The Harland Highway - PODCAST 335

Episode Date: October 19, 2011

New foxy hairdoo, learning to relax, learning to work, listener voice mails. Bless my Cabbage Patch Dolls! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Lord love a pair of leg warmers. Hello, everybody. Guess who this is? I'll give you three seconds. One, two. All right, I just gave you two. It's Harlan Williams, and you are on the Harland Highway podcast. Welcome.

Glad to have you here. In fact, elated to have you here. Overjoyed, bubbling over with volcanic lava to have you here. There. Do you feel welcome now? I hope so. Because we have a show today where we're going to be talking about, well, we're going to be talking about work ethics.

It sounds a little maybe stuffy, but I have an interesting story about the ethics of working, and it's kind of stimulated by all these protest marches that are going on. And hopefully you'll glean something from it. See what you think. And the opposite of relaxing, we're going to be the opposite of working, I should say. We're going to be talking about relaxing. I spilled the beans a little too early there. Hairstyles?

Yep, there's a brand new hairstyle that, well, it's an oldie that's coming back for the ladies. And I think the guys are going to be hip to this one. And then listener voicemail. We got a whole bunch of wacky wild ones today right here on the Harland. Highway! Welcome to the Harland Highway. Relax. Get ready to have fun. What we've got here is failure to communicate.

One cheeseburger with everything coming up. You just made a wrong turn. On to the Harland Highway. Look at me, Damien. It's all for you. This is Harland Williams. I'm a human being. God damn it. Hi, welcome back to H.H., Harlem Highway. It's the short form, H.H.

It's at the end of the day you get ready to go home and stick your smelly feed in a hot tub of lemon water. Take the load off. Oh, man, we all need to take it easy, don't we? Life is stressful. Sometimes it just piles up on you, doesn't it? You don't know where to turn or what to think. You got too much going on.

let me out let me out of life give me a break i want to be on an island somewhere looking at baby turtles come out of the sand and run to the ocean and get plucked off by seagulls here's what i do man when i need a little time away when i need to get away from everybody and everything this is peaceful i did this the other night i paint my whole body and camouflage i get naked paint my whole body and camouflage from head to toe. I go to the nearest restaurant, but as a salad bar, and I hide. I lay down inside the salad bar and disappear. Oh, it was sweet the other night, man.

It was working so good till all of a sudden some freak slipped with the salad tongs and lifted me up by the croutons. Ouch! I'm just trying to relax, man. Oh, let go my croutons. It's hard to relax, isn't it? But keep it here on the Harland Highway, where we keep things going nice and easy. Take your mind off of those painful croutons.

Ah, yes, relaxing. And what is the opposite of relaxing? I guess that would be working, right? And with all the crazy stuff going on on Wall Street, the protesters, the marchers, it made me think about working and the ethics of working and working hard and achieving and to what end do we work. And, you know, I'm not going to talk about, you know, what people should or shouldn't be doing. I'm not going to tell people they, ah, you got to get out of work, or you don't got to work. But I'm going to relate to you a little story that changed my life when it came to work.

And how my work ethic was affected by an event that happened in my life. And it came out of a very simple thing, but it was very eye-opening and had a huge effect on me. And let me tell you about it. And people have asked me before about my life as a forest ranger when I used to work up in the bush in northern Canada. And I guess this plays into that, into that point in my life. And my first year as a ranger working up north, I was, you know, it was my first year.

So I was one of the kind of underling guys. and I was up there with a crew of about, I don't know, 30 other guys. And we'd get sent out to do various things, you know, chopping trees or canoeing or whatever we had to do up there, right? And a lot of times we had to clear old portage trails for canoe routes or we'd have to trim back timber roads. A lot of the underbrush would grow up on the sides of these dirt roads in the middle of the forest. And they'd send guys in to trim back the bush on the sides because it was starting to encroach on the actual dirt road.

And so what they do is they drop one guy on the right side of the road, one guy on the left side of the road. And they go, have a adder, trim it back, you know, 10 feet on each side. and just keep going down the road. And I'll be honest, at that point in my life, I was one of these guys as like, oh, God, what's the point of this? This is stupid. It's a stupid road in the middle of nowhere.

It's a dirt road. As if the truck still can't get by. So I'd get dropped in these things, and I'd half-ass it. You know, I'd chop a little thing there, a little thing here. And to be honest, I was a slacker, okay? was a full-on slacker and what I was doing was looking for the easy way out and what I was doing

was trying to you know rationalize why I shouldn't do it and how I could uh flu you know fake it and how I could get around doing it and what was the easiest point from point A to point B what was the easiest route you know how could I get away with kind of tricking them making them think I did work but I really didn't what would be the best way when my bosses weren't around that I could just sit down and chew on a piece of grass and watch the birds fly by? You know, I was that mindset.

I was looking, I was kind of a weasel. I was looking for a way out. I was looking for a way to get paid, demonstrate that I'd done a little bit of work, and, you know, not really do any work at all because I had the attitude like, ah, whatever, as if this needs to be done. I just want to get paid.

How can I get paid with doing the least amount of work but still get paid? And that was my full-all mindset. And I thought it was great and I thought I was cunning and I thought I was, you know, beating the system. You know, I was one of those guys. And proudly, you know, I was kind of proud of my cunning, if you want to call it that, although looking back,

I probably wasn't fooling anybody. And then what happened is one day they dropped me off on the early morning, and they plop me down with this other guy, and I can't remember his name. Blue eyes, blonde hair, my age, same build. And I was put on the right side of the road, and he was put on the left side of the road. And our foreman said, go at it.

you know what to do, chop it back, close to the ground, 10 feet, keep going. Go on up that dirt road. And so off we went, me and this other guy, and I started doing my thing. As soon as our foreman drove out of sight, I probably sat down and started dittle-daddling. And this guy across the road just started going at it. He started cutting. He started chopping. He started getting every little twig and weed and tree and stick

and started slowly moving down the road. And I'm sitting there and I'm going, what an idiot. What is wrong with this guy? Why is he trying so hard? What a loser. Look at me over here. Look at me being the, I'm the guy. I'm winning this race.

I'm going to get paid exactly what he got paid. and I'm expending a fraction of the energy and I'm pulling one over on everybody. Way to go, loser, right? And so I'm kind of keeping up with them a little bit, but I'm doing a fraction of the work. I'm cutting down one little bush, one little tree here. I'm faking my way through it.

And I looked over at this guy after about an hour and I'm like, what is he doing? doing why is he doing why is he chopping this ridiculous road why is he why does he care and then i had an epiphany i went huh that guy's like going up the road look how clean his side is why is he doing that and then i started to get a little competitive and i thought well wait a minute. If he can do that, I can do that. I can keep up with him. And I thought, I'm going to see what it's like. What is the point of what he's doing? I'm just going to try it and I'll do it for like five minutes and see what it's like to go all out the way he is. And so there I went. I walked down

into that ditch. I walked into that brush. And I started cutting. I started cutting every little twig and blade of grass and tree. And it didn't take long until I was sweating and hot and bugs in my eyes. And it almost started to become infectious. The more I did it, the more I wanted to keep going. And there was times when I got tired, but I look across the road and I'd see this guy still going at it. giving it 120%. And I thought, I'm just going to do this as an experiment.

I'll do it once, and that's it. I'll keep up with that guy over there. There's no point in doing this, but I'm going to do it just to show him that I can do what he's doing. And I went at it, and I went at it, and I went at it, and I went at it, and we went at it all day. And I caught up to him, and I stayed with him. and at the end of the day I looked back at all the work I did

and I was standing there and all the fallen brush and it didn't matter anymore why I did it because you know why? I felt amazing. I felt fulfilled. I felt good.

I felt like I gave 120%. And it didn't matter that it was an old dirt road. It didn't matter that you know it probably never was really going to grow across the road it it it occurred to me very early on that my foreman were probably just looking for something for us to do but none of that mattered because for the first time in my life I realized what it felt like just to dig in

and just do it and go for it and give 110 percent and be in the moment moment and be focused and have a purpose and want to work and work hard. I mean, I'm talking sweating my ass off. And it was incredible. It taught me a huge life lesson. It taught me that if you're going to do something, just do it. Jump in and do it. Do it big time.

and the reward is in the doing. The reward is knowing that you gave it your all. The reward is knowing you put your heart and soul into it. The reward is looking back and seeing all that bush cut down and knowing there was nothing left standing, there were no mistakes, and I did my job. And I worked. I went out there and worked.

And it wasn't particularly great work. It was backbreaking work. It was hard work. It was kind of pointless work. But I realized in that moment, it's like, whatever you do, just go at it. Go at it and do it and give it your all. And you don't have regrets. You don't have, you never look back and go,

I should, I feel like crap, why didn't I? You just go, wow, I left in my trail, everything I could do. Everything I could physically and mentally do, I left it out there on the floor. It's kind of like the mentality of a sports team, you know? It's like, go out there on the field and play. Just tear it up.

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That's 50% off, one item, and free shipping. Bring more pleasure and satisfaction into your bedroom. Just go to Adam and Eve.com and select any one item. It could be an adventurous new toy or anything you deserve. desire. Just enter the offer code Harland to check out. That's Harland, H-A-R-L-A-N-D at Adam and Eve.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to this podcast. So be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discount and 100% free shipping code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. And there it is. That was a huge life lesson for me. And it came

from a simple thing, and whoever that guy was, I don't remember, but I thank him because he inspired me to try harder, to reach within myself and be better, and be accountable, and be in the moment, be productive. And I guess this story came out of me because I'm watching a lot of this activity with these protesters and these marchers, and in particular, I saw a few clips where, you know, they're being interviewed and people are saying, well, why don't you work at McDonald's? They're hiring at McDonald's or they're hiring at the gas station or they're hiring a Burger King and people are like, oh, we're not doing that job.

That's not, we're America. We don't do that work. We want money. We want real money. But what? You want us to work for it? hell no and it made me sad

it made me sad to hear that attitude from people because no matter how high you climb in life whether you get rich or halfway there or you remain at a lower income level there's dignity in working and there's dignity in starting at the bottom clearing the side

of a dirty old road but working your way up You know, I started there And I worked my way up But I learned a lesson there about hard work And I've been working hard my whole life ever since And it makes me wonder If some of these people really understand about hard work And that there's no dishonor

In working as a janitor or a Burger King Or, you know, raking leaves in a graveyard We do what we have to do in this life to provide for ourselves and put a roof over our head. And if we have to start at level Z to work our way up to level A, well, that's what we have to do. As long as you're able to keep a roof over your head and put some food in your mouth and you can go to work and try and, you know, up your lot in life. through whatever means, whether it means education or getting lucky or schmoozing or just going for it, walking in the door of a place and saying, I want to work here. You never know what will happen.

I've done that too. And it's worked. So I don't want to lecture anyone on what they should or shouldn't be doing, but I hope that through the story that I told, the simple story, maybe there's a little inspiration there for people, or maybe there's a little logic, or a little education even. Because I know I sure learned on many levels from that moment in my life. And I just hope that people remember that this country was founded on back-breaking hard work. Men and women tilling the fields and building log cabins.

and forging steel and making bricks and building buildings and it's it's hard life's not easy you got to work you got to work you got to claw your way to the top that's part of life you know it's not a spa it's not a health club people aren't bringing you stuff on a tray now you work hard enough and you claw hard enough you might get to a place where if you want it people can bring you stuff on a tray but at the end of the day it's all about looking within yourself and asking yourself how hard do you want to work to get what you want to be where you want to be and even if you don't get there at least you can look back and say i left it all out on the floor and if anyone's having trouble with this simple concept,

I would love to take you out into the wilderness to an old dirty lumber trail and put you on the other side of the road from me and we just cut for a mile or two and see if you feel it. But again, that's my experience, And meant a lot to me. Maybe it'll have some meaning for you. It's your life.

You make the decisions. I'm just here whispering a little sweet somethings in your ear. Okay. This one is that this guy's, I don't know if the guy should be listening to this next segment. This one's mostly for the ladies And guys, if you're listening in, you're kind of like You're looking behind the curtain Because this is private ladies stuff

That I need to talk to the ladies about today And so guys, plug your ears Okay, turn the volume down You can't hear this. Ladies, I'm here to talk to you About the new hairstyles I'm not talking about the hairstyles, you know, up on top. I'm just reporting to you what the latest trends are.

You know, I know you girls do various stylings down there. You know, you got the landing strip, they call it. The little landing strip, the strip of bacon, and you got the Brazilian, and you got the little heart shape,

and, well, there's a bit of a retro thing coming back, and the new hairstyle down there, ladies. It's the mullet. Okay? That's the new style, the sexy style. It's the mullet.

There, it's out. It's coming back. I know it was big in the 70s and the early 80s, but the whole Duran Duran down below thing is, you know, it's mullet time. So there you go. I hope, guys, turn your radios back up. Ladies, good luck. Get hair plug.

if you need to, but get that mullet started here on the Harlan Highway. Okay, do you think they were buying that? Do you think they bought the whole mullet thing? How many girls? I wonder how many are going to go out and actually grow a mullet down there.

What? We're still on? Oh my God. Go to a commercial. Go to a commercial. You idiot. Sorry. Not really.

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the leader for 73 years. Hi, Ireland. This is Nancy Drew. I was calling because I heard you're talking about you were looking for me on your podcast the other day because you needed somebody to help you with your seatbelt problems. You have teeth belts getting twisted

and it's all getting twisted up on you over there. Well, I can't. came to solve your problem there, Harlan. I just wanted to tell you that you could just cut that thing right out of your car. Get yourself a big pair of scissors, Arland, and cut that seatbelt right out of your car because you don't need a seatbelt, Harlem? Why worry about the thing getting twisted up and now that? Well, you don't even need a seatbelt, Arland?

All right, Holland, thank you for letting me be on your podcast, Arlen. And this is Lansky. Thank you. We're sorry. You have reached the number that has disconnected or is no longer in service. Yo, Harland. I am a fan of the show.

And I'm wondering who does your sound effects in the background. Do you have like an awesome production guy or is that you, post-production? Or are you working the fingers like live during the show? Either way, it's amazing

It's a whole new element That is astounding But the one thing I don't like about the show Is that guy I don't know I don't know about him

Mushroom Sluggo He really bothers me So I don't know if That guy should be on the show All right man Peace out, Harland Later If you feel you have reached this

I'm sorry but the person you call has a voice mailbox. Hey, Harlan, this is Danny. I just got listening to the podcast episode where Dr. Ascot was interviewing Cinnamon Boy. Absolutely hilarious. Cinnamon Boy is ridiculous. Anyway, I just wanted to share my appreciation again, and the things keep getting for near the more.

Yeah, you're going. Your call cannot be completed as dialed. I got mail. I got mail. Yay. I got mail. I got mail. I got mail.

I got mail. I got mail. Yay. You know where I got? I got mail. Yay. We're sorry. You have reached a number.

The line of the disconnect. The door is no longer in service. Oh, Holland. This is Gabriel from Long Beach. I absolutely love your podcast. Thank God for the Harlan Highway. It gets me through some wonderful, wonderful times. You are just absolutely hilarious.

I'm calling to find out, in passing, a few podcasts ago, you mentioned something about having been a park ranger. I would love to hear a little more detail on that And exactly when that happened in your life Obviously, it must have been before your stand-up But I would love to hear about that That's something I've actually considered doing after I retire As a post-career kind of job

So anything you provide on that would be great Keep up the great work, as everybody says Because, I mean, you are absolutely hilarious I was one of my favorite stand-ups, and I think you even transcend that with this podcast. You are just, you're one of the best. And I love hearing you. Keep up the great word. Bye-bye.

Wow. Well, thank you for the weird, wacky, and wild voicemails. These wild, wacky stuff. Yeah, some of them are out there. hilarious. Nancy Drew called me and the one gentleman called me I told you earlier asking about stories from my days working in the underbrush and I hope my story earlier about the work ethic guy covered a bit of that territory yes there are more nature stories and my years as a forest rain I certainly will sprinkle in more stories about that.

I had some great times, great adventures out there in the wilderness. And also to answer the question about the sound effects and the production, well, as I referred to quite often, and you heard him in this segment telling me he was sorry, but not really. Roger King does quite a bit of the sound effects and the production on a lot of the more produced bits, the tight little produced bits. Roger drops in a lot of the music, the sound effects. And then equally, I probably do about half of them myself. So it's a mixture of him, it's a mixture of me,

and Roger is a killer, killer producer, so I will not take all the credit. I certainly bestow a ton of the credit onto Roger, and he gives me a hard time. He's snappy, he's got an attitude, but I love him. And my thanks to Roger, and my thanks to me for the stuff I do. Wow, I don't want to leave myself out. so there you go um thanks for all your uh your voicemails if you want to be part of the voicemail train you know the number 888 52090 or if you aren't a voicemail person you can always write to harlem williams dot com where we have our merchandise store you can pick up a little gifts and um don't forget

Stitcher.com. You can download the Harland Highway for your cell phone device. And also, yes, this weekend, speaking of being out in the bush, I will be in Minnesota at the House of Comedy in the Mall of America. So how about that? Come on out and see the kid rocking it out in Minnesota. Let's see, what else? The following, well, I guess two weeks later, I'll be in Denver, Colorado. That's the first weekend in November, November 4th and 5th. Yours truly will be at the Comedy Works in Denver, Colorado. Great Club.

Make sure you get your tickets. And that's it, man. That's all I got. That's all I got, man. So keep on rocking. Thanks for coming along. Tell your friends and family living or dead about the Harland Highway. And until next time, chicken.

Chowman, baby? Well, I came to solve your problem there, Harlan. This is Nancy Drew.