The Harland Highway - PODCAST 355

Episode Date: December 5, 2011

A visit from my special guest, actor, artists, singer, Toby Huss. Stories from Down Periscope and others, plus Xmas songs and the Harland Highway animal quiz. Curl up your clunk munk! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Taste a deluxe I'm on top of You're toxic, I'm slipping a girl. Taste of my feelings are there a lot. You're toxic. You're toxic. Wow. Can you believe Big Daddy starts the podcast with some Britney? What the hell is going on there?

Yikes. What I love is that little electronic thing that's in there. But anyways, the reason I played it, I'm addicted to my guest this week, this show, this podcast. Today, the whole show, we have a very special guest, hilarious, funny, guy that's I've done movies with, actor, comedian, singer, and we're going to be talking about his show that he does, his live show here in Hollywood, and also he is the voice behind a annual staple here at the highway. He's the singer of the Christmas Snowballs Like Mind Song.

We're going to get into it. We're going to talk about it. The Animal Quiz, it's all here on the Harland Highway. Welcome to the Harland Highway. Relax. Get ready to have fun. What we've got here is failure to communicate. One cheeseburger with everything coming up. You just made a wrong turn.

On to the Harland Highway. Look at me, Damien. It's all for you. This is Harland Williams. I'm a human bee. God damn it. Hey, everybody, it's Harland Williams here on the Harland Highway. Oh, wait a minute. I hear, do you hear that, everybody? Who is that?

And softly whispered someday soon. Is that Sinatra? I will, you prick. No, it's not Frank Sinatra. It's someone probably twice as handsome and three. Rice is charming. Thrice. It's my buddy, Toby Huss.

He's here. Toby, say hello to the Harland Highway pavement pounders. That's what you call them? Hey there. Hey there. Hey, there, pavement pounders. Why do you call them that? You know what?

I had a contest on the podcast to have the listeners come up with a name. Oh, you did. And the winning name was the pavement pounders. what was the worst name that came in uh you smell like ass harlan's queers or something yeah yeah harland's ass stinks i don't think that's you know what i don't think that's funny yeah that's not even funny a guy's trying to name his podcast to have a nice little thing yeah someone's got it right in with something like yeah it wasn't you was it did you no no no no oh no no wait a minute why would you accuse me of that now that i think about it it sounded like you yeah all right so

So Toby, just so you know, my friends, is an incredible actor. He's a incredible comic. He's an incredible singer. And Toby, let's tell everyone where we met and the movie that we did together. To put it in context. Where did we meet, buddy? We met back in the early mid-90s on the Kelsey Grammar Lovin that we had. We did a submarine picture.

You call them pictures, right? Submarine picture, yeah. Toby still calls them pictures. It's a talkie. It's a tokey. Starring Kelsey Grammer and Rob Schneider. Yes. What a team up.

I can't believe they didn't do any movies after that. Kelsey and Tom. It did. It was called Down Periscope. Yeah. And we don't mean like Down syndrome. Like it wasn't a crew full of Down syndrome people running a submarine. Oh, no, wait a minute.

Wait, what? We should get to work on that. That sounds pretty funny. Downs Periscope. It's all watery under the water. That guy, that's the boat commander. Look to the periscope. Oh, God.

It's a good movie. Wow, yeah, yeah. Far torpedo. Downs periscope. Downs periscope. Now, we... I tell you, that commander is wacky. I don't know what he's doing all day.

I'm steering the boat. Like I said, he's wacky. Scott. Man the Periscope, bubblehead. Don't call my bubble. I love it. We should do that. That's the sequel.

Downs Periscope. And it gets star the same two guys. Yeah. Kelsey and Rob Schneider. Schneider. Now, we met, we did that movie, and I got to tell you, because I don't know if I told you this story, but, you know, every movie has its own shelf life. Yeah.

And, you know, I do a lot of traveling around the country doing stand-up and whatnot. And everywhere I go, military personnel worship that movie. It's pretty wild, yeah. And in Norfolk, Virginia, where they have, my buddy of mine was on a submarine tender boat and they would... Oh, really? And that's Norfolk where they'd sail out of them. Yeah, there's a huge deal. Yeah, I think it's the biggest Navy thing in the world down there.

Oh, really? And I was there. I don't know if I ever told you this, but a few years ago, I went down, and they got in touch with me, and they took me on a tour of a nuclear submarine. No. Yeah, they let me go down inside the nuclear submarine, and I went down, they had, you know, they're pretty big submarines. And they had this little lounge area where the sailors would have R&R, and there was like tables and it was almost like a little theater. I went down and they were watching down periscope.

Oh, no. Isn't that wild? I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe it. So we met there and we had a lot of fun doing that movie, didn't we? That was a fun movie to do. Because we had to wear our little sailor outfits. Yeah.

And we were shooting right down here in Hollywood on the 20th century fox lot. Yeah. They reconstructed the interior of a submarine as our set. And we'd be on the submarine all day in our... sailor outfits and then at lunch me and Toby and like the five other guys we'd all get in a car and go

to KFC dressed as sailors. Yeah, that was good. It was bizarre. It was a bizarre experience. It was like old-timey contract player movie shooting. Yeah. You know, we just happened to be on a boat that week and then we go eat lunch

and come back and drive carts around. That was fun. It was fun. And what's funny is, you know, we were probably at the beginnings of kind of our time in Hollywood. I hadn't been in Hollywood very long, had you? I didn't even live there until a couple years later when I moved back. Oh, yeah, that's right.

They had you staying at a hotel. Yeah, the Highland Gardens. Yeah, we got into trouble there one night. Somebody told me that's where John... Somebody said, you know, Jim Jarmish always stays at the Highland Gardens. I went, oh, all right. I'll stay at the Highland Gardens. Yeah, it was a real pisshole then.

Oh, it was a different now. Crack. Yeah, it was a real crackdown. Yeah, it was a real cracky. Wait, Jim Jarmish is the writer, right? the director the film director guy what did he direct he directed down by law

and you know he directed the Depp one about the down by law or downs by law stop please please put dial up and then walk away wow we got to stop

that's really bad we got we got to stop you know I was watching that's downest I was watching I was watching I was watching, I have a 12-year-old daughter, I was watching Glee with my daughter. And one of those, one of the gay characters on there said something, like, he was super quainty about it. And I looked at my daughter. I went, oh, I think he's mad.

And it's kind of a lip-in-gay accent. You did that. I said that to my daughter, like, you goof on the guy. She went, oh, Dad, you're gayest. Wow. Like a G-A-Y-I-S-T. I went, gayest. She said, yeah, like sexist.

You're gayest. Wow. And then I went, I said, no, I'm not. No. No, no, you love the gays. Maybe too much, if you know what I mean. Hey, wait, what? I'll take all that is gayest.

That was downest. That was downest and gayest. We got to stop the downest. We love the downs. Let's get to the questioning. Enough about our, do you have any more quick stories about Down Periscope you want to tell? Because people love that movie. I like the one about when, poor Kelsey Grave, he's a sweet guy.

Yeah. Kelsey Graham, sweet guy, well-meaning guy, but he was on this boat, and he hadn't done a lot of movies and not many movies. No, he was a TV guy. And this was going to be a big Kelsey Grammer vehicle movie thing with him. This first movie after being a TV star. Yeah, so there was also this guy Bradford Tatum was in the movie, really wonderful actor. Yeah, good guy. Your buddy, he's a sculptor. Oh, he's a great, wonderful sculptor.

Yeah, he's a downist. But he had some tattoos on his back. He had some, I don't know if he had, no, he had him in his arm. He had some real tats on his arms. at that point, not a ton. And his character, though, had some tattoos, and Kelsey Grammer was walking by one day when we were, I think we were on set.

Yeah. Kelsey kind of walked in. It was during a scene with all of us guys, and he was trying to sort of be gregarity. He wanted to be one of the guys. Yeah, yeah. He was trying to make the gesture. I'm one of the guy, not the star.

I'm one of the guys. Yeah. And he walked up to Brad, and he said, Hey, nice twos. And Brad went, what? And Brad knew exactly what? he was talking about but just decided i'm going to bust kelsey's balls for no reason they said what and he said uh nice twos brad went uh are you are you talking about my tattoos and Kelsey went yeah you mean the tats

Kelsey would yeah i just called him twos i Brad went you know what i've never heard them referred to his two wow and stop poor Kelsey in his tracks and tatum was just busting his balls oh oh And Tatum, Tatum was the tough guy in the crew. Like each of us was given a character persona, and he was like the tough, badass, like brooding, mean guy. Yeah, and both of us had Down syndrome. That's very downs. I'm not downed with what you just said.

Kenny Hudson Campbell was not. He was the cook, and Duane Martin was in it, and Jonathan Penn. Who, Kelly Mauna? Dwayne Martin. Dwayne Martin. Oh, yeah. Martin, Dwayne Martin. He was a great.

guy he was a lot every everyone was great we had a riot patten oswald was in that too little patty had a cameo yeah the one thing that kelsey did that i didn't like that you you'll probably remember this but i think it was another way for him to ingratiate himself right into uh into our actually lauren holly did one too no but kelsey grammar did this one where he's he thought he'd like ingratiate himself to us and every morning when he'd come to the set he came up with this saying where he goes let's kick this pig and he kept doing it

I was just like shut up he did it a lot you know you're 42 you're kind of bald you got crooked teeth let's kick this pig what are in a bike gang yeah I don't he was this thing God love him I guess well he was going through a lot right when we were doing that movie

but that prick is always going through a lot isn't he picking the wrong crazy women with the right the bowels to be with and madness and hookers and craziness and well at the time we were shooting the movie he was up for a statutory rape charge you didn't know about that

wait a minute he was how'd that work out for him he got off it he's a rich celebrity what do you expect and then he was also he had just rolled his viper yeah and well driving drunk and he was in mandatory rehab so he was going through

a lot. Let's kick this pig. And he had to have an emotional connection on screen with Lauren Holly. Wow. And that's hard to do. Her big saying that bugged me and it made it into the movie. What? She walked into the thing and she goes

balls to the walls, boys. Yeah. And that line she snuck that in. And I hated that line. Yeah. But other than that, they were great. We had a fun time. It was good. And I believe you called our dressing rooms were super small,

like there are 12 dressing rooms in a trailer. Oh, yeah. You called them human toilets. That's right. We even put up the sign. Yeah, human toilets. We had a little base cap. We got to talk about the base camp.

We had the human toilets. Yeah. And there was like eight. There was Kelsey and Lauren Holly and Rob Schneider. They got their own trailers. Schneider. And then me, you, and like six other like up and coming guys. Yeah.

Maybe about four other up and coming guys. We got these little things the size of like a change room at a Banana Republic. Yeah. It had a little place you could lay down and a toilet, and they're about probably six feet wide each. Oh, not six. Maybe five. No, no, no. Yeah, like five feet wide.

Five feet wide and maybe about ten feet deep. At the most. They were like a little five by eight foot room. It was tiny. I know. We were all right beside each other. So we basically set up a little camp. Yeah.

And you brought like an old-fashioned record player and found some old sea shanty albums at an old vintage record shop. And we'd sit out there and play cards and listen to sea shanties. And it was actually a riot, man. What a fun thing. Well, good stuff. Good stuff. Let's kick this pig and move into some questions here. Nice twos.

Nice twos. That's something you'd say on a golf course. So if a guy, like, had a golf bag with a couple of two irons in it? That's something you say if you're super fucking rich and completely out of touch. Yeah. I guess. Or if you ever ran into Dolly Parton. Nice two.

Nice two. What was that? Dolly Parton. What did she just say? Hey, everybody. Who wants to have better sex? No? Yes.

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Oh, wow. Okay, yeah, nice twos. I'm going to crank it up to a six. Nice six. Here we go. Now, question time for Toby Haas, actor, comedian. And by the way, he's got an incredible show coming up in Hollywood, a Christmas show. We're going to get into that later on.

If you live in the area, you've got to get tickets. It sells out very fast. I'm announcing it here today, and we're going to talk about that. You've got to come out to it. But first question, buddy, have you ever woken up in a strange place? And we're like, what the hell am I doing here? Yeah. Tell us, like, where?

Well, I was in New York, and I used to, I used to drink a lot back then in the 80s in New York. And I remember I woke up at about five in a morning in a girl's place, and she was, she was beating me in the face with her fists. What? We had, evidently, we both, we both were pretty skunky drunk and had blacked out. And I woke up, and she said, and I was going, what the house? She was smacking me in the face on top of me naked, smacking me in the face with her little tiny fist. I said, what the fuck is going on? She said, get out, get out, get out.

And I put on my clothes, and I ran out of her apartment somewhere in the Lower East Side. And I had no idea how I got there. Wow. And to this day, I don't know what happened. Yeah. Somehow we were boozing in some bar. Yeah. And then hours later, I wake up with a girl.

beating me in the face that's incredible wow was it winter or summer I think it was autumny winter it was cool it was you ran out into the cold not not naked but I mean I put on my clothes and I ran out and she said she was going to call the cops and get the fuck out of here and wow

yeah I had no idea what now do you even remember who it was at this point no and I don't and I never I don't remember she'd live in a lowry side and I lived in a lowly side so we probably crossed paths at one point but I just don't remember amazing story that was awful That was pretty boozy

It's one thing to wake up But to be getting pummeled Yeah Yeah Wow and were you just like in a still in a drunk fog Like head swirling Still pretty drunk and swirling It didn't know and rolled off

And it was like some weird little It was a futani bed A small futon bed It pressed against the wall And bap bha-bap She was kicking my ass She wanted me out Wow that's great

What a wild crazy story I'd love to figure out What that was all about And I think I have an image of her being pretty sexy, too. Oh, yeah. It was kind of a, it was a lose-lose for her. But it was kind of a weird win for me because I do have this image of a very sexy girl beating me in the face, waking up. That was kind of nice.

Was she naked when she was beating you? Yeah, I remember her breasts. She had wonderful breasts. So those breasts must have been waving from side to side. Not only that, but I mean, maybe this is part of where it is in my mind, but there was some sort of really great lighting going on. Like the light was coming in from the side. So she was sort of side-lid.

Oh, that'll put a halo around the breast. Yeah, there's a halo around. Or even a rainbow. You know, sometimes you get the rainbow. So this is not really waking up in a place, but I was online maybe eight months ago. Oh, no, you woke up in a chat room. And I woke up in a chat room with this guy, Sandusky.

He's an old buddy from way back. Oh, yeah. No, wait a minute. Wheat farmer? No, no, no. He's a coach over at Penn State. He's a great guy. God, that guy.

No, but I was on, and I saw this. I saw this, somebody had the, on a Facebook thing, somebody had these books listed that they liked. And I said, what is that? What is the name in that book? And there was a girl's name there. And I said, where does that name sounds familiar? That's weird. Uh-oh.

So I saw her name, and I clicked on it. And she was on Facebook, so I clicked on that. Was it her? It wasn't this girl. But she got back to me like, like, two minutes later. later and she said you know i was wondering where you've been all these years and i went what and it went through my mind it's that the girl from the night with the fantastic breast that kicked my ass and it was not sloppy but it was this other girl that i met one night

that kicked you to death at a no at a at in like 1989 at a bondage fair whoa on a lower east side a friend of mine said go to this thing they're having like uh it was it wasn't like a real S&M house. It was like a fetish sort of fetish thing. Yeah, yeah. So she was working with some corset makers, and she was modeling some corsets, and I walked past her, and she said, Toby Huss. And I went, what the hell? This is an 89.

And I went, okay. So we talked for maybe 45 minutes an hour, and then I had not seen her for all these years. And eight months ago, I'm online, I go that, and she goes, that's you. I said, that's you. So like that lowry side story. The girl punching me in their face. The way I describe it there are these little paintings that I go back to in this art gallery in my mind. And one was talking to this girl, sexy girl, wearing a corset at this fetish ball they had in the Lower East Side one time.

It was a corset, not a cormorant. It was a woman wearing a corset, not a cormorant, the bird, right? Those are water birds. Yeah, not wearing a water bird. But it was one of those things that I would go back there over the years going, I wonder whatever happened to that girl. Like the girl that punched me in the face. I wonder what happened to her. That was really interesting.

And I wonder what happened to the girl in the corset. It sounds to me like you kind of feel like you missed out on something. Like you probably wished you'd woken up in the middle of the night and a girl wearing a cormorant was punching you in the face. No, because that'd be gilding the lily. It was enough without a cormorant. Yeah. I mean a, wait.

Comrant? What's the... She had cornrows. What was the... A corset, knucklehead. A corset. I keep mixing it up with an aquatic diving bird. Yeah, as we all do.

Yeah. Jesus Christ. Isn't Facebook funny like that, though, that it can connect you with a ghost from your past? Yeah, it gets ghosty sometimes. I hope Slappy finds you one day. I hope you get an email one day on Facebook. Hey, punch face. I'm coming for you, fucker.

Yeah. I've gotten that before. I'm coming for you, fucker. Better not fall asleep tonight, fucker. Yeah, sign Slappy. Yeah. Here comes punch face. Yeah, I'm taking my top off.

Hey, Drunky. I'm going to sex you up with my fists. Come here, drunkies. Slopty, slapy, slap, pop, pap, pap, pa, pa, pop, pah, get out. I'm pie the cops. Oh, motherfucker. Oh, God, that's a great story, man. Well, on that theme of being with a, since you talked about being with a lady, what is your

worst kissing nightmare? I'm talking, you're making out with a girl, what happened, goobers, breath, fungus, burp in your mouth, like any outstanding stories where you had like kind of a kissing nightmare, something went wrong? I don't remember any, like, really awful kissing nightmares. Other than there was one girl that was, she had, we'd sort of seeing each other a few years ago, and she came back from San Francisco. go, she had been driving, like, for six hours or five hours. Yeah.

And it obviously not stopped to buy any breathmints or buying sodas to wash it away. And came up to my house and I had an awful dirty barnyard in her mouth and was talking to me and trying to get sex. I'm going, oh, fucking, I didn't have the heart to go. I know. Hey, dogs. There she is. Keep talking. Like, I didn't.

This is such a. It's such a professional rig over here. It's his phone making a duck noise. I think that was a cormon call. I heard you. So she had a dirty barnyard in her mouth. All sorts of flattulent cows shitting and trying to get out. And was talking to me and trying to make it sexy like I came to have in San Francisco over you.

And I didn't have the heart to say, you got to clean out your dirty old mouth because it's a putrid barnyard in there, honey. Well, how did you smell it? Were you kissing? No, he wasn't even kissing. And she wanted to get a little intimate. And I had to tell you it was too awful. Well, didn't you do the old, hey, can I get you a drink? Welcome to my house.

I think I did. I think I did. That's a pretty easy. And then when I say drink, you slip a bunch of windex into a glass of orange juice. Windex and some aspirin and some bleach. And some oxy cotton. Something to clean out that trough. Bleach.

Yeah. You got to bleach that. That's a dirty old mud pen. So did it actually smell like a pig pan? It smelled like, you know, I took my daughter to occupy Wall Street. Nice father-daughter activity, okay. I took my daughter to occupy L.A. Look, honey, this is how not to work when you get older.

Last Sunday. To say, you know, I don't want to take it down because this is what you're supposed to do. Maybe not like this, but if you're an American, you're going to protest now and again, and you can take it to the fucking government. You can hit the streets and you can affect change in your life. You have the power. You're not a powerless citizen of the U.S. You're not a fucking monkey.

So we go there and that place, God love, but it smelled awful. Really? And you walked in there and you're hit by just different levels of pee stanch and shit stanch and body odor. It was awful. It was like a zoo down there. And then they actually had on a plywood sign somebody had spray painted, smells like change. And as I said to my daughter, I was raised in Iowa. That's not change your smell.

Yeah. It was really awful. How about the sign red smells like change? change your underwear. Yeah. Feels like change your... And that's outside. You're outside with the full exposure of the universe.

Yep, there it is. For the fumes to dissipate and still you were overrun with reek. Yeah, it was pretty reek. Of the downtrodden and unemployed. It was pretty reeked. I don't know, yeah. You might want to take your daughter to a, you know, a general electric corporate youth rally or something. I take it.

of the Chlorox factory now and again. Look at there, honey. That's scrub everything out with this stuff. Well, wait a minute. Let's get back to Barnyard Face. How did you get out of not kissing her? I was saying that I was, I'm from Iowa, and that was a dirty barnyard. And there's nothing you can do about that other than flee.

So I think it was pushed away a little bit, pushed where I got a, you know, I got to get a thing. And it was the end of a thing. So she drove all the way down. You were there waiting for, ready to make out. She lived in Los Angeles. Oh, okay. He'd be gone there for the weekend or something and drove back, like, I gotta see a topic.

Oh, wow. Yeah, it didn't work out. But you didn't have any, like, kind of plan to get something sweet in there to freshen up the ante. You know why? Because it was so, it almost, I think it did make me a little angry. Like, this is how you didn't think twice about that. And plus it gets in your head, even if they ate, like, they could eat a bushel of roses. She could have eaten a bushel of dirty dicks, and it would have smelled better than what it did.

Oh, wow. And then psychologically it's in your head. You're done. You're done. That's not an attractive place to be. You can't kiss it because you're just thinking. Now you're waiting for it. That's hard stuff.

Wow. I'm sorry, but are you okay? Yeah, I'm all right now. She's out of my life. She's well. That's two crazy girls, sloppy and stinky. Wow. We get four more, and we got the new seven dwarfs or whatever they're called.

Five. Yes. Yeah. The slappy, Slappy, Shorthy. What are they? The short horrors of filth.

All right, here we go, buddy. This one's, this will be interesting. I'm excited to see where you go with this. If you could be any other nationality, what would it be? Yeah. If you could pick to be some other nationality,

for whatever reason, who knows, what do you think you'd like to be? probably Mexican how come I was just I was just down there doing a little picture in in Mexico you were shooting a movie in Mexico a picture in Mexico and you liked what you saw you liked

the people what why would you want to become Mexican I think what I'd like about it is that is that it's as we're saying in this town Rosarito which is a real it's it's a rough town they have a little place on the on the ocean that has some nice hotels on it

but the rest of the town because I run i was running around i'd run through town i got chased by a dog nice no this this this mexican dog wanted to eat my face wow he wanted to start on my legs and eat those and then work his way up and chew my face off he was a dangerous thing i almost went down this dude what four inches away from my from my heels as i was running he came out of nowhere what kind of dog some like some it wasn't as a like kind of a small, fast lab who when I look back

just had snarly, foamy teeth. How did you get away from them? I just, I'd been running about seven miles, and this was like mile seven. So I was pretty tired. And I just went down a side street and I was running toward the ocean. And this fucker came out of nowhere

and just, but it's nice to know that at a dead, that I'm a 46-year-old man. Yeah. And I know that. I know that. I can outrun a dog that wants to eat me at a dead run. At some point, you know, I think every dude, your age, my age,

you should run for your life at some point. Because it's not, you're just, you're not running fast to outrun something. You're not trying to beat somebody running. You are running for your life. What about running to a terminal at the airport? No. No. Okay.

Or running to the buffet. Yeah. No. Okay. That's scary. This is running as fast as you can, all out. After running seven miles, then you, the fucking dog is on you. and you run as fast.

So I ran as fast as I could for about 50 feet, and then the dog got out of his territory, and he stopped. Wow. Yeah, it was pretty awful. Now, had he grabbed you, what would you have done? Would you just start wailing on him? Like the way that girl wailed on your face? Yeah.

You think afterwards, I would have taken off my shirt, and he would have seen this rack. Oh, yeah. Wonder. Nice, too. Yeah. And I would have started slapping his face. But you think about that after.

You go for an eye, you try to get a thumb in an eye, or you punch him in the face. Yeah. There was a buddy of mine in Iowa that every day used to walk through this field in Boone, Iowa. Yeah. When he was a kid going to school, I had to walk through this big field, about a half an acre. And a dog would start at one end by the farmhouse and would chase his ass all the way through the field.

And one day he said, you know, it's been going on for two months. I can't take this shit anymore. This is awful. Yeah. So he said he stood there. And he saw that dog running 200 yards away. That dog's running out. And he's just standing there.

He's got his fist cock. It's the same guy that worked on a submarine. tender this guy patented wow okay he's got his fist cock he's waiting for his dog the dog he's running 200 yards keep running fat guy's just waiting for him the dog jumps in the air and he punches the dog as hard as he can in the face he punched the dog in the face didn't knock him down dog didn't knock him out knock him down dog kind of stopped looked at him walked away never bothered him again yeah dogs understand that they read your energy and if you feed off it if you punch it in the face if you punch it in the face i had a buddy who uh used to bike a lot and he was

biking through northern New York like the finger legs it's a lot too yeah that's rough and uh he was just riding down a country road and uh all of a sudden two barnyard dogs came running up the the long dirt driveway they saw they got them

they got them they hauled them off his bike oh fuck he said they would have ripped them alive he said by fate he was carrying a pocket knife oh my he was able to pull it out he actually he had to stab one of the dogs. You're fucking kidding.

The dog yelped and wandered off, and it freaked the other dog out. And he goes, if he hadn't had that pocket knife, he thinks they would have killed him. Sure. And ever since then, when I go out hiking

or I go, like, even out in the country, I walked through some of the backroads of Australia, and I stayed at a backpackers, and before I left, I went to the kitchen, and I stole, like, a kitchen knife and just had it in my backpack at the ready.

ever since I heard that story because you forget dogs dogs are like they're like wolves with funny cute names yeah you know yeah they'll eat your face they'll eat you they'll imagine that

first you got your face punched up and then you got it eaten up oh that's a drag you won't have a face left so I think though this though that woman that was punching my face if instead of I'm gonna punch his face I'm gonna nakedly punch his face and get him out of here

If I want to eat him, if I start chewing on him, you know, if I start chewing on his face, I think it wouldn't have been as nasty because I don't think she would have put that much effort into it. And you like that stuff, too. You like having your face eating out. Yeah, that's nice. That's nice, man. Yeah, that's nice, man. Oh, I like that voice.

Can I, I got to tell them, can I tell them about the famous voice you do? Oh, yeah, sure. Toby, if you're a big fan of King of the Hill, and now you're going to have to do the voice. I'm putting you on the spot. Toby does the voice for, is it Kang? What a jerk. Who's the Korean guy?

He's Laotian, and his name is Khan. I thought, Khan, that's it. You're crazy red there. There he is. He does that, how does he go? Yeah, that's him. I got, do the punch to the face thing in his voice. I saw hitting my face

I like your titty I think that's one of the funniest characters I'm too drunk There's a lot of yelling Now when you audition for that Were you actually up against Like Asian guys that do voice work Or how does a white guy get an Asian guy's part?

I heard that Pat Marita had the part before The guy from karate kid? Yeah And that I didn't work out with him He's too old. They made a call, and they called me, and I was in New York.

Yeah. And I guess Mike Judge was in Los Angeles and some other people sitting there. But I thought it was just Mike calling to say, hey, can you do a Laotian guy? And I went, I've never done a. What is Laosian? It's a guy from Laos. Sounds like a body cream. Yeah, you got any Laotian?

I'm a little dry. It does sound like a body cream. Yeah. Well, I'm not here to screw with your hat. Or it's a third world country where people live under a brutal. Oh, this is a real place, the ocean. You know, you live up here on a mountaintop. You watch it.

I'll come over there and slap you with my breasts. So you do the voice for Mike Judge. Yeah, and he loved it. And they said, hey, come on out. And I was, I think it was after down Periscope. And then that's when I started coming out to Los Angeles more, like in the mid-late 90s. That's great. When you're watching King of the Hill, Toby Huss is your guide doing that voice.

And I got to tell you, for my nationality, I would want to become Swedish. I always thought it would be great to be a big, like, 6'5-bond hair, rock jaw. Scagl Kludzen. And big blue, like sky-blue eyes. Names Scragel Klazun. Cut, you know, just like a, like a Rutgar-Hauer, Dolph Lundgren, hybrid. Hybrid. Hybrid.

Hybrid. Hi, Breed, how are you? Wait, was it Dolph Lungren who's the... Is that Dolph Lungren who's a super genius guy? Dolph Lundgren or the other guy? No, Dolf Lundgren was the big guy in the Rocky Three, the Russian guy. I know. But one of those guys is Dolf Lungren or the other guy.

Ruckgarhauer was in Blade Runner. I know. He looks pretty puffy now, Rucker Hauer. Yeah, I mean, in their younger years. But can you imagine just being like this kind of Nordic God type of guy No, I can't. I can't because I want to be a Mexican. You want to be a Mexican?

Because there's not a lot of federal rules down there. It doesn't seem like it seems like that it's a pretty fucked up country. Yeah. And it's pretty lawless. But it seems to be like a sincere, honest place where a guy can go down to the store and buy some metal tubing and a lawnmower engine and put a big fan on it and then get a, you know, a hang glider sort of glide. Just go over.

Stick it all together. And he starts that thing up on the fucking beach and it goes, whing. And he goes about 19 stories high, and he gives people rides. And no one tells him to get off the beach. Yeah. And no one tells him you've got to get a pilot's license. No permit. No license.

There were three guys like that who on the weekends were just giving these flights to people. Yeah. It was the greatest thing that reminded me of what happened in the U.S. in the 70s. Yeah, nobody cared. People just did stuff. There was no regulations on everything. That's the thing. There's not a lot of regulation, which is a drag two.

When you go running on the beach, you go to the end of this place by Rosarito, and you go, well, that's an old-time, crazy factory that's just spewing shit out of the ocean and it's not regulated either so there's pros and cons to it but it's uh yeah i think we should do a sitcom next year on mbcc the mexican and the sweden we'll call it pacco and nordgrud and we're we you know i don't know what we do but i think it's just the title people will tune in we open a jalapina vodka shop down in the gay district Wow, you had me, but then maybe lost me.

Pass. But now you have me again. I do? The way you said pass pulled me back in. Pass. Oh, I'm back in. All right, let's talk about Rudy. Yeah.

Let's talk about Rudy. I have your album right here. It's snowballs. It's snowballs. And Toby does an incredible character who, would it be fair to say he's like half gangster, Half Frank Sinatra, half you, half. It's a real, he's like a real old-time throwback, rat pack type. Yeah, that's the kind of guy that sing swing music and landy shit. And he works pretty blue most of the time.

Yeah, he's pretty abrasive. And his name's Rudy Kassoni. Yeah, Rudy Kazoni. And this is kind of Toby's alter ego. You got to see it. He looks like Sinatra-esque. And every year on the podcast, this is our third year doing it. And I think I told you this, but every year, at Christmas, I play the Snowball song.

Oh, nice. And I talk about you. And that's why I thought we got to have Toby up here this year to tell us about the song. And then we're going to play the song after you kind of give us a history of it. Oh, the snowballs. And Toby does a great Christmas show. And real quickly, what's the date of your Christmas show? And where is it here in Hollywood?

It's this Wednesday, December 7th. Okay. And it's at the place called the Steve Allen Theater, which is on Hollywood. About 4773 Hollywood Boulevard. It was Hollywood, a couple blocks west of Vermont. Okay. It's 8 o'clock, and it's got me and Mark Fight and James Urbaniac in the Lampshades, a wonderful group in Los Angeles.

Sid Straw is going to be there. He's a singer, some people might know, going to sing a duet with me. Great. Billy to Mime, Scott Nairie, who's a wonderful juggler. Billy the Mime, by the way. If you've ever seen a Mime, this guy doesn't mind eating an apple or getting out of a box. He mimes the most outrageous, gnarly things you'll ever see. He does everything from the altar boy and the nasty priest to guys dying of AIDS in San Francisco in the 80s.

Yeah, it's shocking. And he did, in the last show we did in November, he was working. It was just after Sandusky broke, and he was going to do a whole thing with Sandusky and some of the pool boys or whatever they were. But he couldn't get the right music. So he said, I'm going to save that for Christmas. The right music, hilarious. He was worried about the right music. But it's shocking, and the show, just so you know, what's the name of the show, Toby?

I call it the Rudy Cazone boozebag review. Okay, and the show is filled with Toby hosts the whole thing. He sings and he does comedy bits and he brings out these incredible guests and the show is filled with all these great, great comedians that have been working. Dave Higgins is going to be there and Dave Higgins. and Pat Healy is going to be doing stuff, too. Great, great people that have been on the Hollywood scene. These aren't just like they're his buddies, but they're also very, very talented in their own right. They've been in movies on TV shows.

So it's a great show. You've got to see it. A couple strippers from Jumbos' clown room are coming in. Oh, see? Sure, sure. Yeah, I remember last year I went and I saw the very beautiful girls, fishnet stockings. Daisy Meadows, and sure, sure. And Dave Higgins is going to be doing his version of a gift of the mage eye.

It's wonderful. You know that story with a girl with the hair And the comb, the guy cuts off all his hair I think Dave doesn't do it He does, the girl buys the guy a cock ring Oh But then he cuts off his balls to get money For her for something

But it's still the same tender Lovely gift of the major Christmas time Best of the season Well we're gonna If you're in town If you're in Hollywood, December 7th Where can they get tickets toby?

You can get tickets online at the Steve Allen Theater.com. It's there, and there'll be a page that direct you to tickets, or you can show up the night of the show, but you should probably get them before, because it's probably going to sell out. It'll sell out. I was there last year, and it was just packed,

and people were actually standing up against the wall. Yeah, that's usually, yeah. So it's an annual thing, and get out there and see it. It's about two hours long, isn't it? Yeah, we're going to try to make it not two hours this year, because two hours is a lot of time. About an hour and a half type of thing. We'll try to go an hour and a half, and we buzz on through.

And it seems like 15 minutes. I know. It's weird when you're up there. But it's great stuff. You've got to go. And a lot of songs. He's got a live band, a horn section. Yeah.

And all your songs are original. You wrote them, right? Yeah, the ones for the Christmas show. We wrote all those songs. And I wrote those things. And they're great. And Toby sings them. And as I said, every year we play his great, great song called Snowballs.

Blow it out, you dangle, is my favorite line. I often text and email Toby that line in the middle of the summer all year long. I love to hit them with that one. But just quickly, we're going to play the song. Tell us about the song how you came up with it and, you know, if there's any funny stories around it that you want to share. I don't know. Just one, I started, I started dicking it.

I think, well, that'd be fun to write a little Christmas song. Let's write a Christmas song. And then snowballs. I went all day snowballs. there's snowballs like mine snowballs oh snow oh okay and then of course it just it goes from there and how did you come up with blow it out your dingle because it rhymed with cringle so you bagged the cringle is i was not to say so you bagged the cringles so long because i wanted to say so long uh like so long old fat oh Santa Claus only comes once a year yeah it's about a girl who throws throws me away to go to get with Santa Claus yeah yeah but the guy only comes once a year yeah How can that satisfy you? Yeah. So you bag to cringle.

Ding, what's how do you cringle, fingo, mingle, float out your dingle? That's good enough for me. It's so stupid. Jesus, I love it. All right, well, here it is. I'm going to actually give you the honors, Toby. Why don't you set up the song and throw it to it, and we're going to play it? Hey, there's a lovely song called Snowballs coming here, sung by a loving man named Rudy Cazone for your Christmas listening pleasure.

Yeah, it was this time of year. About a year ago, I think, around the holiday seasons that I was at home waiting for the old lady to get back. She'd been gone a couple weeks you see's. So I had a couple dozen hot toddies or so waiting for there. Huh. Finally the door opens up. Rudy!

Hey, baby, it's been a while. Take off the dress. She don't. She gives me the stink eye. Where's the tree? What do you mean? What tree? It's Christmas Eve, Kazoni. Oh.

Yeah, I thought it was June. She says that's it That's it Rudy I'm leaving you I've had enough I can't stick no more I found another guy I'm gone

Hold on baby What do you mean on Christmas Eve You're leaving me You found another guy Who is this joke What's he got that I don't got Well he's really cute Baby it's me

It's Rudy He's got a short red suit I know I ain't no beauty But if you squint your eyes When the lights are low You got one swell looking skinny day go Kids love him to boo Was this more than a date

He's got a sack a loo No, you little ain't great. Well, yesterday you're my lip smacker. Now you're a sugar plum nut cracker. I did not forget Christmas. No, I hunt some mistletoe in my pants. Packer up! There's snowballs like mine.

And there's snowballs like the ones you're leaving behind. You're going to miss my back, spackling, crackling hot. You'll log wax nostalgic for my... steamy holiday nogs He's jolly in bed Yeah, who is this pet? Steets a rosy and red Oh, I should have guessed

Don't hit your ass on the way out the dough You ho-ho snow blowing ho-ho-ho-ho Oh, Merry Christmas, Rudy Blow it out your dingle Don't go getting snooey Oh so you bag the cringle So long, but don't forget my dear Old Fatso comes but once a year

There's snow poles We live up in the coo I like these I love us big North Pole And they jingle, jingle, jingle, jangle, jangle down below my knees. You're going to miss roasting my chestnuts. Oh, yes, ma'am. Good luck without my pink honey glazing holiday ham.

Because there's snowballs like mine. There's snowballs like these twins you're leaving behind. And there's snowballs. And look out, baby, there's snowballs And has snowballs like those nutty, knocked out, not so cuckoo stones You're leaving behind Dear Santa Claus, thanks for nothing P. P.S.

Could you possibly bring me a new brawl? Or, if not, I don't know, toss a couple of drunk elves in my bed or something. A couple of your little help us. To help you, they can help me, pal. All right, that was awesome, buddy. I love that song. That's our yearly Christmas ritual here.

I love it. That's wonderful. Are you okay with us doing that for years to years to come unless we get in a big fight? That's fantastic. No, even if we do get into a fight, then you can play. You can stop it halfway through.

and then comment on me. Curse you out. Why didn't that naked girl kick his ass? He's such a prick. That would have been great. But I'm going to listen to the rest of it because I'm contraction. You know, it's funny because I played, you know, my daughter's 12 now. And it gets pretty blue in a lot of these songs.

And she's, I thought, well, I cannot let her hear it. And then wait until she's 18 and go, hey, I made this. I thought there's got to be in the fabric of her life somewhere. So when I first would play it for her, there's a few songs that aren't as blue as other ones. And I'd play those for her. And then I think somewhere along the line, I said, no, fuck it. It'll be like a little wonderful obscenity onion that she gets to peel each year. And she'll be in college and she'll be a grown woman, a grown-ass woman.

And she'll listen to this, she'll listen to some song on there and go, oh, my God. And probably call me up and go, did you say that about that with that line? Yeah, sorry. Oh, nice. What can you do? Yeah. Hey, it's your kid. You got to, she should know what daddy does.

Well, let's, we're getting down to the end of the internet. interview. And as you know, folks, at the end of all my guest interviews, I don't, I don't interview a ton of guests, but when I do, we always hit them up with the Harland Highway Animal Quiz. Yeah. We'll get to that very shortly. A couple more questions for, uh, for Toby Husk. Great guests. Happy to have you here, buddy. This is a treat. You're mount top compound. Yes. This is really fun to have Toby here. We've been friends for a long time we don't get to see each other as much as we should but that's the way it works in hollywood i find with uh almost everyone you become friends with it's it's intermittent but it's

always like whenever i see you it feels like we just picked up where we left off and i i love i love that so um yeah i know you toby's a great artist toby loves to paint and and do photographs and when you get Toby alone and you start talking about the artistic world, you're very knowledgeable and passionate about that world. And I don't know if I've ever asked you this, but who's your favorite artist? Not one of them, but if you could pick one traditional or conventional artist, who would it be?

And it could be like modern or old. For me, it was always Franz Klein, the abstract expressionist painter. Really? I don't know if I'd tell you. It's, it's, I was at, I think it was the Met, and I came around, how was the Matt? It was some museum in New York. It might have been to Whitney, actually. Okay.

I came around a corner, and he's, dig in the 50s, 50, 60s, big abstract expression as painter, along with, he was around the time of Pollock and decooning and all these guys, American guy. Yeah. And I saw this, he's a black and white, with some gray, black and white abstract painting. and I don't know it was such a visceral response I had to that thing I turned on I saw it and I went wow

and it kind of took my breath away I just I stared at it and it was only in that whole museum it was just me in that fucking painting yeah everybody else that ceased to exist I fucking sat down I stared at and I went oh my god

I sat down on a bench I just kept staring at it it was a pretty powerful experience isn't that amazing it was pretty wonderful and then I had the same Same thing with the Motherwell that I saw that was just this, this, one of his elegy to the Spanish Wars was one of those paintings with the Guggenheim. It was just an abstract, a big abstract thing. And it was, I like those abstract guys a lot. Now, the first one you saw, how big was the painting?

That France Klein was pretty big, and it was high up on a wall, and it was maybe like six feet wide and five feet high or eight feet wide and four feet high? It was a pretty big size. Now, explain it a little better. Was there images in it, or was it just abstract? Shades and tones. You know what I found out later is that he got the idea for a lot of those abstract paintings from there was a – I'm kind of forgetting this. I don't know if it was an actual rocking chair or the shadow of the rocking chair in this big barn where he did. And he saw these lines, and he looked at it one day.

And he went, fuck. And it stopped being a rocking chair. And it was just lines to him and whatever was in the background up. And he saw these lines, and it was about positive. Negative space. looking at oh and he started painting that and i think it was so it's just an examination of of of just an abstract paint of shadows and tones and i think so i mean it's and it's and there's a lot of movement in his uh in his work too i mean it it it's a really it's a really it's a really it

is a physical graphic representation of you know what this man is feeling in there and it's for me that's my that's my favorite stuff in the world and other people have other things and it's yeah yeah whatever your thing is you might love kincade the guy that has paintings and malls i know you like oh love it love me a painting of a big donut or a twisty ice cream well you know that guy kinkade that has this that he's the biggest selling artist in the like the history of the world oh really that fucking guy kinkade that makes those shitty paintings that go over your couch you've seen him he's in he's in he's in malls all across oh okay okay i see what yeah Or not shitty, maybe he's fantastic, but...

It's all open. That's art. It's open to inter... I had the same moment you had. With what? This was incredible, because I, you know, I've been to art galleries all over the world. I mean, I've seen the Mona Lisa. I've seen Van Goghs.

I've been to art galleries in Germany and London and France, everywhere. And one day I was at a gallery in Germany. And I came around the corner, and there was this... Salvador Dali that was I think this thing was 20 feet high and it was an abstract of a of Jesus on the crucifix oh the perspective one where he's going up into heaven that yeah and I was standing at the base of that thing and it whacked me in the face the way that girl was beaten on your face I mean I was just like pummeled into submission and same thing everything else just faded away and I thought, why am I feeling this?

And it almost was like I had a physical, spiritual attraction to the actual painting. And I became emotionally attached to it, and I couldn't leave. I had to stand there. And it's almost like a force field comes over you. And I know exactly what you're saying about your experience, and it's an incredible experience. And that's the upside of going to art galleries, because you can have that connection with art,

that you just can't get if you're just staring at it on the internet or something. I think it's hard, you know, and I think, you know, now and again, you'll see a performance in a film thing, like in a movie, or you'll watch a stand-up, or you'll see a play, or there'll be some hunk of art that can transcend the rest of the stuff, and maybe it just does it for you, or maybe it does it for all humans. But I think you have to be open and believe that, that transcendent thinking happened to happen very often oh and it's great that it doesn't happen

very often really because when it does it's it's just a moment it's a special moment your song can be like that you hear you hear a hunk of music yeah like snowballs i'm sure oh definitely definitely buddy are you kidding well excellent uh excellent uh perspective on that and uh i think uh we're down to the end here well you know what let me give you one quickie all right this is like a sentence or five or even one word answer. And then we're going to go, this is a quickly, what does your pillow smell like? I think ham. Excellent.

That is a correct answer. We will move on to the animal quiz. Excellent. Ladies and gentlemen, it is time. Are you ready, Toby? It is time for the Harland Highway Animal Quiz. It's time for. The Harland Highway Animal Quiz.

All right, here we go, buddy. This is your first Harland Highway Animal Quiz. Just to refresh our viewers and to bring you up to speed. Listeners. Our listeners, thank you for that. I'm so excited that I got mixed up that people aren't watching. They're just hearing. Yeah.

Thank you for that. Now, how this works. I'm going to give you clues. You've got four questions. Did you just crack one? Oh, you just... See, the guests sit on a nice brown leather chair, and Toby just lifted...

It's brown now. Yeah, it was black. Yeah, that's a nice... And Toby just lifted a cheek and cracked. It probably was somewhere between an Arby's and a... I don't know what fart. I said a soup can't expotion. Yeah, like a soup can't expotion.

You sound like a soup can't. it's supposed to. Like if you put a can of beans on a fire, and you just let that, but you don't poke in there holding them to top, just a can of Van Camps beans and put that on a car fire. You let all things sit there for about 30 minutes. It would blow up. That's what sound like. And you sound like that, was that your Mexican voice for when you change nationalities? That was like African. I was down there. I was down there. I mean, I know the people. Half black, African or Mexican.

You know the dogs too. So speaking of dogs, let's roll into our first animal quiz question. You've got to guess the name of this thing from the animal kingdom. The corset. The corset. The cormorant. My first name is the same as the short form name of a high-altitude soft drink. And my second name has been turned into order.

ridiculous dance that requires one to lay down on their stomach. Wow. Water buffalo. Wow. No. How about that? What? No, no.

No, the soft drink. Yeah. Listen to it again. My first name is the same as a short form name. Mount Shasta. Shasta orange soda. High altitude soft drink. Called pop.

Go ahead. My second name has been turned into a ridiculous dance that requires one. to lay down on their stomach the shasta worm oh he's you got part of it you got part of it that's what's the hell Sierra missed it's a short form name for a high altitude soft drink I'm not going to get it underneath her you might think it's it's easy these I know they're tough they're tough I'll give you a hint the soft drink I'm thinking about is green greenish in color that gives you seven up seven up's clear mountain dew oh greenish in color dew worm hey oh that's it

he got the dew worm you got it that's it that's a pretty weak clue for the first one no because what's the short form for mountain dew the dew yeah but high altitude soft drink well mountain yeah i know i got a shasta though mount shasta I had a Shasta. Yeah, there's no, no. No, no, you got it. Why are you arguing? You got it.

You're arguing your own victory. I don't believe it. This is a first. That's a sweet V, bitches. All right, here's the second one. You're not looking at the answers, I hope. No, no, I haven't seen no. Unbelievable.

I would have gotten that a little sooner. This one's quick and easy. This one actually rhymes. Oh, all right? Y'all set? I'm a dangerous snake who you've, You'd know if an Indian dropped a shoe in the lake. That's a, uh...

I'm a dangerous snake who you'd know if an Indian dropped a shoe in the lake. A cobra. Hobra. Hobra. Splash. Oh. Dangerous snake. Rattle.

Whettle ship. Who you'd know. know if an Indian dropped a shoe in the lake a moccasin oh what what was that i was thinking india moccasin a water moccas hey oh he got it the kid i like the way you throw these off like you didn't really get them but you're nailing them two for two this feels really great two for you're you got two more maybe you'll get a perfect score on your first animal quiz ah nice here we go number three I'm a bear you could fry with, and if it helps, I address my father

the same word the Irish use. Brownie? I'm a bear you could fry with, and if it helps, I address my father with the same word, the Irish use. Black Kodiak. No. Black Irish.

No? Black Irish, black hair. No? I addressed my father with the same word. The same word the Irish used. Fucking cub. No. A fucking black bear.

No. Fucking brownie. I'm a bear you could fry with. I can fight you right now. Oh, wow. Oh, you're getting shiver me timbers by. So the bear. The bear you could fry with.

Fry with. Pan. Oh. Oh, pan. Pappy pan. Oh, he's all around it. Pappy pan. Pappy pan?

Pappy. Oh, he's all around it. He's almost doing an Irish jig on it. Wow. This is so stupid. Oh, my God. A pan you can fry with. You got the first part.

A pan. And then the Irish refer to their fathers with this moniker. My. Oh, pan. Pan, Pap. Oh, you're going to kill yourself. You're so all over it. Pop, pan, pop.

Everyone listening already knows it. And you're still searching. What are those drunks call their parents, your fathers? Me ma and me... Pan-pa? A panda? Hey, oh! You're fucking idiot.

I'm leaving. Why am I the idiot? It's like, it's me ma' and me da. Panda. Oh, man. Wow. This is really awful. You got it.

Why do you get angry at the end of them when you get them? Most people are like, yeah! Oh, you ass. How dare you? The pan, the panda. Right? Why? Look at him.

He's heckling himself. I got to get the Cinebaw. You got three. Yeah. Three had a four. Wow. I almost don't know if I want you to get the last one with your crazy beating up on yourself attitude. Most people celebrate the win.

You know, I'll celebrate the win. I'll celebrate the win this one. Oh, yeah. All right. Here we go. All right. Last one. I am a small insect whose name starts with something presidents are only allowed two of, and whose name is...

Termite! Wow! Did you just celebrate? Hey, yeah, I did. I said, hey! I didn't even finish it. Well, you got term. And whose name ends with the past tense of May, termite.

Termite. That was the easiest one of the whole day. Oh, good work, buddy. That was your finisher? Thank you. I would have ended with that panda. That's a tough one. Oh, you son of a bitch.

I'm this close to ripping my shirt off and punching you in the face. You and your fucking, you know and your da. My mom and my da. Come on over with your, ma. You got it. You got four out of four. I'm impressed, buddy. Jingling, ding, ling.

Well, that is it. We end on a high note with Mr. Toby Haas. Look at that. We came in raid at just about an hour here. And I want you to plug your show one more time. Tell the folks where they can see it, where they can get the tickets, and anything else you want to plug.

This is your moment. Go for it, Tob. Come on. It's at the Steve Allen Theater this Wednesday, December 7th, 8 o'clock and a p.m. And the Steve Allen is 4773 Hollywood Boulevard, a couple blocks west of Vermont. It's a lovely Christmas show. It starts off your whole Christmas season down there.

Yeah. It's a lovely way. You'll hear Christmas stuffing most of the time. likely and drinky, dranky, drunky, and snowballs and no time fatty. Are you going to do snowballs? Are you going to perform? Oh, great. That's worth the price of admission right there.

There you go. And anything else we need to know about you? Are you going to save that till the next time? I'm saving that for the next time when I announced my thing got changed to female parts. Oh, wow. Yeah. Chaz Bono of the season to you. Max.

Well, Toby, thank you so much for being here. what a pleasure and uh folks honestly i went to see toby's a christmas show last year unbelievably funny unbelievably entertaining toby's the real deal incredibly talented uh actor comedian singer buddy of mine and uh we thank you for being here pal thank you harland for having me it's lovely up here thank you and that's it folks we are all out of time go find your uh your ma and your da and uh until next time Chicken. Chalmayne, baby. Merry Christmas, Rudy.

Blow it out your tingle. Don't go getting snooty. I saw you bag that cringle. So long, but don't forget, my dear. Oh, fat so comes but once a year. There's snowfall. You live up in the cold. I like these.

I love his big North Pole. They jingle, jingle, tangle, tangle down below my knees. Thank you.