashes. Dust to Dusses. we are gathered here today to celebrate this thing we call Lenny Schultz

Yeah, Lenny Schultz Yeah, my man My man Lenny Schultz My man Buster, Buster, Buster, Buster, Buster, Buster Chinese Chinese Chinese

I like you, you're my friend You're my friend Bobby Lee Has Bobby Lee been on this yet? Nosey Really? Why do you need to know who's been on here? What's that got to do with you? What are you my business consultant now?

No, he's just asking. Yeah, he's been on here twice. But you've been on here fourth. Fright. How do you say it? Yeah. He was twice. You were fourth?

Yeah. Let me ask you this. This isn't a podcast, by the way. What is it? I don't know, but it's not a fucking podcast. Okay, let me ask you this quiz master. How do you fucking point at me, you cock sucker? I'm not pointing.

I have paralysis. Oh, shit. I had a stroke. I'm so sorry. I forgot. I had a stroke and you're accusing me of pointing. Hey, dude, you want to tell you, I come with this great news. You know who else died?

Sam, Sam Macaroni. No way. Do you know who that was? Yeah, he was a crafty guy. No, he was the director of Guest House, the movie I did, that you passed on. Oh, no. Remember? How did he die?

Fuck, dude. He had an aneurism at 49. Wild, right? Wow. I have a Prius, and I'm only 62. you got to get an an aneurysm where did he crash it wait what is an aneurism it's when your brain blows up oh i thought it was a Chevy oh my god i'm still sorry 49 dude oh no it's great news i'm bringing to the time i'm just trying to what i want to try to do is not bring in sadness i want to celebrate

their lives yeah and you're doing a great job by the way like so far only two deaths and lenny shultz you're in a better place say hi to sam macaroni he's up there too yeah some macaroni a riceroni treat he's going to get up there and stir it up yeah so anyways but uh wow it just shows you what i wonder if was his middle name art sam art macaroni no macaroni art i don't think so imagine if he died he got hit by a fridge door macaroni art died today he was hit by a fridge door ashes two ashes hey dude here's what i wanted to talk to but i knew there was a reason why i don't know i came on here well it was in the middle of a, whatever they call that thing

when they read it, a funeral. What's that called? A eulogy. So what character did you play on the podcast with Traylor Park, Tammy, and Jeremiah, the hillbilly guy? Because I'm going to do that too. Wait, did you see that?

No, but I want to do it too. I want to do a hillbilly. So I'm going to be like your cousin. We should do it together. Yeah, I'm going to do your cousin, man. Let's do this shit. I did a guy named... That's funny.

What was his name? Horny, his name, first name was horny. Horny Adams. No, it was horny, uh, horny hallelujah. Oh, wow. Yeah, I played horny hallelujah and I was like a big old redneck. Yeah, that's what I want to do. Oh, you got to do it.

They told me, it's funny because they told me to do the podcast. I said, I only do it as a character. Yeah, that's what I did. Yeah, I said, uh, I want to play a redneck guy. And they're like, Harlan did that. I'm like, I could be Harlan's like cousin or something. You know what I mean? like play off of that.

You could be one of the Hallelujah boys. Yeah. I'm horny. What's your name? My name is Jeter. Hallelujah, man. What's going on,

bullfucker? And I'm horny. We've been drinking for catfish all day. We caught anything yet. We got the catfish. We were at crawfish. We went to church.

Oh, we went to church smelling like crawfish and crawled daddy and the Lord threw us out for stinking so bad. Yeah. All that shit we could do. Hallelujah. excuses, excuses. When was the last time you were supposed to go to the doctor, but you pushed it off?

Oh, I got a tennis game. I got to go to play ping pong. I got to harvest some pineapples. You know how it works. Always excuses. I'm too busy. It'll heal on its own. I think we've all been there, gang. Booking a doctor appointment can just feel so daunting and it's a pain. But thanks to Zoc Doc, there's no reason to delay anymore. They make it so easy to find. and book a doctor who's right for you. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high-quality in-network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment.

Stop putting up those doctor's appointments and go to Zocdoc.com slash Harland. That's Zocdoc.com slash Harland to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. That Zock-D-O-C-D-O-C-com slash Harland. Zock-D-C-com slash Harland. Get healthy, get wealthy, get wise, and just mostly get healthy with Zok-D-Tock. So how's the stunt man coming, your movie, the stunt man?

Wingman. Oh, the wingman. Sorry, how's the wingman? So we're doing a screening in Toronto on May 9th. Wow. And if people want to go, we got tickets. And if you're invited, if you want to come up to Toronto, it's going to be. Jamie Kennedy's going to be there, all the cast members. It's going to be a beautiful theater.

You guys, he's got this movie called Wingman. He's been working on for about 10 years. No, well, yeah, 13. I mean, earlier on. 13. I wrote the script like 13, 14, 14 years. ago, and we finally shot it, and now it's coming out.

It's fucking wild. Exciting. It's a lot. People don't realize how long. I mean, we shot it a year and a half ago. Right. But I wrote it 13 years ago. Yeah, yeah.

And Kayla Wallace is in it. Are you watching that show, the Billy Bob Thornton show, the Oil Man or whatever it's called? I haven't seen it. Kayla plays the, uh, she plays the beautiful lawyer. And she's the female lead and wingman. And Russell Peters is in it. Jamie Kennedy.

I want to see it, but I mostly just watch logs burning at night. Oh, yeah, on your TV. Do you do the three-hour fire log show, or do you do the extended five-hour fire log show? I don't know. It's just fire logs for until I fall asleep. It's actually better than anything that's on TV. Yeah. How crazy is that?

If you guys ever want to see good programming, watch fire burning on your TV. And it crackles. They have a crackling sound. They have the crackling. The only thing that pissed me off, I spent about 14 hours once trying to roast a marshmallow. I got so mad I threw a chair through my fire, my TV fire. It's kind of like I got the fire burning with the crackling.

I got the meditation book. Yeah. I got Buster here. Yeah. You know, I got incense burning. But you got the marshmallows and they don't put a disc that, you know, when you watch a TV show, oh, maybe flashing lights could cause a stroke. Yeah, yeah.

Cigarettes, children, gun violence, sexual. If you're cracking on a four-hour fire, they should have a thing, will not roast marshmallows. Right. I should sue, we should sue them. Or schmores. Polly Schmores.

Polly Schmores. Oh, dude, you're delicious. I like you, dude. You got a flat face like Chinese people, bro. My man. Can I run something by you, my brocefayish? I'm getting into the technology game.

I'm getting into robotics. Do you know this stuff? The robot game? Yes. Now, Elon has his whole robot Android thing. I'm just getting started. I wondered if you would help me test my new robot arm. So you're doing some tech arm stuff, go on.

I've started a robot, but all I have so far is the hand. And I want to test it out if you'd be so kind. And what it does... Dude, that's one thing that... No, dude, as a kid... No, no, I always had a problem with that. Dude, are you triggered again? Yeah, no, I can't...

You're just going to have to... Dude. ...interview... Oh, you don't even... Oh, his mouth is open. I can't do that. You trigger me with that shit. I can't be part of this.

I had a problem out when I was a kid. No, no, no. I can't be part of that. Come here. Don't be afraid. Come here. No, you're going to have to interview him. You're going to have to interview.

I just want to test some stuff. No, this stuff makes me. Okay. Let me do this and then will you come back? Yeah, if you do it over on him, but you don't get that shit on me. That really affects me when I was a kid. Why? I don't know.

Were you molested by a robot? No, I just... I think you were. No, as a kid, that thing just kind of creeped me out. Okay, well, I'm going to do... This plastic bullshit and your friend... What's your friend's name? Coco Carol.

When you're finished with Cocoa Carol, when you're finished with Cocoa Carol and your plastic fucking thing, then I'll come back on your show. Okay, relax. I mean... Come just call me up when. I'm doing the math here. I'm hearing robot. child triggered.

I'm thinking someone got Freddy got fingered. I'm thinking Polly got fingered. Well anyways, folks, this is my new robot hand. And one of the things I wanted to do with that is

to be able to coochie-coo a baby right under the chin. Ready? Coochicoot. I have to do one more thing, and if you want to watch, I won't do it to you, but I have to do it so they can see it. This is the problem that I have with you, is that you became the number one guest in the Kill Tony podcast,

and he doesn't even fucking call me back. And I used to let him sleep in my fucking car. Tony doesn't call you back? He doesn't call me back, dude. This is my trophy. I won guest of the year on Kill Tony. We know. Congratulations.

Thank you. Yeah, it must be nice. Your PA's picked up. Do you want me to call him on your behalf? Yeah, your PA's picked up. You're part of the Kill, Kill Tony, Kill Tony show. The Kill Tony Tour. I'm going across the country.

Yeah, I know. He wouldn't ask me to, I asked him if I would do it. He said, he just... Do you want me to call him right now? Yeah. Yeah. Bro. You know what I mean?

I mean, he'll answer you. If I call him, he won't answer. I know he will. Yeah. He won't answer me. Wait, you had value to it, show me, you know. Hang on. It's ringing.

Put them on speaker. Huh? I don't have speaker on this. It's the iPhone 1. Yeah. Before they had the... What are you going to spatula your... Hang on.

Shut the fuck up. I got... No, I got Tony, and you're talking. Tell him... Tell him... I'm a big fan. Shut the fucking pie hole. I'm talking to Hinchcliff.

Okay, I got it. Yeah, Tony. Yeah, I got Polly Shore here, guy. He says, hi. You want to hear him say that stupid my man thing? He wants to hear him, my man. My man! My man!

Another one? He wants the third one. My man. My man! My man! Yeah, that's what I said, like a gay alarm clock in West Hollywood. Tell him, big fan. I'm a big fan.

I'm a big fan. Sorry for bothering him. Polly doesn't want to be a nuisance. He loves being on Kill Tony. I like him. He loves you. Our time together. And you guys have chemistry.

You have history. Just proud. I'm proud. I'm proud. He's got pride. He's got gay pride. He's like, and he wants to be on the show. Come back on the show.

On the tour. Yeah. What? I'm not going to tell him that. Really? Okay. he says if you do my last robot bit with me you're in holy fuck i know it triggers you guy but i have one more thing to show he says if you go through with that you're in if you don't you're effed

i got to ask your fans go ahead you're fans that are watching steven bill steve bill do you think i should do the robot bit for harlan williams in the highway show all right they said Awesome. Okay. So here we go. So it's, all you got to do is help me. Here it is. It, could you know how to do baby noises like coo-coo-coo? Yeah. So all I have to do is tickle you under the chin and you do baby, lose the water guy.

You're not suckling. And then you do coo-cucci-cucy-coo. That's a good baby. That's a good baby. See? Wow. I'm over my phobia. Na,

nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, hey. No more phobia. Justin.

And then the last one we got to do, don't forget to put the mic near your face. It's a podcast. Go under like that. So last last thing I got to do is I have to do a song and when you when I point to you you go domo in like a robot voice.

Okay. Ready? Yeah. And this is how I'm going to test my arm. Domo a ragato, Mr. Roboto. Domo. Domo. Thank you very much. Oh, Mr. Roboto. Domo. I am the modern man. Domo. Hallelujah. Hallelujah. I live in a garbage can.

Domo. Aragato, Mr. Roboto. Domo. Thanks. And then the last thing I have to do, I haven't, you're kind of on it. I have to pick, I have a pick my nose feature. Unless you want to do it. No, go for it.

And this is my articulating robot. hand and it oh wow look at this oh wow oh wow oh wow oh wow you got mo here let me suck it oh no dude oh oh oh oh chinese did you see i switched the hat to your hat oh wow you got my hat yeah wow over there so dude thank you plug my tour dates i'll be Dude, your microphone is on your ear. I'll be at the funny bone in Des Moines, Iowa. Now twist it down. We can't hear your date.

I'll be New Orleans. We can't hear your date. I'll be at the Super Bowl weekend. Here. Let me help you, assistant child. Super Bowl weekend. Right? St. Patty's Day weekend.

I'll be there at the Crenshaw, Crenshaw, D'Amon. You'll be where? Crenshaw D'Amon. and the next date I'm just all over I'm just to just go to pollyshore.com and you can see all my tour dates there

thanks for having me it's not over yet fuck guy can we take a break at least for a couple of minutes okay you go take a break and I'm gonna get the pancakes back together and I want to see some more flipping action I'm gonna get my dog buster for it

yeah I'll be back sorry about your puppet oh that's okay I am them I'm just going to get some pancakes back together, gang and we're going to see some more hot Polly Shore flapjack flipping I am the mom

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Domo Oh, we got to try this Polly, we've got to try Domo with the talking dildo the talking cactus Pauley, we got to try talking dildo Polly, we got to try talking with the We got to try talking with the talking dildo we got it i need i need you to come in and talk to the talking dildo

buster how are you have you ever seen these things this is like one of my other robots oh wow and if you say domo to it it says it back what's he doing Well, you got to say domo. Domo. Domo. Domo.

Wow. Now try it on the back of his head. Domo. Domo. Does the same thing if it's the front? Try to do the side. Do I make you happy, you motherfucker? Piece of shit.

Try it again. Domo. Buster, come. Say it again. Don't know. Don't break it. Let go. Let go of it.

Let go. Let go. Jesus Christ. What is this fucking... It's in a podcast. Jesus Christ. What fuck is wrong with you? Dude, I'm trying...

There. I don't know what that means, but there. It's an accomplishment. Domo. You don't think we've run out of gas on the show? Dude, we're just getting gone. Really? Dude, I really want people.

Did you lock the doors or something? I don't think you gave people a real, like, technique to your flipping. Like, you just, I want to see you get some air. Like, how does Polly short... All of them at once? Whoa, bro. Here we go. Buster.

My man! Whoa! Dude, see? Domo! Domo! That's the Polly Shore we want. Why are you putting a battery in a flapjack? Because it's kind of like putting an egg in there.

Oh, okay. You know what I mean? You put an egg and mix it up in that. Okay. Are you ready to boost your brand with a stunning new website? website. Look no further than UDU. In just a few clicks, you can create the modern professional website that stands out. And the best part, it's completely free. That's right, free. Your first application is free for life with unlimited hosting and support included. It's almost better

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Were you a carnival kid? Like, did you go on rides and did you go zincoids for a cotton candy or caramel? Like caramel, like caramel corn? No, I was the guy in the table. dunk tank. No way. What do you mean? You'd sit there and people would throw a baseball and you'd go in the... Yeah, beg for me to like fall in the dunk tank. And did you, how many times did you go in? A lot. Did anyone just ever forget the dunk tank and go, screw that? I'm just going to throw the balls right at that guy. They did that too, but a lot of the times what they would do... I would. No, a lot of the

times what they would do is they'd throw the ball and they'd miss and they would just walk over and then hit it there. the little thing. Yeah, they would just hit it. Because I, look, we're friends. We're friends, right? Yes. I would be on, I'm going to be totally honest. If I saw you sitting at a dunk tank and I had to throw a ball at that little target,

I would just go right over and throw them at your face, at your head. Like, just I would hammer smith your face. Like I would Dave, Dave Steve, your face. I would. So now that you're being disrespectful to me, I'm just being honest. I think honesty is... I can play...

I know what you're doing. Okay. Hear no evil, see no evil. Now what? I don't want to hear this. Oh, shriek no evil? Are you putting earphone pads on? Pretty much, because I don't want to hear what you're saying. Oh, wow. These feel great. Really? Yeah, it's perfect. So you answered me. Yeah, it's perfect. So you can hear me.

No, but it's perfect because it... They do feel cool, don't they? That's what I'm saying. It's cool. Oh, yeah. Oh. Right? Because these are frozen pancakes. And the good part about this is that inside the pancake

batter, there's toxin revelators. Yeah, reverberators. Yeah, there's toxin reverberators. There's buttermilk but buttermiliters. Yes, tutter milk back bubertilators. And what it does is, you know,

you know what it does is it takes the cinnamon and it takes the starch and it puts it inside your ears and it creates a new kind of bellabuster you know what I feel like I'm in buttermilk heaven with you let me see this would make a great titty pad you got to be honest oh shit this would make a great titty pad whoa whoa dude can you plug my tour dates please well we got to talk about more stuff. It's a podcast. No, we have limited. I can barely hear you. We're limited, bro. This is it. You get 36 minutes with me. I wanted to ask you, though. I can't. Do you want these for titty pads? Because I can't hear you.

Ah, here. Thank you. Put them on your titties. They feel great. So you're going to ask me something. So I want to talk about flightless birds. Don't they feel good on your tities? Like frozen pancake Tell me what that feels like That's like you got giant buttermilk ariolize Oh my God

These are great Oh dude The Kardashians should sell these at Sims Buttermilk boobies Oh And on that note Yeah I wanted to ask you This is a serious question

Shit I don't know how obvious I've made it that I want to get the fuck out of here And you keep fucking making me stay It's uncomfortable. I know, but it's very important. We have to have a conversation. Did you ever graduate high school? Because I didn't.

I didn't, but I skipped high school. Did you go to college? I skipped high school, went right to DeVry. And I graduated DeVry. I went to Brown University, motherfucker. I mean, Howard University, motherfucker. Where is that? That's in Detroit.

Okay, so here's a question, since we're both educated, clearly. God made all the critters. He made birds, some of them flightless. Have you ever heard of a kiwi? From New Zealand? Hello? Fine, I'll call Hinchcliffe. What?

You're going to talk to Tony? Did he put me on this tour? I'm going to knock you off the tour if you don't. I'm talking about flightless birds. Have you ever heard of a kiwi? In New Zealand, the kiwi? Yes. Have you heard of an ostrich?

Yes. Okay, so here's my question to you, buttermilk, Barney. Jesus Christ. Why would God... Go on. What are you, Indian now? I like you, and you'll come out of the way to India and have some shwerma, and we sit on the side of the street.

It's like a buttermilk binnedia. on your forehead. So go on. Keep asking. Okay. So why would God make flightless birds? They gave them wings. You don't see any swimless fish.

Right. You don't see any quadriplegic cheetahs. You don't look out on the plains of the African Kalahari and there's a spotted stump laying there that can't move. Yeah, you're definitely onto something there. So here's what I'm asking. Why did he make flightless birds? He had a bad day.

And I think that flightless birds don't make sense. That's what I mean, because they still have the wings. Right, right, right. So when they're on the ground. But have you heard of orangutangutangs with one earlobes? Have you heard that they make those two? They do? Yeah, the anger-dang with one ear.

So what's that just called a, oh, tang? No. No, it's so, uh, uh, uh, oh, orange tang. Orange Tang. Yeah, motherfucker orange tang. But wait. So here they still have wings. What are you doing?

Do you have rabies, bro? No. Oh, fuck, you have rabies. I think I just came up. You what? I think I just came up. What does that mean? It means I had some, I had a weird thing earlier.

I had some Pepto-Bismo earlier, and I think it just came up. What did you have earlier? Dude. Pepo-Bismo. It just came up. What is that? I had some weird turkey legs last night. let me get that for you

sorry you guys thank you it wasn't finished all right I can't do anymore bro I'm finished wait a minute we gotta figure out the

flightless birds guy I'll see on the killtony tour thanks for I want an answer at least about flightless birds I told you they don't exist Kiwis ostriches what are they supposed to do when they look up

and see regular birds flying how would you feel that's not a good feeling that's what I'm saying it's not a good feeling it's the same feeling that people have whenever they get tangled up with the orangutans with no ears so what if a bird jumps

is that as high as a flightless bird ever gets when it jumps I don't know but I see some flightless birds up there dude you're tripping We got to do words from a wooden shoe, which is our final bet. Okay, let's go. You can't not do words from a wooden shoe, ready?

Sorry about your doll and shit. I feel bad. You're about your doll. We'll pick him up and see if he's okay. Is he all right? You can talk when I'm not there. Oh, believe me. You're creating dead airspace.

Say something. I'm not going to say something while you're putting a little black boy back together. That would be rude. Are you feeding him pancakes? No, he's got to have the ear thing too. Why don't you feed him a pancake? I'm going to do that after I put the cold ears on his fucking head, bro. Okay.

So we're going to do the wooden thing. So how this works is that it's an authentic Dutch clog, and there's random words inside. And what you do is you reach inside the shoe. Look, you know, he's got pancakes in his ears. Well, you've got the mic in front of his face. People can't see. Did you ever think maybe you'd want to eat a pancake? I mean, no, him.

Really got to stuff it in there, I guess, huh? Go on. You want some help? Here, let me. Help. All right, all right, now it's getting a little racist. Well, I'm trying to help. The kid wants to.

eat. So what you do is you reach in the you reach you reach and then I pick out he looks like a popsicle now I got to say like I want to eat them

so see if the word triggers an event in your journey in life. Guns. Oh here we go. Oh shit. What do we got? Talk to me guy. What happened? 333 pistol. Yeah?

And I shoot it out to back my truck and I get all the orangutans and the hyenas and then through the abyss I throw it up up to the stars and they come down and Jesus praise us with the guns. Hallelujah brothers and sisters. Stop. A real story about a gun. You live in L.A. There has to be a time when you were shot. You saw a shooting. Someone had a gun. You were born and raised in L.A. You're a Hollywood boy. If you don't have a gun story... How do you know I haven't transitioned?

Okay, you're a Hollywood girl. Yeah, yeah. If you haven't seen a gun, I'm going to go to Baskin and Robbins and stuff as senior citizens' leg in my mouth. Like, you have... If anyone has a gun story, it's you. Sam Kennyson. Okay, here we go. Guns at the

comedy store. Looking for Angel Salazar, I think. What do you mean? Well, because I think... Sam thought he was having sex with his girlfriend. Whose Angel Salazar? He's a comedian, Cheechy from Scarface. Really?

Yeah. So Sam Kinnison thought he was... Fucking his girlfriend, yeah. And so Sam brought some heat to the comedy store? Correct. You saw it? Yes. And he said, I'm going to hunt this guy down.

Uh-huh. Talk to me. What happened? Well, that's it. And then my mom called the cops, and it was pretty much over. What happened to Sam? Did he go to jail? No, he just got banned from the store for a while

But would the cops say When they saw him with the gun And the attempted murder Well, he didn't shoot He just started shooting But he didn't shoot at... He shot? Yeah

Where? In the belly room sign For reals? Yep How many rounds? I don't know Were you there? I can see you

I'm like a... I'm like sneaking over You're like a night stalker Yeah You're like peeping Tom. Oh, you look like Ted Bundy right now. You really do. Like, I'm not even joking, dude.

You look like Ted freaking Bundy. I had a stroke. I'm not pointing. I don't want my finger to do this. I'm sorry. Easy Bundy. I'm sorry. If you don't like, it, kill me.

Say bye to me, dude. All right, plug your dates. And then go plug your toilet. I'll be at Ha Ha Haas Cabaret in New Mexico. And I'll be at Jenny's. a bowling alley comedy cabaret over in Needles, California. Keep talking.

And then I'll also be at the bungee soup and plantation over in Northridge. None of these are real. Now we know why you're not on the Kill Tony tour. Oh my God, you fuck it. Well, dude, pancake delight,

sailors at night. Fucker. Don't. Pancake delight. Sailors at night You said, and they fucking heard it If I fucking did your Bit, you put me on the Kill Tony show

I called him And now you're taking me off it? I'm not, Tony is Because I'm going to call them later And tell them to take you off it, not me What are you doing, bro? Ah! I'll have my people

Call your people. What kind of people do you have? They got all types of people. Like what kind? People that are nice to me, bro. I'm going to take him with a pancake. I'm taking him home. You can't have him no more.

He is my new friend. I take him. I take him. He's my new friend. Bye-bye. I will leave the headphones at least. Okay. Later. Bye.

Faster. Come here. Come here. Uh. Folks, the one and only. irreplaceable Polly Shore

pancake wait oh Polly Shore Polly Shore everyone thank you guys for having me

the pancake master bye bye by folks Polly Shore that's it for today ladies and gentlemen

on the Holland Highway podcast thank you for being here and don't forget to subscribe subscribe to the show and that's all

we got time for today. So happy pancake flipping and I just knocked the sound thing off. Happy half of pancake flipping here on the Harland Highway. We'll see you next

time. Can I get one more, my man? See you next time. Hey everybody. How would you like your very own personal video message from me, yours truly. It's your birthday, it's your anniversary, it's your graduation, or you just want me to make you laugh. You get to pick the topic. You want me to discuss. Give me some talking points. And off we go. You can get it for yourself or get it for a friend. It's super easy and fun. Just go to the cameo app on your phone or to camio.com.

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