The Harland Highway - PODCAST 225

Episode Date: February 2, 2011

What do you believe in? Riding on the bus, comedian Sean Tweedley, and yes, Valentines Day is coming. Sweet tears of tangerine love!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh, yeah, baby, welcome everybody to the Harland Highway. It's me, yes, it's me. I'm not even going to try to pretend it's not me. It's me, okay? Look, here. Hear that? That's me rubbing up against the microphone. I hate it when you don't believe it's me, but it is me, and you're on the Harland Highway.

It's Harlan Williams. What a cool show we have today. we have a comedian Sean Tweedley dropping by to share his thoughts on some very funny topics cracks me up so stick around for Sean we're going to be talking about riding the bus how many of you still have to ride a bus into work every day

and then it's going to get a little heavy okay I'm going to get into a pretty heavy topic that you know I'm going to throw some ideas around and I'd like to see what you think it's kind of based on a a trend that I see going around that I don't necessarily like so we'll get into that and then something really cool as you know Valentine's Day is on its way there's a cute little rhyme Valentine's Day is on its way are you ready are you ready to step up to the plate for VD Day we're going to find out right here on the ever-loven Harland Highway.

Welcome to the Harland Highway. Hi, I'm Chuckie, want to play? Please go away and leave me alone. You just made a wrong turn. On to the Harland Highway. Man, keep it going. Love the show. You're hilarious. My blanche and my blue blanket. Give me my blue blanket.

Fasten your seat, you're riding down the Harlan Highway. It's the Harland Highway. Have you checked the children? Holy God, it's the Harland Highway. And look out, people. V-D's coming. You know what I mean? V-Day is just around the corner.

A couple of weeks out, I know you're not stressing. You know, especially you do. You're not stressing yet. You'll wait till, like, February 13th. at around midnight and go, oh, my God, I didn't make her any reservations. I didn't buy a present. I didn't make a card. I didn't.

What am I going to do? Oh, no, I haven't prepared anything. I'm so in the doghouse. Oh, wait a minute. I'll just have sex with her. That should show her I love her. Hello! Yeah, man.

Isn't that the way, guys? Hey, baby, I mean, what could be more loving than now? making love to you all night. I mean, come on, give me a break. Other guys bring their chicks flowers, man. You're going to have the time of your life, baby. It's all about you. Yeah, nice try, guys.

I'll even put a heart-shaped chocolate on my butt while I'm doing it, you know, just to make the mood more romantic. Hold a flower in my teeth, baby. Maybe we could set a little teddy bear up on the pillow and it can watch. That'll be romantic. Maybe I can put a couple of pottery barn candles on your hooters, candlelight and teddy bears and heart-shaped chocolates and flowers. I mean, come on, baby.

Oh, while we're having sex. I mean, you don't think I'm romantic. Well, what do you got planned? Oh, just a candle at dinner at a lobster restaurant while we're serenated by an opera singer while he plays violin. And then later I come home and I dip you in a strawberry bubble bag. coat your body in blueberry yogurt and lick it off. And then later on, we do it outside on the lawn just before the sprinklers go off.

And we dance while white horses prants around us with angel wings. Okay, but can I still put it like a chocolate-shaped heart on my ass? Ow! I'm just warning you guys, get ready for Valentine's. Day. Don't drop the ball. She might drop one right in your balls with a nice kick. Who? Love is in the air.

Get it together, boys. Get me where I look around. VD Day. February 14th. Don't say I didn't warn you. It's Harlan Williams. You know what's extra cool about VD Day for me, Valentine's Day? I'll tell you, I am a Valentine's Day.

And you're like, well, what the hell's that mean, man? Well, this is, this is kind of cool. This is kind of weird. My oldest sister, Trisa, who I think is five years older than me, okay? Her and I were both born on November 14th. So what are the odds of that? But if you track backwards nine months, guess what, you land on February 14th.

So I hate to even bring up this imagery. I even hate to think of this, but I can't help it because I was born on November 14th. I think my parents were getting frisky on Valentine's Day all those years ago. so I am a Valentine's Day baby and so is my older sister so maybe that's why I'm so full of love I don't know it's not a bad thing I like it the only weird thing is I can pinpoint

the day that my parents were so every Valentine's day I have to think about my parents having whoopee not fun I don't think anyone out there would really like to think about that I think even if your parents were in the adult film industry you wouldn't like that

even if your parents were beautiful even if your parents were like Christy Brinkley or Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt kids don't like to picture their parents there's just something weird and unnatural and wrong about it yet it's because of their lust and their love and whatever it was that you exist

oh but it's creepy in fact I'm going to go one step further this could be fun or this could be really nauseating and stomach turning but let me throw it out there How many of you out there listening to the Harland Highway have accidentally walked in on your parents or caught your parents in the act doing it? Oh, I almost don't want to hear about this, but somehow it's kind of funny, I think so. If you have a story to tell us, 888-52090, 888-52090, tell us how old you were,

where it was, what your reaction was, what was your parents' reaction. Did they even know you were watching or walked in? And it's going to get uncomfortable. It's going to get creepy, but maybe it's something you need to psychologically get off your chest. Maybe it's traumatizing, and you need to share. And this is the only way to cast out the parent lovemaking demon.

um so there you go and and while you're at it uh you know if you want to leave any messages regarding uh valentine's day what type of romantic things you do with your girl or your boy uh what your idea of a valentine's day date is uh at valentine's day evening or activity feel free it's all about the love man and uh we'll get your messages and we'll uh we'll do a special Valentine's Day show and we will play we will play your your messages on that show so I look forward to your well maybe I don't look forward to your stories

but in a way we do because it's going to get weird so 888 500 2090 creepy Valentine stories good Valentine stories and squirmy Valentine's stories. And speaking of squirmie,

here's someone that I think will make you squirm with laughter. He's been dropping by the highway lately with his comedy stylings. What am I talking about? I hate it when people come. And now the comedy stylings and musings of, this is just my buddy, Sean Tweedley. You can check them out on Facebook or MySpace. uh shan's a really funny uh comedian who i love to have on the show um he dropped by and uh let's uh let's get into it with sean tweedly

how you doing buddy i'm good mate go oh what's that was that an accent it's a little accent for you mate what where's that from then that's my chinese accent chinese yes dude that's british man oh what's the matter with you you you ever take you No, I just, that's the only accent I've ever heard, and I always thought, I thought somebody told me it was Chinese. No, dude, that was totally, like, British. Oh. Maybe it was, you know what, there, let me give you, there is a Chinatown in London. Ah.

That's, okay, that's what you were doing. I'm sorry. Hello, egg fu young. There you go. Okay, I got you, buddy. Yeah. Do you like Chinese food? I don't, totally, because I don't know what's in it, you know.

Oh, you have, like, allergies and stuff. I got to know what's in. Anything I eat, I have to know every, every item, you know what I mean? Yeah. So, and I'm obsessed. I read, I'll just sit and read labels all day long, you know, anytime I mean. And here's, one thing the bugs me the most about it is reading the words may contain. That really screws me out may contain, you know?

And that's right at the beginning, right? It's all, what does that mean by the, maybe it's in there? Yeah. Like, it may contain. It might be. We're not sure. It's possible. Yeah.

We just don't, we don't totally remember whether we, put it in or not. How come maybe? Why? You know? I was eating a chocolate bar. It said may contain canola oil. I'm like, come on, does it or doesn't it? You were there? Did you put it in? You know what I mean? God, that's frightening. It is. It's weird because I use canola oil. That's in my truck. You were eating it. Yeah. You should have a may contain label on your truck. Yeah, it may contain Harlan Williams behind the wheel. If you ever had any you know, mishaps, any little screw-ups because you got a bad label?

Yeah, well, that's the thing about labels is they don't cover everything. Right. Some of them just, like, I have this bottle of Gold Bond foot powder that says, avoid putting it directly into your eyes. Your foot powder. Yeah.

I'm like, thanks for the hot tip, Gold Bond, you know, because that's where I was heading next. Right in your eyes. I'm working so good on my itchy feet. I think this coming allergy season, bump it in my eyes. Man, you know, I have vizine on my feet right now. Oh.

My feet, I can see anything. Yeah. Your toes could spot something a mile away. Yeah. I could smell your toes a mile away. What do you mean? Your feet smell. They stink?

Stinky. Well, how often do you change your socks? I'll change them every China town, mate. Oh, there it is. Look at you. You slip back into your Chinese English guy. That's right. Wow.

You must have like some gold bonds in your eyes or something. All right, buddy. Well, thanks for coming by the Harland Highway. Hey, thanks for having me. Check them out on MySpace. Find out where Sean Tweedley's playing at a comedy club somewhere near you. Right now he's here on the Harlan Highway. He's coming your way.

So check him out. Yeah, and we'll have, I love Evan Sean here, man. He cracks me up. I think I'll try and get him back on the next part. podcast for a little bit. I want to switch gears and talk about something that's interesting and creeping up on me and been bothering me. And it's kind of a heady topic.

It's kind of a deep topic. And, you know, what the hell? I'm going to throw it out there. I've noticed lately a lot with the Hollywood types. you know, a lot of the big actors and people in the news and, you know, people of prominence. I've noticed this thing that I don't know if it's a sick trend or it's all about being cool or it's an insecurity about not belonging. And it's a hot topic.

Some of you're going to totally agree with me and some of you're going to totally disagree with me. There's probably no middle ground on this. But the reason is because it has to do with religion. And where I'm going with this is I've noticed a lot of celebrities like Bill Maher and Ricky Jervais. You know, I saw an interview with him, and I've seen quite a few other interviews where people just dismiss God. They kind of throw God off as if it's uncool or it's unhip or they make you feel like a bit of an idiot for believing in God. You know what I mean? And a lot of people like, well, I can't see it.

There can't be, I can't see it. It's like the wind. I know science can explain where the wind comes from. Even though I can't see the wind, science can explain it. Hey, everybody, who wants to have better sex? No, yes, yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex.

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Road, Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. But God, I mean, what is it? Where is it? I can't touch it. I can't feel it. And I guess the reason I'm bringing it up is because in a way it makes me sad that people just don't have God in their life or faith or anything like that. And let me state for the record, I was raised religious, but I'm not a religious guy. I'm not a guy that reads the Bible every day or ever, really. I'm not a guy that goes to church, but a few times a year. And to be honest, I don't really love or have an affection for organized religion. I think it's confusing. I think it's a bit deceiving.

I think it can be corrupt But that being said I can see that it brings people a lot of hope It brings people a lot of comfort It does a lot of great things It does a lot of bad things But this conversation isn't about religion It's about God

And how people are dispelling God And turning their back on God and not acknowledging that there's a God and you know what they have every right to do it they have every right not to believe in anything that we're just these human beings that grew up from the ground organically blah blah blah which which by the way I believe but I believe that there was a force

if you want to call it a God and energy I'm not ashamed to call it God and I believe that evolution happened but through God if God created all things, then he created evolution. I don't know why people have trouble marrying those two together. You know what I mean? It's like the religious side says, oh, God created everything,

and the Bible says, we just pop from Adam and Eve. Well, okay, but, you know, God also gave us science and the ability to reason. So there's no reason why I can't accept that if there's a God and you believe in a God, that God created evolution. Whoopi-do. That's not sacrilegious. That's putting everything under the umbrella of one big creator. But I guess it's disheartening to me to see people just kind of go completely the opposite way.

And it makes me sad for them because I guess personally in my life, I've always found comfort in faith, in believing, in feeling a force out there, and feeling that there's something bigger at play than just humanity and humans. And again, that's my business. You know, I can't really knock people down for not believing, but I guess I'll go back to it again.

I feel a bit sad for them because I would think personally, without that, there would be a certain emptiness. You know, I like it in times of trouble. I like it in times of sorrow. I like it in times of happiness that I can turn to God, however I perceive him or her or it to be. And I can feel something. I can connect to that.

I can pray to that. I don't know what you want to call it, but it's a feeling and it's just a connection. And, you know, What's amazing about it is it's free. There's no downside to it, you know? And if you do believe in the whole afterlife and heaven and eternity and all that, then, you know, you're going to be involved in that.

You're going to participate in that. But you know what? Here's the question. I just raised my own question here. If you don't believe in God, is God really? just going to throw you into the pits of hell because you're a human being that he created and you have doubts

and you've given humans the ability to choose and second guess and be confused and not be sure I mean I don't believe that that's punishable by an eternity in hellfire so in a way I guess because humans are not perfect and humans make mistakes. You almost got to let people off the hook if you're God

for saying, I don't believe in you, man. I came from lovemaking, I was a sperm, my mother had an egg, and I appeared. You had nothing to do with it, God. You know, if you're God, you almost got to be like, okay, okay, juniors having one of his moments. I'm going to send him straight to hell for that thought. But I don't know.

I guess where I'm really concerned is that you've got nothing to lose by having faith. You got nothing to lose by believing. And I guess what I'm worried about is that if people start to think that God is uncool, that faith is uncool, that prayer is uncool, that connecting to a bigger force than ourselves, uncool, then it worries me a little bit. It worries me that society will just flatline and, you know, I don't know, I feel, I would feel sad that you don't have that kind of almost like a ball of energy churning inside your ribcage

there, you know, that's what God feels like to me. It's like there's almost like a burning sun in there. And again, I don't have to be religious and go to church and do all that stuff. I find, I'm probably more like a North American Indian. I find my connection to a God comes from nature, from the natural world. I find God in trees and crows, in wild animals, in raging rivers, and babbling brooks, in cloud formations, in sunsets, in the sound of the waves on the ocean.

You know, that's the real world to me that God made, and I'm happy to participate in it. I'm grateful that he gave us the bounty, the nature. And like I said, I'll just close by saying, I would hope people that just turn God off the notion of God completely, take a little more time to reflect and feel spirituality in their life and let themselves, allow themselves to be touched by a bigger, course because again there's not much in life that's free that's free and and that's a good

energy and that's a good connection so i i won't preach to people i won't i won't condemn people for not doing it but i would just say to people that are doubters people that don't have any type of spiritual connection in that way give it another chance give it a try be open to it but don't make it's chic to knock people down who do believe. Don't make it trendy to not want

to have God in your life or to see other people have it in their life. That's all I'm saying. I know there's people listening on Jesus Christ. Oh, God! I just said Jesus

Christ and God right there. That fits in. But I know there's people listening go, get off your horse, dude, what the hell? And there's other people that might be going, oh, that's nice, that's touching. I don't know what it is. I'm not trying to bash people over the head. I'm not trying to, you know, push my vision on people. I'm just throwing it out there because it's such a hot topic.

You can't win or lose with religion and God. You'll never sway people. So I'm just throwing all the stuff I, just said out there on the table it's like a garage sale and everything's out on the table and i'm asking you to pick through it maybe pick up little items of what i said look at it embrace it or go god this stinks and throw it back on the table or maybe you buy a little piece and by the way my garage sale is for free so maybe you just take a little piece and go yeah i like this i'm going to take this home i'm going to keep this with me or you might go this is the worst garage sale ever i don't want any of it that's

what i'm doing with this vibe so there you go uh i know it makes me feel good to have that connection uh i would hope you experience it in life because uh you know you want your life to be good you want to feel good in life but you know you can always uh share your thoughts with me you can uh you can email me at harlandhighway.com, or you can call me 888-520-90, 888-52090, and share your thoughts. Whether you're agreeing with what I said, disagreeing, or somewhere in the middle. I don't know. And again, the reason I brought it up is because I'm seeing a lot of it on the air, and it just made me a little sad. It made me feel bad that that's out there.

And that's why I'm sharing it with you people. And maybe you're feeling it too. Maybe you've noticed it. Maybe you don't care. Maybe you actually support it. Who knows? Again, it's all up for debate. And maybe I'll hear from you on it.

888, 52090. How many you folks still ride public transit around? I had to take the bus for years. Go stand out at the bus stop and watch all the people in their pretty cars pass you by when you stand out in the cold and the ice and the rain and the wind waiting for that giant long bus full of people that are just as happy to be. there as you are oh brother it's like getting on the death caravan isn't it oh good morning oh yeah i'll go find a seat in the back thanks and just go back you find a seat some guy with three eyes is staring at

you there's gum on the floor drool on your seat you just want to shut off the world so you lean your head against the window and start to shut your eyes but suddenly your head slides along the glass you pull your head back and you look and you realize the last guy that was doing the same thing you're doing out a bunch of brill cream in his hair or some kind of monkey grease and he's up that big blur on the glass you know you look through it and everything looks like foggy and out of focus because some guy had his greasy hair leaning against the glass and it's all over the glass now his hair grease you're like when am i going to get off this bus and then they get all the little advertisements inside the bus and half the advertisements are for new cars great thanks a lot way to

rub it in public transit oh man i feel for you man i had to take the bus for years years and look where I ended up. I went from riding the bus on the streets and now I'm riding down a highway. And what a fine highway it is. It's the Harlan Highway. Yes, it is. And isn't that fun how I can segue from, you know,

talking about God and what we believe in to Greece on a bus window? That is the beauty of doing a podcast. That is the beauty of having control over your content. And to me, I don't know. I hope you enjoy it. But to me, I like variety. I'm one of those guys that rather than listen to a record album or a CD

or whatever you want to call it these days of a band, you know, where you put it on and you listen to 18 of their songs, I'd rather hear one song from the Beatles, another song from Depeche Mode, another song from Led Zeppelin, another, you know what I mean? I like variety. So one of the things I'll tell you I love about doing the podcast is I can jump around.

I can jump around from talking about evolution and God to, you know, a chestnut sitting on the side of the road, having a conversation with a mushroom. You know, I don't know. I can go from talking about. talking about birds to talking about E equals MC squared. It's just fun.

I hope you dig it. Tell your friends, let's get everyone on the Harlan Highway because I want everyone to enjoy the madness and the fun. So spread the word to your friends. Don't forget you can write me at Harlan Williams.com. You can call me at 888, 52090. And let me give you a heads up. Coming up this February,

the 11th, 12th, 13th, and 14th. I will be in Irvine at the Irvine Improv in Orange County, California. That's about, you know, 40 miles south of L.A. Going to be doing stand-up comedy at the improv and doing a rare Monday night show, a Valentine's Night Show, which will be a lot of fun. and you can get tickets by going to improv.com and typing in the Irvine location or go to harlandwilliams.com. Click on my stand-up schedule.

It'll be a great, great weekend. So make it out if you can. Don't forget you can get the Harland Highway on Stitcher.com, a free app. Don't forget you can get Fudgy-Wudgey Fudgeface on Amazon.com. You can rent it or buy it. And you can also go to the harloweems.com store and pick it up there. My books there, the things you don't know, you don't know, all kinds of cool stuff. And that's it, man.

That's all we got for today. Check us out next time. And, you know, just keep your mind open, keep thinking. let's keep having fun and I as always thank you for being here on the ride great to have you

and until next time you know chicken chau-main baby hello egg foo young