The Harland Highway - PODCAST 241

Episode Date: March 11, 2011

St. Patty's day leprechaun drops in, the Charlie Sheen fiasco, listener voice mail, and yes, Dr. Ascot. Burn my sisters gum line!!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Well, shiver me timbers and call me Uncle Milkshake. Welcome to the Harlan Highway, everybody. I mean everybody. It is me, your host, Harlan Williams. Thank you for joining us. And I really mean that. Thank you with a capital T.H. Okay?

and to reward you for your patronage, guess what? Today we are going to have a really long analysis. I call it Sheenelysis of Charlie Sheen. We're going to break down some of his rantings, and I don't know, I might be the only guy in town that kind of thinks what some of the stuff Charlie is saying is actually kind of cool and insightful and has merit.

Not necessarily defending his actions, but maybe defending some of his outlooks and his philosophy on things. We're also going to be talking about massages for men, for people in general. We have a fun little St. Patty's Day visitor showing up at the studio today as we get ready for St. Patrick's Day coming up.

And then sadly, it's first. Friday, and I have to talk to Dr. Ascot, which is a pain in the leprechaun, but nonetheless, you are on the Harland Highway. Welcome to the Harland Highway. Hi, I'm Jackie. Want to play? Please go away and leave me alone. You just made a wrong turn.

On to the Harland Highway. Man, keep it going. Love the show. You're hilarious. My blanche and my blue blanket. Give me my little license. Passing your seat. You're riding down the Harlan Highway.

It's the Harlan Highway. Have you checked the children? Oh, yeah, it is Friday, everybody. What a long, tiring week. You know what you should do? Do like I do. Go get a massage. And I don't want to see any of the guys rolling their eyes.

Like it's a sissy thing to do. Okay? That's what I thought I want to... Ew, I don't want to get a massage. I don't want... What is that? That's for babies, man. Somebody rubbing my muscles.

Like I can't... Like, I can't carry trees on my shoulders anymore. No, it feels good, people. The ladies, no. The ladies go for massages all the time. In fact, I secretly think that's where they spend most of their income. You know? They pretend they spend it on fashion,

but I think they go to, like the 99 cents stores and buy cheap clothing. Tell everyone it costs a fortune and then go straight to the massage parlor and drop 200 bucks on an hour so Franz can run his fingers to your muscles and hydrate your back and pour oils on all your skins. Yeah, man. But dudes, you got to try it, man. I have this girl that I call up. She comes right up to my house, and it's not kinky, it's not, it's not what you think, perves.

She's a legitimate masseuse. She brings her own table, her own oils, her own lawn darts, whatever. It's totally legit. And, man, it is so nice. You put on your favorite tunes, your Black Sabbath, or your Led Zeppelin, or your George Michael, for all I care. And you just lay there and let them work. Work you over, man. And it just put you into a nice, solid coma.

Perfect way to gear up for the weekend, boys. And girls. Girls already know. So go for it, man. Go get a massage this weekend. That's my little tip. Show a little love to yourself. Okay, because I ain't coming over to do it for you.

Especially with all those zits on your back. Okay, I don't read Braille player. Harland Williams Hey Harlan My name is Deborah And I saw you for the first time on Conan O'Brien Oh my word I'm telling you, you are so funny

Super, super funny Off the charts funny I was laughing so loud Super loud And my guts, my sides was just aching in pain, just happily hurting from just how deep I was laughing. You are a super funny guy. I'm going to start checking out all your podcasts and everything.

Thanks for being unique, original, and super super funny. Lots of love to you, Harlan. Bye-bye. See? Right there. Right there is why we do it. well what do you mean we well that's why i do it well you said we well i meant me well where does that leave us what do you mean you well who you're talking to i'm talking to me so i'm confused yeah well so am i

what i'm saying is thank you for the wonderful message you know hearing that kind of stuff is what fuels my fire. Okay? And I'm so glad that, you know, when you hear back from someone that you make them laugh till it hurts, you got to love it. And that's the whole reason I got into this career. That's why I go on Conan. That's why I do stand-up. That's why I do movies. That's why I do this. And I hope each and every one of you. You know, I'm not an idiot. I know that every bit's not going to get the laugh, and there might be an opinion you might not agree with,

or, you know, but I hope in every show, somewhere along the show, you get some insight, you get a laugh, you get some information, regardless of how inaccurate or accurate it may be. But thank you. Keep the calls coming. 888, 500, 2090. I have a great time on Nucon, and they asked me to come back in the very near future. We'll keep you posted on that and rock and a roller.

Hey, hey, hey, it's Harland Williams here on the Harland Highway, and what a treat I have for you today. As you know, St. Patrick's Day is coming off. have a real live leprechaun here in studio today. How are you doing there? I think your name is Kringy McRingles. Aye, it's Kringy McRingles. Wow, and you're a lepricron. Aye, that I be.

I'm a lepricron. And you're short. How tall are you? Well, now you're getting personal, and I'll kick you right between the legs. A hearty tarp, a gorsey d' darf, a grafty dartsy d'aft. I beg your pardon. A girfty, girfty, garfdy, garfdy, garfty, gertie gertie garty. Okay, I didn't know what that meant, but, uh, so what's it like being a leprechaun?

I mean, do you, uh, what do you run around and you, uh, put curses on people and... Well, we run around, we do to take the guy. We get the lucky covers, so we need the barsteggarsdy, garst, garst, garsty, garsty, garsty. Okay, you're going to have to slow down because I can't understand a word you're saying. Because you be timbers, gillory, gulfly, singobly, ding. Gormly gorgly, gorgely, scurcely, dornly. Do you guys have your own language or what? Shiver me timbers over the rainbow.

Scarfty, garfety, garfety, scarty, garfty, garfty. Okay, I don't, this is going nowhere fast. Shiver me timber, shimmer, shirmy timber. Garfty, grafty, garty, garty. Oh, man. Okay, this is turning into a real nightmare. Maybe I'll put a curse on you. Hicy, barsty, lasty, varsity, varsity.

Oh, stop it. Foresty, garsty, garsty, garsty. Go back over the rainbow, find your pot of gold and go sit on it. Harlan Williams. All right. Now, speaking of alternate realities or perfectly fine realities, let's get in to Charlie Sheen. Okay? I kind of waited a bit for a lot of the interviews to kind of go through the term pike, you know. And, you know, we just don't know with Charlie. At this moment, he could be dead. He could be alive. He could be partying. He could be drunk on the floor. Who knows? But there was something about watching Charlie that I actually loved.

And before I get into it, let me separate, you know, the bad stuff. Let me separate the fact that he's abused women. That's not good. No one should do it. Let's cut that off the conversation and move it to the side. Not cool. Not impressed by that crap, okay? doing the drugs and the boozing.

It's not something I want for myself, and I don't think Charlie or anyone should condone it. So let's cut that badness out of the equation. But let's leave everything else there. Okay, let's leave Charlie and his opinions and his rantings and the things that he said. And you know what? I actually loved some of the stuff he was saying,

minus the bad stuff I just kind of singled out because that's unacceptable. So let's get into it. You know, I felt there was a real psychological aspect to what Charlie Sheen was saying, what he was doing, the way he was behaving. And here's a guy that came out, and it's almost like he left all his societal guards at the door. He just kind of dropped the facade and just kind of sat there in front of the whole world, in front of the world media, and just kind of said exactly what was on his mind, exactly how he felt, and kind of spoke like a true spirit in a sense. And I found it very refreshing, very revealing, and it was interesting because it feels like, or it felt like with some of the interviews I watched, that people were kind of taken a holier than thou approach and, you know, talking to him as if partying and being excessive and being radical and, you know, a little unpredictable were like taboo.

Like you should be hung at a stake and burnt like a witch, you know. And yeah, Charlie was being kind of radical with his words and the things he was saying. But what the hell's wrong with that? Isn't it nice to see a celebrity, a legitimate celebrity, truly express themselves? I found it refreshing, hilarious, a little bit sad in a way, because, you know, people didn't know what to do with it. But think of all the celebrities you see, man, giving speeches at the Oscar, doing the soundbites for entertainment tonight, going on the talk shows. It's the same old cardboard cutout crap. that you see year after year, after year, after year, man.

And here's a guy that just dropped his guard, and we're going to listen. I'm going to play some of his words, and we'll go through and decipher them. And you see if you agree or disagree. You might think that, you know, I'm as nutty as he is, or if you can take a moment to drop your holier-than-thou opinion, or if you can put yourself in his,

shoes and go, gee, I wonder what it would be like to just be really open and honest with my thoughts and not be pretentious and just say what I had to say. Like, think about that. When we all go to parties or in social events, you're usually very guarded or you choose your words carefully or you're, you know, unless you get a little drunk, maybe you loosen up a little bit, but most of us are pretty civil, and that's kind of the way society works. how many of you really say what's on your mind in front of the crowd? How many of you are afraid to say what's on your mind

because you think you'll be an outcast. You think people will move away from you. You think people will not want to talk to you. People won't respect your opinion. So how many of you just play it safe and, you know, hold your tongue and kind of go along with the vibe, even though you don't agree with it? I would submit that too many of us do that,

way too many, most of us do that. And it was interesting to see a guy like Charlie just, you know, any question he was asked, he says, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, here's what I do. I party hard. This is the way I think about things. Hey, I don't regret it. Do you regret it?

Why should you care? I care about me. I don't care about you. Right? And he wasn't saying that in a selfish way. he was saying that kind of in a philosophical way about how he just wanted to live his life and express himself.

And it seems like people are lining up to vilify the guy and call him crazy and call him insane and call him like he's having a meltdown and he's breaking up and, you know, I don't know about that. Now, if I'm being honest, I feel like some of his rants may have been inspired by, you know, his brain may have been affected a little bit by excessive drug use. I'm not a doctor.

I don't know, but it looks like he's rambling a bit and he's kind of wild-eyed. But even if he is, there's still coherent conversations he's having. They're eloquent. They're well-worded. And just because he's using terminology, we're not used to hearing, he's expressing himself better than a lot of people. He's being very articulate, and he's, he's, he's quick. He doesn't even really need time to think of the answers.

He's just self-assured and know what he wants to say, and he's confident, and I don't know. I don't know if people get scared by that. Hey, everybody, who wants to have better sex? No, yes, yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what, you want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping. And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority. Plus 100% free shipping on your entire order. Doesn't matter how much you spend or what you buy. I will be packaged and sent discreetly for free and fast. Don't wait. Better Sex is just a click away. That's 50% off.

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and 100% free shipping, Code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. I mean, you know, every one of us has partied and gone wild. And, you know, if we didn't live in the confines of society, that's probably all we do. We're really primitive when you peel away all the societal boundaries we've put up. And so here's a guy just saying, yeah, man, I partied. like a racehorse and uh da da da now keep in mind he's got the money where he can afford to do it but

even if he didn't you know it the things he's saying uh feel like they're coming from from uh his true spirit and uh you know some of you are like disagreeing some of you are agreeing but let's listen to some of his uh his um his interviews and we'll uh we'll break it down here we go here's Charlie Sheen being interviewed on a national television show. Your anger and your hate, I think, is coming off as erratic to people. Passion, my passion. Your passion is coming off as erratic to people. You borrow my brain for five seconds and just be like, dude, can't handle it.

Unplug this bastard, yeah, because it just fires in a way that is, I don't know, maybe not from this particular terrestrial realm. So listen to that. I love that he used the word passion, okay? It's like if John McEnroe is on the tennis court and he starts yelling and screaming and we see his passion, we're okay with it. We applaud it. We love it.

We think it's funny. And if Charlie Sheen goes on a rant and maybe he's angry and he's yelling and he's not actually using any physical force, but he's letting out what he really feels and he's, you know, getting, getting really passionate about a topic or his work or the people that are around him that he likes, that he hates, whatever, it's, I like it that he used the word passion, okay? This lady, you know, tried to categorize it as hatred and this and that, and I like the way Charlie would just like, it's passion, it's passion. Your anger and your hate, I think, is coming off as erratic to people.

Passion, my passion. And then Charlie says it's passion, and she accuses him of being erratic. And I'm like, why is it erratic? Because she doesn't think the way he does. You know, Charlie's clearly not kind of in the line, the collective line of how everyone else kind of thinks and talks and behaves. So suddenly he's erratic. He's an outcast. And then Charlie answers it's like, hey, step into my brain for a while, you know.

It's different. I'm coming from a different place. And it's like, yeah, cool. Why can't she accept that? Let's keep going. I think some of those things that you're putting out there are making people think something's wrong with you. That has nothing to do with me, really.

I mean, they're entitled to, I suppose, interpret stuff as they must. You're a doctor of. Some are saying that you're bipolar. Wow, what does that mean? I guess that, you know, you're on two ends of the spectrum. Wow. And then what? What's the cure? Medicine? Make me like them? Not going to happen. I'm by winning. I win here and I win there. Now what? See, I find that very interesting that, you know, he just plainly says. It's like, look, people can interpret what I say, whatever they want. That's their problem. But he should be allowed to express himself. And if it's a little radical and other people don't understand

where he's at, you know, do you vilify him? Do you make him out to be a Frankenstein, like a weirdo, like a wacko? And Charlie just seems very comfortably. He's like, you know what? Yeah, I know I'm spouting off, and I'm ranting, and I'm saying all these things, and people are rushing to judgment on me. But who cares? That's on them.

And then the lady jumps to the old standby. You know, that's how it works these days. you know when we were kids did you ever hear the term bipolar nowadays if anybody's just a little bit off or a little bit you know radical or edgy or moody suddenly they're bipolar and uh he accuses her of what are you a doctor like yeah how does this lady have the gall to interpret something like that um and then charlie makes a great point he goes uh so what do i do you put me on medicine you try to make me like everyone else and i think that was that was a really kind of scary yet cool statement and a very intelligent one because you know when you look at all the pharmaceutical companies out there all the chemicals

all the pills all the crap that's being put out there to try and normalize everyone and uh you know i don't know if it's to numb them or to correct them or you know but charlie makes a cool point it's like oh so i have some kind of outspoken opinion so you want to give me a pill so that i uh fit right back in with the norm and uh get back in line with everyone else and walk like a sheep and uh don't cause any uh disruptions don't have an opinion i mean listen to that again you're on two ends of the spectrum wow and then what what's the cure medicine make me like them not gonna happen i'm by winning i win here and i win here and i there now what see if you can get around all the all the stigma that's been

attached to charlie sheen i think that's a brilliant uh comment a brilliant statement it's it's almost uh it's almost uh like prophecy almost um and then i you know i laugh because then he adds his own he's got these great lines at the end of stuff he's like i'm by winning i win here i win there like that is cocky and confident and funny and you know and sure there's people listening to go yeah it's all induced by drugs

well you don't know that maybe it is maybe it isn't even if it is it doesn't mean it doesn't have merit so let's keep going here this is good if I'm bipolar aren't there moments where a guy like crashes

in the corner like oh my god it's all my mom's fault shut up shut up stop move forward Have you had any celebrities reach out to you to try and help you? Yeah, radical people like Sean Penn and Mel Gibson and Colin Farrell and just radical people. And they're not telling me what to do. Who gave you the best piece of advice? Well, they didn't give me any advice.

And within that, there's great advice. It was just love. See, that to me is a smart statement. Within that, there's great advice, he says. And it's true. It's like, again, I'm going to go back to what is wrong with the guy. spouting off and and uh proclaiming his opinion you know i don't have a problem with that it's it's like we have we live in a place in united states where have you seen this group of people

that show up at military funerals and uh and they they stand uh in front of the funeral with signs saying we hate soldiers and screw the gays and uh soldiers uh soldiers uh sock and go to hell's soldiers. This is as they're carrying the soldier's body into the graveyard. And, you know, the Supreme Court recently ruled that that's perfectly legal, that groups of people can amass and heckle our fallen warriors. And yet people jump all over Charlie Sheen for, you know, articulating his thoughts, his feelings. and going back to the bipolar thing,

I find it interesting that he's, you know, I think it's interesting the way, and I'm not, I'm not, I'm not saying that bipolar condition doesn't exist, and the people don't need the assistance of pills and medical help, but the way he kind of put it, it was like, well, bipolar, when I was supposed to go cry in the corner,

oh, my mother, my mother didn't love me, oh, and he's just like, shut up, move forward. Here, listen to it again. If I'm bipolar, aren't there moments where a guy like crashes in the corner? Like, oh, my God, it's all my mom's fault. Shut up. Shut up. Stop.

Move forward. Yeah. You know, I think we've become a society. We live in a society where I've certainly seen this. Where a lot of people, the minute crap hits the fan, or the minute they hit a low or they're a little insecure or something goes wrong in their life, they think, oh, my God, what's happening? I've got to get on some pills. I've got to straighten the ship. I'm having a breakdown.

I can't cope. I can't. And it just feels like people are becoming reliant on that. And people quite easily seem to label people as bipolar or some kind of chemical imbalance or disorder. And very often, I hate to say it. And again, I'm not a doctor, but just my observations. It's like Charlie said, it's like, you know what? Focus, shut up, and move forward.

Right? It's almost, that's maybe the best pill you can swallow. I mean, you got to remember, there are people in India and China and underdeveloped countries that have all these same problems we go through. Do you think they have the glossy $8 million commercial on television for bipolar disorder and depression and lack of sleep and, you know, restless leg symptoms? and all this garbage that, you know, the pharmaceutical companies and the moneymakers try to push down our throat so that they can make a profit and sell us pills to swallow.

They don't have that over there. They just kind of get an affliction and they deal with it and move through. And yeah, like I said, some people do need it. And some people, even in Indian China, do need it. But a lot of people, it's just, we're fragile. Humans are emotionally fragile. And I guess what I liked about Charlie is just like, stop crying, straighten up, take a deep breath, and move through.

And you know what? Here's what I'm going to add to it. If you move through and you're still not getting there, then maybe look for that out, that extra bump. But so many people just the minute something goes wrong, it's that's the result so I like that let's keep going here when was the last time you used use uh I used a blender I use a vacuum cleaner I use a you know I you know household items one was the last time I ingested or took drugs

yes when is the last time you took drugs such an AA stupid expression or term I don't remember I do not remember a week ago two weeks ago two days ago six week I don't know I don't know it was a couple days before the suits rolled in and said change it change everything we're shutting you down now here's where it starts to get a little bit sketching a little tragic but let me let me comment on you know some of his terminology here i like the way he he defended um the word the use of the word use okay uh when you say that when was the last time you use that that's terminology that kind of categorizes you and plugs you into a slot. And I like the way Charlie deflected that. You know, he kind of says, I use a vacuum

cleaner. I use a blender. He wasn't going to let her stick him into a category. He was, by saying that, he was saying, you know what, I'm free. I'm me. I'm an individual. I'm a person. Don't lump me into your little title and your little label. And I think, again, in society, we love to label things. It makes things so much easier because then you don't have to cross examine and really peel open the layers of a person. You can just go, oh, they're a user

or they're this or they're that. And then it just locks them in and we don't have to examine more elaborately who and what that individual is. So I like the way Charlie didn't let her slam him into that category

phase. And then he kind of slammed AA a little bit which you know what I've got two feelings about that I got a you know everyone has their own experience and and maybe some people are born

to live and party hard and die and that's what they want and that's maybe what you should just let them do as tragic as it is and then you know there's a A which also probably uses you know a lot of these terms and tries to get everyone into a

a similar mindset, and in a way, they have to, if you will, brainwash you in a good way to recognizing good behavior so that you don't hurt yourself and continue your trends and ultimately kill yourself. But if someone decides to reject that, does that make them a demon? You know, are we not free people? Are we not allowed to say, you know what? I recognize the help. I recognize the treatment.

I don't want it. I'm capable of taking responsibility whether it's good or bad. Is it for us to decide, you know, what we do with these people? And there's cases where you go, well, they're so far gone. We have to take them under our wing. And yeah, a lot of time they do. But when you got someone that's so stubborn and opinionated and really seems to embrace partying and excess,

and it seems like it's part of their nature, the same way a great football player is born to run and throw the ball or a great singer is born to sing or a great dancer is born to dance. You've got to remember, some people are born just to party. That's their fuse. That's what's lit. That's what makes them go. And just because it's not our MO doesn't mean it's not theirs.

Now, the part I don't like addressing addiction and addressing, you know, A, A, look, I think that's an important program. I think it works, and I think it's helped millions of people. And if anyone out there who's listening is an addict, I think those types of programs are crucial. I don't want anyone listening to think I don't support those. I certainly do. But I'm just saying, you know, we're free, we're human. and if someone chooses to be a party machine,

even if it leads to their own death, I mean, at what point are we, do we say, oh, you can't, you have to fit in with everyone else? That's all I'm saying. Let's keep going. Tell me about the last time you took drugs. Last time I took drugs, I probably took more than anybody could survive, you know. What are we talking about?

How much? I don't know, man. I was banging seven gram rocks and finishing them because that's how I roll. I have one speed. I have one gear. Go. How do you survive that? Because I'm me.

Because I'm me. I'm different. I just have a different constitution. I have a different brain. I have a different heart. I have a different, you know, I get tiger blood, man. You don't worry that you're going to die when you take that many drugs? Dines for fools.

But you're only human. See, now there's where it gets a bit scary and a bit delusional. I'll be honest. But at the same time, I still respect Charlie going, I'm me. I'm different. I've got taggers blood, which is ridiculous. He doesn't have tigers blood. He is just like the rest of us.

But what I'm saying is psychologically, is he allowed to think that way? Is there a problem with him thinking he's that? And if he dies on the way, he obviously knows the risks, then so be it. It sounds like he's accepted that. Either way, it's just a carnival. It's interesting to see. It's interesting to see a guy kind of stand out from the pack and just be that raw. I find it kind of fascinating, and I guess that's what this all boils down to.

Again, you know, I understand Charlie made what were interpreted to be some anti-Semitic remarks. He's made threats to his wife, physical threats. Obviously, partying so hard to the point where you cause yourself or others harm is not smart. So none of that stuff I'm condoning, endorsing, or in agreement with. This is all about Charlie's, you know, perspective from a psychological point of view and his form of expression. I find that an interesting study in a human being that's so high profile and just throws it all out there. So I just want to make it clear that's what I'm trying to kind of examine here. and on that note we've been going at it for a while here suddenly i'm turning into uh you know

dr ascot or something um we'll pick up some more uh of this next week there's a few more clips i want to analyze and uh you can see if you agree or disagree and i think a lot of this is coming from a place where uh i'll tell you one final little last story when i was in high school I remember I took a sociology class okay and this has stuck with me my whole life and in a way might have even helped me get to a place where I've always you know I've always strive to find a bit of a flare in life and present unique things to people step outside of the box and kind of you know not follow the pack so to speak and I remember in a sociologist class in high school, the teacher made us read this chapter about a guy who, I guess it was back in like the 40s or something, there was a guy who liked to go take a break from work and go and sit on the roof of the building and stare out at the world and just look at things and catch his breath and get a new perspective.

You know, who knows what he was doing up there. But I remember the sociological study was about how the rest of society reacted to that. Here was a guy that would sit up on the roof, and people couldn't process that. They couldn't understand it. They couldn't deal with it. And so suddenly they kind of started labeling this guy as crazy and a lunatic and not right and abnormal. And, you know, they probably became scared and threatened and uneasy. around the guy and, you know, the truth be told is he probably just wanted to step away from

the rat race for an hour on his lunch break and have a vantage point and sit up on the roof and feel the breeze in his hair and watch the clouds float by and look out over the rooftops and see the birds and hear the sounds. We've all done that. and I could relate to that story so much because as a kid, I used to do that. You know, when you're a kid, when you're a teenager full of angst, you always kind of like to go to a place, whether it's your bedroom or your closet or your basement or there's a field you like to sit in or a bus stop. It's the same thing.

I used to go up on my roof when I was a teenager. I'd sneak out my window and climb up on the roof of the house, and I loved it up there. I would sit up there at night I would sit up there during the day and I'd sit right on the very tip of the roof and I would just take it all in man you can see all around

180 degrees in every direction or 360 or whatever that term is I don't know what the full circle is I sit on a roof I'm not that smart okay but it was peaceful up there it was tranquil I could absorb

my environment. I could collect my thoughts. I could you know, just sit up there and have a different perspective. And maybe it's not hip or cool to kind of find a partial way to side

with what Charlie's doing. I don't know. But I'll certainly voice my opinion on it and Charlie's just kind of that guy with a different perspective and, you know, like I said, it's not like what he's saying is unintelligent and maybe I'm overthinking it way too much and maybe this is

gone way too long and the only reason I'm doing it is because it personally fascinates me you might be going Harland enough with the Charlie turn it off um but I don't know sometimes I wonder if there's a little bit of a lesson to be learned under all this or maybe he's just a buffoon but as always on the Harland highway I let you decide Everything I've said, I'm not forcing down your throat. I'm not trying to say, this is the way it is. These are just some of my thoughts, my interpretations, my perceptions of it, but by no means do I stand on a soapbox and proclaim to be right.

And I also don't proclaim to be wrong. I just offer insight and thoughts based on my own views. So there you go. I'm going to leave it there. and oh my god i just realized with all this uh analysis going on as we wind down to the end of the show there's one last piece of analysis we have to go through yeah you guessed it it's friday uh it's time for me to have my brain picked by that moron dr ascot Oh, God.

Hello, Dr. Ascot. Hello, Arland. What are we doing today? You seem a little cranky today, Arland. Well, I'm always cranking around you. Alland. Well, you just... You get my goat.

Holland, you don't have a goat. What are you talking about? You just said I get your goat, Arland. Yeah? Are you having delusions that you live on a farm? No, I don't, I'm not, I didn't mean it that way. Holland. What?

I think maybe, Holland. You're having delusions. I'm not having delusions. It's a saying. You get my goat. Holland, I'm going to remind you you don't have a goat. Okay, I don't have a goat. That wasn't very convincing, Holland.

Okay, what do you want to do about it? Holland, let me hear you make some goat noises. What? You said you had a goat. Let me hear the goat. I'd like to meet this goat. Don't do the little air quotation marks. Holland, those weren't quotation marks.

Well, what were they? They were goat horns, Holland. They were goat horns. Clever, As God. Holland, let me meet the goat. No, you're not meeting my goat. Holland, what's his name? No, no, you know.

Okay, you want to play this game? No, you're not meeting my goat. You're not meeting Charles. Your goat's name is Charles. Yeah, what about it? My father's name was Charles. Whoopie? do but can we get on with something real here all and i want to meet charles the goat no what this isn't

real stop it alland you're not going to let this go are you asked god all and i am here to work with you to try and keep your mind clear to try and keep your mind focused if you are having delusions that you have a goat named Charles inside your head. We must expel those delusions. Stop it. Stop your rambling. And stop saying my name all the time. Do you not know who I am? Holland.

Yeah. So stop it. Holland. Ah! Let me meet the goat, Arland. Charles. Come out, Charles. what are you doing

Holland I have an old tin can here Why do you have an old tin can Just in case I ever have to do goat therapy Oh so you were planning for this Let me meet Charles Right now you will get a pink slip You're gonna give me a pink slip over an imaginary Holland

I Pardon me Hi, my name is Charles. Hello, Charles. Hi, Dr. Escott. What are you doing inside of Holland, Charles? I don't know. I'm just hanging around. That's not where you're supposed to be, Charles.

I know, Dr. Escott. You smell. What did you say, Charles? You smell. Dr. Ascot Charles Stop saying my name Dr. Ascott

Charles Stop it Charles I have for you a little treat All right is that enough One last thing Charlotte Charlotte Charles

It's Harland It's Harland It's Harland Oh, God. What do I have to do? I want you to eat this tin can. You want me to eat a tin can. You are a goat, Holland.

You must expel. I'm not eating a tin can. Pink slip. Give me the tin can. Eat it, eat it, Charles. Eat it. All right, I'm eating a chin can. Ow, ow, it cuts.

Eat it, Charles. Ow! Ah! Eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it, Charles. Ow! What's the matter? I cut my mouth up on this stupid can. God, get out of here!

Would you like to be milked, Charles? Get out of here! Let me just grab your eyes. otter and make some goat cheese. Get a! Out! God, that guy is a certified dildo. You believe it?

Making me... Making me... Anyways, let's... Now the show's run long. Normally it's like half an hour. We were like... 10 minutes over.

I'm probably going to get in trouble from my boss, Mr. Featherstone. What a way to end the show. Well, I hope you enjoyed it, folks. Sorry if I got long-winded with the Charlie Sheen stuff. But I'm going to do another little segment on it later next week. So get ready. Get ready for some more of my sheenalysis, as I call it now.

anyways thank you for joining uh don't forget uh you can see me in st louis next week uh march 17th through the 19th and the following week i will be at uh in salt lake city utah the 24th the 25th and the 26 of march uh you can go on harlow williams dot com and check my up schedule for the name of the club, the showtime, the ticket prices, all that stuff. Reserve ahead, because we often sell out. Don't want you to be disappointed. And don't forget, you can pick us up on Stitcher.com if you want to listen to us on your cellular device.

This is a shout out to all my listeners overseas, Australia, the UK. everywhere on the other side of the world. Please spread the word on the Harland Highway. Let's make this an international force to be reckoned with. And don't forget to shoot your email to Save a Shark at gmail.com. We're trying to put a dent in the shark-fitting industry. Send us a letter there, and we'll send you back. the name and address of a restaurant that serves shark fin soup,

and you can do your part by sending them a letter that we will send you. You can sign it and mail it and hopefully, you know, help stop a cruelty that's happening in the world. So that's it for today, folks. I hope you had a groovy, groovy time, and we will catch you next time. And until then, please, Chicken. Chalman, baby. I'm by winning. I win here and I win there. Now what?