The Harland Highway - PODCAST 195 - THANKSGIVING SPECIAL

Episode Date: November 24, 2010

It's our annual Thanksgiving day parade hosted by John Waters and John Starter - Have fun, and be sure to give thanks for your face! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Cherokee people, Cherokee tribe, so proud to live, so proud to podcast. Yes, yes, it is time to give thanks for everything, but especially the Harland Highway. It's Thanksgiving, and as promised, this is our big Thanksgiving podcast. Uh, exciting, exciting podcast as we do, uh, every year. Uh, we go live to the Harland Highway Thanksgiving Day parade with our color commentators, uh, John Walters and John starters. They'll be looking at all the floats and, uh, it's just a lot of fun. I know in, uh, previous years, maybe it hasn't gone so well. Hopefully this is the year, the magic year that we have wonderful things.

floats and you know everything goes off without a hitch wouldn't that be nice that's something to give thanks for um so i think you uh you're gonna have a good time i'm going to uh put my park on i'm going to get down there i'm going to be standing on the side of the uh on the side of the road enjoying the parade hope you have a good time happy thanksgiving get your stuffing out because you're on the harland highway Welcome to the Harland Highway Hi, I'm Chuckie you want to play Please go away and leave me alone

You just made a wrong turn onto the Harland Highway Man, keep it going, love the show, you're hilarious My blanche and my blue blanket, give me my blue blanket You're riding down the Harlan Highway How are you going to do you? I don't know. It's the Holland Highway. Have you checked the children? It's a Thanksgiving Day treat.

Oh, yes. Look, I don't profess to be a great cook, okay? But I've got a suggestion for you, people. I don't cook much. I'm not a great cook, but one thing, I have learned to cook over the years is a Thanksgiving or a Christmas turkey. I don't know why

I just took it upon myself one day to do it. I was like I want to make a good turkey. So upon the recommendation of somebody somewhere, I can't remember who or where or what or how, they recommended

a turkey bag. Okay, if you're cooking a festive holiday turkey I can't not recommend it okay here's how it works someone invented these things called turkey

bags okay you take your turkey and you get it all ready and then you buy these things called turkey bags at the grocery store and what you do is it looks like a garbage bag it looks like a plastic garbage bag

it's clear so you can see through it and I don't know what the properties are of this bag, but for some reason you put it in an oven at 350 degrees and it doesn't melt, it doesn't burn, it doesn't do anything. I don't know if Superman made these bags. I don't know if they're made out of the same material that Superman wore. I don't get it. I don't understand the chemical makeup of these bags

that they don't melt in an oven. It's bizarre, but it works. So here's what you do. You buy these turkey bags. They don't cost anything to get, really. Okay? You put a little bit of flour inside your turkey bag. Okay, and you shake it all around so that there's like a little lining of flour all over the bag.

You put your turkey in it. You twist-tie the end, and you put the bag in the pan. the uh whatever the pan is you're the turkey pan or whatever i don't know what i told you i don't know much about this is the only thing i know about cooking and i'm passing it on to you and you put your turkey in and you cook it for the allotted amount of time whatever uh the poundage is of your turkey and i'm telling you man okay just trust me i want you to trust me on this people this turkey will come out better juicier moisture than any turkey you're putting in there without this bag even though i know you're basting it with olive oil and butter and garlic

butter and you know fish oil i don't care how many times you baste it i don't care if you cook your turkey underwater this turkey bag will give you the moistest, well-rounded turkey. It will keep your turkey moist on every crack, crevice, crinkle. Starting to sound dirty, but it just, because the bag encompasses the turkey, it locks in all the moisture, and it just gives you the best, I think, I'm willing to say it could be possibly one of the best turkeys you have in terms of that moist texture.

No more, oh, this turkey's good, but it's dry. Can I get some salting crackers for my dry turkey? This will alleviate that problem. And take it from me, a guy who doesn't cook much, I mean, I've raved about my own turkeys. People that have eaten my turkeys, they're like, this is wetter than Rosie O'Donnell's track pants. Okay, I probably just ruined the whole moment.

Oh, God. I think I'll cook my turkey and Rosie O'Donnell's track pants this year. How about that? No, but this is my one and only real cooking tip you'll probably ever get from me. And even if you're a dopey dude like I am and you say, I can't cook, man. I'm going to challenge the dudes listening. If you want to impress your girlfriend or your family, cooking a turkey is not that hard.

If you just want the turkey, here's what you. You buy the frozen turkey, you let it de-frost. Usually the cooking instructions are rate on the turkey. They give you a little tag. They tell you how to set your oven. They tell you how long you put it in at what heat. And that's it. But here's where you're going to get them, okay?

Put your damn turkey in a turkey bag. Because your mother, your father, whoever's cooking, probably does it the traditional way. And it's good. You know, it's good. It suffices. but I bet it's never as moist as everyone would like. This year, guys, okay, here's a little challenge,

and I'm going to do this at Christmas. When I go up to my family, I've already offered to make the turkey. But here's what I want the guys to do listening, or even you ladies who have a bad rap, everyone in your family is like, you don't cook, you suck. She's never cooked a day in her life.

I want you to surprise everyone. Okay, go out. buy the turkey bag, buy the turkey, defrost it, put the flour in the turkey bag, set the oven to whatever you need to set it to, let it cook, bang, boom. And on top of that, if you still want to baste your turkey with butter or oil or whatever, that's just going to enhance it even more.

But I think you'll get a lot of jealous people. I think you will blow your friends and family away. it's going to be hard to screw it up. If I can do it, you can do it. So there you go. At great risk, I'm asking the guys and the girls with the bad raps to do this, and I want you to let me know if I was right. Okay, if you get in trouble, if everyone thinks your turkey sucks, blame me.

But I have a feeling if I can do it, you can do it, and you're going to get rave review. So change it up this year and call me after Thanksgiving dinner and let me know what the reaction was. I hope it's amazing. Call me 323-215-1486. Hopefully you tell me some amazing turkey stories. I'm sure there might be a few nightmare ones. I hope not.

But the secret is turkey bag. Don't even tell anyone. okay that is your secret weapon i'm i'm telling you cook it before they get there whatever turkey bag okay that's our our little secret turkey bag we're going to cook the turkey dinner in a turkey bag i'm very excited to see how you do okay remember the numbers 323 215 1486 and speaking of exciting Oh, my God, this is our Thanksgiving show. Let's get to it. Every year we have a wonderful Thanksgiving Day parade.

There are floats, there's marching bands, there's costumes, there's music. It's festive, it's fantastic. It's right down there on the Harland Highway. We've got our two incredible commentators, John Walters and John Waters. And they're up there in the booth. They're looking down on the Harland Highway. The parade is going on, and it's just an exciting, fun time to get into the spirit of Thanksgiving. So I'm going to shut up, and let's get right to John and John with the Harlan Highway 23rd annual Thanksgiving Day parade.

Well, good afternoon, everybody, and welcome to... to the 49th annual Harland Highway Thanksgiving Day Parade. I'm your host, John Waters, here with John Starter. Thank you, John. It's good to be back again for another year. Let's hope that this year's parade finds a few winners in a sea full of losers. Well, now, John, let's not get off to a negative start as we see all the people now there, assembled in the street and a sunny blue sky here today,

and it should be a wonderful day for a parade, John. Yes, well, let's hope so. I mean, last year was a complete debacle. People were getting killed, people were getting injured. The last year's parade was not really working. Well, that was last year, John, and this is this year. Well, let's get ready for our very first float coming down the main street here, right down the Harland Highway, John.

It looks like our very first float here. It looks like the people from Slapchop have put together a wonderful float. Yes, John, and I'm a little worried about the Slapchop people having a float this year. Why is that, John? Well, I mean, look at that float. It's a giant slap chop. The same thing you see on the commercials with that bongo-eyed freak Vince

who's slapping and chopping vegetables. Well, I don't see why there's a problem with that, John. Well, just take a closer look. Look at that float. It's going up and down. They're throwing mushrooms and marshmallows and tomatoes into the giant slap chop. It's just a matter of time

till someone gets a scarf caught or the edge of a coat and into the slap chop they go. Well, you do have a point there, John. There's always safety concerns. Oh, there goes someone now, just as I called it. Somebody's scarf has been pulled. Oh, they've been pulled into the slap chop, and they're getting slap.

Oh, and there goes a chop. Oh, John, you're... Oh, there goes another slap. And a chop. Oh, Mom. That person is really getting chopped up and slapped. Oh, my God. What a mess body parts all over the place.

I knew it was just a matter of time. Our very first float. And look at this. Already someone's been dismembered. Oh, what a horrible debacle. Oh, look at those giant razor blades going up and down, up and down. they don't even know that someone's caught up in the slap chop, their flesh being mingled in with the mushrooms and the tomatoes and the green peppers.

Someone has just been officially made into a salad. A garden salad, John. I could agree with you more. A garden salad. Oh, my God. What a debacle. Well, now let's not get too down on the parade, John. This is the first float.

well, how far do you have to get into the parade to cry murder? I'm sorry, but the slapchop floats not really working, John. Well, then let's move on to our next float, John. This one's a lot of fun, and a lot of tender-loving care was put into this float, John. This was put together by the burn center here in town, the local bird center, and they've put together a wonderful giant float coming right down the Harlan Highway. Not really working, John.

Now, what do you mean, John? Well, you've got the burn victims walking beside the float. This is supposed to be about kids and families and laughing. What kid wants to come to a parade and see people walking down beside a float that look like Freddy Kruger? Well, now, John... No, I'm not.

I'm serious. Their skin's all shriveled and burnt. Some of them have singed faces. Their hands look like claws. They're shuffling along like mummies and zombies. What kind of ridiculous thing is this? If you want to see a child's eyes filled with terror, just put them out on the street while the Bernies walk by. Well, now, John, I don't think you want to call them Bernies. Well, what do you call someone who's mangled up flesh gets dragged down Main Street in front of families and kids. Let's call the Bernies what they are, Bernie's. Well, now, John, I think it's a wonderful sentiment that we can acclimate these poor people who are the victims of some type of fire or situation.

Oh, wait a minute. Somebody just lit a cigarette in the... Someone's lit a cigarette. They've got a lighter going and the Bernies are screaming. The Bernies are reacting in... and they're running all. One of the Bernies has just run under. They've been crushed by one of the float, the very float that was pulling the giant burn scab. Oh, John, this is horrible. Well, what do you expect? People smoke out in public. I mean, you're going to have people lighting matches. You're

going to have people lighting their lighters. And here's these Bernies walking beside a giant burn scab of a float. And they got spooked. John, and they got crushed underneath their own float. Oh, this is horrible. John, nothing worse than a Bernie, but wait, let me correct myself. Nothing worse than a Bernie splattered on the pavement. This float is not really working, John. Oh, this is a horrible turn of events.

Is it? Yes, John, it really is. We're going to take a break here, folks. We're going to be back in just a few minutes for more of the exciting Harland Highway 94th annual Thanksgiving Day Parade. Oh, my God. Somebody put some onion paper on those burnies. Just cover them up. Oh, my God.

Wow, okay. Well, we're off to a bit of a rocky start here, but, you know, we will be checking back in going back to the parade live for Thanksgiving. A lot of excitement in the air. Do you do the wishbone thing at Thanksgiving? Hey, everybody. Who wants to have better sex? No? Yes.

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okay kids make a wish okay yay and then you tell them to grab a side of the bone from the dead carcass of a bird and you tell them to pull at the same time and the person that gets the bigger half gets their wish and the other kid gets stiffed okay kids pull Oh, Billy, you got the big half, and Sally, you got the little half. Yay! I mean, what the hell? Could you do anything more to torment your own kids? It's kind of a weird ritual. I mean, who is the first person or family to ever do that?

How did that come apart? How could a bird have a lucky bone in it? And by the way, how lucky is the bird when you just finished eating it? And you've stripped it down to the wishbone. I don't know, man. If I was a turkey, I'd reach down my own throat, pull out my wishbone, and wish that no one ever caught me for Thanksgiving. I don't know. Turkey's a weird-looking bird, isn't it?

It's got that big piece of meat hanging from its neck, that big gobbledy. It looks like, I don't know. I don't know what it looks like. I hate to say, but it almost looks like a woman's lips. And I don't mean the lips up there. I mean the lips down there. I know it's kind of graphic and, but it's got kind of that weird texture, that bumpy, like, fleshy hanging texture.

horrible to say, but and it's all pink and just hanging there? What the hell is that thing that just dangles from their throat? What purpose does it serve in nature? Maybe it's like

a lot of birds. It's like a display thing. The males have these big hanging things because the females get turned on by it. I don't know. Well, let's see. The ladies will never see my big hanging pink thing underneath all these feathers on my body, so I will grow an extension of a big long pink thing hanging from my chin, meow. I don't know, probably the worst

deduction ever, and I've probably ruined your Thanksgiving. What? Up yours. Up yours again. a voice those birds have too up yours all right enough about bashing the turkey come on i already gave you a recipe idea i don't want to ruin it for you let's get back to our parade it's the harland highway thanksgiving day parade as we continue right down the harland highway Well, good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome back to the 29th annual Harland Highway Thanksgiving Day Parade. I'm John Waters here with my counterpart, John Starter. Thank you, John.

Great to be here today for the annual Thanksgiving Day parade. And what a parade we've had so far, John. say not really john none of the floats are really working well let's get to our next one and maybe this next one will impress you this is a new entry we've never seen this one before it looks like it's a float from sparky's sex shop down on main street yes john and inappropriate well what do you mean john well john look at all the children in the crowd look at the housewives Look at the family men, and here comes a float right down the middle of the street, shaped like a giant penis. Well, John, I think it's called a dildo.

Well, I don't know what you call it, John, but it's not really working. Well, John, I know it is a little, shall we say, risque. Risque my left testicle. Nobody needs a giant weiner floating down the middle. of the street. It looks like some kind of giant, sick worm moving along the side, the middle of the road. People are aghast, their mouths are hanging open. I just hope nobody's mouth is hanging open too wide. Well, now, John... No, don't John me. A penis's place is in the pants, not rolling down the middle of the street. Well, John, it seems to be causing a bit of command.

motion here. A lot of cheering, a lot of laughing, and it looks like the police down there are trying to keep everything contained. Well, yes, we've got the police on their police horses, trying to keep the crowd back. God forbid, a giant 40-foot penis slams into somebody in the crowd. Wait a second. What's that? It sounds like, oh my goodness, it looks like one of the wheels is popped off the float. Oh, my goodness. One of the wheels is popped off the float. Oh, my goodness. One of the wheels. has popped off the float. Oh my goodness, looks like the giant dildo is breaking loose

from its moorings. Oh, my God, it's heading straight for the department store. Oh, oh, it went right through the department store window. And now we have a giant palace rolling down Main Street.

Look at people are jumping on top of the giant penis rolling on it like a log roller in a lake. Oh, my goodness. Wow, some of them are really staying up there for quite a while, some real skill involved when it comes to log rolling. Well, it's not really log rolling, John. It's penis rolling at this point.

Well, whatever you call it. Well, that penis is moving down the street now. It's out of control. We have an out-of-control penis in the middle of the parade. Well, it looks like the police are moving into contain it. Oh, my goodness. That police horse is not getting out of the way. Oh, my goodness, look out. Oh, my goodness. Move, please. Oh, my goodness.

The dildo has gone right up the police horse. Oh, my God. This is obscene. That weaner. That cock. That weaner has no business here in the middle of this parade. Look at that poor horse. Oh, my goodness.

That horse has an expression on its face that I have never. ever seen. You're telling me, John, this float is not really working. Well, I have to agree with you, John. No horse deserves what that horse just got. And no citizen of this town deserves that type of smut in the middle of their Thanksgiving Day parade. That penis should go find a turkey and get stuffed. Okay, John, well, let's keep moving along to our next float. Yes, and let's do it fast so I can clear the vision of that giant pulsing tube steak out of my head. Well, John, it won't take you long to forget that because here comes a yearly favorite.

We see these folks every year. It's the sourdough delights pretzel shop. Yes, John, they are here every year, and unfortunately. Now, why do you say that, John? I feel like they've always put on an impressive show, had wonderful creative floats. Yes, John, but children dressed as pretzels walking down the street. Really? Not a smart move.

Now, why do you say that, John? The very nature of a pretzel, the very design and the physics behind a pretzel. It's twisted, it's twirling, it's a visual, collection of quagmire and chalidamide. Well, I'm not sure what that means, John. Exactly. It's all about confusion. The pretzels take the eyes on a ride that confuses the brain.

People get dizzy in the stands, standing on the sidewalk, and they fall over and get crushed by floats. But not only that, there's a lot of openings and holes in a pretzel design. So many of these kids wandering down the street as a cinnamon pretzel or a cheese pretzel or a salt pretzel get caught up on fire hydrants and mailboxes and things of the like and we find them four or five months later hanging in a skeletal form because they've been caught, they've been forgotten, and we've lost many children. Well, now, John, let's not rain on the parade.

so to speak. Sourdough Delights pretzel shop is one of our official sponsors this year of the Harland Highway Thanksgiving Day parade, so let's not dump on them too much. Oh, really? Well, what should I do?

Celebrate the stacked corpses of children in the graveyard as the water and the rain and the elements slowly wear away the yeasty dough surrounding their mummified corpses? Is that what I should do? Now, John, no, I'm going to stand up for what's right. No more pretzel.

Oh, look, there goes a kid right now. A child just got hung up on it looks like a mailbox or a newspaper box. He's struggling. I can see his pretzel flapping. He's twirling around. He's all wound up like a cinnamon pretzel. another pretzel child will meet his slow demise as he hangs there twisting in the wind, so to speak,

until one day the city comes along and cleans up his cinnamonny corpse. Wow, John, well, I guess I can't argue with you. There have been a lot of children go missing when the pretzel sourdough pretzel factory comes through. Yes, John, and because of that, this float, is not really working. Okay, John, well, we must take another break right now so that we can keep working.

Not really funny either, John. Well, I'm trying, John. Folks, stay with us. We'll be back with more incredible floats right here on the 143rd annual Harlan Highway Thanksgiving Day Parade. Oh, look at that. There's a bunch of crows coming here. down and pecking that pretzel child oh sweet cinnamon how many of you have been through this

where Thanksgiving or Christmas just ruins your exercise regime right you've been working out like since the spring you're like man I'm going to be buffed for the summer I'm going to be laying by the pool I'm going to be ripped I'm going to be toned right and you commit to it and you get buff for the summer and you're like i'm going to just keep this going there's no why why stop now i've done so much work right i've worked so hard to get my body lean and mean and sexy so all i got to do is keep going and you know put in an hour a day or half hour a day or go to the gym three days a week i've already got rid of the flab so now I'm in that zone where I just got to maintain and it's not as much work as when

you were losing it and then here comes Thanksgiving here comes Christmas and you go well it's Thanksgiving you know I'm going to break my little diet just for this dinner just for this meal oh and you sit down and you eat the turkey and you get the gravy and you get the corn and you get the and you get the mashed potatoes and you get the gravy on the mashed potatoes and you get the stuffing and you get the gravy on the stuffing and you get the green beans

and you get the scallop potatoes and then you get the gravy again and then you get the pumpkin pie and then you put the whipped cream on the pumpkin pie and then you have a second piece of pumpkin pie and you love it you just love it And you know halfway through the dinner, you're done.

You're like, my stomach is full. I already know I'm full. Not only am I going to finish this giant plate knowing that I'm full, I'm going to go and get some more, knowing that I'm full. And you think, okay, I've been working out all this time. I'm in great shape. This is my one chance to stuff it down my throat. I'm going to eat it.

I'm going to eat it. I'm going to eat it all just for this one day. and then guess what happens your brain and your mind and your stomach go damn that was too good that was too damn good mofo now i'm going to be going back to the gym for what hell no that was too damn good tomorrow and the next day and you know what I'm saying that damn holiday dinner remind you of how fun it is to stuff your face and be a pig and just keep eating oh and boom you're like you know what I hate so much I'm just going to take a week and unwind okay I'm not going to go to the gym hey it's the holidays right I'm going to kick back a little just enjoy the holidays and then three days go by and then four days go by and then a week and then two weeks and then a month and you're like it's only a month you know all next week i'm back

and then another month and then another month oh god and then by the next year when thanksgiving rolls around, you're 25 pounds heavier. It's brutal. Look, be honest. A lot of us have fallen into that, man. I'm guilty of that. I bet a lot of you are guilty of that. So here's what I'm going to do.

Try and be strong this year. If I can give you any inspiration, any hope, try and be strong this year. Try and, you know, even though it's a festive meal and it's a special meal. You know, it's not like any other day of the year. You wouldn't eat five hamburgers. You eat one hamburger.

So don't eat eight orders of turkey. And then get to the gym the next day. Don't even hesitate. Don't even get down on yourself. Just go to the gym the next day and get right back in it. Because you know what? Before you know it, a month later, Christmas is here. And you're like, oh, God, I just ate all this crap for Thanksgiving.

Why bother going to the gym? Christmas is coming. I'll eat all that food. And then after Christmas, in the new year, I'll get back at it. But then it's too cold. It's too rainy. You've got the February blues. So just stay on your exercise, man. Don't let a turkey beat you at the exercise game. Up yours.

Oh, boy. Okay, well, the show is a little longer today, just because it's a special show. It's Thanksgiving, and I think we're coming down to the end of the Thanksgiving Day parade, the 19th annual Harland Highway Thanksgiving Day parade. Very exciting. Let's get back out there and catch the end

with our two commentators, John and John. And I'm telling you, John, every year my Thanksgiving dump is twice the size of my Christmas dump. Oh, we're back. Oh, my God. We are back here at the 43rd annual Harland Highway Thanksgiving Day parade.

I'm here with my friend John starters. And I'm John Waters. Thank you, John. It's been a very interesting parade so far this year. And how would you sum it up thus far, John? The same way I did last year, John. Not really working. Well, I understand there have been a few hiccups along the way.

Hiccups, more like throw-ups. People have been splattered all over the pavement. it looks like someone vomited halfway down the highway. Well, now let's hope that our final floats can kind of make up for what we kind of had to endure early on in the parade. Let's hope so, John. Well, thank you, John. And speaking of which, here comes one of our last floats

coming down the Harlan Highway here. Oh, boy, this should be a real winner. Well, let's wait and see. It looks like it's the Tourette Society float and look at all the flowers and the people walking down the street with megaphones. Yes, John, unfortunately. Well, what do you mean, John? As we all know, Tourette's is an ailment that affects people and causes them to shout out. Well, I'm sure they've got it all under control.

Oh, really? Just listen to the noise down there. Oh, my. Oh, wow. Yes, exactly, John. Tourette, people on megaphones yelling into the crowd, obscenities and swear words that they are unable to control. That is very, very disturbing. There are children down there, John.

Exactly. You're going to have Tourette's people wandering down the street in a few. festive preyed, at least put muzzles or scotch tape or stuff a can of tennis balls in their mouths, John? Well, now that seems a little... Now what?

I say, save the children's ears from these demented freaks. Well, John, you know it is a illness, and this float helps raise money for the Tourette Society. I'll tell you what. You keep them at home, and I'll send them

$25. just to keep their potty mouth shut. Well, that is one solution, John. I mean, just listen to them down there. Wow. I can't argue with you, John. Listen to some of those Thanksgiving greetings. This is a complete debacle.

This is a parade organizer's nightmare, John. These people should be detour. out of the parade and off the edge of a cliff. Well, John, I think that's a bit extreme. Oh, really? How about this? Have a listen. Wow.

Well, it looks like somebody doesn't like us very much. Maybe your detour idea wasn't a bad idea, John. I'll say, and getting these loudmouthed, pottymouth, diseased freaks out of the parade, and I'll go one step further out of society would be a really smart move. So as far as this float goes, John, it's not really working. Well, John, here's a float coming down the street

that is working. Look what it is. It's the giant 70-foot turkey. And my goodness, what a treat. It's on strings. It's a wonderful balloon float. Look at the, uh, drumsticks, and just a wonderful, makes me feel hungry for my Thanksgiving turkey.

Well, John, unfortunately, this turkey is a turkey. Wow. Now, what do you mean there, John? Everyone seems very excited. No, it's not a wise idea to have a giant turkey full of helium 70 feet high when we have airplanes and helicopters traveling around in the air. doing coverage on the parade. Well, John, you might be right. Speaking of which, I can see the Harland Highway News Chopper hovering up in the sky there with Sandy Chopper.

And let's go to Sandy right now and see if he can get a perspective on the Harland Highway Thanksgiving parade. Sandy, are you there? Yes, how are you now there? We're doing good, Sandy. How does it look from there? Up where you are, your vantage point. Well, I'll have to say it's very wonderful up here.

I'm just seeing tons of kids and families. Everybody's huddled together, keeping warm, and I'm just pulling up over the giant turkey float, and I'm hoping my propellers don't create too much of an updraft. Well, we certainly hope so. Oh, look at that. The helicopter is hovering over the giant turkey, and just what Sandy Chopper feared the most has happened,

it looks like the giant turkey balloon is floating loose and it's heading up towards the sky. Oh my goodness, Sandy, you're going to have to pull back. I'm sorry, I can't hear you. We got the propeller blades and all the rigmarole and the sound of the marching bands. Sandy, you're going to have to pull back. Look out, you idiot.

Pull back. I'm sorry, I can't pull back. Oh, my God. the turkey's going right for his helicopter i'm sorry what are you saying down there oh my god look out oh oh oh oh oh oh oh my oh oh sandy chopper is oh oh oh it looks like his helicopter has been engulfed by the giant turkey balloon oh it looks like he's gone down and a ball of flame oh my goodness this is horrible but yet i have to say john if there's a silver lining to this airline disaster where I'm presuming that our pilot has been killed with the flames coming out of that giant turkey, it actually looks like it's cooking.

Well, I guess I can't argue with you there, John. It does give it authenticity of a giant Thanksgiving turkey turning over a fiery spit. It looks delicious, John, and I have to say, even though we may have loved, our traffic reporter, Sandy Chopper, this float for the first time really seems to be working. Well, John, it's nice to hear you have an upbeat approach, an upbeat attitude as we close out the 703rd Harland Highway Annual Thanksgiving Parade. It's nice to go out on an up note. It sure is, John, and we'll see you next year at the Thanksgiving Day parade. And don't forget you can catch John and I as we cover the upcoming Harland Highway Christmas parade this December.

For John Starders and John Wattles, this is John Starders, and I'm John Waters, for the Harland Highway. We'll see you next year, folks. Wow, let's go down and get some white meat. Sounds delicious, John. Hope Sandy's okay. Probably not. Idiot. Wow, okay.

What a dramatic ending to our Thanksgiving Day parade. Wow, I hope Sandy Chopper's okay. We will have to maybe check in with him next time. We'll get a full report. Make sure our traffic reporter, Sandy Chopper, who's also the son-in-law of somebody here at the station. I think it might be my boss, Mr. Featherstone. I don't remember, but God bless Sandy Chopper.

I hope he's all right. Now, speaking of all right, I hope you enjoyed our parade today. Don't forget the guys will be back at Christmas time. John and John will be here doing the color commentary for our Christmas parade. Don't want to miss that. And you don't want to miss coming up, I might as well get it out there now, in December, December 9th, 10th, and 11th. That's a Thursday of Friday and a Saturday.

I'm going to be in Seattle at the Dome doing stand-up comedy. So if you live in the Seattle area and you want to catch the kid live, I guess it might be one of my last gigs of the year, my last live gig of the year. So I hope you can make it. Check my website, harlomwilliams.com, for all the tickets and showtime info. information. That's Seattle, Washington at the dome. It's going to be great. It's a great club, a great facility, and we're going to have a end of the year blowout. So come on in and make sure you check out the Harland Highway at Stitcher. Stitcher.com. You can download a free app and listen to the highway on your cell phone.

keep your letters coming to harlough williams.com and don't forget to check our store at harlewilms.com all kinds of great products that will make amazing Christmas gifts. We have the movie Rocket Man, we have my stand-up comedy special Child Wild, um, we have, uh, kid, my kids books, um, we have CDs, we have T-shirts, we have artwork, anything you want It's there My new movie Fudgy Wudgy Fudge Face is available

in the store Just all kinds of stuff If you want If you want a present That will give a gift That I think is invaluable Which is laughter Which is what I try to provide

I hope I'm successful All kinds of gifts there That will provide laughter So check it out I'm not trying to do the hard sell but I enjoy what I do. I enjoy spreading the joy and enjoy spreading the laughter. So I'm not trying to just be like a store salesman guy.

I'm a guy who's very proud of his work. I'm a guy who loves giving the gift of laughter. And, you know, I love to share it. The podcast I do for free because I just love to share the laughter. Obviously, when I have merchandise, I have to cover my costs. with that so I have to sell it but um nonetheless regardless of the whatever it is money behind it all it makes a great gift so check it out harlowe williams.com uh like i said i'll be in seattle uh December 9th through the 11th at the dome go to harlow williams dot com i know i'm repeating myself but um try the

turkey bag. I'm going to mention that once more. I want to hear from you. I want to hear how you did with your turkey. For those of you who are already cooking and for those of you have never cooked, 323-215-1486. Hey, folks, have a great Thanksgiving. I give thanks for everything in my life and I especially give thanks for you joining in, coming along for the ride. having a laugh here on the Harland Highway. I wouldn't be doing it if it wasn't for you. Thank you so much. Please let your friends know about the highway

so they can get on this crazy ride and have a great, great Thanksgiving dinner with your friends, your family. And as I like to say to people, give thanks for all the things you have, all the things you've done, all the things you've received, all the things you've accomplished.

Don't be a person that looks at what they don't have. Look at what you do have and give thanks for it. And just hope that anything else you want in life comes your way. But don't be bitter. Don't be angry about it if it doesn't. Just be thankful for what you have. And you guys have a great Thanksgiving. And, you know, if nothing,

nothing else be thankful for the big bowl of chicken chow main baby until next time i'm harle williams happy thanksgiving turkey go go go go go go go go go go go get back The pilgrim and his flock Roll, roared to Plymouth Rock To eat turkey Gova, gova, gova, gova, go back Gobble, gobble, gobble, goa, goa, goa, goa, goa, goa, goa, goa, goa, goa, goa, goa, turkey. To pilgrim at his feast

Young, young, young, young, eat a birdbeast They call turkey Gov, gobble, gobble, gobble, go back Gobble, gobble, gobble, go to me Gov, gobble, gobble, go back The killed from and their wives Slice, slice, slice, slice it with their knives. They part, turdee.

Come, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Come. Come, go, go, go, go, go, go. Turfee. Come, come, come, come, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Get back. I don't know. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

I don't know. Please