The Harland Highway - PODCAST 349

Episode Date: November 21, 2011

Trouble at a protest, octopi, weather people, Harland goes into Occupy Wall Street march, fake lady lumps. Clang my boomerang!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Go speed racer! Go speed racer! Go speed racer! Go! Yeah! All right, whatever. Welcome, everybody to the Harland Highway. What a show we have for you today. This is exciting. Yours truly went right down into the middle of the Occupy Wall Street March. No kidding around. I was right in it. I recorded it. I interviewed people. I decided. Decided to get proactive and go down there. I'm going to talk to you all about it. I'm going to play you some clips from my experience with the Occupy Wall Street gang. In fact, I got a little pre-story about it where I was almost killed. I was almost attacked and mobbed by them. Way to you hear the story.

So we got that coming up. We're going to be talking about weather people. And when I say weather people, I mean you, me, and everyone you know. We're all-weather people. You'll find out how that works. We're going to talk about octopuses. I think I owe you that. We must talk about octopi.

And also, oh, my God, lady lumps. Guys, you got to hear this. I'm going to talk about some lady lumps I got my hands on. And not the kind of lady lumps you're thinking. These ones were disgusting. But this podcast isn't, because this is the Harland. Highway! Welcome to the Harland Highway.

Relax. Get ready to have fun. What we've got here is failure to communicate. One cheeseburger with everything coming up. You just made a wrong turn. On to the Harland Highway. Look at me, Damien. It's all for you. This is Harland Williams. I'm a human bee. God damn it.

Stand by for total weather information. We're all weather people, aren't we? Hey, hey, hey, good afternoon. This is Harlan Williams, riding along with you. You know we are. You ever get on an elevator, crowded elevator? You're standing there with, like, one other person, and it's really awkward. And you're riding along, and you kind of make eye contact,

and no one knows what to say. So inevitably, you try. turn into a weather man. One of you looks at the other one and go, well, she's a beautiful day today, isn't she? Oh, yeah, looks like she's going to get sunny, eh? Mm-hmm, yeah, she was raining yesterday, but looks like she's cleared up real nice now, huh?

Yeah, they say the weekend's going to get real blurry, huh? Gonna get foggy. I hear there's some fog rolling in, eh? Oh, yeah, yeah, it's tough when it gets foggy, but next week's supposed to be good there, right? right and also you turn into the weatherman from Fargo ah how did that happen I turned into a Fargo guy yeah that's right you're a Fargo guy there hey what's up Margie hey how's the weather I don't know get on the elevator there's a weather forecast every time the doors close eh you'll get the

weather from ground floor all the way up to 17 there what am i talking about god i hope i get struck by a bolt of lightning no no wait i don't want to get struck by lightning i have too much to tell you too much exciting stuff first of all uh let me give a shout out to uh Portland oregon and i know i'm saying Oregon right because i got corrected like 40 times while i was there. Uh, it's pronounced Oregon. Um, yeah, dude, it's Orga Gongo. Like, I could not say Oregon, right? So I'm just going to say Oregon. Okay.

Um, so I was up there this past weekend, and uh, it was my first time ever, uh, doing standup up there. So when you go into a new place, you, you don't know what the folks are going to be like. You don't know how it's going to go over. You're like, But I got to say, man, Oregonians, if that's what they're called, couldn't be nicer, all right? I go to cities all over the country, and people are always happy to see me, and they're like, hey, Harlan. But I got to say there was a different vibe in Portland, Oregon. The people there, even the people that weren't at my show, were so warm and welcoming.

and inviting that they were, you know, even people that stopped me in the street or bumped into me at a restaurant or a bar or whatever. It wasn't just like, hey, how's it going? Many, many, many of them used this phrase. They go, hey, man, we're really glad you came here. We're really glad you're in Portland. We're really, thank you for coming to Portland.

Thank you for coming to Oregon in general. We're really happy you're here with us. It was almost like, you know, being welcomed into a cult or something. It was great. Like it was beyond just, how's it going? It was like, welcome home. And hip, hip people, you know, one of these towns where the, you know, I just kind of went all out on stage and was experimenting and doing crazy stuff.

Not that I always don't, but some places are more open to it than others. And the folks in Portland were just like, yeah, go boy you go so just a shout out to them thank you to them and in particular one gentleman in my show that i called uh captain kirk junior he's sitting right in the front row and i just you know was a throw i'm in that right captain kirk junior and he started laughing he came up to me after the show and he said harland i listen to the harland highway all the time he goes i'm a truck driver i love love it. I'm trying to spread the word. And thanks to you, my new, my new handle's going to be Captain Kirk Jr. So if you're listening, dude, thank you so much. Had a great time. And I've

realized that, you know, I'm sure you've heard me read letters on the show from turf. There's a guy over in Australia who's a truck driver. And I'm starting to get the feeling that a lot of truck drivers are zoning in on the Harland Highway. So that's a cool little sect of people to have on board. Spread the word at any old truck stop you happen to pull into. Tell all them truckers to get on the Harlan Highway with some home fries and chili peppers. All right, I went too far. So anyways, just a big thanks.

It's nice to go into a new place, a new market, as they call it, and feel the warm. feel the welcome, and that's a big thank you for me to you, Portland, Oregon. Now, on the downside, listen to this, folks, okay? While I was there, the Occupy Wall Street crew were going off, okay? The first morning I was there, they were blocking traffic, blocking a bridge, okay? and I was running around town doing some media and some press engagements. I get back to my hotel and I'm like, I'm going to have a little nap. I'm laying on my baddie poo on the hotel.

And all of a sudden I hear screaming and drums banging and horses whinnying. I run and look out my window, like that little guy on Christmas Eve that ran out when he heard Santa's sleigh going through the night sky. and I looked down and there's a giant mob in the street and cops everywhere and cops on horses and SWAT teams and I was right in the middle of Occupy Wall Street. They were having a big giant protest and I thought, you know, I've talked about them on the show and it's one thing to talk about something

but it's another thing to experience it. So I literally, like, ran and threw my coat on, and I said, I'm going to go down there and get in the mix. So that's what I did. I jumped in the elevator. I ran down there, and before you know it, I'm in the mix. Okay? So I'm going to tell you all about that later in the show. But for now, let me tell you how I almost got killed.

Okay? by the Occupy Wall Streeters. Before I kind of got into the mix, I saw a costume shop down the street, and I ran down the street to this costume shop, and I rented an octopus costume. Beautiful, pink, green, eight legs, little hole for my face,

and I'm wandering around the streets dressed as an octopus, and, you know, I'm thinking the Occupy Wall Street game, angle of a sense of humor so I walk up to them dressed as a octopus as an octopus and uh I say to them I say hey everybody and everyone quieted down like a mob of a thousand people quieted down and I yelled could you please tell me where the octopi Wall Street Assembly is right because I'm I'm dressed as an octopi, and I substituted Occupy for Octopi.

And they just about beat the living calumari out of me, man. Okay? Luckily, I had an exit strategy. What I started to do is I started jet-pro pulsing my body backwards and spraying them with tinkle as I went, just the way an octopus. I don't carry ink inside, so I was lurching backwards. down the street, fending them off with, you know, squirts of tinkle.

The Octopi Wall Street gag. Almost blew up in my face. But anyways, I digress. Later in the show, I was down there. I took some tape recordings. I interviewed some of the people to try and, you know, get the real story. And I'm going to play some of that for you later in the show.

me in the middle of Occupy or Octopi Wall Street. I want to be under the sea in the octopus's garden. Something like that. I'm not a beetle. At best, I may be a ladybug. Octopus garden. You think octopuses have gardens? I don't know. I guess they'd be pretty handy, you know, with all those arms. They could plant seeds and rake and pick and do all that stuff all at the same time. I guess, yeah.

But what's with octopuses, man? They're the only creatures in the whole ocean next to their cousins, the squids, that swim backwards. I was in a boat the other day on the ocean. I looked down, there's an octopus swimming backwards. I'm like, hey, dumbass. Everyone else is going the other way, stupid. Hello? So they swim backwards.

What if two octopuses, Larry the octopus, wanted to meet Betty the octopus for a date, right? They plan to meet over by the seaweed cove. They're jetting along backwards, and they accidentally pass each other by like three strokes. So now they've got to go all the way around the world again, backwards, to meet up. Not smart.

And what's with the ink? This is their defense system. They squirt ink, okay? What animal in nature has a defense system that's an office supply? Ink? I mean, holy God, you don't see that. You don't see a zebra running from a lion.

And all of a sudden he stops and turns around. He has a elastic band between his hoof and a paperclip bent out, and he starts shooting paper clips. You don't see a gazelle running from a tiger and he pulls a jam. James Bond and starts throwing a trail of thumbtacks out behind them. The tiger's like, ooh, ow, ooh, ow, e, ow, ooh, ooh.

Like an oil slick. Who uses office supplies, his defenses, octopuses? You don't need to shoot ink, man. You got eight arms. If something's chasing, you just turn around, flip it off. Eight times at once. I think that was eight.

Up yours eight times. That's like a machine gun up. yours. Up yours. I'd like to be driving down a crowded highway with that weapon. Zooming in out of lanes, people cut me off. I'd be like, up yours. Left right and center, man.

I'd get home faster than an ambulance, carrying a fat guy with a sea scallop stuck in his throat. Oh, swim forward octopuses. Octopi. You're named after a dessert. Octopi. Yeah, can I get a couple of pieces of octopi over here with extra whipped cream? Huh?

No, no ink on that. Just some whipped cream, huh? And could you bring it over to me walking backwards, please, waitress? Yeah. Okay, and on another topic of, uh, you know, squishy, lumpy things. How many of you guys out there like the fake lumps? Okay? And you probably think, oh, I know what he's talking about.

Okay, yeah, the fake boobs, right. Well, what if I told you I'm not talking about the fake boobs when I say, do you like the fake lumps? You're probably like, well, what the hell are you talking about, Harlem? I'll tell you what I'm talking about. Women with hair extensions. Hello? Gentlemen, how many of you have been talking about?

making out with a lady, and you go to rub the back of her head, and you're running your fingers through her hair, and all of a sudden your fingers get caught on these giant, hairy clumps. They feel like cat fur balls underneath the woman's hair. You know what they are? That's when a girl has extensions. Yeah, right there, right of brown. where the skull meets the spine. There's a whole rim.

It's like a dirty ring around a bathtub. There's a whole rim of hair clumps hidden under there that they weave the extensions into. So I wasn't talking about the humps on a woman's chest, which I don't think we have any problem with at all, do we guys? No, no, no, not at all. But the humps on the back of the head, the hair extension humps, they are repulsive to me, okay?

They freak me out. And if I had to have a choice, there's guys out there that probably don't like fake boobs. I would take a fake boob over a fake hair clump any day. Okay, at least the boob, the fake boob is under the skin. You're still feeling the skin. It's the woman's skin. nothing's manufactured except underneath the scan, but with the hair clump,

this is how it goes. It's like you start at the top of the head and you're running your hand down the hair of the girl you love, and all of a sudden you're running your hand through the hair of some Vietnamese kid who cut it off and sold it into the hair market. So it's like, I love you, Carol, oh Carol, oh, Carol, oh Lingtowoo, Oh, Lingtawu, I don't even know you.

Why are you here? Oh, creepy. My hands in someone else's hair. I mean, ew! And hair is smooth. It's silky. It's, think of those commercials you see on TV where models. You know, the ones where they're waving their hair and just letting it hang out,

and it looks like silk, looks like melted chocolate. and it's just smooth and oh lovely you know evangeline lilies there with her hair dropping out and the victorious secret girls are there letting their hair hang down right just way do you feel if you haven't had the whole extension lumps furball experience yet it's it's it's almost like running your your hair through a cadet It says all of a sudden, and you can feel it. When I say cadaver, I mean, all of a sudden you get to this dead hair. It's not really her hair.

It's not a... It could have come from a horse. You go from stroking a human female to stroking secretariat in one swift move. You don't know where that hair came from. some little Korean kids, some Swiss granny, a packing mule from the Grand Canyon? Oh, it's like when your hand comes down, it's like you hit that ring of lumps

and you don't want to cross it. And like I said, your fingers get tangled. It's like you're a fly walking along her head and all of a sudden you step into a spider web, man. your fingers get all caught up in it and you're trying to like pull them out and you're like I'm trapped I'm stuck in this girl's head God forbid you're wearing rings or a watch that's going to lead to problems so I don't know guys maybe it's just me but holy God is it gross it is gross man I'm sorry ladies I know you put a lot of money into those hair extensions

and I got to say they look good, but don't tell me you have them. You know, nothing worse than a date that blows her own cover. You know, you're out, you're having a great time, and then, you know, three quarters through the night when you're starting to flirt, you're feeling the chemistry, and you're... How do you like my extensions? Excuse me?

How do you like this long hair I have? And then suddenly you're like picturing her with a bobby cut and short hair, and you're like, hmm, you know what? you with short hair not as hot um not as hot as i was just picturing you before you told me you don't really have long hair um and really not that interested in um running my fingers through uh someone else's hair on your head i mean leave well enough alone ladies that the whole reason it's under your real hairline and hidden and weaved in

and so we can't tell why you got to blow the blow your cover I mean would you say something like in the middle of the day go you know what I just had a whole bunch of varicose veins zap today at the laser center they were these big spidery veins right on my inner thigh where I'm hoping you'll be later and you where are you going Come back. I haven't told you about my extensions yet. Where did he go?

All I was talking about was my big spidery purple black veins. Where did he go? Hey, everybody. Who wants to have better sex? No, yes, yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what you want it to be better, not worse.

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Harland to check out. That's Harland, H-A-R-L-A-N-D at Adam and Eve.com. This is an exclusive offer specific to this podcast. So be sure to use this code Harland so you get your discount and 100% free shipping, Code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. So I don't know. If we got to pick lumps, I'm sticking with the lady lumps, Fergie.

You know, the lumps up front. I can live with those. And if you have extensions in your hair, then it's a turnoff, and you ain't getting no extension out of me, if you know what I mean. naughty This is Shane

I'm just leaving your message Maybe I can be your Canadian correspondent I keep a close Watch on what's going on up here in Canada I'm in Toronto Big fan

You get a lot of fans You can drop me a line We can talk about stuff I can fill you in on what needs to be In-filled All right Love your podcast, not you later Hi, Hardin, this is Clint Eastwood.

I'm calling the Hardin Highway. I want to tell you, you're one head of a cowboy. Now, I was wondering if you had any cowboy jokes you got. You got a lot of jokes. You got any cowboy jokes? Clint Eastwood signing out on the Hardin Highway. Harlan. I'm so sick.

I can't come into work today. What do you mean? I don't work here. The hell's going on here? Where am I? All right. Some great voicemails. You know, the first guy, the Canadian dude?

Yes, of course. I would love the info on Canada. Why wouldn't I? My listeners are dying to know what's going on up in Canada. I know I am as a Canadian boy. It's important I know. So I appreciate the offer. You phone in any time.

And when news breaks in Canada, lay it on me. Okay? Lay me down a message when something hot happens. Okay? And as far as the sick guy goes, dude, what can I say? It sounds like SARS. It could be West Nile.

Or maybe you're just going demented from listening to this podcast too much. I think that might be it. And for Clint Eastwood who called in, who wants a cowboy joke, here you go, Clint. Three cowboys of the world. They're sitting around camp, talking about how tough they were, and the tails kept getting bigger and bigger and bigger.

The cowboy from Australia says, I wrestled a 200-pound crocodile and made it cry like a baby. The cowboy from Brazil shakes his head, and he says, I killed a 400-pound steer with my bare hands. The cowboy from Texas just smiled and kept stirring. in the campfire with his leg. And that's why we don't do cowboy jokes on the podcast, Clint.

Okay? Nice try, buddy. But I got to get back to, thank you for your messages, by the way. 888, 529 if you want to call in, or Harlem Williams.com if you just want to write. But I've got to get back to this Wall Street thing. Let me go ahead and play you some of the sights and sounds that I heard when I was immersed in the Occupy Wall Street crowd. Have a listen. If you remain in the street, you are subject to arrest.

You're now being in a vacate the street. They got a song! Avenue, you can put all the street in 5th Avenue to make it open to be able to traffic. You must immediately vacate the street and proceed to the sidewalk. If you are made in the street, you are subject to arrest. You are now in order to vacate the street. Okay, so first of all, you can hear it's an unruly mob, you know, and everyone's yelling, and there's police horses, and there's SWAT, and there's cops lying in the street.

street. I'm right at the edge of it. I mean, I'm right in it, but I'm right kind of at the edge of the crowd. I'm not standing right in the nucleus, but I'm definitely right there in it. And people are yelling, and there's this woman sitting in a SWAT vehicle, as calm as could be, and she's just on a PA system sitting in the car, you must vacate the street, you will be arrested. And then, of course, some other lady walks up to her and stands right outside her window with a megaphone and starts challenging the cop. And I don't know. You tell me what you think. Is this girl being effective or is she just being out and out pretentious and annoying?

I'll let you make the call. Have a listen. You know what I'm doing? A job about making me for. I've got what I need to do to make a problem about a place. You're doing what you need to do to think in the world a better place. So make I talk about it. Oh, man.

I would like to know what exactly you're talking to. I would like to know exactly what you're talking to. I would like to know exactly what you're talking to. I would like to know exactly what you're talking to. So there you go. What do you think? I don't know. I couldn't really get the point of what she was doing.

But, you know, you had your usual crowd of suspects down there. I mean, I'll be honest, the crowd that I saw was primarily, you know, people in kooky costumes. I saw people that, you know, I got to be honest, didn't look like they were doing too well. And I'm just reporting what I'm seeing is a lot of scraggly looking people. okay didn't exactly look well kept um i some people smoking cigarettes and and uh wearing costumes and people with their faces painting like skulls and and uh just a whole bunch of uh wacky uh outfits so i i don't know i for a minute i wondered if i was in marty grah or something um but uh you know hey I guess that doesn't matter what you look like.

If you're there to make a point, you're there to make a point, and that's what they were doing. They certainly had the police's attention, and they were just all over the place. There was about five or six police horses that were being swarmed. There were people jumping up on top of, you know, boxes and screaming. And there were a few funny moments. Here's the stuff that cracked me up.

I looked across the throngs of people. I looked across the crowd, and many people were holding up cardboard signs or signs that they had made. And I looked across, and I couldn't see the person's face. I could just see the sign sticking up out of the top of the crowd, and it said, where's Waldo? So random. And then underneath it said something like, you know, checking savings account. I was like, where's Waldo's, you know, checking account or something. but Where's Waldo was the big one, and that cracked me up.

And then another one, these kids started chanting to the police. They started doing the theme from Star Wars. They were like, bam, bomb, bam, bam, bam, bam. Obviously, you know, trying to say that, you know, authority represents the evil empire, the dark side. And I thought it was funny that they were doing that. And then in the middle of it, I got a guy who got offended by it. And he was like, hey, man, come on.

Come on, man. Let's leave John Williams out of this. He didn't do anything wrong. And John Williams is the composer of the Star Wars theme. Let me play that moment for you because in all the madness, I actually thought it was quite funny. Here it is. So I thought that was like John Williams out of this.

And so, you know, I'm standing there. I'm an observer. And I'm thinking, what am I thinking? What is this? What do these guys want? What is the statement that like I said, and I'm just reporting what I saw, the crowd looked kind of like a young crowd. It looked kind of like, you know, artsy, you know, college student-type crowd. And, you know, there was a mix of everything, but predominantly, you know, people in grunge clothing

and scarfs and wacky costumes. And I thought, well, since I'm having. trouble kind of figuring out what this is. I'm going to ask one of them what they're trying to attain with this movement. So here's me approaching a young lady who was definitely one of the Wall Street occupiers. Take a listen. So what's going on? What are you guys trying to accomplish down here?

What are we trying to accomplish? I'm trying to accomplish changing and creating accountability. What are we trying to accomplish this? the day of occupying the banks, to shut them down. This is a national day, a world day, my friend. This is not just happening here in Portland, and it's happening all over. Yeah, yeah.

What's the end game? What would you like to see happen? Like, what would make you guys happy? Well, I can't speak for you guys, but I can speak for me. I can speak that I would like the bank accountability. I would like people to pick in corporations to pay their fair share. I'm in the medical field. You know, we are in a broken system.

It doesn't work. We have people dying on the street. and recycling them. It doesn't work. So we as people need to get our heads together and change some of the things that have been unlawfully put into place. What are you doing in the medical field? I'm a nurse. So there you go.

That's right out of the nurse's mouth, so to speak. You know, I don't know if you got anything out of that. You know, I asked her what they were doing there. was the end game what would make them happy and it just kind of felt the answer was a little ambiguous and open ended and i i heard phrases like people are dying in the streets and we want accountability and we want to shut them down and it sounded like a bunch of catch phrases that were just floating around but didn't have any glue holding them together now that's just my opinion.

You might have heard her and went, oh, my God, it's the new Martin Luther King, Jr. Oh, my, what a spokesperson. But to me, I don't know that the message was very organized, very clear. So, I don't know. It was nice to talk to someone there. It was nice to hear their opinion, share it. I'm not against that opinion. I'm not particularly for that opinion, but it was just nice to hear

what someone had to say that was very passionate. And she was dressed in an orange like a construction worker jumpsuit, and she had a hard hat on, and, you know, her face was painted like a skull. So it was a little interesting. But here's what I really took away from the whole event. You know, in all my years of living in North America, and you might be the same way, I have never been in the throngs of civil disobedience like that.

I've never been in the middle of the chaos, in the middle of the turmoil. And it was quite a fascinating dynamic to be right down in there with these loud voices, these defiant voices, these protesting voices. And, you know, we live in a society that for the most part, Most of us, you know, we go to the mall, we go to the cheesecake factory, we go fishing, we go water skiing, we watch the telly. It's very rare in America, at least for me and most people I know, to be in the middle of demonstrations and civil unrest and people yelling and, you know, complaining about the system and being defiant. and that wasn't very interesting sensation for me, a new form of stimuli that I'd never been exposed to.

So I appreciated it. I think it's cool that we live in a place where you can voice your opinion. But again, I'm not sure exactly what this thing is all about. If nothing else, my hope is that it helps. change things that are corrupt within the financial system, whether it be banking, whether it be Wall Street, whether it be hedge fund guys, whether it be the Bernie Madoffs, whether it be your own accountant, whether it be the broadcasters, the networks, the whoever, wherever there's a lot of money, the oil companies, it just feels like everything out there nowadays is a little

bit on the lamb you know you almost get the feeling that everybody's on the sly everybody's trying to take you whether it's the phone company sliding in charges on your on your bill whether it's department of water and power whether it's your your bank statement i mean how many of you have had a statement where you're like wait a minute what's this little charge and then you go oh wait If I hadn't caught that, that just would have gone right through. And how many more little things have I missed along the way? And maybe, just maybe, they're doing this on purpose. Or maybe you do see it, and you're like, you know what?

It's only $12.99. I'm not going to get on the phone for four hours, going through a bunch of computer voices to get $12. They can have it. You think they don't know that's what most of the people are going to do? so you know if nothing else i'm still confused about it but i hope through all the confusion the underlying message is stop being dishonest stop being corrupt be accountable treat other human beings like human beings we all work hard for our money and uh you know maybe that's the

good that comes out of it let's see how it plays out i don't have the answers but i'll tell you It was fun to be down there. It was fun to feel that energy and it's cool stuff, man. And look at that. We've run over time a little bit talking about this stuff. So kind of cool. And we'll wrap it up. Keep in mind if you want some laughs,

I'm going to be at Flappers Comedy Club in Burbank, California on Tuesday, November 29th. It's an all-improve show. Me and my comedian buddy, Sean Tweedley, will be doing improv sketch comedy, working with the audience, and just have them fun. And then December 15th, my last gig of the year, I'll be in Indianapolis, Indiana, at Crackers in a place called Broad Ripple. Crackers at Broad Ripple.

Last show of the year, last chance to have some fun before the holidays kick in. And it's going to be a good time. Don't forget to order your merch at harlindwilliams.com. Get that before Christmas. And then I got a really cool announcement. I got a Christmas present for you, people. All the pavement pounders and everyone listening. We've been working on a little cartoon called The Cock, the Ass, and the Pussy.

And no, it's not what you think. It's a cartoon about a rooster, a donkey, and a cat. the cock, the ass, and the pussy. You can see some episodes of that up on YouTube. Go to YouTube.com backslash cap cartoon. And we have two episodes up there. But for Christmas, mid-December, we're going to launch the third episode, which I believe is the funniest and best episode yet.

Very excited. That'll be a little Christmas present to you, folks. So be aware of that, and that's it. We are out of time. Tell your friends, write me at harlo-Williams.com. Call me 888-52090 and keep that free spirit alive. Go out and buy yourself a great big bowl, a chicken chau-main, baby. What the fuck is a podcast?

Why didn't I hear about this? Hey, Harlan, I just saw you last night in Portland. Helium Comedy Club was a sorry excuse for a company club. I didn't think anything could save that night. But tell you what, little buddy, you killed it. You made us split sides laughing. Yeah, you made a night memorable. Thanks, little buddy, and I will see you again whenever you come back to town.

You have me on your team. Bye, Harland. Thank you.