The Harland Highway - PODCAST 219

Episode Date: January 19, 2011

Raquetball, comedian Gene Pompa, Shark finning, lotteries, sad funeral news. Buttery butter buns!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I wish they all could be California podcast. No, no, no, no, not just Cali. You see, this podcast goes out all over the world. So they might originate here in Cali, but they stream out to the whole planet. And thank goodness because all the incredible topics we're going to be touching on today. case you didn't know you're on the

Harland Highway. I am Harland Williams. So very thrilled you could be along for the ride for another fantastic podcast where today we're going to have fun but we're going to get a little serious too. We're going to be

having a guest in, a special guest Jean Pompa will be here comedian, stand-up extraordinaire to provide some added giggles to the show. I love this guy. You're going to love them too i think um we're going to be talking about the lottery um have you ever won the lottery do you have a system um we're going to be talking about racquetball have you ever played i have i'm going to

share that experience with you and then we're going to be talking about shark finning yeah i'm going to give you information how you can get proactive and help put an end to this horrible practice and then speaking of sad somebody died i won't say who we're going to get into it as i Always right here on the Harland Highway. Welcome to the Harland Highway. Hi, I'm Jackie want to play. Please go away and leave me alone. You just made a wrong turn.

On to the Harland Highway. Man, keep it going. Love the show. You're hilarious. My blanche! My blue blanket. Give me my blue blanket. Passing your seat, you're riding down the Harlan Highway. It's the Harland Highway Have you checked the children Luck be a lady

Tonight Hey it's Harlan Williams here On the Harlan Highway And he's feeling lucky Huh? Who plays the lottery? Who sits in front of their TV And watches those little ping pong balls Pop all over the place

I mean, when you have just as much fun sitting in front of your microwave and watching a bag of microwave popcorn come to life? It's ridiculous. And then they have a model. A model has to pick up the balls. 37. 42. 9.

It's like you're picking a ping pong balls, baby. I've seen better ping pong balls in Bangkok. You know what I mean? Hello? Any one of these people that have the magic numbers, huh? Well, I'll take my nephew's birthday, and the day I got married, and the day I threw my husband off a cliff, and the day I got my first pubic hair,

and those are my numbers. Yeah, okay. And then how about this little thing you finally win, right? You go in on it with like 40 people. from work. The jackpot's like $90 million. $30 of you win because you all played together. And you're like, we

want $90 million. Oh my God. I'm going to buy a mansion and a yacht and some race horses and a small country. And then you break it down. It's like, well, let's see. There's 30 of you. 90 divided by 30 goes into 45.

When there's seven of them divide minus the thing and got the thing. And Okay, everybody gets $1.7 million. Okay, well, forget about the small country, but I'm still going to get the race horses in the house. And you owe the government. Let's see, 40% of that. So that brings it down to, you now have $700,000.

Okay, well, at least I can get the race horses in the new house. And, by the way, if you click now, the lottery company only gives you $100,000. Or if you want those payments made over 300 years, you can get the full amount of $700,000. But if you collect now, we'll give you $100,000. Oh. Yay, I can put a down payment on a small cabin in the woods in Georgia. Oh.

Oh. What happened to the $90 million? Lottery, smothery, man. You've been punked, sucker. Take me out to dinner somewhere on the Harlan Highway. Oh, yeah, winning the lottery. And speaking of winning, how many of you folks have a competitive streak in you? How many of you engage in athletic activities, competitive sports,

and how many of you are willing to try a new sport? Well, I got involved in a sport that I had never. played before quite recently I got immersed in the world of a racket ball um a kind of a weird sport um how it works is you get a stubby

little tennis racket it looks like somebody uh you know sawed the handle off a tennis racket and all you really have is the head of the racket and a little grip to hold and uh you put your little shorts on

and your little running shoes and you step inside what looks to me like an insane asylum white cell. Okay, you ever seen those movies or shows where they refer to the white room, the padded white room? Well, that's what racquetball courts look like. You walk through a glass door and you're in this small room about the size of a garage and it's all white. And it's kind of scary and echoy and creepy.

And, you know, everything's there but the straitjacket. Instead, you're there with a little racket and your Adidas. And you're supposed to wear a little protective goggles. They look like welders goggles. I don't really know that many people that wear them. But what happens is you go in this little room with your little rackets and you get a little rubber ball, or I don't know what it's made of. I don't know that it's rubber, but it's got a bouncy consistency to it.

Maybe it's just balled up bubble gum. I don't know. And you just hammer that ball at the wall. You just kill it, man. That thing bounces all over the walls. And you just chase that ball down. And the idea is you smash it against a wall and it bounces on the floor. once and then your uh your competitor smashes it against the wall and i'll tell you even if you

don't like the sport it is just a great way to get your aggression out your frustration your anxiety whatever it is man it's like it feels like you're punching a wall it's just like bam bam bam bam and that ball you just hear it slap on the wall and it bounces all around and And you don't have to run far because, like I said, it's like the size of a garage. And that's it. That's all there is to it. You get in there and you do that. The only thing that's tough is when you try to talk to your partner in there

because the ceilings are very high and it's very echoy. So when you start talking to the person you're playing with, you can't understand a thing they say because of the echo. This is what it sounds like when you're standing in a squash court trying to talk to your friend asking simple questions. You know, because in between shots, maybe you ask your friend what they did on the weekend or how their job is going or whatever,

and this is what it sounds like. It's ridiculous. Hey, man, there's everything going to work. What? I can't hear you. I said, how's everything going to work, man? Can you enunciate? I can't really pick up what...

I said, how's everything going to work, dude? I can't really... Can we just play here? What? What? What? What? What?

What do you say? What? What? What? What? Do you want to finish playing or what? What? What?

I don't understand. What? Can you speak in English? What are you saying? What are you saying? What? What? Honest to God, man. That's what it's like.

It's even worse. Like, here you can almost hear the words. But when you're there, it's like, it's probably triple as bad. You cannot make out a sound. It's just like, so if you're going to play a racquetball, maybe that's another good thing. You don't have to worry about conversing or talking or getting into all the BS. It's like, look, man, let's walk into that room. Let's just play.

I can't understand you. So I don't really need to hear about your relationships, your job, your vacation. Nothing. Let's just play a sport. Maybe it's a good thing. Maybe that's how they designed it. So if you get a chance, it's a really great sport. It's a lot of fun.

Racquetball. It's noisy, but at the same time, time it's oh so sweetly silent hey hey hey everybody you're rolling down the harland highway with me harland williams and uh man oh man i have a funny guy in here with me today he's one of my favorites uh i've worked with him on the road at many a comedy club it's mr jean pompa here how you doing jean oh very good sir thank you god you look good today yes i just i'm a little tan i got some son out there in Vegas. Oh, you're in Vegas.

Ooh, hooker country, buddy. Yeah. Uh-oh. You look like a hooker guy. No, no. Yeah, come on. You do the hookers. No, I don't.

Come on. No, honestly, I'd never been with the hookers, seriously. And, you know, about 10 years ago, I was in Vegas, and this friend of mine tells me, I'm with hookers all the time. But no matter what they charge, I only offer them $100. I was get something. So I was like, I'm going to try that. So I was at the bar, and there was a prostitute there.

Yeah. And she goes, hey, you want to go out on a date? And I said, oh, you know, what's the deal? She said it's $350. And I got all nervous, you know, I forgot what I was supposed to say. Yeah. And all I could come up with is I can't because my mom only gave me $100 to spend on hookers. Wow, your mom's a cheap ass.

Yeah, I was supposed to spend the rest on groceries. You know, I've been with the same chick for a long time, so, like, sometimes I spice things up. Like, she'll come over dressed as a hooker. Yeah. Yeah, then I'll take her in the bathroom. I'll make love to her in the shower. Yeah. And then I'll leave $100 on the bathroom sink.

Yeah. Then I go in the living room, I put on my pimp outfit, and I take the money back. And I say, man, you are short, bitch. Where is the rest of my money? Sometimes I'll do role playing with my neighbors. Yeah. I'll go next door to my neighbors. Yeah.

I'll say, hi, my name's Jean Pompa. I thought I should come over in here and then. introduce myself. I'm a registered sex offender. And I was just wondering if anyone here wanted to register to have sex with me. Because I'm certified. And they always say, no. So I say, okay, well, if you change your mind, I'm right next door. Yeah, you got your papers. And I'm also captain of the neighborhood watch. Oh, wow. Yeah, so see me lurking about. You're the whole package deal. Yeah, I make sure everything's ok-dokey. So hookers is, in Vegas. Do you go to Vegas? A lot of hotels there, man. I like, I like Vegas. I like the

hotels in Vegas. Now they're beautiful. Oh, they are. Yeah. I like staying in hotels, though, because around 2 o'clock in the morning, I was all drunk. I like to dress up as Satan. Then I'll cruise over to the elevator, so when the door's open, I say, going down. And then I lick everybody in the lobby. Where do you keep your little Satan costume? Is that with your pimp costume back at the house? I have a wardrobe in my van. You've got a lot of little outfits. Yes.

All right, well, we want to hear more about that. More with Gene Pompah here on the Harland Highway. Later in the show, we'll check back in with Gene, and we'll just have some more giggles. I love that guy, man. He is so friggin funny. And if you want to learn more about Gene Pompa, you can check him out on. He's on YouTube, he's on MySpace, he's on Facebook, he's probably on Twitter, you know, it's not hard to find people nowadays. So check them out, find out where Gene might be playing at a comedy club near you.

I highly, highly, highly recommend them, hilarious. And like I said, we'll get back with Gene later in the show, so hang around for that. But for now, let's get to the opposite of comedy, and let's check in on something that's a little more serious. A couple of months back, I told all you listeners about a, hey, everybody, who wants to have better sex? No, yes, yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what you want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item. plus free shipping. And more than that,

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and 100% free shipping. Code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. A thing that's happening to our planet, to our oceans, to our fish. I told you about a movie called Shark Water. It's a documentary which kind of chronicles a horrible industry where in fishermen pull up sharks from the sea,

cut their fins off and throw them back in the water alive. And the reason this is done is for one reason only, it's to make a delicacy, if you can call slaughtering sharks, a delicacy. Somehow those two things just don't seem to go together. But basically, they slaughter the sharks to make a soup, an Asian soup called shark fin soup. So millions upon millions of sharks are being slaughtered in the most cruel fashion in the oceans every year so that people can enjoy a nice, warm bowl of soup.

It's pathetic, and a lot of restaurants here in the United States of America and around the world serve this soup, and in my opinion, it needs to be stopped. I think there's enough soups at the supermarket. I think there's enough hot, heartwarming beverages, hot chocolates and teas and clam chowder and cream of tomato. You know, I don't think we need to decimate the sharks in the ocean, which are a huge part of our ecosystem, so that some fatty can drink shark fin soup at a fancy restaurant. So what we decided to do is to create a website, and let me give it to you right now. It's called Save a Shark at gmail.com.

And what you can do is if you're interested in helping this cause, send us an email and just let us know you'd like our form letter, and we will email you back a letter that targets restaurants, in the United States at the moment that serve shark fin soup. Okay? We will email you the cover letter with the address and everything

and if you feel inclined, if you feel like you want to help, if you want to put pressure on this horrible industry, all you have to do is email us at save a shark at gmail.com. Give us your email address. We will send you back

our forum letter with the restaurant we are targeting for that month. Okay, so every month or possibly every few weeks, we are going to target a new restaurant that is serving this horrible soup and try to pressure them to stop serving this soup and maybe also help educate them as to this horrible, vicious, method of you know collecting shark fins and we figure the only way to kind of stem the tide of this epidemic is to educate and inform and maybe let restaurant owners realize that it's just the wrong way to go and so this is my little effort and hopefully your little effort to try and

do something good in the world try and help save a species, many species of a shark and although you may be scared of sharks, although sharks may seem ferocious and voracious and vicious

which they are, their top apex predators, it doesn't mean they deserve to be slaughtered like this and it also really gets back to us if you watch this movie Shark Water you will see that they are a very intricate part of the ecosystem

wherein if they were decimated and sharks were to become extinct, there could be very, very adverse effects on the human race and on the oceans and the sea, which we rely on, and it's just a domino effect. So I hope you decide to get involved. I hope you write to us at save a shark at gmail.com. Like I said, we will email you the restaurant that we are targeting, and we certainly hope that you'll take the time to take a 45-cent stamp,

fold up the letter, put it in an envelope, and mail it to the restaurant, and start putting pressure on them so that we can do a little good in the world and help save the sharks. And just before I bail out of this topic, I want to read a letter from one of the Harland Highway listeners who took the time to respond to the podcast I did about shark water and shark finning. As you know, you can always write to me at Harlan Williams.com. And I do read your letters.

and we do get them out on the show. So this is a great letter that came in from Carolyn Studney, who listened to the show and had a reaction to my podcast about Sharkwater. And let me read you her email. Harlan, I want to thank you a million times over for taking the time in your podcast to discuss shark finning. I didn't know anything about it, and you educated myself and countless others

on this horrific and barbaric practice. I appreciate that you use your ability to reach thousands of people to educate those listening on incredibly important topics like this. Please keep it up. There's a ton of ignorance out there, and it's through mediums like this that we can learn about things going on that need to be changed or stop.

Keep up the great work. Thank you so much, Carolyn. Carolyn, thank you so much for taking you so much for taking the time. And I certainly hope you're one of the people that follows through, drops us an email at save a shark at gmail.com. And let's get this thing going, man. Let's stand up for something.

Let's put a foot down and stop such a senseless, barbaric waste of our natural resources, the sharks in our seas. So there you go. I'm going to keep reminding you. people about this cause every now and then to keep it moving, keep it flowing. And if you get the chance, check out Sharkwater. It's a documentary. Just dial it into your TiVo or your digital satellite device.

And lo and behold, one day it'll probably pop up and you can see what we're talking about. So that's it. A little bit of a serious tone here. but as you know on my show, I like to keep you laughing and keep you thinking. And we just did the thinking part. So now let's get back to the laughing. Let's get back to our friend, Gene Pompah. Hey, everybody, you're motoring down the Harland Highway.

And I'm with someone very funny today. I'm with my buddy, Gene Pompah, superstar comedian from Conan O'Brien and Comedy Central. And what's your deal? You're rolling down the Harland Highway here. What's your take on cars here, man? I'm feeling good, man. You know, I just got a new Porsche Boxter.

Whoa. Yeah. You know, I really couldn't afford it, but I figured what the hell. I was going to pick up a couple extra hours a week at work. Yeah. Yes. So I'm working 147 hours a week now at Jack in a Box.

Oh, man. As the day and night manager. Smart move. Yes. But I'll tell you some, you know, when I drive, I drive whatever speed the freeway is that I'm on. What do you mean? Like, if I'm on the 57, I go 57. And when I'm on the 60, I drive 60.

And when I'm on the 405, you're pretty much breaking the sound barrier at that point. You ever been, like, in your car, though, and you're like, you're in your car, right? Yeah. And you kind of like start talking to yourself, right? And you catch yourself, talking to yourself. Yeah, people do that. Right? Yeah.

And you had a stop sign. But then, like, you look around, you notice that other people are watching you. I think that's so embarrassing. Especially when you're having a really heated discussion. You know, and you're crying because you hurt your feelings. Oh. Because you said something to yourself that you took the wrong way. Can never take it back.

No. We were having trouble in our sex life, actually. Seriously, me and my old lady. Why? I'm not sure she has some issues. Went to go see a sex therapist. Yeah. And she recommends we incorporate the use of sex toys, right?

Yeah. And I don't know if you ever use sex toys, but you know, they're not really toys. Any household item will work. Oh. So her favorite sex toy turned out to be a tube of toothpaste. I don't know what it was. That's what it wasn't. It worked out great because now she's always smelling minty fresh, and I have 30% fewer cavities.

Wow. And also, I don't mean to be rude, but there's a hair stuck in your tooth right there, buddy. We're here with Gene Pompa. Gene, thanks for coming in, man. Oh, thanks for having us. Check out his new CD. What's it called? Chicano to the bone. And what's the website? Genepoppacom. Gene Pompa Comedy.com. Check out, jean.com. Check out, Gene. You're going to love them.

And you know what? Screw it. I love Gene so much. I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm going to, I'm have them hang out after the show today and we're going to lay down some more and i'm going to i'm going to see if i can get them back here uh for the next podcast for some more man he cracks me up i hope uh i hope uh you aren't turned off of toothpaste in anyway and i hope uh you enjoy jean well we'll have jean back on the next show i got i got to i got to have him back he's just too funny um and like uh like i said

check check out jean stuff uh you're you're just gonna love this guy hey scooby scooby do looking for you Scooby Scooby do where I'm down do I seem a little down

yeah because somebody died this week it's always sad when anybody dies but you know who died this week Someone that touched us all It was the guy who created Scooby-Doo Yeah, the guy that created That lovable ghost-chasing dog Scooby-Doo

Shaggy and Velma And Freddie And Daphne Hey, Scooby! Scooby-Doo! Lookin for you Scooby-Sooby-Doo where I'm going to Can you imagine being at that funeral?

Shaggy shows up and reads the eulogy. Like ashes to ashes, like dust to dust. Like though I walk through the shadow of the valley of death, like I shall fear no evil man. Now like, is there any food being served here? Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Freddy's organizing the pallbearers.

Okay, Daphne, Velma? You stand up front. Scooby, Shaggy, you take the rear. I don't know. Freddy's always organizing everybody. And then, of course, you know, Shaggy's going to be stoned, right? So they're going to drop the coffin.

And the guy's going to roll out. Thelma or Thelma or whatever her name is. It's going to go, Chinkies. He rolled out. And then, of course, there's Daphne, the hot one. And, you know, she's just going to be cruising for dudes at the funeral because she's so hot I was wearing that short purple skirt

you know it'll be fun though if you're the guy that invented Scooby-Doo you gotta come back as a ghost right you gotta come back as a ghost and haunt Scooby and Shaggy and the whole gang go to a little town and they can finally corner you

you're the ghost they corner you in the corner and someone pulls the mask off and it's you the guy that created them And Scooby's like, Uh-oh, well, it's the guy who created us. Like, it's the guy who created us, Scoob. That's what I just said. And Freddy would jump in.

Scooby, Shaggy, shut your piehole. And I think I'll shut my pie hole right now and go and mourn. The death of the creator of Scooby-Doo, God rest his soul in Hannah-Barbara heaven. on the Harlan Highway. Oh, I hate to end the show on such a sad note, but kind of funny. You know, the guy, the gang from the Scooby-Doo show at a funeral. I enjoyed it, and my thanks to Jean Pampa, who was here today to give us some giggles. As I said, we'll have Gene on the next show, man.

We've got to have more of Gene. Gene, Jean, the Giggle Machine. Don't forget, Fudgy Wudgy Fudge Face, now available on Amazon.com. You can rent or buy as a download on my crazy indie movie, so check out Amazon and search for Fudgy Wudgey Fudgeface. Don't forget you can pick up the highway

on your mobile device at Stitcher. Stitcher.com. They have a free app that gets you all hooked up, man. And don't forget our new phone number. If you want to leave a message for the highway, it's 888-52090. And lastly, I know I've got a lot of announcements today, but what the hell? It's an announcement day. Don't forget save a shark at gmail.com if you want to be put on our mailing list so that we can send you, you know, every couple of weeks, a restaurant that is serving shark fin soup and you want to get involved and help save sharks. We will send you the letter to your email that you can sign and put in an envelope and send out and start putting the heat.

on restaurants that are serving this ridiculous menu item that's killing the sharks in our oceans. So there you go. Had a great time. Hope you had a good time. Have a great rest of your week. And gosh, I guess all I can say is until next time. Oh, chicken.

Chow. Maine, baby. likes, a seagoing ghost! It's the miner, the miner 49er, and at night you can hear the mine moaning, calling for the miner. Well, like if I had a face like that, I'd moan too.