The Harland Highway - PODCAST 276
Episode Date: June 1, 2011An interview with special guest Michael Rosenbaum from Smallville and Sorority Boys. Sweet Maple gravy!!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener f...or privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Oh, boy, oh boy, oh boy.
That's three boys.
Let's start a choir.
I don't know what that meant, but I'm excited.
What a show.
What a show.
This is a show I've been trying to put together for a while.
It's with one of my good, good, funny, talented, friendly, hilarious buddies who I've had many great experiences with.
I've done a couple of movies with them.
I've gone out and partied with them.
We've had barbecues and swimming and just this guy cracks me up.
I'm privileged to have him in my life.
I love this guy and I think you're going to love him too.
You know him.
You already know him.
You know his work and you know his sense of humor.
but today you get to just kind of hang with me and him and talk and, you know, goof around
and hear a couple of buddies chumming around on a podcast.
You might know this gentleman from Smallville, a series that's been on TV for, I think,
it's 10 years or something like that.
Michael was the yin to the yang.
He was the evil to the good.
he played Lex Luthor in the Smallville series trying to wipe out Superman for all those years
and what an amazing job Michael did on that show.
Just a grounded, excellent, deep, passionate performances, a fantastic job.
And Michael and I did a movie called Sorrelia.
Boys Together, where we dressed up like women, a great comedy movie.
We're going to talk about that as we get into the interview.
And then Michael just directed me recently in a short film that he wrote and produced and directed himself and stars in.
It's called G-H-I-L-D.
It means giant child.
If you take the word giant and child, you get a gild and just a charming, enchanting.
short film that Michael just completed and has now got running in the film festival circuit.
I believe it's won some awards already.
And you can check that out on YouTube.
I think there's a trailer out there for his short film.
The whole movie might be out there for all I know.
It's only about 20 minutes, 15 minutes long, but really beautiful piece.
Enough rambling.
Let's get right to it.
But we're going to just roll right into it after the intro, a podcast spent with my actor friend, Michael Rosenbaum, or as I call him, Rosie, right here in studio on the Harland Highway.
Welcome to the Harlan Highway.
You fellas've been doing a bit of booze and have you?
Sucking back on Grandpa's old cough medicine.
There's an element of uncontrolled chaos.
The Harland Highway.
Serving everyone from presidents and kings to the scum of the earth.
What a treat.
Oh, wait.
Was you a great big fat person?
You just made a wrong turn.
On to the Harland Highway.
You need many years of therapy.
Hey, Harlan.
It's Stephanie from Bedford.
Just do me.
You might want to think twice before sticking your penis in there.
Just do me.
You're riding down the Harland Highway.
with harland williams
all right i'm going to do a little intro
and then we're going to roll right into it you all set
give me a little music for the intro
hey everybody this is harlan williams you are rolling down the harland highway
and uh incredible guests today i could probably spend half an hour
or three hours i think you can hear them in the back
It's a whale song
I could go on with this guy's credits
But I'm not going to I'm going to let him do his own talk
And he's my buddy
I've been in movies with him
He's a superstar TV star
Movie star
You name it he's done it
He's right here
Michael Rosenbaum
Thank you
For having me on your show
We're filming in your guest room
Nice buddy
nice excellent lead in tune yeah has anyone ever done that no nobody's nobody's saying me into my own
podcast this is unbelievable i'm pretty excited are you trying to seduce me no okay no i'm not but you're
looking at me funny well it's because i have my glasses on you know you're not i do look smart i do
smart glass that's the illusion of hollywood i wear my smart glasses oh my god you have glasses too
yeah i call these my pitch glasses i just wear them when i want to sell something oh he's smart
got glasses.
Oh, that's brilliant.
We should use that.
Are those x-ray vision?
What color of my underwear?
Put them back on.
Was that a Superman joke?
No.
No.
That series is done.
Oh, wow.
Well, I just hit a soft spot.
No, I was happy.
Put them on, though.
See if there's x-ray.
What color are my underpants?
I'm going to go with beige.
Well, you've got your x-ray glasses on.
Can you see them or not?
Oh, yeah, I could see them.
What color are they?
They're bait.
You're not wearing any underwear.
I could see straight through your corduroys.
Dirty.
Seventy-7.
Take those glasses off.
I feel how dare you rape you with your eyes?
By the way, when you have a guest.
Yeah.
Okay, when you have a guest, do a podcast.
Yeah.
You have beverages.
You know the beverages, Sancho you, buddy?
You know what?
There's a swimming pool out there.
You want to get to drink my ass.
I go in the guy's refrigerator.
He has two jars, not one, two jars if I can't believe it's not butter.
He's got a pizza box, and I'm like, I'm kind of hungry.
It's just like crust.
There's not even a piece in there.
He's so lazy.
He goes to take it out.
Nothing to drink.
This isn't a lie, is it?
You're laughing.
No, this is true.
That's why I'm laughing.
Guys got garbage in his refrigerator.
He's offering his...
What I do is I don't eat the crusts on my pizza.
Eat the crusts off my ass.
Where's the water here?
There's no water.
Where's he going?
I'm not going anywhere.
My guest just got off.
I think he's leaving the studio because there's no water.
No, I think I left that one glass of...
Oh, did you brought a glass of water in here?
I don't know where I went.
Those tab.
water but I'm good though I can just wow weird it's like a mysterious did you notice that I'll
just drink your lava lamp liquid crack it open it's got a lava lamp lava's delicious this time of
year is it oh it's and when you pee it streams out of your wiener but then bounces back up into
your wiener like lava urine you know the lava bounces up and down in the lava lamp I wish you
could see my face right now you're just like get me out of here I got no liquid no stupid
stories already. Already this could be the biggest failure. Name this song. Okay.
Okay. Is that it? No.
already have
It was something like that, right?
It was a band called America.
Yeah.
What you were picking, though, what was the song?
That was called Ventura Highway.
Ventura Highway.
In the summer sun.
You know what's great?
Let me ask you this, son.
Yeah, do it, man.
Have you ever been on the Ventura Highway
heading west, and that song comes on
during just as the sun's going down?
You know how it gets all golden over there?
Like Sister Golden?
hair? No. I know what
you're saying there. No.
Don't try to jump to another. I haven't. How do you honestly
has that happened to you? It's happened to me on a few
occasions and it like fills me up with joy
because I'm on the Ventura Highway. It's in the
valley here in LA and I'll be
wailing when you're coming from Disney or
Dreamworks over in the valley you have to come
back heading west
and at about 5 o'clock
the sun starts to go down in Cali
and it gets golden. It's not like a sunset
it anywhere else that the sky in the valley somehow gets kind of golden and pink and you're saying
that that song sometimes late when things are no that's that's 10 minute yeah ventura highway
that's come on the radio while that's happening that's come on the radio well i've been driving
really it's just a fluke and i and i revel in it i'm like this is a magical moment it is that is
magic i wish that would happen to me well why don't you danzig would come on the radio if i would
feeling that. What would happen? Danzig would come on. Mother, if you want to ride hell with
me. You don't remember that song? No. Did you just make that up? That's the kind of song that would come on
the radio of, you know, it just means nothing. I think you made that song. No, Danzig. It's a band called
Danzig. I think that's a German word meaning made up. Winning.
Geez. Forget Danzing. How about winning? Winning. All right, we got a list of questions. We got
I get through with Mr. Rosenbaum.
This is exciting. Thanks for having me, Harlan.
Dude, are you kidding? I didn't know what this meant, man. You're doing a podcast.
Oh, my God, buddy. It's an honor to have you here. It's been a long time coming. We've been
talking about it. Now you're here. We love it. Couldn't be happy. And you sang me in to the podcast.
Thank you. Delish. You're welcome. Delish. Do you ever get those weird L.A. terms?
Like people shorten stuff. Like I had this acting coach once. Like when I had a sitcom, she'd line read
with me. And after the line reading, I go, thank you so much. She goes, it's a pleasure.
Instead of saying pleasure, she goes, it's a pleasure. It's a pleasure. It's like cleans your furniture or
something. I know. What is that? Did you get any of those? Yeah, I do get that. What's a
short of you get? I got that on a date the other night. Come on, what she said. Yeah, she gave me a
closer than, she gave me a, you know, we had a kiss. Yeah. And then it was, she looked at me and
said, Delish. Wow. And I was out of there, man. Really? So you don't like that. I don't
I like people messing around with, you know, with words.
Look at you.
Yeah, I'm weird about that.
I'm weird about the, you know, smells and little cutesy things people do.
Don't get cutesy until we get to really know each other.
Don't be all, you know.
I hear you, yeah.
You know, I get a little weird about that.
Just let's just play it real.
Let's just shut our yappers.
Yeah.
Let's just kind of figure it out and then get cute.
And then if the cutesy thing gets in your craw, that could be it, right?
You'll write a girl off.
like that. Well, obviously, I'm 38 and I'm
single. It's kind of sad. But I think a lot of
guys are, and girls do it too. It's like
sometimes a person
you're with can do the slightest little thing
and you're like, I'm out of here. Yeah, don't give me
Norman Bates' eyes when I'm kissing you. Don't
shoot the eyes open, glaring at me.
Oh, God.
Like, what are you doing?
It freaks me out.
Keep your eyes closed during the kiss.
Yeah. At least, I mean,
until you get to know someone, right?
Well, even when she knows you, do you want someone
kissing you with their eyes wide open?
That's bizarre.
It's like she's over-enthusiastic.
John Beiner.
What the hell does that reference?
Bazaar.
Doesn't he host that show?
No one knows that except that.
Awesome of reference.
Folks, go on to YouTube, look it up.
You won't be disappointed.
It's an old sketch show from the 70s called Bazaar and in a hilarious comedian,
John Biner.
He's kind of a forgotten treasure.
died, didn't he?
I don't know, but what a great show.
Great show.
I love that show.
Washington was a kid.
He's a Canadian.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You're Canadian.
I'm a Canadian.
Yeah.
Here we go.
First question.
This could be a quickie.
I hear my glass of water.
Oh, that's weird, because you looked there before and it wasn't there.
Bong hit.
We have a bong hit on Table 4.
Oh, my God.
Or was that an enema?
No, that was just water.
That sounded more like an enema.
Really?
I've never had one.
Well, you just did now.
I heard it.
Was that a bong hit or an animal?
That was just me sipping off my water.
Oh.
I'm not going to lie to these people.
I'm not the thing I'm doing drugs.
Okay.
Let's hear these questions.
First question, it could be a long one or short one.
I love working sorority boys with you.
What a treat.
Is that the question?
No.
That was one of the best times in my life.
Anybody out there see a movie called sorority boys?
Because they show in a comedy central a lot.
Yeah, they do.
It's always on TV.
Yeah.
We had a riot.
That's where we met, by the way.
So people know Michael Rosenbaum and I met the first.
The first day we met was at the table read for sorority boys over on the Disney lot.
I did not know who Michael was.
I'd never met him.
I didn't know who our other actor friend Barry Watson was.
None of us knew each other.
He was handsome.
He's the sexiest guy in Hollywood.
And Michael walks in.
And I remember the first thing Michael did, he sat down at the table read, put his hand under his armpit,
and cranked off one of those fake fart noises.
And I was like, do it.
I think you do need that enema now.
But anyways, that was my introduction to you.
I thought, we're in for a while.
And I was like, oh, my God, that's the guy from dumb and dumber and something about me.
I was starstruck.
And I came up to you and I go, will you do it?
Will you do that scene from dumb and dumber?
You're like, I'm not going to do it.
Come on.
Just doing you're like, will you tricking up, grandpa's cough medicine?
Where are you there?
Wait, wait.
I didn't say I wouldn't do it.
Did I?
Yeah, you didn't want to do it at first.
I was nervous.
because I didn't know you.
Yeah, exactly.
Enough, enough.
Come on.
They don't want to know this crowd.
Sure they do.
It's the inside.
I know.
It's the inside story.
And I've got some inside questions for you here that are going to be great.
All right.
Because I know one of them, and I know one of them's going to be great.
But the first one could be a short answer or a long one.
You're ready?
Here we go.
Michael Rosenbaum.
Should we have music at all for this?
If you want, do a build-up.
You're going to do number one, and then I'm going to do a noise.
Ready?
Okay, ready?
Number one question.
Music, please.
Michael Rosenbaum.
Music.
Michael Rosenbaum, where do babies come from?
Gaginas.
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Have fun.
Don't throw your back out.
This is a true story.
It happened right here in my town.
One night, 17 kids woke up, got out of bed,
walked into the dark, and they never came back.
I'm the director of Barbarian.
A lot of people die in a lot of weird ways.
We're not going to find it in the news
because the police covered everything all up.
On August days.
This is where the story really starts
Weapons
Let's move on
I told you
It was either going to be a long answer or short
And one word
It works
Ding ding ding
I was trying to think of some creative
And I was just like go with what you know
Go with what you know
If one thing I know about you
You know vaginas
I know vaginas
Oh God
So jealous
What's your favorite Hollywood moment
Michael Rosenbaum.
Favorite Hollywood moment.
What's like,
what's one that stands out?
Like you're a guy who came from the burbs of Indiana.
Yep.
You're like,
you probably had no concept,
or maybe you did,
that one day you'd be in the mix
in Hollywood around celebrities,
around sets, around movies,
and is there a moment, a Hollywood moment?
Yeah, there's a moment, Harvey.
What is it?
I have to say,
I'm on the set of a movie
Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil,
in Clint Eastwood. I'm working with old Clint
I'm working with old Clint
and I said Clint
can I ask you a question
and he's like well sure Michael
and I said in the movie
in the line of fire
you have a line that's
you say to John Malkovich you say
you have a rendezvous
with my asshole motherfucker
did you improvise that
at all or was that just
well I might have added a word
or two yeah
Frank don't fucking lie to me
me. I have a rendezvous with death.
Oh, and so does the president.
And so do you, Frank, if you get too close to me.
You have a rendezvous with my ass, motherfucker.
And that was one of the best moments of my career.
Oh, my God. I love that story, but you know what?
I think I might have, even though it's your turn to speak, I might know a better story
for you that you told me, that you don't even know I'm going to...
Am I going to be embarrassed by this?
No, you had... I love that story, but you had a run in with Mr. Christopher Walken.
oh yeah didn't he give you like a nickname or something yeah i went up to him on the movie this movie
that no one saw but is a fun movie called pool hall junkies yeah and i said oh i'm so excited to work
with you i ran up to you know should i call you chris should i call you mr walking and he looked
and he goes i don't know call me flash and i go wow i got it in with walking so the next day i'm
on set and i just i go to my friend anson and i don't know where anson is these days
And I go, Anson, check this out.
I got it in with walking.
And I look at him.
I go, hey, Flash.
Nothing.
Hey, Flash.
Just turns around and looks at me and goes, why?
I don't understand.
I go out, Flash, remember?
Walked away.
Wow.
Like he didn't even know who it was.
I think he was just playing games with me.
I want to, can I relive that moment with you?
Relive it.
Can I pretend I'm you and you're walking?
And I walk up and ask you what I should call you?
Sure.
Because I want to be in your shoes.
I love this story.
All right, so you're what, there's the music.
It's like, hey, hey, Mr. Walk, and do I call you a Chris,
or do I call you Christopher?
I don't know.
Call me Flash.
You just wanted me to do my walk.
I haven't done that.
Well, hey, speaking, since you're pulling out the impressions,
and you did mention in the line of fire.
Ooh, sparkly clean animal.
That's the dirtiest water I ever had.
It is.
It's like Antwater.
Do you want to give us some John Malkovich?
Are you in the mood?
So Clint Eastwood says, here we go.
This is turn up your podcast right now.
Here we go.
You have a rendezvous with my asshole, motherfucker.
And Malikovitch says, no, what you couldn't possibly know, Frank, is that they sent my friend,
my comrade in arms to my home to kill me.
I never lied to you, Frank, and I never will.
and he talks like this
all the time
I love it
oh come on
give him a round
I'm the only one here
but this is for all the podcast listeners
I try to make it so
I saw a picture of your friend
lying on the floor of his throat cut
but you didn't see Frank
what you couldn't possibly know
is they sent my best friend
my comrade in arms
to my home
to kill me
your voice is shaking
I never lied
to you, Frank, and I never will.
Let's go to a new scenario here, and this is an
end-of-the-world scenario, okay?
How many people listen to this? Oh, God, buddy.
Thousands, right?
Oh, millions.
Millions, I think. How many people are in China?
I would say $1.3 billion.
Okay, well, in communist China, it's mandatory.
They have to wake up, do Tai Chi, make a dumpling,
and listen to the Harlan Highway.
So let's start there and work backwards, M.O.
I'm with you now.
M.R.
M. M.O. is my middle name.
Owen.
Do you know my middle name is Owen?
We've been friends for a long time.
No.
What's your middle name?
You don't know?
Harland.
Let's leave it right there.
Maybe I don't want you to know.
Harlan.
Maybe now I feel like I have one up on you because you spilled the middle name being.
There's a thing called IMDB, buddy.
You know what?
They have it on IMDB, and it's wrong.
They have it.
It's up like as robber.
or something.
It is Robert, isn't it?
No, that's not my middle name, but that's what they have up there.
I have a weird middle name.
Like turquoise?
Close.
It's a name you've probably never heard.
You want it?
Yeah.
Reiser.
No, it's not.
Riser, Harlan, Riser, or is it Riser?
No, Riser.
Like you'd know.
Like you're mispronance of your name.
No, maybe you're right.
No, maybe you're right.
Yeah.
I messed my middle name off.
How dare you?
How dare you?
Okay.
It's the end of the world.
End of the world.
You've been given a chance.
I should have end of the world music?
Yeah, give me something dark.
All right.
Something really ominous.
Ooh.
Nice.
That's very Planet of the Apes.
Good.
Come on.
Narrate then.
Come on.
It's the end of the world.
You've been given a pass, Michael Rosenbaum, to get on a rocket.
to Mars, you can take one family member,
and I'm going to go through a list of one thing you can take.
One family member on your rocket.
Who is it?
One family member.
It has to be a family member.
One family member only.
My grandfather, Irv.
Irv.
One friend.
And it doesn't have to be me because we're here together.
How about besides you?
Besides me.
Great, great.
Give me a strum for that.
that makes one friend who's getting on the rocket ship oh that's tough i know these aren't easy
you can't come to the harland highway are you going to get to a girl can go with me too let's not
jump ahead of herself because if the friend is a friend and then you don't give me a girl
then i'm going to switch friends you are going to get a girl yeah oh he did a little excited
oh i'm going to have to go with my friend tom lally tom lally you know tom
Mop had known him 25 years from Newburgh, Indiana.
Yep.
Good man.
Good choice.
I gave him the ass slide every once in a while.
I know what the ass slide is.
What?
You're in a jacuzzi with friends,
and then my buddy Tom turns to his friend,
her, his girlfriend, Deneen.
He's like, Deneen, will you get me a towel?
And he's kind of leaned over with his bare back.
And I'll just jump on his back with my bare ass and slide down it real quick
before he has a chance to say anything.
Come on.
So it's like a skin slide?
Skin slide.
As on back.
Don't the...
I haven't done it in the...
years. Don't the bumps from his vertebrae, don't they really wear out your...
That's actually between the crack, I guess. Wow. No, it doesn't get that dirty. It's a quick
slide. Okay, okay. Sounds fun. I think they have that at Nottsbury Farm, by the way. The new
ass slide, right? The new ass slide? Well, they should. Yeah, I think it's about 60 feet long,
and it's almost a vertical drop. One girl gets on your rocket ship. Who is she?
Uh-oh. And it better not be me.
You say me, I'm walking off this podcast.
He's the girl from Underworld.
Oh, the British girl?
Who wears the tight spandex?
Wow.
Yeah, but she's a vampire, dude.
Not in real life.
How do you know if you met her?
Vampires don't exist.
Have you ever met her?
And my second question is, have you ever met her in the daylight?
Yeah, she's a vampire.
That girl from underwear.
Underworld. Underwear. Underworld. And also Evangeline Lilly.
Before the pregnancy.
Wait, who's a van? I know. She's on that show Lost.
Oh, my God. She's Canadian.
Gorgeous.
Oh, yeah. She was a, you know what I heard she was like an extra on Smallville in season one or something.
Really?
Yeah, no one introduced me to her. And then she got on that hit show Lost and she got married as a kid.
She's married?
She got married. So forget her.
Oh, man. She's kicked her off the rocket ship.
back to the vampire at least she'll live forever you get on your rocket ship mr owen one celebrity
who is next to you yeah always next to me of course one celebrity one celebrity on your
rocket ship wow maybe it's flash wow i don't think we could have flash because we talked about
me flash.
Hey, how you doing, Holland?
If he was alive, I'd take Ronnie Dangerfield.
Wow.
Now, maybe Chris Farley, if he's like, nah, it's too much, too much energy.
I got to be the one with energy.
Who would I bring?
I don't know.
Someone alive, right?
Yeah, you're a rocket ship.
Some celebrity, wow.
Yeah.
That's a tough one, man.
Maybe, uh, a Sandler.
He's a fun guy.
Adam Sandler?
He's a great guy.
Okay.
I don't know.
I just hang out, talk.
You got to remember.
remember though you're on a rocket ship with the girl from underworld he's a bit of a player he's
good looking he's your age so there might be a rivalry there what if he scores your underworld
screech screech from excellent excreach from uh saved by the doldo no from uh scream
scream isn't that screed oh skeed ulrich he's another haughty screech allrich he's
He's half-a-haughty, half nerd.
All right, you're allowed one animal.
My dog, Irv.
There we go.
You got my grandpa, Irv, and my dog's name's Ir.
We got a couple of herbs on your Rockichardium.
Yeah, my grandpa was pissed and I named my dog Irv.
Why isn't that an honor?
Why the hell did you do that?
What the hell do you name in the dog?
I'm not even dead.
He's all hairy.
I'm not, what do you think I'm hairy?
I'm supposed to go chase the bone now?
What are you doing with me?
What is this?
Owen.
Owen, why are you treating me like this, Owen?
Do you think I'm going to get on your rocket ship with a dog named after me, Owen?
I'd rather get on the backslide of the underworld girl.
Last one, buddy.
One chocolate bar.
Do you know what song that was?
No, what?
Star Wars.
Go ahead, one chocolate bar?
One chocolate bar on your rocket ship.
Score.
Really?
Why?
I love how it.
just feels and you crunch it right in your mouth.
Oh, that was, that was sexual.
It wasn't to you.
That was sexual right there.
You knock it off.
This is not a sexual show.
Stop it.
Oh, boy.
Oh, boy, there's that at him again.
He's wearing a shirt with a waffle on it that says, I loves me some waffles.
I loves me some walkins.
We gotta get walking on the show.
Call me Flash.
Holland, love saving Mary.
I love saving Mary.
Something about Mary.
Saving Mary.
Something about Flash.
Something about Mary.
Let me ask you this, buddy.
Sure.
Are we going to get serious?
Do you ever get serious on these things?
Oh, yeah.
This next question is.
Well, then I should probably play dust in the wind.
Yeah.
All right.
Close my eyes.
This is very serious.
You've been a homeowner.
You've rented.
This is out of tune, by the way, your guitar.
That's what she said.
They sound like an old man.
How do you, that's how if you're talking about?
You've been a homeowner, you've rented, you've had an apartment.
Homo, watch your mouth.
Homo, you're a homo, you're a homeowner.
Strangest Critter ever in your house, home, or apartment.
Critter.
House invader.
There's one of those potato bugs.
What?
Have you ever seen a potato bug?
These things look like they're not real.
They're so disgusting looking and big and look up potatoes.
They look like big fat ants?
They've got like an ant head and a striped abdomen.
I scream like a girl, like a biotch.
Yeah, and they got like prickly legs and they're huge.
Uh-oh.
Look it up, they're disgusting.
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
And where was the potato buck?
It crawled out and I went nuts.
I thought it was a toy.
Wow.
It did not look real.
I don't know how it got in there.
What were you eating fries?
No potatoes.
How much did this thing weigh, would you think?
I'd say at least half a half a ounce.
Okay, okay.
So we're not into the pounds.
It's not like the size of a raccoon.
No, no, but it was a giant bug.
I've seen them.
They're incredibly weird.
I've seen scorpions at your house in the jacuzzi.
Yeah.
And by scorpions, I mean scorpions.
Wow.
There was a weird inflection there, and you're giving me a look.
Yep.
So now I'm...
Here's a trivia question for you.
Name one song by The Scorpions.
Winds of Change?
Let's kick it in one second.
Let's just kick it in one verse.
Follow the Mosfa.
Down to Gorky Park.
Listening to the wind of change.
Good call.
It sounded like all in the family there at the ice.
Grab all the way Glenn Miller played.
The winds of change they played.
Down by gorky pork they played.
Potato bugs in your lemonade.
Those were the days.
It's funny you're giving me these questions about music
because you know I'm going to give you an 80s pop quiz
towards the end of the show.
You are?
Oh, yeah.
And you got here a bit early so I couldn't finish.
I was supposed to give you four questions.
Yeah.
I only had two ready, so we're going to see what we can do with you.
I could be quiet for a couple minutes.
It's not easy.
Would you?
Sure.
That would be.
In all the years I've known you, I've been waiting for this moment.
I could just be quiet and I could play some songs.
Well, then you're not really quiet.
Well, my hands will be doing the sound work.
Yeah, but still it's that background noise that I'm so used to from you.
If I could just get some goddamn quiet like you promised.
All right.
Give me a knock-knock joke.
I know they're for kids.
Knock-knock.
Who's there?
Two.
To who?
To whom.
Call me Flash.
Wow.
That was good.
That was good, man.
Yeah, I'm quick.
All right.
You ready?
We're going to get into the pop quiz, the 80s pop quiz.
Okay.
You ready?
Yeah.
Here's how it works.
I'm going to give you some clues, and you have to figure out the name of the band.
Okay.
I'm going to give you some little clues.
See if you can name the 80s band.
Here's number one.
Just a small town girl.
Living in a stupid world.
No, not a stupid world.
Yeah, that would be sad.
What kind of world?
What was it?
A small town girl.
Loney world.
Would you rather live in a stupid world or a lonely world?
Stupid.
Yeah.
Let's get stupid instead of being lonely and boring.
Because stupid, so much stuff happens when you're stupid.
Oh, stupid's way better than being a lonely.
Stupid says like stupid does.
All right.
Kick my ass at this music, quote.
All right, I don't think I will.
Just so you know, folks, Michael Owen Rosenbaum is, he knows,
I've never met a guy that knows more about 80s music.
He knows every song, every note, every band.
So I know I'm not going to stump you.
I wish I had time for-
You will stump me.
No, no, I won't, believe me.
All right.
Here's the first one.
Is the answer, Kaja Gugu.
no they sing a song called too shy shy i have not even given you the question yet i'm guessing you're
being premature which is what i've heard about you do i get an ass slide if i win this if you win this
you can have an ass slide oh god please let him lose i've never i'm going to read them wrong just so you
lose all right name the band yes the clues are all right here let's see how michael rosenbaum does
If we were in Africa, I was a zebra, and you were a big cat,
I would not worry about tiptoeing around you
because no matter what you did,
you would never be able to hear me.
Gonna take a lot to drag me away from you.
Say that again.
Ooh, that's, that was, uh, that was, uh, that, that was, Toto.
You're way off, but I'm going to give it to you again.
I was waiting for a,
No, it's the name of a band.
Okay, the name of the band.
You got to break down the clues, kid.
If we were in Africa, I was a zebra, and you were a big cat,
I would not worry about tiptoeing around you because no matter what you did,
you would never hear me.
God, Glass Tiger.
No.
Tiptoe, you never tiptoe around me.
is this a trick question
well it's they're kind of tricks
that they're clues but it's all right there
I would not worry about tiptoeing around you
because no matter what you did
you would never be able to hear me
if I was a zebra
you were a big cat in Africa
if you were a zebra
that was a big cat
I would not worry about
towing around you because no matter what you did you would never be able to hear me
why wouldn't i be able to hear you you do you think you're deaf
i don't know and i'm a big cat
i can't believe it i don't have to go down the backslide
you're going to have to get a bad what is it
Oh, everyone listening right now is knowing, they know.
We're going to edit this.
No, they know.
We're going to edit this.
They know.
I'm a big cat.
You're a big cat.
You're a big pussy.
And you've already acknowledged that I'm what?
You're deaf.
And I'm a big cat.
You're a deaf cat.
You're a stray cat.
You're a deaf cat?
I'm a big deaf African cat.
How many African cats are?
are there?
Taff Leopard.
There he goes.
There he goes.
Wow.
Oh my God.
I am retarded.
Wow.
No, that's a bad word.
I want you to believe the retarded word.
I shouldn't use that word.
No, because it's very applicable.
What you just did.
But it's bad.
You really need to spend time.
I was really, that was not good.
I should have got that.
You should have.
I'm amazed.
You know what it was?
I wasn't thinking.
you were going to describe, I thought you were going to say, who sings this?
Right.
What's this?
But you're doing something.
In Michael's defense, he's new to the game.
I usually do a nature quiz with people.
I make them guess animals.
I'm terrible about this.
Well, I knew Mike, I try to give people what they're good at.
Michael's so good with this stuff.
But now you know the way it's kind of worked.
Now I know.
Now I'm not going to miss one now.
Okay.
Let's try.
Unfortunately, I only have one more.
I was supposed to have four.
But you got here early, which I love.
God.
How did I miss that one?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Come on, Guy.
God.
You ready for the next one?
Yeah, I can eat 10 songs, by them.
Go ahead.
That's okay.
Now, here we go.
Sterea.
Name the band.
His second question,
and next time you come back,
we'll have four for you in the chamber, okay?
All right.
Name the band.
To guess our name,
you need to know that we love our animals store bought,
and although we're over 21,
we're never going to be full-grown men.
I can read it again if you want.
To guess our name, you need to know that we love our animals store-bought.
Love your animals.
Store-bought.
And although we're over 21, we're never going to be full-grown men.
Pet shop boys.
Hey-oh!
Hey-oh!
He nails it.
God, I would have got Def Leopard.
I know.
but you didn't.
And that's the reality.
Well, you get the ass slide.
I got what?
You get the ass slide for sure.
No, you lost.
Well, you got one of them.
You got both of them.
Technically you have to have one more question.
I know, but you got here early.
So I can't see.
It takes me a while to map these out to make them tricky.
But we'll give you the win.
You got Def Leopard.
It took a little longer.
We give them the win.
All right.
Rosie gets the win.
Now you know how it's played.
I know how it's played now.
Next time you're getting four, kid.
Oh, man.
Rosie, we want to thank you for being here.
And what we want to do is Michael is a very creative guy.
He's been writing and directing his own movies.
He's been doing all kinds of stuff.
And this is your moment on the Harlan Highway to plug or make an announcement about anything that you want the folks to know about out there.
You know, wow, you have to give me to plug myself?
Yeah, and then give yourself a backslide.
Ass.
An ass slide.
You know what? Thanks to all my fans out there
who supported me on Smallville. It's over. We had the
premiere season finale. Harland didn't watch it.
Breaking in finale is
we'll have already passed. It'll already have
passed. But thanks for supporting that.
I got a movie I'm doing with my buddy, Dax
Shepard in June.
A lot of car racing and stuff.
I'm having a good time. Doing a lot of writing.
And thanks for all the support.
Yeah. Michael, just so, I'm sure
everyone knows, but just a reminder,
Michael was Lex Luther
in the Smallville series. And I
It was at his house watching the final episode, incredibly gifted actor, kicked my ass watching him do that performance. Seriously, unbelievable.
Thanks, buddy.
And more big things for Michael in the future, including coming back to the Harlan Highway for the four-banger 80s pop music quiz.
Harlan, you know I love you. On a serious note, you're one of my best friends. I wrote this song for you.
Awesome
Just a small town boy
Me?
Living in a stupid world
It took the midnight train from Toronto
That's where I was born
I love you, Harlan Williams.
Love you, buddy.
Thanks for being here.
Ladies and gentlemen, Michael Rosenbaum
on the Harland Highway
And until
Take an ass slide
On to the Harland Highway
And until next time everybody
As always
Chicken Chow Mame
Baby
You have a rendezvous with my ass
motherfucker
Thank you.