The Harland Highway - PODCAST 155 - ORNY ADAMS

Episode Date: August 23, 2010

My special guest is a very funny comedian, Mr. Orny Adams, what a delightful treat indeed! Heavenly clam chowder delights! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I saw you standing by the chapel, and I got down on my knees and prayed. Oh, yes, little Elvis to bring you in to this episode of the Harland Highway. Welcome, everybody. I may not be the king, but I do try to sing like him now and then. And if I can't attract you any other way to this podcast, I will lure you here with the soft melodic tones of Elvis Presley. Hello, welcome. Thank you for joining. What a shusha, shush, shish, shoo, we have today.

Today is a special show. It's not your everyday regular show. Today's show is dedicated to a special guest, a very funny man. He's a gentleman who I have featured on the Harland Highway before. I had him in segments, but loved him so much, enjoyed talking with him so much. Today I've dedicated the whole show. He's a comedian. He's an actor.

He's a very funny and quick, quick-witted gentleman. his name's Orney Adams and you can find out more about Orney at ornyadams.com but we will get into that later. Right now let's get into talking and meeting and getting to know a mysterious man named Orney Adams right here on the mysterious Harland Highway.

I want to be your H-A-R-L-A-N-D because you're the only girl that I want to see. be your H-A-R-L-A-N-D Williams Williams I've got the sideburns I've got the chin Come on baby

Pretty baby Let me in Oh thank you I've got the side burns I've got the chin Come on baby Pretty baby Let me in

Don't you hear it when you're going And a hot dog flies into your magic Oh Yeah Because I want to be The H-A-R-L-A-N-D Welcome to the Harland Highway Hey, everybody, this is Harland Williams here on the Harland Highway.

And if you listen to the archived episodes of the highway, you will see that there's only been three or four comedians, Dane Cook, Tom Green, and this next guy who is a treat. He's a special friend. He's one of the few guys we've had on here. You're going to love them all over. again. It's like having special K again for the first time. Orney Adams is here with me. Orney with an O is it? Still with an O. Still with an O. Okay. And Adams with an A?

Sometimes there's a silent P. Oh, really? Yes. So it'd be Orney Adams if I really enunciated it. Sometimes my initials are AP. Oh my God. I shop there. Yes. Now Adams, are you any relation to the historical figure Ansel Adams? No, that's the photographer. He's the nature. Are you any relation to the nature photographer, Ansel Adams? I am related to LeBron James. It's what?

Yes. The silent P. James. Yes, I've been. Well, it's French. It's all. Okay. LeBron and Fathoms, you know. We are in, where are we?

We are on the Harland Highway, buddy. That's right. But we're in another country. Can we say what? We can. say yeah we are we are in uh Canada Canada Montreal and you know I've been here several times yeah you know and as you for the well you grew up in Canada but I don't remember people speaking this much French well we are in the French province we're in Quebec well I understand that but I've

been here before but I it felt like English was the default last time and now I feel like uh like even the people begging on the streets yeah begging in French which is great because I have no idea what they're saying so I don't feel bad just walking by them because they're like, abishabalashkibilababa, and you're like, whatever, dude. Yeah, I'm sorry. English gets the buck. So it's like guilt-free begging. I love it.

Oh, my God. You should wander around Chinatown then. You'd feel really guilt-free. Yeah, nothing. Nothing. Sorry. Yeah, eat the rat running around your foot. Oh, my God.

Is Chinatown dirty? Is that what you're saying? Not, I'm saying, I don't. Yeah. I like to get myself in trouble in the first minute of the podcast. Well, it is. You know, I hate to say it, but I've been in many Chinatowns where a lot of the markets are out on the street, a lot of the produce is in the street. And whenever you leave things out on the sidewalk, that can attract the rodents.

Right. And I watch that Bizarre Foods with Zimmer, whatever his name is. And he goes to places like that, and they eat rat. They eat exotic stuff that we just. We scoff at. Well, let me ask you this. Good, good topic. What is the most exotic thing you've ever eaten?

I had pig ears recently. Pig ears. Isn't that a dog treat? Have you been to animal in Los Angeles? It's like this really nice restaurant. And we ordered the pig ear appetizers. Come on. What is it like tapioca pudding in a pig ear?

It's like they were fried and they were like crunchy and they didn't. taste they just taste it like fried cartilage oh god sounds deliciously horrible yeah was it good did it like bacon or anything i mean it's a pork product no you know dogs eat those yes they sell them in bags i didn't know that yeah pigs ears this is probably where they got them yeah they probably went about a bag of pigs ears at pecko for like 499 and served it to you for 1299 more than that per year with white truffles, I'm sure. They have a white truffle pig ears at Petco? Probably.

I mean, you know, dogs these days are supposed to. That's a weird, weird thing to eat and eat. I mean, you'd think it would run away from your plate because it would hear you coming or something. If I do remember correctly, the question you asked me was, what is the weirdest thing you were ever? So for you to snap at me like this. I did, yeah. I really did snap at you. What I should have done is at you, you know?

What should have oinked at you? What's the This isn't very professional That's Pecko Let me Let me shut that off We do not want Pecko calling Who is Kim

Kim? Kim I just saw the name Kim On the picture on your Oh oh that's my hookup in Chinatown Joe Man Kim Yeah Gets me all my rat

Yeah What's the weirdest thing that you've eaten The weirdest thing I've eaten I've eaten A Scorpion Oh, that's cool. There's a restaurant in Los Angeles called Typhoon, which is down at the Santa Monica Airport, of all places. And they serve scorpion and cricket and ants.

I've had a big bowl of deep-fried ants. Wow. And I've eaten caribou. I've had... Kangaroo, I'm sure you've had. I have a kangaroo. I've had ostrich, and when I was in Africa, they served up some kind of wild, like springbok or something, like some type of antelope that I never wanted to eat.

eat, but it was delicious, and now I know what lions are all about. Wow. And when you eat ants, is it good, or is it just so you can say I ate ants? They were actually good. I mean, I think what they did is they stir-fried them or deep-fried them. So I've learned that anything with a fried coating on it is delicious. Right. Like anything.

Anything. Yeah. Anything. So a pig's ear. It's kind of like lobster. Yeah. It's like, is a lobster that good or is it that you're soaking it in butter for 30 seconds before you put in your mouth? Yeah, that's true.

I don't know. I think it's a bit of both. I love lobsters. One of my favorite foods. Now, with the pigs here, was there, did you have to, like, take a Q-tip and clean it out first? No, they did that. They did that. But, but legally, like, you know, when you go to get your car fixed and they replace a part?

Yeah. And legally, they have to show you or give you the old part. Yeah. Legally, they had to give us the Q-tips. Oh, really? Yes. Were they all waxy and, you know, pigs have cleaner ears than humans. A lot of people, you know, dogs, their mouths are cleaner. Yeah. So when a dog licks you or what, they're actually cleaner than our mouths. And pigs' ears are cleaner. A lot of this stuff is not on Wikipedia because I see you're looking on your computer right now. It's not there. Yeah, no. You know stuff that others don't. Absolutely. Absolutely. I mean, I'm a keeper of business. bizarre facts bizarre facts oh i love it well i have some questions here for you that i can't wait to get to buddy this is great you really prepared you know what you can do is uh you can just

cut whatever we just for the first 15 minutes there you just cut it and then we just go right in no no i love the first that was awesome really absolutely how many guests do i have that have eaten the ears of a pig none hello right i mean we could stop right now and i'd be completely happy oh really because i'm feeling it's insecure like i've let you down already okay no no no i think tom comes up here he's probably as tom green has chicks and he's drinking and it's a party and never eating pigs ears tom green is eating a lot of stuff but never pigs ears buddy that's true um here's something i want to talk to you about because we touched on it uh earlier like in some conversations we had when we were hanging out are people

angry today and if so why are they angry ornie what are the what are they angry about I think the world has let us down. I think it's an angry world. And I think that people used to keep opinions to themselves. But with the internet, everybody is out there just seething. And about the dumbest, I was on staples.com. Yeah. People are writing bad reviews about rubber bands.

Come on. I mean, how little do you have going on in your life that you're writing bad reviews about, or reading bad reviews about rubber bands? What could it possibly? It didn't stretch enough? It wasn't. I can't, I'm not kidding, I printed it out at a time, but yeah, there were, like, there were certain things that people were upset, they didn't hold up over time, they didn't, and it was like crazy people were like, I wrap my food up in a zip lock and they put the rubber band around and it doesn't hold up in the fridge. It was like, like bizarre uses for rubber bands. But yeah, people, I think people are just, uh, just, I think the world is, uh, it's, it's sad. It's, see, I think our problems used to be localized. Okay. So you had your friends. You had your friends. You had your friends. family and you heard but now with with Twitter and Facebook it's like all of a sudden

everybody else's problems are my problem I'm feeling sad today well I don't give a shit I don't even know who you are but now I have to know you're sad or my car broke like everybody it's a bitch fest the whole world it feels like is a bitch fest yeah right it really is when people are whining about the elasticity of elastics it's a you're right it's it's it's gone too far and people so i i you know and i i i i talk about it a lot in my routine so i don't know if you know that when you ask me but i really do because it's the opinions of others that have been imposed on me via twitter facebook or just emails in general i mean the yeah seething amount of of hatred that's been sent my way for no other reason than i'm just up on stage trying to make

people laugh and bring joy to their life and i don't attack people so it's it's odd to me but i just i go what's the solution yeah and i actually figured out we could actually through only positivity in good comments elevate the great things and by default the stuff that doesn't get great comments just withers away. So if a movie blows

everybody doesn't have to come out and say the movie blows we just don't say anything but about the movies that are great we talk about it as being so great and you know that that's a great product. Got it. Okay. And so I think that I really think it's a sad sad world right now with everybody

being so critical about nonsense. You know what? I think the solution is, you know, they say that for every action there's an equal and opposite reaction. And you know what I think might make the world a more gentle, wonderful places if

everyone carried around like a little bottle of cinnamon. Like if someone like, again, you off with the finger, you just sprinkle some cinnamon on their finger. And it just invalidates the anger. Or if someone swears at you, you just blow a little

cloud of cinnamon in their face. Is it the straight cinnamon powder or is it the kind that's been mixed with the sugar already? It's the sugar cinnamon. Like if you're at a funeral parlor and they're doing a showing, you know, just sprinkle a little cinnamon on the corpse and it's not so sad anymore.

Cinnamon. Right. The white sugar or the unprocessed unbleached brown sugar that would match the cinnamon or is it going to clash? Yeah, the match cinnamon. You just want some nice sweet cinnamon. Like, even not to be graphic, but even if you took a dump you know that's never pleasant just little cinnamon in the toilet and makes it nice

you know i mean god i feel like you're somehow financially tied to the cinnamon industry at this point because there's no way you really feel i mean i just went on a absolute uh tirade with thought uh and you counter with uh the the cinnamon solution but isn't it nice don't you think like cinnamon kind of makes everything a little nicer what i love about your comedy and i hope you're not offended that I do call a comedy I hope that's not uh is it's so uh whimsical it's so just it's so different than you know then like I'm up there just so serious and like you know people will say how can you be that upset about the cap lock key being so close to the shift key yeah and it's like I just I get and I just love what you do because it's just it's such an

escape and what made you just think of cinnamon I I don't know because I thought what's what's the opposite of anger and cinnamon just is so sweet and gentle it really is and it's probably a comfort food for you yeah and it takes the edge off of everything you know like if someone does a drive-by at you like roll down your window and just start spring throwing sprinking cinnamon at them springing that's the new word drive-by springing what about a little lot nutmeg on the holidays i'm in yeah yeah it'd be like an eggnog or ramma yeah yeah all right Well, listen, I've got to ask you this. This is a deeper question.

This is more intense, and this is just you. I want to know what you do in this scenario. I just want to know on your sheet, does it say whatever Orny Adams says, cinnamon? This is the response on the last one? Is that a... It does. It's so funny. It really does.

It really does. I wrote cinnamon and big giant cap. the letters. No, I don't know. I feel like you're a magician. Like, did you have that written down before? Did you just put it? What was your mind? This is the word you were thinking. Cinnamon. Everything works out, man. Um, but this is a little darker. And, uh, I need to know from you if the sun goes black, if the sun just stops, where does Orney Adams go? What does Orney Adams do? The sun goes black. Just stop shining. Well, I think it already has in most of our lives.

Wow. Cinnamon. Cinnamon. It's, you know, if that happens, it's Armageddon. We're all on the streets. We're, it's fist-to-cups. I know that, but what do you do? I want to hear your, don't tell me what society does.

Where do you go? Where are you? First thing I do is, well, I'm going to have a lot of food. I'm like a hoarder because we live in Los Angeles. Where is the food? Where are you hoarding? I have several days of food. Where?

In your apartment? Yeah, I'm not going to say where. Oh, oh. Yeah, I'm not going to say where. Smart. Clever. Right. Okay.

So several days worth. So if the sun goes black, you'll make it until Thursday? I'm fine for several. So I'm going to outlive a lot of you people, okay? A lot of you people. Wow. Then, I don't know if you know this in Arizona, which I always keep enough gas so I can drive there. I rent space in a bunker.

So I can actually go underground into my bunker. Which I've, you have to be accepted. It's sort of like Noah's Ark. It's like a two by two. So I fit into some sort of category that, you know, for the preservation of mankind, it's imperative that I continue on. And, you know, I go under my bunker. Now, you say you live in Los Angeles. Can I tell you the weirdest thing about the bunker?

Yeah. Because it's like all government provided, but still 1295 a day for Internet access. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Good bars? It's got everything except every time I'm like, well, why aren't we getting free high speed? Yeah. I mean, it's Arbengading, I'm getting upstairs, on top.

Yeah. It's just, but they said the cost, the infrastructure to put it in there, they have to charge us for the high speed. Well, you know what I'm doing if the sun goes, but you've got a bunker in Arizona. And this is really weird because in the neighboring state, New Mexico, I have a Jefferson. and I'm going to go right down into my Jefferson and while you're in your bunker, you know, maybe we can communicate somehow. You know what we should do is we should pitch in

and I can't imagine it's terribly expensive and buy one of those, you know, duct tours, those boats that go above ground and in the water? Just tool around. If things are rough on land, we just go into the water. Screw you, everybody! And there's a guy up there with a little microphone. Yeah. On the right, people beating each other up and shooting each other for food.

Unbelievable. And we're... And we have the west of... Affleck. Affleck. I wonder if Affleck has black sun insurance. Yeah. Affleck.

The sun's gone black. Affleck. Now, you heard me, right? Now, sometimes I don't know with you if sometimes you're offended by really bad, horrible humor. but you heard me when I told you I had a Jefferson in New Mexico, right? But I don't know what a Jefferson in New Mexico is. What does that mean? Well, you have a bunker.

Yeah. So I have a Jefferson. Is that, are these characters in a sitcom from the 70s? Yes. Oh, from the Jeffersons? Yes. You have a bunker, Archie Bunker. I thought you were just rolling by it because it was so horrible. You didn't even acknowledge it.

No, I thought this is, it was really bad. I got insecure. I go, what's it, Jefferson must be something like a hovercraft that I don't even know what it is. Good. I'm glad you because it was really, really bad. And I'm admitting it. I'm here. I'm sprinkling cinnamon on myself right now. You can just edit this out. That's what's great about having you on podcast. But I won't do that to you. Because the worse I look, the more you shine. No, I think that no matter what, when I'm with Harlem Williams, there's no shining. There is shining. There's glowing like the metal on the edge of the knife meatloaf. Oh, this is going to be fun. This is something I've always wondered about you.

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and 100% free shipping code Harlan. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. Did you go out and collect critters? Like when you were a boy? No. You never went out look for snakes or toads. No. Really?

Wait, where did you grow up in a city? No, I grew up in a suburb, but I was into, uh, no critters? No,

I was into weird. I was into, I was into, I was into, I was into weird things. I was into, uh, paper,

business stuff. Collecting business supplies. I always was fascinated by, what? Paper clips and pads of paper and, uh, and, and I had a mini,

uh, a mini, like a mini, like a mini, like closet of, uh, you know, office supplies, at my own, yeah.

Like, did you have a terrarium and you'd put different office supplies in the terrarium? You better believe it, yeah. Watch them interact. No, I did, not in a, no, but I had like a, you know, I always wanted to have an office.

I've never had a job. Really? That's amazing. You never had a fascination with, oh, look at the cricket or the snake or. No. Wow. Not at all.

You? I was fascinated. I collected everything I could grab, but. And where's that now? It's probably, you know, in the ground because those things don't live as long as humans unless I found a tortoise which would outlive me for a long time.

Didn't you kill? I remember one time I found it like a dead butterfly or something or maybe I did kill it. You put a pin through it and you put it in a glass bottle. Okay, so you did that. Yes.

Well, then you had a fascination with it. But then I read that that was a prelude to becoming a mass murderer and I go, well, I'm on to office supplies now. Oh, wow. Yeah. Maybe you're just a very organized methodical mass murderer. Remember when you were typecast as a mass murderer in a movie?

Yes. Yes. But it's just a movie. My killing days are behind me, buddy. Yeah. It's actually a limitations. Yeah. It's not fun.

So did you not have any pets or anything? What made you think to ask me if I collected? Do I look like a critter collecting? Because, you know, we live in a world where it's all about the here and now. You're, people are wrapped up in their career and they're wrapped up in business and they're wrapped up in everything. Oh, let's talk about the internet. And I thought, no, I always try to look for the innocence. I think about people when you were a little boy and what you were like before the world got a hold of you.

And I thought, I'd love to, I'd love to know if Orney Adams, just as a little kid would just sit for half an hour and watch an inchworm climb up a twig. Now, I was always, I lived in a small town and you could go out on your bike. So you'd leave at like eight in the morning. You'd bite to your friend's house and play basketball. And somebody would feed you at some point during the day in the town. And then you'd come home. You had to be home at five for dinner. Yeah.

And you were always just tooling around with people having fun and playing games and doing stuff like that. Or you'd go to like somebody's house because their parents had Doritos. Yeah. And you didn't have Doritos or somebody else like cable TV. And that's, that's, but it was very simple. But most kids, most humans have a natural curiosity. Like, if you're, you're a, your brains forming and your minds forming and you're walking down the street and you go, oh, my God, there's a baby raccoon. Most kids would just gravitate towards it like bees to honey, but you would just be like, oh, my God, there's some file folders.

Yeah, well, a raccoon could be rabid. It could, uh, wow. Wow. So you'd walk past like a baby cute raccoon eating a peanut. Yeah, still would. To get to some, like, a staple remover or something. Number two pencils. Wow.

Yeah. You fascinate me. You fascinated me that you would ask me that question. It's just, uh, really? Yeah, I can say that no one's ever asked me, uh, I should have a better answer. Well, no, your answer's beautiful. It's actually surprising and shocking and I, because I was insecure that I let you down with my answer.

You can, don't be insecure around me. Yeah, I just felt like I let you down. You've never let me down. That was an amazing answer. I loved it. It was unexpected. I love the unexpected. Me too.

But the problem is now, see, I, in, in my podcast, when I have, you know, my guests, I like to give them a nature quiz. I do a three-question nature quiz. Well, I can still take the quiz. You can take it. And, you know, now that you've said you've kind of ignored the natural world most to your life. Right. And probably spent your time in IKEA where they set up the little off-the-showroom things.

Love IKEA. Yeah, that's fun. Staples I love. Staples you love. But I'm going to give you a nature. And what I do is I give you the clue to what the critter is. I'm all around it. And let's see if you can nail it.

And folks, this will be extra good for a guy that never really invested much time in nature. If you get these, you're a superstar. I'm going to cover you with cinnamon. I'm pretty confident. All right. Let's do the first one, okay? The first one's a reptile. Okay.

Orney Adams, ladies and gentlemen, with the Harland Highway Nature Quiz. Here we go. Here's your clue. I may act like a baby, but be warned, I will kill you. Hmm I'm going to go with caribou No that's not a reptile Oh you said reptile

Yeah it's a reptile Okay what's the clue again I may be I may act like a baby But I will kill you Reptile Eguana Not sure I'm getting How you're factoring in the clue there

I seem very random And you just thought of your first reptile Put the pieces together No no the first reptile is obviously an alligator or a crocodile. Right, but I'm looking for a specific name of a specific... There's a clue in here. Oh, there's okay, say it again.

I may act like a baby, but be warned, I will kill you. Baby. So obviously it's a lethal reptile. I'm going to give you that. I think they're all lethal. I really do, yeah. There's very few reptiles I don't run from. Maybe if you rub, like, some file folders or a three-hole punch on your body, it will stimulate.

I feel like the big clue is baby. Baby is a huge clue. And plus, it's lethal. These are major clues. I will kill you. I may act like a baby. It's like in the snake family. Like, like a rattlesnake.

Bingo. It was? Well, what do babies have? Oh, can I, where's my phone? I got a rattle. buddy look at when i was hiking the other day i came across a rattlesnake and we have a perverted we have a picture we came across a rattlesnake came right on and then we oh that's sick i know i know well i you're lucky you didn't strike i'm very you struck first apparently well

listen this is how i roll you've actually had it and here you are saying you've ignored nature now you're pulling out your cell phone you're showing me an actual encounter with well i The very first critter I bring up, an obscure lethal snake. Right. I don't know how to take you. It's right there. And if you see, I have a, I travel with a Mexican with a machete, and he's got the rattlesnake. Fulentes?

Is that Fulentes in there? Do you see, uh, do you see the rattlesn? I kind of see some shadows. I don't know if I'm going to call you. Oh, wow. Yeah. Where was this? Runyon Canyon.

Okay, folks. I'm sitting here. Orney just pulled out his phone. There's a jogging canyon where, where healthy. people like Orney go to workout, and there are rattlesnakes, and this is a picture of a full-blown rattlesnake. Yeah, yeah. I'm going to show you something amazing.

Something even more. Of all the random things, we just talked about how you ignore nature your whole life. Right. I mentioned the first random animal. You pull out your cell phone and have pictures of you interacting. Right. And there's no office supplies in the background. There's no thumbtacks.

There's no. clasps there's no ink refill cartridges it's just you and a rattlesnack right and i could show you something else if we if i had time i would show you something else that uh see this blows my mind that's why your answer facet is with orny you never know how he's going to bring it around right and i always do bring it back and here and i'm going to show you something even more lethal but what makes me amazed is you didn't have the answer you should have had that boom for a guy who's never seen a rattlesnake it's a bit you obviously wrangle them you should have known more lethal who is that at the lakers game that is uh i have no idea what is he doing it's a tall man with glasses and a baseball hat

and he's giving me what a wedgy a bunny ears oh i didn't notice that okay that's neil diamond come on neil diamond all right well i'm i'm going to tell you right now neil diamond is like, should be in an adult diaper at Prune Manor. That guy is older than I can imagine. Wait a minute. Oh, my God. I see the way you're bringing this round because that rattlesnake was a diamond back rattlesnake.

Now you got it. So you're picking up on the clues. You turned the quiz around on me. Yeah, now you're picking up on. So now you're getting, now you're starting to understand. You are a master. Yeah, this is a little bit. Wow.

Yeah, this is a little. little bit bigger and beyond and i believe yeah the way you did that i didn't i i was not under the impression that you were going to pick up on on that the way you did uh you're smart well i understand clues yes you let's see if you understand them because we've got two more nature questions for you and i can't wait to see what's in your cell phone yeah yeah because i i have the the answer visually i have okay you're ready for question too yes yes sir i am all right ready here we go I am big, I am hairy, and I am smelly, and although I survive near extinction, many wish the city named after me hadn't. Big, hairy, smelly.

Smelly. And although I survived near extinction, many wish the city named after me hadn't. Big bear. No. Is this a U.S. city? Yes, it is. Think of big, hairy, smelly creatures that survive near extinction. This is easy to narrow down, wild thing.

Well, I don't know. I'm trying to think of what has almost been extinct in them would be a city. It's almost like if you would ask the first half, I probably could have gotten it. But then you tie in a city. All right, let's get rid of the city. There's a lot of big, smelly, hairy thing that survive near extinction. Big. Oh, Bigfoot.

No. Bigfoot. No. Bigfoot, Massachusetts. No. Yes. People hate Bigfoot, Massachusetts. No.

We've never proven there's a big foot. This is a real critter. But you said it's big. Is it bigger than me? It's much bigger than you. It's very big. I don't know what animal came close to. I'll give you another.

One time there were millions of them. millions right here in north america i think we're back to the caribou we're back uh moose uh you're in the neighborhood uh god but moose and caribu were never uh on the near extinction list do people get these right away some people do amazing right yeah yeah but most people uh you know there are people that grew up a void of office supplies yeah well your mind's probably drifting to like a mahogany desk right now or a retractable chair. It's the city thing.

You're going to correlate them. What was an animal that is and smelly? Is it necessarily smelly? It doesn't have to, it probably is, but you can say musty. You can take away the smell. It's not like a skunk thing. See, I keep going to, all

my mind keeps flashing to is an elephant. And it's blocking everything and there's no elephant extinction. There was no... Right. The elephants, You probably didn't roam North America. I might have to get assistance with this one. Why don't I give you the color? See if that knows again.

Brown. Doesn't help. I mean, everything's brown. Named me one animal that didn't almost go extinct that wasn't brown. Polar bear? Yeah. Brown. Brown. Brown, you are destined. You come out of the womb, brown. It's like, shit.

Our days may be done on this planet. All right. Let me give you one more hint. And if this doesn't do it, I'm probably going to, you know, rub a filing cabinet on your head, which is probably what you want. Yeah. It had horns. Well, I knew we had horns when we

I mean, I got that. You've got that. I knew it had horns. Now, there's a difference between antlers and horns. You know that, right? Antlers fall off. Horns are affixed to the skull. I didn't know that. They're permanent. So what is he, what is it? Buffalo. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. They were almost driven to extinction. All you'd say was find me a home. Well, These are clues. I'm trying to guide you to it. I'm not trying to hand it to you. Why didn't I just give you a clue, Buffalo? Why don't you have it written down so I get, like cinnamon?

Well, so if it comes down to it, I don't have to embarrass myself. All right, this last one I think you're going to get it. And I'm not trying to embarrass you. I'm just, you know, this is just fun cartoon fun bag. I'm just trying to find this picture for you. You have a picture of a Buffalo or I bet you have a picture of you in Buffalo. I actually, and it doesn't look like I'm going to find it. But no.

Did you really bring up Neil Diamond to co-related it to the Diamondback? Because I have the feeling you had no idea there was a species of rattlesnake called the Diamondback. You know so little about nature. No, I know that. I'm two steps ahead of you, buddy. That's why you brought up the Neil Diamond pitcher. Can I tell you something? I've been in this business so long that I know right now it's one-to-one.

And if I nailed the second one, there's no cliffhanger, I already won. Right now, the listeners, they tune out if it was one, one. Oh, great. So we know he wraps up after the three stupid questions and gives the goddamn plugs. We don't give a shit that One of Adam says a comedy special coming out in October, one hour special. They don't want to hear that shit. They just want to know, does Oney Adams triumph? Does he win the three questions?

Well, if I just win it in two, who gives a shit? You're right. So here's what we're going to do to ensure. You're right. Cliffhanger. We're going to plug everything you need to plug right now. And then at the end of the plugs, we're going to do your third question. There's no plugs.

The bottom line is it doesn't matter. They're listening to a podcast right now. And if they're enjoying themselves, then that's all that matters. But it does matter because in my mind, you're one of the funniest guys. You're one of my favorite comedians. And I want people to know where they can see you, where they can hear you, where they can go to watch you, where they can buy your merchandise. So let's do that right now. Orney, where can these cats get more orny?

Well, next month, October, my one-hour comedy special will be airing on Comedy Central. Fantastic. An hour. See, folks, most comics get half an hour. Orney's so good he's getting an hour. I love it. What else? And then the DVD, which accompanies, comes out that week. What's it called? Orney Adams takes the third. Orney Adams takes the third. It's all about our Third Amendment rights.

Okay. Part of it is, and made funny, believe it enough. And where can they get your comedy album? That will be iTunes. It'll be everywhere. Everywhere. And you have a website they can buy it? Orneyadams.com has my first path of most resistance, my first DVD and CD.

Which is great. I own that. Thank you. Yeah. And that's a hub. So if you go to Orney Adams.com, it's got all the links for Facebook and Twitter and YouTube and IMDB, everything. And it's got your touring schedule, right? Because Orney folks, if you've got to get out and see Orney, I promise you, Harland Williams,

promises you he's great you will laugh there's a lot of comedians that do the circuit just like there's a lot of singers some are great some are okay some try hard orney is great i'd want you to go out and see him and his touring schedule is at orneyadams dot com it's all there got to check him out i promise you you'll really have an amazing time now do we get everything here because i want to make sure i'm fine i'm i'm anxious for the question good i think our listeners are waiting with baited breath, which is interesting that I said that because our last question is about a fish. Oh, I don't need seafood, but I'm going to go with John Dory. What does that mean?

You just confused me. Well, I think that you would ask a question like, I'm not, I could be in the sea or I could be your neighbor that owes you 10 bucks. John Dory! Your neighbor's John Dory? Yes, and he owes me $10. Wow. Wow, I wish I had that written. Or it could be this.

Or it could be, I taste good with a little basil and butter, and I was also great in the movie Animal House. Flounder! Nice, buddy. I mean, I should be writing the questions. See that? You should have turned it around and stumped me. Yeah.

But too late. I go great on the Barbie, and I'm great getting my ass kicked on the playground. Shrimp. All right. See, now this indicates to me that you know how to do this now. There's no excuse for you not to get this third one. I've caught my rhythm. Okay.

You've got the rhythm. You've figured out how to put the clues together. Little rope would go. Little old or he's up against the ropes. Is he going to, he's going down? Boom! You are a full-flesh hardy boy. You're getting all the clues, Nancy Drew.

Here we go. You ready? Yep. I slink through the sea, but I'd rather be at Home Depot or in the Red Light District. Mermaid No, it's a real Oh, well, yeah, it's got that Yeah, get out of your fantasy landlord of the rings

I slink I slink through the sea But I'd rather be at Home Depot Or the Red Light District It's like a slutty fish That owns a home It's a whore fish The Tuna of the Sea

It's the slut the uh the uh home depo oh so i i'm assuming they're in a shell and they come out of their shell no no it's i'll give you a clue it's a predator it's a predatory fish which is like a shark bingo bingo here my head bingo come on come on fire it up that's what i'm talking about You got a kid. Wow. Wow. See?

Wow. You did it, buddy. What the F does the red light district have to do with that? Well, he'd go to Home Depot to get a hammer. Uh-huh. And he'd go to the Red Light District to get a little head. Right. Oh, I thought Hammerhead was something you asked for in the home in the...

No, that's why the Red Light District. Man, I mean, and you did say, it should have been Home Depot first, then Red Light, so it'd go Hammer Head. That's what I said. Oh, you did? Yeah. I'm not going to be able to take an nap before my shows now. I just got so excited. You're fired up.

The only thing is there's no prize, but there is some writing paper there you can take if you want because you're like an office product. That was exhilarated. That was unbelievable. Well, congratulations. Thank you. You really nailed the third one. And I would go so far as to say you won because of that, even though there's no winner you won. Listen, just being on this podcast, just being on the Harlan Highway.

you're a winner there are no losers yeah there are no losers on the hollow losers and all my listeners are are all winners except maybe there's one kid in minnesota with braces and pimples and he's a real loser and i'll take him as a fan yeah you'll take him off of my hands and put him on the orney expressway that's right no i would never you own this is your galaxy this is your thing this is this is it yeah we are glad that you were part of it orny uh we have actually come to the end of the road here today amazing experience we want to thank orney adams uh please please folks visit orney's website and like we talked about earlier uh get his his CDs uh find out where he's touring and make sure you watch his one hour stand-up comedy special on comedy central hitting the airwaves in

october you won't regret spending time the way i did today with orney adams orney thank you Thank you, Harlan. This is Harlan Williams, and as always, we'll see you next time. And until then, chicken chow main, baby. Thanks, bud. That was great. That was really cool. I can believe I got it.

Yeah, you got fired off. Oh, I really did. I love it. The four people in the next room. I love it, buddy. That's really cool. Thank you.