The Harland Highway - Podcast 59

Episode Date: January 13, 2010

Discuss the movie Avatar, dreams, chest hair, street cleaners, high heels, and Mr. Magoo drops by to recite some Jim Morrison poetry! Sweet caramel fudge stains! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the Harland Highway. I want to suck your iPod. No, I don't want to suck your iPod. It's probably been in your spandex pants where you've been working out on the treadmill. I do not want to suck your iPod. Ugh. But I do want you to suck this show. I want you to suck this show right into your brain. What a show we have today. I'm going to be talking about Avatar, right? The new James Cameron movie. We're going to be talking about dreams.

Trying to figure out what dreams are all about. We're going to be talking about something that really annoys me street cleaning. You ever see those stupid signs, street cleaning? But you never actually see a street cleaner ever? Yeah, what's that? all about. We're going to be talking about chest hair. So I don't know if you ladies can relate to that.

Maybe some of you have chest hair, but, and this one's maybe more for the ladies. We're going to be talking about high heels. You're high heels, my little lady friends. And then lastly, in the podcast today, this is going to be kind of weird but interesting, I guess. Mr. Magoo is going to come by and read some Jim Morrison poetry. You know Jim Morrison from the band The Doors? Come on, baby, let my fire. Well, Jim was quite the poet,

and I guess Mr. Magoo is a fan of Jim Morrison's poetry and wants to come on the show and read some poetry. So hopefully this is a good idea. I don't know. So we'll be talking about the doors and Jim Morrison and music in general. It's going to be fun, stimulating, and mental. Just the way you like it, my fine, fine friend. So let's do it.

You ready? Have you heard enough of me talking about it? Let's just go there. I snap my fingers and come on, let's go. We're going on the Harlan Highway. All aboard. You just made a wrong turn. Heavens to Mercutroy, even.

On to the Harland Highway. You've got cancers at the anus? My George, I think he's got it. Stop it. Stop it! You're busting my heart. It's Harlan Williams. They call me me me mellow yellow. They call me me me me mellow yellow Just butter it

All right, is that the creepiest weirdest song? Who the hell calls somebody mellow yellow And then some guy in the background's whispering Just butter it Oh god Homo erotic Welcome to the Harlan Highway What a treat man

I've got to talk to you guys about a movie that came out that just blew my mind. Avatar, okay? I'm just going to say it. Avatar. I don't know what Avatar means. I think it's the name of a planet. But wow. I'm telling you, man.

I don't know if you liked it, if it impacted you, but it certainly impacted me. You know, I'm an artist guy. Like my whole life I've been drawing and painting, and I study. in college. I went to animation school. I've worked in the animation industry over at DreamWorks, etc. And so I have a really good inside view on the animation industry, the computer animation industry. I've worked in the field. I've trained in the field. I've studied in the field. And all that aside, I wonder, even if I hadn't trained or studied in the field, would I be blown away by the animation in Avatar

and the answer is probably yes but I guess why I'm talking about being in the industry is that I have an even deeper appreciation for what went on in Avatar and let me explain you know that movie once that movie takes

you into the tropical jungle it was almost like walking through a painting or a work of art or a dream I mean just the rendering of the light and the shadows and the tones and the reflections and the colors. I mean, the darks, the lights, the sunbeams, the, it was just unbelievable.

What a palette. And, I mean, you can just see light changing and reflecting just on a side shot of one of their heads or in their eyes on the plants. the water on the trees. I mean, it was just, it blew my mind. I rarely go to a movie twice, okay? Rarely, and if I go twice, it's usually not, like, within the same week. I had to go back and see Avatar a second time, like three days after I saw it. I was just, like, mesmerized. It was one of those movies. It was like when I was a kid, and I went to Star Wars, and I walked out a Star Wars and I just went, what was that? Wait a minute.

What? Hello? I didn't know they could do that with movies. I didn't know that existed. What was that ride that George Lucas just took me on? Are you kidding me? Well, Avatar, I won't say it took me to the heights of Star Wars, but man, on a scale a 10, it took me to an 8. Let's just say movies just rounded a brand new corner with Avatar.

And if you're not a fan of CGI or computer animation, I think this movie Avatar might make a believer out of you because the detail and the emotion and the acting with these characters, the environment he creates for these characters. Unbelievable. I mean, just, when you go to the movie, just watch, there's some aliens in the movie. I'm not giving away any secrets.

Just watch their eye movements. Just their eyes alone are full of so much acting and emotion and expression. And up until now, I can't say there's been a CGI movie where the eyes actually looked real. But in Avatar, they nailed it. And, you know, they say, eyes or the window to the soul, well, if a CGI character could have a soul, James Cameron found it, man.

And I got to tell you, there's a lot of cliche action scenes in the movie, and, you know, a lot of the movie is actually a bit cliche, the story and some of the lines and the characters, but the scenes when you're away from all the human world, and you're in the jungle, and you're with the main characters, the rainforest. It just takes you there, man. It's like the way Wizard of Oz took you to Oz.

This movie takes you into that world. And there's some beautiful soft moments. My favorite moments in the movie were the soft, subtle, almost subliminal moments where it wasn't about the action and it wasn't about the blowups and the fighting. There were just some incredible, soft, wonderful moments. between the two main characters and I gotta say they moved me.

They moved me emotionally and not just because of the interaction and the emotion between the living characters but just the world they were in and little jellyfish-like creatures floating down and touching their skin and, you know, the dialogue where they're talking about connecting with nature

and being one with the world and all living things have a, life and a purpose and a meaning. I really appreciated that stuff. And I appreciated that Cameron, James Cameron, was able to integrate that into his movie, because nowadays, it's rare you get a movie where they let you have a soft, quiet moment anymore. It's like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, you know. If there is a quiet moment, it's very brief and rarely gets to play out. But, yeah, some of these scenes just really touched me.

So I have no affiliation of the movie. I'm just saying, go to it. I hope you love it. You might hate it. I don't know. That's the beauty of art. You love it. You hate it.

You're somewhere in the middle. But it's just nice to see innovation back in film. It's nice to see a guy pushing the boundaries of film. And any film in the future now has to kind of live up to the standard of Avatar, which is a good thing. And that's all I'm going to say about it, man. Check out Avatar in 3D. Don't go to the 2D one. You can if you want, but why?

There is a 3D version where it just pulls you in even deeper. You know, it's like laying with Kate Moss or Dolly Parton. You know, what do you want? You want that depth, that feel, okay, why did I ruin a beautiful movie by making a hooter joke? what is wrong with me let's get off avatar go check it out I think you'll be pleasantly surprised write me or call me

at the show let me know what you think because it is an incredible movie it's so beautiful it's like it's like watching somebody's dream what are dreams they're so weird aren't they they just go wherever they want

and they don't care about your feelings you can be dreaming about Rolling on a beach with Angelina Jolie. You're laying on the sand. And you're so in love. Her beautiful eyes are sparkling in the sun. She's staring at you, telling you how much she loves you, and you're laying on top of her, holding her close.

She starts kissing you and caressing you, and just as things start to get a little heavier, she turns into a walrus. And a piece of corn walks up. you and starts whistling. Huh? Wait a minute. Where'd Angelina Jolie go?

Who's the polar bear? What's with the whistling corn on the cob? And just when you go to the corn on the, you go, hey, buddy, why are you whistling? And why are you a talking, walking piece of corn? Well, suddenly Molly Shannon and many drivers show up, dressed as little schoolgirls, skipping rope, and being chased by a giant beach ball.

And you're like, whoa. Whoa, what's going on? Danger. And then suddenly you're underwater. And you've got fins on your face, and you're singing bubbles. And there's licorice crying from the heavens. And baby Moses is floating by on chitty, chitty bang, bang. And there's a big basket of eggs covered with seaweed floating through Kenny G's hair. Dreams, man.

Why don't they make any sense? All right, I guess I better go take a nap. Maybe I'll dream about driving upside down through India on an albino elephant with Richard Simmons doing Cirque de Soleil stretching exercises. I don't know. Maybe I'm talking in my sleep. Harlan Williams.

Okay, tell me this hasn't happened to you, You're rushing around, you're shopping, you've got to pick some stuff up, you're looking for a parking spot, you go up a side street where there's homes, and you go, oh, my God, there's a spot. And you do the whole nine-hour parallel parking thing where you just about scrape the side of everything in sight. You wedge into your tight little spot. You're like, yes!

And then you look up and there's that stupid sign. You know the one. That's stupid sign. The one that says, no parking on Tuesdays from 7 a.m. to 12 noon, street cleaning. Huh? Street cleaning. Then you look up and down the street and you're like, okay, street looks clean to me. Like, what are they going to clean?

What are they? Is someone coming out with one of those guys you see in the high schools with the machine that buffs the floor? It's going to squirt lemon pledge on the road. you know, buff the street, make it sparkle. I'm tempted to, I've never seen anyone cleaning a street. Okay, I'm tempted to sit there and just see what happens between 7 a.m. and noon on a Wednesday. And I'm praying to God like a dozen girls in French maid outfits are balancing on the curb walking along the curb looking for Snickers bar wrappers

and picking up syringes and old band-aids and cigarette butts and shotgun shell casings from all the drive-by what are they talking about street cleaning street cleaning my hairy mongo ass yeah I said mongo ass

I don't even know what that is but you can imagine the hair on that one Hey, man, your ass, Harry? Hell yeah, it's Harry. I got Mongo ass. Whoa, okay, right on. Can I see it? Get out of here. Please. Okay.

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and 100% free shipping. Code Harland. Have fun. Don't throw your back out. I mean, come on street cleaning. What is the point of that, man? What is the point of cleaning the street in the first place? And what kind of, what is that?

I just want to know what the government like con job is. It's like, hmm, why don't we screw with the citizens? We won't let them park on a certain day. of the week during certain hours, but how can we have fun with this and not let them do it for no reason, but they'll never figure it out? Oh, yes, we'll tell them we're cleaning the streets. Oh, my God. And for no reason, they can't park there. If they do, they get a big ticket, and we'll never clean the streets, but we'll just say we are, and that'll be our way of screwing with them. It's like a punk. It's like a between seven and noon. It's like a six-hour punk.

Okay, Mayor Ashton Coochter there. Bite my hairy mongo ass. What did you say? Maya, you heard me my mongo ass. Anyways, next time you're on one of those streets and you're not parking, you're just driving down it. Be sure to throw your Burger King bag out the window and clean the leaves out of the back of your truck

and dump your ashtray out and toss the old newspapers out, right? Just pollute the hell out of that street. Because, hey, guess what? They're going to be cleaning it, so who cares, right? Yeah, I can play your game. I'll punk you right back, Mayor Ashton Coucher. Go clean yourself.

Ow. Okay, you know what that was? I just pulled out a chest hair, man. And I don't have a lot of them. But that hurts. That hurts when you rip out a chest hair. chest hair baby why aren't we smooth we don't live in trees anymore i guess it's kind of sexy i like that chest hair right in the middle like right my chest bone plate right my cleavage yeah that's right

i got cleavage what's up player daddy's got some cleavage whoops i dropped a coin down my cleavage Whoops a daisy Would y'all mind reaching down there And get my coin out Yeah you wish You keep your hands out of my cleavage But it's hairy in there, man I feel like I should be like

Nursing a little baby koala or something Here, little guy You can nestle in my hairy patch Some people think it's sexy I think the ladies like it I think they like to snuggle in it at night It's like a hairy sleeping bag I don't know.

I think what they really like is they think they're sleeping on their dog or on their cat. You know, girls like to snuggle with their pets. So when they're sick of you, they just superimpose their dog into your chest hair. I guess chest hair is sexy,

but with men, it gets a little weird. It starts to spread out. You know what I'm talking about, guys? Open your shirts and take a look at your little ring around the rosy. Those hairs that kind of circle your nipples? Hmm? Yeah, it's like the Indians coming in off the planes and circling the wagon.

You've got these bizarre hairs circling our nipples. Looks like we got two yak butt holes growing on our chest. I know, it's disgusting, but, you know, it's things we've got to talk about. You ever been with a girl? Where's the hair coming out of the nipples? Oh! And you don't catch it because it's dark and you're fumbling around? and it isn't until you're doing what you do

and you start to think, wait a minute, I don't have a mustache. I shave, wait a minute, what are these long hairs on my upper lip? Oh, oh, oh, whoa, I've got to go. I've got to get some just for men and go. I feel all creepy and cold. I think I'll curl up in my chest and warm eyes.

get myself a hairy starfish all right i got to do this man i got to ask the ladies who are listening about high heels okay i was out with a girl one day one night whenever and um she had the high heels on You know, the high heels, like, you know, borderline, like, streetwalking pumps. And I'm telling you, man, we walked across cobblestone, we walked across sewer grates. We walked across pavement. We walked across grass. And I got to tell you, I don't know if there was one surface we walked across that made it easy for her to walk. I mean, we walked across the grate and she was like, her heels were falling through.

We walked across the cobblestone. Her heels were getting stuck in the little cracks. We walked across the grass and she was sinking. I mean, who invented these things, man? And why do you women put yourself through the pain? I can see if we, like, floated everywhere, you know, someday in the future when we're floating. Great. Where are the pumps?

But as a practical piece of footwear to walk around and you're going on a date, you know, you're going to be strutting around, you know, down the street or through the mall or wherever. Hell, girl, put some loafers on, man. Get some penny loafers or some ugs or some wrap Kleenex around your feet. I don't know. Do something, but the pumps? Hey, I love them, man. They look sexy as hell.

and that's probably why you do it. Because look, it looks sexy as hell. But you know what? Why don't just bring them in a bag, right? And then put them on when you get to the place you're going to or put them on when we get home, if you know what I mean. Hello. Hello.

And start pumping at home. If you know what I mean again. Hello, I got a little naughty. I apologize. But I'm telling you, man, it's just rough. You'd never see guys wearing shoes that they couldn't get around in. You know, imagine if guys wore pumps clumping down the street at any minute they break off into a game of tag or impromptuant wrestling or rugby or whatever, right? It's just the oddest piece of footwear I've ever seen.

I'd rather wear like those wooden clogs that the people over in Holland wear, you know? When they're walking around in their fields, picking daffodils and sticking their fingers in dikes and stuff. Hello. Just a weird shoe. Ladies, in closing, I appreciate the sexy effort. I'm sorry for the trials and tribulations you have to go through with those shoes. I think maybe NASA should adopt that shoe as female moonware, right? The official footwear for women on the moon,

it's the only place where they can actually wear their pumps, and as I mentioned earlier, kind of float around. Be perfect. They could bounce, have a bounce. in their step. They're kind of spongy, half the gravity of planet Earth. That's it. That's it. The new moon shoe, the moon walker. Down here, they're the streetwalker. Up there, the moon walker. Shee! She! Did somebody mention moonwalkers? Oh, my God. Michael Jackson. I thought I heard someone say moonwalkers. So special. Shee. Chee. Chicken.

out of here. Chee-hee! Get out. Chee-he! Mr. Magoo is here. He's here to read

some of the deep, rich poetry of one of my favorite classic rock stars, Jim Morrison from the doors. Don't we all love him? Nobody does what he used to do. Nobody has that magic.

Nobody puts that spell on us. And I think Mr. Mr. Magoo is here to read some of Jim Morrison's poetry for us. This is going to be nice. This is going to help you relax as you make your way through all the cars and get home. Mr. Magoo? Oh, thank you, sir. I am the lizard king, sir.

I can do anything. I can make the earth stop in its tracks. I can make the blue cars go away. Brothers and sisters of the pale forest, oh, children of the night, sir, who among you will run with the hunt? Now night arrives with her purple legion. Retire now to your tents and your dreams, oh, sir.

Tomorrow we enter. The earth of my birth. I want to be ready, sir. Oh, my goo, you've done it again, sir. Wow, Mr. McGoo, everybody, give him a hand. Oh, we stop. Wow, that was just rich and yummy. Oh, thank you, sir.

Magoo? Sure, sir. Wow. Well, I hope that nourishes your brain, gives you something to think about. Be introspective as you drive home. But don't get so deep that you go into a zone and run over a family of rare albino koalas crossing the road.

There aren't many left. Take it easy, Magoo. Oh, the doors. God love them, man. Tell you what, man. I don't even know if a band like the doors could even exist today in today's environment. It was just neat to have a guy like Jim Morrison back in the day who kind of wrote songs from his spirit, from his poetic spirit. as opposed to how a lot of music I think gets done these days where musicians and guys in bands sit down and think about it

and they kind of, you know, strategize over it and go, hmm, what does my demographic want this year? What kind of song can I do this time that will get me the most radio play and bang for my buck? What song do my producers in the boardroom want me to do? What songs should I do that they are controlling me to do? What kind of generic music should I churn out to make the masses happy and give them the most bang for their buck

so that they may not be individualized and learn how to stimulate their artistic soul? You know what I mean? I just appreciate that back in the 60s and the 70s before, you know, everyone kind of figured out the music machine and the money-making aspect and the demographics and the marketing and the target audience. I'd like to line up the target audience, I'll tell you.

All the Christine Aguileras and the Justin Nguer. timber weeds and the Britney Spears. If that's the target audience, then let them be targets. We'll all get up on a rooftop, take them out, and get back to some real rock and roll.

Some real music, some real stuff that comes from the soul. Right? And look, I don't want to sound like an old fuddy-duddy here, man. Believe me, when I was growing up, there was pop tunes. There was, you know, know, the poppy little bands. And I like that stuff. I'm not saying we shouldn't have it.

But what it feels like nowadays is that music is dominated by these manufactured bands and personalities. And I mean, the Jonas Brothers. Are you kidding me? Miley Cyrus? Hello? I mean, would you dare stand the Jonas Brothers and Miley Cyrus? to a Jim Morrison or a Lou Reed

or a Led Zeppelin You see where I'm going here with this? There's just no way And these kids were just manufactured in a boardroom at Disney or at Warner Brothers These weren't kids that were slugging it out in the

at the hippie fairs and in the nightclubs, the whiskey the go-go, the CBGVs. These guys weren't slugging it out in bad music festivals and back alleys and cheap rock and roll bars. No, man. These things were like cultivated in a corporate petri dish. Thank you very much. And again, I'm not saying there's not room for some of it, but here's my beef, my, my,

my freshly roasted roast beef is that nowadays it seems like that's all there is, right? That's all there is is the manufactured pop music. And there's no room for the guys that are like kind of the real true artist to grow and sprout and germinate. And that's kind of sad, man, because I think as a culture, we lose out in the end. by not having those kind of artists,

those kinds of performers. So I just hope that, you know, the powers the be, and maybe through the Internet and the way kind of the music industry is opening up again through the Internet, maybe these true rock artists can permeate and mix back in with the manufactured stuff.

So there's at least a balance. Because right now this scale scales are tip towards I don't know what to call it. It's nerdy to me. I'll call it nerd music. But who am I? I'm over 20, so, you know,

what do I know? But anyways, that's all I got to say about that. Jim Morrison, if you're listening from your grave, I hope you know I'm backing you, buddy. and I want to thank you for backing me here at the Harlan Highway. I hope you had a good time today.

Oh, oh, thank you, there. And Magoo thanks you, too. Have a great time, whatever you're doing. And don't be afraid to be introspective and tap into your poetic self. And we'll catch you next time, babies, here on the Harlan Highway. And until that time, a very deep chicken chow main, maybe. Well, in the realm of art and theater, I do think that there should be complete freedom for the artist and performer. The artist should feel free to use it if he feels like it.