The Harland Highway - Podcast 98

Episode Date: April 14, 2010

Dreams, friendships, Podcast haters, rainy days and romantic moments. Swirl your frozen yogurt! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh, that's the way, uh-huh, uh-huh, I like it. Uh-huh, uh-huh, yes. That's the way I like it. The question is, is this podcast the way you like it? And the answer is, I don't care. I'm doing it my way. Please join me, and hopefully you'll like it too, as I do with the worst Christopher Wock and ever.

What a show today. What a show, okay? I'm going to be talking about dreams, telitubby dreams. I'm going to be confronting the awkward and sometimes hard issue of calling friends out, your best friend when you have to kind of step up and make them face the music for something they've done.

We're going to be talking about the podcast. I have a guest coming on today who hates the podcast. We're going to be talking about, you know, the pros and conge and your likes and dislikes. likes of the podcast we're going to be talking about rain rainy days do you like them do you hate them and maybe just maybe you've had a romantic moment in the rain i'm certainly going to relive one of mine on the podcast here today and um maybe it'll help you relive one of yours but either way i love having you here what can be more romantic than that than being right here in this wild love

affair we call the Harland Highway You just made a wrong turn Would you kindly shut your mouth onto the Harland Highway Oh it's lovely, it's just lovely The Harlan Highway I'm Teddy Ropspin and I'm your friend Riding down the Harlan Highway

I'm not your daddy Ooh, I had a weird dream last night, everybody. I don't know if you want to hear about it, but I'm going to tell you anyways. I dreamt I was running naked through a field with the telitubbies. Yeah, that big pudgy purple one and the yellow one and the pink one and the blue one. with their big beady eyes. We're just running, running through the field. I don't even know what we were running from.

I'm just completely nude. I don't know why I had no clothes on. And I'm tearing through this field, this golden field of wheat. The telitubbies are running beside me, and we're all making that fart noise. You know, they all go, br-br-br-br-l.

I don't know if you've watched the teletubes, but for some reason, and they make fart noises all the time. And then finally we stopped running when we ran into some Muppets. We had a gang fight with Big Bird and Oscar and Kermit. Big Telit Muppet gang fight. Needless to say, I woke up. before I saw who won, but I'll be going back to sleep.

So watch out, Sesame Street. Going to be a turf war here on the Harland Highway. That is a fight I'd like to see, man. I would like to see that. That would be a battle royale, man. The telitubbies and the Sesame Street Muppets going at it. The Count and Cookie Monster and Snuffalofagos and Oscar and Ernie and Bert punching it out with those weird freaky tellytubbies.

Oh. Can you imagine the stuffing and the Velcro and the felt everywhere? Oh, be awful. Clean up on Isle Freak Show. You ever do that? You ever watch shows that no one would ever expect you to watch? Come on, be honest, guys, girls. All of you probably have at least one show that you try to catch,

that you probably don't admit to your friends. Like, I bet there's guys out there that watch sex in the city. I bet there's guys out there that watch Oprah or Dr. Phil. I bet there's girls out there that watch ice lake truck drivers or, you know, the deadliest catch. Stuff you'd never tell your girlfriends or boyfriends. Come on, be honest. There's got to be some weird shows that you watch

that you won't tell others about. And I want to hear about them. Call me at 323-215-1486. Leave me a message. Let me know what your secret show is, man. I used to watch, what's that one with Michael Landon, a heaven stairway to heaven or something, that one where he was an angel, Heaven's Gate or something.

Highway to Heaven, that was it. The Harland Highway to Heaven. You know, I never really advertised that. I never really told anyone about that one. I'm not into Oprah, not into Dr. Phil. What would be another one? What's a more modern-day one that I can tell you about that you probably won't expect a macho dude like me to watch?

I guess the biggest loser is one, you know, or the fatties or, you know, go to boot camp to try to cure their cupcakes and their loaves of raisin bread and stuff. You know, that's one I watch. Pond Stars, which is kind of a macho show, you know, but that's kind of one you might not expect me to watch. I don't know. What do you watch?

What are you hiding, player? You tell me, man. You tell me, my friend, my sweet dear friend. And speaking of sweet, dear friend, here's a touchy area. Here's an interesting touchy. topic okay you've all got friends you've all got good friends best friends best buddies hey buddy what's up the way saw um you ever get into a situation with a buddy or a friend and i'm talking about a long-term friend like five years or more and maybe 10 15 20 years you know i'm talking about

a rich deep friendship okay and sometimes you get comfortable in that friendship and sometimes you see your friends change or drift towards something that maybe you don't like about them or they start to create an attitude or you see them change and maybe you don't like the change or they do something that maybe you don't like it's something kind of new and different or or maybe they've just gotten so comfortable around you that they they kind of don't really seem to value the friendship as much anymore they maybe take it for granted a lot. little bit okay and then are you one of these people that just tolerates it and lets it slide and like i don't want to rock the bone i better not say anything i don't want to you know i

don't want to get into a thing with my buddy you know i don't want to ruffle anyone's feathers and you know they do what they do and i do what i do and i don't know that's that doesn't work for me man i'm one of these guys and maybe it's a bad thing maybe it's a good thing i don't know, but it's just something I have to do. I'm a bit of a straight shooter. If things are kind of going off kilter a little bit, I confront them. I, you know, sometimes I'll try to do it subtly at first. You know, I'll suddenly drop a hint or make a comment or maybe come right out and say

something, like lightly, you know. And if they missed that, maybe I'll let it slide for a little bit and see if it goes away, you know, the thing that's irritating me or bothering me or not sitting well with me. And then if I kind of get to that place where I can see things aren't changing or something's irritating me or I kind of hit a wall with that friend,

I'm the type of guy because I value the friendship and I don't want to see the friendship deteriorate and go backwards or vanish completely, I will call the person out. I will have a heart to heart. I will confront them directly, I will send them an email, I will call them, whatever I have to do. I eventually get to a breaking point where I just, in a diplomatic way, in a sensitive way, in a caring way of that friend, at least I try to be as caring as I can, but sometimes you have to be quite blunt with people.

You tell them, you pull the curtain down, and you say, dude, whatever it is your dawn is not cool. I don't like it. What's up, man? No, I don't like it. You're being a dick. People are reacting to it. People around you are seeing it. I'm seeing it.

What's up, man? Knock it the F off, dude. Okay, so you have that talk, and you hope that, you know, based on your friendship, based of all the years you've accumulated, all the experiences you've been through, you hope, based on all that, that your friend is able to kind of sit back and go, wow, okay, one of my best friends just told me something. And he must care about me to tell me that. I know my friend quite well.

I don't think he just dump on me for no reason. He must be saying this stuff because he knows me so well. He cares about me. He loves me. he's looking out for me, or he's bringing something to my attention that maybe I'm not aware of, or I can't see the forest through the trees.

Or maybe he's just pissed at me and he's letting me know, and because he's my friend, I have to take that into account and analyze it and go, okay, my friend's shooting a warning shot over my head, my friends calling me out, my friends asking me to man up, my friends, you know, whatever. He's having a confrontation with me.

And that must mean something because he's my friend, and I've known him for 10, 15, 20 years. Okay? Now, that's the approach I would hope would happen. And when people have confronted me on stuff, I actually appreciate it, you know? Sometimes you're a little shocked, you're a little taken aback because, like I said,

maybe you don't realize it, right? but at the end of the day I think it's good to know if maybe you're stepping out of line and maybe if you're not stepping out of line in your eyes you just might be stepping out of line in somebody else's and it doesn't work for them and so because they're your friend you've got to take that into account and respect it and like anything in life a friendship is about flow and movement and adjustment

and give and take right so I don't in my opinion is not such a bad thing when a friend kind of calls you out but here's the opposite side of that have you ever called a friend out and they just didn't know how to take it maybe they weren't mature enough or maybe they just thought you were totally wrong or maybe they thought you were a dick for saying something or maybe they think you're super opinionated or you're conceded or you think you're a Mr. No at all any of the above right and they get mad at you

and instead of like kind of embracing your constructive criticism or your remarks, your observations, they retreat, they back into their shell or they put up their defenses or they put up their guard, they think you're attacking them. And suddenly it becomes vitriolic and it becomes aggressive and it becomes confrontational in a bad way.

and everything gets misinterpreted and suddenly your friend is feeling threatened by you and feels like you're trying to cut their legs up from under them and spite them and all these bad things but you know that you're not and you know i'm just asking what do you do what do in this situation i told you what I do, man. I eventually, when things get to a point where I know it, it's just not working anymore, I just call them out. And sometimes it can be, you know, hard. But I always tell my friends, no matter what I say, you're still my friend. I still love you. I still care about you, but I have to say this stuff. Because it's affecting our friendship. It's affecting our energy, our flow, our, you know, da-da-da-da-da.

And sometimes, yeah, I've lost friends or I've had friends that have kind of pulled away and dimmed the friendship down or not felt as safe or secure around me and I'm sure it's happened to all of you too. But I guess what I'm getting at is what do you do? How do you play it? Which way do you think is the right way or the wrong way?

My assessment is that eventually you've got to say something because if you don't, everything just dissolves anyways. If one of your friends is doing something that you despise or dislike or think is wrong or you don't respect, that's going to damage the friendship more in the long run than if you sit them down and look them in the eye and say, hey, dude, smarten up. So I want to hear what you do. What do you do? You can write me at harlornwilliams.com or you can call me at 323-215-1486.

And you be my doctor, Phil, today. Tell me, do you confront your friends and family? Hey, everybody. Who wants to have better sex? No? Yes. Yes. The answer is yes. You always want to have better sex. That's what you want it to be better, not worse. Trust me. And Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item plus free shipping. And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. they offer discrete shipping as your privacy is a priority. Plus, 100% free shipping on your entire order. Doesn't matter how much you spend or what you buy, all will be packaged and sent discreetly for free and fast.

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Well, I love doing this show, the Harland Highway. I've been the host of this show for a little less than a year now, and man, do I have a fun time. I hope I make some of you laugh out there. I get a lot of great letters, a lot of great phone calls from people who dig it, and then I get my share of letters and emails and phone calls from angry. I guess I can't call them fans. They're just angry people who don't like what I do on the show.

They don't like me. They tell me they don't like my voice. They tell me they don't like my sense of humor. They don't like my bits. Even though I change them up, they just don't like me. They've decided they don't like me. They don't want to give me a chance. And even once they've given me a chance, they still don't like me.

And I guess that's cool. you know, anything you do in life. You got people that like it and people that don't. But I thought instead of just ignoring the people that don't like me, I should go face to face with one of them. I have one angry fan that writes me emails and calls me an ass and just doesn't like me. And I thought, what the hell?

Let me bring them in here and see exactly what the problem is and what I can do to make this show better. so that the people that don't like it can find a way to like it. I'll let the people that don't hear the good be my guiding light and help me turn the corner so I may acquire the haters, the people that don't dig or appreciate what I do for all you folks that already really dig and love the show. I got this guy, Larry Patasky is here,

and I'm just going to sit down and talk with him and see what it is. He doesn't like, and he is one angry listener. Larry, thanks for coming in. Up yours. Okay, that's, you know what, I brought you in here. We can at least be civil. Yeah, well, up yours again.

Come on, man. What is it you don't like about my show? Everything. I don't like the way you talk. I don't like the way you sound. I don't like the way you smell now that I'm here looking at you face-to-face. Come on. man, that's a low blow.

I don't like your sense of humor. I don't like anything. Look, why don't you just give me a chance? Okay. All right, so what do you think of my voice? It sucks. What do you think about the topics I talk about? Suck.

What do you think about my sense of humor? Garbage sucks, crap. Okay, what do you think about my characters that I create? Suck. you know what i'm just trying to put a smile on your face yeah well i'd like to put a cork in your face you suck come on man ah shut up you suck get out of here see look at that i can't win you either like me or you don't huh i try i just got to keep doing what i do and have a good time you suck get out of here keep on listening people

people like me love me hate me abuse me use me take me out for fish and chips the harland williams highway just keeps on rolling you suck get out of here uh yes it is true um you know where's a fine example of this if you go on to my uh onto iTunes and you pull up the harland highway and you can look at the ratings uh thing there and thank god you people have rated me like four and a half out of five which believe me feels great and keeps me inspired to keep doing the show but there's people on there that you got to read there's a couple of comments are like i feel sorry for this guy this guy blows what a piece of junk blah blah blah i can't even believe he's wasting the airwaves and blah blah blah and it's like it's so funny to me that

People are so cynical and critical and, you know, they act like they're paying for this podcast or they're paying for the service or something. It's like I spend hours and hours doing this podcast just for free because I enjoy doing it. I like making people laugh. I like having fun. And it's just really, you know, this whole thing is just from the heart, you know. It's like when you're in my business. business it's like a lot of things you you know you have to pay to come see me perform or you have to pay to see my movies or whatever and here's me just you know freebie hello freebie three times a week

freebie uh and i love it so for those of those people out there that just want to slam it why don't you go slam it because uh you know if if you don't like it and it's not For you, just turn the page, man. Go to something else. But this is for all my friends out there who I hope I'm making laugh and enjoy rolling down the Harlan Highway with me. Because I've got to tell you, man, I'm enjoying doing this for you. I can't believe how much I enjoy it, you know? It's just a blast.

It's so much fun. And when you people write to me or call me or give me some positive feedback, it's fantastic. You know, I've had people come up to me. I think I mentioned the other day, I've had truckers come up to me and say it helps them, you know, past the miles. I've had letters from people saying that they just got dumped or they lost their job or they don't like their job

and that this show illuminates their day and fills them up with laughter. So for all you people out there who aren't haters, this is for you. I'm glad we're all here. having fun right here on the Harland Highway. You know, curl up beside your computer on a rainy day and listen to me or, you know what? Maybe don't do the rainy day.

Oh, I just love the rain. Oh, I love it when it rains outside. I just, I love to sit in the window and watch the rain pelt against the glass. and I just like to curl up inside all day while it's raining. Okay, don't you hate the rain lovers? Oh, man. I just love it. It makes me feel how cuddly.

I just want to curl up with a hot chocolate and just watch the water trickle down the window. Yeah, right. You know what? Go grab a meteorologist and make love with them, and I have them whisper weather patterns in your ear, okay? I want to get outside and play baseball. I want to go for a walk.

I want to drive my car with the roof down. Go grab a Harlequin romance novel and stand in your shower and get off. That could be your rain right there. I'll take the sun high in the sky and seven babes and bikinis laying by my pool. Hello! Hello!

It's the Harlan. highway you can go suck your rain there sponge bob oh yeah although i got to say okay let me take that back a little i got to say if you're in a remote place okay let's say you're up in a cottage or uh you know you're out out at a farm or or somewhere kind of romantic you know maybe you're in a nice hotel or something with your lady friend or your man friend if you're a lady i don't know um you know uh maybe that that rain is kind of romantic you know i'm going to let you know in a little thing i don't know if any of you have ever done this but uh this was kind of one of these moments that got imprinted in my memory um when i was like you know in my mid 20s you know

and it's kind of something you always dream of you kind of see it in the movies and i always kind of my whole life leading up to my mid 20s thought i hope this happens to me one day and then one night it did and here's the scenario i always thought it would be really romantic to you know stand in the middle of a big like golden field you know out in farm country out in the rolling hills out in the wheat you know and stand in the middle of a field with a beautiful girl and just make out with her with the warm summer rain coming down you know As your mouths are pressed together, and there's that passion and that hunger, the warm summer rain is splashing on your cheeks, and you can feel it running down from your forehead and right down into the orbs of your eyes, down in your eye sockets, and over your cheek, and the rain, the warm rain is kind of dripping down and running down off your face and kind of hitting your mouths, and that, warm rainwater is all over your lips and you're just oh and the lightning and the thunder in the

background and okay so did i paint a romantic enough picture for you so so dig this i was i was out with a whole bunch of friends once and uh we knew this really hot girl really beautiful brunette with big eyes and great big lips and just just a stunner man and um she She was having like her 23rd birthday, and I think I was 24. And we all rolled up to her farm. Her parents had a farm and way out in the back, out in the fields. They set up a campfire for us and some tents. And, you know, there was probably about 20 of us back there.

And we had to take a tractor ride to get back there and blah, blah, blah. And we're all having fun. And then sure enough, like, I don't know, around 11, maybe midnight, one of those kind of quick, kind of fluky summer thunderstorms rolled through because there was so much humidity in the air. You know, it was one of those warm nights where everything's sticky and hot and the crickets are chirping and the stars are out and the cicadas are e-upping in the trees, you know. And it's just romantic and it's kind of hot and there's a slight breeze.

So sure enough in the distance you could hear the... You know how it is in the summer when the storm clouds build up in the distance and you can see these big billowing gray, dark clouds coming? Oh, it was great, and the odd lightning flash in the distance, and it's kind of ominous, and you can feel it kind of rolling towards you, but the air's still super warm, and there's kind of that stillness in the air just before the storm comes.

So me and this beautiful brunette, broke off from the crowd and we hiked down the road and we found ourselves hand in hand in this beautiful open field and it was just getting dark and you know the sun stays up till 10 o'clock at night in the summer so this is like 11 midnight and it could have been more romantic and you know we're out in the middle of this field all alone and we just start making out we're not even sitting down or laying down we're standing knee deep in the golden grass or the wheat or whatever mouth on mouth and you know how it is when you're younger when you kiss a girl it's like you immediately fall in love right there's no uh you know there's no uh you know i got a chick

i wonder well this where this will go you know you're just in love immediately your brain swimming and your heart's pounding and you got butterflies and you're tingling and there's this hunger and this desire and we're standing there necking and sure enough the rain hits man thunder hits rain starts pouring down feel it coming down just lightly at first it's like splattering on our face but we're too engrossed with each other to even break away and then it's just like coming down in blankets and before you know what our hair's dripping we're drenched our clothes are completely soaked the thunder's going off the lightning's flashing you can kind of see the lightning right through your closed eyes because it's so bright just got her in your arms and you just

eat each other up man uh excellent excellent romantic moment or you just creeped out am i sharing too much here i thought it was beautiful i hope i hope i hope you all had or had many moments like that in your life but some of them just stick out and this was one of them i thought i'd share with you and maybe you're going back to earlier and where i was saying you know some people don't like my podcast maybe you're like yeah that's pretty much enough for me right there uh harland making out in a field with a check yeah don't need it but i i think you secretly liked it you're jealous and you wish you were there Uh-huh, uh-huh, for sure, man.

Um, but there you go. Lap up those, those magic moments in life. Hopefully this podcast is a magic moment for you. I know it is for me. Thanks for being here. And until next time, keep your romance alive inside. And as always, chicken chow man, baby. Thank you.