The Harland Highway - PODCAST 332

Episode Date: October 12, 2011

Steve Jobs founder of Apple R.I.P. Listener voice mails, Googled. Sweet martian fudge feast!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hello, everybody. It is me, Harlem Williams, here on the Harlan Highway with you. How are you today? A bit of a somber day today. You know, we're going to be talking about the passing of an American icon. Some would call a creative genius, a person who died recently. And we're going to reflect a little bit on his life, his legacy, hear some of his own words. So, you know, a bit of a somber vibe, the first part of the podcast.

But I think you'll find it stimulating and hopefully even encouraging and inspiring. Also, we will be having some fun talking about Google. um the world of googling have you been googled i know i've been googled uh we might be being googled right now and then uh we are going to move on from there and have some laughs um offered up by you people the harland highway pavement pounders yeah we're going to be playing a whole run of your wacky phone messages which uh cracked me up i hope you'll like them too so here we go it's a little bit everything here on the Harland Highway. Welcome to the Harland Highway.

Relax. Get ready to have fun. Wow! What we've got here is failure to communicate. One Keith Burger with everything coming up. You just made a wrong turn. On to the Harland Highway. Look at me, Damien. It's all for you. This is Harland Williams. I'm a human bee. God damn it. Oh, yes, that was a sad sigh that I just let out.

And here's why, let's start off the show. A week ago today, a very innovative human being passed away, and I kind of waited a little to, you know, collect my thoughts on it. And last week, Steve Jobs, the man who created the Apple Corporation passed away. And what an innovative man, what a creative individual. And hopefully what a shining example to not just people in America and Canada and civilized countries, but people all over the world.

you know here's a guy whose life took him down some incredible roads and he was a visionary he was a guy who was able to see ahead of the curve and visualize what he thought would make the world a better place what he thought would contribute to the human race and he certainly put his ideas, his innovations to the test and came up with, you know, devices and apparatus

and computer hardware and software that probably touches all of us. It started with his company Apple, which created the first, you know, home personal PC. We are living in a world where, you know, computers were for corporations and factories, the idea that people would have one in their house. What are you crazy, man? But Steve Jobs had a vision that every home should have one or would have one. And then, you know, Steve went through his ups and downs with the Apple Corporation.

He actually went away for a while, and then they asked him to come back. and that's when he really took the company up to a new level. The company was actually run into the ground and was starting to kind of fall apart. And people were wondering if it was a company that was even going to last. And Steve was able to resurrect the company. He started with those multicolored home computer systems. I think they were back in the 90s and just kept rolling from there, man.

And, you know, I can't even fit in all the things that he did and Apple did. And, you know, but what I love about Steve is that he took an industry that, you know, had, you know, kind of flatlined. Like, you know, the record industry, the CD industry, the vinyl industry. And here's a guy that turned a whole industry up on its ass when he kind of started to figure out how to get digital music to people through downloads and make it an honest pursuit where the consumer would buy and Apple would deliver and part of the money went to Apple, part of it went to the artist or the record company. and everyone got paid. And then he went ahead and did the same thing with the phones and now the iPads and the laptops. And, you know, I don't have to tell you all the things he did.

But I find it fitting that this actual podcast you're listening to is channeling through an Apple computer right now. It's all going through programs. that run on an apple and get edited on an apple and yada yada yada so as i talk about the legacy of steve jobs i am actually talking through one of his inventions so that's kind of fitting but you know we could sit here all day and rattle off what he did but what but what i like about steve is that uh he had a vision and he let's just take the cell phone how he revolutionized what people were selling as a, you know, a phone, a cellular phone,

and you can make calls and do a few little things. And Steve was like, hey, let's just modernize this thing right to the hilt. Let's create apps. Let's create cameras. Let's create email. You know, it was just like the things that the iPhone can do are almost beyond comprehension. It's incredible. So he took that aspect of our society into kind of a space age, modern kind of hip feel where, you know,

when you own an Apple product or an iPhone or something like that, you kind of feel like you're holding on to something that's futuristic. And to see Steve Jobs do that with all the items that they sell and the stores that they run, which are run really efficiently and well, it makes you go, well, why isn't the auto industry as slick as the Apple cell phone industry? You know, if they can take a standard old phone with numbers on it that just made calls and do all this stuff Steve Jobs did, why can't the auto industry create a new car

that doesn't look like a car that, you know, today's cars don't look that much different from cars 20 years ago. You know, when you get right down to all the working parts, it's still four wheels, a body, and an interior, and an engine. But where's all the bells and whistles? Where's the iPhone equivalent of a modern car? Huh? Why don't we have a car that can hover?

and drive itself and park itself and, you know, float and do all these things and get, you know, a thousand miles to a gallon or run off of water or electricity or, you know. But that's what Steve did. Steve Jobs, he moved a technology forward and did it quite quickly and quite is astounding. And not only did he do it, but about every six months, he upgraded it and did it again and brought us more and more new stuff. He layered on new stuff. And you look at the auto industry and you're like, oh, look at this. Oh, they got the fake wood paneling on the steering wheel.

Great. Wow, cars are really making leaps. You know, but if Steve's job principle with the iPhone can be applied to everything, you know, the way houses are built, the way roads and bridges are built, the way corporations run, the way government offices look and are run. If they can just modernize everything and bring it up to the next level where it probably should be, wouldn't we all be a lot happier? Wouldn't the world probably be a better, more efficient place? The fact that we still don't have all our medical records on computers and you go into a DMV or a government building

and it still looks like it was built in the 70s and it's still run like it's in the 70s. Like how hard can it be for every institution to have to, you know, take a week off or a month off and say, let's upgrade this whole thing. This building needs an upgrade. Everything needs an upgrade. We're going to iPhone everything. And I'm not saying that in terms of, you know, you just want one robotic computer looked everything.

I'm just saying the principle of taking what we have and going, how can we make this better? How can we make this more efficient? How can we make it work for us better? how can we make it do all these incredible things where we like it we enjoy it we get something out of it and uh that's what steve jobs did with the with uh you know just about everything he touched and here's what's really uh you know kind of lingering with me is is and life is so uh cruel this way but here's a guy that was such an innovator he uh you know he he he caused he still is causing a ripple effect through the tech world.

I mean, you know, everyone would still be buying Windows 57 and kind of working with those kind of antiquated PC computers if it wasn't for Steve Jobs, like pushing the envelope, but now everyone's kind of going high tech and everything's much better. But what I'm saying is you've got a guy like that that was able to do so much, and, you know, had all the money in the world. He was only in his 50s, and life cut him off. Isn't that tragic?

Life cut him off. He had more money than all of us could ever dream of, and he could not buy better health. He could have bought, you know, 45 hospitals and 3,000 surgeons. and locked them all in a room and giving them $2 million each. Sorry, Steve, you're going to die, man. And to see a guy, you know, pass away that probably still had, who knows how many incredible inventions he still had in his head

or he would have come up with. You know, look at the iPad, look at the iPhone, look at all he did what are we losing out on because he died what what didn't he get to and it's just it's just so cruel to see a guy like that with the power the money the mobility the the the means to create and and he's gone and it makes you reflect on your own life and go my god you know look what that guy did and life took him and so you look at the rest of us our own lives and we go man you know don't waste time what can i do with my life what what how much time do i have i want to uh you know make my point i want to do my thing before my time comes up um hey everybody who wants to have better sex No? Yes? Yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what you want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping. And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority. Plus 100% free shipping on your entire order. Doesn't matter how much you spend or what you buy. I will be packaged and sent discreet.

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This is an exclusive offer specific to this podcast, so be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discount and 100% free shipping code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. So tough to see, just reflecting on it a bit. I watched some news coverage on it. And one of the things that struck me about Steve is that he quoted a famous Canadian, Wayne Gretzky. incredible, you know, one of the best hockey players ever, if not the best. His moniker was the great one. And Steve Jobs borrowed a quote from Wayne Gretzky because one day Wayne was asked about why he's so good at playing hockey. And he said, because I skate to where the puck's going to be, not where the puck was.

And I think Steve Jobs lived by that in that, you know, Steve was a guy who followed his instincts and kind of went around the curve instead of standing there waiting for someone else to show him the way or wait for someone else to go around the curve. And that's inspirational, and maybe that's a little bit of something that he instills in all of us. And think about that in your own life. I know I certainly try to carve my own way ever since I got into stand-up comedy

I've always tried to be original and follow my instincts and not run with the pack and it's very rewarding and sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't but that's the joy of taking risk and you know trying to carve new territory

And that's it. We wish Steve well, wherever he may be. God bless him. Thank you for the way you touched all of us and your contributions to this world, this life, this metaphysical plane, this spiritual plane. And, you know, you will be missed. I don't want to speak for everybody,

but, you know, I feel like he'll be missed. I certainly will. uh feel his absence not that i knew the man but just you know it's like i didn't know einstein and i feel his absence you always feel the absence of of of great people great thinkers great uh minds um but anyways thinking about how innovative steve was it it uh you know and how he thought outside of the box it made me uh want to share with you a little bit a little little uh a little um placard that i have hanging over my studio desk that i taped up many years ago and i don't even remember where i got it um but i got it and that's taped up where i can see it

and it uh kind of plays into maybe the sensibility that steve jobs had and let me read it to you and we'll close the door on our tribute, our reflections on Steve Jobs. Here's my placard. You're not average because average is a lie. You're not average because average means stuck and you're not stuck. You're moving and becoming and trying and you're climbing over every bit of fear or opinion or no, you can't do that. you've ever heard so there you go words to think about maybe words to live by and uh just by you listening

to the harlan highway tells me that maybe you're just a little bit of cut above and maybe you're like me just a little bit different so we'll keep bringing it to you uh rest in peace steve jobs and uh Thank you for being you. When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like, if you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right. It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years,

I've looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself if today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today? And whenever the answer has been no for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something. Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything, all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure, these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking

you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart. About a year ago, I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7.30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try and tell your kids everything.

You thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes. I live with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening, I had a biopsy where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas, and got a few cells from the tumor.

I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope, the doctor started crying, because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery, and thankfully, I'm fine now. This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope it's the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty

than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept. no one wants to die even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there and yet death is the destination we all share no one has ever escaped it and that is as it should be because death is very likely the single best invention of life it's life's change agent it clears out the old to make way for the new right now the new is you but someday not too long from now you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it's quite true. Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma, which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise

of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become everything else is secondary well howdy folks big howdy howdy howdy duty this is harland williams riding along with you i don't know you but i think i might google you how many people here have been Googled. How creepy does that feel? Ooh, he Googled me. Oh, oh, oh, he Googled me.

Oh, I don't even know him hardly. It's like I met him at a party. I'm like, you know, all we did was talk for like a few minutes, and it turns out he Googled me. Oh, oh, he Googled me. Oh. Yeah, that's creepy, man. Getting Googled.

People finding out about you that have no right to know where your freckles are, how old you are where you live what you sleep in at night just google them huh i wonder uh how many times that guy's crashed his car google oh 15 huh but how about the uh google earth have you been on the google earth people holy god you can google the whole planet look out planet earth you are being googled gilelip dip i will know everything about your blue planet. You are being Googled. Blub-blub-la-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-creepy.

And who named that company? Google. What kind of word is Google? What is that? Do the guys from the Lord of the Rings run that country? Nordflorf, what shall we call this company? I don't know, Gloridflork.

What should we call it? Let's ask Norg-Torke. Um, how about Googly-Wool. Oogli, Oogli, too long. How about just Google? We love it. Oh, man.

Google Earth. We're being watched by a Google, people. It starts with G. Does that mean God? G-O-O-O. Ooh, it should be Goodle, Gaudle. We're being watched by Goodle. And Google Earth, man, you can zoom in.

I'm watching you right now. I'm zooming in on your... I'm watching you pick your nose and your little Ford Fiesta. Get your finger out of your nose. You there in the brown Ford Fiesta with the My Students and Honor student on the bumper sticker there.

I see you there with your I don't pick personalized license plate. Get your finger out of your nose. You're being Earth-Gougled sucker. Watch your backs, people. Watch your planet. You're being Googled here on the Harlan Highway. Hey, Harlan.

Explain from New Orleans. You know what really annoyed me? When you order a burger from a fast food joint, and it's got the thumbprint right in the middle. Have a good day. Hi! Hi! Hi, pal.

Nice to see you. Ho-ho, boy. Hello, Holland. I was just listening to the podcast. And I heard you do an impression. of me. Mickey Mouse, by the way. I just want to say, you did pretty good,

fella, but you're kind of fucked up a little bit. So just to just watch a little more Doocy channel and learn your Mickey Mouse, okay, Saggin? Love you. Bye-bye. Oh, boy. Harwood. Hey, we've got out of your show at the Largo,

and I would just like to say that you bring the laugh. You bring the chuckles, you bring the guffas, you bring the giggles. You bring the ha ha ha ha ha ha. We love you. Goodbye, Hollywood. You know it's something

you need to do. You know it's something I require so I'm going to say to you baby jack my shuck up Come on, baby, change my tire.

Come on, baby, change my tire. Try to change my fucking tire! Arlen, that little guy in my frugin' guy in my fridge. He keeps eating my lasagna, but I just returned from South America and I finished a dingyin hunt. The dingying, you know, the miniature Sasquatch? Here's what she said when she found him. I got a miniature Sasquatch in my fridge and right next to my bird and the butter and cheese whiz, and they're both eating my food and lasagna.

I don't know what to do, but anyways, I'm getting back in the Harlem Highway. It's the only safe place to be. Ah, yes, I couldn't agree with you more. What a wonderful crop of phone messages from some of you, pavement pounders out there. Unbelievable. Mickey Mouse. My favorite,

there's some guy talking about a thumbprint and his burger and right at the end he does a karate yell. Have a good day. No meaning. No reason. I wish people did that in real life when they said goodbye to each other.

Be a lot more memorable. Hey man, thanks. Had a great day. I thought you said you had a great day. I did, and I also said, hi, ah, psh, ow! Thanks for your calls. Keep them coming.

888, 52090. Hilarious. Mickey Mouse, guy with a sauce squash in his fridge. Someone singing Jim Morrison. A couple of people that just love me. Oh, it doesn't get any better. Or does it? Wait a minute.

Hold that thought, boys and girls. How about Tempe, Arizona, at the improv? Yeah, this weekend, the 14th, 15th, and 16th, I will be there live. and if you're in the area come on out and see me do my thing and then the following weekend uh that'll be october 20 21 22 i will be at the house of comedy and the giant mall in minneapolis minnesota uh get your tickets they will be gone fast um looking forward to seeing y'all out there on the road.

Don't forget to check out the harlandwilliams.com website where you can hit our store, pick up merchandise. You can watch some funny videos. It's a give and take, whatever you want to do. Don't forget, you can download the Harland Highway at Stitcher.com for your cell phone

and tell your friends, everybody, about the Harlan Highway. we want to get them rolling down the road with us. Thanks for all your support. Thanks for being here. And I hope you enjoyed hearing a little bit of what Steve Jobs had to say today. And live life to the fullest. And keep on laughing.

That's why we do the podcast. Keep you thinking. Keep you laughing. Keep you moving on down the road. And until next time, everybody. Chicken Chalmain with some little slices of apple.