The Harland Highway - PODCAST 264

Episode Date: May 4, 2011

My final interview with actor/comedian Andy Dick. Sweet Scuttlebutt lodge!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy. What a show I have for you today. Interesting show. A lot of different forces came together. I'll explain once we get past the intro. Welcome to the Harland Highway. I am Harlan Williams, your host, your MC, your chaperone, if you will. Kind of an odd show today.

As I said, all the elements came together today. A celebrity friend of mine and a friend of yours is back in some legal hot water. And he's a guy we've been interviewing all through the last week and a half. This is his final portion of the interview. And I'll get into how kind of destiny and fate brought this interview. together because as fate would have it, we talk about in this interview many of the aspects of what he's in trouble for today.

This gentleman was in the newspaper. He was on TV for getting into trouble again in the public, and he's in trouble with the police, he's in trouble with the law. It's actor-comedian Andy Dick, and we're going to open up that interview right now here on the Harlan. Highway Welcome to the Harland Highway

You fellas been doing a bit of booze and have you Sucking back on Grandpa's old cough medicine There's an element of uncontrolled chaos The Harland Highway Serving everyone from presidents and kings To the scum of the earth What a treat Oh wait

Was you need great big fat person You just made a wrong turn On to the Harland Highway You need many years of therapy Hey, Harlan. It's Stephanie from Bedford. Just do me. You might want to think twice before seeking your penis in there. Just do me. You're riding down the Harland Highway with Harlan Williams.

Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. Fade out the music and fade in real life. Kind of a bittersweet show today. And I'll tell you why. Fate has a funny way of working out. As you know, we've been featuring actor-comedian Andy Dick on the show. You know, the last two weeks, we've had some in-depth interviews with Andy. They've been funny.

They've been poignant. They've been touching. They've been ridiculous. They've been revealing a lot of layers. Andy's a multi-layer guy. And as you know, Andy has had a checkered past. They troubled past, dabbling and indulging and being the victim of and initiating, you know, drugs and alcohol and, you know,

lewd behavior and things that by societal norms are unacceptable on many levels and irresponsible and foolish and childish and, et cetera. that being said, I won't separate myself from Andy. He is a friend, and I don't condone a lot of what he does, his activity, his actions, but he brings me laughter. He brings a lot of us laughter. It doesn't excuse what I'm about to read to you. But nonetheless, I consider Andy a friend, and all I can do is hope that he finds a way

to get on the right path in life where he is not faced with his own demons and his troubles which very often spill into the lives of other people, unsuspecting people, innocent people, and they are the victims of Andy's sometimes inappropriate behavior. So let me read an article that came out today in the USA today and just kind of hit the wire in general and I'll comment on that

and then we will get into our final interview with Andy Dick let me read you the headline comedian Andy Dick arrested for public intoxication comedian Andy Dick arrested for public intoxication at Marie Calendors now right out of the gate it's always an odd ball situation with Andy, you know, like Jim Morrison and, you know, Mel Gibson, and people are usually like kind of arrested for intoxication at weird places, but Marie Callenders? I just, you know, what a weird place to get, get hammered. But anyways, here's the article. In yet another brush with the law, comedian and actor, Andy Dick, was booked on suspicion of public intoxication

Tuesday after Tomecula police responded to a disturbance at a restaurant. Department officials say that officers were called the Marie Callender's restaurant in Rancho, California Road, shortly after 9 p.m., after a caller reported an intoxicated male subject who was causing a disturbance inside the restaurant. When they arrived, they found the 44-year-old comedian in the bar area displaying symptoms associated with alcohol intoxication and noted he was unable to care for his own safety. According to a statement released by Tomecula police,

Dick, who was cooperative, was booked on suspicious public intoxication. Okay, so there you go. Andy is nailed once again, and the article continues kind of talking about some of his other recent encounters with the law. The arrest Tuesday was the latest in a long line for Dick. Last year, the comedian was arrested in Huntington, West Virginia,

on suspicion of felony, sexual abuse, after two people complained he groped them at a bar. In 2008, Dick was arrested for drug possession and sexual battery after police were called to a disturbance outside a Marietta restaurant. Marrieta police said the heavily intoxicated comedian grabbed and fondled the breasts of a 17-year-old girl before pulling her top down in the parking lot of a Buffalo Wild Wings Grill and Bar. His friends escorted into a truck, which was then stopped by police near a Sam's Club store. Dick eventually pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor battery and marijuana possession

and was ordered to wear an alcohol monitoring bracelet for one year. Okay, so I'm not reading this to call Andy out on this. I never would have brought this particular stuff up on its own, although we do touch on it in the interview about to come. The reason I'm reading it is to bring you people up to speed on what has happened, what he's been up to, and now arrested once again. And I guess as a friend, as I say, I'm at the point,

and I don't know if Andy will hear this or not. But I guess as a friend, I have to give a little tough love to Andy and say, Andy, come on. You know, all that stuff I read, some of it I didn't even know about, unacceptable. And it's time, buddy. It's time to really stand up and be accountable. And, you know, really, really just figure out how to change your life. And if that means stepping away from Hollywood, if it means moving away, I don't know. But I'm supporting you.

I'm hoping that you can find a way to stop behaving like this. And so I'm kind of shouting out to you, buddy. It's time to really, really focus on putting an end to this behavior. that you're involved in. Okay, so that being said, let's get to my final interview with Andy. It's very fitting that my final interview with him just happened to be about many of these topics, the drinking and the alcohol abuse and getting into trouble.

So we are going to go there. It was just a matter of weird timing. And it gets a little heavy. It gets a little, you know, goes to that place where maybe we shed some light on why Andy does what he does. We hope he gets better for everyone's sake. And then at the end of the interview, we lighten things up and we try to go out on a jovial note and Andy participate in the Harland Highway Animal Quiz. So we get the dark and the light in this interview.

I won't keep talking. Let's hope Andy gets better. And let's hear from him, in his own words, actor-comedian, Andy Dick, here on the Harlan Highway. Have you ever used a lawnmower? Of course. Like how? What, tell me what happened.

I started it up, pulled the string. What were you cutting, no? Because I know it wasn't like a lawn. Yeah, it was. No, where were you? You were in someone's house. You fired up a lawn. Tell me the truth.

What the hell have you done with it? I'm not. No, I used to cut lawns for money. You did. Yeah. Where? In Pennsylvania, in Connecticut. Like, that's a lot of geography you've covered.

Yeah. You must be a millionaire. I made a lot of money. Wow. I think I would get five bucks to most a whole lawn. It's not a lot of money, is it? It took hours. I'd have blisters on my hand.

Oh, so. Yeah, blisters. I would also shovel snow for money. Oh, well, you got to get the snow off the grass to get to the grass to cut it. Yeah, sure, I see that. So if there was an Andy Dick survival kit, what the hell's in it, Andy? Anti-venom for rattlesnakes. I was going to ask you about that, but now I know.

Okay, you need that. That's about all you need, basically. What about food? uh flor and puffs my most you do know what they are i love those pastries oh you do know what they are they're filled with that um that kind of cheese that's sweet it's like a ricotta but it's like a sweet yes it's fromunda cheese it's the cheese

it's the cheese it's rumunda cheese oh yum it's yummy and it's sweetened and the crust is flaky and delicate it just melts in your mouth. Take me to grease and slap me with a sandal. Flarm puffs. Flarm puffs. Here's one for you speaking of food. How many pine cones can you eat in one sitting without shoving like into the side of your

cheeks? So without cheating? Yeah. What's your record for sitting down and eating pine cones? Three or four. Wow. Do you know pine nuts I think are from pine cones? Yeah, they are.

And I eat pine nuts. It's one of my staples. No way. I really do eat a lot of pine nuts. What do you mean? It's one of your staples. Well, I'm on a raw diet. I don't know if you know that.

All raw. And by the way, red wine is raw. So you're a cheerleader? Raw, raw, raw. Oh, my God. Worst joke of the night. I'm not even going to edit it. I'm not even going to edit it because it's so bad.

I'm on a raw diet, so I eat raw nuts and seeds and baddies and sticks and twigs. Really? So those snakes are. are really in peril going to be my lunch yeah I eat but I

speaking of that I do eat raw meat I just the other day I had some raw fish and what I do sushi but without the rice you know just the meat

just the raw meat it's sashimi and then what I do is for my beef which I do two or three times a week now for four months

I ate no meat but I just started to include meat and what I do is I take This organic beef, filet mignon, I slice it up thin, and I put it in a bowl with lemon, vinegar, olive oil, salt, cayenne, garlic, and onions, and I let it marinate in there for 15 minutes,

maybe a half an hour. And what it does, all that, that mixture kind of cooks it, and then I just eat it raw. It is delicious. You know, at first I wasn't on board with you, but that actually does sound really good. I'm just watering right now. Do you have a filet mignon in your house right now? No, I do not. No steak at all?

I do not have a fil-a-man-a-man-a. Do you have any meat in there at all? Any red meat? I do not have any red meat in my fridge. I do. But you don't have any steaks. I do not have any steak. You eat out most of them.

I eat out every friggin' meal just. I eat out 99% of the time. Finances have forced me to eat in almost all the time. But you take this filet mignon, and you kind of. it like paper thin. Yeah. Like you don't eat like big like silence of the lamb like chunks.

No, you can't. No. Just little like paper thin. You marinate them as I can. Like the way they cut sushi almost. Yeah. It's not that thin because it's hard to do. But but it's thin.

And then I like I said, I marinate and it's just delectable. I like it. I like it. And then what I do is I take that juice. Yeah. And I just drink it. I eat it like a soup.

Wait a minute. After the fact? Yes. What I'll do, actually, what I did last time. Well, no, but you have to hear me out because what I did last time, this is just the other day, is I took that juice and then I chopped up celery and cucumbers, and I threw the celery and cucumbers all chopped up into little tiny cubes, and I put that into the juice, and then the juice, the beef juice with the onions and the garlic and the olive oil and the lemon

And then the vinegar, so it marinates the vegetables, and I eat it like, it's delicious. You've got to trust me on this. You're probably going to get attacked by your snakes because they smell all that. That's dangerous. They don't eat beef. Well, they only eat horses.

Is that to be a good name for a movie? They only eat horses. You know, we really should write a movie. You know how many movie ideas I've had for me and you? We've talked about it before. Remember we went out to lunch one day, just sat there and we were in uh new mexico or something and we're like we just jammed for hours coming up with movie ideas don't you remember no i don't and we're like that's where we filmed

the month i don't remember we went out to that diner and we were like new mexico gives you like 50% back on your movie investment and we were like we were all excited why didn't we do it well because we never nailed down an idea well i'm gonna i i have had a few i don't remember any of them right now maybe i wrote them down well we should do another creative lunch a creative lunch a c l creative lunch yes and we'll have sashimi what's your most hated hollywood term like you get all these you know we'll do lunch or i have one what is it my lawyer used to say it all the time what is it let's let's get this behind us oh god i hate it don't all lawyers say that yeah look just sign the paper let's get it behind us oh let's get it

this behind us. Can you do an impression of his voice? Like, I want to hear the tone and the inflection. I'll be you and then you just do it the best you can. I'm not Rich Little. Just do the best you can. I'm going to be you and I'm going to go, so what are we going to do with this thing?

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automatically interrupted me. The other thing it also came from my lawyer. He would always say vis-a-vis. Oh, vis-a-vis. V-a-V. I-E. Yeah. Andy, we need you to sign these documents vis-a-vis. I don't even know what the fucking means. Vis-a-vis, i.e., let's get this

behind us, Andrew. Okay. Visa-Vee. So tell me about your manager. All right, this guy, he handled comedians, and you know, is it Barry Cats? No. Okay. I'll tell you who it was after, but kind of a heavyset man.

Bernie Bill's. No, used to sit behind his desk. And when you'd go in and you'd spritz ideas or try to say something funny, instead of doing this, like, let's say the punchline was tomato juice. I'd go tomato juice, and instead of him going, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. I'd go tomato juice, and he'd go, I'm on the floor. That's what he'd say.

I'm on the floor, babe. like as if to say I'm laughing so hard I'm on the floor so he'd never laugh he never laugh at he would just say I'm on the floor it was the best line I hated it but I loved it at the same time it's so sad the man didn't have the ability

to really laugh let's get that behind us LMAO I'm on the floor babe now when you say it like that it reminds me of Jimmy Miller or Dennis Miller yeah Jimmy Miller and Dennis Miller our brothers. Yeah, well, you can tell by that last name.

Yeah. And also how they talk. Now, was it somebody at Brillstein-Gray? It was Howard Lapidus. He's the guy. You'll see his name in the credit. He's Jerry Seinfeld's manager. No.

He wasn't? No, no, no. Okay. If you look in the credits on celebrity rehab, you'll see. Oh, yeah, Howard Lapidus. That's right. I know that, yeah.

And he's a nice guy, great guy. And, uh, but, but he just cracked me up with that line. It was just like, He wouldn't even crack his smile. He's Tom Green's manager. I'm on the floor, babe. He used to be Tom. They're not together anymore.

Tom was with him for a long time. And you were with him. You know, this isn't really that funny, but imagine if the guy, like, had a heart attack and you walked in, and the first thing he said, he goes, I'm on the floor, babe. And he really was on the floor.

That's awful. I remember that I've known, joke behind us. Let's get it behind us. Please, please. Visa V. He is a V. He and I worked together because I was on the sober house.

Oh, right? You know, they were begging. Well, I've known him way before that. Did you ever hear him say I'm on the floor, babe? No, no, no. I guess I never. I wonder if people who were. I never made him laugh that hard.

Oh. But listen, listen, he asked me to be on the very first celebrity rehab, and they offered me half a million dollars. Man, I said, no, I said, A, I'm not going to get sober. I'm not interested. Well, then you could have done the second. The second season for the other half the million. Well, you blew it, buddy. Cut to a year, you know, a couple years later, I know.

And then I'm on, I got into trouble with the law vis-a-vis drinking. And, well, I don't even know if that's not correct use of the word. But anyhow, now, and then they said either you're going to go to jail or you should probably go into some kind of rehab. So I'd said, I'll go, I'll do that thing. I'll do the thing. And let me just do the celebrity rehab thing. But it's called the sober house. And I did it.

And I said, where's that half million? Yeah. I'd love to have that now, too. And they said, oh, no, no. So when you come crawling to them, there was no negotiation. They didn't give me any. No way. So you were on that show?

I didn't know you were on that show. Not celebrity rehab, but the sober house thing. Who are the other people in there with you? Do you remember? Well, the house mother is the only one I really talked to. Who are the other celebs? Shifty Seth

from from Crazy Town the band Crazy Town Oh you're going to love this one I'll get to that Amber Smith Who was the original Victoria's Secret model

Absolutely gorgeous Crawled into my bed But naked What? She did She had a little thing for me That's worth the 500 right there I loved it

But then the cameras came racing in And she ran out Really? Yeah the camera's ruined it. You were going to have sex probably with Amber Smith and if you look her up you will you will drop you'll be on the floor

the only problem with those girls is it's really hard to those angel wings get in the way if you're doing it doggy style they keep slapping you in the face so then Jennifer Jimenez is was the house mother she was the sober one running the house sure who I still talk to

to this day she was my angel she saved me the day I got in there we talked till five in the morning on camera It didn't show up on the show, but I love her. She's great. So the other people were, oh, the guy from, oh, wait, I can't believe. Can you look it up on your computer? I kind of know on a blank.

Well, he was, he's in a band, and he got, during the time we were there, he got busted. He had brought in heroin into the house. But I can't even remember the name. He's a great guy. I got to say that those shows are pretty emotional. I've watched Celebrity Rehab. I haven't watched The Sober House, but I've watched Celebrity Rehab. And there's a lot of feelings that happen.

In a way, you don't feel sorry for them because you think, oh, they're just celebrities. But then as you watch the show, you realize, no, they're just people like everyone else. And they've got problems, and it's tough. And what really is rewarding about the show, it seems like people are really helped on that show. Yeah, yeah, we have. are good good and rodney king rodney king that's right he was on there he was on with wow and um there was nicky she was one of the american idol while she came in third right i think i saw parts of this now that you're saying these people well you might have seen them while they were on

they were on the um celebrity rehab and then i joined on you joined in afterwards sober house what is it What is it to someone like me and people listening who are not addicts? What would you say? It always does fascinate me about you. Yeah. Every time we go out. Yeah. You have one beer.

Not even two. I'm not a drinker. Maybe I've seen you have two once, maybe. But for the most part, you'll have one beer. And sometimes you won't even finish that beer. Yeah, I'm not, I've never had hard alcohol in my whole life. I've never even tasted it. I don't do it anymore.

I don't drink hard liquor anymore. But even the beer, you like it because you order it. Yeah, I like to catch a, here's what I like. I like to catch a little buzz so I get giggly. So I'll drink maybe between one and three or four beers every now and then. And that's it. That's the plane I get to and I have fun. And I only do it when I go out.

I never order beers with dinner. I never have a beer before it gets dark. I probably drink if you stacked all the beer bottles together in a year would probably be about 25 I just I've never had a desire for it but that's why I'm asking you I guess

and I don't want to sound patronizing or anything I probably won't know the answer but no what I was going to ask is is there a little you know I don't know how to describe it for an addict is there a little like almost like a little demon inside you a little character in your gut going

come on drink drink, come on, or whatever. You're, like, is there something in there, a button or something? You're talking to the wrong guy because I, for all of these years, first of all, there was a time when I had three years completely stone cold sober.

Right. Yeah, three whole years. That's when I did the Andy Dick show. Yeah, yeah. At that time. I always do my most best work when I'm stone cold sober. But for the most part, so I've been to rehab ten times. Did you know that?

No, I didn't. I didn't know that. 10. Wow. And I've been to A.A. meetings up the Wazoo, and they're great. They're very helpful. In fact, they can keep you sober if you go. But I don't subscribe to, like everybody else and the majority of people, to any of those terms that we came up with, addiction, addict, alcoholic, all this.

I just like to drink. I like to drink. That's the bottom line. I like to drink. and sometimes I drink way too much and then I get drunk and then trouble ensues and then sometimes

I'm able to just have one glass of wine recently I've been able to just drink a glass of wine and be done with it be done with it one glass and be done with it but that's because

I kind of have a bad taste in my mouth about getting sloshed it's just it doesn't do me any good at all at all it never does well then what what was the reason you got to that place i would choose to i would i would i was i would consciously say you know what i'm going to get shitface tonight i want to drink to oblivion i want to drink till i don't know what's going on and somebody has to walk me home why though why why do you i don't know i mean maybe you know it's a different there's always a different

reason it could be because I'm extremely happy about something it could be because I'm extremely depressed about something there's always there's always kind of a reason yeah but right now I don't want to I just good man I want to keep it clean I want to I want to I want to work I don't want to retire what kind of idiot what was I thinking I really for a whole year I just didn't work and I said and I told everybody you don't even bother calling me because I'm retired well you needed you needed some space man you needed some space there's a lot of there's a lot of pressure to keep the fame ball moving and the money moving and all that stuff and and sometimes that drinking can maybe take the edge off of that it did and so i did i drank for like a year um but but that was that was a few

years ago and but then then i got into trouble and then i had to wear that ankle thing yeah i remember the ankle thing yeah that was last year i wore that for a year buddy i know can you imagine wearing something around your ankle that's pretty tight chafing your skin for a whole year, let alone the fact that what it does is not allow you to drink. So even if you just wanted one

beer, you can't do it. It's kind of maddening. It was maddened. Most people wear it for a month, two months, three months tops. A year. A fucking year. Well, you know. I went crazy. I almost, it was the first year where I actually had

suicidal thoughts. Oh, no. Yeah. So in that respect, you can see, and I know people, I've known people that were sober and killed themselves. I'm like, you know what, buddy, pick up a fucking drink before you pick up a gun. Like literally go get drunk and you believe me, you'll pass out, you'll wake up and you'll like, oh shit, I wish I didn't get drunk. But you'll be alive. Right. It's interesting the stigma of alcoholism and addiction because it's like going back to your point, we live. live in a society with all these rules and boundaries and everything. So a lot of labels and a lot of categorizing is done.

And then if you peeled all that away, you could just go, hey, there's a guy who's a bit of a train wreck who can't control his booze and he likes to drink. He's probably going to die, but he's going to have fun on the way. There's that crazy guy. And that's all it could be or should be. Well, I hope you're not talking about me. No, no.

I'm just saying in general, it could be you. It could be anybody. Right. And I'm just saying that's the way you've. could paint it in a real simple term but we live in a society where that's not the way it is and people uh when people get to that state i guess the rest of society wants to reach out and help to have these clinical terms and they have to label it and all the and by the way that brings up a point that that i it hit me as hard as a ton of bricks just last week it's a double standard

we have in america yeah so they have this label for me let's just take me as the example. Take you. I'm the alcoholic. I'm an alcoholic. So alcoholism, what do they call alcoholism? What is it? Addiction to alcohol.

It's an addiction to alcohol. They call it a disease. They call alcoholism a disease. Right. So here I am. I'm walking around with this disease called alcoholism, which is treatable. You can treat this disease, much like you can treat MS, you know, multiple sclerosis. or cancer or lupus.

And I found out later that Mitch Hedberg has a joke about what I'm talking about right now, this double standard that we live in right now in America where I'm walking around with a disease and let's say I'm in the throes of my disease, T-H-R-O-E-S, the throes of it. It means like you're in the deepest... Sure.

The deepest part of the pool of your disease. I'm just trashed, stumbling around Hollywood Boulevard. in my desire I couldn't get any sicker right and yet people are whipping out their cell phones and their cameras and they're and they're videotaping me and laughing and then uploading it on YouTube is that what you do to somebody who has a dick you're the one that says I have a disease and yet you're that would be like literally videotaping somebody with MS you know walking down the street all wobbly because they have MS but they would and they're using their canes and then videotaping that and laughing and laughing and uploading it on look at the funny

crazy and guy with the ass like it's crazy it's like vultures they they circle and they see when you're weak and they come in and start picking and pecking and tearing you apart do i don't think that i honestly do not think that there is anybody out there that could have survived the amount of ridicule and and sometimes it's just hostile hatred directed right at me and and it hurts you know it really does hurt it's got a hurt and I don't I think a normal person would have just you know either moved to another country or killed themselves well on that note let me ask you a question and it may be hard okay and again you know I'm not saying this to to be cruel but I'm going to ask you this

and you can either answer it or not answer it. Pass. You're going to pass? I want to hear it. The question is, do you think somewhere psychologically as an entertainer as a guy and entertainers are always craving attention and seeking the limelight, do you think

subliminally psychologically there was a side of you that perpetuates kind of some of this behavior knowing you're at the bottom of where you are? But you're like, you know what? even if I'm wobbling down the street drunk and a death's door, people are going to notice me. People are going to hold up those cameras. Is there an exhibitionist side of you that craves that?

And that may be part of an addiction. It could be that, but I think it more is, in my case, I think it more has to do with really just not giving a shit. I really just don't care what people think. when I'm not even drinking. Yeah. Like, I just don't have a filter on my mouth. I don't care what people. I don't even, I don't, I'm not one of those guys that even looks in the mirror.

When I went to the bathroom just during the break, I didn't even look in the mirror to see what I look like. I don't care. I don't. I really don't. I mean, sometimes I'll doll up or try a little bit. But then if you add liquor to it, and when I say liquor, I just mean beer or wine because, like I said, I don't too hard liquor. But if you add beer and wine to it, then the wheels are off. I really don't.

care yeah so i just don't care if i and then i i don't even realize that i don't care so i don't care that i don't care and i don't even realize i don't care it's like and and and and then but then when i wake up the next day and i'm sober and i have i have what my friend calls the sketchies where it's like oh no what did i do or who videotape me now i'll have to go on the internet and and type in andy dick most recent but see that's what i'm getting at are you are you are you may be secretly hoping that stuff's there. No, no. No. No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I am afraid. Okay. Because my managers, my agents, and my team, they don't want me. You know, I'm, I'm, I can't get hired. Yeah. If, if, if I continue that kind of behavior. That's why, you know, I try to keep a lid on. The last instance I had was in Vegas and I just, the wheels came off. I was doing something with Polly Shore. I was doing his showtime special. And that alone is enough to get anyone to drink.

Well, what people should know about Andy, and this is something that I actually find beautiful about Andy, is that you are right. You don't have a filter. It's hard in life, especially in America, where people kind of like to keep a lot of secrets and lies. Andy's one of the few guys you'll ever meet in your life that wears everything right out on his sleeve.

As you can tell by our conversation, he's talked about such topics that most people would probably keep secret and hidden away and you've always been like that whether you've been talking to me about your girlfriends or your family or everything

and when I first started hanging out with you more I was just blown away I was like wow this guy just throws it all out there and I find a real beauty in that yeah I like it too but you expose yourself and people in today's society really don't

and but it bites me in the butt. It bites you in the butt. But even if it bites you in the butt, you'll talk about being bitten the butt, like it's all there. And most people can't do that. And it's not like a gimmick with you. That's who you are. And it's just, it's a beautiful thing. And it takes courage and stupidity and everything wrapped into one. But it is stupid. And, and, and I really do mean it. I do not like when I do something stupid. Somebody videotapes it and it gets up on the internet. If I could, I'd go on the internet and I'd clean it all up. I'd take it all off, all the

bad things. I don't like it. I mean, it makes people, all you have to do, if there's some new person. There's like a kid that's just turning 11 or 12 now, and their parents are like, okay, you can go on the internet now. Yeah. And they Google me, and they're just going to see a bunch

of trash. I don't like that. I don't like that at all. I'd rather have people know me for my work, but it's not, that's not... Well, your legacy is going to be both, you're going to be one of those guys I mean every interview I see with great comedians like

Ben Stiller and your peers and they always go to you as one of the guys that made them laugh the most at something I stand by I wasn't blowing smoke you just kill me and you'll be remembered for all that and you'll be remembered

for the troubled times but look at look at all the greats look at all the people out there that it's true there's always They're good and the bad. A lot of them are dead, I know. A lot of them are dead, and, you know, it's just, it's part of what makes you work, and that's part of the package.

So it's nothing to be ashamed of. It's just that's how you're wired, and it's brought you great things, and it's brought you bad things. But at the end, we're sitting here having a laugh, and life's not so bad. You've got a couple of pet rattlesnakes at home. One's dead. One's alive. See, you get the bad and the good, kid. Thanks, buddy.

Well, on that note, thank you for being so open and sharing with the audience here. That's fantastic. Let's switch gears. Let's lighten it up a little bit here. You said earlier you wanted to take the Harland Highway Nature Quiz, which stumps a lot of people. Not me. We've got four questions. And, you know, it's funny you mentioned Hornetodes because one of my last guests here, one of the answers was Hornetode.

And I will read this to you so you get the job. gist of how the quiz works I give you a question and some clues and you have to name the animal so the last... So every answer is an animal. Every answer is an animal and here's one that went

down with another guest where it says, I may be a tiny reptile but I'm hot and I'm always in the mood. And then that was a horny toe. It was a hornet toe. I can't, weird that you didn't say anything about the blood squirting out of the eye. Yeah, well most people don't know that. I was shocked.

that you knew that and that tells me that you are a hardcore nature guy. I'm going to get it. I'm going to get it. I'm going to get every single one of them. There's four of them. There's four of them? A plus. 100%. All right. We're going to the nature quiz. Hang on everybody. Here we go. It's time

for the Harland Highway Animal Quiz. All right, here we go. And you're ready for number one? Do it. all right i am such an annoying ant that donald trump himself had to terminate me this is an animal this is well i said it in the i am such an annoying ant so it's an insect yeah well then but it already your way off well it's an ants yeah is it a certain kind of ant well yeah oh fire ant Wow.

Hey, hey, oh. All right. Because you're fired. You're fired. You got that. Excellent. Well, you're seeing how it works. Okay, one for one.

They usually get a little harder. I'm ready. So I'm glad you got this. I'm in it to win it. All right. Here we go. Question two in our nature quiz. Some may refer to me as the biggest, best,

honky in the sea. And I'm not good with that. I'm great with that. Hmm. We switched from a crawling land insect. Is it a manatee? No. No.

Honky. I'm guessing it's it honks or it's white. So the biggest honky in the sea, what was the last part? Some may refer to me as the biggest, best honky in the sea. And I'm not good with that. I'm great with that. the Great White Whale. Oh, you're all around it.

Great white shark. Hey, oh, Pingo, baby. Wow, this kid's on fire. Okay, here we go. Question three. It even confuses me that I can be so wild, yet people start yawning and lose interest when I come around. Hmm.

why would they yawn and lose interest when it even confuses me that i can be so wild yet people start yawning and lose interest when i come around or another word i could use is when i root around that might help you a little bit see i told you they get harder andrew right i mean andy I didn't want to sound angry. You're so angry then. I'm not getting it. Yeah, sorry.

Andy. I'm so wild. Yeah. I'm so wild, yet people start yawning and lose interest when I come around. I might have snagged you on question three here, Dave. Can we go back to it? Sure. Let me, let it, let it marinate.

Absolutely. brain like the beef like your sliced beef so much beef let's go to number four last one and then we'll we'll go back and give you one more chance at number three question four in our nature quiz whew some think i'm a man's private part and some think i'm the last part of a joint but i think of myself as both a roach a cock a cockroach wow the kid Wow, I did it. Well, wait, let's not fluff her chest up. I got right to that, Parker.

I did it. Let's go back to the other one. Yeah, you're... Now, when you say root around, why would you say that? Oh, see, you've been thinking about that. Is it, is it, is it, is it, does it burrow in the ground? Does it, is that what you mean? It can burrow around.

It's not, it doesn't dwell under the ground, but it's not like a mole or goper. No. It's not, it doesn't go subterranean on your ass But it is a, can I, let me do like five yes, no questions Sure, sure. Is it a mammal? It's a mammal. So it has, is it, is it bigger than a bread box? Yes, it is. Do, are they, are they, um, uh, in the, in the U.S.?

They are in the U.S., hundreds of thousands of them. Okay. Mm-hmm. Does it have, does it, it has fur? Yes, fur. Mm-hmm. Hundreds of thousands of them. Uh-huh.

They're wild. But when it roots around. But why do people yawn and because it, because it's, because it's coming out at night? Is that what you mean by that? Why would, uh, you lose interest and start yawning? Yeah. Why would you if, if people started? If this wild animal came around,

I can't imagine any wild animal that would come into this room and I would start yawning and lose interest. It's a wild animal. Yeah, but, you know, maybe it's in the name. You mean wild? Wild. If I just started yawning and losing interest with you right now, what would I think of you? Boring. A boar, a wild boar.

Hey, oh, the kid! son of a bitch. The kid got four. I did it. I did it. I had to rifle through. I had to really did. You just got yourself a take-home box of truffles or whatever the hell they were.

Flarm puffs. Flarm puffs. So delicious. That down under cheese, the Framanda cheese. Oh, Framanda cheese flarm puffs. Andy Dick, ladies and gentlemen. I love you so much, Arlen. Love you, buddy.

Thank you for being on the show. No, I don't. uh andy uh great time and is there anything you want to plug andy before we go i really don't have anything i want to you know i've i've wanted to for years adam corolla howard stern i used to have that show the shit show were you ever on that i never was but i knew of it yeah well i'm i'm going to be starting up something like that again good so i'll do that but i don't know when and where and then and then like i said i have that football movie yeah i don't know when that's coming out though what's it called d through division

So that'll be, if it was just wrapped, it'll probably be in the next half year or so, right? Within the year. So keep your eyes open for that. Keep your eyes open for rattlesnakes. Andy Dick, thank you for being on the Harlan Highway. And there you go. Andy Dick. You know, it's interesting starting the show, reading the announcement in the paper that I read,

and then, you know, listening back to the interview with Andy. And as you can see, the guys, you know, he's got a sensitive side, he's got a sweet side, but he also makes a statement like, you know, I don't give a shit. And it's just, for me personally, I don't know how you people feel. You can form your own opinions. It's hard for a guy like me who's his friend and has worked with them to see the self-destruction. And so in closing, Andy, I would like to say this. You know, I can't be your mother.

No one can be your mother. I could spew out all this advice. I could point my finger and get angry at you. I could lay down the law. I could lay down the rules. I could tell you what you're doing wrong or what you're doing right. I can't do it. I'm not the guy to do it.

But I do have someone here who I think is the voice of reason. I do have someone here with me in the studio that I think has the answer for you. And I think it's really the only person, the only person that can tell you how to be and you should damn well listen to this voice so that you get better and here he is I think you'll recognize them there's always there's always kind of a reason

yeah but right now I don't want to I just good man I want to keep it clean I want to I want to work I don't want to retire what kind of idiot what was I thinking so there you go buddy listen to your own voice look in the mirror and try and stay true to your own words right there at the end. Keep it clean.

I'm wishing you well. Love you, man. My thanks to Andy Dick. Hopefully he gets through this time in his life. And I wish him well. I hope we can talk to Andy about this stuff on another day when he comes out the other side through these problems. And thank you for joining.

Hope you had a good time. And until next time, stay out of trouble and chicken chalmane, baby. The Great White Whale. All around it.