The Harland Highway - PODCAST 239 - Guest BRIAN PALERMO

Episode Date: March 7, 2011

My funny and insightful actor, improv, friend Brian Palermo drops by for interesting topics, some improv fun and of course the Harland Highway animal quiz! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Rainy days, just ride for podcasting away. Yeah. It makes no sense. Why would I sing that? Welcome, everybody. Welcome to the Harland Highway. Guess who this is? Yep, it's me, Harlan Williams, your host. For the next 40 minutes, we have a bit of a longer podcast today. because one of my podcast favorites is dropping by a very funny and interesting and insightful gentleman my friend Brian Palermo

Brian's a gentleman that I do some improv comedy with he's a guy I worked in a movie with called My Life and Ruins him and I got to spend like two months on the shores of the Mediterranean in Spain and in Greece shooting a fun movie together. We had a blast. And a very talented guy.

I always like Brian. He's very intelligent, very insightful. And we're just going to shoot the breeze, talk about interesting topics. And as always, I'm going to try and stump them towards the end of the show with the Harland Highway Animal Quiz.

So put your Mickey Mouse ears on, everybody, because you are right here. the Harland Highway Welcome to the Harland Highway Hi, I'm Jackie Wanna play Please go away and leave me alone You just made a wrong turn

On to the Harland Highway Man, keep it going, love the show You're hilarious My black and my blue blanket You're riding down The Harlan Highway It's the Harland Highway Have you checked the children

Hey everybody? Hey everybody welcome back to the Harland Highway Great to have you along And this is one of those special shows This is one of the by-demand guests that I have back. He's one of the favorites. I was telling him before the show, when I look at all the stats, he's way up there as some of the favorites.

And it's no mystery why we have a good time when he's here. He's my buddy. He's an actor. He's an improv artist. He's an all-round good-looking guy. I have a sneaky suspicion. He used to do the catwalk in my house. Milan. He's here. He's right here. He's right here. Brian Palermo.

Hello. Thank you, Harlan. What a great intro. See how I put the spice on it? Palermo. You did. And that's the Milan connection as well. Because that's your catwalk connection. My catwalk connection to the fashion world. Wait, because it is an Italian name, right? Yeah, yeah. Palermo is the capital of Sicily. And my people... Wait a minute. It's Palermo.

Palermo. You said Palermo. Palermo, Palermo, tomato, tomato. All I ask is that you come in and pronounce names right. All right. I don't know, man. Can you say it again? I'm not tied down to all your rules, man.

I find it an insult that you would mispronounce a name on my show here. Listen, Har Latin. It's not an issue for me. Okay. Palermo is a capital of Sicily. That's where my people came from. Oh, your peeps. My peeps came from generations ago.

Now, how do you say peeps in Italian? Uh, le pipte, which is if you're, if you're a French person living in Italian. Wait a bit. Le pipe, yeah, what? Pippa. Eh, eh, what do you pay, peasant? Oh, wow. I'd like to hear a rapper incorporate that. Hey, yo, yo, yo, yo, where's my le pipas at?

Where my le piper at? Doesn't work. Um, all right, let's get going. I have a lot of amazing questions for you. What do you got? Well, here's something that's really current, and I wanted to get your spin on. Freedom is starting to take root in the Middle East. I know.

It's exciting. What's your take on, I mean, all this stuff in Egypt and Libya, and it just seems to be, you know, spreading across northern Africa. Well, what the hell's going on, Brian Palalmo? It's very exciting as what's going on, and it might just be an idea whose time has finally come for them. I was reading this American history book. I can talk about the American Revolution. And, you know, John Adams and Madison and all those guys, you know, they all wanted it for decades prior to the revolution. But until the events happen that really, what do you call it, consolidate all the citizens or the majority of the citizens, you just can't do it.

You can have, you know, a small majority of people who think ahead and go, yes, we must be independent and we must do a constitutional Republican all this crap. But still the events happen. You can't change the mind of tens of millions. millions of people or whatever, you know. So now the events are happening. It's reached a natural boil, sadly, from a lot of despotism and these poor people, I think, being under the thumbs of some really bad guys for a really long time. So it's boiled over, and there's been a lot of death.

I mean, there's hundreds of deaths. And I don't mean to sound uncaring or prosaic or something, but a few hundred deaths over the course of a one-month protest to possibly gain. Independence is a billion times better than hundreds of thousands of deaths over a seven-year war or something, you know. So I'm really encouraged by it for them. I'm really excited for them. And it's a fire. It's a firewave, firestorm of independence.

And one of them, I don't remember which country has a very, very youthful per capita age. I can't remember that. But the population leans more youthful than old. And everybody's on the Internet. And this is an Internet revolution. Isn't that crazy that the catalyst for this was a thing that some guy devised because he couldn't get laid in college? No shit. Everything boils back to sex.

They say everything we do in life boils back to sex. I think you're right. I think you're being glib, but I think you're absolutely right. I'm being very glib. Okay, so let's see. If I used the things that I used for sex in college, I don't think that would have liberated any. I don't know. No, no, it's just an old copy of a penthouse wagon. Not even that, man.

Just like the Sears catalog, the underwear section. That's not, that's not revolutionizing the world. No, that wouldn't free anybody, not even Sierra Leone, not even Togo would get free because of that shit. Well, you know what's interesting to me is I feel like all these, a lot of these societies and in a sense are antiquated. You know, their religions and their customs and their beliefs have kind of held them back from joining the model. modern world, and it feels like the youth, as you said, it's just going, no, we want to get on the ride with everyone else, and we still want to respect our culture and our religion, but why do we need to miss out on all this other stuff?

I agree. I think because the culture is there, and the older people who are controlling all the information for a long time just wouldn't let that information disseminate to the young, and now the young don't need them to go through a filter. They don't need to go through the old people. So they're just getting it all in real time on the young. online right now. You can't stop that. Information is power, man. And this is what, this is what we're seeing. We're seeing the information revolution across five countries now. I mean, I know there's disturbances in, you know, I know they're not all, you know, independent already. But it's happening. It's boiling, as you said. Exactly. And you've got to wonder, is it going to leak into a giant, massive place like China? Like, what if it boils into China where there's billions? Right. What does that do to the face of the planet? It is scary.

It's exciting, but it's scary. I mean, I look at both sides of that because what government would take the place of these things that are being knocked down, you know? Right. You know, hopefully something is somewhat representative of the people, something Republican in that sense, some Democratic in that sense. But you don't know. I mean, another military thing could take its place or I just don't know what it would be. And then, you know, China's got, like you said, a billion people. A lot of them are males because the laws they had about, you know, only one child.

Yeah, yeah. And I just heard of testosterone right there. That's it. I mean, it's a historical stat, in fact, that I just heard that countries that have had that kind of ratio of men to women eventually go to war. No one of them has ever not gone to war because it's just too many men, too much testosterone. and they want, they need more space, they need more this, they need more that, and they feel like we will go and take it. And if you've got a billion plus Chinese, you know. I think I just figured out a way for you to contribute.

Yeah, what? You send over your penthouse magazines that you thought had no impact on the history of the world. You send your giant collection of penthouse and Sears catalogs to all the young men in China. They can do what you did, back then you're a thinker and what do you mean draw sketches

you know look at the recipes right sure the recipes in the underwear section you're a sick puppy man wait a minute wait I didn't bring up that I had a hidden hidden treasure trove of porno it's not hidden for my porno is right out there in the open it's on the coffee table oh I got wallpaper of it

have you ever been to a guy's house where he does that I had a buddy who used to do that he would just he displayed the playboy He didn't leave them out like he had been looking at. He displayed them as if someone else would display a home and garden magazine. He would put them out as if that was a classy thing to do. Have you ever seen that?

Not really. Not really. I think the philosophy there is one day you're going to run into a chick that digs it or says that she does. And that's the chick you're going to score with. Oh, God. Maybe that's, I don't know. Otherwise, why put it out there that way? What a joke.

Well, anyways, just to finish off with our. our story about the freedom spreading. It's an exciting time, and you bring up a good point. It's like, watch what you wish for because all these societies bubbling over, all the government's toppling, and all of a sudden there's no infrastructure. There's no one to step into the vacuum, and who knows it could become more chaotic and more anarchy than ever. Again, I'm just reading this American Revolution book right now,

so it's really on the forefront of my mind. A declaration was 76. The war was seven years. The war officially ended in 1783. Constitution didn't take place to 1788. I mean, there's years in between, you know, declaring an independence and actually getting a functioning government in place. Now, part of that was they were doing it for the new time. For the first time, rather.

It was a new experiment. You're talking about the U.S. The American, yeah. Sorry. It was a new political experiment. So, you know, the countries these days can look back on what we and other. have done and try to learn from that. But still, it's not like you're going to turn

a light off on the bad guy and turn a light on the good democracy the next day. There's growing pains. There's trying to find your way. And that's scary, man. And you've also got to remember in the time you're talking about, from a historical point of view in the U.S., if you wanted to have a war, you had

to run to it. You had to put your shoes on and run to the war. Nowadays, if there's an upheaval, you know, every guy and their brother has an illegal machine gun or there's rogue military jets, there's bombs, there's terrorists.

Back then it was like war was almost civilized. It's like you're a blue coat, I'm a red coat, let's meet in the field and we'll march toward each other. But now it's like, it's more instantaneous. Yeah, it's all guerrilla warfare and that's sprung from the American Revolution.

That's why we got our ass kicked in Vietnam because we were over there and they were, Vietnam. The Vietnamese were fighting guerrilla style. And, you know, it's really hard to go into another country and fight when people know the terrain. They're hiding all the time. They're doing all kinds of. So, I mean, this shouldn't even be war, but you're talking about what the power vacuum will not exist. Somebody will take the power, the lead, you know.

Will it be a good thing or a bad thing? We don't know. Let's hope it's a good thing. Because aren't we all tired? Like, don't you see the world, you know, the only way for the world to, succeed in the way that Facebook brought those people together we really just to

succeed with the massive amount of human population we have we really just all have to become one and move forward and I don't mean religiously or culturally but as a collective mindset I feel like we just all have to meld and go look we're all human

beings we all have our differences but to succeed to survive we all just have to move forward like a wave rushing in onto the beach and and that's the only way we'll work, will exist. And we have to think together and work together. And you're right. I mean, it's just the planet is a limited size.

I know it's gigantic, is bigger than any human can imagine, and actually get your arms around in your mind. But it's limited, dude. We've got billions and billions of people on this planet just pumping up a lot of trash and a lot of pollution and doing things that are not helping each other, you know? And it's tough. There's got to be some kind of change.

this is all part of it. I was kind of jokingly referring to the Mayan prediction of 2012 in the end of an era, not the end of the world, but the end of an era, and the beginning of a new 5,200-year era, because they work in 5,000-year cycles, you know. Kind of like my laundry. Wow. Oh, hello.

Pachin. Yeah. So, yeah, so this next year, at the end of 2012, is the end of this giant long era in the beginning of a new one. Wow. That's the age of Aquarius officially. And hopefully, you know, everybody will become, you know, more like-minded and more peace-minded. And it's like, we've got to work together to fix these things that we've effed up.

It's like Larry King's going over. Remember Larry King said, can't we all just get along? Yeah, yeah, I think you're mixing up the Larry King. If they beat Larry King, L.A. started the, what? Rodney King. No, Rodney King. Yeah, that's why Larry King was just replaced by Pierce Morgan, who's that British dude. So it wasn't Larry King that started the L.A. Riots?

No, Larry King shot the first gun at Concord and Lexington in the Revolutionary War. See, you're mixing up your history and your contemporary references. Okay, okay. And, yeah. Oh, yeah, Larry King said, we'll be right back after this commercial. That was good. That was better. Okay.

That's more to the point. Well, let's get on to something a little more primal here. We've discussed World Matters. Primal. This is a basic human form. function, and I'm going to ask you that. I don't have to. Thank you. Where is the worst place you have ever thrown up? Hey, everybody. Who wants to have better sex? No? Yes. Yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what you want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. And Adam and Eve is

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so you get your discount and 100% free shipping code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. I mean, all of us have had an imp and opportune place. I'll lead it off for you think. I actually, when I was a kid, my parents used to make me go to church every Sunday. And in the middle of the service, I felt it coming. I'm like, I was like nine years old. I'm like, I can't get up and walk out on God. So I held it and held it and held it.

And then as we were walking up to communion, I couldn't hold it anymore. It was like right in the middle of the carpet where everyone had to walk up to the to the altar to get their communion. That's, yeah, that's not a convenient. That was pretty rough. That's not a convenient place. As a kid, what about you? For me, it was definitely in a car.

I remember being sick, and we were on some car trip going to the country in Louisiana where I lived. Too many craw dads? No, I think it was like I had a flu. Oh, okay. But, you know, I was sick, but we still had to go and visit Aunt Na or Aunt Salima or some Cajun name. I don't remember.

Nah. That was Lena. Aunt Lena was, they called Aunt Na. Didn't the police sing about her? Did do, do, do. Da, da, da. No, that was da, that was their sister. Da.

I had all, my mom had all these crazy Cajian cousins and aunts and stuff. I like those names. Salima, they called Aunt Ma. Aunt Lena, they called Aunt Na. And then George, they called Peck, because I don't know why. Was there anyone to do, do, do, do, or no? Do do-Doo-Doo is a cousin, but he moved to New York. We're on our way to see, gosh, I don't remember who it was, really.

It could have been one of the Georgia. do do do da da da and then you puked all over them yeah no i picked all over the back seat and they pulled over i peaked all over the side of the road you know oh god and you're just miserable and this is back in uh in the country i mean there was no you know you have to get to get to your aunt's house to clean up and stuff it's not like there oh so you were like covered oh it was discovered yeah it was a hot Louisiana day because it gets you're making it worse you're making it worse yeah do you feel sick right now? Oh, my God. Here's an old bucket

of Kentucky fried chicken. Oh, nice. Was that a good sound effect? Oh, very good. Yeah, that was gross. And the fact that I remember it, you know, 30, 40 years later, that tells you how scarring it was to my memory. Wow. Wow. Yeah, that was gross. Gosh, who was that we were going to see, though? I can't. It was in, it was

in Edgard, Louisiana. I'll tell you that. Edgard. Is that like a little, there's a lot of sugar cane down on Louisiana? There was. Like a sugar cane county or something? They used to grow sugar cane because we had passed all these fields going to these places. It was really country back then. Now I'm sure it's almost suburban. There's a lot of cane out there still.

We used to stop and get them. My dad would break it and you can lick the sugar cane and chew around it kind of thing. We'd grab a couple and bring them home and make cane poles for the... You illegally jumped into some poor farmer's yard and stole sugar cane. Don't confuse grabbing with steel like. Took 12 inches of sugar cane out of like 400 acres. You deserve to throw off after eating the stolen sugar cane. Right.

Oh, who are you, Aesop? Don't give me your fable with all your messages, you moral, son of a bitch. How dare you judge me? I wanted sugar cane. I was six. Sugar police. Freeze! No, it was good.

Have you ever had for sugar cane? I had it in the Dominican Republic. I've had it in a few places. Just eat that. It's very fibrous. You feel like a panda chewing on bamboo. You got it. Yeah, it's chewy.

But that's why I said lick it at first, because you're not. You know, you're just kind of getting that flavor out of it. Because when you try to chew it, it's, it's, you're chewing wood. I mean, wow, but I'm bump. That was, that was back there. Yeah. Interesting. Well, let's, let's, let's jump into this.

Brian, Brian and I always do improv whenever he's on the show. Yeah, fun. And what we do is we, uh, we pick kind of occupations and we pick, uh, places. So, uh, where should we, where should we be today? Let's do, do you want to do, uh, like a different country place or, like just like a restaurant place what do you talk about uh i'll let you pick you're the guest you get to pick let's do let's do something uh do the grand canyon grand canyon okay have you done the grand canyon no we're in the grand canyon and who are we we are tourists buddies we're we're how

about where this is our big trip post college you know we got a college and we're taking our backpacking trick across america great let's do it here we go me and brian down in the grand Canyon yeah hey bry listen to this man what you got chad that is good you're getting really good with these sounds man that great that's what my girlfriend sounded like last night i know i heard you in the next tent what i can't believe yeah of course i was like 20 feet away why were you listening to me making love to my girlfriend i'm lonely i'm really bored i'm lonely you hook up every time we stop in one of these places you find another tourist chick that you're from, you know, Arizona State or something,

real trampy and you hook up, and I'm just by myself reading Mark Twain. Yeah, but that doesn't give you the right to listen to me making whoopee in the Grand Canyon. There was probably an echo and stuff. I couldn't not listen to it. That's the point. I mean, the acoustics are so amazing. I could hear everything that was going on. Not only her howling, I could hear all the intimate, like, fluid and squashes and squashes.

That's creepy. I not only listened to it, I shot you with my camera. What? I got a little video. You have a night vision camera. Yeah. Give me that tape. I want to see that.

Tape. Come on, what do you live in the 20s? I already uploaded it on the sat link, man. It is on Facebook right now. Are you kidding me? Do you know what position we did last night? Yeah, it was an angry raccoon, and it was well done.

Oh, you saw. I was impressed. Did you see the cob of corn on her, between her shoulder blades? You could totally see it. Oh, you bastard. Man, you are going to think, Chad, you're going to thank me, okay? These are memories from your trail. Well, that's true.

I'll be honest, okay, since we're bringing it up, I took a little video of you. Remember when you were squatting behind that yucketree? Yeah, well, that's not as exciting a memory. It's just a memory. I know, it's just me going to the bathroom. I know, and then you couldn't find any leaves, and you evolved. That's a bad memory. I don't want to remember that.

Well, you said we were recording memories. The rash spread down my wings. Oh, yeah, I got that. I have a Zoom. I mean, I still have phantom pains where my kneecap used to be. Yeah. It's not a fun memory, Chad. That's kind of a douche move.

Wow, look who's calling the kettle black, even though you're a white guy. Here we go. You know what? It's been a six-week backpacking trip. I think familiarity is breeding a little contempt. That's all I'm saying. Yeah, well, you're the one that ate all the power bars on day two. Dude, I'm glycemic.

I need my carbs and I need my protein. Yeah, but did you have to? to eat the canoe paddles too, Dildo? Man, I was hungry, and, you know, you got to bulk up. You got a fiber up for these trips. I go to get in the canoe, and the back half of it's missing. Right. What is wrong with your bowels, dude?

I don't know. I don't know. I just feel like I wanted something fibers. I wanted something roughage-e. So, you know, I took a nibble on it, and then it worked, and I ate more, and I meant, you know, next thing you know, half the paddle's gone. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Do you mean it? Yeah, Chad, I'm really. What can I do to make it up? make it up to you well i'll tell you what we're running low on water you got it go over i'll pee on you anything you want you will i assume that's what you're going to ask well i i i there is that waterfall over there but now that you're throwing a pee option at me i'll take that any day i'll do both i'll run over to the waterfall and load up and i'll come back and pee on you multiply if you like wow have you ever heard that saying this is the first day of the rest of my life i've got

I had a tattooed on my butt. You're a pal. Come on. Let's go river rafting on that corpse of my old girlfriend over there. It just went darker. I didn't, wait a minute. I didn't realize Alicia was dead. Yeah.

Well, last night was the last one. You told me she hiked out this morning before I got up. That's what I told you. Chad, you're a murderer. That's right. This is not good information. This is not good news. Yeah, well, there's a reason I brought you to the Grand Canyon where there's no one around,

Dildo. Come on, man. Are you going to kill me? Yeah. Don't take it so bad. What the hell I'm your friend. I should have never gone with... I'm your damn friend.

Why are you upset? Why can't this be about me? Why is it always got to be about you? Can't I kill you for once? All right. I was being selfish. You're right. You know, I'm sorry.

I'm a Libra. I always think of myself first. You kill me My girlfriend just got murdered Sure, I know I should be more sympathetic I'm sad I apologize, Chad

Can you just let me murder you? Yeah sure Here here's here's a Here's my hunting night Thank you Can you turn around So I don't have to look Here I'm looking away at the

The kidney That's gonna take a long time Yeah it'll take a while I don't want someone Can you speed it up a little? No that's always wanted it slow for you I'm suffering That's more of torture

than you're not just killing me. It's just torturous. Well, I'm going to get going. You have a nice death. I can't see how I can have a nice death. You can't just leave me. Chad, come on, man. He either kill me or help me.

I got to get gone. You're such a douche. This is why I call you a douche. Keep talking. I'm videotaping this, too. I go up to hell. Tell my mother, I'm sorry. Tell my mother, I'm sorry.

You tell her videotape, Dildo. Stacy, I love you. Stacy has a little. Love you. Do a fake death thing like you're falling down and you're dying. I don't know. To fake it, I'm actually bleeding out. You and your tape, go digital, douchebags.

I'm dying. I'm dying. Wow, that was a hot improv. Good job, man. I always forget how dark you are. I know. We start the sound. He's like, oh.

Wait a minute. Who wanted to pee on me? Why am I dark? You wanted to pee on me. It's trivial. That's frivolous. That's fun. Come on. That's a little pee. You killed a girlfriend and then you killed me. You killed two people in three minutes. I know. You're right. It did go dark. But it was fun. We've never had like a murder improv. I don't think we have. Wow. That was hot. It was good.

It was hot. You see, well, you never know where it's going to go. Oh, that is going to be spicy. I can't wait for the folks to hear that. Nature inspires murder. That's what the lesson is from that. Yeah, well, that's how it works in nature. You know, you could, you could, you can, you can die you can you got to it's that fight or flight thing right and in that improv you just wasn't even flight you just sat there like a victim yeah that's that's the old improv yes and i had to go along with what was going so did i i had to let you pee on me right it's horrible in my mind i'm like god i don't want brian to pee on me but according to the rules of improv is like

yeah okay pee on me and i was just sitting here oh god i never even did it i was going to that's true I was going to, and then you murdered me. Way to go, douche. I got you off. Which is also another rule of improv is don't murder your scene partner. I know, but... Or you'd better be good at improvising by yourself. But you were going to pee on me.

I had to improvise murdering you. You've established your deathly fear to pee. That's the one time you're allowed to, like, improvise murder. If your improv partner's going to pee on you. I absolve you as the improv pope. I absolve you. Now, let's talk about your improv because Brian does amazing improv in Hollywood. Yeah.

He's down at the Groundlings Theater, which is the theater where they've, they've plucked many a Saturday night live. Phil Hartman and Will Ferrell and Sherry and Terry and Chris Catan. And Kristen Whig is the current one. And, yeah, all kinds. And you and a lot of your friends. Tell them, what's the name of that girl that does all the commercial? Stephanie Courtney. She's our progress.

She's flow. Oh, the progressive lady. The progressive? Yeah. Oh, my God. Stephanie's very, very fun. And we've both worked, but you've known her for a long time, and I've had the privilege of working with you.

You've invited me to improvise on the stage at the groundlings, but she's been there a couple of times, and this was prior to her getting the progressive place. Are you a safe driver? I guess she's been done that for like three or four years. I don't even know, but yeah, she's been the company for longer than that. Okay, so people want to know because you have the inside on flow. Give me the scoop. Tell us, most.

kids, I'm just going to set this up. Most kids, actors are lucky if they do one or two or three commercials their whole career. Yeah. How many does the progressive, flow the progressive girl do a year? I actually know, I don't know how per year, but she's done 53 spots in like four years. Because they just did an article on her in the Wall Street Journal. So I literally just read that stacked. She's got to be making millions a dollar.

Discount. I don't know what she literally is. but it's got to be. I mean, she's the campaign. She's the entire mascot. She's the face of that campaign. And she gets to do fun, like, secondary stuff. Like last year, the beginning of baseball season,

she got to go and throw out the first pitch in Cleveland is progressive. Progressive owns a baseball stadium. I think it's Cleveland. I'm not sure. But they flew her out there to throw the first pitch and like weird stuff like that. That's like, that's fun. You know what? See, no, I got to ask, did people boo her or cheer for her?

She said, well, the first pitch is like a ceremonial thing before, you know, whatever. game and it was before... It isn't getting discounts great. Like a half hour before the game. So she said it wasn't like it was a pack stadium or anything, but there was, you know, tens of thousands of people and they kind of cheered for her, you know, she's, she's beloved. She was just, they just had a thing. Come on.

Yeah, she is. She just had an online little, uh, little contest of, uh, mascots versus other mascots and spokesmen and stuff like that. And she came down to the final two. I don't know if she won or not. Who beat her that British lizard or the duck? Ah, flak! Yeah, they were both in it.

Well, I got to say, she is, as far as far as, far as improv people go she is killer she's one of the funniest girls when i'm working on stage with her i'm laughing at everybody but she has her certain style her certain way to it she cracks me up i'm going to be 100% honest if she's listening i love her got the the the progressive character drives me nuts and i'm being 100% i mute it when it comes on and maybe it's because i know her and i know that's not what she's like but It just, maybe because there's so many of them. I can't take them anymore.

I'm sure that's what it. Like I said, she did 50 in three years. You know, there's just so. Wow. And I couldn't be happier for her because it's so hard to make money in L.A. as an actor or at any level. And she's making it killing. God bless her. But it's just killing me if I, whenever I see it, I got to turn the channel or mute it.

I don't watch many commercials. Unless I see a buddy in a commercial, I don't watch it. I just go straight forward, my DVR straight through them, you know. Does it strike you as? strange while we're on the topic that insurance must be one of the biggest scams going because there are 30

different mascot insurance things from the Geico Lizard to the cavemen to flow to now they get that new idiot with the blue phone they got the Aflac duck I mean how many third commercial and they're all huge corporations

they're billion multi-billion dollars and they're putting a ton of money into these commercials yeah I mean I think a lot of lot of insurance probably is necessary and a lot of it probably is total bullshit. Where it's a fear based sale. Yeah, it is. What if you die? You've got to leave

money for your, you know. If your friend pisses on your leg, what will you do? You can't murder him in the Grand Canyon or can you? Affleck! Sorry, I think part of I understand. I need carried away insurance. I'm sure somebody will sell it to you. You know,

if Lloyd's London will insure a strife hand's nose, then I'm sure somebody old was tricent's nose has been afflact a million years ago her like somebody somebody who's got like super hot legs oh it's the chick from entertainment tonight oh is okay she's like 90 okay well i don't know she's legs should be like stretched into us the lampshade or something god i don't know i don't know but i've had a nickel for every time i heard somebody want mary heart's legs into a lampshade um no but if that's sure that kind of crap i'm sure you can get insurance for anything you want something's up though isn't there the no one

can afford to do this many commercials and all these damn insurance companies. I mean, come on. They just make money. It's all profit, that's why, you know, I'm from New Orleans. And after Katrina, there was all kinds of problems with the insurance agents. They didn't want to pay.

You know, that's their job to not pay out stuff. So they were, they were, I can't remember which one it was, I think it was Allstate. Did not want to pay out for all these people got flooded because they said the flood was not due to the rain. It was due to the man-made levees failing. So they said it wasn't an act of God.

It was a man-made thing. And they didn't want to pay. All these people lost their lives. They lost their homes. So insurance is just, they're disgusting. They're disgusting. It's weird. And it's weird.

The weirdest one to me is life insurance. It's like, okay, sir, we'd like you to pay your whole life so that when you die, there's money there. And you're like, wait a minute, I'm dead. What am I paying for when I die? Wait, what? Flo. Hello, Flo.

Affleck. Isn't getting discounts great. Humans are fear-based, you know, and so you act out of that. And I think, again, I think part of that is valid. You know, you got to take care of the family. But part of it is just because you're afraid. That's weird. Well, you know what I just realized?

Flo's like she's kind of like a waitress, like a 70s diner waitress. She should get that damn afflack doc and like cook it. Cook him up. And her diner, aflack! Cook him up. I don't know. I don't know if they would let her kill a duck. Can you do the aflac thing?

Not as well as you just did. Try it. Come on. you go aflac that came out kind of different it almost was over enunciated it was like afalac ben affalac aflac aflac aflac you know it's gilbert godfrey do you know gilbert yeah oh yeah worked with gilbert he's been doing that i don't know him but that's another he's probably making a fortune people don't realize if you do these little voice things you get paid as well and they catch on and they're national see all these commercials you can be regional like for a specific area

you can be national. If you go national across the country, you make a killing. I'm talking millions. And then he's been doing it for like 10 years or something. Notice you don't really see him doing stand-up comedy anymore? What was the last time you saw Gilbert Godfrey doing stand-up? You can make that kind of cash just doing, you know, Aflack.

Yeah, he's eating roast duck right now. And speaking of a duck, what a great segue. Brian, it's time for the duck quiz. The Harland Highway Nature Quiz. Nature Quiz. Here we go. Let's play the theme song. It's time for the Harland Highway Animal Quiz.

And we are going to get right into the Harland Highway Nature Quiz. Give it to me. All right. Here we go. You all set? Now, just to refresh our listeners' memories, how the Nature Quiz works, I give clues. Yeah. And the listener, Brian, has to guess the animal, the bird, the insect, the reptile, whatever it is.

It's all done through craftily worded clues. All right. Let's see. We got four questions. You're ready for number one? Shoot, Daddy. Number one. I may be a little bird, but come hunting season, the doze and the bucks better watch out.

It's all in my name. Okay, little bird. but come deer season. It's in a deer, mockingbird, hummingbird, a little bird, minute. They better watch out. Deer sucker. Searsucker. Deer hunter. John Voigt. It's John Voigt? Is it John Voigt?

No, no. Close. Okay. John Void is not a bird. Oh, you're right. You're not a little bird. Six foot three. So it's a little bird that's got to do with hunting deer. Yes. When I say little bird, it's not like a big bird of prey.

It's like a normal-sized bird. It may be a little bird, because. Come hunting season, the doze and the bucks better watch out. It's all in my name. It's all my name. Deer hunter, is a deer hunter a bird? No, but you're close. You're all around it.

You're flapping all around it. I don't know it. It's a mockingbird, dodo bird, ostrich, emu. I have no idea. Well, if you're hunting. Right. You're a hunter. You're a shooter.

You shoot a deer. What do you do? A gun. You shoot him, and then you go up and pee on him. Is that not how you hunt? Do I have to take you to the Grand Canyon? Yeah, you do. You put them in your sights and you shoot him.

And what happens once you shoot him? Then you go over and you skin him. You gut him. The act of once you've shot him. Hunting. You have done what to him? You've killed him. Killing bird.

Don't kill a mockingbird. Don't swing on the apple tree with anybody else. You're right there. You're right there. Murder crow. Murder, a murder of crows. What did I just say you? You kill him.

Kill hawk Killian What did you kill? You killed deer Killed deer Hey oh There we go That's the name of a bird

A kill deer Oh my god You didn't know that No of course not Okay well that is that Some weird Canadian bird That's the little one that Runs around on the ground

You know that's a mouse Harley It's not a goddamn killed deer They're the ones when you get near their nest They pretend they have a broken wing And they try to lead you away They run along the ground Really?

I thought that was all sorts of birds had that instinct to protect. The kill deer is well known for doing the whole broken wing thing. They nest in the ground. Kildare. That's just like a Native American buddy of yours. And there was a show called Dr. Kildare way back in the 60s. That was Kildare. Oh, how dare you?

How dear you? All right. Well, look, you've got three more to go. Don't be so upset. You don't need to pay on me. I kind of got there. You were right there. You did say it.

I said it. But you have no idea what you said. I get one-third of a point for that. You get one-third. I think that's a fair coppermines. And you get to spend a week in Hawaii with John Boyd. Fantastic. All right, here we go.

Let's see if you get this one. Even though I'm long and flexible, you would not want to use me to seal up your packages. I'm too slimy. Ooh. So, you know, it's not tape. He's slimy. He's an eel. He's a tapeworm.

Hey! Oh, hey, look at that. See? You bounce. Back, kid. She bows right back. I didn't even have to read it twice. No, 1.3 points for me.

Let me read it just so the listeners, because you went so fast. Right. Even though I'm long and flexible, you would not want to use me to seal up your packages. I'm too slimy. Right. Right. Right. All right.

You ready for number three? Please. If I ever go into your girlfriend's fallopian tube, that would be the end of her. She's much too small. and I am far too big. This is Uncle Larry? No, no, not Uncle Larry. Oh, okay.

Close. If I ever went to my girlfriend's fallopian tube, and this is an animal? Well, and she's much too small. Yeah. So it's a decent size animal. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

I don't understand. Is this? It's a big one. Say it. Can you repeat it? Sure I can. If I ever go into your girlfriend's fallopian tube, that would be the end of her.

She's much too small And I am far too big Oh man, that could be any big animal That could be a gorilla It could be a silverback It could be an elephant It could be a vole It could be a vulture

It could be a mastodon It could be a dinosaur You keep going big Go big, uh, okay Keep going big What's a blue whale A sperm whale There he goes

So he got number two. Okay, I got it. Wow, nice, grab, kids. Now I see where you're brain. Now I see how the clues are put together. Sure, you've done this before. Don't act like you're a little lost Chinese schoolboy? You know what?

You'll find this hard to believe. I don't practice, you know, thinking in your mindset about how to make up animal riddles. Wait, you've done this before. You have to know. I know, but I don't remember how you do it. Oh, pussure. Okay, sperm whale. Got it.

Here's the last one. This one's either going to be real easy. Sperm rabbit. No, I haven't read it yet. No. Okay, what is it? It's either going to be real easy or real hard. I'll take easy, please, Alex?

I think it's going to be easy. Usually I put the hard one last, but I put it at the beginning. Here we go. You wouldn't want to play cards with me. I'm much too fast, and I don't play by the rules, and I win every time. So card shark, cheater shark, thresher shark, too fast. I win every time. I'm a winner.

I'm a winter shark. I'm a winter thresher shark. I'm a tiger shark. Where's this shark thing coming from? Card shark, which is obviously wrong because you're not, you're looking at me like I'm crazy. So you don't want to play cards with me. I'm much too fast. I don't play by the rule.

Cheetah! There we go. There we go. I got off on shark for a minute there. You did get off on a shark, and that's illegal in seven countries. Well, I haven't had sex in a long time. Well, let's go to the Grand Canyon. I got to do what I, man's got to do.

Man, got to do what man got to do, man. Cheetah. Yeah, you did it. You did good. You got three out of four. I got three point three. And we gave you a part of the other one and a weekend with John Void in Hawaii. So.

I think I'm true. Well, let's get down to our last question. There's more? This is the last one. And then we got to close it up. It's another quickie. Waffles or pancakes? Pancakes.

That's all we need to know. Ladies and gentlemen. my funny, fine friend, Brian Palermo, check him out. Go on to the Groundlings website. You can catch him doing his thing, his improv magic, down at the Groundlings. Check him out online and go watch him rock it with his friend Flo from the progressive commercials. And, Brian, thank you so much for being here, man. Thank you, Hart. It's really fun.

I love you. Always a treat. and we'll have you back soon. Awesome. And brush up on your animals and we'll see in the Grand Canyon. Awesome, possum. That's it for the Harland Highway.

Thanks for listening, everybody. And until next time, Chicken, chow, Maine, baby. When the moon is in the seventh house and Jupiter aligns with Mars, then he'll be. Peace will guide the planets and love This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius

The Age of Aquarius Aquarius Aquarius Aquarius Aquarius Aquarius Aquarius Aquarius