The Harland Highway - PODCAST 350

Episode Date: November 23, 2011

It's the Thanksgiving Day Special Podcast. It's all about turkey day, including the Harland Highway 59th annual Thanksgiving day parade. Have a great one!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh, sweet Lord Almighty, thank you, thank you, thank you. I do give thanks. I do, I do, I do, I do. I do give thanks. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, it's a Charles Nelson Riley. Oh, oh, oh, oh, wow. Wow, I think we'll all give thanks if I never do that again. Yikes.

A Charles Nelson Riley Thanksgiving? way, man. Welcome everybody to the Harland Highway. Happy Thanksgiving. This is the Harland Highway Thanksgiving special. Oh, what a festive time of year. What a horn of plenty. And today we're just really going to dedicate the podcast to Thanksgiving. We're going to be talking about the eating and the planning and the partying and the stuffing and the wishboning and all that fun stuff that happens around Thanksgiving. We're going to be playing the traditional Harland Highway turkey song at the end of the show. A weird little ditty that kind of caps it all off. And then of course we have the Harland Highway Thanksgiving Day parade. Oh my God. John

Walters and John starters will be calling the parade. What a day. It's Thanksgiving on the Harland Highway. Welcome to the Harland Highway. Relax. Get ready to have fun. What we've got here is failure to communicate.

One cheeseburger with everything coming up. You just made a wrong turn. On to the Harland Highway. Look at me, Damien. It's all for you. this is harland williams i'm a human bee god damn it hey hey happy thanksgiving yeah that's my turkey uh hey everybody welcome to the harland highway thanksgiving edd edition not a edition ed with an e edition um hope you're uh

going to have a great holiday. I hope you're giving thanks for everything that's important to you in your life. And I give thanks for having you guys, having you folks listen, participating, enjoying the Harland Highway. It is a Thanksgiving treat. But we have a big show today. We're going to be talking about Thanksgiving and other things. And as you know, today is the Thanksgiving Day parade. We have John Walters and John starters over up in the booth.

And they're watching the parade. I think it's just about getting ready to kick off. So I'm going to shut my big pumpkin pie hole here. And let's get over there right away. Let's not waste any more time. And let's throw it to John and John, who are calling the floats at the The Harland Highway Thanksgiving Day Parade. Well, good afternoon, everybody.

Welcome to the 49th annual Harland Highway Thanksgiving Day Parade. And what a wonderful day it is here. Oh, man, wow. My name is John Walters, and I am here today with my partner in crime, John starters. John? Yes, John. Really nice to be here on a beautiful day for a Thanksgiving parade. Absolutely, John. And what a day it is. A clear blue sky. All kinds of people lining the sidewalks here. And it promises to be quite an event here today. All kinds of floats and marching back. and all the fru-hoo and free-fra-fra one could want.

Well, I'm not sure what fru-hoo and free-fra-fra-fra means, John. I don't speak Chinese, but let's hope that this year, this parade gets it into gear, and it actually works. Well, let's get going, John. I can hear the first float coming down the road. You can hear the marching band. You can hear the horns. You can hear the hoopla.

And this first float comes from the Abolish Ringworm Society of America. And yes, John, let me explain it. This organization, Abolished Ringworm Society, or A.R.S. Are all about trying to eliminate the scourge of ringworm in American citizens. Well, I think that's a good thing, John. Nothing like raising awareness for such a disgusting cause. Well, I wasn't going to say that, John. Well, I will.

Disgusting. People with nine-foot-long worms creeping around in their intestines, squiggling around in their bellies, and leaving giant round-shaped rashes on their stomachs, arms, shoulders, and backs. Disgusting. They ought to be burned like witches these people. Now, wait a minute, John. Wait a minute.

My left foot with a leather slipper on it. Well, here they come. They're coming around. Let's look at their float. Yes, let. It looks like they're riding a giant worm. How inappropriate. How disgusting.

Well, now, John, they can't really help it. The problem with ringworm is that it hits people indiscriminately. and they have no choice in the matter. How about cleaning your house? How about febreezing your underpants? How about wiping the yellow sludge and urine off your toilet? Maybe get in there with a brush and scrub the chocolate skin marks out of your toilet. Well, now, John, nothing.

Let's clean it up and let's get rid of the ringworm. Well, here they come. They're coming down the street and, oh, it looks like some of them are lifting their shirts up. Oh, my God. There they go, lifting their shirts up, showing off their ringworm stains to the people in the crowd. Children are throwing up. Oh, my God. And oh, my God, one of the, oh, what is it, John?

One of the ringwormers, as we shall call them. It looks like he's throwing up a ringworm out of his mouth. he's gagging and he looks like about a nine-foot thick white worm is dangling from his mouth and it's oh it's latched onto a child it's latched it's wrapping its neck around a child the ringworm is attacking the child the child is trembling he's down and the ringworm has started to digest him like a python from the amazon oh my god this is horrible john this is horrible john this is is horrible, it's grotesque, I think I'm going to be sick. Get that giant worm out of here. It's not really working. Well, let's not, no, it's not really working, John. All right, well, let's

take a break here, John. Maybe they can get down there and help that child who's being eaten alive by a ringworm exactly and we'll be back with more of the Harland Highway 59th annual Thanksgiving Day parade. Oh my God look at those people. I'm

serious they should be burned alive in a giant ringworm bonfire. Now John now John my ass those people are disgusting okay wow okay we'll get back to the Thanksgiving Day

parade we're going to be checking back in with those guys all the way through the show and i guess uh like every year we have the big uh you know finale float at the end so we're looking forward to that um i hope you're uh planning for a fun festive thanksgiving uh get together uh i'm in one of those dilemmas one of those situations awkward situations where i'm torn i don't know if you've been in those situations but um you know i've been invited to several different thanksgiving dinner turkey things and you know it doesn't matter where you go you're with friends you're with loved ones you're with people you care about the food's good the company's good and um you're not you're not sure who to go to because you don't you can't go to one or two or

three of them you got to kind of pick one and and go to that right and so uh i'm in a situation where it's like god do i go there do i go here do i what if the other person finds out that i went there and then i didn't go to theirs and oh and then you're like maybe i'll just stay home maybe i'll just stay home and watch old horror movies or something do i flip a coin do i how do i do it do I go which one will you know have the best food which one will have the hottest girls which one will be the most fun

and you're like you can't think of it like that it's like you gotta think about it as you're going to see your friends going to be spend time with your buddies and give thwanks man give thwanks so I don't know what to do and it's it's nice to have options isn't it I mean it's nice to be invited

nice to have places to go and you know maybe part of it is too it's like you know as you go through life you kind of have your thanksgiving customs you know you kind of you maybe have your way that you like your bird prepared the way you like your stuffing prepared the the kind of things you have with it you have scallop potatoes do you have corn do you have squash do you have this do you have that and maybe just maybe in fact I'm just going to be honest, part of my trepidation is, what if I get there and they haven't prepared the food the way I like it? How wrong is that? How against the whole notion of giving thanks is that?

But I guess that reveals a lot about me. I'm a picky eater. I'm a picky eater, and I kind of like to see the food get prepared, and so maybe I'm worried I'll get there, and I'll be like, oh, this isn't the way. I would do it, or I'll be like, ooh, this, this doesn't taste the way I normally taste. Where am I? Who is, who are these people? And you can't be thinking about stuff like that, because again, it's just about being with your friends and celebrating, but when you're a picky eater, I guess this stuff gets into your head, and I hope that doesn't sound mean or, or, you know, ungrateful, but it's just

kind of who I am. It's like, I'm kind of finicky about who prepares my, food and what the ingredients are and who touched it and all that stuff maybe i've got a bit of a phobia about it and maybe it's freaking me out a little about trying to decide where to go i don't know help me i i might need dr ascot although i think i'm seeing him the next show maybe i can ask him about that that maybe for once i can actually have something he can help me with when I go see them during the next podcast. But anyways, enough

of my problems. Don't worry about me. I hope wherever you go, it ends up good and you have a great time and no matter who's cooking the food, you can get around your phobias, unlike

me, and just celebrate being around your friends. And speaking of friends, Let's get back to the Thanksgiving Day parade with our friends, John Walters and John Starter. Hey, everybody. Who wants to have better sex? No? Yes. Yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what you want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping. And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They offer discrete shipping as you. your privacy is a priority, plus 100% free shipping on your entire order.

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had ringworm, I'd boil them alive in the hot top. Okay, we are back here at the Harland Highway, 91st Thanksgiving Day Parade. I'm John Walters. I'm here with John starters, and John, what do you think of the parade thus far? Well, it's not really working, John. Now, why do you say that, John? When you start a preyed out with a horrific intestinal ringworm float, you're not setting the barometer very high for the rest of the prey. Well, I think everybody loves dogs and cats and puppies and kittens.

Well, I can't argue with you there, John. Well, then you're going to love this next float coming around the bend, John. I can't wait for the winner. You will love this. It's the Humane Society, and they have a float covered with dogs and cats, puppies, and kittens. Well, finally, something uplifting, something the crowd can get excited about, something cute and non-offensive. Yes, John, I think it's wonderful, and wait a minute, I'm looking down at the float. It's a long, flat float, flowers all around, and it looks like some of those animals aren't moving.

Well, John, maybe they're just sleeping. I hope so, wait, there's some animals moving at the end of the float. There's a German shepherd, a couple of puppies, four cats, and a Dalmatian in a cage. It looks like a plexiglass cage. Isn't that fun for once? Yes, John, it looks really. nice. Wait a minute. Something's happening. They've just released some green gas into the plexiglass. The dogs and cats are trying to claw their way out. They're running around in circles. Oh, my God, they've been gasped. This is horrific. Oh, my God. They're gas. The German shepherds down,

the Dalmatians down. The kittens are rolling on their back. Their little cat eyes rolling around in their little fuzzy faces, red veins and drool coming out of their eye sockets. Oh my God, John. I'm looking at my notes here, and this is, in fact, the Humane Society float, but it's a sector of the Humane Society we don't ever really see. And let me guess, it's the gas chamber from the Humane Society. That's what the memo says, John. Well, how about that? the Humane Society trying to show another side of the service that it provides to the public, and may I say holocaustish. I'm not sure if that's a word, John, holocaustish.

Well, I don't know how to describe it any other way. We just witnessed a whole pack of puppies, some dogs and kittens get gassed right before our eyes. No wonder the other animals weren't moving. They're laying there. dead. Well, John, this is horrific, but we have to remember that the Humane Society not only sells puppies and cats, but they also have to exterminate hundreds of thousands of them every year. And why do they need to be played out and demonstrated in a parade? Look at all the crying children. Number of housewives have fainted. And there's even someone with a seeing-eye dog in the

crowd and the seeing-eye dog is so scared it's just taken off it's taken off across the road it's dragging the blind person oh my god they're headed straight for one of the float oh oh and the blind person and the seeing-eye dog have just been crushed under the wheels of the next float oh my goodness john oh my goodness john isn't going to save those fumigated animals down there they're still flopping a little I can see some of them just hanging on to life and that green cloud getting absorbed into their little lovable lungs. Man's best friend, my ass. Man just holocausted a whole cage full of innocent critters.

Well, John, I'm afraid, you know, it's all part of the community. And it's not the community I want to live in. If I want Holocaust puppies and cats, I'll move to Sri Lanka. I'm not sure I get the connection with Sri Lanka. I don't either. I just want to be far away from here. This float is not really working. Well, I have to agree with you on that one, John.

Thank you. It's about time. Good God in heaven. All good dogs go to heaven, John. Not in this case. this case they get stuffed in a humane society plexigast cage and put on display for extermination not really working all right well let's take another break i'm john walters and this is john starters we'll be back with more thanksgiving day parade here on the harland highway

unbelievable bullshit john i want your language john up yours oh my okay Up, your stuff it, buddy. And speaking of stuffing, I think stuffing might be my favorite. And I know I'm going back to the food here, but why not? Isn't Thanksgiving primarily about eating? And I think my favorite dish has to be the stuffing. You know, I would be fine if someone just got a giant pile of stuffing and pressed it together and molded it into the shape of a turkey.

a cooked turkey and that was just the shape and they just carved the stuffing turkey and instead of would you like white meat or dark meat it would just be would you like stuffing meat or stuffing meat i'll take the stuffing meat please excellent choice oh that's stuffing and i've never really that's one thing i've never really thought about how good is it for you Okay, you know, everything else we break it down. Donuts are bad for you. Coca-Cola's bad for you. Pizza's bad for you.

French fries are bad for you. I have a hunch, and I ain't no nutritionist, but I have a sneaky, sneaky hunch that stuffing is probably not that good for you. I think it's full of butter and bread and oil and broth. But, man, is it good? I mean, I'd like to stuff other things, honestly. I mean, I'd, I'd like to stuff a pork chop with stuffing. I'd like to stuff a burrito.

Why can't I go to a Mexican restaurant and just have a stuffing burrito? Would you like a burrito, signor? Oh, yeah. What would you like any chicken, shrimp steak? Uh, Thanksgiving stuffing, please. Get out, senor. You know, um, It's delicious.

I mean, we should stuff it everywhere. I mean, everywhere. You know what I'm talking about? Imagine that, guys. A nice Thanksgiving stuffed. Oh, oh, Charles. Now, see, I was about to get rude there. And that's not good.

Or is it? I don't know. But you got to admit it. The aroma, oh, imagine if a, woman you know and this is getting rude but imagine if you could just put a little stuffing down oh god what am i saying but the smell some nice warm stuff the smell of stuffing coming out oh my god i should be shot why am i this might be ruined why would i say that but you got to think about it's two wonderful things in life is down oh i'm going to

stop. But we should be able to stuff just everything, everything we like, you know. Maybe a stuffing milkshake, put it in a blender, you know, drink it with a straw. Oh, everything, stuffing tastes delicious. So there you go. That's my wish list. Stuffing, stuffing, stuffing, stuffing everywhere, including a very intimate spot, which... Hey, come on, people have food fetishes. Don't look at me like I'm sick or demented. There are people out there that have food fetishes when they are being intimate. Why can't there be stuffing there?

Okay, I got to stop. I'm fixating on my stuffing too much. and it's making everybody sick. And speaking of sick, let's get back to this Thanksgiving Day parade, which is kind of a little bit sick. A lot of weird stuff happening down there, but let's get back down there. There's a lot going on, a lot of floats coming down the street,

rolling down the Harland Highway. So here we go. I'm going to go have a little stuffing. Well, I throw it over to John Walters and John Starter, at the 91st Harland Highway Thanksgiving Day Parade. Take it away, boys. Well, we are back at the Harland Highway Thanksgiving Day Parade. Welcome, everybody.

What a beautiful day for this event, John. How do you feel about the parade so far? It's not really working, John. Now, why do you say that, John? So far, we've had ringworms and dead puppies. I can still smell the death hanging in the air like a rancid curtain of doom. Wow, well, I guess all we can do, John, is move onward and upward. I'd like to put something upward the humane society.

Now, John, here comes our very next float. This is their first time in the Harland Highway Thanksgiving Day parade. unbelievable assortment of people, colors, characters. It's Cirque de Soleil joining the fray. Well, that was a cute rhyme, John. I wish that this float worked as well as your rhyme, but this float right out of the gate is not really working. Now, what do you say?

Why would you say that, John? Well, just look at them. There's people dressed in costumes, there's people painted like zebras, there's people hanging upside down, there's people twirling on ropes. It's confusing to the eye, it's confusing to the mind. It's like somebody kicked open a gay ants nest and all these fruity characters came out. Now, wait a second, John. These are talented athletic contortionists who come from all over the world.

Yeah, I can't remember the last time I was watching the Discovery Channel, John, and saw a zebra running away from a lion, and it folded itself in half, did three backflips, grabbed a vine, and dove underwater. Well, John, that's the type of colorful performance you're going to get out of these very, very skilled performers. Skilled performers, my butt. Look it down there. John. There's a girl from Romania being folded like

origami. Oh, I just heard her back snap. She's being folded, twisted, and twirled. They just turned her into a paper swan or something. No, wait. It looks like they've turned her into a human waffle.

They're pouring Cirque de Soleil syrup all over her. And I wouldn't be surprised if some of those crazy characters dressed like lions, start to eat her alive. Well, now, John, I don't think that's going to happen. Well, guess again, smart ass.

Take a look. Oh, my goodness. That's right. They're ripping her apart. They are. Oh, there goes a leg and a shoulder blade. That's right. It looks like the Cirque de Soleil performers dressed as lions

have ganged up on the zebra, and they're eating that performer alive. And for that reason, Let me guess, John. No, I'll just say it. It's not really working. Well, John, you do have to admire the athletic ability. I don't have to admire anything.

If I want to see a Russian teenager painted blue and hanging upside down from ropes, I'll go to the local brothel and order the number 275. Now, wait a minute. What's that, John? I don't know. I just made it up. No, you seemed like you specifically ordered a young rush... Let's keep talking about the float, shall we?

Okay, John. Now, what do you think at the back of the float? We have people hanging from bars and twirling around upside down, spinning backwards by their hair? Yes, John. I mean, if you're going to spin around by your hair, why not just go shove your head in a helicopter propeller? What is the point of being twirled around by your hair?

Are you mentally retarded? Well, I don't think we want to go there, John. I certainly do. I'm willing to go out on a limb and say anyone who makes their living twirling around in circles by their scalp has to be mentally retarded. Okay, John, well, there they go. And there goes the Foldin Waffle Girl.

The Lions just finished her off. Nothing left but crushed femurs. Well, we'll get to the next float, John. I'm sorry you didn't like that one. Why would I? It's not really working. Well, we'll get to our next float, and then coming up after that, John,

our final float of the day, And you know what that is? I sure do. It's the end of the parade. Thank God. I'm John Walters. I'm here with John starters. We'll be back with more on the Harlan Highway.

Thanksgiving Day parade. Good God. Wow. All right. Maybe they're wishing that there were some better floats. I don't know. And speaking of wishing, do you do the wishbone thing on that? Thanksgiving after you've had your turkey.

Do you snap that little wishbone? And, you know, do you get in another Thanksgiving dilemma? Earlier in the show I was talking about not knowing where to go, right? I had to choose between different Thanksgiving events. And when you get down to the Thanksgiving wishbone where you're supposed to make a wish, I get all mixed up because I'm torn between, well, Where do I make my wish? Do I make my wish with the Thanksgiving wishbone?

Do I make my wish when I blow out my birthday candles? Do I make my wish when I see a shooting star? Do I make a wish when I step on my mother's back? No, wait. Step on a crack, break my mother. No, that one, that one's not. Okay, that one's. So, you know, I feel like my wishes are getting whittled down.

I feel like, wait a minute. How can there be so many choices for wishing? Doesn't that kind of, doesn't one negate the other? Like, I think you got to have one. You got to wish upon the star, or you got to make a wish when you blow out the candles, or you can grab the dried out, rotten bone of a dead bird and snap it in half with that sickening crunch. And what's funny about that one is it's a competition, right? The other one, it's like you see a shooting star.

You're like, oh, my God, a shooting star. I'm going to wish on it. I wish I had a bald face or whatever. Or with your birthday candles, it's very personal. It's like, it's your birthday blow out your candles. Make a wish. Okay, I wish I had a million dollars and a cheese grater. Right?

but with with with the wishbone it's a competition suddenly it's a it's a it's an Olympic sport when you do the wishbone thing you know how it works it's like okay somebody grab the other side of the wishbone and you pull on it okay you pull on it like two hyenas ripping a gazelle apart in the middle of the desert and you snap it and there's that sickening crunch again. Oh, God. And whoever has the biggest chunk of bone gets their wish. And it's appropriate the other person has a bone in their hand because they get boned.

They don't get their wish. Hey, sorry, man, you're a snapped, dry, grizzled piece of bird skeleton is shorter than mine. You're not getting your wish. But I am because I got this big chunk of skeleton here. I don't know. That one's a little morbid. That one's a little weird. You know?

Snapping bones apart and going up against your best friend? What if your best friend's wish was for you? Let's say your best friend is Danny, and I'm Harlan, and what if Danny's wish was? My wish is, I hope that Harland lives to be 500 and becomes a trillionaire and has the happiest life ever. And meanwhile, I'm over there wishing, uh, uh, I hope I, uh, you know, get, get a, uh, a new car this year. And what if I win? And meanwhile, Danny's wish was way, way, way, way better.

Way to go. I blew that one. Oh, boy. Well, what are you going to do? It's Thanksgiving. The thing is, wish, dream, give thanks. and I guess we should get back down to the Thanksgiving Day parade. I think we're coming to the end of the parade here. I think we have one more float coming up here. It's the big finale, and I'm excited. I hope you're enjoying the Thanksgiving Day parade.

Let's get down there. Let's get back to John Walters and John starters. Well, welcome back to the final. segment of the Harland Highway Thanksgiving Day parade. I'm John Walters and I'm John starters and this parade has not really been working John. Well you said that earlier John and I think you'll be happy with our next float coming down the street. Oh really and what's this winner gonna be? Now John let's not put the cart ahead of the horse. Well, Let's not put the horse's ass in your head.

Well, now, come on, John. Well, now, come on, John. Year after year, we have this horrible parade, the Harland Highway Thanksgiving parade. People get hurt. People get sick. I've seen dead animals. I've seen ringworm.

I've seen Cirque to Soleil freaks and fairies. It's not really working, John. Well, let's give it a chance. Let's take a look at our second last float before the big finale. I can't wait. Here it comes. It's the nothing association of the United States of America. And here comes their float as I look down there.

I'm looking down there too, John. And I don't really see anything. there's just looks like a blank space in the middle of the parade that's what you get from the nothing association of the United States of America

there's nothing there this is incredible I guess they're living up to their namesake John the nothing association has put absolutely nothing in the parade let's have a listen there's just an

empty space moving down between the floats about a, it looks to be what, John? I'd say that's about a 25 to 40 foot empty space of just nothing. While this is a little baffling, I'll go one step further and say this is superb, if not heaven-like. Well, what do you mean, John? This is the first float that I've enjoyed because there's absolutely nothing. there. This float is really working. Okay, well, coming

up behind the Nothing Association's float is our big grand finale. It's the folks from Chili Willey's restaurant and they have a giant, wonderful float. Look at this thing coming around the bed, John. Well, I'd

rather not, but I have to. I will. It's my job. and the only good news about this float is it signifies the end of this horrible parade that's not really working. Well, look what we have here, John. Chili Willies this year

has made a gigantic world record, according to Guinness, bowl of turkey chili. Unbelievable. The stink wafting up here into our booth is almost overpowering. sure chili willies didn't dig up some outhouses somewhere at a redneck picnic in the backwoods of Tennessee, because this chili looks like crap and smells even worse. Now, John, let's not, uh, let's not what, look at the size of that thing.

It's bigger than an Olympic swimming pool. It's just waiting for an accident to happen. If that float should tip over, well, let's not. Let's not cast, you know, ill will on the good folks from Chili Willies. As the float comes around, all the float has hit an open manhole cover. Oh, my God, the whole float is listing to one side. Here we go. It's almost as if I forecasted it.

Oh, my God, the Chili Willie's Chili is spilling over into the crowd. Oh my God, it's a tsunami of turkey chili diarrhea. Oh, my God, it's covering. People are floundering like animals caught in quicks, and people are drowning. I see people being washed down the street, slammed against walls. Oh, my God, what a horrific sight. Turkey chili that looks like chunked up diarrhea, wallowing through the streets, blasting down. We can see it starting to rise.

up towards our booth here, John. Well, thank goodness we're raised up over the street, and look at the bodies floating by. There goes some bodies. There's a couple of families, and there goes some cars. Oh, my God. It's tsunami Thanksgiving. Here we go. Well, John, it is the end of the parade if people have to perish and get swept away in Chili Willie's Turkey Chili. it might as well be at the end. Yes, it might as well be. Thank God something swept this lemon into the lemonade cooler.

Once again, another failed parade on the Harland Highway, and none of it was ever really working. Well, I have to say, I had a great time, John. As you always do, I wonder if you need a metal plate put in your head. Well, I guess we'll wrap things up here, and John and I will be back on next month for the Harland Highway 24th annual Christmas parade. I can't wait to squeeze the juice out of that lemon, John. Well, we'll see how that goes, John. I'm John Walters, and I'm John Starters.

Thank you for joining us. Happy Thanksgiving, everybody. the Harlan Highway Thanksgiving Day Parade. I'm telling you, John, that was one of the worst we've seen yet. I mean, there's still bodies floating by. Look at that little Korean family. Oh, they just hit a wall. Not only are they dead, covered with chili, but they just slammed into a wall.

Well, it is horrific, John. I think this was the worst one ever. Not really working. Well, John. No, let me not really working. Well, you heard it, ladies and gentlemen. There it is. The final floats from the Thanksgiving Day parade here on the Harland Highway.

I guess mixed reviews on how it went. You know, every year I think it's going to be stellar. I think it's going to be wonderful. And I don't know. It just kind of always ends up a little messy. But you know what? We give thanks for the effort. We give thanks for John Walters and John.

John starters, our commentators, and most of all, we give thanks for you, our faithful fans who listen to the Harland Highway. Here's to another year coming ahead, and thank you. Thank you very, very much for coming along for this crazy ride down the highway. So there it is. uh don't forget next week uh you can catch me at flappers comedy club in burbank california Tuesday the 29th one night only it's a full on improv show where we're going to be doing improv sketches me and fellow comedian sean tweedley and uh it's going to be a great time uh and then

don't forget uh my last gig of the year december 15 16 17 at uh crackers Comedy Club in Indiana, Indiana, Indianapolis, Crackers Broad Ripple. And then be sure to tune into the next podcast where I have a surprise announcement for you, a fun little announcement for something fun that's going to happen next week for me. And hopefully something you can enjoy. So be here Friday. And happy Thanksgiving, everybody. let's end the show with that weird, funky Thanksgiving song that I play every year.

We'll just call it the Thanksgiving song. Have a great one. Give thanks. And I hope you have a great Thanksgiving dinner huddled around a big, juicy bowl of chicken. Chalmaine, baby. Govo, govo, govo, goa, goa, goa, goa, goa, goa, goa, goa, goa, goa, goa, goa, goa, goa, goa, go bo get thanks. The pilgrim and his flock, roo, roared to Plymouth Rock to be 13. Go-go-gob-gob-gob-gob-gob-gob-gob-gob-gob-gob-gaw-gaw-gaw-gaw-gaw-gaw-gaw-gaw-ggy.

Go-g, go-g, go-gaw-ggggggggy, they call turkey. Govo, govo, govo, go bo, go bo, go bo, go bo, go bo, go bo, go bo, go bo, go bo go bo go bo get back. The keel club and their wives, slice, slice, slice it with their nights. Go-Gab-Gab-Gap-a-Gab-Gub-Gas-A-Gab-Gab-Gaw-Gaw-Gaw-Gaw-Gaw-Gasurt. Come, come, go, go-g, go-a-gob-git-dance.