The Harland Highway - Podcast 94

Episode Date: April 5, 2010

Posing for pictures, WD-40, Death of a friend, shopping for clothes, Beer gut! Rest in peace Eric Tunney. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome, everybody, to the one and only Harland Highway right here on your internet, coming from your internet. It's me, Harland Williams, through your internet, or your Wi-Fi, or maybe I'm just a voice in your head. Probably a bit of everything, right? Well, what a show today? We're going to be talking. It's an interesting show. A little bit of a sad note that I'll tell you about, but nonetheless, lots of laughs, little sentimental stuff here. I'm going to be talking about cameras and the pictures that they take and cameras don't lie.

We're going to be talking about the Miracle Cure WD40. We're going to be talking about how the heck does one shop for clothes in this day and age. We're going to be talking about people and their bellies. their beer bellies and how we're getting kind of proud of them they're almost like a rite of passage which is all wrong

and then lastly some very sad news a close dear friend of mine a stand-up comedian that I came up through the ranks with has passed away this week very unexpectedly and made me very sad and so I'm going to spend a little time on this podcast

reflecting, talking about some of our experience together, talking about his life, his career, a short little tribute to honor his memory. So I hope you'll ride along with me. It's going to be great right here on the Harland Highway. You just made a wrong turn. Would you kindly shut your mouth? the Harland Highway. Oh, it's lovely. It's just lovely. The Harland Highway.

Hi, Harlan! I'm Teddy Romp-spin, and I'm your friend. Riding down the Harlan Highway. I'm not your daddy. Oh, hello, I'm Harlan Williams, and you are here on the Harland Highway. Welcome, welcome, welcome, welcome. Welcome. Ooh, I want a little Michael Clark Dunkin there. Welcome. Welcome. Harland isn't here anymore, Mrs. Torrance. Danny wants to play, Mrs. Torrance.

All right, getting creepy. Okay, speaking of creepy, think about what cameras do, okay? Cameras take pictures and they freeze the imagery forever, and you look back at it and you get to revisit what you just saw. Okay, so dig this. I'm in Vegas not too long ago,

and I'm riding that little train car that you have to take from the terminal to the baggage claim. You know, some of the airports have the little trolley car. So I'm sitting in that, and I'm at one end, and down at the other is a gaggle of middle-aged wood. women probably coming to Vegas to try and reclaim their youth or whatever. Good luck. And they're all sitting, hey, take a picture at me.

Take a picture. Ooh, take a picture. Here, here, give me. And then one of the girls was sitting there and did the cheesy-ass pose. And she looked back at the picture. And she's like, oh, my God, take it again. My arms look fat. The other girl was like, no, it's okay.

No, no, take it again. Look at my arms. look fat oh my god um earth to uh chunkella um if your arms look fat in the pitcher lady it's probably because the camera has captured your fat arms that's what cameras do they take images of exactly what's there. It's not the camera. It's not the person taking the picture. It's not the angle. You have fat, bloody arms, jumbo. It just amazed me that this girl was so adamant about having her picture retaken. Like as if, you know, from anywhere else in the room, her arms would miraculously be thin. Her arms would be as if she, in between...

The pitcher that was taken, and the time that she asked for a reshoot, somehow she was able to burn about 63 pounds. I don't know if she thought she'd get down on the ground and do some power push-ups. Okay, snap away. Look at me. I'm like Karen Carpenter. You know what? Just a tip to you, you people who are so vain when you get your pictures taken. If something looks fat in the image, well, guess what? It's fat and you're fat. I rest my case here on the Harlan Highway.

Hey, everybody here with Harlan Williams here on the Harlan Highway. And let's face it, bathing suit season is here, right? And it's time to get the body out and put it on display. for the world to see. You know what's kind of changed since probably like the 30s, the 20s and the 30s, 40s? I guess there was a time when there was

like shame in having a big gut. And I'm talking mostly about you men here, although some of you women have got some pretty big bellies going too. But nowadays, don't you get the feeling that for some guys, it's almost like a status symbol, right? it's like an accomplishment to have a giant beer gut instead of hiding it and covering it up a lot of guys just flaunt it and leave it hanging out there shading their feet from the sun look at me man this is a sign of the times baby i got a house i got two cars i'm pulling 14k a year and look at his belly to prove

it all. Come on. Someone give me a raspberry pie and a mint chocolate chip milkshake. Yeah, man. Used to be a time when people would have castles and crowns. Now we aspire to having that big old belly to let the world know we're doing well. Oh well, just don't follow me by the pool side. Hey, hey, hey, it's Holland Williams. Okay, who wants to hear a weird fact, since we're on the chublet? We're on the subject. I've got fat on the brain, people. We're on the subject of heavy.

Did you know, and this is a weird fact, that elephants can't jump? Huh? Isn't that weird? Or is it weird? What am I talking about? They're the fattest friggin' things on the planet. That's like saying, did you know, a whale can't, you know, do the hide jump? I don't know.

Probably a whale could if the high jump was in the water, but can you believe an elephant can't jump? It's kind of weird, huh? So if there was like a beer barrel fell off the back of a truck and was rolling down the hill at an elephant, Jumbo won't be able to jump up and get out of the way But then again you're an elephant Just kick the damn thing and smash it to crap So there you go, just a useless fact For you to know

In case you ever end up on Jeopardy or something Or if you're ever running at an elephant And hoping it gets out of your way, it will not jump So there you go, you're going to hit it and bounce off Sorry Oh, man, uh-oh. Oh, no, my jaw. I can't move my jaw. My jaw's stuck. Hold on, hold on. Let me get some WD-40 here. Hang on. A couple of squirts. Uh-uh. Oh. Okay. Okay. One more squirt.

Nah. There we go. My jaw's working again. Oh, look at that. Yeah, it's moving all around, up and down, talking. Now it can go eat. WD40, is it not just a miracle in a can? I mean, holy smoke. They should just call it miracle in a can. You ever have anything rusted shot or something that just won't move? Like an old hinge on a door.

And they're just like 90 years of rust on there. You're like, man, I couldn't pull that out if I hooked my pick. pickup truck to that. That is like 20 years of rust and corrosion. That thing ain't going nowhere. I can't move that. Halt in the name of the law. Bring in the WD.40.

Show me the rusty hinge. It's over there. My God, he squirted at W.D.40 all over that rusty hinge. What is he crazy? Nothing can move there. The door. It opens. Oh, it's a miracle.

It's a WD-40 miracle. Yeah, that's stuff, man. You can use it on your shoe leather. You can wash dishes with it. I mean, this thing does everything, but brush your teeth. I mean, it might even help out if you're having a rough time with your sex life. Who knows? Unbelievable stuff.

And the name, WD-40, what does that mean? I don't know what it means. It's like some kind of secret chemical or compound that no one wants to share with the rest of the world. Or maybe it's a robot. I am WD-40. I will remove all your rocks. I don't know, man. I'm going to take my can of WD-40 and head over to Oz, see if I can find the tin man.

Give it to him. Tell them to have fun on Saturday night. Hello! Hey, everybody. Who wants to have better sex? No? Yes? Yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what, you want it to be better, not worse.

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for anything uh if only it could bring people back from the dead and kind of an odd segue but I think my buddy who I'm about to talk about would appreciate an odd segue a little sad news for me and I like to share you know as much as I can of myself with you my faithful

listeners and as you know I live and breathe and circulate in the stand-up comedy world and a great stand-up comedian an acquaintance a friend a buddy a colleague a buddy of mine by the name of Eric Tunney has passed away he was a a really solid, good, great Canadian stand-up comedian, kind of an underrated, under-the-radar guy that probably never caught the big break in the United States that he was looking for, that he probably deserved. But certainly was on the radar of everybody up in Canada

where I started my stand-up comedy career. And Eric Tunney was one of those stand-up comedy. up comedians who was innovative and had his own style and his own uh his own sense of uh wordsmanship um his own command of the stage and he was one of those comedians that a lot of guys would come on their off nights and come and watch him work the room and do his thing and uh you know he took a bit of warming up too he was one of those guys the first few times you saw him you're like wait a minute where you know it's what uh but then as you started to kind of catch on to his tone which was what kind of made him a master when you caught onto his tone and his vibe and and his

cadence you were hooked he just he just got in you couldn't get enough of the guy he was so fun to watch um and poor eric was uh found uh deceased in his home in um Windsor, Ontario this week, which was a shock to me and a lot of people, everybody who knew him, and especially all his friends and fans and especially myself and guys that were even closer to him from the Canadian comedy scene. And so I just thought I'd take a moment and honor his memory and, you know, just kind of pay some tribute here in a small way and let him know if he's looking down how much I loved him and how much I appreciated him

and how much laughter he brought into my life and so many other people's lives. It was just great. He was a great guy to watch, a fun guy to hang around with, and he's going to be missed. And our condolences go out to him and is not him, but his family, Sorry, Eric, you're already up there, man, but I guess I'll send some out to you.

But, so I just wanted to talk about him and mention him and be in the moment about him and reflect, have a few memories and funny times I shared with Eric. Eric was a guy that was all about style. He was a sharp dresser. He was a very handsome-looking guy. tall guy with, like, kind of short golden hair, but styled it in the way Elvis did. He kind of slicked it back, and it was always shiny, and he looked very sexy and very attractive. And he always wore nicely tailored suits and stylish suits, kind of a retro look. And he loved to hold a cigar in his hand, and, you know, just one of those guys that created an almost.

ambiance about himself, kind of a vibe. And a lot of the local comedians really like that. A lot of them would kind of follow him around and kind of bask in his glow. Eric had his own personal glow. And it was rare. You know, a lot of guys come out swinging with foul language and attitude and a lot of comics these days think that volume and energy. is the key to laughter, but Eric was just like a nice simmering cup of hot cocoa or coffee.

He just kind of, you sat back and he slowly warmed you up, and before you knew it, you were just really enjoying him and savoring him and taking them in. And it was just kind of delicious, for lack of a better term. And just fun to watch. He had some catchphrases, and I always remember one of his catchphrases. it was just kind of ridiculous but always stuck with me just out of nowhere he'd just go honk just he would say honk but he would just go honk but he was very suave and uh you know before i left toronto eric was getting into a show

where he was kind of doing a half stand-up show and half singing he had a little band he would bring on with them and he'd he'd uh he'd sing kind of old uh retortes You know, way down in El Paso where everyone's pretty, la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la you know we do that kind of stuff but in kind of a retro sonatra rockabilly way. And, you know, some of the stories I remember with Eric the very first time I went to Las Vegas, me in about 30 Canadian comics, took a jet down there. and we stayed at the Holiday Inn on the Strip, which is right across from Caesars. It no longer exists, believe me. Are you kidding? A holiday in on the strip?

But me and Eric were roommates. We shared a room, and I remember he was a, you know, a grown man, and he still brought a teddy bear. He had a little stuffed teddy bear that he put on his pillow at night. And I think I remember I was in the room one day alone, and I put something in the teddy bear's arms, like a carrot or, you know, a roll of toilet paper or something. So when Eric came to the room that night, he had that. I remember sitting with Eric and watching him play blackjack.

I'd never really seen anyone play blackjack. And he had a quick little winning streak there where he won like $900 right in front of my eyes. And I was kind of like, oh, my God, Eric, I worship you. And then we walked through the casino and went to a men's store and he bought a beautiful, brightly colored, perfectly fit, you know, evening jacket, which was just perfect for Eric. And then I'll never forget that night we got tickets and we went to see Frank Sinatra perform live. And I think it was at the Riviera. and this was obviously before Frank passed away and Eric being kind of the

fitting that kind of vagusy mold almost as we walked in with our tickets he just somehow instinctively knew how to do this and he pulled out a couple of 20s and just flashed him at the door guy the matri-D or the host or whoever he was and this old guy in a tuxedo just grabbed the money without saying a word

and walked me and Eric and a couple of the other guys right down to the front booth, the horseshoe-shaped red leather booth. And we just kicked back and watch Frank Sinatra, man. And I don't know if there was anyone better to watch Frank with than Eric Tunney. And just the style in which he got in there was great.

Just all in Eric's tone. And then we used to play baseball together on Sundays, and, you know, we'd all show up in jeans and T-shirts, and Eric would show up in the retro style Cincinnati Cubs, you know, baseball top and the vintage Cubs hat. I think it was the Cubs. And the whole outfit, and that was Eric, man. He was all about style, not just in his physical appearance, in his fashion, but also kind of what brought me and him together, his stand-up comedy.

Now, unfortunately, I don't have any clips of Eric because I searched through YouTube and everywhere else and I cannot find anything on Eric. The only thing I found was an obscure clip from a TV show that Eric hosted back when he was just getting started. it was a cheesy Canadian variety show and Eric would introduce bands and do skits and the clip I'm about to play you

is not necessarily funny or entertaining but it is Eric Tunney speaking and talking and in this moment when I'm sharing his memory with you and kind of going down memory road for myself I just wanted you to hear Eric's voice, hear what he sounded like, and I've already described what he looked like and kind of

in a nutshell what he was all about. Believe me, there's so much more to Eric. I just touched on it. So take a listen to Eric, and then I'll wrap things up when we come back. In loving memory, right here, this is the voice of my friend Eric Tani. Can we get a shot of his base? Hold your base up so we can see where his hand is. Can you see that? Of course, all rocksters play the Phillips Milk of Magnesia bass. All right, you guys are going to do a song for us? This is one you wrote. This is a song Pete wrote? And you guys are singing. Okay, the electric sheep. So sadly, that is the only clip I could find of Eric anywhere on the internet. And believe me, I really did search around. If I know Eric, if you're listening, buddy,

Eric was a bit of a purist. Eric was a bit of a, what would you say? Kind of just a, he had his own style, and I could almost see Eric not wanting things of him up on YouTube, just because he was so pure about his comedy. But that's just me guessing. Again, that was Eric's voice. And even in that short clip, just that he compared a guitar,

to Philip's Milk of Magnesia. It's indicative of Eric's quirkiness, which even that little sound by just brought some laughter to me. But believe me, search Eric out. If you can find stuff on Eric, it's well worth your while. A wonderful, wonderful guy, comedian. And maybe Eric will even appreciate the fact that I did pick such a or find such an obscure, obscure piece of material on him.

So let me wrap it up. I know everything here does not even come close to how much I would like to pay tribute to Eric. But Eric, if you're listening, just a little mention, buddy. They took you way too soon, but I know you're making them laugh upstairs. Love you, buddy. Miss you. And we will think of you often and always remember the laugh. after you provided.

God bless. Eric Toney. Honk. Okay, so we all need to buy new clothes from time to time. That can be traumatic. I'm a guy. I'm not great at it. I don't love it.

But I wander into these shops, and I'm not as confident about buying clothes as maybe most people or a lot of women are great at clothing. They understand it. They know about the fit and the form. and the color coordinating and the styles and I'm just like, yeah, where's the jeans on the t-shirt place? Right?

So I kind of go in there low-key hiding under my hat. I just kind of want to be left alone to figure it out because I'm too embarrassed to admit to anyone that works there that I don't know what I'm doing. But sure not, if you're in Banana Republic or someplace, which is, by the way, a weird place to buy clothes because I feel like I'm at a fruit market. Yeah, man, I'm here for some bananas. And what I'm here will you fit me for a nice suit, man? So I'm at Banana Republic.

I'm wandering around, trying to hide, and all of a sudden, there they are. The perky little store attendant. Hi, may I help you? No, I'm just looking. Well, let me know if I can help you find anything, okay? I'll be right here. Okay, thanks. Yeah, my name's Janet.

You sure I can't help you find anything? No, Janet, I'm going to be okay. Okay, because I'm going to be right here. If you need anything, I'll be here to help you. Okay, Janet, simmer. Okay, I'll be right here. I'm Janet. Okay, and you kind of move away.

Like, I better get out of the pants section, man. That chick's a little, hello. So you move over to where the shirts are, right? You're like, okay, they're hanging up. I can just browse. I'll just look around at the shirts, and then all of a sudden, I'm Daryl. How are you?

Oh, hey, Darrell. How's it going? Hey, can I help you with something? Uh, no, I'm okay. Are you sure? I mean, we got these great new green shirts here. Why don't you try one on? I can help you. I'll go right into the locker room with you. Help you take your shirt off and help you put this one on. I bet you'd like that.

Uh, no, Daryl, I'm okay. Okay, well, you let me know. I'll be right here, okay? Standing right behind you, you can probably feel my breath on a little ciliated hairs that are sticking out of your ears. I'm Daryl. Okay, Daryl, thanks, man. I'm going to go over to the shoe section. You want me to come with you?

I could come too. No, I don't want either of you. So you try to get away. You're in the shoe section. Hi, could I help you? Oh, God. Yeah, could you help me just find a spot where no one's going to be?

Could you help find me a nice, quiet spot where I won't be bothered by anyone in this store? Well, sure. Why don't you go down the street to Abercrombie Finch? Great. See you later. And could I get a dozen bananas to go? Yaman! You just made a wrong turn. On to the Harland Highway.

I'll just put on my trucker hat. Keep on rolling. Can I help you? Get lost. Oh, God. It's true. I'm terrible with clothes. And I played that one kind of for my dear friend Eric Toney, who as I

told you was very good at picking out clothes and always had incredible style um i probably should have used uh eric to go with me when i was shopping um thanks for hanging on the highway to today folks uh i had a lot of fun and and thank you in um you know sharing with uh our my memory of Eric Tunney, my friend. You know, a lot of you obviously didn't know who he was and some of you might have. If you're into saying prayer, say a little prayer for my buddy and his family. And I appreciate you sharing kind of a sentimental little moment there with me. And that's what it's all about, man.

That's why I do the podcast. We're here for a short time. We've got to laugh, right? So from me and Eric Tunney, until next time, chicken chow main, baby. Honk! Of course, all rocksters play the Phillips Milk of Magnesia bass.