The Harland Highway - POD 525 - HALLOWEEN SHOW - Mr. Featherstone and other scary things!

Episode Date: October 31, 2013

Yes, it's the scary Halloween show with a visit to my boss Mr. Featherstone, a frightening SWINGERS party, a poem by MR. SCARY, and a horrible visit from TIMMY the campfire kid! Help my yelp!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Wow, here we go. It's the Halloween show, gang. Welcome to the Harland Highway. I'm scared already. And I'm not scared because of Halloween. Here's why I'm scared, because on this special Halloween edition, I've got to do two things that are terrifying. One, I've got to go up and see my jackass boss on the 12th floor.

Featherstone, and two, I got to have Timmy the Campfire Kid on the Halloween episode singing campfire songs for Halloween, because my boss is going to make me. I just know it. So this is scary. And outside of that, I'm going to tell you about a crazy Halloween-themed swingers party I somehow almost got involved in. Yeah, that's right. Yours truly at a swingers party.

having sex with Satan and a guardian angel all at the same time. Wait do you hear this one. And then in the Halloween podcast tradition here on the Harland Highway, we have a reading by Mr. Scary, who always does these horrible, gruesome, scary poems. He's here. Campfire Timmy's here. Mr. Featherstone's here.

Swingers are here. You're here because it's the Harlan Highway. Welcome to the Harland Highway I will look for you Does your mother know what you're doing for a living? The Harland Highway Hey-yo And it's classic

I will find you My mom always said You can't handle the truth Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Many years of therapy Many many many Fucking years of therapy I will kill you

Listen lame brain Let an expert show you how to do this. The Harland Highway. You never know what you're going to get. It's the Harland Highway. Oh, brother. What a great way to start the show. So a couple of shows back, my boss, Mr. Featherstone, up on the 12th floor, like, calls me in, right?

And he's like, oh, you're going to do your Halloween show. And you're going to have my nephew. Timmy to sing some campfire songs and I want them on your next show blah blah blah right and so I left his office being like well okay if you're the boss I guess I have no choice and then I got to the next show and I was like you know it screw it I've had enough of him you know I'm an employee I have rights I have you know you can't just tell me what to do and threatened to fire me all the time and stuff. So I didn't do it.

I didn't have his stupid annoying nephew on Timmy, this kid, this kid who comes on my show and sings stupid campfire songs. Can't even play the guitar. Can't even sing. Doesn't even know the words to stuff. So anyways, I refuse to do it,

and now guess what? Guess how I have to start the show today. Yeah, I'm getting, I got hauled back in, and now I got to go in and see my boss, Mr. Featherstone. And, gee, I wonder what this is going to be about. What's that, Betty? I can go in. All right, I'm going in, folks.

Here I go. Thank you, Betty. I'm going in to see my boss, Mr. Featherstone. Here we go. Hello, sir, Mr. Featherstone. Hello. Hello? I said hello, what do you want me to do?

Fucking get a can of spray paint and spray it all over the side of the... The Sears Tower in Chicago? No, sir. I was just saying hello. Hello! Who are you? It's... You know, every time I come up here, you act like you've never met me.

Met who? Me! and you are Harland, sir Harland, sir It's Harland Howland Howl

How How, how Howl Harland William, sir Yeah, you better not be raising your voice at me Are you the guy from downstairs With the Codcrast?

It's a podcast, sir Whatever I heard you've got a beef with me and my nephew, Timmy. Well, sir, here's the thing. I'm trying to do a respectable podcast. Okay, let's hear this story. Why don't I get my violin out and play you some Mombo?

What? You heard me, I'll play you some Mombo on my violin. I don't think you can play Mombo on a violin, sir. I'll tell you what I'll play. Kind of the way you probably play around with your guy friends. me? You heard me. You and your guy friends. I heard about you. What are you talking about? Downtown at your funny little bars and whatnot. Hanging out till how hours of the night? Huh? No, I don't hang out at funny. What bars? Oh, you know the ones. No, I don't, sir. Oh, how about the salty starfish?

The salty starfish. Uh-huh. What? I don't hang out at bars. Uh, what about the digital, uh, wax factory? What, what, the digital wax factory, sir? Yeah, you laugh away there, uh, sunflower. Okay, sir, what are we doing up here? Uh, what? Uh, would you get off the thing about the guys?

Yeah, why don't you get off your guys? Okay, you know what, sir? No, I'll tell you, you know what. I heard that you gave me some flak about having my nephew, Timmy, on your prod-past. It's not a prod-past. Whatever. Now, you're going to have my nephew on your pod past. Oh, sir.

There ain't going to be no crad-prack. It's not a prod-crack. Whatever you call that thing you do, that abomination. Well, thanks for your support, sir. You're going to have my nephew Timmy on there, and he's going to sing some Halloween songs. He doesn't do Halloween songs, sir.

He does campfire songs. Even better. People love those. That's what you call a ratings rotunda. A ratings rotunda. You know, I've never heard that, sir. Well, why don't you get into the 90s, huh? Oh, brother.

Hey, let me ask you something. What's your name? Harlan. Let me ask you something, Howand. Harland. Have you ever farted on a chipmunk nest? What are you talking about? You know those little chipmunks that run around in the forest?

Yes, sir? You know how they make little vests out of fur and twigs? and such and stuff. Yeah, such and stuff, sir. What you do is you run around in the forest until you find a chipmunk nest. Sir, are you okay? Yes, I'm all right.

I swallowed a bug. You were saying something about a chipmunk nest, sir. Yeah, you find a little chipmunk nest in the forest, and you bend down and you fart all over it. And the little chipmunks inside go berserk. Okay, you know what, sir? No, I'll tell you, you know what. All right, why don't you sit down

and stop thinking about your guys for five seconds and listen to me? I'm not thinking about guys. Oh, really? Yes, sir, I'm not gay. Oh, how come you hang out those funny bars downtown? I don't hang out at funny bar. You'll lower your voice,

kind of the way you lower yourself to your knees with your guys. I don't hang out in bars. Oh, really? What about the Sapphire Ascot? The Sapphire Ascot, sir. Yeah, you heard me. Oh, boy.

And what about that other one over on 24th and 9th? Huh? The upside-down spaghetti ball? Okay, you know what, sir? Uh-huh. What? Uh-huh. Sir, what is going on here?

You're going to let my kid, Timmy, my nephew. You're going to let that little freak sing on your prod praps. There ain't going to be no cropped cracks. A prod crack, sir. That's what it is. Are we clear here, acne face? I don't have acne. I'm asking you a week.

clear here soldier yes sir we are you see this picture of my wife on my desk here yes sir well you take a good last look at it because it might be your last and you probably don't even know what a wife is

because it's a woman what's that mean because you're always with your guy friends sir i'm not with my guy friends oh yeah how about that bar down town the uh waxy narwhal the waxy narwhal sir you heard me oh boy uh-huh what are we finished here sir let me ask you one more thing before you go what is it sir have you ever farted on a korean boy's Cupcake

What You ever see a Korean boy In a mall Right And maybe he's got a cupcake Okay You run up and you Fought on the kid's cupcake

Sir are we done here Get out of here I got a phone call coming in And you put my nephew Timmy on And he's gonna sing People love that crap Thank you sir You're welcome

Get out of here I got to take this phone call. Goodbye, Mr. Featherstone. Goodbye, howie-wowie. Goodbye, sir. Get out of here. Oh, brother. Goodbye.

Thank you, Betty, I think. Unbelievable. I'm heading back to the studio. I got to get ready for this idiot Timmy, the campfire kid. It's Halloween, and I'm already scared. scared because I've got to see this idiot. For now, listen to every year we have Mr. Scary on at Halloween.

He comes on with his creepy poems. Have a listen, and I'll see you back in the studio with Timmy the Campfire, kid. God! Oh! The sky is gray and rainy as I thrust up from the ground. The time is here again where I appear in your power. My eyes red as the pits of hell, the stench of a thousand corpses I smell.

I'm on my way to hear you scream upon another Halloween. And although you won't find my name in a book or library, you'll never forget me. I'm Mr. Scary. Each year I come and take a few of you away, force you to be part of the sinister games that I play. I slink down the wall like a poisonous spider. I cut up your wife and carefully devised. I appear like a shadow at the end of the hall. You see me for a second, then I eat your eyeball.

I stand tall above you as you kneel down and pray, hoping to God that I'll somehow go away. But before you can finish your foolish prayer, I chop off your head and pull out your hair. I go to the roof and I scream at the moon and let all the town's folk know that I'll be to them soon. So hide in your basements or under your sheets. I'll find you no matter and tie up your feet. I'll hang you from a tree branch despite all your fuss.

I'll so shut your mouth and tear out your guts. And if you don't think I'll find you, then I think you best know. I'll follow the smell of your fear. Then there's nowhere to go. So enjoy all your candy, your tricks, and your treats. Your Halloween should be dandy unless you should meet. A man in the darkness with a rotten tooth smile, blood-spattered hands, and his skin-scented by.

And should you be scared? Well, I would say very, because no one comes home if they meet Mr. Scary. Okay, Roger, yeah, stop it. God, I'm not sure about this Mr. Scary guy. I know we have them every year. I know it's Halloween, okay? I know, I don't know, he's just a little eerie, this guy. Eating people's eyeballs and tonsils and, I don't know.

It's part of a tradition here. I guess it's to be all scary and front. write in you, but I don't know. That guy gives me the willies, man. Hey, everybody, who wants to have better sex? No? Yes. Yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what, you want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping. And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority. Plus, 100% free shipping on your entire order.

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pits of hell and terrorizes towns. I don't know, man. Someone should make a movie about this guy. Maybe I got to make a Mr. Scary movie. It's creepy, man. Ugh. Anyways, you know, Halloween is the time of year where, you know, everyone gets out and goes to the parties

and, you know, dresses up and goes out to the bars. And it's just a fun time of year. It's a festive time of year where adults can kind of act like kids again and you dress up. And I think some people act out their fantasies and some people pay tribute to their favorite characters, whether it be a superhero or a TV star or a celebrity or a fictional character. So, you know, it's just fun.

I was at a club the other night, and there was, you know, there was, there was, where's Waldo was there, and Fred Flintstone was there, and there was some critters from that show, Futurama, and Wonder Woman was there, and there was like a Roman Toga chick. And there was a guy dressed as, you know, like a gay Superman. and Spongebob was there. I mean, it's just such a funny blend of characters that come together.

You know, in the real world, characters are usually pretty homogenized. It's usually like brands don't interface with brands. Okay, you don't see Mickey Mouse from the Disney Corporation yucking it up with, you know, you know Donald or not Donald Daffy Duck or you know Bugs Bunny

Those those guys don't cross paths you know Disney keeps everything really clean you don't you don't see you don't see SpongeBob with Batman right

you don't see you know Donald Duck with where's Waldo but you go out on Halloween and there's all kinds of kooky stuff and speaking of which I'm at this hotel I'm doing a show

it's the it's the you know the few days before Halloween and the manager running the show he goes the hotel's going crazy dude I'm like what do you mean he's like there's a swingers party in the hotel okay the comedy club was in the hotel and I'm like a swingers party goes yeah the whole downstairs the banquet room full of

swingers and the fifth floor it's all swingers I'm like good lord he goes yeah we're having trouble with security um they're finding people making out in the stairwells and people are making out in the bathrooms and you know I guess a swingers party I haven't been to one but I guess it's all like open sex and I don't know I'm guessing that's what it is. It doesn't take too much to figure it out, I don't think. Swingers. So then I go walk down to the office.

I have some business to take care of with the manager of the comedy club, and we're walking through the hall, and suddenly I start seeing exactly what he's talking about. There's a couple in the lobby, like going at it, some dude and a blonde girl, are like really making out like like you know like it's not just like two young lovers kissing it was like they had they had the look of lust they were like just kind of molesting each other and then there was a couple of girls at the checkout counter or check in counter or whatever it's called and uh they were dressed up like cops and they had the black hat and i thought it was a swat unit right so i walk up to them like oh cool cool costume

you're the SWAT patrol i get it except she's got a mini skirt and a you know fishnet stockings and i don't know that that's what shows up when there's a bomb scare somewhere chief we got a bomb downtown all right sending the girls in the miniskirts and the fish nets come on so anyways i'm looking at her hat i go oh SWAT and she goes no twat and i look at her hat and sure enough it said Twat. T-W-A-T. I'm like, okay, I get it. You're in a swingers club, and you're a twat. And then I'm walking down the hall, and I just about get into my manager's office there. And here comes two people walking down the hall. It's a dude and a chick. And they're a good-looking couple. The dude was handsome, and the woman was super hot.

Like, I'm talking, like, kind of in that Pamela Anderson's own, like blonde hair and blue eyes and very big breasts. And she was dressed in kind of like a half Wonder Woman, half angel costume. She was like a weird angel, like a wonder angel. And the dude was all in black with a tie and he had little horns coming out of his forehead. So it was like an angel and the devil. And she was just gorgeous, just stunning, like a real looker. And so my curiosity got the better of me. And I go, are you guys with this whole Swinger thing?

And they're like, oh, yeah, yeah, man. And then the guy's like, oh, Harlan. I came to see you here last year. And I'm like, oh, okay, thanks, Swinger. I didn't know his name. So I just, you know, Swinger. And they're in their Halloween costume. I guess it's a Halloween Swinger costume party.

ball buffet sexathon i don't know and i i get curious i'm like i just want to know i guess so are you guys are you guys with this swinger deal and they're like yeah yeah it's a lot of fun it's up on the fifth floor and i'm like okay and then the girls like yeah you should come up and join us and i'm like what you should come up you should come up and join us later and i'm like oh oh okay It was, oh, good, yes? And I went, okay, well, I'll, fifth floor. And she's like, yes. I said, okay, well, nice to see you guys.

And they start walking away. And then she looks back. She goes, yes, we look forward to seeing you later. Like putting a button on it. Like, you will be there. And I'm like, good Lord. Good Lord. Like, look, this girl was a 10 out of 10.

for all the temptation that was swirling through my mind, and what man wouldn't, that's what temptation is. And she was with the devil, by the way. So, you know, isn't the devil all about temptation? I mean, he's right there. It's hard to dim down the temptation. But I did not go to the fifth floor. I did not partake in this swingers' Halloween, trick-or-treat, grab bag.

And I do mean, grab bag. And I had no intention of going, but I was just curious. I was like, just to see people like that open about their sexuality. I was like, you know, part of me is like creeped out that they're kind of doing this thing. And then the other part of me was kind of like, God, in a way, maybe it must be nice to be so open and free and not be hung up about sexuality. And then I started going, well, what about all the moral stuff? You know, there's morals to sex and love, and, you know,

you can't just be throwing your body all around willy-nilly. And so I went back there, and then I went back to, but boy, oh, boy, I want, geez, just to, you know, like you're gone to get a coffee at Starbucks. We're going to have sexual intercourse. With people we don't know, sure. Hey, you You want to come Give it to my girl?

Hey, Arlen, saw you last year You were hilarious Why don't you plow my wife? What? So it was very strange And then the other side of me kicked in And I was like, God, this, you know, I got a little mad

Because I was like, here's this woman That was just beautiful, beautiful woman And I was like, What guy wouldn't love to have such a beautiful woman. And I'm not just saying sexually, but, you know, maybe as a girlfriend or a relationship or a wife, like, you know, let's face it, we all love beauty. So let's say you had a nice girl and she was beautiful.

And then I thought, what kind of girl just hands out her beauty like that? Like, what girl just lets other random men and probably women? There was probably girls from the Twat team all over. What kind of woman just lets a guy? random men just get at her body in a hotel on the fifth floor. God, you know? And then I thought, oh, maybe it's nice to be that free. You know, look, it happened in the 60s, all the free love stuff.

I wonder if it's cool to live without all that guilt. But then I thought, what's the guy thinking? Like, what's the mindset of the guy that he's okay? He's got, like, literally a stunning woman, and he's okay with all these other men, like, have an at her? I don't know. There's, like, a pride thing where you go, isn't that the whole thing of, like, sometimes getting someone who's really hot? Like, it's like, you know, it's like Brad Pitt has Angelina Jolie. And let's face it, I mean, you know, that's like kind of a badge of honor.

I was like, yeah, that's right, guys. I got the hottest girl on planet Earth. She's all mine. Thank you. Dream about it. Losers. She's mine. Right.

Isn't there a bit of that going on? But this guy just like, yep, I got a 10 out of 10. Who wants to have sex with her? Come on, line up. Bingo. It's a little weird. And then I started going a little bit further, and I think anyone listening here,

you pavement pounders would probably have the same chain of event thought processes as I'm having. Then I thought, God, what if I did go through with it? Can you imagine me in a creepy hotel room with a 10 out of 10 woman and some guy dressed like the devil? I just couldn't do it. I could not get jiggy with it in front of another dude. I don't know if any you guys can. I just, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I would just be freaking out. I wouldn't be able to, you know, get aroused.

I'd be like, I'd be like uncomfortable. I think, God forbid, you know, the, first of all, like, just the guys in the room, then the guy's watching, and then what if, you, you know how it works, gang. You don't have to be a swinger to know how it works. He probably wants to get in on it. It's a Marvel 2-1. And I'd be just like, oh, God, oh, yeah, you know, I guess if you're not gay, if you're completely straight,

you don't want another man's stuff getting near you. If you're gay, it's fine. That's what you actually what you want. But if you're not gay, you don't want that stuff touching you, rubbing up on you, getting near you and then there's some people that aren't gay that are just like

they're ambivalent they're like whatever I don't care it's just another man's thing I don't doesn't faze me there's those guys doesn't mean they're gay there's probably men out there that can get it on well there's another guy there and it's like perfectly fine but I think for most dudes I don't think they want to be touching their peace

with another guy's Peters. So it was a really weird confrontation because it forced me to, you know, I kind of had this invite to go and get jiggy with an angel and the devil. And there I was standing between the two going, wait, my brain like kind of short-circuited. And of course, you know, I start laughing.

And I'm like, you know, I'm a comedian, so I'm like thinking of all the funny stuff. And it's like, what an odd thing. But that was one of my big confrontations for the Halloween festivities. Someone dressed up like an angel. Someone dressed up like a devil. And I guess by default, I was dressed up like a dumbass just standing in the middle. I was in sexual purgusting. do I go with the devil and have a crazy threesome and you know have sex with another guy

standing there getting involved do I just say thank you thank you politely thank you very much for offering for me to come and have sexual fantasies with you two complete strangers I met in a hallway in a hotel dressed as the devil and an angel thank you kindly I'm in a pass but if you'd like to go for a picnic tomorrow, I can make some short bread. So there you go. I don't know if you guys have ever run into that, but I guess that's the fun of Halloween, man.

Just stuff comes up. Things go down. And what? Oh, no. He's here? Oh, God. You know, I almost forgot. Actually, I did forget about the kid

because I got into this Halloween topic and we're having fun and it turned Timmy's here all right, send the Brad in and let's get it over with ladies and gentlemen I'm going to apologize right out of the gate unbelievable my boss upstairs Mr. Featherstone

his nephew's here Timmy the campfire singer idiot and now for Halloween as we close out the show we got to endure this numbskulls stupid campfire songs I apologize a million times over.

Send them in, here we go. God. Oh, God, look at them. What are you getting all fired up about? Just welcome to the show, kid. Well, that didn't sound very sincere. Yeah, because it wasn't sincere. Up yours, crabgrass.

Don't start calling me names, kid. I'll call you whatever I want. What do you do? You got some songs for us, or what? Of course I have some songs. That's why I'm here. Country-style fudge face. Okay.

You knew... Are you trying to talk? Yes. Well, why don't you use words? Pepperman Face. Stop making words up about my face. Face? Do you have songs?

Of course I do. Well, hurry up and play them. Don't rush me. I'm an artist. You're an artist? That's what I said. If you're an artist, I'm a Vietnamese boat person. Good, why don't you jump in a river and float away down to shit valley? Don't say shit valley, and don't use the F words on my show.

I didn't use an F word. I used the S word. The F words, fuck. Stop swearing. Are you going to let me do my songs, or do I have to tell my uncle? No, you don't have to tell your uncle. I already had a talk with him. Yeah, I heard about that. What are you talking about?

I heard you tried to block me off your show. Yeah, I did. I'm not keeping that a secret. I think you blow, kid. How dare you? May you wake up in the flabby arms of Polly Shore's sister? I don't even know who that is. Neither do I.

Then why'd you say it? I don't know. Play your dumb songs. Hurry up. Okay. What's your first campfire song? And by the way, it's the middle of fall. Who the hell's going to a campfire?

Lots of people. People love to sit around a campfire. And what they do, they should think of me. Timmy, the campfire can. Yeah, how about I think about you And throwing you in the fire Why don't you go suck a Chinese fire hose Play your first song

What's it called? It's called pepper and salt Pepper and Salt Are you going to let me play? Play, get it over with Oh What is that? That's the beginning

The beginning Oh, God. Do you mind? Go! Oh, pepper and salt. Pepper and salt. Everyone loves pepper and salt. Put it on the sausage.

Cooking on the campfire. Put it on the eggs. Cooking on the campfire. Put it all around. Everyone loves pepper and salt on their campfire food. Oh, God. I'm not finished. Oh.

Pepper and salt. Pepper and salt. Put it on the pancakes on the campfire! Stop it! I don't think that's a real song. I don't think you have real breath. What's that mean? Your breath smells like a donkey's ass.

Do your next song. What is it? It's called Pine Trees in the Wind. Oh, brother. Pine Trees. With the wind, everybody hear them rush. Whish, whee, whee, shooch, everybody hear the wind rush through the pine trees. Whish, whiz, would you stop that swishing noise?

It's part of my song. Haven't you ever heard wind rushing through the pine trees? Speckled Trout Twat Don't you call me twat I didn't call you twat What did you just say Speckled Trout twat

Get on with your song Dummy Oh put your ears to your head And listen to the wind In the pine trees The pine trees Listen to it rush all around In the pine trees

The pine, stop it The pine trees Oh, the pine! Stop it! What's your problem? That has got to be the worst campfire song I've ever heard my life. Well, just because you don't like the outdoors, doesn't mean you have to make your listeners suffer.

You selfish can of crunched-up crab skins? You know what? The crabs don't have skin, and that doesn't mean anything. Oh, why don't you go suck your mushroom cap? Okay, enough. I have one more song. Good, one more song and get the hell out. What is it?

It's a great campfire classic. Well? Yes. Well, what's it called? It's called, I love rain by the campfire. What? I love rain by the campfire.

What does that mean? How can you have a campfire when it rains? Because you're by the campfire, and you see a rain cloud in the distance. Okay. And the rain comes across the lake, and it's nice out in nature. Oh, God. Will you just please count me in? Yes, I'll count you in, because the sooner I count you in,

the sooner I can get you out. Why don't you go suck the rear end of a Norwegian fishing boat? Just hurry up. Count me in, ass. Oh, one, two, one, two, three. Do it nice. One, two, one, two, three.

Oh, it's, it's raining men. Hallelujah! Raining Man! Hallelujah! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. It's raining men. Hallelujah. That is not a lake rain by the lake song.

Shut up, I'm singing. Oh, it's raining men, and you can bet I'm going to get absolutely wet. Hallelujah! It's raining men! Hallelujah! Shut it off! Oh, amen! It's raining men!

The weather's going to be all full of men! Shut it off! Hallelujah! Get him off, Roger! Cut him! Cut them off. It's raining men! I'm going to get absolutely soaking win. Big ones, tall ones, blonde ones, black ones.

Oh, shut them off. Ah, it's raining men. Hallelujah. Get them out. Get them out. A pure's crap face. Get out. Unbelievable.

I'm going to get absolutely soaking wet hallelujah get off Roger Never again. Unbelievable moron. God! You want to talk about a scary Halloween show? That's about as scary as it gets. Timmy the Campfire kid singing and draining men?

Are you kidding me? This is why I didn't want to do this. Ruin the podcast. Completely ruined. Hallelujah! Get out! Enough. Roger, I need you to turn it off. Turn off his damn music. I said, turn it off. Why do you help that dumb kid?

You know he ruins the show, don't you? Nobody wants to hear it. None of my listeners want to hear it. I don't want to hear it. I'll tell you what, man. That's the problem with having bosses who abuse the system. It's just corrupt It forces me to do stuff I don't want to do And I think it's an abomination Turn it off Turn it

You know what I gotta end the show here gang I'm sorry to go on such a sour note It's just horrible It's horrible I never want to hear that song again I know Okay, Roger. It's not Roger.

I'm in the control booth, and I'm in charge now. What are you doing in the control booth, kid? Get the H out of there. When you say H, do you mean halotosis like your breath? I don't have halitosis breath. Tell that to the flowers that are dying all over the city. Garbage mouth. I'm not a garbage...

Get out of that. Roger, get him out of there. Shut it off. Get him out of there! Get him out of there! Raining Man! I got to go. I got to go, folks.

I've hit my peak. Here's some announcements and then we're out. Check me out in November. November the 7th to the 10th. I'll be in Tampa, Florida. Far away from that idiot, Timmy, playing the improv. Go to Harlow Williams.com for tickets.

And then later in November, November 21st to the 23rd, you can catch me at the parlor live in Seattle, Washington, both of those amazing comedy clubs. So the improv, November 7th to the 10th, that's Thursday through Sunday, and then the parlor live in Washington, Seattle, Washington, that's November 21st to the 23rd. Oh, boy, I'm going to need the time away. If you want to leave a phone message, you know the number 3,2,000.

739-4330 you can write me at harlowe williams.com and while you're there please check out the store we have the brand new magic f-off shirts which i'd love to give to timmy these are hilarious shirts where you got a bunch of random letters and you fold a flap up on the shirt and it says pardon my french fuck off and the fun of the shirt is people walk up to you and go What does your shirt say? I don't understand. It's just a bunch of random letters. But then you fold the bottom letters up to the top letters,

and it says F off, and it definitely gets a big laugh out of your friends or offends them, and they never talk to you again. Either way, it's a lot of fun. So check that out. Also, subscribe to my YouTube channel, which is available at harlewilms.com, or we'll post lots of crazy videos.

Tell your friends about the Harland Highway. And what else? What else? Listen to ATC, all things comedy. That's the Umbrella podcast studio that you can also catch my podcast on. Lots other funny podcasts there if you're interested. Jake Johansson, Bill Burr, people like that. Really funny guys.

And, yeah. That's it, gang. Have a happy Halloween. Be safe out there. And for God's sakes, take an umbrella in case it starts. Raining, man? Get out of here! In case it starts raining.

Men, get out! Chicken chowmaine, baby. Thank you.