The Harland Highway - PREMIUM CONTENT - Gun talk comedy!

Episode Date: April 5, 2016

Harland has an improv conversation with a "gun guy" at one of his stand up shows. Short yet interesting clip. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, hey, hey, my premium members. What's up, players? Hey, premium members. Nice to have you here. Thank you for being premium members. Always got to give a shout out to you guys. This segment, some live stand-up at the improv in Hollywood. And they have a little side room. They've got a little loungy room now. And it only holds about maybe 45 to 50 people. And it's kind of a little room that every now I go up there and just kind of work out and try new material.

And there's not a lot of people, so there's not a lot of laughter. And, you know, it's kind of awkward and it's difficult. But I kind of like it because I don't mind the difficulty. It's like, you know, I just like to hear something. stuff out loud and bounce it off of people. So tonight's clip is kind of short, and I was trying a few bits out, and all of a sudden I kind of stumbled on to a guy who sold assault rifles for a living, and it's not super funny, but I thought it was just kind of an interesting conversation that you guys, it's

more amusing and interesting than it is funny, really, but I thought it might be worthy of you guys having a listen just because it's kind of I don't know just the topic of guns is what made it kind of interesting so it's not too long

I think it's about five, six minutes and just mostly me going back and forth talking with this guy it was kind of a cool setup I had a live band behind me I had like three or four musicians so you'll hear them playing playing me in and out.

And also, as always, you know, when I kind of go up and do these impromptu sets, when I work on new material, I always go up under an alias, of course. And tonight you'll hear me introduced as Johnny Pomegranate from Fresno, California. Hope you enjoy my premium members. I don't know from Ferguson or not, but if you have it, well, guess what? Right now is your lucky moment because you're about to hear about it with you two ears. His name is Johnny Pomegranate, and he's from Fresno, California. So let's give it up!

I'll go for the tall one. Hi, gang. Welcome. Welcome. Great to see you. Nice to see you. Beautiful people here tonight. Very sexual. Do you think starfish look up into the sky at night and say, how the fuck did they get up there? Do you think priests, if you were a priest, and be honest, would you take your collar off and put it on the griddle and pour pancake batter in it? I'd make a perfect pancake. No, okay.

What the hell else is going on? Someone give me a topic, because I think I'm running dry here. Who got a topic for me? Guy, you said you sell rifles? Yeah. Like high power assault rifles? AARD, American Rifle Depot. All that air are 15 parts and accessories.

I don't even know what you said, and I'm scary. I was just like, you almost sounded like Bernie Saunders right there. Trump. What? Trump, Tromp. You like Tromp? Yeah. Well, I would explain the connection to the guns. But, you know, America is so, like, we're so gun crazy, right? We love, we love guns, and there's so many shootings, you know, it used to be, you know, once a year, once every 10 years, and now it's almost every day. And I figure, guys, if you want to use this to your advantage, there's a great sound I've learned.

It's just like, phth, right? It's the sound of a silencer. And it's a great sound to use if you're on a date, like a Tinder date or something. And you just want to get the fuck out of Dodge, like it's not going well. And she's sitting there blabbing away about her dog or her fucking, you know, new dress or something. Just sit there and go, phth. Just like sagging. She'll fucking run.

She'll be gone. I wish you were sitting out here because this guy knows how to laugh. I'm like, you're freaks. What, what, have you ever shot anybody, dude? No. Are you a hunter? No. What?

Do you have guns? Yeah, a lot of... Like in your house? Yeah. Are you waiting for? an altercation, hopefully. She hits the fan, I'm ready. Like, would you almost like would like it, right?

In a way? No. You know, for real, you might, though. A little bit. I don't like that's at all, but if it does, I like being safe. Yeah, but like, do you leave the gate unlocked at night?

Because you fucking, you wanted that. You want to blast the fuck out of someone. That's why you have the guns. You don't buy. a fucking pie and don't eat it. You just want to shoot some fucker.

I got you, dude. I got. But if someone walked onto your property, would you ask questions first or shoot first? Ask questions. If he's armed, he's going down. So you're going to lay with him and talk to him? See if you can talk through it?

Put an arm around him? No, you just shoot. You just shoot, like if he's armed, if you see some heat. Well, no, if your life's in fear, you know. If your life's in fear. You're going to protect, you know, where it's the wrong. So does he just have to be holding it and he goes down, or does he have to, like, shoot first and then you shoot?

Or do you shoot first? Okay, if you were holding a gun in front of a cop, what do you think of happen to? I don't know because I'd be dead. That's what happens to the guy. Is that right? What's your address, guy? Anybody here like suicidal or anything? This guy could help you up for free tonight.

I'm gonna come to your house like dressed as a target. That's crazy. So you don't hunt though, you've never shot an animal? No. So how do you practice, like how do you know how to shoot? No, at the range. At the range. Holy shit.

So you're shooting an oven? You got targets. And what's on the target? They're just rounders at that famous target of the guy. Oh, Obama's face. It's the guy. It's what? Obama's face.

Obama's face. Holy shit, dude. I smell the CIA getting in on my act all of this stuff. I'm going to get a fucking call from the CIA tonight. Homeland Security. I was up here. going to do a few jokes, I'm getting fucking waterboarded in me. Well, that's interesting. I hope you never have to shoot anyone, but if you do, I hope it's

someone I don't like. Would you rather shoot a man or a woman? I want to shoot nobody. You don't want to shoot nobody. Well, let's say someone came on your... Would you rather it be a man or a woman? Huh? Nobody. Nobody. Okay, well, sounds like someone wants to shoot Patrick Swayzey.

The ghost. Oh, God, I got to get out on that because there's nowhere to go. But a great crowd, enjoy the rest of the show. Thank you so much, guys. Give a hand to the band. All right, all right, so there you go. Just a little snippet. A little taste of the live comedy club atmosphere, working out the new material, spritzing with the crowd, talking about good old-fashioned guns.

So I hope you enjoyed that, guys. And again, honestly, thank you so much for being premium members. It means a lot to me, and I hope you're enjoying the premium content. We'll have some more for you real soon. keep the pedal to the metal and whatever you do if you're going to walk onto somebody's lawn in the middle of the night

wear a bulletproof burke we're out