The Harland Highway - PODCAST 331

Episode Date: October 10, 2011

Car speakers are too loud, an interview with Angelina Jolie, the lost art of whistling, are you a good lay? And, a visit to Chinatown. Snap my snow peas!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Holy malted milk balls. Hey, everybody, it is me, Harlan Williams. How are you today? How are you to die? I hope you're doing good. I'm doing good, so that's the first half of the equation. And now the second half is for you to be doing good, so we complete the halves and make a hole.

And if you're not feeling good yet, hopefully the whole reason we do this podcast is to make you feel good. So hopefully by the end of the podcast, you complete the hole and you're the half and you feel good. Okay. And if you don't feel good, just whistle. Yeah, that's something people don't do much anymore. We're going to be talking about whistling and the interesting places that whistling shows up. We are going to be doing a new segment today. Charles Parsley has started an exciting new interview series.

called the Parsley Papers. So he's got Angelina Joe Lee as his first interview. Way to you hear this sex-charged interview, man. Charles Parsley, we're going to be getting into loud car speakers. Yeah. And then are you a good lay? I don't know. Maybe.

And then I'm going to Chinatown. Come with me. We're going to have fun right here on the Harlan. Highway Welcome to the Harland Highway Relax Get ready to have fun

Wow What we've got here is failure to communicate One Keithburger was everything coming up You just made a wrong turn

onto the Harland Highway Look at me Damien It's all for you This is Harland Williams I'm a human bee God damn it Hey, everybody. This is Harland Williams here on the Harland Highway with you. Did you have a good day? Are you feeling groovy? Hmm? Are you feeling happy like you want to go home and slap a couple of ego waffles on your eyes and watch the world through ego vision glasses? Or did you have a crummy day? Are you in a bad, bad mood? Well, here's something you can do when you've had a bad day. And I'm not talking about what most people do. They go and get a shot of whiskey.

or they have a cigarette or they take a nap or they yell at their kids to get out their frustrations. Do something that isn't done much anymore. You rarely see it. But it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a hundred percent cure for having a crummy day. Try skipping down the street whistling and just waving at people. Huh? Come on, you know what I mean? Just skipping down the street whistling. Huh? Just waving high, everybody!

Hey, hi, Mr. Smith! And throwing a Merry Christmas! Just for fun. Even though it's nowhere near Christmas, it just makes you feel better. Oh, so pull over, find a nice, crowded street. Do some skipping and whistling. Hi, Mr. Jim. What's that?

Well, up yours too, Mr. Jim. Keep a happy face on here, people, on the Harland Highway. Yeah, whistling. Is it an art form? Is it a lost art form? Do you like it? Is it annoying? here's a place where whistling shows up

that you might not traditionally think about whistling. But I'm willing to bet that this whistling is pleasant to your ears and you dig it. Like I said, take a listen. right there it is rock and roll one of the heaviest bands in the world one of the most rocketest bands in the world there's axel rose whistling patience from his band guns and roses look at that Shed a tear because I'm missing you And I think I'll puke my guts out See, it's just kind of weird, right?

Something is gentle and soft as whistling in some rock tunes. Here's some more you might not think is there, but it's there. It's kind of subtle. but it's there. all right um but yeah there's some more some old super tramp whistling for you um and uh here's something a little more modern that was kind of on the charts uh within the last few years um something a little hip a little funky you might know this If I told you that I smell like cheese, I smell like cheese, would you

put me in wonder bread would you grill me up and eat my head wait what sorry I got carried away with the whistling and then sometimes the whistling is in there subtly and there's one song by Elton John Benny and the Jets where it sounds like it's a live concert but I don't know if it was all engineered in a studio or not And in the crowd of the live audience, you can hear a guy who's got a really loud whistle.

He's like, he's doing that thing. But if you listen to the song and you listen to the beats and you listen to the way it's metered out, it almost feels like the whistles land at too perfect a spot, and they're reoccurring. and I just don't feel like some drunk guy cracked out on weed in 1967 at an Elton John concert had the coordination to tie him his whistles so that they fit into the pacing of this song so seamlessly. So I don't have the answer. Could be random whistling or maybe they dropped it in. But even though it's subtle and it just pops up here and there for some reason,

reason to me it is a very intricate part of this song and that whistling has always stood out in my head have a listen i'll play a few uh segments okay here comes the first one right there you hear it now here comes a bigger one right there right it's just it just sounded too good and i could be wrong but let's listen there's a few more here they come are they random i don't know And then here comes the one that's always stuck in my head. Listen.

That one right there. Is it real? Is there a real guy with no shirt on? With long hair and blue jeans, bell bottoms, sweaty in the crowd. or whatever he did, I don't know. I always, I just feel like that is such a perfectly placed whistle. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, see, it's so convincing out of Charles Nelson Riley attack.

And then what about this famous song that came out as the political landscape of the world was changing in Europe when the wall came down in East Germany? Oh, I like this one. See, now this one actually has special meaning for me because I was in East Berlin and West Berlin in Germany when this wall came down. So every time I hear this song, it takes me back to that place. I actually was in East Berlin when the wall was still up, and then I went back there. when they started tearing the wall down. And I actually took a mallet and a chisel and chopped out a piece of that wall.

I spray painted the Canadian flag on the Berlin wall. Can you believe it? And had I done that a month earlier, I would have been shot on the spot. So there's some more rock and roll whistling for you. The scorpions, the winds of change, okay? And, you know, there's all kinds of songs out there with the whistling. But one of the all-time best, and this wasn't a rock and roll song,

but it was a movie theme song. You got to love it. It's a classic. It conjures up so much imagery. And you know it. You love it. And it's, well, let's just play it, and you'll pick it off immediately. immediately.

Oh, that is some haunting whistling right there. The old Clean Eastwood Western, Spaghetti Westerns. The good, the bad, the ugly for a few dollars more. Hang them high. Oh. Love it. Talk about a evoking a mood or a vibe or a feeling. That is some all-time classic whistling.

So there you go. That's just, you know, a few examples of some whistling. And, you know, I obviously couldn't get to all the songs, but I bet there's a lot more rock and roll. tunes out there with some secret whistling in them and uh you know if you think of any uh shoot me a line at harlowe williams.com and when we get enough maybe we'll do another little montage a montage darling of the old uh rock and roll whistles Oh, and speaking of listening to music,

do a lot of you listen to your music in your vehicles? Do you like to crank up the sound really loud? Uh-huh. Okay, it can be loud, but not too loud, okay? Some of you people out there with the, what do you got in your, it sounds like some of you got Studio 54 in the back of your, car you ever have that you're sitting in your backyard having a barbecue or you're in your apartment on the 94th floor and you can hear that bass pumping sounds like a T-Rex is clumping down the

water and your glass starts vibrating like Jurassic Park you know what I'm talking about where's you where's my Roger King give me some bass Roger Come on, where's my Roger King at? Come on, where's my DJ? Give me some of that bass. Give me some of that loud bass. Yeah, give me some bass, man. Give me some of that green mild bass.

Take my bass, boss. Oh, my God. It rattles the bones, man. Some of these stereos, it's like... You can see the joints of the car, like, coming off. side panels hubcaps they're wailing down the road

listening to snoop dog or I don't know who do you listen to Jimmy crack corn and I don't care speakers are out of control I'm telling you man I pulled up at a light the other day

can the speakers get any louder I'm sitting at a light waiting for it to turn green okay all I can hear is give me some of that more bass roger this is all i can hear i'm sitting at the light waiting for it to turn green this is what i hear okay you hear that i look next to me i turn and look next to me there's some kid driving a speaker okay forget about the cut that's what

it's come to now they're just driving big speakers around they're not even riding on wheels they're hovering on sound waves. They're hovering right over the pavement. The volume of their speakers is keeping them airborne. Oh, turn down the volume, people. Except when you're listening to me, Harlan Williams, here on the very loud Harland Highway. Hey, everybody. Who wants to have better sex?

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Hello, everybody. I'm Charles Parsley, and this is the Parsley Parsley Papers. Hello, I'm Charles Pazley here interviewing actress Angelina Jolie. Let's not waste. Any time, let's get right to the questions. Angelina, did you or have you made love to podcast host Harland Williams?

Yeah, I was six months pregnant. That is horrific. How can one even imagine having sex with Harlan Williams when one is six months pregnant? It was so hard not to imagine, my God. My God, revolting. Was he at least intimate, Angelina Jolie? Yes, he was very hands-on. Miss Jolet, people want to know if Harlan Williams was good in the sack.

He was great, and, um... And, and what? You seem to be floundering. What, what were you thinking at that moment? I thought that's odd. What's on? Is that how we're going to do it? And did it you obviously did?

Six months pregnant, disgusting, making love to podcast host Holland Williams. Let's be candid, Angelina Jolie. Let me ask you one more time and an honest answer for our listeners all over the world. How was Holland Williams

in the sack, Angelina Jolie? It helped me to understand physically as a woman. But you're avoiding the question. How was Holland Williams in the sack? He's great. That's all. We need to know, Angelina Jolie. We won't ask any more questions.

Why would we? We just found out that Harland Williams podcast host of the Harland Highway is great in the sack. I'm Charles Parsley. This has been the Parsley Pazley Papers with actress, model, superstar Angelina Jolie. We'll see you next time here on the Holland Highway, Parsley Paisley Papers. Oh, yeah. oh yeah can can you hear it can can you hear me gloating yeah let's just sit in this for a minute ah yes angelina joly thinks i'm good in the sack la da da da so what are you doing with your life gentlemen da da la de t t let me just put my feet up on the desk here la da da oh really nothing Okay, interesting question.

Are you good in the sack? What do you say? Do people ask you? Do you tell people? Are you out on a date and do you, you know, the topic of sex comes up? And you and a potential partner are talking? and do you like go yeah well you know i'm great in the sack i mean are you allowed to say that

are you allowed to uh toot your own horn pardon the pun say that again toot your own horn oh thank you pervert um and uh are you are you allowed to uh ask your friends hey jim what's what's your chick like man is she great in the sack uh excuse me i just want to know you know for when you guys break up and stuff i mean it's it's a weird question who determines who who do you believe and and is great in the sack to one person great in the sack to the other person right like let's say someone with not a lot of experience is like oh my god my boyfriend is so good in the sack

and the other girl's like really what does he do oh my god for the first time the other day we did like doggy position who does that i mean that is he is great in the second we must have done it like three minutes so it's all perception right but what about you what about you are you maybe this is your chance maybe this is your chance to tell the world you're great in the sack and why i dare you i dare you i dare you here's the phone number 888 52090 yeah you want to let us know if you're great in the sack don't get long-winded but if you want to if you want to phone in and leave a message because you know I'm going to play some of them and you can be serious too

I'd like to hear someone just you know kind of toothed their own horde so to speak and we'll be the judge so there you go are you or aren't you good in the saccharrooney yeah good afternoon and a happy merry

shrimp fried rice to you You, my friend. That's right. Shrimp fried rice. I've been thinking about Chinese food all day. You ever have one of those days where you're just thinking about it? Ooh, I want some of that Chinese food. Where do you go?

Do you go to Chinatown? Is that where you go? Do you even have a Chinatown? Some cities don't have Chinatowns. What's that all about? Where are the Chinese people go? Chinatowns are incredible. What a cultural treat they are.

Love Chinatown. I was in San Francisco not too long ago. Man, do they have the Chinatown of all Chinatowns. I mean, wow. You can buy anything there, man. I bought three squids, a rattlesnake head, and some rhino fungus. You're wondering how my sex life is gone.

Look out. Ha, Viagra. I got squid rattlesnakey. and rhino parts baby put your seatbelt on it's gonna be a bumpy night sugar cane so i'm in chinatown and the language oh my gosh the chinese language everybody's speaking chinese in china town and the language is it's like a song isn't it huh the rhythm the cadence it just flows that language and i'm wandering through you know and everybody's speaking chinese and i'm thinking And I'm myself, wait a minute, I don't speak Chinese.

But it's a funky sound and language, so I'm thinking, if I try to speak Chinese, I got to be saying something, right? I mean, all those noises and sounds, and I got to be saying something. They've got nine million letters in their alphabet next to R30 or whatever it is. I got to be. So I try it. I'm standing on a street corner, and I'm like, hongtall, tung da, tongtai, tung, ta. I threw an extra, no, on the end, just for fun. I didn't know what I said.

All of a sudden, some little kid ran up, gave me an egg salad sandwich. How about that? I tried it again. Hung tall, bong dae, bongtai, bongtai, oh, dunga. Some little old lady ran up through a karate star right in my throat. So the yin and the yang in Chinatown I came out on top once and the other time I came out laying on the sidewalk

with a puncture wound in my throat but bless the different cultures and all their ancient mysteries yeah I really was in Chinatown in San Francisco and what a fascinating place what a what a community that that is just so full of different sights and sounds than you get when you're walking through any other community.

And I mean, I'm not kidding when I tell you I was walking and all of a sudden like a string of firecrackers went off on the sidewalk like, you know, seven feet from me and actually were so loud I had an earache and it actually hurt my eardrum. um not something you see normally where you just if you're just walking around in any other neighborhood there's no firecracker suddenly um there was suddenly uh an old chinese guy it tucked in a doorwell on the street uh playing a some kind of weird violin dental floss type of thing it was it was a

it was uh he had a bow and he had a little stand and then he had a string just one string and he was like sawing back and forth and i don't even know what that instrument's called but it has a very haunting uh you know uh Asian feeling to it very traditional and uh he was just who knows what he was playing but it sounded great You know, and then I stumbled across, it was a gaggle of Chinese guys. I don't know if that's what you'd call it a gaggle or a cluster or a Google. But there's a bunch of Chinese men, and they're right on the edge of the sidewalk. And they're all standing around, right?

When I say a gaggle, I mean, there was probably close to 20, 25 of them. And they're all kind of huddled around something, and I poke my, way through and two of the Chinese guys are sitting there on the curb playing some kind of checkers or chests or it wasn't Chinese checkers it was like some board game I've never seen and uh the all the guys surrounding them it was like a like a wall of of other Chinese men around the guys playing whenever was the other guy's turn the uh you know the group would start yelling they're like oh Oh, they're just like, it's like pretend you had a coach on the sidelines at a soccer game or a football game.

You're like, come on, get the end zone, get the end zone, run, run, run, run, run, run, run, run. You know, it was like that, but these guys were yelling directions at the, at the, these guys playing a board game. it would be the equivalent as if in English we were playing chess and people were like move the pond move the pond go left and get the queen out of there get the queen out of there watch out for the bishop watch out for the bishop it's moving sideways oh god the bishop it's moved diagonal you idiot so i never seen anything like it and i was like this just listen to the voices, listen to the sounds, listen to, so what I did is I actually recorded, I snuck up there with my cell phone and have a listen to some of the flurry of activity at, I can only call

some ambiguous Chinese board game on the street. You're not. You're not. Can't you. Not, no. No, no. Don't know. Don't know.

You're not. You're not. You're going to get it. Oh, you're doing. You're going to do. You're going. Yeah. Oh, good.

No. No. No. No. No. Koo. Oh. Oh.

And yeah, and yeah, there's me coming at the end. All right. And yeah, there's me coming in at the end, all excited. That's awesome, man. I'd tape some Chinese guys playing some kind of board game. Man, that's awesome. But it was kind of awesome because, you know, it doesn't sound like there's like 25 guys there, but there was. And I kind of like, I was the white guy. I was like honky and honky kind of just drifted into the middle of it. I just kind of, you know, just kind of like walked in, you know, blended into the woodwork type of thing. They were so busy watching the game. They didn't really know I had drifted into their little circle, you know.

and uh it was fun man and just i mean just their the language the tone the the uh cadence of it is is mesmerizing it just i love the sound of it it's just like everything just hold on da tundai go the way things drag on on right it's like imagine if we talk like that you know let's say uh I said, oh, he's a really good guy. I like what he's done with his family. They would be like, oh, he's a really good guy. I really like what he's done with his family.

Right? I mean, it's just such an foreign thing to me. I almost, you know, I normally would go, hey, why don't you learn Chinese and then you'll figure it out, but I kind of don't want to know Chinese. I like it that there's this weird language that sounds so alien to me. I mean, it's just, it's kind of funky and cool and different and fun. And it was fun just for a minute to be part of the gang,

part of the Chinese board game gang. Yee ha! Oh, boy. Well, and as far as that could, Speaking of Chinese and Chinese food, I think it's time to say something that, you know, I have to say at the end of every podcast. But before I do, don't forget everybody that this weekend,

I will be in Tempe, Arizona, at the improv in Arizona. That will be Friday, the 14th, 15th, and 16th. And then the following weekend in Minnesota at the House of Comedy, the 2021st, 22nd in Minnesota, the House of Comedy. Get your tickets online

and I look forward to seeing you there. That's it for today and as they say in Chinatown, everybody, chicken, Chalman, baby, and keep on whistling to those tunes as you

keep on trucking down the Harlan Highway. I know it's not my mind, but I'll see if I can use it for the weekend or a one night stand. Every morning. Do it again. Every morning when I wake up. Every morning, baby, shut the door. Every morning when I wake up.