The Harland Highway - PODCAST 341

Episode Date: November 2, 2011

Special guest, actor, comedian, Justin Ian Daniels drops by the Highway for a visit. Gooey, lemony, fun!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I love the nightlife. I've got to boogie on my podcast. Yeah. All right, no, you don't have to boogie on your podcast. What are you thinking? Boogie. What are you picking your nose and sticking it to your iPod? Yock, why would you even go there?

Hello, everybody. This is me, Harland Williams. Welcome to the Harland Highway. A very, very special so today. Very special, because we have a special guest here. The whole show today, I will be interviewing funny man, actor, comedian, Justin, Ian, Daniels. He's been here before. He's one of the highway favorites.

I think he has the record for the most visits here. Always funny, always provocative. of always out of control but here for yourself on today's harland highway welcome to the harland highway relax get ready to have fun wow what we've got here is failure to communicate one cheeseburger was everything coming up you just made a wrong turn onto the harland highway Look at me, Damien. It's all for you. This is Harland Williams.

I'm a human being. God damn it. Hello, everybody. Welcome to the Harland Highway. And it's a fun one today. I've cracked a couple of Heffavisons. And I'd say he's probably the podcast phase. He's been here the most as a guest, and you just can't shut him down.

He's a machine. He's here for you today on the Harlan Highway. Justin Ian Daniels is here. Justin Ian Heffavisen, number seven. Harlan said, I got a good idea. I got a good idea. Come to a podcast, but before we do, I'm going to throw about a bucket or two with that liquid that turns the bad feelings into good feelings inside you. Oh, it feels nice right now.

I wet my pantaloons. I have no shirt on. Wait, is that, are you doing Bill Cosby? Sounded like a drunk, half-of-ice, and Bill Cosby. A drunk Bill Cosby. Rudy, get down here and sit in your daddy's lap. We're going to nibble on your earloat. I'm going to vomit.

That's not bad. That is pretty good. You think it's an okay Cosby? A drunk, Cosby. That was better than I thought. I didn't even go for it. for Cosby first, but now that you say it, it makes nothing but sense. Do you want, yeah,

it was really good. I can do, uh, give me one. I can do, uh, Bing, Crosby. Give me, give me Bing Crosby. I'm dreaming of a white Christmas, bitch. Why's it got to be a white Christmas. I'm dreaming of a white Christmas,

be itch. I'm dreaming of another half of ice and so I could go to the bathroom on your floor. Boog. I'm going to have a swig of my heffa vise. You know what? I'm going to do the same right now. Describe the flavor of a smooth, suede, weedy heaphecin to the listeners.

Well, hefa is a German for wheat. Oh. And vison is German for wheat, too. So it's a wheat. Have some wheat wheat. Have a wheat wheat drink. You just looked at me like, what the hell is he? I've never seen you make that perplexed me.

I go wheat wheat, and you're just staring out me like, what is he talking about? Harloneus Billiamson, the world's most well-spoken, retarded person. Wheat, wheat, drink. It's a wheat-weed drink. Do you like it? Do you like your half a viscer? You introduce me to this beer. It's great.

Oh, good. I drank nothing but the silver bullet cores light all the live-long day up in the age of 32 when you're like, hey, you're in Hollywood, step your game up with a half of icing. And sure enough, this is my go-to beer now. It's great. It's sweet. It's got, as I said, a real good weedy flavor, and this is perfect for these getting into fall months. Yeah, absolutely. It's like a harvest beer, is what you're saying.

It pairs well with a lobster bisque, a properly prepared cob salad, or unprotected intercourse with a stranger that you met on the list of Craig. And it goes great with crab puffs. Oh, crab puffs. A nice puffed crab. When someone says, how do you like your crab? Mr. Ian Daniels. I say, oh, puffed please. Puff it. Huff a puffet. Puff a lumpet. Whatever

it takes. Power puffet. Power puff my crab nugget. Power puff, my crab puff, Ivan. No, apparently the crab in my pants has become puffed due to the sexual flavor of a Whitman Brothers heffavison, Portland, Oregon since 1984.

It even tastes like new wave music. Every sip tastes like a wham video. George Michaels has unprotected sex. with heph of isin. Can you imagine if they could bottle the flavor of wham? Bottle the flavor of wham. Bartender, two whams over here, please.

No ice. No ice, please. Just a cool, creamy wham. And a twist of Andrew Ridgely, please. If you could. Oh, would you have any seasonal, seasonal wham? Oh, what is that, a glass of modern English? Oh, good.

I'll stop the world in unprotected sex with you. Mm. Give me a Oreo speedwagon. on the rocks with a twist of Camembert. My goodness. Someone passed the foreigner. This Boston's getting cold. Hey, so, as you know, whenever Justin's on the show or when I have any guest, I do a quiz at the end of the show.

And last time you were here, we switched it up. We'd been doing the nature quiz, and we switched gears, and we went to name that band quiz. It was great, too. It was great, but you went through it, like, faster than a fat guy at a Dairy Queen drive-throw, okay? Paula Dean threw a stick of margarine. Exactly. So, you know what? I switched it back.

Is it going back to nature? You're back to the nature quiz because even though you're amazing at the nature quiz, it's a little tougher for you. So the band thing was way too easy. So that's- You want to avoid bands, robots, and cats with me, because I'm just going to Alex Trebek that show. And Transformers. because you know everything about you. You don't want to walk that path.

Yeah. Yeah, I don't want to get primed by your optimist. Going to die alone. Oh, my God. So let's get started. Here we go. Here comes the questions. You better be ready.

Oh, you're coming right out of the gate swinging. Yeah, enough of the frivolities here. Here we go. We're going into the meat of the jungle here. Have you ever blamed someone for something and then found out later that it wasn't them? if I ever blamed something on somebody found out later it was not down Like you confronted them right to their face

And you said look I know you did this And then you found out later that it wasn't them Does that ever happen to you? You know I think I have I remember and this is just like a real mundane office thing But I remember yelling at an intern that I had At a radio station Because he was busted prior for stealing lunches

Like this kid was. snagging stuff. Yeah. So he had set the precedent for disappearing food objects. And then one time I come in with leftover barbecue and I left it in the bridge, I leave to go do something out at a client's. I come back. It's gone.

I'm immediately like, where's Ricky? My ribs are gone. And I'm about to put hands on his ass. You're about to have a rib fit. Oh, I was about to dunk my hands and sweet baby rays and flavor up his lip meat with rage. Wow. With rage.

So you were really looking forward to these ribs. Hell, yes, I was. You get there and there's like an empty barbecue sauce slathered Tupperware dish. Oh, they were just gone. They were just elsewhere. But the dish was there? There was no dish. It was in a styrofoam container.

So I opened it up and there is just a blank plot of refrigerated land where Daddy's Numbens was waiting for him. And they're gone. Okay. So you confront Ricky, was it? Immediately grab Ricky. And I say. that's it you were talked to last week about this you got caught on camera last time all right

because we had cameras in the break room i said you got caught sneaking into people he worked on overnights where he had a whole fridge and building to himself and the kid would just hog out at two in the morning on tie noodles rhesus cups fruit juice and metapause medication kid had just housed why would you want someone else's leftovers because you know whenever it's leftovers that means that the person ate through half of it couldn't finish it, but their gums and teeth are all over the half that wasn't eaten. Marinated and spittle. Right.

Marinated and so why would you go into the fridge and go, gee, I think I'll eat fat Agnes's the rest of her sandwich. And we had a fat egg. Fat Agnes had egg everything. Yeah. A sandwich, egg salad. God, imagine eating half of an egg salad sandwich where you start at the line. in the bread where she finished.

Oh, God. With the curvature of the bite marks still in place? And see her bite, like, who does that? So this guy. Who Ricky did? Ricky did it. That is bizarre. So you walked up to him.

Grab him. I mean, I get in his ass verbally. And not even a, did you? Why did you? Like, in my head, I convinced myself. I know you did. Yeah. You're the person that was busted last week.

What's the deal? And then when I finally let him speak, he was like, I just got here seven minutes ago. like oh oh and i even didn't believe him i went and i checked his time card punch in sure enough he did get in seven minutes prior i have to go check security footage because i lost it these ribs were that that was going to be the highlight of my day and it was going to be a crappy day so you you're sherlock homesing his ass you're chasing down every home's c s i'm brushing for prints i'm taking stool samples from people wow i'm going through people's stool looking for

barbecue. Oh my God. And find the footage. I find another guy in there, a DJ by the name of Jumping Joe Bungee. Jumping Joe bungee. A DJ did it? He went in, I feel bad. He went to get his food out of the back, pulls the bag over, spills my ribs onto the floor. Oh, wow. He spilled my ribs onto the floor. The best part. He takes the ribs, puts them back in the container, and goes to put them in and you see him have a moment where he freezes up like, I can't give this guy floor ribs. I just can't do it.

That's like suicide ribs. Like if a guy jumps out of a building and his ribs splatter all over the sidebarg. Just grabbing the death ribs right off the hood of the crumpled car that this man passed on. And he, well, so you watched the footage of him putting it back? He was, he was putting

it in the container. He was literally holding the container talking to someone off camera like I don't know what I did. I got to put it. And then you see him have a change of heart. He trash cans them, cleans up. And then the minute that I see him next, he's walking down the hallway, he immediately comes clean with me. He's like, oh, dude, I've been looking for you. I feel bad, dude.

I knocked your ribs onto the floor. I'll buy you some food. I feel terrible. I was like, okay, I almost suplexed Ricky through the drywall because I thought he stole my ribs earlier. Well, I'm glad it wasn't Ricky. It wasn't. Ricky now manages a bowling alley in Laplace of Maryland. He lasted a year

and a half in radio after he got caught six months after that incident, stealing from the prize closet. Wow. I wonder if he eats bowling pins where he is. There's probably all kinds of lanes that have only like seven pins up because he's just stealing them

missing balls. Only one out of two shoes. The kid had real sticky fingers. People are like, mister, there's only seven pins in my lane and Rick is like I don't know where he's other one. I don't know what's to tell you. I don't got any salt. There's nothing I do about the...

Sorry. Welcome to Fun Pins. I had a... You know, it's funny you said that because I had a very similar situation once in my life. I was running a bush camp up in the middle of nowhere, up in the forest, and we had like 35, 40 guys there.

And, you know, you get to know all the personalities when you're the foreman of the camp. Now, when you say camp, is this like adult level people or kids? No, this is like a, like a ranger camp. Like we're doing, we're doing forestry work. Oh, really? Okay, so this is serious. This is like lumber jacking and all that stuff.

And one of the guys we found out was he had to go to like Juvie for being a thief at one point. Oh, boy. Right? And so, and he was a nice kid, but, you know, you always kind of had your suspicion on the kid. And then like a week left in camp. somebody went through one of the guys in the camp went through everybody's room and went into their wallets and like took took whatever they could get so unfortunately you're keeping a keen eye on this cat because of his past right so i i didn't want to go right to him but i grilled everyone i hauled each guy in and talked to him one by one and i was like dude and uh and and for some reason i kept going back to this guy and and i felt so bad because i pulled him and i said look man i can't pin you for this but if you did this, you got to put the stuff back. Yeah, and I kind of like let them know.

Or you even gave them the opportunity to even just put the stuff back, no repercussions, or fess up? No, I said, look, just put the stuff back and we'll call it a day. But at the same time, I kind of let them know that I was like, hey, I'm not an idiot. I know it was you. And then finally, the next day, the kid that did it fessed up. and it was the big chubby, lovable, like, John Candy, fun kid that you'd never suspect. And I was just mortified that I'd pin, and it just goes to show you, you never know. You don't, and it stinks because our past, our past is constantly with us the same way,

Ricky and the sticky fingers in the kitchen, this one guy with his juvie background, you can only base yourself on people's actions. For example, when I was a kid, I had this thing. where I would go around to all my, like, sleeping kids in kindergarten. When you were kindergarten, you had nap time. Nap time. And I would wake up. That's where I lost my virginity.

I farted on people's necks while they slept. I had a thing as a kid. I would like to fart on people's necks. On their necks. So you're like an ass vampire. I was a butt vampire. But instead of withdrawing blood, I would provide them stench. And I would do it to this day when anybody wakes up with a real stinky thorax or a real smelly

Adam's apple. I get a hairy eyeball turned towards me. Hey everybody. Who wants to have better sex? No? Yes? Yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what you want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping.

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and 100% free shipping code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. Because of 30-some years ago when I used to toss a little brown wind on people's necks. I was a kid, but it still follows me. It's a bird and I bear. You're like twilight ass. I'm like twi-hole.

Twilight butt. Twilight breaking fart. Twilight browning dawn. Wow. I'm not happy about it. Yeah. But hey, you got it. You make your bed and you sleep in it, right?

And I fart on you while you sleep in it. Well, let's switch gears to something that deals more with how you survive. There's no one to turn to, no one to blame in this scenario. Could you survive if your plane crashed in the wilderness? Now define wilderness. Are we talking woods, woodlandscape, tundra, desert? I'm talking. Let's start with the woods, like the, let's say the Alaskan wilderness.

Alaskan wilderness. I watch a lot of man versus wild with Bear Grills. Good chance I'm making it out of them. Really? Survivor man. You've learned from him. Less Stroud. Oh, yeah.

I watch a lot of Survivor Man and Man versus Wild. there's a good chance that while people are snacking on family members for sustenance, Daddy's picking its seeds and building himself a real nice lean to. That's an industry term. Lean to. Yeah. I'm going to find that sort of stuff. I'm going to scavenge the plane.

I'm going to put together one of those little weird little gyrocopters that you've seen in that, Max. I'm going to fly out and do a little recon. I'm going to help the group. I feel good about this. Well, wait a minute. Let me ask you this. What about on a psychological level? Because, you know, physically you can build a lean to.

You can find some seeds. But what I always find amazing when I watch these shows, like I shouldn't be alive or bare grills or people that it's always their mind. They always panic and scream and cry instead of thinking logically on what they should do to survive. Would you be able to do that or would you be like panic on just go, my God, trees, what do I do? I go bad shit within the first 20 minutes. I lose my mind. I will freak out in the KFC if they don't have the proper type of dipping sauce for my chicken strip.

Zero chance. Zero chance I mentally keep it together. Really? I am wearing my own poo as war paint. I have no pants on. Even though my outfit sustained no damage, for some reason I will feel the need to cut out strips of it. Yeah. Put on some sort of face paint a la la the villains from Ray Leota's 1990s hit, no escape.

Okay. It's going to be a real escape from New York type situation. I'm going to get real weird real quick. I'll start speaking in tongues. I'll come up with my own language, my own currency. I'll have my own currency called nipple dollars All right Two nipples will get you some of the rabbit that I killed

With my bare hands Based on lessons learned from bear grills One nipple will let you get some of the broth Left Over in the skull pan I'm going to be making skull pans I'm going to kill people And I'm going to use their skulls To provide the food in it

Again this point Everyone's names will have been changed I will not be referring by people Their old names I will have lost my mind within 20 minutes Well if like a bear attacks You will you punch it or will you fart on its neck There's a good chance that I will take a low-leg sweep at it.

Johnny sweep the leg, put him in a body bag. I'm going to bring that grizzly bear to the floor. No one ever thinks to sweep the grizzly bear. That's true. Oh, he gets so high. Boom, ankle. I just tore your ACL. What are you going to do?

What are you going to do, Smokey? Can't walk on over here now with that torn-ass kneecap. You can't. Excuse me. Well, I finished my skull-marinated rabbit meat that I bought with nipple bucks. Okay? Wow. Yeah, I got no problems with this.

You're going to be fine. I'll be fine, but the thing is, is I would go so. so effing insane, I'd have to stay in that environment permanently. Even if rescue came, it was like, leave me behind. Yeah. I've already eaten five people that were of good health. Food was plentiful, but I still decided to snack on the Johnsons.

Yeah, you'd be like a Ted Kaczynski, like forest freak that snapped, and you could never reaclimate into society. It's a great word, could never reaclimate. Leave me there. Yeah. Tell my story. Tell the world my story. Wow. Good answer. This one's a shorthy.

Give it to me. And you're always, you're always, good with it. This is a two-parter. Why do onions make us cry? They have families and we wonder how they're going to get by without them. And then what causes an onion to cry? Farting on kids' necks while they sleep

in kindergarten. Excellent. Both correct answers, by the way. And Schindler's list. Real tear joke. Oh, yeah. You put up a nice Vidalia in front of the screen and love something that ash starts coming down. I don't care that it's a vegetable. It's going to tear up. Really?

So Schindler's list will bring the tears out of an onion. Or Michael Bay's Armageddon when Bruce Willis comes on the computer screens and tells Liv Tyler, hey, baby, I'm on the asteroid, but I ain't coming back. I ain't coming back, you little thin-eyed elf. You got to rely on Ben Affleck from now on, your little thin-eyed elf, you're a little thin-eyed elf. Okay, I ain't coming back. You put a nice sweet red or a Vodalia, as I said, a Vodalia. Or a Spanish.

I'm going to go with Vodalia. Yeah, Vatelia. The Nissan Stanza of the onion world, that thing's going to cry. And if it doesn't, it's rotten to the core inside, and you don't want to eat it. That's how I tell what a badalia onion that I eat, I would put it in front of a sad movie. Sophie's Choice, oh shit. Oh, yeah. If that thing isn't sobbing when she's got to pick or choose, heads up, spoiler alert, everyone dies.

If that thing's not crying, I don't eat that onion. That chili goes onionless that way. I'd rather eat bland chili than have some emotionally dead onion swimming around in my Tex-Mex delight. It ain't going to happen. Not on my watch. Did you know that this is just a little side note that a Vidalia is also the Latin word for vagina? Do you know how much of a Vidalia I've eaten in Lato? Wow!

And cried during the snacking of the Vodalia. This all makes sense now. Have you ever had a deep-fried golden onion vodalia or a Vidalia ring? You ever had a Panko-Bredded labial Vidalia onion flap? Oh my God. That sounded like a new bird species. All right, here we go. This is an intense, this is kind of a deep question here.

Swim around in my head. If God created man in his own image, why does some people have fucked up teeth? Jesus. Oh, God, I want to get to heaven. And as I make my way through the ethereal cloudscape, And he brushes his beard aside, Steve Bouchemmy teeth. God has Steve Bushemmy fangs.

Or he's got the weird jewel snaggelfang? I have no idea. No, it's not God who has the fucked up teeth. He created people that have fucked up teeth. But in his image, which leads me to believe that maybe God is just this vindictive deity with fucked up teeth. It was like, you know what? If I'm riding the snagglefang train for all of eternity, I'm making billions of you

You keep me company, okay? Those with straight teeth, he doesn't love. You got a perfect set of chomper's in there. You're going straight to hell. Donnie Osmond and his whole family are in hell with Carly Simon. But if Steve Bouchemmy, who's up there flossing with bike chains, that guy is going to hang out in heaven for all of eternity. How funny, God has Steve Bouchemite.

God has Steve Bouchemite. I just picture Steve Bouchemy that scene from Fargo when he's exiting the parking garage. Yes, he's all shot to hell. He's all shut up and he's like, you think you're really something special in that you guys, you got your little uniform on, huh? And you got your little arm here holding me in here? Fucking asshole, open the fucking thing.

I guess you'd think you're, you know, like an authority figure. That stupid fucking uniform, huh, buddy? Can't clip on tie there? Big fucking man, huh? You know, these are the limits of your life, man. It's a little of your little fucking gate here. Here, here is your $4. You're a pathetic piece of shit.

I love this. His scene where he's in the car with the other killer, and he's not saying anything. Hey, yeah, not talking? Okay, Duke Blade, this game. I'm just going to sit here in silence. I'm going to sit here in silence. Not going to say the fucking thing. Rest of the trip.

You know what? Just two guys trying to make conversation. No big deal? I am going to stay quiet. Going to stay quiet. I'm sitting here driving. I'm doing all the driving, man. Whole fucking way from brain are driving.

Just trying to chat. You know, keep all. spirit sub fight the boredom of the road you can't say one fucking thing just in the way of conversation oh fuck it i don't have to talk either man see how you like it just total fucking silence two could play at that game smart guy just see how you like it total silence look at my god teeth look at look at my Oh, that was a heffa-vison. Your gut is allergic to crooked incisors.

That was heffa-vison. How much do you think Steve Buscemi gets charged at his dentist? Does he have to go to, like, Home Depot to get his tea cleaned? Well, no, I read an article about him where he was quoted as saying the best career move he ever made was not getting his teeth fixed. That's a good point. You take that distinctive feature, like, what's or nuts from dirty dancing, the girl who got her nose fixed? Oh, yeah, yeah. You ever hear about that?

No, what happened? Oh, I can't remember her name. I think it was Jennifer something. I might be wrong. She was the one that did the star with Pastorix Swayze. That was kind of an average looking girl, but had a hot body. Yeah, she kind of had the Italian Jewish news. That was still kind of endearing.

That was her most noticeable feature. Yeah, what happened? That was supposed to be her jump off. Oh, this is legendary online. Check this out. This is a legendary Hollywood story. This woman, that was obviously her breakout role. She peaked right there.

Huge movie. Supposed to rock it off. She gets wrapped up in the Hollywood machine. A ton of people say, you're going to be a star. Got to get that nose trim down. She gets a slight nose job just enough to cut the hunch out of it. Her family and friends did not recognize her. The nose job was fine, but it changed her face so dramatically.

You could be standing in front of her and not recognize her, and she never worked again. She worked in, like, bit background parks and television shows. Wasn't she on dancing with the stars? last year or something. I can't recall. Well, but yeah, that's a shame, man. Destroyed her career. She said it was the worst thing she had ever done for her career was get this one

slight nose job because she could walk into, but she said when she got done with that film, before she had the surgery, mobbed by people. Well, there's another actor, too, so now that you bring it up, there was a guy after he got his physical features altered, he never worked again. And Leonard Nimoy from Star Trek got his ears rounded and never really did any more movie work or TV. No one recognized him. He got rid of those points. And, I mean, have you ever seen him in a normal movie?

The last thing I think he did was the Ballad of Bilbo Baggins. And that shut him down. Oh, really? Have you never seen Leonard Nimoy's The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins? No. The minute you get done with this today, we're firing up the faptop. and we are going to check out the Ballot of Bilbo Baggins.

You know, I don't know if I'm ready for that because that sounds to me like a gay sex act. The thing is... Hey, you want to do the Bilbo Baggins tonight, Daryl? It is a gay sex act. It's the Ballot of Bilbo T. Baggins where he has every Hobbit drag their little Shire Scrod

across his pointy-eared ass. It's the worst thing ever. You've never seen the Ballad of Bill. He sung this weird folk song. Remember how in like the 70s? All these actors would try and make, like, folk albums and get into that weird hippie psychedelic scene. Leonard Nimoy was like, fuck it, I'm going to make a concept album. Half of it is going to be stuff that I like.

Half of it's going to be Star Trek theme music. The standout was the ballad of Bilbo Baggins. Were his ears pointy around? They were pointy still. Awful bowl cut looked just like Spock. Come on. Just like Spock, surrounded by girls that look like those gong show. type chicks and they all had like these weird multicolored turtlenecks on but they're supposed

to be hobbits I guess and they're dancing around in the desert oh dude you hear the song it'll swim in your brain for weeks it's so bad I'm gonna download it and put it in the insert it right here in the podcast have a listen to billbo baggins little hobbit when we all admire with his long wooden pipe fuzzy woolly toes he lives in a hobbit hole and everybody knows him billbo billbo baggins he's only three feet call billbo billbo bill bow baggage the bravest little hobbit of them all now hobbits are the who's lover folks you know they never in a hurry and they take them slow they don't like to travel away from home they just like to eat and be left alone but one day bilbo was asked to go on a big

adventure to the caves below to help some dwarves get back their gold that was stolen by a dragon in the days of old billbo billbo bill bow baggins only three feet tall All right, we're back, and I'm still convinced it's a gay sex act. It is a hardcore gay sex act with no penetration and or nudity. Smell the sweet gut wind flying out of wheat wheat in your stomach. By the way, as a side note, the guy who played Spock in the new updated Star Trek movie. Oh, I know his name. It's killing me.

Where it was all, like, new young actors. Zach something. He just came out this week. He did. He did come out of the closet. So maybe he had a Bill Bo Baggins. Maybe he had a little Hobbit fella run up and tickle him right in the old meat and two veg. Imagine that if that was the new theme was like, Bill Bo Baggins, the final frontier.

These are the voyages. No. The starship, man parts. All right. Time for a word jumble. Jumble. Jumble it up. Let me unscramble. Okay. You ready? Go.

And if you need clues, I might. You might. I'm going to get a, it's a six-letter word. Okay. P-E-C-R-S-A. It's hard to do this without seeing it. I know. P-E-C-R-S-A. Yes, it's a friendly, friendly word.

P-E-C-R-S-A. Hey, oh, I need to borrow your pen and paper. Yeah, here, right here. I got to grab this here real quick. Put it down. Here he goes. The master is going to work. And keep in mind, folks, as just an attempt to unscramble the word, remember, his mind

is completely obliterated on wheat, weep beer right now. Wheat, weet, it turns the bad feelings, it's the good feelings. If he can do this in his inebriated, hammered, uh, jail time, drunken stupor state, this is this is going to be good oh man this is it's a friendly word but it's a scary word too oh it's a friendly word but a scary word yeah

oh christ bracharsapaka cat peckraza ass rape no that's not in there well hold on Leonard dey moye oh it's a friendly word smile happy but scary but scary it's a transparent word

Oh, no, Specter, oh, God, ghost crease. It's very, almost a cartoony word. This is killing me. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not seeing this here. It's got a lot to do with the case. Is this going to, is this going to, is not Spector. It's not spirit. It's not ghost. It's not the friendly ghost.

Oh, friendly, friendly ghost. Casper. Oh, wow. Ding, don. That was a long walk. Wow. Well, you're hammered. I don't feel good. You're cranked up on weewee beer. Hi, I'm Casper.

Wow, okay. Well, one more topic, and then that was kind of a warm-up to your nature quiz. All right. But we got one more important topic. And this is important for people that might visit your house, or it might give us some insight into your mental state and your hygiene. Gene, are you one of these guys who wipes away the yellow on the rim of your toilet? Or are you one of these guys that just pees, the dribbles go everywhere, and just this yellow polka dot menagerie slowly starts to build? No, I've been in the houses where the toilets look like a Jackson Pollock. I mean, there's a real good.

Were you doing spirografing here, Ronnie? I know it looks like the toilet seat as like yellow fever or chicken pox or something, right? I think your toilet has scurvy. It's either that or leprosy. It's dine. Is this toilet made of draft skin? I mean, there's just spots. Do you let your toilet spot up or do you keep it nice?

I have an impeccable household. I'm not, I wouldn't say that I'm a germaphobe or a clean freak, but take two steps back. I am really, the bathroom is just one of those areas where you got poo speckles floating around. You got sprinkle dinkles splashing against the wall. You've got gum water fizzing on the mirror. You got zip pop nuggets hitting the handle of the medicine cabinet. No, that thing gets scrubbed out. You know what my best friend in the world is are those listerine disinfectant wipes.

You get the big size ones. Keep a tub of it in there and just rip those things. out and I hit every surface. Okay. Well, that tells us all we need to know. Good, good man. You're a good man and any woman that marries you, or many women that marry you, because I know you want several wives. They're in good shape with you. I also eat off of my toilet, too, which is you've never eaten until you've had Justin E and Daniels' homemade toilet stew, fresh from my body, and onto your plate. Oh, and speaking of fresh, we are. about to start a fresh new round of quiz questions for the master.

Let's play the theme song. Here we go. It's the Harland Highway Nature Quiz. It's time for the Harland Highway Animal Quiz. All right, buddy. You all set? I'm ready to go. I'm so excited.

We're back to the nature theme. All right. Because you're really good at this, but the nature is probably a little harder. Some of them are difficult. It's harder than the guest band thing, as I said earlier on. And just to remind our listeners, our first-time listeners, what we do is we give a series of clues, and Justin has to figure out what the animal is based on the hidden clues in the little blurb that I give them. So here's number one.

Y'all set? Any theme to this one? Sometimes you have aviary, reptilian, aquatic, or is this popery? We're spanning, we're spanning, we're going with fish, mammal, and bird in this way. Yeah, so you're getting it all. Here's the first one. When you miss this meat, so very, very much, all you can do is sit around and blank for it. Oh, sit around and blank for it.

When you miss this meat, so very, very much. All you can do is sit around and blank for it. I sit around and I miss something. I pine for something. If I miss this meat. I'm trying to think of pine meat. Pine apple, but that's fruit. If you miss this meat.

If I miss the meat. What's a meat? You might miss. It's a meat that I might miss. There's steak. Pork. Oh, pork, pine, pork, pork, pork, pork chop. Oh, he's all around.

I'm so drunk. Pork pine, pie, pork, pine. Hey, oh, there he goes. You actually said it about 30 seconds ago. I said pine pork. Yeah, awesome. Nice. Here we go.

Number two, he's one for one for four. I am a tall. bird that if you slurred my name would sound like a very addictive drug Oh If you slurred my A tall bird

Yeah A tall bird I think of ostrich Okay I think of flamingo I'm thinking if you slurred my name You think of a drug Yeah very addictive drug Aaron

Oh Oh Heron Oh Whoa. Whoa. What the hell? Whoa.

This is worse than the porcupine one. Hero. Hero. Christ, what it is? Whoa. What is that? Hero. Jesus, I can't.

I'm not grasping at it. Oh, wow. I damn me wheat wheat. Um, wow. Hair of the dog. Hair. Heroin. When.

Heroin. Heroin. Heroin. Hero. Oh. It's so it's got to be hair. Oh, it's all around it. If you slur the name.

A tall bird. Tall bird. But if you slurred my name would sound like a very addictive drug. By the way, you've already said it. I don't it. I say crane? No. Flamingo.

Heroin? It's not. Ooh. Heroin. Whoa. Her heroin. That's, I don't know what I'm saying right. I have no idea.

This is probably a bird I've never heard of. Is it a common bird? Would I have heard of this bird? Yes. Okay, I should have heard of this. You've seen them. You've heard of them. God damn.

It's heroin. You are going to be so mad. I'm going to be so angry if I don't think of this, dude. Don't say it. No, no, no. I'm not going to. I'll jump at your window. I'll jump at your window if I don't air air when oh air air win erwin oh irwin is there a bird name

irwin no it's the irwin eagle oh air man I'm drawing a blank on on what it is I swear to God I'm drawn a blank on ready yeah go ahead heron god damn you actually slur it you were like Heron. The third one you did. Heron. That was it. The heron. I don't get that.

I wonder how many listeners were going, dude. Wow. Learning disability. Heron. That's funny. You said porcupine. You said heron and you went right past and this wheatweed beer is really. It's got a real good flavor too.

It's got a hold on your nature button, buddy. All right. Here we go. Number three. Go. Got one for two. If this insect skipped the wedding chapel with his soon-to-be bride, it would be this hoofed mammal. Good Lord. Do that one more time?

If this insect skipped the wedding chapel with his soon-to-be bride, it would be this hoofed animal, mammal. If this insect skipped the wedding chapel, it loped. Skip the wedding chapel A loaped with a soon to be bride It is A lope God damn it Can't a lope beetle

No With as soon as it would be this Hoved Mammle This insect A horse I think of a horse I think of This insect Skipped the Wedding Chapel

This insect Lope Oh god Oh wow Everyone's listening is like, dude. It's right there. It's right there. Christ, this one's difficult.

You really kicked this one up today. A jack-a-na-not-jack-a-lope isn't a real thing. It's not even an insect. A lope. This little tiny insect. Airwigs, fruit flies. This insect. Skip the wedding chapel.

Skip. Now, skipped the wedding chapel. What do you have missed the wedding chapel or did he skip the wedding chair? No, you're already, you've already got that part. Okay, with his sooner we've ride, he would be this hooved mammal. So I think of a hoof, I think of a horse, horse, horse, horse, horse, horse, horse fly, no, is a horse fly? You've already got that. I don't get the elope part.

What the hell is the elope? If this insect, God damn it, this is so hard. today we should not be friends they scurry around on the ground they go down into holes in the ground a lope and then the holes this insect goes into little holes in the ground carry sand around sand christ swarm on ants on your counter on your counter if you leave jam on the Turf. A lope, ants, antelopes!

Hello! God damn it. Jesus, this is hard. That was really difficult. An antelope. The antelope. You got a lobe. I was thinking, which what I thought would be the hard part.

I was thinking insect. The ant is the insect. The ant elope. Right. I was thinking a, good Lord, because my brain was like, what insect has the word a lope in it? That's why I had my head. head around this thing's got to be an insect. Oh, wow. Oh, I'm going to say a barely two for three

right now. I don't see. I got one and a half out of three right now. All right. Last one. All right. Here we go. Redemption time. Here we go. If an angry bee attack this famous blind entertainer, you would figure out the name of an ocean dwelling fish. Jesus Christ. Roy Orbison I kind of thing. Okay. If this, if this angry bee attacked this famous blind entertainer. Right.

Stingray. Bingo. Thank God Ray Charles. Jesus. There you go, buddy. Had one. There you go. I'm three for four, but that was a weak three for four.

But number four, you got it fast. Number four was that one made sense because luckily not a lot of blind entertainers. This town hates handicaps. They're not kind to people with defectivities. Well, hey, maybe, you know, that's something that an entertainer could go and have removed the way that girl had her nose chopped off. Maybe. Go ahead and get replaced with some fresh eyeballs there, Roy Orbison. Yeah. I'm here to get rid of my blindness, please, doctor.

Any chance I can get some fresh legs because this lazy chair I'm rolling around in makes people think I'm kind of drag. a guy of ass. Oh, love to walk again. Well, buddy, good job. Thank you.

This one was a little tough. What's weird is you, I almost half have to give a couple of them because you said them, but you didn't know you said them. You rolled right over your own answer. Yeah, I can't count heron. I can't count heron. Heron,

I don't think I would have gotten. I would have never thought of the heron again in my life. You know what a heron is, I know what a heron is now that you've brought it up. You've seen a heron. I've seen a herons. Small birds. Small birds.

I mean, very tall. They're tall, like the great blue heron. Yeah, I was thinking, we have cranes back east. Right. A lot of cranes, a lot of pink flamingos. Yeah. So that's my to ostrich, obviously, the tallest of all of us. A lot of ostriches in around the Philadelphia, Baltimore area.

But, yeah, yeah, heron, that was a real sneaky Pete you got me with there. Well, you said it, but you didn't know. you said it. Doesn't count. Can't count. You can't count. I'm here to play by the rules. I need the integrity of the nature, Chris, to stand strong.

What is this filthy brown device you have on your desk, by the way? That is the electric blind thingy. That is the world's largest rectal thermometer. Yeah, it looks like a sex toy, but it's actually to raise and lower the electric blinds. Let's give that a scrub with a chlorox cleansing wave because it looks like the edge of Ricky's thieving toilet. Well, we are going to go scrub down the electric remote, and that means we are at the end of today's podcast.

Let the folks know Justin Ian Daniels, where they can reach out to you, where they can follow your work, where they can hear you, see you, et cetera. Let them have it. Promo yourself. First and foremost, I need to thank a particular listener of the Harlan Highway.

Very kind, gentleman from Western Australia, sent me an email because he heard me here, loves the highway, says he plays this for his friends all the time. Mr. Matt Turfey. Oh, Turfee. Oh, good guy. I think he's a truck driver, too. I'm not sure. Called me a cobber. A cobbler.

Apple? Apple or cherry? Most likely cherry. Oh, you're a cherry cobbler. You are? Yeah, that's all I got. You know wrong. Got a separation issue.

And a boy, coba. All right. I just ran over a dingo. It ate my baby, hey. I ate, it ate my baby. I ran over it. Baby popped out of his dingo hole, and I got my baby back. Baby back ribs.

I want my baby back. Baby back, baby back ribs. But tell the folks about you. This isn't about promoting, you know, guys in Australia, for God's sake. The farthest fan away that I have, find me on Twitter at funnyjustin. Websites funnyjustin.com. And there's links on both to my radio show Monday through Friday. 98 online.com.

Monday through Friday, 7 to Midnight, Eastern Standard Time, so adjust accordingly. And fun news, February, I'm going to be on VH1's 100 Top Women in Music Ever thing, is one of their four panelists. Oh, is that the, is that

the thing where they show clips and then they cut to you like making, like adding commentary and joking about it? A music guy, that an actor, a fashion special, and I was the comic and we all give them praise or guff. And I am going to have about 100 women in music pissed off at me when this thing airs.

Got to stir it up, buddy. Mixed it up some. Dumped my yams in the chowder. Yeah, you got to do it. Well, it's awesome. Once again, thanks to Justin for being on the highway. Great time. We'll have them back soon.

We'll have another nature quiz ready to go. maybe even keep him off the wheat, wheat beer so he can focus on his own answers. But, Justin, thank you, buddy. I'm going to go to the bathroom on your floor now. Hooray! My penis is freedom. That's it, folks. Until next time, I'm Marlon Williams and chicken. Chalmy, baby.

Thank you.